Yes I may dedicate a paragraph or two, if needed, to tell you how the vast majority feel about you. Take the criticism and move on. If you only come here to comment on DEAD subjects, it will only reiterate what I have already said about you.
One of today's topics will be topic will be shinyheaded posters. To define shinyhead, I mean those who have been members since 1836 and still have the same amount or less than the original amount of hair; pathetic growth or retention.
VWVixen, Sareca, DDtexlaxed, Sui Topi, half of the hairboard, etc.
A word to the semi-wise, buying products or growth concoctions from shinyheads is a stupid idea.
The next topic will be the desperation that many of you women ooze. Men in general do not want you. It is not a particular race. You are just undesirable. Stop chasing after men, it is quite pathetic. Trying to find hair scents that drive men wild will not help you. If they do not get close enough to smell you it will not make a difference. You may increase your chances by losing weight and dating online. Do not make me call names. You know I will
E-stigator
15 years ago
461 comments:
«Oldest ‹Older 401 – 461 of 461Anonymous said...
Tell the truth shame the devil. Sareca hair has been the same length since she joined the board. Bravenewgirl is another one. How do you have a hair blog and you can not keep hair on your head? Who is dumb enough to read and take advice from that silly ho.
On the subject of men not wanting those women you are right again. Some of the women on that site might as well turn dyke because no man in their right mind would marry them.
Glib Gurl is fat and miserable. She is the leader of the desperation pack. Nothing even needs to be said.
RelaxerRehab is fat and want to be too damn smart but she isn't . Sitting and waiting on Jesus to mail her a man. Pathetic. That bitch is like 50 and still waiting on a dick.
Hairapy is another desperate chick on the rise.
Abenyo is ugly and bitter. She obviously has not looked in a mirror in at least 10 years. She is the main one always in a thread about not finding a man.
and all the sad women in this topic
http://www.longhaircareforum.com/forums/showthread.php?t=235177
August 13, 2008 4:49 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
^^^ yes abenyo has issues
August 13, 2008 5:21 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
i thought i was the only one that thought abenyo was not cute and her tude is as bad as her face
August 14, 2008 2:59 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
lol!
some of these girls love to claim that those "growth cremes" are growing their hair yet their progress pics only show average growth (like, if it's a comparison shot taken 6 months apart and they got 3 inches of growth, all the girls are like " wooo girl, that some goood growth! That ish is working for you girl! thats a miracle! what was it? Tiger dung? girl imma have to get me some tiger dung gurl!"... but i'm thinking, isn't 3 inches normal growth for 6 months seeing how we -on average- only grow .5 an inch a month? wouldn't she had gotten that anyway if she didn't use the product and just taken care of her hair? why are they giving that dung the credit.... also, i hate it when some of these girls take pics claiming their hair grew or is at a certain length, when you can clearly see that the alledged length is only apparent due to camera angles, body angles (bending your neck forward or backward to give the illusion of longer hair), high-ill fitting bras, bad lighting and shadows... girl, sit up straight... get a fitted bra in your size and put it on correctly, buy a new lamp or go outside in the natural light and take a real pic of your neck length hair and stop claiming apl!!! i see you!)and if someone post talking about how Tiger Dung didn't work for them, how it burned their scalp... how the doctor told them it gave them cancer, some of those tiger dung cult enthusiastics will burn you at the stake and spit on your grandmothers, poodle's 3rd baby puppies grave if you say their beloved tiger dung didn't work for them! (JustKiya, and Nice & Wavy pushing/defending Mega tek at every turn comes to mind at the moment, but i know there are others...)
August 14, 2008 5:01 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
***snicker*** thanks all you anonymous. Glad to know I'm on everyone of your minds. :) As for the ugly part it's all good. But next time you all have something to say please say it on the board under your true usernames. I'll be waiting. You and every member know I can take it as good as I dish it.
abenyo
August 14, 2008 6:11 PM
Blogger Staceroo said...
Abenyo is not ugly. Stop hating!
August 15, 2008 4:29 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
i am sure abenyo knows that she is not cute. this cannot be the first time she has heard this before. besides she is african so she already has a head start on ugly.
August 15, 2008 5:06 AM
Blogger Staceroo said...
to the poster above me, you're an asshole, you stupid bitch. go suck a dick!
August 15, 2008 5:39 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Everyone friggin knows those creams don't work, people are so delusional! as for the chicks with no growth, that is so sad. If they stopped messing with their hair and drowning it in cat pee or whatever, they might see some progress!
Dammnit, if growth creams and cat pee was all it took, lhcf wouldn't exist!
August 15, 2008 6:41 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Yikes! VWVixen (now known as Lanecia) is kind of diesel! Are we sure that's a woman! I wouldn't want to meet it in a dark alley!
August 15, 2008 11:51 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
LOL at these extra ass comments. I love the blog but why are folk coming in the comments section hiding behind anonymity talking crazy bout people. The board has a PM system if you have issues with a person.
To the Blog owner: Loving it!
Heat/Glam
August 17, 2008 2:55 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Well, I found your insights appropriate. I just got banned, temp style, for p.o. one of the 10k+ members. Or, more to the point, for calling the bitch out. It is what it is...I'll be perm. banned before I change how I speak. Keep on outing the hypocrites who try to run the place. Because I'll be damned if a chick who tried to call me a troll didn't start a thread calling another members pics so scary she was thinking of blocking sigs. And a mod called the thread hatefull. How soon they forget.
cerchier
August 28, 2008 8:20 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
LOL. Bitter bitch. You always sound like you have a gigantic metal pole up your ass on lhch. Why the constant stank attitude? It radiates through all of your lousy posts.
We've all seen your picture so we know you're not a 13 year old moody cunt of a teenager going through puberty. You have the mental age of one though.
Keep on talking the way you do, as thus allowing everyone to continue laugh at you :D
August 29, 2008 1:59 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Did this one make the banned, too? LOL
August 29, 2008 6:19 PM
Anonymous Cerchier said...
Only banned for a month. I'll be back. And unlike old anon above, I don't care if you know who I am. Cerchier is my name there too. Also, check how uses the words gigantic metal pole up your ass in the same sentence that she tries to act superior. Hypocritical idiot. BTW, hit me up when I come back...if you don't mind coming out of hiding, and maybe I'll share the laugh with you.
I knew as much as you all liked to pretend like you're above this drama you'll are all up in it reading and waiting for your name to come up.
August 30, 2008 12:15 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This forum is getting out of hand lately. All these fucking hypocrits. There are the threads that are started to start shit and the same dumb ass people who love the drama and fall for that shit everytime. I also want to know who the hell Blossom is fucking to be allowed to stay on the board, that bitch breaks 20 rules a day. Nikkos, where is your damn pleadge to curb the cussing or the clever guises used to curse? The so called pretty bitches on there that always got something to say about anyone that is not lightskinned and skinny. Bint and Lourdes your day will come, I promise. Volare get another pic up (is that really you?) You go to Clemson, thats not even a real college lol. Yall miserable bitches have nothing better to do than tear people down. And if you are wondering, I am lightskinned and skinny so keep your "hater" comment, it does not apply hateful bitches.
September 2, 2008 11:30 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
What's with all of the dykes? It's turning into a lesbo board!
September 3, 2008 1:38 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
stupid bitch probably got banned!
September 4, 2008 11:25 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Oh man this board is getting better and better. I have the pics of bev, maybe I should create a blog and post them lol. They are going hard in there today and where are the mods? Is that one that is pregnant with the white loser baby still on?
September 4, 2008 2:51 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
post them!
September 4, 2008 6:17 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Seraphinelle always hating on Americans and America. Bitch please nobody checking for your wack ass Canada. Stay your corny ass over there. Then got a nerve to say we was hating on Jamaica. Bitch Please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Her citizenship request to come to America must have been denied which is why she so bitter. Her and her ugly ass friend Abenyo swear they the shit Abenyo look like she 50 in the face her ugly ass.
September 5, 2008 5:09 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
"Yall miserable bitches have nothing better to do than tear people down. "
Oh, the irony! Actually, since I can tell what a dumbass you are from your post alone, I bet you have no idea what the word "irony" mean.
September 5, 2008 11:07 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Anyone Know why Ms. Scar got banned, and all the other chicks that got banned the other day? I wonder if they are all over at Dirty girlz socaial club?
September 6, 2008 9:29 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Not Miss Scarlett, one of the queen bitches! I thought she had an in to keep her from making the banned! LoL
September 6, 2008 1:23 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
She thought that? Wow! I still want to know and I know someone knows why she got banned.
September 6, 2008 4:59 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Wow. I learn more from here than there...even before I was banned for a month. I thought Miss Scarlett was damn near an untouchable. Still, until an actual untouchable gets touched, the rules aren't unilaterally enforced and, as such, are to be regarded as just something to consider. Most of them say things others would get perm. banned for but are considered, like a flatulent Grandfather, something to be tolerated. Naw!!! Something smells like boo boo!
September 6, 2008 5:05 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Oh, and why is everyone afraid to post Beverly's pics? My imagination is starting to wander...what DOES she look like?
September 6, 2008 5:23 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
so are some chicks sucking niko's dick or what? I don't get what makes some untouchable! Are they the OGs of lhcf?
September 6, 2008 6:01 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Money is what makes them untouchable. They've been around forever and keep paying. Too big of a risk to make them follow the rules. Not for nothing, but it makes sense. I'm not paying another dime to renew.
I am known to do the wop.
September 6, 2008 7:24 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
cerchier shut the fuck up bitch
bev could get money from plenty of members
she can afford to ban a few people
we need to figure out why firecracker is not banned
September 6, 2008 10:14 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
firecracker and blossom! How the hell are these two still members? I like firecracker though, blossom and her desperate ass can kick rocks. Bloss guess what, white men dont want you either. Volare bad as hell though and I wonder is that really Tiara on there, hmmmm.
September 7, 2008 6:28 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I am surprised that people have the time (and careers) where they can post so often throughout the day. Not only do they post, but they have essay like responses in their posts. I can see every once and a while, but some of these people write long responses every day. SleekandBouncy comes to mind, there are a few others though.
September 7, 2008 10:05 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
maybe they are not a broke busted bitch like you and either do not work full time or do not care
the time you spent wondering you could be doing something else
get a life bitch
September 7, 2008 10:18 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
That last post sounded like sleekandbouncy, a bit bitter are we fake ass dahling ;)
September 7, 2008 10:37 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
^^^^ I agree with the last post.
That poster responded just a little too quickly--hunched over the computer with nothing else to do...they sound VERY little bitter. It's just a hair website.
September 7, 2008 10:46 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I think you really hurt abenyo's feelings, she's been extra angry and rude lately!
September 7, 2008 10:47 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
abenyo has always been rude and angry and yes it is because she is ugly and never has a man
September 7, 2008 11:00 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
There are some nice posters on the site. There are really just a few that are irritating.
September 7, 2008 11:11 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
damn this has grown. Aside from D lewis who I love, who the hell are the nice posters cause all them hoes are bitter and evil.
September 7, 2008 11:14 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
ella is very sweet. Dlewis is cool...um...who else is nice? Oh well.
September 7, 2008 11:22 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
FlowerHair is very nice.
September 7, 2008 11:24 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I guess iris gets on people's nerves or whatever but she seems nice to me.
September 7, 2008 2:17 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
The reason why fire will never be banned is because they are personal friends so keep holding your breath on that one. If you think there is bs on LHCF you need to check out dirty girlz. Those are what you call miserable bitches. The chat crew have also gone to worlds unknown, but who are they kidding, people know where they are. All them chicks are nice I like flower, dlewis and sylver even though she wont give you the time of day if you not light and pretty, she ok.
September 7, 2008 3:25 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Whoever it is that wants me to spend time wondering about other things, and the other that called me a bitch, only makes me even more curious what Bev looks like. Why are you'll so defensive? Does it have something to do with her hair?
September 7, 2008 4:56 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I am really curious (and since they won't answer this on the site without closing or deleting a thread), how does one really get banned? I know if you curse, or call someone ugly you get banned.
However, it sounds as though if you offend an 'untouchable' you get banned.
September 7, 2008 5:53 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
To the poster right above-
There seems to be different rules for different people. We could tell you rules all day and you could still do the wrong the to the wrong person and get banned.
September 7, 2008 6:20 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Don't tell me bev is a bald headit bitch! LOL!
September 7, 2008 6:22 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Thanks anonymous @6:20. This is my thinking too.
September 7, 2008 6:57 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I wonder who actually is 'untouchable', besides blosss and fire.
September 7, 2008 6:59 PM
Anonymous Cerchier said...
Chellero and Vevster come to mind as untouchable. Hell, Chellero said I need more dick. But some of the mods use less than subtle comments to target people.
Btw, I've cursed, but never called anyone ugly, and I made the banned 3 times. The girl who used scary to describe someones pic is most definitely not banned so, you may call someone ugly, with the right adjective.
September 8, 2008 9:06 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
what happened to aloofone? is she banned?
September 8, 2008 12:21 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Why was MissScarlet banned?!?!?!
September 8, 2008 12:32 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This is juicer than the actual board! Did the creator get banned? I wonder why they abandoned it.
September 8, 2008 4:06 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Aloofone is not banned. There is some info on here and on the Niko's step-cousin blog about why MissScarlet may have been banned or just left.
September 8, 2008 4:18 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Aloofone hasn't been banned.
I also think the meaning of being an 'untouchable' is that one says something and everyone agrees with them, and doesn't question their statement. However, if another person were to say the exact same thing, everyone would disagree, call them an idiot, or completely ignore them etc...
There are a few people on the site who everyone blindly agrees with, even if what they are saying is something someone else may have said already.
September 8, 2008 5:01 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This blog and that one that closed down were hard on aloofone, I could understand why she wouldn't want to come back. She can be confrontational, but she is not the worst one on the board, I don't know why she was targeted.
September 8, 2008 6:05 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
She looks like a used turd and always wants attention. She was actually talking about being a model. Bitch, please.
September 10, 2008 9:37 AM
Comment deleted
This post has been removed by the author.
September 10, 2008 12:27 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This thread is pathetic, the poster doesn't even have that much hair!
http://www.longhaircareforum.com/forums/showthread.php?t=278305
September 10, 2008 12:29 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This comment section is hilarious - It's like the Special Ed. version of DGSC - or maybe it's the ugly twin with the club foot and headgear.
"Who needs dates and parties and friends anyway!"
*stomps orthopedic shoe*
*sucks on asthma inhaler*
LMMFAO
September 10, 2008 3:25 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
It's so pathetic you couldn't help but to make an appearance, right? Which means you read it, right? No need to be ashamed. Welcome :D
September 10, 2008 3:33 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Yeah, because it takes sooo much time to comment here, unlike the full time careers some of the lhcf chicks make out of posting. Shoot, I wish I had the time on my hands some of those chicks have. At least here things are a little more real and to the point.
September 10, 2008 3:38 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I meant the pathetic comment at the girl who found it hilarious, not the one who quoted the thread on LHCF about taking 5-6 hours to wash uneven sl hair. Am I the only one that thinks most of the heffa's who claim to be trimming or dusting and go from bsl to apl are really just trying to hide their hair breaking off?
September 10, 2008 3:38 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
"Am I the only one that thinks most of the heffa's who claim to be trimming or dusting and go from bsl to apl are really just trying to hide their hair breaking off?"
I agree with this. They are ashamed, or in denial.
September 10, 2008 3:46 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I love how certain posters have to show off the clothing and the outfits they have in their signatures.
September 11, 2008 9:11 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Heh, there was one member all about her clothes and trying to show off. So much so that she took pics in the changing rooms of stores and tried to pass off the clothes as stuff she owned. Someone busted her when they recognized the carpet. lmao
September 11, 2008 3:48 PM
Anonymous abenyo said...
Hey I'm popular!!!
Thanks for keeping me on your minds. Don't know who the hell ya'll are nor do I care, but ya'll still got your feelings hurt. stop being simple and such idiots that are posting on a blog in disguise. You hate the board yet you keep coming back. Stop acting like bitches.. Got issues? solve it.
-Abenyo
September 11, 2008 9:02 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
The bitter bitch cant do anymore blogs!
LMAO!!!!!!!
September 12, 2008 3:55 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
can you update the blog? I want some gossip
September 12, 2008 4:24 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Yeah, I want an update too. Why do you all call everyone bitter bitches that calls you out on your stank attitudes? Perhaps you forget the numerous girl's hair vids on youtube you diss in threads only to have them find out and have them defend themselves. What about the girl who made the vid of the dog shitting on the lhcf screen while a horse makes noises because members use horse products? It can't be everyone else. If ppl are making blogs, vids, and long forum threads about one sites attitude then the members should take a long look in the mirror.
September 12, 2008 5:30 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Oh in case you forgot the long forum thread I'm talking about was on Lipstick Alley.
September 12, 2008 5:34 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
@3:48, yes. and i think sleekandbouncy does this too. why?
September 12, 2008 6:04 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
It's High School all over again. The Mean Girls, The Outcasts, and The Suck ups who want to be mean girls abound. There are some nice members but they don't run the place.
September 12, 2008 10:39 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I know sleekandbouncy does this. If she shows her face, maybe someone will recognize her and put her on blast like Jlove.
September 12, 2008 10:54 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
abenyo
sit down hoe
nobody care about your ugly gremlin face ass
September 12, 2008 11:00 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Don't hate me for saying this but, why do the African's, with stern ass features, never smile? You're bound to look like a gremlin. Smile Abenyo...and Aloofone, too, if you ever decide to show your face again.
September 12, 2008 11:40 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6iVk9H8FHKc
This is the vid! Lma. Thanks!
September 12, 2008 11:55 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
yeah, that is probably why she doesn't want to show her face...she doesn't want to be put on blast. LOL!
September 12, 2008 11:56 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Hey, Abenyo, what did you think about Miss Scarlett dissing you as too ghetto?
September 12, 2008 12:12 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Shouldn't barbiesocialite top talking about how to get men, when she is a dyke?
September 12, 2008 9:14 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Barbiesocialite doesn't have enough integrity to leave like the other lesbian, that was like a scientist. LHCF site doesn't support -heterosexual, non-christian people.
September 13, 2008 12:15 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I meant non-heterosexual!
September 13, 2008 12:16 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Yeah, abenyo you are real "popular". We are entertained by your monkey-looking ass!
September 14, 2008 3:40 PM
Anonymous abenyo said...
To all you bitches get a fucking life. stick a saw down your throat and pull it out the other end. As for the asshole from DGZ I'm waiting for you bitch, come out come out. I'm not popular but ya'll sure talk about me and think about me all day everyday. Moron that would tell you that I'm atleast important enough for ya'll to be studying me like freakin dykes. Don't worry about the way I look, maybe you should worry about getting a life and stop posting on a blog anonymously about me. I mean how fucking pathetic. It's going on some months now and ya'll still gonna talk about me. Talk about press. LOL oooo some females think I look ugly, boo fucking hoo. Bitches there is soo much to this world then the pettiness you are displaying. Ya'll say the other forums are High school what do you call grown woman talking about someone behind their backs? Mature is not what comes to mind. But hey keep saying I'm ugly, lol I don't go that route and never will. And the bitch that constantly want to talk about africa, lol what are you.. oh let me guess you just got fucked by some foreign dick and now you got indian or whatever in you right? May you prosper in lice infected locks, long lasting shedding, breakage that never stops, and head sores that no ACV or surgery will cure.
Have fun!
September 14, 2008 9:09 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
LOL, you sure seem to like it here, Abenyo, you can't seem to stay away!
Boy, you sure told everyone!
September 14, 2008 9:37 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Abenyo you sure are a mad ugly porch monkey.You also have no idea just how many people hate your stupid ugly dumb ass. Watch out for the ones who feed you info. Stupid rabid bitch.
September 14, 2008 9:51 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I see everyone is fired up tonight. LMAO!
September 14, 2008 9:54 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Abenyo you are being worked over big time.
September 14, 2008 10:09 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
She sure is. Looking like the fool who birth her ugly ass.
September 14, 2008 10:13 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Shut up abenyo!that was funny though but you still ugly. Ok on to the rest of them, is JR and Candy an item? JR got a deep voice like a man, bod like one too and Candy look like a rat.
September 14, 2008 10:14 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
For someone who doesn't care you sho keep bringin' you ass back! Sounds like you have no life Abenyo, or you can't stand not having yo monkey ass kissed!
September 14, 2008 10:25 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
so what happened to abenyo, they were supposed to have a meeting and she was stood up?
September 14, 2008 11:35 PM
Anonymous In-Adequate said...
DANG!!! Im dying at how all you LHCF members have turned this shit into a forum. But the anonymous posting is on some bitch shit.
September 15, 2008 1:53 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Hilfigher looks like a man too. That head on her hair stays looking like s brillo pad. Talk about creature from another planet. She stays cosigning on some stupid shit. Another ugly African monkey.
September 15, 2008 5:20 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Bint or OAHQ is always talking about someone's look. She got a identity crisis. She shouldn't be talking about others. That baby of hers might come out looking as ugly as her.
September 15, 2008 5:28 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
TSU you look like a pork oink oink with lipstick. Step away from the table take a few step out the kitchen and run to the gym. No woman should weigh gazillion pounds starve yourself bitch then maybe your man won't be fucking someone else.
September 15, 2008 5:33 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
What about that welfare hoe with the second hand store? What's her name acidrain? Oh summerrain lol aint nothing summer about that hoe. Even her own mama don't want her.
September 15, 2008 5:36 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Wow someone really has a lot to say. Get a life!!! What have any of these people done to you to warrant you talking about someone's mother, weight, hair or child. Everyone on this blog that comes here to talk about people maliciously has real world issues they need to contend with. Is the internet that serious that you just have to let it be known you do not like another person's font? You all do not know these people in real life so why are you wasting so much time airing out these dumb ass comments on a blog? Log off, spend time you with your family, read a book, go plant a tree find a hobby that actually benefits society instead of being evil bitches sitting about your computer typing nasty remarks.
I bet everyone who is typing mean things are probably trying to be or friends with the person they are talking about. I urge all of you to just end this and stop giving this blog attention and it will die out eventually. To the people who have been hurt by the comments do not take it personally as the person who said it is too much of a coward to say it to you personally.
September 15, 2008 7:08 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
great, another fucking lecture!
We've been told once again!
September 15, 2008 8:55 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
How is it so many women in one forum are manless and lonely. I see plenty of black couples! I think these chicks have so many issues they scare off any men who might be interested.
Out of my family and friends, no one is sitting around moaning about having no black man! They either have one or can easily find one. There has to be something really wrong with those women, and it ain't all about geography, either.
September 15, 2008 10:25 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
These women are a bunch of hipocrites! Can someone please tell me how the hell that WHORE blossom can post all this shit about fucking every random WHITE MAN and she gets apllauded. WHAT THE FUCK! There is a thread on superhead and these bitches have the most shit to say, but not on her thread. Where is Que, Bint and all the others that are on that holier than thou bullshit? Why not pop in there and tell it like it is. You all are all thinking it (SHE A HOE) but you congatulating her? a site full of fucking hipocrites.
September 15, 2008 10:51 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
damn
September 15, 2008 10:52 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
How the fuck you gonna have a name like Jessica rabbit and you look like a mack truck? and candy is ugly lol.
September 15, 2008 10:54 AM
Anonymous Cerchier said...
Wtf! I got some reading to do!
September 15, 2008 1:31 PM
Anonymous Heat/Glam said...
Piece of advice to one anonymous person. If you want to remain "anonymous" you might want to step of the soapbox of an issue that you usually post about on the forum. You might get found out quick. I hate anonymity, but if you are gonna do it at least be smart as you seem to be on the forum.
September 15, 2008 2:07 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
She aint the only one "on the forum"! lmao. Look around you!
September 15, 2008 2:24 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
who is this?
http://img61.imageshack.us/img61/548/bevgg6.png
September 15, 2008 3:00 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Nooooo! Please don't tell me that is Bev. Great day in the lacefront wearing, soup cooling, wannabe video ho morning! Image saved for future use.
September 15, 2008 3:12 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Lawd somebody finally posted them lol
September 15, 2008 3:15 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
that is what she looks like? no wonder she hides her face at meetups. if i look like that i would ban the cute women too.
September 15, 2008 3:31 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Damn, if that's really her, she ugly! And stank! No wonder she didn't want these posted! Can we get some verification so I can pass these around?
September 15, 2008 3:34 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
i wonder did she find jesus wearing those leopard panties?
September 15, 2008 3:40 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
What in the Mr.Ed stunt double hell is going on with her in these pics?
September 15, 2008 3:46 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I can verify that is her.
September 15, 2008 3:55 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Wow, my puppet just got banned forever. You suck, Beverly. And yeah, I did see you in your tiger panties before I asked you that legitimate question.
September 15, 2008 3:58 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
I should add, either Bev is a liar, and does know when people are banned and for what, or she is as dumb as she looks in her pics, and her mods do the banning.
September 15, 2008 4:00 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
you're right; sleekandbouncy loves to show off her clothing...on a hair forum. LOL!
September 15, 2008 4:07 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This is too much, you need to take that down. Maybe she has a reason she doesn't want those seen. Has she really done anything to any of you personally for you to be this evil? Please delete that link before more people see it.
September 15, 2008 4:08 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Get real. The reason she doesn't want anyone to see it is because she doesn't want people to know she is, well, visually unappealing but, more to the point, she wears a wig. Queen hypocrite, and now, to me, confirmed liar. Where's her hair? LHCF admin---wig---does not compute. Why is she the only one that ALWAYS hides her hair? Toofus notwithstanding.
September 15, 2008 4:14 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
all those bitches in bikinis in avatars and sigs and you want to call out sleekandbouncy who is fully dressed?
as far as bev if she did not want those picture seen she should have never took them.
September 15, 2008 4:15 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Gin looks like a horse too her ugly ass.
September 15, 2008 4:23 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Sleekandbouncy thats u huh?
September 15, 2008 4:41 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I'm reading through the "this thread is closed" files and vevster actually asked where MissScarlett is at about the time it was brought up here. Allandra shut it down with a quickness. Calling ppl on their shit there works! I thought the two stickies Allandra wrote about ppl watching their ass after we got rolling was coincidence but it isn't.
September 15, 2008 4:57 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I'm still surprised they banned the bitch.
September 15, 2008 5:42 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Since you can't ask on the forum, why did MissScarlett get banned? Did she curse someone out?
September 15, 2008 5:49 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Read this blog and Niko's step-cousin. Apparently abenyo set up some big LHCF to do for MissScarlett and she dissed them for people she found more to her liking. She lied about and got called out and then... I don't know why, though. I'd be afraid to meet Abenyo too.
September 15, 2008 6:25 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
cerchier after that post u did i know u would be banned lol
September 15, 2008 6:32 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Me too. But God hates a bullshitter as much as I do.
September 15, 2008 6:34 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
The post I was banned for, if you aren't a member, was responding to the Toofus, I mean Bev, closing my thread without answering a question I asked about why i was banned. I wanted the post I was accused of insulting a member. I told her the only fraction for Cerchier was from feb. She came up with some bull...I don't know, I looked, can't find anything. Then she closed the thread. I started a new thread and I stated if, as an ADMIN, you really don't know why I was bannned, then I want to know who you gave the power to ban people to without your knowledge. Then I was banned...forever lmao
September 15, 2008 6:52 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Damn! Bitch look like predator!
September 15, 2008 9:45 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
cerchier u a mess lol
September 16, 2008 8:02 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I'm sorry, but some people need to be ashamed of themselves. Bitches using animal products and pussy creams to grow their hair and then will kill you if you say other women don't go to these extremes. Don't say anything about how creamy crack sets you back. Never seen so many college educated dumb asses.
September 16, 2008 1:20 PM
Anonymous Heat/Glam said...
How you gonna talk about hair methods that WORK. Yeah folk are using horse items and have long flowing hair, while others talk about there methods are sitting there at shoulder length for the past 5 years and wondering why. SMH
September 16, 2008 2:04 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
glam you need to stay your ass off this blog
i just read through the comments and you are always here
drama whore
i see bev got her shit cracked on the board
September 16, 2008 3:17 PM
Anonymous Heat/Glam said...
I'll leave when you annonys grow balls and put your name on comments. That ain't never gonna happen so looks like I'm a permanent fixture boo.
September 16, 2008 9:41 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
There are too many jesus freaks on that board!!!! You woman are sooo vain praying to God for long hair! You make God look like a JOKE!
The Christian section is sooo funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Masturbating when you are married is BAD!? LOLLLLL! That's why black women can't find a man, they worship GOD so much that they don't know how to treat a REAL man!
September 17, 2008 12:43 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
BEVERLY is taking advantage of you all!
BEVERLY is taking advantage of you all!
BEVERLY is taking advantage of you all!
$6.50!?
Oh don't give me that proverbial, PC BULLSHIT, "You pay more than that for a hair product" "Other sites charge more". AND?! There are TONS of sites on the net that give a wealth of information to their members, but you don't have to pay no damn fee (purseforum, thefashionspot, blackvoices, longhairlovers etc) WHy do you think those sites are FREE, but they still get revenue!?? ADS! ADS! Bev has ads all over that damn board "It takes money to run a site" she says, yes, but BITCH, you get AD money! And then she had the NEVER to increase the price! I guess that bitch is using that money to pay for her weaves!
Or maybe she uses the mooney for her tithes to Jeebus!!!
September 17, 2008 12:57 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Oh, no shit she is scamming people. But their are always fools to separate their money from.
September 17, 2008 5:07 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I guess $6.50 breaks some people's pockets and then again $6.50 is just a drop in the bucket for others.
Those who "got it like that" can pay if they want.
Who is it hurting?
September 17, 2008 5:18 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Crabs in a barrel!
September 17, 2008 7:20 AM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Yes. Crabs in a barrel. No one wants to recognize the truth so they drag everyone down to the level of lies. Love the wading pool, if you can.
6.50 doesn't break anyone willing to smear horse skin products on their hair that can cost 40 dollars. Forget the shedding you need to pay how much to correct? What was that other horse product you all spent more than 40 bucks to turn your necks and jewelry black, and left a smell like you worked for the circus. Bitch, wake up.
September 17, 2008 9:09 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
True cerchier. You know, there is knowledge to be gained from lhcf, but I think for some women it can be pretty harmful. All the bandwagons, and people trying to convince others to spend money they don't have. A weak minded person can easily get caught up, and a lot of those women are pretty weak minded. Their quest for that white beauty standard has clouded their minds. And yes, I know black women have all kinds of textures, blah blah, but I still think the most of the women on lhcf are checking for the white beauty, not black
September 17, 2008 9:17 AM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Preach.
September 17, 2008 12:02 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Why are so many of them married, dating white men?
September 17, 2008 12:05 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
They take up with those alien looking white men so they can have kids with 'good hair.' They are a bunch of self hating dumb ass women who don't have a clue. I have not seen one handsome ass white man attached to one of those nappy headed hoes. None of them look like they are about anything. It's perfectly okay to take up with some greasy ass white boy rather than a black man with plenty going for them.I quit reading when pankskates husband demanded she shave her nappy ass vajayjay. The punk wasn't man enuff to tackle that nappy ass jungle. The dumbness ran me away a long time ago.
September 17, 2008 3:06 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
OMG Pinkskates posted that? Her husband said that and she posted it? Abordeaux is the only person I have seen that has a nice looking white boy. The rest look horrible, I think KBragg's husband is probably the worst looking.
September 17, 2008 3:18 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
makes me really wonder who these chicks are growing hair for? The ugly ass white men they are with for sure. And can someone tell Oneya to shut the fuck up.
September 17, 2008 3:46 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Didnt I tell yall firecracker was all up in Bevs ass? what a coincidence that the minute Bev put them pics in her album, here come fire broadcasting it. I am sure if the other pic was not posted here we would not know who Mr. Ed was, lacefront and all.
September 17, 2008 3:49 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Wow, pinkskates husband demanded that? She seemed so in control. I didn't go to the fitness forum much but she seemed on top of her shit. That's embarrassing and gross. I don't knock interracial dating, but in the cases you're presenting, settling for some less than cute, prejudiced, crackerjack white man I do.
September 17, 2008 4:17 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
someone needs to knock some sense into thinkpinkprincess. I mean come on...homegirl is 19 and she doesn't know about Roots? Even if she didn't know, google exists for a reason.
September 17, 2008 9:37 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This thread about Pinkskates husband was quite hilarious:
http://www.longhaircareforum.com/forums/showthread.php?t=141647&highlight=brazillian+wax
September 17, 2008 11:44 PM
Anonymous Jennan said...
AWWW SHit! How tha fuck did i miss this Blog!!! LSA in the house!!! Seraphinelle is fat bitch, that cows always talking about fat people. Have you seen the rings round her neck???? Abenyo is hurt in the face for real. Bint/OAHQ,why the fuck si this woman obsessed with FAT people like seraphinelle? And her whole "i'm mixed afro arab/black women hate/rah rah i'm saudi bullshit* is Jarring.. This biotch claims to be married. Maybe to the computer?This coming from one afro arab bitch to another. Hoe sit your self down.
Whats her name, fabulosity. U ain't got a man cos ur ugly. And your hair looks like shit!Texlaxed tha fuck??? Sleek and Bouncy. I like her. But no i do not want to see what your wearing everyday. And no you are not fashionable, i'm euro s o u know this shit is innate to us. Whos that trick that can't spell?
U know what i'ma register tomorrow and post Bevs pics.Nah let me wait 2 weeks and have some fake arse hair pics. I'm mad i can't use Jennan. Oh and Beyondcute you can't catch me!!!
September 18, 2008 8:48 AM
Anonymous Jennan said...
Urgh u need to silvergirls husband( btw silvergirl has some serious self hate problems, do a search, she fucked a white supremacist for fucks sake! But she's got that 3B hair so everyone oohs) Her white man looks like something from the blue lagoon!!!!
foxie roxy is a man right?
aww shit i am bookmarking this blog
September 18, 2008 8:52 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
so funny jennan! sleekandbouncy just grates for some reason...
September 18, 2008 9:31 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I see you coward bitches are still huddled up in here on your hurt feeling hoe ass nigga circle jerk.
September 18, 2008 10:06 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I just want to warn you all that I will be getting the IPs of all the posters on this blog very soon. Connections, connections, connections. I have not decided what I will do with this info. I may use it to punk some of you or turn it over to Bev and Nikkos for mass bannings and outtings. Shit is for sure about to hit the fan.
September 18, 2008 10:10 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
oh no not that!
September 18, 2008 10:55 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
WTF are you gonna do sith some damn IP#s??? Somebody supposed to be scared of your ass? HTF is a punk gonna punk someone? Go brush your effin hair!
September 18, 2008 12:00 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I am going to have them match the IPs with your user names. Because I know most of you dumb bitches are not switching computers.
I have some of the IPs in my e-mail already.
September 18, 2008 12:11 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
You're getting the ip's on here from who? Bitch, scare tactics only work on the idiots you have under your control. How exactly do you plan to get Blogger to release the ip addresses of an anon poster without them having a big ass problem from every anon poster on their site. They allow anon for a reason. You are trying to scare the wrong person.
September 18, 2008 12:50 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I know someone that works at Google you donkey face trollop.
September 18, 2008 12:55 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I doubt you have anything, and so what if you do? We're already here, why stop posting? And those dumb asses don't check IP's when people re-register, the same people can get back in. Either do it or shut the fuck up and put some coochie cream or butt fungus or whatever on your hair.
September 18, 2008 12:57 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
And...that relates to Blogger, how? What you are trying to do is scare people from posting. If you'd like, I'll write to Blogger and find out under what circumstances they release a poster's ip address. If it's like most, including google, it's only when they violate the law. You're full of shit. Spit it out. It's making your breath stank.
September 18, 2008 12:59 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
It must be either Bev or Abenyo, the 2 who have been hit the hardest on this blog. Who else would care if we post here or not? If talking shit were a crime lhcf would have been shut down long ago.
September 18, 2008 1:10 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
You are a dumb bitch Cerchier. Google owns Blogger so you need to check your facts. I already told you that I KNOW someone so your little writing to get a release is stupid, because I am getting the info regardless of their policy. Obviously you are getting nervous.
September 18, 2008 1:16 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
cerchier has no reason to be nervous, she has already been banned.
September 18, 2008 1:21 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Ok, I'm asking Blogger if they are releasing some of their anon posters(remember, they help add to the ad sales) to some black chick running a website for black women who want long hair. Or if they ever have or give a shit enough to. Or, now that they know some baby daddy's first baby mama may have sent her second baby daddy to look, is that ok with them? You don't scare me, trick. You don't know anyone. Give it up.
September 18, 2008 1:22 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Waiting on that mass banning...
September 18, 2008 1:30 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I know enough to get your trollop ass writing response after response.
September 18, 2008 1:32 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
i think scarlett is back as zaynab
also why is ugly ass abenyo writing these damn sermons on the blog
we already know you mad
we wrote it to make you mad
her and that duck face friend of hers seraphineela
September 18, 2008 1:34 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Oh, don't degenerate now. And, trollop...really? Who says that now, Bev? Get me, please do you silly cunt.
Here is the letter I sent,
Hi,
I’m writing because I need to clearly understand your policy on submitting the Internet Protocol addresses of you members, specifically the anonymous posters, on Blogger, to those who request it. On the Blogspot http://nikoscousins.blogspot.com for Tuesday, August 12, 2008 in the comments toward the end there is a poster that asserts, through the use of someone she knows at who works at Google, the i.p. addresses of every poster in that comment section. Could you please tell me if this is true?
Sincerely,
September 18, 2008 1:37 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
lmao
cerchier is nervous as shit
September 18, 2008 1:52 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Umm...I'm already banned. I'm annoyed at shit that she's trying to play people here for fools, though.
September 18, 2008 1:57 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
cerchier you really do not have a life at all
you are posted up on this blog
writing day in and day out
now you are writing notes to blogger over some dumb bitch making idle threats
you really ought to find something more productive to do just one day a week
you look so pathetic
September 18, 2008 2:08 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
the board is having a database error
i know who is responsible for that
September 18, 2008 2:12 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
oh please get me banned and "outed" so fucking what? $6.50 is less than the price of a fucking magazine over here. Man i wish i could have seen the miss scarlett thread.What did she do when she got caught out? She got banned for lying? That ain't really a crime. Lord Summerrains boutique is horrid. Her clothes are cheap and nasty looking. Poor jlove just wanted to keep up with the jonses.I dunno why people picked on alfoone, yeah she was annoying but fucking hell other members irk me more. They are so fake. And damn i didn't know people hated Abenyo that much, yeah her eyes r like "the better to see you with my dear" but if ugliness was a crime more than half of LHCF would be doing time. I feel sorry for relaxer rehab. Fucking hell don't they have arranged marriages or something? Shes like nearly 60, obese, hurt in the face- she gonna be typing on LHCF till death comes knocking she ain't got nothing else to do.
There are some nice people there?
I dunno why people hated adequate so much. Her white man was ugly and she posted every aspect of her life, but she wasn't malicious.
J x
September 18, 2008 2:12 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
I actually think Adequate's man was one of the only handsome white men on the board.
To the other girl
As for me not having a life, consider this my new life. Similar to the life you have posting like a welfare queen on LHCF. But wait, you have even less of a life because you post here too.
September 18, 2008 2:19 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
this is only my 2nd post here
compared to how many you have
and how many times have you been banned and come back starting shit? the minute they turn your name back on. you probably have it marked on your calendar when your ban date is up.
bitch please
September 18, 2008 2:50 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Of course FoxieRoxie is a man.
September 18, 2008 3:13 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Wasn't there a real tranny at one time? Not just someone who looks like one, a real one.
September 18, 2008 3:21 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
FoxyRoxy is a tranny so is Queeny.
September 18, 2008 3:35 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
I'm pretty sure foxyroxy, I hit up her fotki whe the whole "were you born a man" shite went off in ot, is a man. But she is nice. Queeny...
September 18, 2008 3:55 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Oh, I thought you guys were talking about FoxyScholar!
I don't think MissScarlett made the banned over "DC gate" because she continued to post well after that. She did something else to make the banned.
September 18, 2008 4:49 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
There was a thread a while back that got deleted because everyone was calling someone "leatherface". Who is leatherface?
September 18, 2008 4:56 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Queeny is one of the fakest bitches on that site. She stay gossiping but yet claims to be a christian. I am waiting for her ass to be put on blast for the fake that she is. Always posting up those burnt crispy looking children like someone gives a damn. Queeny, Ms.Honey, Nice & Wavy, Shimmy all those bitches that stay on the Christian forum are fake gossipy bitches, but Queeny is the main one.
September 18, 2008 5:49 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Who does this blog belong to?
September 18, 2008 5:50 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I don't know who started, but I think they made the banned, which is why they don't maintain it.
September 18, 2008 6:03 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Yeah, the poster who started this doesn't update but reading through the posts, you guys do. Keep it up.
September 18, 2008 6:28 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Didn't someone say Passionfruit did it?
Exercising Your Demons
Some people might call you highly competitive. Some might call you superfit. But a growing number of doctors would label you something else: Depressed
By: Laurence Gonzales
In 1994, at the age of 33, Raymond Britt took up running. It made him feel good. In fact, the more he pushed himself, the better he felt. So each time he went out, he pushed a little harder. It seemed to put him above the turmoil of the world and afford him some relief. Relief from what -- that wasn't so clear. His life was good. He was a successful executive. He'd married his high-school sweetheart. He had beautiful children.
But there was something odd about it all. For one thing, he had no background as a runner. He'd been a powerlifter in his 20s, benching 315. But in the summer of '94, amid a hectic schedule, he happened to see a flier for the Chicago Marathon and was seized by the impulse to run it. Never mind that there were only a few weeks left to train. Never mind that he had never run more than 3 miles at a time. He thought, I can do anything for 5 hours and 30 minutes, which was the qualifying time to receive a finisher's medal.
He became obsessed with his training.
"I was excited, I was nervous, I was alive," he says. "My mother and my wife thought I was crazy." As he reached the 18th mile of the marathon, his hopes for a life-changing experience were shattered. Beating himself up both mentally and physically, he managed to drag his body over the finish line in 4 hours and 41 minutes, as he puts it, "alone, hurt, angry, unhappy."
Rather than recover, he went out the next day to punish himself and prepare for the next marathon.
Sex Differences
The study of how mental illness affects men and women differently is new and fraught with controversy. The first comprehensive survey was conducted between 1990 and 1992. Its aim was to estimate the general prevalence of mental illness.
The research, known as the National Comorbidity Survey, was repeated, in more depth and on a larger scale, between 2001 and 2003, under the auspices of the World Health Organization and with funding from the National Institute of Mental Health. The principal investigator is Ronald C. Kessler, Ph.D., a jolly-looking, bearded professor in the department of health-care policy at Harvard University.
The numbers seem to show that men and women suffer from various mental illnesses at about the same rate, with some notable variations and exceptions. One of the differences, long accepted as gospel by the psychiatric professions, is that twice as many women as men suffer from depression. Kessler says his numbers show that a woman is twice as likely as a man to have a single episode of major clinical depression in her life. After the first episode, however, men and women don't differ in the number of episodes they'll have during a lifetime, or in whether they'll have another episode. Only the first step differs, he says. Then the statistics flatten out to equal.
But if repeat episodes of depression are equal for men and women, doesn't it stand to reason that they may be having first bouts at the same rate? Maybe the discrepancy lies not in the number of men and women who are depressed, but rather, in how depression is expressed.
According to an increasing number of experts, the diagnostic tallies don't take into account the real experience of a lot of men like Britt. They also ignore the fact that women are much more likely to report depression and seek help. Men are more likely to try to fight through their depression, using strategies ranging from hard work to extreme exercise to drinking to violence. Nearly four times more men than women kill themselves.
When women become depressed, they tend to show the classic symptoms described in the psychiatrist's handbook the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. They feel sad and tired, and lose interest in the pleasures of life. In short, women generally get depressed in just the way that most people, including psychotherapists, think about depression.
Men tend to get angry, and that anger expresses itself in a wide variety of intense activities, such as Britt's obsessive running. Some of these men even win marathons--on the streets of Chicago or in feats of work endurance--and look like heroes, which makes it even more difficult to diagnose their depression.
Britt says, "I've always thought Lance Armstrong suffered from depression and that's where his anger came from. I saw a lot of myself in him, the way he transfers anger into action. Depression leads some of us to fight as hard as we can against it. It makes you angry. I liked my anger. I got focused and felt better, like I was leaving turmoil in the dust. But it was temporary."
Because we think of the word "depression" as fitting the woman's profile better than the man's, doctors and therapists don't tend to recognize the disease as readily in men, and men don't talk about it. William Pollack, Ph.D., a professor of psychiatry at Harvard, estimates that 50 percent to 65 percent of men suffering from what they call "covert depression" aren't diagnosed.
It seems clear that men will do just about anything to avoid admitting to having the disease. They'd rather just suffer. Some of them would rather die.
Driven
Britt raced in Chicago the next year and qualified for the Boston Marathon. Still, he needed more. He entered the Chicago Triathlon that same year and nearly drowned. ("I was a terrible swimmer.") He returned in 1996, and did well. That only fed his craving. "I wanted to take everything to the next, most impossible level I could imagine," he says. He describes himself as "driven to the margin of terror."
By 1998, he had developed a set of rules for himself: more, harder, quicker, and farther away. Three Ironman races in 7 weeks. Roth, Germany, in July for Ironman Europe. Zurich in August for Ironman Switzerland, wife and 4-month-old baby in tow. Ironman Canada again in September. "Still not enough," he says.
In 1999: four Ironman races, a 50-miler, and the Western States 100. Seven days later, he ran two 5-Ks on the same day, for "pain as punishment and proof that I was okay. I could survive the day as long as I could channel my inner turbulence into power and aggression during training. The determination, the drive, kept me afloat."
In the following years, he broke 3 hours in the marathon, qualified for the Ironman World Championships three times, won awards, gained sponsorship, and was regularly published as a cardio guru. He was a champ, a role model. "How can this be a bad thing?" he asked. "And if I'm strong enough to outlast anything, aren't I strong enough to outlast life's challenges?"
Yet his world had begun to contract. He began intentionally doing reckless things. "I took risks riding my bicycle in traffic, running at night, fighting whatever was fighting me. It felt good to be fighting."
He couldn't run, bike, and swim all day. He had to work. He had a wife and kids. So he simply pushed that much harder. "My best performances came when I was ready to rip the top off the race course. I had very aggressive feelings. I just wanted to attack."
He was winning, yes, but he also required emergency medical attention after every event. He'd come in with his blood pressure reading 90 over 50 and required up to four IV bags of fluid to counter dehydration. That didn't seem odd to him, but his wife began to worry that he was trying to kill himself. He told her he was just pushing it. He eventually did 42 marathons, 27 Ironman Triathlons, and six ultramarathons in 11 years, covering 42,000 miles, the equivalent of running, swimming, and biking around the world 1 1/2 times.
The weird thing is this: Raymond Britt isn't that unusual. His distances aren't even that huge, compared with some guys'. And the mental illness he suffers from, which drove him to battle through all those miles, is not that uncommon among men.
Steven Imparl is a lawyer in Chicago, but a look at his résumé affords a glimpse into the frantic world of a man working very hard to compensate for depression. He graduated from high school in the top 15 of his class of 550 students. He received his B.S. degree with high honors. He became an information-technology specialist working for big companies, then went on to earn his law degree and start his own firm. Along the way, he studied French, German, Slovene, and Spanish. He learned classical guitar, studied Slavic and Balkan history, and sang barbershop harmony. And he somehow found time for power walking, inline skating, volleyball, and boxing. By the fall of 2001, he was so wound up, he could hardly sleep. He became more irritable, more easily angered. After nearly getting into a fistfight while walking down a street, he decided to seek help. But when the doctor told him he was suffering from clinical depression, Imparl refused to believe it. Admitting to depression is . . . well, it's like getting your period: Guys don't do it.
Once Imparl accepted the diagnosis, he performed like any true, overachieving depressed man would: Through a program of therapy and drugs, he got better, and then he founded a successful Web site, maledepression.com, for guys like him.
Raymond Britt's crash and burn came one day in November 2004, when he set out to run himself into the ground, to transfer the pain from his soul to his body. Many miles and hours later, he found himself bloodied, exhausted, and hypothermic, but he neither displaced the internal pain nor found relief. He was forced at last to face what he'd known for decades: Depression was rampant in his family. From an early age, Britt had been determined that he wouldn't succumb. He wouldn't be weak.
Because his father had medicated his own depression with alcohol, Britt had never taken up drinking. By the fall of 2004, his father had been in therapy for a while, and was encouraging Britt to seek help. Having experienced depression himself, he was able to see the disorder in his son. He sent Britt an e-mail with his doctor's name. And then he dropped dead.
It was a few weeks later when Britt hit the wall on his last desperate run. Then he collapsed into classic symptoms of depression, which is what happens when the strategy fails: "The weight felt so heavy that it was hard to physically move," says Britt. He found himself wishing he'd be in an accident that would put him in the hospital so that he could escape. "I wanted to be taken out."
That's the point at which depressed men can slip beyond fantasy into active thoughts of suicide. Some 31,000 people in the United States commit suicide each year. More than 24,000 of them are men. And that doesn't count the deaths from alcohol or drugs. In fact, some researchers are beginning to suspect that depression causes more deaths than auto accidents do.
Britt's fantasies of having an accident scared him. He went to see his father's psychiatrist. It didn't take the doctor long to diagnose his condition. (Q: "When were you last really happy?" A: "1975.") And yet, his denial of clinical depression was so strong that he sought a second opinion.
Maybe men need a different word for depression. Or maybe the brain researchers and psychologists simply need to redefine the condition so it includes the way men experience it, too.
Cultural Cover-Up
It's understandable that women are three times more likely than men to be treated for depression; our culture has put a feminine face on the disease, so women give themselves permission to feel it and to seek help for it. Pollack puts it this way: "We have in our society a feminized view of depression, coming out of a model of hysteria that dates back to Freud."
Terrence Real, author of I Don't Want to Talk about It, and a marriage and family therapist in Massachusetts, wrote, "There is a terrible collusion in our society, a cultural cover-up about depression in men." And part of the cultural influence involves the way men are taught from early childhood to be strong, silent, independent, and resistant to suffering. As Real puts it, "Men have about a milli-second's tolerance for feeling [this type of] pain, and then they spring into action. A flight from shame into grandiosity lies at the heart of male covert depression."
Another reason men leap into action, though, whether it's through intense exercise, overwork, pounding back martinis, or some other strategy, is that it actually does relieve the symptoms of depression, at least for a time. In fact, many therapists have begun using exercise as an adjunct to therapy, as explained in books like The Joy of Running, by Thaddeus Kostrubala, and The Exercise Prescription for Depression and Anxiety, by Keith Johnsgard. And research at Duke University confirmed their hunches in 1999.
But exercise in itself doesn't treat the underlying condition. In fact, books called The Joy of Working 80 Hours a Week and The Drinking Prescription for Depression might reach a wide audience, because those strategies can effectively mask depression for years. That is, they can sort of work.
Because at the heart of what Britt and Imparl were going through was a life filled with large stretches of no feeling at all. Britt says he was constantly running, "hoping that movement would help me discover something better."
Looking back on his decades of depression, Britt saw isolated flashes of happiness--the birth of his children, laughter, friendship--but they were, he says, "bright spots on what had been a more turbulent journey than I let myself admit. The moments of happiness sustained my denial of something I had only recently begun to consider an 'invisible load.'" In other words, he'd been swimming with an anvil, and he was sinking by imperceptible increments.
Conditioning
The social conditioning that leads to men's response to depression begins in infancy. Male babies receive less of every type of nurturing, including speech, touch, and comfort when they cry. And that is only the beginning of what will be, to one degree or another, a brutal upbringing for boys.
In the 1960s, the crusading social psychologist Jeanne Block and her colleagues explored how differently parents treat boys and girls. For instance, moms and dads encourage boys to be competitive and to achieve. They don't like them to show their emotions. They encourage them to be less dependent; mothers push them away. They punish them more than they punish girls. And they are unaware that they treat boys and girls differently.
By the time boys are on their way to the teenage years, the process of disavowing what they are is complete. The book A New Psychology of Men describes research in which people were asked what it means to be feminine or masculine. Women and girls defined themselves by the ways they were connected to others, and by citing qualities like being caring or compassionate. Men and boys defined themselves by negatives: They weren't weak, dependent, or connected to their mothers.
But there is not much in our cultural definition of what it means to be a man that is inherent in maleness. Children start off surprisingly alike, whether they're boys or girls. If there's a difference, it's the opposite of what the culture seems to expect: Boys are more sensitive. They give expression to their emotions more readily than girls. They affiliate with others in the same way as girls. Then someone starts telling them it's not okay to be that way. If you act like that, you're a pussy.
As Real and others have explained, it is through this process of denial that men are primed for depression. And it is the cultural necessity of carrying out and carrying on this process that makes it so difficult for them to recognize and admit to depression when it comes. They not only don't acknowledge it to themselves, they often don't display the symptoms that psychotherapists use to diagnose depression.
The cultural training that lays the groundwork for depression in men and for their denial of it later in life involves social isolation. That means telling people the truth about yourself and trusting that they'll do the same, a concept that seems terrifying to many men.
In one case, two friends knew each other for years, commuting together, talking every day, laughing together. They would not have said they were socially isolated, yet when they happened to run into each other in the same group meeting for men suffering from depression, they had to laugh: Neither one had ever admitted it to the other, even though they were both seeking treatment for it.
Social isolation is a well-known killer of mammals. Countless studies going back to the '50s show that contact, affection, emotional communication, and genuine closeness are necessary for mammals, including humans, to maintain our health. Isolation wreaks havoc on everything from the immune system to the cardiovascular system to the brain. Conversely, staying socially connected helps protect men from mental illness, including depression.
The new research done by Kessler and others shows that single men and women look no different when it comes to most kinds of mental illness. But when they get married, they veer off in different directions. "It's a very good deal to be married if you're a man," Kessler says. "It's associated with a dramatic improvement in mental health."
Perhaps because they are forced into solitude as children, men are not as good at being alone as women are. Because of early socialization, women are better at relationships--with children, friends, and relatives. In general, women have more friends than men and are closer to those friends. This, of course, is the direct result of boys' having independence forced on them early in life, when what they need is emotional and physical contact with others.
Socialization punishes women, too. When they have children, women's mental health suffers, while that of men doesn't change at all. That's because women, in general, take care of the kids. If there's trouble in the home, or work interferes with child rearing, they'll disproportionately suffer for it.
Women also worry more than men. They care about a larger group of people who just don't appear on the emotional radar screens of men. In marriage, men share in the joys and are often protected from the pain. Just as the man will go downstairs to investigate a suspicious noise, the woman plays the role of emotional protector.
Kessler uses this example: A wife reports (to the researcher) that she's very upset, because her daughter had an abortion and had to miss a number of days of school. The husband reports that his daughter had the flu and couldn't go to school. How could this be? The explanation is simple: The daughter got pregnant and went to her mother for help, saying, "Whatever you do, don't tell Dad." So the mother helped the daughter have an abortion and told the father the girl was home sick with the flu.
The result is that the husband is exposed to less stress, while the woman is exposed to more. Not only does she have to deal with the abortion, but she also has to lie to her husband and orchestrate the protection of that lie. But throughout, her connections are reinforced and affirmed.
The studies show that when a father dies, the children grow closer to the mother. They come around more. The mother has been maintaining those relationships all along, and they pay off in a crisis. Yet when a mother dies, the children come around less. That's because for years, when they called on Sunday, they talked to the mother, not the father. By filling the social role, the wife grows closer to the kids. That's why widowhood and divorce are so much worse for men. Their protection is ripped away, and they have no social network to catch them as they fall. The person who managed their emotional life is gone.
As Kessler puts it, "You can hire someone to do most of the things the husband does in a marriage. But you can never hire someone to do what the wife does." Men can change this situation and possibly protect themselves from depression later in life by expanding the depth and breadth of their social networks.
Recovery
After undergoing treatment for bipolar disorder and chronic depression, Britt went back to compete in all the events he had run so desperately in 2004, such as the Lake Placid Ironman. To his amazement, he recognized for the first time that the run took place in a glorious natural setting. "You're literally running through fields of green," he says. Later that year, he was competing in the Ironman Wisconsin, which he'd done in such a black mood the year before, and began to wonder, Why am I hurting myself? I don't need to hurt myself anymore. For the first time in his life, he walked for an hour during the event, feeling joyous.
Britt's compulsion to run began to fade. "My race performance declined by about 5 percent in the first half of last year," he tells me, "and it really tailed off by fall. I took most of early winter off, totally. It's a healthier me all around." In other words, he now runs for fun, something he was unable to experience before.
But recovery wasn't simple or easy. Early on, when Britt was first diagnosed, he spent much of his time searching for a single moment in each day when something good happened, something he could celebrate. Gradually, those moments grew larger and more frequent. "Now," he says, "the days are filled with not only great moments, but great minutes and hours. And those make up great days, great weeks, and even great months."
When men talk about depression, one of the recurring themes is how it sucks the color and flavor out of life. The birdsong that filled you with joy as a child has no effect at all. The people you love don't make your heart sing, even though you know they should. The colors of the world are tarnished and dull. Britt ran the Boston Marathon once again, and realized at the end that although he'd run it many times, he had literally never seen the finish line; he ran right through it and focused on the next thing. "Now I can see things I never saw before--colors, scenery, people," he says. "It's almost impossible to describe, except to say that it seems like the world has visually opened up."
Depression is well known for shutting down the senses, and when it lifted, Britt was so astonished at what was around him that he took up photography just to try to capture it all. "I never cared before. I never noticed the colors of a sunset. The electricity in a lightning strike. The glow of moonrise over a lake. They've always been there. But only recently have I begun to see them. And I am amazed."
Exercising Your Demons
Some people might call you highly competitive. Some might call you superfit. But a growing number of doctors would label you something else: Depressed
By: Laurence Gonzales
In 1994, at the age of 33, Raymond Britt took up running. It made him feel good. In fact, the more he pushed himself, the better he felt. So each time he went out, he pushed a little harder. It seemed to put him above the turmoil of the world and afford him some relief. Relief from what -- that wasn't so clear. His life was good. He was a successful executive. He'd married his high-school sweetheart. He had beautiful children.
But there was something odd about it all. For one thing, he had no background as a runner. He'd been a powerlifter in his 20s, benching 315. But in the summer of '94, amid a hectic schedule, he happened to see a flier for the Chicago Marathon and was seized by the impulse to run it. Never mind that there were only a few weeks left to train. Never mind that he had never run more than 3 miles at a time. He thought, I can do anything for 5 hours and 30 minutes, which was the qualifying time to receive a finisher's medal.
He became obsessed with his training.
"I was excited, I was nervous, I was alive," he says. "My mother and my wife thought I was crazy." As he reached the 18th mile of the marathon, his hopes for a life-changing experience were shattered. Beating himself up both mentally and physically, he managed to drag his body over the finish line in 4 hours and 41 minutes, as he puts it, "alone, hurt, angry, unhappy."
Rather than recover, he went out the next day to punish himself and prepare for the next marathon.
Sex Differences
The study of how mental illness affects men and women differently is new and fraught with controversy. The first comprehensive survey was conducted between 1990 and 1992. Its aim was to estimate the general prevalence of mental illness.
The research, known as the National Comorbidity Survey, was repeated, in more depth and on a larger scale, between 2001 and 2003, under the auspices of the World Health Organization and with funding from the National Institute of Mental Health. The principal investigator is Ronald C. Kessler, Ph.D., a jolly-looking, bearded professor in the department of health-care policy at Harvard University.
The numbers seem to show that men and women suffer from various mental illnesses at about the same rate, with some notable variations and exceptions. One of the differences, long accepted as gospel by the psychiatric professions, is that twice as many women as men suffer from depression. Kessler says his numbers show that a woman is twice as likely as a man to have a single episode of major clinical depression in her life. After the first episode, however, men and women don't differ in the number of episodes they'll have during a lifetime, or in whether they'll have another episode. Only the first step differs, he says. Then the statistics flatten out to equal.
But if repeat episodes of depression are equal for men and women, doesn't it stand to reason that they may be having first bouts at the same rate? Maybe the discrepancy lies not in the number of men and women who are depressed, but rather, in how depression is expressed.
According to an increasing number of experts, the diagnostic tallies don't take into account the real experience of a lot of men like Britt. They also ignore the fact that women are much more likely to report depression and seek help. Men are more likely to try to fight through their depression, using strategies ranging from hard work to extreme exercise to drinking to violence. Nearly four times more men than women kill themselves.
When women become depressed, they tend to show the classic symptoms described in the psychiatrist's handbook the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. They feel sad and tired, and lose interest in the pleasures of life. In short, women generally get depressed in just the way that most people, including psychotherapists, think about depression.
Men tend to get angry, and that anger expresses itself in a wide variety of intense activities, such as Britt's obsessive running. Some of these men even win marathons--on the streets of Chicago or in feats of work endurance--and look like heroes, which makes it even more difficult to diagnose their depression.
Britt says, "I've always thought Lance Armstrong suffered from depression and that's where his anger came from. I saw a lot of myself in him, the way he transfers anger into action. Depression leads some of us to fight as hard as we can against it. It makes you angry. I liked my anger. I got focused and felt better, like I was leaving turmoil in the dust. But it was temporary."
Because we think of the word "depression" as fitting the woman's profile better than the man's, doctors and therapists don't tend to recognize the disease as readily in men, and men don't talk about it. William Pollack, Ph.D., a professor of psychiatry at Harvard, estimates that 50 percent to 65 percent of men suffering from what they call "covert depression" aren't diagnosed.
It seems clear that men will do just about anything to avoid admitting to having the disease. They'd rather just suffer. Some of them would rather die.
Driven
Britt raced in Chicago the next year and qualified for the Boston Marathon. Still, he needed more. He entered the Chicago Triathlon that same year and nearly drowned. ("I was a terrible swimmer.") He returned in 1996, and did well. That only fed his craving. "I wanted to take everything to the next, most impossible level I could imagine," he says. He describes himself as "driven to the margin of terror."
By 1998, he had developed a set of rules for himself: more, harder, quicker, and farther away. Three Ironman races in 7 weeks. Roth, Germany, in July for Ironman Europe. Zurich in August for Ironman Switzerland, wife and 4-month-old baby in tow. Ironman Canada again in September. "Still not enough," he says.
In 1999: four Ironman races, a 50-miler, and the Western States 100. Seven days later, he ran two 5-Ks on the same day, for "pain as punishment and proof that I was okay. I could survive the day as long as I could channel my inner turbulence into power and aggression during training. The determination, the drive, kept me afloat."
In the following years, he broke 3 hours in the marathon, qualified for the Ironman World Championships three times, won awards, gained sponsorship, and was regularly published as a cardio guru. He was a champ, a role model. "How can this be a bad thing?" he asked. "And if I'm strong enough to outlast anything, aren't I strong enough to outlast life's challenges?"
Yet his world had begun to contract. He began intentionally doing reckless things. "I took risks riding my bicycle in traffic, running at night, fighting whatever was fighting me. It felt good to be fighting."
He couldn't run, bike, and swim all day. He had to work. He had a wife and kids. So he simply pushed that much harder. "My best performances came when I was ready to rip the top off the race course. I had very aggressive feelings. I just wanted to attack."
He was winning, yes, but he also required emergency medical attention after every event. He'd come in with his blood pressure reading 90 over 50 and required up to four IV bags of fluid to counter dehydration. That didn't seem odd to him, but his wife began to worry that he was trying to kill himself. He told her he was just pushing it. He eventually did 42 marathons, 27 Ironman Triathlons, and six ultramarathons in 11 years, covering 42,000 miles, the equivalent of running, swimming, and biking around the world 1 1/2 times.
The weird thing is this: Raymond Britt isn't that unusual. His distances aren't even that huge, compared with some guys'. And the mental illness he suffers from, which drove him to battle through all those miles, is not that uncommon among men.
Steven Imparl is a lawyer in Chicago, but a look at his résumé affords a glimpse into the frantic world of a man working very hard to compensate for depression. He graduated from high school in the top 15 of his class of 550 students. He received his B.S. degree with high honors. He became an information-technology specialist working for big companies, then went on to earn his law degree and start his own firm. Along the way, he studied French, German, Slovene, and Spanish. He learned classical guitar, studied Slavic and Balkan history, and sang barbershop harmony. And he somehow found time for power walking, inline skating, volleyball, and boxing. By the fall of 2001, he was so wound up, he could hardly sleep. He became more irritable, more easily angered. After nearly getting into a fistfight while walking down a street, he decided to seek help. But when the doctor told him he was suffering from clinical depression, Imparl refused to believe it. Admitting to depression is . . . well, it's like getting your period: Guys don't do it.
Once Imparl accepted the diagnosis, he performed like any true, overachieving depressed man would: Through a program of therapy and drugs, he got better, and then he founded a successful Web site, maledepression.com, for guys like him.
Raymond Britt's crash and burn came one day in November 2004, when he set out to run himself into the ground, to transfer the pain from his soul to his body. Many miles and hours later, he found himself bloodied, exhausted, and hypothermic, but he neither displaced the internal pain nor found relief. He was forced at last to face what he'd known for decades: Depression was rampant in his family. From an early age, Britt had been determined that he wouldn't succumb. He wouldn't be weak.
Because his father had medicated his own depression with alcohol, Britt had never taken up drinking. By the fall of 2004, his father had been in therapy for a while, and was encouraging Britt to seek help. Having experienced depression himself, he was able to see the disorder in his son. He sent Britt an e-mail with his doctor's name. And then he dropped dead.
It was a few weeks later when Britt hit the wall on his last desperate run. Then he collapsed into classic symptoms of depression, which is what happens when the strategy fails: "The weight felt so heavy that it was hard to physically move," says Britt. He found himself wishing he'd be in an accident that would put him in the hospital so that he could escape. "I wanted to be taken out."
That's the point at which depressed men can slip beyond fantasy into active thoughts of suicide. Some 31,000 people in the United States commit suicide each year. More than 24,000 of them are men. And that doesn't count the deaths from alcohol or drugs. In fact, some researchers are beginning to suspect that depression causes more deaths than auto accidents do.
Britt's fantasies of having an accident scared him. He went to see his father's psychiatrist. It didn't take the doctor long to diagnose his condition. (Q: "When were you last really happy?" A: "1975.") And yet, his denial of clinical depression was so strong that he sought a second opinion.
Maybe men need a different word for depression. Or maybe the brain researchers and psychologists simply need to redefine the condition so it includes the way men experience it, too.
Cultural Cover-Up
It's understandable that women are three times more likely than men to be treated for depression; our culture has put a feminine face on the disease, so women give themselves permission to feel it and to seek help for it. Pollack puts it this way: "We have in our society a feminized view of depression, coming out of a model of hysteria that dates back to Freud."
Terrence Real, author of I Don't Want to Talk about It, and a marriage and family therapist in Massachusetts, wrote, "There is a terrible collusion in our society, a cultural cover-up about depression in men." And part of the cultural influence involves the way men are taught from early childhood to be strong, silent, independent, and resistant to suffering. As Real puts it, "Men have about a milli-second's tolerance for feeling [this type of] pain, and then they spring into action. A flight from shame into grandiosity lies at the heart of male covert depression."
Another reason men leap into action, though, whether it's through intense exercise, overwork, pounding back martinis, or some other strategy, is that it actually does relieve the symptoms of depression, at least for a time. In fact, many therapists have begun using exercise as an adjunct to therapy, as explained in books like The Joy of Running, by Thaddeus Kostrubala, and The Exercise Prescription for Depression and Anxiety, by Keith Johnsgard. And research at Duke University confirmed their hunches in 1999.
But exercise in itself doesn't treat the underlying condition. In fact, books called The Joy of Working 80 Hours a Week and The Drinking Prescription for Depression might reach a wide audience, because those strategies can effectively mask depression for years. That is, they can sort of work.
Because at the heart of what Britt and Imparl were going through was a life filled with large stretches of no feeling at all. Britt says he was constantly running, "hoping that movement would help me discover something better."
Looking back on his decades of depression, Britt saw isolated flashes of happiness--the birth of his children, laughter, friendship--but they were, he says, "bright spots on what had been a more turbulent journey than I let myself admit. The moments of happiness sustained my denial of something I had only recently begun to consider an 'invisible load.'" In other words, he'd been swimming with an anvil, and he was sinking by imperceptible increments.
Conditioning
The social conditioning that leads to men's response to depression begins in infancy. Male babies receive less of every type of nurturing, including speech, touch, and comfort when they cry. And that is only the beginning of what will be, to one degree or another, a brutal upbringing for boys.
In the 1960s, the crusading social psychologist Jeanne Block and her colleagues explored how differently parents treat boys and girls. For instance, moms and dads encourage boys to be competitive and to achieve. They don't like them to show their emotions. They encourage them to be less dependent; mothers push them away. They punish them more than they punish girls. And they are unaware that they treat boys and girls differently.
By the time boys are on their way to the teenage years, the process of disavowing what they are is complete. The book A New Psychology of Men describes research in which people were asked what it means to be feminine or masculine. Women and girls defined themselves by the ways they were connected to others, and by citing qualities like being caring or compassionate. Men and boys defined themselves by negatives: They weren't weak, dependent, or connected to their mothers.
But there is not much in our cultural definition of what it means to be a man that is inherent in maleness. Children start off surprisingly alike, whether they're boys or girls. If there's a difference, it's the opposite of what the culture seems to expect: Boys are more sensitive. They give expression to their emotions more readily than girls. They affiliate with others in the same way as girls. Then someone starts telling them it's not okay to be that way. If you act like that, you're a pussy.
As Real and others have explained, it is through this process of denial that men are primed for depression. And it is the cultural necessity of carrying out and carrying on this process that makes it so difficult for them to recognize and admit to depression when it comes. They not only don't acknowledge it to themselves, they often don't display the symptoms that psychotherapists use to diagnose depression.
The cultural training that lays the groundwork for depression in men and for their denial of it later in life involves social isolation. That means telling people the truth about yourself and trusting that they'll do the same, a concept that seems terrifying to many men.
In one case, two friends knew each other for years, commuting together, talking every day, laughing together. They would not have said they were socially isolated, yet when they happened to run into each other in the same group meeting for men suffering from depression, they had to laugh: Neither one had ever admitted it to the other, even though they were both seeking treatment for it.
Social isolation is a well-known killer of mammals. Countless studies going back to the '50s show that contact, affection, emotional communication, and genuine closeness are necessary for mammals, including humans, to maintain our health. Isolation wreaks havoc on everything from the immune system to the cardiovascular system to the brain. Conversely, staying socially connected helps protect men from mental illness, including depression.
The new research done by Kessler and others shows that single men and women look no different when it comes to most kinds of mental illness. But when they get married, they veer off in different directions. "It's a very good deal to be married if you're a man," Kessler says. "It's associated with a dramatic improvement in mental health."
Perhaps because they are forced into solitude as children, men are not as good at being alone as women are. Because of early socialization, women are better at relationships--with children, friends, and relatives. In general, women have more friends than men and are closer to those friends. This, of course, is the direct result of boys' having independence forced on them early in life, when what they need is emotional and physical contact with others.
Socialization punishes women, too. When they have children, women's mental health suffers, while that of men doesn't change at all. That's because women, in general, take care of the kids. If there's trouble in the home, or work interferes with child rearing, they'll disproportionately suffer for it.
Women also worry more than men. They care about a larger group of people who just don't appear on the emotional radar screens of men. In marriage, men share in the joys and are often protected from the pain. Just as the man will go downstairs to investigate a suspicious noise, the woman plays the role of emotional protector.
Kessler uses this example: A wife reports (to the researcher) that she's very upset, because her daughter had an abortion and had to miss a number of days of school. The husband reports that his daughter had the flu and couldn't go to school. How could this be? The explanation is simple: The daughter got pregnant and went to her mother for help, saying, "Whatever you do, don't tell Dad." So the mother helped the daughter have an abortion and told the father the girl was home sick with the flu.
The result is that the husband is exposed to less stress, while the woman is exposed to more. Not only does she have to deal with the abortion, but she also has to lie to her husband and orchestrate the protection of that lie. But throughout, her connections are reinforced and affirmed.
The studies show that when a father dies, the children grow closer to the mother. They come around more. The mother has been maintaining those relationships all along, and they pay off in a crisis. Yet when a mother dies, the children come around less. That's because for years, when they called on Sunday, they talked to the mother, not the father. By filling the social role, the wife grows closer to the kids. That's why widowhood and divorce are so much worse for men. Their protection is ripped away, and they have no social network to catch them as they fall. The person who managed their emotional life is gone.
As Kessler puts it, "You can hire someone to do most of the things the husband does in a marriage. But you can never hire someone to do what the wife does." Men can change this situation and possibly protect themselves from depression later in life by expanding the depth and breadth of their social networks.
Recovery
After undergoing treatment for bipolar disorder and chronic depression, Britt went back to compete in all the events he had run so desperately in 2004, such as the Lake Placid Ironman. To his amazement, he recognized for the first time that the run took place in a glorious natural setting. "You're literally running through fields of green," he says. Later that year, he was competing in the Ironman Wisconsin, which he'd done in such a black mood the year before, and began to wonder, Why am I hurting myself? I don't need to hurt myself anymore. For the first time in his life, he walked for an hour during the event, feeling joyous.
Britt's compulsion to run began to fade. "My race performance declined by about 5 percent in the first half of last year," he tells me, "and it really tailed off by fall. I took most of early winter off, totally. It's a healthier me all around." In other words, he now runs for fun, something he was unable to experience before.
But recovery wasn't simple or easy. Early on, when Britt was first diagnosed, he spent much of his time searching for a single moment in each day when something good happened, something he could celebrate. Gradually, those moments grew larger and more frequent. "Now," he says, "the days are filled with not only great moments, but great minutes and hours. And those make up great days, great weeks, and even great months."
When men talk about depression, one of the recurring themes is how it sucks the color and flavor out of life. The birdsong that filled you with joy as a child has no effect at all. The people you love don't make your heart sing, even though you know they should. The colors of the world are tarnished and dull. Britt ran the Boston Marathon once again, and realized at the end that although he'd run it many times, he had literally never seen the finish line; he ran right through it and focused on the next thing. "Now I can see things I never saw before--colors, scenery, people," he says. "It's almost impossible to describe, except to say that it seems like the world has visually opened up."
Depression is well known for shutting down the senses, and when it lifted, Britt was so astonished at what was around him that he took up photography just to try to capture it all. "I never cared before. I never noticed the colors of a sunset. The electricity in a lightning strike. The glow of moonrise over a lake. They've always been there. But only recently have I begun to see them. And I am amazed."
Exercising Your Demons
Some people might call you highly competitive. Some might call you superfit. But a growing number of doctors would label you something else: Depressed
By: Laurence Gonzales
In 1994, at the age of 33, Raymond Britt took up running. It made him feel good. In fact, the more he pushed himself, the better he felt. So each time he went out, he pushed a little harder. It seemed to put him above the turmoil of the world and afford him some relief. Relief from what -- that wasn't so clear. His life was good. He was a successful executive. He'd married his high-school sweetheart. He had beautiful children.
But there was something odd about it all. For one thing, he had no background as a runner. He'd been a powerlifter in his 20s, benching 315. But in the summer of '94, amid a hectic schedule, he happened to see a flier for the Chicago Marathon and was seized by the impulse to run it. Never mind that there were only a few weeks left to train. Never mind that he had never run more than 3 miles at a time. He thought, I can do anything for 5 hours and 30 minutes, which was the qualifying time to receive a finisher's medal.
He became obsessed with his training.
"I was excited, I was nervous, I was alive," he says. "My mother and my wife thought I was crazy." As he reached the 18th mile of the marathon, his hopes for a life-changing experience were shattered. Beating himself up both mentally and physically, he managed to drag his body over the finish line in 4 hours and 41 minutes, as he puts it, "alone, hurt, angry, unhappy."
Rather than recover, he went out the next day to punish himself and prepare for the next marathon.
Sex Differences
The study of how mental illness affects men and women differently is new and fraught with controversy. The first comprehensive survey was conducted between 1990 and 1992. Its aim was to estimate the general prevalence of mental illness.
The research, known as the National Comorbidity Survey, was repeated, in more depth and on a larger scale, between 2001 and 2003, under the auspices of the World Health Organization and with funding from the National Institute of Mental Health. The principal investigator is Ronald C. Kessler, Ph.D., a jolly-looking, bearded professor in the department of health-care policy at Harvard University.
The numbers seem to show that men and women suffer from various mental illnesses at about the same rate, with some notable variations and exceptions. One of the differences, long accepted as gospel by the psychiatric professions, is that twice as many women as men suffer from depression. Kessler says his numbers show that a woman is twice as likely as a man to have a single episode of major clinical depression in her life. After the first episode, however, men and women don't differ in the number of episodes they'll have during a lifetime, or in whether they'll have another episode. Only the first step differs, he says. Then the statistics flatten out to equal.
But if repeat episodes of depression are equal for men and women, doesn't it stand to reason that they may be having first bouts at the same rate? Maybe the discrepancy lies not in the number of men and women who are depressed, but rather, in how depression is expressed.
According to an increasing number of experts, the diagnostic tallies don't take into account the real experience of a lot of men like Britt. They also ignore the fact that women are much more likely to report depression and seek help. Men are more likely to try to fight through their depression, using strategies ranging from hard work to extreme exercise to drinking to violence. Nearly four times more men than women kill themselves.
When women become depressed, they tend to show the classic symptoms described in the psychiatrist's handbook the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. They feel sad and tired, and lose interest in the pleasures of life. In short, women generally get depressed in just the way that most people, including psychotherapists, think about depression.
Men tend to get angry, and that anger expresses itself in a wide variety of intense activities, such as Britt's obsessive running. Some of these men even win marathons--on the streets of Chicago or in feats of work endurance--and look like heroes, which makes it even more difficult to diagnose their depression.
Britt says, "I've always thought Lance Armstrong suffered from depression and that's where his anger came from. I saw a lot of myself in him, the way he transfers anger into action. Depression leads some of us to fight as hard as we can against it. It makes you angry. I liked my anger. I got focused and felt better, like I was leaving turmoil in the dust. But it was temporary."
Because we think of the word "depression" as fitting the woman's profile better than the man's, doctors and therapists don't tend to recognize the disease as readily in men, and men don't talk about it. William Pollack, Ph.D., a professor of psychiatry at Harvard, estimates that 50 percent to 65 percent of men suffering from what they call "covert depression" aren't diagnosed.
It seems clear that men will do just about anything to avoid admitting to having the disease. They'd rather just suffer. Some of them would rather die.
Driven
Britt raced in Chicago the next year and qualified for the Boston Marathon. Still, he needed more. He entered the Chicago Triathlon that same year and nearly drowned. ("I was a terrible swimmer.") He returned in 1996, and did well. That only fed his craving. "I wanted to take everything to the next, most impossible level I could imagine," he says. He describes himself as "driven to the margin of terror."
By 1998, he had developed a set of rules for himself: more, harder, quicker, and farther away. Three Ironman races in 7 weeks. Roth, Germany, in July for Ironman Europe. Zurich in August for Ironman Switzerland, wife and 4-month-old baby in tow. Ironman Canada again in September. "Still not enough," he says.
In 1999: four Ironman races, a 50-miler, and the Western States 100. Seven days later, he ran two 5-Ks on the same day, for "pain as punishment and proof that I was okay. I could survive the day as long as I could channel my inner turbulence into power and aggression during training. The determination, the drive, kept me afloat."
In the following years, he broke 3 hours in the marathon, qualified for the Ironman World Championships three times, won awards, gained sponsorship, and was regularly published as a cardio guru. He was a champ, a role model. "How can this be a bad thing?" he asked. "And if I'm strong enough to outlast anything, aren't I strong enough to outlast life's challenges?"
Yet his world had begun to contract. He began intentionally doing reckless things. "I took risks riding my bicycle in traffic, running at night, fighting whatever was fighting me. It felt good to be fighting."
He couldn't run, bike, and swim all day. He had to work. He had a wife and kids. So he simply pushed that much harder. "My best performances came when I was ready to rip the top off the race course. I had very aggressive feelings. I just wanted to attack."
He was winning, yes, but he also required emergency medical attention after every event. He'd come in with his blood pressure reading 90 over 50 and required up to four IV bags of fluid to counter dehydration. That didn't seem odd to him, but his wife began to worry that he was trying to kill himself. He told her he was just pushing it. He eventually did 42 marathons, 27 Ironman Triathlons, and six ultramarathons in 11 years, covering 42,000 miles, the equivalent of running, swimming, and biking around the world 1 1/2 times.
The weird thing is this: Raymond Britt isn't that unusual. His distances aren't even that huge, compared with some guys'. And the mental illness he suffers from, which drove him to battle through all those miles, is not that uncommon among men.
Steven Imparl is a lawyer in Chicago, but a look at his résumé affords a glimpse into the frantic world of a man working very hard to compensate for depression. He graduated from high school in the top 15 of his class of 550 students. He received his B.S. degree with high honors. He became an information-technology specialist working for big companies, then went on to earn his law degree and start his own firm. Along the way, he studied French, German, Slovene, and Spanish. He learned classical guitar, studied Slavic and Balkan history, and sang barbershop harmony. And he somehow found time for power walking, inline skating, volleyball, and boxing. By the fall of 2001, he was so wound up, he could hardly sleep. He became more irritable, more easily angered. After nearly getting into a fistfight while walking down a street, he decided to seek help. But when the doctor told him he was suffering from clinical depression, Imparl refused to believe it. Admitting to depression is . . . well, it's like getting your period: Guys don't do it.
Once Imparl accepted the diagnosis, he performed like any true, overachieving depressed man would: Through a program of therapy and drugs, he got better, and then he founded a successful Web site, maledepression.com, for guys like him.
Raymond Britt's crash and burn came one day in November 2004, when he set out to run himself into the ground, to transfer the pain from his soul to his body. Many miles and hours later, he found himself bloodied, exhausted, and hypothermic, but he neither displaced the internal pain nor found relief. He was forced at last to face what he'd known for decades: Depression was rampant in his family. From an early age, Britt had been determined that he wouldn't succumb. He wouldn't be weak.
Because his father had medicated his own depression with alcohol, Britt had never taken up drinking. By the fall of 2004, his father had been in therapy for a while, and was encouraging Britt to seek help. Having experienced depression himself, he was able to see the disorder in his son. He sent Britt an e-mail with his doctor's name. And then he dropped dead.
It was a few weeks later when Britt hit the wall on his last desperate run. Then he collapsed into classic symptoms of depression, which is what happens when the strategy fails: "The weight felt so heavy that it was hard to physically move," says Britt. He found himself wishing he'd be in an accident that would put him in the hospital so that he could escape. "I wanted to be taken out."
That's the point at which depressed men can slip beyond fantasy into active thoughts of suicide. Some 31,000 people in the United States commit suicide each year. More than 24,000 of them are men. And that doesn't count the deaths from alcohol or drugs. In fact, some researchers are beginning to suspect that depression causes more deaths than auto accidents do.
Britt's fantasies of having an accident scared him. He went to see his father's psychiatrist. It didn't take the doctor long to diagnose his condition. (Q: "When were you last really happy?" A: "1975.") And yet, his denial of clinical depression was so strong that he sought a second opinion.
Maybe men need a different word for depression. Or maybe the brain researchers and psychologists simply need to redefine the condition so it includes the way men experience it, too.
Cultural Cover-Up
It's understandable that women are three times more likely than men to be treated for depression; our culture has put a feminine face on the disease, so women give themselves permission to feel it and to seek help for it. Pollack puts it this way: "We have in our society a feminized view of depression, coming out of a model of hysteria that dates back to Freud."
Terrence Real, author of I Don't Want to Talk about It, and a marriage and family therapist in Massachusetts, wrote, "There is a terrible collusion in our society, a cultural cover-up about depression in men." And part of the cultural influence involves the way men are taught from early childhood to be strong, silent, independent, and resistant to suffering. As Real puts it, "Men have about a milli-second's tolerance for feeling [this type of] pain, and then they spring into action. A flight from shame into grandiosity lies at the heart of male covert depression."
Another reason men leap into action, though, whether it's through intense exercise, overwork, pounding back martinis, or some other strategy, is that it actually does relieve the symptoms of depression, at least for a time. In fact, many therapists have begun using exercise as an adjunct to therapy, as explained in books like The Joy of Running, by Thaddeus Kostrubala, and The Exercise Prescription for Depression and Anxiety, by Keith Johnsgard. And research at Duke University confirmed their hunches in 1999.
But exercise in itself doesn't treat the underlying condition. In fact, books called The Joy of Working 80 Hours a Week and The Drinking Prescription for Depression might reach a wide audience, because those strategies can effectively mask depression for years. That is, they can sort of work.
Because at the heart of what Britt and Imparl were going through was a life filled with large stretches of no feeling at all. Britt says he was constantly running, "hoping that movement would help me discover something better."
Looking back on his decades of depression, Britt saw isolated flashes of happiness--the birth of his children, laughter, friendship--but they were, he says, "bright spots on what had been a more turbulent journey than I let myself admit. The moments of happiness sustained my denial of something I had only recently begun to consider an 'invisible load.'" In other words, he'd been swimming with an anvil, and he was sinking by imperceptible increments.
Conditioning
The social conditioning that leads to men's response to depression begins in infancy. Male babies receive less of every type of nurturing, including speech, touch, and comfort when they cry. And that is only the beginning of what will be, to one degree or another, a brutal upbringing for boys.
In the 1960s, the crusading social psychologist Jeanne Block and her colleagues explored how differently parents treat boys and girls. For instance, moms and dads encourage boys to be competitive and to achieve. They don't like them to show their emotions. They encourage them to be less dependent; mothers push them away. They punish them more than they punish girls. And they are unaware that they treat boys and girls differently.
By the time boys are on their way to the teenage years, the process of disavowing what they are is complete. The book A New Psychology of Men describes research in which people were asked what it means to be feminine or masculine. Women and girls defined themselves by the ways they were connected to others, and by citing qualities like being caring or compassionate. Men and boys defined themselves by negatives: They weren't weak, dependent, or connected to their mothers.
But there is not much in our cultural definition of what it means to be a man that is inherent in maleness. Children start off surprisingly alike, whether they're boys or girls. If there's a difference, it's the opposite of what the culture seems to expect: Boys are more sensitive. They give expression to their emotions more readily than girls. They affiliate with others in the same way as girls. Then someone starts telling them it's not okay to be that way. If you act like that, you're a pussy.
As Real and others have explained, it is through this process of denial that men are primed for depression. And it is the cultural necessity of carrying out and carrying on this process that makes it so difficult for them to recognize and admit to depression when it comes. They not only don't acknowledge it to themselves, they often don't display the symptoms that psychotherapists use to diagnose depression.
The cultural training that lays the groundwork for depression in men and for their denial of it later in life involves social isolation. That means telling people the truth about yourself and trusting that they'll do the same, a concept that seems terrifying to many men.
In one case, two friends knew each other for years, commuting together, talking every day, laughing together. They would not have said they were socially isolated, yet when they happened to run into each other in the same group meeting for men suffering from depression, they had to laugh: Neither one had ever admitted it to the other, even though they were both seeking treatment for it.
Social isolation is a well-known killer of mammals. Countless studies going back to the '50s show that contact, affection, emotional communication, and genuine closeness are necessary for mammals, including humans, to maintain our health. Isolation wreaks havoc on everything from the immune system to the cardiovascular system to the brain. Conversely, staying socially connected helps protect men from mental illness, including depression.
The new research done by Kessler and others shows that single men and women look no different when it comes to most kinds of mental illness. But when they get married, they veer off in different directions. "It's a very good deal to be married if you're a man," Kessler says. "It's associated with a dramatic improvement in mental health."
Perhaps because they are forced into solitude as children, men are not as good at being alone as women are. Because of early socialization, women are better at relationships--with children, friends, and relatives. In general, women have more friends than men and are closer to those friends. This, of course, is the direct result of boys' having independence forced on them early in life, when what they need is emotional and physical contact with others.
Socialization punishes women, too. When they have children, women's mental health suffers, while that of men doesn't change at all. That's because women, in general, take care of the kids. If there's trouble in the home, or work interferes with child rearing, they'll disproportionately suffer for it.
Women also worry more than men. They care about a larger group of people who just don't appear on the emotional radar screens of men. In marriage, men share in the joys and are often protected from the pain. Just as the man will go downstairs to investigate a suspicious noise, the woman plays the role of emotional protector.
Kessler uses this example: A wife reports (to the researcher) that she's very upset, because her daughter had an abortion and had to miss a number of days of school. The husband reports that his daughter had the flu and couldn't go to school. How could this be? The explanation is simple: The daughter got pregnant and went to her mother for help, saying, "Whatever you do, don't tell Dad." So the mother helped the daughter have an abortion and told the father the girl was home sick with the flu.
The result is that the husband is exposed to less stress, while the woman is exposed to more. Not only does she have to deal with the abortion, but she also has to lie to her husband and orchestrate the protection of that lie. But throughout, her connections are reinforced and affirmed.
The studies show that when a father dies, the children grow closer to the mother. They come around more. The mother has been maintaining those relationships all along, and they pay off in a crisis. Yet when a mother dies, the children come around less. That's because for years, when they called on Sunday, they talked to the mother, not the father. By filling the social role, the wife grows closer to the kids. That's why widowhood and divorce are so much worse for men. Their protection is ripped away, and they have no social network to catch them as they fall. The person who managed their emotional life is gone.
As Kessler puts it, "You can hire someone to do most of the things the husband does in a marriage. But you can never hire someone to do what the wife does." Men can change this situation and possibly protect themselves from depression later in life by expanding the depth and breadth of their social networks.
Recovery
After undergoing treatment for bipolar disorder and chronic depression, Britt went back to compete in all the events he had run so desperately in 2004, such as the Lake Placid Ironman. To his amazement, he recognized for the first time that the run took place in a glorious natural setting. "You're literally running through fields of green," he says. Later that year, he was competing in the Ironman Wisconsin, which he'd done in such a black mood the year before, and began to wonder, Why am I hurting myself? I don't need to hurt myself anymore. For the first time in his life, he walked for an hour during the event, feeling joyous.
Britt's compulsion to run began to fade. "My race performance declined by about 5 percent in the first half of last year," he tells me, "and it really tailed off by fall. I took most of early winter off, totally. It's a healthier me all around." In other words, he now runs for fun, something he was unable to experience before.
But recovery wasn't simple or easy. Early on, when Britt was first diagnosed, he spent much of his time searching for a single moment in each day when something good happened, something he could celebrate. Gradually, those moments grew larger and more frequent. "Now," he says, "the days are filled with not only great moments, but great minutes and hours. And those make up great days, great weeks, and even great months."
When men talk about depression, one of the recurring themes is how it sucks the color and flavor out of life. The birdsong that filled you with joy as a child has no effect at all. The people you love don't make your heart sing, even though you know they should. The colors of the world are tarnished and dull. Britt ran the Boston Marathon once again, and realized at the end that although he'd run it many times, he had literally never seen the finish line; he ran right through it and focused on the next thing. "Now I can see things I never saw before--colors, scenery, people," he says. "It's almost impossible to describe, except to say that it seems like the world has visually opened up."
Depression is well known for shutting down the senses, and when it lifted, Britt was so astonished at what was around him that he took up photography just to try to capture it all. "I never cared before. I never noticed the colors of a sunset. The electricity in a lightning strike. The glow of moonrise over a lake. They've always been there. But only recently have I begun to see them. And I am amazed."
Exercising Your Demons
Some people might call you highly competitive. Some might call you superfit. But a growing number of doctors would label you something else: Depressed
By: Laurence Gonzales
In 1994, at the age of 33, Raymond Britt took up running. It made him feel good. In fact, the more he pushed himself, the better he felt. So each time he went out, he pushed a little harder. It seemed to put him above the turmoil of the world and afford him some relief. Relief from what -- that wasn't so clear. His life was good. He was a successful executive. He'd married his high-school sweetheart. He had beautiful children.
But there was something odd about it all. For one thing, he had no background as a runner. He'd been a powerlifter in his 20s, benching 315. But in the summer of '94, amid a hectic schedule, he happened to see a flier for the Chicago Marathon and was seized by the impulse to run it. Never mind that there were only a few weeks left to train. Never mind that he had never run more than 3 miles at a time. He thought, I can do anything for 5 hours and 30 minutes, which was the qualifying time to receive a finisher's medal.
He became obsessed with his training.
"I was excited, I was nervous, I was alive," he says. "My mother and my wife thought I was crazy." As he reached the 18th mile of the marathon, his hopes for a life-changing experience were shattered. Beating himself up both mentally and physically, he managed to drag his body over the finish line in 4 hours and 41 minutes, as he puts it, "alone, hurt, angry, unhappy."
Rather than recover, he went out the next day to punish himself and prepare for the next marathon.
Sex Differences
The study of how mental illness affects men and women differently is new and fraught with controversy. The first comprehensive survey was conducted between 1990 and 1992. Its aim was to estimate the general prevalence of mental illness.
The research, known as the National Comorbidity Survey, was repeated, in more depth and on a larger scale, between 2001 and 2003, under the auspices of the World Health Organization and with funding from the National Institute of Mental Health. The principal investigator is Ronald C. Kessler, Ph.D., a jolly-looking, bearded professor in the department of health-care policy at Harvard University.
The numbers seem to show that men and women suffer from various mental illnesses at about the same rate, with some notable variations and exceptions. One of the differences, long accepted as gospel by the psychiatric professions, is that twice as many women as men suffer from depression. Kessler says his numbers show that a woman is twice as likely as a man to have a single episode of major clinical depression in her life. After the first episode, however, men and women don't differ in the number of episodes they'll have during a lifetime, or in whether they'll have another episode. Only the first step differs, he says. Then the statistics flatten out to equal.
But if repeat episodes of depression are equal for men and women, doesn't it stand to reason that they may be having first bouts at the same rate? Maybe the discrepancy lies not in the number of men and women who are depressed, but rather, in how depression is expressed.
According to an increasing number of experts, the diagnostic tallies don't take into account the real experience of a lot of men like Britt. They also ignore the fact that women are much more likely to report depression and seek help. Men are more likely to try to fight through their depression, using strategies ranging from hard work to extreme exercise to drinking to violence. Nearly four times more men than women kill themselves.
When women become depressed, they tend to show the classic symptoms described in the psychiatrist's handbook the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. They feel sad and tired, and lose interest in the pleasures of life. In short, women generally get depressed in just the way that most people, including psychotherapists, think about depression.
Men tend to get angry, and that anger expresses itself in a wide variety of intense activities, such as Britt's obsessive running. Some of these men even win marathons--on the streets of Chicago or in feats of work endurance--and look like heroes, which makes it even more difficult to diagnose their depression.
Britt says, "I've always thought Lance Armstrong suffered from depression and that's where his anger came from. I saw a lot of myself in him, the way he transfers anger into action. Depression leads some of us to fight as hard as we can against it. It makes you angry. I liked my anger. I got focused and felt better, like I was leaving turmoil in the dust. But it was temporary."
Because we think of the word "depression" as fitting the woman's profile better than the man's, doctors and therapists don't tend to recognize the disease as readily in men, and men don't talk about it. William Pollack, Ph.D., a professor of psychiatry at Harvard, estimates that 50 percent to 65 percent of men suffering from what they call "covert depression" aren't diagnosed.
It seems clear that men will do just about anything to avoid admitting to having the disease. They'd rather just suffer. Some of them would rather die.
Driven
Britt raced in Chicago the next year and qualified for the Boston Marathon. Still, he needed more. He entered the Chicago Triathlon that same year and nearly drowned. ("I was a terrible swimmer.") He returned in 1996, and did well. That only fed his craving. "I wanted to take everything to the next, most impossible level I could imagine," he says. He describes himself as "driven to the margin of terror."
By 1998, he had developed a set of rules for himself: more, harder, quicker, and farther away. Three Ironman races in 7 weeks. Roth, Germany, in July for Ironman Europe. Zurich in August for Ironman Switzerland, wife and 4-month-old baby in tow. Ironman Canada again in September. "Still not enough," he says.
In 1999: four Ironman races, a 50-miler, and the Western States 100. Seven days later, he ran two 5-Ks on the same day, for "pain as punishment and proof that I was okay. I could survive the day as long as I could channel my inner turbulence into power and aggression during training. The determination, the drive, kept me afloat."
In the following years, he broke 3 hours in the marathon, qualified for the Ironman World Championships three times, won awards, gained sponsorship, and was regularly published as a cardio guru. He was a champ, a role model. "How can this be a bad thing?" he asked. "And if I'm strong enough to outlast anything, aren't I strong enough to outlast life's challenges?"
Yet his world had begun to contract. He began intentionally doing reckless things. "I took risks riding my bicycle in traffic, running at night, fighting whatever was fighting me. It felt good to be fighting."
He couldn't run, bike, and swim all day. He had to work. He had a wife and kids. So he simply pushed that much harder. "My best performances came when I was ready to rip the top off the race course. I had very aggressive feelings. I just wanted to attack."
He was winning, yes, but he also required emergency medical attention after every event. He'd come in with his blood pressure reading 90 over 50 and required up to four IV bags of fluid to counter dehydration. That didn't seem odd to him, but his wife began to worry that he was trying to kill himself. He told her he was just pushing it. He eventually did 42 marathons, 27 Ironman Triathlons, and six ultramarathons in 11 years, covering 42,000 miles, the equivalent of running, swimming, and biking around the world 1 1/2 times.
The weird thing is this: Raymond Britt isn't that unusual. His distances aren't even that huge, compared with some guys'. And the mental illness he suffers from, which drove him to battle through all those miles, is not that uncommon among men.
Steven Imparl is a lawyer in Chicago, but a look at his résumé affords a glimpse into the frantic world of a man working very hard to compensate for depression. He graduated from high school in the top 15 of his class of 550 students. He received his B.S. degree with high honors. He became an information-technology specialist working for big companies, then went on to earn his law degree and start his own firm. Along the way, he studied French, German, Slovene, and Spanish. He learned classical guitar, studied Slavic and Balkan history, and sang barbershop harmony. And he somehow found time for power walking, inline skating, volleyball, and boxing. By the fall of 2001, he was so wound up, he could hardly sleep. He became more irritable, more easily angered. After nearly getting into a fistfight while walking down a street, he decided to seek help. But when the doctor told him he was suffering from clinical depression, Imparl refused to believe it. Admitting to depression is . . . well, it's like getting your period: Guys don't do it.
Once Imparl accepted the diagnosis, he performed like any true, overachieving depressed man would: Through a program of therapy and drugs, he got better, and then he founded a successful Web site, maledepression.com, for guys like him.
Raymond Britt's crash and burn came one day in November 2004, when he set out to run himself into the ground, to transfer the pain from his soul to his body. Many miles and hours later, he found himself bloodied, exhausted, and hypothermic, but he neither displaced the internal pain nor found relief. He was forced at last to face what he'd known for decades: Depression was rampant in his family. From an early age, Britt had been determined that he wouldn't succumb. He wouldn't be weak.
Because his father had medicated his own depression with alcohol, Britt had never taken up drinking. By the fall of 2004, his father had been in therapy for a while, and was encouraging Britt to seek help. Having experienced depression himself, he was able to see the disorder in his son. He sent Britt an e-mail with his doctor's name. And then he dropped dead.
It was a few weeks later when Britt hit the wall on his last desperate run. Then he collapsed into classic symptoms of depression, which is what happens when the strategy fails: "The weight felt so heavy that it was hard to physically move," says Britt. He found himself wishing he'd be in an accident that would put him in the hospital so that he could escape. "I wanted to be taken out."
That's the point at which depressed men can slip beyond fantasy into active thoughts of suicide. Some 31,000 people in the United States commit suicide each year. More than 24,000 of them are men. And that doesn't count the deaths from alcohol or drugs. In fact, some researchers are beginning to suspect that depression causes more deaths than auto accidents do.
Britt's fantasies of having an accident scared him. He went to see his father's psychiatrist. It didn't take the doctor long to diagnose his condition. (Q: "When were you last really happy?" A: "1975.") And yet, his denial of clinical depression was so strong that he sought a second opinion.
Maybe men need a different word for depression. Or maybe the brain researchers and psychologists simply need to redefine the condition so it includes the way men experience it, too.
Cultural Cover-Up
It's understandable that women are three times more likely than men to be treated for depression; our culture has put a feminine face on the disease, so women give themselves permission to feel it and to seek help for it. Pollack puts it this way: "We have in our society a feminized view of depression, coming out of a model of hysteria that dates back to Freud."
Terrence Real, author of I Don't Want to Talk about It, and a marriage and family therapist in Massachusetts, wrote, "There is a terrible collusion in our society, a cultural cover-up about depression in men." And part of the cultural influence involves the way men are taught from early childhood to be strong, silent, independent, and resistant to suffering. As Real puts it, "Men have about a milli-second's tolerance for feeling [this type of] pain, and then they spring into action. A flight from shame into grandiosity lies at the heart of male covert depression."
Another reason men leap into action, though, whether it's through intense exercise, overwork, pounding back martinis, or some other strategy, is that it actually does relieve the symptoms of depression, at least for a time. In fact, many therapists have begun using exercise as an adjunct to therapy, as explained in books like The Joy of Running, by Thaddeus Kostrubala, and The Exercise Prescription for Depression and Anxiety, by Keith Johnsgard. And research at Duke University confirmed their hunches in 1999.
But exercise in itself doesn't treat the underlying condition. In fact, books called The Joy of Working 80 Hours a Week and The Drinking Prescription for Depression might reach a wide audience, because those strategies can effectively mask depression for years. That is, they can sort of work.
Because at the heart of what Britt and Imparl were going through was a life filled with large stretches of no feeling at all. Britt says he was constantly running, "hoping that movement would help me discover something better."
Looking back on his decades of depression, Britt saw isolated flashes of happiness--the birth of his children, laughter, friendship--but they were, he says, "bright spots on what had been a more turbulent journey than I let myself admit. The moments of happiness sustained my denial of something I had only recently begun to consider an 'invisible load.'" In other words, he'd been swimming with an anvil, and he was sinking by imperceptible increments.
Conditioning
The social conditioning that leads to men's response to depression begins in infancy. Male babies receive less of every type of nurturing, including speech, touch, and comfort when they cry. And that is only the beginning of what will be, to one degree or another, a brutal upbringing for boys.
In the 1960s, the crusading social psychologist Jeanne Block and her colleagues explored how differently parents treat boys and girls. For instance, moms and dads encourage boys to be competitive and to achieve. They don't like them to show their emotions. They encourage them to be less dependent; mothers push them away. They punish them more than they punish girls. And they are unaware that they treat boys and girls differently.
By the time boys are on their way to the teenage years, the process of disavowing what they are is complete. The book A New Psychology of Men describes research in which people were asked what it means to be feminine or masculine. Women and girls defined themselves by the ways they were connected to others, and by citing qualities like being caring or compassionate. Men and boys defined themselves by negatives: They weren't weak, dependent, or connected to their mothers.
But there is not much in our cultural definition of what it means to be a man that is inherent in maleness. Children start off surprisingly alike, whether they're boys or girls. If there's a difference, it's the opposite of what the culture seems to expect: Boys are more sensitive. They give expression to their emotions more readily than girls. They affiliate with others in the same way as girls. Then someone starts telling them it's not okay to be that way. If you act like that, you're a pussy.
As Real and others have explained, it is through this process of denial that men are primed for depression. And it is the cultural necessity of carrying out and carrying on this process that makes it so difficult for them to recognize and admit to depression when it comes. They not only don't acknowledge it to themselves, they often don't display the symptoms that psychotherapists use to diagnose depression.
The cultural training that lays the groundwork for depression in men and for their denial of it later in life involves social isolation. That means telling people the truth about yourself and trusting that they'll do the same, a concept that seems terrifying to many men.
In one case, two friends knew each other for years, commuting together, talking every day, laughing together. They would not have said they were socially isolated, yet when they happened to run into each other in the same group meeting for men suffering from depression, they had to laugh: Neither one had ever admitted it to the other, even though they were both seeking treatment for it.
Social isolation is a well-known killer of mammals. Countless studies going back to the '50s show that contact, affection, emotional communication, and genuine closeness are necessary for mammals, including humans, to maintain our health. Isolation wreaks havoc on everything from the immune system to the cardiovascular system to the brain. Conversely, staying socially connected helps protect men from mental illness, including depression.
The new research done by Kessler and others shows that single men and women look no different when it comes to most kinds of mental illness. But when they get married, they veer off in different directions. "It's a very good deal to be married if you're a man," Kessler says. "It's associated with a dramatic improvement in mental health."
Perhaps because they are forced into solitude as children, men are not as good at being alone as women are. Because of early socialization, women are better at relationships--with children, friends, and relatives. In general, women have more friends than men and are closer to those friends. This, of course, is the direct result of boys' having independence forced on them early in life, when what they need is emotional and physical contact with others.
Socialization punishes women, too. When they have children, women's mental health suffers, while that of men doesn't change at all. That's because women, in general, take care of the kids. If there's trouble in the home, or work interferes with child rearing, they'll disproportionately suffer for it.
Women also worry more than men. They care about a larger group of people who just don't appear on the emotional radar screens of men. In marriage, men share in the joys and are often protected from the pain. Just as the man will go downstairs to investigate a suspicious noise, the woman plays the role of emotional protector.
Kessler uses this example: A wife reports (to the researcher) that she's very upset, because her daughter had an abortion and had to miss a number of days of school. The husband reports that his daughter had the flu and couldn't go to school. How could this be? The explanation is simple: The daughter got pregnant and went to her mother for help, saying, "Whatever you do, don't tell Dad." So the mother helped the daughter have an abortion and told the father the girl was home sick with the flu.
The result is that the husband is exposed to less stress, while the woman is exposed to more. Not only does she have to deal with the abortion, but she also has to lie to her husband and orchestrate the protection of that lie. But throughout, her connections are reinforced and affirmed.
The studies show that when a father dies, the children grow closer to the mother. They come around more. The mother has been maintaining those relationships all along, and they pay off in a crisis. Yet when a mother dies, the children come around less. That's because for years, when they called on Sunday, they talked to the mother, not the father. By filling the social role, the wife grows closer to the kids. That's why widowhood and divorce are so much worse for men. Their protection is ripped away, and they have no social network to catch them as they fall. The person who managed their emotional life is gone.
As Kessler puts it, "You can hire someone to do most of the things the husband does in a marriage. But you can never hire someone to do what the wife does." Men can change this situation and possibly protect themselves from depression later in life by expanding the depth and breadth of their social networks.
Recovery
After undergoing treatment for bipolar disorder and chronic depression, Britt went back to compete in all the events he had run so desperately in 2004, such as the Lake Placid Ironman. To his amazement, he recognized for the first time that the run took place in a glorious natural setting. "You're literally running through fields of green," he says. Later that year, he was competing in the Ironman Wisconsin, which he'd done in such a black mood the year before, and began to wonder, Why am I hurting myself? I don't need to hurt myself anymore. For the first time in his life, he walked for an hour during the event, feeling joyous.
Britt's compulsion to run began to fade. "My race performance declined by about 5 percent in the first half of last year," he tells me, "and it really tailed off by fall. I took most of early winter off, totally. It's a healthier me all around." In other words, he now runs for fun, something he was unable to experience before.
But recovery wasn't simple or easy. Early on, when Britt was first diagnosed, he spent much of his time searching for a single moment in each day when something good happened, something he could celebrate. Gradually, those moments grew larger and more frequent. "Now," he says, "the days are filled with not only great moments, but great minutes and hours. And those make up great days, great weeks, and even great months."
When men talk about depression, one of the recurring themes is how it sucks the color and flavor out of life. The birdsong that filled you with joy as a child has no effect at all. The people you love don't make your heart sing, even though you know they should. The colors of the world are tarnished and dull. Britt ran the Boston Marathon once again, and realized at the end that although he'd run it many times, he had literally never seen the finish line; he ran right through it and focused on the next thing. "Now I can see things I never saw before--colors, scenery, people," he says. "It's almost impossible to describe, except to say that it seems like the world has visually opened up."
Depression is well known for shutting down the senses, and when it lifted, Britt was so astonished at what was around him that he took up photography just to try to capture it all. "I never cared before. I never noticed the colors of a sunset. The electricity in a lightning strike. The glow of moonrise over a lake. They've always been there. But only recently have I begun to see them. And I am amazed."
Exercising Your Demons
Some people might call you highly competitive. Some might call you superfit. But a growing number of doctors would label you something else: Depressed
By: Laurence Gonzales
In 1994, at the age of 33, Raymond Britt took up running. It made him feel good. In fact, the more he pushed himself, the better he felt. So each time he went out, he pushed a little harder. It seemed to put him above the turmoil of the world and afford him some relief. Relief from what -- that wasn't so clear. His life was good. He was a successful executive. He'd married his high-school sweetheart. He had beautiful children.
But there was something odd about it all. For one thing, he had no background as a runner. He'd been a powerlifter in his 20s, benching 315. But in the summer of '94, amid a hectic schedule, he happened to see a flier for the Chicago Marathon and was seized by the impulse to run it. Never mind that there were only a few weeks left to train. Never mind that he had never run more than 3 miles at a time. He thought, I can do anything for 5 hours and 30 minutes, which was the qualifying time to receive a finisher's medal.
He became obsessed with his training.
"I was excited, I was nervous, I was alive," he says. "My mother and my wife thought I was crazy." As he reached the 18th mile of the marathon, his hopes for a life-changing experience were shattered. Beating himself up both mentally and physically, he managed to drag his body over the finish line in 4 hours and 41 minutes, as he puts it, "alone, hurt, angry, unhappy."
Rather than recover, he went out the next day to punish himself and prepare for the next marathon.
Sex Differences
The study of how mental illness affects men and women differently is new and fraught with controversy. The first comprehensive survey was conducted between 1990 and 1992. Its aim was to estimate the general prevalence of mental illness.
The research, known as the National Comorbidity Survey, was repeated, in more depth and on a larger scale, between 2001 and 2003, under the auspices of the World Health Organization and with funding from the National Institute of Mental Health. The principal investigator is Ronald C. Kessler, Ph.D., a jolly-looking, bearded professor in the department of health-care policy at Harvard University.
The numbers seem to show that men and women suffer from various mental illnesses at about the same rate, with some notable variations and exceptions. One of the differences, long accepted as gospel by the psychiatric professions, is that twice as many women as men suffer from depression. Kessler says his numbers show that a woman is twice as likely as a man to have a single episode of major clinical depression in her life. After the first episode, however, men and women don't differ in the number of episodes they'll have during a lifetime, or in whether they'll have another episode. Only the first step differs, he says. Then the statistics flatten out to equal.
But if repeat episodes of depression are equal for men and women, doesn't it stand to reason that they may be having first bouts at the same rate? Maybe the discrepancy lies not in the number of men and women who are depressed, but rather, in how depression is expressed.
According to an increasing number of experts, the diagnostic tallies don't take into account the real experience of a lot of men like Britt. They also ignore the fact that women are much more likely to report depression and seek help. Men are more likely to try to fight through their depression, using strategies ranging from hard work to extreme exercise to drinking to violence. Nearly four times more men than women kill themselves.
When women become depressed, they tend to show the classic symptoms described in the psychiatrist's handbook the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. They feel sad and tired, and lose interest in the pleasures of life. In short, women generally get depressed in just the way that most people, including psychotherapists, think about depression.
Men tend to get angry, and that anger expresses itself in a wide variety of intense activities, such as Britt's obsessive running. Some of these men even win marathons--on the streets of Chicago or in feats of work endurance--and look like heroes, which makes it even more difficult to diagnose their depression.
Britt says, "I've always thought Lance Armstrong suffered from depression and that's where his anger came from. I saw a lot of myself in him, the way he transfers anger into action. Depression leads some of us to fight as hard as we can against it. It makes you angry. I liked my anger. I got focused and felt better, like I was leaving turmoil in the dust. But it was temporary."
Because we think of the word "depression" as fitting the woman's profile better than the man's, doctors and therapists don't tend to recognize the disease as readily in men, and men don't talk about it. William Pollack, Ph.D., a professor of psychiatry at Harvard, estimates that 50 percent to 65 percent of men suffering from what they call "covert depression" aren't diagnosed.
It seems clear that men will do just about anything to avoid admitting to having the disease. They'd rather just suffer. Some of them would rather die.
Driven
Britt raced in Chicago the next year and qualified for the Boston Marathon. Still, he needed more. He entered the Chicago Triathlon that same year and nearly drowned. ("I was a terrible swimmer.") He returned in 1996, and did well. That only fed his craving. "I wanted to take everything to the next, most impossible level I could imagine," he says. He describes himself as "driven to the margin of terror."
By 1998, he had developed a set of rules for himself: more, harder, quicker, and farther away. Three Ironman races in 7 weeks. Roth, Germany, in July for Ironman Europe. Zurich in August for Ironman Switzerland, wife and 4-month-old baby in tow. Ironman Canada again in September. "Still not enough," he says.
In 1999: four Ironman races, a 50-miler, and the Western States 100. Seven days later, he ran two 5-Ks on the same day, for "pain as punishment and proof that I was okay. I could survive the day as long as I could channel my inner turbulence into power and aggression during training. The determination, the drive, kept me afloat."
In the following years, he broke 3 hours in the marathon, qualified for the Ironman World Championships three times, won awards, gained sponsorship, and was regularly published as a cardio guru. He was a champ, a role model. "How can this be a bad thing?" he asked. "And if I'm strong enough to outlast anything, aren't I strong enough to outlast life's challenges?"
Yet his world had begun to contract. He began intentionally doing reckless things. "I took risks riding my bicycle in traffic, running at night, fighting whatever was fighting me. It felt good to be fighting."
He couldn't run, bike, and swim all day. He had to work. He had a wife and kids. So he simply pushed that much harder. "My best performances came when I was ready to rip the top off the race course. I had very aggressive feelings. I just wanted to attack."
He was winning, yes, but he also required emergency medical attention after every event. He'd come in with his blood pressure reading 90 over 50 and required up to four IV bags of fluid to counter dehydration. That didn't seem odd to him, but his wife began to worry that he was trying to kill himself. He told her he was just pushing it. He eventually did 42 marathons, 27 Ironman Triathlons, and six ultramarathons in 11 years, covering 42,000 miles, the equivalent of running, swimming, and biking around the world 1 1/2 times.
The weird thing is this: Raymond Britt isn't that unusual. His distances aren't even that huge, compared with some guys'. And the mental illness he suffers from, which drove him to battle through all those miles, is not that uncommon among men.
Steven Imparl is a lawyer in Chicago, but a look at his résumé affords a glimpse into the frantic world of a man working very hard to compensate for depression. He graduated from high school in the top 15 of his class of 550 students. He received his B.S. degree with high honors. He became an information-technology specialist working for big companies, then went on to earn his law degree and start his own firm. Along the way, he studied French, German, Slovene, and Spanish. He learned classical guitar, studied Slavic and Balkan history, and sang barbershop harmony. And he somehow found time for power walking, inline skating, volleyball, and boxing. By the fall of 2001, he was so wound up, he could hardly sleep. He became more irritable, more easily angered. After nearly getting into a fistfight while walking down a street, he decided to seek help. But when the doctor told him he was suffering from clinical depression, Imparl refused to believe it. Admitting to depression is . . . well, it's like getting your period: Guys don't do it.
Once Imparl accepted the diagnosis, he performed like any true, overachieving depressed man would: Through a program of therapy and drugs, he got better, and then he founded a successful Web site, maledepression.com, for guys like him.
Raymond Britt's crash and burn came one day in November 2004, when he set out to run himself into the ground, to transfer the pain from his soul to his body. Many miles and hours later, he found himself bloodied, exhausted, and hypothermic, but he neither displaced the internal pain nor found relief. He was forced at last to face what he'd known for decades: Depression was rampant in his family. From an early age, Britt had been determined that he wouldn't succumb. He wouldn't be weak.
Because his father had medicated his own depression with alcohol, Britt had never taken up drinking. By the fall of 2004, his father had been in therapy for a while, and was encouraging Britt to seek help. Having experienced depression himself, he was able to see the disorder in his son. He sent Britt an e-mail with his doctor's name. And then he dropped dead.
It was a few weeks later when Britt hit the wall on his last desperate run. Then he collapsed into classic symptoms of depression, which is what happens when the strategy fails: "The weight felt so heavy that it was hard to physically move," says Britt. He found himself wishing he'd be in an accident that would put him in the hospital so that he could escape. "I wanted to be taken out."
That's the point at which depressed men can slip beyond fantasy into active thoughts of suicide. Some 31,000 people in the United States commit suicide each year. More than 24,000 of them are men. And that doesn't count the deaths from alcohol or drugs. In fact, some researchers are beginning to suspect that depression causes more deaths than auto accidents do.
Britt's fantasies of having an accident scared him. He went to see his father's psychiatrist. It didn't take the doctor long to diagnose his condition. (Q: "When were you last really happy?" A: "1975.") And yet, his denial of clinical depression was so strong that he sought a second opinion.
Maybe men need a different word for depression. Or maybe the brain researchers and psychologists simply need to redefine the condition so it includes the way men experience it, too.
Cultural Cover-Up
It's understandable that women are three times more likely than men to be treated for depression; our culture has put a feminine face on the disease, so women give themselves permission to feel it and to seek help for it. Pollack puts it this way: "We have in our society a feminized view of depression, coming out of a model of hysteria that dates back to Freud."
Terrence Real, author of I Don't Want to Talk about It, and a marriage and family therapist in Massachusetts, wrote, "There is a terrible collusion in our society, a cultural cover-up about depression in men." And part of the cultural influence involves the way men are taught from early childhood to be strong, silent, independent, and resistant to suffering. As Real puts it, "Men have about a milli-second's tolerance for feeling [this type of] pain, and then they spring into action. A flight from shame into grandiosity lies at the heart of male covert depression."
Another reason men leap into action, though, whether it's through intense exercise, overwork, pounding back martinis, or some other strategy, is that it actually does relieve the symptoms of depression, at least for a time. In fact, many therapists have begun using exercise as an adjunct to therapy, as explained in books like The Joy of Running, by Thaddeus Kostrubala, and The Exercise Prescription for Depression and Anxiety, by Keith Johnsgard. And research at Duke University confirmed their hunches in 1999.
But exercise in itself doesn't treat the underlying condition. In fact, books called The Joy of Working 80 Hours a Week and The Drinking Prescription for Depression might reach a wide audience, because those strategies can effectively mask depression for years. That is, they can sort of work.
Because at the heart of what Britt and Imparl were going through was a life filled with large stretches of no feeling at all. Britt says he was constantly running, "hoping that movement would help me discover something better."
Looking back on his decades of depression, Britt saw isolated flashes of happiness--the birth of his children, laughter, friendship--but they were, he says, "bright spots on what had been a more turbulent journey than I let myself admit. The moments of happiness sustained my denial of something I had only recently begun to consider an 'invisible load.'" In other words, he'd been swimming with an anvil, and he was sinking by imperceptible increments.
Conditioning
The social conditioning that leads to men's response to depression begins in infancy. Male babies receive less of every type of nurturing, including speech, touch, and comfort when they cry. And that is only the beginning of what will be, to one degree or another, a brutal upbringing for boys.
In the 1960s, the crusading social psychologist Jeanne Block and her colleagues explored how differently parents treat boys and girls. For instance, moms and dads encourage boys to be competitive and to achieve. They don't like them to show their emotions. They encourage them to be less dependent; mothers push them away. They punish them more than they punish girls. And they are unaware that they treat boys and girls differently.
By the time boys are on their way to the teenage years, the process of disavowing what they are is complete. The book A New Psychology of Men describes research in which people were asked what it means to be feminine or masculine. Women and girls defined themselves by the ways they were connected to others, and by citing qualities like being caring or compassionate. Men and boys defined themselves by negatives: They weren't weak, dependent, or connected to their mothers.
But there is not much in our cultural definition of what it means to be a man that is inherent in maleness. Children start off surprisingly alike, whether they're boys or girls. If there's a difference, it's the opposite of what the culture seems to expect: Boys are more sensitive. They give expression to their emotions more readily than girls. They affiliate with others in the same way as girls. Then someone starts telling them it's not okay to be that way. If you act like that, you're a pussy.
As Real and others have explained, it is through this process of denial that men are primed for depression. And it is the cultural necessity of carrying out and carrying on this process that makes it so difficult for them to recognize and admit to depression when it comes. They not only don't acknowledge it to themselves, they often don't display the symptoms that psychotherapists use to diagnose depression.
The cultural training that lays the groundwork for depression in men and for their denial of it later in life involves social isolation. That means telling people the truth about yourself and trusting that they'll do the same, a concept that seems terrifying to many men.
In one case, two friends knew each other for years, commuting together, talking every day, laughing together. They would not have said they were socially isolated, yet when they happened to run into each other in the same group meeting for men suffering from depression, they had to laugh: Neither one had ever admitted it to the other, even though they were both seeking treatment for it.
Social isolation is a well-known killer of mammals. Countless studies going back to the '50s show that contact, affection, emotional communication, and genuine closeness are necessary for mammals, including humans, to maintain our health. Isolation wreaks havoc on everything from the immune system to the cardiovascular system to the brain. Conversely, staying socially connected helps protect men from mental illness, including depression.
The new research done by Kessler and others shows that single men and women look no different when it comes to most kinds of mental illness. But when they get married, they veer off in different directions. "It's a very good deal to be married if you're a man," Kessler says. "It's associated with a dramatic improvement in mental health."
Perhaps because they are forced into solitude as children, men are not as good at being alone as women are. Because of early socialization, women are better at relationships--with children, friends, and relatives. In general, women have more friends than men and are closer to those friends. This, of course, is the direct result of boys' having independence forced on them early in life, when what they need is emotional and physical contact with others.
Socialization punishes women, too. When they have children, women's mental health suffers, while that of men doesn't change at all. That's because women, in general, take care of the kids. If there's trouble in the home, or work interferes with child rearing, they'll disproportionately suffer for it.
Women also worry more than men. They care about a larger group of people who just don't appear on the emotional radar screens of men. In marriage, men share in the joys and are often protected from the pain. Just as the man will go downstairs to investigate a suspicious noise, the woman plays the role of emotional protector.
Kessler uses this example: A wife reports (to the researcher) that she's very upset, because her daughter had an abortion and had to miss a number of days of school. The husband reports that his daughter had the flu and couldn't go to school. How could this be? The explanation is simple: The daughter got pregnant and went to her mother for help, saying, "Whatever you do, don't tell Dad." So the mother helped the daughter have an abortion and told the father the girl was home sick with the flu.
The result is that the husband is exposed to less stress, while the woman is exposed to more. Not only does she have to deal with the abortion, but she also has to lie to her husband and orchestrate the protection of that lie. But throughout, her connections are reinforced and affirmed.
The studies show that when a father dies, the children grow closer to the mother. They come around more. The mother has been maintaining those relationships all along, and they pay off in a crisis. Yet when a mother dies, the children come around less. That's because for years, when they called on Sunday, they talked to the mother, not the father. By filling the social role, the wife grows closer to the kids. That's why widowhood and divorce are so much worse for men. Their protection is ripped away, and they have no social network to catch them as they fall. The person who managed their emotional life is gone.
As Kessler puts it, "You can hire someone to do most of the things the husband does in a marriage. But you can never hire someone to do what the wife does." Men can change this situation and possibly protect themselves from depression later in life by expanding the depth and breadth of their social networks.
Recovery
After undergoing treatment for bipolar disorder and chronic depression, Britt went back to compete in all the events he had run so desperately in 2004, such as the Lake Placid Ironman. To his amazement, he recognized for the first time that the run took place in a glorious natural setting. "You're literally running through fields of green," he says. Later that year, he was competing in the Ironman Wisconsin, which he'd done in such a black mood the year before, and began to wonder, Why am I hurting myself? I don't need to hurt myself anymore. For the first time in his life, he walked for an hour during the event, feeling joyous.
Britt's compulsion to run began to fade. "My race performance declined by about 5 percent in the first half of last year," he tells me, "and it really tailed off by fall. I took most of early winter off, totally. It's a healthier me all around." In other words, he now runs for fun, something he was unable to experience before.
But recovery wasn't simple or easy. Early on, when Britt was first diagnosed, he spent much of his time searching for a single moment in each day when something good happened, something he could celebrate. Gradually, those moments grew larger and more frequent. "Now," he says, "the days are filled with not only great moments, but great minutes and hours. And those make up great days, great weeks, and even great months."
When men talk about depression, one of the recurring themes is how it sucks the color and flavor out of life. The birdsong that filled you with joy as a child has no effect at all. The people you love don't make your heart sing, even though you know they should. The colors of the world are tarnished and dull. Britt ran the Boston Marathon once again, and realized at the end that although he'd run it many times, he had literally never seen the finish line; he ran right through it and focused on the next thing. "Now I can see things I never saw before--colors, scenery, people," he says. "It's almost impossible to describe, except to say that it seems like the world has visually opened up."
Depression is well known for shutting down the senses, and when it lifted, Britt was so astonished at what was around him that he took up photography just to try to capture it all. "I never cared before. I never noticed the colors of a sunset. The electricity in a lightning strike. The glow of moonrise over a lake. They've always been there. But only recently have I begun to see them. And I am amazed."
Exercising Your Demons
Some people might call you highly competitive. Some might call you superfit. But a growing number of doctors would label you something else: Depressed
By: Laurence Gonzales
In 1994, at the age of 33, Raymond Britt took up running. It made him feel good. In fact, the more he pushed himself, the better he felt. So each time he went out, he pushed a little harder. It seemed to put him above the turmoil of the world and afford him some relief. Relief from what -- that wasn't so clear. His life was good. He was a successful executive. He'd married his high-school sweetheart. He had beautiful children.
But there was something odd about it all. For one thing, he had no background as a runner. He'd been a powerlifter in his 20s, benching 315. But in the summer of '94, amid a hectic schedule, he happened to see a flier for the Chicago Marathon and was seized by the impulse to run it. Never mind that there were only a few weeks left to train. Never mind that he had never run more than 3 miles at a time. He thought, I can do anything for 5 hours and 30 minutes, which was the qualifying time to receive a finisher's medal.
He became obsessed with his training.
"I was excited, I was nervous, I was alive," he says. "My mother and my wife thought I was crazy." As he reached the 18th mile of the marathon, his hopes for a life-changing experience were shattered. Beating himself up both mentally and physically, he managed to drag his body over the finish line in 4 hours and 41 minutes, as he puts it, "alone, hurt, angry, unhappy."
Rather than recover, he went out the next day to punish himself and prepare for the next marathon.
Sex Differences
The study of how mental illness affects men and women differently is new and fraught with controversy. The first comprehensive survey was conducted between 1990 and 1992. Its aim was to estimate the general prevalence of mental illness.
The research, known as the National Comorbidity Survey, was repeated, in more depth and on a larger scale, between 2001 and 2003, under the auspices of the World Health Organization and with funding from the National Institute of Mental Health. The principal investigator is Ronald C. Kessler, Ph.D., a jolly-looking, bearded professor in the department of health-care policy at Harvard University.
The numbers seem to show that men and women suffer from various mental illnesses at about the same rate, with some notable variations and exceptions. One of the differences, long accepted as gospel by the psychiatric professions, is that twice as many women as men suffer from depression. Kessler says his numbers show that a woman is twice as likely as a man to have a single episode of major clinical depression in her life. After the first episode, however, men and women don't differ in the number of episodes they'll have during a lifetime, or in whether they'll have another episode. Only the first step differs, he says. Then the statistics flatten out to equal.
But if repeat episodes of depression are equal for men and women, doesn't it stand to reason that they may be having first bouts at the same rate? Maybe the discrepancy lies not in the number of men and women who are depressed, but rather, in how depression is expressed.
According to an increasing number of experts, the diagnostic tallies don't take into account the real experience of a lot of men like Britt. They also ignore the fact that women are much more likely to report depression and seek help. Men are more likely to try to fight through their depression, using strategies ranging from hard work to extreme exercise to drinking to violence. Nearly four times more men than women kill themselves.
When women become depressed, they tend to show the classic symptoms described in the psychiatrist's handbook the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. They feel sad and tired, and lose interest in the pleasures of life. In short, women generally get depressed in just the way that most people, including psychotherapists, think about depression.
Men tend to get angry, and that anger expresses itself in a wide variety of intense activities, such as Britt's obsessive running. Some of these men even win marathons--on the streets of Chicago or in feats of work endurance--and look like heroes, which makes it even more difficult to diagnose their depression.
Britt says, "I've always thought Lance Armstrong suffered from depression and that's where his anger came from. I saw a lot of myself in him, the way he transfers anger into action. Depression leads some of us to fight as hard as we can against it. It makes you angry. I liked my anger. I got focused and felt better, like I was leaving turmoil in the dust. But it was temporary."
Because we think of the word "depression" as fitting the woman's profile better than the man's, doctors and therapists don't tend to recognize the disease as readily in men, and men don't talk about it. William Pollack, Ph.D., a professor of psychiatry at Harvard, estimates that 50 percent to 65 percent of men suffering from what they call "covert depression" aren't diagnosed.
It seems clear that men will do just about anything to avoid admitting to having the disease. They'd rather just suffer. Some of them would rather die.
Driven
Britt raced in Chicago the next year and qualified for the Boston Marathon. Still, he needed more. He entered the Chicago Triathlon that same year and nearly drowned. ("I was a terrible swimmer.") He returned in 1996, and did well. That only fed his craving. "I wanted to take everything to the next, most impossible level I could imagine," he says. He describes himself as "driven to the margin of terror."
By 1998, he had developed a set of rules for himself: more, harder, quicker, and farther away. Three Ironman races in 7 weeks. Roth, Germany, in July for Ironman Europe. Zurich in August for Ironman Switzerland, wife and 4-month-old baby in tow. Ironman Canada again in September. "Still not enough," he says.
In 1999: four Ironman races, a 50-miler, and the Western States 100. Seven days later, he ran two 5-Ks on the same day, for "pain as punishment and proof that I was okay. I could survive the day as long as I could channel my inner turbulence into power and aggression during training. The determination, the drive, kept me afloat."
In the following years, he broke 3 hours in the marathon, qualified for the Ironman World Championships three times, won awards, gained sponsorship, and was regularly published as a cardio guru. He was a champ, a role model. "How can this be a bad thing?" he asked. "And if I'm strong enough to outlast anything, aren't I strong enough to outlast life's challenges?"
Yet his world had begun to contract. He began intentionally doing reckless things. "I took risks riding my bicycle in traffic, running at night, fighting whatever was fighting me. It felt good to be fighting."
He couldn't run, bike, and swim all day. He had to work. He had a wife and kids. So he simply pushed that much harder. "My best performances came when I was ready to rip the top off the race course. I had very aggressive feelings. I just wanted to attack."
He was winning, yes, but he also required emergency medical attention after every event. He'd come in with his blood pressure reading 90 over 50 and required up to four IV bags of fluid to counter dehydration. That didn't seem odd to him, but his wife began to worry that he was trying to kill himself. He told her he was just pushing it. He eventually did 42 marathons, 27 Ironman Triathlons, and six ultramarathons in 11 years, covering 42,000 miles, the equivalent of running, swimming, and biking around the world 1 1/2 times.
The weird thing is this: Raymond Britt isn't that unusual. His distances aren't even that huge, compared with some guys'. And the mental illness he suffers from, which drove him to battle through all those miles, is not that uncommon among men.
Steven Imparl is a lawyer in Chicago, but a look at his résumé affords a glimpse into the frantic world of a man working very hard to compensate for depression. He graduated from high school in the top 15 of his class of 550 students. He received his B.S. degree with high honors. He became an information-technology specialist working for big companies, then went on to earn his law degree and start his own firm. Along the way, he studied French, German, Slovene, and Spanish. He learned classical guitar, studied Slavic and Balkan history, and sang barbershop harmony. And he somehow found time for power walking, inline skating, volleyball, and boxing. By the fall of 2001, he was so wound up, he could hardly sleep. He became more irritable, more easily angered. After nearly getting into a fistfight while walking down a street, he decided to seek help. But when the doctor told him he was suffering from clinical depression, Imparl refused to believe it. Admitting to depression is . . . well, it's like getting your period: Guys don't do it.
Once Imparl accepted the diagnosis, he performed like any true, overachieving depressed man would: Through a program of therapy and drugs, he got better, and then he founded a successful Web site, maledepression.com, for guys like him.
Raymond Britt's crash and burn came one day in November 2004, when he set out to run himself into the ground, to transfer the pain from his soul to his body. Many miles and hours later, he found himself bloodied, exhausted, and hypothermic, but he neither displaced the internal pain nor found relief. He was forced at last to face what he'd known for decades: Depression was rampant in his family. From an early age, Britt had been determined that he wouldn't succumb. He wouldn't be weak.
Because his father had medicated his own depression with alcohol, Britt had never taken up drinking. By the fall of 2004, his father had been in therapy for a while, and was encouraging Britt to seek help. Having experienced depression himself, he was able to see the disorder in his son. He sent Britt an e-mail with his doctor's name. And then he dropped dead.
It was a few weeks later when Britt hit the wall on his last desperate run. Then he collapsed into classic symptoms of depression, which is what happens when the strategy fails: "The weight felt so heavy that it was hard to physically move," says Britt. He found himself wishing he'd be in an accident that would put him in the hospital so that he could escape. "I wanted to be taken out."
That's the point at which depressed men can slip beyond fantasy into active thoughts of suicide. Some 31,000 people in the United States commit suicide each year. More than 24,000 of them are men. And that doesn't count the deaths from alcohol or drugs. In fact, some researchers are beginning to suspect that depression causes more deaths than auto accidents do.
Britt's fantasies of having an accident scared him. He went to see his father's psychiatrist. It didn't take the doctor long to diagnose his condition. (Q: "When were you last really happy?" A: "1975.") And yet, his denial of clinical depression was so strong that he sought a second opinion.
Maybe men need a different word for depression. Or maybe the brain researchers and psychologists simply need to redefine the condition so it includes the way men experience it, too.
Cultural Cover-Up
It's understandable that women are three times more likely than men to be treated for depression; our culture has put a feminine face on the disease, so women give themselves permission to feel it and to seek help for it. Pollack puts it this way: "We have in our society a feminized view of depression, coming out of a model of hysteria that dates back to Freud."
Terrence Real, author of I Don't Want to Talk about It, and a marriage and family therapist in Massachusetts, wrote, "There is a terrible collusion in our society, a cultural cover-up about depression in men." And part of the cultural influence involves the way men are taught from early childhood to be strong, silent, independent, and resistant to suffering. As Real puts it, "Men have about a milli-second's tolerance for feeling [this type of] pain, and then they spring into action. A flight from shame into grandiosity lies at the heart of male covert depression."
Another reason men leap into action, though, whether it's through intense exercise, overwork, pounding back martinis, or some other strategy, is that it actually does relieve the symptoms of depression, at least for a time. In fact, many therapists have begun using exercise as an adjunct to therapy, as explained in books like The Joy of Running, by Thaddeus Kostrubala, and The Exercise Prescription for Depression and Anxiety, by Keith Johnsgard. And research at Duke University confirmed their hunches in 1999.
But exercise in itself doesn't treat the underlying condition. In fact, books called The Joy of Working 80 Hours a Week and The Drinking Prescription for Depression might reach a wide audience, because those strategies can effectively mask depression for years. That is, they can sort of work.
Because at the heart of what Britt and Imparl were going through was a life filled with large stretches of no feeling at all. Britt says he was constantly running, "hoping that movement would help me discover something better."
Looking back on his decades of depression, Britt saw isolated flashes of happiness--the birth of his children, laughter, friendship--but they were, he says, "bright spots on what had been a more turbulent journey than I let myself admit. The moments of happiness sustained my denial of something I had only recently begun to consider an 'invisible load.'" In other words, he'd been swimming with an anvil, and he was sinking by imperceptible increments.
Conditioning
The social conditioning that leads to men's response to depression begins in infancy. Male babies receive less of every type of nurturing, including speech, touch, and comfort when they cry. And that is only the beginning of what will be, to one degree or another, a brutal upbringing for boys.
In the 1960s, the crusading social psychologist Jeanne Block and her colleagues explored how differently parents treat boys and girls. For instance, moms and dads encourage boys to be competitive and to achieve. They don't like them to show their emotions. They encourage them to be less dependent; mothers push them away. They punish them more than they punish girls. And they are unaware that they treat boys and girls differently.
By the time boys are on their way to the teenage years, the process of disavowing what they are is complete. The book A New Psychology of Men describes research in which people were asked what it means to be feminine or masculine. Women and girls defined themselves by the ways they were connected to others, and by citing qualities like being caring or compassionate. Men and boys defined themselves by negatives: They weren't weak, dependent, or connected to their mothers.
But there is not much in our cultural definition of what it means to be a man that is inherent in maleness. Children start off surprisingly alike, whether they're boys or girls. If there's a difference, it's the opposite of what the culture seems to expect: Boys are more sensitive. They give expression to their emotions more readily than girls. They affiliate with others in the same way as girls. Then someone starts telling them it's not okay to be that way. If you act like that, you're a pussy.
As Real and others have explained, it is through this process of denial that men are primed for depression. And it is the cultural necessity of carrying out and carrying on this process that makes it so difficult for them to recognize and admit to depression when it comes. They not only don't acknowledge it to themselves, they often don't display the symptoms that psychotherapists use to diagnose depression.
The cultural training that lays the groundwork for depression in men and for their denial of it later in life involves social isolation. That means telling people the truth about yourself and trusting that they'll do the same, a concept that seems terrifying to many men.
In one case, two friends knew each other for years, commuting together, talking every day, laughing together. They would not have said they were socially isolated, yet when they happened to run into each other in the same group meeting for men suffering from depression, they had to laugh: Neither one had ever admitted it to the other, even though they were both seeking treatment for it.
Social isolation is a well-known killer of mammals. Countless studies going back to the '50s show that contact, affection, emotional communication, and genuine closeness are necessary for mammals, including humans, to maintain our health. Isolation wreaks havoc on everything from the immune system to the cardiovascular system to the brain. Conversely, staying socially connected helps protect men from mental illness, including depression.
The new research done by Kessler and others shows that single men and women look no different when it comes to most kinds of mental illness. But when they get married, they veer off in different directions. "It's a very good deal to be married if you're a man," Kessler says. "It's associated with a dramatic improvement in mental health."
Perhaps because they are forced into solitude as children, men are not as good at being alone as women are. Because of early socialization, women are better at relationships--with children, friends, and relatives. In general, women have more friends than men and are closer to those friends. This, of course, is the direct result of boys' having independence forced on them early in life, when what they need is emotional and physical contact with others.
Socialization punishes women, too. When they have children, women's mental health suffers, while that of men doesn't change at all. That's because women, in general, take care of the kids. If there's trouble in the home, or work interferes with child rearing, they'll disproportionately suffer for it.
Women also worry more than men. They care about a larger group of people who just don't appear on the emotional radar screens of men. In marriage, men share in the joys and are often protected from the pain. Just as the man will go downstairs to investigate a suspicious noise, the woman plays the role of emotional protector.
Kessler uses this example: A wife reports (to the researcher) that she's very upset, because her daughter had an abortion and had to miss a number of days of school. The husband reports that his daughter had the flu and couldn't go to school. How could this be? The explanation is simple: The daughter got pregnant and went to her mother for help, saying, "Whatever you do, don't tell Dad." So the mother helped the daughter have an abortion and told the father the girl was home sick with the flu.
The result is that the husband is exposed to less stress, while the woman is exposed to more. Not only does she have to deal with the abortion, but she also has to lie to her husband and orchestrate the protection of that lie. But throughout, her connections are reinforced and affirmed.
The studies show that when a father dies, the children grow closer to the mother. They come around more. The mother has been maintaining those relationships all along, and they pay off in a crisis. Yet when a mother dies, the children come around less. That's because for years, when they called on Sunday, they talked to the mother, not the father. By filling the social role, the wife grows closer to the kids. That's why widowhood and divorce are so much worse for men. Their protection is ripped away, and they have no social network to catch them as they fall. The person who managed their emotional life is gone.
As Kessler puts it, "You can hire someone to do most of the things the husband does in a marriage. But you can never hire someone to do what the wife does." Men can change this situation and possibly protect themselves from depression later in life by expanding the depth and breadth of their social networks.
Recovery
After undergoing treatment for bipolar disorder and chronic depression, Britt went back to compete in all the events he had run so desperately in 2004, such as the Lake Placid Ironman. To his amazement, he recognized for the first time that the run took place in a glorious natural setting. "You're literally running through fields of green," he says. Later that year, he was competing in the Ironman Wisconsin, which he'd done in such a black mood the year before, and began to wonder, Why am I hurting myself? I don't need to hurt myself anymore. For the first time in his life, he walked for an hour during the event, feeling joyous.
Britt's compulsion to run began to fade. "My race performance declined by about 5 percent in the first half of last year," he tells me, "and it really tailed off by fall. I took most of early winter off, totally. It's a healthier me all around." In other words, he now runs for fun, something he was unable to experience before.
But recovery wasn't simple or easy. Early on, when Britt was first diagnosed, he spent much of his time searching for a single moment in each day when something good happened, something he could celebrate. Gradually, those moments grew larger and more frequent. "Now," he says, "the days are filled with not only great moments, but great minutes and hours. And those make up great days, great weeks, and even great months."
When men talk about depression, one of the recurring themes is how it sucks the color and flavor out of life. The birdsong that filled you with joy as a child has no effect at all. The people you love don't make your heart sing, even though you know they should. The colors of the world are tarnished and dull. Britt ran the Boston Marathon once again, and realized at the end that although he'd run it many times, he had literally never seen the finish line; he ran right through it and focused on the next thing. "Now I can see things I never saw before--colors, scenery, people," he says. "It's almost impossible to describe, except to say that it seems like the world has visually opened up."
Depression is well known for shutting down the senses, and when it lifted, Britt was so astonished at what was around him that he took up photography just to try to capture it all. "I never cared before. I never noticed the colors of a sunset. The electricity in a lightning strike. The glow of moonrise over a lake. They've always been there. But only recently have I begun to see them. And I am amazed."
Exercising Your Demons
Some people might call you highly competitive. Some might call you superfit. But a growing number of doctors would label you something else: Depressed
By: Laurence Gonzales
In 1994, at the age of 33, Raymond Britt took up running. It made him feel good. In fact, the more he pushed himself, the better he felt. So each time he went out, he pushed a little harder. It seemed to put him above the turmoil of the world and afford him some relief. Relief from what -- that wasn't so clear. His life was good. He was a successful executive. He'd married his high-school sweetheart. He had beautiful children.
But there was something odd about it all. For one thing, he had no background as a runner. He'd been a powerlifter in his 20s, benching 315. But in the summer of '94, amid a hectic schedule, he happened to see a flier for the Chicago Marathon and was seized by the impulse to run it. Never mind that there were only a few weeks left to train. Never mind that he had never run more than 3 miles at a time. He thought, I can do anything for 5 hours and 30 minutes, which was the qualifying time to receive a finisher's medal.
He became obsessed with his training.
"I was excited, I was nervous, I was alive," he says. "My mother and my wife thought I was crazy." As he reached the 18th mile of the marathon, his hopes for a life-changing experience were shattered. Beating himself up both mentally and physically, he managed to drag his body over the finish line in 4 hours and 41 minutes, as he puts it, "alone, hurt, angry, unhappy."
Rather than recover, he went out the next day to punish himself and prepare for the next marathon.
Sex Differences
The study of how mental illness affects men and women differently is new and fraught with controversy. The first comprehensive survey was conducted between 1990 and 1992. Its aim was to estimate the general prevalence of mental illness.
The research, known as the National Comorbidity Survey, was repeated, in more depth and on a larger scale, between 2001 and 2003, under the auspices of the World Health Organization and with funding from the National Institute of Mental Health. The principal investigator is Ronald C. Kessler, Ph.D., a jolly-looking, bearded professor in the department of health-care policy at Harvard University.
The numbers seem to show that men and women suffer from various mental illnesses at about the same rate, with some notable variations and exceptions. One of the differences, long accepted as gospel by the psychiatric professions, is that twice as many women as men suffer from depression. Kessler says his numbers show that a woman is twice as likely as a man to have a single episode of major clinical depression in her life. After the first episode, however, men and women don't differ in the number of episodes they'll have during a lifetime, or in whether they'll have another episode. Only the first step differs, he says. Then the statistics flatten out to equal.
But if repeat episodes of depression are equal for men and women, doesn't it stand to reason that they may be having first bouts at the same rate? Maybe the discrepancy lies not in the number of men and women who are depressed, but rather, in how depression is expressed.
According to an increasing number of experts, the diagnostic tallies don't take into account the real experience of a lot of men like Britt. They also ignore the fact that women are much more likely to report depression and seek help. Men are more likely to try to fight through their depression, using strategies ranging from hard work to extreme exercise to drinking to violence. Nearly four times more men than women kill themselves.
When women become depressed, they tend to show the classic symptoms described in the psychiatrist's handbook the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. They feel sad and tired, and lose interest in the pleasures of life. In short, women generally get depressed in just the way that most people, including psychotherapists, think about depression.
Men tend to get angry, and that anger expresses itself in a wide variety of intense activities, such as Britt's obsessive running. Some of these men even win marathons--on the streets of Chicago or in feats of work endurance--and look like heroes, which makes it even more difficult to diagnose their depression.
Britt says, "I've always thought Lance Armstrong suffered from depression and that's where his anger came from. I saw a lot of myself in him, the way he transfers anger into action. Depression leads some of us to fight as hard as we can against it. It makes you angry. I liked my anger. I got focused and felt better, like I was leaving turmoil in the dust. But it was temporary."
Because we think of the word "depression" as fitting the woman's profile better than the man's, doctors and therapists don't tend to recognize the disease as readily in men, and men don't talk about it. William Pollack, Ph.D., a professor of psychiatry at Harvard, estimates that 50 percent to 65 percent of men suffering from what they call "covert depression" aren't diagnosed.
It seems clear that men will do just about anything to avoid admitting to having the disease. They'd rather just suffer. Some of them would rather die.
Driven
Britt raced in Chicago the next year and qualified for the Boston Marathon. Still, he needed more. He entered the Chicago Triathlon that same year and nearly drowned. ("I was a terrible swimmer.") He returned in 1996, and did well. That only fed his craving. "I wanted to take everything to the next, most impossible level I could imagine," he says. He describes himself as "driven to the margin of terror."
By 1998, he had developed a set of rules for himself: more, harder, quicker, and farther away. Three Ironman races in 7 weeks. Roth, Germany, in July for Ironman Europe. Zurich in August for Ironman Switzerland, wife and 4-month-old baby in tow. Ironman Canada again in September. "Still not enough," he says.
In 1999: four Ironman races, a 50-miler, and the Western States 100. Seven days later, he ran two 5-Ks on the same day, for "pain as punishment and proof that I was okay. I could survive the day as long as I could channel my inner turbulence into power and aggression during training. The determination, the drive, kept me afloat."
In the following years, he broke 3 hours in the marathon, qualified for the Ironman World Championships three times, won awards, gained sponsorship, and was regularly published as a cardio guru. He was a champ, a role model. "How can this be a bad thing?" he asked. "And if I'm strong enough to outlast anything, aren't I strong enough to outlast life's challenges?"
Yet his world had begun to contract. He began intentionally doing reckless things. "I took risks riding my bicycle in traffic, running at night, fighting whatever was fighting me. It felt good to be fighting."
He couldn't run, bike, and swim all day. He had to work. He had a wife and kids. So he simply pushed that much harder. "My best performances came when I was ready to rip the top off the race course. I had very aggressive feelings. I just wanted to attack."
He was winning, yes, but he also required emergency medical attention after every event. He'd come in with his blood pressure reading 90 over 50 and required up to four IV bags of fluid to counter dehydration. That didn't seem odd to him, but his wife began to worry that he was trying to kill himself. He told her he was just pushing it. He eventually did 42 marathons, 27 Ironman Triathlons, and six ultramarathons in 11 years, covering 42,000 miles, the equivalent of running, swimming, and biking around the world 1 1/2 times.
The weird thing is this: Raymond Britt isn't that unusual. His distances aren't even that huge, compared with some guys'. And the mental illness he suffers from, which drove him to battle through all those miles, is not that uncommon among men.
Steven Imparl is a lawyer in Chicago, but a look at his résumé affords a glimpse into the frantic world of a man working very hard to compensate for depression. He graduated from high school in the top 15 of his class of 550 students. He received his B.S. degree with high honors. He became an information-technology specialist working for big companies, then went on to earn his law degree and start his own firm. Along the way, he studied French, German, Slovene, and Spanish. He learned classical guitar, studied Slavic and Balkan history, and sang barbershop harmony. And he somehow found time for power walking, inline skating, volleyball, and boxing. By the fall of 2001, he was so wound up, he could hardly sleep. He became more irritable, more easily angered. After nearly getting into a fistfight while walking down a street, he decided to seek help. But when the doctor told him he was suffering from clinical depression, Imparl refused to believe it. Admitting to depression is . . . well, it's like getting your period: Guys don't do it.
Once Imparl accepted the diagnosis, he performed like any true, overachieving depressed man would: Through a program of therapy and drugs, he got better, and then he founded a successful Web site, maledepression.com, for guys like him.
Raymond Britt's crash and burn came one day in November 2004, when he set out to run himself into the ground, to transfer the pain from his soul to his body. Many miles and hours later, he found himself bloodied, exhausted, and hypothermic, but he neither displaced the internal pain nor found relief. He was forced at last to face what he'd known for decades: Depression was rampant in his family. From an early age, Britt had been determined that he wouldn't succumb. He wouldn't be weak.
Because his father had medicated his own depression with alcohol, Britt had never taken up drinking. By the fall of 2004, his father had been in therapy for a while, and was encouraging Britt to seek help. Having experienced depression himself, he was able to see the disorder in his son. He sent Britt an e-mail with his doctor's name. And then he dropped dead.
It was a few weeks later when Britt hit the wall on his last desperate run. Then he collapsed into classic symptoms of depression, which is what happens when the strategy fails: "The weight felt so heavy that it was hard to physically move," says Britt. He found himself wishing he'd be in an accident that would put him in the hospital so that he could escape. "I wanted to be taken out."
That's the point at which depressed men can slip beyond fantasy into active thoughts of suicide. Some 31,000 people in the United States commit suicide each year. More than 24,000 of them are men. And that doesn't count the deaths from alcohol or drugs. In fact, some researchers are beginning to suspect that depression causes more deaths than auto accidents do.
Britt's fantasies of having an accident scared him. He went to see his father's psychiatrist. It didn't take the doctor long to diagnose his condition. (Q: "When were you last really happy?" A: "1975.") And yet, his denial of clinical depression was so strong that he sought a second opinion.
Maybe men need a different word for depression. Or maybe the brain researchers and psychologists simply need to redefine the condition so it includes the way men experience it, too.
Cultural Cover-Up
It's understandable that women are three times more likely than men to be treated for depression; our culture has put a feminine face on the disease, so women give themselves permission to feel it and to seek help for it. Pollack puts it this way: "We have in our society a feminized view of depression, coming out of a model of hysteria that dates back to Freud."
Terrence Real, author of I Don't Want to Talk about It, and a marriage and family therapist in Massachusetts, wrote, "There is a terrible collusion in our society, a cultural cover-up about depression in men." And part of the cultural influence involves the way men are taught from early childhood to be strong, silent, independent, and resistant to suffering. As Real puts it, "Men have about a milli-second's tolerance for feeling [this type of] pain, and then they spring into action. A flight from shame into grandiosity lies at the heart of male covert depression."
Another reason men leap into action, though, whether it's through intense exercise, overwork, pounding back martinis, or some other strategy, is that it actually does relieve the symptoms of depression, at least for a time. In fact, many therapists have begun using exercise as an adjunct to therapy, as explained in books like The Joy of Running, by Thaddeus Kostrubala, and The Exercise Prescription for Depression and Anxiety, by Keith Johnsgard. And research at Duke University confirmed their hunches in 1999.
But exercise in itself doesn't treat the underlying condition. In fact, books called The Joy of Working 80 Hours a Week and The Drinking Prescription for Depression might reach a wide audience, because those strategies can effectively mask depression for years. That is, they can sort of work.
Because at the heart of what Britt and Imparl were going through was a life filled with large stretches of no feeling at all. Britt says he was constantly running, "hoping that movement would help me discover something better."
Looking back on his decades of depression, Britt saw isolated flashes of happiness--the birth of his children, laughter, friendship--but they were, he says, "bright spots on what had been a more turbulent journey than I let myself admit. The moments of happiness sustained my denial of something I had only recently begun to consider an 'invisible load.'" In other words, he'd been swimming with an anvil, and he was sinking by imperceptible increments.
Conditioning
The social conditioning that leads to men's response to depression begins in infancy. Male babies receive less of every type of nurturing, including speech, touch, and comfort when they cry. And that is only the beginning of what will be, to one degree or another, a brutal upbringing for boys.
In the 1960s, the crusading social psychologist Jeanne Block and her colleagues explored how differently parents treat boys and girls. For instance, moms and dads encourage boys to be competitive and to achieve. They don't like them to show their emotions. They encourage them to be less dependent; mothers push them away. They punish them more than they punish girls. And they are unaware that they treat boys and girls differently.
By the time boys are on their way to the teenage years, the process of disavowing what they are is complete. The book A New Psychology of Men describes research in which people were asked what it means to be feminine or masculine. Women and girls defined themselves by the ways they were connected to others, and by citing qualities like being caring or compassionate. Men and boys defined themselves by negatives: They weren't weak, dependent, or connected to their mothers.
But there is not much in our cultural definition of what it means to be a man that is inherent in maleness. Children start off surprisingly alike, whether they're boys or girls. If there's a difference, it's the opposite of what the culture seems to expect: Boys are more sensitive. They give expression to their emotions more readily than girls. They affiliate with others in the same way as girls. Then someone starts telling them it's not okay to be that way. If you act like that, you're a pussy.
As Real and others have explained, it is through this process of denial that men are primed for depression. And it is the cultural necessity of carrying out and carrying on this process that makes it so difficult for them to recognize and admit to depression when it comes. They not only don't acknowledge it to themselves, they often don't display the symptoms that psychotherapists use to diagnose depression.
The cultural training that lays the groundwork for depression in men and for their denial of it later in life involves social isolation. That means telling people the truth about yourself and trusting that they'll do the same, a concept that seems terrifying to many men.
In one case, two friends knew each other for years, commuting together, talking every day, laughing together. They would not have said they were socially isolated, yet when they happened to run into each other in the same group meeting for men suffering from depression, they had to laugh: Neither one had ever admitted it to the other, even though they were both seeking treatment for it.
Social isolation is a well-known killer of mammals. Countless studies going back to the '50s show that contact, affection, emotional communication, and genuine closeness are necessary for mammals, including humans, to maintain our health. Isolation wreaks havoc on everything from the immune system to the cardiovascular system to the brain. Conversely, staying socially connected helps protect men from mental illness, including depression.
The new research done by Kessler and others shows that single men and women look no different when it comes to most kinds of mental illness. But when they get married, they veer off in different directions. "It's a very good deal to be married if you're a man," Kessler says. "It's associated with a dramatic improvement in mental health."
Perhaps because they are forced into solitude as children, men are not as good at being alone as women are. Because of early socialization, women are better at relationships--with children, friends, and relatives. In general, women have more friends than men and are closer to those friends. This, of course, is the direct result of boys' having independence forced on them early in life, when what they need is emotional and physical contact with others.
Socialization punishes women, too. When they have children, women's mental health suffers, while that of men doesn't change at all. That's because women, in general, take care of the kids. If there's trouble in the home, or work interferes with child rearing, they'll disproportionately suffer for it.
Women also worry more than men. They care about a larger group of people who just don't appear on the emotional radar screens of men. In marriage, men share in the joys and are often protected from the pain. Just as the man will go downstairs to investigate a suspicious noise, the woman plays the role of emotional protector.
Kessler uses this example: A wife reports (to the researcher) that she's very upset, because her daughter had an abortion and had to miss a number of days of school. The husband reports that his daughter had the flu and couldn't go to school. How could this be? The explanation is simple: The daughter got pregnant and went to her mother for help, saying, "Whatever you do, don't tell Dad." So the mother helped the daughter have an abortion and told the father the girl was home sick with the flu.
The result is that the husband is exposed to less stress, while the woman is exposed to more. Not only does she have to deal with the abortion, but she also has to lie to her husband and orchestrate the protection of that lie. But throughout, her connections are reinforced and affirmed.
The studies show that when a father dies, the children grow closer to the mother. They come around more. The mother has been maintaining those relationships all along, and they pay off in a crisis. Yet when a mother dies, the children come around less. That's because for years, when they called on Sunday, they talked to the mother, not the father. By filling the social role, the wife grows closer to the kids. That's why widowhood and divorce are so much worse for men. Their protection is ripped away, and they have no social network to catch them as they fall. The person who managed their emotional life is gone.
As Kessler puts it, "You can hire someone to do most of the things the husband does in a marriage. But you can never hire someone to do what the wife does." Men can change this situation and possibly protect themselves from depression later in life by expanding the depth and breadth of their social networks.
Recovery
After undergoing treatment for bipolar disorder and chronic depression, Britt went back to compete in all the events he had run so desperately in 2004, such as the Lake Placid Ironman. To his amazement, he recognized for the first time that the run took place in a glorious natural setting. "You're literally running through fields of green," he says. Later that year, he was competing in the Ironman Wisconsin, which he'd done in such a black mood the year before, and began to wonder, Why am I hurting myself? I don't need to hurt myself anymore. For the first time in his life, he walked for an hour during the event, feeling joyous.
Britt's compulsion to run began to fade. "My race performance declined by about 5 percent in the first half of last year," he tells me, "and it really tailed off by fall. I took most of early winter off, totally. It's a healthier me all around." In other words, he now runs for fun, something he was unable to experience before.
But recovery wasn't simple or easy. Early on, when Britt was first diagnosed, he spent much of his time searching for a single moment in each day when something good happened, something he could celebrate. Gradually, those moments grew larger and more frequent. "Now," he says, "the days are filled with not only great moments, but great minutes and hours. And those make up great days, great weeks, and even great months."
When men talk about depression, one of the recurring themes is how it sucks the color and flavor out of life. The birdsong that filled you with joy as a child has no effect at all. The people you love don't make your heart sing, even though you know they should. The colors of the world are tarnished and dull. Britt ran the Boston Marathon once again, and realized at the end that although he'd run it many times, he had literally never seen the finish line; he ran right through it and focused on the next thing. "Now I can see things I never saw before--colors, scenery, people," he says. "It's almost impossible to describe, except to say that it seems like the world has visually opened up."
Depression is well known for shutting down the senses, and when it lifted, Britt was so astonished at what was around him that he took up photography just to try to capture it all. "I never cared before. I never noticed the colors of a sunset. The electricity in a lightning strike. The glow of moonrise over a lake. They've always been there. But only recently have I begun to see them. And I am amazed."
Exercising Your Demons
Some people might call you highly competitive. Some might call you superfit. But a growing number of doctors would label you something else: Depressed
By: Laurence Gonzales
In 1994, at the age of 33, Raymond Britt took up running. It made him feel good. In fact, the more he pushed himself, the better he felt. So each time he went out, he pushed a little harder. It seemed to put him above the turmoil of the world and afford him some relief. Relief from what -- that wasn't so clear. His life was good. He was a successful executive. He'd married his high-school sweetheart. He had beautiful children.
But there was something odd about it all. For one thing, he had no background as a runner. He'd been a powerlifter in his 20s, benching 315. But in the summer of '94, amid a hectic schedule, he happened to see a flier for the Chicago Marathon and was seized by the impulse to run it. Never mind that there were only a few weeks left to train. Never mind that he had never run more than 3 miles at a time. He thought, I can do anything for 5 hours and 30 minutes, which was the qualifying time to receive a finisher's medal.
He became obsessed with his training.
"I was excited, I was nervous, I was alive," he says. "My mother and my wife thought I was crazy." As he reached the 18th mile of the marathon, his hopes for a life-changing experience were shattered. Beating himself up both mentally and physically, he managed to drag his body over the finish line in 4 hours and 41 minutes, as he puts it, "alone, hurt, angry, unhappy."
Rather than recover, he went out the next day to punish himself and prepare for the next marathon.
Sex Differences
The study of how mental illness affects men and women differently is new and fraught with controversy. The first comprehensive survey was conducted between 1990 and 1992. Its aim was to estimate the general prevalence of mental illness.
The research, known as the National Comorbidity Survey, was repeated, in more depth and on a larger scale, between 2001 and 2003, under the auspices of the World Health Organization and with funding from the National Institute of Mental Health. The principal investigator is Ronald C. Kessler, Ph.D., a jolly-looking, bearded professor in the department of health-care policy at Harvard University.
The numbers seem to show that men and women suffer from various mental illnesses at about the same rate, with some notable variations and exceptions. One of the differences, long accepted as gospel by the psychiatric professions, is that twice as many women as men suffer from depression. Kessler says his numbers show that a woman is twice as likely as a man to have a single episode of major clinical depression in her life. After the first episode, however, men and women don't differ in the number of episodes they'll have during a lifetime, or in whether they'll have another episode. Only the first step differs, he says. Then the statistics flatten out to equal.
But if repeat episodes of depression are equal for men and women, doesn't it stand to reason that they may be having first bouts at the same rate? Maybe the discrepancy lies not in the number of men and women who are depressed, but rather, in how depression is expressed.
According to an increasing number of experts, the diagnostic tallies don't take into account the real experience of a lot of men like Britt. They also ignore the fact that women are much more likely to report depression and seek help. Men are more likely to try to fight through their depression, using strategies ranging from hard work to extreme exercise to drinking to violence. Nearly four times more men than women kill themselves.
When women become depressed, they tend to show the classic symptoms described in the psychiatrist's handbook the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. They feel sad and tired, and lose interest in the pleasures of life. In short, women generally get depressed in just the way that most people, including psychotherapists, think about depression.
Men tend to get angry, and that anger expresses itself in a wide variety of intense activities, such as Britt's obsessive running. Some of these men even win marathons--on the streets of Chicago or in feats of work endurance--and look like heroes, which makes it even more difficult to diagnose their depression.
Britt says, "I've always thought Lance Armstrong suffered from depression and that's where his anger came from. I saw a lot of myself in him, the way he transfers anger into action. Depression leads some of us to fight as hard as we can against it. It makes you angry. I liked my anger. I got focused and felt better, like I was leaving turmoil in the dust. But it was temporary."
Because we think of the word "depression" as fitting the woman's profile better than the man's, doctors and therapists don't tend to recognize the disease as readily in men, and men don't talk about it. William Pollack, Ph.D., a professor of psychiatry at Harvard, estimates that 50 percent to 65 percent of men suffering from what they call "covert depression" aren't diagnosed.
It seems clear that men will do just about anything to avoid admitting to having the disease. They'd rather just suffer. Some of them would rather die.
Driven
Britt raced in Chicago the next year and qualified for the Boston Marathon. Still, he needed more. He entered the Chicago Triathlon that same year and nearly drowned. ("I was a terrible swimmer.") He returned in 1996, and did well. That only fed his craving. "I wanted to take everything to the next, most impossible level I could imagine," he says. He describes himself as "driven to the margin of terror."
By 1998, he had developed a set of rules for himself: more, harder, quicker, and farther away. Three Ironman races in 7 weeks. Roth, Germany, in July for Ironman Europe. Zurich in August for Ironman Switzerland, wife and 4-month-old baby in tow. Ironman Canada again in September. "Still not enough," he says.
In 1999: four Ironman races, a 50-miler, and the Western States 100. Seven days later, he ran two 5-Ks on the same day, for "pain as punishment and proof that I was okay. I could survive the day as long as I could channel my inner turbulence into power and aggression during training. The determination, the drive, kept me afloat."
In the following years, he broke 3 hours in the marathon, qualified for the Ironman World Championships three times, won awards, gained sponsorship, and was regularly published as a cardio guru. He was a champ, a role model. "How can this be a bad thing?" he asked. "And if I'm strong enough to outlast anything, aren't I strong enough to outlast life's challenges?"
Yet his world had begun to contract. He began intentionally doing reckless things. "I took risks riding my bicycle in traffic, running at night, fighting whatever was fighting me. It felt good to be fighting."
He couldn't run, bike, and swim all day. He had to work. He had a wife and kids. So he simply pushed that much harder. "My best performances came when I was ready to rip the top off the race course. I had very aggressive feelings. I just wanted to attack."
He was winning, yes, but he also required emergency medical attention after every event. He'd come in with his blood pressure reading 90 over 50 and required up to four IV bags of fluid to counter dehydration. That didn't seem odd to him, but his wife began to worry that he was trying to kill himself. He told her he was just pushing it. He eventually did 42 marathons, 27 Ironman Triathlons, and six ultramarathons in 11 years, covering 42,000 miles, the equivalent of running, swimming, and biking around the world 1 1/2 times.
The weird thing is this: Raymond Britt isn't that unusual. His distances aren't even that huge, compared with some guys'. And the mental illness he suffers from, which drove him to battle through all those miles, is not that uncommon among men.
Steven Imparl is a lawyer in Chicago, but a look at his résumé affords a glimpse into the frantic world of a man working very hard to compensate for depression. He graduated from high school in the top 15 of his class of 550 students. He received his B.S. degree with high honors. He became an information-technology specialist working for big companies, then went on to earn his law degree and start his own firm. Along the way, he studied French, German, Slovene, and Spanish. He learned classical guitar, studied Slavic and Balkan history, and sang barbershop harmony. And he somehow found time for power walking, inline skating, volleyball, and boxing. By the fall of 2001, he was so wound up, he could hardly sleep. He became more irritable, more easily angered. After nearly getting into a fistfight while walking down a street, he decided to seek help. But when the doctor told him he was suffering from clinical depression, Imparl refused to believe it. Admitting to depression is . . . well, it's like getting your period: Guys don't do it.
Once Imparl accepted the diagnosis, he performed like any true, overachieving depressed man would: Through a program of therapy and drugs, he got better, and then he founded a successful Web site, maledepression.com, for guys like him.
Raymond Britt's crash and burn came one day in November 2004, when he set out to run himself into the ground, to transfer the pain from his soul to his body. Many miles and hours later, he found himself bloodied, exhausted, and hypothermic, but he neither displaced the internal pain nor found relief. He was forced at last to face what he'd known for decades: Depression was rampant in his family. From an early age, Britt had been determined that he wouldn't succumb. He wouldn't be weak.
Because his father had medicated his own depression with alcohol, Britt had never taken up drinking. By the fall of 2004, his father had been in therapy for a while, and was encouraging Britt to seek help. Having experienced depression himself, he was able to see the disorder in his son. He sent Britt an e-mail with his doctor's name. And then he dropped dead.
It was a few weeks later when Britt hit the wall on his last desperate run. Then he collapsed into classic symptoms of depression, which is what happens when the strategy fails: "The weight felt so heavy that it was hard to physically move," says Britt. He found himself wishing he'd be in an accident that would put him in the hospital so that he could escape. "I wanted to be taken out."
That's the point at which depressed men can slip beyond fantasy into active thoughts of suicide. Some 31,000 people in the United States commit suicide each year. More than 24,000 of them are men. And that doesn't count the deaths from alcohol or drugs. In fact, some researchers are beginning to suspect that depression causes more deaths than auto accidents do.
Britt's fantasies of having an accident scared him. He went to see his father's psychiatrist. It didn't take the doctor long to diagnose his condition. (Q: "When were you last really happy?" A: "1975.") And yet, his denial of clinical depression was so strong that he sought a second opinion.
Maybe men need a different word for depression. Or maybe the brain researchers and psychologists simply need to redefine the condition so it includes the way men experience it, too.
Cultural Cover-Up
It's understandable that women are three times more likely than men to be treated for depression; our culture has put a feminine face on the disease, so women give themselves permission to feel it and to seek help for it. Pollack puts it this way: "We have in our society a feminized view of depression, coming out of a model of hysteria that dates back to Freud."
Terrence Real, author of I Don't Want to Talk about It, and a marriage and family therapist in Massachusetts, wrote, "There is a terrible collusion in our society, a cultural cover-up about depression in men." And part of the cultural influence involves the way men are taught from early childhood to be strong, silent, independent, and resistant to suffering. As Real puts it, "Men have about a milli-second's tolerance for feeling [this type of] pain, and then they spring into action. A flight from shame into grandiosity lies at the heart of male covert depression."
Another reason men leap into action, though, whether it's through intense exercise, overwork, pounding back martinis, or some other strategy, is that it actually does relieve the symptoms of depression, at least for a time. In fact, many therapists have begun using exercise as an adjunct to therapy, as explained in books like The Joy of Running, by Thaddeus Kostrubala, and The Exercise Prescription for Depression and Anxiety, by Keith Johnsgard. And research at Duke University confirmed their hunches in 1999.
But exercise in itself doesn't treat the underlying condition. In fact, books called The Joy of Working 80 Hours a Week and The Drinking Prescription for Depression might reach a wide audience, because those strategies can effectively mask depression for years. That is, they can sort of work.
Because at the heart of what Britt and Imparl were going through was a life filled with large stretches of no feeling at all. Britt says he was constantly running, "hoping that movement would help me discover something better."
Looking back on his decades of depression, Britt saw isolated flashes of happiness--the birth of his children, laughter, friendship--but they were, he says, "bright spots on what had been a more turbulent journey than I let myself admit. The moments of happiness sustained my denial of something I had only recently begun to consider an 'invisible load.'" In other words, he'd been swimming with an anvil, and he was sinking by imperceptible increments.
Conditioning
The social conditioning that leads to men's response to depression begins in infancy. Male babies receive less of every type of nurturing, including speech, touch, and comfort when they cry. And that is only the beginning of what will be, to one degree or another, a brutal upbringing for boys.
In the 1960s, the crusading social psychologist Jeanne Block and her colleagues explored how differently parents treat boys and girls. For instance, moms and dads encourage boys to be competitive and to achieve. They don't like them to show their emotions. They encourage them to be less dependent; mothers push them away. They punish them more than they punish girls. And they are unaware that they treat boys and girls differently.
By the time boys are on their way to the teenage years, the process of disavowing what they are is complete. The book A New Psychology of Men describes research in which people were asked what it means to be feminine or masculine. Women and girls defined themselves by the ways they were connected to others, and by citing qualities like being caring or compassionate. Men and boys defined themselves by negatives: They weren't weak, dependent, or connected to their mothers.
But there is not much in our cultural definition of what it means to be a man that is inherent in maleness. Children start off surprisingly alike, whether they're boys or girls. If there's a difference, it's the opposite of what the culture seems to expect: Boys are more sensitive. They give expression to their emotions more readily than girls. They affiliate with others in the same way as girls. Then someone starts telling them it's not okay to be that way. If you act like that, you're a pussy.
As Real and others have explained, it is through this process of denial that men are primed for depression. And it is the cultural necessity of carrying out and carrying on this process that makes it so difficult for them to recognize and admit to depression when it comes. They not only don't acknowledge it to themselves, they often don't display the symptoms that psychotherapists use to diagnose depression.
The cultural training that lays the groundwork for depression in men and for their denial of it later in life involves social isolation. That means telling people the truth about yourself and trusting that they'll do the same, a concept that seems terrifying to many men.
In one case, two friends knew each other for years, commuting together, talking every day, laughing together. They would not have said they were socially isolated, yet when they happened to run into each other in the same group meeting for men suffering from depression, they had to laugh: Neither one had ever admitted it to the other, even though they were both seeking treatment for it.
Social isolation is a well-known killer of mammals. Countless studies going back to the '50s show that contact, affection, emotional communication, and genuine closeness are necessary for mammals, including humans, to maintain our health. Isolation wreaks havoc on everything from the immune system to the cardiovascular system to the brain. Conversely, staying socially connected helps protect men from mental illness, including depression.
The new research done by Kessler and others shows that single men and women look no different when it comes to most kinds of mental illness. But when they get married, they veer off in different directions. "It's a very good deal to be married if you're a man," Kessler says. "It's associated with a dramatic improvement in mental health."
Perhaps because they are forced into solitude as children, men are not as good at being alone as women are. Because of early socialization, women are better at relationships--with children, friends, and relatives. In general, women have more friends than men and are closer to those friends. This, of course, is the direct result of boys' having independence forced on them early in life, when what they need is emotional and physical contact with others.
Socialization punishes women, too. When they have children, women's mental health suffers, while that of men doesn't change at all. That's because women, in general, take care of the kids. If there's trouble in the home, or work interferes with child rearing, they'll disproportionately suffer for it.
Women also worry more than men. They care about a larger group of people who just don't appear on the emotional radar screens of men. In marriage, men share in the joys and are often protected from the pain. Just as the man will go downstairs to investigate a suspicious noise, the woman plays the role of emotional protector.
Kessler uses this example: A wife reports (to the researcher) that she's very upset, because her daughter had an abortion and had to miss a number of days of school. The husband reports that his daughter had the flu and couldn't go to school. How could this be? The explanation is simple: The daughter got pregnant and went to her mother for help, saying, "Whatever you do, don't tell Dad." So the mother helped the daughter have an abortion and told the father the girl was home sick with the flu.
The result is that the husband is exposed to less stress, while the woman is exposed to more. Not only does she have to deal with the abortion, but she also has to lie to her husband and orchestrate the protection of that lie. But throughout, her connections are reinforced and affirmed.
The studies show that when a father dies, the children grow closer to the mother. They come around more. The mother has been maintaining those relationships all along, and they pay off in a crisis. Yet when a mother dies, the children come around less. That's because for years, when they called on Sunday, they talked to the mother, not the father. By filling the social role, the wife grows closer to the kids. That's why widowhood and divorce are so much worse for men. Their protection is ripped away, and they have no social network to catch them as they fall. The person who managed their emotional life is gone.
As Kessler puts it, "You can hire someone to do most of the things the husband does in a marriage. But you can never hire someone to do what the wife does." Men can change this situation and possibly protect themselves from depression later in life by expanding the depth and breadth of their social networks.
Recovery
After undergoing treatment for bipolar disorder and chronic depression, Britt went back to compete in all the events he had run so desperately in 2004, such as the Lake Placid Ironman. To his amazement, he recognized for the first time that the run took place in a glorious natural setting. "You're literally running through fields of green," he says. Later that year, he was competing in the Ironman Wisconsin, which he'd done in such a black mood the year before, and began to wonder, Why am I hurting myself? I don't need to hurt myself anymore. For the first time in his life, he walked for an hour during the event, feeling joyous.
Britt's compulsion to run began to fade. "My race performance declined by about 5 percent in the first half of last year," he tells me, "and it really tailed off by fall. I took most of early winter off, totally. It's a healthier me all around." In other words, he now runs for fun, something he was unable to experience before.
But recovery wasn't simple or easy. Early on, when Britt was first diagnosed, he spent much of his time searching for a single moment in each day when something good happened, something he could celebrate. Gradually, those moments grew larger and more frequent. "Now," he says, "the days are filled with not only great moments, but great minutes and hours. And those make up great days, great weeks, and even great months."
When men talk about depression, one of the recurring themes is how it sucks the color and flavor out of life. The birdsong that filled you with joy as a child has no effect at all. The people you love don't make your heart sing, even though you know they should. The colors of the world are tarnished and dull. Britt ran the Boston Marathon once again, and realized at the end that although he'd run it many times, he had literally never seen the finish line; he ran right through it and focused on the next thing. "Now I can see things I never saw before--colors, scenery, people," he says. "It's almost impossible to describe, except to say that it seems like the world has visually opened up."
Depression is well known for shutting down the senses, and when it lifted, Britt was so astonished at what was around him that he took up photography just to try to capture it all. "I never cared before. I never noticed the colors of a sunset. The electricity in a lightning strike. The glow of moonrise over a lake. They've always been there. But only recently have I begun to see them. And I am amazed."
Exercising Your Demons
Some people might call you highly competitive. Some might call you superfit. But a growing number of doctors would label you something else: Depressed
By: Laurence Gonzales
In 1994, at the age of 33, Raymond Britt took up running. It made him feel good. In fact, the more he pushed himself, the better he felt. So each time he went out, he pushed a little harder. It seemed to put him above the turmoil of the world and afford him some relief. Relief from what -- that wasn't so clear. His life was good. He was a successful executive. He'd married his high-school sweetheart. He had beautiful children.
But there was something odd about it all. For one thing, he had no background as a runner. He'd been a powerlifter in his 20s, benching 315. But in the summer of '94, amid a hectic schedule, he happened to see a flier for the Chicago Marathon and was seized by the impulse to run it. Never mind that there were only a few weeks left to train. Never mind that he had never run more than 3 miles at a time. He thought, I can do anything for 5 hours and 30 minutes, which was the qualifying time to receive a finisher's medal.
He became obsessed with his training.
"I was excited, I was nervous, I was alive," he says. "My mother and my wife thought I was crazy." As he reached the 18th mile of the marathon, his hopes for a life-changing experience were shattered. Beating himself up both mentally and physically, he managed to drag his body over the finish line in 4 hours and 41 minutes, as he puts it, "alone, hurt, angry, unhappy."
Rather than recover, he went out the next day to punish himself and prepare for the next marathon.
Sex Differences
The study of how mental illness affects men and women differently is new and fraught with controversy. The first comprehensive survey was conducted between 1990 and 1992. Its aim was to estimate the general prevalence of mental illness.
The research, known as the National Comorbidity Survey, was repeated, in more depth and on a larger scale, between 2001 and 2003, under the auspices of the World Health Organization and with funding from the National Institute of Mental Health. The principal investigator is Ronald C. Kessler, Ph.D., a jolly-looking, bearded professor in the department of health-care policy at Harvard University.
The numbers seem to show that men and women suffer from various mental illnesses at about the same rate, with some notable variations and exceptions. One of the differences, long accepted as gospel by the psychiatric professions, is that twice as many women as men suffer from depression. Kessler says his numbers show that a woman is twice as likely as a man to have a single episode of major clinical depression in her life. After the first episode, however, men and women don't differ in the number of episodes they'll have during a lifetime, or in whether they'll have another episode. Only the first step differs, he says. Then the statistics flatten out to equal.
But if repeat episodes of depression are equal for men and women, doesn't it stand to reason that they may be having first bouts at the same rate? Maybe the discrepancy lies not in the number of men and women who are depressed, but rather, in how depression is expressed.
According to an increasing number of experts, the diagnostic tallies don't take into account the real experience of a lot of men like Britt. They also ignore the fact that women are much more likely to report depression and seek help. Men are more likely to try to fight through their depression, using strategies ranging from hard work to extreme exercise to drinking to violence. Nearly four times more men than women kill themselves.
When women become depressed, they tend to show the classic symptoms described in the psychiatrist's handbook the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. They feel sad and tired, and lose interest in the pleasures of life. In short, women generally get depressed in just the way that most people, including psychotherapists, think about depression.
Men tend to get angry, and that anger expresses itself in a wide variety of intense activities, such as Britt's obsessive running. Some of these men even win marathons--on the streets of Chicago or in feats of work endurance--and look like heroes, which makes it even more difficult to diagnose their depression.
Britt says, "I've always thought Lance Armstrong suffered from depression and that's where his anger came from. I saw a lot of myself in him, the way he transfers anger into action. Depression leads some of us to fight as hard as we can against it. It makes you angry. I liked my anger. I got focused and felt better, like I was leaving turmoil in the dust. But it was temporary."
Because we think of the word "depression" as fitting the woman's profile better than the man's, doctors and therapists don't tend to recognize the disease as readily in men, and men don't talk about it. William Pollack, Ph.D., a professor of psychiatry at Harvard, estimates that 50 percent to 65 percent of men suffering from what they call "covert depression" aren't diagnosed.
It seems clear that men will do just about anything to avoid admitting to having the disease. They'd rather just suffer. Some of them would rather die.
Driven
Britt raced in Chicago the next year and qualified for the Boston Marathon. Still, he needed more. He entered the Chicago Triathlon that same year and nearly drowned. ("I was a terrible swimmer.") He returned in 1996, and did well. That only fed his craving. "I wanted to take everything to the next, most impossible level I could imagine," he says. He describes himself as "driven to the margin of terror."
By 1998, he had developed a set of rules for himself: more, harder, quicker, and farther away. Three Ironman races in 7 weeks. Roth, Germany, in July for Ironman Europe. Zurich in August for Ironman Switzerland, wife and 4-month-old baby in tow. Ironman Canada again in September. "Still not enough," he says.
In 1999: four Ironman races, a 50-miler, and the Western States 100. Seven days later, he ran two 5-Ks on the same day, for "pain as punishment and proof that I was okay. I could survive the day as long as I could channel my inner turbulence into power and aggression during training. The determination, the drive, kept me afloat."
In the following years, he broke 3 hours in the marathon, qualified for the Ironman World Championships three times, won awards, gained sponsorship, and was regularly published as a cardio guru. He was a champ, a role model. "How can this be a bad thing?" he asked. "And if I'm strong enough to outlast anything, aren't I strong enough to outlast life's challenges?"
Yet his world had begun to contract. He began intentionally doing reckless things. "I took risks riding my bicycle in traffic, running at night, fighting whatever was fighting me. It felt good to be fighting."
He couldn't run, bike, and swim all day. He had to work. He had a wife and kids. So he simply pushed that much harder. "My best performances came when I was ready to rip the top off the race course. I had very aggressive feelings. I just wanted to attack."
He was winning, yes, but he also required emergency medical attention after every event. He'd come in with his blood pressure reading 90 over 50 and required up to four IV bags of fluid to counter dehydration. That didn't seem odd to him, but his wife began to worry that he was trying to kill himself. He told her he was just pushing it. He eventually did 42 marathons, 27 Ironman Triathlons, and six ultramarathons in 11 years, covering 42,000 miles, the equivalent of running, swimming, and biking around the world 1 1/2 times.
The weird thing is this: Raymond Britt isn't that unusual. His distances aren't even that huge, compared with some guys'. And the mental illness he suffers from, which drove him to battle through all those miles, is not that uncommon among men.
Steven Imparl is a lawyer in Chicago, but a look at his résumé affords a glimpse into the frantic world of a man working very hard to compensate for depression. He graduated from high school in the top 15 of his class of 550 students. He received his B.S. degree with high honors. He became an information-technology specialist working for big companies, then went on to earn his law degree and start his own firm. Along the way, he studied French, German, Slovene, and Spanish. He learned classical guitar, studied Slavic and Balkan history, and sang barbershop harmony. And he somehow found time for power walking, inline skating, volleyball, and boxing. By the fall of 2001, he was so wound up, he could hardly sleep. He became more irritable, more easily angered. After nearly getting into a fistfight while walking down a street, he decided to seek help. But when the doctor told him he was suffering from clinical depression, Imparl refused to believe it. Admitting to depression is . . . well, it's like getting your period: Guys don't do it.
Once Imparl accepted the diagnosis, he performed like any true, overachieving depressed man would: Through a program of therapy and drugs, he got better, and then he founded a successful Web site, maledepression.com, for guys like him.
Raymond Britt's crash and burn came one day in November 2004, when he set out to run himself into the ground, to transfer the pain from his soul to his body. Many miles and hours later, he found himself bloodied, exhausted, and hypothermic, but he neither displaced the internal pain nor found relief. He was forced at last to face what he'd known for decades: Depression was rampant in his family. From an early age, Britt had been determined that he wouldn't succumb. He wouldn't be weak.
Because his father had medicated his own depression with alcohol, Britt had never taken up drinking. By the fall of 2004, his father had been in therapy for a while, and was encouraging Britt to seek help. Having experienced depression himself, he was able to see the disorder in his son. He sent Britt an e-mail with his doctor's name. And then he dropped dead.
It was a few weeks later when Britt hit the wall on his last desperate run. Then he collapsed into classic symptoms of depression, which is what happens when the strategy fails: "The weight felt so heavy that it was hard to physically move," says Britt. He found himself wishing he'd be in an accident that would put him in the hospital so that he could escape. "I wanted to be taken out."
That's the point at which depressed men can slip beyond fantasy into active thoughts of suicide. Some 31,000 people in the United States commit suicide each year. More than 24,000 of them are men. And that doesn't count the deaths from alcohol or drugs. In fact, some researchers are beginning to suspect that depression causes more deaths than auto accidents do.
Britt's fantasies of having an accident scared him. He went to see his father's psychiatrist. It didn't take the doctor long to diagnose his condition. (Q: "When were you last really happy?" A: "1975.") And yet, his denial of clinical depression was so strong that he sought a second opinion.
Maybe men need a different word for depression. Or maybe the brain researchers and psychologists simply need to redefine the condition so it includes the way men experience it, too.
Cultural Cover-Up
It's understandable that women are three times more likely than men to be treated for depression; our culture has put a feminine face on the disease, so women give themselves permission to feel it and to seek help for it. Pollack puts it this way: "We have in our society a feminized view of depression, coming out of a model of hysteria that dates back to Freud."
Terrence Real, author of I Don't Want to Talk about It, and a marriage and family therapist in Massachusetts, wrote, "There is a terrible collusion in our society, a cultural cover-up about depression in men." And part of the cultural influence involves the way men are taught from early childhood to be strong, silent, independent, and resistant to suffering. As Real puts it, "Men have about a milli-second's tolerance for feeling [this type of] pain, and then they spring into action. A flight from shame into grandiosity lies at the heart of male covert depression."
Another reason men leap into action, though, whether it's through intense exercise, overwork, pounding back martinis, or some other strategy, is that it actually does relieve the symptoms of depression, at least for a time. In fact, many therapists have begun using exercise as an adjunct to therapy, as explained in books like The Joy of Running, by Thaddeus Kostrubala, and The Exercise Prescription for Depression and Anxiety, by Keith Johnsgard. And research at Duke University confirmed their hunches in 1999.
But exercise in itself doesn't treat the underlying condition. In fact, books called The Joy of Working 80 Hours a Week and The Drinking Prescription for Depression might reach a wide audience, because those strategies can effectively mask depression for years. That is, they can sort of work.
Because at the heart of what Britt and Imparl were going through was a life filled with large stretches of no feeling at all. Britt says he was constantly running, "hoping that movement would help me discover something better."
Looking back on his decades of depression, Britt saw isolated flashes of happiness--the birth of his children, laughter, friendship--but they were, he says, "bright spots on what had been a more turbulent journey than I let myself admit. The moments of happiness sustained my denial of something I had only recently begun to consider an 'invisible load.'" In other words, he'd been swimming with an anvil, and he was sinking by imperceptible increments.
Conditioning
The social conditioning that leads to men's response to depression begins in infancy. Male babies receive less of every type of nurturing, including speech, touch, and comfort when they cry. And that is only the beginning of what will be, to one degree or another, a brutal upbringing for boys.
In the 1960s, the crusading social psychologist Jeanne Block and her colleagues explored how differently parents treat boys and girls. For instance, moms and dads encourage boys to be competitive and to achieve. They don't like them to show their emotions. They encourage them to be less dependent; mothers push them away. They punish them more than they punish girls. And they are unaware that they treat boys and girls differently.
By the time boys are on their way to the teenage years, the process of disavowing what they are is complete. The book A New Psychology of Men describes research in which people were asked what it means to be feminine or masculine. Women and girls defined themselves by the ways they were connected to others, and by citing qualities like being caring or compassionate. Men and boys defined themselves by negatives: They weren't weak, dependent, or connected to their mothers.
But there is not much in our cultural definition of what it means to be a man that is inherent in maleness. Children start off surprisingly alike, whether they're boys or girls. If there's a difference, it's the opposite of what the culture seems to expect: Boys are more sensitive. They give expression to their emotions more readily than girls. They affiliate with others in the same way as girls. Then someone starts telling them it's not okay to be that way. If you act like that, you're a pussy.
As Real and others have explained, it is through this process of denial that men are primed for depression. And it is the cultural necessity of carrying out and carrying on this process that makes it so difficult for them to recognize and admit to depression when it comes. They not only don't acknowledge it to themselves, they often don't display the symptoms that psychotherapists use to diagnose depression.
The cultural training that lays the groundwork for depression in men and for their denial of it later in life involves social isolation. That means telling people the truth about yourself and trusting that they'll do the same, a concept that seems terrifying to many men.
In one case, two friends knew each other for years, commuting together, talking every day, laughing together. They would not have said they were socially isolated, yet when they happened to run into each other in the same group meeting for men suffering from depression, they had to laugh: Neither one had ever admitted it to the other, even though they were both seeking treatment for it.
Social isolation is a well-known killer of mammals. Countless studies going back to the '50s show that contact, affection, emotional communication, and genuine closeness are necessary for mammals, including humans, to maintain our health. Isolation wreaks havoc on everything from the immune system to the cardiovascular system to the brain. Conversely, staying socially connected helps protect men from mental illness, including depression.
The new research done by Kessler and others shows that single men and women look no different when it comes to most kinds of mental illness. But when they get married, they veer off in different directions. "It's a very good deal to be married if you're a man," Kessler says. "It's associated with a dramatic improvement in mental health."
Perhaps because they are forced into solitude as children, men are not as good at being alone as women are. Because of early socialization, women are better at relationships--with children, friends, and relatives. In general, women have more friends than men and are closer to those friends. This, of course, is the direct result of boys' having independence forced on them early in life, when what they need is emotional and physical contact with others.
Socialization punishes women, too. When they have children, women's mental health suffers, while that of men doesn't change at all. That's because women, in general, take care of the kids. If there's trouble in the home, or work interferes with child rearing, they'll disproportionately suffer for it.
Women also worry more than men. They care about a larger group of people who just don't appear on the emotional radar screens of men. In marriage, men share in the joys and are often protected from the pain. Just as the man will go downstairs to investigate a suspicious noise, the woman plays the role of emotional protector.
Kessler uses this example: A wife reports (to the researcher) that she's very upset, because her daughter had an abortion and had to miss a number of days of school. The husband reports that his daughter had the flu and couldn't go to school. How could this be? The explanation is simple: The daughter got pregnant and went to her mother for help, saying, "Whatever you do, don't tell Dad." So the mother helped the daughter have an abortion and told the father the girl was home sick with the flu.
The result is that the husband is exposed to less stress, while the woman is exposed to more. Not only does she have to deal with the abortion, but she also has to lie to her husband and orchestrate the protection of that lie. But throughout, her connections are reinforced and affirmed.
The studies show that when a father dies, the children grow closer to the mother. They come around more. The mother has been maintaining those relationships all along, and they pay off in a crisis. Yet when a mother dies, the children come around less. That's because for years, when they called on Sunday, they talked to the mother, not the father. By filling the social role, the wife grows closer to the kids. That's why widowhood and divorce are so much worse for men. Their protection is ripped away, and they have no social network to catch them as they fall. The person who managed their emotional life is gone.
As Kessler puts it, "You can hire someone to do most of the things the husband does in a marriage. But you can never hire someone to do what the wife does." Men can change this situation and possibly protect themselves from depression later in life by expanding the depth and breadth of their social networks.
Recovery
After undergoing treatment for bipolar disorder and chronic depression, Britt went back to compete in all the events he had run so desperately in 2004, such as the Lake Placid Ironman. To his amazement, he recognized for the first time that the run took place in a glorious natural setting. "You're literally running through fields of green," he says. Later that year, he was competing in the Ironman Wisconsin, which he'd done in such a black mood the year before, and began to wonder, Why am I hurting myself? I don't need to hurt myself anymore. For the first time in his life, he walked for an hour during the event, feeling joyous.
Britt's compulsion to run began to fade. "My race performance declined by about 5 percent in the first half of last year," he tells me, "and it really tailed off by fall. I took most of early winter off, totally. It's a healthier me all around." In other words, he now runs for fun, something he was unable to experience before.
But recovery wasn't simple or easy. Early on, when Britt was first diagnosed, he spent much of his time searching for a single moment in each day when something good happened, something he could celebrate. Gradually, those moments grew larger and more frequent. "Now," he says, "the days are filled with not only great moments, but great minutes and hours. And those make up great days, great weeks, and even great months."
When men talk about depression, one of the recurring themes is how it sucks the color and flavor out of life. The birdsong that filled you with joy as a child has no effect at all. The people you love don't make your heart sing, even though you know they should. The colors of the world are tarnished and dull. Britt ran the Boston Marathon once again, and realized at the end that although he'd run it many times, he had literally never seen the finish line; he ran right through it and focused on the next thing. "Now I can see things I never saw before--colors, scenery, people," he says. "It's almost impossible to describe, except to say that it seems like the world has visually opened up."
Depression is well known for shutting down the senses, and when it lifted, Britt was so astonished at what was around him that he took up photography just to try to capture it all. "I never cared before. I never noticed the colors of a sunset. The electricity in a lightning strike. The glow of moonrise over a lake. They've always been there. But only recently have I begun to see them. And I am amazed."
Exercising Your Demons
Some people might call you highly competitive. Some might call you superfit. But a growing number of doctors would label you something else: Depressed
By: Laurence Gonzales
In 1994, at the age of 33, Raymond Britt took up running. It made him feel good. In fact, the more he pushed himself, the better he felt. So each time he went out, he pushed a little harder. It seemed to put him above the turmoil of the world and afford him some relief. Relief from what -- that wasn't so clear. His life was good. He was a successful executive. He'd married his high-school sweetheart. He had beautiful children.
But there was something odd about it all. For one thing, he had no background as a runner. He'd been a powerlifter in his 20s, benching 315. But in the summer of '94, amid a hectic schedule, he happened to see a flier for the Chicago Marathon and was seized by the impulse to run it. Never mind that there were only a few weeks left to train. Never mind that he had never run more than 3 miles at a time. He thought, I can do anything for 5 hours and 30 minutes, which was the qualifying time to receive a finisher's medal.
He became obsessed with his training.
"I was excited, I was nervous, I was alive," he says. "My mother and my wife thought I was crazy." As he reached the 18th mile of the marathon, his hopes for a life-changing experience were shattered. Beating himself up both mentally and physically, he managed to drag his body over the finish line in 4 hours and 41 minutes, as he puts it, "alone, hurt, angry, unhappy."
Rather than recover, he went out the next day to punish himself and prepare for the next marathon.
Sex Differences
The study of how mental illness affects men and women differently is new and fraught with controversy. The first comprehensive survey was conducted between 1990 and 1992. Its aim was to estimate the general prevalence of mental illness.
The research, known as the National Comorbidity Survey, was repeated, in more depth and on a larger scale, between 2001 and 2003, under the auspices of the World Health Organization and with funding from the National Institute of Mental Health. The principal investigator is Ronald C. Kessler, Ph.D., a jolly-looking, bearded professor in the department of health-care policy at Harvard University.
The numbers seem to show that men and women suffer from various mental illnesses at about the same rate, with some notable variations and exceptions. One of the differences, long accepted as gospel by the psychiatric professions, is that twice as many women as men suffer from depression. Kessler says his numbers show that a woman is twice as likely as a man to have a single episode of major clinical depression in her life. After the first episode, however, men and women don't differ in the number of episodes they'll have during a lifetime, or in whether they'll have another episode. Only the first step differs, he says. Then the statistics flatten out to equal.
But if repeat episodes of depression are equal for men and women, doesn't it stand to reason that they may be having first bouts at the same rate? Maybe the discrepancy lies not in the number of men and women who are depressed, but rather, in how depression is expressed.
According to an increasing number of experts, the diagnostic tallies don't take into account the real experience of a lot of men like Britt. They also ignore the fact that women are much more likely to report depression and seek help. Men are more likely to try to fight through their depression, using strategies ranging from hard work to extreme exercise to drinking to violence. Nearly four times more men than women kill themselves.
When women become depressed, they tend to show the classic symptoms described in the psychiatrist's handbook the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. They feel sad and tired, and lose interest in the pleasures of life. In short, women generally get depressed in just the way that most people, including psychotherapists, think about depression.
Men tend to get angry, and that anger expresses itself in a wide variety of intense activities, such as Britt's obsessive running. Some of these men even win marathons--on the streets of Chicago or in feats of work endurance--and look like heroes, which makes it even more difficult to diagnose their depression.
Britt says, "I've always thought Lance Armstrong suffered from depression and that's where his anger came from. I saw a lot of myself in him, the way he transfers anger into action. Depression leads some of us to fight as hard as we can against it. It makes you angry. I liked my anger. I got focused and felt better, like I was leaving turmoil in the dust. But it was temporary."
Because we think of the word "depression" as fitting the woman's profile better than the man's, doctors and therapists don't tend to recognize the disease as readily in men, and men don't talk about it. William Pollack, Ph.D., a professor of psychiatry at Harvard, estimates that 50 percent to 65 percent of men suffering from what they call "covert depression" aren't diagnosed.
It seems clear that men will do just about anything to avoid admitting to having the disease. They'd rather just suffer. Some of them would rather die.
Driven
Britt raced in Chicago the next year and qualified for the Boston Marathon. Still, he needed more. He entered the Chicago Triathlon that same year and nearly drowned. ("I was a terrible swimmer.") He returned in 1996, and did well. That only fed his craving. "I wanted to take everything to the next, most impossible level I could imagine," he says. He describes himself as "driven to the margin of terror."
By 1998, he had developed a set of rules for himself: more, harder, quicker, and farther away. Three Ironman races in 7 weeks. Roth, Germany, in July for Ironman Europe. Zurich in August for Ironman Switzerland, wife and 4-month-old baby in tow. Ironman Canada again in September. "Still not enough," he says.
In 1999: four Ironman races, a 50-miler, and the Western States 100. Seven days later, he ran two 5-Ks on the same day, for "pain as punishment and proof that I was okay. I could survive the day as long as I could channel my inner turbulence into power and aggression during training. The determination, the drive, kept me afloat."
In the following years, he broke 3 hours in the marathon, qualified for the Ironman World Championships three times, won awards, gained sponsorship, and was regularly published as a cardio guru. He was a champ, a role model. "How can this be a bad thing?" he asked. "And if I'm strong enough to outlast anything, aren't I strong enough to outlast life's challenges?"
Yet his world had begun to contract. He began intentionally doing reckless things. "I took risks riding my bicycle in traffic, running at night, fighting whatever was fighting me. It felt good to be fighting."
He couldn't run, bike, and swim all day. He had to work. He had a wife and kids. So he simply pushed that much harder. "My best performances came when I was ready to rip the top off the race course. I had very aggressive feelings. I just wanted to attack."
He was winning, yes, but he also required emergency medical attention after every event. He'd come in with his blood pressure reading 90 over 50 and required up to four IV bags of fluid to counter dehydration. That didn't seem odd to him, but his wife began to worry that he was trying to kill himself. He told her he was just pushing it. He eventually did 42 marathons, 27 Ironman Triathlons, and six ultramarathons in 11 years, covering 42,000 miles, the equivalent of running, swimming, and biking around the world 1 1/2 times.
The weird thing is this: Raymond Britt isn't that unusual. His distances aren't even that huge, compared with some guys'. And the mental illness he suffers from, which drove him to battle through all those miles, is not that uncommon among men.
Steven Imparl is a lawyer in Chicago, but a look at his résumé affords a glimpse into the frantic world of a man working very hard to compensate for depression. He graduated from high school in the top 15 of his class of 550 students. He received his B.S. degree with high honors. He became an information-technology specialist working for big companies, then went on to earn his law degree and start his own firm. Along the way, he studied French, German, Slovene, and Spanish. He learned classical guitar, studied Slavic and Balkan history, and sang barbershop harmony. And he somehow found time for power walking, inline skating, volleyball, and boxing. By the fall of 2001, he was so wound up, he could hardly sleep. He became more irritable, more easily angered. After nearly getting into a fistfight while walking down a street, he decided to seek help. But when the doctor told him he was suffering from clinical depression, Imparl refused to believe it. Admitting to depression is . . . well, it's like getting your period: Guys don't do it.
Once Imparl accepted the diagnosis, he performed like any true, overachieving depressed man would: Through a program of therapy and drugs, he got better, and then he founded a successful Web site, maledepression.com, for guys like him.
Raymond Britt's crash and burn came one day in November 2004, when he set out to run himself into the ground, to transfer the pain from his soul to his body. Many miles and hours later, he found himself bloodied, exhausted, and hypothermic, but he neither displaced the internal pain nor found relief. He was forced at last to face what he'd known for decades: Depression was rampant in his family. From an early age, Britt had been determined that he wouldn't succumb. He wouldn't be weak.
Because his father had medicated his own depression with alcohol, Britt had never taken up drinking. By the fall of 2004, his father had been in therapy for a while, and was encouraging Britt to seek help. Having experienced depression himself, he was able to see the disorder in his son. He sent Britt an e-mail with his doctor's name. And then he dropped dead.
It was a few weeks later when Britt hit the wall on his last desperate run. Then he collapsed into classic symptoms of depression, which is what happens when the strategy fails: "The weight felt so heavy that it was hard to physically move," says Britt. He found himself wishing he'd be in an accident that would put him in the hospital so that he could escape. "I wanted to be taken out."
That's the point at which depressed men can slip beyond fantasy into active thoughts of suicide. Some 31,000 people in the United States commit suicide each year. More than 24,000 of them are men. And that doesn't count the deaths from alcohol or drugs. In fact, some researchers are beginning to suspect that depression causes more deaths than auto accidents do.
Britt's fantasies of having an accident scared him. He went to see his father's psychiatrist. It didn't take the doctor long to diagnose his condition. (Q: "When were you last really happy?" A: "1975.") And yet, his denial of clinical depression was so strong that he sought a second opinion.
Maybe men need a different word for depression. Or maybe the brain researchers and psychologists simply need to redefine the condition so it includes the way men experience it, too.
Cultural Cover-Up
It's understandable that women are three times more likely than men to be treated for depression; our culture has put a feminine face on the disease, so women give themselves permission to feel it and to seek help for it. Pollack puts it this way: "We have in our society a feminized view of depression, coming out of a model of hysteria that dates back to Freud."
Terrence Real, author of I Don't Want to Talk about It, and a marriage and family therapist in Massachusetts, wrote, "There is a terrible collusion in our society, a cultural cover-up about depression in men." And part of the cultural influence involves the way men are taught from early childhood to be strong, silent, independent, and resistant to suffering. As Real puts it, "Men have about a milli-second's tolerance for feeling [this type of] pain, and then they spring into action. A flight from shame into grandiosity lies at the heart of male covert depression."
Another reason men leap into action, though, whether it's through intense exercise, overwork, pounding back martinis, or some other strategy, is that it actually does relieve the symptoms of depression, at least for a time. In fact, many therapists have begun using exercise as an adjunct to therapy, as explained in books like The Joy of Running, by Thaddeus Kostrubala, and The Exercise Prescription for Depression and Anxiety, by Keith Johnsgard. And research at Duke University confirmed their hunches in 1999.
But exercise in itself doesn't treat the underlying condition. In fact, books called The Joy of Working 80 Hours a Week and The Drinking Prescription for Depression might reach a wide audience, because those strategies can effectively mask depression for years. That is, they can sort of work.
Because at the heart of what Britt and Imparl were going through was a life filled with large stretches of no feeling at all. Britt says he was constantly running, "hoping that movement would help me discover something better."
Looking back on his decades of depression, Britt saw isolated flashes of happiness--the birth of his children, laughter, friendship--but they were, he says, "bright spots on what had been a more turbulent journey than I let myself admit. The moments of happiness sustained my denial of something I had only recently begun to consider an 'invisible load.'" In other words, he'd been swimming with an anvil, and he was sinking by imperceptible increments.
Conditioning
The social conditioning that leads to men's response to depression begins in infancy. Male babies receive less of every type of nurturing, including speech, touch, and comfort when they cry. And that is only the beginning of what will be, to one degree or another, a brutal upbringing for boys.
In the 1960s, the crusading social psychologist Jeanne Block and her colleagues explored how differently parents treat boys and girls. For instance, moms and dads encourage boys to be competitive and to achieve. They don't like them to show their emotions. They encourage them to be less dependent; mothers push them away. They punish them more than they punish girls. And they are unaware that they treat boys and girls differently.
By the time boys are on their way to the teenage years, the process of disavowing what they are is complete. The book A New Psychology of Men describes research in which people were asked what it means to be feminine or masculine. Women and girls defined themselves by the ways they were connected to others, and by citing qualities like being caring or compassionate. Men and boys defined themselves by negatives: They weren't weak, dependent, or connected to their mothers.
But there is not much in our cultural definition of what it means to be a man that is inherent in maleness. Children start off surprisingly alike, whether they're boys or girls. If there's a difference, it's the opposite of what the culture seems to expect: Boys are more sensitive. They give expression to their emotions more readily than girls. They affiliate with others in the same way as girls. Then someone starts telling them it's not okay to be that way. If you act like that, you're a pussy.
As Real and others have explained, it is through this process of denial that men are primed for depression. And it is the cultural necessity of carrying out and carrying on this process that makes it so difficult for them to recognize and admit to depression when it comes. They not only don't acknowledge it to themselves, they often don't display the symptoms that psychotherapists use to diagnose depression.
The cultural training that lays the groundwork for depression in men and for their denial of it later in life involves social isolation. That means telling people the truth about yourself and trusting that they'll do the same, a concept that seems terrifying to many men.
In one case, two friends knew each other for years, commuting together, talking every day, laughing together. They would not have said they were socially isolated, yet when they happened to run into each other in the same group meeting for men suffering from depression, they had to laugh: Neither one had ever admitted it to the other, even though they were both seeking treatment for it.
Social isolation is a well-known killer of mammals. Countless studies going back to the '50s show that contact, affection, emotional communication, and genuine closeness are necessary for mammals, including humans, to maintain our health. Isolation wreaks havoc on everything from the immune system to the cardiovascular system to the brain. Conversely, staying socially connected helps protect men from mental illness, including depression.
The new research done by Kessler and others shows that single men and women look no different when it comes to most kinds of mental illness. But when they get married, they veer off in different directions. "It's a very good deal to be married if you're a man," Kessler says. "It's associated with a dramatic improvement in mental health."
Perhaps because they are forced into solitude as children, men are not as good at being alone as women are. Because of early socialization, women are better at relationships--with children, friends, and relatives. In general, women have more friends than men and are closer to those friends. This, of course, is the direct result of boys' having independence forced on them early in life, when what they need is emotional and physical contact with others.
Socialization punishes women, too. When they have children, women's mental health suffers, while that of men doesn't change at all. That's because women, in general, take care of the kids. If there's trouble in the home, or work interferes with child rearing, they'll disproportionately suffer for it.
Women also worry more than men. They care about a larger group of people who just don't appear on the emotional radar screens of men. In marriage, men share in the joys and are often protected from the pain. Just as the man will go downstairs to investigate a suspicious noise, the woman plays the role of emotional protector.
Kessler uses this example: A wife reports (to the researcher) that she's very upset, because her daughter had an abortion and had to miss a number of days of school. The husband reports that his daughter had the flu and couldn't go to school. How could this be? The explanation is simple: The daughter got pregnant and went to her mother for help, saying, "Whatever you do, don't tell Dad." So the mother helped the daughter have an abortion and told the father the girl was home sick with the flu.
The result is that the husband is exposed to less stress, while the woman is exposed to more. Not only does she have to deal with the abortion, but she also has to lie to her husband and orchestrate the protection of that lie. But throughout, her connections are reinforced and affirmed.
The studies show that when a father dies, the children grow closer to the mother. They come around more. The mother has been maintaining those relationships all along, and they pay off in a crisis. Yet when a mother dies, the children come around less. That's because for years, when they called on Sunday, they talked to the mother, not the father. By filling the social role, the wife grows closer to the kids. That's why widowhood and divorce are so much worse for men. Their protection is ripped away, and they have no social network to catch them as they fall. The person who managed their emotional life is gone.
As Kessler puts it, "You can hire someone to do most of the things the husband does in a marriage. But you can never hire someone to do what the wife does." Men can change this situation and possibly protect themselves from depression later in life by expanding the depth and breadth of their social networks.
Recovery
After undergoing treatment for bipolar disorder and chronic depression, Britt went back to compete in all the events he had run so desperately in 2004, such as the Lake Placid Ironman. To his amazement, he recognized for the first time that the run took place in a glorious natural setting. "You're literally running through fields of green," he says. Later that year, he was competing in the Ironman Wisconsin, which he'd done in such a black mood the year before, and began to wonder, Why am I hurting myself? I don't need to hurt myself anymore. For the first time in his life, he walked for an hour during the event, feeling joyous.
Britt's compulsion to run began to fade. "My race performance declined by about 5 percent in the first half of last year," he tells me, "and it really tailed off by fall. I took most of early winter off, totally. It's a healthier me all around." In other words, he now runs for fun, something he was unable to experience before.
But recovery wasn't simple or easy. Early on, when Britt was first diagnosed, he spent much of his time searching for a single moment in each day when something good happened, something he could celebrate. Gradually, those moments grew larger and more frequent. "Now," he says, "the days are filled with not only great moments, but great minutes and hours. And those make up great days, great weeks, and even great months."
When men talk about depression, one of the recurring themes is how it sucks the color and flavor out of life. The birdsong that filled you with joy as a child has no effect at all. The people you love don't make your heart sing, even though you know they should. The colors of the world are tarnished and dull. Britt ran the Boston Marathon once again, and realized at the end that although he'd run it many times, he had literally never seen the finish line; he ran right through it and focused on the next thing. "Now I can see things I never saw before--colors, scenery, people," he says. "It's almost impossible to describe, except to say that it seems like the world has visually opened up."
Depression is well known for shutting down the senses, and when it lifted, Britt was so astonished at what was around him that he took up photography just to try to capture it all. "I never cared before. I never noticed the colors of a sunset. The electricity in a lightning strike. The glow of moonrise over a lake. They've always been there. But only recently have I begun to see them. And I am amazed."
Exercising Your Demons
Some people might call you highly competitive. Some might call you superfit. But a growing number of doctors would label you something else: Depressed
By: Laurence Gonzales
In 1994, at the age of 33, Raymond Britt took up running. It made him feel good. In fact, the more he pushed himself, the better he felt. So each time he went out, he pushed a little harder. It seemed to put him above the turmoil of the world and afford him some relief. Relief from what -- that wasn't so clear. His life was good. He was a successful executive. He'd married his high-school sweetheart. He had beautiful children.
But there was something odd about it all. For one thing, he had no background as a runner. He'd been a powerlifter in his 20s, benching 315. But in the summer of '94, amid a hectic schedule, he happened to see a flier for the Chicago Marathon and was seized by the impulse to run it. Never mind that there were only a few weeks left to train. Never mind that he had never run more than 3 miles at a time. He thought, I can do anything for 5 hours and 30 minutes, which was the qualifying time to receive a finisher's medal.
He became obsessed with his training.
"I was excited, I was nervous, I was alive," he says. "My mother and my wife thought I was crazy." As he reached the 18th mile of the marathon, his hopes for a life-changing experience were shattered. Beating himself up both mentally and physically, he managed to drag his body over the finish line in 4 hours and 41 minutes, as he puts it, "alone, hurt, angry, unhappy."
Rather than recover, he went out the next day to punish himself and prepare for the next marathon.
Sex Differences
The study of how mental illness affects men and women differently is new and fraught with controversy. The first comprehensive survey was conducted between 1990 and 1992. Its aim was to estimate the general prevalence of mental illness.
The research, known as the National Comorbidity Survey, was repeated, in more depth and on a larger scale, between 2001 and 2003, under the auspices of the World Health Organization and with funding from the National Institute of Mental Health. The principal investigator is Ronald C. Kessler, Ph.D., a jolly-looking, bearded professor in the department of health-care policy at Harvard University.
The numbers seem to show that men and women suffer from various mental illnesses at about the same rate, with some notable variations and exceptions. One of the differences, long accepted as gospel by the psychiatric professions, is that twice as many women as men suffer from depression. Kessler says his numbers show that a woman is twice as likely as a man to have a single episode of major clinical depression in her life. After the first episode, however, men and women don't differ in the number of episodes they'll have during a lifetime, or in whether they'll have another episode. Only the first step differs, he says. Then the statistics flatten out to equal.
But if repeat episodes of depression are equal for men and women, doesn't it stand to reason that they may be having first bouts at the same rate? Maybe the discrepancy lies not in the number of men and women who are depressed, but rather, in how depression is expressed.
According to an increasing number of experts, the diagnostic tallies don't take into account the real experience of a lot of men like Britt. They also ignore the fact that women are much more likely to report depression and seek help. Men are more likely to try to fight through their depression, using strategies ranging from hard work to extreme exercise to drinking to violence. Nearly four times more men than women kill themselves.
When women become depressed, they tend to show the classic symptoms described in the psychiatrist's handbook the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. They feel sad and tired, and lose interest in the pleasures of life. In short, women generally get depressed in just the way that most people, including psychotherapists, think about depression.
Men tend to get angry, and that anger expresses itself in a wide variety of intense activities, such as Britt's obsessive running. Some of these men even win marathons--on the streets of Chicago or in feats of work endurance--and look like heroes, which makes it even more difficult to diagnose their depression.
Britt says, "I've always thought Lance Armstrong suffered from depression and that's where his anger came from. I saw a lot of myself in him, the way he transfers anger into action. Depression leads some of us to fight as hard as we can against it. It makes you angry. I liked my anger. I got focused and felt better, like I was leaving turmoil in the dust. But it was temporary."
Because we think of the word "depression" as fitting the woman's profile better than the man's, doctors and therapists don't tend to recognize the disease as readily in men, and men don't talk about it. William Pollack, Ph.D., a professor of psychiatry at Harvard, estimates that 50 percent to 65 percent of men suffering from what they call "covert depression" aren't diagnosed.
It seems clear that men will do just about anything to avoid admitting to having the disease. They'd rather just suffer. Some of them would rather die.
Driven
Britt raced in Chicago the next year and qualified for the Boston Marathon. Still, he needed more. He entered the Chicago Triathlon that same year and nearly drowned. ("I was a terrible swimmer.") He returned in 1996, and did well. That only fed his craving. "I wanted to take everything to the next, most impossible level I could imagine," he says. He describes himself as "driven to the margin of terror."
By 1998, he had developed a set of rules for himself: more, harder, quicker, and farther away. Three Ironman races in 7 weeks. Roth, Germany, in July for Ironman Europe. Zurich in August for Ironman Switzerland, wife and 4-month-old baby in tow. Ironman Canada again in September. "Still not enough," he says.
In 1999: four Ironman races, a 50-miler, and the Western States 100. Seven days later, he ran two 5-Ks on the same day, for "pain as punishment and proof that I was okay. I could survive the day as long as I could channel my inner turbulence into power and aggression during training. The determination, the drive, kept me afloat."
In the following years, he broke 3 hours in the marathon, qualified for the Ironman World Championships three times, won awards, gained sponsorship, and was regularly published as a cardio guru. He was a champ, a role model. "How can this be a bad thing?" he asked. "And if I'm strong enough to outlast anything, aren't I strong enough to outlast life's challenges?"
Yet his world had begun to contract. He began intentionally doing reckless things. "I took risks riding my bicycle in traffic, running at night, fighting whatever was fighting me. It felt good to be fighting."
He couldn't run, bike, and swim all day. He had to work. He had a wife and kids. So he simply pushed that much harder. "My best performances came when I was ready to rip the top off the race course. I had very aggressive feelings. I just wanted to attack."
He was winning, yes, but he also required emergency medical attention after every event. He'd come in with his blood pressure reading 90 over 50 and required up to four IV bags of fluid to counter dehydration. That didn't seem odd to him, but his wife began to worry that he was trying to kill himself. He told her he was just pushing it. He eventually did 42 marathons, 27 Ironman Triathlons, and six ultramarathons in 11 years, covering 42,000 miles, the equivalent of running, swimming, and biking around the world 1 1/2 times.
The weird thing is this: Raymond Britt isn't that unusual. His distances aren't even that huge, compared with some guys'. And the mental illness he suffers from, which drove him to battle through all those miles, is not that uncommon among men.
Steven Imparl is a lawyer in Chicago, but a look at his résumé affords a glimpse into the frantic world of a man working very hard to compensate for depression. He graduated from high school in the top 15 of his class of 550 students. He received his B.S. degree with high honors. He became an information-technology specialist working for big companies, then went on to earn his law degree and start his own firm. Along the way, he studied French, German, Slovene, and Spanish. He learned classical guitar, studied Slavic and Balkan history, and sang barbershop harmony. And he somehow found time for power walking, inline skating, volleyball, and boxing. By the fall of 2001, he was so wound up, he could hardly sleep. He became more irritable, more easily angered. After nearly getting into a fistfight while walking down a street, he decided to seek help. But when the doctor told him he was suffering from clinical depression, Imparl refused to believe it. Admitting to depression is . . . well, it's like getting your period: Guys don't do it.
Once Imparl accepted the diagnosis, he performed like any true, overachieving depressed man would: Through a program of therapy and drugs, he got better, and then he founded a successful Web site, maledepression.com, for guys like him.
Raymond Britt's crash and burn came one day in November 2004, when he set out to run himself into the ground, to transfer the pain from his soul to his body. Many miles and hours later, he found himself bloodied, exhausted, and hypothermic, but he neither displaced the internal pain nor found relief. He was forced at last to face what he'd known for decades: Depression was rampant in his family. From an early age, Britt had been determined that he wouldn't succumb. He wouldn't be weak.
Because his father had medicated his own depression with alcohol, Britt had never taken up drinking. By the fall of 2004, his father had been in therapy for a while, and was encouraging Britt to seek help. Having experienced depression himself, he was able to see the disorder in his son. He sent Britt an e-mail with his doctor's name. And then he dropped dead.
It was a few weeks later when Britt hit the wall on his last desperate run. Then he collapsed into classic symptoms of depression, which is what happens when the strategy fails: "The weight felt so heavy that it was hard to physically move," says Britt. He found himself wishing he'd be in an accident that would put him in the hospital so that he could escape. "I wanted to be taken out."
That's the point at which depressed men can slip beyond fantasy into active thoughts of suicide. Some 31,000 people in the United States commit suicide each year. More than 24,000 of them are men. And that doesn't count the deaths from alcohol or drugs. In fact, some researchers are beginning to suspect that depression causes more deaths than auto accidents do.
Britt's fantasies of having an accident scared him. He went to see his father's psychiatrist. It didn't take the doctor long to diagnose his condition. (Q: "When were you last really happy?" A: "1975.") And yet, his denial of clinical depression was so strong that he sought a second opinion.
Maybe men need a different word for depression. Or maybe the brain researchers and psychologists simply need to redefine the condition so it includes the way men experience it, too.
Cultural Cover-Up
It's understandable that women are three times more likely than men to be treated for depression; our culture has put a feminine face on the disease, so women give themselves permission to feel it and to seek help for it. Pollack puts it this way: "We have in our society a feminized view of depression, coming out of a model of hysteria that dates back to Freud."
Terrence Real, author of I Don't Want to Talk about It, and a marriage and family therapist in Massachusetts, wrote, "There is a terrible collusion in our society, a cultural cover-up about depression in men." And part of the cultural influence involves the way men are taught from early childhood to be strong, silent, independent, and resistant to suffering. As Real puts it, "Men have about a milli-second's tolerance for feeling [this type of] pain, and then they spring into action. A flight from shame into grandiosity lies at the heart of male covert depression."
Another reason men leap into action, though, whether it's through intense exercise, overwork, pounding back martinis, or some other strategy, is that it actually does relieve the symptoms of depression, at least for a time. In fact, many therapists have begun using exercise as an adjunct to therapy, as explained in books like The Joy of Running, by Thaddeus Kostrubala, and The Exercise Prescription for Depression and Anxiety, by Keith Johnsgard. And research at Duke University confirmed their hunches in 1999.
But exercise in itself doesn't treat the underlying condition. In fact, books called The Joy of Working 80 Hours a Week and The Drinking Prescription for Depression might reach a wide audience, because those strategies can effectively mask depression for years. That is, they can sort of work.
Because at the heart of what Britt and Imparl were going through was a life filled with large stretches of no feeling at all. Britt says he was constantly running, "hoping that movement would help me discover something better."
Looking back on his decades of depression, Britt saw isolated flashes of happiness--the birth of his children, laughter, friendship--but they were, he says, "bright spots on what had been a more turbulent journey than I let myself admit. The moments of happiness sustained my denial of something I had only recently begun to consider an 'invisible load.'" In other words, he'd been swimming with an anvil, and he was sinking by imperceptible increments.
Conditioning
The social conditioning that leads to men's response to depression begins in infancy. Male babies receive less of every type of nurturing, including speech, touch, and comfort when they cry. And that is only the beginning of what will be, to one degree or another, a brutal upbringing for boys.
In the 1960s, the crusading social psychologist Jeanne Block and her colleagues explored how differently parents treat boys and girls. For instance, moms and dads encourage boys to be competitive and to achieve. They don't like them to show their emotions. They encourage them to be less dependent; mothers push them away. They punish them more than they punish girls. And they are unaware that they treat boys and girls differently.
By the time boys are on their way to the teenage years, the process of disavowing what they are is complete. The book A New Psychology of Men describes research in which people were asked what it means to be feminine or masculine. Women and girls defined themselves by the ways they were connected to others, and by citing qualities like being caring or compassionate. Men and boys defined themselves by negatives: They weren't weak, dependent, or connected to their mothers.
But there is not much in our cultural definition of what it means to be a man that is inherent in maleness. Children start off surprisingly alike, whether they're boys or girls. If there's a difference, it's the opposite of what the culture seems to expect: Boys are more sensitive. They give expression to their emotions more readily than girls. They affiliate with others in the same way as girls. Then someone starts telling them it's not okay to be that way. If you act like that, you're a pussy.
As Real and others have explained, it is through this process of denial that men are primed for depression. And it is the cultural necessity of carrying out and carrying on this process that makes it so difficult for them to recognize and admit to depression when it comes. They not only don't acknowledge it to themselves, they often don't display the symptoms that psychotherapists use to diagnose depression.
The cultural training that lays the groundwork for depression in men and for their denial of it later in life involves social isolation. That means telling people the truth about yourself and trusting that they'll do the same, a concept that seems terrifying to many men.
In one case, two friends knew each other for years, commuting together, talking every day, laughing together. They would not have said they were socially isolated, yet when they happened to run into each other in the same group meeting for men suffering from depression, they had to laugh: Neither one had ever admitted it to the other, even though they were both seeking treatment for it.
Social isolation is a well-known killer of mammals. Countless studies going back to the '50s show that contact, affection, emotional communication, and genuine closeness are necessary for mammals, including humans, to maintain our health. Isolation wreaks havoc on everything from the immune system to the cardiovascular system to the brain. Conversely, staying socially connected helps protect men from mental illness, including depression.
The new research done by Kessler and others shows that single men and women look no different when it comes to most kinds of mental illness. But when they get married, they veer off in different directions. "It's a very good deal to be married if you're a man," Kessler says. "It's associated with a dramatic improvement in mental health."
Perhaps because they are forced into solitude as children, men are not as good at being alone as women are. Because of early socialization, women are better at relationships--with children, friends, and relatives. In general, women have more friends than men and are closer to those friends. This, of course, is the direct result of boys' having independence forced on them early in life, when what they need is emotional and physical contact with others.
Socialization punishes women, too. When they have children, women's mental health suffers, while that of men doesn't change at all. That's because women, in general, take care of the kids. If there's trouble in the home, or work interferes with child rearing, they'll disproportionately suffer for it.
Women also worry more than men. They care about a larger group of people who just don't appear on the emotional radar screens of men. In marriage, men share in the joys and are often protected from the pain. Just as the man will go downstairs to investigate a suspicious noise, the woman plays the role of emotional protector.
Kessler uses this example: A wife reports (to the researcher) that she's very upset, because her daughter had an abortion and had to miss a number of days of school. The husband reports that his daughter had the flu and couldn't go to school. How could this be? The explanation is simple: The daughter got pregnant and went to her mother for help, saying, "Whatever you do, don't tell Dad." So the mother helped the daughter have an abortion and told the father the girl was home sick with the flu.
The result is that the husband is exposed to less stress, while the woman is exposed to more. Not only does she have to deal with the abortion, but she also has to lie to her husband and orchestrate the protection of that lie. But throughout, her connections are reinforced and affirmed.
The studies show that when a father dies, the children grow closer to the mother. They come around more. The mother has been maintaining those relationships all along, and they pay off in a crisis. Yet when a mother dies, the children come around less. That's because for years, when they called on Sunday, they talked to the mother, not the father. By filling the social role, the wife grows closer to the kids. That's why widowhood and divorce are so much worse for men. Their protection is ripped away, and they have no social network to catch them as they fall. The person who managed their emotional life is gone.
As Kessler puts it, "You can hire someone to do most of the things the husband does in a marriage. But you can never hire someone to do what the wife does." Men can change this situation and possibly protect themselves from depression later in life by expanding the depth and breadth of their social networks.
Recovery
After undergoing treatment for bipolar disorder and chronic depression, Britt went back to compete in all the events he had run so desperately in 2004, such as the Lake Placid Ironman. To his amazement, he recognized for the first time that the run took place in a glorious natural setting. "You're literally running through fields of green," he says. Later that year, he was competing in the Ironman Wisconsin, which he'd done in such a black mood the year before, and began to wonder, Why am I hurting myself? I don't need to hurt myself anymore. For the first time in his life, he walked for an hour during the event, feeling joyous.
Britt's compulsion to run began to fade. "My race performance declined by about 5 percent in the first half of last year," he tells me, "and it really tailed off by fall. I took most of early winter off, totally. It's a healthier me all around." In other words, he now runs for fun, something he was unable to experience before.
But recovery wasn't simple or easy. Early on, when Britt was first diagnosed, he spent much of his time searching for a single moment in each day when something good happened, something he could celebrate. Gradually, those moments grew larger and more frequent. "Now," he says, "the days are filled with not only great moments, but great minutes and hours. And those make up great days, great weeks, and even great months."
When men talk about depression, one of the recurring themes is how it sucks the color and flavor out of life. The birdsong that filled you with joy as a child has no effect at all. The people you love don't make your heart sing, even though you know they should. The colors of the world are tarnished and dull. Britt ran the Boston Marathon once again, and realized at the end that although he'd run it many times, he had literally never seen the finish line; he ran right through it and focused on the next thing. "Now I can see things I never saw before--colors, scenery, people," he says. "It's almost impossible to describe, except to say that it seems like the world has visually opened up."
Depression is well known for shutting down the senses, and when it lifted, Britt was so astonished at what was around him that he took up photography just to try to capture it all. "I never cared before. I never noticed the colors of a sunset. The electricity in a lightning strike. The glow of moonrise over a lake. They've always been there. But only recently have I begun to see them. And I am amazed."
Exercising Your Demons
Some people might call you highly competitive. Some might call you superfit. But a growing number of doctors would label you something else: Depressed
By: Laurence Gonzales
In 1994, at the age of 33, Raymond Britt took up running. It made him feel good. In fact, the more he pushed himself, the better he felt. So each time he went out, he pushed a little harder. It seemed to put him above the turmoil of the world and afford him some relief. Relief from what -- that wasn't so clear. His life was good. He was a successful executive. He'd married his high-school sweetheart. He had beautiful children.
But there was something odd about it all. For one thing, he had no background as a runner. He'd been a powerlifter in his 20s, benching 315. But in the summer of '94, amid a hectic schedule, he happened to see a flier for the Chicago Marathon and was seized by the impulse to run it. Never mind that there were only a few weeks left to train. Never mind that he had never run more than 3 miles at a time. He thought, I can do anything for 5 hours and 30 minutes, which was the qualifying time to receive a finisher's medal.
He became obsessed with his training.
"I was excited, I was nervous, I was alive," he says. "My mother and my wife thought I was crazy." As he reached the 18th mile of the marathon, his hopes for a life-changing experience were shattered. Beating himself up both mentally and physically, he managed to drag his body over the finish line in 4 hours and 41 minutes, as he puts it, "alone, hurt, angry, unhappy."
Rather than recover, he went out the next day to punish himself and prepare for the next marathon.
Sex Differences
The study of how mental illness affects men and women differently is new and fraught with controversy. The first comprehensive survey was conducted between 1990 and 1992. Its aim was to estimate the general prevalence of mental illness.
The research, known as the National Comorbidity Survey, was repeated, in more depth and on a larger scale, between 2001 and 2003, under the auspices of the World Health Organization and with funding from the National Institute of Mental Health. The principal investigator is Ronald C. Kessler, Ph.D., a jolly-looking, bearded professor in the department of health-care policy at Harvard University.
The numbers seem to show that men and women suffer from various mental illnesses at about the same rate, with some notable variations and exceptions. One of the differences, long accepted as gospel by the psychiatric professions, is that twice as many women as men suffer from depression. Kessler says his numbers show that a woman is twice as likely as a man to have a single episode of major clinical depression in her life. After the first episode, however, men and women don't differ in the number of episodes they'll have during a lifetime, or in whether they'll have another episode. Only the first step differs, he says. Then the statistics flatten out to equal.
But if repeat episodes of depression are equal for men and women, doesn't it stand to reason that they may be having first bouts at the same rate? Maybe the discrepancy lies not in the number of men and women who are depressed, but rather, in how depression is expressed.
According to an increasing number of experts, the diagnostic tallies don't take into account the real experience of a lot of men like Britt. They also ignore the fact that women are much more likely to report depression and seek help. Men are more likely to try to fight through their depression, using strategies ranging from hard work to extreme exercise to drinking to violence. Nearly four times more men than women kill themselves.
When women become depressed, they tend to show the classic symptoms described in the psychiatrist's handbook the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. They feel sad and tired, and lose interest in the pleasures of life. In short, women generally get depressed in just the way that most people, including psychotherapists, think about depression.
Men tend to get angry, and that anger expresses itself in a wide variety of intense activities, such as Britt's obsessive running. Some of these men even win marathons--on the streets of Chicago or in feats of work endurance--and look like heroes, which makes it even more difficult to diagnose their depression.
Britt says, "I've always thought Lance Armstrong suffered from depression and that's where his anger came from. I saw a lot of myself in him, the way he transfers anger into action. Depression leads some of us to fight as hard as we can against it. It makes you angry. I liked my anger. I got focused and felt better, like I was leaving turmoil in the dust. But it was temporary."
Because we think of the word "depression" as fitting the woman's profile better than the man's, doctors and therapists don't tend to recognize the disease as readily in men, and men don't talk about it. William Pollack, Ph.D., a professor of psychiatry at Harvard, estimates that 50 percent to 65 percent of men suffering from what they call "covert depression" aren't diagnosed.
It seems clear that men will do just about anything to avoid admitting to having the disease. They'd rather just suffer. Some of them would rather die.
Driven
Britt raced in Chicago the next year and qualified for the Boston Marathon. Still, he needed more. He entered the Chicago Triathlon that same year and nearly drowned. ("I was a terrible swimmer.") He returned in 1996, and did well. That only fed his craving. "I wanted to take everything to the next, most impossible level I could imagine," he says. He describes himself as "driven to the margin of terror."
By 1998, he had developed a set of rules for himself: more, harder, quicker, and farther away. Three Ironman races in 7 weeks. Roth, Germany, in July for Ironman Europe. Zurich in August for Ironman Switzerland, wife and 4-month-old baby in tow. Ironman Canada again in September. "Still not enough," he says.
In 1999: four Ironman races, a 50-miler, and the Western States 100. Seven days later, he ran two 5-Ks on the same day, for "pain as punishment and proof that I was okay. I could survive the day as long as I could channel my inner turbulence into power and aggression during training. The determination, the drive, kept me afloat."
In the following years, he broke 3 hours in the marathon, qualified for the Ironman World Championships three times, won awards, gained sponsorship, and was regularly published as a cardio guru. He was a champ, a role model. "How can this be a bad thing?" he asked. "And if I'm strong enough to outlast anything, aren't I strong enough to outlast life's challenges?"
Yet his world had begun to contract. He began intentionally doing reckless things. "I took risks riding my bicycle in traffic, running at night, fighting whatever was fighting me. It felt good to be fighting."
He couldn't run, bike, and swim all day. He had to work. He had a wife and kids. So he simply pushed that much harder. "My best performances came when I was ready to rip the top off the race course. I had very aggressive feelings. I just wanted to attack."
He was winning, yes, but he also required emergency medical attention after every event. He'd come in with his blood pressure reading 90 over 50 and required up to four IV bags of fluid to counter dehydration. That didn't seem odd to him, but his wife began to worry that he was trying to kill himself. He told her he was just pushing it. He eventually did 42 marathons, 27 Ironman Triathlons, and six ultramarathons in 11 years, covering 42,000 miles, the equivalent of running, swimming, and biking around the world 1 1/2 times.
The weird thing is this: Raymond Britt isn't that unusual. His distances aren't even that huge, compared with some guys'. And the mental illness he suffers from, which drove him to battle through all those miles, is not that uncommon among men.
Steven Imparl is a lawyer in Chicago, but a look at his résumé affords a glimpse into the frantic world of a man working very hard to compensate for depression. He graduated from high school in the top 15 of his class of 550 students. He received his B.S. degree with high honors. He became an information-technology specialist working for big companies, then went on to earn his law degree and start his own firm. Along the way, he studied French, German, Slovene, and Spanish. He learned classical guitar, studied Slavic and Balkan history, and sang barbershop harmony. And he somehow found time for power walking, inline skating, volleyball, and boxing. By the fall of 2001, he was so wound up, he could hardly sleep. He became more irritable, more easily angered. After nearly getting into a fistfight while walking down a street, he decided to seek help. But when the doctor told him he was suffering from clinical depression, Imparl refused to believe it. Admitting to depression is . . . well, it's like getting your period: Guys don't do it.
Once Imparl accepted the diagnosis, he performed like any true, overachieving depressed man would: Through a program of therapy and drugs, he got better, and then he founded a successful Web site, maledepression.com, for guys like him.
Raymond Britt's crash and burn came one day in November 2004, when he set out to run himself into the ground, to transfer the pain from his soul to his body. Many miles and hours later, he found himself bloodied, exhausted, and hypothermic, but he neither displaced the internal pain nor found relief. He was forced at last to face what he'd known for decades: Depression was rampant in his family. From an early age, Britt had been determined that he wouldn't succumb. He wouldn't be weak.
Because his father had medicated his own depression with alcohol, Britt had never taken up drinking. By the fall of 2004, his father had been in therapy for a while, and was encouraging Britt to seek help. Having experienced depression himself, he was able to see the disorder in his son. He sent Britt an e-mail with his doctor's name. And then he dropped dead.
It was a few weeks later when Britt hit the wall on his last desperate run. Then he collapsed into classic symptoms of depression, which is what happens when the strategy fails: "The weight felt so heavy that it was hard to physically move," says Britt. He found himself wishing he'd be in an accident that would put him in the hospital so that he could escape. "I wanted to be taken out."
That's the point at which depressed men can slip beyond fantasy into active thoughts of suicide. Some 31,000 people in the United States commit suicide each year. More than 24,000 of them are men. And that doesn't count the deaths from alcohol or drugs. In fact, some researchers are beginning to suspect that depression causes more deaths than auto accidents do.
Britt's fantasies of having an accident scared him. He went to see his father's psychiatrist. It didn't take the doctor long to diagnose his condition. (Q: "When were you last really happy?" A: "1975.") And yet, his denial of clinical depression was so strong that he sought a second opinion.
Maybe men need a different word for depression. Or maybe the brain researchers and psychologists simply need to redefine the condition so it includes the way men experience it, too.
Cultural Cover-Up
It's understandable that women are three times more likely than men to be treated for depression; our culture has put a feminine face on the disease, so women give themselves permission to feel it and to seek help for it. Pollack puts it this way: "We have in our society a feminized view of depression, coming out of a model of hysteria that dates back to Freud."
Terrence Real, author of I Don't Want to Talk about It, and a marriage and family therapist in Massachusetts, wrote, "There is a terrible collusion in our society, a cultural cover-up about depression in men." And part of the cultural influence involves the way men are taught from early childhood to be strong, silent, independent, and resistant to suffering. As Real puts it, "Men have about a milli-second's tolerance for feeling [this type of] pain, and then they spring into action. A flight from shame into grandiosity lies at the heart of male covert depression."
Another reason men leap into action, though, whether it's through intense exercise, overwork, pounding back martinis, or some other strategy, is that it actually does relieve the symptoms of depression, at least for a time. In fact, many therapists have begun using exercise as an adjunct to therapy, as explained in books like The Joy of Running, by Thaddeus Kostrubala, and The Exercise Prescription for Depression and Anxiety, by Keith Johnsgard. And research at Duke University confirmed their hunches in 1999.
But exercise in itself doesn't treat the underlying condition. In fact, books called The Joy of Working 80 Hours a Week and The Drinking Prescription for Depression might reach a wide audience, because those strategies can effectively mask depression for years. That is, they can sort of work.
Because at the heart of what Britt and Imparl were going through was a life filled with large stretches of no feeling at all. Britt says he was constantly running, "hoping that movement would help me discover something better."
Looking back on his decades of depression, Britt saw isolated flashes of happiness--the birth of his children, laughter, friendship--but they were, he says, "bright spots on what had been a more turbulent journey than I let myself admit. The moments of happiness sustained my denial of something I had only recently begun to consider an 'invisible load.'" In other words, he'd been swimming with an anvil, and he was sinking by imperceptible increments.
Conditioning
The social conditioning that leads to men's response to depression begins in infancy. Male babies receive less of every type of nurturing, including speech, touch, and comfort when they cry. And that is only the beginning of what will be, to one degree or another, a brutal upbringing for boys.
In the 1960s, the crusading social psychologist Jeanne Block and her colleagues explored how differently parents treat boys and girls. For instance, moms and dads encourage boys to be competitive and to achieve. They don't like them to show their emotions. They encourage them to be less dependent; mothers push them away. They punish them more than they punish girls. And they are unaware that they treat boys and girls differently.
By the time boys are on their way to the teenage years, the process of disavowing what they are is complete. The book A New Psychology of Men describes research in which people were asked what it means to be feminine or masculine. Women and girls defined themselves by the ways they were connected to others, and by citing qualities like being caring or compassionate. Men and boys defined themselves by negatives: They weren't weak, dependent, or connected to their mothers.
But there is not much in our cultural definition of what it means to be a man that is inherent in maleness. Children start off surprisingly alike, whether they're boys or girls. If there's a difference, it's the opposite of what the culture seems to expect: Boys are more sensitive. They give expression to their emotions more readily than girls. They affiliate with others in the same way as girls. Then someone starts telling them it's not okay to be that way. If you act like that, you're a pussy.
As Real and others have explained, it is through this process of denial that men are primed for depression. And it is the cultural necessity of carrying out and carrying on this process that makes it so difficult for them to recognize and admit to depression when it comes. They not only don't acknowledge it to themselves, they often don't display the symptoms that psychotherapists use to diagnose depression.
The cultural training that lays the groundwork for depression in men and for their denial of it later in life involves social isolation. That means telling people the truth about yourself and trusting that they'll do the same, a concept that seems terrifying to many men.
In one case, two friends knew each other for years, commuting together, talking every day, laughing together. They would not have said they were socially isolated, yet when they happened to run into each other in the same group meeting for men suffering from depression, they had to laugh: Neither one had ever admitted it to the other, even though they were both seeking treatment for it.
Social isolation is a well-known killer of mammals. Countless studies going back to the '50s show that contact, affection, emotional communication, and genuine closeness are necessary for mammals, including humans, to maintain our health. Isolation wreaks havoc on everything from the immune system to the cardiovascular system to the brain. Conversely, staying socially connected helps protect men from mental illness, including depression.
The new research done by Kessler and others shows that single men and women look no different when it comes to most kinds of mental illness. But when they get married, they veer off in different directions. "It's a very good deal to be married if you're a man," Kessler says. "It's associated with a dramatic improvement in mental health."
Perhaps because they are forced into solitude as children, men are not as good at being alone as women are. Because of early socialization, women are better at relationships--with children, friends, and relatives. In general, women have more friends than men and are closer to those friends. This, of course, is the direct result of boys' having independence forced on them early in life, when what they need is emotional and physical contact with others.
Socialization punishes women, too. When they have children, women's mental health suffers, while that of men doesn't change at all. That's because women, in general, take care of the kids. If there's trouble in the home, or work interferes with child rearing, they'll disproportionately suffer for it.
Women also worry more than men. They care about a larger group of people who just don't appear on the emotional radar screens of men. In marriage, men share in the joys and are often protected from the pain. Just as the man will go downstairs to investigate a suspicious noise, the woman plays the role of emotional protector.
Kessler uses this example: A wife reports (to the researcher) that she's very upset, because her daughter had an abortion and had to miss a number of days of school. The husband reports that his daughter had the flu and couldn't go to school. How could this be? The explanation is simple: The daughter got pregnant and went to her mother for help, saying, "Whatever you do, don't tell Dad." So the mother helped the daughter have an abortion and told the father the girl was home sick with the flu.
The result is that the husband is exposed to less stress, while the woman is exposed to more. Not only does she have to deal with the abortion, but she also has to lie to her husband and orchestrate the protection of that lie. But throughout, her connections are reinforced and affirmed.
The studies show that when a father dies, the children grow closer to the mother. They come around more. The mother has been maintaining those relationships all along, and they pay off in a crisis. Yet when a mother dies, the children come around less. That's because for years, when they called on Sunday, they talked to the mother, not the father. By filling the social role, the wife grows closer to the kids. That's why widowhood and divorce are so much worse for men. Their protection is ripped away, and they have no social network to catch them as they fall. The person who managed their emotional life is gone.
As Kessler puts it, "You can hire someone to do most of the things the husband does in a marriage. But you can never hire someone to do what the wife does." Men can change this situation and possibly protect themselves from depression later in life by expanding the depth and breadth of their social networks.
Recovery
After undergoing treatment for bipolar disorder and chronic depression, Britt went back to compete in all the events he had run so desperately in 2004, such as the Lake Placid Ironman. To his amazement, he recognized for the first time that the run took place in a glorious natural setting. "You're literally running through fields of green," he says. Later that year, he was competing in the Ironman Wisconsin, which he'd done in such a black mood the year before, and began to wonder, Why am I hurting myself? I don't need to hurt myself anymore. For the first time in his life, he walked for an hour during the event, feeling joyous.
Britt's compulsion to run began to fade. "My race performance declined by about 5 percent in the first half of last year," he tells me, "and it really tailed off by fall. I took most of early winter off, totally. It's a healthier me all around." In other words, he now runs for fun, something he was unable to experience before.
But recovery wasn't simple or easy. Early on, when Britt was first diagnosed, he spent much of his time searching for a single moment in each day when something good happened, something he could celebrate. Gradually, those moments grew larger and more frequent. "Now," he says, "the days are filled with not only great moments, but great minutes and hours. And those make up great days, great weeks, and even great months."
When men talk about depression, one of the recurring themes is how it sucks the color and flavor out of life. The birdsong that filled you with joy as a child has no effect at all. The people you love don't make your heart sing, even though you know they should. The colors of the world are tarnished and dull. Britt ran the Boston Marathon once again, and realized at the end that although he'd run it many times, he had literally never seen the finish line; he ran right through it and focused on the next thing. "Now I can see things I never saw before--colors, scenery, people," he says. "It's almost impossible to describe, except to say that it seems like the world has visually opened up."
Depression is well known for shutting down the senses, and when it lifted, Britt was so astonished at what was around him that he took up photography just to try to capture it all. "I never cared before. I never noticed the colors of a sunset. The electricity in a lightning strike. The glow of moonrise over a lake. They've always been there. But only recently have I begun to see them. And I am amazed."
Exercising Your Demons
Some people might call you highly competitive. Some might call you superfit. But a growing number of doctors would label you something else: Depressed
By: Laurence Gonzales
In 1994, at the age of 33, Raymond Britt took up running. It made him feel good. In fact, the more he pushed himself, the better he felt. So each time he went out, he pushed a little harder. It seemed to put him above the turmoil of the world and afford him some relief. Relief from what -- that wasn't so clear. His life was good. He was a successful executive. He'd married his high-school sweetheart. He had beautiful children.
But there was something odd about it all. For one thing, he had no background as a runner. He'd been a powerlifter in his 20s, benching 315. But in the summer of '94, amid a hectic schedule, he happened to see a flier for the Chicago Marathon and was seized by the impulse to run it. Never mind that there were only a few weeks left to train. Never mind that he had never run more than 3 miles at a time. He thought, I can do anything for 5 hours and 30 minutes, which was the qualifying time to receive a finisher's medal.
He became obsessed with his training.
"I was excited, I was nervous, I was alive," he says. "My mother and my wife thought I was crazy." As he reached the 18th mile of the marathon, his hopes for a life-changing experience were shattered. Beating himself up both mentally and physically, he managed to drag his body over the finish line in 4 hours and 41 minutes, as he puts it, "alone, hurt, angry, unhappy."
Rather than recover, he went out the next day to punish himself and prepare for the next marathon.
Sex Differences
The study of how mental illness affects men and women differently is new and fraught with controversy. The first comprehensive survey was conducted between 1990 and 1992. Its aim was to estimate the general prevalence of mental illness.
The research, known as the National Comorbidity Survey, was repeated, in more depth and on a larger scale, between 2001 and 2003, under the auspices of the World Health Organization and with funding from the National Institute of Mental Health. The principal investigator is Ronald C. Kessler, Ph.D., a jolly-looking, bearded professor in the department of health-care policy at Harvard University.
The numbers seem to show that men and women suffer from various mental illnesses at about the same rate, with some notable variations and exceptions. One of the differences, long accepted as gospel by the psychiatric professions, is that twice as many women as men suffer from depression. Kessler says his numbers show that a woman is twice as likely as a man to have a single episode of major clinical depression in her life. After the first episode, however, men and women don't differ in the number of episodes they'll have during a lifetime, or in whether they'll have another episode. Only the first step differs, he says. Then the statistics flatten out to equal.
But if repeat episodes of depression are equal for men and women, doesn't it stand to reason that they may be having first bouts at the same rate? Maybe the discrepancy lies not in the number of men and women who are depressed, but rather, in how depression is expressed.
According to an increasing number of experts, the diagnostic tallies don't take into account the real experience of a lot of men like Britt. They also ignore the fact that women are much more likely to report depression and seek help. Men are more likely to try to fight through their depression, using strategies ranging from hard work to extreme exercise to drinking to violence. Nearly four times more men than women kill themselves.
When women become depressed, they tend to show the classic symptoms described in the psychiatrist's handbook the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. They feel sad and tired, and lose interest in the pleasures of life. In short, women generally get depressed in just the way that most people, including psychotherapists, think about depression.
Men tend to get angry, and that anger expresses itself in a wide variety of intense activities, such as Britt's obsessive running. Some of these men even win marathons--on the streets of Chicago or in feats of work endurance--and look like heroes, which makes it even more difficult to diagnose their depression.
Britt says, "I've always thought Lance Armstrong suffered from depression and that's where his anger came from. I saw a lot of myself in him, the way he transfers anger into action. Depression leads some of us to fight as hard as we can against it. It makes you angry. I liked my anger. I got focused and felt better, like I was leaving turmoil in the dust. But it was temporary."
Because we think of the word "depression" as fitting the woman's profile better than the man's, doctors and therapists don't tend to recognize the disease as readily in men, and men don't talk about it. William Pollack, Ph.D., a professor of psychiatry at Harvard, estimates that 50 percent to 65 percent of men suffering from what they call "covert depression" aren't diagnosed.
It seems clear that men will do just about anything to avoid admitting to having the disease. They'd rather just suffer. Some of them would rather die.
Driven
Britt raced in Chicago the next year and qualified for the Boston Marathon. Still, he needed more. He entered the Chicago Triathlon that same year and nearly drowned. ("I was a terrible swimmer.") He returned in 1996, and did well. That only fed his craving. "I wanted to take everything to the next, most impossible level I could imagine," he says. He describes himself as "driven to the margin of terror."
By 1998, he had developed a set of rules for himself: more, harder, quicker, and farther away. Three Ironman races in 7 weeks. Roth, Germany, in July for Ironman Europe. Zurich in August for Ironman Switzerland, wife and 4-month-old baby in tow. Ironman Canada again in September. "Still not enough," he says.
In 1999: four Ironman races, a 50-miler, and the Western States 100. Seven days later, he ran two 5-Ks on the same day, for "pain as punishment and proof that I was okay. I could survive the day as long as I could channel my inner turbulence into power and aggression during training. The determination, the drive, kept me afloat."
In the following years, he broke 3 hours in the marathon, qualified for the Ironman World Championships three times, won awards, gained sponsorship, and was regularly published as a cardio guru. He was a champ, a role model. "How can this be a bad thing?" he asked. "And if I'm strong enough to outlast anything, aren't I strong enough to outlast life's challenges?"
Yet his world had begun to contract. He began intentionally doing reckless things. "I took risks riding my bicycle in traffic, running at night, fighting whatever was fighting me. It felt good to be fighting."
He couldn't run, bike, and swim all day. He had to work. He had a wife and kids. So he simply pushed that much harder. "My best performances came when I was ready to rip the top off the race course. I had very aggressive feelings. I just wanted to attack."
He was winning, yes, but he also required emergency medical attention after every event. He'd come in with his blood pressure reading 90 over 50 and required up to four IV bags of fluid to counter dehydration. That didn't seem odd to him, but his wife began to worry that he was trying to kill himself. He told her he was just pushing it. He eventually did 42 marathons, 27 Ironman Triathlons, and six ultramarathons in 11 years, covering 42,000 miles, the equivalent of running, swimming, and biking around the world 1 1/2 times.
The weird thing is this: Raymond Britt isn't that unusual. His distances aren't even that huge, compared with some guys'. And the mental illness he suffers from, which drove him to battle through all those miles, is not that uncommon among men.
Steven Imparl is a lawyer in Chicago, but a look at his résumé affords a glimpse into the frantic world of a man working very hard to compensate for depression. He graduated from high school in the top 15 of his class of 550 students. He received his B.S. degree with high honors. He became an information-technology specialist working for big companies, then went on to earn his law degree and start his own firm. Along the way, he studied French, German, Slovene, and Spanish. He learned classical guitar, studied Slavic and Balkan history, and sang barbershop harmony. And he somehow found time for power walking, inline skating, volleyball, and boxing. By the fall of 2001, he was so wound up, he could hardly sleep. He became more irritable, more easily angered. After nearly getting into a fistfight while walking down a street, he decided to seek help. But when the doctor told him he was suffering from clinical depression, Imparl refused to believe it. Admitting to depression is . . . well, it's like getting your period: Guys don't do it.
Once Imparl accepted the diagnosis, he performed like any true, overachieving depressed man would: Through a program of therapy and drugs, he got better, and then he founded a successful Web site, maledepression.com, for guys like him.
Raymond Britt's crash and burn came one day in November 2004, when he set out to run himself into the ground, to transfer the pain from his soul to his body. Many miles and hours later, he found himself bloodied, exhausted, and hypothermic, but he neither displaced the internal pain nor found relief. He was forced at last to face what he'd known for decades: Depression was rampant in his family. From an early age, Britt had been determined that he wouldn't succumb. He wouldn't be weak.
Because his father had medicated his own depression with alcohol, Britt had never taken up drinking. By the fall of 2004, his father had been in therapy for a while, and was encouraging Britt to seek help. Having experienced depression himself, he was able to see the disorder in his son. He sent Britt an e-mail with his doctor's name. And then he dropped dead.
It was a few weeks later when Britt hit the wall on his last desperate run. Then he collapsed into classic symptoms of depression, which is what happens when the strategy fails: "The weight felt so heavy that it was hard to physically move," says Britt. He found himself wishing he'd be in an accident that would put him in the hospital so that he could escape. "I wanted to be taken out."
That's the point at which depressed men can slip beyond fantasy into active thoughts of suicide. Some 31,000 people in the United States commit suicide each year. More than 24,000 of them are men. And that doesn't count the deaths from alcohol or drugs. In fact, some researchers are beginning to suspect that depression causes more deaths than auto accidents do.
Britt's fantasies of having an accident scared him. He went to see his father's psychiatrist. It didn't take the doctor long to diagnose his condition. (Q: "When were you last really happy?" A: "1975.") And yet, his denial of clinical depression was so strong that he sought a second opinion.
Maybe men need a different word for depression. Or maybe the brain researchers and psychologists simply need to redefine the condition so it includes the way men experience it, too.
Cultural Cover-Up
It's understandable that women are three times more likely than men to be treated for depression; our culture has put a feminine face on the disease, so women give themselves permission to feel it and to seek help for it. Pollack puts it this way: "We have in our society a feminized view of depression, coming out of a model of hysteria that dates back to Freud."
Terrence Real, author of I Don't Want to Talk about It, and a marriage and family therapist in Massachusetts, wrote, "There is a terrible collusion in our society, a cultural cover-up about depression in men." And part of the cultural influence involves the way men are taught from early childhood to be strong, silent, independent, and resistant to suffering. As Real puts it, "Men have about a milli-second's tolerance for feeling [this type of] pain, and then they spring into action. A flight from shame into grandiosity lies at the heart of male covert depression."
Another reason men leap into action, though, whether it's through intense exercise, overwork, pounding back martinis, or some other strategy, is that it actually does relieve the symptoms of depression, at least for a time. In fact, many therapists have begun using exercise as an adjunct to therapy, as explained in books like The Joy of Running, by Thaddeus Kostrubala, and The Exercise Prescription for Depression and Anxiety, by Keith Johnsgard. And research at Duke University confirmed their hunches in 1999.
But exercise in itself doesn't treat the underlying condition. In fact, books called The Joy of Working 80 Hours a Week and The Drinking Prescription for Depression might reach a wide audience, because those strategies can effectively mask depression for years. That is, they can sort of work.
Because at the heart of what Britt and Imparl were going through was a life filled with large stretches of no feeling at all. Britt says he was constantly running, "hoping that movement would help me discover something better."
Looking back on his decades of depression, Britt saw isolated flashes of happiness--the birth of his children, laughter, friendship--but they were, he says, "bright spots on what had been a more turbulent journey than I let myself admit. The moments of happiness sustained my denial of something I had only recently begun to consider an 'invisible load.'" In other words, he'd been swimming with an anvil, and he was sinking by imperceptible increments.
Conditioning
The social conditioning that leads to men's response to depression begins in infancy. Male babies receive less of every type of nurturing, including speech, touch, and comfort when they cry. And that is only the beginning of what will be, to one degree or another, a brutal upbringing for boys.
In the 1960s, the crusading social psychologist Jeanne Block and her colleagues explored how differently parents treat boys and girls. For instance, moms and dads encourage boys to be competitive and to achieve. They don't like them to show their emotions. They encourage them to be less dependent; mothers push them away. They punish them more than they punish girls. And they are unaware that they treat boys and girls differently.
By the time boys are on their way to the teenage years, the process of disavowing what they are is complete. The book A New Psychology of Men describes research in which people were asked what it means to be feminine or masculine. Women and girls defined themselves by the ways they were connected to others, and by citing qualities like being caring or compassionate. Men and boys defined themselves by negatives: They weren't weak, dependent, or connected to their mothers.
But there is not much in our cultural definition of what it means to be a man that is inherent in maleness. Children start off surprisingly alike, whether they're boys or girls. If there's a difference, it's the opposite of what the culture seems to expect: Boys are more sensitive. They give expression to their emotions more readily than girls. They affiliate with others in the same way as girls. Then someone starts telling them it's not okay to be that way. If you act like that, you're a pussy.
As Real and others have explained, it is through this process of denial that men are primed for depression. And it is the cultural necessity of carrying out and carrying on this process that makes it so difficult for them to recognize and admit to depression when it comes. They not only don't acknowledge it to themselves, they often don't display the symptoms that psychotherapists use to diagnose depression.
The cultural training that lays the groundwork for depression in men and for their denial of it later in life involves social isolation. That means telling people the truth about yourself and trusting that they'll do the same, a concept that seems terrifying to many men.
In one case, two friends knew each other for years, commuting together, talking every day, laughing together. They would not have said they were socially isolated, yet when they happened to run into each other in the same group meeting for men suffering from depression, they had to laugh: Neither one had ever admitted it to the other, even though they were both seeking treatment for it.
Social isolation is a well-known killer of mammals. Countless studies going back to the '50s show that contact, affection, emotional communication, and genuine closeness are necessary for mammals, including humans, to maintain our health. Isolation wreaks havoc on everything from the immune system to the cardiovascular system to the brain. Conversely, staying socially connected helps protect men from mental illness, including depression.
The new research done by Kessler and others shows that single men and women look no different when it comes to most kinds of mental illness. But when they get married, they veer off in different directions. "It's a very good deal to be married if you're a man," Kessler says. "It's associated with a dramatic improvement in mental health."
Perhaps because they are forced into solitude as children, men are not as good at being alone as women are. Because of early socialization, women are better at relationships--with children, friends, and relatives. In general, women have more friends than men and are closer to those friends. This, of course, is the direct result of boys' having independence forced on them early in life, when what they need is emotional and physical contact with others.
Socialization punishes women, too. When they have children, women's mental health suffers, while that of men doesn't change at all. That's because women, in general, take care of the kids. If there's trouble in the home, or work interferes with child rearing, they'll disproportionately suffer for it.
Women also worry more than men. They care about a larger group of people who just don't appear on the emotional radar screens of men. In marriage, men share in the joys and are often protected from the pain. Just as the man will go downstairs to investigate a suspicious noise, the woman plays the role of emotional protector.
Kessler uses this example: A wife reports (to the researcher) that she's very upset, because her daughter had an abortion and had to miss a number of days of school. The husband reports that his daughter had the flu and couldn't go to school. How could this be? The explanation is simple: The daughter got pregnant and went to her mother for help, saying, "Whatever you do, don't tell Dad." So the mother helped the daughter have an abortion and told the father the girl was home sick with the flu.
The result is that the husband is exposed to less stress, while the woman is exposed to more. Not only does she have to deal with the abortion, but she also has to lie to her husband and orchestrate the protection of that lie. But throughout, her connections are reinforced and affirmed.
The studies show that when a father dies, the children grow closer to the mother. They come around more. The mother has been maintaining those relationships all along, and they pay off in a crisis. Yet when a mother dies, the children come around less. That's because for years, when they called on Sunday, they talked to the mother, not the father. By filling the social role, the wife grows closer to the kids. That's why widowhood and divorce are so much worse for men. Their protection is ripped away, and they have no social network to catch them as they fall. The person who managed their emotional life is gone.
As Kessler puts it, "You can hire someone to do most of the things the husband does in a marriage. But you can never hire someone to do what the wife does." Men can change this situation and possibly protect themselves from depression later in life by expanding the depth and breadth of their social networks.
Recovery
After undergoing treatment for bipolar disorder and chronic depression, Britt went back to compete in all the events he had run so desperately in 2004, such as the Lake Placid Ironman. To his amazement, he recognized for the first time that the run took place in a glorious natural setting. "You're literally running through fields of green," he says. Later that year, he was competing in the Ironman Wisconsin, which he'd done in such a black mood the year before, and began to wonder, Why am I hurting myself? I don't need to hurt myself anymore. For the first time in his life, he walked for an hour during the event, feeling joyous.
Britt's compulsion to run began to fade. "My race performance declined by about 5 percent in the first half of last year," he tells me, "and it really tailed off by fall. I took most of early winter off, totally. It's a healthier me all around." In other words, he now runs for fun, something he was unable to experience before.
But recovery wasn't simple or easy. Early on, when Britt was first diagnosed, he spent much of his time searching for a single moment in each day when something good happened, something he could celebrate. Gradually, those moments grew larger and more frequent. "Now," he says, "the days are filled with not only great moments, but great minutes and hours. And those make up great days, great weeks, and even great months."
When men talk about depression, one of the recurring themes is how it sucks the color and flavor out of life. The birdsong that filled you with joy as a child has no effect at all. The people you love don't make your heart sing, even though you know they should. The colors of the world are tarnished and dull. Britt ran the Boston Marathon once again, and realized at the end that although he'd run it many times, he had literally never seen the finish line; he ran right through it and focused on the next thing. "Now I can see things I never saw before--colors, scenery, people," he says. "It's almost impossible to describe, except to say that it seems like the world has visually opened up."
Depression is well known for shutting down the senses, and when it lifted, Britt was so astonished at what was around him that he took up photography just to try to capture it all. "I never cared before. I never noticed the colors of a sunset. The electricity in a lightning strike. The glow of moonrise over a lake. They've always been there. But only recently have I begun to see them. And I am amazed."
Exercising Your Demons
Some people might call you highly competitive. Some might call you superfit. But a growing number of doctors would label you something else: Depressed
By: Laurence Gonzales
In 1994, at the age of 33, Raymond Britt took up running. It made him feel good. In fact, the more he pushed himself, the better he felt. So each time he went out, he pushed a little harder. It seemed to put him above the turmoil of the world and afford him some relief. Relief from what -- that wasn't so clear. His life was good. He was a successful executive. He'd married his high-school sweetheart. He had beautiful children.
But there was something odd about it all. For one thing, he had no background as a runner. He'd been a powerlifter in his 20s, benching 315. But in the summer of '94, amid a hectic schedule, he happened to see a flier for the Chicago Marathon and was seized by the impulse to run it. Never mind that there were only a few weeks left to train. Never mind that he had never run more than 3 miles at a time. He thought, I can do anything for 5 hours and 30 minutes, which was the qualifying time to receive a finisher's medal.
He became obsessed with his training.
"I was excited, I was nervous, I was alive," he says. "My mother and my wife thought I was crazy." As he reached the 18th mile of the marathon, his hopes for a life-changing experience were shattered. Beating himself up both mentally and physically, he managed to drag his body over the finish line in 4 hours and 41 minutes, as he puts it, "alone, hurt, angry, unhappy."
Rather than recover, he went out the next day to punish himself and prepare for the next marathon.
Sex Differences
The study of how mental illness affects men and women differently is new and fraught with controversy. The first comprehensive survey was conducted between 1990 and 1992. Its aim was to estimate the general prevalence of mental illness.
The research, known as the National Comorbidity Survey, was repeated, in more depth and on a larger scale, between 2001 and 2003, under the auspices of the World Health Organization and with funding from the National Institute of Mental Health. The principal investigator is Ronald C. Kessler, Ph.D., a jolly-looking, bearded professor in the department of health-care policy at Harvard University.
The numbers seem to show that men and women suffer from various mental illnesses at about the same rate, with some notable variations and exceptions. One of the differences, long accepted as gospel by the psychiatric professions, is that twice as many women as men suffer from depression. Kessler says his numbers show that a woman is twice as likely as a man to have a single episode of major clinical depression in her life. After the first episode, however, men and women don't differ in the number of episodes they'll have during a lifetime, or in whether they'll have another episode. Only the first step differs, he says. Then the statistics flatten out to equal.
But if repeat episodes of depression are equal for men and women, doesn't it stand to reason that they may be having first bouts at the same rate? Maybe the discrepancy lies not in the number of men and women who are depressed, but rather, in how depression is expressed.
According to an increasing number of experts, the diagnostic tallies don't take into account the real experience of a lot of men like Britt. They also ignore the fact that women are much more likely to report depression and seek help. Men are more likely to try to fight through their depression, using strategies ranging from hard work to extreme exercise to drinking to violence. Nearly four times more men than women kill themselves.
When women become depressed, they tend to show the classic symptoms described in the psychiatrist's handbook the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. They feel sad and tired, and lose interest in the pleasures of life. In short, women generally get depressed in just the way that most people, including psychotherapists, think about depression.
Men tend to get angry, and that anger expresses itself in a wide variety of intense activities, such as Britt's obsessive running. Some of these men even win marathons--on the streets of Chicago or in feats of work endurance--and look like heroes, which makes it even more difficult to diagnose their depression.
Britt says, "I've always thought Lance Armstrong suffered from depression and that's where his anger came from. I saw a lot of myself in him, the way he transfers anger into action. Depression leads some of us to fight as hard as we can against it. It makes you angry. I liked my anger. I got focused and felt better, like I was leaving turmoil in the dust. But it was temporary."
Because we think of the word "depression" as fitting the woman's profile better than the man's, doctors and therapists don't tend to recognize the disease as readily in men, and men don't talk about it. William Pollack, Ph.D., a professor of psychiatry at Harvard, estimates that 50 percent to 65 percent of men suffering from what they call "covert depression" aren't diagnosed.
It seems clear that men will do just about anything to avoid admitting to having the disease. They'd rather just suffer. Some of them would rather die.
Driven
Britt raced in Chicago the next year and qualified for the Boston Marathon. Still, he needed more. He entered the Chicago Triathlon that same year and nearly drowned. ("I was a terrible swimmer.") He returned in 1996, and did well. That only fed his craving. "I wanted to take everything to the next, most impossible level I could imagine," he says. He describes himself as "driven to the margin of terror."
By 1998, he had developed a set of rules for himself: more, harder, quicker, and farther away. Three Ironman races in 7 weeks. Roth, Germany, in July for Ironman Europe. Zurich in August for Ironman Switzerland, wife and 4-month-old baby in tow. Ironman Canada again in September. "Still not enough," he says.
In 1999: four Ironman races, a 50-miler, and the Western States 100. Seven days later, he ran two 5-Ks on the same day, for "pain as punishment and proof that I was okay. I could survive the day as long as I could channel my inner turbulence into power and aggression during training. The determination, the drive, kept me afloat."
In the following years, he broke 3 hours in the marathon, qualified for the Ironman World Championships three times, won awards, gained sponsorship, and was regularly published as a cardio guru. He was a champ, a role model. "How can this be a bad thing?" he asked. "And if I'm strong enough to outlast anything, aren't I strong enough to outlast life's challenges?"
Yet his world had begun to contract. He began intentionally doing reckless things. "I took risks riding my bicycle in traffic, running at night, fighting whatever was fighting me. It felt good to be fighting."
He couldn't run, bike, and swim all day. He had to work. He had a wife and kids. So he simply pushed that much harder. "My best performances came when I was ready to rip the top off the race course. I had very aggressive feelings. I just wanted to attack."
He was winning, yes, but he also required emergency medical attention after every event. He'd come in with his blood pressure reading 90 over 50 and required up to four IV bags of fluid to counter dehydration. That didn't seem odd to him, but his wife began to worry that he was trying to kill himself. He told her he was just pushing it. He eventually did 42 marathons, 27 Ironman Triathlons, and six ultramarathons in 11 years, covering 42,000 miles, the equivalent of running, swimming, and biking around the world 1 1/2 times.
The weird thing is this: Raymond Britt isn't that unusual. His distances aren't even that huge, compared with some guys'. And the mental illness he suffers from, which drove him to battle through all those miles, is not that uncommon among men.
Steven Imparl is a lawyer in Chicago, but a look at his résumé affords a glimpse into the frantic world of a man working very hard to compensate for depression. He graduated from high school in the top 15 of his class of 550 students. He received his B.S. degree with high honors. He became an information-technology specialist working for big companies, then went on to earn his law degree and start his own firm. Along the way, he studied French, German, Slovene, and Spanish. He learned classical guitar, studied Slavic and Balkan history, and sang barbershop harmony. And he somehow found time for power walking, inline skating, volleyball, and boxing. By the fall of 2001, he was so wound up, he could hardly sleep. He became more irritable, more easily angered. After nearly getting into a fistfight while walking down a street, he decided to seek help. But when the doctor told him he was suffering from clinical depression, Imparl refused to believe it. Admitting to depression is . . . well, it's like getting your period: Guys don't do it.
Once Imparl accepted the diagnosis, he performed like any true, overachieving depressed man would: Through a program of therapy and drugs, he got better, and then he founded a successful Web site, maledepression.com, for guys like him.
Raymond Britt's crash and burn came one day in November 2004, when he set out to run himself into the ground, to transfer the pain from his soul to his body. Many miles and hours later, he found himself bloodied, exhausted, and hypothermic, but he neither displaced the internal pain nor found relief. He was forced at last to face what he'd known for decades: Depression was rampant in his family. From an early age, Britt had been determined that he wouldn't succumb. He wouldn't be weak.
Because his father had medicated his own depression with alcohol, Britt had never taken up drinking. By the fall of 2004, his father had been in therapy for a while, and was encouraging Britt to seek help. Having experienced depression himself, he was able to see the disorder in his son. He sent Britt an e-mail with his doctor's name. And then he dropped dead.
It was a few weeks later when Britt hit the wall on his last desperate run. Then he collapsed into classic symptoms of depression, which is what happens when the strategy fails: "The weight felt so heavy that it was hard to physically move," says Britt. He found himself wishing he'd be in an accident that would put him in the hospital so that he could escape. "I wanted to be taken out."
That's the point at which depressed men can slip beyond fantasy into active thoughts of suicide. Some 31,000 people in the United States commit suicide each year. More than 24,000 of them are men. And that doesn't count the deaths from alcohol or drugs. In fact, some researchers are beginning to suspect that depression causes more deaths than auto accidents do.
Britt's fantasies of having an accident scared him. He went to see his father's psychiatrist. It didn't take the doctor long to diagnose his condition. (Q: "When were you last really happy?" A: "1975.") And yet, his denial of clinical depression was so strong that he sought a second opinion.
Maybe men need a different word for depression. Or maybe the brain researchers and psychologists simply need to redefine the condition so it includes the way men experience it, too.
Cultural Cover-Up
It's understandable that women are three times more likely than men to be treated for depression; our culture has put a feminine face on the disease, so women give themselves permission to feel it and to seek help for it. Pollack puts it this way: "We have in our society a feminized view of depression, coming out of a model of hysteria that dates back to Freud."
Terrence Real, author of I Don't Want to Talk about It, and a marriage and family therapist in Massachusetts, wrote, "There is a terrible collusion in our society, a cultural cover-up about depression in men." And part of the cultural influence involves the way men are taught from early childhood to be strong, silent, independent, and resistant to suffering. As Real puts it, "Men have about a milli-second's tolerance for feeling [this type of] pain, and then they spring into action. A flight from shame into grandiosity lies at the heart of male covert depression."
Another reason men leap into action, though, whether it's through intense exercise, overwork, pounding back martinis, or some other strategy, is that it actually does relieve the symptoms of depression, at least for a time. In fact, many therapists have begun using exercise as an adjunct to therapy, as explained in books like The Joy of Running, by Thaddeus Kostrubala, and The Exercise Prescription for Depression and Anxiety, by Keith Johnsgard. And research at Duke University confirmed their hunches in 1999.
But exercise in itself doesn't treat the underlying condition. In fact, books called The Joy of Working 80 Hours a Week and The Drinking Prescription for Depression might reach a wide audience, because those strategies can effectively mask depression for years. That is, they can sort of work.
Because at the heart of what Britt and Imparl were going through was a life filled with large stretches of no feeling at all. Britt says he was constantly running, "hoping that movement would help me discover something better."
Looking back on his decades of depression, Britt saw isolated flashes of happiness--the birth of his children, laughter, friendship--but they were, he says, "bright spots on what had been a more turbulent journey than I let myself admit. The moments of happiness sustained my denial of something I had only recently begun to consider an 'invisible load.'" In other words, he'd been swimming with an anvil, and he was sinking by imperceptible increments.
Conditioning
The social conditioning that leads to men's response to depression begins in infancy. Male babies receive less of every type of nurturing, including speech, touch, and comfort when they cry. And that is only the beginning of what will be, to one degree or another, a brutal upbringing for boys.
In the 1960s, the crusading social psychologist Jeanne Block and her colleagues explored how differently parents treat boys and girls. For instance, moms and dads encourage boys to be competitive and to achieve. They don't like them to show their emotions. They encourage them to be less dependent; mothers push them away. They punish them more than they punish girls. And they are unaware that they treat boys and girls differently.
By the time boys are on their way to the teenage years, the process of disavowing what they are is complete. The book A New Psychology of Men describes research in which people were asked what it means to be feminine or masculine. Women and girls defined themselves by the ways they were connected to others, and by citing qualities like being caring or compassionate. Men and boys defined themselves by negatives: They weren't weak, dependent, or connected to their mothers.
But there is not much in our cultural definition of what it means to be a man that is inherent in maleness. Children start off surprisingly alike, whether they're boys or girls. If there's a difference, it's the opposite of what the culture seems to expect: Boys are more sensitive. They give expression to their emotions more readily than girls. They affiliate with others in the same way as girls. Then someone starts telling them it's not okay to be that way. If you act like that, you're a pussy.
As Real and others have explained, it is through this process of denial that men are primed for depression. And it is the cultural necessity of carrying out and carrying on this process that makes it so difficult for them to recognize and admit to depression when it comes. They not only don't acknowledge it to themselves, they often don't display the symptoms that psychotherapists use to diagnose depression.
The cultural training that lays the groundwork for depression in men and for their denial of it later in life involves social isolation. That means telling people the truth about yourself and trusting that they'll do the same, a concept that seems terrifying to many men.
In one case, two friends knew each other for years, commuting together, talking every day, laughing together. They would not have said they were socially isolated, yet when they happened to run into each other in the same group meeting for men suffering from depression, they had to laugh: Neither one had ever admitted it to the other, even though they were both seeking treatment for it.
Social isolation is a well-known killer of mammals. Countless studies going back to the '50s show that contact, affection, emotional communication, and genuine closeness are necessary for mammals, including humans, to maintain our health. Isolation wreaks havoc on everything from the immune system to the cardiovascular system to the brain. Conversely, staying socially connected helps protect men from mental illness, including depression.
The new research done by Kessler and others shows that single men and women look no different when it comes to most kinds of mental illness. But when they get married, they veer off in different directions. "It's a very good deal to be married if you're a man," Kessler says. "It's associated with a dramatic improvement in mental health."
Perhaps because they are forced into solitude as children, men are not as good at being alone as women are. Because of early socialization, women are better at relationships--with children, friends, and relatives. In general, women have more friends than men and are closer to those friends. This, of course, is the direct result of boys' having independence forced on them early in life, when what they need is emotional and physical contact with others.
Socialization punishes women, too. When they have children, women's mental health suffers, while that of men doesn't change at all. That's because women, in general, take care of the kids. If there's trouble in the home, or work interferes with child rearing, they'll disproportionately suffer for it.
Women also worry more than men. They care about a larger group of people who just don't appear on the emotional radar screens of men. In marriage, men share in the joys and are often protected from the pain. Just as the man will go downstairs to investigate a suspicious noise, the woman plays the role of emotional protector.
Kessler uses this example: A wife reports (to the researcher) that she's very upset, because her daughter had an abortion and had to miss a number of days of school. The husband reports that his daughter had the flu and couldn't go to school. How could this be? The explanation is simple: The daughter got pregnant and went to her mother for help, saying, "Whatever you do, don't tell Dad." So the mother helped the daughter have an abortion and told the father the girl was home sick with the flu.
The result is that the husband is exposed to less stress, while the woman is exposed to more. Not only does she have to deal with the abortion, but she also has to lie to her husband and orchestrate the protection of that lie. But throughout, her connections are reinforced and affirmed.
The studies show that when a father dies, the children grow closer to the mother. They come around more. The mother has been maintaining those relationships all along, and they pay off in a crisis. Yet when a mother dies, the children come around less. That's because for years, when they called on Sunday, they talked to the mother, not the father. By filling the social role, the wife grows closer to the kids. That's why widowhood and divorce are so much worse for men. Their protection is ripped away, and they have no social network to catch them as they fall. The person who managed their emotional life is gone.
As Kessler puts it, "You can hire someone to do most of the things the husband does in a marriage. But you can never hire someone to do what the wife does." Men can change this situation and possibly protect themselves from depression later in life by expanding the depth and breadth of their social networks.
Recovery
After undergoing treatment for bipolar disorder and chronic depression, Britt went back to compete in all the events he had run so desperately in 2004, such as the Lake Placid Ironman. To his amazement, he recognized for the first time that the run took place in a glorious natural setting. "You're literally running through fields of green," he says. Later that year, he was competing in the Ironman Wisconsin, which he'd done in such a black mood the year before, and began to wonder, Why am I hurting myself? I don't need to hurt myself anymore. For the first time in his life, he walked for an hour during the event, feeling joyous.
Britt's compulsion to run began to fade. "My race performance declined by about 5 percent in the first half of last year," he tells me, "and it really tailed off by fall. I took most of early winter off, totally. It's a healthier me all around." In other words, he now runs for fun, something he was unable to experience before.
But recovery wasn't simple or easy. Early on, when Britt was first diagnosed, he spent much of his time searching for a single moment in each day when something good happened, something he could celebrate. Gradually, those moments grew larger and more frequent. "Now," he says, "the days are filled with not only great moments, but great minutes and hours. And those make up great days, great weeks, and even great months."
When men talk about depression, one of the recurring themes is how it sucks the color and flavor out of life. The birdsong that filled you with joy as a child has no effect at all. The people you love don't make your heart sing, even though you know they should. The colors of the world are tarnished and dull. Britt ran the Boston Marathon once again, and realized at the end that although he'd run it many times, he had literally never seen the finish line; he ran right through it and focused on the next thing. "Now I can see things I never saw before--colors, scenery, people," he says. "It's almost impossible to describe, except to say that it seems like the world has visually opened up."
Depression is well known for shutting down the senses, and when it lifted, Britt was so astonished at what was around him that he took up photography just to try to capture it all. "I never cared before. I never noticed the colors of a sunset. The electricity in a lightning strike. The glow of moonrise over a lake. They've always been there. But only recently have I begun to see them. And I am amazed."
Exercising Your Demons
Some people might call you highly competitive. Some might call you superfit. But a growing number of doctors would label you something else: Depressed
By: Laurence Gonzales
In 1994, at the age of 33, Raymond Britt took up running. It made him feel good. In fact, the more he pushed himself, the better he felt. So each time he went out, he pushed a little harder. It seemed to put him above the turmoil of the world and afford him some relief. Relief from what -- that wasn't so clear. His life was good. He was a successful executive. He'd married his high-school sweetheart. He had beautiful children.
But there was something odd about it all. For one thing, he had no background as a runner. He'd been a powerlifter in his 20s, benching 315. But in the summer of '94, amid a hectic schedule, he happened to see a flier for the Chicago Marathon and was seized by the impulse to run it. Never mind that there were only a few weeks left to train. Never mind that he had never run more than 3 miles at a time. He thought, I can do anything for 5 hours and 30 minutes, which was the qualifying time to receive a finisher's medal.
He became obsessed with his training.
"I was excited, I was nervous, I was alive," he says. "My mother and my wife thought I was crazy." As he reached the 18th mile of the marathon, his hopes for a life-changing experience were shattered. Beating himself up both mentally and physically, he managed to drag his body over the finish line in 4 hours and 41 minutes, as he puts it, "alone, hurt, angry, unhappy."
Rather than recover, he went out the next day to punish himself and prepare for the next marathon.
Sex Differences
The study of how mental illness affects men and women differently is new and fraught with controversy. The first comprehensive survey was conducted between 1990 and 1992. Its aim was to estimate the general prevalence of mental illness.
The research, known as the National Comorbidity Survey, was repeated, in more depth and on a larger scale, between 2001 and 2003, under the auspices of the World Health Organization and with funding from the National Institute of Mental Health. The principal investigator is Ronald C. Kessler, Ph.D., a jolly-looking, bearded professor in the department of health-care policy at Harvard University.
The numbers seem to show that men and women suffer from various mental illnesses at about the same rate, with some notable variations and exceptions. One of the differences, long accepted as gospel by the psychiatric professions, is that twice as many women as men suffer from depression. Kessler says his numbers show that a woman is twice as likely as a man to have a single episode of major clinical depression in her life. After the first episode, however, men and women don't differ in the number of episodes they'll have during a lifetime, or in whether they'll have another episode. Only the first step differs, he says. Then the statistics flatten out to equal.
But if repeat episodes of depression are equal for men and women, doesn't it stand to reason that they may be having first bouts at the same rate? Maybe the discrepancy lies not in the number of men and women who are depressed, but rather, in how depression is expressed.
According to an increasing number of experts, the diagnostic tallies don't take into account the real experience of a lot of men like Britt. They also ignore the fact that women are much more likely to report depression and seek help. Men are more likely to try to fight through their depression, using strategies ranging from hard work to extreme exercise to drinking to violence. Nearly four times more men than women kill themselves.
When women become depressed, they tend to show the classic symptoms described in the psychiatrist's handbook the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. They feel sad and tired, and lose interest in the pleasures of life. In short, women generally get depressed in just the way that most people, including psychotherapists, think about depression.
Men tend to get angry, and that anger expresses itself in a wide variety of intense activities, such as Britt's obsessive running. Some of these men even win marathons--on the streets of Chicago or in feats of work endurance--and look like heroes, which makes it even more difficult to diagnose their depression.
Britt says, "I've always thought Lance Armstrong suffered from depression and that's where his anger came from. I saw a lot of myself in him, the way he transfers anger into action. Depression leads some of us to fight as hard as we can against it. It makes you angry. I liked my anger. I got focused and felt better, like I was leaving turmoil in the dust. But it was temporary."
Because we think of the word "depression" as fitting the woman's profile better than the man's, doctors and therapists don't tend to recognize the disease as readily in men, and men don't talk about it. William Pollack, Ph.D., a professor of psychiatry at Harvard, estimates that 50 percent to 65 percent of men suffering from what they call "covert depression" aren't diagnosed.
It seems clear that men will do just about anything to avoid admitting to having the disease. They'd rather just suffer. Some of them would rather die.
Driven
Britt raced in Chicago the next year and qualified for the Boston Marathon. Still, he needed more. He entered the Chicago Triathlon that same year and nearly drowned. ("I was a terrible swimmer.") He returned in 1996, and did well. That only fed his craving. "I wanted to take everything to the next, most impossible level I could imagine," he says. He describes himself as "driven to the margin of terror."
By 1998, he had developed a set of rules for himself: more, harder, quicker, and farther away. Three Ironman races in 7 weeks. Roth, Germany, in July for Ironman Europe. Zurich in August for Ironman Switzerland, wife and 4-month-old baby in tow. Ironman Canada again in September. "Still not enough," he says.
In 1999: four Ironman races, a 50-miler, and the Western States 100. Seven days later, he ran two 5-Ks on the same day, for "pain as punishment and proof that I was okay. I could survive the day as long as I could channel my inner turbulence into power and aggression during training. The determination, the drive, kept me afloat."
In the following years, he broke 3 hours in the marathon, qualified for the Ironman World Championships three times, won awards, gained sponsorship, and was regularly published as a cardio guru. He was a champ, a role model. "How can this be a bad thing?" he asked. "And if I'm strong enough to outlast anything, aren't I strong enough to outlast life's challenges?"
Yet his world had begun to contract. He began intentionally doing reckless things. "I took risks riding my bicycle in traffic, running at night, fighting whatever was fighting me. It felt good to be fighting."
He couldn't run, bike, and swim all day. He had to work. He had a wife and kids. So he simply pushed that much harder. "My best performances came when I was ready to rip the top off the race course. I had very aggressive feelings. I just wanted to attack."
He was winning, yes, but he also required emergency medical attention after every event. He'd come in with his blood pressure reading 90 over 50 and required up to four IV bags of fluid to counter dehydration. That didn't seem odd to him, but his wife began to worry that he was trying to kill himself. He told her he was just pushing it. He eventually did 42 marathons, 27 Ironman Triathlons, and six ultramarathons in 11 years, covering 42,000 miles, the equivalent of running, swimming, and biking around the world 1 1/2 times.
The weird thing is this: Raymond Britt isn't that unusual. His distances aren't even that huge, compared with some guys'. And the mental illness he suffers from, which drove him to battle through all those miles, is not that uncommon among men.
Steven Imparl is a lawyer in Chicago, but a look at his résumé affords a glimpse into the frantic world of a man working very hard to compensate for depression. He graduated from high school in the top 15 of his class of 550 students. He received his B.S. degree with high honors. He became an information-technology specialist working for big companies, then went on to earn his law degree and start his own firm. Along the way, he studied French, German, Slovene, and Spanish. He learned classical guitar, studied Slavic and Balkan history, and sang barbershop harmony. And he somehow found time for power walking, inline skating, volleyball, and boxing. By the fall of 2001, he was so wound up, he could hardly sleep. He became more irritable, more easily angered. After nearly getting into a fistfight while walking down a street, he decided to seek help. But when the doctor told him he was suffering from clinical depression, Imparl refused to believe it. Admitting to depression is . . . well, it's like getting your period: Guys don't do it.
Once Imparl accepted the diagnosis, he performed like any true, overachieving depressed man would: Through a program of therapy and drugs, he got better, and then he founded a successful Web site, maledepression.com, for guys like him.
Raymond Britt's crash and burn came one day in November 2004, when he set out to run himself into the ground, to transfer the pain from his soul to his body. Many miles and hours later, he found himself bloodied, exhausted, and hypothermic, but he neither displaced the internal pain nor found relief. He was forced at last to face what he'd known for decades: Depression was rampant in his family. From an early age, Britt had been determined that he wouldn't succumb. He wouldn't be weak.
Because his father had medicated his own depression with alcohol, Britt had never taken up drinking. By the fall of 2004, his father had been in therapy for a while, and was encouraging Britt to seek help. Having experienced depression himself, he was able to see the disorder in his son. He sent Britt an e-mail with his doctor's name. And then he dropped dead.
It was a few weeks later when Britt hit the wall on his last desperate run. Then he collapsed into classic symptoms of depression, which is what happens when the strategy fails: "The weight felt so heavy that it was hard to physically move," says Britt. He found himself wishing he'd be in an accident that would put him in the hospital so that he could escape. "I wanted to be taken out."
That's the point at which depressed men can slip beyond fantasy into active thoughts of suicide. Some 31,000 people in the United States commit suicide each year. More than 24,000 of them are men. And that doesn't count the deaths from alcohol or drugs. In fact, some researchers are beginning to suspect that depression causes more deaths than auto accidents do.
Britt's fantasies of having an accident scared him. He went to see his father's psychiatrist. It didn't take the doctor long to diagnose his condition. (Q: "When were you last really happy?" A: "1975.") And yet, his denial of clinical depression was so strong that he sought a second opinion.
Maybe men need a different word for depression. Or maybe the brain researchers and psychologists simply need to redefine the condition so it includes the way men experience it, too.
Cultural Cover-Up
It's understandable that women are three times more likely than men to be treated for depression; our culture has put a feminine face on the disease, so women give themselves permission to feel it and to seek help for it. Pollack puts it this way: "We have in our society a feminized view of depression, coming out of a model of hysteria that dates back to Freud."
Terrence Real, author of I Don't Want to Talk about It, and a marriage and family therapist in Massachusetts, wrote, "There is a terrible collusion in our society, a cultural cover-up about depression in men." And part of the cultural influence involves the way men are taught from early childhood to be strong, silent, independent, and resistant to suffering. As Real puts it, "Men have about a milli-second's tolerance for feeling [this type of] pain, and then they spring into action. A flight from shame into grandiosity lies at the heart of male covert depression."
Another reason men leap into action, though, whether it's through intense exercise, overwork, pounding back martinis, or some other strategy, is that it actually does relieve the symptoms of depression, at least for a time. In fact, many therapists have begun using exercise as an adjunct to therapy, as explained in books like The Joy of Running, by Thaddeus Kostrubala, and The Exercise Prescription for Depression and Anxiety, by Keith Johnsgard. And research at Duke University confirmed their hunches in 1999.
But exercise in itself doesn't treat the underlying condition. In fact, books called The Joy of Working 80 Hours a Week and The Drinking Prescription for Depression might reach a wide audience, because those strategies can effectively mask depression for years. That is, they can sort of work.
Because at the heart of what Britt and Imparl were going through was a life filled with large stretches of no feeling at all. Britt says he was constantly running, "hoping that movement would help me discover something better."
Looking back on his decades of depression, Britt saw isolated flashes of happiness--the birth of his children, laughter, friendship--but they were, he says, "bright spots on what had been a more turbulent journey than I let myself admit. The moments of happiness sustained my denial of something I had only recently begun to consider an 'invisible load.'" In other words, he'd been swimming with an anvil, and he was sinking by imperceptible increments.
Conditioning
The social conditioning that leads to men's response to depression begins in infancy. Male babies receive less of every type of nurturing, including speech, touch, and comfort when they cry. And that is only the beginning of what will be, to one degree or another, a brutal upbringing for boys.
In the 1960s, the crusading social psychologist Jeanne Block and her colleagues explored how differently parents treat boys and girls. For instance, moms and dads encourage boys to be competitive and to achieve. They don't like them to show their emotions. They encourage them to be less dependent; mothers push them away. They punish them more than they punish girls. And they are unaware that they treat boys and girls differently.
By the time boys are on their way to the teenage years, the process of disavowing what they are is complete. The book A New Psychology of Men describes research in which people were asked what it means to be feminine or masculine. Women and girls defined themselves by the ways they were connected to others, and by citing qualities like being caring or compassionate. Men and boys defined themselves by negatives: They weren't weak, dependent, or connected to their mothers.
But there is not much in our cultural definition of what it means to be a man that is inherent in maleness. Children start off surprisingly alike, whether they're boys or girls. If there's a difference, it's the opposite of what the culture seems to expect: Boys are more sensitive. They give expression to their emotions more readily than girls. They affiliate with others in the same way as girls. Then someone starts telling them it's not okay to be that way. If you act like that, you're a pussy.
As Real and others have explained, it is through this process of denial that men are primed for depression. And it is the cultural necessity of carrying out and carrying on this process that makes it so difficult for them to recognize and admit to depression when it comes. They not only don't acknowledge it to themselves, they often don't display the symptoms that psychotherapists use to diagnose depression.
The cultural training that lays the groundwork for depression in men and for their denial of it later in life involves social isolation. That means telling people the truth about yourself and trusting that they'll do the same, a concept that seems terrifying to many men.
In one case, two friends knew each other for years, commuting together, talking every day, laughing together. They would not have said they were socially isolated, yet when they happened to run into each other in the same group meeting for men suffering from depression, they had to laugh: Neither one had ever admitted it to the other, even though they were both seeking treatment for it.
Social isolation is a well-known killer of mammals. Countless studies going back to the '50s show that contact, affection, emotional communication, and genuine closeness are necessary for mammals, including humans, to maintain our health. Isolation wreaks havoc on everything from the immune system to the cardiovascular system to the brain. Conversely, staying socially connected helps protect men from mental illness, including depression.
The new research done by Kessler and others shows that single men and women look no different when it comes to most kinds of mental illness. But when they get married, they veer off in different directions. "It's a very good deal to be married if you're a man," Kessler says. "It's associated with a dramatic improvement in mental health."
Perhaps because they are forced into solitude as children, men are not as good at being alone as women are. Because of early socialization, women are better at relationships--with children, friends, and relatives. In general, women have more friends than men and are closer to those friends. This, of course, is the direct result of boys' having independence forced on them early in life, when what they need is emotional and physical contact with others.
Socialization punishes women, too. When they have children, women's mental health suffers, while that of men doesn't change at all. That's because women, in general, take care of the kids. If there's trouble in the home, or work interferes with child rearing, they'll disproportionately suffer for it.
Women also worry more than men. They care about a larger group of people who just don't appear on the emotional radar screens of men. In marriage, men share in the joys and are often protected from the pain. Just as the man will go downstairs to investigate a suspicious noise, the woman plays the role of emotional protector.
Kessler uses this example: A wife reports (to the researcher) that she's very upset, because her daughter had an abortion and had to miss a number of days of school. The husband reports that his daughter had the flu and couldn't go to school. How could this be? The explanation is simple: The daughter got pregnant and went to her mother for help, saying, "Whatever you do, don't tell Dad." So the mother helped the daughter have an abortion and told the father the girl was home sick with the flu.
The result is that the husband is exposed to less stress, while the woman is exposed to more. Not only does she have to deal with the abortion, but she also has to lie to her husband and orchestrate the protection of that lie. But throughout, her connections are reinforced and affirmed.
The studies show that when a father dies, the children grow closer to the mother. They come around more. The mother has been maintaining those relationships all along, and they pay off in a crisis. Yet when a mother dies, the children come around less. That's because for years, when they called on Sunday, they talked to the mother, not the father. By filling the social role, the wife grows closer to the kids. That's why widowhood and divorce are so much worse for men. Their protection is ripped away, and they have no social network to catch them as they fall. The person who managed their emotional life is gone.
As Kessler puts it, "You can hire someone to do most of the things the husband does in a marriage. But you can never hire someone to do what the wife does." Men can change this situation and possibly protect themselves from depression later in life by expanding the depth and breadth of their social networks.
Recovery
After undergoing treatment for bipolar disorder and chronic depression, Britt went back to compete in all the events he had run so desperately in 2004, such as the Lake Placid Ironman. To his amazement, he recognized for the first time that the run took place in a glorious natural setting. "You're literally running through fields of green," he says. Later that year, he was competing in the Ironman Wisconsin, which he'd done in such a black mood the year before, and began to wonder, Why am I hurting myself? I don't need to hurt myself anymore. For the first time in his life, he walked for an hour during the event, feeling joyous.
Britt's compulsion to run began to fade. "My race performance declined by about 5 percent in the first half of last year," he tells me, "and it really tailed off by fall. I took most of early winter off, totally. It's a healthier me all around." In other words, he now runs for fun, something he was unable to experience before.
But recovery wasn't simple or easy. Early on, when Britt was first diagnosed, he spent much of his time searching for a single moment in each day when something good happened, something he could celebrate. Gradually, those moments grew larger and more frequent. "Now," he says, "the days are filled with not only great moments, but great minutes and hours. And those make up great days, great weeks, and even great months."
When men talk about depression, one of the recurring themes is how it sucks the color and flavor out of life. The birdsong that filled you with joy as a child has no effect at all. The people you love don't make your heart sing, even though you know they should. The colors of the world are tarnished and dull. Britt ran the Boston Marathon once again, and realized at the end that although he'd run it many times, he had literally never seen the finish line; he ran right through it and focused on the next thing. "Now I can see things I never saw before--colors, scenery, people," he says. "It's almost impossible to describe, except to say that it seems like the world has visually opened up."
Depression is well known for shutting down the senses, and when it lifted, Britt was so astonished at what was around him that he took up photography just to try to capture it all. "I never cared before. I never noticed the colors of a sunset. The electricity in a lightning strike. The glow of moonrise over a lake. They've always been there. But only recently have I begun to see them. And I am amazed."
Exercising Your Demons
Some people might call you highly competitive. Some might call you superfit. But a growing number of doctors would label you something else: Depressed
By: Laurence Gonzales
In 1994, at the age of 33, Raymond Britt took up running. It made him feel good. In fact, the more he pushed himself, the better he felt. So each time he went out, he pushed a little harder. It seemed to put him above the turmoil of the world and afford him some relief. Relief from what -- that wasn't so clear. His life was good. He was a successful executive. He'd married his high-school sweetheart. He had beautiful children.
But there was something odd about it all. For one thing, he had no background as a runner. He'd been a powerlifter in his 20s, benching 315. But in the summer of '94, amid a hectic schedule, he happened to see a flier for the Chicago Marathon and was seized by the impulse to run it. Never mind that there were only a few weeks left to train. Never mind that he had never run more than 3 miles at a time. He thought, I can do anything for 5 hours and 30 minutes, which was the qualifying time to receive a finisher's medal.
He became obsessed with his training.
"I was excited, I was nervous, I was alive," he says. "My mother and my wife thought I was crazy." As he reached the 18th mile of the marathon, his hopes for a life-changing experience were shattered. Beating himself up both mentally and physically, he managed to drag his body over the finish line in 4 hours and 41 minutes, as he puts it, "alone, hurt, angry, unhappy."
Rather than recover, he went out the next day to punish himself and prepare for the next marathon.
Sex Differences
The study of how mental illness affects men and women differently is new and fraught with controversy. The first comprehensive survey was conducted between 1990 and 1992. Its aim was to estimate the general prevalence of mental illness.
The research, known as the National Comorbidity Survey, was repeated, in more depth and on a larger scale, between 2001 and 2003, under the auspices of the World Health Organization and with funding from the National Institute of Mental Health. The principal investigator is Ronald C. Kessler, Ph.D., a jolly-looking, bearded professor in the department of health-care policy at Harvard University.
The numbers seem to show that men and women suffer from various mental illnesses at about the same rate, with some notable variations and exceptions. One of the differences, long accepted as gospel by the psychiatric professions, is that twice as many women as men suffer from depression. Kessler says his numbers show that a woman is twice as likely as a man to have a single episode of major clinical depression in her life. After the first episode, however, men and women don't differ in the number of episodes they'll have during a lifetime, or in whether they'll have another episode. Only the first step differs, he says. Then the statistics flatten out to equal.
But if repeat episodes of depression are equal for men and women, doesn't it stand to reason that they may be having first bouts at the same rate? Maybe the discrepancy lies not in the number of men and women who are depressed, but rather, in how depression is expressed.
According to an increasing number of experts, the diagnostic tallies don't take into account the real experience of a lot of men like Britt. They also ignore the fact that women are much more likely to report depression and seek help. Men are more likely to try to fight through their depression, using strategies ranging from hard work to extreme exercise to drinking to violence. Nearly four times more men than women kill themselves.
When women become depressed, they tend to show the classic symptoms described in the psychiatrist's handbook the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. They feel sad and tired, and lose interest in the pleasures of life. In short, women generally get depressed in just the way that most people, including psychotherapists, think about depression.
Men tend to get angry, and that anger expresses itself in a wide variety of intense activities, such as Britt's obsessive running. Some of these men even win marathons--on the streets of Chicago or in feats of work endurance--and look like heroes, which makes it even more difficult to diagnose their depression.
Britt says, "I've always thought Lance Armstrong suffered from depression and that's where his anger came from. I saw a lot of myself in him, the way he transfers anger into action. Depression leads some of us to fight as hard as we can against it. It makes you angry. I liked my anger. I got focused and felt better, like I was leaving turmoil in the dust. But it was temporary."
Because we think of the word "depression" as fitting the woman's profile better than the man's, doctors and therapists don't tend to recognize the disease as readily in men, and men don't talk about it. William Pollack, Ph.D., a professor of psychiatry at Harvard, estimates that 50 percent to 65 percent of men suffering from what they call "covert depression" aren't diagnosed.
It seems clear that men will do just about anything to avoid admitting to having the disease. They'd rather just suffer. Some of them would rather die.
Driven
Britt raced in Chicago the next year and qualified for the Boston Marathon. Still, he needed more. He entered the Chicago Triathlon that same year and nearly drowned. ("I was a terrible swimmer.") He returned in 1996, and did well. That only fed his craving. "I wanted to take everything to the next, most impossible level I could imagine," he says. He describes himself as "driven to the margin of terror."
By 1998, he had developed a set of rules for himself: more, harder, quicker, and farther away. Three Ironman races in 7 weeks. Roth, Germany, in July for Ironman Europe. Zurich in August for Ironman Switzerland, wife and 4-month-old baby in tow. Ironman Canada again in September. "Still not enough," he says.
In 1999: four Ironman races, a 50-miler, and the Western States 100. Seven days later, he ran two 5-Ks on the same day, for "pain as punishment and proof that I was okay. I could survive the day as long as I could channel my inner turbulence into power and aggression during training. The determination, the drive, kept me afloat."
In the following years, he broke 3 hours in the marathon, qualified for the Ironman World Championships three times, won awards, gained sponsorship, and was regularly published as a cardio guru. He was a champ, a role model. "How can this be a bad thing?" he asked. "And if I'm strong enough to outlast anything, aren't I strong enough to outlast life's challenges?"
Yet his world had begun to contract. He began intentionally doing reckless things. "I took risks riding my bicycle in traffic, running at night, fighting whatever was fighting me. It felt good to be fighting."
He couldn't run, bike, and swim all day. He had to work. He had a wife and kids. So he simply pushed that much harder. "My best performances came when I was ready to rip the top off the race course. I had very aggressive feelings. I just wanted to attack."
He was winning, yes, but he also required emergency medical attention after every event. He'd come in with his blood pressure reading 90 over 50 and required up to four IV bags of fluid to counter dehydration. That didn't seem odd to him, but his wife began to worry that he was trying to kill himself. He told her he was just pushing it. He eventually did 42 marathons, 27 Ironman Triathlons, and six ultramarathons in 11 years, covering 42,000 miles, the equivalent of running, swimming, and biking around the world 1 1/2 times.
The weird thing is this: Raymond Britt isn't that unusual. His distances aren't even that huge, compared with some guys'. And the mental illness he suffers from, which drove him to battle through all those miles, is not that uncommon among men.
Steven Imparl is a lawyer in Chicago, but a look at his résumé affords a glimpse into the frantic world of a man working very hard to compensate for depression. He graduated from high school in the top 15 of his class of 550 students. He received his B.S. degree with high honors. He became an information-technology specialist working for big companies, then went on to earn his law degree and start his own firm. Along the way, he studied French, German, Slovene, and Spanish. He learned classical guitar, studied Slavic and Balkan history, and sang barbershop harmony. And he somehow found time for power walking, inline skating, volleyball, and boxing. By the fall of 2001, he was so wound up, he could hardly sleep. He became more irritable, more easily angered. After nearly getting into a fistfight while walking down a street, he decided to seek help. But when the doctor told him he was suffering from clinical depression, Imparl refused to believe it. Admitting to depression is . . . well, it's like getting your period: Guys don't do it.
Once Imparl accepted the diagnosis, he performed like any true, overachieving depressed man would: Through a program of therapy and drugs, he got better, and then he founded a successful Web site, maledepression.com, for guys like him.
Raymond Britt's crash and burn came one day in November 2004, when he set out to run himself into the ground, to transfer the pain from his soul to his body. Many miles and hours later, he found himself bloodied, exhausted, and hypothermic, but he neither displaced the internal pain nor found relief. He was forced at last to face what he'd known for decades: Depression was rampant in his family. From an early age, Britt had been determined that he wouldn't succumb. He wouldn't be weak.
Because his father had medicated his own depression with alcohol, Britt had never taken up drinking. By the fall of 2004, his father had been in therapy for a while, and was encouraging Britt to seek help. Having experienced depression himself, he was able to see the disorder in his son. He sent Britt an e-mail with his doctor's name. And then he dropped dead.
It was a few weeks later when Britt hit the wall on his last desperate run. Then he collapsed into classic symptoms of depression, which is what happens when the strategy fails: "The weight felt so heavy that it was hard to physically move," says Britt. He found himself wishing he'd be in an accident that would put him in the hospital so that he could escape. "I wanted to be taken out."
That's the point at which depressed men can slip beyond fantasy into active thoughts of suicide. Some 31,000 people in the United States commit suicide each year. More than 24,000 of them are men. And that doesn't count the deaths from alcohol or drugs. In fact, some researchers are beginning to suspect that depression causes more deaths than auto accidents do.
Britt's fantasies of having an accident scared him. He went to see his father's psychiatrist. It didn't take the doctor long to diagnose his condition. (Q: "When were you last really happy?" A: "1975.") And yet, his denial of clinical depression was so strong that he sought a second opinion.
Maybe men need a different word for depression. Or maybe the brain researchers and psychologists simply need to redefine the condition so it includes the way men experience it, too.
Cultural Cover-Up
It's understandable that women are three times more likely than men to be treated for depression; our culture has put a feminine face on the disease, so women give themselves permission to feel it and to seek help for it. Pollack puts it this way: "We have in our society a feminized view of depression, coming out of a model of hysteria that dates back to Freud."
Terrence Real, author of I Don't Want to Talk about It, and a marriage and family therapist in Massachusetts, wrote, "There is a terrible collusion in our society, a cultural cover-up about depression in men." And part of the cultural influence involves the way men are taught from early childhood to be strong, silent, independent, and resistant to suffering. As Real puts it, "Men have about a milli-second's tolerance for feeling [this type of] pain, and then they spring into action. A flight from shame into grandiosity lies at the heart of male covert depression."
Another reason men leap into action, though, whether it's through intense exercise, overwork, pounding back martinis, or some other strategy, is that it actually does relieve the symptoms of depression, at least for a time. In fact, many therapists have begun using exercise as an adjunct to therapy, as explained in books like The Joy of Running, by Thaddeus Kostrubala, and The Exercise Prescription for Depression and Anxiety, by Keith Johnsgard. And research at Duke University confirmed their hunches in 1999.
But exercise in itself doesn't treat the underlying condition. In fact, books called The Joy of Working 80 Hours a Week and The Drinking Prescription for Depression might reach a wide audience, because those strategies can effectively mask depression for years. That is, they can sort of work.
Because at the heart of what Britt and Imparl were going through was a life filled with large stretches of no feeling at all. Britt says he was constantly running, "hoping that movement would help me discover something better."
Looking back on his decades of depression, Britt saw isolated flashes of happiness--the birth of his children, laughter, friendship--but they were, he says, "bright spots on what had been a more turbulent journey than I let myself admit. The moments of happiness sustained my denial of something I had only recently begun to consider an 'invisible load.'" In other words, he'd been swimming with an anvil, and he was sinking by imperceptible increments.
Conditioning
The social conditioning that leads to men's response to depression begins in infancy. Male babies receive less of every type of nurturing, including speech, touch, and comfort when they cry. And that is only the beginning of what will be, to one degree or another, a brutal upbringing for boys.
In the 1960s, the crusading social psychologist Jeanne Block and her colleagues explored how differently parents treat boys and girls. For instance, moms and dads encourage boys to be competitive and to achieve. They don't like them to show their emotions. They encourage them to be less dependent; mothers push them away. They punish them more than they punish girls. And they are unaware that they treat boys and girls differently.
By the time boys are on their way to the teenage years, the process of disavowing what they are is complete. The book A New Psychology of Men describes research in which people were asked what it means to be feminine or masculine. Women and girls defined themselves by the ways they were connected to others, and by citing qualities like being caring or compassionate. Men and boys defined themselves by negatives: They weren't weak, dependent, or connected to their mothers.
But there is not much in our cultural definition of what it means to be a man that is inherent in maleness. Children start off surprisingly alike, whether they're boys or girls. If there's a difference, it's the opposite of what the culture seems to expect: Boys are more sensitive. They give expression to their emotions more readily than girls. They affiliate with others in the same way as girls. Then someone starts telling them it's not okay to be that way. If you act like that, you're a pussy.
As Real and others have explained, it is through this process of denial that men are primed for depression. And it is the cultural necessity of carrying out and carrying on this process that makes it so difficult for them to recognize and admit to depression when it comes. They not only don't acknowledge it to themselves, they often don't display the symptoms that psychotherapists use to diagnose depression.
The cultural training that lays the groundwork for depression in men and for their denial of it later in life involves social isolation. That means telling people the truth about yourself and trusting that they'll do the same, a concept that seems terrifying to many men.
In one case, two friends knew each other for years, commuting together, talking every day, laughing together. They would not have said they were socially isolated, yet when they happened to run into each other in the same group meeting for men suffering from depression, they had to laugh: Neither one had ever admitted it to the other, even though they were both seeking treatment for it.
Social isolation is a well-known killer of mammals. Countless studies going back to the '50s show that contact, affection, emotional communication, and genuine closeness are necessary for mammals, including humans, to maintain our health. Isolation wreaks havoc on everything from the immune system to the cardiovascular system to the brain. Conversely, staying socially connected helps protect men from mental illness, including depression.
The new research done by Kessler and others shows that single men and women look no different when it comes to most kinds of mental illness. But when they get married, they veer off in different directions. "It's a very good deal to be married if you're a man," Kessler says. "It's associated with a dramatic improvement in mental health."
Perhaps because they are forced into solitude as children, men are not as good at being alone as women are. Because of early socialization, women are better at relationships--with children, friends, and relatives. In general, women have more friends than men and are closer to those friends. This, of course, is the direct result of boys' having independence forced on them early in life, when what they need is emotional and physical contact with others.
Socialization punishes women, too. When they have children, women's mental health suffers, while that of men doesn't change at all. That's because women, in general, take care of the kids. If there's trouble in the home, or work interferes with child rearing, they'll disproportionately suffer for it.
Women also worry more than men. They care about a larger group of people who just don't appear on the emotional radar screens of men. In marriage, men share in the joys and are often protected from the pain. Just as the man will go downstairs to investigate a suspicious noise, the woman plays the role of emotional protector.
Kessler uses this example: A wife reports (to the researcher) that she's very upset, because her daughter had an abortion and had to miss a number of days of school. The husband reports that his daughter had the flu and couldn't go to school. How could this be? The explanation is simple: The daughter got pregnant and went to her mother for help, saying, "Whatever you do, don't tell Dad." So the mother helped the daughter have an abortion and told the father the girl was home sick with the flu.
The result is that the husband is exposed to less stress, while the woman is exposed to more. Not only does she have to deal with the abortion, but she also has to lie to her husband and orchestrate the protection of that lie. But throughout, her connections are reinforced and affirmed.
The studies show that when a father dies, the children grow closer to the mother. They come around more. The mother has been maintaining those relationships all along, and they pay off in a crisis. Yet when a mother dies, the children come around less. That's because for years, when they called on Sunday, they talked to the mother, not the father. By filling the social role, the wife grows closer to the kids. That's why widowhood and divorce are so much worse for men. Their protection is ripped away, and they have no social network to catch them as they fall. The person who managed their emotional life is gone.
As Kessler puts it, "You can hire someone to do most of the things the husband does in a marriage. But you can never hire someone to do what the wife does." Men can change this situation and possibly protect themselves from depression later in life by expanding the depth and breadth of their social networks.
Recovery
After undergoing treatment for bipolar disorder and chronic depression, Britt went back to compete in all the events he had run so desperately in 2004, such as the Lake Placid Ironman. To his amazement, he recognized for the first time that the run took place in a glorious natural setting. "You're literally running through fields of green," he says. Later that year, he was competing in the Ironman Wisconsin, which he'd done in such a black mood the year before, and began to wonder, Why am I hurting myself? I don't need to hurt myself anymore. For the first time in his life, he walked for an hour during the event, feeling joyous.
Britt's compulsion to run began to fade. "My race performance declined by about 5 percent in the first half of last year," he tells me, "and it really tailed off by fall. I took most of early winter off, totally. It's a healthier me all around." In other words, he now runs for fun, something he was unable to experience before.
But recovery wasn't simple or easy. Early on, when Britt was first diagnosed, he spent much of his time searching for a single moment in each day when something good happened, something he could celebrate. Gradually, those moments grew larger and more frequent. "Now," he says, "the days are filled with not only great moments, but great minutes and hours. And those make up great days, great weeks, and even great months."
When men talk about depression, one of the recurring themes is how it sucks the color and flavor out of life. The birdsong that filled you with joy as a child has no effect at all. The people you love don't make your heart sing, even though you know they should. The colors of the world are tarnished and dull. Britt ran the Boston Marathon once again, and realized at the end that although he'd run it many times, he had literally never seen the finish line; he ran right through it and focused on the next thing. "Now I can see things I never saw before--colors, scenery, people," he says. "It's almost impossible to describe, except to say that it seems like the world has visually opened up."
Depression is well known for shutting down the senses, and when it lifted, Britt was so astonished at what was around him that he took up photography just to try to capture it all. "I never cared before. I never noticed the colors of a sunset. The electricity in a lightning strike. The glow of moonrise over a lake. They've always been there. But only recently have I begun to see them. And I am amazed."
Exercising Your Demons
Some people might call you highly competitive. Some might call you superfit. But a growing number of doctors would label you something else: Depressed
By: Laurence Gonzales
In 1994, at the age of 33, Raymond Britt took up running. It made him feel good. In fact, the more he pushed himself, the better he felt. So each time he went out, he pushed a little harder. It seemed to put him above the turmoil of the world and afford him some relief. Relief from what -- that wasn't so clear. His life was good. He was a successful executive. He'd married his high-school sweetheart. He had beautiful children.
But there was something odd about it all. For one thing, he had no background as a runner. He'd been a powerlifter in his 20s, benching 315. But in the summer of '94, amid a hectic schedule, he happened to see a flier for the Chicago Marathon and was seized by the impulse to run it. Never mind that there were only a few weeks left to train. Never mind that he had never run more than 3 miles at a time. He thought, I can do anything for 5 hours and 30 minutes, which was the qualifying time to receive a finisher's medal.
He became obsessed with his training.
"I was excited, I was nervous, I was alive," he says. "My mother and my wife thought I was crazy." As he reached the 18th mile of the marathon, his hopes for a life-changing experience were shattered. Beating himself up both mentally and physically, he managed to drag his body over the finish line in 4 hours and 41 minutes, as he puts it, "alone, hurt, angry, unhappy."
Rather than recover, he went out the next day to punish himself and prepare for the next marathon.
Sex Differences
The study of how mental illness affects men and women differently is new and fraught with controversy. The first comprehensive survey was conducted between 1990 and 1992. Its aim was to estimate the general prevalence of mental illness.
The research, known as the National Comorbidity Survey, was repeated, in more depth and on a larger scale, between 2001 and 2003, under the auspices of the World Health Organization and with funding from the National Institute of Mental Health. The principal investigator is Ronald C. Kessler, Ph.D., a jolly-looking, bearded professor in the department of health-care policy at Harvard University.
The numbers seem to show that men and women suffer from various mental illnesses at about the same rate, with some notable variations and exceptions. One of the differences, long accepted as gospel by the psychiatric professions, is that twice as many women as men suffer from depression. Kessler says his numbers show that a woman is twice as likely as a man to have a single episode of major clinical depression in her life. After the first episode, however, men and women don't differ in the number of episodes they'll have during a lifetime, or in whether they'll have another episode. Only the first step differs, he says. Then the statistics flatten out to equal.
But if repeat episodes of depression are equal for men and women, doesn't it stand to reason that they may be having first bouts at the same rate? Maybe the discrepancy lies not in the number of men and women who are depressed, but rather, in how depression is expressed.
According to an increasing number of experts, the diagnostic tallies don't take into account the real experience of a lot of men like Britt. They also ignore the fact that women are much more likely to report depression and seek help. Men are more likely to try to fight through their depression, using strategies ranging from hard work to extreme exercise to drinking to violence. Nearly four times more men than women kill themselves.
When women become depressed, they tend to show the classic symptoms described in the psychiatrist's handbook the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. They feel sad and tired, and lose interest in the pleasures of life. In short, women generally get depressed in just the way that most people, including psychotherapists, think about depression.
Men tend to get angry, and that anger expresses itself in a wide variety of intense activities, such as Britt's obsessive running. Some of these men even win marathons--on the streets of Chicago or in feats of work endurance--and look like heroes, which makes it even more difficult to diagnose their depression.
Britt says, "I've always thought Lance Armstrong suffered from depression and that's where his anger came from. I saw a lot of myself in him, the way he transfers anger into action. Depression leads some of us to fight as hard as we can against it. It makes you angry. I liked my anger. I got focused and felt better, like I was leaving turmoil in the dust. But it was temporary."
Because we think of the word "depression" as fitting the woman's profile better than the man's, doctors and therapists don't tend to recognize the disease as readily in men, and men don't talk about it. William Pollack, Ph.D., a professor of psychiatry at Harvard, estimates that 50 percent to 65 percent of men suffering from what they call "covert depression" aren't diagnosed.
It seems clear that men will do just about anything to avoid admitting to having the disease. They'd rather just suffer. Some of them would rather die.
Driven
Britt raced in Chicago the next year and qualified for the Boston Marathon. Still, he needed more. He entered the Chicago Triathlon that same year and nearly drowned. ("I was a terrible swimmer.") He returned in 1996, and did well. That only fed his craving. "I wanted to take everything to the next, most impossible level I could imagine," he says. He describes himself as "driven to the margin of terror."
By 1998, he had developed a set of rules for himself: more, harder, quicker, and farther away. Three Ironman races in 7 weeks. Roth, Germany, in July for Ironman Europe. Zurich in August for Ironman Switzerland, wife and 4-month-old baby in tow. Ironman Canada again in September. "Still not enough," he says.
In 1999: four Ironman races, a 50-miler, and the Western States 100. Seven days later, he ran two 5-Ks on the same day, for "pain as punishment and proof that I was okay. I could survive the day as long as I could channel my inner turbulence into power and aggression during training. The determination, the drive, kept me afloat."
In the following years, he broke 3 hours in the marathon, qualified for the Ironman World Championships three times, won awards, gained sponsorship, and was regularly published as a cardio guru. He was a champ, a role model. "How can this be a bad thing?" he asked. "And if I'm strong enough to outlast anything, aren't I strong enough to outlast life's challenges?"
Yet his world had begun to contract. He began intentionally doing reckless things. "I took risks riding my bicycle in traffic, running at night, fighting whatever was fighting me. It felt good to be fighting."
He couldn't run, bike, and swim all day. He had to work. He had a wife and kids. So he simply pushed that much harder. "My best performances came when I was ready to rip the top off the race course. I had very aggressive feelings. I just wanted to attack."
He was winning, yes, but he also required emergency medical attention after every event. He'd come in with his blood pressure reading 90 over 50 and required up to four IV bags of fluid to counter dehydration. That didn't seem odd to him, but his wife began to worry that he was trying to kill himself. He told her he was just pushing it. He eventually did 42 marathons, 27 Ironman Triathlons, and six ultramarathons in 11 years, covering 42,000 miles, the equivalent of running, swimming, and biking around the world 1 1/2 times.
The weird thing is this: Raymond Britt isn't that unusual. His distances aren't even that huge, compared with some guys'. And the mental illness he suffers from, which drove him to battle through all those miles, is not that uncommon among men.
Steven Imparl is a lawyer in Chicago, but a look at his résumé affords a glimpse into the frantic world of a man working very hard to compensate for depression. He graduated from high school in the top 15 of his class of 550 students. He received his B.S. degree with high honors. He became an information-technology specialist working for big companies, then went on to earn his law degree and start his own firm. Along the way, he studied French, German, Slovene, and Spanish. He learned classical guitar, studied Slavic and Balkan history, and sang barbershop harmony. And he somehow found time for power walking, inline skating, volleyball, and boxing. By the fall of 2001, he was so wound up, he could hardly sleep. He became more irritable, more easily angered. After nearly getting into a fistfight while walking down a street, he decided to seek help. But when the doctor told him he was suffering from clinical depression, Imparl refused to believe it. Admitting to depression is . . . well, it's like getting your period: Guys don't do it.
Once Imparl accepted the diagnosis, he performed like any true, overachieving depressed man would: Through a program of therapy and drugs, he got better, and then he founded a successful Web site, maledepression.com, for guys like him.
Raymond Britt's crash and burn came one day in November 2004, when he set out to run himself into the ground, to transfer the pain from his soul to his body. Many miles and hours later, he found himself bloodied, exhausted, and hypothermic, but he neither displaced the internal pain nor found relief. He was forced at last to face what he'd known for decades: Depression was rampant in his family. From an early age, Britt had been determined that he wouldn't succumb. He wouldn't be weak.
Because his father had medicated his own depression with alcohol, Britt had never taken up drinking. By the fall of 2004, his father had been in therapy for a while, and was encouraging Britt to seek help. Having experienced depression himself, he was able to see the disorder in his son. He sent Britt an e-mail with his doctor's name. And then he dropped dead.
It was a few weeks later when Britt hit the wall on his last desperate run. Then he collapsed into classic symptoms of depression, which is what happens when the strategy fails: "The weight felt so heavy that it was hard to physically move," says Britt. He found himself wishing he'd be in an accident that would put him in the hospital so that he could escape. "I wanted to be taken out."
That's the point at which depressed men can slip beyond fantasy into active thoughts of suicide. Some 31,000 people in the United States commit suicide each year. More than 24,000 of them are men. And that doesn't count the deaths from alcohol or drugs. In fact, some researchers are beginning to suspect that depression causes more deaths than auto accidents do.
Britt's fantasies of having an accident scared him. He went to see his father's psychiatrist. It didn't take the doctor long to diagnose his condition. (Q: "When were you last really happy?" A: "1975.") And yet, his denial of clinical depression was so strong that he sought a second opinion.
Maybe men need a different word for depression. Or maybe the brain researchers and psychologists simply need to redefine the condition so it includes the way men experience it, too.
Cultural Cover-Up
It's understandable that women are three times more likely than men to be treated for depression; our culture has put a feminine face on the disease, so women give themselves permission to feel it and to seek help for it. Pollack puts it this way: "We have in our society a feminized view of depression, coming out of a model of hysteria that dates back to Freud."
Terrence Real, author of I Don't Want to Talk about It, and a marriage and family therapist in Massachusetts, wrote, "There is a terrible collusion in our society, a cultural cover-up about depression in men." And part of the cultural influence involves the way men are taught from early childhood to be strong, silent, independent, and resistant to suffering. As Real puts it, "Men have about a milli-second's tolerance for feeling [this type of] pain, and then they spring into action. A flight from shame into grandiosity lies at the heart of male covert depression."
Another reason men leap into action, though, whether it's through intense exercise, overwork, pounding back martinis, or some other strategy, is that it actually does relieve the symptoms of depression, at least for a time. In fact, many therapists have begun using exercise as an adjunct to therapy, as explained in books like The Joy of Running, by Thaddeus Kostrubala, and The Exercise Prescription for Depression and Anxiety, by Keith Johnsgard. And research at Duke University confirmed their hunches in 1999.
But exercise in itself doesn't treat the underlying condition. In fact, books called The Joy of Working 80 Hours a Week and The Drinking Prescription for Depression might reach a wide audience, because those strategies can effectively mask depression for years. That is, they can sort of work.
Because at the heart of what Britt and Imparl were going through was a life filled with large stretches of no feeling at all. Britt says he was constantly running, "hoping that movement would help me discover something better."
Looking back on his decades of depression, Britt saw isolated flashes of happiness--the birth of his children, laughter, friendship--but they were, he says, "bright spots on what had been a more turbulent journey than I let myself admit. The moments of happiness sustained my denial of something I had only recently begun to consider an 'invisible load.'" In other words, he'd been swimming with an anvil, and he was sinking by imperceptible increments.
Conditioning
The social conditioning that leads to men's response to depression begins in infancy. Male babies receive less of every type of nurturing, including speech, touch, and comfort when they cry. And that is only the beginning of what will be, to one degree or another, a brutal upbringing for boys.
In the 1960s, the crusading social psychologist Jeanne Block and her colleagues explored how differently parents treat boys and girls. For instance, moms and dads encourage boys to be competitive and to achieve. They don't like them to show their emotions. They encourage them to be less dependent; mothers push them away. They punish them more than they punish girls. And they are unaware that they treat boys and girls differently.
By the time boys are on their way to the teenage years, the process of disavowing what they are is complete. The book A New Psychology of Men describes research in which people were asked what it means to be feminine or masculine. Women and girls defined themselves by the ways they were connected to others, and by citing qualities like being caring or compassionate. Men and boys defined themselves by negatives: They weren't weak, dependent, or connected to their mothers.
But there is not much in our cultural definition of what it means to be a man that is inherent in maleness. Children start off surprisingly alike, whether they're boys or girls. If there's a difference, it's the opposite of what the culture seems to expect: Boys are more sensitive. They give expression to their emotions more readily than girls. They affiliate with others in the same way as girls. Then someone starts telling them it's not okay to be that way. If you act like that, you're a pussy.
As Real and others have explained, it is through this process of denial that men are primed for depression. And it is the cultural necessity of carrying out and carrying on this process that makes it so difficult for them to recognize and admit to depression when it comes. They not only don't acknowledge it to themselves, they often don't display the symptoms that psychotherapists use to diagnose depression.
The cultural training that lays the groundwork for depression in men and for their denial of it later in life involves social isolation. That means telling people the truth about yourself and trusting that they'll do the same, a concept that seems terrifying to many men.
In one case, two friends knew each other for years, commuting together, talking every day, laughing together. They would not have said they were socially isolated, yet when they happened to run into each other in the same group meeting for men suffering from depression, they had to laugh: Neither one had ever admitted it to the other, even though they were both seeking treatment for it.
Social isolation is a well-known killer of mammals. Countless studies going back to the '50s show that contact, affection, emotional communication, and genuine closeness are necessary for mammals, including humans, to maintain our health. Isolation wreaks havoc on everything from the immune system to the cardiovascular system to the brain. Conversely, staying socially connected helps protect men from mental illness, including depression.
The new research done by Kessler and others shows that single men and women look no different when it comes to most kinds of mental illness. But when they get married, they veer off in different directions. "It's a very good deal to be married if you're a man," Kessler says. "It's associated with a dramatic improvement in mental health."
Perhaps because they are forced into solitude as children, men are not as good at being alone as women are. Because of early socialization, women are better at relationships--with children, friends, and relatives. In general, women have more friends than men and are closer to those friends. This, of course, is the direct result of boys' having independence forced on them early in life, when what they need is emotional and physical contact with others.
Socialization punishes women, too. When they have children, women's mental health suffers, while that of men doesn't change at all. That's because women, in general, take care of the kids. If there's trouble in the home, or work interferes with child rearing, they'll disproportionately suffer for it.
Women also worry more than men. They care about a larger group of people who just don't appear on the emotional radar screens of men. In marriage, men share in the joys and are often protected from the pain. Just as the man will go downstairs to investigate a suspicious noise, the woman plays the role of emotional protector.
Kessler uses this example: A wife reports (to the researcher) that she's very upset, because her daughter had an abortion and had to miss a number of days of school. The husband reports that his daughter had the flu and couldn't go to school. How could this be? The explanation is simple: The daughter got pregnant and went to her mother for help, saying, "Whatever you do, don't tell Dad." So the mother helped the daughter have an abortion and told the father the girl was home sick with the flu.
The result is that the husband is exposed to less stress, while the woman is exposed to more. Not only does she have to deal with the abortion, but she also has to lie to her husband and orchestrate the protection of that lie. But throughout, her connections are reinforced and affirmed.
The studies show that when a father dies, the children grow closer to the mother. They come around more. The mother has been maintaining those relationships all along, and they pay off in a crisis. Yet when a mother dies, the children come around less. That's because for years, when they called on Sunday, they talked to the mother, not the father. By filling the social role, the wife grows closer to the kids. That's why widowhood and divorce are so much worse for men. Their protection is ripped away, and they have no social network to catch them as they fall. The person who managed their emotional life is gone.
As Kessler puts it, "You can hire someone to do most of the things the husband does in a marriage. But you can never hire someone to do what the wife does." Men can change this situation and possibly protect themselves from depression later in life by expanding the depth and breadth of their social networks.
Recovery
After undergoing treatment for bipolar disorder and chronic depression, Britt went back to compete in all the events he had run so desperately in 2004, such as the Lake Placid Ironman. To his amazement, he recognized for the first time that the run took place in a glorious natural setting. "You're literally running through fields of green," he says. Later that year, he was competing in the Ironman Wisconsin, which he'd done in such a black mood the year before, and began to wonder, Why am I hurting myself? I don't need to hurt myself anymore. For the first time in his life, he walked for an hour during the event, feeling joyous.
Britt's compulsion to run began to fade. "My race performance declined by about 5 percent in the first half of last year," he tells me, "and it really tailed off by fall. I took most of early winter off, totally. It's a healthier me all around." In other words, he now runs for fun, something he was unable to experience before.
But recovery wasn't simple or easy. Early on, when Britt was first diagnosed, he spent much of his time searching for a single moment in each day when something good happened, something he could celebrate. Gradually, those moments grew larger and more frequent. "Now," he says, "the days are filled with not only great moments, but great minutes and hours. And those make up great days, great weeks, and even great months."
When men talk about depression, one of the recurring themes is how it sucks the color and flavor out of life. The birdsong that filled you with joy as a child has no effect at all. The people you love don't make your heart sing, even though you know they should. The colors of the world are tarnished and dull. Britt ran the Boston Marathon once again, and realized at the end that although he'd run it many times, he had literally never seen the finish line; he ran right through it and focused on the next thing. "Now I can see things I never saw before--colors, scenery, people," he says. "It's almost impossible to describe, except to say that it seems like the world has visually opened up."
Depression is well known for shutting down the senses, and when it lifted, Britt was so astonished at what was around him that he took up photography just to try to capture it all. "I never cared before. I never noticed the colors of a sunset. The electricity in a lightning strike. The glow of moonrise over a lake. They've always been there. But only recently have I begun to see them. And I am amazed."
Exercising Your Demons
Some people might call you highly competitive. Some might call you superfit. But a growing number of doctors would label you something else: Depressed
By: Laurence Gonzales
In 1994, at the age of 33, Raymond Britt took up running. It made him feel good. In fact, the more he pushed himself, the better he felt. So each time he went out, he pushed a little harder. It seemed to put him above the turmoil of the world and afford him some relief. Relief from what -- that wasn't so clear. His life was good. He was a successful executive. He'd married his high-school sweetheart. He had beautiful children.
But there was something odd about it all. For one thing, he had no background as a runner. He'd been a powerlifter in his 20s, benching 315. But in the summer of '94, amid a hectic schedule, he happened to see a flier for the Chicago Marathon and was seized by the impulse to run it. Never mind that there were only a few weeks left to train. Never mind that he had never run more than 3 miles at a time. He thought, I can do anything for 5 hours and 30 minutes, which was the qualifying time to receive a finisher's medal.
He became obsessed with his training.
"I was excited, I was nervous, I was alive," he says. "My mother and my wife thought I was crazy." As he reached the 18th mile of the marathon, his hopes for a life-changing experience were shattered. Beating himself up both mentally and physically, he managed to drag his body over the finish line in 4 hours and 41 minutes, as he puts it, "alone, hurt, angry, unhappy."
Rather than recover, he went out the next day to punish himself and prepare for the next marathon.
Sex Differences
The study of how mental illness affects men and women differently is new and fraught with controversy. The first comprehensive survey was conducted between 1990 and 1992. Its aim was to estimate the general prevalence of mental illness.
The research, known as the National Comorbidity Survey, was repeated, in more depth and on a larger scale, between 2001 and 2003, under the auspices of the World Health Organization and with funding from the National Institute of Mental Health. The principal investigator is Ronald C. Kessler, Ph.D., a jolly-looking, bearded professor in the department of health-care policy at Harvard University.
The numbers seem to show that men and women suffer from various mental illnesses at about the same rate, with some notable variations and exceptions. One of the differences, long accepted as gospel by the psychiatric professions, is that twice as many women as men suffer from depression. Kessler says his numbers show that a woman is twice as likely as a man to have a single episode of major clinical depression in her life. After the first episode, however, men and women don't differ in the number of episodes they'll have during a lifetime, or in whether they'll have another episode. Only the first step differs, he says. Then the statistics flatten out to equal.
But if repeat episodes of depression are equal for men and women, doesn't it stand to reason that they may be having first bouts at the same rate? Maybe the discrepancy lies not in the number of men and women who are depressed, but rather, in how depression is expressed.
According to an increasing number of experts, the diagnostic tallies don't take into account the real experience of a lot of men like Britt. They also ignore the fact that women are much more likely to report depression and seek help. Men are more likely to try to fight through their depression, using strategies ranging from hard work to extreme exercise to drinking to violence. Nearly four times more men than women kill themselves.
When women become depressed, they tend to show the classic symptoms described in the psychiatrist's handbook the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. They feel sad and tired, and lose interest in the pleasures of life. In short, women generally get depressed in just the way that most people, including psychotherapists, think about depression.
Men tend to get angry, and that anger expresses itself in a wide variety of intense activities, such as Britt's obsessive running. Some of these men even win marathons--on the streets of Chicago or in feats of work endurance--and look like heroes, which makes it even more difficult to diagnose their depression.
Britt says, "I've always thought Lance Armstrong suffered from depression and that's where his anger came from. I saw a lot of myself in him, the way he transfers anger into action. Depression leads some of us to fight as hard as we can against it. It makes you angry. I liked my anger. I got focused and felt better, like I was leaving turmoil in the dust. But it was temporary."
Because we think of the word "depression" as fitting the woman's profile better than the man's, doctors and therapists don't tend to recognize the disease as readily in men, and men don't talk about it. William Pollack, Ph.D., a professor of psychiatry at Harvard, estimates that 50 percent to 65 percent of men suffering from what they call "covert depression" aren't diagnosed.
It seems clear that men will do just about anything to avoid admitting to having the disease. They'd rather just suffer. Some of them would rather die.
Driven
Britt raced in Chicago the next year and qualified for the Boston Marathon. Still, he needed more. He entered the Chicago Triathlon that same year and nearly drowned. ("I was a terrible swimmer.") He returned in 1996, and did well. That only fed his craving. "I wanted to take everything to the next, most impossible level I could imagine," he says. He describes himself as "driven to the margin of terror."
By 1998, he had developed a set of rules for himself: more, harder, quicker, and farther away. Three Ironman races in 7 weeks. Roth, Germany, in July for Ironman Europe. Zurich in August for Ironman Switzerland, wife and 4-month-old baby in tow. Ironman Canada again in September. "Still not enough," he says.
In 1999: four Ironman races, a 50-miler, and the Western States 100. Seven days later, he ran two 5-Ks on the same day, for "pain as punishment and proof that I was okay. I could survive the day as long as I could channel my inner turbulence into power and aggression during training. The determination, the drive, kept me afloat."
In the following years, he broke 3 hours in the marathon, qualified for the Ironman World Championships three times, won awards, gained sponsorship, and was regularly published as a cardio guru. He was a champ, a role model. "How can this be a bad thing?" he asked. "And if I'm strong enough to outlast anything, aren't I strong enough to outlast life's challenges?"
Yet his world had begun to contract. He began intentionally doing reckless things. "I took risks riding my bicycle in traffic, running at night, fighting whatever was fighting me. It felt good to be fighting."
He couldn't run, bike, and swim all day. He had to work. He had a wife and kids. So he simply pushed that much harder. "My best performances came when I was ready to rip the top off the race course. I had very aggressive feelings. I just wanted to attack."
He was winning, yes, but he also required emergency medical attention after every event. He'd come in with his blood pressure reading 90 over 50 and required up to four IV bags of fluid to counter dehydration. That didn't seem odd to him, but his wife began to worry that he was trying to kill himself. He told her he was just pushing it. He eventually did 42 marathons, 27 Ironman Triathlons, and six ultramarathons in 11 years, covering 42,000 miles, the equivalent of running, swimming, and biking around the world 1 1/2 times.
The weird thing is this: Raymond Britt isn't that unusual. His distances aren't even that huge, compared with some guys'. And the mental illness he suffers from, which drove him to battle through all those miles, is not that uncommon among men.
Steven Imparl is a lawyer in Chicago, but a look at his résumé affords a glimpse into the frantic world of a man working very hard to compensate for depression. He graduated from high school in the top 15 of his class of 550 students. He received his B.S. degree with high honors. He became an information-technology specialist working for big companies, then went on to earn his law degree and start his own firm. Along the way, he studied French, German, Slovene, and Spanish. He learned classical guitar, studied Slavic and Balkan history, and sang barbershop harmony. And he somehow found time for power walking, inline skating, volleyball, and boxing. By the fall of 2001, he was so wound up, he could hardly sleep. He became more irritable, more easily angered. After nearly getting into a fistfight while walking down a street, he decided to seek help. But when the doctor told him he was suffering from clinical depression, Imparl refused to believe it. Admitting to depression is . . . well, it's like getting your period: Guys don't do it.
Once Imparl accepted the diagnosis, he performed like any true, overachieving depressed man would: Through a program of therapy and drugs, he got better, and then he founded a successful Web site, maledepression.com, for guys like him.
Raymond Britt's crash and burn came one day in November 2004, when he set out to run himself into the ground, to transfer the pain from his soul to his body. Many miles and hours later, he found himself bloodied, exhausted, and hypothermic, but he neither displaced the internal pain nor found relief. He was forced at last to face what he'd known for decades: Depression was rampant in his family. From an early age, Britt had been determined that he wouldn't succumb. He wouldn't be weak.
Because his father had medicated his own depression with alcohol, Britt had never taken up drinking. By the fall of 2004, his father had been in therapy for a while, and was encouraging Britt to seek help. Having experienced depression himself, he was able to see the disorder in his son. He sent Britt an e-mail with his doctor's name. And then he dropped dead.
It was a few weeks later when Britt hit the wall on his last desperate run. Then he collapsed into classic symptoms of depression, which is what happens when the strategy fails: "The weight felt so heavy that it was hard to physically move," says Britt. He found himself wishing he'd be in an accident that would put him in the hospital so that he could escape. "I wanted to be taken out."
That's the point at which depressed men can slip beyond fantasy into active thoughts of suicide. Some 31,000 people in the United States commit suicide each year. More than 24,000 of them are men. And that doesn't count the deaths from alcohol or drugs. In fact, some researchers are beginning to suspect that depression causes more deaths than auto accidents do.
Britt's fantasies of having an accident scared him. He went to see his father's psychiatrist. It didn't take the doctor long to diagnose his condition. (Q: "When were you last really happy?" A: "1975.") And yet, his denial of clinical depression was so strong that he sought a second opinion.
Maybe men need a different word for depression. Or maybe the brain researchers and psychologists simply need to redefine the condition so it includes the way men experience it, too.
Cultural Cover-Up
It's understandable that women are three times more likely than men to be treated for depression; our culture has put a feminine face on the disease, so women give themselves permission to feel it and to seek help for it. Pollack puts it this way: "We have in our society a feminized view of depression, coming out of a model of hysteria that dates back to Freud."
Terrence Real, author of I Don't Want to Talk about It, and a marriage and family therapist in Massachusetts, wrote, "There is a terrible collusion in our society, a cultural cover-up about depression in men." And part of the cultural influence involves the way men are taught from early childhood to be strong, silent, independent, and resistant to suffering. As Real puts it, "Men have about a milli-second's tolerance for feeling [this type of] pain, and then they spring into action. A flight from shame into grandiosity lies at the heart of male covert depression."
Another reason men leap into action, though, whether it's through intense exercise, overwork, pounding back martinis, or some other strategy, is that it actually does relieve the symptoms of depression, at least for a time. In fact, many therapists have begun using exercise as an adjunct to therapy, as explained in books like The Joy of Running, by Thaddeus Kostrubala, and The Exercise Prescription for Depression and Anxiety, by Keith Johnsgard. And research at Duke University confirmed their hunches in 1999.
But exercise in itself doesn't treat the underlying condition. In fact, books called The Joy of Working 80 Hours a Week and The Drinking Prescription for Depression might reach a wide audience, because those strategies can effectively mask depression for years. That is, they can sort of work.
Because at the heart of what Britt and Imparl were going through was a life filled with large stretches of no feeling at all. Britt says he was constantly running, "hoping that movement would help me discover something better."
Looking back on his decades of depression, Britt saw isolated flashes of happiness--the birth of his children, laughter, friendship--but they were, he says, "bright spots on what had been a more turbulent journey than I let myself admit. The moments of happiness sustained my denial of something I had only recently begun to consider an 'invisible load.'" In other words, he'd been swimming with an anvil, and he was sinking by imperceptible increments.
Conditioning
The social conditioning that leads to men's response to depression begins in infancy. Male babies receive less of every type of nurturing, including speech, touch, and comfort when they cry. And that is only the beginning of what will be, to one degree or another, a brutal upbringing for boys.
In the 1960s, the crusading social psychologist Jeanne Block and her colleagues explored how differently parents treat boys and girls. For instance, moms and dads encourage boys to be competitive and to achieve. They don't like them to show their emotions. They encourage them to be less dependent; mothers push them away. They punish them more than they punish girls. And they are unaware that they treat boys and girls differently.
By the time boys are on their way to the teenage years, the process of disavowing what they are is complete. The book A New Psychology of Men describes research in which people were asked what it means to be feminine or masculine. Women and girls defined themselves by the ways they were connected to others, and by citing qualities like being caring or compassionate. Men and boys defined themselves by negatives: They weren't weak, dependent, or connected to their mothers.
But there is not much in our cultural definition of what it means to be a man that is inherent in maleness. Children start off surprisingly alike, whether they're boys or girls. If there's a difference, it's the opposite of what the culture seems to expect: Boys are more sensitive. They give expression to their emotions more readily than girls. They affiliate with others in the same way as girls. Then someone starts telling them it's not okay to be that way. If you act like that, you're a pussy.
As Real and others have explained, it is through this process of denial that men are primed for depression. And it is the cultural necessity of carrying out and carrying on this process that makes it so difficult for them to recognize and admit to depression when it comes. They not only don't acknowledge it to themselves, they often don't display the symptoms that psychotherapists use to diagnose depression.
The cultural training that lays the groundwork for depression in men and for their denial of it later in life involves social isolation. That means telling people the truth about yourself and trusting that they'll do the same, a concept that seems terrifying to many men.
In one case, two friends knew each other for years, commuting together, talking every day, laughing together. They would not have said they were socially isolated, yet when they happened to run into each other in the same group meeting for men suffering from depression, they had to laugh: Neither one had ever admitted it to the other, even though they were both seeking treatment for it.
Social isolation is a well-known killer of mammals. Countless studies going back to the '50s show that contact, affection, emotional communication, and genuine closeness are necessary for mammals, including humans, to maintain our health. Isolation wreaks havoc on everything from the immune system to the cardiovascular system to the brain. Conversely, staying socially connected helps protect men from mental illness, including depression.
The new research done by Kessler and others shows that single men and women look no different when it comes to most kinds of mental illness. But when they get married, they veer off in different directions. "It's a very good deal to be married if you're a man," Kessler says. "It's associated with a dramatic improvement in mental health."
Perhaps because they are forced into solitude as children, men are not as good at being alone as women are. Because of early socialization, women are better at relationships--with children, friends, and relatives. In general, women have more friends than men and are closer to those friends. This, of course, is the direct result of boys' having independence forced on them early in life, when what they need is emotional and physical contact with others.
Socialization punishes women, too. When they have children, women's mental health suffers, while that of men doesn't change at all. That's because women, in general, take care of the kids. If there's trouble in the home, or work interferes with child rearing, they'll disproportionately suffer for it.
Women also worry more than men. They care about a larger group of people who just don't appear on the emotional radar screens of men. In marriage, men share in the joys and are often protected from the pain. Just as the man will go downstairs to investigate a suspicious noise, the woman plays the role of emotional protector.
Kessler uses this example: A wife reports (to the researcher) that she's very upset, because her daughter had an abortion and had to miss a number of days of school. The husband reports that his daughter had the flu and couldn't go to school. How could this be? The explanation is simple: The daughter got pregnant and went to her mother for help, saying, "Whatever you do, don't tell Dad." So the mother helped the daughter have an abortion and told the father the girl was home sick with the flu.
The result is that the husband is exposed to less stress, while the woman is exposed to more. Not only does she have to deal with the abortion, but she also has to lie to her husband and orchestrate the protection of that lie. But throughout, her connections are reinforced and affirmed.
The studies show that when a father dies, the children grow closer to the mother. They come around more. The mother has been maintaining those relationships all along, and they pay off in a crisis. Yet when a mother dies, the children come around less. That's because for years, when they called on Sunday, they talked to the mother, not the father. By filling the social role, the wife grows closer to the kids. That's why widowhood and divorce are so much worse for men. Their protection is ripped away, and they have no social network to catch them as they fall. The person who managed their emotional life is gone.
As Kessler puts it, "You can hire someone to do most of the things the husband does in a marriage. But you can never hire someone to do what the wife does." Men can change this situation and possibly protect themselves from depression later in life by expanding the depth and breadth of their social networks.
Recovery
After undergoing treatment for bipolar disorder and chronic depression, Britt went back to compete in all the events he had run so desperately in 2004, such as the Lake Placid Ironman. To his amazement, he recognized for the first time that the run took place in a glorious natural setting. "You're literally running through fields of green," he says. Later that year, he was competing in the Ironman Wisconsin, which he'd done in such a black mood the year before, and began to wonder, Why am I hurting myself? I don't need to hurt myself anymore. For the first time in his life, he walked for an hour during the event, feeling joyous.
Britt's compulsion to run began to fade. "My race performance declined by about 5 percent in the first half of last year," he tells me, "and it really tailed off by fall. I took most of early winter off, totally. It's a healthier me all around." In other words, he now runs for fun, something he was unable to experience before.
But recovery wasn't simple or easy. Early on, when Britt was first diagnosed, he spent much of his time searching for a single moment in each day when something good happened, something he could celebrate. Gradually, those moments grew larger and more frequent. "Now," he says, "the days are filled with not only great moments, but great minutes and hours. And those make up great days, great weeks, and even great months."
When men talk about depression, one of the recurring themes is how it sucks the color and flavor out of life. The birdsong that filled you with joy as a child has no effect at all. The people you love don't make your heart sing, even though you know they should. The colors of the world are tarnished and dull. Britt ran the Boston Marathon once again, and realized at the end that although he'd run it many times, he had literally never seen the finish line; he ran right through it and focused on the next thing. "Now I can see things I never saw before--colors, scenery, people," he says. "It's almost impossible to describe, except to say that it seems like the world has visually opened up."
Depression is well known for shutting down the senses, and when it lifted, Britt was so astonished at what was around him that he took up photography just to try to capture it all. "I never cared before. I never noticed the colors of a sunset. The electricity in a lightning strike. The glow of moonrise over a lake. They've always been there. But only recently have I begun to see them. And I am amazed."
Exercising Your Demons
Some people might call you highly competitive. Some might call you superfit. But a growing number of doctors would label you something else: Depressed
By: Laurence Gonzales
In 1994, at the age of 33, Raymond Britt took up running. It made him feel good. In fact, the more he pushed himself, the better he felt. So each time he went out, he pushed a little harder. It seemed to put him above the turmoil of the world and afford him some relief. Relief from what -- that wasn't so clear. His life was good. He was a successful executive. He'd married his high-school sweetheart. He had beautiful children.
But there was something odd about it all. For one thing, he had no background as a runner. He'd been a powerlifter in his 20s, benching 315. But in the summer of '94, amid a hectic schedule, he happened to see a flier for the Chicago Marathon and was seized by the impulse to run it. Never mind that there were only a few weeks left to train. Never mind that he had never run more than 3 miles at a time. He thought, I can do anything for 5 hours and 30 minutes, which was the qualifying time to receive a finisher's medal.
He became obsessed with his training.
"I was excited, I was nervous, I was alive," he says. "My mother and my wife thought I was crazy." As he reached the 18th mile of the marathon, his hopes for a life-changing experience were shattered. Beating himself up both mentally and physically, he managed to drag his body over the finish line in 4 hours and 41 minutes, as he puts it, "alone, hurt, angry, unhappy."
Rather than recover, he went out the next day to punish himself and prepare for the next marathon.
Sex Differences
The study of how mental illness affects men and women differently is new and fraught with controversy. The first comprehensive survey was conducted between 1990 and 1992. Its aim was to estimate the general prevalence of mental illness.
The research, known as the National Comorbidity Survey, was repeated, in more depth and on a larger scale, between 2001 and 2003, under the auspices of the World Health Organization and with funding from the National Institute of Mental Health. The principal investigator is Ronald C. Kessler, Ph.D., a jolly-looking, bearded professor in the department of health-care policy at Harvard University.
The numbers seem to show that men and women suffer from various mental illnesses at about the same rate, with some notable variations and exceptions. One of the differences, long accepted as gospel by the psychiatric professions, is that twice as many women as men suffer from depression. Kessler says his numbers show that a woman is twice as likely as a man to have a single episode of major clinical depression in her life. After the first episode, however, men and women don't differ in the number of episodes they'll have during a lifetime, or in whether they'll have another episode. Only the first step differs, he says. Then the statistics flatten out to equal.
But if repeat episodes of depression are equal for men and women, doesn't it stand to reason that they may be having first bouts at the same rate? Maybe the discrepancy lies not in the number of men and women who are depressed, but rather, in how depression is expressed.
According to an increasing number of experts, the diagnostic tallies don't take into account the real experience of a lot of men like Britt. They also ignore the fact that women are much more likely to report depression and seek help. Men are more likely to try to fight through their depression, using strategies ranging from hard work to extreme exercise to drinking to violence. Nearly four times more men than women kill themselves.
When women become depressed, they tend to show the classic symptoms described in the psychiatrist's handbook the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. They feel sad and tired, and lose interest in the pleasures of life. In short, women generally get depressed in just the way that most people, including psychotherapists, think about depression.
Men tend to get angry, and that anger expresses itself in a wide variety of intense activities, such as Britt's obsessive running. Some of these men even win marathons--on the streets of Chicago or in feats of work endurance--and look like heroes, which makes it even more difficult to diagnose their depression.
Britt says, "I've always thought Lance Armstrong suffered from depression and that's where his anger came from. I saw a lot of myself in him, the way he transfers anger into action. Depression leads some of us to fight as hard as we can against it. It makes you angry. I liked my anger. I got focused and felt better, like I was leaving turmoil in the dust. But it was temporary."
Because we think of the word "depression" as fitting the woman's profile better than the man's, doctors and therapists don't tend to recognize the disease as readily in men, and men don't talk about it. William Pollack, Ph.D., a professor of psychiatry at Harvard, estimates that 50 percent to 65 percent of men suffering from what they call "covert depression" aren't diagnosed.
It seems clear that men will do just about anything to avoid admitting to having the disease. They'd rather just suffer. Some of them would rather die.
Driven
Britt raced in Chicago the next year and qualified for the Boston Marathon. Still, he needed more. He entered the Chicago Triathlon that same year and nearly drowned. ("I was a terrible swimmer.") He returned in 1996, and did well. That only fed his craving. "I wanted to take everything to the next, most impossible level I could imagine," he says. He describes himself as "driven to the margin of terror."
By 1998, he had developed a set of rules for himself: more, harder, quicker, and farther away. Three Ironman races in 7 weeks. Roth, Germany, in July for Ironman Europe. Zurich in August for Ironman Switzerland, wife and 4-month-old baby in tow. Ironman Canada again in September. "Still not enough," he says.
In 1999: four Ironman races, a 50-miler, and the Western States 100. Seven days later, he ran two 5-Ks on the same day, for "pain as punishment and proof that I was okay. I could survive the day as long as I could channel my inner turbulence into power and aggression during training. The determination, the drive, kept me afloat."
In the following years, he broke 3 hours in the marathon, qualified for the Ironman World Championships three times, won awards, gained sponsorship, and was regularly published as a cardio guru. He was a champ, a role model. "How can this be a bad thing?" he asked. "And if I'm strong enough to outlast anything, aren't I strong enough to outlast life's challenges?"
Yet his world had begun to contract. He began intentionally doing reckless things. "I took risks riding my bicycle in traffic, running at night, fighting whatever was fighting me. It felt good to be fighting."
He couldn't run, bike, and swim all day. He had to work. He had a wife and kids. So he simply pushed that much harder. "My best performances came when I was ready to rip the top off the race course. I had very aggressive feelings. I just wanted to attack."
He was winning, yes, but he also required emergency medical attention after every event. He'd come in with his blood pressure reading 90 over 50 and required up to four IV bags of fluid to counter dehydration. That didn't seem odd to him, but his wife began to worry that he was trying to kill himself. He told her he was just pushing it. He eventually did 42 marathons, 27 Ironman Triathlons, and six ultramarathons in 11 years, covering 42,000 miles, the equivalent of running, swimming, and biking around the world 1 1/2 times.
The weird thing is this: Raymond Britt isn't that unusual. His distances aren't even that huge, compared with some guys'. And the mental illness he suffers from, which drove him to battle through all those miles, is not that uncommon among men.
Steven Imparl is a lawyer in Chicago, but a look at his résumé affords a glimpse into the frantic world of a man working very hard to compensate for depression. He graduated from high school in the top 15 of his class of 550 students. He received his B.S. degree with high honors. He became an information-technology specialist working for big companies, then went on to earn his law degree and start his own firm. Along the way, he studied French, German, Slovene, and Spanish. He learned classical guitar, studied Slavic and Balkan history, and sang barbershop harmony. And he somehow found time for power walking, inline skating, volleyball, and boxing. By the fall of 2001, he was so wound up, he could hardly sleep. He became more irritable, more easily angered. After nearly getting into a fistfight while walking down a street, he decided to seek help. But when the doctor told him he was suffering from clinical depression, Imparl refused to believe it. Admitting to depression is . . . well, it's like getting your period: Guys don't do it.
Once Imparl accepted the diagnosis, he performed like any true, overachieving depressed man would: Through a program of therapy and drugs, he got better, and then he founded a successful Web site, maledepression.com, for guys like him.
Raymond Britt's crash and burn came one day in November 2004, when he set out to run himself into the ground, to transfer the pain from his soul to his body. Many miles and hours later, he found himself bloodied, exhausted, and hypothermic, but he neither displaced the internal pain nor found relief. He was forced at last to face what he'd known for decades: Depression was rampant in his family. From an early age, Britt had been determined that he wouldn't succumb. He wouldn't be weak.
Because his father had medicated his own depression with alcohol, Britt had never taken up drinking. By the fall of 2004, his father had been in therapy for a while, and was encouraging Britt to seek help. Having experienced depression himself, he was able to see the disorder in his son. He sent Britt an e-mail with his doctor's name. And then he dropped dead.
It was a few weeks later when Britt hit the wall on his last desperate run. Then he collapsed into classic symptoms of depression, which is what happens when the strategy fails: "The weight felt so heavy that it was hard to physically move," says Britt. He found himself wishing he'd be in an accident that would put him in the hospital so that he could escape. "I wanted to be taken out."
That's the point at which depressed men can slip beyond fantasy into active thoughts of suicide. Some 31,000 people in the United States commit suicide each year. More than 24,000 of them are men. And that doesn't count the deaths from alcohol or drugs. In fact, some researchers are beginning to suspect that depression causes more deaths than auto accidents do.
Britt's fantasies of having an accident scared him. He went to see his father's psychiatrist. It didn't take the doctor long to diagnose his condition. (Q: "When were you last really happy?" A: "1975.") And yet, his denial of clinical depression was so strong that he sought a second opinion.
Maybe men need a different word for depression. Or maybe the brain researchers and psychologists simply need to redefine the condition so it includes the way men experience it, too.
Cultural Cover-Up
It's understandable that women are three times more likely than men to be treated for depression; our culture has put a feminine face on the disease, so women give themselves permission to feel it and to seek help for it. Pollack puts it this way: "We have in our society a feminized view of depression, coming out of a model of hysteria that dates back to Freud."
Terrence Real, author of I Don't Want to Talk about It, and a marriage and family therapist in Massachusetts, wrote, "There is a terrible collusion in our society, a cultural cover-up about depression in men." And part of the cultural influence involves the way men are taught from early childhood to be strong, silent, independent, and resistant to suffering. As Real puts it, "Men have about a milli-second's tolerance for feeling [this type of] pain, and then they spring into action. A flight from shame into grandiosity lies at the heart of male covert depression."
Another reason men leap into action, though, whether it's through intense exercise, overwork, pounding back martinis, or some other strategy, is that it actually does relieve the symptoms of depression, at least for a time. In fact, many therapists have begun using exercise as an adjunct to therapy, as explained in books like The Joy of Running, by Thaddeus Kostrubala, and The Exercise Prescription for Depression and Anxiety, by Keith Johnsgard. And research at Duke University confirmed their hunches in 1999.
But exercise in itself doesn't treat the underlying condition. In fact, books called The Joy of Working 80 Hours a Week and The Drinking Prescription for Depression might reach a wide audience, because those strategies can effectively mask depression for years. That is, they can sort of work.
Because at the heart of what Britt and Imparl were going through was a life filled with large stretches of no feeling at all. Britt says he was constantly running, "hoping that movement would help me discover something better."
Looking back on his decades of depression, Britt saw isolated flashes of happiness--the birth of his children, laughter, friendship--but they were, he says, "bright spots on what had been a more turbulent journey than I let myself admit. The moments of happiness sustained my denial of something I had only recently begun to consider an 'invisible load.'" In other words, he'd been swimming with an anvil, and he was sinking by imperceptible increments.
Conditioning
The social conditioning that leads to men's response to depression begins in infancy. Male babies receive less of every type of nurturing, including speech, touch, and comfort when they cry. And that is only the beginning of what will be, to one degree or another, a brutal upbringing for boys.
In the 1960s, the crusading social psychologist Jeanne Block and her colleagues explored how differently parents treat boys and girls. For instance, moms and dads encourage boys to be competitive and to achieve. They don't like them to show their emotions. They encourage them to be less dependent; mothers push them away. They punish them more than they punish girls. And they are unaware that they treat boys and girls differently.
By the time boys are on their way to the teenage years, the process of disavowing what they are is complete. The book A New Psychology of Men describes research in which people were asked what it means to be feminine or masculine. Women and girls defined themselves by the ways they were connected to others, and by citing qualities like being caring or compassionate. Men and boys defined themselves by negatives: They weren't weak, dependent, or connected to their mothers.
But there is not much in our cultural definition of what it means to be a man that is inherent in maleness. Children start off surprisingly alike, whether they're boys or girls. If there's a difference, it's the opposite of what the culture seems to expect: Boys are more sensitive. They give expression to their emotions more readily than girls. They affiliate with others in the same way as girls. Then someone starts telling them it's not okay to be that way. If you act like that, you're a pussy.
As Real and others have explained, it is through this process of denial that men are primed for depression. And it is the cultural necessity of carrying out and carrying on this process that makes it so difficult for them to recognize and admit to depression when it comes. They not only don't acknowledge it to themselves, they often don't display the symptoms that psychotherapists use to diagnose depression.
The cultural training that lays the groundwork for depression in men and for their denial of it later in life involves social isolation. That means telling people the truth about yourself and trusting that they'll do the same, a concept that seems terrifying to many men.
In one case, two friends knew each other for years, commuting together, talking every day, laughing together. They would not have said they were socially isolated, yet when they happened to run into each other in the same group meeting for men suffering from depression, they had to laugh: Neither one had ever admitted it to the other, even though they were both seeking treatment for it.
Social isolation is a well-known killer of mammals. Countless studies going back to the '50s show that contact, affection, emotional communication, and genuine closeness are necessary for mammals, including humans, to maintain our health. Isolation wreaks havoc on everything from the immune system to the cardiovascular system to the brain. Conversely, staying socially connected helps protect men from mental illness, including depression.
The new research done by Kessler and others shows that single men and women look no different when it comes to most kinds of mental illness. But when they get married, they veer off in different directions. "It's a very good deal to be married if you're a man," Kessler says. "It's associated with a dramatic improvement in mental health."
Perhaps because they are forced into solitude as children, men are not as good at being alone as women are. Because of early socialization, women are better at relationships--with children, friends, and relatives. In general, women have more friends than men and are closer to those friends. This, of course, is the direct result of boys' having independence forced on them early in life, when what they need is emotional and physical contact with others.
Socialization punishes women, too. When they have children, women's mental health suffers, while that of men doesn't change at all. That's because women, in general, take care of the kids. If there's trouble in the home, or work interferes with child rearing, they'll disproportionately suffer for it.
Women also worry more than men. They care about a larger group of people who just don't appear on the emotional radar screens of men. In marriage, men share in the joys and are often protected from the pain. Just as the man will go downstairs to investigate a suspicious noise, the woman plays the role of emotional protector.
Kessler uses this example: A wife reports (to the researcher) that she's very upset, because her daughter had an abortion and had to miss a number of days of school. The husband reports that his daughter had the flu and couldn't go to school. How could this be? The explanation is simple: The daughter got pregnant and went to her mother for help, saying, "Whatever you do, don't tell Dad." So the mother helped the daughter have an abortion and told the father the girl was home sick with the flu.
The result is that the husband is exposed to less stress, while the woman is exposed to more. Not only does she have to deal with the abortion, but she also has to lie to her husband and orchestrate the protection of that lie. But throughout, her connections are reinforced and affirmed.
The studies show that when a father dies, the children grow closer to the mother. They come around more. The mother has been maintaining those relationships all along, and they pay off in a crisis. Yet when a mother dies, the children come around less. That's because for years, when they called on Sunday, they talked to the mother, not the father. By filling the social role, the wife grows closer to the kids. That's why widowhood and divorce are so much worse for men. Their protection is ripped away, and they have no social network to catch them as they fall. The person who managed their emotional life is gone.
As Kessler puts it, "You can hire someone to do most of the things the husband does in a marriage. But you can never hire someone to do what the wife does." Men can change this situation and possibly protect themselves from depression later in life by expanding the depth and breadth of their social networks.
Recovery
After undergoing treatment for bipolar disorder and chronic depression, Britt went back to compete in all the events he had run so desperately in 2004, such as the Lake Placid Ironman. To his amazement, he recognized for the first time that the run took place in a glorious natural setting. "You're literally running through fields of green," he says. Later that year, he was competing in the Ironman Wisconsin, which he'd done in such a black mood the year before, and began to wonder, Why am I hurting myself? I don't need to hurt myself anymore. For the first time in his life, he walked for an hour during the event, feeling joyous.
Britt's compulsion to run began to fade. "My race performance declined by about 5 percent in the first half of last year," he tells me, "and it really tailed off by fall. I took most of early winter off, totally. It's a healthier me all around." In other words, he now runs for fun, something he was unable to experience before.
But recovery wasn't simple or easy. Early on, when Britt was first diagnosed, he spent much of his time searching for a single moment in each day when something good happened, something he could celebrate. Gradually, those moments grew larger and more frequent. "Now," he says, "the days are filled with not only great moments, but great minutes and hours. And those make up great days, great weeks, and even great months."
When men talk about depression, one of the recurring themes is how it sucks the color and flavor out of life. The birdsong that filled you with joy as a child has no effect at all. The people you love don't make your heart sing, even though you know they should. The colors of the world are tarnished and dull. Britt ran the Boston Marathon once again, and realized at the end that although he'd run it many times, he had literally never seen the finish line; he ran right through it and focused on the next thing. "Now I can see things I never saw before--colors, scenery, people," he says. "It's almost impossible to describe, except to say that it seems like the world has visually opened up."
Depression is well known for shutting down the senses, and when it lifted, Britt was so astonished at what was around him that he took up photography just to try to capture it all. "I never cared before. I never noticed the colors of a sunset. The electricity in a lightning strike. The glow of moonrise over a lake. They've always been there. But only recently have I begun to see them. And I am amazed."
Exercising Your Demons
Some people might call you highly competitive. Some might call you superfit. But a growing number of doctors would label you something else: Depressed
By: Laurence Gonzales
In 1994, at the age of 33, Raymond Britt took up running. It made him feel good. In fact, the more he pushed himself, the better he felt. So each time he went out, he pushed a little harder. It seemed to put him above the turmoil of the world and afford him some relief. Relief from what -- that wasn't so clear. His life was good. He was a successful executive. He'd married his high-school sweetheart. He had beautiful children.
But there was something odd about it all. For one thing, he had no background as a runner. He'd been a powerlifter in his 20s, benching 315. But in the summer of '94, amid a hectic schedule, he happened to see a flier for the Chicago Marathon and was seized by the impulse to run it. Never mind that there were only a few weeks left to train. Never mind that he had never run more than 3 miles at a time. He thought, I can do anything for 5 hours and 30 minutes, which was the qualifying time to receive a finisher's medal.
He became obsessed with his training.
"I was excited, I was nervous, I was alive," he says. "My mother and my wife thought I was crazy." As he reached the 18th mile of the marathon, his hopes for a life-changing experience were shattered. Beating himself up both mentally and physically, he managed to drag his body over the finish line in 4 hours and 41 minutes, as he puts it, "alone, hurt, angry, unhappy."
Rather than recover, he went out the next day to punish himself and prepare for the next marathon.
Sex Differences
The study of how mental illness affects men and women differently is new and fraught with controversy. The first comprehensive survey was conducted between 1990 and 1992. Its aim was to estimate the general prevalence of mental illness.
The research, known as the National Comorbidity Survey, was repeated, in more depth and on a larger scale, between 2001 and 2003, under the auspices of the World Health Organization and with funding from the National Institute of Mental Health. The principal investigator is Ronald C. Kessler, Ph.D., a jolly-looking, bearded professor in the department of health-care policy at Harvard University.
The numbers seem to show that men and women suffer from various mental illnesses at about the same rate, with some notable variations and exceptions. One of the differences, long accepted as gospel by the psychiatric professions, is that twice as many women as men suffer from depression. Kessler says his numbers show that a woman is twice as likely as a man to have a single episode of major clinical depression in her life. After the first episode, however, men and women don't differ in the number of episodes they'll have during a lifetime, or in whether they'll have another episode. Only the first step differs, he says. Then the statistics flatten out to equal.
But if repeat episodes of depression are equal for men and women, doesn't it stand to reason that they may be having first bouts at the same rate? Maybe the discrepancy lies not in the number of men and women who are depressed, but rather, in how depression is expressed.
According to an increasing number of experts, the diagnostic tallies don't take into account the real experience of a lot of men like Britt. They also ignore the fact that women are much more likely to report depression and seek help. Men are more likely to try to fight through their depression, using strategies ranging from hard work to extreme exercise to drinking to violence. Nearly four times more men than women kill themselves.
When women become depressed, they tend to show the classic symptoms described in the psychiatrist's handbook the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. They feel sad and tired, and lose interest in the pleasures of life. In short, women generally get depressed in just the way that most people, including psychotherapists, think about depression.
Men tend to get angry, and that anger expresses itself in a wide variety of intense activities, such as Britt's obsessive running. Some of these men even win marathons--on the streets of Chicago or in feats of work endurance--and look like heroes, which makes it even more difficult to diagnose their depression.
Britt says, "I've always thought Lance Armstrong suffered from depression and that's where his anger came from. I saw a lot of myself in him, the way he transfers anger into action. Depression leads some of us to fight as hard as we can against it. It makes you angry. I liked my anger. I got focused and felt better, like I was leaving turmoil in the dust. But it was temporary."
Because we think of the word "depression" as fitting the woman's profile better than the man's, doctors and therapists don't tend to recognize the disease as readily in men, and men don't talk about it. William Pollack, Ph.D., a professor of psychiatry at Harvard, estimates that 50 percent to 65 percent of men suffering from what they call "covert depression" aren't diagnosed.
It seems clear that men will do just about anything to avoid admitting to having the disease. They'd rather just suffer. Some of them would rather die.
Driven
Britt raced in Chicago the next year and qualified for the Boston Marathon. Still, he needed more. He entered the Chicago Triathlon that same year and nearly drowned. ("I was a terrible swimmer.") He returned in 1996, and did well. That only fed his craving. "I wanted to take everything to the next, most impossible level I could imagine," he says. He describes himself as "driven to the margin of terror."
By 1998, he had developed a set of rules for himself: more, harder, quicker, and farther away. Three Ironman races in 7 weeks. Roth, Germany, in July for Ironman Europe. Zurich in August for Ironman Switzerland, wife and 4-month-old baby in tow. Ironman Canada again in September. "Still not enough," he says.
In 1999: four Ironman races, a 50-miler, and the Western States 100. Seven days later, he ran two 5-Ks on the same day, for "pain as punishment and proof that I was okay. I could survive the day as long as I could channel my inner turbulence into power and aggression during training. The determination, the drive, kept me afloat."
In the following years, he broke 3 hours in the marathon, qualified for the Ironman World Championships three times, won awards, gained sponsorship, and was regularly published as a cardio guru. He was a champ, a role model. "How can this be a bad thing?" he asked. "And if I'm strong enough to outlast anything, aren't I strong enough to outlast life's challenges?"
Yet his world had begun to contract. He began intentionally doing reckless things. "I took risks riding my bicycle in traffic, running at night, fighting whatever was fighting me. It felt good to be fighting."
He couldn't run, bike, and swim all day. He had to work. He had a wife and kids. So he simply pushed that much harder. "My best performances came when I was ready to rip the top off the race course. I had very aggressive feelings. I just wanted to attack."
He was winning, yes, but he also required emergency medical attention after every event. He'd come in with his blood pressure reading 90 over 50 and required up to four IV bags of fluid to counter dehydration. That didn't seem odd to him, but his wife began to worry that he was trying to kill himself. He told her he was just pushing it. He eventually did 42 marathons, 27 Ironman Triathlons, and six ultramarathons in 11 years, covering 42,000 miles, the equivalent of running, swimming, and biking around the world 1 1/2 times.
The weird thing is this: Raymond Britt isn't that unusual. His distances aren't even that huge, compared with some guys'. And the mental illness he suffers from, which drove him to battle through all those miles, is not that uncommon among men.
Steven Imparl is a lawyer in Chicago, but a look at his résumé affords a glimpse into the frantic world of a man working very hard to compensate for depression. He graduated from high school in the top 15 of his class of 550 students. He received his B.S. degree with high honors. He became an information-technology specialist working for big companies, then went on to earn his law degree and start his own firm. Along the way, he studied French, German, Slovene, and Spanish. He learned classical guitar, studied Slavic and Balkan history, and sang barbershop harmony. And he somehow found time for power walking, inline skating, volleyball, and boxing. By the fall of 2001, he was so wound up, he could hardly sleep. He became more irritable, more easily angered. After nearly getting into a fistfight while walking down a street, he decided to seek help. But when the doctor told him he was suffering from clinical depression, Imparl refused to believe it. Admitting to depression is . . . well, it's like getting your period: Guys don't do it.
Once Imparl accepted the diagnosis, he performed like any true, overachieving depressed man would: Through a program of therapy and drugs, he got better, and then he founded a successful Web site, maledepression.com, for guys like him.
Raymond Britt's crash and burn came one day in November 2004, when he set out to run himself into the ground, to transfer the pain from his soul to his body. Many miles and hours later, he found himself bloodied, exhausted, and hypothermic, but he neither displaced the internal pain nor found relief. He was forced at last to face what he'd known for decades: Depression was rampant in his family. From an early age, Britt had been determined that he wouldn't succumb. He wouldn't be weak.
Because his father had medicated his own depression with alcohol, Britt had never taken up drinking. By the fall of 2004, his father had been in therapy for a while, and was encouraging Britt to seek help. Having experienced depression himself, he was able to see the disorder in his son. He sent Britt an e-mail with his doctor's name. And then he dropped dead.
It was a few weeks later when Britt hit the wall on his last desperate run. Then he collapsed into classic symptoms of depression, which is what happens when the strategy fails: "The weight felt so heavy that it was hard to physically move," says Britt. He found himself wishing he'd be in an accident that would put him in the hospital so that he could escape. "I wanted to be taken out."
That's the point at which depressed men can slip beyond fantasy into active thoughts of suicide. Some 31,000 people in the United States commit suicide each year. More than 24,000 of them are men. And that doesn't count the deaths from alcohol or drugs. In fact, some researchers are beginning to suspect that depression causes more deaths than auto accidents do.
Britt's fantasies of having an accident scared him. He went to see his father's psychiatrist. It didn't take the doctor long to diagnose his condition. (Q: "When were you last really happy?" A: "1975.") And yet, his denial of clinical depression was so strong that he sought a second opinion.
Maybe men need a different word for depression. Or maybe the brain researchers and psychologists simply need to redefine the condition so it includes the way men experience it, too.
Cultural Cover-Up
It's understandable that women are three times more likely than men to be treated for depression; our culture has put a feminine face on the disease, so women give themselves permission to feel it and to seek help for it. Pollack puts it this way: "We have in our society a feminized view of depression, coming out of a model of hysteria that dates back to Freud."
Terrence Real, author of I Don't Want to Talk about It, and a marriage and family therapist in Massachusetts, wrote, "There is a terrible collusion in our society, a cultural cover-up about depression in men." And part of the cultural influence involves the way men are taught from early childhood to be strong, silent, independent, and resistant to suffering. As Real puts it, "Men have about a milli-second's tolerance for feeling [this type of] pain, and then they spring into action. A flight from shame into grandiosity lies at the heart of male covert depression."
Another reason men leap into action, though, whether it's through intense exercise, overwork, pounding back martinis, or some other strategy, is that it actually does relieve the symptoms of depression, at least for a time. In fact, many therapists have begun using exercise as an adjunct to therapy, as explained in books like The Joy of Running, by Thaddeus Kostrubala, and The Exercise Prescription for Depression and Anxiety, by Keith Johnsgard. And research at Duke University confirmed their hunches in 1999.
But exercise in itself doesn't treat the underlying condition. In fact, books called The Joy of Working 80 Hours a Week and The Drinking Prescription for Depression might reach a wide audience, because those strategies can effectively mask depression for years. That is, they can sort of work.
Because at the heart of what Britt and Imparl were going through was a life filled with large stretches of no feeling at all. Britt says he was constantly running, "hoping that movement would help me discover something better."
Looking back on his decades of depression, Britt saw isolated flashes of happiness--the birth of his children, laughter, friendship--but they were, he says, "bright spots on what had been a more turbulent journey than I let myself admit. The moments of happiness sustained my denial of something I had only recently begun to consider an 'invisible load.'" In other words, he'd been swimming with an anvil, and he was sinking by imperceptible increments.
Conditioning
The social conditioning that leads to men's response to depression begins in infancy. Male babies receive less of every type of nurturing, including speech, touch, and comfort when they cry. And that is only the beginning of what will be, to one degree or another, a brutal upbringing for boys.
In the 1960s, the crusading social psychologist Jeanne Block and her colleagues explored how differently parents treat boys and girls. For instance, moms and dads encourage boys to be competitive and to achieve. They don't like them to show their emotions. They encourage them to be less dependent; mothers push them away. They punish them more than they punish girls. And they are unaware that they treat boys and girls differently.
By the time boys are on their way to the teenage years, the process of disavowing what they are is complete. The book A New Psychology of Men describes research in which people were asked what it means to be feminine or masculine. Women and girls defined themselves by the ways they were connected to others, and by citing qualities like being caring or compassionate. Men and boys defined themselves by negatives: They weren't weak, dependent, or connected to their mothers.
But there is not much in our cultural definition of what it means to be a man that is inherent in maleness. Children start off surprisingly alike, whether they're boys or girls. If there's a difference, it's the opposite of what the culture seems to expect: Boys are more sensitive. They give expression to their emotions more readily than girls. They affiliate with others in the same way as girls. Then someone starts telling them it's not okay to be that way. If you act like that, you're a pussy.
As Real and others have explained, it is through this process of denial that men are primed for depression. And it is the cultural necessity of carrying out and carrying on this process that makes it so difficult for them to recognize and admit to depression when it comes. They not only don't acknowledge it to themselves, they often don't display the symptoms that psychotherapists use to diagnose depression.
The cultural training that lays the groundwork for depression in men and for their denial of it later in life involves social isolation. That means telling people the truth about yourself and trusting that they'll do the same, a concept that seems terrifying to many men.
In one case, two friends knew each other for years, commuting together, talking every day, laughing together. They would not have said they were socially isolated, yet when they happened to run into each other in the same group meeting for men suffering from depression, they had to laugh: Neither one had ever admitted it to the other, even though they were both seeking treatment for it.
Social isolation is a well-known killer of mammals. Countless studies going back to the '50s show that contact, affection, emotional communication, and genuine closeness are necessary for mammals, including humans, to maintain our health. Isolation wreaks havoc on everything from the immune system to the cardiovascular system to the brain. Conversely, staying socially connected helps protect men from mental illness, including depression.
The new research done by Kessler and others shows that single men and women look no different when it comes to most kinds of mental illness. But when they get married, they veer off in different directions. "It's a very good deal to be married if you're a man," Kessler says. "It's associated with a dramatic improvement in mental health."
Perhaps because they are forced into solitude as children, men are not as good at being alone as women are. Because of early socialization, women are better at relationships--with children, friends, and relatives. In general, women have more friends than men and are closer to those friends. This, of course, is the direct result of boys' having independence forced on them early in life, when what they need is emotional and physical contact with others.
Socialization punishes women, too. When they have children, women's mental health suffers, while that of men doesn't change at all. That's because women, in general, take care of the kids. If there's trouble in the home, or work interferes with child rearing, they'll disproportionately suffer for it.
Women also worry more than men. They care about a larger group of people who just don't appear on the emotional radar screens of men. In marriage, men share in the joys and are often protected from the pain. Just as the man will go downstairs to investigate a suspicious noise, the woman plays the role of emotional protector.
Kessler uses this example: A wife reports (to the researcher) that she's very upset, because her daughter had an abortion and had to miss a number of days of school. The husband reports that his daughter had the flu and couldn't go to school. How could this be? The explanation is simple: The daughter got pregnant and went to her mother for help, saying, "Whatever you do, don't tell Dad." So the mother helped the daughter have an abortion and told the father the girl was home sick with the flu.
The result is that the husband is exposed to less stress, while the woman is exposed to more. Not only does she have to deal with the abortion, but she also has to lie to her husband and orchestrate the protection of that lie. But throughout, her connections are reinforced and affirmed.
The studies show that when a father dies, the children grow closer to the mother. They come around more. The mother has been maintaining those relationships all along, and they pay off in a crisis. Yet when a mother dies, the children come around less. That's because for years, when they called on Sunday, they talked to the mother, not the father. By filling the social role, the wife grows closer to the kids. That's why widowhood and divorce are so much worse for men. Their protection is ripped away, and they have no social network to catch them as they fall. The person who managed their emotional life is gone.
As Kessler puts it, "You can hire someone to do most of the things the husband does in a marriage. But you can never hire someone to do what the wife does." Men can change this situation and possibly protect themselves from depression later in life by expanding the depth and breadth of their social networks.
Recovery
After undergoing treatment for bipolar disorder and chronic depression, Britt went back to compete in all the events he had run so desperately in 2004, such as the Lake Placid Ironman. To his amazement, he recognized for the first time that the run took place in a glorious natural setting. "You're literally running through fields of green," he says. Later that year, he was competing in the Ironman Wisconsin, which he'd done in such a black mood the year before, and began to wonder, Why am I hurting myself? I don't need to hurt myself anymore. For the first time in his life, he walked for an hour during the event, feeling joyous.
Britt's compulsion to run began to fade. "My race performance declined by about 5 percent in the first half of last year," he tells me, "and it really tailed off by fall. I took most of early winter off, totally. It's a healthier me all around." In other words, he now runs for fun, something he was unable to experience before.
But recovery wasn't simple or easy. Early on, when Britt was first diagnosed, he spent much of his time searching for a single moment in each day when something good happened, something he could celebrate. Gradually, those moments grew larger and more frequent. "Now," he says, "the days are filled with not only great moments, but great minutes and hours. And those make up great days, great weeks, and even great months."
When men talk about depression, one of the recurring themes is how it sucks the color and flavor out of life. The birdsong that filled you with joy as a child has no effect at all. The people you love don't make your heart sing, even though you know they should. The colors of the world are tarnished and dull. Britt ran the Boston Marathon once again, and realized at the end that although he'd run it many times, he had literally never seen the finish line; he ran right through it and focused on the next thing. "Now I can see things I never saw before--colors, scenery, people," he says. "It's almost impossible to describe, except to say that it seems like the world has visually opened up."
Depression is well known for shutting down the senses, and when it lifted, Britt was so astonished at what was around him that he took up photography just to try to capture it all. "I never cared before. I never noticed the colors of a sunset. The electricity in a lightning strike. The glow of moonrise over a lake. They've always been there. But only recently have I begun to see them. And I am amazed."
Exercising Your Demons
Some people might call you highly competitive. Some might call you superfit. But a growing number of doctors would label you something else: Depressed
By: Laurence Gonzales
In 1994, at the age of 33, Raymond Britt took up running. It made him feel good. In fact, the more he pushed himself, the better he felt. So each time he went out, he pushed a little harder. It seemed to put him above the turmoil of the world and afford him some relief. Relief from what -- that wasn't so clear. His life was good. He was a successful executive. He'd married his high-school sweetheart. He had beautiful children.
But there was something odd about it all. For one thing, he had no background as a runner. He'd been a powerlifter in his 20s, benching 315. But in the summer of '94, amid a hectic schedule, he happened to see a flier for the Chicago Marathon and was seized by the impulse to run it. Never mind that there were only a few weeks left to train. Never mind that he had never run more than 3 miles at a time. He thought, I can do anything for 5 hours and 30 minutes, which was the qualifying time to receive a finisher's medal.
He became obsessed with his training.
"I was excited, I was nervous, I was alive," he says. "My mother and my wife thought I was crazy." As he reached the 18th mile of the marathon, his hopes for a life-changing experience were shattered. Beating himself up both mentally and physically, he managed to drag his body over the finish line in 4 hours and 41 minutes, as he puts it, "alone, hurt, angry, unhappy."
Rather than recover, he went out the next day to punish himself and prepare for the next marathon.
Sex Differences
The study of how mental illness affects men and women differently is new and fraught with controversy. The first comprehensive survey was conducted between 1990 and 1992. Its aim was to estimate the general prevalence of mental illness.
The research, known as the National Comorbidity Survey, was repeated, in more depth and on a larger scale, between 2001 and 2003, under the auspices of the World Health Organization and with funding from the National Institute of Mental Health. The principal investigator is Ronald C. Kessler, Ph.D., a jolly-looking, bearded professor in the department of health-care policy at Harvard University.
The numbers seem to show that men and women suffer from various mental illnesses at about the same rate, with some notable variations and exceptions. One of the differences, long accepted as gospel by the psychiatric professions, is that twice as many women as men suffer from depression. Kessler says his numbers show that a woman is twice as likely as a man to have a single episode of major clinical depression in her life. After the first episode, however, men and women don't differ in the number of episodes they'll have during a lifetime, or in whether they'll have another episode. Only the first step differs, he says. Then the statistics flatten out to equal.
But if repeat episodes of depression are equal for men and women, doesn't it stand to reason that they may be having first bouts at the same rate? Maybe the discrepancy lies not in the number of men and women who are depressed, but rather, in how depression is expressed.
According to an increasing number of experts, the diagnostic tallies don't take into account the real experience of a lot of men like Britt. They also ignore the fact that women are much more likely to report depression and seek help. Men are more likely to try to fight through their depression, using strategies ranging from hard work to extreme exercise to drinking to violence. Nearly four times more men than women kill themselves.
When women become depressed, they tend to show the classic symptoms described in the psychiatrist's handbook the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. They feel sad and tired, and lose interest in the pleasures of life. In short, women generally get depressed in just the way that most people, including psychotherapists, think about depression.
Men tend to get angry, and that anger expresses itself in a wide variety of intense activities, such as Britt's obsessive running. Some of these men even win marathons--on the streets of Chicago or in feats of work endurance--and look like heroes, which makes it even more difficult to diagnose their depression.
Britt says, "I've always thought Lance Armstrong suffered from depression and that's where his anger came from. I saw a lot of myself in him, the way he transfers anger into action. Depression leads some of us to fight as hard as we can against it. It makes you angry. I liked my anger. I got focused and felt better, like I was leaving turmoil in the dust. But it was temporary."
Because we think of the word "depression" as fitting the woman's profile better than the man's, doctors and therapists don't tend to recognize the disease as readily in men, and men don't talk about it. William Pollack, Ph.D., a professor of psychiatry at Harvard, estimates that 50 percent to 65 percent of men suffering from what they call "covert depression" aren't diagnosed.
It seems clear that men will do just about anything to avoid admitting to having the disease. They'd rather just suffer. Some of them would rather die.
Driven
Britt raced in Chicago the next year and qualified for the Boston Marathon. Still, he needed more. He entered the Chicago Triathlon that same year and nearly drowned. ("I was a terrible swimmer.") He returned in 1996, and did well. That only fed his craving. "I wanted to take everything to the next, most impossible level I could imagine," he says. He describes himself as "driven to the margin of terror."
By 1998, he had developed a set of rules for himself: more, harder, quicker, and farther away. Three Ironman races in 7 weeks. Roth, Germany, in July for Ironman Europe. Zurich in August for Ironman Switzerland, wife and 4-month-old baby in tow. Ironman Canada again in September. "Still not enough," he says.
In 1999: four Ironman races, a 50-miler, and the Western States 100. Seven days later, he ran two 5-Ks on the same day, for "pain as punishment and proof that I was okay. I could survive the day as long as I could channel my inner turbulence into power and aggression during training. The determination, the drive, kept me afloat."
In the following years, he broke 3 hours in the marathon, qualified for the Ironman World Championships three times, won awards, gained sponsorship, and was regularly published as a cardio guru. He was a champ, a role model. "How can this be a bad thing?" he asked. "And if I'm strong enough to outlast anything, aren't I strong enough to outlast life's challenges?"
Yet his world had begun to contract. He began intentionally doing reckless things. "I took risks riding my bicycle in traffic, running at night, fighting whatever was fighting me. It felt good to be fighting."
He couldn't run, bike, and swim all day. He had to work. He had a wife and kids. So he simply pushed that much harder. "My best performances came when I was ready to rip the top off the race course. I had very aggressive feelings. I just wanted to attack."
He was winning, yes, but he also required emergency medical attention after every event. He'd come in with his blood pressure reading 90 over 50 and required up to four IV bags of fluid to counter dehydration. That didn't seem odd to him, but his wife began to worry that he was trying to kill himself. He told her he was just pushing it. He eventually did 42 marathons, 27 Ironman Triathlons, and six ultramarathons in 11 years, covering 42,000 miles, the equivalent of running, swimming, and biking around the world 1 1/2 times.
The weird thing is this: Raymond Britt isn't that unusual. His distances aren't even that huge, compared with some guys'. And the mental illness he suffers from, which drove him to battle through all those miles, is not that uncommon among men.
Steven Imparl is a lawyer in Chicago, but a look at his résumé affords a glimpse into the frantic world of a man working very hard to compensate for depression. He graduated from high school in the top 15 of his class of 550 students. He received his B.S. degree with high honors. He became an information-technology specialist working for big companies, then went on to earn his law degree and start his own firm. Along the way, he studied French, German, Slovene, and Spanish. He learned classical guitar, studied Slavic and Balkan history, and sang barbershop harmony. And he somehow found time for power walking, inline skating, volleyball, and boxing. By the fall of 2001, he was so wound up, he could hardly sleep. He became more irritable, more easily angered. After nearly getting into a fistfight while walking down a street, he decided to seek help. But when the doctor told him he was suffering from clinical depression, Imparl refused to believe it. Admitting to depression is . . . well, it's like getting your period: Guys don't do it.
Once Imparl accepted the diagnosis, he performed like any true, overachieving depressed man would: Through a program of therapy and drugs, he got better, and then he founded a successful Web site, maledepression.com, for guys like him.
Raymond Britt's crash and burn came one day in November 2004, when he set out to run himself into the ground, to transfer the pain from his soul to his body. Many miles and hours later, he found himself bloodied, exhausted, and hypothermic, but he neither displaced the internal pain nor found relief. He was forced at last to face what he'd known for decades: Depression was rampant in his family. From an early age, Britt had been determined that he wouldn't succumb. He wouldn't be weak.
Because his father had medicated his own depression with alcohol, Britt had never taken up drinking. By the fall of 2004, his father had been in therapy for a while, and was encouraging Britt to seek help. Having experienced depression himself, he was able to see the disorder in his son. He sent Britt an e-mail with his doctor's name. And then he dropped dead.
It was a few weeks later when Britt hit the wall on his last desperate run. Then he collapsed into classic symptoms of depression, which is what happens when the strategy fails: "The weight felt so heavy that it was hard to physically move," says Britt. He found himself wishing he'd be in an accident that would put him in the hospital so that he could escape. "I wanted to be taken out."
That's the point at which depressed men can slip beyond fantasy into active thoughts of suicide. Some 31,000 people in the United States commit suicide each year. More than 24,000 of them are men. And that doesn't count the deaths from alcohol or drugs. In fact, some researchers are beginning to suspect that depression causes more deaths than auto accidents do.
Britt's fantasies of having an accident scared him. He went to see his father's psychiatrist. It didn't take the doctor long to diagnose his condition. (Q: "When were you last really happy?" A: "1975.") And yet, his denial of clinical depression was so strong that he sought a second opinion.
Maybe men need a different word for depression. Or maybe the brain researchers and psychologists simply need to redefine the condition so it includes the way men experience it, too.
Cultural Cover-Up
It's understandable that women are three times more likely than men to be treated for depression; our culture has put a feminine face on the disease, so women give themselves permission to feel it and to seek help for it. Pollack puts it this way: "We have in our society a feminized view of depression, coming out of a model of hysteria that dates back to Freud."
Terrence Real, author of I Don't Want to Talk about It, and a marriage and family therapist in Massachusetts, wrote, "There is a terrible collusion in our society, a cultural cover-up about depression in men." And part of the cultural influence involves the way men are taught from early childhood to be strong, silent, independent, and resistant to suffering. As Real puts it, "Men have about a milli-second's tolerance for feeling [this type of] pain, and then they spring into action. A flight from shame into grandiosity lies at the heart of male covert depression."
Another reason men leap into action, though, whether it's through intense exercise, overwork, pounding back martinis, or some other strategy, is that it actually does relieve the symptoms of depression, at least for a time. In fact, many therapists have begun using exercise as an adjunct to therapy, as explained in books like The Joy of Running, by Thaddeus Kostrubala, and The Exercise Prescription for Depression and Anxiety, by Keith Johnsgard. And research at Duke University confirmed their hunches in 1999.
But exercise in itself doesn't treat the underlying condition. In fact, books called The Joy of Working 80 Hours a Week and The Drinking Prescription for Depression might reach a wide audience, because those strategies can effectively mask depression for years. That is, they can sort of work.
Because at the heart of what Britt and Imparl were going through was a life filled with large stretches of no feeling at all. Britt says he was constantly running, "hoping that movement would help me discover something better."
Looking back on his decades of depression, Britt saw isolated flashes of happiness--the birth of his children, laughter, friendship--but they were, he says, "bright spots on what had been a more turbulent journey than I let myself admit. The moments of happiness sustained my denial of something I had only recently begun to consider an 'invisible load.'" In other words, he'd been swimming with an anvil, and he was sinking by imperceptible increments.
Conditioning
The social conditioning that leads to men's response to depression begins in infancy. Male babies receive less of every type of nurturing, including speech, touch, and comfort when they cry. And that is only the beginning of what will be, to one degree or another, a brutal upbringing for boys.
In the 1960s, the crusading social psychologist Jeanne Block and her colleagues explored how differently parents treat boys and girls. For instance, moms and dads encourage boys to be competitive and to achieve. They don't like them to show their emotions. They encourage them to be less dependent; mothers push them away. They punish them more than they punish girls. And they are unaware that they treat boys and girls differently.
By the time boys are on their way to the teenage years, the process of disavowing what they are is complete. The book A New Psychology of Men describes research in which people were asked what it means to be feminine or masculine. Women and girls defined themselves by the ways they were connected to others, and by citing qualities like being caring or compassionate. Men and boys defined themselves by negatives: They weren't weak, dependent, or connected to their mothers.
But there is not much in our cultural definition of what it means to be a man that is inherent in maleness. Children start off surprisingly alike, whether they're boys or girls. If there's a difference, it's the opposite of what the culture seems to expect: Boys are more sensitive. They give expression to their emotions more readily than girls. They affiliate with others in the same way as girls. Then someone starts telling them it's not okay to be that way. If you act like that, you're a pussy.
As Real and others have explained, it is through this process of denial that men are primed for depression. And it is the cultural necessity of carrying out and carrying on this process that makes it so difficult for them to recognize and admit to depression when it comes. They not only don't acknowledge it to themselves, they often don't display the symptoms that psychotherapists use to diagnose depression.
The cultural training that lays the groundwork for depression in men and for their denial of it later in life involves social isolation. That means telling people the truth about yourself and trusting that they'll do the same, a concept that seems terrifying to many men.
In one case, two friends knew each other for years, commuting together, talking every day, laughing together. They would not have said they were socially isolated, yet when they happened to run into each other in the same group meeting for men suffering from depression, they had to laugh: Neither one had ever admitted it to the other, even though they were both seeking treatment for it.
Social isolation is a well-known killer of mammals. Countless studies going back to the '50s show that contact, affection, emotional communication, and genuine closeness are necessary for mammals, including humans, to maintain our health. Isolation wreaks havoc on everything from the immune system to the cardiovascular system to the brain. Conversely, staying socially connected helps protect men from mental illness, including depression.
The new research done by Kessler and others shows that single men and women look no different when it comes to most kinds of mental illness. But when they get married, they veer off in different directions. "It's a very good deal to be married if you're a man," Kessler says. "It's associated with a dramatic improvement in mental health."
Perhaps because they are forced into solitude as children, men are not as good at being alone as women are. Because of early socialization, women are better at relationships--with children, friends, and relatives. In general, women have more friends than men and are closer to those friends. This, of course, is the direct result of boys' having independence forced on them early in life, when what they need is emotional and physical contact with others.
Socialization punishes women, too. When they have children, women's mental health suffers, while that of men doesn't change at all. That's because women, in general, take care of the kids. If there's trouble in the home, or work interferes with child rearing, they'll disproportionately suffer for it.
Women also worry more than men. They care about a larger group of people who just don't appear on the emotional radar screens of men. In marriage, men share in the joys and are often protected from the pain. Just as the man will go downstairs to investigate a suspicious noise, the woman plays the role of emotional protector.
Kessler uses this example: A wife reports (to the researcher) that she's very upset, because her daughter had an abortion and had to miss a number of days of school. The husband reports that his daughter had the flu and couldn't go to school. How could this be? The explanation is simple: The daughter got pregnant and went to her mother for help, saying, "Whatever you do, don't tell Dad." So the mother helped the daughter have an abortion and told the father the girl was home sick with the flu.
The result is that the husband is exposed to less stress, while the woman is exposed to more. Not only does she have to deal with the abortion, but she also has to lie to her husband and orchestrate the protection of that lie. But throughout, her connections are reinforced and affirmed.
The studies show that when a father dies, the children grow closer to the mother. They come around more. The mother has been maintaining those relationships all along, and they pay off in a crisis. Yet when a mother dies, the children come around less. That's because for years, when they called on Sunday, they talked to the mother, not the father. By filling the social role, the wife grows closer to the kids. That's why widowhood and divorce are so much worse for men. Their protection is ripped away, and they have no social network to catch them as they fall. The person who managed their emotional life is gone.
As Kessler puts it, "You can hire someone to do most of the things the husband does in a marriage. But you can never hire someone to do what the wife does." Men can change this situation and possibly protect themselves from depression later in life by expanding the depth and breadth of their social networks.
Recovery
After undergoing treatment for bipolar disorder and chronic depression, Britt went back to compete in all the events he had run so desperately in 2004, such as the Lake Placid Ironman. To his amazement, he recognized for the first time that the run took place in a glorious natural setting. "You're literally running through fields of green," he says. Later that year, he was competing in the Ironman Wisconsin, which he'd done in such a black mood the year before, and began to wonder, Why am I hurting myself? I don't need to hurt myself anymore. For the first time in his life, he walked for an hour during the event, feeling joyous.
Britt's compulsion to run began to fade. "My race performance declined by about 5 percent in the first half of last year," he tells me, "and it really tailed off by fall. I took most of early winter off, totally. It's a healthier me all around." In other words, he now runs for fun, something he was unable to experience before.
But recovery wasn't simple or easy. Early on, when Britt was first diagnosed, he spent much of his time searching for a single moment in each day when something good happened, something he could celebrate. Gradually, those moments grew larger and more frequent. "Now," he says, "the days are filled with not only great moments, but great minutes and hours. And those make up great days, great weeks, and even great months."
When men talk about depression, one of the recurring themes is how it sucks the color and flavor out of life. The birdsong that filled you with joy as a child has no effect at all. The people you love don't make your heart sing, even though you know they should. The colors of the world are tarnished and dull. Britt ran the Boston Marathon once again, and realized at the end that although he'd run it many times, he had literally never seen the finish line; he ran right through it and focused on the next thing. "Now I can see things I never saw before--colors, scenery, people," he says. "It's almost impossible to describe, except to say that it seems like the world has visually opened up."
Depression is well known for shutting down the senses, and when it lifted, Britt was so astonished at what was around him that he took up photography just to try to capture it all. "I never cared before. I never noticed the colors of a sunset. The electricity in a lightning strike. The glow of moonrise over a lake. They've always been there. But only recently have I begun to see them. And I am amazed."
Exercising Your Demons
Some people might call you highly competitive. Some might call you superfit. But a growing number of doctors would label you something else: Depressed
By: Laurence Gonzales
In 1994, at the age of 33, Raymond Britt took up running. It made him feel good. In fact, the more he pushed himself, the better he felt. So each time he went out, he pushed a little harder. It seemed to put him above the turmoil of the world and afford him some relief. Relief from what -- that wasn't so clear. His life was good. He was a successful executive. He'd married his high-school sweetheart. He had beautiful children.
But there was something odd about it all. For one thing, he had no background as a runner. He'd been a powerlifter in his 20s, benching 315. But in the summer of '94, amid a hectic schedule, he happened to see a flier for the Chicago Marathon and was seized by the impulse to run it. Never mind that there were only a few weeks left to train. Never mind that he had never run more than 3 miles at a time. He thought, I can do anything for 5 hours and 30 minutes, which was the qualifying time to receive a finisher's medal.
He became obsessed with his training.
"I was excited, I was nervous, I was alive," he says. "My mother and my wife thought I was crazy." As he reached the 18th mile of the marathon, his hopes for a life-changing experience were shattered. Beating himself up both mentally and physically, he managed to drag his body over the finish line in 4 hours and 41 minutes, as he puts it, "alone, hurt, angry, unhappy."
Rather than recover, he went out the next day to punish himself and prepare for the next marathon.
Sex Differences
The study of how mental illness affects men and women differently is new and fraught with controversy. The first comprehensive survey was conducted between 1990 and 1992. Its aim was to estimate the general prevalence of mental illness.
The research, known as the National Comorbidity Survey, was repeated, in more depth and on a larger scale, between 2001 and 2003, under the auspices of the World Health Organization and with funding from the National Institute of Mental Health. The principal investigator is Ronald C. Kessler, Ph.D., a jolly-looking, bearded professor in the department of health-care policy at Harvard University.
The numbers seem to show that men and women suffer from various mental illnesses at about the same rate, with some notable variations and exceptions. One of the differences, long accepted as gospel by the psychiatric professions, is that twice as many women as men suffer from depression. Kessler says his numbers show that a woman is twice as likely as a man to have a single episode of major clinical depression in her life. After the first episode, however, men and women don't differ in the number of episodes they'll have during a lifetime, or in whether they'll have another episode. Only the first step differs, he says. Then the statistics flatten out to equal.
But if repeat episodes of depression are equal for men and women, doesn't it stand to reason that they may be having first bouts at the same rate? Maybe the discrepancy lies not in the number of men and women who are depressed, but rather, in how depression is expressed.
According to an increasing number of experts, the diagnostic tallies don't take into account the real experience of a lot of men like Britt. They also ignore the fact that women are much more likely to report depression and seek help. Men are more likely to try to fight through their depression, using strategies ranging from hard work to extreme exercise to drinking to violence. Nearly four times more men than women kill themselves.
When women become depressed, they tend to show the classic symptoms described in the psychiatrist's handbook the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. They feel sad and tired, and lose interest in the pleasures of life. In short, women generally get depressed in just the way that most people, including psychotherapists, think about depression.
Men tend to get angry, and that anger expresses itself in a wide variety of intense activities, such as Britt's obsessive running. Some of these men even win marathons--on the streets of Chicago or in feats of work endurance--and look like heroes, which makes it even more difficult to diagnose their depression.
Britt says, "I've always thought Lance Armstrong suffered from depression and that's where his anger came from. I saw a lot of myself in him, the way he transfers anger into action. Depression leads some of us to fight as hard as we can against it. It makes you angry. I liked my anger. I got focused and felt better, like I was leaving turmoil in the dust. But it was temporary."
Because we think of the word "depression" as fitting the woman's profile better than the man's, doctors and therapists don't tend to recognize the disease as readily in men, and men don't talk about it. William Pollack, Ph.D., a professor of psychiatry at Harvard, estimates that 50 percent to 65 percent of men suffering from what they call "covert depression" aren't diagnosed.
It seems clear that men will do just about anything to avoid admitting to having the disease. They'd rather just suffer. Some of them would rather die.
Driven
Britt raced in Chicago the next year and qualified for the Boston Marathon. Still, he needed more. He entered the Chicago Triathlon that same year and nearly drowned. ("I was a terrible swimmer.") He returned in 1996, and did well. That only fed his craving. "I wanted to take everything to the next, most impossible level I could imagine," he says. He describes himself as "driven to the margin of terror."
By 1998, he had developed a set of rules for himself: more, harder, quicker, and farther away. Three Ironman races in 7 weeks. Roth, Germany, in July for Ironman Europe. Zurich in August for Ironman Switzerland, wife and 4-month-old baby in tow. Ironman Canada again in September. "Still not enough," he says.
In 1999: four Ironman races, a 50-miler, and the Western States 100. Seven days later, he ran two 5-Ks on the same day, for "pain as punishment and proof that I was okay. I could survive the day as long as I could channel my inner turbulence into power and aggression during training. The determination, the drive, kept me afloat."
In the following years, he broke 3 hours in the marathon, qualified for the Ironman World Championships three times, won awards, gained sponsorship, and was regularly published as a cardio guru. He was a champ, a role model. "How can this be a bad thing?" he asked. "And if I'm strong enough to outlast anything, aren't I strong enough to outlast life's challenges?"
Yet his world had begun to contract. He began intentionally doing reckless things. "I took risks riding my bicycle in traffic, running at night, fighting whatever was fighting me. It felt good to be fighting."
He couldn't run, bike, and swim all day. He had to work. He had a wife and kids. So he simply pushed that much harder. "My best performances came when I was ready to rip the top off the race course. I had very aggressive feelings. I just wanted to attack."
He was winning, yes, but he also required emergency medical attention after every event. He'd come in with his blood pressure reading 90 over 50 and required up to four IV bags of fluid to counter dehydration. That didn't seem odd to him, but his wife began to worry that he was trying to kill himself. He told her he was just pushing it. He eventually did 42 marathons, 27 Ironman Triathlons, and six ultramarathons in 11 years, covering 42,000 miles, the equivalent of running, swimming, and biking around the world 1 1/2 times.
The weird thing is this: Raymond Britt isn't that unusual. His distances aren't even that huge, compared with some guys'. And the mental illness he suffers from, which drove him to battle through all those miles, is not that uncommon among men.
Steven Imparl is a lawyer in Chicago, but a look at his résumé affords a glimpse into the frantic world of a man working very hard to compensate for depression. He graduated from high school in the top 15 of his class of 550 students. He received his B.S. degree with high honors. He became an information-technology specialist working for big companies, then went on to earn his law degree and start his own firm. Along the way, he studied French, German, Slovene, and Spanish. He learned classical guitar, studied Slavic and Balkan history, and sang barbershop harmony. And he somehow found time for power walking, inline skating, volleyball, and boxing. By the fall of 2001, he was so wound up, he could hardly sleep. He became more irritable, more easily angered. After nearly getting into a fistfight while walking down a street, he decided to seek help. But when the doctor told him he was suffering from clinical depression, Imparl refused to believe it. Admitting to depression is . . . well, it's like getting your period: Guys don't do it.
Once Imparl accepted the diagnosis, he performed like any true, overachieving depressed man would: Through a program of therapy and drugs, he got better, and then he founded a successful Web site, maledepression.com, for guys like him.
Raymond Britt's crash and burn came one day in November 2004, when he set out to run himself into the ground, to transfer the pain from his soul to his body. Many miles and hours later, he found himself bloodied, exhausted, and hypothermic, but he neither displaced the internal pain nor found relief. He was forced at last to face what he'd known for decades: Depression was rampant in his family. From an early age, Britt had been determined that he wouldn't succumb. He wouldn't be weak.
Because his father had medicated his own depression with alcohol, Britt had never taken up drinking. By the fall of 2004, his father had been in therapy for a while, and was encouraging Britt to seek help. Having experienced depression himself, he was able to see the disorder in his son. He sent Britt an e-mail with his doctor's name. And then he dropped dead.
It was a few weeks later when Britt hit the wall on his last desperate run. Then he collapsed into classic symptoms of depression, which is what happens when the strategy fails: "The weight felt so heavy that it was hard to physically move," says Britt. He found himself wishing he'd be in an accident that would put him in the hospital so that he could escape. "I wanted to be taken out."
That's the point at which depressed men can slip beyond fantasy into active thoughts of suicide. Some 31,000 people in the United States commit suicide each year. More than 24,000 of them are men. And that doesn't count the deaths from alcohol or drugs. In fact, some researchers are beginning to suspect that depression causes more deaths than auto accidents do.
Britt's fantasies of having an accident scared him. He went to see his father's psychiatrist. It didn't take the doctor long to diagnose his condition. (Q: "When were you last really happy?" A: "1975.") And yet, his denial of clinical depression was so strong that he sought a second opinion.
Maybe men need a different word for depression. Or maybe the brain researchers and psychologists simply need to redefine the condition so it includes the way men experience it, too.
Cultural Cover-Up
It's understandable that women are three times more likely than men to be treated for depression; our culture has put a feminine face on the disease, so women give themselves permission to feel it and to seek help for it. Pollack puts it this way: "We have in our society a feminized view of depression, coming out of a model of hysteria that dates back to Freud."
Terrence Real, author of I Don't Want to Talk about It, and a marriage and family therapist in Massachusetts, wrote, "There is a terrible collusion in our society, a cultural cover-up about depression in men." And part of the cultural influence involves the way men are taught from early childhood to be strong, silent, independent, and resistant to suffering. As Real puts it, "Men have about a milli-second's tolerance for feeling [this type of] pain, and then they spring into action. A flight from shame into grandiosity lies at the heart of male covert depression."
Another reason men leap into action, though, whether it's through intense exercise, overwork, pounding back martinis, or some other strategy, is that it actually does relieve the symptoms of depression, at least for a time. In fact, many therapists have begun using exercise as an adjunct to therapy, as explained in books like The Joy of Running, by Thaddeus Kostrubala, and The Exercise Prescription for Depression and Anxiety, by Keith Johnsgard. And research at Duke University confirmed their hunches in 1999.
But exercise in itself doesn't treat the underlying condition. In fact, books called The Joy of Working 80 Hours a Week and The Drinking Prescription for Depression might reach a wide audience, because those strategies can effectively mask depression for years. That is, they can sort of work.
Because at the heart of what Britt and Imparl were going through was a life filled with large stretches of no feeling at all. Britt says he was constantly running, "hoping that movement would help me discover something better."
Looking back on his decades of depression, Britt saw isolated flashes of happiness--the birth of his children, laughter, friendship--but they were, he says, "bright spots on what had been a more turbulent journey than I let myself admit. The moments of happiness sustained my denial of something I had only recently begun to consider an 'invisible load.'" In other words, he'd been swimming with an anvil, and he was sinking by imperceptible increments.
Conditioning
The social conditioning that leads to men's response to depression begins in infancy. Male babies receive less of every type of nurturing, including speech, touch, and comfort when they cry. And that is only the beginning of what will be, to one degree or another, a brutal upbringing for boys.
In the 1960s, the crusading social psychologist Jeanne Block and her colleagues explored how differently parents treat boys and girls. For instance, moms and dads encourage boys to be competitive and to achieve. They don't like them to show their emotions. They encourage them to be less dependent; mothers push them away. They punish them more than they punish girls. And they are unaware that they treat boys and girls differently.
By the time boys are on their way to the teenage years, the process of disavowing what they are is complete. The book A New Psychology of Men describes research in which people were asked what it means to be feminine or masculine. Women and girls defined themselves by the ways they were connected to others, and by citing qualities like being caring or compassionate. Men and boys defined themselves by negatives: They weren't weak, dependent, or connected to their mothers.
But there is not much in our cultural definition of what it means to be a man that is inherent in maleness. Children start off surprisingly alike, whether they're boys or girls. If there's a difference, it's the opposite of what the culture seems to expect: Boys are more sensitive. They give expression to their emotions more readily than girls. They affiliate with others in the same way as girls. Then someone starts telling them it's not okay to be that way. If you act like that, you're a pussy.
As Real and others have explained, it is through this process of denial that men are primed for depression. And it is the cultural necessity of carrying out and carrying on this process that makes it so difficult for them to recognize and admit to depression when it comes. They not only don't acknowledge it to themselves, they often don't display the symptoms that psychotherapists use to diagnose depression.
The cultural training that lays the groundwork for depression in men and for their denial of it later in life involves social isolation. That means telling people the truth about yourself and trusting that they'll do the same, a concept that seems terrifying to many men.
In one case, two friends knew each other for years, commuting together, talking every day, laughing together. They would not have said they were socially isolated, yet when they happened to run into each other in the same group meeting for men suffering from depression, they had to laugh: Neither one had ever admitted it to the other, even though they were both seeking treatment for it.
Social isolation is a well-known killer of mammals. Countless studies going back to the '50s show that contact, affection, emotional communication, and genuine closeness are necessary for mammals, including humans, to maintain our health. Isolation wreaks havoc on everything from the immune system to the cardiovascular system to the brain. Conversely, staying socially connected helps protect men from mental illness, including depression.
The new research done by Kessler and others shows that single men and women look no different when it comes to most kinds of mental illness. But when they get married, they veer off in different directions. "It's a very good deal to be married if you're a man," Kessler says. "It's associated with a dramatic improvement in mental health."
Perhaps because they are forced into solitude as children, men are not as good at being alone as women are. Because of early socialization, women are better at relationships--with children, friends, and relatives. In general, women have more friends than men and are closer to those friends. This, of course, is the direct result of boys' having independence forced on them early in life, when what they need is emotional and physical contact with others.
Socialization punishes women, too. When they have children, women's mental health suffers, while that of men doesn't change at all. That's because women, in general, take care of the kids. If there's trouble in the home, or work interferes with child rearing, they'll disproportionately suffer for it.
Women also worry more than men. They care about a larger group of people who just don't appear on the emotional radar screens of men. In marriage, men share in the joys and are often protected from the pain. Just as the man will go downstairs to investigate a suspicious noise, the woman plays the role of emotional protector.
Kessler uses this example: A wife reports (to the researcher) that she's very upset, because her daughter had an abortion and had to miss a number of days of school. The husband reports that his daughter had the flu and couldn't go to school. How could this be? The explanation is simple: The daughter got pregnant and went to her mother for help, saying, "Whatever you do, don't tell Dad." So the mother helped the daughter have an abortion and told the father the girl was home sick with the flu.
The result is that the husband is exposed to less stress, while the woman is exposed to more. Not only does she have to deal with the abortion, but she also has to lie to her husband and orchestrate the protection of that lie. But throughout, her connections are reinforced and affirmed.
The studies show that when a father dies, the children grow closer to the mother. They come around more. The mother has been maintaining those relationships all along, and they pay off in a crisis. Yet when a mother dies, the children come around less. That's because for years, when they called on Sunday, they talked to the mother, not the father. By filling the social role, the wife grows closer to the kids. That's why widowhood and divorce are so much worse for men. Their protection is ripped away, and they have no social network to catch them as they fall. The person who managed their emotional life is gone.
As Kessler puts it, "You can hire someone to do most of the things the husband does in a marriage. But you can never hire someone to do what the wife does." Men can change this situation and possibly protect themselves from depression later in life by expanding the depth and breadth of their social networks.
Recovery
After undergoing treatment for bipolar disorder and chronic depression, Britt went back to compete in all the events he had run so desperately in 2004, such as the Lake Placid Ironman. To his amazement, he recognized for the first time that the run took place in a glorious natural setting. "You're literally running through fields of green," he says. Later that year, he was competing in the Ironman Wisconsin, which he'd done in such a black mood the year before, and began to wonder, Why am I hurting myself? I don't need to hurt myself anymore. For the first time in his life, he walked for an hour during the event, feeling joyous.
Britt's compulsion to run began to fade. "My race performance declined by about 5 percent in the first half of last year," he tells me, "and it really tailed off by fall. I took most of early winter off, totally. It's a healthier me all around." In other words, he now runs for fun, something he was unable to experience before.
But recovery wasn't simple or easy. Early on, when Britt was first diagnosed, he spent much of his time searching for a single moment in each day when something good happened, something he could celebrate. Gradually, those moments grew larger and more frequent. "Now," he says, "the days are filled with not only great moments, but great minutes and hours. And those make up great days, great weeks, and even great months."
When men talk about depression, one of the recurring themes is how it sucks the color and flavor out of life. The birdsong that filled you with joy as a child has no effect at all. The people you love don't make your heart sing, even though you know they should. The colors of the world are tarnished and dull. Britt ran the Boston Marathon once again, and realized at the end that although he'd run it many times, he had literally never seen the finish line; he ran right through it and focused on the next thing. "Now I can see things I never saw before--colors, scenery, people," he says. "It's almost impossible to describe, except to say that it seems like the world has visually opened up."
Depression is well known for shutting down the senses, and when it lifted, Britt was so astonished at what was around him that he took up photography just to try to capture it all. "I never cared before. I never noticed the colors of a sunset. The electricity in a lightning strike. The glow of moonrise over a lake. They've always been there. But only recently have I begun to see them. And I am amazed."
Exercising Your Demons
Some people might call you highly competitive. Some might call you superfit. But a growing number of doctors would label you something else: Depressed
By: Laurence Gonzales
In 1994, at the age of 33, Raymond Britt took up running. It made him feel good. In fact, the more he pushed himself, the better he felt. So each time he went out, he pushed a little harder. It seemed to put him above the turmoil of the world and afford him some relief. Relief from what -- that wasn't so clear. His life was good. He was a successful executive. He'd married his high-school sweetheart. He had beautiful children.
But there was something odd about it all. For one thing, he had no background as a runner. He'd been a powerlifter in his 20s, benching 315. But in the summer of '94, amid a hectic schedule, he happened to see a flier for the Chicago Marathon and was seized by the impulse to run it. Never mind that there were only a few weeks left to train. Never mind that he had never run more than 3 miles at a time. He thought, I can do anything for 5 hours and 30 minutes, which was the qualifying time to receive a finisher's medal.
He became obsessed with his training.
"I was excited, I was nervous, I was alive," he says. "My mother and my wife thought I was crazy." As he reached the 18th mile of the marathon, his hopes for a life-changing experience were shattered. Beating himself up both mentally and physically, he managed to drag his body over the finish line in 4 hours and 41 minutes, as he puts it, "alone, hurt, angry, unhappy."
Rather than recover, he went out the next day to punish himself and prepare for the next marathon.
Sex Differences
The study of how mental illness affects men and women differently is new and fraught with controversy. The first comprehensive survey was conducted between 1990 and 1992. Its aim was to estimate the general prevalence of mental illness.
The research, known as the National Comorbidity Survey, was repeated, in more depth and on a larger scale, between 2001 and 2003, under the auspices of the World Health Organization and with funding from the National Institute of Mental Health. The principal investigator is Ronald C. Kessler, Ph.D., a jolly-looking, bearded professor in the department of health-care policy at Harvard University.
The numbers seem to show that men and women suffer from various mental illnesses at about the same rate, with some notable variations and exceptions. One of the differences, long accepted as gospel by the psychiatric professions, is that twice as many women as men suffer from depression. Kessler says his numbers show that a woman is twice as likely as a man to have a single episode of major clinical depression in her life. After the first episode, however, men and women don't differ in the number of episodes they'll have during a lifetime, or in whether they'll have another episode. Only the first step differs, he says. Then the statistics flatten out to equal.
But if repeat episodes of depression are equal for men and women, doesn't it stand to reason that they may be having first bouts at the same rate? Maybe the discrepancy lies not in the number of men and women who are depressed, but rather, in how depression is expressed.
According to an increasing number of experts, the diagnostic tallies don't take into account the real experience of a lot of men like Britt. They also ignore the fact that women are much more likely to report depression and seek help. Men are more likely to try to fight through their depression, using strategies ranging from hard work to extreme exercise to drinking to violence. Nearly four times more men than women kill themselves.
When women become depressed, they tend to show the classic symptoms described in the psychiatrist's handbook the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. They feel sad and tired, and lose interest in the pleasures of life. In short, women generally get depressed in just the way that most people, including psychotherapists, think about depression.
Men tend to get angry, and that anger expresses itself in a wide variety of intense activities, such as Britt's obsessive running. Some of these men even win marathons--on the streets of Chicago or in feats of work endurance--and look like heroes, which makes it even more difficult to diagnose their depression.
Britt says, "I've always thought Lance Armstrong suffered from depression and that's where his anger came from. I saw a lot of myself in him, the way he transfers anger into action. Depression leads some of us to fight as hard as we can against it. It makes you angry. I liked my anger. I got focused and felt better, like I was leaving turmoil in the dust. But it was temporary."
Because we think of the word "depression" as fitting the woman's profile better than the man's, doctors and therapists don't tend to recognize the disease as readily in men, and men don't talk about it. William Pollack, Ph.D., a professor of psychiatry at Harvard, estimates that 50 percent to 65 percent of men suffering from what they call "covert depression" aren't diagnosed.
It seems clear that men will do just about anything to avoid admitting to having the disease. They'd rather just suffer. Some of them would rather die.
Driven
Britt raced in Chicago the next year and qualified for the Boston Marathon. Still, he needed more. He entered the Chicago Triathlon that same year and nearly drowned. ("I was a terrible swimmer.") He returned in 1996, and did well. That only fed his craving. "I wanted to take everything to the next, most impossible level I could imagine," he says. He describes himself as "driven to the margin of terror."
By 1998, he had developed a set of rules for himself: more, harder, quicker, and farther away. Three Ironman races in 7 weeks. Roth, Germany, in July for Ironman Europe. Zurich in August for Ironman Switzerland, wife and 4-month-old baby in tow. Ironman Canada again in September. "Still not enough," he says.
In 1999: four Ironman races, a 50-miler, and the Western States 100. Seven days later, he ran two 5-Ks on the same day, for "pain as punishment and proof that I was okay. I could survive the day as long as I could channel my inner turbulence into power and aggression during training. The determination, the drive, kept me afloat."
In the following years, he broke 3 hours in the marathon, qualified for the Ironman World Championships three times, won awards, gained sponsorship, and was regularly published as a cardio guru. He was a champ, a role model. "How can this be a bad thing?" he asked. "And if I'm strong enough to outlast anything, aren't I strong enough to outlast life's challenges?"
Yet his world had begun to contract. He began intentionally doing reckless things. "I took risks riding my bicycle in traffic, running at night, fighting whatever was fighting me. It felt good to be fighting."
He couldn't run, bike, and swim all day. He had to work. He had a wife and kids. So he simply pushed that much harder. "My best performances came when I was ready to rip the top off the race course. I had very aggressive feelings. I just wanted to attack."
He was winning, yes, but he also required emergency medical attention after every event. He'd come in with his blood pressure reading 90 over 50 and required up to four IV bags of fluid to counter dehydration. That didn't seem odd to him, but his wife began to worry that he was trying to kill himself. He told her he was just pushing it. He eventually did 42 marathons, 27 Ironman Triathlons, and six ultramarathons in 11 years, covering 42,000 miles, the equivalent of running, swimming, and biking around the world 1 1/2 times.
The weird thing is this: Raymond Britt isn't that unusual. His distances aren't even that huge, compared with some guys'. And the mental illness he suffers from, which drove him to battle through all those miles, is not that uncommon among men.
Steven Imparl is a lawyer in Chicago, but a look at his résumé affords a glimpse into the frantic world of a man working very hard to compensate for depression. He graduated from high school in the top 15 of his class of 550 students. He received his B.S. degree with high honors. He became an information-technology specialist working for big companies, then went on to earn his law degree and start his own firm. Along the way, he studied French, German, Slovene, and Spanish. He learned classical guitar, studied Slavic and Balkan history, and sang barbershop harmony. And he somehow found time for power walking, inline skating, volleyball, and boxing. By the fall of 2001, he was so wound up, he could hardly sleep. He became more irritable, more easily angered. After nearly getting into a fistfight while walking down a street, he decided to seek help. But when the doctor told him he was suffering from clinical depression, Imparl refused to believe it. Admitting to depression is . . . well, it's like getting your period: Guys don't do it.
Once Imparl accepted the diagnosis, he performed like any true, overachieving depressed man would: Through a program of therapy and drugs, he got better, and then he founded a successful Web site, maledepression.com, for guys like him.
Raymond Britt's crash and burn came one day in November 2004, when he set out to run himself into the ground, to transfer the pain from his soul to his body. Many miles and hours later, he found himself bloodied, exhausted, and hypothermic, but he neither displaced the internal pain nor found relief. He was forced at last to face what he'd known for decades: Depression was rampant in his family. From an early age, Britt had been determined that he wouldn't succumb. He wouldn't be weak.
Because his father had medicated his own depression with alcohol, Britt had never taken up drinking. By the fall of 2004, his father had been in therapy for a while, and was encouraging Britt to seek help. Having experienced depression himself, he was able to see the disorder in his son. He sent Britt an e-mail with his doctor's name. And then he dropped dead.
It was a few weeks later when Britt hit the wall on his last desperate run. Then he collapsed into classic symptoms of depression, which is what happens when the strategy fails: "The weight felt so heavy that it was hard to physically move," says Britt. He found himself wishing he'd be in an accident that would put him in the hospital so that he could escape. "I wanted to be taken out."
That's the point at which depressed men can slip beyond fantasy into active thoughts of suicide. Some 31,000 people in the United States commit suicide each year. More than 24,000 of them are men. And that doesn't count the deaths from alcohol or drugs. In fact, some researchers are beginning to suspect that depression causes more deaths than auto accidents do.
Britt's fantasies of having an accident scared him. He went to see his father's psychiatrist. It didn't take the doctor long to diagnose his condition. (Q: "When were you last really happy?" A: "1975.") And yet, his denial of clinical depression was so strong that he sought a second opinion.
Maybe men need a different word for depression. Or maybe the brain researchers and psychologists simply need to redefine the condition so it includes the way men experience it, too.
Cultural Cover-Up
It's understandable that women are three times more likely than men to be treated for depression; our culture has put a feminine face on the disease, so women give themselves permission to feel it and to seek help for it. Pollack puts it this way: "We have in our society a feminized view of depression, coming out of a model of hysteria that dates back to Freud."
Terrence Real, author of I Don't Want to Talk about It, and a marriage and family therapist in Massachusetts, wrote, "There is a terrible collusion in our society, a cultural cover-up about depression in men." And part of the cultural influence involves the way men are taught from early childhood to be strong, silent, independent, and resistant to suffering. As Real puts it, "Men have about a milli-second's tolerance for feeling [this type of] pain, and then they spring into action. A flight from shame into grandiosity lies at the heart of male covert depression."
Another reason men leap into action, though, whether it's through intense exercise, overwork, pounding back martinis, or some other strategy, is that it actually does relieve the symptoms of depression, at least for a time. In fact, many therapists have begun using exercise as an adjunct to therapy, as explained in books like The Joy of Running, by Thaddeus Kostrubala, and The Exercise Prescription for Depression and Anxiety, by Keith Johnsgard. And research at Duke University confirmed their hunches in 1999.
But exercise in itself doesn't treat the underlying condition. In fact, books called The Joy of Working 80 Hours a Week and The Drinking Prescription for Depression might reach a wide audience, because those strategies can effectively mask depression for years. That is, they can sort of work.
Because at the heart of what Britt and Imparl were going through was a life filled with large stretches of no feeling at all. Britt says he was constantly running, "hoping that movement would help me discover something better."
Looking back on his decades of depression, Britt saw isolated flashes of happiness--the birth of his children, laughter, friendship--but they were, he says, "bright spots on what had been a more turbulent journey than I let myself admit. The moments of happiness sustained my denial of something I had only recently begun to consider an 'invisible load.'" In other words, he'd been swimming with an anvil, and he was sinking by imperceptible increments.
Conditioning
The social conditioning that leads to men's response to depression begins in infancy. Male babies receive less of every type of nurturing, including speech, touch, and comfort when they cry. And that is only the beginning of what will be, to one degree or another, a brutal upbringing for boys.
In the 1960s, the crusading social psychologist Jeanne Block and her colleagues explored how differently parents treat boys and girls. For instance, moms and dads encourage boys to be competitive and to achieve. They don't like them to show their emotions. They encourage them to be less dependent; mothers push them away. They punish them more than they punish girls. And they are unaware that they treat boys and girls differently.
By the time boys are on their way to the teenage years, the process of disavowing what they are is complete. The book A New Psychology of Men describes research in which people were asked what it means to be feminine or masculine. Women and girls defined themselves by the ways they were connected to others, and by citing qualities like being caring or compassionate. Men and boys defined themselves by negatives: They weren't weak, dependent, or connected to their mothers.
But there is not much in our cultural definition of what it means to be a man that is inherent in maleness. Children start off surprisingly alike, whether they're boys or girls. If there's a difference, it's the opposite of what the culture seems to expect: Boys are more sensitive. They give expression to their emotions more readily than girls. They affiliate with others in the same way as girls. Then someone starts telling them it's not okay to be that way. If you act like that, you're a pussy.
As Real and others have explained, it is through this process of denial that men are primed for depression. And it is the cultural necessity of carrying out and carrying on this process that makes it so difficult for them to recognize and admit to depression when it comes. They not only don't acknowledge it to themselves, they often don't display the symptoms that psychotherapists use to diagnose depression.
The cultural training that lays the groundwork for depression in men and for their denial of it later in life involves social isolation. That means telling people the truth about yourself and trusting that they'll do the same, a concept that seems terrifying to many men.
In one case, two friends knew each other for years, commuting together, talking every day, laughing together. They would not have said they were socially isolated, yet when they happened to run into each other in the same group meeting for men suffering from depression, they had to laugh: Neither one had ever admitted it to the other, even though they were both seeking treatment for it.
Social isolation is a well-known killer of mammals. Countless studies going back to the '50s show that contact, affection, emotional communication, and genuine closeness are necessary for mammals, including humans, to maintain our health. Isolation wreaks havoc on everything from the immune system to the cardiovascular system to the brain. Conversely, staying socially connected helps protect men from mental illness, including depression.
The new research done by Kessler and others shows that single men and women look no different when it comes to most kinds of mental illness. But when they get married, they veer off in different directions. "It's a very good deal to be married if you're a man," Kessler says. "It's associated with a dramatic improvement in mental health."
Perhaps because they are forced into solitude as children, men are not as good at being alone as women are. Because of early socialization, women are better at relationships--with children, friends, and relatives. In general, women have more friends than men and are closer to those friends. This, of course, is the direct result of boys' having independence forced on them early in life, when what they need is emotional and physical contact with others.
Socialization punishes women, too. When they have children, women's mental health suffers, while that of men doesn't change at all. That's because women, in general, take care of the kids. If there's trouble in the home, or work interferes with child rearing, they'll disproportionately suffer for it.
Women also worry more than men. They care about a larger group of people who just don't appear on the emotional radar screens of men. In marriage, men share in the joys and are often protected from the pain. Just as the man will go downstairs to investigate a suspicious noise, the woman plays the role of emotional protector.
Kessler uses this example: A wife reports (to the researcher) that she's very upset, because her daughter had an abortion and had to miss a number of days of school. The husband reports that his daughter had the flu and couldn't go to school. How could this be? The explanation is simple: The daughter got pregnant and went to her mother for help, saying, "Whatever you do, don't tell Dad." So the mother helped the daughter have an abortion and told the father the girl was home sick with the flu.
The result is that the husband is exposed to less stress, while the woman is exposed to more. Not only does she have to deal with the abortion, but she also has to lie to her husband and orchestrate the protection of that lie. But throughout, her connections are reinforced and affirmed.
The studies show that when a father dies, the children grow closer to the mother. They come around more. The mother has been maintaining those relationships all along, and they pay off in a crisis. Yet when a mother dies, the children come around less. That's because for years, when they called on Sunday, they talked to the mother, not the father. By filling the social role, the wife grows closer to the kids. That's why widowhood and divorce are so much worse for men. Their protection is ripped away, and they have no social network to catch them as they fall. The person who managed their emotional life is gone.
As Kessler puts it, "You can hire someone to do most of the things the husband does in a marriage. But you can never hire someone to do what the wife does." Men can change this situation and possibly protect themselves from depression later in life by expanding the depth and breadth of their social networks.
Recovery
After undergoing treatment for bipolar disorder and chronic depression, Britt went back to compete in all the events he had run so desperately in 2004, such as the Lake Placid Ironman. To his amazement, he recognized for the first time that the run took place in a glorious natural setting. "You're literally running through fields of green," he says. Later that year, he was competing in the Ironman Wisconsin, which he'd done in such a black mood the year before, and began to wonder, Why am I hurting myself? I don't need to hurt myself anymore. For the first time in his life, he walked for an hour during the event, feeling joyous.
Britt's compulsion to run began to fade. "My race performance declined by about 5 percent in the first half of last year," he tells me, "and it really tailed off by fall. I took most of early winter off, totally. It's a healthier me all around." In other words, he now runs for fun, something he was unable to experience before.
But recovery wasn't simple or easy. Early on, when Britt was first diagnosed, he spent much of his time searching for a single moment in each day when something good happened, something he could celebrate. Gradually, those moments grew larger and more frequent. "Now," he says, "the days are filled with not only great moments, but great minutes and hours. And those make up great days, great weeks, and even great months."
When men talk about depression, one of the recurring themes is how it sucks the color and flavor out of life. The birdsong that filled you with joy as a child has no effect at all. The people you love don't make your heart sing, even though you know they should. The colors of the world are tarnished and dull. Britt ran the Boston Marathon once again, and realized at the end that although he'd run it many times, he had literally never seen the finish line; he ran right through it and focused on the next thing. "Now I can see things I never saw before--colors, scenery, people," he says. "It's almost impossible to describe, except to say that it seems like the world has visually opened up."
Depression is well known for shutting down the senses, and when it lifted, Britt was so astonished at what was around him that he took up photography just to try to capture it all. "I never cared before. I never noticed the colors of a sunset. The electricity in a lightning strike. The glow of moonrise over a lake. They've always been there. But only recently have I begun to see them. And I am amazed."
Exercising Your Demons
Some people might call you highly competitive. Some might call you superfit. But a growing number of doctors would label you something else: Depressed
By: Laurence Gonzales
In 1994, at the age of 33, Raymond Britt took up running. It made him feel good. In fact, the more he pushed himself, the better he felt. So each time he went out, he pushed a little harder. It seemed to put him above the turmoil of the world and afford him some relief. Relief from what -- that wasn't so clear. His life was good. He was a successful executive. He'd married his high-school sweetheart. He had beautiful children.
But there was something odd about it all. For one thing, he had no background as a runner. He'd been a powerlifter in his 20s, benching 315. But in the summer of '94, amid a hectic schedule, he happened to see a flier for the Chicago Marathon and was seized by the impulse to run it. Never mind that there were only a few weeks left to train. Never mind that he had never run more than 3 miles at a time. He thought, I can do anything for 5 hours and 30 minutes, which was the qualifying time to receive a finisher's medal.
He became obsessed with his training.
"I was excited, I was nervous, I was alive," he says. "My mother and my wife thought I was crazy." As he reached the 18th mile of the marathon, his hopes for a life-changing experience were shattered. Beating himself up both mentally and physically, he managed to drag his body over the finish line in 4 hours and 41 minutes, as he puts it, "alone, hurt, angry, unhappy."
Rather than recover, he went out the next day to punish himself and prepare for the next marathon.
Sex Differences
The study of how mental illness affects men and women differently is new and fraught with controversy. The first comprehensive survey was conducted between 1990 and 1992. Its aim was to estimate the general prevalence of mental illness.
The research, known as the National Comorbidity Survey, was repeated, in more depth and on a larger scale, between 2001 and 2003, under the auspices of the World Health Organization and with funding from the National Institute of Mental Health. The principal investigator is Ronald C. Kessler, Ph.D., a jolly-looking, bearded professor in the department of health-care policy at Harvard University.
The numbers seem to show that men and women suffer from various mental illnesses at about the same rate, with some notable variations and exceptions. One of the differences, long accepted as gospel by the psychiatric professions, is that twice as many women as men suffer from depression. Kessler says his numbers show that a woman is twice as likely as a man to have a single episode of major clinical depression in her life. After the first episode, however, men and women don't differ in the number of episodes they'll have during a lifetime, or in whether they'll have another episode. Only the first step differs, he says. Then the statistics flatten out to equal.
But if repeat episodes of depression are equal for men and women, doesn't it stand to reason that they may be having first bouts at the same rate? Maybe the discrepancy lies not in the number of men and women who are depressed, but rather, in how depression is expressed.
According to an increasing number of experts, the diagnostic tallies don't take into account the real experience of a lot of men like Britt. They also ignore the fact that women are much more likely to report depression and seek help. Men are more likely to try to fight through their depression, using strategies ranging from hard work to extreme exercise to drinking to violence. Nearly four times more men than women kill themselves.
When women become depressed, they tend to show the classic symptoms described in the psychiatrist's handbook the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. They feel sad and tired, and lose interest in the pleasures of life. In short, women generally get depressed in just the way that most people, including psychotherapists, think about depression.
Men tend to get angry, and that anger expresses itself in a wide variety of intense activities, such as Britt's obsessive running. Some of these men even win marathons--on the streets of Chicago or in feats of work endurance--and look like heroes, which makes it even more difficult to diagnose their depression.
Britt says, "I've always thought Lance Armstrong suffered from depression and that's where his anger came from. I saw a lot of myself in him, the way he transfers anger into action. Depression leads some of us to fight as hard as we can against it. It makes you angry. I liked my anger. I got focused and felt better, like I was leaving turmoil in the dust. But it was temporary."
Because we think of the word "depression" as fitting the woman's profile better than the man's, doctors and therapists don't tend to recognize the disease as readily in men, and men don't talk about it. William Pollack, Ph.D., a professor of psychiatry at Harvard, estimates that 50 percent to 65 percent of men suffering from what they call "covert depression" aren't diagnosed.
It seems clear that men will do just about anything to avoid admitting to having the disease. They'd rather just suffer. Some of them would rather die.
Driven
Britt raced in Chicago the next year and qualified for the Boston Marathon. Still, he needed more. He entered the Chicago Triathlon that same year and nearly drowned. ("I was a terrible swimmer.") He returned in 1996, and did well. That only fed his craving. "I wanted to take everything to the next, most impossible level I could imagine," he says. He describes himself as "driven to the margin of terror."
By 1998, he had developed a set of rules for himself: more, harder, quicker, and farther away. Three Ironman races in 7 weeks. Roth, Germany, in July for Ironman Europe. Zurich in August for Ironman Switzerland, wife and 4-month-old baby in tow. Ironman Canada again in September. "Still not enough," he says.
In 1999: four Ironman races, a 50-miler, and the Western States 100. Seven days later, he ran two 5-Ks on the same day, for "pain as punishment and proof that I was okay. I could survive the day as long as I could channel my inner turbulence into power and aggression during training. The determination, the drive, kept me afloat."
In the following years, he broke 3 hours in the marathon, qualified for the Ironman World Championships three times, won awards, gained sponsorship, and was regularly published as a cardio guru. He was a champ, a role model. "How can this be a bad thing?" he asked. "And if I'm strong enough to outlast anything, aren't I strong enough to outlast life's challenges?"
Yet his world had begun to contract. He began intentionally doing reckless things. "I took risks riding my bicycle in traffic, running at night, fighting whatever was fighting me. It felt good to be fighting."
He couldn't run, bike, and swim all day. He had to work. He had a wife and kids. So he simply pushed that much harder. "My best performances came when I was ready to rip the top off the race course. I had very aggressive feelings. I just wanted to attack."
He was winning, yes, but he also required emergency medical attention after every event. He'd come in with his blood pressure reading 90 over 50 and required up to four IV bags of fluid to counter dehydration. That didn't seem odd to him, but his wife began to worry that he was trying to kill himself. He told her he was just pushing it. He eventually did 42 marathons, 27 Ironman Triathlons, and six ultramarathons in 11 years, covering 42,000 miles, the equivalent of running, swimming, and biking around the world 1 1/2 times.
The weird thing is this: Raymond Britt isn't that unusual. His distances aren't even that huge, compared with some guys'. And the mental illness he suffers from, which drove him to battle through all those miles, is not that uncommon among men.
Steven Imparl is a lawyer in Chicago, but a look at his résumé affords a glimpse into the frantic world of a man working very hard to compensate for depression. He graduated from high school in the top 15 of his class of 550 students. He received his B.S. degree with high honors. He became an information-technology specialist working for big companies, then went on to earn his law degree and start his own firm. Along the way, he studied French, German, Slovene, and Spanish. He learned classical guitar, studied Slavic and Balkan history, and sang barbershop harmony. And he somehow found time for power walking, inline skating, volleyball, and boxing. By the fall of 2001, he was so wound up, he could hardly sleep. He became more irritable, more easily angered. After nearly getting into a fistfight while walking down a street, he decided to seek help. But when the doctor told him he was suffering from clinical depression, Imparl refused to believe it. Admitting to depression is . . . well, it's like getting your period: Guys don't do it.
Once Imparl accepted the diagnosis, he performed like any true, overachieving depressed man would: Through a program of therapy and drugs, he got better, and then he founded a successful Web site, maledepression.com, for guys like him.
Raymond Britt's crash and burn came one day in November 2004, when he set out to run himself into the ground, to transfer the pain from his soul to his body. Many miles and hours later, he found himself bloodied, exhausted, and hypothermic, but he neither displaced the internal pain nor found relief. He was forced at last to face what he'd known for decades: Depression was rampant in his family. From an early age, Britt had been determined that he wouldn't succumb. He wouldn't be weak.
Because his father had medicated his own depression with alcohol, Britt had never taken up drinking. By the fall of 2004, his father had been in therapy for a while, and was encouraging Britt to seek help. Having experienced depression himself, he was able to see the disorder in his son. He sent Britt an e-mail with his doctor's name. And then he dropped dead.
It was a few weeks later when Britt hit the wall on his last desperate run. Then he collapsed into classic symptoms of depression, which is what happens when the strategy fails: "The weight felt so heavy that it was hard to physically move," says Britt. He found himself wishing he'd be in an accident that would put him in the hospital so that he could escape. "I wanted to be taken out."
That's the point at which depressed men can slip beyond fantasy into active thoughts of suicide. Some 31,000 people in the United States commit suicide each year. More than 24,000 of them are men. And that doesn't count the deaths from alcohol or drugs. In fact, some researchers are beginning to suspect that depression causes more deaths than auto accidents do.
Britt's fantasies of having an accident scared him. He went to see his father's psychiatrist. It didn't take the doctor long to diagnose his condition. (Q: "When were you last really happy?" A: "1975.") And yet, his denial of clinical depression was so strong that he sought a second opinion.
Maybe men need a different word for depression. Or maybe the brain researchers and psychologists simply need to redefine the condition so it includes the way men experience it, too.
Cultural Cover-Up
It's understandable that women are three times more likely than men to be treated for depression; our culture has put a feminine face on the disease, so women give themselves permission to feel it and to seek help for it. Pollack puts it this way: "We have in our society a feminized view of depression, coming out of a model of hysteria that dates back to Freud."
Terrence Real, author of I Don't Want to Talk about It, and a marriage and family therapist in Massachusetts, wrote, "There is a terrible collusion in our society, a cultural cover-up about depression in men." And part of the cultural influence involves the way men are taught from early childhood to be strong, silent, independent, and resistant to suffering. As Real puts it, "Men have about a milli-second's tolerance for feeling [this type of] pain, and then they spring into action. A flight from shame into grandiosity lies at the heart of male covert depression."
Another reason men leap into action, though, whether it's through intense exercise, overwork, pounding back martinis, or some other strategy, is that it actually does relieve the symptoms of depression, at least for a time. In fact, many therapists have begun using exercise as an adjunct to therapy, as explained in books like The Joy of Running, by Thaddeus Kostrubala, and The Exercise Prescription for Depression and Anxiety, by Keith Johnsgard. And research at Duke University confirmed their hunches in 1999.
But exercise in itself doesn't treat the underlying condition. In fact, books called The Joy of Working 80 Hours a Week and The Drinking Prescription for Depression might reach a wide audience, because those strategies can effectively mask depression for years. That is, they can sort of work.
Because at the heart of what Britt and Imparl were going through was a life filled with large stretches of no feeling at all. Britt says he was constantly running, "hoping that movement would help me discover something better."
Looking back on his decades of depression, Britt saw isolated flashes of happiness--the birth of his children, laughter, friendship--but they were, he says, "bright spots on what had been a more turbulent journey than I let myself admit. The moments of happiness sustained my denial of something I had only recently begun to consider an 'invisible load.'" In other words, he'd been swimming with an anvil, and he was sinking by imperceptible increments.
Conditioning
The social conditioning that leads to men's response to depression begins in infancy. Male babies receive less of every type of nurturing, including speech, touch, and comfort when they cry. And that is only the beginning of what will be, to one degree or another, a brutal upbringing for boys.
In the 1960s, the crusading social psychologist Jeanne Block and her colleagues explored how differently parents treat boys and girls. For instance, moms and dads encourage boys to be competitive and to achieve. They don't like them to show their emotions. They encourage them to be less dependent; mothers push them away. They punish them more than they punish girls. And they are unaware that they treat boys and girls differently.
By the time boys are on their way to the teenage years, the process of disavowing what they are is complete. The book A New Psychology of Men describes research in which people were asked what it means to be feminine or masculine. Women and girls defined themselves by the ways they were connected to others, and by citing qualities like being caring or compassionate. Men and boys defined themselves by negatives: They weren't weak, dependent, or connected to their mothers.
But there is not much in our cultural definition of what it means to be a man that is inherent in maleness. Children start off surprisingly alike, whether they're boys or girls. If there's a difference, it's the opposite of what the culture seems to expect: Boys are more sensitive. They give expression to their emotions more readily than girls. They affiliate with others in the same way as girls. Then someone starts telling them it's not okay to be that way. If you act like that, you're a pussy.
As Real and others have explained, it is through this process of denial that men are primed for depression. And it is the cultural necessity of carrying out and carrying on this process that makes it so difficult for them to recognize and admit to depression when it comes. They not only don't acknowledge it to themselves, they often don't display the symptoms that psychotherapists use to diagnose depression.
The cultural training that lays the groundwork for depression in men and for their denial of it later in life involves social isolation. That means telling people the truth about yourself and trusting that they'll do the same, a concept that seems terrifying to many men.
In one case, two friends knew each other for years, commuting together, talking every day, laughing together. They would not have said they were socially isolated, yet when they happened to run into each other in the same group meeting for men suffering from depression, they had to laugh: Neither one had ever admitted it to the other, even though they were both seeking treatment for it.
Social isolation is a well-known killer of mammals. Countless studies going back to the '50s show that contact, affection, emotional communication, and genuine closeness are necessary for mammals, including humans, to maintain our health. Isolation wreaks havoc on everything from the immune system to the cardiovascular system to the brain. Conversely, staying socially connected helps protect men from mental illness, including depression.
The new research done by Kessler and others shows that single men and women look no different when it comes to most kinds of mental illness. But when they get married, they veer off in different directions. "It's a very good deal to be married if you're a man," Kessler says. "It's associated with a dramatic improvement in mental health."
Perhaps because they are forced into solitude as children, men are not as good at being alone as women are. Because of early socialization, women are better at relationships--with children, friends, and relatives. In general, women have more friends than men and are closer to those friends. This, of course, is the direct result of boys' having independence forced on them early in life, when what they need is emotional and physical contact with others.
Socialization punishes women, too. When they have children, women's mental health suffers, while that of men doesn't change at all. That's because women, in general, take care of the kids. If there's trouble in the home, or work interferes with child rearing, they'll disproportionately suffer for it.
Women also worry more than men. They care about a larger group of people who just don't appear on the emotional radar screens of men. In marriage, men share in the joys and are often protected from the pain. Just as the man will go downstairs to investigate a suspicious noise, the woman plays the role of emotional protector.
Kessler uses this example: A wife reports (to the researcher) that she's very upset, because her daughter had an abortion and had to miss a number of days of school. The husband reports that his daughter had the flu and couldn't go to school. How could this be? The explanation is simple: The daughter got pregnant and went to her mother for help, saying, "Whatever you do, don't tell Dad." So the mother helped the daughter have an abortion and told the father the girl was home sick with the flu.
The result is that the husband is exposed to less stress, while the woman is exposed to more. Not only does she have to deal with the abortion, but she also has to lie to her husband and orchestrate the protection of that lie. But throughout, her connections are reinforced and affirmed.
The studies show that when a father dies, the children grow closer to the mother. They come around more. The mother has been maintaining those relationships all along, and they pay off in a crisis. Yet when a mother dies, the children come around less. That's because for years, when they called on Sunday, they talked to the mother, not the father. By filling the social role, the wife grows closer to the kids. That's why widowhood and divorce are so much worse for men. Their protection is ripped away, and they have no social network to catch them as they fall. The person who managed their emotional life is gone.
As Kessler puts it, "You can hire someone to do most of the things the husband does in a marriage. But you can never hire someone to do what the wife does." Men can change this situation and possibly protect themselves from depression later in life by expanding the depth and breadth of their social networks.
Recovery
After undergoing treatment for bipolar disorder and chronic depression, Britt went back to compete in all the events he had run so desperately in 2004, such as the Lake Placid Ironman. To his amazement, he recognized for the first time that the run took place in a glorious natural setting. "You're literally running through fields of green," he says. Later that year, he was competing in the Ironman Wisconsin, which he'd done in such a black mood the year before, and began to wonder, Why am I hurting myself? I don't need to hurt myself anymore. For the first time in his life, he walked for an hour during the event, feeling joyous.
Britt's compulsion to run began to fade. "My race performance declined by about 5 percent in the first half of last year," he tells me, "and it really tailed off by fall. I took most of early winter off, totally. It's a healthier me all around." In other words, he now runs for fun, something he was unable to experience before.
But recovery wasn't simple or easy. Early on, when Britt was first diagnosed, he spent much of his time searching for a single moment in each day when something good happened, something he could celebrate. Gradually, those moments grew larger and more frequent. "Now," he says, "the days are filled with not only great moments, but great minutes and hours. And those make up great days, great weeks, and even great months."
When men talk about depression, one of the recurring themes is how it sucks the color and flavor out of life. The birdsong that filled you with joy as a child has no effect at all. The people you love don't make your heart sing, even though you know they should. The colors of the world are tarnished and dull. Britt ran the Boston Marathon once again, and realized at the end that although he'd run it many times, he had literally never seen the finish line; he ran right through it and focused on the next thing. "Now I can see things I never saw before--colors, scenery, people," he says. "It's almost impossible to describe, except to say that it seems like the world has visually opened up."
Depression is well known for shutting down the senses, and when it lifted, Britt was so astonished at what was around him that he took up photography just to try to capture it all. "I never cared before. I never noticed the colors of a sunset. The electricity in a lightning strike. The glow of moonrise over a lake. They've always been there. But only recently have I begun to see them. And I am amazed."
Exercising Your Demons
Some people might call you highly competitive. Some might call you superfit. But a growing number of doctors would label you something else: Depressed
By: Laurence Gonzales
In 1994, at the age of 33, Raymond Britt took up running. It made him feel good. In fact, the more he pushed himself, the better he felt. So each time he went out, he pushed a little harder. It seemed to put him above the turmoil of the world and afford him some relief. Relief from what -- that wasn't so clear. His life was good. He was a successful executive. He'd married his high-school sweetheart. He had beautiful children.
But there was something odd about it all. For one thing, he had no background as a runner. He'd been a powerlifter in his 20s, benching 315. But in the summer of '94, amid a hectic schedule, he happened to see a flier for the Chicago Marathon and was seized by the impulse to run it. Never mind that there were only a few weeks left to train. Never mind that he had never run more than 3 miles at a time. He thought, I can do anything for 5 hours and 30 minutes, which was the qualifying time to receive a finisher's medal.
He became obsessed with his training.
"I was excited, I was nervous, I was alive," he says. "My mother and my wife thought I was crazy." As he reached the 18th mile of the marathon, his hopes for a life-changing experience were shattered. Beating himself up both mentally and physically, he managed to drag his body over the finish line in 4 hours and 41 minutes, as he puts it, "alone, hurt, angry, unhappy."
Rather than recover, he went out the next day to punish himself and prepare for the next marathon.
Sex Differences
The study of how mental illness affects men and women differently is new and fraught with controversy. The first comprehensive survey was conducted between 1990 and 1992. Its aim was to estimate the general prevalence of mental illness.
The research, known as the National Comorbidity Survey, was repeated, in more depth and on a larger scale, between 2001 and 2003, under the auspices of the World Health Organization and with funding from the National Institute of Mental Health. The principal investigator is Ronald C. Kessler, Ph.D., a jolly-looking, bearded professor in the department of health-care policy at Harvard University.
The numbers seem to show that men and women suffer from various mental illnesses at about the same rate, with some notable variations and exceptions. One of the differences, long accepted as gospel by the psychiatric professions, is that twice as many women as men suffer from depression. Kessler says his numbers show that a woman is twice as likely as a man to have a single episode of major clinical depression in her life. After the first episode, however, men and women don't differ in the number of episodes they'll have during a lifetime, or in whether they'll have another episode. Only the first step differs, he says. Then the statistics flatten out to equal.
But if repeat episodes of depression are equal for men and women, doesn't it stand to reason that they may be having first bouts at the same rate? Maybe the discrepancy lies not in the number of men and women who are depressed, but rather, in how depression is expressed.
According to an increasing number of experts, the diagnostic tallies don't take into account the real experience of a lot of men like Britt. They also ignore the fact that women are much more likely to report depression and seek help. Men are more likely to try to fight through their depression, using strategies ranging from hard work to extreme exercise to drinking to violence. Nearly four times more men than women kill themselves.
When women become depressed, they tend to show the classic symptoms described in the psychiatrist's handbook the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. They feel sad and tired, and lose interest in the pleasures of life. In short, women generally get depressed in just the way that most people, including psychotherapists, think about depression.
Men tend to get angry, and that anger expresses itself in a wide variety of intense activities, such as Britt's obsessive running. Some of these men even win marathons--on the streets of Chicago or in feats of work endurance--and look like heroes, which makes it even more difficult to diagnose their depression.
Britt says, "I've always thought Lance Armstrong suffered from depression and that's where his anger came from. I saw a lot of myself in him, the way he transfers anger into action. Depression leads some of us to fight as hard as we can against it. It makes you angry. I liked my anger. I got focused and felt better, like I was leaving turmoil in the dust. But it was temporary."
Because we think of the word "depression" as fitting the woman's profile better than the man's, doctors and therapists don't tend to recognize the disease as readily in men, and men don't talk about it. William Pollack, Ph.D., a professor of psychiatry at Harvard, estimates that 50 percent to 65 percent of men suffering from what they call "covert depression" aren't diagnosed.
It seems clear that men will do just about anything to avoid admitting to having the disease. They'd rather just suffer. Some of them would rather die.
Driven
Britt raced in Chicago the next year and qualified for the Boston Marathon. Still, he needed more. He entered the Chicago Triathlon that same year and nearly drowned. ("I was a terrible swimmer.") He returned in 1996, and did well. That only fed his craving. "I wanted to take everything to the next, most impossible level I could imagine," he says. He describes himself as "driven to the margin of terror."
By 1998, he had developed a set of rules for himself: more, harder, quicker, and farther away. Three Ironman races in 7 weeks. Roth, Germany, in July for Ironman Europe. Zurich in August for Ironman Switzerland, wife and 4-month-old baby in tow. Ironman Canada again in September. "Still not enough," he says.
In 1999: four Ironman races, a 50-miler, and the Western States 100. Seven days later, he ran two 5-Ks on the same day, for "pain as punishment and proof that I was okay. I could survive the day as long as I could channel my inner turbulence into power and aggression during training. The determination, the drive, kept me afloat."
In the following years, he broke 3 hours in the marathon, qualified for the Ironman World Championships three times, won awards, gained sponsorship, and was regularly published as a cardio guru. He was a champ, a role model. "How can this be a bad thing?" he asked. "And if I'm strong enough to outlast anything, aren't I strong enough to outlast life's challenges?"
Yet his world had begun to contract. He began intentionally doing reckless things. "I took risks riding my bicycle in traffic, running at night, fighting whatever was fighting me. It felt good to be fighting."
He couldn't run, bike, and swim all day. He had to work. He had a wife and kids. So he simply pushed that much harder. "My best performances came when I was ready to rip the top off the race course. I had very aggressive feelings. I just wanted to attack."
He was winning, yes, but he also required emergency medical attention after every event. He'd come in with his blood pressure reading 90 over 50 and required up to four IV bags of fluid to counter dehydration. That didn't seem odd to him, but his wife began to worry that he was trying to kill himself. He told her he was just pushing it. He eventually did 42 marathons, 27 Ironman Triathlons, and six ultramarathons in 11 years, covering 42,000 miles, the equivalent of running, swimming, and biking around the world 1 1/2 times.
The weird thing is this: Raymond Britt isn't that unusual. His distances aren't even that huge, compared with some guys'. And the mental illness he suffers from, which drove him to battle through all those miles, is not that uncommon among men.
Steven Imparl is a lawyer in Chicago, but a look at his résumé affords a glimpse into the frantic world of a man working very hard to compensate for depression. He graduated from high school in the top 15 of his class of 550 students. He received his B.S. degree with high honors. He became an information-technology specialist working for big companies, then went on to earn his law degree and start his own firm. Along the way, he studied French, German, Slovene, and Spanish. He learned classical guitar, studied Slavic and Balkan history, and sang barbershop harmony. And he somehow found time for power walking, inline skating, volleyball, and boxing. By the fall of 2001, he was so wound up, he could hardly sleep. He became more irritable, more easily angered. After nearly getting into a fistfight while walking down a street, he decided to seek help. But when the doctor told him he was suffering from clinical depression, Imparl refused to believe it. Admitting to depression is . . . well, it's like getting your period: Guys don't do it.
Once Imparl accepted the diagnosis, he performed like any true, overachieving depressed man would: Through a program of therapy and drugs, he got better, and then he founded a successful Web site, maledepression.com, for guys like him.
Raymond Britt's crash and burn came one day in November 2004, when he set out to run himself into the ground, to transfer the pain from his soul to his body. Many miles and hours later, he found himself bloodied, exhausted, and hypothermic, but he neither displaced the internal pain nor found relief. He was forced at last to face what he'd known for decades: Depression was rampant in his family. From an early age, Britt had been determined that he wouldn't succumb. He wouldn't be weak.
Because his father had medicated his own depression with alcohol, Britt had never taken up drinking. By the fall of 2004, his father had been in therapy for a while, and was encouraging Britt to seek help. Having experienced depression himself, he was able to see the disorder in his son. He sent Britt an e-mail with his doctor's name. And then he dropped dead.
It was a few weeks later when Britt hit the wall on his last desperate run. Then he collapsed into classic symptoms of depression, which is what happens when the strategy fails: "The weight felt so heavy that it was hard to physically move," says Britt. He found himself wishing he'd be in an accident that would put him in the hospital so that he could escape. "I wanted to be taken out."
That's the point at which depressed men can slip beyond fantasy into active thoughts of suicide. Some 31,000 people in the United States commit suicide each year. More than 24,000 of them are men. And that doesn't count the deaths from alcohol or drugs. In fact, some researchers are beginning to suspect that depression causes more deaths than auto accidents do.
Britt's fantasies of having an accident scared him. He went to see his father's psychiatrist. It didn't take the doctor long to diagnose his condition. (Q: "When were you last really happy?" A: "1975.") And yet, his denial of clinical depression was so strong that he sought a second opinion.
Maybe men need a different word for depression. Or maybe the brain researchers and psychologists simply need to redefine the condition so it includes the way men experience it, too.
Cultural Cover-Up
It's understandable that women are three times more likely than men to be treated for depression; our culture has put a feminine face on the disease, so women give themselves permission to feel it and to seek help for it. Pollack puts it this way: "We have in our society a feminized view of depression, coming out of a model of hysteria that dates back to Freud."
Terrence Real, author of I Don't Want to Talk about It, and a marriage and family therapist in Massachusetts, wrote, "There is a terrible collusion in our society, a cultural cover-up about depression in men." And part of the cultural influence involves the way men are taught from early childhood to be strong, silent, independent, and resistant to suffering. As Real puts it, "Men have about a milli-second's tolerance for feeling [this type of] pain, and then they spring into action. A flight from shame into grandiosity lies at the heart of male covert depression."
Another reason men leap into action, though, whether it's through intense exercise, overwork, pounding back martinis, or some other strategy, is that it actually does relieve the symptoms of depression, at least for a time. In fact, many therapists have begun using exercise as an adjunct to therapy, as explained in books like The Joy of Running, by Thaddeus Kostrubala, and The Exercise Prescription for Depression and Anxiety, by Keith Johnsgard. And research at Duke University confirmed their hunches in 1999.
But exercise in itself doesn't treat the underlying condition. In fact, books called The Joy of Working 80 Hours a Week and The Drinking Prescription for Depression might reach a wide audience, because those strategies can effectively mask depression for years. That is, they can sort of work.
Because at the heart of what Britt and Imparl were going through was a life filled with large stretches of no feeling at all. Britt says he was constantly running, "hoping that movement would help me discover something better."
Looking back on his decades of depression, Britt saw isolated flashes of happiness--the birth of his children, laughter, friendship--but they were, he says, "bright spots on what had been a more turbulent journey than I let myself admit. The moments of happiness sustained my denial of something I had only recently begun to consider an 'invisible load.'" In other words, he'd been swimming with an anvil, and he was sinking by imperceptible increments.
Conditioning
The social conditioning that leads to men's response to depression begins in infancy. Male babies receive less of every type of nurturing, including speech, touch, and comfort when they cry. And that is only the beginning of what will be, to one degree or another, a brutal upbringing for boys.
In the 1960s, the crusading social psychologist Jeanne Block and her colleagues explored how differently parents treat boys and girls. For instance, moms and dads encourage boys to be competitive and to achieve. They don't like them to show their emotions. They encourage them to be less dependent; mothers push them away. They punish them more than they punish girls. And they are unaware that they treat boys and girls differently.
By the time boys are on their way to the teenage years, the process of disavowing what they are is complete. The book A New Psychology of Men describes research in which people were asked what it means to be feminine or masculine. Women and girls defined themselves by the ways they were connected to others, and by citing qualities like being caring or compassionate. Men and boys defined themselves by negatives: They weren't weak, dependent, or connected to their mothers.
But there is not much in our cultural definition of what it means to be a man that is inherent in maleness. Children start off surprisingly alike, whether they're boys or girls. If there's a difference, it's the opposite of what the culture seems to expect: Boys are more sensitive. They give expression to their emotions more readily than girls. They affiliate with others in the same way as girls. Then someone starts telling them it's not okay to be that way. If you act like that, you're a pussy.
As Real and others have explained, it is through this process of denial that men are primed for depression. And it is the cultural necessity of carrying out and carrying on this process that makes it so difficult for them to recognize and admit to depression when it comes. They not only don't acknowledge it to themselves, they often don't display the symptoms that psychotherapists use to diagnose depression.
The cultural training that lays the groundwork for depression in men and for their denial of it later in life involves social isolation. That means telling people the truth about yourself and trusting that they'll do the same, a concept that seems terrifying to many men.
In one case, two friends knew each other for years, commuting together, talking every day, laughing together. They would not have said they were socially isolated, yet when they happened to run into each other in the same group meeting for men suffering from depression, they had to laugh: Neither one had ever admitted it to the other, even though they were both seeking treatment for it.
Social isolation is a well-known killer of mammals. Countless studies going back to the '50s show that contact, affection, emotional communication, and genuine closeness are necessary for mammals, including humans, to maintain our health. Isolation wreaks havoc on everything from the immune system to the cardiovascular system to the brain. Conversely, staying socially connected helps protect men from mental illness, including depression.
The new research done by Kessler and others shows that single men and women look no different when it comes to most kinds of mental illness. But when they get married, they veer off in different directions. "It's a very good deal to be married if you're a man," Kessler says. "It's associated with a dramatic improvement in mental health."
Perhaps because they are forced into solitude as children, men are not as good at being alone as women are. Because of early socialization, women are better at relationships--with children, friends, and relatives. In general, women have more friends than men and are closer to those friends. This, of course, is the direct result of boys' having independence forced on them early in life, when what they need is emotional and physical contact with others.
Socialization punishes women, too. When they have children, women's mental health suffers, while that of men doesn't change at all. That's because women, in general, take care of the kids. If there's trouble in the home, or work interferes with child rearing, they'll disproportionately suffer for it.
Women also worry more than men. They care about a larger group of people who just don't appear on the emotional radar screens of men. In marriage, men share in the joys and are often protected from the pain. Just as the man will go downstairs to investigate a suspicious noise, the woman plays the role of emotional protector.
Kessler uses this example: A wife reports (to the researcher) that she's very upset, because her daughter had an abortion and had to miss a number of days of school. The husband reports that his daughter had the flu and couldn't go to school. How could this be? The explanation is simple: The daughter got pregnant and went to her mother for help, saying, "Whatever you do, don't tell Dad." So the mother helped the daughter have an abortion and told the father the girl was home sick with the flu.
The result is that the husband is exposed to less stress, while the woman is exposed to more. Not only does she have to deal with the abortion, but she also has to lie to her husband and orchestrate the protection of that lie. But throughout, her connections are reinforced and affirmed.
The studies show that when a father dies, the children grow closer to the mother. They come around more. The mother has been maintaining those relationships all along, and they pay off in a crisis. Yet when a mother dies, the children come around less. That's because for years, when they called on Sunday, they talked to the mother, not the father. By filling the social role, the wife grows closer to the kids. That's why widowhood and divorce are so much worse for men. Their protection is ripped away, and they have no social network to catch them as they fall. The person who managed their emotional life is gone.
As Kessler puts it, "You can hire someone to do most of the things the husband does in a marriage. But you can never hire someone to do what the wife does." Men can change this situation and possibly protect themselves from depression later in life by expanding the depth and breadth of their social networks.
Recovery
After undergoing treatment for bipolar disorder and chronic depression, Britt went back to compete in all the events he had run so desperately in 2004, such as the Lake Placid Ironman. To his amazement, he recognized for the first time that the run took place in a glorious natural setting. "You're literally running through fields of green," he says. Later that year, he was competing in the Ironman Wisconsin, which he'd done in such a black mood the year before, and began to wonder, Why am I hurting myself? I don't need to hurt myself anymore. For the first time in his life, he walked for an hour during the event, feeling joyous.
Britt's compulsion to run began to fade. "My race performance declined by about 5 percent in the first half of last year," he tells me, "and it really tailed off by fall. I took most of early winter off, totally. It's a healthier me all around." In other words, he now runs for fun, something he was unable to experience before.
But recovery wasn't simple or easy. Early on, when Britt was first diagnosed, he spent much of his time searching for a single moment in each day when something good happened, something he could celebrate. Gradually, those moments grew larger and more frequent. "Now," he says, "the days are filled with not only great moments, but great minutes and hours. And those make up great days, great weeks, and even great months."
When men talk about depression, one of the recurring themes is how it sucks the color and flavor out of life. The birdsong that filled you with joy as a child has no effect at all. The people you love don't make your heart sing, even though you know they should. The colors of the world are tarnished and dull. Britt ran the Boston Marathon once again, and realized at the end that although he'd run it many times, he had literally never seen the finish line; he ran right through it and focused on the next thing. "Now I can see things I never saw before--colors, scenery, people," he says. "It's almost impossible to describe, except to say that it seems like the world has visually opened up."
Depression is well known for shutting down the senses, and when it lifted, Britt was so astonished at what was around him that he took up photography just to try to capture it all. "I never cared before. I never noticed the colors of a sunset. The electricity in a lightning strike. The glow of moonrise over a lake. They've always been there. But only recently have I begun to see them. And I am amazed."
Exercising Your Demons
Some people might call you highly competitive. Some might call you superfit. But a growing number of doctors would label you something else: Depressed
By: Laurence Gonzales
In 1994, at the age of 33, Raymond Britt took up running. It made him feel good. In fact, the more he pushed himself, the better he felt. So each time he went out, he pushed a little harder. It seemed to put him above the turmoil of the world and afford him some relief. Relief from what -- that wasn't so clear. His life was good. He was a successful executive. He'd married his high-school sweetheart. He had beautiful children.
But there was something odd about it all. For one thing, he had no background as a runner. He'd been a powerlifter in his 20s, benching 315. But in the summer of '94, amid a hectic schedule, he happened to see a flier for the Chicago Marathon and was seized by the impulse to run it. Never mind that there were only a few weeks left to train. Never mind that he had never run more than 3 miles at a time. He thought, I can do anything for 5 hours and 30 minutes, which was the qualifying time to receive a finisher's medal.
He became obsessed with his training.
"I was excited, I was nervous, I was alive," he says. "My mother and my wife thought I was crazy." As he reached the 18th mile of the marathon, his hopes for a life-changing experience were shattered. Beating himself up both mentally and physically, he managed to drag his body over the finish line in 4 hours and 41 minutes, as he puts it, "alone, hurt, angry, unhappy."
Rather than recover, he went out the next day to punish himself and prepare for the next marathon.
Sex Differences
The study of how mental illness affects men and women differently is new and fraught with controversy. The first comprehensive survey was conducted between 1990 and 1992. Its aim was to estimate the general prevalence of mental illness.
The research, known as the National Comorbidity Survey, was repeated, in more depth and on a larger scale, between 2001 and 2003, under the auspices of the World Health Organization and with funding from the National Institute of Mental Health. The principal investigator is Ronald C. Kessler, Ph.D., a jolly-looking, bearded professor in the department of health-care policy at Harvard University.
The numbers seem to show that men and women suffer from various mental illnesses at about the same rate, with some notable variations and exceptions. One of the differences, long accepted as gospel by the psychiatric professions, is that twice as many women as men suffer from depression. Kessler says his numbers show that a woman is twice as likely as a man to have a single episode of major clinical depression in her life. After the first episode, however, men and women don't differ in the number of episodes they'll have during a lifetime, or in whether they'll have another episode. Only the first step differs, he says. Then the statistics flatten out to equal.
But if repeat episodes of depression are equal for men and women, doesn't it stand to reason that they may be having first bouts at the same rate? Maybe the discrepancy lies not in the number of men and women who are depressed, but rather, in how depression is expressed.
According to an increasing number of experts, the diagnostic tallies don't take into account the real experience of a lot of men like Britt. They also ignore the fact that women are much more likely to report depression and seek help. Men are more likely to try to fight through their depression, using strategies ranging from hard work to extreme exercise to drinking to violence. Nearly four times more men than women kill themselves.
When women become depressed, they tend to show the classic symptoms described in the psychiatrist's handbook the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. They feel sad and tired, and lose interest in the pleasures of life. In short, women generally get depressed in just the way that most people, including psychotherapists, think about depression.
Men tend to get angry, and that anger expresses itself in a wide variety of intense activities, such as Britt's obsessive running. Some of these men even win marathons--on the streets of Chicago or in feats of work endurance--and look like heroes, which makes it even more difficult to diagnose their depression.
Britt says, "I've always thought Lance Armstrong suffered from depression and that's where his anger came from. I saw a lot of myself in him, the way he transfers anger into action. Depression leads some of us to fight as hard as we can against it. It makes you angry. I liked my anger. I got focused and felt better, like I was leaving turmoil in the dust. But it was temporary."
Because we think of the word "depression" as fitting the woman's profile better than the man's, doctors and therapists don't tend to recognize the disease as readily in men, and men don't talk about it. William Pollack, Ph.D., a professor of psychiatry at Harvard, estimates that 50 percent to 65 percent of men suffering from what they call "covert depression" aren't diagnosed.
It seems clear that men will do just about anything to avoid admitting to having the disease. They'd rather just suffer. Some of them would rather die.
Driven
Britt raced in Chicago the next year and qualified for the Boston Marathon. Still, he needed more. He entered the Chicago Triathlon that same year and nearly drowned. ("I was a terrible swimmer.") He returned in 1996, and did well. That only fed his craving. "I wanted to take everything to the next, most impossible level I could imagine," he says. He describes himself as "driven to the margin of terror."
By 1998, he had developed a set of rules for himself: more, harder, quicker, and farther away. Three Ironman races in 7 weeks. Roth, Germany, in July for Ironman Europe. Zurich in August for Ironman Switzerland, wife and 4-month-old baby in tow. Ironman Canada again in September. "Still not enough," he says.
In 1999: four Ironman races, a 50-miler, and the Western States 100. Seven days later, he ran two 5-Ks on the same day, for "pain as punishment and proof that I was okay. I could survive the day as long as I could channel my inner turbulence into power and aggression during training. The determination, the drive, kept me afloat."
In the following years, he broke 3 hours in the marathon, qualified for the Ironman World Championships three times, won awards, gained sponsorship, and was regularly published as a cardio guru. He was a champ, a role model. "How can this be a bad thing?" he asked. "And if I'm strong enough to outlast anything, aren't I strong enough to outlast life's challenges?"
Yet his world had begun to contract. He began intentionally doing reckless things. "I took risks riding my bicycle in traffic, running at night, fighting whatever was fighting me. It felt good to be fighting."
He couldn't run, bike, and swim all day. He had to work. He had a wife and kids. So he simply pushed that much harder. "My best performances came when I was ready to rip the top off the race course. I had very aggressive feelings. I just wanted to attack."
He was winning, yes, but he also required emergency medical attention after every event. He'd come in with his blood pressure reading 90 over 50 and required up to four IV bags of fluid to counter dehydration. That didn't seem odd to him, but his wife began to worry that he was trying to kill himself. He told her he was just pushing it. He eventually did 42 marathons, 27 Ironman Triathlons, and six ultramarathons in 11 years, covering 42,000 miles, the equivalent of running, swimming, and biking around the world 1 1/2 times.
The weird thing is this: Raymond Britt isn't that unusual. His distances aren't even that huge, compared with some guys'. And the mental illness he suffers from, which drove him to battle through all those miles, is not that uncommon among men.
Steven Imparl is a lawyer in Chicago, but a look at his résumé affords a glimpse into the frantic world of a man working very hard to compensate for depression. He graduated from high school in the top 15 of his class of 550 students. He received his B.S. degree with high honors. He became an information-technology specialist working for big companies, then went on to earn his law degree and start his own firm. Along the way, he studied French, German, Slovene, and Spanish. He learned classical guitar, studied Slavic and Balkan history, and sang barbershop harmony. And he somehow found time for power walking, inline skating, volleyball, and boxing. By the fall of 2001, he was so wound up, he could hardly sleep. He became more irritable, more easily angered. After nearly getting into a fistfight while walking down a street, he decided to seek help. But when the doctor told him he was suffering from clinical depression, Imparl refused to believe it. Admitting to depression is . . . well, it's like getting your period: Guys don't do it.
Once Imparl accepted the diagnosis, he performed like any true, overachieving depressed man would: Through a program of therapy and drugs, he got better, and then he founded a successful Web site, maledepression.com, for guys like him.
Raymond Britt's crash and burn came one day in November 2004, when he set out to run himself into the ground, to transfer the pain from his soul to his body. Many miles and hours later, he found himself bloodied, exhausted, and hypothermic, but he neither displaced the internal pain nor found relief. He was forced at last to face what he'd known for decades: Depression was rampant in his family. From an early age, Britt had been determined that he wouldn't succumb. He wouldn't be weak.
Because his father had medicated his own depression with alcohol, Britt had never taken up drinking. By the fall of 2004, his father had been in therapy for a while, and was encouraging Britt to seek help. Having experienced depression himself, he was able to see the disorder in his son. He sent Britt an e-mail with his doctor's name. And then he dropped dead.
It was a few weeks later when Britt hit the wall on his last desperate run. Then he collapsed into classic symptoms of depression, which is what happens when the strategy fails: "The weight felt so heavy that it was hard to physically move," says Britt. He found himself wishing he'd be in an accident that would put him in the hospital so that he could escape. "I wanted to be taken out."
That's the point at which depressed men can slip beyond fantasy into active thoughts of suicide. Some 31,000 people in the United States commit suicide each year. More than 24,000 of them are men. And that doesn't count the deaths from alcohol or drugs. In fact, some researchers are beginning to suspect that depression causes more deaths than auto accidents do.
Britt's fantasies of having an accident scared him. He went to see his father's psychiatrist. It didn't take the doctor long to diagnose his condition. (Q: "When were you last really happy?" A: "1975.") And yet, his denial of clinical depression was so strong that he sought a second opinion.
Maybe men need a different word for depression. Or maybe the brain researchers and psychologists simply need to redefine the condition so it includes the way men experience it, too.
Cultural Cover-Up
It's understandable that women are three times more likely than men to be treated for depression; our culture has put a feminine face on the disease, so women give themselves permission to feel it and to seek help for it. Pollack puts it this way: "We have in our society a feminized view of depression, coming out of a model of hysteria that dates back to Freud."
Terrence Real, author of I Don't Want to Talk about It, and a marriage and family therapist in Massachusetts, wrote, "There is a terrible collusion in our society, a cultural cover-up about depression in men." And part of the cultural influence involves the way men are taught from early childhood to be strong, silent, independent, and resistant to suffering. As Real puts it, "Men have about a milli-second's tolerance for feeling [this type of] pain, and then they spring into action. A flight from shame into grandiosity lies at the heart of male covert depression."
Another reason men leap into action, though, whether it's through intense exercise, overwork, pounding back martinis, or some other strategy, is that it actually does relieve the symptoms of depression, at least for a time. In fact, many therapists have begun using exercise as an adjunct to therapy, as explained in books like The Joy of Running, by Thaddeus Kostrubala, and The Exercise Prescription for Depression and Anxiety, by Keith Johnsgard. And research at Duke University confirmed their hunches in 1999.
But exercise in itself doesn't treat the underlying condition. In fact, books called The Joy of Working 80 Hours a Week and The Drinking Prescription for Depression might reach a wide audience, because those strategies can effectively mask depression for years. That is, they can sort of work.
Because at the heart of what Britt and Imparl were going through was a life filled with large stretches of no feeling at all. Britt says he was constantly running, "hoping that movement would help me discover something better."
Looking back on his decades of depression, Britt saw isolated flashes of happiness--the birth of his children, laughter, friendship--but they were, he says, "bright spots on what had been a more turbulent journey than I let myself admit. The moments of happiness sustained my denial of something I had only recently begun to consider an 'invisible load.'" In other words, he'd been swimming with an anvil, and he was sinking by imperceptible increments.
Conditioning
The social conditioning that leads to men's response to depression begins in infancy. Male babies receive less of every type of nurturing, including speech, touch, and comfort when they cry. And that is only the beginning of what will be, to one degree or another, a brutal upbringing for boys.
In the 1960s, the crusading social psychologist Jeanne Block and her colleagues explored how differently parents treat boys and girls. For instance, moms and dads encourage boys to be competitive and to achieve. They don't like them to show their emotions. They encourage them to be less dependent; mothers push them away. They punish them more than they punish girls. And they are unaware that they treat boys and girls differently.
By the time boys are on their way to the teenage years, the process of disavowing what they are is complete. The book A New Psychology of Men describes research in which people were asked what it means to be feminine or masculine. Women and girls defined themselves by the ways they were connected to others, and by citing qualities like being caring or compassionate. Men and boys defined themselves by negatives: They weren't weak, dependent, or connected to their mothers.
But there is not much in our cultural definition of what it means to be a man that is inherent in maleness. Children start off surprisingly alike, whether they're boys or girls. If there's a difference, it's the opposite of what the culture seems to expect: Boys are more sensitive. They give expression to their emotions more readily than girls. They affiliate with others in the same way as girls. Then someone starts telling them it's not okay to be that way. If you act like that, you're a pussy.
As Real and others have explained, it is through this process of denial that men are primed for depression. And it is the cultural necessity of carrying out and carrying on this process that makes it so difficult for them to recognize and admit to depression when it comes. They not only don't acknowledge it to themselves, they often don't display the symptoms that psychotherapists use to diagnose depression.
The cultural training that lays the groundwork for depression in men and for their denial of it later in life involves social isolation. That means telling people the truth about yourself and trusting that they'll do the same, a concept that seems terrifying to many men.
In one case, two friends knew each other for years, commuting together, talking every day, laughing together. They would not have said they were socially isolated, yet when they happened to run into each other in the same group meeting for men suffering from depression, they had to laugh: Neither one had ever admitted it to the other, even though they were both seeking treatment for it.
Social isolation is a well-known killer of mammals. Countless studies going back to the '50s show that contact, affection, emotional communication, and genuine closeness are necessary for mammals, including humans, to maintain our health. Isolation wreaks havoc on everything from the immune system to the cardiovascular system to the brain. Conversely, staying socially connected helps protect men from mental illness, including depression.
The new research done by Kessler and others shows that single men and women look no different when it comes to most kinds of mental illness. But when they get married, they veer off in different directions. "It's a very good deal to be married if you're a man," Kessler says. "It's associated with a dramatic improvement in mental health."
Perhaps because they are forced into solitude as children, men are not as good at being alone as women are. Because of early socialization, women are better at relationships--with children, friends, and relatives. In general, women have more friends than men and are closer to those friends. This, of course, is the direct result of boys' having independence forced on them early in life, when what they need is emotional and physical contact with others.
Socialization punishes women, too. When they have children, women's mental health suffers, while that of men doesn't change at all. That's because women, in general, take care of the kids. If there's trouble in the home, or work interferes with child rearing, they'll disproportionately suffer for it.
Women also worry more than men. They care about a larger group of people who just don't appear on the emotional radar screens of men. In marriage, men share in the joys and are often protected from the pain. Just as the man will go downstairs to investigate a suspicious noise, the woman plays the role of emotional protector.
Kessler uses this example: A wife reports (to the researcher) that she's very upset, because her daughter had an abortion and had to miss a number of days of school. The husband reports that his daughter had the flu and couldn't go to school. How could this be? The explanation is simple: The daughter got pregnant and went to her mother for help, saying, "Whatever you do, don't tell Dad." So the mother helped the daughter have an abortion and told the father the girl was home sick with the flu.
The result is that the husband is exposed to less stress, while the woman is exposed to more. Not only does she have to deal with the abortion, but she also has to lie to her husband and orchestrate the protection of that lie. But throughout, her connections are reinforced and affirmed.
The studies show that when a father dies, the children grow closer to the mother. They come around more. The mother has been maintaining those relationships all along, and they pay off in a crisis. Yet when a mother dies, the children come around less. That's because for years, when they called on Sunday, they talked to the mother, not the father. By filling the social role, the wife grows closer to the kids. That's why widowhood and divorce are so much worse for men. Their protection is ripped away, and they have no social network to catch them as they fall. The person who managed their emotional life is gone.
As Kessler puts it, "You can hire someone to do most of the things the husband does in a marriage. But you can never hire someone to do what the wife does." Men can change this situation and possibly protect themselves from depression later in life by expanding the depth and breadth of their social networks.
Recovery
After undergoing treatment for bipolar disorder and chronic depression, Britt went back to compete in all the events he had run so desperately in 2004, such as the Lake Placid Ironman. To his amazement, he recognized for the first time that the run took place in a glorious natural setting. "You're literally running through fields of green," he says. Later that year, he was competing in the Ironman Wisconsin, which he'd done in such a black mood the year before, and began to wonder, Why am I hurting myself? I don't need to hurt myself anymore. For the first time in his life, he walked for an hour during the event, feeling joyous.
Britt's compulsion to run began to fade. "My race performance declined by about 5 percent in the first half of last year," he tells me, "and it really tailed off by fall. I took most of early winter off, totally. It's a healthier me all around." In other words, he now runs for fun, something he was unable to experience before.
But recovery wasn't simple or easy. Early on, when Britt was first diagnosed, he spent much of his time searching for a single moment in each day when something good happened, something he could celebrate. Gradually, those moments grew larger and more frequent. "Now," he says, "the days are filled with not only great moments, but great minutes and hours. And those make up great days, great weeks, and even great months."
When men talk about depression, one of the recurring themes is how it sucks the color and flavor out of life. The birdsong that filled you with joy as a child has no effect at all. The people you love don't make your heart sing, even though you know they should. The colors of the world are tarnished and dull. Britt ran the Boston Marathon once again, and realized at the end that although he'd run it many times, he had literally never seen the finish line; he ran right through it and focused on the next thing. "Now I can see things I never saw before--colors, scenery, people," he says. "It's almost impossible to describe, except to say that it seems like the world has visually opened up."
Depression is well known for shutting down the senses, and when it lifted, Britt was so astonished at what was around him that he took up photography just to try to capture it all. "I never cared before. I never noticed the colors of a sunset. The electricity in a lightning strike. The glow of moonrise over a lake. They've always been there. But only recently have I begun to see them. And I am amazed."
http://nikosdump.blogspot.com/
No censorship or harassment from the lhcf crew. I moderate comments like a ....Allandra.
Spread the word!
ell the truth shame the devil. Sareca hair has been the same length since she joined the board. Bravenewgirl is another one. How do you have a hair blog and you can not keep hair on your head? Who is dumb enough to read and take advice from that silly ho.
On the subject of men not wanting those women you are right again. Some of the women on that site might as well turn dyke because no man in their right mind would marry them.
Glib Gurl is fat and miserable. She is the leader of the desperation pack. Nothing even needs to be said.
RelaxerRehab is fat and want to be too damn smart but she isn't . Sitting and waiting on Jesus to mail her a man. Pathetic. That bitch is like 50 and still waiting on a dick.
Hairapy is another desperate chick on the rise.
Abenyo is ugly and bitter. She obviously has not looked in a mirror in at least 10 years. She is the main one always in a thread about not finding a man.
and all the sad women in this topic
http://www.longhaircareforum.com/forums/showthread.php?t=235177
August 13, 2008 4:49 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
^^^ yes abenyo has issues
August 13, 2008 5:21 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
i thought i was the only one that thought abenyo was not cute and her tude is as bad as her face
August 14, 2008 2:59 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
lol!
some of these girls love to claim that those "growth cremes" are growing their hair yet their progress pics only show average growth (like, if it's a comparison shot taken 6 months apart and they got 3 inches of growth, all the girls are like " wooo girl, that some goood growth! That ish is working for you girl! thats a miracle! what was it? Tiger dung? girl imma have to get me some tiger dung gurl!"... but i'm thinking, isn't 3 inches normal growth for 6 months seeing how we -on average- only grow .5 an inch a month? wouldn't she had gotten that anyway if she didn't use the product and just taken care of her hair? why are they giving that dung the credit.... also, i hate it when some of these girls take pics claiming their hair grew or is at a certain length, when you can clearly see that the alledged length is only apparent due to camera angles, body angles (bending your neck forward or backward to give the illusion of longer hair), high-ill fitting bras, bad lighting and shadows... girl, sit up straight... get a fitted bra in your size and put it on correctly, buy a new lamp or go outside in the natural light and take a real pic of your neck length hair and stop claiming apl!!! i see you!)and if someone post talking about how Tiger Dung didn't work for them, how it burned their scalp... how the doctor told them it gave them cancer, some of those tiger dung cult enthusiastics will burn you at the stake and spit on your grandmothers, poodle's 3rd baby puppies grave if you say their beloved tiger dung didn't work for them! (JustKiya, and Nice & Wavy pushing/defending Mega tek at every turn comes to mind at the moment, but i know there are others...)
August 14, 2008 5:01 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
***snicker*** thanks all you anonymous. Glad to know I'm on everyone of your minds. :) As for the ugly part it's all good. But next time you all have something to say please say it on the board under your true usernames. I'll be waiting. You and every member know I can take it as good as I dish it.
abenyo
August 14, 2008 6:11 PM
Blogger Staceroo said...
Abenyo is not ugly. Stop hating!
August 15, 2008 4:29 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
i am sure abenyo knows that she is not cute. this cannot be the first time she has heard this before. besides she is african so she already has a head start on ugly.
August 15, 2008 5:06 AM
Blogger Staceroo said...
to the poster above me, you're an asshole, you stupid bitch. go suck a dick!
August 15, 2008 5:39 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Everyone friggin knows those creams don't work, people are so delusional! as for the chicks with no growth, that is so sad. If they stopped messing with their hair and drowning it in cat pee or whatever, they might see some progress!
Dammnit, if growth creams and cat pee was all it took, lhcf wouldn't exist!
August 15, 2008 6:41 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Yikes! VWVixen (now known as Lanecia) is kind of diesel! Are we sure that's a woman! I wouldn't want to meet it in a dark alley!
August 15, 2008 11:51 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
LOL at these extra ass comments. I love the blog but why are folk coming in the comments section hiding behind anonymity talking crazy bout people. The board has a PM system if you have issues with a person.
To the Blog owner: Loving it!
Heat/Glam
August 17, 2008 2:55 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Well, I found your insights appropriate. I just got banned, temp style, for p.o. one of the 10k+ members. Or, more to the point, for calling the bitch out. It is what it is...I'll be perm. banned before I change how I speak. Keep on outing the hypocrites who try to run the place. Because I'll be damned if a chick who tried to call me a troll didn't start a thread calling another members pics so scary she was thinking of blocking sigs. And a mod called the thread hatefull. How soon they forget. ell the truth shame the devil. Sareca hair has been the same length since she joined the board. Bravenewgirl is another one. How do you have a hair blog and you can not keep hair on your head? Who is dumb enough to read and take advice from that silly ho.
On the subject of men not wanting those women you are right again. Some of the women on that site might as well turn dyke because no man in their right mind would marry them.
Glib Gurl is fat and miserable. She is the leader of the desperation pack. Nothing even needs to be said.
RelaxerRehab is fat and want to be too damn smart but she isn't . Sitting and waiting on Jesus to mail her a man. Pathetic. That bitch is like 50 and still waiting on a dick.
Hairapy is another desperate chick on the rise.
Abenyo is ugly and bitter. She obviously has not looked in a mirror in at least 10 years. She is the main one always in a thread about not finding a man.
and all the sad women in this topic
http://www.longhaircareforum.com/forums/showthread.php?t=235177
August 13, 2008 4:49 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
^^^ yes abenyo has issues
August 13, 2008 5:21 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
i thought i was the only one that thought abenyo was not cute and her tude is as bad as her face
August 14, 2008 2:59 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
lol!
some of these girls love to claim that those "growth cremes" are growing their hair yet their progress pics only show average growth (like, if it's a comparison shot taken 6 months apart and they got 3 inches of growth, all the girls are like " wooo girl, that some goood growth! That ish is working for you girl! thats a miracle! what was it? Tiger dung? girl imma have to get me some tiger dung gurl!"... but i'm thinking, isn't 3 inches normal growth for 6 months seeing how we -on average- only grow .5 an inch a month? wouldn't she had gotten that anyway if she didn't use the product and just taken care of her hair? why are they giving that dung the credit.... also, i hate it when some of these girls take pics claiming their hair grew or is at a certain length, when you can clearly see that the alledged length is only apparent due to camera angles, body angles (bending your neck forward or backward to give the illusion of longer hair), high-ill fitting bras, bad lighting and shadows... girl, sit up straight... get a fitted bra in your size and put it on correctly, buy a new lamp or go outside in the natural light and take a real pic of your neck length hair and stop claiming apl!!! i see you!)and if someone post talking about how Tiger Dung didn't work for them, how it burned their scalp... how the doctor told them it gave them cancer, some of those tiger dung cult enthusiastics will burn you at the stake and spit on your grandmothers, poodle's 3rd baby puppies grave if you say their beloved tiger dung didn't work for them! (JustKiya, and Nice & Wavy pushing/defending Mega tek at every turn comes to mind at the moment, but i know there are others...)
August 14, 2008 5:01 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
***snicker*** thanks all you anonymous. Glad to know I'm on everyone of your minds. :) As for the ugly part it's all good. But next time you all have something to say please say it on the board under your true usernames. I'll be waiting. You and every member know I can take it as good as I dish it.
abenyo
August 14, 2008 6:11 PM
Blogger Staceroo said...
Abenyo is not ugly. Stop hating!
August 15, 2008 4:29 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
i am sure abenyo knows that she is not cute. this cannot be the first time she has heard this before. besides she is african so she already has a head start on ugly.
August 15, 2008 5:06 AM
Blogger Staceroo said...
to the poster above me, you're an asshole, you stupid bitch. go suck a dick!
August 15, 2008 5:39 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Everyone friggin knows those creams don't work, people are so delusional! as for the chicks with no growth, that is so sad. If they stopped messing with their hair and drowning it in cat pee or whatever, they might see some progress!
Dammnit, if growth creams and cat pee was all it took, lhcf wouldn't exist!
August 15, 2008 6:41 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Yikes! VWVixen (now known as Lanecia) is kind of diesel! Are we sure that's a woman! I wouldn't want to meet it in a dark alley!
August 15, 2008 11:51 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
LOL at these extra ass comments. I love the blog but why are folk coming in the comments section hiding behind anonymity talking crazy bout people. The board has a PM system if you have issues with a person.
To the Blog owner: Loving it!
Heat/Glam
August 17, 2008 2:55 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Well, I found your insights appropriate. I just got banned, temp style, for p.o. one of the 10k+ members. Or, more to the point, for calling the bitch out. It is what it is...I'll be perm. banned before I change how I speak. Keep on outing the hypocrites who try to run the place. Because I'll be damned if a chick who tried to call me a troll didn't start a thread calling another members pics so scary she was thinking of blocking sigs. And a mod called the thread hatefull. How soon they forget.
ell the truth shame the devil. Sareca hair has been the same length since she joined the board. Bravenewgirl is another one. How do you have a hair blog and you can not keep hair on your head? Who is dumb enough to read and take advice from that silly ho.
On the subject of men not wanting those women you are right again. Some of the women on that site might as well turn dyke because no man in their right mind would marry them.
Glib Gurl is fat and miserable. She is the leader of the desperation pack. Nothing even needs to be said.
RelaxerRehab is fat and want to be too damn smart but she isn't . Sitting and waiting on Jesus to mail her a man. Pathetic. That bitch is like 50 and still waiting on a dick.
Hairapy is another desperate chick on the rise.
Abenyo is ugly and bitter. She obviously has not looked in a mirror in at least 10 years. She is the main one always in a thread about not finding a man.
and all the sad women in this topic
http://www.longhaircareforum.com/forums/showthread.php?t=235177
August 13, 2008 4:49 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
^^^ yes abenyo has issues
August 13, 2008 5:21 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
i thought i was the only one that thought abenyo was not cute and her tude is as bad as her face
August 14, 2008 2:59 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
lol!
some of these girls love to claim that those "growth cremes" are growing their hair yet their progress pics only show average growth (like, if it's a comparison shot taken 6 months apart and they got 3 inches of growth, all the girls are like " wooo girl, that some goood growth! That ish is working for you girl! thats a miracle! what was it? Tiger dung? girl imma have to get me some tiger dung gurl!"... but i'm thinking, isn't 3 inches normal growth for 6 months seeing how we -on average- only grow .5 an inch a month? wouldn't she had gotten that anyway if she didn't use the product and just taken care of her hair? why are they giving that dung the credit.... also, i hate it when some of these girls take pics claiming their hair grew or is at a certain length, when you can clearly see that the alledged length is only apparent due to camera angles, body angles (bending your neck forward or backward to give the illusion of longer hair), high-ill fitting bras, bad lighting and shadows... girl, sit up straight... get a fitted bra in your size and put it on correctly, buy a new lamp or go outside in the natural light and take a real pic of your neck length hair and stop claiming apl!!! i see you!)and if someone post talking about how Tiger Dung didn't work for them, how it burned their scalp... how the doctor told them it gave them cancer, some of those tiger dung cult enthusiastics will burn you at the stake and spit on your grandmothers, poodle's 3rd baby puppies grave if you say their beloved tiger dung didn't work for them! (JustKiya, and Nice & Wavy pushing/defending Mega tek at every turn comes to mind at the moment, but i know there are others...)
August 14, 2008 5:01 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
***snicker*** thanks all you anonymous. Glad to know I'm on everyone of your minds. :) As for the ugly part it's all good. But next time you all have something to say please say it on the board under your true usernames. I'll be waiting. You and every member know I can take it as good as I dish it.
abenyo
August 14, 2008 6:11 PM
Blogger Staceroo said...
Abenyo is not ugly. Stop hating!
August 15, 2008 4:29 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
i am sure abenyo knows that she is not cute. this cannot be the first time she has heard this before. besides she is african so she already has a head start on ugly.
August 15, 2008 5:06 AM
Blogger Staceroo said...
to the poster above me, you're an asshole, you stupid bitch. go suck a dick!
August 15, 2008 5:39 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Everyone friggin knows those creams don't work, people are so delusional! as for the chicks with no growth, that is so sad. If they stopped messing with their hair and drowning it in cat pee or whatever, they might see some progress!
Dammnit, if growth creams and cat pee was all it took, lhcf wouldn't exist!
August 15, 2008 6:41 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Yikes! VWVixen (now known as Lanecia) is kind of diesel! Are we sure that's a woman! I wouldn't want to meet it in a dark alley!
August 15, 2008 11:51 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
LOL at these extra ass comments. I love the blog but why are folk coming in the comments section hiding behind anonymity talking crazy bout people. The board has a PM system if you have issues with a person.
To the Blog owner: Loving it!
Heat/Glam
August 17, 2008 2:55 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Well, I found your insights appropriate. I just got banned, temp style, for p.o. one of the 10k+ members. Or, more to the point, for calling the bitch out. It is what it is...I'll be perm. banned before I change how I speak. Keep on outing the hypocrites who try to run the place. Because I'll be damned if a chick who tried to call me a troll didn't start a thread calling another members pics so scary she was thinking of blocking sigs. And a mod called the thread hatefull. How soon they forget.
ell the truth shame the devil. Sareca hair has been the same length since she joined the board. Bravenewgirl is another one. How do you have a hair blog and you can not keep hair on your head? Who is dumb enough to read and take advice from that silly ho.
On the subject of men not wanting those women you are right again. Some of the women on that site might as well turn dyke because no man in their right mind would marry them.
Glib Gurl is fat and miserable. She is the leader of the desperation pack. Nothing even needs to be said.
RelaxerRehab is fat and want to be too damn smart but she isn't . Sitting and waiting on Jesus to mail her a man. Pathetic. That bitch is like 50 and still waiting on a dick.
Hairapy is another desperate chick on the rise.
Abenyo is ugly and bitter. She obviously has not looked in a mirror in at least 10 years. She is the main one always in a thread about not finding a man.
and all the sad women in this topic
http://www.longhaircareforum.com/forums/showthread.php?t=235177
August 13, 2008 4:49 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
^^^ yes abenyo has issues
August 13, 2008 5:21 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
i thought i was the only one that thought abenyo was not cute and her tude is as bad as her face
August 14, 2008 2:59 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
lol!
some of these girls love to claim that those "growth cremes" are growing their hair yet their progress pics only show average growth (like, if it's a comparison shot taken 6 months apart and they got 3 inches of growth, all the girls are like " wooo girl, that some goood growth! That ish is working for you girl! thats a miracle! what was it? Tiger dung? girl imma have to get me some tiger dung gurl!"... but i'm thinking, isn't 3 inches normal growth for 6 months seeing how we -on average- only grow .5 an inch a month? wouldn't she had gotten that anyway if she didn't use the product and just taken care of her hair? why are they giving that dung the credit.... also, i hate it when some of these girls take pics claiming their hair grew or is at a certain length, when you can clearly see that the alledged length is only apparent due to camera angles, body angles (bending your neck forward or backward to give the illusion of longer hair), high-ill fitting bras, bad lighting and shadows... girl, sit up straight... get a fitted bra in your size and put it on correctly, buy a new lamp or go outside in the natural light and take a real pic of your neck length hair and stop claiming apl!!! i see you!)and if someone post talking about how Tiger Dung didn't work for them, how it burned their scalp... how the doctor told them it gave them cancer, some of those tiger dung cult enthusiastics will burn you at the stake and spit on your grandmothers, poodle's 3rd baby puppies grave if you say their beloved tiger dung didn't work for them! (JustKiya, and Nice & Wavy pushing/defending Mega tek at every turn comes to mind at the moment, but i know there are others...)
August 14, 2008 5:01 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
***snicker*** thanks all you anonymous. Glad to know I'm on everyone of your minds. :) As for the ugly part it's all good. But next time you all have something to say please say it on the board under your true usernames. I'll be waiting. You and every member know I can take it as good as I dish it.
abenyo
August 14, 2008 6:11 PM
Blogger Staceroo said...
Abenyo is not ugly. Stop hating!
August 15, 2008 4:29 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
i am sure abenyo knows that she is not cute. this cannot be the first time she has heard this before. besides she is african so she already has a head start on ugly.
August 15, 2008 5:06 AM
Blogger Staceroo said...
to the poster above me, you're an asshole, you stupid bitch. go suck a dick!
August 15, 2008 5:39 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Everyone friggin knows those creams don't work, people are so delusional! as for the chicks with no growth, that is so sad. If they stopped messing with their hair and drowning it in cat pee or whatever, they might see some progress!
Dammnit, if growth creams and cat pee was all it took, lhcf wouldn't exist!
August 15, 2008 6:41 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Yikes! VWVixen (now known as Lanecia) is kind of diesel! Are we sure that's a woman! I wouldn't want to meet it in a dark alley!
August 15, 2008 11:51 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
LOL at these extra ass comments. I love the blog but why are folk coming in the comments section hiding behind anonymity talking crazy bout people. The board has a PM system if you have issues with a person.
To the Blog owner: Loving it!
Heat/Glam
August 17, 2008 2:55 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Well, I found your insights appropriate. I just got banned, temp style, for p.o. one of the 10k+ members. Or, more to the point, for calling the bitch out. It is what it is...I'll be perm. banned before I change how I speak. Keep on outing the hypocrites who try to run the place. Because I'll be damned if a chick who tried to call me a troll didn't start a thread calling another members pics so scary she was thinking of blocking sigs. And a mod called the thread hatefull. How soon they forget.
In the 1960s, the crusading social psychologist Jeanne Block and her colleagues explored how differently parents treat boys and girls. For instance, moms and dads encourage boys to be competitive and to achieve. They don't like them to show their emotions. They encourage them to be less dependent; mothers push them away. They punish them more than they punish girls. And they are unaware that they treat boys and girls differently.
By the time boys are on their way to the teenage years, the process of disavowing what they are is complete. The book A New Psychology of Men describes research in which people were asked what it means to be feminine or masculine. Women and girls defined themselves by the ways they were connected to others, and by citing qualities like being caring or compassionate. Men and boys defined themselves by negatives: They weren't weak, dependent, or connected to their mothers.
But there is not much in our cultural definition of what it means to be a man that is inherent in maleness. Children start off surprisingly alike, whether they're boys or girls. If there's a difference, it's the opposite of what the culture seems to expect: Boys are more sensitive. They give expression to their emotions more readily than girls. They affiliate with others in the same way as girls. Then someone starts telling them it's not okay to be that way. If you act like that, you're a pussy.
As Real and others have explained, it is through this process of denial that men are primed for depression. And it is the cultural necessity of carrying out and carrying on this process that makes it so difficult for them to recognize and admit to depression when it comes. They not only don't acknowledge it to themselves, they often don't display the symptoms that psychotherapists use to diagnose depression.
The cultural training that lays the groundwork for depression in men and for their denial of it later in life involves social isolation. That means telling people the truth about yourself and trusting that they'll do the same, a concept that seems terrifying to many men.
In one case, two friends knew each other for years, commuting together, talking every day, laughing together. They would not have said they were socially isolated, yet when they happened to run into each other in the same group meeting for men suffering from depression, they had to laugh: Neither one had ever admitted it to the other, even though they were both seeking treatment for it.
Social isolation is a well-known killer of mammals. Countless studies going back to the '50s show that contact, affection, emotional communication, and genuine closeness are necessary for mammals, including humans, to maintain our health. Isolation wreaks havoc on everything from the immune system to the cardiovascular system to the brain. Conversely, staying socially connected helps protect men from mental illness, including depression.
The new research done by Kessler and others shows that single men and women look no different when it comes to most kinds of mental illness. But when they get married, they veer off in different directions. "It's a very good deal to be married if you're a man," Kessler says. "It's associated with a dramatic improvement in mental health."
Perhaps because they are forced into solitude as children, men are not as good at being alone as women are. Because of early socialization, women are better at relationships--with children, friends, and relatives. In general, women have more friends than men and are closer to those friends. This, of course, is the direct result of boys' having independence forced on them early in life, when what they need is emotional and physical contact with others.
Socialization punishes women, too. When they have children, women's mental health suffers, while that of men doesn't change at all. That's because women, in general, take care of the kids. If there's trouble in the home, or work interferes with child rearing, they'll disproportionately suffer for it.
Women also worry more than men. They care about a larger group of people who just don't appear on the emotional radar screens of men. In marriage, men share in the joys and are often protected from the pain. Just as the man will go downstairs to investigate a suspicious noise, the woman plays the role of emotional protector.
Kessler uses this example: A wife reports (to the researcher) that she's very upset, because her daughter had an abortion and had to miss a number of days of school. The husband reports that his daughter had the flu and couldn't go to school. How could this be? The explanation is simple: The daughter got pregnant and went to her mother for help, saying, "Whatever you do, don't tell Dad." So the mother helped the daughter have an abortion and told the father the girl was home sick with the flu.
The result is that the husband is exposed to less stress, while the woman is exposed to more. Not only does she have to deal with the abortion, but she also has to lie to her husband and orchestrate the protection of that lie. But throughout, her connections are reinforced and affirmed.
The studies show that when a father dies, the children grow closer to the mother. They come around more. The mother has been maintaining those relationships all along, and they pay off in a crisis. Yet when a mother dies, the children come around less. That's because for years, when they called on Sunday, they talked to the mother, not the father. By filling the social role, the wife grows closer to the kids. That's why widowhood and divorce are so much worse for men. Their protection is ripped away, and they have no social network to catch them as they fall. The person who managed their emotional life is gone.
As Kessler puts it, "You can hire someone to do most of the things the husband does in a marriage. But you can never hire someone to do what the wife does." Men can change this situation and possibly protect themselves from depression later in life by expanding the depth and breadth of their social networks.
Recovery
After undergoing treatment for bipolar disorder and chronic depression, Britt went back to compete in all the events he had run so desperately in 2004, such as the Lake Placid Ironman. To his amazement, he recognized for the first time that the run took place in a glorious natural setting. "You're literally running through fields of green," he says. Later that year, he was competing in the Ironman Wisconsin, which he'd done in such a black mood the year before, and began to wonder, Why am I hurting myself? I don't need to hurt myself anymore. For the first time in his life, he walked for an hour during the event, feeling joyous.
Britt's compulsion to run began to fade. "My race performance declined by about 5 percent in the first half of last year," he tells me, "and it really tailed off by fall. I took most of early winter off, totally. It's a healthier me all around." In other words, he now runs for fun, something he was unable to experience before.
But recovery wasn't simple or easy. Early on, when Britt was first diagnosed, he spent much of his time searching for a single moment in each day when something good happened, something he could celebrate. Gradually, those moments grew larger and more frequent. "Now," he says, "the days are filled with not only great moments, but great minutes and hours. And those make up great days, great weeks, and even great months."
When men talk about depression, one of the recurring themes is how it sucks the color and flavor out of life. The birdsong that filled you with joy as a child has no effect at all. The people you love don't make your heart sing, even though you know they should. The colors of the world are tarnished and dull. Britt ran the Boston Marathon once again, and realized at the end that although he'd run it many times, he had literally never seen the finish line; he ran right through it and focused on the next thing. "Now I can see things I never saw before--colors, scenery, people," he says. "It's almost impossible to describe, except to say that it seems like the world has visually opened up."
Depression is well known for shutting down the senses, and when it lifted, Britt was so astonished at what was around him that he took up photography just to try to capture it all. "I never cared before. I never noticed the colors of a sunset. The electricity in a lightning strike. The glow of moonrise over a lake. They've always been there. But only recently have I begun to see them. And I am amazed."
http://nikosdump.blogspot.com/
No censorship or harassment from the lhcf crew. I moderate comments like a ....Allandra.
Spread the word!
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Spread the word!
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No censorship or harassment from the lhcf crew. I moderate comments like a ....Allandra.
Spread the word!
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Spread the word!
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Spread the word!
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Spread the word!
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Spread the word!
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Spread the word!
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Spread the word!
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Spread the word!
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Spread the word!
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Spread the word!
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No censorship or harassment from the lhcf crew. I moderate comments like a ....Allandra.
Spread the word!
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Spread the word!
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Spread the word!
http://nikosdump.blogspot.com/
No censorship or harassment from the lhcf crew. I moderate comments like a ....Allandra.
Spread the word!
http://nikosdump.blogspot.com/
No censorship or harassment from the lhcf crew. I moderate comments like a ....Allandra.
Spread the word!
In the 1960s, the crusading social psychologist Jeanne Block and her colleagues explored how differently parents treat boys and girls. For instance, moms and dads encourage boys to be competitive and to achieve. They don't like them to show their emotions. They encourage them to be less dependent; mothers push them away. They punish them more than they punish girls. And they are unaware that they treat boys and girls differently.
By the time boys are on their way to the teenage years, the process of disavowing what they are is complete. The book A New Psychology of Men describes research in which people were asked what it means to be feminine or masculine. Women and girls defined themselves by the ways they were connected to others, and by citing qualities like being caring or compassionate. Men and boys defined themselves by negatives: They weren't weak, dependent, or connected to their mothers.
But there is not much in our cultural definition of what it means to be a man that is inherent in maleness. Children start off surprisingly alike, whether they're boys or girls. If there's a difference, it's the opposite of what the culture seems to expect: Boys are more sensitive. They give expression to their emotions more readily than girls. They affiliate with others in the same way as girls. Then someone starts telling them it's not okay to be that way. If you act like that, you're a pussy.
As Real and others have explained, it is through this process of denial that men are primed for depression. And it is the cultural necessity of carrying out and carrying on this process that makes it so difficult for them to recognize and admit to depression when it comes. They not only don't acknowledge it to themselves, they often don't display the symptoms that psychotherapists use to diagnose depression.
The cultural training that lays the groundwork for depression in men and for their denial of it later in life involves social isolation. That means telling people the truth about yourself and trusting that they'll do the same, a concept that seems terrifying to many men.
In one case, two friends knew each other for years, commuting together, talking every day, laughing together. They would not have said they were socially isolated, yet when they happened to run into each other in the same group meeting for men suffering from depression, they had to laugh: Neither one had ever admitted it to the other, even though they were both seeking treatment for it.
Social isolation is a well-known killer of mammals. Countless studies going back to the '50s show that contact, affection, emotional communication, and genuine closeness are necessary for mammals, including humans, to maintain our health. Isolation wreaks havoc on everything from the immune system to the cardiovascular system to the brain. Conversely, staying socially connected helps protect men from mental illness, including depression.
The new research done by Kessler and others shows that single men and women look no different when it comes to most kinds of mental illness. But when they get married, they veer off in different directions. "It's a very good deal to be married if you're a man," Kessler says. "It's associated with a dramatic improvement in mental health."
Perhaps because they are forced into solitude as children, men are not as good at being alone as women are. Because of early socialization, women are better at relationships--with children, friends, and relatives. In general, women have more friends than men and are closer to those friends. This, of course, is the direct result of boys' having independence forced on them early in life, when what they need is emotional and physical contact with others.
Socialization punishes women, too. When they have children, women's mental health suffers, while that of men doesn't change at all. That's because women, in general, take care of the kids. If there's trouble in the home, or work interferes with child rearing, they'll disproportionately suffer for it.
Women also worry more than men. They care about a larger group of people who just don't appear on the emotional radar screens of men. In marriage, men share in the joys and are often protected from the pain. Just as the man will go downstairs to investigate a suspicious noise, the woman plays the role of emotional protector.
Kessler uses this example: A wife reports (to the researcher) that she's very upset, because her daughter had an abortion and had to miss a number of days of school. The husband reports that his daughter had the flu and couldn't go to school. How could this be? The explanation is simple: The daughter got pregnant and went to her mother for help, saying, "Whatever you do, don't tell Dad." So the mother helped the daughter have an abortion and told the father the girl was home sick with the flu.
The result is that the husband is exposed to less stress, while the woman is exposed to more. Not only does she have to deal with the abortion, but she also has to lie to her husband and orchestrate the protection of that lie. But throughout, her connections are reinforced and affirmed.
The studies show that when a father dies, the children grow closer to the mother. They come around more. The mother has been maintaining those relationships all along, and they pay off in a crisis. Yet when a mother dies, the children come around less. That's because for years, when they called on Sunday, they talked to the mother, not the father. By filling the social role, the wife grows closer to the kids. That's why widowhood and divorce are so much worse for men. Their protection is ripped away, and they have no social network to catch them as they fall. The person who managed their emotional life is gone.
As Kessler puts it, "You can hire someone to do most of the things the husband does in a marriage. But you can never hire someone to do what the wife does." Men can change this situation and possibly protect themselves from depression later in life by expanding the depth and breadth of their social networks.
Recovery
After undergoing treatment for bipolar disorder and chronic depression, Britt went back to compete in all the events he had run so desperately in 2004, such as the Lake Placid Ironman. To his amazement, he recognized for the first time that the run took place in a glorious natural setting. "You're literally running through fields of green," he says. Later that year, he was competing in the Ironman Wisconsin, which he'd done in such a black mood the year before, and began to wonder, Why am I hurting myself? I don't need to hurt myself anymore. For the first time in his life, he walked for an hour during the event, feeling joyous.
Britt's compulsion to run began to fade. "My race performance declined by about 5 percent in the first half of last year," he tells me, "and it really tailed off by fall. I took most of early winter off, totally. It's a healthier me all around." In other words, he now runs for fun, something he was unable to experience before.
But recovery wasn't simple or easy. Early on, when Britt was first diagnosed, he spent much of his time searching for a single moment in each day when something good happened, something he could celebrate. Gradually, those moments grew larger and more frequent. "Now," he says, "the days are filled with not only great moments, but great minutes and hours. And those make up great days, great weeks, and even great months."
When men talk about depression, one of the recurring themes is how it sucks the color and flavor out of life. The birdsong that filled you with joy as a child has no effect at all. The people you love don't make your heart sing, even though you know they should. The colors of the world are tarnished and dull. Britt ran the Boston Marathon once again, and realized at the end that although he'd run it many times, he had literally never seen the finish line; he ran right through it and focused on the next thing. "Now I can see things I never saw before--colors, scenery, people," he says. "It's almost impossible to describe, except to say that it seems like the world has visually opened up."
Depression is well known for shutting down the senses, and when it lifted, Britt was so astonished at what was around him that he took up photography just to try to capture it all. "I never cared before. I never noticed the colors of a sunset. The electricity in a lightning strike. The glow of moonrise over a lake. They've always been there. But only recently have I begun to see them. And I am amazed."
In the 1960s, the crusading social psychologist Jeanne Block and her colleagues explored how differently parents treat boys and girls. For instance, moms and dads encourage boys to be competitive and to achieve. They don't like them to show their emotions. They encourage them to be less dependent; mothers push them away. They punish them more than they punish girls. And they are unaware that they treat boys and girls differently.
By the time boys are on their way to the teenage years, the process of disavowing what they are is complete. The book A New Psychology of Men describes research in which people were asked what it means to be feminine or masculine. Women and girls defined themselves by the ways they were connected to others, and by citing qualities like being caring or compassionate. Men and boys defined themselves by negatives: They weren't weak, dependent, or connected to their mothers.
But there is not much in our cultural definition of what it means to be a man that is inherent in maleness. Children start off surprisingly alike, whether they're boys or girls. If there's a difference, it's the opposite of what the culture seems to expect: Boys are more sensitive. They give expression to their emotions more readily than girls. They affiliate with others in the same way as girls. Then someone starts telling them it's not okay to be that way. If you act like that, you're a pussy.
As Real and others have explained, it is through this process of denial that men are primed for depression. And it is the cultural necessity of carrying out and carrying on this process that makes it so difficult for them to recognize and admit to depression when it comes. They not only don't acknowledge it to themselves, they often don't display the symptoms that psychotherapists use to diagnose depression.
The cultural training that lays the groundwork for depression in men and for their denial of it later in life involves social isolation. That means telling people the truth about yourself and trusting that they'll do the same, a concept that seems terrifying to many men.
In one case, two friends knew each other for years, commuting together, talking every day, laughing together. They would not have said they were socially isolated, yet when they happened to run into each other in the same group meeting for men suffering from depression, they had to laugh: Neither one had ever admitted it to the other, even though they were both seeking treatment for it.
Social isolation is a well-known killer of mammals. Countless studies going back to the '50s show that contact, affection, emotional communication, and genuine closeness are necessary for mammals, including humans, to maintain our health. Isolation wreaks havoc on everything from the immune system to the cardiovascular system to the brain. Conversely, staying socially connected helps protect men from mental illness, including depression.
The new research done by Kessler and others shows that single men and women look no different when it comes to most kinds of mental illness. But when they get married, they veer off in different directions. "It's a very good deal to be married if you're a man," Kessler says. "It's associated with a dramatic improvement in mental health."
Perhaps because they are forced into solitude as children, men are not as good at being alone as women are. Because of early socialization, women are better at relationships--with children, friends, and relatives. In general, women have more friends than men and are closer to those friends. This, of course, is the direct result of boys' having independence forced on them early in life, when what they need is emotional and physical contact with others.
Socialization punishes women, too. When they have children, women's mental health suffers, while that of men doesn't change at all. That's because women, in general, take care of the kids. If there's trouble in the home, or work interferes with child rearing, they'll disproportionately suffer for it.
Women also worry more than men. They care about a larger group of people who just don't appear on the emotional radar screens of men. In marriage, men share in the joys and are often protected from the pain. Just as the man will go downstairs to investigate a suspicious noise, the woman plays the role of emotional protector.
Kessler uses this example: A wife reports (to the researcher) that she's very upset, because her daughter had an abortion and had to miss a number of days of school. The husband reports that his daughter had the flu and couldn't go to school. How could this be? The explanation is simple: The daughter got pregnant and went to her mother for help, saying, "Whatever you do, don't tell Dad." So the mother helped the daughter have an abortion and told the father the girl was home sick with the flu.
The result is that the husband is exposed to less stress, while the woman is exposed to more. Not only does she have to deal with the abortion, but she also has to lie to her husband and orchestrate the protection of that lie. But throughout, her connections are reinforced and affirmed.
The studies show that when a father dies, the children grow closer to the mother. They come around more. The mother has been maintaining those relationships all along, and they pay off in a crisis. Yet when a mother dies, the children come around less. That's because for years, when they called on Sunday, they talked to the mother, not the father. By filling the social role, the wife grows closer to the kids. That's why widowhood and divorce are so much worse for men. Their protection is ripped away, and they have no social network to catch them as they fall. The person who managed their emotional life is gone.
As Kessler puts it, "You can hire someone to do most of the things the husband does in a marriage. But you can never hire someone to do what the wife does." Men can change this situation and possibly protect themselves from depression later in life by expanding the depth and breadth of their social networks.
Recovery
After undergoing treatment for bipolar disorder and chronic depression, Britt went back to compete in all the events he had run so desperately in 2004, such as the Lake Placid Ironman. To his amazement, he recognized for the first time that the run took place in a glorious natural setting. "You're literally running through fields of green," he says. Later that year, he was competing in the Ironman Wisconsin, which he'd done in such a black mood the year before, and began to wonder, Why am I hurting myself? I don't need to hurt myself anymore. For the first time in his life, he walked for an hour during the event, feeling joyous.
Britt's compulsion to run began to fade. "My race performance declined by about 5 percent in the first half of last year," he tells me, "and it really tailed off by fall. I took most of early winter off, totally. It's a healthier me all around." In other words, he now runs for fun, something he was unable to experience before.
But recovery wasn't simple or easy. Early on, when Britt was first diagnosed, he spent much of his time searching for a single moment in each day when something good happened, something he could celebrate. Gradually, those moments grew larger and more frequent. "Now," he says, "the days are filled with not only great moments, but great minutes and hours. And those make up great days, great weeks, and even great months."
When men talk about depression, one of the recurring themes is how it sucks the color and flavor out of life. The birdsong that filled you with joy as a child has no effect at all. The people you love don't make your heart sing, even though you know they should. The colors of the world are tarnished and dull. Britt ran the Boston Marathon once again, and realized at the end that although he'd run it many times, he had literally never seen the finish line; he ran right through it and focused on the next thing. "Now I can see things I never saw before--colors, scenery, people," he says. "It's almost impossible to describe, except to say that it seems like the world has visually opened up."
Depression is well known for shutting down the senses, and when it lifted, Britt was so astonished at what was around him that he took up photography just to try to capture it all. "I never cared before. I never noticed the colors of a sunset. The electricity in a lightning strike. The glow of moonrise over a lake. They've always been there. But only recently have I begun to see them. And I am amazed."
In the 1960s, the crusading social psychologist Jeanne Block and her colleagues explored how differently parents treat boys and girls. For instance, moms and dads encourage boys to be competitive and to achieve. They don't like them to show their emotions. They encourage them to be less dependent; mothers push them away. They punish them more than they punish girls. And they are unaware that they treat boys and girls differently.
By the time boys are on their way to the teenage years, the process of disavowing what they are is complete. The book A New Psychology of Men describes research in which people were asked what it means to be feminine or masculine. Women and girls defined themselves by the ways they were connected to others, and by citing qualities like being caring or compassionate. Men and boys defined themselves by negatives: They weren't weak, dependent, or connected to their mothers.
But there is not much in our cultural definition of what it means to be a man that is inherent in maleness. Children start off surprisingly alike, whether they're boys or girls. If there's a difference, it's the opposite of what the culture seems to expect: Boys are more sensitive. They give expression to their emotions more readily than girls. They affiliate with others in the same way as girls. Then someone starts telling them it's not okay to be that way. If you act like that, you're a pussy.
As Real and others have explained, it is through this process of denial that men are primed for depression. And it is the cultural necessity of carrying out and carrying on this process that makes it so difficult for them to recognize and admit to depression when it comes. They not only don't acknowledge it to themselves, they often don't display the symptoms that psychotherapists use to diagnose depression.
The cultural training that lays the groundwork for depression in men and for their denial of it later in life involves social isolation. That means telling people the truth about yourself and trusting that they'll do the same, a concept that seems terrifying to many men.
In one case, two friends knew each other for years, commuting together, talking every day, laughing together. They would not have said they were socially isolated, yet when they happened to run into each other in the same group meeting for men suffering from depression, they had to laugh: Neither one had ever admitted it to the other, even though they were both seeking treatment for it.
Social isolation is a well-known killer of mammals. Countless studies going back to the '50s show that contact, affection, emotional communication, and genuine closeness are necessary for mammals, including humans, to maintain our health. Isolation wreaks havoc on everything from the immune system to the cardiovascular system to the brain. Conversely, staying socially connected helps protect men from mental illness, including depression.
The new research done by Kessler and others shows that single men and women look no different when it comes to most kinds of mental illness. But when they get married, they veer off in different directions. "It's a very good deal to be married if you're a man," Kessler says. "It's associated with a dramatic improvement in mental health."
Perhaps because they are forced into solitude as children, men are not as good at being alone as women are. Because of early socialization, women are better at relationships--with children, friends, and relatives. In general, women have more friends than men and are closer to those friends. This, of course, is the direct result of boys' having independence forced on them early in life, when what they need is emotional and physical contact with others.
Socialization punishes women, too. When they have children, women's mental health suffers, while that of men doesn't change at all. That's because women, in general, take care of the kids. If there's trouble in the home, or work interferes with child rearing, they'll disproportionately suffer for it.
Women also worry more than men. They care about a larger group of people who just don't appear on the emotional radar screens of men. In marriage, men share in the joys and are often protected from the pain. Just as the man will go downstairs to investigate a suspicious noise, the woman plays the role of emotional protector.
Kessler uses this example: A wife reports (to the researcher) that she's very upset, because her daughter had an abortion and had to miss a number of days of school. The husband reports that his daughter had the flu and couldn't go to school. How could this be? The explanation is simple: The daughter got pregnant and went to her mother for help, saying, "Whatever you do, don't tell Dad." So the mother helped the daughter have an abortion and told the father the girl was home sick with the flu.
The result is that the husband is exposed to less stress, while the woman is exposed to more. Not only does she have to deal with the abortion, but she also has to lie to her husband and orchestrate the protection of that lie. But throughout, her connections are reinforced and affirmed.
The studies show that when a father dies, the children grow closer to the mother. They come around more. The mother has been maintaining those relationships all along, and they pay off in a crisis. Yet when a mother dies, the children come around less. That's because for years, when they called on Sunday, they talked to the mother, not the father. By filling the social role, the wife grows closer to the kids. That's why widowhood and divorce are so much worse for men. Their protection is ripped away, and they have no social network to catch them as they fall. The person who managed their emotional life is gone.
As Kessler puts it, "You can hire someone to do most of the things the husband does in a marriage. But you can never hire someone to do what the wife does." Men can change this situation and possibly protect themselves from depression later in life by expanding the depth and breadth of their social networks.
Recovery
After undergoing treatment for bipolar disorder and chronic depression, Britt went back to compete in all the events he had run so desperately in 2004, such as the Lake Placid Ironman. To his amazement, he recognized for the first time that the run took place in a glorious natural setting. "You're literally running through fields of green," he says. Later that year, he was competing in the Ironman Wisconsin, which he'd done in such a black mood the year before, and began to wonder, Why am I hurting myself? I don't need to hurt myself anymore. For the first time in his life, he walked for an hour during the event, feeling joyous.
Britt's compulsion to run began to fade. "My race performance declined by about 5 percent in the first half of last year," he tells me, "and it really tailed off by fall. I took most of early winter off, totally. It's a healthier me all around." In other words, he now runs for fun, something he was unable to experience before.
But recovery wasn't simple or easy. Early on, when Britt was first diagnosed, he spent much of his time searching for a single moment in each day when something good happened, something he could celebrate. Gradually, those moments grew larger and more frequent. "Now," he says, "the days are filled with not only great moments, but great minutes and hours. And those make up great days, great weeks, and even great months."
When men talk about depression, one of the recurring themes is how it sucks the color and flavor out of life. The birdsong that filled you with joy as a child has no effect at all. The people you love don't make your heart sing, even though you know they should. The colors of the world are tarnished and dull. Britt ran the Boston Marathon once again, and realized at the end that although he'd run it many times, he had literally never seen the finish line; he ran right through it and focused on the next thing. "Now I can see things I never saw before--colors, scenery, people," he says. "It's almost impossible to describe, except to say that it seems like the world has visually opened up."
Depression is well known for shutting down the senses, and when it lifted, Britt was so astonished at what was around him that he took up photography just to try to capture it all. "I never cared before. I never noticed the colors of a sunset. The electricity in a lightning strike. The glow of moonrise over a lake. They've always been there. But only recently have I begun to see them. And I am amazed."
In the 1960s, the crusading social psychologist Jeanne Block and her colleagues explored how differently parents treat boys and girls. For instance, moms and dads encourage boys to be competitive and to achieve. They don't like them to show their emotions. They encourage them to be less dependent; mothers push them away. They punish them more than they punish girls. And they are unaware that they treat boys and girls differently.
By the time boys are on their way to the teenage years, the process of disavowing what they are is complete. The book A New Psychology of Men describes research in which people were asked what it means to be feminine or masculine. Women and girls defined themselves by the ways they were connected to others, and by citing qualities like being caring or compassionate. Men and boys defined themselves by negatives: They weren't weak, dependent, or connected to their mothers.
But there is not much in our cultural definition of what it means to be a man that is inherent in maleness. Children start off surprisingly alike, whether they're boys or girls. If there's a difference, it's the opposite of what the culture seems to expect: Boys are more sensitive. They give expression to their emotions more readily than girls. They affiliate with others in the same way as girls. Then someone starts telling them it's not okay to be that way. If you act like that, you're a pussy.
As Real and others have explained, it is through this process of denial that men are primed for depression. And it is the cultural necessity of carrying out and carrying on this process that makes it so difficult for them to recognize and admit to depression when it comes. They not only don't acknowledge it to themselves, they often don't display the symptoms that psychotherapists use to diagnose depression.
The cultural training that lays the groundwork for depression in men and for their denial of it later in life involves social isolation. That means telling people the truth about yourself and trusting that they'll do the same, a concept that seems terrifying to many men.
In one case, two friends knew each other for years, commuting together, talking every day, laughing together. They would not have said they were socially isolated, yet when they happened to run into each other in the same group meeting for men suffering from depression, they had to laugh: Neither one had ever admitted it to the other, even though they were both seeking treatment for it.
Social isolation is a well-known killer of mammals. Countless studies going back to the '50s show that contact, affection, emotional communication, and genuine closeness are necessary for mammals, including humans, to maintain our health. Isolation wreaks havoc on everything from the immune system to the cardiovascular system to the brain. Conversely, staying socially connected helps protect men from mental illness, including depression.
The new research done by Kessler and others shows that single men and women look no different when it comes to most kinds of mental illness. But when they get married, they veer off in different directions. "It's a very good deal to be married if you're a man," Kessler says. "It's associated with a dramatic improvement in mental health."
Perhaps because they are forced into solitude as children, men are not as good at being alone as women are. Because of early socialization, women are better at relationships--with children, friends, and relatives. In general, women have more friends than men and are closer to those friends. This, of course, is the direct result of boys' having independence forced on them early in life, when what they need is emotional and physical contact with others.
Socialization punishes women, too. When they have children, women's mental health suffers, while that of men doesn't change at all. That's because women, in general, take care of the kids. If there's trouble in the home, or work interferes with child rearing, they'll disproportionately suffer for it.
Women also worry more than men. They care about a larger group of people who just don't appear on the emotional radar screens of men. In marriage, men share in the joys and are often protected from the pain. Just as the man will go downstairs to investigate a suspicious noise, the woman plays the role of emotional protector.
Kessler uses this example: A wife reports (to the researcher) that she's very upset, because her daughter had an abortion and had to miss a number of days of school. The husband reports that his daughter had the flu and couldn't go to school. How could this be? The explanation is simple: The daughter got pregnant and went to her mother for help, saying, "Whatever you do, don't tell Dad." So the mother helped the daughter have an abortion and told the father the girl was home sick with the flu.
The result is that the husband is exposed to less stress, while the woman is exposed to more. Not only does she have to deal with the abortion, but she also has to lie to her husband and orchestrate the protection of that lie. But throughout, her connections are reinforced and affirmed.
The studies show that when a father dies, the children grow closer to the mother. They come around more. The mother has been maintaining those relationships all along, and they pay off in a crisis. Yet when a mother dies, the children come around less. That's because for years, when they called on Sunday, they talked to the mother, not the father. By filling the social role, the wife grows closer to the kids. That's why widowhood and divorce are so much worse for men. Their protection is ripped away, and they have no social network to catch them as they fall. The person who managed their emotional life is gone.
As Kessler puts it, "You can hire someone to do most of the things the husband does in a marriage. But you can never hire someone to do what the wife does." Men can change this situation and possibly protect themselves from depression later in life by expanding the depth and breadth of their social networks.
Recovery
After undergoing treatment for bipolar disorder and chronic depression, Britt went back to compete in all the events he had run so desperately in 2004, such as the Lake Placid Ironman. To his amazement, he recognized for the first time that the run took place in a glorious natural setting. "You're literally running through fields of green," he says. Later that year, he was competing in the Ironman Wisconsin, which he'd done in such a black mood the year before, and began to wonder, Why am I hurting myself? I don't need to hurt myself anymore. For the first time in his life, he walked for an hour during the event, feeling joyous.
Britt's compulsion to run began to fade. "My race performance declined by about 5 percent in the first half of last year," he tells me, "and it really tailed off by fall. I took most of early winter off, totally. It's a healthier me all around." In other words, he now runs for fun, something he was unable to experience before.
But recovery wasn't simple or easy. Early on, when Britt was first diagnosed, he spent much of his time searching for a single moment in each day when something good happened, something he could celebrate. Gradually, those moments grew larger and more frequent. "Now," he says, "the days are filled with not only great moments, but great minutes and hours. And those make up great days, great weeks, and even great months."
When men talk about depression, one of the recurring themes is how it sucks the color and flavor out of life. The birdsong that filled you with joy as a child has no effect at all. The people you love don't make your heart sing, even though you know they should. The colors of the world are tarnished and dull. Britt ran the Boston Marathon once again, and realized at the end that although he'd run it many times, he had literally never seen the finish line; he ran right through it and focused on the next thing. "Now I can see things I never saw before--colors, scenery, people," he says. "It's almost impossible to describe, except to say that it seems like the world has visually opened up."
Depression is well known for shutting down the senses, and when it lifted, Britt was so astonished at what was around him that he took up photography just to try to capture it all. "I never cared before. I never noticed the colors of a sunset. The electricity in a lightning strike. The glow of moonrise over a lake. They've always been there. But only recently have I begun to see them. And I am amazed."
In the 1960s, the crusading social psychologist Jeanne Block and her colleagues explored how differently parents treat boys and girls. For instance, moms and dads encourage boys to be competitive and to achieve. They don't like them to show their emotions. They encourage them to be less dependent; mothers push them away. They punish them more than they punish girls. And they are unaware that they treat boys and girls differently.
By the time boys are on their way to the teenage years, the process of disavowing what they are is complete. The book A New Psychology of Men describes research in which people were asked what it means to be feminine or masculine. Women and girls defined themselves by the ways they were connected to others, and by citing qualities like being caring or compassionate. Men and boys defined themselves by negatives: They weren't weak, dependent, or connected to their mothers.
But there is not much in our cultural definition of what it means to be a man that is inherent in maleness. Children start off surprisingly alike, whether they're boys or girls. If there's a difference, it's the opposite of what the culture seems to expect: Boys are more sensitive. They give expression to their emotions more readily than girls. They affiliate with others in the same way as girls. Then someone starts telling them it's not okay to be that way. If you act like that, you're a pussy.
As Real and others have explained, it is through this process of denial that men are primed for depression. And it is the cultural necessity of carrying out and carrying on this process that makes it so difficult for them to recognize and admit to depression when it comes. They not only don't acknowledge it to themselves, they often don't display the symptoms that psychotherapists use to diagnose depression.
The cultural training that lays the groundwork for depression in men and for their denial of it later in life involves social isolation. That means telling people the truth about yourself and trusting that they'll do the same, a concept that seems terrifying to many men.
In one case, two friends knew each other for years, commuting together, talking every day, laughing together. They would not have said they were socially isolated, yet when they happened to run into each other in the same group meeting for men suffering from depression, they had to laugh: Neither one had ever admitted it to the other, even though they were both seeking treatment for it.
Social isolation is a well-known killer of mammals. Countless studies going back to the '50s show that contact, affection, emotional communication, and genuine closeness are necessary for mammals, including humans, to maintain our health. Isolation wreaks havoc on everything from the immune system to the cardiovascular system to the brain. Conversely, staying socially connected helps protect men from mental illness, including depression.
The new research done by Kessler and others shows that single men and women look no different when it comes to most kinds of mental illness. But when they get married, they veer off in different directions. "It's a very good deal to be married if you're a man," Kessler says. "It's associated with a dramatic improvement in mental health."
Perhaps because they are forced into solitude as children, men are not as good at being alone as women are. Because of early socialization, women are better at relationships--with children, friends, and relatives. In general, women have more friends than men and are closer to those friends. This, of course, is the direct result of boys' having independence forced on them early in life, when what they need is emotional and physical contact with others.
Socialization punishes women, too. When they have children, women's mental health suffers, while that of men doesn't change at all. That's because women, in general, take care of the kids. If there's trouble in the home, or work interferes with child rearing, they'll disproportionately suffer for it.
Women also worry more than men. They care about a larger group of people who just don't appear on the emotional radar screens of men. In marriage, men share in the joys and are often protected from the pain. Just as the man will go downstairs to investigate a suspicious noise, the woman plays the role of emotional protector.
Kessler uses this example: A wife reports (to the researcher) that she's very upset, because her daughter had an abortion and had to miss a number of days of school. The husband reports that his daughter had the flu and couldn't go to school. How could this be? The explanation is simple: The daughter got pregnant and went to her mother for help, saying, "Whatever you do, don't tell Dad." So the mother helped the daughter have an abortion and told the father the girl was home sick with the flu.
The result is that the husband is exposed to less stress, while the woman is exposed to more. Not only does she have to deal with the abortion, but she also has to lie to her husband and orchestrate the protection of that lie. But throughout, her connections are reinforced and affirmed.
The studies show that when a father dies, the children grow closer to the mother. They come around more. The mother has been maintaining those relationships all along, and they pay off in a crisis. Yet when a mother dies, the children come around less. That's because for years, when they called on Sunday, they talked to the mother, not the father. By filling the social role, the wife grows closer to the kids. That's why widowhood and divorce are so much worse for men. Their protection is ripped away, and they have no social network to catch them as they fall. The person who managed their emotional life is gone.
As Kessler puts it, "You can hire someone to do most of the things the husband does in a marriage. But you can never hire someone to do what the wife does." Men can change this situation and possibly protect themselves from depression later in life by expanding the depth and breadth of their social networks.
Recovery
After undergoing treatment for bipolar disorder and chronic depression, Britt went back to compete in all the events he had run so desperately in 2004, such as the Lake Placid Ironman. To his amazement, he recognized for the first time that the run took place in a glorious natural setting. "You're literally running through fields of green," he says. Later that year, he was competing in the Ironman Wisconsin, which he'd done in such a black mood the year before, and began to wonder, Why am I hurting myself? I don't need to hurt myself anymore. For the first time in his life, he walked for an hour during the event, feeling joyous.
Britt's compulsion to run began to fade. "My race performance declined by about 5 percent in the first half of last year," he tells me, "and it really tailed off by fall. I took most of early winter off, totally. It's a healthier me all around." In other words, he now runs for fun, something he was unable to experience before.
But recovery wasn't simple or easy. Early on, when Britt was first diagnosed, he spent much of his time searching for a single moment in each day when something good happened, something he could celebrate. Gradually, those moments grew larger and more frequent. "Now," he says, "the days are filled with not only great moments, but great minutes and hours. And those make up great days, great weeks, and even great months."
When men talk about depression, one of the recurring themes is how it sucks the color and flavor out of life. The birdsong that filled you with joy as a child has no effect at all. The people you love don't make your heart sing, even though you know they should. The colors of the world are tarnished and dull. Britt ran the Boston Marathon once again, and realized at the end that although he'd run it many times, he had literally never seen the finish line; he ran right through it and focused on the next thing. "Now I can see things I never saw before--colors, scenery, people," he says. "It's almost impossible to describe, except to say that it seems like the world has visually opened up."
Depression is well known for shutting down the senses, and when it lifted, Britt was so astonished at what was around him that he took up photography just to try to capture it all. "I never cared before. I never noticed the colors of a sunset. The electricity in a lightning strike. The glow of moonrise over a lake. They've always been there. But only recently have I begun to see them. And I am amazed."
In the 1960s, the crusading social psychologist Jeanne Block and her colleagues explored how differently parents treat boys and girls. For instance, moms and dads encourage boys to be competitive and to achieve. They don't like them to show their emotions. They encourage them to be less dependent; mothers push them away. They punish them more than they punish girls. And they are unaware that they treat boys and girls differently.
By the time boys are on their way to the teenage years, the process of disavowing what they are is complete. The book A New Psychology of Men describes research in which people were asked what it means to be feminine or masculine. Women and girls defined themselves by the ways they were connected to others, and by citing qualities like being caring or compassionate. Men and boys defined themselves by negatives: They weren't weak, dependent, or connected to their mothers.
But there is not much in our cultural definition of what it means to be a man that is inherent in maleness. Children start off surprisingly alike, whether they're boys or girls. If there's a difference, it's the opposite of what the culture seems to expect: Boys are more sensitive. They give expression to their emotions more readily than girls. They affiliate with others in the same way as girls. Then someone starts telling them it's not okay to be that way. If you act like that, you're a pussy.
As Real and others have explained, it is through this process of denial that men are primed for depression. And it is the cultural necessity of carrying out and carrying on this process that makes it so difficult for them to recognize and admit to depression when it comes. They not only don't acknowledge it to themselves, they often don't display the symptoms that psychotherapists use to diagnose depression.
The cultural training that lays the groundwork for depression in men and for their denial of it later in life involves social isolation. That means telling people the truth about yourself and trusting that they'll do the same, a concept that seems terrifying to many men.
In one case, two friends knew each other for years, commuting together, talking every day, laughing together. They would not have said they were socially isolated, yet when they happened to run into each other in the same group meeting for men suffering from depression, they had to laugh: Neither one had ever admitted it to the other, even though they were both seeking treatment for it.
Social isolation is a well-known killer of mammals. Countless studies going back to the '50s show that contact, affection, emotional communication, and genuine closeness are necessary for mammals, including humans, to maintain our health. Isolation wreaks havoc on everything from the immune system to the cardiovascular system to the brain. Conversely, staying socially connected helps protect men from mental illness, including depression.
The new research done by Kessler and others shows that single men and women look no different when it comes to most kinds of mental illness. But when they get married, they veer off in different directions. "It's a very good deal to be married if you're a man," Kessler says. "It's associated with a dramatic improvement in mental health."
Perhaps because they are forced into solitude as children, men are not as good at being alone as women are. Because of early socialization, women are better at relationships--with children, friends, and relatives. In general, women have more friends than men and are closer to those friends. This, of course, is the direct result of boys' having independence forced on them early in life, when what they need is emotional and physical contact with others.
Socialization punishes women, too. When they have children, women's mental health suffers, while that of men doesn't change at all. That's because women, in general, take care of the kids. If there's trouble in the home, or work interferes with child rearing, they'll disproportionately suffer for it.
Women also worry more than men. They care about a larger group of people who just don't appear on the emotional radar screens of men. In marriage, men share in the joys and are often protected from the pain. Just as the man will go downstairs to investigate a suspicious noise, the woman plays the role of emotional protector.
Kessler uses this example: A wife reports (to the researcher) that she's very upset, because her daughter had an abortion and had to miss a number of days of school. The husband reports that his daughter had the flu and couldn't go to school. How could this be? The explanation is simple: The daughter got pregnant and went to her mother for help, saying, "Whatever you do, don't tell Dad." So the mother helped the daughter have an abortion and told the father the girl was home sick with the flu.
The result is that the husband is exposed to less stress, while the woman is exposed to more. Not only does she have to deal with the abortion, but she also has to lie to her husband and orchestrate the protection of that lie. But throughout, her connections are reinforced and affirmed.
The studies show that when a father dies, the children grow closer to the mother. They come around more. The mother has been maintaining those relationships all along, and they pay off in a crisis. Yet when a mother dies, the children come around less. That's because for years, when they called on Sunday, they talked to the mother, not the father. By filling the social role, the wife grows closer to the kids. That's why widowhood and divorce are so much worse for men. Their protection is ripped away, and they have no social network to catch them as they fall. The person who managed their emotional life is gone.
As Kessler puts it, "You can hire someone to do most of the things the husband does in a marriage. But you can never hire someone to do what the wife does." Men can change this situation and possibly protect themselves from depression later in life by expanding the depth and breadth of their social networks.
Recovery
After undergoing treatment for bipolar disorder and chronic depression, Britt went back to compete in all the events he had run so desperately in 2004, such as the Lake Placid Ironman. To his amazement, he recognized for the first time that the run took place in a glorious natural setting. "You're literally running through fields of green," he says. Later that year, he was competing in the Ironman Wisconsin, which he'd done in such a black mood the year before, and began to wonder, Why am I hurting myself? I don't need to hurt myself anymore. For the first time in his life, he walked for an hour during the event, feeling joyous.
Britt's compulsion to run began to fade. "My race performance declined by about 5 percent in the first half of last year," he tells me, "and it really tailed off by fall. I took most of early winter off, totally. It's a healthier me all around." In other words, he now runs for fun, something he was unable to experience before.
But recovery wasn't simple or easy. Early on, when Britt was first diagnosed, he spent much of his time searching for a single moment in each day when something good happened, something he could celebrate. Gradually, those moments grew larger and more frequent. "Now," he says, "the days are filled with not only great moments, but great minutes and hours. And those make up great days, great weeks, and even great months."
When men talk about depression, one of the recurring themes is how it sucks the color and flavor out of life. The birdsong that filled you with joy as a child has no effect at all. The people you love don't make your heart sing, even though you know they should. The colors of the world are tarnished and dull. Britt ran the Boston Marathon once again, and realized at the end that although he'd run it many times, he had literally never seen the finish line; he ran right through it and focused on the next thing. "Now I can see things I never saw before--colors, scenery, people," he says. "It's almost impossible to describe, except to say that it seems like the world has visually opened up."
Depression is well known for shutting down the senses, and when it lifted, Britt was so astonished at what was around him that he took up photography just to try to capture it all. "I never cared before. I never noticed the colors of a sunset. The electricity in a lightning strike. The glow of moonrise over a lake. They've always been there. But only recently have I begun to see them. And I am amazed."
In the 1960s, the crusading social psychologist Jeanne Block and her colleagues explored how differently parents treat boys and girls. For instance, moms and dads encourage boys to be competitive and to achieve. They don't like them to show their emotions. They encourage them to be less dependent; mothers push them away. They punish them more than they punish girls. And they are unaware that they treat boys and girls differently.
By the time boys are on their way to the teenage years, the process of disavowing what they are is complete. The book A New Psychology of Men describes research in which people were asked what it means to be feminine or masculine. Women and girls defined themselves by the ways they were connected to others, and by citing qualities like being caring or compassionate. Men and boys defined themselves by negatives: They weren't weak, dependent, or connected to their mothers.
But there is not much in our cultural definition of what it means to be a man that is inherent in maleness. Children start off surprisingly alike, whether they're boys or girls. If there's a difference, it's the opposite of what the culture seems to expect: Boys are more sensitive. They give expression to their emotions more readily than girls. They affiliate with others in the same way as girls. Then someone starts telling them it's not okay to be that way. If you act like that, you're a pussy.
As Real and others have explained, it is through this process of denial that men are primed for depression. And it is the cultural necessity of carrying out and carrying on this process that makes it so difficult for them to recognize and admit to depression when it comes. They not only don't acknowledge it to themselves, they often don't display the symptoms that psychotherapists use to diagnose depression.
The cultural training that lays the groundwork for depression in men and for their denial of it later in life involves social isolation. That means telling people the truth about yourself and trusting that they'll do the same, a concept that seems terrifying to many men.
In one case, two friends knew each other for years, commuting together, talking every day, laughing together. They would not have said they were socially isolated, yet when they happened to run into each other in the same group meeting for men suffering from depression, they had to laugh: Neither one had ever admitted it to the other, even though they were both seeking treatment for it.
Social isolation is a well-known killer of mammals. Countless studies going back to the '50s show that contact, affection, emotional communication, and genuine closeness are necessary for mammals, including humans, to maintain our health. Isolation wreaks havoc on everything from the immune system to the cardiovascular system to the brain. Conversely, staying socially connected helps protect men from mental illness, including depression.
The new research done by Kessler and others shows that single men and women look no different when it comes to most kinds of mental illness. But when they get married, they veer off in different directions. "It's a very good deal to be married if you're a man," Kessler says. "It's associated with a dramatic improvement in mental health."
Perhaps because they are forced into solitude as children, men are not as good at being alone as women are. Because of early socialization, women are better at relationships--with children, friends, and relatives. In general, women have more friends than men and are closer to those friends. This, of course, is the direct result of boys' having independence forced on them early in life, when what they need is emotional and physical contact with others.
Socialization punishes women, too. When they have children, women's mental health suffers, while that of men doesn't change at all. That's because women, in general, take care of the kids. If there's trouble in the home, or work interferes with child rearing, they'll disproportionately suffer for it.
Women also worry more than men. They care about a larger group of people who just don't appear on the emotional radar screens of men. In marriage, men share in the joys and are often protected from the pain. Just as the man will go downstairs to investigate a suspicious noise, the woman plays the role of emotional protector.
Kessler uses this example: A wife reports (to the researcher) that she's very upset, because her daughter had an abortion and had to miss a number of days of school. The husband reports that his daughter had the flu and couldn't go to school. How could this be? The explanation is simple: The daughter got pregnant and went to her mother for help, saying, "Whatever you do, don't tell Dad." So the mother helped the daughter have an abortion and told the father the girl was home sick with the flu.
The result is that the husband is exposed to less stress, while the woman is exposed to more. Not only does she have to deal with the abortion, but she also has to lie to her husband and orchestrate the protection of that lie. But throughout, her connections are reinforced and affirmed.
The studies show that when a father dies, the children grow closer to the mother. They come around more. The mother has been maintaining those relationships all along, and they pay off in a crisis. Yet when a mother dies, the children come around less. That's because for years, when they called on Sunday, they talked to the mother, not the father. By filling the social role, the wife grows closer to the kids. That's why widowhood and divorce are so much worse for men. Their protection is ripped away, and they have no social network to catch them as they fall. The person who managed their emotional life is gone.
As Kessler puts it, "You can hire someone to do most of the things the husband does in a marriage. But you can never hire someone to do what the wife does." Men can change this situation and possibly protect themselves from depression later in life by expanding the depth and breadth of their social networks.
Recovery
After undergoing treatment for bipolar disorder and chronic depression, Britt went back to compete in all the events he had run so desperately in 2004, such as the Lake Placid Ironman. To his amazement, he recognized for the first time that the run took place in a glorious natural setting. "You're literally running through fields of green," he says. Later that year, he was competing in the Ironman Wisconsin, which he'd done in such a black mood the year before, and began to wonder, Why am I hurting myself? I don't need to hurt myself anymore. For the first time in his life, he walked for an hour during the event, feeling joyous.
Britt's compulsion to run began to fade. "My race performance declined by about 5 percent in the first half of last year," he tells me, "and it really tailed off by fall. I took most of early winter off, totally. It's a healthier me all around." In other words, he now runs for fun, something he was unable to experience before.
But recovery wasn't simple or easy. Early on, when Britt was first diagnosed, he spent much of his time searching for a single moment in each day when something good happened, something he could celebrate. Gradually, those moments grew larger and more frequent. "Now," he says, "the days are filled with not only great moments, but great minutes and hours. And those make up great days, great weeks, and even great months."
When men talk about depression, one of the recurring themes is how it sucks the color and flavor out of life. The birdsong that filled you with joy as a child has no effect at all. The people you love don't make your heart sing, even though you know they should. The colors of the world are tarnished and dull. Britt ran the Boston Marathon once again, and realized at the end that although he'd run it many times, he had literally never seen the finish line; he ran right through it and focused on the next thing. "Now I can see things I never saw before--colors, scenery, people," he says. "It's almost impossible to describe, except to say that it seems like the world has visually opened up."
Depression is well known for shutting down the senses, and when it lifted, Britt was so astonished at what was around him that he took up photography just to try to capture it all. "I never cared before. I never noticed the colors of a sunset. The electricity in a lightning strike. The glow of moonrise over a lake. They've always been there. But only recently have I begun to see them. And I am amazed."
In the 1960s, the crusading social psychologist Jeanne Block and her colleagues explored how differently parents treat boys and girls. For instance, moms and dads encourage boys to be competitive and to achieve. They don't like them to show their emotions. They encourage them to be less dependent; mothers push them away. They punish them more than they punish girls. And they are unaware that they treat boys and girls differently.
By the time boys are on their way to the teenage years, the process of disavowing what they are is complete. The book A New Psychology of Men describes research in which people were asked what it means to be feminine or masculine. Women and girls defined themselves by the ways they were connected to others, and by citing qualities like being caring or compassionate. Men and boys defined themselves by negatives: They weren't weak, dependent, or connected to their mothers.
But there is not much in our cultural definition of what it means to be a man that is inherent in maleness. Children start off surprisingly alike, whether they're boys or girls. If there's a difference, it's the opposite of what the culture seems to expect: Boys are more sensitive. They give expression to their emotions more readily than girls. They affiliate with others in the same way as girls. Then someone starts telling them it's not okay to be that way. If you act like that, you're a pussy.
As Real and others have explained, it is through this process of denial that men are primed for depression. And it is the cultural necessity of carrying out and carrying on this process that makes it so difficult for them to recognize and admit to depression when it comes. They not only don't acknowledge it to themselves, they often don't display the symptoms that psychotherapists use to diagnose depression.
The cultural training that lays the groundwork for depression in men and for their denial of it later in life involves social isolation. That means telling people the truth about yourself and trusting that they'll do the same, a concept that seems terrifying to many men.
In one case, two friends knew each other for years, commuting together, talking every day, laughing together. They would not have said they were socially isolated, yet when they happened to run into each other in the same group meeting for men suffering from depression, they had to laugh: Neither one had ever admitted it to the other, even though they were both seeking treatment for it.
Social isolation is a well-known killer of mammals. Countless studies going back to the '50s show that contact, affection, emotional communication, and genuine closeness are necessary for mammals, including humans, to maintain our health. Isolation wreaks havoc on everything from the immune system to the cardiovascular system to the brain. Conversely, staying socially connected helps protect men from mental illness, including depression.
The new research done by Kessler and others shows that single men and women look no different when it comes to most kinds of mental illness. But when they get married, they veer off in different directions. "It's a very good deal to be married if you're a man," Kessler says. "It's associated with a dramatic improvement in mental health."
Perhaps because they are forced into solitude as children, men are not as good at being alone as women are. Because of early socialization, women are better at relationships--with children, friends, and relatives. In general, women have more friends than men and are closer to those friends. This, of course, is the direct result of boys' having independence forced on them early in life, when what they need is emotional and physical contact with others.
Socialization punishes women, too. When they have children, women's mental health suffers, while that of men doesn't change at all. That's because women, in general, take care of the kids. If there's trouble in the home, or work interferes with child rearing, they'll disproportionately suffer for it.
Women also worry more than men. They care about a larger group of people who just don't appear on the emotional radar screens of men. In marriage, men share in the joys and are often protected from the pain. Just as the man will go downstairs to investigate a suspicious noise, the woman plays the role of emotional protector.
Kessler uses this example: A wife reports (to the researcher) that she's very upset, because her daughter had an abortion and had to miss a number of days of school. The husband reports that his daughter had the flu and couldn't go to school. How could this be? The explanation is simple: The daughter got pregnant and went to her mother for help, saying, "Whatever you do, don't tell Dad." So the mother helped the daughter have an abortion and told the father the girl was home sick with the flu.
The result is that the husband is exposed to less stress, while the woman is exposed to more. Not only does she have to deal with the abortion, but she also has to lie to her husband and orchestrate the protection of that lie. But throughout, her connections are reinforced and affirmed.
The studies show that when a father dies, the children grow closer to the mother. They come around more. The mother has been maintaining those relationships all along, and they pay off in a crisis. Yet when a mother dies, the children come around less. That's because for years, when they called on Sunday, they talked to the mother, not the father. By filling the social role, the wife grows closer to the kids. That's why widowhood and divorce are so much worse for men. Their protection is ripped away, and they have no social network to catch them as they fall. The person who managed their emotional life is gone.
As Kessler puts it, "You can hire someone to do most of the things the husband does in a marriage. But you can never hire someone to do what the wife does." Men can change this situation and possibly protect themselves from depression later in life by expanding the depth and breadth of their social networks.
Recovery
After undergoing treatment for bipolar disorder and chronic depression, Britt went back to compete in all the events he had run so desperately in 2004, such as the Lake Placid Ironman. To his amazement, he recognized for the first time that the run took place in a glorious natural setting. "You're literally running through fields of green," he says. Later that year, he was competing in the Ironman Wisconsin, which he'd done in such a black mood the year before, and began to wonder, Why am I hurting myself? I don't need to hurt myself anymore. For the first time in his life, he walked for an hour during the event, feeling joyous.
Britt's compulsion to run began to fade. "My race performance declined by about 5 percent in the first half of last year," he tells me, "and it really tailed off by fall. I took most of early winter off, totally. It's a healthier me all around." In other words, he now runs for fun, something he was unable to experience before.
But recovery wasn't simple or easy. Early on, when Britt was first diagnosed, he spent much of his time searching for a single moment in each day when something good happened, something he could celebrate. Gradually, those moments grew larger and more frequent. "Now," he says, "the days are filled with not only great moments, but great minutes and hours. And those make up great days, great weeks, and even great months."
When men talk about depression, one of the recurring themes is how it sucks the color and flavor out of life. The birdsong that filled you with joy as a child has no effect at all. The people you love don't make your heart sing, even though you know they should. The colors of the world are tarnished and dull. Britt ran the Boston Marathon once again, and realized at the end that although he'd run it many times, he had literally never seen the finish line; he ran right through it and focused on the next thing. "Now I can see things I never saw before--colors, scenery, people," he says. "It's almost impossible to describe, except to say that it seems like the world has visually opened up."
Depression is well known for shutting down the senses, and when it lifted, Britt was so astonished at what was around him that he took up photography just to try to capture it all. "I never cared before. I never noticed the colors of a sunset. The electricity in a lightning strike. The glow of moonrise over a lake. They've always been there. But only recently have I begun to see them. And I am amazed."
In the 1960s, the crusading social psychologist Jeanne Block and her colleagues explored how differently parents treat boys and girls. For instance, moms and dads encourage boys to be competitive and to achieve. They don't like them to show their emotions. They encourage them to be less dependent; mothers push them away. They punish them more than they punish girls. And they are unaware that they treat boys and girls differently.
By the time boys are on their way to the teenage years, the process of disavowing what they are is complete. The book A New Psychology of Men describes research in which people were asked what it means to be feminine or masculine. Women and girls defined themselves by the ways they were connected to others, and by citing qualities like being caring or compassionate. Men and boys defined themselves by negatives: They weren't weak, dependent, or connected to their mothers.
But there is not much in our cultural definition of what it means to be a man that is inherent in maleness. Children start off surprisingly alike, whether they're boys or girls. If there's a difference, it's the opposite of what the culture seems to expect: Boys are more sensitive. They give expression to their emotions more readily than girls. They affiliate with others in the same way as girls. Then someone starts telling them it's not okay to be that way. If you act like that, you're a pussy.
As Real and others have explained, it is through this process of denial that men are primed for depression. And it is the cultural necessity of carrying out and carrying on this process that makes it so difficult for them to recognize and admit to depression when it comes. They not only don't acknowledge it to themselves, they often don't display the symptoms that psychotherapists use to diagnose depression.
The cultural training that lays the groundwork for depression in men and for their denial of it later in life involves social isolation. That means telling people the truth about yourself and trusting that they'll do the same, a concept that seems terrifying to many men.
In one case, two friends knew each other for years, commuting together, talking every day, laughing together. They would not have said they were socially isolated, yet when they happened to run into each other in the same group meeting for men suffering from depression, they had to laugh: Neither one had ever admitted it to the other, even though they were both seeking treatment for it.
Social isolation is a well-known killer of mammals. Countless studies going back to the '50s show that contact, affection, emotional communication, and genuine closeness are necessary for mammals, including humans, to maintain our health. Isolation wreaks havoc on everything from the immune system to the cardiovascular system to the brain. Conversely, staying socially connected helps protect men from mental illness, including depression.
The new research done by Kessler and others shows that single men and women look no different when it comes to most kinds of mental illness. But when they get married, they veer off in different directions. "It's a very good deal to be married if you're a man," Kessler says. "It's associated with a dramatic improvement in mental health."
Perhaps because they are forced into solitude as children, men are not as good at being alone as women are. Because of early socialization, women are better at relationships--with children, friends, and relatives. In general, women have more friends than men and are closer to those friends. This, of course, is the direct result of boys' having independence forced on them early in life, when what they need is emotional and physical contact with others.
Socialization punishes women, too. When they have children, women's mental health suffers, while that of men doesn't change at all. That's because women, in general, take care of the kids. If there's trouble in the home, or work interferes with child rearing, they'll disproportionately suffer for it.
Women also worry more than men. They care about a larger group of people who just don't appear on the emotional radar screens of men. In marriage, men share in the joys and are often protected from the pain. Just as the man will go downstairs to investigate a suspicious noise, the woman plays the role of emotional protector.
Kessler uses this example: A wife reports (to the researcher) that she's very upset, because her daughter had an abortion and had to miss a number of days of school. The husband reports that his daughter had the flu and couldn't go to school. How could this be? The explanation is simple: The daughter got pregnant and went to her mother for help, saying, "Whatever you do, don't tell Dad." So the mother helped the daughter have an abortion and told the father the girl was home sick with the flu.
The result is that the husband is exposed to less stress, while the woman is exposed to more. Not only does she have to deal with the abortion, but she also has to lie to her husband and orchestrate the protection of that lie. But throughout, her connections are reinforced and affirmed.
The studies show that when a father dies, the children grow closer to the mother. They come around more. The mother has been maintaining those relationships all along, and they pay off in a crisis. Yet when a mother dies, the children come around less. That's because for years, when they called on Sunday, they talked to the mother, not the father. By filling the social role, the wife grows closer to the kids. That's why widowhood and divorce are so much worse for men. Their protection is ripped away, and they have no social network to catch them as they fall. The person who managed their emotional life is gone.
As Kessler puts it, "You can hire someone to do most of the things the husband does in a marriage. But you can never hire someone to do what the wife does." Men can change this situation and possibly protect themselves from depression later in life by expanding the depth and breadth of their social networks.
Recovery
After undergoing treatment for bipolar disorder and chronic depression, Britt went back to compete in all the events he had run so desperately in 2004, such as the Lake Placid Ironman. To his amazement, he recognized for the first time that the run took place in a glorious natural setting. "You're literally running through fields of green," he says. Later that year, he was competing in the Ironman Wisconsin, which he'd done in such a black mood the year before, and began to wonder, Why am I hurting myself? I don't need to hurt myself anymore. For the first time in his life, he walked for an hour during the event, feeling joyous.
Britt's compulsion to run began to fade. "My race performance declined by about 5 percent in the first half of last year," he tells me, "and it really tailed off by fall. I took most of early winter off, totally. It's a healthier me all around." In other words, he now runs for fun, something he was unable to experience before.
But recovery wasn't simple or easy. Early on, when Britt was first diagnosed, he spent much of his time searching for a single moment in each day when something good happened, something he could celebrate. Gradually, those moments grew larger and more frequent. "Now," he says, "the days are filled with not only great moments, but great minutes and hours. And those make up great days, great weeks, and even great months."
When men talk about depression, one of the recurring themes is how it sucks the color and flavor out of life. The birdsong that filled you with joy as a child has no effect at all. The people you love don't make your heart sing, even though you know they should. The colors of the world are tarnished and dull. Britt ran the Boston Marathon once again, and realized at the end that although he'd run it many times, he had literally never seen the finish line; he ran right through it and focused on the next thing. "Now I can see things I never saw before--colors, scenery, people," he says. "It's almost impossible to describe, except to say that it seems like the world has visually opened up."
Depression is well known for shutting down the senses, and when it lifted, Britt was so astonished at what was around him that he took up photography just to try to capture it all. "I never cared before. I never noticed the colors of a sunset. The electricity in a lightning strike. The glow of moonrise over a lake. They've always been there. But only recently have I begun to see them. And I am amazed."
In the 1960s, the crusading social psychologist Jeanne Block and her colleagues explored how differently parents treat boys and girls. For instance, moms and dads encourage boys to be competitive and to achieve. They don't like them to show their emotions. They encourage them to be less dependent; mothers push them away. They punish them more than they punish girls. And they are unaware that they treat boys and girls differently.
By the time boys are on their way to the teenage years, the process of disavowing what they are is complete. The book A New Psychology of Men describes research in which people were asked what it means to be feminine or masculine. Women and girls defined themselves by the ways they were connected to others, and by citing qualities like being caring or compassionate. Men and boys defined themselves by negatives: They weren't weak, dependent, or connected to their mothers.
But there is not much in our cultural definition of what it means to be a man that is inherent in maleness. Children start off surprisingly alike, whether they're boys or girls. If there's a difference, it's the opposite of what the culture seems to expect: Boys are more sensitive. They give expression to their emotions more readily than girls. They affiliate with others in the same way as girls. Then someone starts telling them it's not okay to be that way. If you act like that, you're a pussy.
As Real and others have explained, it is through this process of denial that men are primed for depression. And it is the cultural necessity of carrying out and carrying on this process that makes it so difficult for them to recognize and admit to depression when it comes. They not only don't acknowledge it to themselves, they often don't display the symptoms that psychotherapists use to diagnose depression.
The cultural training that lays the groundwork for depression in men and for their denial of it later in life involves social isolation. That means telling people the truth about yourself and trusting that they'll do the same, a concept that seems terrifying to many men.
In one case, two friends knew each other for years, commuting together, talking every day, laughing together. They would not have said they were socially isolated, yet when they happened to run into each other in the same group meeting for men suffering from depression, they had to laugh: Neither one had ever admitted it to the other, even though they were both seeking treatment for it.
Social isolation is a well-known killer of mammals. Countless studies going back to the '50s show that contact, affection, emotional communication, and genuine closeness are necessary for mammals, including humans, to maintain our health. Isolation wreaks havoc on everything from the immune system to the cardiovascular system to the brain. Conversely, staying socially connected helps protect men from mental illness, including depression.
The new research done by Kessler and others shows that single men and women look no different when it comes to most kinds of mental illness. But when they get married, they veer off in different directions. "It's a very good deal to be married if you're a man," Kessler says. "It's associated with a dramatic improvement in mental health."
Perhaps because they are forced into solitude as children, men are not as good at being alone as women are. Because of early socialization, women are better at relationships--with children, friends, and relatives. In general, women have more friends than men and are closer to those friends. This, of course, is the direct result of boys' having independence forced on them early in life, when what they need is emotional and physical contact with others.
Socialization punishes women, too. When they have children, women's mental health suffers, while that of men doesn't change at all. That's because women, in general, take care of the kids. If there's trouble in the home, or work interferes with child rearing, they'll disproportionately suffer for it.
Women also worry more than men. They care about a larger group of people who just don't appear on the emotional radar screens of men. In marriage, men share in the joys and are often protected from the pain. Just as the man will go downstairs to investigate a suspicious noise, the woman plays the role of emotional protector.
Kessler uses this example: A wife reports (to the researcher) that she's very upset, because her daughter had an abortion and had to miss a number of days of school. The husband reports that his daughter had the flu and couldn't go to school. How could this be? The explanation is simple: The daughter got pregnant and went to her mother for help, saying, "Whatever you do, don't tell Dad." So the mother helped the daughter have an abortion and told the father the girl was home sick with the flu.
The result is that the husband is exposed to less stress, while the woman is exposed to more. Not only does she have to deal with the abortion, but she also has to lie to her husband and orchestrate the protection of that lie. But throughout, her connections are reinforced and affirmed.
The studies show that when a father dies, the children grow closer to the mother. They come around more. The mother has been maintaining those relationships all along, and they pay off in a crisis. Yet when a mother dies, the children come around less. That's because for years, when they called on Sunday, they talked to the mother, not the father. By filling the social role, the wife grows closer to the kids. That's why widowhood and divorce are so much worse for men. Their protection is ripped away, and they have no social network to catch them as they fall. The person who managed their emotional life is gone.
As Kessler puts it, "You can hire someone to do most of the things the husband does in a marriage. But you can never hire someone to do what the wife does." Men can change this situation and possibly protect themselves from depression later in life by expanding the depth and breadth of their social networks.
Recovery
After undergoing treatment for bipolar disorder and chronic depression, Britt went back to compete in all the events he had run so desperately in 2004, such as the Lake Placid Ironman. To his amazement, he recognized for the first time that the run took place in a glorious natural setting. "You're literally running through fields of green," he says. Later that year, he was competing in the Ironman Wisconsin, which he'd done in such a black mood the year before, and began to wonder, Why am I hurting myself? I don't need to hurt myself anymore. For the first time in his life, he walked for an hour during the event, feeling joyous.
Britt's compulsion to run began to fade. "My race performance declined by about 5 percent in the first half of last year," he tells me, "and it really tailed off by fall. I took most of early winter off, totally. It's a healthier me all around." In other words, he now runs for fun, something he was unable to experience before.
But recovery wasn't simple or easy. Early on, when Britt was first diagnosed, he spent much of his time searching for a single moment in each day when something good happened, something he could celebrate. Gradually, those moments grew larger and more frequent. "Now," he says, "the days are filled with not only great moments, but great minutes and hours. And those make up great days, great weeks, and even great months."
When men talk about depression, one of the recurring themes is how it sucks the color and flavor out of life. The birdsong that filled you with joy as a child has no effect at all. The people you love don't make your heart sing, even though you know they should. The colors of the world are tarnished and dull. Britt ran the Boston Marathon once again, and realized at the end that although he'd run it many times, he had literally never seen the finish line; he ran right through it and focused on the next thing. "Now I can see things I never saw before--colors, scenery, people," he says. "It's almost impossible to describe, except to say that it seems like the world has visually opened up."
Depression is well known for shutting down the senses, and when it lifted, Britt was so astonished at what was around him that he took up photography just to try to capture it all. "I never cared before. I never noticed the colors of a sunset. The electricity in a lightning strike. The glow of moonrise over a lake. They've always been there. But only recently have I begun to see them. And I am amazed."
In the 1960s, the crusading social psychologist Jeanne Block and her colleagues explored how differently parents treat boys and girls. For instance, moms and dads encourage boys to be competitive and to achieve. They don't like them to show their emotions. They encourage them to be less dependent; mothers push them away. They punish them more than they punish girls. And they are unaware that they treat boys and girls differently.
By the time boys are on their way to the teenage years, the process of disavowing what they are is complete. The book A New Psychology of Men describes research in which people were asked what it means to be feminine or masculine. Women and girls defined themselves by the ways they were connected to others, and by citing qualities like being caring or compassionate. Men and boys defined themselves by negatives: They weren't weak, dependent, or connected to their mothers.
But there is not much in our cultural definition of what it means to be a man that is inherent in maleness. Children start off surprisingly alike, whether they're boys or girls. If there's a difference, it's the opposite of what the culture seems to expect: Boys are more sensitive. They give expression to their emotions more readily than girls. They affiliate with others in the same way as girls. Then someone starts telling them it's not okay to be that way. If you act like that, you're a pussy.
As Real and others have explained, it is through this process of denial that men are primed for depression. And it is the cultural necessity of carrying out and carrying on this process that makes it so difficult for them to recognize and admit to depression when it comes. They not only don't acknowledge it to themselves, they often don't display the symptoms that psychotherapists use to diagnose depression.
The cultural training that lays the groundwork for depression in men and for their denial of it later in life involves social isolation. That means telling people the truth about yourself and trusting that they'll do the same, a concept that seems terrifying to many men.
In one case, two friends knew each other for years, commuting together, talking every day, laughing together. They would not have said they were socially isolated, yet when they happened to run into each other in the same group meeting for men suffering from depression, they had to laugh: Neither one had ever admitted it to the other, even though they were both seeking treatment for it.
Social isolation is a well-known killer of mammals. Countless studies going back to the '50s show that contact, affection, emotional communication, and genuine closeness are necessary for mammals, including humans, to maintain our health. Isolation wreaks havoc on everything from the immune system to the cardiovascular system to the brain. Conversely, staying socially connected helps protect men from mental illness, including depression.
The new research done by Kessler and others shows that single men and women look no different when it comes to most kinds of mental illness. But when they get married, they veer off in different directions. "It's a very good deal to be married if you're a man," Kessler says. "It's associated with a dramatic improvement in mental health."
Perhaps because they are forced into solitude as children, men are not as good at being alone as women are. Because of early socialization, women are better at relationships--with children, friends, and relatives. In general, women have more friends than men and are closer to those friends. This, of course, is the direct result of boys' having independence forced on them early in life, when what they need is emotional and physical contact with others.
Socialization punishes women, too. When they have children, women's mental health suffers, while that of men doesn't change at all. That's because women, in general, take care of the kids. If there's trouble in the home, or work interferes with child rearing, they'll disproportionately suffer for it.
Women also worry more than men. They care about a larger group of people who just don't appear on the emotional radar screens of men. In marriage, men share in the joys and are often protected from the pain. Just as the man will go downstairs to investigate a suspicious noise, the woman plays the role of emotional protector.
Kessler uses this example: A wife reports (to the researcher) that she's very upset, because her daughter had an abortion and had to miss a number of days of school. The husband reports that his daughter had the flu and couldn't go to school. How could this be? The explanation is simple: The daughter got pregnant and went to her mother for help, saying, "Whatever you do, don't tell Dad." So the mother helped the daughter have an abortion and told the father the girl was home sick with the flu.
The result is that the husband is exposed to less stress, while the woman is exposed to more. Not only does she have to deal with the abortion, but she also has to lie to her husband and orchestrate the protection of that lie. But throughout, her connections are reinforced and affirmed.
The studies show that when a father dies, the children grow closer to the mother. They come around more. The mother has been maintaining those relationships all along, and they pay off in a crisis. Yet when a mother dies, the children come around less. That's because for years, when they called on Sunday, they talked to the mother, not the father. By filling the social role, the wife grows closer to the kids. That's why widowhood and divorce are so much worse for men. Their protection is ripped away, and they have no social network to catch them as they fall. The person who managed their emotional life is gone.
As Kessler puts it, "You can hire someone to do most of the things the husband does in a marriage. But you can never hire someone to do what the wife does." Men can change this situation and possibly protect themselves from depression later in life by expanding the depth and breadth of their social networks.
Recovery
After undergoing treatment for bipolar disorder and chronic depression, Britt went back to compete in all the events he had run so desperately in 2004, such as the Lake Placid Ironman. To his amazement, he recognized for the first time that the run took place in a glorious natural setting. "You're literally running through fields of green," he says. Later that year, he was competing in the Ironman Wisconsin, which he'd done in such a black mood the year before, and began to wonder, Why am I hurting myself? I don't need to hurt myself anymore. For the first time in his life, he walked for an hour during the event, feeling joyous.
Britt's compulsion to run began to fade. "My race performance declined by about 5 percent in the first half of last year," he tells me, "and it really tailed off by fall. I took most of early winter off, totally. It's a healthier me all around." In other words, he now runs for fun, something he was unable to experience before.
But recovery wasn't simple or easy. Early on, when Britt was first diagnosed, he spent much of his time searching for a single moment in each day when something good happened, something he could celebrate. Gradually, those moments grew larger and more frequent. "Now," he says, "the days are filled with not only great moments, but great minutes and hours. And those make up great days, great weeks, and even great months."
When men talk about depression, one of the recurring themes is how it sucks the color and flavor out of life. The birdsong that filled you with joy as a child has no effect at all. The people you love don't make your heart sing, even though you know they should. The colors of the world are tarnished and dull. Britt ran the Boston Marathon once again, and realized at the end that although he'd run it many times, he had literally never seen the finish line; he ran right through it and focused on the next thing. "Now I can see things I never saw before--colors, scenery, people," he says. "It's almost impossible to describe, except to say that it seems like the world has visually opened up."
Depression is well known for shutting down the senses, and when it lifted, Britt was so astonished at what was around him that he took up photography just to try to capture it all. "I never cared before. I never noticed the colors of a sunset. The electricity in a lightning strike. The glow of moonrise over a lake. They've always been there. But only recently have I begun to see them. And I am amazed."
In the 1960s, the crusading social psychologist Jeanne Block and her colleagues explored how differently parents treat boys and girls. For instance, moms and dads encourage boys to be competitive and to achieve. They don't like them to show their emotions. They encourage them to be less dependent; mothers push them away. They punish them more than they punish girls. And they are unaware that they treat boys and girls differently.
By the time boys are on their way to the teenage years, the process of disavowing what they are is complete. The book A New Psychology of Men describes research in which people were asked what it means to be feminine or masculine. Women and girls defined themselves by the ways they were connected to others, and by citing qualities like being caring or compassionate. Men and boys defined themselves by negatives: They weren't weak, dependent, or connected to their mothers.
But there is not much in our cultural definition of what it means to be a man that is inherent in maleness. Children start off surprisingly alike, whether they're boys or girls. If there's a difference, it's the opposite of what the culture seems to expect: Boys are more sensitive. They give expression to their emotions more readily than girls. They affiliate with others in the same way as girls. Then someone starts telling them it's not okay to be that way. If you act like that, you're a pussy.
As Real and others have explained, it is through this process of denial that men are primed for depression. And it is the cultural necessity of carrying out and carrying on this process that makes it so difficult for them to recognize and admit to depression when it comes. They not only don't acknowledge it to themselves, they often don't display the symptoms that psychotherapists use to diagnose depression.
The cultural training that lays the groundwork for depression in men and for their denial of it later in life involves social isolation. That means telling people the truth about yourself and trusting that they'll do the same, a concept that seems terrifying to many men.
In one case, two friends knew each other for years, commuting together, talking every day, laughing together. They would not have said they were socially isolated, yet when they happened to run into each other in the same group meeting for men suffering from depression, they had to laugh: Neither one had ever admitted it to the other, even though they were both seeking treatment for it.
Social isolation is a well-known killer of mammals. Countless studies going back to the '50s show that contact, affection, emotional communication, and genuine closeness are necessary for mammals, including humans, to maintain our health. Isolation wreaks havoc on everything from the immune system to the cardiovascular system to the brain. Conversely, staying socially connected helps protect men from mental illness, including depression.
The new research done by Kessler and others shows that single men and women look no different when it comes to most kinds of mental illness. But when they get married, they veer off in different directions. "It's a very good deal to be married if you're a man," Kessler says. "It's associated with a dramatic improvement in mental health."
Perhaps because they are forced into solitude as children, men are not as good at being alone as women are. Because of early socialization, women are better at relationships--with children, friends, and relatives. In general, women have more friends than men and are closer to those friends. This, of course, is the direct result of boys' having independence forced on them early in life, when what they need is emotional and physical contact with others.
Socialization punishes women, too. When they have children, women's mental health suffers, while that of men doesn't change at all. That's because women, in general, take care of the kids. If there's trouble in the home, or work interferes with child rearing, they'll disproportionately suffer for it.
Women also worry more than men. They care about a larger group of people who just don't appear on the emotional radar screens of men. In marriage, men share in the joys and are often protected from the pain. Just as the man will go downstairs to investigate a suspicious noise, the woman plays the role of emotional protector.
Kessler uses this example: A wife reports (to the researcher) that she's very upset, because her daughter had an abortion and had to miss a number of days of school. The husband reports that his daughter had the flu and couldn't go to school. How could this be? The explanation is simple: The daughter got pregnant and went to her mother for help, saying, "Whatever you do, don't tell Dad." So the mother helped the daughter have an abortion and told the father the girl was home sick with the flu.
The result is that the husband is exposed to less stress, while the woman is exposed to more. Not only does she have to deal with the abortion, but she also has to lie to her husband and orchestrate the protection of that lie. But throughout, her connections are reinforced and affirmed.
The studies show that when a father dies, the children grow closer to the mother. They come around more. The mother has been maintaining those relationships all along, and they pay off in a crisis. Yet when a mother dies, the children come around less. That's because for years, when they called on Sunday, they talked to the mother, not the father. By filling the social role, the wife grows closer to the kids. That's why widowhood and divorce are so much worse for men. Their protection is ripped away, and they have no social network to catch them as they fall. The person who managed their emotional life is gone.
As Kessler puts it, "You can hire someone to do most of the things the husband does in a marriage. But you can never hire someone to do what the wife does." Men can change this situation and possibly protect themselves from depression later in life by expanding the depth and breadth of their social networks.
Recovery
After undergoing treatment for bipolar disorder and chronic depression, Britt went back to compete in all the events he had run so desperately in 2004, such as the Lake Placid Ironman. To his amazement, he recognized for the first time that the run took place in a glorious natural setting. "You're literally running through fields of green," he says. Later that year, he was competing in the Ironman Wisconsin, which he'd done in such a black mood the year before, and began to wonder, Why am I hurting myself? I don't need to hurt myself anymore. For the first time in his life, he walked for an hour during the event, feeling joyous.
Britt's compulsion to run began to fade. "My race performance declined by about 5 percent in the first half of last year," he tells me, "and it really tailed off by fall. I took most of early winter off, totally. It's a healthier me all around." In other words, he now runs for fun, something he was unable to experience before.
But recovery wasn't simple or easy. Early on, when Britt was first diagnosed, he spent much of his time searching for a single moment in each day when something good happened, something he could celebrate. Gradually, those moments grew larger and more frequent. "Now," he says, "the days are filled with not only great moments, but great minutes and hours. And those make up great days, great weeks, and even great months."
When men talk about depression, one of the recurring themes is how it sucks the color and flavor out of life. The birdsong that filled you with joy as a child has no effect at all. The people you love don't make your heart sing, even though you know they should. The colors of the world are tarnished and dull. Britt ran the Boston Marathon once again, and realized at the end that although he'd run it many times, he had literally never seen the finish line; he ran right through it and focused on the next thing. "Now I can see things I never saw before--colors, scenery, people," he says. "It's almost impossible to describe, except to say that it seems like the world has visually opened up."
Depression is well known for shutting down the senses, and when it lifted, Britt was so astonished at what was around him that he took up photography just to try to capture it all. "I never cared before. I never noticed the colors of a sunset. The electricity in a lightning strike. The glow of moonrise over a lake. They've always been there. But only recently have I begun to see them. And I am amazed."
In the 1960s, the crusading social psychologist Jeanne Block and her colleagues explored how differently parents treat boys and girls. For instance, moms and dads encourage boys to be competitive and to achieve. They don't like them to show their emotions. They encourage them to be less dependent; mothers push them away. They punish them more than they punish girls. And they are unaware that they treat boys and girls differently.
By the time boys are on their way to the teenage years, the process of disavowing what they are is complete. The book A New Psychology of Men describes research in which people were asked what it means to be feminine or masculine. Women and girls defined themselves by the ways they were connected to others, and by citing qualities like being caring or compassionate. Men and boys defined themselves by negatives: They weren't weak, dependent, or connected to their mothers.
But there is not much in our cultural definition of what it means to be a man that is inherent in maleness. Children start off surprisingly alike, whether they're boys or girls. If there's a difference, it's the opposite of what the culture seems to expect: Boys are more sensitive. They give expression to their emotions more readily than girls. They affiliate with others in the same way as girls. Then someone starts telling them it's not okay to be that way. If you act like that, you're a pussy.
As Real and others have explained, it is through this process of denial that men are primed for depression. And it is the cultural necessity of carrying out and carrying on this process that makes it so difficult for them to recognize and admit to depression when it comes. They not only don't acknowledge it to themselves, they often don't display the symptoms that psychotherapists use to diagnose depression.
The cultural training that lays the groundwork for depression in men and for their denial of it later in life involves social isolation. That means telling people the truth about yourself and trusting that they'll do the same, a concept that seems terrifying to many men.
In one case, two friends knew each other for years, commuting together, talking every day, laughing together. They would not have said they were socially isolated, yet when they happened to run into each other in the same group meeting for men suffering from depression, they had to laugh: Neither one had ever admitted it to the other, even though they were both seeking treatment for it.
Social isolation is a well-known killer of mammals. Countless studies going back to the '50s show that contact, affection, emotional communication, and genuine closeness are necessary for mammals, including humans, to maintain our health. Isolation wreaks havoc on everything from the immune system to the cardiovascular system to the brain. Conversely, staying socially connected helps protect men from mental illness, including depression.
The new research done by Kessler and others shows that single men and women look no different when it comes to most kinds of mental illness. But when they get married, they veer off in different directions. "It's a very good deal to be married if you're a man," Kessler says. "It's associated with a dramatic improvement in mental health."
Perhaps because they are forced into solitude as children, men are not as good at being alone as women are. Because of early socialization, women are better at relationships--with children, friends, and relatives. In general, women have more friends than men and are closer to those friends. This, of course, is the direct result of boys' having independence forced on them early in life, when what they need is emotional and physical contact with others.
Socialization punishes women, too. When they have children, women's mental health suffers, while that of men doesn't change at all. That's because women, in general, take care of the kids. If there's trouble in the home, or work interferes with child rearing, they'll disproportionately suffer for it.
Women also worry more than men. They care about a larger group of people who just don't appear on the emotional radar screens of men. In marriage, men share in the joys and are often protected from the pain. Just as the man will go downstairs to investigate a suspicious noise, the woman plays the role of emotional protector.
Kessler uses this example: A wife reports (to the researcher) that she's very upset, because her daughter had an abortion and had to miss a number of days of school. The husband reports that his daughter had the flu and couldn't go to school. How could this be? The explanation is simple: The daughter got pregnant and went to her mother for help, saying, "Whatever you do, don't tell Dad." So the mother helped the daughter have an abortion and told the father the girl was home sick with the flu.
The result is that the husband is exposed to less stress, while the woman is exposed to more. Not only does she have to deal with the abortion, but she also has to lie to her husband and orchestrate the protection of that lie. But throughout, her connections are reinforced and affirmed.
The studies show that when a father dies, the children grow closer to the mother. They come around more. The mother has been maintaining those relationships all along, and they pay off in a crisis. Yet when a mother dies, the children come around less. That's because for years, when they called on Sunday, they talked to the mother, not the father. By filling the social role, the wife grows closer to the kids. That's why widowhood and divorce are so much worse for men. Their protection is ripped away, and they have no social network to catch them as they fall. The person who managed their emotional life is gone.
As Kessler puts it, "You can hire someone to do most of the things the husband does in a marriage. But you can never hire someone to do what the wife does." Men can change this situation and possibly protect themselves from depression later in life by expanding the depth and breadth of their social networks.
Recovery
After undergoing treatment for bipolar disorder and chronic depression, Britt went back to compete in all the events he had run so desperately in 2004, such as the Lake Placid Ironman. To his amazement, he recognized for the first time that the run took place in a glorious natural setting. "You're literally running through fields of green," he says. Later that year, he was competing in the Ironman Wisconsin, which he'd done in such a black mood the year before, and began to wonder, Why am I hurting myself? I don't need to hurt myself anymore. For the first time in his life, he walked for an hour during the event, feeling joyous.
Britt's compulsion to run began to fade. "My race performance declined by about 5 percent in the first half of last year," he tells me, "and it really tailed off by fall. I took most of early winter off, totally. It's a healthier me all around." In other words, he now runs for fun, something he was unable to experience before.
But recovery wasn't simple or easy. Early on, when Britt was first diagnosed, he spent much of his time searching for a single moment in each day when something good happened, something he could celebrate. Gradually, those moments grew larger and more frequent. "Now," he says, "the days are filled with not only great moments, but great minutes and hours. And those make up great days, great weeks, and even great months."
When men talk about depression, one of the recurring themes is how it sucks the color and flavor out of life. The birdsong that filled you with joy as a child has no effect at all. The people you love don't make your heart sing, even though you know they should. The colors of the world are tarnished and dull. Britt ran the Boston Marathon once again, and realized at the end that although he'd run it many times, he had literally never seen the finish line; he ran right through it and focused on the next thing. "Now I can see things I never saw before--colors, scenery, people," he says. "It's almost impossible to describe, except to say that it seems like the world has visually opened up."
Depression is well known for shutting down the senses, and when it lifted, Britt was so astonished at what was around him that he took up photography just to try to capture it all. "I never cared before. I never noticed the colors of a sunset. The electricity in a lightning strike. The glow of moonrise over a lake. They've always been there. But only recently have I begun to see them. And I am amazed."
In the 1960s, the crusading social psychologist Jeanne Block and her colleagues explored how differently parents treat boys and girls. For instance, moms and dads encourage boys to be competitive and to achieve. They don't like them to show their emotions. They encourage them to be less dependent; mothers push them away. They punish them more than they punish girls. And they are unaware that they treat boys and girls differently.
By the time boys are on their way to the teenage years, the process of disavowing what they are is complete. The book A New Psychology of Men describes research in which people were asked what it means to be feminine or masculine. Women and girls defined themselves by the ways they were connected to others, and by citing qualities like being caring or compassionate. Men and boys defined themselves by negatives: They weren't weak, dependent, or connected to their mothers.
But there is not much in our cultural definition of what it means to be a man that is inherent in maleness. Children start off surprisingly alike, whether they're boys or girls. If there's a difference, it's the opposite of what the culture seems to expect: Boys are more sensitive. They give expression to their emotions more readily than girls. They affiliate with others in the same way as girls. Then someone starts telling them it's not okay to be that way. If you act like that, you're a pussy.
As Real and others have explained, it is through this process of denial that men are primed for depression. And it is the cultural necessity of carrying out and carrying on this process that makes it so difficult for them to recognize and admit to depression when it comes. They not only don't acknowledge it to themselves, they often don't display the symptoms that psychotherapists use to diagnose depression.
The cultural training that lays the groundwork for depression in men and for their denial of it later in life involves social isolation. That means telling people the truth about yourself and trusting that they'll do the same, a concept that seems terrifying to many men.
In one case, two friends knew each other for years, commuting together, talking every day, laughing together. They would not have said they were socially isolated, yet when they happened to run into each other in the same group meeting for men suffering from depression, they had to laugh: Neither one had ever admitted it to the other, even though they were both seeking treatment for it.
Social isolation is a well-known killer of mammals. Countless studies going back to the '50s show that contact, affection, emotional communication, and genuine closeness are necessary for mammals, including humans, to maintain our health. Isolation wreaks havoc on everything from the immune system to the cardiovascular system to the brain. Conversely, staying socially connected helps protect men from mental illness, including depression.
The new research done by Kessler and others shows that single men and women look no different when it comes to most kinds of mental illness. But when they get married, they veer off in different directions. "It's a very good deal to be married if you're a man," Kessler says. "It's associated with a dramatic improvement in mental health."
Perhaps because they are forced into solitude as children, men are not as good at being alone as women are. Because of early socialization, women are better at relationships--with children, friends, and relatives. In general, women have more friends than men and are closer to those friends. This, of course, is the direct result of boys' having independence forced on them early in life, when what they need is emotional and physical contact with others.
Socialization punishes women, too. When they have children, women's mental health suffers, while that of men doesn't change at all. That's because women, in general, take care of the kids. If there's trouble in the home, or work interferes with child rearing, they'll disproportionately suffer for it.
Women also worry more than men. They care about a larger group of people who just don't appear on the emotional radar screens of men. In marriage, men share in the joys and are often protected from the pain. Just as the man will go downstairs to investigate a suspicious noise, the woman plays the role of emotional protector.
Kessler uses this example: A wife reports (to the researcher) that she's very upset, because her daughter had an abortion and had to miss a number of days of school. The husband reports that his daughter had the flu and couldn't go to school. How could this be? The explanation is simple: The daughter got pregnant and went to her mother for help, saying, "Whatever you do, don't tell Dad." So the mother helped the daughter have an abortion and told the father the girl was home sick with the flu.
The result is that the husband is exposed to less stress, while the woman is exposed to more. Not only does she have to deal with the abortion, but she also has to lie to her husband and orchestrate the protection of that lie. But throughout, her connections are reinforced and affirmed.
The studies show that when a father dies, the children grow closer to the mother. They come around more. The mother has been maintaining those relationships all along, and they pay off in a crisis. Yet when a mother dies, the children come around less. That's because for years, when they called on Sunday, they talked to the mother, not the father. By filling the social role, the wife grows closer to the kids. That's why widowhood and divorce are so much worse for men. Their protection is ripped away, and they have no social network to catch them as they fall. The person who managed their emotional life is gone.
As Kessler puts it, "You can hire someone to do most of the things the husband does in a marriage. But you can never hire someone to do what the wife does." Men can change this situation and possibly protect themselves from depression later in life by expanding the depth and breadth of their social networks.
Recovery
After undergoing treatment for bipolar disorder and chronic depression, Britt went back to compete in all the events he had run so desperately in 2004, such as the Lake Placid Ironman. To his amazement, he recognized for the first time that the run took place in a glorious natural setting. "You're literally running through fields of green," he says. Later that year, he was competing in the Ironman Wisconsin, which he'd done in such a black mood the year before, and began to wonder, Why am I hurting myself? I don't need to hurt myself anymore. For the first time in his life, he walked for an hour during the event, feeling joyous.
Britt's compulsion to run began to fade. "My race performance declined by about 5 percent in the first half of last year," he tells me, "and it really tailed off by fall. I took most of early winter off, totally. It's a healthier me all around." In other words, he now runs for fun, something he was unable to experience before.
But recovery wasn't simple or easy. Early on, when Britt was first diagnosed, he spent much of his time searching for a single moment in each day when something good happened, something he could celebrate. Gradually, those moments grew larger and more frequent. "Now," he says, "the days are filled with not only great moments, but great minutes and hours. And those make up great days, great weeks, and even great months."
When men talk about depression, one of the recurring themes is how it sucks the color and flavor out of life. The birdsong that filled you with joy as a child has no effect at all. The people you love don't make your heart sing, even though you know they should. The colors of the world are tarnished and dull. Britt ran the Boston Marathon once again, and realized at the end that although he'd run it many times, he had literally never seen the finish line; he ran right through it and focused on the next thing. "Now I can see things I never saw before--colors, scenery, people," he says. "It's almost impossible to describe, except to say that it seems like the world has visually opened up."
Depression is well known for shutting down the senses, and when it lifted, Britt was so astonished at what was around him that he took up photography just to try to capture it all. "I never cared before. I never noticed the colors of a sunset. The electricity in a lightning strike. The glow of moonrise over a lake. They've always been there. But only recently have I begun to see them. And I am amazed."
In the 1960s, the crusading social psychologist Jeanne Block and her colleagues explored how differently parents treat boys and girls. For instance, moms and dads encourage boys to be competitive and to achieve. They don't like them to show their emotions. They encourage them to be less dependent; mothers push them away. They punish them more than they punish girls. And they are unaware that they treat boys and girls differently.
By the time boys are on their way to the teenage years, the process of disavowing what they are is complete. The book A New Psychology of Men describes research in which people were asked what it means to be feminine or masculine. Women and girls defined themselves by the ways they were connected to others, and by citing qualities like being caring or compassionate. Men and boys defined themselves by negatives: They weren't weak, dependent, or connected to their mothers.
But there is not much in our cultural definition of what it means to be a man that is inherent in maleness. Children start off surprisingly alike, whether they're boys or girls. If there's a difference, it's the opposite of what the culture seems to expect: Boys are more sensitive. They give expression to their emotions more readily than girls. They affiliate with others in the same way as girls. Then someone starts telling them it's not okay to be that way. If you act like that, you're a pussy.
As Real and others have explained, it is through this process of denial that men are primed for depression. And it is the cultural necessity of carrying out and carrying on this process that makes it so difficult for them to recognize and admit to depression when it comes. They not only don't acknowledge it to themselves, they often don't display the symptoms that psychotherapists use to diagnose depression.
The cultural training that lays the groundwork for depression in men and for their denial of it later in life involves social isolation. That means telling people the truth about yourself and trusting that they'll do the same, a concept that seems terrifying to many men.
In one case, two friends knew each other for years, commuting together, talking every day, laughing together. They would not have said they were socially isolated, yet when they happened to run into each other in the same group meeting for men suffering from depression, they had to laugh: Neither one had ever admitted it to the other, even though they were both seeking treatment for it.
Social isolation is a well-known killer of mammals. Countless studies going back to the '50s show that contact, affection, emotional communication, and genuine closeness are necessary for mammals, including humans, to maintain our health. Isolation wreaks havoc on everything from the immune system to the cardiovascular system to the brain. Conversely, staying socially connected helps protect men from mental illness, including depression.
The new research done by Kessler and others shows that single men and women look no different when it comes to most kinds of mental illness. But when they get married, they veer off in different directions. "It's a very good deal to be married if you're a man," Kessler says. "It's associated with a dramatic improvement in mental health."
Perhaps because they are forced into solitude as children, men are not as good at being alone as women are. Because of early socialization, women are better at relationships--with children, friends, and relatives. In general, women have more friends than men and are closer to those friends. This, of course, is the direct result of boys' having independence forced on them early in life, when what they need is emotional and physical contact with others.
Socialization punishes women, too. When they have children, women's mental health suffers, while that of men doesn't change at all. That's because women, in general, take care of the kids. If there's trouble in the home, or work interferes with child rearing, they'll disproportionately suffer for it.
Women also worry more than men. They care about a larger group of people who just don't appear on the emotional radar screens of men. In marriage, men share in the joys and are often protected from the pain. Just as the man will go downstairs to investigate a suspicious noise, the woman plays the role of emotional protector.
Kessler uses this example: A wife reports (to the researcher) that she's very upset, because her daughter had an abortion and had to miss a number of days of school. The husband reports that his daughter had the flu and couldn't go to school. How could this be? The explanation is simple: The daughter got pregnant and went to her mother for help, saying, "Whatever you do, don't tell Dad." So the mother helped the daughter have an abortion and told the father the girl was home sick with the flu.
The result is that the husband is exposed to less stress, while the woman is exposed to more. Not only does she have to deal with the abortion, but she also has to lie to her husband and orchestrate the protection of that lie. But throughout, her connections are reinforced and affirmed.
The studies show that when a father dies, the children grow closer to the mother. They come around more. The mother has been maintaining those relationships all along, and they pay off in a crisis. Yet when a mother dies, the children come around less. That's because for years, when they called on Sunday, they talked to the mother, not the father. By filling the social role, the wife grows closer to the kids. That's why widowhood and divorce are so much worse for men. Their protection is ripped away, and they have no social network to catch them as they fall. The person who managed their emotional life is gone.
As Kessler puts it, "You can hire someone to do most of the things the husband does in a marriage. But you can never hire someone to do what the wife does." Men can change this situation and possibly protect themselves from depression later in life by expanding the depth and breadth of their social networks.
Recovery
After undergoing treatment for bipolar disorder and chronic depression, Britt went back to compete in all the events he had run so desperately in 2004, such as the Lake Placid Ironman. To his amazement, he recognized for the first time that the run took place in a glorious natural setting. "You're literally running through fields of green," he says. Later that year, he was competing in the Ironman Wisconsin, which he'd done in such a black mood the year before, and began to wonder, Why am I hurting myself? I don't need to hurt myself anymore. For the first time in his life, he walked for an hour during the event, feeling joyous.
Britt's compulsion to run began to fade. "My race performance declined by about 5 percent in the first half of last year," he tells me, "and it really tailed off by fall. I took most of early winter off, totally. It's a healthier me all around." In other words, he now runs for fun, something he was unable to experience before.
But recovery wasn't simple or easy. Early on, when Britt was first diagnosed, he spent much of his time searching for a single moment in each day when something good happened, something he could celebrate. Gradually, those moments grew larger and more frequent. "Now," he says, "the days are filled with not only great moments, but great minutes and hours. And those make up great days, great weeks, and even great months."
When men talk about depression, one of the recurring themes is how it sucks the color and flavor out of life. The birdsong that filled you with joy as a child has no effect at all. The people you love don't make your heart sing, even though you know they should. The colors of the world are tarnished and dull. Britt ran the Boston Marathon once again, and realized at the end that although he'd run it many times, he had literally never seen the finish line; he ran right through it and focused on the next thing. "Now I can see things I never saw before--colors, scenery, people," he says. "It's almost impossible to describe, except to say that it seems like the world has visually opened up."
Depression is well known for shutting down the senses, and when it lifted, Britt was so astonished at what was around him that he took up photography just to try to capture it all. "I never cared before. I never noticed the colors of a sunset. The electricity in a lightning strike. The glow of moonrise over a lake. They've always been there. But only recently have I begun to see them. And I am amazed."
In the 1960s, the crusading social psychologist Jeanne Block and her colleagues explored how differently parents treat boys and girls. For instance, moms and dads encourage boys to be competitive and to achieve. They don't like them to show their emotions. They encourage them to be less dependent; mothers push them away. They punish them more than they punish girls. And they are unaware that they treat boys and girls differently.
By the time boys are on their way to the teenage years, the process of disavowing what they are is complete. The book A New Psychology of Men describes research in which people were asked what it means to be feminine or masculine. Women and girls defined themselves by the ways they were connected to others, and by citing qualities like being caring or compassionate. Men and boys defined themselves by negatives: They weren't weak, dependent, or connected to their mothers.
But there is not much in our cultural definition of what it means to be a man that is inherent in maleness. Children start off surprisingly alike, whether they're boys or girls. If there's a difference, it's the opposite of what the culture seems to expect: Boys are more sensitive. They give expression to their emotions more readily than girls. They affiliate with others in the same way as girls. Then someone starts telling them it's not okay to be that way. If you act like that, you're a pussy.
As Real and others have explained, it is through this process of denial that men are primed for depression. And it is the cultural necessity of carrying out and carrying on this process that makes it so difficult for them to recognize and admit to depression when it comes. They not only don't acknowledge it to themselves, they often don't display the symptoms that psychotherapists use to diagnose depression.
The cultural training that lays the groundwork for depression in men and for their denial of it later in life involves social isolation. That means telling people the truth about yourself and trusting that they'll do the same, a concept that seems terrifying to many men.
In one case, two friends knew each other for years, commuting together, talking every day, laughing together. They would not have said they were socially isolated, yet when they happened to run into each other in the same group meeting for men suffering from depression, they had to laugh: Neither one had ever admitted it to the other, even though they were both seeking treatment for it.
Social isolation is a well-known killer of mammals. Countless studies going back to the '50s show that contact, affection, emotional communication, and genuine closeness are necessary for mammals, including humans, to maintain our health. Isolation wreaks havoc on everything from the immune system to the cardiovascular system to the brain. Conversely, staying socially connected helps protect men from mental illness, including depression.
The new research done by Kessler and others shows that single men and women look no different when it comes to most kinds of mental illness. But when they get married, they veer off in different directions. "It's a very good deal to be married if you're a man," Kessler says. "It's associated with a dramatic improvement in mental health."
Perhaps because they are forced into solitude as children, men are not as good at being alone as women are. Because of early socialization, women are better at relationships--with children, friends, and relatives. In general, women have more friends than men and are closer to those friends. This, of course, is the direct result of boys' having independence forced on them early in life, when what they need is emotional and physical contact with others.
Socialization punishes women, too. When they have children, women's mental health suffers, while that of men doesn't change at all. That's because women, in general, take care of the kids. If there's trouble in the home, or work interferes with child rearing, they'll disproportionately suffer for it.
Women also worry more than men. They care about a larger group of people who just don't appear on the emotional radar screens of men. In marriage, men share in the joys and are often protected from the pain. Just as the man will go downstairs to investigate a suspicious noise, the woman plays the role of emotional protector.
Kessler uses this example: A wife reports (to the researcher) that she's very upset, because her daughter had an abortion and had to miss a number of days of school. The husband reports that his daughter had the flu and couldn't go to school. How could this be? The explanation is simple: The daughter got pregnant and went to her mother for help, saying, "Whatever you do, don't tell Dad." So the mother helped the daughter have an abortion and told the father the girl was home sick with the flu.
The result is that the husband is exposed to less stress, while the woman is exposed to more. Not only does she have to deal with the abortion, but she also has to lie to her husband and orchestrate the protection of that lie. But throughout, her connections are reinforced and affirmed.
The studies show that when a father dies, the children grow closer to the mother. They come around more. The mother has been maintaining those relationships all along, and they pay off in a crisis. Yet when a mother dies, the children come around less. That's because for years, when they called on Sunday, they talked to the mother, not the father. By filling the social role, the wife grows closer to the kids. That's why widowhood and divorce are so much worse for men. Their protection is ripped away, and they have no social network to catch them as they fall. The person who managed their emotional life is gone.
As Kessler puts it, "You can hire someone to do most of the things the husband does in a marriage. But you can never hire someone to do what the wife does." Men can change this situation and possibly protect themselves from depression later in life by expanding the depth and breadth of their social networks.
Recovery
After undergoing treatment for bipolar disorder and chronic depression, Britt went back to compete in all the events he had run so desperately in 2004, such as the Lake Placid Ironman. To his amazement, he recognized for the first time that the run took place in a glorious natural setting. "You're literally running through fields of green," he says. Later that year, he was competing in the Ironman Wisconsin, which he'd done in such a black mood the year before, and began to wonder, Why am I hurting myself? I don't need to hurt myself anymore. For the first time in his life, he walked for an hour during the event, feeling joyous.
Britt's compulsion to run began to fade. "My race performance declined by about 5 percent in the first half of last year," he tells me, "and it really tailed off by fall. I took most of early winter off, totally. It's a healthier me all around." In other words, he now runs for fun, something he was unable to experience before.
But recovery wasn't simple or easy. Early on, when Britt was first diagnosed, he spent much of his time searching for a single moment in each day when something good happened, something he could celebrate. Gradually, those moments grew larger and more frequent. "Now," he says, "the days are filled with not only great moments, but great minutes and hours. And those make up great days, great weeks, and even great months."
When men talk about depression, one of the recurring themes is how it sucks the color and flavor out of life. The birdsong that filled you with joy as a child has no effect at all. The people you love don't make your heart sing, even though you know they should. The colors of the world are tarnished and dull. Britt ran the Boston Marathon once again, and realized at the end that although he'd run it many times, he had literally never seen the finish line; he ran right through it and focused on the next thing. "Now I can see things I never saw before--colors, scenery, people," he says. "It's almost impossible to describe, except to say that it seems like the world has visually opened up."
Depression is well known for shutting down the senses, and when it lifted, Britt was so astonished at what was around him that he took up photography just to try to capture it all. "I never cared before. I never noticed the colors of a sunset. The electricity in a lightning strike. The glow of moonrise over a lake. They've always been there. But only recently have I begun to see them. And I am amazed."
In the 1960s, the crusading social psychologist Jeanne Block and her colleagues explored how differently parents treat boys and girls. For instance, moms and dads encourage boys to be competitive and to achieve. They don't like them to show their emotions. They encourage them to be less dependent; mothers push them away. They punish them more than they punish girls. And they are unaware that they treat boys and girls differently.
By the time boys are on their way to the teenage years, the process of disavowing what they are is complete. The book A New Psychology of Men describes research in which people were asked what it means to be feminine or masculine. Women and girls defined themselves by the ways they were connected to others, and by citing qualities like being caring or compassionate. Men and boys defined themselves by negatives: They weren't weak, dependent, or connected to their mothers.
But there is not much in our cultural definition of what it means to be a man that is inherent in maleness. Children start off surprisingly alike, whether they're boys or girls. If there's a difference, it's the opposite of what the culture seems to expect: Boys are more sensitive. They give expression to their emotions more readily than girls. They affiliate with others in the same way as girls. Then someone starts telling them it's not okay to be that way. If you act like that, you're a pussy.
As Real and others have explained, it is through this process of denial that men are primed for depression. And it is the cultural necessity of carrying out and carrying on this process that makes it so difficult for them to recognize and admit to depression when it comes. They not only don't acknowledge it to themselves, they often don't display the symptoms that psychotherapists use to diagnose depression.
The cultural training that lays the groundwork for depression in men and for their denial of it later in life involves social isolation. That means telling people the truth about yourself and trusting that they'll do the same, a concept that seems terrifying to many men.
In one case, two friends knew each other for years, commuting together, talking every day, laughing together. They would not have said they were socially isolated, yet when they happened to run into each other in the same group meeting for men suffering from depression, they had to laugh: Neither one had ever admitted it to the other, even though they were both seeking treatment for it.
Social isolation is a well-known killer of mammals. Countless studies going back to the '50s show that contact, affection, emotional communication, and genuine closeness are necessary for mammals, including humans, to maintain our health. Isolation wreaks havoc on everything from the immune system to the cardiovascular system to the brain. Conversely, staying socially connected helps protect men from mental illness, including depression.
The new research done by Kessler and others shows that single men and women look no different when it comes to most kinds of mental illness. But when they get married, they veer off in different directions. "It's a very good deal to be married if you're a man," Kessler says. "It's associated with a dramatic improvement in mental health."
Perhaps because they are forced into solitude as children, men are not as good at being alone as women are. Because of early socialization, women are better at relationships--with children, friends, and relatives. In general, women have more friends than men and are closer to those friends. This, of course, is the direct result of boys' having independence forced on them early in life, when what they need is emotional and physical contact with others.
Socialization punishes women, too. When they have children, women's mental health suffers, while that of men doesn't change at all. That's because women, in general, take care of the kids. If there's trouble in the home, or work interferes with child rearing, they'll disproportionately suffer for it.
Women also worry more than men. They care about a larger group of people who just don't appear on the emotional radar screens of men. In marriage, men share in the joys and are often protected from the pain. Just as the man will go downstairs to investigate a suspicious noise, the woman plays the role of emotional protector.
Kessler uses this example: A wife reports (to the researcher) that she's very upset, because her daughter had an abortion and had to miss a number of days of school. The husband reports that his daughter had the flu and couldn't go to school. How could this be? The explanation is simple: The daughter got pregnant and went to her mother for help, saying, "Whatever you do, don't tell Dad." So the mother helped the daughter have an abortion and told the father the girl was home sick with the flu.
The result is that the husband is exposed to less stress, while the woman is exposed to more. Not only does she have to deal with the abortion, but she also has to lie to her husband and orchestrate the protection of that lie. But throughout, her connections are reinforced and affirmed.
The studies show that when a father dies, the children grow closer to the mother. They come around more. The mother has been maintaining those relationships all along, and they pay off in a crisis. Yet when a mother dies, the children come around less. That's because for years, when they called on Sunday, they talked to the mother, not the father. By filling the social role, the wife grows closer to the kids. That's why widowhood and divorce are so much worse for men. Their protection is ripped away, and they have no social network to catch them as they fall. The person who managed their emotional life is gone.
As Kessler puts it, "You can hire someone to do most of the things the husband does in a marriage. But you can never hire someone to do what the wife does." Men can change this situation and possibly protect themselves from depression later in life by expanding the depth and breadth of their social networks.
Recovery
After undergoing treatment for bipolar disorder and chronic depression, Britt went back to compete in all the events he had run so desperately in 2004, such as the Lake Placid Ironman. To his amazement, he recognized for the first time that the run took place in a glorious natural setting. "You're literally running through fields of green," he says. Later that year, he was competing in the Ironman Wisconsin, which he'd done in such a black mood the year before, and began to wonder, Why am I hurting myself? I don't need to hurt myself anymore. For the first time in his life, he walked for an hour during the event, feeling joyous.
Britt's compulsion to run began to fade. "My race performance declined by about 5 percent in the first half of last year," he tells me, "and it really tailed off by fall. I took most of early winter off, totally. It's a healthier me all around." In other words, he now runs for fun, something he was unable to experience before.
But recovery wasn't simple or easy. Early on, when Britt was first diagnosed, he spent much of his time searching for a single moment in each day when something good happened, something he could celebrate. Gradually, those moments grew larger and more frequent. "Now," he says, "the days are filled with not only great moments, but great minutes and hours. And those make up great days, great weeks, and even great months."
When men talk about depression, one of the recurring themes is how it sucks the color and flavor out of life. The birdsong that filled you with joy as a child has no effect at all. The people you love don't make your heart sing, even though you know they should. The colors of the world are tarnished and dull. Britt ran the Boston Marathon once again, and realized at the end that although he'd run it many times, he had literally never seen the finish line; he ran right through it and focused on the next thing. "Now I can see things I never saw before--colors, scenery, people," he says. "It's almost impossible to describe, except to say that it seems like the world has visually opened up."
Depression is well known for shutting down the senses, and when it lifted, Britt was so astonished at what was around him that he took up photography just to try to capture it all. "I never cared before. I never noticed the colors of a sunset. The electricity in a lightning strike. The glow of moonrise over a lake. They've always been there. But only recently have I begun to see them. And I am amazed."
In the 1960s, the crusading social psychologist Jeanne Block and her colleagues explored how differently parents treat boys and girls. For instance, moms and dads encourage boys to be competitive and to achieve. They don't like them to show their emotions. They encourage them to be less dependent; mothers push them away. They punish them more than they punish girls. And they are unaware that they treat boys and girls differently.
By the time boys are on their way to the teenage years, the process of disavowing what they are is complete. The book A New Psychology of Men describes research in which people were asked what it means to be feminine or masculine. Women and girls defined themselves by the ways they were connected to others, and by citing qualities like being caring or compassionate. Men and boys defined themselves by negatives: They weren't weak, dependent, or connected to their mothers.
But there is not much in our cultural definition of what it means to be a man that is inherent in maleness. Children start off surprisingly alike, whether they're boys or girls. If there's a difference, it's the opposite of what the culture seems to expect: Boys are more sensitive. They give expression to their emotions more readily than girls. They affiliate with others in the same way as girls. Then someone starts telling them it's not okay to be that way. If you act like that, you're a pussy.
As Real and others have explained, it is through this process of denial that men are primed for depression. And it is the cultural necessity of carrying out and carrying on this process that makes it so difficult for them to recognize and admit to depression when it comes. They not only don't acknowledge it to themselves, they often don't display the symptoms that psychotherapists use to diagnose depression.
The cultural training that lays the groundwork for depression in men and for their denial of it later in life involves social isolation. That means telling people the truth about yourself and trusting that they'll do the same, a concept that seems terrifying to many men.
In one case, two friends knew each other for years, commuting together, talking every day, laughing together. They would not have said they were socially isolated, yet when they happened to run into each other in the same group meeting for men suffering from depression, they had to laugh: Neither one had ever admitted it to the other, even though they were both seeking treatment for it.
Social isolation is a well-known killer of mammals. Countless studies going back to the '50s show that contact, affection, emotional communication, and genuine closeness are necessary for mammals, including humans, to maintain our health. Isolation wreaks havoc on everything from the immune system to the cardiovascular system to the brain. Conversely, staying socially connected helps protect men from mental illness, including depression.
The new research done by Kessler and others shows that single men and women look no different when it comes to most kinds of mental illness. But when they get married, they veer off in different directions. "It's a very good deal to be married if you're a man," Kessler says. "It's associated with a dramatic improvement in mental health."
Perhaps because they are forced into solitude as children, men are not as good at being alone as women are. Because of early socialization, women are better at relationships--with children, friends, and relatives. In general, women have more friends than men and are closer to those friends. This, of course, is the direct result of boys' having independence forced on them early in life, when what they need is emotional and physical contact with others.
Socialization punishes women, too. When they have children, women's mental health suffers, while that of men doesn't change at all. That's because women, in general, take care of the kids. If there's trouble in the home, or work interferes with child rearing, they'll disproportionately suffer for it.
Women also worry more than men. They care about a larger group of people who just don't appear on the emotional radar screens of men. In marriage, men share in the joys and are often protected from the pain. Just as the man will go downstairs to investigate a suspicious noise, the woman plays the role of emotional protector.
Kessler uses this example: A wife reports (to the researcher) that she's very upset, because her daughter had an abortion and had to miss a number of days of school. The husband reports that his daughter had the flu and couldn't go to school. How could this be? The explanation is simple: The daughter got pregnant and went to her mother for help, saying, "Whatever you do, don't tell Dad." So the mother helped the daughter have an abortion and told the father the girl was home sick with the flu.
The result is that the husband is exposed to less stress, while the woman is exposed to more. Not only does she have to deal with the abortion, but she also has to lie to her husband and orchestrate the protection of that lie. But throughout, her connections are reinforced and affirmed.
The studies show that when a father dies, the children grow closer to the mother. They come around more. The mother has been maintaining those relationships all along, and they pay off in a crisis. Yet when a mother dies, the children come around less. That's because for years, when they called on Sunday, they talked to the mother, not the father. By filling the social role, the wife grows closer to the kids. That's why widowhood and divorce are so much worse for men. Their protection is ripped away, and they have no social network to catch them as they fall. The person who managed their emotional life is gone.
As Kessler puts it, "You can hire someone to do most of the things the husband does in a marriage. But you can never hire someone to do what the wife does." Men can change this situation and possibly protect themselves from depression later in life by expanding the depth and breadth of their social networks.
Recovery
After undergoing treatment for bipolar disorder and chronic depression, Britt went back to compete in all the events he had run so desperately in 2004, such as the Lake Placid Ironman. To his amazement, he recognized for the first time that the run took place in a glorious natural setting. "You're literally running through fields of green," he says. Later that year, he was competing in the Ironman Wisconsin, which he'd done in such a black mood the year before, and began to wonder, Why am I hurting myself? I don't need to hurt myself anymore. For the first time in his life, he walked for an hour during the event, feeling joyous.
Britt's compulsion to run began to fade. "My race performance declined by about 5 percent in the first half of last year," he tells me, "and it really tailed off by fall. I took most of early winter off, totally. It's a healthier me all around." In other words, he now runs for fun, something he was unable to experience before.
But recovery wasn't simple or easy. Early on, when Britt was first diagnosed, he spent much of his time searching for a single moment in each day when something good happened, something he could celebrate. Gradually, those moments grew larger and more frequent. "Now," he says, "the days are filled with not only great moments, but great minutes and hours. And those make up great days, great weeks, and even great months."
When men talk about depression, one of the recurring themes is how it sucks the color and flavor out of life. The birdsong that filled you with joy as a child has no effect at all. The people you love don't make your heart sing, even though you know they should. The colors of the world are tarnished and dull. Britt ran the Boston Marathon once again, and realized at the end that although he'd run it many times, he had literally never seen the finish line; he ran right through it and focused on the next thing. "Now I can see things I never saw before--colors, scenery, people," he says. "It's almost impossible to describe, except to say that it seems like the world has visually opened up."
Depression is well known for shutting down the senses, and when it lifted, Britt was so astonished at what was around him that he took up photography just to try to capture it all. "I never cared before. I never noticed the colors of a sunset. The electricity in a lightning strike. The glow of moonrise over a lake. They've always been there. But only recently have I begun to see them. And I am amazed."
In the 1960s, the crusading social psychologist Jeanne Block and her colleagues explored how differently parents treat boys and girls. For instance, moms and dads encourage boys to be competitive and to achieve. They don't like them to show their emotions. They encourage them to be less dependent; mothers push them away. They punish them more than they punish girls. And they are unaware that they treat boys and girls differently.
By the time boys are on their way to the teenage years, the process of disavowing what they are is complete. The book A New Psychology of Men describes research in which people were asked what it means to be feminine or masculine. Women and girls defined themselves by the ways they were connected to others, and by citing qualities like being caring or compassionate. Men and boys defined themselves by negatives: They weren't weak, dependent, or connected to their mothers.
But there is not much in our cultural definition of what it means to be a man that is inherent in maleness. Children start off surprisingly alike, whether they're boys or girls. If there's a difference, it's the opposite of what the culture seems to expect: Boys are more sensitive. They give expression to their emotions more readily than girls. They affiliate with others in the same way as girls. Then someone starts telling them it's not okay to be that way. If you act like that, you're a pussy.
As Real and others have explained, it is through this process of denial that men are primed for depression. And it is the cultural necessity of carrying out and carrying on this process that makes it so difficult for them to recognize and admit to depression when it comes. They not only don't acknowledge it to themselves, they often don't display the symptoms that psychotherapists use to diagnose depression.
The cultural training that lays the groundwork for depression in men and for their denial of it later in life involves social isolation. That means telling people the truth about yourself and trusting that they'll do the same, a concept that seems terrifying to many men.
In one case, two friends knew each other for years, commuting together, talking every day, laughing together. They would not have said they were socially isolated, yet when they happened to run into each other in the same group meeting for men suffering from depression, they had to laugh: Neither one had ever admitted it to the other, even though they were both seeking treatment for it.
Social isolation is a well-known killer of mammals. Countless studies going back to the '50s show that contact, affection, emotional communication, and genuine closeness are necessary for mammals, including humans, to maintain our health. Isolation wreaks havoc on everything from the immune system to the cardiovascular system to the brain. Conversely, staying socially connected helps protect men from mental illness, including depression.
The new research done by Kessler and others shows that single men and women look no different when it comes to most kinds of mental illness. But when they get married, they veer off in different directions. "It's a very good deal to be married if you're a man," Kessler says. "It's associated with a dramatic improvement in mental health."
Perhaps because they are forced into solitude as children, men are not as good at being alone as women are. Because of early socialization, women are better at relationships--with children, friends, and relatives. In general, women have more friends than men and are closer to those friends. This, of course, is the direct result of boys' having independence forced on them early in life, when what they need is emotional and physical contact with others.
Socialization punishes women, too. When they have children, women's mental health suffers, while that of men doesn't change at all. That's because women, in general, take care of the kids. If there's trouble in the home, or work interferes with child rearing, they'll disproportionately suffer for it.
Women also worry more than men. They care about a larger group of people who just don't appear on the emotional radar screens of men. In marriage, men share in the joys and are often protected from the pain. Just as the man will go downstairs to investigate a suspicious noise, the woman plays the role of emotional protector.
Kessler uses this example: A wife reports (to the researcher) that she's very upset, because her daughter had an abortion and had to miss a number of days of school. The husband reports that his daughter had the flu and couldn't go to school. How could this be? The explanation is simple: The daughter got pregnant and went to her mother for help, saying, "Whatever you do, don't tell Dad." So the mother helped the daughter have an abortion and told the father the girl was home sick with the flu.
The result is that the husband is exposed to less stress, while the woman is exposed to more. Not only does she have to deal with the abortion, but she also has to lie to her husband and orchestrate the protection of that lie. But throughout, her connections are reinforced and affirmed.
The studies show that when a father dies, the children grow closer to the mother. They come around more. The mother has been maintaining those relationships all along, and they pay off in a crisis. Yet when a mother dies, the children come around less. That's because for years, when they called on Sunday, they talked to the mother, not the father. By filling the social role, the wife grows closer to the kids. That's why widowhood and divorce are so much worse for men. Their protection is ripped away, and they have no social network to catch them as they fall. The person who managed their emotional life is gone.
As Kessler puts it, "You can hire someone to do most of the things the husband does in a marriage. But you can never hire someone to do what the wife does." Men can change this situation and possibly protect themselves from depression later in life by expanding the depth and breadth of their social networks.
Recovery
After undergoing treatment for bipolar disorder and chronic depression, Britt went back to compete in all the events he had run so desperately in 2004, such as the Lake Placid Ironman. To his amazement, he recognized for the first time that the run took place in a glorious natural setting. "You're literally running through fields of green," he says. Later that year, he was competing in the Ironman Wisconsin, which he'd done in such a black mood the year before, and began to wonder, Why am I hurting myself? I don't need to hurt myself anymore. For the first time in his life, he walked for an hour during the event, feeling joyous.
Britt's compulsion to run began to fade. "My race performance declined by about 5 percent in the first half of last year," he tells me, "and it really tailed off by fall. I took most of early winter off, totally. It's a healthier me all around." In other words, he now runs for fun, something he was unable to experience before.
But recovery wasn't simple or easy. Early on, when Britt was first diagnosed, he spent much of his time searching for a single moment in each day when something good happened, something he could celebrate. Gradually, those moments grew larger and more frequent. "Now," he says, "the days are filled with not only great moments, but great minutes and hours. And those make up great days, great weeks, and even great months."
When men talk about depression, one of the recurring themes is how it sucks the color and flavor out of life. The birdsong that filled you with joy as a child has no effect at all. The people you love don't make your heart sing, even though you know they should. The colors of the world are tarnished and dull. Britt ran the Boston Marathon once again, and realized at the end that although he'd run it many times, he had literally never seen the finish line; he ran right through it and focused on the next thing. "Now I can see things I never saw before--colors, scenery, people," he says. "It's almost impossible to describe, except to say that it seems like the world has visually opened up."
Depression is well known for shutting down the senses, and when it lifted, Britt was so astonished at what was around him that he took up photography just to try to capture it all. "I never cared before. I never noticed the colors of a sunset. The electricity in a lightning strike. The glow of moonrise over a lake. They've always been there. But only recently have I begun to see them. And I am amazed."
In the 1960s, the crusading social psychologist Jeanne Block and her colleagues explored how differently parents treat boys and girls. For instance, moms and dads encourage boys to be competitive and to achieve. They don't like them to show their emotions. They encourage them to be less dependent; mothers push them away. They punish them more than they punish girls. And they are unaware that they treat boys and girls differently.
By the time boys are on their way to the teenage years, the process of disavowing what they are is complete. The book A New Psychology of Men describes research in which people were asked what it means to be feminine or masculine. Women and girls defined themselves by the ways they were connected to others, and by citing qualities like being caring or compassionate. Men and boys defined themselves by negatives: They weren't weak, dependent, or connected to their mothers.
But there is not much in our cultural definition of what it means to be a man that is inherent in maleness. Children start off surprisingly alike, whether they're boys or girls. If there's a difference, it's the opposite of what the culture seems to expect: Boys are more sensitive. They give expression to their emotions more readily than girls. They affiliate with others in the same way as girls. Then someone starts telling them it's not okay to be that way. If you act like that, you're a pussy.
As Real and others have explained, it is through this process of denial that men are primed for depression. And it is the cultural necessity of carrying out and carrying on this process that makes it so difficult for them to recognize and admit to depression when it comes. They not only don't acknowledge it to themselves, they often don't display the symptoms that psychotherapists use to diagnose depression.
The cultural training that lays the groundwork for depression in men and for their denial of it later in life involves social isolation. That means telling people the truth about yourself and trusting that they'll do the same, a concept that seems terrifying to many men.
In one case, two friends knew each other for years, commuting together, talking every day, laughing together. They would not have said they were socially isolated, yet when they happened to run into each other in the same group meeting for men suffering from depression, they had to laugh: Neither one had ever admitted it to the other, even though they were both seeking treatment for it.
Social isolation is a well-known killer of mammals. Countless studies going back to the '50s show that contact, affection, emotional communication, and genuine closeness are necessary for mammals, including humans, to maintain our health. Isolation wreaks havoc on everything from the immune system to the cardiovascular system to the brain. Conversely, staying socially connected helps protect men from mental illness, including depression.
The new research done by Kessler and others shows that single men and women look no different when it comes to most kinds of mental illness. But when they get married, they veer off in different directions. "It's a very good deal to be married if you're a man," Kessler says. "It's associated with a dramatic improvement in mental health."
Perhaps because they are forced into solitude as children, men are not as good at being alone as women are. Because of early socialization, women are better at relationships--with children, friends, and relatives. In general, women have more friends than men and are closer to those friends. This, of course, is the direct result of boys' having independence forced on them early in life, when what they need is emotional and physical contact with others.
Socialization punishes women, too. When they have children, women's mental health suffers, while that of men doesn't change at all. That's because women, in general, take care of the kids. If there's trouble in the home, or work interferes with child rearing, they'll disproportionately suffer for it.
Women also worry more than men. They care about a larger group of people who just don't appear on the emotional radar screens of men. In marriage, men share in the joys and are often protected from the pain. Just as the man will go downstairs to investigate a suspicious noise, the woman plays the role of emotional protector.
Kessler uses this example: A wife reports (to the researcher) that she's very upset, because her daughter had an abortion and had to miss a number of days of school. The husband reports that his daughter had the flu and couldn't go to school. How could this be? The explanation is simple: The daughter got pregnant and went to her mother for help, saying, "Whatever you do, don't tell Dad." So the mother helped the daughter have an abortion and told the father the girl was home sick with the flu.
The result is that the husband is exposed to less stress, while the woman is exposed to more. Not only does she have to deal with the abortion, but she also has to lie to her husband and orchestrate the protection of that lie. But throughout, her connections are reinforced and affirmed.
The studies show that when a father dies, the children grow closer to the mother. They come around more. The mother has been maintaining those relationships all along, and they pay off in a crisis. Yet when a mother dies, the children come around less. That's because for years, when they called on Sunday, they talked to the mother, not the father. By filling the social role, the wife grows closer to the kids. That's why widowhood and divorce are so much worse for men. Their protection is ripped away, and they have no social network to catch them as they fall. The person who managed their emotional life is gone.
As Kessler puts it, "You can hire someone to do most of the things the husband does in a marriage. But you can never hire someone to do what the wife does." Men can change this situation and possibly protect themselves from depression later in life by expanding the depth and breadth of their social networks.
Recovery
After undergoing treatment for bipolar disorder and chronic depression, Britt went back to compete in all the events he had run so desperately in 2004, such as the Lake Placid Ironman. To his amazement, he recognized for the first time that the run took place in a glorious natural setting. "You're literally running through fields of green," he says. Later that year, he was competing in the Ironman Wisconsin, which he'd done in such a black mood the year before, and began to wonder, Why am I hurting myself? I don't need to hurt myself anymore. For the first time in his life, he walked for an hour during the event, feeling joyous.
Britt's compulsion to run began to fade. "My race performance declined by about 5 percent in the first half of last year," he tells me, "and it really tailed off by fall. I took most of early winter off, totally. It's a healthier me all around." In other words, he now runs for fun, something he was unable to experience before.
But recovery wasn't simple or easy. Early on, when Britt was first diagnosed, he spent much of his time searching for a single moment in each day when something good happened, something he could celebrate. Gradually, those moments grew larger and more frequent. "Now," he says, "the days are filled with not only great moments, but great minutes and hours. And those make up great days, great weeks, and even great months."
When men talk about depression, one of the recurring themes is how it sucks the color and flavor out of life. The birdsong that filled you with joy as a child has no effect at all. The people you love don't make your heart sing, even though you know they should. The colors of the world are tarnished and dull. Britt ran the Boston Marathon once again, and realized at the end that although he'd run it many times, he had literally never seen the finish line; he ran right through it and focused on the next thing. "Now I can see things I never saw before--colors, scenery, people," he says. "It's almost impossible to describe, except to say that it seems like the world has visually opened up."
Depression is well known for shutting down the senses, and when it lifted, Britt was so astonished at what was around him that he took up photography just to try to capture it all. "I never cared before. I never noticed the colors of a sunset. The electricity in a lightning strike. The glow of moonrise over a lake. They've always been there. But only recently have I begun to see them. And I am amazed."
In the 1960s, the crusading social psychologist Jeanne Block and her colleagues explored how differently parents treat boys and girls. For instance, moms and dads encourage boys to be competitive and to achieve. They don't like them to show their emotions. They encourage them to be less dependent; mothers push them away. They punish them more than they punish girls. And they are unaware that they treat boys and girls differently.
By the time boys are on their way to the teenage years, the process of disavowing what they are is complete. The book A New Psychology of Men describes research in which people were asked what it means to be feminine or masculine. Women and girls defined themselves by the ways they were connected to others, and by citing qualities like being caring or compassionate. Men and boys defined themselves by negatives: They weren't weak, dependent, or connected to their mothers.
But there is not much in our cultural definition of what it means to be a man that is inherent in maleness. Children start off surprisingly alike, whether they're boys or girls. If there's a difference, it's the opposite of what the culture seems to expect: Boys are more sensitive. They give expression to their emotions more readily than girls. They affiliate with others in the same way as girls. Then someone starts telling them it's not okay to be that way. If you act like that, you're a pussy.
As Real and others have explained, it is through this process of denial that men are primed for depression. And it is the cultural necessity of carrying out and carrying on this process that makes it so difficult for them to recognize and admit to depression when it comes. They not only don't acknowledge it to themselves, they often don't display the symptoms that psychotherapists use to diagnose depression.
The cultural training that lays the groundwork for depression in men and for their denial of it later in life involves social isolation. That means telling people the truth about yourself and trusting that they'll do the same, a concept that seems terrifying to many men.
In one case, two friends knew each other for years, commuting together, talking every day, laughing together. They would not have said they were socially isolated, yet when they happened to run into each other in the same group meeting for men suffering from depression, they had to laugh: Neither one had ever admitted it to the other, even though they were both seeking treatment for it.
Social isolation is a well-known killer of mammals. Countless studies going back to the '50s show that contact, affection, emotional communication, and genuine closeness are necessary for mammals, including humans, to maintain our health. Isolation wreaks havoc on everything from the immune system to the cardiovascular system to the brain. Conversely, staying socially connected helps protect men from mental illness, including depression.
The new research done by Kessler and others shows that single men and women look no different when it comes to most kinds of mental illness. But when they get married, they veer off in different directions. "It's a very good deal to be married if you're a man," Kessler says. "It's associated with a dramatic improvement in mental health."
Perhaps because they are forced into solitude as children, men are not as good at being alone as women are. Because of early socialization, women are better at relationships--with children, friends, and relatives. In general, women have more friends than men and are closer to those friends. This, of course, is the direct result of boys' having independence forced on them early in life, when what they need is emotional and physical contact with others.
Socialization punishes women, too. When they have children, women's mental health suffers, while that of men doesn't change at all. That's because women, in general, take care of the kids. If there's trouble in the home, or work interferes with child rearing, they'll disproportionately suffer for it.
Women also worry more than men. They care about a larger group of people who just don't appear on the emotional radar screens of men. In marriage, men share in the joys and are often protected from the pain. Just as the man will go downstairs to investigate a suspicious noise, the woman plays the role of emotional protector.
Kessler uses this example: A wife reports (to the researcher) that she's very upset, because her daughter had an abortion and had to miss a number of days of school. The husband reports that his daughter had the flu and couldn't go to school. How could this be? The explanation is simple: The daughter got pregnant and went to her mother for help, saying, "Whatever you do, don't tell Dad." So the mother helped the daughter have an abortion and told the father the girl was home sick with the flu.
The result is that the husband is exposed to less stress, while the woman is exposed to more. Not only does she have to deal with the abortion, but she also has to lie to her husband and orchestrate the protection of that lie. But throughout, her connections are reinforced and affirmed.
The studies show that when a father dies, the children grow closer to the mother. They come around more. The mother has been maintaining those relationships all along, and they pay off in a crisis. Yet when a mother dies, the children come around less. That's because for years, when they called on Sunday, they talked to the mother, not the father. By filling the social role, the wife grows closer to the kids. That's why widowhood and divorce are so much worse for men. Their protection is ripped away, and they have no social network to catch them as they fall. The person who managed their emotional life is gone.
As Kessler puts it, "You can hire someone to do most of the things the husband does in a marriage. But you can never hire someone to do what the wife does." Men can change this situation and possibly protect themselves from depression later in life by expanding the depth and breadth of their social networks.
Recovery
After undergoing treatment for bipolar disorder and chronic depression, Britt went back to compete in all the events he had run so desperately in 2004, such as the Lake Placid Ironman. To his amazement, he recognized for the first time that the run took place in a glorious natural setting. "You're literally running through fields of green," he says. Later that year, he was competing in the Ironman Wisconsin, which he'd done in such a black mood the year before, and began to wonder, Why am I hurting myself? I don't need to hurt myself anymore. For the first time in his life, he walked for an hour during the event, feeling joyous.
Britt's compulsion to run began to fade. "My race performance declined by about 5 percent in the first half of last year," he tells me, "and it really tailed off by fall. I took most of early winter off, totally. It's a healthier me all around." In other words, he now runs for fun, something he was unable to experience before.
But recovery wasn't simple or easy. Early on, when Britt was first diagnosed, he spent much of his time searching for a single moment in each day when something good happened, something he could celebrate. Gradually, those moments grew larger and more frequent. "Now," he says, "the days are filled with not only great moments, but great minutes and hours. And those make up great days, great weeks, and even great months."
When men talk about depression, one of the recurring themes is how it sucks the color and flavor out of life. The birdsong that filled you with joy as a child has no effect at all. The people you love don't make your heart sing, even though you know they should. The colors of the world are tarnished and dull. Britt ran the Boston Marathon once again, and realized at the end that although he'd run it many times, he had literally never seen the finish line; he ran right through it and focused on the next thing. "Now I can see things I never saw before--colors, scenery, people," he says. "It's almost impossible to describe, except to say that it seems like the world has visually opened up."
Depression is well known for shutting down the senses, and when it lifted, Britt was so astonished at what was around him that he took up photography just to try to capture it all. "I never cared before. I never noticed the colors of a sunset. The electricity in a lightning strike. The glow of moonrise over a lake. They've always been there. But only recently have I begun to see them. And I am amazed."
In the 1960s, the crusading social psychologist Jeanne Block and her colleagues explored how differently parents treat boys and girls. For instance, moms and dads encourage boys to be competitive and to achieve. They don't like them to show their emotions. They encourage them to be less dependent; mothers push them away. They punish them more than they punish girls. And they are unaware that they treat boys and girls differently.
By the time boys are on their way to the teenage years, the process of disavowing what they are is complete. The book A New Psychology of Men describes research in which people were asked what it means to be feminine or masculine. Women and girls defined themselves by the ways they were connected to others, and by citing qualities like being caring or compassionate. Men and boys defined themselves by negatives: They weren't weak, dependent, or connected to their mothers.
But there is not much in our cultural definition of what it means to be a man that is inherent in maleness. Children start off surprisingly alike, whether they're boys or girls. If there's a difference, it's the opposite of what the culture seems to expect: Boys are more sensitive. They give expression to their emotions more readily than girls. They affiliate with others in the same way as girls. Then someone starts telling them it's not okay to be that way. If you act like that, you're a pussy.
As Real and others have explained, it is through this process of denial that men are primed for depression. And it is the cultural necessity of carrying out and carrying on this process that makes it so difficult for them to recognize and admit to depression when it comes. They not only don't acknowledge it to themselves, they often don't display the symptoms that psychotherapists use to diagnose depression.
The cultural training that lays the groundwork for depression in men and for their denial of it later in life involves social isolation. That means telling people the truth about yourself and trusting that they'll do the same, a concept that seems terrifying to many men.
In one case, two friends knew each other for years, commuting together, talking every day, laughing together. They would not have said they were socially isolated, yet when they happened to run into each other in the same group meeting for men suffering from depression, they had to laugh: Neither one had ever admitted it to the other, even though they were both seeking treatment for it.
Social isolation is a well-known killer of mammals. Countless studies going back to the '50s show that contact, affection, emotional communication, and genuine closeness are necessary for mammals, including humans, to maintain our health. Isolation wreaks havoc on everything from the immune system to the cardiovascular system to the brain. Conversely, staying socially connected helps protect men from mental illness, including depression.
The new research done by Kessler and others shows that single men and women look no different when it comes to most kinds of mental illness. But when they get married, they veer off in different directions. "It's a very good deal to be married if you're a man," Kessler says. "It's associated with a dramatic improvement in mental health."
Perhaps because they are forced into solitude as children, men are not as good at being alone as women are. Because of early socialization, women are better at relationships--with children, friends, and relatives. In general, women have more friends than men and are closer to those friends. This, of course, is the direct result of boys' having independence forced on them early in life, when what they need is emotional and physical contact with others.
Socialization punishes women, too. When they have children, women's mental health suffers, while that of men doesn't change at all. That's because women, in general, take care of the kids. If there's trouble in the home, or work interferes with child rearing, they'll disproportionately suffer for it.
Women also worry more than men. They care about a larger group of people who just don't appear on the emotional radar screens of men. In marriage, men share in the joys and are often protected from the pain. Just as the man will go downstairs to investigate a suspicious noise, the woman plays the role of emotional protector.
Kessler uses this example: A wife reports (to the researcher) that she's very upset, because her daughter had an abortion and had to miss a number of days of school. The husband reports that his daughter had the flu and couldn't go to school. How could this be? The explanation is simple: The daughter got pregnant and went to her mother for help, saying, "Whatever you do, don't tell Dad." So the mother helped the daughter have an abortion and told the father the girl was home sick with the flu.
The result is that the husband is exposed to less stress, while the woman is exposed to more. Not only does she have to deal with the abortion, but she also has to lie to her husband and orchestrate the protection of that lie. But throughout, her connections are reinforced and affirmed.
The studies show that when a father dies, the children grow closer to the mother. They come around more. The mother has been maintaining those relationships all along, and they pay off in a crisis. Yet when a mother dies, the children come around less. That's because for years, when they called on Sunday, they talked to the mother, not the father. By filling the social role, the wife grows closer to the kids. That's why widowhood and divorce are so much worse for men. Their protection is ripped away, and they have no social network to catch them as they fall. The person who managed their emotional life is gone.
As Kessler puts it, "You can hire someone to do most of the things the husband does in a marriage. But you can never hire someone to do what the wife does." Men can change this situation and possibly protect themselves from depression later in life by expanding the depth and breadth of their social networks.
Recovery
After undergoing treatment for bipolar disorder and chronic depression, Britt went back to compete in all the events he had run so desperately in 2004, such as the Lake Placid Ironman. To his amazement, he recognized for the first time that the run took place in a glorious natural setting. "You're literally running through fields of green," he says. Later that year, he was competing in the Ironman Wisconsin, which he'd done in such a black mood the year before, and began to wonder, Why am I hurting myself? I don't need to hurt myself anymore. For the first time in his life, he walked for an hour during the event, feeling joyous.
Britt's compulsion to run began to fade. "My race performance declined by about 5 percent in the first half of last year," he tells me, "and it really tailed off by fall. I took most of early winter off, totally. It's a healthier me all around." In other words, he now runs for fun, something he was unable to experience before.
But recovery wasn't simple or easy. Early on, when Britt was first diagnosed, he spent much of his time searching for a single moment in each day when something good happened, something he could celebrate. Gradually, those moments grew larger and more frequent. "Now," he says, "the days are filled with not only great moments, but great minutes and hours. And those make up great days, great weeks, and even great months."
When men talk about depression, one of the recurring themes is how it sucks the color and flavor out of life. The birdsong that filled you with joy as a child has no effect at all. The people you love don't make your heart sing, even though you know they should. The colors of the world are tarnished and dull. Britt ran the Boston Marathon once again, and realized at the end that although he'd run it many times, he had literally never seen the finish line; he ran right through it and focused on the next thing. "Now I can see things I never saw before--colors, scenery, people," he says. "It's almost impossible to describe, except to say that it seems like the world has visually opened up."
Depression is well known for shutting down the senses, and when it lifted, Britt was so astonished at what was around him that he took up photography just to try to capture it all. "I never cared before. I never noticed the colors of a sunset. The electricity in a lightning strike. The glow of moonrise over a lake. They've always been there. But only recently have I begun to see them. And I am amazed."
In the 1960s, the crusading social psychologist Jeanne Block and her colleagues explored how differently parents treat boys and girls. For instance, moms and dads encourage boys to be competitive and to achieve. They don't like them to show their emotions. They encourage them to be less dependent; mothers push them away. They punish them more than they punish girls. And they are unaware that they treat boys and girls differently.
By the time boys are on their way to the teenage years, the process of disavowing what they are is complete. The book A New Psychology of Men describes research in which people were asked what it means to be feminine or masculine. Women and girls defined themselves by the ways they were connected to others, and by citing qualities like being caring or compassionate. Men and boys defined themselves by negatives: They weren't weak, dependent, or connected to their mothers.
But there is not much in our cultural definition of what it means to be a man that is inherent in maleness. Children start off surprisingly alike, whether they're boys or girls. If there's a difference, it's the opposite of what the culture seems to expect: Boys are more sensitive. They give expression to their emotions more readily than girls. They affiliate with others in the same way as girls. Then someone starts telling them it's not okay to be that way. If you act like that, you're a pussy.
As Real and others have explained, it is through this process of denial that men are primed for depression. And it is the cultural necessity of carrying out and carrying on this process that makes it so difficult for them to recognize and admit to depression when it comes. They not only don't acknowledge it to themselves, they often don't display the symptoms that psychotherapists use to diagnose depression.
The cultural training that lays the groundwork for depression in men and for their denial of it later in life involves social isolation. That means telling people the truth about yourself and trusting that they'll do the same, a concept that seems terrifying to many men.
In one case, two friends knew each other for years, commuting together, talking every day, laughing together. They would not have said they were socially isolated, yet when they happened to run into each other in the same group meeting for men suffering from depression, they had to laugh: Neither one had ever admitted it to the other, even though they were both seeking treatment for it.
Social isolation is a well-known killer of mammals. Countless studies going back to the '50s show that contact, affection, emotional communication, and genuine closeness are necessary for mammals, including humans, to maintain our health. Isolation wreaks havoc on everything from the immune system to the cardiovascular system to the brain. Conversely, staying socially connected helps protect men from mental illness, including depression.
The new research done by Kessler and others shows that single men and women look no different when it comes to most kinds of mental illness. But when they get married, they veer off in different directions. "It's a very good deal to be married if you're a man," Kessler says. "It's associated with a dramatic improvement in mental health."
Perhaps because they are forced into solitude as children, men are not as good at being alone as women are. Because of early socialization, women are better at relationships--with children, friends, and relatives. In general, women have more friends than men and are closer to those friends. This, of course, is the direct result of boys' having independence forced on them early in life, when what they need is emotional and physical contact with others.
Socialization punishes women, too. When they have children, women's mental health suffers, while that of men doesn't change at all. That's because women, in general, take care of the kids. If there's trouble in the home, or work interferes with child rearing, they'll disproportionately suffer for it.
Women also worry more than men. They care about a larger group of people who just don't appear on the emotional radar screens of men. In marriage, men share in the joys and are often protected from the pain. Just as the man will go downstairs to investigate a suspicious noise, the woman plays the role of emotional protector.
Kessler uses this example: A wife reports (to the researcher) that she's very upset, because her daughter had an abortion and had to miss a number of days of school. The husband reports that his daughter had the flu and couldn't go to school. How could this be? The explanation is simple: The daughter got pregnant and went to her mother for help, saying, "Whatever you do, don't tell Dad." So the mother helped the daughter have an abortion and told the father the girl was home sick with the flu.
The result is that the husband is exposed to less stress, while the woman is exposed to more. Not only does she have to deal with the abortion, but she also has to lie to her husband and orchestrate the protection of that lie. But throughout, her connections are reinforced and affirmed.
The studies show that when a father dies, the children grow closer to the mother. They come around more. The mother has been maintaining those relationships all along, and they pay off in a crisis. Yet when a mother dies, the children come around less. That's because for years, when they called on Sunday, they talked to the mother, not the father. By filling the social role, the wife grows closer to the kids. That's why widowhood and divorce are so much worse for men. Their protection is ripped away, and they have no social network to catch them as they fall. The person who managed their emotional life is gone.
As Kessler puts it, "You can hire someone to do most of the things the husband does in a marriage. But you can never hire someone to do what the wife does." Men can change this situation and possibly protect themselves from depression later in life by expanding the depth and breadth of their social networks.
Recovery
After undergoing treatment for bipolar disorder and chronic depression, Britt went back to compete in all the events he had run so desperately in 2004, such as the Lake Placid Ironman. To his amazement, he recognized for the first time that the run took place in a glorious natural setting. "You're literally running through fields of green," he says. Later that year, he was competing in the Ironman Wisconsin, which he'd done in such a black mood the year before, and began to wonder, Why am I hurting myself? I don't need to hurt myself anymore. For the first time in his life, he walked for an hour during the event, feeling joyous.
Britt's compulsion to run began to fade. "My race performance declined by about 5 percent in the first half of last year," he tells me, "and it really tailed off by fall. I took most of early winter off, totally. It's a healthier me all around." In other words, he now runs for fun, something he was unable to experience before.
But recovery wasn't simple or easy. Early on, when Britt was first diagnosed, he spent much of his time searching for a single moment in each day when something good happened, something he could celebrate. Gradually, those moments grew larger and more frequent. "Now," he says, "the days are filled with not only great moments, but great minutes and hours. And those make up great days, great weeks, and even great months."
When men talk about depression, one of the recurring themes is how it sucks the color and flavor out of life. The birdsong that filled you with joy as a child has no effect at all. The people you love don't make your heart sing, even though you know they should. The colors of the world are tarnished and dull. Britt ran the Boston Marathon once again, and realized at the end that although he'd run it many times, he had literally never seen the finish line; he ran right through it and focused on the next thing. "Now I can see things I never saw before--colors, scenery, people," he says. "It's almost impossible to describe, except to say that it seems like the world has visually opened up."
Depression is well known for shutting down the senses, and when it lifted, Britt was so astonished at what was around him that he took up photography just to try to capture it all. "I never cared before. I never noticed the colors of a sunset. The electricity in a lightning strike. The glow of moonrise over a lake. They've always been there. But only recently have I begun to see them. And I am amazed."
In the 1960s, the crusading social psychologist Jeanne Block and her colleagues explored how differently parents treat boys and girls. For instance, moms and dads encourage boys to be competitive and to achieve. They don't like them to show their emotions. They encourage them to be less dependent; mothers push them away. They punish them more than they punish girls. And they are unaware that they treat boys and girls differently.
By the time boys are on their way to the teenage years, the process of disavowing what they are is complete. The book A New Psychology of Men describes research in which people were asked what it means to be feminine or masculine. Women and girls defined themselves by the ways they were connected to others, and by citing qualities like being caring or compassionate. Men and boys defined themselves by negatives: They weren't weak, dependent, or connected to their mothers.
But there is not much in our cultural definition of what it means to be a man that is inherent in maleness. Children start off surprisingly alike, whether they're boys or girls. If there's a difference, it's the opposite of what the culture seems to expect: Boys are more sensitive. They give expression to their emotions more readily than girls. They affiliate with others in the same way as girls. Then someone starts telling them it's not okay to be that way. If you act like that, you're a pussy.
As Real and others have explained, it is through this process of denial that men are primed for depression. And it is the cultural necessity of carrying out and carrying on this process that makes it so difficult for them to recognize and admit to depression when it comes. They not only don't acknowledge it to themselves, they often don't display the symptoms that psychotherapists use to diagnose depression.
The cultural training that lays the groundwork for depression in men and for their denial of it later in life involves social isolation. That means telling people the truth about yourself and trusting that they'll do the same, a concept that seems terrifying to many men.
In one case, two friends knew each other for years, commuting together, talking every day, laughing together. They would not have said they were socially isolated, yet when they happened to run into each other in the same group meeting for men suffering from depression, they had to laugh: Neither one had ever admitted it to the other, even though they were both seeking treatment for it.
Social isolation is a well-known killer of mammals. Countless studies going back to the '50s show that contact, affection, emotional communication, and genuine closeness are necessary for mammals, including humans, to maintain our health. Isolation wreaks havoc on everything from the immune system to the cardiovascular system to the brain. Conversely, staying socially connected helps protect men from mental illness, including depression.
The new research done by Kessler and others shows that single men and women look no different when it comes to most kinds of mental illness. But when they get married, they veer off in different directions. "It's a very good deal to be married if you're a man," Kessler says. "It's associated with a dramatic improvement in mental health."
Perhaps because they are forced into solitude as children, men are not as good at being alone as women are. Because of early socialization, women are better at relationships--with children, friends, and relatives. In general, women have more friends than men and are closer to those friends. This, of course, is the direct result of boys' having independence forced on them early in life, when what they need is emotional and physical contact with others.
Socialization punishes women, too. When they have children, women's mental health suffers, while that of men doesn't change at all. That's because women, in general, take care of the kids. If there's trouble in the home, or work interferes with child rearing, they'll disproportionately suffer for it.
Women also worry more than men. They care about a larger group of people who just don't appear on the emotional radar screens of men. In marriage, men share in the joys and are often protected from the pain. Just as the man will go downstairs to investigate a suspicious noise, the woman plays the role of emotional protector.
Kessler uses this example: A wife reports (to the researcher) that she's very upset, because her daughter had an abortion and had to miss a number of days of school. The husband reports that his daughter had the flu and couldn't go to school. How could this be? The explanation is simple: The daughter got pregnant and went to her mother for help, saying, "Whatever you do, don't tell Dad." So the mother helped the daughter have an abortion and told the father the girl was home sick with the flu.
The result is that the husband is exposed to less stress, while the woman is exposed to more. Not only does she have to deal with the abortion, but she also has to lie to her husband and orchestrate the protection of that lie. But throughout, her connections are reinforced and affirmed.
The studies show that when a father dies, the children grow closer to the mother. They come around more. The mother has been maintaining those relationships all along, and they pay off in a crisis. Yet when a mother dies, the children come around less. That's because for years, when they called on Sunday, they talked to the mother, not the father. By filling the social role, the wife grows closer to the kids. That's why widowhood and divorce are so much worse for men. Their protection is ripped away, and they have no social network to catch them as they fall. The person who managed their emotional life is gone.
As Kessler puts it, "You can hire someone to do most of the things the husband does in a marriage. But you can never hire someone to do what the wife does." Men can change this situation and possibly protect themselves from depression later in life by expanding the depth and breadth of their social networks.
Recovery
After undergoing treatment for bipolar disorder and chronic depression, Britt went back to compete in all the events he had run so desperately in 2004, such as the Lake Placid Ironman. To his amazement, he recognized for the first time that the run took place in a glorious natural setting. "You're literally running through fields of green," he says. Later that year, he was competing in the Ironman Wisconsin, which he'd done in such a black mood the year before, and began to wonder, Why am I hurting myself? I don't need to hurt myself anymore. For the first time in his life, he walked for an hour during the event, feeling joyous.
Britt's compulsion to run began to fade. "My race performance declined by about 5 percent in the first half of last year," he tells me, "and it really tailed off by fall. I took most of early winter off, totally. It's a healthier me all around." In other words, he now runs for fun, something he was unable to experience before.
But recovery wasn't simple or easy. Early on, when Britt was first diagnosed, he spent much of his time searching for a single moment in each day when something good happened, something he could celebrate. Gradually, those moments grew larger and more frequent. "Now," he says, "the days are filled with not only great moments, but great minutes and hours. And those make up great days, great weeks, and even great months."
When men talk about depression, one of the recurring themes is how it sucks the color and flavor out of life. The birdsong that filled you with joy as a child has no effect at all. The people you love don't make your heart sing, even though you know they should. The colors of the world are tarnished and dull. Britt ran the Boston Marathon once again, and realized at the end that although he'd run it many times, he had literally never seen the finish line; he ran right through it and focused on the next thing. "Now I can see things I never saw before--colors, scenery, people," he says. "It's almost impossible to describe, except to say that it seems like the world has visually opened up."
Depression is well known for shutting down the senses, and when it lifted, Britt was so astonished at what was around him that he took up photography just to try to capture it all. "I never cared before. I never noticed the colors of a sunset. The electricity in a lightning strike. The glow of moonrise over a lake. They've always been there. But only recently have I begun to see them. And I am amazed."
In the 1960s, the crusading social psychologist Jeanne Block and her colleagues explored how differently parents treat boys and girls. For instance, moms and dads encourage boys to be competitive and to achieve. They don't like them to show their emotions. They encourage them to be less dependent; mothers push them away. They punish them more than they punish girls. And they are unaware that they treat boys and girls differently.
By the time boys are on their way to the teenage years, the process of disavowing what they are is complete. The book A New Psychology of Men describes research in which people were asked what it means to be feminine or masculine. Women and girls defined themselves by the ways they were connected to others, and by citing qualities like being caring or compassionate. Men and boys defined themselves by negatives: They weren't weak, dependent, or connected to their mothers.
But there is not much in our cultural definition of what it means to be a man that is inherent in maleness. Children start off surprisingly alike, whether they're boys or girls. If there's a difference, it's the opposite of what the culture seems to expect: Boys are more sensitive. They give expression to their emotions more readily than girls. They affiliate with others in the same way as girls. Then someone starts telling them it's not okay to be that way. If you act like that, you're a pussy.
As Real and others have explained, it is through this process of denial that men are primed for depression. And it is the cultural necessity of carrying out and carrying on this process that makes it so difficult for them to recognize and admit to depression when it comes. They not only don't acknowledge it to themselves, they often don't display the symptoms that psychotherapists use to diagnose depression.
The cultural training that lays the groundwork for depression in men and for their denial of it later in life involves social isolation. That means telling people the truth about yourself and trusting that they'll do the same, a concept that seems terrifying to many men.
In one case, two friends knew each other for years, commuting together, talking every day, laughing together. They would not have said they were socially isolated, yet when they happened to run into each other in the same group meeting for men suffering from depression, they had to laugh: Neither one had ever admitted it to the other, even though they were both seeking treatment for it.
Social isolation is a well-known killer of mammals. Countless studies going back to the '50s show that contact, affection, emotional communication, and genuine closeness are necessary for mammals, including humans, to maintain our health. Isolation wreaks havoc on everything from the immune system to the cardiovascular system to the brain. Conversely, staying socially connected helps protect men from mental illness, including depression.
The new research done by Kessler and others shows that single men and women look no different when it comes to most kinds of mental illness. But when they get married, they veer off in different directions. "It's a very good deal to be married if you're a man," Kessler says. "It's associated with a dramatic improvement in mental health."
Perhaps because they are forced into solitude as children, men are not as good at being alone as women are. Because of early socialization, women are better at relationships--with children, friends, and relatives. In general, women have more friends than men and are closer to those friends. This, of course, is the direct result of boys' having independence forced on them early in life, when what they need is emotional and physical contact with others.
Socialization punishes women, too. When they have children, women's mental health suffers, while that of men doesn't change at all. That's because women, in general, take care of the kids. If there's trouble in the home, or work interferes with child rearing, they'll disproportionately suffer for it.
Women also worry more than men. They care about a larger group of people who just don't appear on the emotional radar screens of men. In marriage, men share in the joys and are often protected from the pain. Just as the man will go downstairs to investigate a suspicious noise, the woman plays the role of emotional protector.
Kessler uses this example: A wife reports (to the researcher) that she's very upset, because her daughter had an abortion and had to miss a number of days of school. The husband reports that his daughter had the flu and couldn't go to school. How could this be? The explanation is simple: The daughter got pregnant and went to her mother for help, saying, "Whatever you do, don't tell Dad." So the mother helped the daughter have an abortion and told the father the girl was home sick with the flu.
The result is that the husband is exposed to less stress, while the woman is exposed to more. Not only does she have to deal with the abortion, but she also has to lie to her husband and orchestrate the protection of that lie. But throughout, her connections are reinforced and affirmed.
The studies show that when a father dies, the children grow closer to the mother. They come around more. The mother has been maintaining those relationships all along, and they pay off in a crisis. Yet when a mother dies, the children come around less. That's because for years, when they called on Sunday, they talked to the mother, not the father. By filling the social role, the wife grows closer to the kids. That's why widowhood and divorce are so much worse for men. Their protection is ripped away, and they have no social network to catch them as they fall. The person who managed their emotional life is gone.
As Kessler puts it, "You can hire someone to do most of the things the husband does in a marriage. But you can never hire someone to do what the wife does." Men can change this situation and possibly protect themselves from depression later in life by expanding the depth and breadth of their social networks.
Recovery
After undergoing treatment for bipolar disorder and chronic depression, Britt went back to compete in all the events he had run so desperately in 2004, such as the Lake Placid Ironman. To his amazement, he recognized for the first time that the run took place in a glorious natural setting. "You're literally running through fields of green," he says. Later that year, he was competing in the Ironman Wisconsin, which he'd done in such a black mood the year before, and began to wonder, Why am I hurting myself? I don't need to hurt myself anymore. For the first time in his life, he walked for an hour during the event, feeling joyous.
Britt's compulsion to run began to fade. "My race performance declined by about 5 percent in the first half of last year," he tells me, "and it really tailed off by fall. I took most of early winter off, totally. It's a healthier me all around." In other words, he now runs for fun, something he was unable to experience before.
But recovery wasn't simple or easy. Early on, when Britt was first diagnosed, he spent much of his time searching for a single moment in each day when something good happened, something he could celebrate. Gradually, those moments grew larger and more frequent. "Now," he says, "the days are filled with not only great moments, but great minutes and hours. And those make up great days, great weeks, and even great months."
When men talk about depression, one of the recurring themes is how it sucks the color and flavor out of life. The birdsong that filled you with joy as a child has no effect at all. The people you love don't make your heart sing, even though you know they should. The colors of the world are tarnished and dull. Britt ran the Boston Marathon once again, and realized at the end that although he'd run it many times, he had literally never seen the finish line; he ran right through it and focused on the next thing. "Now I can see things I never saw before--colors, scenery, people," he says. "It's almost impossible to describe, except to say that it seems like the world has visually opened up."
Depression is well known for shutting down the senses, and when it lifted, Britt was so astonished at what was around him that he took up photography just to try to capture it all. "I never cared before. I never noticed the colors of a sunset. The electricity in a lightning strike. The glow of moonrise over a lake. They've always been there. But only recently have I begun to see them. And I am amazed."
In the 1960s, the crusading social psychologist Jeanne Block and her colleagues explored how differently parents treat boys and girls. For instance, moms and dads encourage boys to be competitive and to achieve. They don't like them to show their emotions. They encourage them to be less dependent; mothers push them away. They punish them more than they punish girls. And they are unaware that they treat boys and girls differently.
By the time boys are on their way to the teenage years, the process of disavowing what they are is complete. The book A New Psychology of Men describes research in which people were asked what it means to be feminine or masculine. Women and girls defined themselves by the ways they were connected to others, and by citing qualities like being caring or compassionate. Men and boys defined themselves by negatives: They weren't weak, dependent, or connected to their mothers.
But there is not much in our cultural definition of what it means to be a man that is inherent in maleness. Children start off surprisingly alike, whether they're boys or girls. If there's a difference, it's the opposite of what the culture seems to expect: Boys are more sensitive. They give expression to their emotions more readily than girls. They affiliate with others in the same way as girls. Then someone starts telling them it's not okay to be that way. If you act like that, you're a pussy.
As Real and others have explained, it is through this process of denial that men are primed for depression. And it is the cultural necessity of carrying out and carrying on this process that makes it so difficult for them to recognize and admit to depression when it comes. They not only don't acknowledge it to themselves, they often don't display the symptoms that psychotherapists use to diagnose depression.
The cultural training that lays the groundwork for depression in men and for their denial of it later in life involves social isolation. That means telling people the truth about yourself and trusting that they'll do the same, a concept that seems terrifying to many men.
In one case, two friends knew each other for years, commuting together, talking every day, laughing together. They would not have said they were socially isolated, yet when they happened to run into each other in the same group meeting for men suffering from depression, they had to laugh: Neither one had ever admitted it to the other, even though they were both seeking treatment for it.
Social isolation is a well-known killer of mammals. Countless studies going back to the '50s show that contact, affection, emotional communication, and genuine closeness are necessary for mammals, including humans, to maintain our health. Isolation wreaks havoc on everything from the immune system to the cardiovascular system to the brain. Conversely, staying socially connected helps protect men from mental illness, including depression.
The new research done by Kessler and others shows that single men and women look no different when it comes to most kinds of mental illness. But when they get married, they veer off in different directions. "It's a very good deal to be married if you're a man," Kessler says. "It's associated with a dramatic improvement in mental health."
Perhaps because they are forced into solitude as children, men are not as good at being alone as women are. Because of early socialization, women are better at relationships--with children, friends, and relatives. In general, women have more friends than men and are closer to those friends. This, of course, is the direct result of boys' having independence forced on them early in life, when what they need is emotional and physical contact with others.
Socialization punishes women, too. When they have children, women's mental health suffers, while that of men doesn't change at all. That's because women, in general, take care of the kids. If there's trouble in the home, or work interferes with child rearing, they'll disproportionately suffer for it.
Women also worry more than men. They care about a larger group of people who just don't appear on the emotional radar screens of men. In marriage, men share in the joys and are often protected from the pain. Just as the man will go downstairs to investigate a suspicious noise, the woman plays the role of emotional protector.
Kessler uses this example: A wife reports (to the researcher) that she's very upset, because her daughter had an abortion and had to miss a number of days of school. The husband reports that his daughter had the flu and couldn't go to school. How could this be? The explanation is simple: The daughter got pregnant and went to her mother for help, saying, "Whatever you do, don't tell Dad." So the mother helped the daughter have an abortion and told the father the girl was home sick with the flu.
The result is that the husband is exposed to less stress, while the woman is exposed to more. Not only does she have to deal with the abortion, but she also has to lie to her husband and orchestrate the protection of that lie. But throughout, her connections are reinforced and affirmed.
The studies show that when a father dies, the children grow closer to the mother. They come around more. The mother has been maintaining those relationships all along, and they pay off in a crisis. Yet when a mother dies, the children come around less. That's because for years, when they called on Sunday, they talked to the mother, not the father. By filling the social role, the wife grows closer to the kids. That's why widowhood and divorce are so much worse for men. Their protection is ripped away, and they have no social network to catch them as they fall. The person who managed their emotional life is gone.
As Kessler puts it, "You can hire someone to do most of the things the husband does in a marriage. But you can never hire someone to do what the wife does." Men can change this situation and possibly protect themselves from depression later in life by expanding the depth and breadth of their social networks.
Recovery
After undergoing treatment for bipolar disorder and chronic depression, Britt went back to compete in all the events he had run so desperately in 2004, such as the Lake Placid Ironman. To his amazement, he recognized for the first time that the run took place in a glorious natural setting. "You're literally running through fields of green," he says. Later that year, he was competing in the Ironman Wisconsin, which he'd done in such a black mood the year before, and began to wonder, Why am I hurting myself? I don't need to hurt myself anymore. For the first time in his life, he walked for an hour during the event, feeling joyous.
Britt's compulsion to run began to fade. "My race performance declined by about 5 percent in the first half of last year," he tells me, "and it really tailed off by fall. I took most of early winter off, totally. It's a healthier me all around." In other words, he now runs for fun, something he was unable to experience before.
But recovery wasn't simple or easy. Early on, when Britt was first diagnosed, he spent much of his time searching for a single moment in each day when something good happened, something he could celebrate. Gradually, those moments grew larger and more frequent. "Now," he says, "the days are filled with not only great moments, but great minutes and hours. And those make up great days, great weeks, and even great months."
When men talk about depression, one of the recurring themes is how it sucks the color and flavor out of life. The birdsong that filled you with joy as a child has no effect at all. The people you love don't make your heart sing, even though you know they should. The colors of the world are tarnished and dull. Britt ran the Boston Marathon once again, and realized at the end that although he'd run it many times, he had literally never seen the finish line; he ran right through it and focused on the next thing. "Now I can see things I never saw before--colors, scenery, people," he says. "It's almost impossible to describe, except to say that it seems like the world has visually opened up."
Depression is well known for shutting down the senses, and when it lifted, Britt was so astonished at what was around him that he took up photography just to try to capture it all. "I never cared before. I never noticed the colors of a sunset. The electricity in a lightning strike. The glow of moonrise over a lake. They've always been there. But only recently have I begun to see them. And I am amazed."
In the 1960s, the crusading social psychologist Jeanne Block and her colleagues explored how differently parents treat boys and girls. For instance, moms and dads encourage boys to be competitive and to achieve. They don't like them to show their emotions. They encourage them to be less dependent; mothers push them away. They punish them more than they punish girls. And they are unaware that they treat boys and girls differently.
By the time boys are on their way to the teenage years, the process of disavowing what they are is complete. The book A New Psychology of Men describes research in which people were asked what it means to be feminine or masculine. Women and girls defined themselves by the ways they were connected to others, and by citing qualities like being caring or compassionate. Men and boys defined themselves by negatives: They weren't weak, dependent, or connected to their mothers.
But there is not much in our cultural definition of what it means to be a man that is inherent in maleness. Children start off surprisingly alike, whether they're boys or girls. If there's a difference, it's the opposite of what the culture seems to expect: Boys are more sensitive. They give expression to their emotions more readily than girls. They affiliate with others in the same way as girls. Then someone starts telling them it's not okay to be that way. If you act like that, you're a pussy.
As Real and others have explained, it is through this process of denial that men are primed for depression. And it is the cultural necessity of carrying out and carrying on this process that makes it so difficult for them to recognize and admit to depression when it comes. They not only don't acknowledge it to themselves, they often don't display the symptoms that psychotherapists use to diagnose depression.
The cultural training that lays the groundwork for depression in men and for their denial of it later in life involves social isolation. That means telling people the truth about yourself and trusting that they'll do the same, a concept that seems terrifying to many men.
In one case, two friends knew each other for years, commuting together, talking every day, laughing together. They would not have said they were socially isolated, yet when they happened to run into each other in the same group meeting for men suffering from depression, they had to laugh: Neither one had ever admitted it to the other, even though they were both seeking treatment for it.
Social isolation is a well-known killer of mammals. Countless studies going back to the '50s show that contact, affection, emotional communication, and genuine closeness are necessary for mammals, including humans, to maintain our health. Isolation wreaks havoc on everything from the immune system to the cardiovascular system to the brain. Conversely, staying socially connected helps protect men from mental illness, including depression.
The new research done by Kessler and others shows that single men and women look no different when it comes to most kinds of mental illness. But when they get married, they veer off in different directions. "It's a very good deal to be married if you're a man," Kessler says. "It's associated with a dramatic improvement in mental health."
Perhaps because they are forced into solitude as children, men are not as good at being alone as women are. Because of early socialization, women are better at relationships--with children, friends, and relatives. In general, women have more friends than men and are closer to those friends. This, of course, is the direct result of boys' having independence forced on them early in life, when what they need is emotional and physical contact with others.
Socialization punishes women, too. When they have children, women's mental health suffers, while that of men doesn't change at all. That's because women, in general, take care of the kids. If there's trouble in the home, or work interferes with child rearing, they'll disproportionately suffer for it.
Women also worry more than men. They care about a larger group of people who just don't appear on the emotional radar screens of men. In marriage, men share in the joys and are often protected from the pain. Just as the man will go downstairs to investigate a suspicious noise, the woman plays the role of emotional protector.
Kessler uses this example: A wife reports (to the researcher) that she's very upset, because her daughter had an abortion and had to miss a number of days of school. The husband reports that his daughter had the flu and couldn't go to school. How could this be? The explanation is simple: The daughter got pregnant and went to her mother for help, saying, "Whatever you do, don't tell Dad." So the mother helped the daughter have an abortion and told the father the girl was home sick with the flu.
The result is that the husband is exposed to less stress, while the woman is exposed to more. Not only does she have to deal with the abortion, but she also has to lie to her husband and orchestrate the protection of that lie. But throughout, her connections are reinforced and affirmed.
The studies show that when a father dies, the children grow closer to the mother. They come around more. The mother has been maintaining those relationships all along, and they pay off in a crisis. Yet when a mother dies, the children come around less. That's because for years, when they called on Sunday, they talked to the mother, not the father. By filling the social role, the wife grows closer to the kids. That's why widowhood and divorce are so much worse for men. Their protection is ripped away, and they have no social network to catch them as they fall. The person who managed their emotional life is gone.
As Kessler puts it, "You can hire someone to do most of the things the husband does in a marriage. But you can never hire someone to do what the wife does." Men can change this situation and possibly protect themselves from depression later in life by expanding the depth and breadth of their social networks.
Recovery
After undergoing treatment for bipolar disorder and chronic depression, Britt went back to compete in all the events he had run so desperately in 2004, such as the Lake Placid Ironman. To his amazement, he recognized for the first time that the run took place in a glorious natural setting. "You're literally running through fields of green," he says. Later that year, he was competing in the Ironman Wisconsin, which he'd done in such a black mood the year before, and began to wonder, Why am I hurting myself? I don't need to hurt myself anymore. For the first time in his life, he walked for an hour during the event, feeling joyous.
Britt's compulsion to run began to fade. "My race performance declined by about 5 percent in the first half of last year," he tells me, "and it really tailed off by fall. I took most of early winter off, totally. It's a healthier me all around." In other words, he now runs for fun, something he was unable to experience before.
But recovery wasn't simple or easy. Early on, when Britt was first diagnosed, he spent much of his time searching for a single moment in each day when something good happened, something he could celebrate. Gradually, those moments grew larger and more frequent. "Now," he says, "the days are filled with not only great moments, but great minutes and hours. And those make up great days, great weeks, and even great months."
When men talk about depression, one of the recurring themes is how it sucks the color and flavor out of life. The birdsong that filled you with joy as a child has no effect at all. The people you love don't make your heart sing, even though you know they should. The colors of the world are tarnished and dull. Britt ran the Boston Marathon once again, and realized at the end that although he'd run it many times, he had literally never seen the finish line; he ran right through it and focused on the next thing. "Now I can see things I never saw before--colors, scenery, people," he says. "It's almost impossible to describe, except to say that it seems like the world has visually opened up."
Depression is well known for shutting down the senses, and when it lifted, Britt was so astonished at what was around him that he took up photography just to try to capture it all. "I never cared before. I never noticed the colors of a sunset. The electricity in a lightning strike. The glow of moonrise over a lake. They've always been there. But only recently have I begun to see them. And I am amazed."
In the 1960s, the crusading social psychologist Jeanne Block and her colleagues explored how differently parents treat boys and girls. For instance, moms and dads encourage boys to be competitive and to achieve. They don't like them to show their emotions. They encourage them to be less dependent; mothers push them away. They punish them more than they punish girls. And they are unaware that they treat boys and girls differently.
By the time boys are on their way to the teenage years, the process of disavowing what they are is complete. The book A New Psychology of Men describes research in which people were asked what it means to be feminine or masculine. Women and girls defined themselves by the ways they were connected to others, and by citing qualities like being caring or compassionate. Men and boys defined themselves by negatives: They weren't weak, dependent, or connected to their mothers.
But there is not much in our cultural definition of what it means to be a man that is inherent in maleness. Children start off surprisingly alike, whether they're boys or girls. If there's a difference, it's the opposite of what the culture seems to expect: Boys are more sensitive. They give expression to their emotions more readily than girls. They affiliate with others in the same way as girls. Then someone starts telling them it's not okay to be that way. If you act like that, you're a pussy.
As Real and others have explained, it is through this process of denial that men are primed for depression. And it is the cultural necessity of carrying out and carrying on this process that makes it so difficult for them to recognize and admit to depression when it comes. They not only don't acknowledge it to themselves, they often don't display the symptoms that psychotherapists use to diagnose depression.
The cultural training that lays the groundwork for depression in men and for their denial of it later in life involves social isolation. That means telling people the truth about yourself and trusting that they'll do the same, a concept that seems terrifying to many men.
In one case, two friends knew each other for years, commuting together, talking every day, laughing together. They would not have said they were socially isolated, yet when they happened to run into each other in the same group meeting for men suffering from depression, they had to laugh: Neither one had ever admitted it to the other, even though they were both seeking treatment for it.
Social isolation is a well-known killer of mammals. Countless studies going back to the '50s show that contact, affection, emotional communication, and genuine closeness are necessary for mammals, including humans, to maintain our health. Isolation wreaks havoc on everything from the immune system to the cardiovascular system to the brain. Conversely, staying socially connected helps protect men from mental illness, including depression.
The new research done by Kessler and others shows that single men and women look no different when it comes to most kinds of mental illness. But when they get married, they veer off in different directions. "It's a very good deal to be married if you're a man," Kessler says. "It's associated with a dramatic improvement in mental health."
Perhaps because they are forced into solitude as children, men are not as good at being alone as women are. Because of early socialization, women are better at relationships--with children, friends, and relatives. In general, women have more friends than men and are closer to those friends. This, of course, is the direct result of boys' having independence forced on them early in life, when what they need is emotional and physical contact with others.
Socialization punishes women, too. When they have children, women's mental health suffers, while that of men doesn't change at all. That's because women, in general, take care of the kids. If there's trouble in the home, or work interferes with child rearing, they'll disproportionately suffer for it.
Women also worry more than men. They care about a larger group of people who just don't appear on the emotional radar screens of men. In marriage, men share in the joys and are often protected from the pain. Just as the man will go downstairs to investigate a suspicious noise, the woman plays the role of emotional protector.
Kessler uses this example: A wife reports (to the researcher) that she's very upset, because her daughter had an abortion and had to miss a number of days of school. The husband reports that his daughter had the flu and couldn't go to school. How could this be? The explanation is simple: The daughter got pregnant and went to her mother for help, saying, "Whatever you do, don't tell Dad." So the mother helped the daughter have an abortion and told the father the girl was home sick with the flu.
The result is that the husband is exposed to less stress, while the woman is exposed to more. Not only does she have to deal with the abortion, but she also has to lie to her husband and orchestrate the protection of that lie. But throughout, her connections are reinforced and affirmed.
The studies show that when a father dies, the children grow closer to the mother. They come around more. The mother has been maintaining those relationships all along, and they pay off in a crisis. Yet when a mother dies, the children come around less. That's because for years, when they called on Sunday, they talked to the mother, not the father. By filling the social role, the wife grows closer to the kids. That's why widowhood and divorce are so much worse for men. Their protection is ripped away, and they have no social network to catch them as they fall. The person who managed their emotional life is gone.
As Kessler puts it, "You can hire someone to do most of the things the husband does in a marriage. But you can never hire someone to do what the wife does." Men can change this situation and possibly protect themselves from depression later in life by expanding the depth and breadth of their social networks.
Recovery
After undergoing treatment for bipolar disorder and chronic depression, Britt went back to compete in all the events he had run so desperately in 2004, such as the Lake Placid Ironman. To his amazement, he recognized for the first time that the run took place in a glorious natural setting. "You're literally running through fields of green," he says. Later that year, he was competing in the Ironman Wisconsin, which he'd done in such a black mood the year before, and began to wonder, Why am I hurting myself? I don't need to hurt myself anymore. For the first time in his life, he walked for an hour during the event, feeling joyous.
Britt's compulsion to run began to fade. "My race performance declined by about 5 percent in the first half of last year," he tells me, "and it really tailed off by fall. I took most of early winter off, totally. It's a healthier me all around." In other words, he now runs for fun, something he was unable to experience before.
But recovery wasn't simple or easy. Early on, when Britt was first diagnosed, he spent much of his time searching for a single moment in each day when something good happened, something he could celebrate. Gradually, those moments grew larger and more frequent. "Now," he says, "the days are filled with not only great moments, but great minutes and hours. And those make up great days, great weeks, and even great months."
When men talk about depression, one of the recurring themes is how it sucks the color and flavor out of life. The birdsong that filled you with joy as a child has no effect at all. The people you love don't make your heart sing, even though you know they should. The colors of the world are tarnished and dull. Britt ran the Boston Marathon once again, and realized at the end that although he'd run it many times, he had literally never seen the finish line; he ran right through it and focused on the next thing. "Now I can see things I never saw before--colors, scenery, people," he says. "It's almost impossible to describe, except to say that it seems like the world has visually opened up."
Depression is well known for shutting down the senses, and when it lifted, Britt was so astonished at what was around him that he took up photography just to try to capture it all. "I never cared before. I never noticed the colors of a sunset. The electricity in a lightning strike. The glow of moonrise over a lake. They've always been there. But only recently have I begun to see them. And I am amazed."
In the 1960s, the crusading social psychologist Jeanne Block and her colleagues explored how differently parents treat boys and girls. For instance, moms and dads encourage boys to be competitive and to achieve. They don't like them to show their emotions. They encourage them to be less dependent; mothers push them away. They punish them more than they punish girls. And they are unaware that they treat boys and girls differently.
By the time boys are on their way to the teenage years, the process of disavowing what they are is complete. The book A New Psychology of Men describes research in which people were asked what it means to be feminine or masculine. Women and girls defined themselves by the ways they were connected to others, and by citing qualities like being caring or compassionate. Men and boys defined themselves by negatives: They weren't weak, dependent, or connected to their mothers.
But there is not much in our cultural definition of what it means to be a man that is inherent in maleness. Children start off surprisingly alike, whether they're boys or girls. If there's a difference, it's the opposite of what the culture seems to expect: Boys are more sensitive. They give expression to their emotions more readily than girls. They affiliate with others in the same way as girls. Then someone starts telling them it's not okay to be that way. If you act like that, you're a pussy.
As Real and others have explained, it is through this process of denial that men are primed for depression. And it is the cultural necessity of carrying out and carrying on this process that makes it so difficult for them to recognize and admit to depression when it comes. They not only don't acknowledge it to themselves, they often don't display the symptoms that psychotherapists use to diagnose depression.
The cultural training that lays the groundwork for depression in men and for their denial of it later in life involves social isolation. That means telling people the truth about yourself and trusting that they'll do the same, a concept that seems terrifying to many men.
In one case, two friends knew each other for years, commuting together, talking every day, laughing together. They would not have said they were socially isolated, yet when they happened to run into each other in the same group meeting for men suffering from depression, they had to laugh: Neither one had ever admitted it to the other, even though they were both seeking treatment for it.
Social isolation is a well-known killer of mammals. Countless studies going back to the '50s show that contact, affection, emotional communication, and genuine closeness are necessary for mammals, including humans, to maintain our health. Isolation wreaks havoc on everything from the immune system to the cardiovascular system to the brain. Conversely, staying socially connected helps protect men from mental illness, including depression.
The new research done by Kessler and others shows that single men and women look no different when it comes to most kinds of mental illness. But when they get married, they veer off in different directions. "It's a very good deal to be married if you're a man," Kessler says. "It's associated with a dramatic improvement in mental health."
Perhaps because they are forced into solitude as children, men are not as good at being alone as women are. Because of early socialization, women are better at relationships--with children, friends, and relatives. In general, women have more friends than men and are closer to those friends. This, of course, is the direct result of boys' having independence forced on them early in life, when what they need is emotional and physical contact with others.
Socialization punishes women, too. When they have children, women's mental health suffers, while that of men doesn't change at all. That's because women, in general, take care of the kids. If there's trouble in the home, or work interferes with child rearing, they'll disproportionately suffer for it.
Women also worry more than men. They care about a larger group of people who just don't appear on the emotional radar screens of men. In marriage, men share in the joys and are often protected from the pain. Just as the man will go downstairs to investigate a suspicious noise, the woman plays the role of emotional protector.
Kessler uses this example: A wife reports (to the researcher) that she's very upset, because her daughter had an abortion and had to miss a number of days of school. The husband reports that his daughter had the flu and couldn't go to school. How could this be? The explanation is simple: The daughter got pregnant and went to her mother for help, saying, "Whatever you do, don't tell Dad." So the mother helped the daughter have an abortion and told the father the girl was home sick with the flu.
The result is that the husband is exposed to less stress, while the woman is exposed to more. Not only does she have to deal with the abortion, but she also has to lie to her husband and orchestrate the protection of that lie. But throughout, her connections are reinforced and affirmed.
The studies show that when a father dies, the children grow closer to the mother. They come around more. The mother has been maintaining those relationships all along, and they pay off in a crisis. Yet when a mother dies, the children come around less. That's because for years, when they called on Sunday, they talked to the mother, not the father. By filling the social role, the wife grows closer to the kids. That's why widowhood and divorce are so much worse for men. Their protection is ripped away, and they have no social network to catch them as they fall. The person who managed their emotional life is gone.
As Kessler puts it, "You can hire someone to do most of the things the husband does in a marriage. But you can never hire someone to do what the wife does." Men can change this situation and possibly protect themselves from depression later in life by expanding the depth and breadth of their social networks.
Recovery
After undergoing treatment for bipolar disorder and chronic depression, Britt went back to compete in all the events he had run so desperately in 2004, such as the Lake Placid Ironman. To his amazement, he recognized for the first time that the run took place in a glorious natural setting. "You're literally running through fields of green," he says. Later that year, he was competing in the Ironman Wisconsin, which he'd done in such a black mood the year before, and began to wonder, Why am I hurting myself? I don't need to hurt myself anymore. For the first time in his life, he walked for an hour during the event, feeling joyous.
Britt's compulsion to run began to fade. "My race performance declined by about 5 percent in the first half of last year," he tells me, "and it really tailed off by fall. I took most of early winter off, totally. It's a healthier me all around." In other words, he now runs for fun, something he was unable to experience before.
But recovery wasn't simple or easy. Early on, when Britt was first diagnosed, he spent much of his time searching for a single moment in each day when something good happened, something he could celebrate. Gradually, those moments grew larger and more frequent. "Now," he says, "the days are filled with not only great moments, but great minutes and hours. And those make up great days, great weeks, and even great months."
When men talk about depression, one of the recurring themes is how it sucks the color and flavor out of life. The birdsong that filled you with joy as a child has no effect at all. The people you love don't make your heart sing, even though you know they should. The colors of the world are tarnished and dull. Britt ran the Boston Marathon once again, and realized at the end that although he'd run it many times, he had literally never seen the finish line; he ran right through it and focused on the next thing. "Now I can see things I never saw before--colors, scenery, people," he says. "It's almost impossible to describe, except to say that it seems like the world has visually opened up."
Depression is well known for shutting down the senses, and when it lifted, Britt was so astonished at what was around him that he took up photography just to try to capture it all. "I never cared before. I never noticed the colors of a sunset. The electricity in a lightning strike. The glow of moonrise over a lake. They've always been there. But only recently have I begun to see them. And I am amazed."
In the 1960s, the crusading social psychologist Jeanne Block and her colleagues explored how differently parents treat boys and girls. For instance, moms and dads encourage boys to be competitive and to achieve. They don't like them to show their emotions. They encourage them to be less dependent; mothers push them away. They punish them more than they punish girls. And they are unaware that they treat boys and girls differently.
By the time boys are on their way to the teenage years, the process of disavowing what they are is complete. The book A New Psychology of Men describes research in which people were asked what it means to be feminine or masculine. Women and girls defined themselves by the ways they were connected to others, and by citing qualities like being caring or compassionate. Men and boys defined themselves by negatives: They weren't weak, dependent, or connected to their mothers.
But there is not much in our cultural definition of what it means to be a man that is inherent in maleness. Children start off surprisingly alike, whether they're boys or girls. If there's a difference, it's the opposite of what the culture seems to expect: Boys are more sensitive. They give expression to their emotions more readily than girls. They affiliate with others in the same way as girls. Then someone starts telling them it's not okay to be that way. If you act like that, you're a pussy.
As Real and others have explained, it is through this process of denial that men are primed for depression. And it is the cultural necessity of carrying out and carrying on this process that makes it so difficult for them to recognize and admit to depression when it comes. They not only don't acknowledge it to themselves, they often don't display the symptoms that psychotherapists use to diagnose depression.
The cultural training that lays the groundwork for depression in men and for their denial of it later in life involves social isolation. That means telling people the truth about yourself and trusting that they'll do the same, a concept that seems terrifying to many men.
In one case, two friends knew each other for years, commuting together, talking every day, laughing together. They would not have said they were socially isolated, yet when they happened to run into each other in the same group meeting for men suffering from depression, they had to laugh: Neither one had ever admitted it to the other, even though they were both seeking treatment for it.
Social isolation is a well-known killer of mammals. Countless studies going back to the '50s show that contact, affection, emotional communication, and genuine closeness are necessary for mammals, including humans, to maintain our health. Isolation wreaks havoc on everything from the immune system to the cardiovascular system to the brain. Conversely, staying socially connected helps protect men from mental illness, including depression.
The new research done by Kessler and others shows that single men and women look no different when it comes to most kinds of mental illness. But when they get married, they veer off in different directions. "It's a very good deal to be married if you're a man," Kessler says. "It's associated with a dramatic improvement in mental health."
Perhaps because they are forced into solitude as children, men are not as good at being alone as women are. Because of early socialization, women are better at relationships--with children, friends, and relatives. In general, women have more friends than men and are closer to those friends. This, of course, is the direct result of boys' having independence forced on them early in life, when what they need is emotional and physical contact with others.
Socialization punishes women, too. When they have children, women's mental health suffers, while that of men doesn't change at all. That's because women, in general, take care of the kids. If there's trouble in the home, or work interferes with child rearing, they'll disproportionately suffer for it.
Women also worry more than men. They care about a larger group of people who just don't appear on the emotional radar screens of men. In marriage, men share in the joys and are often protected from the pain. Just as the man will go downstairs to investigate a suspicious noise, the woman plays the role of emotional protector.
Kessler uses this example: A wife reports (to the researcher) that she's very upset, because her daughter had an abortion and had to miss a number of days of school. The husband reports that his daughter had the flu and couldn't go to school. How could this be? The explanation is simple: The daughter got pregnant and went to her mother for help, saying, "Whatever you do, don't tell Dad." So the mother helped the daughter have an abortion and told the father the girl was home sick with the flu.
The result is that the husband is exposed to less stress, while the woman is exposed to more. Not only does she have to deal with the abortion, but she also has to lie to her husband and orchestrate the protection of that lie. But throughout, her connections are reinforced and affirmed.
The studies show that when a father dies, the children grow closer to the mother. They come around more. The mother has been maintaining those relationships all along, and they pay off in a crisis. Yet when a mother dies, the children come around less. That's because for years, when they called on Sunday, they talked to the mother, not the father. By filling the social role, the wife grows closer to the kids. That's why widowhood and divorce are so much worse for men. Their protection is ripped away, and they have no social network to catch them as they fall. The person who managed their emotional life is gone.
As Kessler puts it, "You can hire someone to do most of the things the husband does in a marriage. But you can never hire someone to do what the wife does." Men can change this situation and possibly protect themselves from depression later in life by expanding the depth and breadth of their social networks.
Recovery
After undergoing treatment for bipolar disorder and chronic depression, Britt went back to compete in all the events he had run so desperately in 2004, such as the Lake Placid Ironman. To his amazement, he recognized for the first time that the run took place in a glorious natural setting. "You're literally running through fields of green," he says. Later that year, he was competing in the Ironman Wisconsin, which he'd done in such a black mood the year before, and began to wonder, Why am I hurting myself? I don't need to hurt myself anymore. For the first time in his life, he walked for an hour during the event, feeling joyous.
Britt's compulsion to run began to fade. "My race performance declined by about 5 percent in the first half of last year," he tells me, "and it really tailed off by fall. I took most of early winter off, totally. It's a healthier me all around." In other words, he now runs for fun, something he was unable to experience before.
But recovery wasn't simple or easy. Early on, when Britt was first diagnosed, he spent much of his time searching for a single moment in each day when something good happened, something he could celebrate. Gradually, those moments grew larger and more frequent. "Now," he says, "the days are filled with not only great moments, but great minutes and hours. And those make up great days, great weeks, and even great months."
When men talk about depression, one of the recurring themes is how it sucks the color and flavor out of life. The birdsong that filled you with joy as a child has no effect at all. The people you love don't make your heart sing, even though you know they should. The colors of the world are tarnished and dull. Britt ran the Boston Marathon once again, and realized at the end that although he'd run it many times, he had literally never seen the finish line; he ran right through it and focused on the next thing. "Now I can see things I never saw before--colors, scenery, people," he says. "It's almost impossible to describe, except to say that it seems like the world has visually opened up."
Depression is well known for shutting down the senses, and when it lifted, Britt was so astonished at what was around him that he took up photography just to try to capture it all. "I never cared before. I never noticed the colors of a sunset. The electricity in a lightning strike. The glow of moonrise over a lake. They've always been there. But only recently have I begun to see them. And I am amazed."
In the 1960s, the crusading social psychologist Jeanne Block and her colleagues explored how differently parents treat boys and girls. For instance, moms and dads encourage boys to be competitive and to achieve. They don't like them to show their emotions. They encourage them to be less dependent; mothers push them away. They punish them more than they punish girls. And they are unaware that they treat boys and girls differently.
By the time boys are on their way to the teenage years, the process of disavowing what they are is complete. The book A New Psychology of Men describes research in which people were asked what it means to be feminine or masculine. Women and girls defined themselves by the ways they were connected to others, and by citing qualities like being caring or compassionate. Men and boys defined themselves by negatives: They weren't weak, dependent, or connected to their mothers.
But there is not much in our cultural definition of what it means to be a man that is inherent in maleness. Children start off surprisingly alike, whether they're boys or girls. If there's a difference, it's the opposite of what the culture seems to expect: Boys are more sensitive. They give expression to their emotions more readily than girls. They affiliate with others in the same way as girls. Then someone starts telling them it's not okay to be that way. If you act like that, you're a pussy.
As Real and others have explained, it is through this process of denial that men are primed for depression. And it is the cultural necessity of carrying out and carrying on this process that makes it so difficult for them to recognize and admit to depression when it comes. They not only don't acknowledge it to themselves, they often don't display the symptoms that psychotherapists use to diagnose depression.
The cultural training that lays the groundwork for depression in men and for their denial of it later in life involves social isolation. That means telling people the truth about yourself and trusting that they'll do the same, a concept that seems terrifying to many men.
In one case, two friends knew each other for years, commuting together, talking every day, laughing together. They would not have said they were socially isolated, yet when they happened to run into each other in the same group meeting for men suffering from depression, they had to laugh: Neither one had ever admitted it to the other, even though they were both seeking treatment for it.
Social isolation is a well-known killer of mammals. Countless studies going back to the '50s show that contact, affection, emotional communication, and genuine closeness are necessary for mammals, including humans, to maintain our health. Isolation wreaks havoc on everything from the immune system to the cardiovascular system to the brain. Conversely, staying socially connected helps protect men from mental illness, including depression.
The new research done by Kessler and others shows that single men and women look no different when it comes to most kinds of mental illness. But when they get married, they veer off in different directions. "It's a very good deal to be married if you're a man," Kessler says. "It's associated with a dramatic improvement in mental health."
Perhaps because they are forced into solitude as children, men are not as good at being alone as women are. Because of early socialization, women are better at relationships--with children, friends, and relatives. In general, women have more friends than men and are closer to those friends. This, of course, is the direct result of boys' having independence forced on them early in life, when what they need is emotional and physical contact with others.
Socialization punishes women, too. When they have children, women's mental health suffers, while that of men doesn't change at all. That's because women, in general, take care of the kids. If there's trouble in the home, or work interferes with child rearing, they'll disproportionately suffer for it.
Women also worry more than men. They care about a larger group of people who just don't appear on the emotional radar screens of men. In marriage, men share in the joys and are often protected from the pain. Just as the man will go downstairs to investigate a suspicious noise, the woman plays the role of emotional protector.
Kessler uses this example: A wife reports (to the researcher) that she's very upset, because her daughter had an abortion and had to miss a number of days of school. The husband reports that his daughter had the flu and couldn't go to school. How could this be? The explanation is simple: The daughter got pregnant and went to her mother for help, saying, "Whatever you do, don't tell Dad." So the mother helped the daughter have an abortion and told the father the girl was home sick with the flu.
The result is that the husband is exposed to less stress, while the woman is exposed to more. Not only does she have to deal with the abortion, but she also has to lie to her husband and orchestrate the protection of that lie. But throughout, her connections are reinforced and affirmed.
The studies show that when a father dies, the children grow closer to the mother. They come around more. The mother has been maintaining those relationships all along, and they pay off in a crisis. Yet when a mother dies, the children come around less. That's because for years, when they called on Sunday, they talked to the mother, not the father. By filling the social role, the wife grows closer to the kids. That's why widowhood and divorce are so much worse for men. Their protection is ripped away, and they have no social network to catch them as they fall. The person who managed their emotional life is gone.
As Kessler puts it, "You can hire someone to do most of the things the husband does in a marriage. But you can never hire someone to do what the wife does." Men can change this situation and possibly protect themselves from depression later in life by expanding the depth and breadth of their social networks.
Recovery
After undergoing treatment for bipolar disorder and chronic depression, Britt went back to compete in all the events he had run so desperately in 2004, such as the Lake Placid Ironman. To his amazement, he recognized for the first time that the run took place in a glorious natural setting. "You're literally running through fields of green," he says. Later that year, he was competing in the Ironman Wisconsin, which he'd done in such a black mood the year before, and began to wonder, Why am I hurting myself? I don't need to hurt myself anymore. For the first time in his life, he walked for an hour during the event, feeling joyous.
Britt's compulsion to run began to fade. "My race performance declined by about 5 percent in the first half of last year," he tells me, "and it really tailed off by fall. I took most of early winter off, totally. It's a healthier me all around." In other words, he now runs for fun, something he was unable to experience before.
But recovery wasn't simple or easy. Early on, when Britt was first diagnosed, he spent much of his time searching for a single moment in each day when something good happened, something he could celebrate. Gradually, those moments grew larger and more frequent. "Now," he says, "the days are filled with not only great moments, but great minutes and hours. And those make up great days, great weeks, and even great months."
When men talk about depression, one of the recurring themes is how it sucks the color and flavor out of life. The birdsong that filled you with joy as a child has no effect at all. The people you love don't make your heart sing, even though you know they should. The colors of the world are tarnished and dull. Britt ran the Boston Marathon once again, and realized at the end that although he'd run it many times, he had literally never seen the finish line; he ran right through it and focused on the next thing. "Now I can see things I never saw before--colors, scenery, people," he says. "It's almost impossible to describe, except to say that it seems like the world has visually opened up."
Depression is well known for shutting down the senses, and when it lifted, Britt was so astonished at what was around him that he took up photography just to try to capture it all. "I never cared before. I never noticed the colors of a sunset. The electricity in a lightning strike. The glow of moonrise over a lake. They've always been there. But only recently have I begun to see them. And I am amazed."
In the 1960s, the crusading social psychologist Jeanne Block and her colleagues explored how differently parents treat boys and girls. For instance, moms and dads encourage boys to be competitive and to achieve. They don't like them to show their emotions. They encourage them to be less dependent; mothers push them away. They punish them more than they punish girls. And they are unaware that they treat boys and girls differently.
By the time boys are on their way to the teenage years, the process of disavowing what they are is complete. The book A New Psychology of Men describes research in which people were asked what it means to be feminine or masculine. Women and girls defined themselves by the ways they were connected to others, and by citing qualities like being caring or compassionate. Men and boys defined themselves by negatives: They weren't weak, dependent, or connected to their mothers.
But there is not much in our cultural definition of what it means to be a man that is inherent in maleness. Children start off surprisingly alike, whether they're boys or girls. If there's a difference, it's the opposite of what the culture seems to expect: Boys are more sensitive. They give expression to their emotions more readily than girls. They affiliate with others in the same way as girls. Then someone starts telling them it's not okay to be that way. If you act like that, you're a pussy.
As Real and others have explained, it is through this process of denial that men are primed for depression. And it is the cultural necessity of carrying out and carrying on this process that makes it so difficult for them to recognize and admit to depression when it comes. They not only don't acknowledge it to themselves, they often don't display the symptoms that psychotherapists use to diagnose depression.
The cultural training that lays the groundwork for depression in men and for their denial of it later in life involves social isolation. That means telling people the truth about yourself and trusting that they'll do the same, a concept that seems terrifying to many men.
In one case, two friends knew each other for years, commuting together, talking every day, laughing together. They would not have said they were socially isolated, yet when they happened to run into each other in the same group meeting for men suffering from depression, they had to laugh: Neither one had ever admitted it to the other, even though they were both seeking treatment for it.
Social isolation is a well-known killer of mammals. Countless studies going back to the '50s show that contact, affection, emotional communication, and genuine closeness are necessary for mammals, including humans, to maintain our health. Isolation wreaks havoc on everything from the immune system to the cardiovascular system to the brain. Conversely, staying socially connected helps protect men from mental illness, including depression.
The new research done by Kessler and others shows that single men and women look no different when it comes to most kinds of mental illness. But when they get married, they veer off in different directions. "It's a very good deal to be married if you're a man," Kessler says. "It's associated with a dramatic improvement in mental health."
Perhaps because they are forced into solitude as children, men are not as good at being alone as women are. Because of early socialization, women are better at relationships--with children, friends, and relatives. In general, women have more friends than men and are closer to those friends. This, of course, is the direct result of boys' having independence forced on them early in life, when what they need is emotional and physical contact with others.
Socialization punishes women, too. When they have children, women's mental health suffers, while that of men doesn't change at all. That's because women, in general, take care of the kids. If there's trouble in the home, or work interferes with child rearing, they'll disproportionately suffer for it.
Women also worry more than men. They care about a larger group of people who just don't appear on the emotional radar screens of men. In marriage, men share in the joys and are often protected from the pain. Just as the man will go downstairs to investigate a suspicious noise, the woman plays the role of emotional protector.
Kessler uses this example: A wife reports (to the researcher) that she's very upset, because her daughter had an abortion and had to miss a number of days of school. The husband reports that his daughter had the flu and couldn't go to school. How could this be? The explanation is simple: The daughter got pregnant and went to her mother for help, saying, "Whatever you do, don't tell Dad." So the mother helped the daughter have an abortion and told the father the girl was home sick with the flu.
The result is that the husband is exposed to less stress, while the woman is exposed to more. Not only does she have to deal with the abortion, but she also has to lie to her husband and orchestrate the protection of that lie. But throughout, her connections are reinforced and affirmed.
The studies show that when a father dies, the children grow closer to the mother. They come around more. The mother has been maintaining those relationships all along, and they pay off in a crisis. Yet when a mother dies, the children come around less. That's because for years, when they called on Sunday, they talked to the mother, not the father. By filling the social role, the wife grows closer to the kids. That's why widowhood and divorce are so much worse for men. Their protection is ripped away, and they have no social network to catch them as they fall. The person who managed their emotional life is gone.
As Kessler puts it, "You can hire someone to do most of the things the husband does in a marriage. But you can never hire someone to do what the wife does." Men can change this situation and possibly protect themselves from depression later in life by expanding the depth and breadth of their social networks.
Recovery
After undergoing treatment for bipolar disorder and chronic depression, Britt went back to compete in all the events he had run so desperately in 2004, such as the Lake Placid Ironman. To his amazement, he recognized for the first time that the run took place in a glorious natural setting. "You're literally running through fields of green," he says. Later that year, he was competing in the Ironman Wisconsin, which he'd done in such a black mood the year before, and began to wonder, Why am I hurting myself? I don't need to hurt myself anymore. For the first time in his life, he walked for an hour during the event, feeling joyous.
Britt's compulsion to run began to fade. "My race performance declined by about 5 percent in the first half of last year," he tells me, "and it really tailed off by fall. I took most of early winter off, totally. It's a healthier me all around." In other words, he now runs for fun, something he was unable to experience before.
But recovery wasn't simple or easy. Early on, when Britt was first diagnosed, he spent much of his time searching for a single moment in each day when something good happened, something he could celebrate. Gradually, those moments grew larger and more frequent. "Now," he says, "the days are filled with not only great moments, but great minutes and hours. And those make up great days, great weeks, and even great months."
When men talk about depression, one of the recurring themes is how it sucks the color and flavor out of life. The birdsong that filled you with joy as a child has no effect at all. The people you love don't make your heart sing, even though you know they should. The colors of the world are tarnished and dull. Britt ran the Boston Marathon once again, and realized at the end that although he'd run it many times, he had literally never seen the finish line; he ran right through it and focused on the next thing. "Now I can see things I never saw before--colors, scenery, people," he says. "It's almost impossible to describe, except to say that it seems like the world has visually opened up."
Depression is well known for shutting down the senses, and when it lifted, Britt was so astonished at what was around him that he took up photography just to try to capture it all. "I never cared before. I never noticed the colors of a sunset. The electricity in a lightning strike. The glow of moonrise over a lake. They've always been there. But only recently have I begun to see them. And I am amazed."
In the 1960s, the crusading social psychologist Jeanne Block and her colleagues explored how differently parents treat boys and girls. For instance, moms and dads encourage boys to be competitive and to achieve. They don't like them to show their emotions. They encourage them to be less dependent; mothers push them away. They punish them more than they punish girls. And they are unaware that they treat boys and girls differently.
By the time boys are on their way to the teenage years, the process of disavowing what they are is complete. The book A New Psychology of Men describes research in which people were asked what it means to be feminine or masculine. Women and girls defined themselves by the ways they were connected to others, and by citing qualities like being caring or compassionate. Men and boys defined themselves by negatives: They weren't weak, dependent, or connected to their mothers.
But there is not much in our cultural definition of what it means to be a man that is inherent in maleness. Children start off surprisingly alike, whether they're boys or girls. If there's a difference, it's the opposite of what the culture seems to expect: Boys are more sensitive. They give expression to their emotions more readily than girls. They affiliate with others in the same way as girls. Then someone starts telling them it's not okay to be that way. If you act like that, you're a pussy.
As Real and others have explained, it is through this process of denial that men are primed for depression. And it is the cultural necessity of carrying out and carrying on this process that makes it so difficult for them to recognize and admit to depression when it comes. They not only don't acknowledge it to themselves, they often don't display the symptoms that psychotherapists use to diagnose depression.
The cultural training that lays the groundwork for depression in men and for their denial of it later in life involves social isolation. That means telling people the truth about yourself and trusting that they'll do the same, a concept that seems terrifying to many men.
In one case, two friends knew each other for years, commuting together, talking every day, laughing together. They would not have said they were socially isolated, yet when they happened to run into each other in the same group meeting for men suffering from depression, they had to laugh: Neither one had ever admitted it to the other, even though they were both seeking treatment for it.
Social isolation is a well-known killer of mammals. Countless studies going back to the '50s show that contact, affection, emotional communication, and genuine closeness are necessary for mammals, including humans, to maintain our health. Isolation wreaks havoc on everything from the immune system to the cardiovascular system to the brain. Conversely, staying socially connected helps protect men from mental illness, including depression.
The new research done by Kessler and others shows that single men and women look no different when it comes to most kinds of mental illness. But when they get married, they veer off in different directions. "It's a very good deal to be married if you're a man," Kessler says. "It's associated with a dramatic improvement in mental health."
Perhaps because they are forced into solitude as children, men are not as good at being alone as women are. Because of early socialization, women are better at relationships--with children, friends, and relatives. In general, women have more friends than men and are closer to those friends. This, of course, is the direct result of boys' having independence forced on them early in life, when what they need is emotional and physical contact with others.
Socialization punishes women, too. When they have children, women's mental health suffers, while that of men doesn't change at all. That's because women, in general, take care of the kids. If there's trouble in the home, or work interferes with child rearing, they'll disproportionately suffer for it.
Women also worry more than men. They care about a larger group of people who just don't appear on the emotional radar screens of men. In marriage, men share in the joys and are often protected from the pain. Just as the man will go downstairs to investigate a suspicious noise, the woman plays the role of emotional protector.
Kessler uses this example: A wife reports (to the researcher) that she's very upset, because her daughter had an abortion and had to miss a number of days of school. The husband reports that his daughter had the flu and couldn't go to school. How could this be? The explanation is simple: The daughter got pregnant and went to her mother for help, saying, "Whatever you do, don't tell Dad." So the mother helped the daughter have an abortion and told the father the girl was home sick with the flu.
The result is that the husband is exposed to less stress, while the woman is exposed to more. Not only does she have to deal with the abortion, but she also has to lie to her husband and orchestrate the protection of that lie. But throughout, her connections are reinforced and affirmed.
The studies show that when a father dies, the children grow closer to the mother. They come around more. The mother has been maintaining those relationships all along, and they pay off in a crisis. Yet when a mother dies, the children come around less. That's because for years, when they called on Sunday, they talked to the mother, not the father. By filling the social role, the wife grows closer to the kids. That's why widowhood and divorce are so much worse for men. Their protection is ripped away, and they have no social network to catch them as they fall. The person who managed their emotional life is gone.
As Kessler puts it, "You can hire someone to do most of the things the husband does in a marriage. But you can never hire someone to do what the wife does." Men can change this situation and possibly protect themselves from depression later in life by expanding the depth and breadth of their social networks.
Recovery
After undergoing treatment for bipolar disorder and chronic depression, Britt went back to compete in all the events he had run so desperately in 2004, such as the Lake Placid Ironman. To his amazement, he recognized for the first time that the run took place in a glorious natural setting. "You're literally running through fields of green," he says. Later that year, he was competing in the Ironman Wisconsin, which he'd done in such a black mood the year before, and began to wonder, Why am I hurting myself? I don't need to hurt myself anymore. For the first time in his life, he walked for an hour during the event, feeling joyous.
Britt's compulsion to run began to fade. "My race performance declined by about 5 percent in the first half of last year," he tells me, "and it really tailed off by fall. I took most of early winter off, totally. It's a healthier me all around." In other words, he now runs for fun, something he was unable to experience before.
But recovery wasn't simple or easy. Early on, when Britt was first diagnosed, he spent much of his time searching for a single moment in each day when something good happened, something he could celebrate. Gradually, those moments grew larger and more frequent. "Now," he says, "the days are filled with not only great moments, but great minutes and hours. And those make up great days, great weeks, and even great months."
When men talk about depression, one of the recurring themes is how it sucks the color and flavor out of life. The birdsong that filled you with joy as a child has no effect at all. The people you love don't make your heart sing, even though you know they should. The colors of the world are tarnished and dull. Britt ran the Boston Marathon once again, and realized at the end that although he'd run it many times, he had literally never seen the finish line; he ran right through it and focused on the next thing. "Now I can see things I never saw before--colors, scenery, people," he says. "It's almost impossible to describe, except to say that it seems like the world has visually opened up."
Depression is well known for shutting down the senses, and when it lifted, Britt was so astonished at what was around him that he took up photography just to try to capture it all. "I never cared before. I never noticed the colors of a sunset. The electricity in a lightning strike. The glow of moonrise over a lake. They've always been there. But only recently have I begun to see them. And I am amazed."
In the 1960s, the crusading social psychologist Jeanne Block and her colleagues explored how differently parents treat boys and girls. For instance, moms and dads encourage boys to be competitive and to achieve. They don't like them to show their emotions. They encourage them to be less dependent; mothers push them away. They punish them more than they punish girls. And they are unaware that they treat boys and girls differently.
By the time boys are on their way to the teenage years, the process of disavowing what they are is complete. The book A New Psychology of Men describes research in which people were asked what it means to be feminine or masculine. Women and girls defined themselves by the ways they were connected to others, and by citing qualities like being caring or compassionate. Men and boys defined themselves by negatives: They weren't weak, dependent, or connected to their mothers.
But there is not much in our cultural definition of what it means to be a man that is inherent in maleness. Children start off surprisingly alike, whether they're boys or girls. If there's a difference, it's the opposite of what the culture seems to expect: Boys are more sensitive. They give expression to their emotions more readily than girls. They affiliate with others in the same way as girls. Then someone starts telling them it's not okay to be that way. If you act like that, you're a pussy.
As Real and others have explained, it is through this process of denial that men are primed for depression. And it is the cultural necessity of carrying out and carrying on this process that makes it so difficult for them to recognize and admit to depression when it comes. They not only don't acknowledge it to themselves, they often don't display the symptoms that psychotherapists use to diagnose depression.
The cultural training that lays the groundwork for depression in men and for their denial of it later in life involves social isolation. That means telling people the truth about yourself and trusting that they'll do the same, a concept that seems terrifying to many men.
In one case, two friends knew each other for years, commuting together, talking every day, laughing together. They would not have said they were socially isolated, yet when they happened to run into each other in the same group meeting for men suffering from depression, they had to laugh: Neither one had ever admitted it to the other, even though they were both seeking treatment for it.
Social isolation is a well-known killer of mammals. Countless studies going back to the '50s show that contact, affection, emotional communication, and genuine closeness are necessary for mammals, including humans, to maintain our health. Isolation wreaks havoc on everything from the immune system to the cardiovascular system to the brain. Conversely, staying socially connected helps protect men from mental illness, including depression.
The new research done by Kessler and others shows that single men and women look no different when it comes to most kinds of mental illness. But when they get married, they veer off in different directions. "It's a very good deal to be married if you're a man," Kessler says. "It's associated with a dramatic improvement in mental health."
Perhaps because they are forced into solitude as children, men are not as good at being alone as women are. Because of early socialization, women are better at relationships--with children, friends, and relatives. In general, women have more friends than men and are closer to those friends. This, of course, is the direct result of boys' having independence forced on them early in life, when what they need is emotional and physical contact with others.
Socialization punishes women, too. When they have children, women's mental health suffers, while that of men doesn't change at all. That's because women, in general, take care of the kids. If there's trouble in the home, or work interferes with child rearing, they'll disproportionately suffer for it.
Women also worry more than men. They care about a larger group of people who just don't appear on the emotional radar screens of men. In marriage, men share in the joys and are often protected from the pain. Just as the man will go downstairs to investigate a suspicious noise, the woman plays the role of emotional protector.
Kessler uses this example: A wife reports (to the researcher) that she's very upset, because her daughter had an abortion and had to miss a number of days of school. The husband reports that his daughter had the flu and couldn't go to school. How could this be? The explanation is simple: The daughter got pregnant and went to her mother for help, saying, "Whatever you do, don't tell Dad." So the mother helped the daughter have an abortion and told the father the girl was home sick with the flu.
The result is that the husband is exposed to less stress, while the woman is exposed to more. Not only does she have to deal with the abortion, but she also has to lie to her husband and orchestrate the protection of that lie. But throughout, her connections are reinforced and affirmed.
The studies show that when a father dies, the children grow closer to the mother. They come around more. The mother has been maintaining those relationships all along, and they pay off in a crisis. Yet when a mother dies, the children come around less. That's because for years, when they called on Sunday, they talked to the mother, not the father. By filling the social role, the wife grows closer to the kids. That's why widowhood and divorce are so much worse for men. Their protection is ripped away, and they have no social network to catch them as they fall. The person who managed their emotional life is gone.
As Kessler puts it, "You can hire someone to do most of the things the husband does in a marriage. But you can never hire someone to do what the wife does." Men can change this situation and possibly protect themselves from depression later in life by expanding the depth and breadth of their social networks.
Recovery
After undergoing treatment for bipolar disorder and chronic depression, Britt went back to compete in all the events he had run so desperately in 2004, such as the Lake Placid Ironman. To his amazement, he recognized for the first time that the run took place in a glorious natural setting. "You're literally running through fields of green," he says. Later that year, he was competing in the Ironman Wisconsin, which he'd done in such a black mood the year before, and began to wonder, Why am I hurting myself? I don't need to hurt myself anymore. For the first time in his life, he walked for an hour during the event, feeling joyous.
Britt's compulsion to run began to fade. "My race performance declined by about 5 percent in the first half of last year," he tells me, "and it really tailed off by fall. I took most of early winter off, totally. It's a healthier me all around." In other words, he now runs for fun, something he was unable to experience before.
But recovery wasn't simple or easy. Early on, when Britt was first diagnosed, he spent much of his time searching for a single moment in each day when something good happened, something he could celebrate. Gradually, those moments grew larger and more frequent. "Now," he says, "the days are filled with not only great moments, but great minutes and hours. And those make up great days, great weeks, and even great months."
When men talk about depression, one of the recurring themes is how it sucks the color and flavor out of life. The birdsong that filled you with joy as a child has no effect at all. The people you love don't make your heart sing, even though you know they should. The colors of the world are tarnished and dull. Britt ran the Boston Marathon once again, and realized at the end that although he'd run it many times, he had literally never seen the finish line; he ran right through it and focused on the next thing. "Now I can see things I never saw before--colors, scenery, people," he says. "It's almost impossible to describe, except to say that it seems like the world has visually opened up."
Depression is well known for shutting down the senses, and when it lifted, Britt was so astonished at what was around him that he took up photography just to try to capture it all. "I never cared before. I never noticed the colors of a sunset. The electricity in a lightning strike. The glow of moonrise over a lake. They've always been there. But only recently have I begun to see them. And I am amazed."
v
In the 1960s, the crusading social psychologist Jeanne Block and her colleagues explored how differently parents treat boys and girls. For instance, moms and dads encourage boys to be competitive and to achieve. They don't like them to show their emotions. They encourage them to be less dependent; mothers push them away. They punish them more than they punish girls. And they are unaware that they treat boys and girls differently.
By the time boys are on their way to the teenage years, the process of disavowing what they are is complete. The book A New Psychology of Men describes research in which people were asked what it means to be feminine or masculine. Women and girls defined themselves by the ways they were connected to others, and by citing qualities like being caring or compassionate. Men and boys defined themselves by negatives: They weren't weak, dependent, or connected to their mothers.
But there is not much in our cultural definition of what it means to be a man that is inherent in maleness. Children start off surprisingly alike, whether they're boys or girls. If there's a difference, it's the opposite of what the culture seems to expect: Boys are more sensitive. They give expression to their emotions more readily than girls. They affiliate with others in the same way as girls. Then someone starts telling them it's not okay to be that way. If you act like that, you're a pussy.
As Real and others have explained, it is through this process of denial that men are primed for depression. And it is the cultural necessity of carrying out and carrying on this process that makes it so difficult for them to recognize and admit to depression when it comes. They not only don't acknowledge it to themselves, they often don't display the symptoms that psychotherapists use to diagnose depression.
The cultural training that lays the groundwork for depression in men and for their denial of it later in life involves social isolation. That means telling people the truth about yourself and trusting that they'll do the same, a concept that seems terrifying to many men.
In one case, two friends knew each other for years, commuting together, talking every day, laughing together. They would not have said they were socially isolated, yet when they happened to run into each other in the same group meeting for men suffering from depression, they had to laugh: Neither one had ever admitted it to the other, even though they were both seeking treatment for it.
Social isolation is a well-known killer of mammals. Countless studies going back to the '50s show that contact, affection, emotional communication, and genuine closeness are necessary for mammals, including humans, to maintain our health. Isolation wreaks havoc on everything from the immune system to the cardiovascular system to the brain. Conversely, staying socially connected helps protect men from mental illness, including depression.
The new research done by Kessler and others shows that single men and women look no different when it comes to most kinds of mental illness. But when they get married, they veer off in different directions. "It's a very good deal to be married if you're a man," Kessler says. "It's associated with a dramatic improvement in mental health."
Perhaps because they are forced into solitude as children, men are not as good at being alone as women are. Because of early socialization, women are better at relationships--with children, friends, and relatives. In general, women have more friends than men and are closer to those friends. This, of course, is the direct result of boys' having independence forced on them early in life, when what they need is emotional and physical contact with others.
Socialization punishes women, too. When they have children, women's mental health suffers, while that of men doesn't change at all. That's because women, in general, take care of the kids. If there's trouble in the home, or work interferes with child rearing, they'll disproportionately suffer for it.
Women also worry more than men. They care about a larger group of people who just don't appear on the emotional radar screens of men. In marriage, men share in the joys and are often protected from the pain. Just as the man will go downstairs to investigate a suspicious noise, the woman plays the role of emotional protector.
Kessler uses this example: A wife reports (to the researcher) that she's very upset, because her daughter had an abortion and had to miss a number of days of school. The husband reports that his daughter had the flu and couldn't go to school. How could this be? The explanation is simple: The daughter got pregnant and went to her mother for help, saying, "Whatever you do, don't tell Dad." So the mother helped the daughter have an abortion and told the father the girl was home sick with the flu.
The result is that the husband is exposed to less stress, while the woman is exposed to more. Not only does she have to deal with the abortion, but she also has to lie to her husband and orchestrate the protection of that lie. But throughout, her connections are reinforced and affirmed.
The studies show that when a father dies, the children grow closer to the mother. They come around more. The mother has been maintaining those relationships all along, and they pay off in a crisis. Yet when a mother dies, the children come around less. That's because for years, when they called on Sunday, they talked to the mother, not the father. By filling the social role, the wife grows closer to the kids. That's why widowhood and divorce are so much worse for men. Their protection is ripped away, and they have no social network to catch them as they fall. The person who managed their emotional life is gone.
As Kessler puts it, "You can hire someone to do most of the things the husband does in a marriage. But you can never hire someone to do what the wife does." Men can change this situation and possibly protect themselves from depression later in life by expanding the depth and breadth of their social networks.
Recovery
After undergoing treatment for bipolar disorder and chronic depression, Britt went back to compete in all the events he had run so desperately in 2004, such as the Lake Placid Ironman. To his amazement, he recognized for the first time that the run took place in a glorious natural setting. "You're literally running through fields of green," he says. Later that year, he was competing in the Ironman Wisconsin, which he'd done in such a black mood the year before, and began to wonder, Why am I hurting myself? I don't need to hurt myself anymore. For the first time in his life, he walked for an hour during the event, feeling joyous.
Britt's compulsion to run began to fade. "My race performance declined by about 5 percent in the first half of last year," he tells me, "and it really tailed off by fall. I took most of early winter off, totally. It's a healthier me all around." In other words, he now runs for fun, something he was unable to experience before.
But recovery wasn't simple or easy. Early on, when Britt was first diagnosed, he spent much of his time searching for a single moment in each day when something good happened, something he could celebrate. Gradually, those moments grew larger and more frequent. "Now," he says, "the days are filled with not only great moments, but great minutes and hours. And those make up great days, great weeks, and even great months."
When men talk about depression, one of the recurring themes is how it sucks the color and flavor out of life. The birdsong that filled you with joy as a child has no effect at all. The people you love don't make your heart sing, even though you know they should. The colors of the world are tarnished and dull. Britt ran the Boston Marathon once again, and realized at the end that although he'd run it many times, he had literally never seen the finish line; he ran right through it and focused on the next thing. "Now I can see things I never saw before--colors, scenery, people," he says. "It's almost impossible to describe, except to say that it seems like the world has visually opened up."
Depression is well known for shutting down the senses, and when it lifted, Britt was so astonished at what was around him that he took up photography just to try to capture it all. "I never cared before. I never noticed the colors of a sunset. The electricity in a lightning strike. The glow of moonrise over a lake. They've always been there. But only recently have I begun to see them. And I am amazed."
In the 1960s, the crusading social psychologist Jeanne Block and her colleagues explored how differently parents treat boys and girls. For instance, moms and dads encourage boys to be competitive and to achieve. They don't like them to show their emotions. They encourage them to be less dependent; mothers push them away. They punish them more than they punish girls. And they are unaware that they treat boys and girls differently.
By the time boys are on their way to the teenage years, the process of disavowing what they are is complete. The book A New Psychology of Men describes research in which people were asked what it means to be feminine or masculine. Women and girls defined themselves by the ways they were connected to others, and by citing qualities like being caring or compassionate. Men and boys defined themselves by negatives: They weren't weak, dependent, or connected to their mothers.
But there is not much in our cultural definition of what it means to be a man that is inherent in maleness. Children start off surprisingly alike, whether they're boys or girls. If there's a difference, it's the opposite of what the culture seems to expect: Boys are more sensitive. They give expression to their emotions more readily than girls. They affiliate with others in the same way as girls. Then someone starts telling them it's not okay to be that way. If you act like that, you're a pussy.
As Real and others have explained, it is through this process of denial that men are primed for depression. And it is the cultural necessity of carrying out and carrying on this process that makes it so difficult for them to recognize and admit to depression when it comes. They not only don't acknowledge it to themselves, they often don't display the symptoms that psychotherapists use to diagnose depression.
The cultural training that lays the groundwork for depression in men and for their denial of it later in life involves social isolation. That means telling people the truth about yourself and trusting that they'll do the same, a concept that seems terrifying to many men.
In one case, two friends knew each other for years, commuting together, talking every day, laughing together. They would not have said they were socially isolated, yet when they happened to run into each other in the same group meeting for men suffering from depression, they had to laugh: Neither one had ever admitted it to the other, even though they were both seeking treatment for it.
Social isolation is a well-known killer of mammals. Countless studies going back to the '50s show that contact, affection, emotional communication, and genuine closeness are necessary for mammals, including humans, to maintain our health. Isolation wreaks havoc on everything from the immune system to the cardiovascular system to the brain. Conversely, staying socially connected helps protect men from mental illness, including depression.
The new research done by Kessler and others shows that single men and women look no different when it comes to most kinds of mental illness. But when they get married, they veer off in different directions. "It's a very good deal to be married if you're a man," Kessler says. "It's associated with a dramatic improvement in mental health."
Perhaps because they are forced into solitude as children, men are not as good at being alone as women are. Because of early socialization, women are better at relationships--with children, friends, and relatives. In general, women have more friends than men and are closer to those friends. This, of course, is the direct result of boys' having independence forced on them early in life, when what they need is emotional and physical contact with others.
Socialization punishes women, too. When they have children, women's mental health suffers, while that of men doesn't change at all. That's because women, in general, take care of the kids. If there's trouble in the home, or work interferes with child rearing, they'll disproportionately suffer for it.
Women also worry more than men. They care about a larger group of people who just don't appear on the emotional radar screens of men. In marriage, men share in the joys and are often protected from the pain. Just as the man will go downstairs to investigate a suspicious noise, the woman plays the role of emotional protector.
Kessler uses this example: A wife reports (to the researcher) that she's very upset, because her daughter had an abortion and had to miss a number of days of school. The husband reports that his daughter had the flu and couldn't go to school. How could this be? The explanation is simple: The daughter got pregnant and went to her mother for help, saying, "Whatever you do, don't tell Dad." So the mother helped the daughter have an abortion and told the father the girl was home sick with the flu.
The result is that the husband is exposed to less stress, while the woman is exposed to more. Not only does she have to deal with the abortion, but she also has to lie to her husband and orchestrate the protection of that lie. But throughout, her connections are reinforced and affirmed.
The studies show that when a father dies, the children grow closer to the mother. They come around more. The mother has been maintaining those relationships all along, and they pay off in a crisis. Yet when a mother dies, the children come around less. That's because for years, when they called on Sunday, they talked to the mother, not the father. By filling the social role, the wife grows closer to the kids. That's why widowhood and divorce are so much worse for men. Their protection is ripped away, and they have no social network to catch them as they fall. The person who managed their emotional life is gone.
As Kessler puts it, "You can hire someone to do most of the things the husband does in a marriage. But you can never hire someone to do what the wife does." Men can change this situation and possibly protect themselves from depression later in life by expanding the depth and breadth of their social networks.
Recovery
After undergoing treatment for bipolar disorder and chronic depression, Britt went back to compete in all the events he had run so desperately in 2004, such as the Lake Placid Ironman. To his amazement, he recognized for the first time that the run took place in a glorious natural setting. "You're literally running through fields of green," he says. Later that year, he was competing in the Ironman Wisconsin, which he'd done in such a black mood the year before, and began to wonder, Why am I hurting myself? I don't need to hurt myself anymore. For the first time in his life, he walked for an hour during the event, feeling joyous.
Britt's compulsion to run began to fade. "My race performance declined by about 5 percent in the first half of last year," he tells me, "and it really tailed off by fall. I took most of early winter off, totally. It's a healthier me all around." In other words, he now runs for fun, something he was unable to experience before.
But recovery wasn't simple or easy. Early on, when Britt was first diagnosed, he spent much of his time searching for a single moment in each day when something good happened, something he could celebrate. Gradually, those moments grew larger and more frequent. "Now," he says, "the days are filled with not only great moments, but great minutes and hours. And those make up great days, great weeks, and even great months."
When men talk about depression, one of the recurring themes is how it sucks the color and flavor out of life. The birdsong that filled you with joy as a child has no effect at all. The people you love don't make your heart sing, even though you know they should. The colors of the world are tarnished and dull. Britt ran the Boston Marathon once again, and realized at the end that although he'd run it many times, he had literally never seen the finish line; he ran right through it and focused on the next thing. "Now I can see things I never saw before--colors, scenery, people," he says. "It's almost impossible to describe, except to say that it seems like the world has visually opened up."
Depression is well known for shutting down the senses, and when it lifted, Britt was so astonished at what was around him that he took up photography just to try to capture it all. "I never cared before. I never noticed the colors of a sunset. The electricity in a lightning strike. The glow of moonrise over a lake. They've always been there. But only recently have I begun to see them. And I am amazed."
In the 1960s, the crusading social psychologist Jeanne Block and her colleagues explored how differently parents treat boys and girls. For instance, moms and dads encourage boys to be competitive and to achieve. They don't like them to show their emotions. They encourage them to be less dependent; mothers push them away. They punish them more than they punish girls. And they are unaware that they treat boys and girls differently.
By the time boys are on their way to the teenage years, the process of disavowing what they are is complete. The book A New Psychology of Men describes research in which people were asked what it means to be feminine or masculine. Women and girls defined themselves by the ways they were connected to others, and by citing qualities like being caring or compassionate. Men and boys defined themselves by negatives: They weren't weak, dependent, or connected to their mothers.
But there is not much in our cultural definition of what it means to be a man that is inherent in maleness. Children start off surprisingly alike, whether they're boys or girls. If there's a difference, it's the opposite of what the culture seems to expect: Boys are more sensitive. They give expression to their emotions more readily than girls. They affiliate with others in the same way as girls. Then someone starts telling them it's not okay to be that way. If you act like that, you're a pussy.
As Real and others have explained, it is through this process of denial that men are primed for depression. And it is the cultural necessity of carrying out and carrying on this process that makes it so difficult for them to recognize and admit to depression when it comes. They not only don't acknowledge it to themselves, they often don't display the symptoms that psychotherapists use to diagnose depression.
The cultural training that lays the groundwork for depression in men and for their denial of it later in life involves social isolation. That means telling people the truth about yourself and trusting that they'll do the same, a concept that seems terrifying to many men.
In one case, two friends knew each other for years, commuting together, talking every day, laughing together. They would not have said they were socially isolated, yet when they happened to run into each other in the same group meeting for men suffering from depression, they had to laugh: Neither one had ever admitted it to the other, even though they were both seeking treatment for it.
Social isolation is a well-known killer of mammals. Countless studies going back to the '50s show that contact, affection, emotional communication, and genuine closeness are necessary for mammals, including humans, to maintain our health. Isolation wreaks havoc on everything from the immune system to the cardiovascular system to the brain. Conversely, staying socially connected helps protect men from mental illness, including depression.
The new research done by Kessler and others shows that single men and women look no different when it comes to most kinds of mental illness. But when they get married, they veer off in different directions. "It's a very good deal to be married if you're a man," Kessler says. "It's associated with a dramatic improvement in mental health."
Perhaps because they are forced into solitude as children, men are not as good at being alone as women are. Because of early socialization, women are better at relationships--with children, friends, and relatives. In general, women have more friends than men and are closer to those friends. This, of course, is the direct result of boys' having independence forced on them early in life, when what they need is emotional and physical contact with others.
Socialization punishes women, too. When they have children, women's mental health suffers, while that of men doesn't change at all. That's because women, in general, take care of the kids. If there's trouble in the home, or work interferes with child rearing, they'll disproportionately suffer for it.
Women also worry more than men. They care about a larger group of people who just don't appear on the emotional radar screens of men. In marriage, men share in the joys and are often protected from the pain. Just as the man will go downstairs to investigate a suspicious noise, the woman plays the role of emotional protector.
Kessler uses this example: A wife reports (to the researcher) that she's very upset, because her daughter had an abortion and had to miss a number of days of school. The husband reports that his daughter had the flu and couldn't go to school. How could this be? The explanation is simple: The daughter got pregnant and went to her mother for help, saying, "Whatever you do, don't tell Dad." So the mother helped the daughter have an abortion and told the father the girl was home sick with the flu.
The result is that the husband is exposed to less stress, while the woman is exposed to more. Not only does she have to deal with the abortion, but she also has to lie to her husband and orchestrate the protection of that lie. But throughout, her connections are reinforced and affirmed.
The studies show that when a father dies, the children grow closer to the mother. They come around more. The mother has been maintaining those relationships all along, and they pay off in a crisis. Yet when a mother dies, the children come around less. That's because for years, when they called on Sunday, they talked to the mother, not the father. By filling the social role, the wife grows closer to the kids. That's why widowhood and divorce are so much worse for men. Their protection is ripped away, and they have no social network to catch them as they fall. The person who managed their emotional life is gone.
As Kessler puts it, "You can hire someone to do most of the things the husband does in a marriage. But you can never hire someone to do what the wife does." Men can change this situation and possibly protect themselves from depression later in life by expanding the depth and breadth of their social networks.
Recovery
After undergoing treatment for bipolar disorder and chronic depression, Britt went back to compete in all the events he had run so desperately in 2004, such as the Lake Placid Ironman. To his amazement, he recognized for the first time that the run took place in a glorious natural setting. "You're literally running through fields of green," he says. Later that year, he was competing in the Ironman Wisconsin, which he'd done in such a black mood the year before, and began to wonder, Why am I hurting myself? I don't need to hurt myself anymore. For the first time in his life, he walked for an hour during the event, feeling joyous.
Britt's compulsion to run began to fade. "My race performance declined by about 5 percent in the first half of last year," he tells me, "and it really tailed off by fall. I took most of early winter off, totally. It's a healthier me all around." In other words, he now runs for fun, something he was unable to experience before.
But recovery wasn't simple or easy. Early on, when Britt was first diagnosed, he spent much of his time searching for a single moment in each day when something good happened, something he could celebrate. Gradually, those moments grew larger and more frequent. "Now," he says, "the days are filled with not only great moments, but great minutes and hours. And those make up great days, great weeks, and even great months."
When men talk about depression, one of the recurring themes is how it sucks the color and flavor out of life. The birdsong that filled you with joy as a child has no effect at all. The people you love don't make your heart sing, even though you know they should. The colors of the world are tarnished and dull. Britt ran the Boston Marathon once again, and realized at the end that although he'd run it many times, he had literally never seen the finish line; he ran right through it and focused on the next thing. "Now I can see things I never saw before--colors, scenery, people," he says. "It's almost impossible to describe, except to say that it seems like the world has visually opened up."
Depression is well known for shutting down the senses, and when it lifted, Britt was so astonished at what was around him that he took up photography just to try to capture it all. "I never cared before. I never noticed the colors of a sunset. The electricity in a lightning strike. The glow of moonrise over a lake. They've always been there. But only recently have I begun to see them. And I am amazed."
In the 1960s, the crusading social psychologist Jeanne Block and her colleagues explored how differently parents treat boys and girls. For instance, moms and dads encourage boys to be competitive and to achieve. They don't like them to show their emotions. They encourage them to be less dependent; mothers push them away. They punish them more than they punish girls. And they are unaware that they treat boys and girls differently.
By the time boys are on their way to the teenage years, the process of disavowing what they are is complete. The book A New Psychology of Men describes research in which people were asked what it means to be feminine or masculine. Women and girls defined themselves by the ways they were connected to others, and by citing qualities like being caring or compassionate. Men and boys defined themselves by negatives: They weren't weak, dependent, or connected to their mothers.
But there is not much in our cultural definition of what it means to be a man that is inherent in maleness. Children start off surprisingly alike, whether they're boys or girls. If there's a difference, it's the opposite of what the culture seems to expect: Boys are more sensitive. They give expression to their emotions more readily than girls. They affiliate with others in the same way as girls. Then someone starts telling them it's not okay to be that way. If you act like that, you're a pussy.
As Real and others have explained, it is through this process of denial that men are primed for depression. And it is the cultural necessity of carrying out and carrying on this process that makes it so difficult for them to recognize and admit to depression when it comes. They not only don't acknowledge it to themselves, they often don't display the symptoms that psychotherapists use to diagnose depression.
The cultural training that lays the groundwork for depression in men and for their denial of it later in life involves social isolation. That means telling people the truth about yourself and trusting that they'll do the same, a concept that seems terrifying to many men.
In one case, two friends knew each other for years, commuting together, talking every day, laughing together. They would not have said they were socially isolated, yet when they happened to run into each other in the same group meeting for men suffering from depression, they had to laugh: Neither one had ever admitted it to the other, even though they were both seeking treatment for it.
Social isolation is a well-known killer of mammals. Countless studies going back to the '50s show that contact, affection, emotional communication, and genuine closeness are necessary for mammals, including humans, to maintain our health. Isolation wreaks havoc on everything from the immune system to the cardiovascular system to the brain. Conversely, staying socially connected helps protect men from mental illness, including depression.
The new research done by Kessler and others shows that single men and women look no different when it comes to most kinds of mental illness. But when they get married, they veer off in different directions. "It's a very good deal to be married if you're a man," Kessler says. "It's associated with a dramatic improvement in mental health."
Perhaps because they are forced into solitude as children, men are not as good at being alone as women are. Because of early socialization, women are better at relationships--with children, friends, and relatives. In general, women have more friends than men and are closer to those friends. This, of course, is the direct result of boys' having independence forced on them early in life, when what they need is emotional and physical contact with others.
Socialization punishes women, too. When they have children, women's mental health suffers, while that of men doesn't change at all. That's because women, in general, take care of the kids. If there's trouble in the home, or work interferes with child rearing, they'll disproportionately suffer for it.
Women also worry more than men. They care about a larger group of people who just don't appear on the emotional radar screens of men. In marriage, men share in the joys and are often protected from the pain. Just as the man will go downstairs to investigate a suspicious noise, the woman plays the role of emotional protector.
Kessler uses this example: A wife reports (to the researcher) that she's very upset, because her daughter had an abortion and had to miss a number of days of school. The husband reports that his daughter had the flu and couldn't go to school. How could this be? The explanation is simple: The daughter got pregnant and went to her mother for help, saying, "Whatever you do, don't tell Dad." So the mother helped the daughter have an abortion and told the father the girl was home sick with the flu.
The result is that the husband is exposed to less stress, while the woman is exposed to more. Not only does she have to deal with the abortion, but she also has to lie to her husband and orchestrate the protection of that lie. But throughout, her connections are reinforced and affirmed.
The studies show that when a father dies, the children grow closer to the mother. They come around more. The mother has been maintaining those relationships all along, and they pay off in a crisis. Yet when a mother dies, the children come around less. That's because for years, when they called on Sunday, they talked to the mother, not the father. By filling the social role, the wife grows closer to the kids. That's why widowhood and divorce are so much worse for men. Their protection is ripped away, and they have no social network to catch them as they fall. The person who managed their emotional life is gone.
As Kessler puts it, "You can hire someone to do most of the things the husband does in a marriage. But you can never hire someone to do what the wife does." Men can change this situation and possibly protect themselves from depression later in life by expanding the depth and breadth of their social networks.
Recovery
After undergoing treatment for bipolar disorder and chronic depression, Britt went back to compete in all the events he had run so desperately in 2004, such as the Lake Placid Ironman. To his amazement, he recognized for the first time that the run took place in a glorious natural setting. "You're literally running through fields of green," he says. Later that year, he was competing in the Ironman Wisconsin, which he'd done in such a black mood the year before, and began to wonder, Why am I hurting myself? I don't need to hurt myself anymore. For the first time in his life, he walked for an hour during the event, feeling joyous.
Britt's compulsion to run began to fade. "My race performance declined by about 5 percent in the first half of last year," he tells me, "and it really tailed off by fall. I took most of early winter off, totally. It's a healthier me all around." In other words, he now runs for fun, something he was unable to experience before.
But recovery wasn't simple or easy. Early on, when Britt was first diagnosed, he spent much of his time searching for a single moment in each day when something good happened, something he could celebrate. Gradually, those moments grew larger and more frequent. "Now," he says, "the days are filled with not only great moments, but great minutes and hours. And those make up great days, great weeks, and even great months."
When men talk about depression, one of the recurring themes is how it sucks the color and flavor out of life. The birdsong that filled you with joy as a child has no effect at all. The people you love don't make your heart sing, even though you know they should. The colors of the world are tarnished and dull. Britt ran the Boston Marathon once again, and realized at the end that although he'd run it many times, he had literally never seen the finish line; he ran right through it and focused on the next thing. "Now I can see things I never saw before--colors, scenery, people," he says. "It's almost impossible to describe, except to say that it seems like the world has visually opened up."
Depression is well known for shutting down the senses, and when it lifted, Britt was so astonished at what was around him that he took up photography just to try to capture it all. "I never cared before. I never noticed the colors of a sunset. The electricity in a lightning strike. The glow of moonrise over a lake. They've always been there. But only recently have I begun to see them. And I am amazed."
In the 1960s, the crusading social psychologist Jeanne Block and her colleagues explored how differently parents treat boys and girls. For instance, moms and dads encourage boys to be competitive and to achieve. They don't like them to show their emotions. They encourage them to be less dependent; mothers push them away. They punish them more than they punish girls. And they are unaware that they treat boys and girls differently.
By the time boys are on their way to the teenage years, the process of disavowing what they are is complete. The book A New Psychology of Men describes research in which people were asked what it means to be feminine or masculine. Women and girls defined themselves by the ways they were connected to others, and by citing qualities like being caring or compassionate. Men and boys defined themselves by negatives: They weren't weak, dependent, or connected to their mothers.
But there is not much in our cultural definition of what it means to be a man that is inherent in maleness. Children start off surprisingly alike, whether they're boys or girls. If there's a difference, it's the opposite of what the culture seems to expect: Boys are more sensitive. They give expression to their emotions more readily than girls. They affiliate with others in the same way as girls. Then someone starts telling them it's not okay to be that way. If you act like that, you're a pussy.
As Real and others have explained, it is through this process of denial that men are primed for depression. And it is the cultural necessity of carrying out and carrying on this process that makes it so difficult for them to recognize and admit to depression when it comes. They not only don't acknowledge it to themselves, they often don't display the symptoms that psychotherapists use to diagnose depression.
The cultural training that lays the groundwork for depression in men and for their denial of it later in life involves social isolation. That means telling people the truth about yourself and trusting that they'll do the same, a concept that seems terrifying to many men.
In one case, two friends knew each other for years, commuting together, talking every day, laughing together. They would not have said they were socially isolated, yet when they happened to run into each other in the same group meeting for men suffering from depression, they had to laugh: Neither one had ever admitted it to the other, even though they were both seeking treatment for it.
Social isolation is a well-known killer of mammals. Countless studies going back to the '50s show that contact, affection, emotional communication, and genuine closeness are necessary for mammals, including humans, to maintain our health. Isolation wreaks havoc on everything from the immune system to the cardiovascular system to the brain. Conversely, staying socially connected helps protect men from mental illness, including depression.
The new research done by Kessler and others shows that single men and women look no different when it comes to most kinds of mental illness. But when they get married, they veer off in different directions. "It's a very good deal to be married if you're a man," Kessler says. "It's associated with a dramatic improvement in mental health."
Perhaps because they are forced into solitude as children, men are not as good at being alone as women are. Because of early socialization, women are better at relationships--with children, friends, and relatives. In general, women have more friends than men and are closer to those friends. This, of course, is the direct result of boys' having independence forced on them early in life, when what they need is emotional and physical contact with others.
Socialization punishes women, too. When they have children, women's mental health suffers, while that of men doesn't change at all. That's because women, in general, take care of the kids. If there's trouble in the home, or work interferes with child rearing, they'll disproportionately suffer for it.
Women also worry more than men. They care about a larger group of people who just don't appear on the emotional radar screens of men. In marriage, men share in the joys and are often protected from the pain. Just as the man will go downstairs to investigate a suspicious noise, the woman plays the role of emotional protector.
Kessler uses this example: A wife reports (to the researcher) that she's very upset, because her daughter had an abortion and had to miss a number of days of school. The husband reports that his daughter had the flu and couldn't go to school. How could this be? The explanation is simple: The daughter got pregnant and went to her mother for help, saying, "Whatever you do, don't tell Dad." So the mother helped the daughter have an abortion and told the father the girl was home sick with the flu.
The result is that the husband is exposed to less stress, while the woman is exposed to more. Not only does she have to deal with the abortion, but she also has to lie to her husband and orchestrate the protection of that lie. But throughout, her connections are reinforced and affirmed.
The studies show that when a father dies, the children grow closer to the mother. They come around more. The mother has been maintaining those relationships all along, and they pay off in a crisis. Yet when a mother dies, the children come around less. That's because for years, when they called on Sunday, they talked to the mother, not the father. By filling the social role, the wife grows closer to the kids. That's why widowhood and divorce are so much worse for men. Their protection is ripped away, and they have no social network to catch them as they fall. The person who managed their emotional life is gone.
As Kessler puts it, "You can hire someone to do most of the things the husband does in a marriage. But you can never hire someone to do what the wife does." Men can change this situation and possibly protect themselves from depression later in life by expanding the depth and breadth of their social networks.
Recovery
After undergoing treatment for bipolar disorder and chronic depression, Britt went back to compete in all the events he had run so desperately in 2004, such as the Lake Placid Ironman. To his amazement, he recognized for the first time that the run took place in a glorious natural setting. "You're literally running through fields of green," he says. Later that year, he was competing in the Ironman Wisconsin, which he'd done in such a black mood the year before, and began to wonder, Why am I hurting myself? I don't need to hurt myself anymore. For the first time in his life, he walked for an hour during the event, feeling joyous.
Britt's compulsion to run began to fade. "My race performance declined by about 5 percent in the first half of last year," he tells me, "and it really tailed off by fall. I took most of early winter off, totally. It's a healthier me all around." In other words, he now runs for fun, something he was unable to experience before.
But recovery wasn't simple or easy. Early on, when Britt was first diagnosed, he spent much of his time searching for a single moment in each day when something good happened, something he could celebrate. Gradually, those moments grew larger and more frequent. "Now," he says, "the days are filled with not only great moments, but great minutes and hours. And those make up great days, great weeks, and even great months."
When men talk about depression, one of the recurring themes is how it sucks the color and flavor out of life. The birdsong that filled you with joy as a child has no effect at all. The people you love don't make your heart sing, even though you know they should. The colors of the world are tarnished and dull. Britt ran the Boston Marathon once again, and realized at the end that although he'd run it many times, he had literally never seen the finish line; he ran right through it and focused on the next thing. "Now I can see things I never saw before--colors, scenery, people," he says. "It's almost impossible to describe, except to say that it seems like the world has visually opened up."
Depression is well known for shutting down the senses, and when it lifted, Britt was so astonished at what was around him that he took up photography just to try to capture it all. "I never cared before. I never noticed the colors of a sunset. The electricity in a lightning strike. The glow of moonrise over a lake. They've always been there. But only recently have I begun to see them. And I am amazed."
In the 1960s, the crusading social psychologist Jeanne Block and her colleagues explored how differently parents treat boys and girls. For instance, moms and dads encourage boys to be competitive and to achieve. They don't like them to show their emotions. They encourage them to be less dependent; mothers push them away. They punish them more than they punish girls. And they are unaware that they treat boys and girls differently.
By the time boys are on their way to the teenage years, the process of disavowing what they are is complete. The book A New Psychology of Men describes research in which people were asked what it means to be feminine or masculine. Women and girls defined themselves by the ways they were connected to others, and by citing qualities like being caring or compassionate. Men and boys defined themselves by negatives: They weren't weak, dependent, or connected to their mothers.
But there is not much in our cultural definition of what it means to be a man that is inherent in maleness. Children start off surprisingly alike, whether they're boys or girls. If there's a difference, it's the opposite of what the culture seems to expect: Boys are more sensitive. They give expression to their emotions more readily than girls. They affiliate with others in the same way as girls. Then someone starts telling them it's not okay to be that way. If you act like that, you're a pussy.
As Real and others have explained, it is through this process of denial that men are primed for depression. And it is the cultural necessity of carrying out and carrying on this process that makes it so difficult for them to recognize and admit to depression when it comes. They not only don't acknowledge it to themselves, they often don't display the symptoms that psychotherapists use to diagnose depression.
The cultural training that lays the groundwork for depression in men and for their denial of it later in life involves social isolation. That means telling people the truth about yourself and trusting that they'll do the same, a concept that seems terrifying to many men.
In one case, two friends knew each other for years, commuting together, talking every day, laughing together. They would not have said they were socially isolated, yet when they happened to run into each other in the same group meeting for men suffering from depression, they had to laugh: Neither one had ever admitted it to the other, even though they were both seeking treatment for it.
Social isolation is a well-known killer of mammals. Countless studies going back to the '50s show that contact, affection, emotional communication, and genuine closeness are necessary for mammals, including humans, to maintain our health. Isolation wreaks havoc on everything from the immune system to the cardiovascular system to the brain. Conversely, staying socially connected helps protect men from mental illness, including depression.
The new research done by Kessler and others shows that single men and women look no different when it comes to most kinds of mental illness. But when they get married, they veer off in different directions. "It's a very good deal to be married if you're a man," Kessler says. "It's associated with a dramatic improvement in mental health."
Perhaps because they are forced into solitude as children, men are not as good at being alone as women are. Because of early socialization, women are better at relationships--with children, friends, and relatives. In general, women have more friends than men and are closer to those friends. This, of course, is the direct result of boys' having independence forced on them early in life, when what they need is emotional and physical contact with others.
Socialization punishes women, too. When they have children, women's mental health suffers, while that of men doesn't change at all. That's because women, in general, take care of the kids. If there's trouble in the home, or work interferes with child rearing, they'll disproportionately suffer for it.
Women also worry more than men. They care about a larger group of people who just don't appear on the emotional radar screens of men. In marriage, men share in the joys and are often protected from the pain. Just as the man will go downstairs to investigate a suspicious noise, the woman plays the role of emotional protector.
Kessler uses this example: A wife reports (to the researcher) that she's very upset, because her daughter had an abortion and had to miss a number of days of school. The husband reports that his daughter had the flu and couldn't go to school. How could this be? The explanation is simple: The daughter got pregnant and went to her mother for help, saying, "Whatever you do, don't tell Dad." So the mother helped the daughter have an abortion and told the father the girl was home sick with the flu.
The result is that the husband is exposed to less stress, while the woman is exposed to more. Not only does she have to deal with the abortion, but she also has to lie to her husband and orchestrate the protection of that lie. But throughout, her connections are reinforced and affirmed.
The studies show that when a father dies, the children grow closer to the mother. They come around more. The mother has been maintaining those relationships all along, and they pay off in a crisis. Yet when a mother dies, the children come around less. That's because for years, when they called on Sunday, they talked to the mother, not the father. By filling the social role, the wife grows closer to the kids. That's why widowhood and divorce are so much worse for men. Their protection is ripped away, and they have no social network to catch them as they fall. The person who managed their emotional life is gone.
As Kessler puts it, "You can hire someone to do most of the things the husband does in a marriage. But you can never hire someone to do what the wife does." Men can change this situation and possibly protect themselves from depression later in life by expanding the depth and breadth of their social networks.
Recovery
After undergoing treatment for bipolar disorder and chronic depression, Britt went back to compete in all the events he had run so desperately in 2004, such as the Lake Placid Ironman. To his amazement, he recognized for the first time that the run took place in a glorious natural setting. "You're literally running through fields of green," he says. Later that year, he was competing in the Ironman Wisconsin, which he'd done in such a black mood the year before, and began to wonder, Why am I hurting myself? I don't need to hurt myself anymore. For the first time in his life, he walked for an hour during the event, feeling joyous.
Britt's compulsion to run began to fade. "My race performance declined by about 5 percent in the first half of last year," he tells me, "and it really tailed off by fall. I took most of early winter off, totally. It's a healthier me all around." In other words, he now runs for fun, something he was unable to experience before.
But recovery wasn't simple or easy. Early on, when Britt was first diagnosed, he spent much of his time searching for a single moment in each day when something good happened, something he could celebrate. Gradually, those moments grew larger and more frequent. "Now," he says, "the days are filled with not only great moments, but great minutes and hours. And those make up great days, great weeks, and even great months."
When men talk about depression, one of the recurring themes is how it sucks the color and flavor out of life. The birdsong that filled you with joy as a child has no effect at all. The people you love don't make your heart sing, even though you know they should. The colors of the world are tarnished and dull. Britt ran the Boston Marathon once again, and realized at the end that although he'd run it many times, he had literally never seen the finish line; he ran right through it and focused on the next thing. "Now I can see things I never saw before--colors, scenery, people," he says. "It's almost impossible to describe, except to say that it seems like the world has visually opened up."
Depression is well known for shutting down the senses, and when it lifted, Britt was so astonished at what was around him that he took up photography just to try to capture it all. "I never cared before. I never noticed the colors of a sunset. The electricity in a lightning strike. The glow of moonrise over a lake. They've always been there. But only recently have I begun to see them. And I am amazed."
In the 1960s, the crusading social psychologist Jeanne Block and her colleagues explored how differently parents treat boys and girls. For instance, moms and dads encourage boys to be competitive and to achieve. They don't like them to show their emotions. They encourage them to be less dependent; mothers push them away. They punish them more than they punish girls. And they are unaware that they treat boys and girls differently.
By the time boys are on their way to the teenage years, the process of disavowing what they are is complete. The book A New Psychology of Men describes research in which people were asked what it means to be feminine or masculine. Women and girls defined themselves by the ways they were connected to others, and by citing qualities like being caring or compassionate. Men and boys defined themselves by negatives: They weren't weak, dependent, or connected to their mothers.
But there is not much in our cultural definition of what it means to be a man that is inherent in maleness. Children start off surprisingly alike, whether they're boys or girls. If there's a difference, it's the opposite of what the culture seems to expect: Boys are more sensitive. They give expression to their emotions more readily than girls. They affiliate with others in the same way as girls. Then someone starts telling them it's not okay to be that way. If you act like that, you're a pussy.
As Real and others have explained, it is through this process of denial that men are primed for depression. And it is the cultural necessity of carrying out and carrying on this process that makes it so difficult for them to recognize and admit to depression when it comes. They not only don't acknowledge it to themselves, they often don't display the symptoms that psychotherapists use to diagnose depression.
The cultural training that lays the groundwork for depression in men and for their denial of it later in life involves social isolation. That means telling people the truth about yourself and trusting that they'll do the same, a concept that seems terrifying to many men.
In one case, two friends knew each other for years, commuting together, talking every day, laughing together. They would not have said they were socially isolated, yet when they happened to run into each other in the same group meeting for men suffering from depression, they had to laugh: Neither one had ever admitted it to the other, even though they were both seeking treatment for it.
Social isolation is a well-known killer of mammals. Countless studies going back to the '50s show that contact, affection, emotional communication, and genuine closeness are necessary for mammals, including humans, to maintain our health. Isolation wreaks havoc on everything from the immune system to the cardiovascular system to the brain. Conversely, staying socially connected helps protect men from mental illness, including depression.
The new research done by Kessler and others shows that single men and women look no different when it comes to most kinds of mental illness. But when they get married, they veer off in different directions. "It's a very good deal to be married if you're a man," Kessler says. "It's associated with a dramatic improvement in mental health."
Perhaps because they are forced into solitude as children, men are not as good at being alone as women are. Because of early socialization, women are better at relationships--with children, friends, and relatives. In general, women have more friends than men and are closer to those friends. This, of course, is the direct result of boys' having independence forced on them early in life, when what they need is emotional and physical contact with others.
Socialization punishes women, too. When they have children, women's mental health suffers, while that of men doesn't change at all. That's because women, in general, take care of the kids. If there's trouble in the home, or work interferes with child rearing, they'll disproportionately suffer for it.
Women also worry more than men. They care about a larger group of people who just don't appear on the emotional radar screens of men. In marriage, men share in the joys and are often protected from the pain. Just as the man will go downstairs to investigate a suspicious noise, the woman plays the role of emotional protector.
Kessler uses this example: A wife reports (to the researcher) that she's very upset, because her daughter had an abortion and had to miss a number of days of school. The husband reports that his daughter had the flu and couldn't go to school. How could this be? The explanation is simple: The daughter got pregnant and went to her mother for help, saying, "Whatever you do, don't tell Dad." So the mother helped the daughter have an abortion and told the father the girl was home sick with the flu.
The result is that the husband is exposed to less stress, while the woman is exposed to more. Not only does she have to deal with the abortion, but she also has to lie to her husband and orchestrate the protection of that lie. But throughout, her connections are reinforced and affirmed.
The studies show that when a father dies, the children grow closer to the mother. They come around more. The mother has been maintaining those relationships all along, and they pay off in a crisis. Yet when a mother dies, the children come around less. That's because for years, when they called on Sunday, they talked to the mother, not the father. By filling the social role, the wife grows closer to the kids. That's why widowhood and divorce are so much worse for men. Their protection is ripped away, and they have no social network to catch them as they fall. The person who managed their emotional life is gone.
As Kessler puts it, "You can hire someone to do most of the things the husband does in a marriage. But you can never hire someone to do what the wife does." Men can change this situation and possibly protect themselves from depression later in life by expanding the depth and breadth of their social networks.
Recovery
After undergoing treatment for bipolar disorder and chronic depression, Britt went back to compete in all the events he had run so desperately in 2004, such as the Lake Placid Ironman. To his amazement, he recognized for the first time that the run took place in a glorious natural setting. "You're literally running through fields of green," he says. Later that year, he was competing in the Ironman Wisconsin, which he'd done in such a black mood the year before, and began to wonder, Why am I hurting myself? I don't need to hurt myself anymore. For the first time in his life, he walked for an hour during the event, feeling joyous.
Britt's compulsion to run began to fade. "My race performance declined by about 5 percent in the first half of last year," he tells me, "and it really tailed off by fall. I took most of early winter off, totally. It's a healthier me all around." In other words, he now runs for fun, something he was unable to experience before.
But recovery wasn't simple or easy. Early on, when Britt was first diagnosed, he spent much of his time searching for a single moment in each day when something good happened, something he could celebrate. Gradually, those moments grew larger and more frequent. "Now," he says, "the days are filled with not only great moments, but great minutes and hours. And those make up great days, great weeks, and even great months."
When men talk about depression, one of the recurring themes is how it sucks the color and flavor out of life. The birdsong that filled you with joy as a child has no effect at all. The people you love don't make your heart sing, even though you know they should. The colors of the world are tarnished and dull. Britt ran the Boston Marathon once again, and realized at the end that although he'd run it many times, he had literally never seen the finish line; he ran right through it and focused on the next thing. "Now I can see things I never saw before--colors, scenery, people," he says. "It's almost impossible to describe, except to say that it seems like the world has visually opened up."
Depression is well known for shutting down the senses, and when it lifted, Britt was so astonished at what was around him that he took up photography just to try to capture it all. "I never cared before. I never noticed the colors of a sunset. The electricity in a lightning strike. The glow of moonrise over a lake. They've always been there. But only recently have I begun to see them. And I am amazed."
In the 1960s, the crusading social psychologist Jeanne Block and her colleagues explored how differently parents treat boys and girls. For instance, moms and dads encourage boys to be competitive and to achieve. They don't like them to show their emotions. They encourage them to be less dependent; mothers push them away. They punish them more than they punish girls. And they are unaware that they treat boys and girls differently.
By the time boys are on their way to the teenage years, the process of disavowing what they are is complete. The book A New Psychology of Men describes research in which people were asked what it means to be feminine or masculine. Women and girls defined themselves by the ways they were connected to others, and by citing qualities like being caring or compassionate. Men and boys defined themselves by negatives: They weren't weak, dependent, or connected to their mothers.
But there is not much in our cultural definition of what it means to be a man that is inherent in maleness. Children start off surprisingly alike, whether they're boys or girls. If there's a difference, it's the opposite of what the culture seems to expect: Boys are more sensitive. They give expression to their emotions more readily than girls. They affiliate with others in the same way as girls. Then someone starts telling them it's not okay to be that way. If you act like that, you're a pussy.
As Real and others have explained, it is through this process of denial that men are primed for depression. And it is the cultural necessity of carrying out and carrying on this process that makes it so difficult for them to recognize and admit to depression when it comes. They not only don't acknowledge it to themselves, they often don't display the symptoms that psychotherapists use to diagnose depression.
The cultural training that lays the groundwork for depression in men and for their denial of it later in life involves social isolation. That means telling people the truth about yourself and trusting that they'll do the same, a concept that seems terrifying to many men.
In one case, two friends knew each other for years, commuting together, talking every day, laughing together. They would not have said they were socially isolated, yet when they happened to run into each other in the same group meeting for men suffering from depression, they had to laugh: Neither one had ever admitted it to the other, even though they were both seeking treatment for it.
Social isolation is a well-known killer of mammals. Countless studies going back to the '50s show that contact, affection, emotional communication, and genuine closeness are necessary for mammals, including humans, to maintain our health. Isolation wreaks havoc on everything from the immune system to the cardiovascular system to the brain. Conversely, staying socially connected helps protect men from mental illness, including depression.
The new research done by Kessler and others shows that single men and women look no different when it comes to most kinds of mental illness. But when they get married, they veer off in different directions. "It's a very good deal to be married if you're a man," Kessler says. "It's associated with a dramatic improvement in mental health."
Perhaps because they are forced into solitude as children, men are not as good at being alone as women are. Because of early socialization, women are better at relationships--with children, friends, and relatives. In general, women have more friends than men and are closer to those friends. This, of course, is the direct result of boys' having independence forced on them early in life, when what they need is emotional and physical contact with others.
Socialization punishes women, too. When they have children, women's mental health suffers, while that of men doesn't change at all. That's because women, in general, take care of the kids. If there's trouble in the home, or work interferes with child rearing, they'll disproportionately suffer for it.
Women also worry more than men. They care about a larger group of people who just don't appear on the emotional radar screens of men. In marriage, men share in the joys and are often protected from the pain. Just as the man will go downstairs to investigate a suspicious noise, the woman plays the role of emotional protector.
Kessler uses this example: A wife reports (to the researcher) that she's very upset, because her daughter had an abortion and had to miss a number of days of school. The husband reports that his daughter had the flu and couldn't go to school. How could this be? The explanation is simple: The daughter got pregnant and went to her mother for help, saying, "Whatever you do, don't tell Dad." So the mother helped the daughter have an abortion and told the father the girl was home sick with the flu.
The result is that the husband is exposed to less stress, while the woman is exposed to more. Not only does she have to deal with the abortion, but she also has to lie to her husband and orchestrate the protection of that lie. But throughout, her connections are reinforced and affirmed.
The studies show that when a father dies, the children grow closer to the mother. They come around more. The mother has been maintaining those relationships all along, and they pay off in a crisis. Yet when a mother dies, the children come around less. That's because for years, when they called on Sunday, they talked to the mother, not the father. By filling the social role, the wife grows closer to the kids. That's why widowhood and divorce are so much worse for men. Their protection is ripped away, and they have no social network to catch them as they fall. The person who managed their emotional life is gone.
As Kessler puts it, "You can hire someone to do most of the things the husband does in a marriage. But you can never hire someone to do what the wife does." Men can change this situation and possibly protect themselves from depression later in life by expanding the depth and breadth of their social networks.
Recovery
After undergoing treatment for bipolar disorder and chronic depression, Britt went back to compete in all the events he had run so desperately in 2004, such as the Lake Placid Ironman. To his amazement, he recognized for the first time that the run took place in a glorious natural setting. "You're literally running through fields of green," he says. Later that year, he was competing in the Ironman Wisconsin, which he'd done in such a black mood the year before, and began to wonder, Why am I hurting myself? I don't need to hurt myself anymore. For the first time in his life, he walked for an hour during the event, feeling joyous.
Britt's compulsion to run began to fade. "My race performance declined by about 5 percent in the first half of last year," he tells me, "and it really tailed off by fall. I took most of early winter off, totally. It's a healthier me all around." In other words, he now runs for fun, something he was unable to experience before.
But recovery wasn't simple or easy. Early on, when Britt was first diagnosed, he spent much of his time searching for a single moment in each day when something good happened, something he could celebrate. Gradually, those moments grew larger and more frequent. "Now," he says, "the days are filled with not only great moments, but great minutes and hours. And those make up great days, great weeks, and even great months."
When men talk about depression, one of the recurring themes is how it sucks the color and flavor out of life. The birdsong that filled you with joy as a child has no effect at all. The people you love don't make your heart sing, even though you know they should. The colors of the world are tarnished and dull. Britt ran the Boston Marathon once again, and realized at the end that although he'd run it many times, he had literally never seen the finish line; he ran right through it and focused on the next thing. "Now I can see things I never saw before--colors, scenery, people," he says. "It's almost impossible to describe, except to say that it seems like the world has visually opened up."
Depression is well known for shutting down the senses, and when it lifted, Britt was so astonished at what was around him that he took up photography just to try to capture it all. "I never cared before. I never noticed the colors of a sunset. The electricity in a lightning strike. The glow of moonrise over a lake. They've always been there. But only recently have I begun to see them. And I am amazed."
In the 1960s, the crusading social psychologist Jeanne Block and her colleagues explored how differently parents treat boys and girls. For instance, moms and dads encourage boys to be competitive and to achieve. They don't like them to show their emotions. They encourage them to be less dependent; mothers push them away. They punish them more than they punish girls. And they are unaware that they treat boys and girls differently.
By the time boys are on their way to the teenage years, the process of disavowing what they are is complete. The book A New Psychology of Men describes research in which people were asked what it means to be feminine or masculine. Women and girls defined themselves by the ways they were connected to others, and by citing qualities like being caring or compassionate. Men and boys defined themselves by negatives: They weren't weak, dependent, or connected to their mothers.
But there is not much in our cultural definition of what it means to be a man that is inherent in maleness. Children start off surprisingly alike, whether they're boys or girls. If there's a difference, it's the opposite of what the culture seems to expect: Boys are more sensitive. They give expression to their emotions more readily than girls. They affiliate with others in the same way as girls. Then someone starts telling them it's not okay to be that way. If you act like that, you're a pussy.
As Real and others have explained, it is through this process of denial that men are primed for depression. And it is the cultural necessity of carrying out and carrying on this process that makes it so difficult for them to recognize and admit to depression when it comes. They not only don't acknowledge it to themselves, they often don't display the symptoms that psychotherapists use to diagnose depression.
The cultural training that lays the groundwork for depression in men and for their denial of it later in life involves social isolation. That means telling people the truth about yourself and trusting that they'll do the same, a concept that seems terrifying to many men.
In one case, two friends knew each other for years, commuting together, talking every day, laughing together. They would not have said they were socially isolated, yet when they happened to run into each other in the same group meeting for men suffering from depression, they had to laugh: Neither one had ever admitted it to the other, even though they were both seeking treatment for it.
Social isolation is a well-known killer of mammals. Countless studies going back to the '50s show that contact, affection, emotional communication, and genuine closeness are necessary for mammals, including humans, to maintain our health. Isolation wreaks havoc on everything from the immune system to the cardiovascular system to the brain. Conversely, staying socially connected helps protect men from mental illness, including depression.
The new research done by Kessler and others shows that single men and women look no different when it comes to most kinds of mental illness. But when they get married, they veer off in different directions. "It's a very good deal to be married if you're a man," Kessler says. "It's associated with a dramatic improvement in mental health."
Perhaps because they are forced into solitude as children, men are not as good at being alone as women are. Because of early socialization, women are better at relationships--with children, friends, and relatives. In general, women have more friends than men and are closer to those friends. This, of course, is the direct result of boys' having independence forced on them early in life, when what they need is emotional and physical contact with others.
Socialization punishes women, too. When they have children, women's mental health suffers, while that of men doesn't change at all. That's because women, in general, take care of the kids. If there's trouble in the home, or work interferes with child rearing, they'll disproportionately suffer for it.
Women also worry more than men. They care about a larger group of people who just don't appear on the emotional radar screens of men. In marriage, men share in the joys and are often protected from the pain. Just as the man will go downstairs to investigate a suspicious noise, the woman plays the role of emotional protector.
Kessler uses this example: A wife reports (to the researcher) that she's very upset, because her daughter had an abortion and had to miss a number of days of school. The husband reports that his daughter had the flu and couldn't go to school. How could this be? The explanation is simple: The daughter got pregnant and went to her mother for help, saying, "Whatever you do, don't tell Dad." So the mother helped the daughter have an abortion and told the father the girl was home sick with the flu.
The result is that the husband is exposed to less stress, while the woman is exposed to more. Not only does she have to deal with the abortion, but she also has to lie to her husband and orchestrate the protection of that lie. But throughout, her connections are reinforced and affirmed.
The studies show that when a father dies, the children grow closer to the mother. They come around more. The mother has been maintaining those relationships all along, and they pay off in a crisis. Yet when a mother dies, the children come around less. That's because for years, when they called on Sunday, they talked to the mother, not the father. By filling the social role, the wife grows closer to the kids. That's why widowhood and divorce are so much worse for men. Their protection is ripped away, and they have no social network to catch them as they fall. The person who managed their emotional life is gone.
As Kessler puts it, "You can hire someone to do most of the things the husband does in a marriage. But you can never hire someone to do what the wife does." Men can change this situation and possibly protect themselves from depression later in life by expanding the depth and breadth of their social networks.
Recovery
After undergoing treatment for bipolar disorder and chronic depression, Britt went back to compete in all the events he had run so desperately in 2004, such as the Lake Placid Ironman. To his amazement, he recognized for the first time that the run took place in a glorious natural setting. "You're literally running through fields of green," he says. Later that year, he was competing in the Ironman Wisconsin, which he'd done in such a black mood the year before, and began to wonder, Why am I hurting myself? I don't need to hurt myself anymore. For the first time in his life, he walked for an hour during the event, feeling joyous.
Britt's compulsion to run began to fade. "My race performance declined by about 5 percent in the first half of last year," he tells me, "and it really tailed off by fall. I took most of early winter off, totally. It's a healthier me all around." In other words, he now runs for fun, something he was unable to experience before.
But recovery wasn't simple or easy. Early on, when Britt was first diagnosed, he spent much of his time searching for a single moment in each day when something good happened, something he could celebrate. Gradually, those moments grew larger and more frequent. "Now," he says, "the days are filled with not only great moments, but great minutes and hours. And those make up great days, great weeks, and even great months."
When men talk about depression, one of the recurring themes is how it sucks the color and flavor out of life. The birdsong that filled you with joy as a child has no effect at all. The people you love don't make your heart sing, even though you know they should. The colors of the world are tarnished and dull. Britt ran the Boston Marathon once again, and realized at the end that although he'd run it many times, he had literally never seen the finish line; he ran right through it and focused on the next thing. "Now I can see things I never saw before--colors, scenery, people," he says. "It's almost impossible to describe, except to say that it seems like the world has visually opened up."
Depression is well known for shutting down the senses, and when it lifted, Britt was so astonished at what was around him that he took up photography just to try to capture it all. "I never cared before. I never noticed the colors of a sunset. The electricity in a lightning strike. The glow of moonrise over a lake. They've always been there. But only recently have I begun to see them. And I am amazed."
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Exercising Your Demons
Some people might call you highly competitive. Some might call you superfit. But a growing number of doctors would label you something else: Depressed
By: Laurence Gonzales
In 1994, at the age of 33, Raymond Britt took up running. It made him feel good. In fact, the more he pushed himself, the better he felt. So each time he went out, he pushed a little harder. It seemed to put him above the turmoil of the world and afford him some relief. Relief from what -- that wasn't so clear. His life was good. He was a successful executive. He'd married his high-school sweetheart. He had beautiful children.
But there was something odd about it all. For one thing, he had no background as a runner. He'd been a powerlifter in his 20s, benching 315. But in the summer of '94, amid a hectic schedule, he happened to see a flier for the Chicago Marathon and was seized by the impulse to run it. Never mind that there were only a few weeks left to train. Never mind that he had never run more than 3 miles at a time. He thought, I can do anything for 5 hours and 30 minutes, which was the qualifying time to receive a finisher's medal.
He became obsessed with his training.
"I was excited, I was nervous, I was alive," he says. "My mother and my wife thought I was crazy." As he reached the 18th mile of the marathon, his hopes for a life-changing experience were shattered. Beating himself up both mentally and physically, he managed to drag his body over the finish line in 4 hours and 41 minutes, as he puts it, "alone, hurt, angry, unhappy."
Rather than recover, he went out the next day to punish himself and prepare for the next marathon.
Sex Differences
The study of how mental illness affects men and women differently is new and fraught with controversy. The first comprehensive survey was conducted between 1990 and 1992. Its aim was to estimate the general prevalence of mental illness.
The research, known as the National Comorbidity Survey, was repeated, in more depth and on a larger scale, between 2001 and 2003, under the auspices of the World Health Organization and with funding from the National Institute of Mental Health. The principal investigator is Ronald C. Kessler, Ph.D., a jolly-looking, bearded professor in the department of health-care policy at Harvard University.
The numbers seem to show that men and women suffer from various mental illnesses at about the same rate, with some notable variations and exceptions. One of the differences, long accepted as gospel by the psychiatric professions, is that twice as many women as men suffer from depression. Kessler says his numbers show that a woman is twice as likely as a man to have a single episode of major clinical depression in her life. After the first episode, however, men and women don't differ in the number of episodes they'll have during a lifetime, or in whether they'll have another episode. Only the first step differs, he says. Then the statistics flatten out to equal.
But if repeat episodes of depression are equal for men and women, doesn't it stand to reason that they may be having first bouts at the same rate? Maybe the discrepancy lies not in the number of men and women who are depressed, but rather, in how depression is expressed.
According to an increasing number of experts, the diagnostic tallies don't take into account the real experience of a lot of men like Britt. They also ignore the fact that women are much more likely to report depression and seek help. Men are more likely to try to fight through their depression, using strategies ranging from hard work to extreme exercise to drinking to violence. Nearly four times more men than women kill themselves.
When women become depressed, they tend to show the classic symptoms described in the psychiatrist's handbook the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. They feel sad and tired, and lose interest in the pleasures of life. In short, women generally get depressed in just the way that most people, including psychotherapists, think about depression.
Men tend to get angry, and that anger expresses itself in a wide variety of intense activities, such as Britt's obsessive running. Some of these men even win marathons--on the streets of Chicago or in feats of work endurance--and look like heroes, which makes it even more difficult to diagnose their depression.
Britt says, "I've always thought Lance Armstrong suffered from depression and that's where his anger came from. I saw a lot of myself in him, the way he transfers anger into action. Depression leads some of us to fight as hard as we can against it. It makes you angry. I liked my anger. I got focused and felt better, like I was leaving turmoil in the dust. But it was temporary."
Because we think of the word "depression" as fitting the woman's profile better than the man's, doctors and therapists don't tend to recognize the disease as readily in men, and men don't talk about it. William Pollack, Ph.D., a professor of psychiatry at Harvard, estimates that 50 percent to 65 percent of men suffering from what they call "covert depression" aren't diagnosed.
It seems clear that men will do just about anything to avoid admitting to having the disease. They'd rather just suffer. Some of them would rather die.
Driven
Britt raced in Chicago the next year and qualified for the Boston Marathon. Still, he needed more. He entered the Chicago Triathlon that same year and nearly drowned. ("I was a terrible swimmer.") He returned in 1996, and did well. That only fed his craving. "I wanted to take everything to the next, most impossible level I could imagine," he says. He describes himself as "driven to the margin of terror."
By 1998, he had developed a set of rules for himself: more, harder, quicker, and farther away. Three Ironman races in 7 weeks. Roth, Germany, in July for Ironman Europe. Zurich in August for Ironman Switzerland, wife and 4-month-old baby in tow. Ironman Canada again in September. "Still not enough," he says.
In 1999: four Ironman races, a 50-miler, and the Western States 100. Seven days later, he ran two 5-Ks on the same day, for "pain as punishment and proof that I was okay. I could survive the day as long as I could channel my inner turbulence into power and aggression during training. The determination, the drive, kept me afloat."
In the following years, he broke 3 hours in the marathon, qualified for the Ironman World Championships three times, won awards, gained sponsorship, and was regularly published as a cardio guru. He was a champ, a role model. "How can this be a bad thing?" he asked. "And if I'm strong enough to outlast anything, aren't I strong enough to outlast life's challenges?"
Yet his world had begun to contract. He began intentionally doing reckless things. "I took risks riding my bicycle in traffic, running at night, fighting whatever was fighting me. It felt good to be fighting."
He couldn't run, bike, and swim all day. He had to work. He had a wife and kids. So he simply pushed that much harder. "My best performances came when I was ready to rip the top off the race course. I had very aggressive feelings. I just wanted to attack."
He was winning, yes, but he also required emergency medical attention after every event. He'd come in with his blood pressure reading 90 over 50 and required up to four IV bags of fluid to counter dehydration. That didn't seem odd to him, but his wife began to worry that he was trying to kill himself. He told her he was just pushing it. He eventually did 42 marathons, 27 Ironman Triathlons, and six ultramarathons in 11 years, covering 42,000 miles, the equivalent of running, swimming, and biking around the world 1 1/2 times.
The weird thing is this: Raymond Britt isn't that unusual. His distances aren't even that huge, compared with some guys'. And the mental illness he suffers from, which drove him to battle through all those miles, is not that uncommon among men.
Steven Imparl is a lawyer in Chicago, but a look at his résumé affords a glimpse into the frantic world of a man working very hard to compensate for depression. He graduated from high school in the top 15 of his class of 550 students. He received his B.S. degree with high honors. He became an information-technology specialist working for big companies, then went on to earn his law degree and start his own firm. Along the way, he studied French, German, Slovene, and Spanish. He learned classical guitar, studied Slavic and Balkan history, and sang barbershop harmony. And he somehow found time for power walking, inline skating, volleyball, and boxing. By the fall of 2001, he was so wound up, he could hardly sleep. He became more irritable, more easily angered. After nearly getting into a fistfight while walking down a street, he decided to seek help. But when the doctor told him he was suffering from clinical depression, Imparl refused to believe it. Admitting to depression is . . . well, it's like getting your period: Guys don't do it.
Once Imparl accepted the diagnosis, he performed like any true, overachieving depressed man would: Through a program of therapy and drugs, he got better, and then he founded a successful Web site, maledepression.com, for guys like him.
Raymond Britt's crash and burn came one day in November 2004, when he set out to run himself into the ground, to transfer the pain from his soul to his body. Many miles and hours later, he found himself bloodied, exhausted, and hypothermic, but he neither displaced the internal pain nor found relief. He was forced at last to face what he'd known for decades: Depression was rampant in his family. From an early age, Britt had been determined that he wouldn't succumb. He wouldn't be weak.
Because his father had medicated his own depression with alcohol, Britt had never taken up drinking. By the fall of 2004, his father had been in therapy for a while, and was encouraging Britt to seek help. Having experienced depression himself, he was able to see the disorder in his son. He sent Britt an e-mail with his doctor's name. And then he dropped dead.
It was a few weeks later when Britt hit the wall on his last desperate run. Then he collapsed into classic symptoms of depression, which is what happens when the strategy fails: "The weight felt so heavy that it was hard to physically move," says Britt. He found himself wishing he'd be in an accident that would put him in the hospital so that he could escape. "I wanted to be taken out."
That's the point at which depressed men can slip beyond fantasy into active thoughts of suicide. Some 31,000 people in the United States commit suicide each year. More than 24,000 of them are men. And that doesn't count the deaths from alcohol or drugs. In fact, some researchers are beginning to suspect that depression causes more deaths than auto accidents do.
Britt's fantasies of having an accident scared him. He went to see his father's psychiatrist. It didn't take the doctor long to diagnose his condition. (Q: "When were you last really happy?" A: "1975.") And yet, his denial of clinical depression was so strong that he sought a second opinion.
Maybe men need a different word for depression. Or maybe the brain researchers and psychologists simply need to redefine the condition so it includes the way men experience it, too.
Cultural Cover-Up
It's understandable that women are three times more likely than men to be treated for depression; our culture has put a feminine face on the disease, so women give themselves permission to feel it and to seek help for it. Pollack puts it this way: "We have in our society a feminized view of depression, coming out of a model of hysteria that dates back to Freud."
Terrence Real, author of I Don't Want to Talk about It, and a marriage and family therapist in Massachusetts, wrote, "There is a terrible collusion in our society, a cultural cover-up about depression in men." And part of the cultural influence involves the way men are taught from early childhood to be strong, silent, independent, and resistant to suffering. As Real puts it, "Men have about a milli-second's tolerance for feeling [this type of] pain, and then they spring into action. A flight from shame into grandiosity lies at the heart of male covert depression."
Another reason men leap into action, though, whether it's through intense exercise, overwork, pounding back martinis, or some other strategy, is that it actually does relieve the symptoms of depression, at least for a time. In fact, many therapists have begun using exercise as an adjunct to therapy, as explained in books like The Joy of Running, by Thaddeus Kostrubala, and The Exercise Prescription for Depression and Anxiety, by Keith Johnsgard. And research at Duke University confirmed their hunches in 1999.
But exercise in itself doesn't treat the underlying condition. In fact, books called The Joy of Working 80 Hours a Week and The Drinking Prescription for Depression might reach a wide audience, because those strategies can effectively mask depression for years. That is, they can sort of work.
Because at the heart of what Britt and Imparl were going through was a life filled with large stretches of no feeling at all. Britt says he was constantly running, "hoping that movement would help me discover something better."
Looking back on his decades of depression, Britt saw isolated flashes of happiness--the birth of his children, laughter, friendship--but they were, he says, "bright spots on what had been a more turbulent journey than I let myself admit. The moments of happiness sustained my denial of something I had only recently begun to consider an 'invisible load.'" In other words, he'd been swimming with an anvil, and he was sinking by imperceptible increments.
Conditioning
The social conditioning that leads to men's response to depression begins in infancy. Male babies receive less of every type of nurturing, including speech, touch, and comfort when they cry. And that is only the beginning of what will be, to one degree or another, a brutal upbringing for boys.
In the 1960s, the crusading social psychologist Jeanne Block and her colleagues explored how differently parents treat boys and girls. For instance, moms and dads encourage boys to be competitive and to achieve. They don't like them to show their emotions. They encourage them to be less dependent; mothers push them away. They punish them more than they punish girls. And they are unaware that they treat boys and girls differently.
By the time boys are on their way to the teenage years, the process of disavowing what they are is complete. The book A New Psychology of Men describes research in which people were asked what it means to be feminine or masculine. Women and girls defined themselves by the ways they were connected to others, and by citing qualities like being caring or compassionate. Men and boys defined themselves by negatives: They weren't weak, dependent, or connected to their mothers.
But there is not much in our cultural definition of what it means to be a man that is inherent in maleness. Children start off surprisingly alike, whether they're boys or girls. If there's a difference, it's the opposite of what the culture seems to expect: Boys are more sensitive. They give expression to their emotions more readily than girls. They affiliate with others in the same way as girls. Then someone starts telling them it's not okay to be that way. If you act like that, you're a pussy.
As Real and others have explained, it is through this process of denial that men are primed for depression. And it is the cultural necessity of carrying out and carrying on this process that makes it so difficult for them to recognize and admit to depression when it comes. They not only don't acknowledge it to themselves, they often don't display the symptoms that psychotherapists use to diagnose depression.
The cultural training that lays the groundwork for depression in men and for their denial of it later in life involves social isolation. That means telling people the truth about yourself and trusting that they'll do the same, a concept that seems terrifying to many men.
In one case, two friends knew each other for years, commuting together, talking every day, laughing together. They would not have said they were socially isolated, yet when they happened to run into each other in the same group meeting for men suffering from depression, they had to laugh: Neither one had ever admitted it to the other, even though they were both seeking treatment for it.
Social isolation is a well-known killer of mammals. Countless studies going back to the '50s show that contact, affection, emotional communication, and genuine closeness are necessary for mammals, including humans, to maintain our health. Isolation wreaks havoc on everything from the immune system to the cardiovascular system to the brain. Conversely, staying socially connected helps protect men from mental illness, including depression.
The new research done by Kessler and others shows that single men and women look no different when it comes to most kinds of mental illness. But when they get married, they veer off in different directions. "It's a very good deal to be married if you're a man," Kessler says. "It's associated with a dramatic improvement in mental health."
Perhaps because they are forced into solitude as children, men are not as good at being alone as women are. Because of early socialization, women are better at relationships--with children, friends, and relatives. In general, women have more friends than men and are closer to those friends. This, of course, is the direct result of boys' having independence forced on them early in life, when what they need is emotional and physical contact with others.
Socialization punishes women, too. When they have children, women's mental health suffers, while that of men doesn't change at all. That's because women, in general, take care of the kids. If there's trouble in the home, or work interferes with child rearing, they'll disproportionately suffer for it.
Women also worry more than men. They care about a larger group of people who just don't appear on the emotional radar screens of men. In marriage, men share in the joys and are often protected from the pain. Just as the man will go downstairs to investigate a suspicious noise, the woman plays the role of emotional protector.
Kessler uses this example: A wife reports (to the researcher) that she's very upset, because her daughter had an abortion and had to miss a number of days of school. The husband reports that his daughter had the flu and couldn't go to school. How could this be? The explanation is simple: The daughter got pregnant and went to her mother for help, saying, "Whatever you do, don't tell Dad." So the mother helped the daughter have an abortion and told the father the girl was home sick with the flu.
The result is that the husband is exposed to less stress, while the woman is exposed to more. Not only does she have to deal with the abortion, but she also has to lie to her husband and orchestrate the protection of that lie. But throughout, her connections are reinforced and affirmed.
The studies show that when a father dies, the children grow closer to the mother. They come around more. The mother has been maintaining those relationships all along, and they pay off in a crisis. Yet when a mother dies, the children come around less. That's because for years, when they called on Sunday, they talked to the mother, not the father. By filling the social role, the wife grows closer to the kids. That's why widowhood and divorce are so much worse for men. Their protection is ripped away, and they have no social network to catch them as they fall. The person who managed their emotional life is gone.
As Kessler puts it, "You can hire someone to do most of the things the husband does in a marriage. But you can never hire someone to do what the wife does." Men can change this situation and possibly protect themselves from depression later in life by expanding the depth and breadth of their social networks.
Recovery
After undergoing treatment for bipolar disorder and chronic depression, Britt went back to compete in all the events he had run so desperately in 2004, such as the Lake Placid Ironman. To his amazement, he recognized for the first time that the run took place in a glorious natural setting. "You're literally running through fields of green," he says. Later that year, he was competing in the Ironman Wisconsin, which he'd done in such a black mood the year before, and began to wonder, Why am I hurting myself? I don't need to hurt myself anymore. For the first time in his life, he walked for an hour during the event, feeling joyous.
Britt's compulsion to run began to fade. "My race performance declined by about 5 percent in the first half of last year," he tells me, "and it really tailed off by fall. I took most of early winter off, totally. It's a healthier me all around." In other words, he now runs for fun, something he was unable to experience before.
But recovery wasn't simple or easy. Early on, when Britt was first diagnosed, he spent much of his time searching for a single moment in each day when something good happened, something he could celebrate. Gradually, those moments grew larger and more frequent. "Now," he says, "the days are filled with not only great moments, but great minutes and hours. And those make up great days, great weeks, and even great months."
When men talk about depression, one of the recurring themes is how it sucks the color and flavor out of life. The birdsong that filled you with joy as a child has no effect at all. The people you love don't make your heart sing, even though you know they should. The colors of the world are tarnished and dull. Britt ran the Boston Marathon once again, and realized at the end that although he'd run it many times, he had literally never seen the finish line; he ran right through it and focused on the next thing. "Now I can see things I never saw before--colors, scenery, people," he says. "It's almost impossible to describe, except to say that it seems like the world has visually opened up."
Depression is well known for shutting down the senses, and when it lifted, Britt was so astonished at what was around him that he took up photography just to try to capture it all. "I never cared before. I never noticed the colors of a sunset. The electricity in a lightning strike. The glow of moonrise over a lake. They've always been there. But only recently have I begun to see them. And I am amazed."
Exercising Your Demons
Some people might call you highly competitive. Some might call you superfit. But a growing number of doctors would label you something else: Depressed
By: Laurence Gonzales
In 1994, at the age of 33, Raymond Britt took up running. It made him feel good. In fact, the more he pushed himself, the better he felt. So each time he went out, he pushed a little harder. It seemed to put him above the turmoil of the world and afford him some relief. Relief from what -- that wasn't so clear. His life was good. He was a successful executive. He'd married his high-school sweetheart. He had beautiful children.
But there was something odd about it all. For one thing, he had no background as a runner. He'd been a powerlifter in his 20s, benching 315. But in the summer of '94, amid a hectic schedule, he happened to see a flier for the Chicago Marathon and was seized by the impulse to run it. Never mind that there were only a few weeks left to train. Never mind that he had never run more than 3 miles at a time. He thought, I can do anything for 5 hours and 30 minutes, which was the qualifying time to receive a finisher's medal.
He became obsessed with his training.
"I was excited, I was nervous, I was alive," he says. "My mother and my wife thought I was crazy." As he reached the 18th mile of the marathon, his hopes for a life-changing experience were shattered. Beating himself up both mentally and physically, he managed to drag his body over the finish line in 4 hours and 41 minutes, as he puts it, "alone, hurt, angry, unhappy."
Rather than recover, he went out the next day to punish himself and prepare for the next marathon.
Sex Differences
The study of how mental illness affects men and women differently is new and fraught with controversy. The first comprehensive survey was conducted between 1990 and 1992. Its aim was to estimate the general prevalence of mental illness.
The research, known as the National Comorbidity Survey, was repeated, in more depth and on a larger scale, between 2001 and 2003, under the auspices of the World Health Organization and with funding from the National Institute of Mental Health. The principal investigator is Ronald C. Kessler, Ph.D., a jolly-looking, bearded professor in the department of health-care policy at Harvard University.
The numbers seem to show that men and women suffer from various mental illnesses at about the same rate, with some notable variations and exceptions. One of the differences, long accepted as gospel by the psychiatric professions, is that twice as many women as men suffer from depression. Kessler says his numbers show that a woman is twice as likely as a man to have a single episode of major clinical depression in her life. After the first episode, however, men and women don't differ in the number of episodes they'll have during a lifetime, or in whether they'll have another episode. Only the first step differs, he says. Then the statistics flatten out to equal.
But if repeat episodes of depression are equal for men and women, doesn't it stand to reason that they may be having first bouts at the same rate? Maybe the discrepancy lies not in the number of men and women who are depressed, but rather, in how depression is expressed.
According to an increasing number of experts, the diagnostic tallies don't take into account the real experience of a lot of men like Britt. They also ignore the fact that women are much more likely to report depression and seek help. Men are more likely to try to fight through their depression, using strategies ranging from hard work to extreme exercise to drinking to violence. Nearly four times more men than women kill themselves.
When women become depressed, they tend to show the classic symptoms described in the psychiatrist's handbook the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. They feel sad and tired, and lose interest in the pleasures of life. In short, women generally get depressed in just the way that most people, including psychotherapists, think about depression.
Men tend to get angry, and that anger expresses itself in a wide variety of intense activities, such as Britt's obsessive running. Some of these men even win marathons--on the streets of Chicago or in feats of work endurance--and look like heroes, which makes it even more difficult to diagnose their depression.
Britt says, "I've always thought Lance Armstrong suffered from depression and that's where his anger came from. I saw a lot of myself in him, the way he transfers anger into action. Depression leads some of us to fight as hard as we can against it. It makes you angry. I liked my anger. I got focused and felt better, like I was leaving turmoil in the dust. But it was temporary."
Because we think of the word "depression" as fitting the woman's profile better than the man's, doctors and therapists don't tend to recognize the disease as readily in men, and men don't talk about it. William Pollack, Ph.D., a professor of psychiatry at Harvard, estimates that 50 percent to 65 percent of men suffering from what they call "covert depression" aren't diagnosed.
It seems clear that men will do just about anything to avoid admitting to having the disease. They'd rather just suffer. Some of them would rather die.
Driven
Britt raced in Chicago the next year and qualified for the Boston Marathon. Still, he needed more. He entered the Chicago Triathlon that same year and nearly drowned. ("I was a terrible swimmer.") He returned in 1996, and did well. That only fed his craving. "I wanted to take everything to the next, most impossible level I could imagine," he says. He describes himself as "driven to the margin of terror."
By 1998, he had developed a set of rules for himself: more, harder, quicker, and farther away. Three Ironman races in 7 weeks. Roth, Germany, in July for Ironman Europe. Zurich in August for Ironman Switzerland, wife and 4-month-old baby in tow. Ironman Canada again in September. "Still not enough," he says.
In 1999: four Ironman races, a 50-miler, and the Western States 100. Seven days later, he ran two 5-Ks on the same day, for "pain as punishment and proof that I was okay. I could survive the day as long as I could channel my inner turbulence into power and aggression during training. The determination, the drive, kept me afloat."
In the following years, he broke 3 hours in the marathon, qualified for the Ironman World Championships three times, won awards, gained sponsorship, and was regularly published as a cardio guru. He was a champ, a role model. "How can this be a bad thing?" he asked. "And if I'm strong enough to outlast anything, aren't I strong enough to outlast life's challenges?"
Yet his world had begun to contract. He began intentionally doing reckless things. "I took risks riding my bicycle in traffic, running at night, fighting whatever was fighting me. It felt good to be fighting."
He couldn't run, bike, and swim all day. He had to work. He had a wife and kids. So he simply pushed that much harder. "My best performances came when I was ready to rip the top off the race course. I had very aggressive feelings. I just wanted to attack."
He was winning, yes, but he also required emergency medical attention after every event. He'd come in with his blood pressure reading 90 over 50 and required up to four IV bags of fluid to counter dehydration. That didn't seem odd to him, but his wife began to worry that he was trying to kill himself. He told her he was just pushing it. He eventually did 42 marathons, 27 Ironman Triathlons, and six ultramarathons in 11 years, covering 42,000 miles, the equivalent of running, swimming, and biking around the world 1 1/2 times.
The weird thing is this: Raymond Britt isn't that unusual. His distances aren't even that huge, compared with some guys'. And the mental illness he suffers from, which drove him to battle through all those miles, is not that uncommon among men.
Steven Imparl is a lawyer in Chicago, but a look at his résumé affords a glimpse into the frantic world of a man working very hard to compensate for depression. He graduated from high school in the top 15 of his class of 550 students. He received his B.S. degree with high honors. He became an information-technology specialist working for big companies, then went on to earn his law degree and start his own firm. Along the way, he studied French, German, Slovene, and Spanish. He learned classical guitar, studied Slavic and Balkan history, and sang barbershop harmony. And he somehow found time for power walking, inline skating, volleyball, and boxing. By the fall of 2001, he was so wound up, he could hardly sleep. He became more irritable, more easily angered. After nearly getting into a fistfight while walking down a street, he decided to seek help. But when the doctor told him he was suffering from clinical depression, Imparl refused to believe it. Admitting to depression is . . . well, it's like getting your period: Guys don't do it.
Once Imparl accepted the diagnosis, he performed like any true, overachieving depressed man would: Through a program of therapy and drugs, he got better, and then he founded a successful Web site, maledepression.com, for guys like him.
Raymond Britt's crash and burn came one day in November 2004, when he set out to run himself into the ground, to transfer the pain from his soul to his body. Many miles and hours later, he found himself bloodied, exhausted, and hypothermic, but he neither displaced the internal pain nor found relief. He was forced at last to face what he'd known for decades: Depression was rampant in his family. From an early age, Britt had been determined that he wouldn't succumb. He wouldn't be weak.
Because his father had medicated his own depression with alcohol, Britt had never taken up drinking. By the fall of 2004, his father had been in therapy for a while, and was encouraging Britt to seek help. Having experienced depression himself, he was able to see the disorder in his son. He sent Britt an e-mail with his doctor's name. And then he dropped dead.
It was a few weeks later when Britt hit the wall on his last desperate run. Then he collapsed into classic symptoms of depression, which is what happens when the strategy fails: "The weight felt so heavy that it was hard to physically move," says Britt. He found himself wishing he'd be in an accident that would put him in the hospital so that he could escape. "I wanted to be taken out."
That's the point at which depressed men can slip beyond fantasy into active thoughts of suicide. Some 31,000 people in the United States commit suicide each year. More than 24,000 of them are men. And that doesn't count the deaths from alcohol or drugs. In fact, some researchers are beginning to suspect that depression causes more deaths than auto accidents do.
Britt's fantasies of having an accident scared him. He went to see his father's psychiatrist. It didn't take the doctor long to diagnose his condition. (Q: "When were you last really happy?" A: "1975.") And yet, his denial of clinical depression was so strong that he sought a second opinion.
Maybe men need a different word for depression. Or maybe the brain researchers and psychologists simply need to redefine the condition so it includes the way men experience it, too.
Cultural Cover-Up
It's understandable that women are three times more likely than men to be treated for depression; our culture has put a feminine face on the disease, so women give themselves permission to feel it and to seek help for it. Pollack puts it this way: "We have in our society a feminized view of depression, coming out of a model of hysteria that dates back to Freud."
Terrence Real, author of I Don't Want to Talk about It, and a marriage and family therapist in Massachusetts, wrote, "There is a terrible collusion in our society, a cultural cover-up about depression in men." And part of the cultural influence involves the way men are taught from early childhood to be strong, silent, independent, and resistant to suffering. As Real puts it, "Men have about a milli-second's tolerance for feeling [this type of] pain, and then they spring into action. A flight from shame into grandiosity lies at the heart of male covert depression."
Another reason men leap into action, though, whether it's through intense exercise, overwork, pounding back martinis, or some other strategy, is that it actually does relieve the symptoms of depression, at least for a time. In fact, many therapists have begun using exercise as an adjunct to therapy, as explained in books like The Joy of Running, by Thaddeus Kostrubala, and The Exercise Prescription for Depression and Anxiety, by Keith Johnsgard. And research at Duke University confirmed their hunches in 1999.
But exercise in itself doesn't treat the underlying condition. In fact, books called The Joy of Working 80 Hours a Week and The Drinking Prescription for Depression might reach a wide audience, because those strategies can effectively mask depression for years. That is, they can sort of work.
Because at the heart of what Britt and Imparl were going through was a life filled with large stretches of no feeling at all. Britt says he was constantly running, "hoping that movement would help me discover something better."
Looking back on his decades of depression, Britt saw isolated flashes of happiness--the birth of his children, laughter, friendship--but they were, he says, "bright spots on what had been a more turbulent journey than I let myself admit. The moments of happiness sustained my denial of something I had only recently begun to consider an 'invisible load.'" In other words, he'd been swimming with an anvil, and he was sinking by imperceptible increments.
Conditioning
The social conditioning that leads to men's response to depression begins in infancy. Male babies receive less of every type of nurturing, including speech, touch, and comfort when they cry. And that is only the beginning of what will be, to one degree or another, a brutal upbringing for boys.
In the 1960s, the crusading social psychologist Jeanne Block and her colleagues explored how differently parents treat boys and girls. For instance, moms and dads encourage boys to be competitive and to achieve. They don't like them to show their emotions. They encourage them to be less dependent; mothers push them away. They punish them more than they punish girls. And they are unaware that they treat boys and girls differently.
By the time boys are on their way to the teenage years, the process of disavowing what they are is complete. The book A New Psychology of Men describes research in which people were asked what it means to be feminine or masculine. Women and girls defined themselves by the ways they were connected to others, and by citing qualities like being caring or compassionate. Men and boys defined themselves by negatives: They weren't weak, dependent, or connected to their mothers.
But there is not much in our cultural definition of what it means to be a man that is inherent in maleness. Children start off surprisingly alike, whether they're boys or girls. If there's a difference, it's the opposite of what the culture seems to expect: Boys are more sensitive. They give expression to their emotions more readily than girls. They affiliate with others in the same way as girls. Then someone starts telling them it's not okay to be that way. If you act like that, you're a pussy.
As Real and others have explained, it is through this process of denial that men are primed for depression. And it is the cultural necessity of carrying out and carrying on this process that makes it so difficult for them to recognize and admit to depression when it comes. They not only don't acknowledge it to themselves, they often don't display the symptoms that psychotherapists use to diagnose depression.
The cultural training that lays the groundwork for depression in men and for their denial of it later in life involves social isolation. That means telling people the truth about yourself and trusting that they'll do the same, a concept that seems terrifying to many men.
In one case, two friends knew each other for years, commuting together, talking every day, laughing together. They would not have said they were socially isolated, yet when they happened to run into each other in the same group meeting for men suffering from depression, they had to laugh: Neither one had ever admitted it to the other, even though they were both seeking treatment for it.
Social isolation is a well-known killer of mammals. Countless studies going back to the '50s show that contact, affection, emotional communication, and genuine closeness are necessary for mammals, including humans, to maintain our health. Isolation wreaks havoc on everything from the immune system to the cardiovascular system to the brain. Conversely, staying socially connected helps protect men from mental illness, including depression.
The new research done by Kessler and others shows that single men and women look no different when it comes to most kinds of mental illness. But when they get married, they veer off in different directions. "It's a very good deal to be married if you're a man," Kessler says. "It's associated with a dramatic improvement in mental health."
Perhaps because they are forced into solitude as children, men are not as good at being alone as women are. Because of early socialization, women are better at relationships--with children, friends, and relatives. In general, women have more friends than men and are closer to those friends. This, of course, is the direct result of boys' having independence forced on them early in life, when what they need is emotional and physical contact with others.
Socialization punishes women, too. When they have children, women's mental health suffers, while that of men doesn't change at all. That's because women, in general, take care of the kids. If there's trouble in the home, or work interferes with child rearing, they'll disproportionately suffer for it.
Women also worry more than men. They care about a larger group of people who just don't appear on the emotional radar screens of men. In marriage, men share in the joys and are often protected from the pain. Just as the man will go downstairs to investigate a suspicious noise, the woman plays the role of emotional protector.
Kessler uses this example: A wife reports (to the researcher) that she's very upset, because her daughter had an abortion and had to miss a number of days of school. The husband reports that his daughter had the flu and couldn't go to school. How could this be? The explanation is simple: The daughter got pregnant and went to her mother for help, saying, "Whatever you do, don't tell Dad." So the mother helped the daughter have an abortion and told the father the girl was home sick with the flu.
The result is that the husband is exposed to less stress, while the woman is exposed to more. Not only does she have to deal with the abortion, but she also has to lie to her husband and orchestrate the protection of that lie. But throughout, her connections are reinforced and affirmed.
The studies show that when a father dies, the children grow closer to the mother. They come around more. The mother has been maintaining those relationships all along, and they pay off in a crisis. Yet when a mother dies, the children come around less. That's because for years, when they called on Sunday, they talked to the mother, not the father. By filling the social role, the wife grows closer to the kids. That's why widowhood and divorce are so much worse for men. Their protection is ripped away, and they have no social network to catch them as they fall. The person who managed their emotional life is gone.
As Kessler puts it, "You can hire someone to do most of the things the husband does in a marriage. But you can never hire someone to do what the wife does." Men can change this situation and possibly protect themselves from depression later in life by expanding the depth and breadth of their social networks.
Recovery
After undergoing treatment for bipolar disorder and chronic depression, Britt went back to compete in all the events he had run so desperately in 2004, such as the Lake Placid Ironman. To his amazement, he recognized for the first time that the run took place in a glorious natural setting. "You're literally running through fields of green," he says. Later that year, he was competing in the Ironman Wisconsin, which he'd done in such a black mood the year before, and began to wonder, Why am I hurting myself? I don't need to hurt myself anymore. For the first time in his life, he walked for an hour during the event, feeling joyous.
Britt's compulsion to run began to fade. "My race performance declined by about 5 percent in the first half of last year," he tells me, "and it really tailed off by fall. I took most of early winter off, totally. It's a healthier me all around." In other words, he now runs for fun, something he was unable to experience before.
But recovery wasn't simple or easy. Early on, when Britt was first diagnosed, he spent much of his time searching for a single moment in each day when something good happened, something he could celebrate. Gradually, those moments grew larger and more frequent. "Now," he says, "the days are filled with not only great moments, but great minutes and hours. And those make up great days, great weeks, and even great months."
When men talk about depression, one of the recurring themes is how it sucks the color and flavor out of life. The birdsong that filled you with joy as a child has no effect at all. The people you love don't make your heart sing, even though you know they should. The colors of the world are tarnished and dull. Britt ran the Boston Marathon once again, and realized at the end that although he'd run it many times, he had literally never seen the finish line; he ran right through it and focused on the next thing. "Now I can see things I never saw before--colors, scenery, people," he says. "It's almost impossible to describe, except to say that it seems like the world has visually opened up."
Depression is well known for shutting down the senses, and when it lifted, Britt was so astonished at what was around him that he took up photography just to try to capture it all. "I never cared before. I never noticed the colors of a sunset. The electricity in a lightning strike. The glow of moonrise over a lake. They've always been there. But only recently have I begun to see them. And I am amazed."
Exercising Your Demons
Some people might call you highly competitive. Some might call you superfit. But a growing number of doctors would label you something else: Depressed
By: Laurence Gonzales
In 1994, at the age of 33, Raymond Britt took up running. It made him feel good. In fact, the more he pushed himself, the better he felt. So each time he went out, he pushed a little harder. It seemed to put him above the turmoil of the world and afford him some relief. Relief from what -- that wasn't so clear. His life was good. He was a successful executive. He'd married his high-school sweetheart. He had beautiful children.
But there was something odd about it all. For one thing, he had no background as a runner. He'd been a powerlifter in his 20s, benching 315. But in the summer of '94, amid a hectic schedule, he happened to see a flier for the Chicago Marathon and was seized by the impulse to run it. Never mind that there were only a few weeks left to train. Never mind that he had never run more than 3 miles at a time. He thought, I can do anything for 5 hours and 30 minutes, which was the qualifying time to receive a finisher's medal.
He became obsessed with his training.
"I was excited, I was nervous, I was alive," he says. "My mother and my wife thought I was crazy." As he reached the 18th mile of the marathon, his hopes for a life-changing experience were shattered. Beating himself up both mentally and physically, he managed to drag his body over the finish line in 4 hours and 41 minutes, as he puts it, "alone, hurt, angry, unhappy."
Rather than recover, he went out the next day to punish himself and prepare for the next marathon.
Sex Differences
The study of how mental illness affects men and women differently is new and fraught with controversy. The first comprehensive survey was conducted between 1990 and 1992. Its aim was to estimate the general prevalence of mental illness.
The research, known as the National Comorbidity Survey, was repeated, in more depth and on a larger scale, between 2001 and 2003, under the auspices of the World Health Organization and with funding from the National Institute of Mental Health. The principal investigator is Ronald C. Kessler, Ph.D., a jolly-looking, bearded professor in the department of health-care policy at Harvard University.
The numbers seem to show that men and women suffer from various mental illnesses at about the same rate, with some notable variations and exceptions. One of the differences, long accepted as gospel by the psychiatric professions, is that twice as many women as men suffer from depression. Kessler says his numbers show that a woman is twice as likely as a man to have a single episode of major clinical depression in her life. After the first episode, however, men and women don't differ in the number of episodes they'll have during a lifetime, or in whether they'll have another episode. Only the first step differs, he says. Then the statistics flatten out to equal.
But if repeat episodes of depression are equal for men and women, doesn't it stand to reason that they may be having first bouts at the same rate? Maybe the discrepancy lies not in the number of men and women who are depressed, but rather, in how depression is expressed.
According to an increasing number of experts, the diagnostic tallies don't take into account the real experience of a lot of men like Britt. They also ignore the fact that women are much more likely to report depression and seek help. Men are more likely to try to fight through their depression, using strategies ranging from hard work to extreme exercise to drinking to violence. Nearly four times more men than women kill themselves.
When women become depressed, they tend to show the classic symptoms described in the psychiatrist's handbook the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. They feel sad and tired, and lose interest in the pleasures of life. In short, women generally get depressed in just the way that most people, including psychotherapists, think about depression.
Men tend to get angry, and that anger expresses itself in a wide variety of intense activities, such as Britt's obsessive running. Some of these men even win marathons--on the streets of Chicago or in feats of work endurance--and look like heroes, which makes it even more difficult to diagnose their depression.
Britt says, "I've always thought Lance Armstrong suffered from depression and that's where his anger came from. I saw a lot of myself in him, the way he transfers anger into action. Depression leads some of us to fight as hard as we can against it. It makes you angry. I liked my anger. I got focused and felt better, like I was leaving turmoil in the dust. But it was temporary."
Because we think of the word "depression" as fitting the woman's profile better than the man's, doctors and therapists don't tend to recognize the disease as readily in men, and men don't talk about it. William Pollack, Ph.D., a professor of psychiatry at Harvard, estimates that 50 percent to 65 percent of men suffering from what they call "covert depression" aren't diagnosed.
It seems clear that men will do just about anything to avoid admitting to having the disease. They'd rather just suffer. Some of them would rather die.
Driven
Britt raced in Chicago the next year and qualified for the Boston Marathon. Still, he needed more. He entered the Chicago Triathlon that same year and nearly drowned. ("I was a terrible swimmer.") He returned in 1996, and did well. That only fed his craving. "I wanted to take everything to the next, most impossible level I could imagine," he says. He describes himself as "driven to the margin of terror."
By 1998, he had developed a set of rules for himself: more, harder, quicker, and farther away. Three Ironman races in 7 weeks. Roth, Germany, in July for Ironman Europe. Zurich in August for Ironman Switzerland, wife and 4-month-old baby in tow. Ironman Canada again in September. "Still not enough," he says.
In 1999: four Ironman races, a 50-miler, and the Western States 100. Seven days later, he ran two 5-Ks on the same day, for "pain as punishment and proof that I was okay. I could survive the day as long as I could channel my inner turbulence into power and aggression during training. The determination, the drive, kept me afloat."
In the following years, he broke 3 hours in the marathon, qualified for the Ironman World Championships three times, won awards, gained sponsorship, and was regularly published as a cardio guru. He was a champ, a role model. "How can this be a bad thing?" he asked. "And if I'm strong enough to outlast anything, aren't I strong enough to outlast life's challenges?"
Yet his world had begun to contract. He began intentionally doing reckless things. "I took risks riding my bicycle in traffic, running at night, fighting whatever was fighting me. It felt good to be fighting."
He couldn't run, bike, and swim all day. He had to work. He had a wife and kids. So he simply pushed that much harder. "My best performances came when I was ready to rip the top off the race course. I had very aggressive feelings. I just wanted to attack."
He was winning, yes, but he also required emergency medical attention after every event. He'd come in with his blood pressure reading 90 over 50 and required up to four IV bags of fluid to counter dehydration. That didn't seem odd to him, but his wife began to worry that he was trying to kill himself. He told her he was just pushing it. He eventually did 42 marathons, 27 Ironman Triathlons, and six ultramarathons in 11 years, covering 42,000 miles, the equivalent of running, swimming, and biking around the world 1 1/2 times.
The weird thing is this: Raymond Britt isn't that unusual. His distances aren't even that huge, compared with some guys'. And the mental illness he suffers from, which drove him to battle through all those miles, is not that uncommon among men.
Steven Imparl is a lawyer in Chicago, but a look at his résumé affords a glimpse into the frantic world of a man working very hard to compensate for depression. He graduated from high school in the top 15 of his class of 550 students. He received his B.S. degree with high honors. He became an information-technology specialist working for big companies, then went on to earn his law degree and start his own firm. Along the way, he studied French, German, Slovene, and Spanish. He learned classical guitar, studied Slavic and Balkan history, and sang barbershop harmony. And he somehow found time for power walking, inline skating, volleyball, and boxing. By the fall of 2001, he was so wound up, he could hardly sleep. He became more irritable, more easily angered. After nearly getting into a fistfight while walking down a street, he decided to seek help. But when the doctor told him he was suffering from clinical depression, Imparl refused to believe it. Admitting to depression is . . . well, it's like getting your period: Guys don't do it.
Once Imparl accepted the diagnosis, he performed like any true, overachieving depressed man would: Through a program of therapy and drugs, he got better, and then he founded a successful Web site, maledepression.com, for guys like him.
Raymond Britt's crash and burn came one day in November 2004, when he set out to run himself into the ground, to transfer the pain from his soul to his body. Many miles and hours later, he found himself bloodied, exhausted, and hypothermic, but he neither displaced the internal pain nor found relief. He was forced at last to face what he'd known for decades: Depression was rampant in his family. From an early age, Britt had been determined that he wouldn't succumb. He wouldn't be weak.
Because his father had medicated his own depression with alcohol, Britt had never taken up drinking. By the fall of 2004, his father had been in therapy for a while, and was encouraging Britt to seek help. Having experienced depression himself, he was able to see the disorder in his son. He sent Britt an e-mail with his doctor's name. And then he dropped dead.
It was a few weeks later when Britt hit the wall on his last desperate run. Then he collapsed into classic symptoms of depression, which is what happens when the strategy fails: "The weight felt so heavy that it was hard to physically move," says Britt. He found himself wishing he'd be in an accident that would put him in the hospital so that he could escape. "I wanted to be taken out."
That's the point at which depressed men can slip beyond fantasy into active thoughts of suicide. Some 31,000 people in the United States commit suicide each year. More than 24,000 of them are men. And that doesn't count the deaths from alcohol or drugs. In fact, some researchers are beginning to suspect that depression causes more deaths than auto accidents do.
Britt's fantasies of having an accident scared him. He went to see his father's psychiatrist. It didn't take the doctor long to diagnose his condition. (Q: "When were you last really happy?" A: "1975.") And yet, his denial of clinical depression was so strong that he sought a second opinion.
Maybe men need a different word for depression. Or maybe the brain researchers and psychologists simply need to redefine the condition so it includes the way men experience it, too.
Cultural Cover-Up
It's understandable that women are three times more likely than men to be treated for depression; our culture has put a feminine face on the disease, so women give themselves permission to feel it and to seek help for it. Pollack puts it this way: "We have in our society a feminized view of depression, coming out of a model of hysteria that dates back to Freud."
Terrence Real, author of I Don't Want to Talk about It, and a marriage and family therapist in Massachusetts, wrote, "There is a terrible collusion in our society, a cultural cover-up about depression in men." And part of the cultural influence involves the way men are taught from early childhood to be strong, silent, independent, and resistant to suffering. As Real puts it, "Men have about a milli-second's tolerance for feeling [this type of] pain, and then they spring into action. A flight from shame into grandiosity lies at the heart of male covert depression."
Another reason men leap into action, though, whether it's through intense exercise, overwork, pounding back martinis, or some other strategy, is that it actually does relieve the symptoms of depression, at least for a time. In fact, many therapists have begun using exercise as an adjunct to therapy, as explained in books like The Joy of Running, by Thaddeus Kostrubala, and The Exercise Prescription for Depression and Anxiety, by Keith Johnsgard. And research at Duke University confirmed their hunches in 1999.
But exercise in itself doesn't treat the underlying condition. In fact, books called The Joy of Working 80 Hours a Week and The Drinking Prescription for Depression might reach a wide audience, because those strategies can effectively mask depression for years. That is, they can sort of work.
Because at the heart of what Britt and Imparl were going through was a life filled with large stretches of no feeling at all. Britt says he was constantly running, "hoping that movement would help me discover something better."
Looking back on his decades of depression, Britt saw isolated flashes of happiness--the birth of his children, laughter, friendship--but they were, he says, "bright spots on what had been a more turbulent journey than I let myself admit. The moments of happiness sustained my denial of something I had only recently begun to consider an 'invisible load.'" In other words, he'd been swimming with an anvil, and he was sinking by imperceptible increments.
Conditioning
The social conditioning that leads to men's response to depression begins in infancy. Male babies receive less of every type of nurturing, including speech, touch, and comfort when they cry. And that is only the beginning of what will be, to one degree or another, a brutal upbringing for boys.
In the 1960s, the crusading social psychologist Jeanne Block and her colleagues explored how differently parents treat boys and girls. For instance, moms and dads encourage boys to be competitive and to achieve. They don't like them to show their emotions. They encourage them to be less dependent; mothers push them away. They punish them more than they punish girls. And they are unaware that they treat boys and girls differently.
By the time boys are on their way to the teenage years, the process of disavowing what they are is complete. The book A New Psychology of Men describes research in which people were asked what it means to be feminine or masculine. Women and girls defined themselves by the ways they were connected to others, and by citing qualities like being caring or compassionate. Men and boys defined themselves by negatives: They weren't weak, dependent, or connected to their mothers.
But there is not much in our cultural definition of what it means to be a man that is inherent in maleness. Children start off surprisingly alike, whether they're boys or girls. If there's a difference, it's the opposite of what the culture seems to expect: Boys are more sensitive. They give expression to their emotions more readily than girls. They affiliate with others in the same way as girls. Then someone starts telling them it's not okay to be that way. If you act like that, you're a pussy.
As Real and others have explained, it is through this process of denial that men are primed for depression. And it is the cultural necessity of carrying out and carrying on this process that makes it so difficult for them to recognize and admit to depression when it comes. They not only don't acknowledge it to themselves, they often don't display the symptoms that psychotherapists use to diagnose depression.
The cultural training that lays the groundwork for depression in men and for their denial of it later in life involves social isolation. That means telling people the truth about yourself and trusting that they'll do the same, a concept that seems terrifying to many men.
In one case, two friends knew each other for years, commuting together, talking every day, laughing together. They would not have said they were socially isolated, yet when they happened to run into each other in the same group meeting for men suffering from depression, they had to laugh: Neither one had ever admitted it to the other, even though they were both seeking treatment for it.
Social isolation is a well-known killer of mammals. Countless studies going back to the '50s show that contact, affection, emotional communication, and genuine closeness are necessary for mammals, including humans, to maintain our health. Isolation wreaks havoc on everything from the immune system to the cardiovascular system to the brain. Conversely, staying socially connected helps protect men from mental illness, including depression.
The new research done by Kessler and others shows that single men and women look no different when it comes to most kinds of mental illness. But when they get married, they veer off in different directions. "It's a very good deal to be married if you're a man," Kessler says. "It's associated with a dramatic improvement in mental health."
Perhaps because they are forced into solitude as children, men are not as good at being alone as women are. Because of early socialization, women are better at relationships--with children, friends, and relatives. In general, women have more friends than men and are closer to those friends. This, of course, is the direct result of boys' having independence forced on them early in life, when what they need is emotional and physical contact with others.
Socialization punishes women, too. When they have children, women's mental health suffers, while that of men doesn't change at all. That's because women, in general, take care of the kids. If there's trouble in the home, or work interferes with child rearing, they'll disproportionately suffer for it.
Women also worry more than men. They care about a larger group of people who just don't appear on the emotional radar screens of men. In marriage, men share in the joys and are often protected from the pain. Just as the man will go downstairs to investigate a suspicious noise, the woman plays the role of emotional protector.
Kessler uses this example: A wife reports (to the researcher) that she's very upset, because her daughter had an abortion and had to miss a number of days of school. The husband reports that his daughter had the flu and couldn't go to school. How could this be? The explanation is simple: The daughter got pregnant and went to her mother for help, saying, "Whatever you do, don't tell Dad." So the mother helped the daughter have an abortion and told the father the girl was home sick with the flu.
The result is that the husband is exposed to less stress, while the woman is exposed to more. Not only does she have to deal with the abortion, but she also has to lie to her husband and orchestrate the protection of that lie. But throughout, her connections are reinforced and affirmed.
The studies show that when a father dies, the children grow closer to the mother. They come around more. The mother has been maintaining those relationships all along, and they pay off in a crisis. Yet when a mother dies, the children come around less. That's because for years, when they called on Sunday, they talked to the mother, not the father. By filling the social role, the wife grows closer to the kids. That's why widowhood and divorce are so much worse for men. Their protection is ripped away, and they have no social network to catch them as they fall. The person who managed their emotional life is gone.
As Kessler puts it, "You can hire someone to do most of the things the husband does in a marriage. But you can never hire someone to do what the wife does." Men can change this situation and possibly protect themselves from depression later in life by expanding the depth and breadth of their social networks.
Recovery
After undergoing treatment for bipolar disorder and chronic depression, Britt went back to compete in all the events he had run so desperately in 2004, such as the Lake Placid Ironman. To his amazement, he recognized for the first time that the run took place in a glorious natural setting. "You're literally running through fields of green," he says. Later that year, he was competing in the Ironman Wisconsin, which he'd done in such a black mood the year before, and began to wonder, Why am I hurting myself? I don't need to hurt myself anymore. For the first time in his life, he walked for an hour during the event, feeling joyous.
Britt's compulsion to run began to fade. "My race performance declined by about 5 percent in the first half of last year," he tells me, "and it really tailed off by fall. I took most of early winter off, totally. It's a healthier me all around." In other words, he now runs for fun, something he was unable to experience before.
But recovery wasn't simple or easy. Early on, when Britt was first diagnosed, he spent much of his time searching for a single moment in each day when something good happened, something he could celebrate. Gradually, those moments grew larger and more frequent. "Now," he says, "the days are filled with not only great moments, but great minutes and hours. And those make up great days, great weeks, and even great months."
When men talk about depression, one of the recurring themes is how it sucks the color and flavor out of life. The birdsong that filled you with joy as a child has no effect at all. The people you love don't make your heart sing, even though you know they should. The colors of the world are tarnished and dull. Britt ran the Boston Marathon once again, and realized at the end that although he'd run it many times, he had literally never seen the finish line; he ran right through it and focused on the next thing. "Now I can see things I never saw before--colors, scenery, people," he says. "It's almost impossible to describe, except to say that it seems like the world has visually opened up."
Depression is well known for shutting down the senses, and when it lifted, Britt was so astonished at what was around him that he took up photography just to try to capture it all. "I never cared before. I never noticed the colors of a sunset. The electricity in a lightning strike. The glow of moonrise over a lake. They've always been there. But only recently have I begun to see them. And I am amazed."
Exercising Your Demons
Some people might call you highly competitive. Some might call you superfit. But a growing number of doctors would label you something else: Depressed
By: Laurence Gonzales
In 1994, at the age of 33, Raymond Britt took up running. It made him feel good. In fact, the more he pushed himself, the better he felt. So each time he went out, he pushed a little harder. It seemed to put him above the turmoil of the world and afford him some relief. Relief from what -- that wasn't so clear. His life was good. He was a successful executive. He'd married his high-school sweetheart. He had beautiful children.
But there was something odd about it all. For one thing, he had no background as a runner. He'd been a powerlifter in his 20s, benching 315. But in the summer of '94, amid a hectic schedule, he happened to see a flier for the Chicago Marathon and was seized by the impulse to run it. Never mind that there were only a few weeks left to train. Never mind that he had never run more than 3 miles at a time. He thought, I can do anything for 5 hours and 30 minutes, which was the qualifying time to receive a finisher's medal.
He became obsessed with his training.
"I was excited, I was nervous, I was alive," he says. "My mother and my wife thought I was crazy." As he reached the 18th mile of the marathon, his hopes for a life-changing experience were shattered. Beating himself up both mentally and physically, he managed to drag his body over the finish line in 4 hours and 41 minutes, as he puts it, "alone, hurt, angry, unhappy."
Rather than recover, he went out the next day to punish himself and prepare for the next marathon.
Sex Differences
The study of how mental illness affects men and women differently is new and fraught with controversy. The first comprehensive survey was conducted between 1990 and 1992. Its aim was to estimate the general prevalence of mental illness.
The research, known as the National Comorbidity Survey, was repeated, in more depth and on a larger scale, between 2001 and 2003, under the auspices of the World Health Organization and with funding from the National Institute of Mental Health. The principal investigator is Ronald C. Kessler, Ph.D., a jolly-looking, bearded professor in the department of health-care policy at Harvard University.
The numbers seem to show that men and women suffer from various mental illnesses at about the same rate, with some notable variations and exceptions. One of the differences, long accepted as gospel by the psychiatric professions, is that twice as many women as men suffer from depression. Kessler says his numbers show that a woman is twice as likely as a man to have a single episode of major clinical depression in her life. After the first episode, however, men and women don't differ in the number of episodes they'll have during a lifetime, or in whether they'll have another episode. Only the first step differs, he says. Then the statistics flatten out to equal.
But if repeat episodes of depression are equal for men and women, doesn't it stand to reason that they may be having first bouts at the same rate? Maybe the discrepancy lies not in the number of men and women who are depressed, but rather, in how depression is expressed.
According to an increasing number of experts, the diagnostic tallies don't take into account the real experience of a lot of men like Britt. They also ignore the fact that women are much more likely to report depression and seek help. Men are more likely to try to fight through their depression, using strategies ranging from hard work to extreme exercise to drinking to violence. Nearly four times more men than women kill themselves.
When women become depressed, they tend to show the classic symptoms described in the psychiatrist's handbook the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. They feel sad and tired, and lose interest in the pleasures of life. In short, women generally get depressed in just the way that most people, including psychotherapists, think about depression.
Men tend to get angry, and that anger expresses itself in a wide variety of intense activities, such as Britt's obsessive running. Some of these men even win marathons--on the streets of Chicago or in feats of work endurance--and look like heroes, which makes it even more difficult to diagnose their depression.
Britt says, "I've always thought Lance Armstrong suffered from depression and that's where his anger came from. I saw a lot of myself in him, the way he transfers anger into action. Depression leads some of us to fight as hard as we can against it. It makes you angry. I liked my anger. I got focused and felt better, like I was leaving turmoil in the dust. But it was temporary."
Because we think of the word "depression" as fitting the woman's profile better than the man's, doctors and therapists don't tend to recognize the disease as readily in men, and men don't talk about it. William Pollack, Ph.D., a professor of psychiatry at Harvard, estimates that 50 percent to 65 percent of men suffering from what they call "covert depression" aren't diagnosed.
It seems clear that men will do just about anything to avoid admitting to having the disease. They'd rather just suffer. Some of them would rather die.
Driven
Britt raced in Chicago the next year and qualified for the Boston Marathon. Still, he needed more. He entered the Chicago Triathlon that same year and nearly drowned. ("I was a terrible swimmer.") He returned in 1996, and did well. That only fed his craving. "I wanted to take everything to the next, most impossible level I could imagine," he says. He describes himself as "driven to the margin of terror."
By 1998, he had developed a set of rules for himself: more, harder, quicker, and farther away. Three Ironman races in 7 weeks. Roth, Germany, in July for Ironman Europe. Zurich in August for Ironman Switzerland, wife and 4-month-old baby in tow. Ironman Canada again in September. "Still not enough," he says.
In 1999: four Ironman races, a 50-miler, and the Western States 100. Seven days later, he ran two 5-Ks on the same day, for "pain as punishment and proof that I was okay. I could survive the day as long as I could channel my inner turbulence into power and aggression during training. The determination, the drive, kept me afloat."
In the following years, he broke 3 hours in the marathon, qualified for the Ironman World Championships three times, won awards, gained sponsorship, and was regularly published as a cardio guru. He was a champ, a role model. "How can this be a bad thing?" he asked. "And if I'm strong enough to outlast anything, aren't I strong enough to outlast life's challenges?"
Yet his world had begun to contract. He began intentionally doing reckless things. "I took risks riding my bicycle in traffic, running at night, fighting whatever was fighting me. It felt good to be fighting."
He couldn't run, bike, and swim all day. He had to work. He had a wife and kids. So he simply pushed that much harder. "My best performances came when I was ready to rip the top off the race course. I had very aggressive feelings. I just wanted to attack."
He was winning, yes, but he also required emergency medical attention after every event. He'd come in with his blood pressure reading 90 over 50 and required up to four IV bags of fluid to counter dehydration. That didn't seem odd to him, but his wife began to worry that he was trying to kill himself. He told her he was just pushing it. He eventually did 42 marathons, 27 Ironman Triathlons, and six ultramarathons in 11 years, covering 42,000 miles, the equivalent of running, swimming, and biking around the world 1 1/2 times.
The weird thing is this: Raymond Britt isn't that unusual. His distances aren't even that huge, compared with some guys'. And the mental illness he suffers from, which drove him to battle through all those miles, is not that uncommon among men.
Steven Imparl is a lawyer in Chicago, but a look at his résumé affords a glimpse into the frantic world of a man working very hard to compensate for depression. He graduated from high school in the top 15 of his class of 550 students. He received his B.S. degree with high honors. He became an information-technology specialist working for big companies, then went on to earn his law degree and start his own firm. Along the way, he studied French, German, Slovene, and Spanish. He learned classical guitar, studied Slavic and Balkan history, and sang barbershop harmony. And he somehow found time for power walking, inline skating, volleyball, and boxing. By the fall of 2001, he was so wound up, he could hardly sleep. He became more irritable, more easily angered. After nearly getting into a fistfight while walking down a street, he decided to seek help. But when the doctor told him he was suffering from clinical depression, Imparl refused to believe it. Admitting to depression is . . . well, it's like getting your period: Guys don't do it.
Once Imparl accepted the diagnosis, he performed like any true, overachieving depressed man would: Through a program of therapy and drugs, he got better, and then he founded a successful Web site, maledepression.com, for guys like him.
Raymond Britt's crash and burn came one day in November 2004, when he set out to run himself into the ground, to transfer the pain from his soul to his body. Many miles and hours later, he found himself bloodied, exhausted, and hypothermic, but he neither displaced the internal pain nor found relief. He was forced at last to face what he'd known for decades: Depression was rampant in his family. From an early age, Britt had been determined that he wouldn't succumb. He wouldn't be weak.
Because his father had medicated his own depression with alcohol, Britt had never taken up drinking. By the fall of 2004, his father had been in therapy for a while, and was encouraging Britt to seek help. Having experienced depression himself, he was able to see the disorder in his son. He sent Britt an e-mail with his doctor's name. And then he dropped dead.
It was a few weeks later when Britt hit the wall on his last desperate run. Then he collapsed into classic symptoms of depression, which is what happens when the strategy fails: "The weight felt so heavy that it was hard to physically move," says Britt. He found himself wishing he'd be in an accident that would put him in the hospital so that he could escape. "I wanted to be taken out."
That's the point at which depressed men can slip beyond fantasy into active thoughts of suicide. Some 31,000 people in the United States commit suicide each year. More than 24,000 of them are men. And that doesn't count the deaths from alcohol or drugs. In fact, some researchers are beginning to suspect that depression causes more deaths than auto accidents do.
Britt's fantasies of having an accident scared him. He went to see his father's psychiatrist. It didn't take the doctor long to diagnose his condition. (Q: "When were you last really happy?" A: "1975.") And yet, his denial of clinical depression was so strong that he sought a second opinion.
Maybe men need a different word for depression. Or maybe the brain researchers and psychologists simply need to redefine the condition so it includes the way men experience it, too.
Cultural Cover-Up
It's understandable that women are three times more likely than men to be treated for depression; our culture has put a feminine face on the disease, so women give themselves permission to feel it and to seek help for it. Pollack puts it this way: "We have in our society a feminized view of depression, coming out of a model of hysteria that dates back to Freud."
Terrence Real, author of I Don't Want to Talk about It, and a marriage and family therapist in Massachusetts, wrote, "There is a terrible collusion in our society, a cultural cover-up about depression in men." And part of the cultural influence involves the way men are taught from early childhood to be strong, silent, independent, and resistant to suffering. As Real puts it, "Men have about a milli-second's tolerance for feeling [this type of] pain, and then they spring into action. A flight from shame into grandiosity lies at the heart of male covert depression."
Another reason men leap into action, though, whether it's through intense exercise, overwork, pounding back martinis, or some other strategy, is that it actually does relieve the symptoms of depression, at least for a time. In fact, many therapists have begun using exercise as an adjunct to therapy, as explained in books like The Joy of Running, by Thaddeus Kostrubala, and The Exercise Prescription for Depression and Anxiety, by Keith Johnsgard. And research at Duke University confirmed their hunches in 1999.
But exercise in itself doesn't treat the underlying condition. In fact, books called The Joy of Working 80 Hours a Week and The Drinking Prescription for Depression might reach a wide audience, because those strategies can effectively mask depression for years. That is, they can sort of work.
Because at the heart of what Britt and Imparl were going through was a life filled with large stretches of no feeling at all. Britt says he was constantly running, "hoping that movement would help me discover something better."
Looking back on his decades of depression, Britt saw isolated flashes of happiness--the birth of his children, laughter, friendship--but they were, he says, "bright spots on what had been a more turbulent journey than I let myself admit. The moments of happiness sustained my denial of something I had only recently begun to consider an 'invisible load.'" In other words, he'd been swimming with an anvil, and he was sinking by imperceptible increments.
Conditioning
The social conditioning that leads to men's response to depression begins in infancy. Male babies receive less of every type of nurturing, including speech, touch, and comfort when they cry. And that is only the beginning of what will be, to one degree or another, a brutal upbringing for boys.
In the 1960s, the crusading social psychologist Jeanne Block and her colleagues explored how differently parents treat boys and girls. For instance, moms and dads encourage boys to be competitive and to achieve. They don't like them to show their emotions. They encourage them to be less dependent; mothers push them away. They punish them more than they punish girls. And they are unaware that they treat boys and girls differently.
By the time boys are on their way to the teenage years, the process of disavowing what they are is complete. The book A New Psychology of Men describes research in which people were asked what it means to be feminine or masculine. Women and girls defined themselves by the ways they were connected to others, and by citing qualities like being caring or compassionate. Men and boys defined themselves by negatives: They weren't weak, dependent, or connected to their mothers.
But there is not much in our cultural definition of what it means to be a man that is inherent in maleness. Children start off surprisingly alike, whether they're boys or girls. If there's a difference, it's the opposite of what the culture seems to expect: Boys are more sensitive. They give expression to their emotions more readily than girls. They affiliate with others in the same way as girls. Then someone starts telling them it's not okay to be that way. If you act like that, you're a pussy.
As Real and others have explained, it is through this process of denial that men are primed for depression. And it is the cultural necessity of carrying out and carrying on this process that makes it so difficult for them to recognize and admit to depression when it comes. They not only don't acknowledge it to themselves, they often don't display the symptoms that psychotherapists use to diagnose depression.
The cultural training that lays the groundwork for depression in men and for their denial of it later in life involves social isolation. That means telling people the truth about yourself and trusting that they'll do the same, a concept that seems terrifying to many men.
In one case, two friends knew each other for years, commuting together, talking every day, laughing together. They would not have said they were socially isolated, yet when they happened to run into each other in the same group meeting for men suffering from depression, they had to laugh: Neither one had ever admitted it to the other, even though they were both seeking treatment for it.
Social isolation is a well-known killer of mammals. Countless studies going back to the '50s show that contact, affection, emotional communication, and genuine closeness are necessary for mammals, including humans, to maintain our health. Isolation wreaks havoc on everything from the immune system to the cardiovascular system to the brain. Conversely, staying socially connected helps protect men from mental illness, including depression.
The new research done by Kessler and others shows that single men and women look no different when it comes to most kinds of mental illness. But when they get married, they veer off in different directions. "It's a very good deal to be married if you're a man," Kessler says. "It's associated with a dramatic improvement in mental health."
Perhaps because they are forced into solitude as children, men are not as good at being alone as women are. Because of early socialization, women are better at relationships--with children, friends, and relatives. In general, women have more friends than men and are closer to those friends. This, of course, is the direct result of boys' having independence forced on them early in life, when what they need is emotional and physical contact with others.
Socialization punishes women, too. When they have children, women's mental health suffers, while that of men doesn't change at all. That's because women, in general, take care of the kids. If there's trouble in the home, or work interferes with child rearing, they'll disproportionately suffer for it.
Women also worry more than men. They care about a larger group of people who just don't appear on the emotional radar screens of men. In marriage, men share in the joys and are often protected from the pain. Just as the man will go downstairs to investigate a suspicious noise, the woman plays the role of emotional protector.
Kessler uses this example: A wife reports (to the researcher) that she's very upset, because her daughter had an abortion and had to miss a number of days of school. The husband reports that his daughter had the flu and couldn't go to school. How could this be? The explanation is simple: The daughter got pregnant and went to her mother for help, saying, "Whatever you do, don't tell Dad." So the mother helped the daughter have an abortion and told the father the girl was home sick with the flu.
The result is that the husband is exposed to less stress, while the woman is exposed to more. Not only does she have to deal with the abortion, but she also has to lie to her husband and orchestrate the protection of that lie. But throughout, her connections are reinforced and affirmed.
The studies show that when a father dies, the children grow closer to the mother. They come around more. The mother has been maintaining those relationships all along, and they pay off in a crisis. Yet when a mother dies, the children come around less. That's because for years, when they called on Sunday, they talked to the mother, not the father. By filling the social role, the wife grows closer to the kids. That's why widowhood and divorce are so much worse for men. Their protection is ripped away, and they have no social network to catch them as they fall. The person who managed their emotional life is gone.
As Kessler puts it, "You can hire someone to do most of the things the husband does in a marriage. But you can never hire someone to do what the wife does." Men can change this situation and possibly protect themselves from depression later in life by expanding the depth and breadth of their social networks.
Recovery
After undergoing treatment for bipolar disorder and chronic depression, Britt went back to compete in all the events he had run so desperately in 2004, such as the Lake Placid Ironman. To his amazement, he recognized for the first time that the run took place in a glorious natural setting. "You're literally running through fields of green," he says. Later that year, he was competing in the Ironman Wisconsin, which he'd done in such a black mood the year before, and began to wonder, Why am I hurting myself? I don't need to hurt myself anymore. For the first time in his life, he walked for an hour during the event, feeling joyous.
Britt's compulsion to run began to fade. "My race performance declined by about 5 percent in the first half of last year," he tells me, "and it really tailed off by fall. I took most of early winter off, totally. It's a healthier me all around." In other words, he now runs for fun, something he was unable to experience before.
But recovery wasn't simple or easy. Early on, when Britt was first diagnosed, he spent much of his time searching for a single moment in each day when something good happened, something he could celebrate. Gradually, those moments grew larger and more frequent. "Now," he says, "the days are filled with not only great moments, but great minutes and hours. And those make up great days, great weeks, and even great months."
When men talk about depression, one of the recurring themes is how it sucks the color and flavor out of life. The birdsong that filled you with joy as a child has no effect at all. The people you love don't make your heart sing, even though you know they should. The colors of the world are tarnished and dull. Britt ran the Boston Marathon once again, and realized at the end that although he'd run it many times, he had literally never seen the finish line; he ran right through it and focused on the next thing. "Now I can see things I never saw before--colors, scenery, people," he says. "It's almost impossible to describe, except to say that it seems like the world has visually opened up."
Depression is well known for shutting down the senses, and when it lifted, Britt was so astonished at what was around him that he took up photography just to try to capture it all. "I never cared before. I never noticed the colors of a sunset. The electricity in a lightning strike. The glow of moonrise over a lake. They've always been there. But only recently have I begun to see them. And I am amazed."
Exercising Your Demons
Some people might call you highly competitive. Some might call you superfit. But a growing number of doctors would label you something else: Depressed
By: Laurence Gonzales
In 1994, at the age of 33, Raymond Britt took up running. It made him feel good. In fact, the more he pushed himself, the better he felt. So each time he went out, he pushed a little harder. It seemed to put him above the turmoil of the world and afford him some relief. Relief from what -- that wasn't so clear. His life was good. He was a successful executive. He'd married his high-school sweetheart. He had beautiful children.
But there was something odd about it all. For one thing, he had no background as a runner. He'd been a powerlifter in his 20s, benching 315. But in the summer of '94, amid a hectic schedule, he happened to see a flier for the Chicago Marathon and was seized by the impulse to run it. Never mind that there were only a few weeks left to train. Never mind that he had never run more than 3 miles at a time. He thought, I can do anything for 5 hours and 30 minutes, which was the qualifying time to receive a finisher's medal.
He became obsessed with his training.
"I was excited, I was nervous, I was alive," he says. "My mother and my wife thought I was crazy." As he reached the 18th mile of the marathon, his hopes for a life-changing experience were shattered. Beating himself up both mentally and physically, he managed to drag his body over the finish line in 4 hours and 41 minutes, as he puts it, "alone, hurt, angry, unhappy."
Rather than recover, he went out the next day to punish himself and prepare for the next marathon.
Sex Differences
The study of how mental illness affects men and women differently is new and fraught with controversy. The first comprehensive survey was conducted between 1990 and 1992. Its aim was to estimate the general prevalence of mental illness.
The research, known as the National Comorbidity Survey, was repeated, in more depth and on a larger scale, between 2001 and 2003, under the auspices of the World Health Organization and with funding from the National Institute of Mental Health. The principal investigator is Ronald C. Kessler, Ph.D., a jolly-looking, bearded professor in the department of health-care policy at Harvard University.
The numbers seem to show that men and women suffer from various mental illnesses at about the same rate, with some notable variations and exceptions. One of the differences, long accepted as gospel by the psychiatric professions, is that twice as many women as men suffer from depression. Kessler says his numbers show that a woman is twice as likely as a man to have a single episode of major clinical depression in her life. After the first episode, however, men and women don't differ in the number of episodes they'll have during a lifetime, or in whether they'll have another episode. Only the first step differs, he says. Then the statistics flatten out to equal.
But if repeat episodes of depression are equal for men and women, doesn't it stand to reason that they may be having first bouts at the same rate? Maybe the discrepancy lies not in the number of men and women who are depressed, but rather, in how depression is expressed.
According to an increasing number of experts, the diagnostic tallies don't take into account the real experience of a lot of men like Britt. They also ignore the fact that women are much more likely to report depression and seek help. Men are more likely to try to fight through their depression, using strategies ranging from hard work to extreme exercise to drinking to violence. Nearly four times more men than women kill themselves.
When women become depressed, they tend to show the classic symptoms described in the psychiatrist's handbook the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. They feel sad and tired, and lose interest in the pleasures of life. In short, women generally get depressed in just the way that most people, including psychotherapists, think about depression.
Men tend to get angry, and that anger expresses itself in a wide variety of intense activities, such as Britt's obsessive running. Some of these men even win marathons--on the streets of Chicago or in feats of work endurance--and look like heroes, which makes it even more difficult to diagnose their depression.
Britt says, "I've always thought Lance Armstrong suffered from depression and that's where his anger came from. I saw a lot of myself in him, the way he transfers anger into action. Depression leads some of us to fight as hard as we can against it. It makes you angry. I liked my anger. I got focused and felt better, like I was leaving turmoil in the dust. But it was temporary."
Because we think of the word "depression" as fitting the woman's profile better than the man's, doctors and therapists don't tend to recognize the disease as readily in men, and men don't talk about it. William Pollack, Ph.D., a professor of psychiatry at Harvard, estimates that 50 percent to 65 percent of men suffering from what they call "covert depression" aren't diagnosed.
It seems clear that men will do just about anything to avoid admitting to having the disease. They'd rather just suffer. Some of them would rather die.
Driven
Britt raced in Chicago the next year and qualified for the Boston Marathon. Still, he needed more. He entered the Chicago Triathlon that same year and nearly drowned. ("I was a terrible swimmer.") He returned in 1996, and did well. That only fed his craving. "I wanted to take everything to the next, most impossible level I could imagine," he says. He describes himself as "driven to the margin of terror."
By 1998, he had developed a set of rules for himself: more, harder, quicker, and farther away. Three Ironman races in 7 weeks. Roth, Germany, in July for Ironman Europe. Zurich in August for Ironman Switzerland, wife and 4-month-old baby in tow. Ironman Canada again in September. "Still not enough," he says.
In 1999: four Ironman races, a 50-miler, and the Western States 100. Seven days later, he ran two 5-Ks on the same day, for "pain as punishment and proof that I was okay. I could survive the day as long as I could channel my inner turbulence into power and aggression during training. The determination, the drive, kept me afloat."
In the following years, he broke 3 hours in the marathon, qualified for the Ironman World Championships three times, won awards, gained sponsorship, and was regularly published as a cardio guru. He was a champ, a role model. "How can this be a bad thing?" he asked. "And if I'm strong enough to outlast anything, aren't I strong enough to outlast life's challenges?"
Yet his world had begun to contract. He began intentionally doing reckless things. "I took risks riding my bicycle in traffic, running at night, fighting whatever was fighting me. It felt good to be fighting."
He couldn't run, bike, and swim all day. He had to work. He had a wife and kids. So he simply pushed that much harder. "My best performances came when I was ready to rip the top off the race course. I had very aggressive feelings. I just wanted to attack."
He was winning, yes, but he also required emergency medical attention after every event. He'd come in with his blood pressure reading 90 over 50 and required up to four IV bags of fluid to counter dehydration. That didn't seem odd to him, but his wife began to worry that he was trying to kill himself. He told her he was just pushing it. He eventually did 42 marathons, 27 Ironman Triathlons, and six ultramarathons in 11 years, covering 42,000 miles, the equivalent of running, swimming, and biking around the world 1 1/2 times.
The weird thing is this: Raymond Britt isn't that unusual. His distances aren't even that huge, compared with some guys'. And the mental illness he suffers from, which drove him to battle through all those miles, is not that uncommon among men.
Steven Imparl is a lawyer in Chicago, but a look at his résumé affords a glimpse into the frantic world of a man working very hard to compensate for depression. He graduated from high school in the top 15 of his class of 550 students. He received his B.S. degree with high honors. He became an information-technology specialist working for big companies, then went on to earn his law degree and start his own firm. Along the way, he studied French, German, Slovene, and Spanish. He learned classical guitar, studied Slavic and Balkan history, and sang barbershop harmony. And he somehow found time for power walking, inline skating, volleyball, and boxing. By the fall of 2001, he was so wound up, he could hardly sleep. He became more irritable, more easily angered. After nearly getting into a fistfight while walking down a street, he decided to seek help. But when the doctor told him he was suffering from clinical depression, Imparl refused to believe it. Admitting to depression is . . . well, it's like getting your period: Guys don't do it.
Once Imparl accepted the diagnosis, he performed like any true, overachieving depressed man would: Through a program of therapy and drugs, he got better, and then he founded a successful Web site, maledepression.com, for guys like him.
Raymond Britt's crash and burn came one day in November 2004, when he set out to run himself into the ground, to transfer the pain from his soul to his body. Many miles and hours later, he found himself bloodied, exhausted, and hypothermic, but he neither displaced the internal pain nor found relief. He was forced at last to face what he'd known for decades: Depression was rampant in his family. From an early age, Britt had been determined that he wouldn't succumb. He wouldn't be weak.
Because his father had medicated his own depression with alcohol, Britt had never taken up drinking. By the fall of 2004, his father had been in therapy for a while, and was encouraging Britt to seek help. Having experienced depression himself, he was able to see the disorder in his son. He sent Britt an e-mail with his doctor's name. And then he dropped dead.
It was a few weeks later when Britt hit the wall on his last desperate run. Then he collapsed into classic symptoms of depression, which is what happens when the strategy fails: "The weight felt so heavy that it was hard to physically move," says Britt. He found himself wishing he'd be in an accident that would put him in the hospital so that he could escape. "I wanted to be taken out."
That's the point at which depressed men can slip beyond fantasy into active thoughts of suicide. Some 31,000 people in the United States commit suicide each year. More than 24,000 of them are men. And that doesn't count the deaths from alcohol or drugs. In fact, some researchers are beginning to suspect that depression causes more deaths than auto accidents do.
Britt's fantasies of having an accident scared him. He went to see his father's psychiatrist. It didn't take the doctor long to diagnose his condition. (Q: "When were you last really happy?" A: "1975.") And yet, his denial of clinical depression was so strong that he sought a second opinion.
Maybe men need a different word for depression. Or maybe the brain researchers and psychologists simply need to redefine the condition so it includes the way men experience it, too.
Cultural Cover-Up
It's understandable that women are three times more likely than men to be treated for depression; our culture has put a feminine face on the disease, so women give themselves permission to feel it and to seek help for it. Pollack puts it this way: "We have in our society a feminized view of depression, coming out of a model of hysteria that dates back to Freud."
Terrence Real, author of I Don't Want to Talk about It, and a marriage and family therapist in Massachusetts, wrote, "There is a terrible collusion in our society, a cultural cover-up about depression in men." And part of the cultural influence involves the way men are taught from early childhood to be strong, silent, independent, and resistant to suffering. As Real puts it, "Men have about a milli-second's tolerance for feeling [this type of] pain, and then they spring into action. A flight from shame into grandiosity lies at the heart of male covert depression."
Another reason men leap into action, though, whether it's through intense exercise, overwork, pounding back martinis, or some other strategy, is that it actually does relieve the symptoms of depression, at least for a time. In fact, many therapists have begun using exercise as an adjunct to therapy, as explained in books like The Joy of Running, by Thaddeus Kostrubala, and The Exercise Prescription for Depression and Anxiety, by Keith Johnsgard. And research at Duke University confirmed their hunches in 1999.
But exercise in itself doesn't treat the underlying condition. In fact, books called The Joy of Working 80 Hours a Week and The Drinking Prescription for Depression might reach a wide audience, because those strategies can effectively mask depression for years. That is, they can sort of work.
Because at the heart of what Britt and Imparl were going through was a life filled with large stretches of no feeling at all. Britt says he was constantly running, "hoping that movement would help me discover something better."
Looking back on his decades of depression, Britt saw isolated flashes of happiness--the birth of his children, laughter, friendship--but they were, he says, "bright spots on what had been a more turbulent journey than I let myself admit. The moments of happiness sustained my denial of something I had only recently begun to consider an 'invisible load.'" In other words, he'd been swimming with an anvil, and he was sinking by imperceptible increments.
Conditioning
The social conditioning that leads to men's response to depression begins in infancy. Male babies receive less of every type of nurturing, including speech, touch, and comfort when they cry. And that is only the beginning of what will be, to one degree or another, a brutal upbringing for boys.
In the 1960s, the crusading social psychologist Jeanne Block and her colleagues explored how differently parents treat boys and girls. For instance, moms and dads encourage boys to be competitive and to achieve. They don't like them to show their emotions. They encourage them to be less dependent; mothers push them away. They punish them more than they punish girls. And they are unaware that they treat boys and girls differently.
By the time boys are on their way to the teenage years, the process of disavowing what they are is complete. The book A New Psychology of Men describes research in which people were asked what it means to be feminine or masculine. Women and girls defined themselves by the ways they were connected to others, and by citing qualities like being caring or compassionate. Men and boys defined themselves by negatives: They weren't weak, dependent, or connected to their mothers.
But there is not much in our cultural definition of what it means to be a man that is inherent in maleness. Children start off surprisingly alike, whether they're boys or girls. If there's a difference, it's the opposite of what the culture seems to expect: Boys are more sensitive. They give expression to their emotions more readily than girls. They affiliate with others in the same way as girls. Then someone starts telling them it's not okay to be that way. If you act like that, you're a pussy.
As Real and others have explained, it is through this process of denial that men are primed for depression. And it is the cultural necessity of carrying out and carrying on this process that makes it so difficult for them to recognize and admit to depression when it comes. They not only don't acknowledge it to themselves, they often don't display the symptoms that psychotherapists use to diagnose depression.
The cultural training that lays the groundwork for depression in men and for their denial of it later in life involves social isolation. That means telling people the truth about yourself and trusting that they'll do the same, a concept that seems terrifying to many men.
In one case, two friends knew each other for years, commuting together, talking every day, laughing together. They would not have said they were socially isolated, yet when they happened to run into each other in the same group meeting for men suffering from depression, they had to laugh: Neither one had ever admitted it to the other, even though they were both seeking treatment for it.
Social isolation is a well-known killer of mammals. Countless studies going back to the '50s show that contact, affection, emotional communication, and genuine closeness are necessary for mammals, including humans, to maintain our health. Isolation wreaks havoc on everything from the immune system to the cardiovascular system to the brain. Conversely, staying socially connected helps protect men from mental illness, including depression.
The new research done by Kessler and others shows that single men and women look no different when it comes to most kinds of mental illness. But when they get married, they veer off in different directions. "It's a very good deal to be married if you're a man," Kessler says. "It's associated with a dramatic improvement in mental health."
Perhaps because they are forced into solitude as children, men are not as good at being alone as women are. Because of early socialization, women are better at relationships--with children, friends, and relatives. In general, women have more friends than men and are closer to those friends. This, of course, is the direct result of boys' having independence forced on them early in life, when what they need is emotional and physical contact with others.
Socialization punishes women, too. When they have children, women's mental health suffers, while that of men doesn't change at all. That's because women, in general, take care of the kids. If there's trouble in the home, or work interferes with child rearing, they'll disproportionately suffer for it.
Women also worry more than men. They care about a larger group of people who just don't appear on the emotional radar screens of men. In marriage, men share in the joys and are often protected from the pain. Just as the man will go downstairs to investigate a suspicious noise, the woman plays the role of emotional protector.
Kessler uses this example: A wife reports (to the researcher) that she's very upset, because her daughter had an abortion and had to miss a number of days of school. The husband reports that his daughter had the flu and couldn't go to school. How could this be? The explanation is simple: The daughter got pregnant and went to her mother for help, saying, "Whatever you do, don't tell Dad." So the mother helped the daughter have an abortion and told the father the girl was home sick with the flu.
The result is that the husband is exposed to less stress, while the woman is exposed to more. Not only does she have to deal with the abortion, but she also has to lie to her husband and orchestrate the protection of that lie. But throughout, her connections are reinforced and affirmed.
The studies show that when a father dies, the children grow closer to the mother. They come around more. The mother has been maintaining those relationships all along, and they pay off in a crisis. Yet when a mother dies, the children come around less. That's because for years, when they called on Sunday, they talked to the mother, not the father. By filling the social role, the wife grows closer to the kids. That's why widowhood and divorce are so much worse for men. Their protection is ripped away, and they have no social network to catch them as they fall. The person who managed their emotional life is gone.
As Kessler puts it, "You can hire someone to do most of the things the husband does in a marriage. But you can never hire someone to do what the wife does." Men can change this situation and possibly protect themselves from depression later in life by expanding the depth and breadth of their social networks.
Recovery
After undergoing treatment for bipolar disorder and chronic depression, Britt went back to compete in all the events he had run so desperately in 2004, such as the Lake Placid Ironman. To his amazement, he recognized for the first time that the run took place in a glorious natural setting. "You're literally running through fields of green," he says. Later that year, he was competing in the Ironman Wisconsin, which he'd done in such a black mood the year before, and began to wonder, Why am I hurting myself? I don't need to hurt myself anymore. For the first time in his life, he walked for an hour during the event, feeling joyous.
Britt's compulsion to run began to fade. "My race performance declined by about 5 percent in the first half of last year," he tells me, "and it really tailed off by fall. I took most of early winter off, totally. It's a healthier me all around." In other words, he now runs for fun, something he was unable to experience before.
But recovery wasn't simple or easy. Early on, when Britt was first diagnosed, he spent much of his time searching for a single moment in each day when something good happened, something he could celebrate. Gradually, those moments grew larger and more frequent. "Now," he says, "the days are filled with not only great moments, but great minutes and hours. And those make up great days, great weeks, and even great months."
When men talk about depression, one of the recurring themes is how it sucks the color and flavor out of life. The birdsong that filled you with joy as a child has no effect at all. The people you love don't make your heart sing, even though you know they should. The colors of the world are tarnished and dull. Britt ran the Boston Marathon once again, and realized at the end that although he'd run it many times, he had literally never seen the finish line; he ran right through it and focused on the next thing. "Now I can see things I never saw before--colors, scenery, people," he says. "It's almost impossible to describe, except to say that it seems like the world has visually opened up."
Depression is well known for shutting down the senses, and when it lifted, Britt was so astonished at what was around him that he took up photography just to try to capture it all. "I never cared before. I never noticed the colors of a sunset. The electricity in a lightning strike. The glow of moonrise over a lake. They've always been there. But only recently have I begun to see them. And I am amazed."
Exercising Your Demons
Some people might call you highly competitive. Some might call you superfit. But a growing number of doctors would label you something else: Depressed
By: Laurence Gonzales
In 1994, at the age of 33, Raymond Britt took up running. It made him feel good. In fact, the more he pushed himself, the better he felt. So each time he went out, he pushed a little harder. It seemed to put him above the turmoil of the world and afford him some relief. Relief from what -- that wasn't so clear. His life was good. He was a successful executive. He'd married his high-school sweetheart. He had beautiful children.
But there was something odd about it all. For one thing, he had no background as a runner. He'd been a powerlifter in his 20s, benching 315. But in the summer of '94, amid a hectic schedule, he happened to see a flier for the Chicago Marathon and was seized by the impulse to run it. Never mind that there were only a few weeks left to train. Never mind that he had never run more than 3 miles at a time. He thought, I can do anything for 5 hours and 30 minutes, which was the qualifying time to receive a finisher's medal.
He became obsessed with his training.
"I was excited, I was nervous, I was alive," he says. "My mother and my wife thought I was crazy." As he reached the 18th mile of the marathon, his hopes for a life-changing experience were shattered. Beating himself up both mentally and physically, he managed to drag his body over the finish line in 4 hours and 41 minutes, as he puts it, "alone, hurt, angry, unhappy."
Rather than recover, he went out the next day to punish himself and prepare for the next marathon.
Sex Differences
The study of how mental illness affects men and women differently is new and fraught with controversy. The first comprehensive survey was conducted between 1990 and 1992. Its aim was to estimate the general prevalence of mental illness.
The research, known as the National Comorbidity Survey, was repeated, in more depth and on a larger scale, between 2001 and 2003, under the auspices of the World Health Organization and with funding from the National Institute of Mental Health. The principal investigator is Ronald C. Kessler, Ph.D., a jolly-looking, bearded professor in the department of health-care policy at Harvard University.
The numbers seem to show that men and women suffer from various mental illnesses at about the same rate, with some notable variations and exceptions. One of the differences, long accepted as gospel by the psychiatric professions, is that twice as many women as men suffer from depression. Kessler says his numbers show that a woman is twice as likely as a man to have a single episode of major clinical depression in her life. After the first episode, however, men and women don't differ in the number of episodes they'll have during a lifetime, or in whether they'll have another episode. Only the first step differs, he says. Then the statistics flatten out to equal.
But if repeat episodes of depression are equal for men and women, doesn't it stand to reason that they may be having first bouts at the same rate? Maybe the discrepancy lies not in the number of men and women who are depressed, but rather, in how depression is expressed.
According to an increasing number of experts, the diagnostic tallies don't take into account the real experience of a lot of men like Britt. They also ignore the fact that women are much more likely to report depression and seek help. Men are more likely to try to fight through their depression, using strategies ranging from hard work to extreme exercise to drinking to violence. Nearly four times more men than women kill themselves.
When women become depressed, they tend to show the classic symptoms described in the psychiatrist's handbook the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. They feel sad and tired, and lose interest in the pleasures of life. In short, women generally get depressed in just the way that most people, including psychotherapists, think about depression.
Men tend to get angry, and that anger expresses itself in a wide variety of intense activities, such as Britt's obsessive running. Some of these men even win marathons--on the streets of Chicago or in feats of work endurance--and look like heroes, which makes it even more difficult to diagnose their depression.
Britt says, "I've always thought Lance Armstrong suffered from depression and that's where his anger came from. I saw a lot of myself in him, the way he transfers anger into action. Depression leads some of us to fight as hard as we can against it. It makes you angry. I liked my anger. I got focused and felt better, like I was leaving turmoil in the dust. But it was temporary."
Because we think of the word "depression" as fitting the woman's profile better than the man's, doctors and therapists don't tend to recognize the disease as readily in men, and men don't talk about it. William Pollack, Ph.D., a professor of psychiatry at Harvard, estimates that 50 percent to 65 percent of men suffering from what they call "covert depression" aren't diagnosed.
It seems clear that men will do just about anything to avoid admitting to having the disease. They'd rather just suffer. Some of them would rather die.
Driven
Britt raced in Chicago the next year and qualified for the Boston Marathon. Still, he needed more. He entered the Chicago Triathlon that same year and nearly drowned. ("I was a terrible swimmer.") He returned in 1996, and did well. That only fed his craving. "I wanted to take everything to the next, most impossible level I could imagine," he says. He describes himself as "driven to the margin of terror."
By 1998, he had developed a set of rules for himself: more, harder, quicker, and farther away. Three Ironman races in 7 weeks. Roth, Germany, in July for Ironman Europe. Zurich in August for Ironman Switzerland, wife and 4-month-old baby in tow. Ironman Canada again in September. "Still not enough," he says.
In 1999: four Ironman races, a 50-miler, and the Western States 100. Seven days later, he ran two 5-Ks on the same day, for "pain as punishment and proof that I was okay. I could survive the day as long as I could channel my inner turbulence into power and aggression during training. The determination, the drive, kept me afloat."
In the following years, he broke 3 hours in the marathon, qualified for the Ironman World Championships three times, won awards, gained sponsorship, and was regularly published as a cardio guru. He was a champ, a role model. "How can this be a bad thing?" he asked. "And if I'm strong enough to outlast anything, aren't I strong enough to outlast life's challenges?"
Yet his world had begun to contract. He began intentionally doing reckless things. "I took risks riding my bicycle in traffic, running at night, fighting whatever was fighting me. It felt good to be fighting."
He couldn't run, bike, and swim all day. He had to work. He had a wife and kids. So he simply pushed that much harder. "My best performances came when I was ready to rip the top off the race course. I had very aggressive feelings. I just wanted to attack."
He was winning, yes, but he also required emergency medical attention after every event. He'd come in with his blood pressure reading 90 over 50 and required up to four IV bags of fluid to counter dehydration. That didn't seem odd to him, but his wife began to worry that he was trying to kill himself. He told her he was just pushing it. He eventually did 42 marathons, 27 Ironman Triathlons, and six ultramarathons in 11 years, covering 42,000 miles, the equivalent of running, swimming, and biking around the world 1 1/2 times.
The weird thing is this: Raymond Britt isn't that unusual. His distances aren't even that huge, compared with some guys'. And the mental illness he suffers from, which drove him to battle through all those miles, is not that uncommon among men.
Steven Imparl is a lawyer in Chicago, but a look at his résumé affords a glimpse into the frantic world of a man working very hard to compensate for depression. He graduated from high school in the top 15 of his class of 550 students. He received his B.S. degree with high honors. He became an information-technology specialist working for big companies, then went on to earn his law degree and start his own firm. Along the way, he studied French, German, Slovene, and Spanish. He learned classical guitar, studied Slavic and Balkan history, and sang barbershop harmony. And he somehow found time for power walking, inline skating, volleyball, and boxing. By the fall of 2001, he was so wound up, he could hardly sleep. He became more irritable, more easily angered. After nearly getting into a fistfight while walking down a street, he decided to seek help. But when the doctor told him he was suffering from clinical depression, Imparl refused to believe it. Admitting to depression is . . . well, it's like getting your period: Guys don't do it.
Once Imparl accepted the diagnosis, he performed like any true, overachieving depressed man would: Through a program of therapy and drugs, he got better, and then he founded a successful Web site, maledepression.com, for guys like him.
Raymond Britt's crash and burn came one day in November 2004, when he set out to run himself into the ground, to transfer the pain from his soul to his body. Many miles and hours later, he found himself bloodied, exhausted, and hypothermic, but he neither displaced the internal pain nor found relief. He was forced at last to face what he'd known for decades: Depression was rampant in his family. From an early age, Britt had been determined that he wouldn't succumb. He wouldn't be weak.
Because his father had medicated his own depression with alcohol, Britt had never taken up drinking. By the fall of 2004, his father had been in therapy for a while, and was encouraging Britt to seek help. Having experienced depression himself, he was able to see the disorder in his son. He sent Britt an e-mail with his doctor's name. And then he dropped dead.
It was a few weeks later when Britt hit the wall on his last desperate run. Then he collapsed into classic symptoms of depression, which is what happens when the strategy fails: "The weight felt so heavy that it was hard to physically move," says Britt. He found himself wishing he'd be in an accident that would put him in the hospital so that he could escape. "I wanted to be taken out."
That's the point at which depressed men can slip beyond fantasy into active thoughts of suicide. Some 31,000 people in the United States commit suicide each year. More than 24,000 of them are men. And that doesn't count the deaths from alcohol or drugs. In fact, some researchers are beginning to suspect that depression causes more deaths than auto accidents do.
Britt's fantasies of having an accident scared him. He went to see his father's psychiatrist. It didn't take the doctor long to diagnose his condition. (Q: "When were you last really happy?" A: "1975.") And yet, his denial of clinical depression was so strong that he sought a second opinion.
Maybe men need a different word for depression. Or maybe the brain researchers and psychologists simply need to redefine the condition so it includes the way men experience it, too.
Cultural Cover-Up
It's understandable that women are three times more likely than men to be treated for depression; our culture has put a feminine face on the disease, so women give themselves permission to feel it and to seek help for it. Pollack puts it this way: "We have in our society a feminized view of depression, coming out of a model of hysteria that dates back to Freud."
Terrence Real, author of I Don't Want to Talk about It, and a marriage and family therapist in Massachusetts, wrote, "There is a terrible collusion in our society, a cultural cover-up about depression in men." And part of the cultural influence involves the way men are taught from early childhood to be strong, silent, independent, and resistant to suffering. As Real puts it, "Men have about a milli-second's tolerance for feeling [this type of] pain, and then they spring into action. A flight from shame into grandiosity lies at the heart of male covert depression."
Another reason men leap into action, though, whether it's through intense exercise, overwork, pounding back martinis, or some other strategy, is that it actually does relieve the symptoms of depression, at least for a time. In fact, many therapists have begun using exercise as an adjunct to therapy, as explained in books like The Joy of Running, by Thaddeus Kostrubala, and The Exercise Prescription for Depression and Anxiety, by Keith Johnsgard. And research at Duke University confirmed their hunches in 1999.
But exercise in itself doesn't treat the underlying condition. In fact, books called The Joy of Working 80 Hours a Week and The Drinking Prescription for Depression might reach a wide audience, because those strategies can effectively mask depression for years. That is, they can sort of work.
Because at the heart of what Britt and Imparl were going through was a life filled with large stretches of no feeling at all. Britt says he was constantly running, "hoping that movement would help me discover something better."
Looking back on his decades of depression, Britt saw isolated flashes of happiness--the birth of his children, laughter, friendship--but they were, he says, "bright spots on what had been a more turbulent journey than I let myself admit. The moments of happiness sustained my denial of something I had only recently begun to consider an 'invisible load.'" In other words, he'd been swimming with an anvil, and he was sinking by imperceptible increments.
Conditioning
The social conditioning that leads to men's response to depression begins in infancy. Male babies receive less of every type of nurturing, including speech, touch, and comfort when they cry. And that is only the beginning of what will be, to one degree or another, a brutal upbringing for boys.
In the 1960s, the crusading social psychologist Jeanne Block and her colleagues explored how differently parents treat boys and girls. For instance, moms and dads encourage boys to be competitive and to achieve. They don't like them to show their emotions. They encourage them to be less dependent; mothers push them away. They punish them more than they punish girls. And they are unaware that they treat boys and girls differently.
By the time boys are on their way to the teenage years, the process of disavowing what they are is complete. The book A New Psychology of Men describes research in which people were asked what it means to be feminine or masculine. Women and girls defined themselves by the ways they were connected to others, and by citing qualities like being caring or compassionate. Men and boys defined themselves by negatives: They weren't weak, dependent, or connected to their mothers.
But there is not much in our cultural definition of what it means to be a man that is inherent in maleness. Children start off surprisingly alike, whether they're boys or girls. If there's a difference, it's the opposite of what the culture seems to expect: Boys are more sensitive. They give expression to their emotions more readily than girls. They affiliate with others in the same way as girls. Then someone starts telling them it's not okay to be that way. If you act like that, you're a pussy.
As Real and others have explained, it is through this process of denial that men are primed for depression. And it is the cultural necessity of carrying out and carrying on this process that makes it so difficult for them to recognize and admit to depression when it comes. They not only don't acknowledge it to themselves, they often don't display the symptoms that psychotherapists use to diagnose depression.
The cultural training that lays the groundwork for depression in men and for their denial of it later in life involves social isolation. That means telling people the truth about yourself and trusting that they'll do the same, a concept that seems terrifying to many men.
In one case, two friends knew each other for years, commuting together, talking every day, laughing together. They would not have said they were socially isolated, yet when they happened to run into each other in the same group meeting for men suffering from depression, they had to laugh: Neither one had ever admitted it to the other, even though they were both seeking treatment for it.
Social isolation is a well-known killer of mammals. Countless studies going back to the '50s show that contact, affection, emotional communication, and genuine closeness are necessary for mammals, including humans, to maintain our health. Isolation wreaks havoc on everything from the immune system to the cardiovascular system to the brain. Conversely, staying socially connected helps protect men from mental illness, including depression.
The new research done by Kessler and others shows that single men and women look no different when it comes to most kinds of mental illness. But when they get married, they veer off in different directions. "It's a very good deal to be married if you're a man," Kessler says. "It's associated with a dramatic improvement in mental health."
Perhaps because they are forced into solitude as children, men are not as good at being alone as women are. Because of early socialization, women are better at relationships--with children, friends, and relatives. In general, women have more friends than men and are closer to those friends. This, of course, is the direct result of boys' having independence forced on them early in life, when what they need is emotional and physical contact with others.
Socialization punishes women, too. When they have children, women's mental health suffers, while that of men doesn't change at all. That's because women, in general, take care of the kids. If there's trouble in the home, or work interferes with child rearing, they'll disproportionately suffer for it.
Women also worry more than men. They care about a larger group of people who just don't appear on the emotional radar screens of men. In marriage, men share in the joys and are often protected from the pain. Just as the man will go downstairs to investigate a suspicious noise, the woman plays the role of emotional protector.
Kessler uses this example: A wife reports (to the researcher) that she's very upset, because her daughter had an abortion and had to miss a number of days of school. The husband reports that his daughter had the flu and couldn't go to school. How could this be? The explanation is simple: The daughter got pregnant and went to her mother for help, saying, "Whatever you do, don't tell Dad." So the mother helped the daughter have an abortion and told the father the girl was home sick with the flu.
The result is that the husband is exposed to less stress, while the woman is exposed to more. Not only does she have to deal with the abortion, but she also has to lie to her husband and orchestrate the protection of that lie. But throughout, her connections are reinforced and affirmed.
The studies show that when a father dies, the children grow closer to the mother. They come around more. The mother has been maintaining those relationships all along, and they pay off in a crisis. Yet when a mother dies, the children come around less. That's because for years, when they called on Sunday, they talked to the mother, not the father. By filling the social role, the wife grows closer to the kids. That's why widowhood and divorce are so much worse for men. Their protection is ripped away, and they have no social network to catch them as they fall. The person who managed their emotional life is gone.
As Kessler puts it, "You can hire someone to do most of the things the husband does in a marriage. But you can never hire someone to do what the wife does." Men can change this situation and possibly protect themselves from depression later in life by expanding the depth and breadth of their social networks.
Recovery
After undergoing treatment for bipolar disorder and chronic depression, Britt went back to compete in all the events he had run so desperately in 2004, such as the Lake Placid Ironman. To his amazement, he recognized for the first time that the run took place in a glorious natural setting. "You're literally running through fields of green," he says. Later that year, he was competing in the Ironman Wisconsin, which he'd done in such a black mood the year before, and began to wonder, Why am I hurting myself? I don't need to hurt myself anymore. For the first time in his life, he walked for an hour during the event, feeling joyous.
Britt's compulsion to run began to fade. "My race performance declined by about 5 percent in the first half of last year," he tells me, "and it really tailed off by fall. I took most of early winter off, totally. It's a healthier me all around." In other words, he now runs for fun, something he was unable to experience before.
But recovery wasn't simple or easy. Early on, when Britt was first diagnosed, he spent much of his time searching for a single moment in each day when something good happened, something he could celebrate. Gradually, those moments grew larger and more frequent. "Now," he says, "the days are filled with not only great moments, but great minutes and hours. And those make up great days, great weeks, and even great months."
When men talk about depression, one of the recurring themes is how it sucks the color and flavor out of life. The birdsong that filled you with joy as a child has no effect at all. The people you love don't make your heart sing, even though you know they should. The colors of the world are tarnished and dull. Britt ran the Boston Marathon once again, and realized at the end that although he'd run it many times, he had literally never seen the finish line; he ran right through it and focused on the next thing. "Now I can see things I never saw before--colors, scenery, people," he says. "It's almost impossible to describe, except to say that it seems like the world has visually opened up."
Depression is well known for shutting down the senses, and when it lifted, Britt was so astonished at what was around him that he took up photography just to try to capture it all. "I never cared before. I never noticed the colors of a sunset. The electricity in a lightning strike. The glow of moonrise over a lake. They've always been there. But only recently have I begun to see them. And I am amazed."
Exercising Your Demons
Some people might call you highly competitive. Some might call you superfit. But a growing number of doctors would label you something else: Depressed
By: Laurence Gonzales
In 1994, at the age of 33, Raymond Britt took up running. It made him feel good. In fact, the more he pushed himself, the better he felt. So each time he went out, he pushed a little harder. It seemed to put him above the turmoil of the world and afford him some relief. Relief from what -- that wasn't so clear. His life was good. He was a successful executive. He'd married his high-school sweetheart. He had beautiful children.
But there was something odd about it all. For one thing, he had no background as a runner. He'd been a powerlifter in his 20s, benching 315. But in the summer of '94, amid a hectic schedule, he happened to see a flier for the Chicago Marathon and was seized by the impulse to run it. Never mind that there were only a few weeks left to train. Never mind that he had never run more than 3 miles at a time. He thought, I can do anything for 5 hours and 30 minutes, which was the qualifying time to receive a finisher's medal.
He became obsessed with his training.
"I was excited, I was nervous, I was alive," he says. "My mother and my wife thought I was crazy." As he reached the 18th mile of the marathon, his hopes for a life-changing experience were shattered. Beating himself up both mentally and physically, he managed to drag his body over the finish line in 4 hours and 41 minutes, as he puts it, "alone, hurt, angry, unhappy."
Rather than recover, he went out the next day to punish himself and prepare for the next marathon.
Sex Differences
The study of how mental illness affects men and women differently is new and fraught with controversy. The first comprehensive survey was conducted between 1990 and 1992. Its aim was to estimate the general prevalence of mental illness.
The research, known as the National Comorbidity Survey, was repeated, in more depth and on a larger scale, between 2001 and 2003, under the auspices of the World Health Organization and with funding from the National Institute of Mental Health. The principal investigator is Ronald C. Kessler, Ph.D., a jolly-looking, bearded professor in the department of health-care policy at Harvard University.
The numbers seem to show that men and women suffer from various mental illnesses at about the same rate, with some notable variations and exceptions. One of the differences, long accepted as gospel by the psychiatric professions, is that twice as many women as men suffer from depression. Kessler says his numbers show that a woman is twice as likely as a man to have a single episode of major clinical depression in her life. After the first episode, however, men and women don't differ in the number of episodes they'll have during a lifetime, or in whether they'll have another episode. Only the first step differs, he says. Then the statistics flatten out to equal.
But if repeat episodes of depression are equal for men and women, doesn't it stand to reason that they may be having first bouts at the same rate? Maybe the discrepancy lies not in the number of men and women who are depressed, but rather, in how depression is expressed.
According to an increasing number of experts, the diagnostic tallies don't take into account the real experience of a lot of men like Britt. They also ignore the fact that women are much more likely to report depression and seek help. Men are more likely to try to fight through their depression, using strategies ranging from hard work to extreme exercise to drinking to violence. Nearly four times more men than women kill themselves.
When women become depressed, they tend to show the classic symptoms described in the psychiatrist's handbook the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. They feel sad and tired, and lose interest in the pleasures of life. In short, women generally get depressed in just the way that most people, including psychotherapists, think about depression.
Men tend to get angry, and that anger expresses itself in a wide variety of intense activities, such as Britt's obsessive running. Some of these men even win marathons--on the streets of Chicago or in feats of work endurance--and look like heroes, which makes it even more difficult to diagnose their depression.
Britt says, "I've always thought Lance Armstrong suffered from depression and that's where his anger came from. I saw a lot of myself in him, the way he transfers anger into action. Depression leads some of us to fight as hard as we can against it. It makes you angry. I liked my anger. I got focused and felt better, like I was leaving turmoil in the dust. But it was temporary."
Because we think of the word "depression" as fitting the woman's profile better than the man's, doctors and therapists don't tend to recognize the disease as readily in men, and men don't talk about it. William Pollack, Ph.D., a professor of psychiatry at Harvard, estimates that 50 percent to 65 percent of men suffering from what they call "covert depression" aren't diagnosed.
It seems clear that men will do just about anything to avoid admitting to having the disease. They'd rather just suffer. Some of them would rather die.
Driven
Britt raced in Chicago the next year and qualified for the Boston Marathon. Still, he needed more. He entered the Chicago Triathlon that same year and nearly drowned. ("I was a terrible swimmer.") He returned in 1996, and did well. That only fed his craving. "I wanted to take everything to the next, most impossible level I could imagine," he says. He describes himself as "driven to the margin of terror."
By 1998, he had developed a set of rules for himself: more, harder, quicker, and farther away. Three Ironman races in 7 weeks. Roth, Germany, in July for Ironman Europe. Zurich in August for Ironman Switzerland, wife and 4-month-old baby in tow. Ironman Canada again in September. "Still not enough," he says.
In 1999: four Ironman races, a 50-miler, and the Western States 100. Seven days later, he ran two 5-Ks on the same day, for "pain as punishment and proof that I was okay. I could survive the day as long as I could channel my inner turbulence into power and aggression during training. The determination, the drive, kept me afloat."
In the following years, he broke 3 hours in the marathon, qualified for the Ironman World Championships three times, won awards, gained sponsorship, and was regularly published as a cardio guru. He was a champ, a role model. "How can this be a bad thing?" he asked. "And if I'm strong enough to outlast anything, aren't I strong enough to outlast life's challenges?"
Yet his world had begun to contract. He began intentionally doing reckless things. "I took risks riding my bicycle in traffic, running at night, fighting whatever was fighting me. It felt good to be fighting."
He couldn't run, bike, and swim all day. He had to work. He had a wife and kids. So he simply pushed that much harder. "My best performances came when I was ready to rip the top off the race course. I had very aggressive feelings. I just wanted to attack."
He was winning, yes, but he also required emergency medical attention after every event. He'd come in with his blood pressure reading 90 over 50 and required up to four IV bags of fluid to counter dehydration. That didn't seem odd to him, but his wife began to worry that he was trying to kill himself. He told her he was just pushing it. He eventually did 42 marathons, 27 Ironman Triathlons, and six ultramarathons in 11 years, covering 42,000 miles, the equivalent of running, swimming, and biking around the world 1 1/2 times.
The weird thing is this: Raymond Britt isn't that unusual. His distances aren't even that huge, compared with some guys'. And the mental illness he suffers from, which drove him to battle through all those miles, is not that uncommon among men.
Steven Imparl is a lawyer in Chicago, but a look at his résumé affords a glimpse into the frantic world of a man working very hard to compensate for depression. He graduated from high school in the top 15 of his class of 550 students. He received his B.S. degree with high honors. He became an information-technology specialist working for big companies, then went on to earn his law degree and start his own firm. Along the way, he studied French, German, Slovene, and Spanish. He learned classical guitar, studied Slavic and Balkan history, and sang barbershop harmony. And he somehow found time for power walking, inline skating, volleyball, and boxing. By the fall of 2001, he was so wound up, he could hardly sleep. He became more irritable, more easily angered. After nearly getting into a fistfight while walking down a street, he decided to seek help. But when the doctor told him he was suffering from clinical depression, Imparl refused to believe it. Admitting to depression is . . . well, it's like getting your period: Guys don't do it.
Once Imparl accepted the diagnosis, he performed like any true, overachieving depressed man would: Through a program of therapy and drugs, he got better, and then he founded a successful Web site, maledepression.com, for guys like him.
Raymond Britt's crash and burn came one day in November 2004, when he set out to run himself into the ground, to transfer the pain from his soul to his body. Many miles and hours later, he found himself bloodied, exhausted, and hypothermic, but he neither displaced the internal pain nor found relief. He was forced at last to face what he'd known for decades: Depression was rampant in his family. From an early age, Britt had been determined that he wouldn't succumb. He wouldn't be weak.
Because his father had medicated his own depression with alcohol, Britt had never taken up drinking. By the fall of 2004, his father had been in therapy for a while, and was encouraging Britt to seek help. Having experienced depression himself, he was able to see the disorder in his son. He sent Britt an e-mail with his doctor's name. And then he dropped dead.
It was a few weeks later when Britt hit the wall on his last desperate run. Then he collapsed into classic symptoms of depression, which is what happens when the strategy fails: "The weight felt so heavy that it was hard to physically move," says Britt. He found himself wishing he'd be in an accident that would put him in the hospital so that he could escape. "I wanted to be taken out."
That's the point at which depressed men can slip beyond fantasy into active thoughts of suicide. Some 31,000 people in the United States commit suicide each year. More than 24,000 of them are men. And that doesn't count the deaths from alcohol or drugs. In fact, some researchers are beginning to suspect that depression causes more deaths than auto accidents do.
Britt's fantasies of having an accident scared him. He went to see his father's psychiatrist. It didn't take the doctor long to diagnose his condition. (Q: "When were you last really happy?" A: "1975.") And yet, his denial of clinical depression was so strong that he sought a second opinion.
Maybe men need a different word for depression. Or maybe the brain researchers and psychologists simply need to redefine the condition so it includes the way men experience it, too.
Cultural Cover-Up
It's understandable that women are three times more likely than men to be treated for depression; our culture has put a feminine face on the disease, so women give themselves permission to feel it and to seek help for it. Pollack puts it this way: "We have in our society a feminized view of depression, coming out of a model of hysteria that dates back to Freud."
Terrence Real, author of I Don't Want to Talk about It, and a marriage and family therapist in Massachusetts, wrote, "There is a terrible collusion in our society, a cultural cover-up about depression in men." And part of the cultural influence involves the way men are taught from early childhood to be strong, silent, independent, and resistant to suffering. As Real puts it, "Men have about a milli-second's tolerance for feeling [this type of] pain, and then they spring into action. A flight from shame into grandiosity lies at the heart of male covert depression."
Another reason men leap into action, though, whether it's through intense exercise, overwork, pounding back martinis, or some other strategy, is that it actually does relieve the symptoms of depression, at least for a time. In fact, many therapists have begun using exercise as an adjunct to therapy, as explained in books like The Joy of Running, by Thaddeus Kostrubala, and The Exercise Prescription for Depression and Anxiety, by Keith Johnsgard. And research at Duke University confirmed their hunches in 1999.
But exercise in itself doesn't treat the underlying condition. In fact, books called The Joy of Working 80 Hours a Week and The Drinking Prescription for Depression might reach a wide audience, because those strategies can effectively mask depression for years. That is, they can sort of work.
Because at the heart of what Britt and Imparl were going through was a life filled with large stretches of no feeling at all. Britt says he was constantly running, "hoping that movement would help me discover something better."
Looking back on his decades of depression, Britt saw isolated flashes of happiness--the birth of his children, laughter, friendship--but they were, he says, "bright spots on what had been a more turbulent journey than I let myself admit. The moments of happiness sustained my denial of something I had only recently begun to consider an 'invisible load.'" In other words, he'd been swimming with an anvil, and he was sinking by imperceptible increments.
Conditioning
The social conditioning that leads to men's response to depression begins in infancy. Male babies receive less of every type of nurturing, including speech, touch, and comfort when they cry. And that is only the beginning of what will be, to one degree or another, a brutal upbringing for boys.
In the 1960s, the crusading social psychologist Jeanne Block and her colleagues explored how differently parents treat boys and girls. For instance, moms and dads encourage boys to be competitive and to achieve. They don't like them to show their emotions. They encourage them to be less dependent; mothers push them away. They punish them more than they punish girls. And they are unaware that they treat boys and girls differently.
By the time boys are on their way to the teenage years, the process of disavowing what they are is complete. The book A New Psychology of Men describes research in which people were asked what it means to be feminine or masculine. Women and girls defined themselves by the ways they were connected to others, and by citing qualities like being caring or compassionate. Men and boys defined themselves by negatives: They weren't weak, dependent, or connected to their mothers.
But there is not much in our cultural definition of what it means to be a man that is inherent in maleness. Children start off surprisingly alike, whether they're boys or girls. If there's a difference, it's the opposite of what the culture seems to expect: Boys are more sensitive. They give expression to their emotions more readily than girls. They affiliate with others in the same way as girls. Then someone starts telling them it's not okay to be that way. If you act like that, you're a pussy.
As Real and others have explained, it is through this process of denial that men are primed for depression. And it is the cultural necessity of carrying out and carrying on this process that makes it so difficult for them to recognize and admit to depression when it comes. They not only don't acknowledge it to themselves, they often don't display the symptoms that psychotherapists use to diagnose depression.
The cultural training that lays the groundwork for depression in men and for their denial of it later in life involves social isolation. That means telling people the truth about yourself and trusting that they'll do the same, a concept that seems terrifying to many men.
In one case, two friends knew each other for years, commuting together, talking every day, laughing together. They would not have said they were socially isolated, yet when they happened to run into each other in the same group meeting for men suffering from depression, they had to laugh: Neither one had ever admitted it to the other, even though they were both seeking treatment for it.
Social isolation is a well-known killer of mammals. Countless studies going back to the '50s show that contact, affection, emotional communication, and genuine closeness are necessary for mammals, including humans, to maintain our health. Isolation wreaks havoc on everything from the immune system to the cardiovascular system to the brain. Conversely, staying socially connected helps protect men from mental illness, including depression.
The new research done by Kessler and others shows that single men and women look no different when it comes to most kinds of mental illness. But when they get married, they veer off in different directions. "It's a very good deal to be married if you're a man," Kessler says. "It's associated with a dramatic improvement in mental health."
Perhaps because they are forced into solitude as children, men are not as good at being alone as women are. Because of early socialization, women are better at relationships--with children, friends, and relatives. In general, women have more friends than men and are closer to those friends. This, of course, is the direct result of boys' having independence forced on them early in life, when what they need is emotional and physical contact with others.
Socialization punishes women, too. When they have children, women's mental health suffers, while that of men doesn't change at all. That's because women, in general, take care of the kids. If there's trouble in the home, or work interferes with child rearing, they'll disproportionately suffer for it.
Women also worry more than men. They care about a larger group of people who just don't appear on the emotional radar screens of men. In marriage, men share in the joys and are often protected from the pain. Just as the man will go downstairs to investigate a suspicious noise, the woman plays the role of emotional protector.
Kessler uses this example: A wife reports (to the researcher) that she's very upset, because her daughter had an abortion and had to miss a number of days of school. The husband reports that his daughter had the flu and couldn't go to school. How could this be? The explanation is simple: The daughter got pregnant and went to her mother for help, saying, "Whatever you do, don't tell Dad." So the mother helped the daughter have an abortion and told the father the girl was home sick with the flu.
The result is that the husband is exposed to less stress, while the woman is exposed to more. Not only does she have to deal with the abortion, but she also has to lie to her husband and orchestrate the protection of that lie. But throughout, her connections are reinforced and affirmed.
The studies show that when a father dies, the children grow closer to the mother. They come around more. The mother has been maintaining those relationships all along, and they pay off in a crisis. Yet when a mother dies, the children come around less. That's because for years, when they called on Sunday, they talked to the mother, not the father. By filling the social role, the wife grows closer to the kids. That's why widowhood and divorce are so much worse for men. Their protection is ripped away, and they have no social network to catch them as they fall. The person who managed their emotional life is gone.
As Kessler puts it, "You can hire someone to do most of the things the husband does in a marriage. But you can never hire someone to do what the wife does." Men can change this situation and possibly protect themselves from depression later in life by expanding the depth and breadth of their social networks.
Recovery
After undergoing treatment for bipolar disorder and chronic depression, Britt went back to compete in all the events he had run so desperately in 2004, such as the Lake Placid Ironman. To his amazement, he recognized for the first time that the run took place in a glorious natural setting. "You're literally running through fields of green," he says. Later that year, he was competing in the Ironman Wisconsin, which he'd done in such a black mood the year before, and began to wonder, Why am I hurting myself? I don't need to hurt myself anymore. For the first time in his life, he walked for an hour during the event, feeling joyous.
Britt's compulsion to run began to fade. "My race performance declined by about 5 percent in the first half of last year," he tells me, "and it really tailed off by fall. I took most of early winter off, totally. It's a healthier me all around." In other words, he now runs for fun, something he was unable to experience before.
But recovery wasn't simple or easy. Early on, when Britt was first diagnosed, he spent much of his time searching for a single moment in each day when something good happened, something he could celebrate. Gradually, those moments grew larger and more frequent. "Now," he says, "the days are filled with not only great moments, but great minutes and hours. And those make up great days, great weeks, and even great months."
When men talk about depression, one of the recurring themes is how it sucks the color and flavor out of life. The birdsong that filled you with joy as a child has no effect at all. The people you love don't make your heart sing, even though you know they should. The colors of the world are tarnished and dull. Britt ran the Boston Marathon once again, and realized at the end that although he'd run it many times, he had literally never seen the finish line; he ran right through it and focused on the next thing. "Now I can see things I never saw before--colors, scenery, people," he says. "It's almost impossible to describe, except to say that it seems like the world has visually opened up."
Depression is well known for shutting down the senses, and when it lifted, Britt was so astonished at what was around him that he took up photography just to try to capture it all. "I never cared before. I never noticed the colors of a sunset. The electricity in a lightning strike. The glow of moonrise over a lake. They've always been there. But only recently have I begun to see them. And I am amazed."
Exercising Your Demons
Some people might call you highly competitive. Some might call you superfit. But a growing number of doctors would label you something else: Depressed
By: Laurence Gonzales
In 1994, at the age of 33, Raymond Britt took up running. It made him feel good. In fact, the more he pushed himself, the better he felt. So each time he went out, he pushed a little harder. It seemed to put him above the turmoil of the world and afford him some relief. Relief from what -- that wasn't so clear. His life was good. He was a successful executive. He'd married his high-school sweetheart. He had beautiful children.
But there was something odd about it all. For one thing, he had no background as a runner. He'd been a powerlifter in his 20s, benching 315. But in the summer of '94, amid a hectic schedule, he happened to see a flier for the Chicago Marathon and was seized by the impulse to run it. Never mind that there were only a few weeks left to train. Never mind that he had never run more than 3 miles at a time. He thought, I can do anything for 5 hours and 30 minutes, which was the qualifying time to receive a finisher's medal.
He became obsessed with his training.
"I was excited, I was nervous, I was alive," he says. "My mother and my wife thought I was crazy." As he reached the 18th mile of the marathon, his hopes for a life-changing experience were shattered. Beating himself up both mentally and physically, he managed to drag his body over the finish line in 4 hours and 41 minutes, as he puts it, "alone, hurt, angry, unhappy."
Rather than recover, he went out the next day to punish himself and prepare for the next marathon.
Sex Differences
The study of how mental illness affects men and women differently is new and fraught with controversy. The first comprehensive survey was conducted between 1990 and 1992. Its aim was to estimate the general prevalence of mental illness.
The research, known as the National Comorbidity Survey, was repeated, in more depth and on a larger scale, between 2001 and 2003, under the auspices of the World Health Organization and with funding from the National Institute of Mental Health. The principal investigator is Ronald C. Kessler, Ph.D., a jolly-looking, bearded professor in the department of health-care policy at Harvard University.
The numbers seem to show that men and women suffer from various mental illnesses at about the same rate, with some notable variations and exceptions. One of the differences, long accepted as gospel by the psychiatric professions, is that twice as many women as men suffer from depression. Kessler says his numbers show that a woman is twice as likely as a man to have a single episode of major clinical depression in her life. After the first episode, however, men and women don't differ in the number of episodes they'll have during a lifetime, or in whether they'll have another episode. Only the first step differs, he says. Then the statistics flatten out to equal.
But if repeat episodes of depression are equal for men and women, doesn't it stand to reason that they may be having first bouts at the same rate? Maybe the discrepancy lies not in the number of men and women who are depressed, but rather, in how depression is expressed.
According to an increasing number of experts, the diagnostic tallies don't take into account the real experience of a lot of men like Britt. They also ignore the fact that women are much more likely to report depression and seek help. Men are more likely to try to fight through their depression, using strategies ranging from hard work to extreme exercise to drinking to violence. Nearly four times more men than women kill themselves.
When women become depressed, they tend to show the classic symptoms described in the psychiatrist's handbook the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. They feel sad and tired, and lose interest in the pleasures of life. In short, women generally get depressed in just the way that most people, including psychotherapists, think about depression.
Men tend to get angry, and that anger expresses itself in a wide variety of intense activities, such as Britt's obsessive running. Some of these men even win marathons--on the streets of Chicago or in feats of work endurance--and look like heroes, which makes it even more difficult to diagnose their depression.
Britt says, "I've always thought Lance Armstrong suffered from depression and that's where his anger came from. I saw a lot of myself in him, the way he transfers anger into action. Depression leads some of us to fight as hard as we can against it. It makes you angry. I liked my anger. I got focused and felt better, like I was leaving turmoil in the dust. But it was temporary."
Because we think of the word "depression" as fitting the woman's profile better than the man's, doctors and therapists don't tend to recognize the disease as readily in men, and men don't talk about it. William Pollack, Ph.D., a professor of psychiatry at Harvard, estimates that 50 percent to 65 percent of men suffering from what they call "covert depression" aren't diagnosed.
It seems clear that men will do just about anything to avoid admitting to having the disease. They'd rather just suffer. Some of them would rather die.
Driven
Britt raced in Chicago the next year and qualified for the Boston Marathon. Still, he needed more. He entered the Chicago Triathlon that same year and nearly drowned. ("I was a terrible swimmer.") He returned in 1996, and did well. That only fed his craving. "I wanted to take everything to the next, most impossible level I could imagine," he says. He describes himself as "driven to the margin of terror."
By 1998, he had developed a set of rules for himself: more, harder, quicker, and farther away. Three Ironman races in 7 weeks. Roth, Germany, in July for Ironman Europe. Zurich in August for Ironman Switzerland, wife and 4-month-old baby in tow. Ironman Canada again in September. "Still not enough," he says.
In 1999: four Ironman races, a 50-miler, and the Western States 100. Seven days later, he ran two 5-Ks on the same day, for "pain as punishment and proof that I was okay. I could survive the day as long as I could channel my inner turbulence into power and aggression during training. The determination, the drive, kept me afloat."
In the following years, he broke 3 hours in the marathon, qualified for the Ironman World Championships three times, won awards, gained sponsorship, and was regularly published as a cardio guru. He was a champ, a role model. "How can this be a bad thing?" he asked. "And if I'm strong enough to outlast anything, aren't I strong enough to outlast life's challenges?"
Yet his world had begun to contract. He began intentionally doing reckless things. "I took risks riding my bicycle in traffic, running at night, fighting whatever was fighting me. It felt good to be fighting."
He couldn't run, bike, and swim all day. He had to work. He had a wife and kids. So he simply pushed that much harder. "My best performances came when I was ready to rip the top off the race course. I had very aggressive feelings. I just wanted to attack."
He was winning, yes, but he also required emergency medical attention after every event. He'd come in with his blood pressure reading 90 over 50 and required up to four IV bags of fluid to counter dehydration. That didn't seem odd to him, but his wife began to worry that he was trying to kill himself. He told her he was just pushing it. He eventually did 42 marathons, 27 Ironman Triathlons, and six ultramarathons in 11 years, covering 42,000 miles, the equivalent of running, swimming, and biking around the world 1 1/2 times.
The weird thing is this: Raymond Britt isn't that unusual. His distances aren't even that huge, compared with some guys'. And the mental illness he suffers from, which drove him to battle through all those miles, is not that uncommon among men.
Steven Imparl is a lawyer in Chicago, but a look at his résumé affords a glimpse into the frantic world of a man working very hard to compensate for depression. He graduated from high school in the top 15 of his class of 550 students. He received his B.S. degree with high honors. He became an information-technology specialist working for big companies, then went on to earn his law degree and start his own firm. Along the way, he studied French, German, Slovene, and Spanish. He learned classical guitar, studied Slavic and Balkan history, and sang barbershop harmony. And he somehow found time for power walking, inline skating, volleyball, and boxing. By the fall of 2001, he was so wound up, he could hardly sleep. He became more irritable, more easily angered. After nearly getting into a fistfight while walking down a street, he decided to seek help. But when the doctor told him he was suffering from clinical depression, Imparl refused to believe it. Admitting to depression is . . . well, it's like getting your period: Guys don't do it.
Once Imparl accepted the diagnosis, he performed like any true, overachieving depressed man would: Through a program of therapy and drugs, he got better, and then he founded a successful Web site, maledepression.com, for guys like him.
Raymond Britt's crash and burn came one day in November 2004, when he set out to run himself into the ground, to transfer the pain from his soul to his body. Many miles and hours later, he found himself bloodied, exhausted, and hypothermic, but he neither displaced the internal pain nor found relief. He was forced at last to face what he'd known for decades: Depression was rampant in his family. From an early age, Britt had been determined that he wouldn't succumb. He wouldn't be weak.
Because his father had medicated his own depression with alcohol, Britt had never taken up drinking. By the fall of 2004, his father had been in therapy for a while, and was encouraging Britt to seek help. Having experienced depression himself, he was able to see the disorder in his son. He sent Britt an e-mail with his doctor's name. And then he dropped dead.
It was a few weeks later when Britt hit the wall on his last desperate run. Then he collapsed into classic symptoms of depression, which is what happens when the strategy fails: "The weight felt so heavy that it was hard to physically move," says Britt. He found himself wishing he'd be in an accident that would put him in the hospital so that he could escape. "I wanted to be taken out."
That's the point at which depressed men can slip beyond fantasy into active thoughts of suicide. Some 31,000 people in the United States commit suicide each year. More than 24,000 of them are men. And that doesn't count the deaths from alcohol or drugs. In fact, some researchers are beginning to suspect that depression causes more deaths than auto accidents do.
Britt's fantasies of having an accident scared him. He went to see his father's psychiatrist. It didn't take the doctor long to diagnose his condition. (Q: "When were you last really happy?" A: "1975.") And yet, his denial of clinical depression was so strong that he sought a second opinion.
Maybe men need a different word for depression. Or maybe the brain researchers and psychologists simply need to redefine the condition so it includes the way men experience it, too.
Cultural Cover-Up
It's understandable that women are three times more likely than men to be treated for depression; our culture has put a feminine face on the disease, so women give themselves permission to feel it and to seek help for it. Pollack puts it this way: "We have in our society a feminized view of depression, coming out of a model of hysteria that dates back to Freud."
Terrence Real, author of I Don't Want to Talk about It, and a marriage and family therapist in Massachusetts, wrote, "There is a terrible collusion in our society, a cultural cover-up about depression in men." And part of the cultural influence involves the way men are taught from early childhood to be strong, silent, independent, and resistant to suffering. As Real puts it, "Men have about a milli-second's tolerance for feeling [this type of] pain, and then they spring into action. A flight from shame into grandiosity lies at the heart of male covert depression."
Another reason men leap into action, though, whether it's through intense exercise, overwork, pounding back martinis, or some other strategy, is that it actually does relieve the symptoms of depression, at least for a time. In fact, many therapists have begun using exercise as an adjunct to therapy, as explained in books like The Joy of Running, by Thaddeus Kostrubala, and The Exercise Prescription for Depression and Anxiety, by Keith Johnsgard. And research at Duke University confirmed their hunches in 1999.
But exercise in itself doesn't treat the underlying condition. In fact, books called The Joy of Working 80 Hours a Week and The Drinking Prescription for Depression might reach a wide audience, because those strategies can effectively mask depression for years. That is, they can sort of work.
Because at the heart of what Britt and Imparl were going through was a life filled with large stretches of no feeling at all. Britt says he was constantly running, "hoping that movement would help me discover something better."
Looking back on his decades of depression, Britt saw isolated flashes of happiness--the birth of his children, laughter, friendship--but they were, he says, "bright spots on what had been a more turbulent journey than I let myself admit. The moments of happiness sustained my denial of something I had only recently begun to consider an 'invisible load.'" In other words, he'd been swimming with an anvil, and he was sinking by imperceptible increments.
Conditioning
The social conditioning that leads to men's response to depression begins in infancy. Male babies receive less of every type of nurturing, including speech, touch, and comfort when they cry. And that is only the beginning of what will be, to one degree or another, a brutal upbringing for boys.
In the 1960s, the crusading social psychologist Jeanne Block and her colleagues explored how differently parents treat boys and girls. For instance, moms and dads encourage boys to be competitive and to achieve. They don't like them to show their emotions. They encourage them to be less dependent; mothers push them away. They punish them more than they punish girls. And they are unaware that they treat boys and girls differently.
By the time boys are on their way to the teenage years, the process of disavowing what they are is complete. The book A New Psychology of Men describes research in which people were asked what it means to be feminine or masculine. Women and girls defined themselves by the ways they were connected to others, and by citing qualities like being caring or compassionate. Men and boys defined themselves by negatives: They weren't weak, dependent, or connected to their mothers.
But there is not much in our cultural definition of what it means to be a man that is inherent in maleness. Children start off surprisingly alike, whether they're boys or girls. If there's a difference, it's the opposite of what the culture seems to expect: Boys are more sensitive. They give expression to their emotions more readily than girls. They affiliate with others in the same way as girls. Then someone starts telling them it's not okay to be that way. If you act like that, you're a pussy.
As Real and others have explained, it is through this process of denial that men are primed for depression. And it is the cultural necessity of carrying out and carrying on this process that makes it so difficult for them to recognize and admit to depression when it comes. They not only don't acknowledge it to themselves, they often don't display the symptoms that psychotherapists use to diagnose depression.
The cultural training that lays the groundwork for depression in men and for their denial of it later in life involves social isolation. That means telling people the truth about yourself and trusting that they'll do the same, a concept that seems terrifying to many men.
In one case, two friends knew each other for years, commuting together, talking every day, laughing together. They would not have said they were socially isolated, yet when they happened to run into each other in the same group meeting for men suffering from depression, they had to laugh: Neither one had ever admitted it to the other, even though they were both seeking treatment for it.
Social isolation is a well-known killer of mammals. Countless studies going back to the '50s show that contact, affection, emotional communication, and genuine closeness are necessary for mammals, including humans, to maintain our health. Isolation wreaks havoc on everything from the immune system to the cardiovascular system to the brain. Conversely, staying socially connected helps protect men from mental illness, including depression.
The new research done by Kessler and others shows that single men and women look no different when it comes to most kinds of mental illness. But when they get married, they veer off in different directions. "It's a very good deal to be married if you're a man," Kessler says. "It's associated with a dramatic improvement in mental health."
Perhaps because they are forced into solitude as children, men are not as good at being alone as women are. Because of early socialization, women are better at relationships--with children, friends, and relatives. In general, women have more friends than men and are closer to those friends. This, of course, is the direct result of boys' having independence forced on them early in life, when what they need is emotional and physical contact with others.
Socialization punishes women, too. When they have children, women's mental health suffers, while that of men doesn't change at all. That's because women, in general, take care of the kids. If there's trouble in the home, or work interferes with child rearing, they'll disproportionately suffer for it.
Women also worry more than men. They care about a larger group of people who just don't appear on the emotional radar screens of men. In marriage, men share in the joys and are often protected from the pain. Just as the man will go downstairs to investigate a suspicious noise, the woman plays the role of emotional protector.
Kessler uses this example: A wife reports (to the researcher) that she's very upset, because her daughter had an abortion and had to miss a number of days of school. The husband reports that his daughter had the flu and couldn't go to school. How could this be? The explanation is simple: The daughter got pregnant and went to her mother for help, saying, "Whatever you do, don't tell Dad." So the mother helped the daughter have an abortion and told the father the girl was home sick with the flu.
The result is that the husband is exposed to less stress, while the woman is exposed to more. Not only does she have to deal with the abortion, but she also has to lie to her husband and orchestrate the protection of that lie. But throughout, her connections are reinforced and affirmed.
The studies show that when a father dies, the children grow closer to the mother. They come around more. The mother has been maintaining those relationships all along, and they pay off in a crisis. Yet when a mother dies, the children come around less. That's because for years, when they called on Sunday, they talked to the mother, not the father. By filling the social role, the wife grows closer to the kids. That's why widowhood and divorce are so much worse for men. Their protection is ripped away, and they have no social network to catch them as they fall. The person who managed their emotional life is gone.
As Kessler puts it, "You can hire someone to do most of the things the husband does in a marriage. But you can never hire someone to do what the wife does." Men can change this situation and possibly protect themselves from depression later in life by expanding the depth and breadth of their social networks.
Recovery
After undergoing treatment for bipolar disorder and chronic depression, Britt went back to compete in all the events he had run so desperately in 2004, such as the Lake Placid Ironman. To his amazement, he recognized for the first time that the run took place in a glorious natural setting. "You're literally running through fields of green," he says. Later that year, he was competing in the Ironman Wisconsin, which he'd done in such a black mood the year before, and began to wonder, Why am I hurting myself? I don't need to hurt myself anymore. For the first time in his life, he walked for an hour during the event, feeling joyous.
Britt's compulsion to run began to fade. "My race performance declined by about 5 percent in the first half of last year," he tells me, "and it really tailed off by fall. I took most of early winter off, totally. It's a healthier me all around." In other words, he now runs for fun, something he was unable to experience before.
But recovery wasn't simple or easy. Early on, when Britt was first diagnosed, he spent much of his time searching for a single moment in each day when something good happened, something he could celebrate. Gradually, those moments grew larger and more frequent. "Now," he says, "the days are filled with not only great moments, but great minutes and hours. And those make up great days, great weeks, and even great months."
When men talk about depression, one of the recurring themes is how it sucks the color and flavor out of life. The birdsong that filled you with joy as a child has no effect at all. The people you love don't make your heart sing, even though you know they should. The colors of the world are tarnished and dull. Britt ran the Boston Marathon once again, and realized at the end that although he'd run it many times, he had literally never seen the finish line; he ran right through it and focused on the next thing. "Now I can see things I never saw before--colors, scenery, people," he says. "It's almost impossible to describe, except to say that it seems like the world has visually opened up."
Depression is well known for shutting down the senses, and when it lifted, Britt was so astonished at what was around him that he took up photography just to try to capture it all. "I never cared before. I never noticed the colors of a sunset. The electricity in a lightning strike. The glow of moonrise over a lake. They've always been there. But only recently have I begun to see them. And I am amazed."
Exercising Your Demons
Some people might call you highly competitive. Some might call you superfit. But a growing number of doctors would label you something else: Depressed
By: Laurence Gonzales
In 1994, at the age of 33, Raymond Britt took up running. It made him feel good. In fact, the more he pushed himself, the better he felt. So each time he went out, he pushed a little harder. It seemed to put him above the turmoil of the world and afford him some relief. Relief from what -- that wasn't so clear. His life was good. He was a successful executive. He'd married his high-school sweetheart. He had beautiful children.
But there was something odd about it all. For one thing, he had no background as a runner. He'd been a powerlifter in his 20s, benching 315. But in the summer of '94, amid a hectic schedule, he happened to see a flier for the Chicago Marathon and was seized by the impulse to run it. Never mind that there were only a few weeks left to train. Never mind that he had never run more than 3 miles at a time. He thought, I can do anything for 5 hours and 30 minutes, which was the qualifying time to receive a finisher's medal.
He became obsessed with his training.
"I was excited, I was nervous, I was alive," he says. "My mother and my wife thought I was crazy." As he reached the 18th mile of the marathon, his hopes for a life-changing experience were shattered. Beating himself up both mentally and physically, he managed to drag his body over the finish line in 4 hours and 41 minutes, as he puts it, "alone, hurt, angry, unhappy."
Rather than recover, he went out the next day to punish himself and prepare for the next marathon.
Sex Differences
The study of how mental illness affects men and women differently is new and fraught with controversy. The first comprehensive survey was conducted between 1990 and 1992. Its aim was to estimate the general prevalence of mental illness.
The research, known as the National Comorbidity Survey, was repeated, in more depth and on a larger scale, between 2001 and 2003, under the auspices of the World Health Organization and with funding from the National Institute of Mental Health. The principal investigator is Ronald C. Kessler, Ph.D., a jolly-looking, bearded professor in the department of health-care policy at Harvard University.
The numbers seem to show that men and women suffer from various mental illnesses at about the same rate, with some notable variations and exceptions. One of the differences, long accepted as gospel by the psychiatric professions, is that twice as many women as men suffer from depression. Kessler says his numbers show that a woman is twice as likely as a man to have a single episode of major clinical depression in her life. After the first episode, however, men and women don't differ in the number of episodes they'll have during a lifetime, or in whether they'll have another episode. Only the first step differs, he says. Then the statistics flatten out to equal.
But if repeat episodes of depression are equal for men and women, doesn't it stand to reason that they may be having first bouts at the same rate? Maybe the discrepancy lies not in the number of men and women who are depressed, but rather, in how depression is expressed.
According to an increasing number of experts, the diagnostic tallies don't take into account the real experience of a lot of men like Britt. They also ignore the fact that women are much more likely to report depression and seek help. Men are more likely to try to fight through their depression, using strategies ranging from hard work to extreme exercise to drinking to violence. Nearly four times more men than women kill themselves.
When women become depressed, they tend to show the classic symptoms described in the psychiatrist's handbook the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. They feel sad and tired, and lose interest in the pleasures of life. In short, women generally get depressed in just the way that most people, including psychotherapists, think about depression.
Men tend to get angry, and that anger expresses itself in a wide variety of intense activities, such as Britt's obsessive running. Some of these men even win marathons--on the streets of Chicago or in feats of work endurance--and look like heroes, which makes it even more difficult to diagnose their depression.
Britt says, "I've always thought Lance Armstrong suffered from depression and that's where his anger came from. I saw a lot of myself in him, the way he transfers anger into action. Depression leads some of us to fight as hard as we can against it. It makes you angry. I liked my anger. I got focused and felt better, like I was leaving turmoil in the dust. But it was temporary."
Because we think of the word "depression" as fitting the woman's profile better than the man's, doctors and therapists don't tend to recognize the disease as readily in men, and men don't talk about it. William Pollack, Ph.D., a professor of psychiatry at Harvard, estimates that 50 percent to 65 percent of men suffering from what they call "covert depression" aren't diagnosed.
It seems clear that men will do just about anything to avoid admitting to having the disease. They'd rather just suffer. Some of them would rather die.
Driven
Britt raced in Chicago the next year and qualified for the Boston Marathon. Still, he needed more. He entered the Chicago Triathlon that same year and nearly drowned. ("I was a terrible swimmer.") He returned in 1996, and did well. That only fed his craving. "I wanted to take everything to the next, most impossible level I could imagine," he says. He describes himself as "driven to the margin of terror."
By 1998, he had developed a set of rules for himself: more, harder, quicker, and farther away. Three Ironman races in 7 weeks. Roth, Germany, in July for Ironman Europe. Zurich in August for Ironman Switzerland, wife and 4-month-old baby in tow. Ironman Canada again in September. "Still not enough," he says.
In 1999: four Ironman races, a 50-miler, and the Western States 100. Seven days later, he ran two 5-Ks on the same day, for "pain as punishment and proof that I was okay. I could survive the day as long as I could channel my inner turbulence into power and aggression during training. The determination, the drive, kept me afloat."
In the following years, he broke 3 hours in the marathon, qualified for the Ironman World Championships three times, won awards, gained sponsorship, and was regularly published as a cardio guru. He was a champ, a role model. "How can this be a bad thing?" he asked. "And if I'm strong enough to outlast anything, aren't I strong enough to outlast life's challenges?"
Yet his world had begun to contract. He began intentionally doing reckless things. "I took risks riding my bicycle in traffic, running at night, fighting whatever was fighting me. It felt good to be fighting."
He couldn't run, bike, and swim all day. He had to work. He had a wife and kids. So he simply pushed that much harder. "My best performances came when I was ready to rip the top off the race course. I had very aggressive feelings. I just wanted to attack."
He was winning, yes, but he also required emergency medical attention after every event. He'd come in with his blood pressure reading 90 over 50 and required up to four IV bags of fluid to counter dehydration. That didn't seem odd to him, but his wife began to worry that he was trying to kill himself. He told her he was just pushing it. He eventually did 42 marathons, 27 Ironman Triathlons, and six ultramarathons in 11 years, covering 42,000 miles, the equivalent of running, swimming, and biking around the world 1 1/2 times.
The weird thing is this: Raymond Britt isn't that unusual. His distances aren't even that huge, compared with some guys'. And the mental illness he suffers from, which drove him to battle through all those miles, is not that uncommon among men.
Steven Imparl is a lawyer in Chicago, but a look at his résumé affords a glimpse into the frantic world of a man working very hard to compensate for depression. He graduated from high school in the top 15 of his class of 550 students. He received his B.S. degree with high honors. He became an information-technology specialist working for big companies, then went on to earn his law degree and start his own firm. Along the way, he studied French, German, Slovene, and Spanish. He learned classical guitar, studied Slavic and Balkan history, and sang barbershop harmony. And he somehow found time for power walking, inline skating, volleyball, and boxing. By the fall of 2001, he was so wound up, he could hardly sleep. He became more irritable, more easily angered. After nearly getting into a fistfight while walking down a street, he decided to seek help. But when the doctor told him he was suffering from clinical depression, Imparl refused to believe it. Admitting to depression is . . . well, it's like getting your period: Guys don't do it.
Once Imparl accepted the diagnosis, he performed like any true, overachieving depressed man would: Through a program of therapy and drugs, he got better, and then he founded a successful Web site, maledepression.com, for guys like him.
Raymond Britt's crash and burn came one day in November 2004, when he set out to run himself into the ground, to transfer the pain from his soul to his body. Many miles and hours later, he found himself bloodied, exhausted, and hypothermic, but he neither displaced the internal pain nor found relief. He was forced at last to face what he'd known for decades: Depression was rampant in his family. From an early age, Britt had been determined that he wouldn't succumb. He wouldn't be weak.
Because his father had medicated his own depression with alcohol, Britt had never taken up drinking. By the fall of 2004, his father had been in therapy for a while, and was encouraging Britt to seek help. Having experienced depression himself, he was able to see the disorder in his son. He sent Britt an e-mail with his doctor's name. And then he dropped dead.
It was a few weeks later when Britt hit the wall on his last desperate run. Then he collapsed into classic symptoms of depression, which is what happens when the strategy fails: "The weight felt so heavy that it was hard to physically move," says Britt. He found himself wishing he'd be in an accident that would put him in the hospital so that he could escape. "I wanted to be taken out."
That's the point at which depressed men can slip beyond fantasy into active thoughts of suicide. Some 31,000 people in the United States commit suicide each year. More than 24,000 of them are men. And that doesn't count the deaths from alcohol or drugs. In fact, some researchers are beginning to suspect that depression causes more deaths than auto accidents do.
Britt's fantasies of having an accident scared him. He went to see his father's psychiatrist. It didn't take the doctor long to diagnose his condition. (Q: "When were you last really happy?" A: "1975.") And yet, his denial of clinical depression was so strong that he sought a second opinion.
Maybe men need a different word for depression. Or maybe the brain researchers and psychologists simply need to redefine the condition so it includes the way men experience it, too.
Cultural Cover-Up
It's understandable that women are three times more likely than men to be treated for depression; our culture has put a feminine face on the disease, so women give themselves permission to feel it and to seek help for it. Pollack puts it this way: "We have in our society a feminized view of depression, coming out of a model of hysteria that dates back to Freud."
Terrence Real, author of I Don't Want to Talk about It, and a marriage and family therapist in Massachusetts, wrote, "There is a terrible collusion in our society, a cultural cover-up about depression in men." And part of the cultural influence involves the way men are taught from early childhood to be strong, silent, independent, and resistant to suffering. As Real puts it, "Men have about a milli-second's tolerance for feeling [this type of] pain, and then they spring into action. A flight from shame into grandiosity lies at the heart of male covert depression."
Another reason men leap into action, though, whether it's through intense exercise, overwork, pounding back martinis, or some other strategy, is that it actually does relieve the symptoms of depression, at least for a time. In fact, many therapists have begun using exercise as an adjunct to therapy, as explained in books like The Joy of Running, by Thaddeus Kostrubala, and The Exercise Prescription for Depression and Anxiety, by Keith Johnsgard. And research at Duke University confirmed their hunches in 1999.
But exercise in itself doesn't treat the underlying condition. In fact, books called The Joy of Working 80 Hours a Week and The Drinking Prescription for Depression might reach a wide audience, because those strategies can effectively mask depression for years. That is, they can sort of work.
Because at the heart of what Britt and Imparl were going through was a life filled with large stretches of no feeling at all. Britt says he was constantly running, "hoping that movement would help me discover something better."
Looking back on his decades of depression, Britt saw isolated flashes of happiness--the birth of his children, laughter, friendship--but they were, he says, "bright spots on what had been a more turbulent journey than I let myself admit. The moments of happiness sustained my denial of something I had only recently begun to consider an 'invisible load.'" In other words, he'd been swimming with an anvil, and he was sinking by imperceptible increments.
Conditioning
The social conditioning that leads to men's response to depression begins in infancy. Male babies receive less of every type of nurturing, including speech, touch, and comfort when they cry. And that is only the beginning of what will be, to one degree or another, a brutal upbringing for boys.
In the 1960s, the crusading social psychologist Jeanne Block and her colleagues explored how differently parents treat boys and girls. For instance, moms and dads encourage boys to be competitive and to achieve. They don't like them to show their emotions. They encourage them to be less dependent; mothers push them away. They punish them more than they punish girls. And they are unaware that they treat boys and girls differently.
By the time boys are on their way to the teenage years, the process of disavowing what they are is complete. The book A New Psychology of Men describes research in which people were asked what it means to be feminine or masculine. Women and girls defined themselves by the ways they were connected to others, and by citing qualities like being caring or compassionate. Men and boys defined themselves by negatives: They weren't weak, dependent, or connected to their mothers.
But there is not much in our cultural definition of what it means to be a man that is inherent in maleness. Children start off surprisingly alike, whether they're boys or girls. If there's a difference, it's the opposite of what the culture seems to expect: Boys are more sensitive. They give expression to their emotions more readily than girls. They affiliate with others in the same way as girls. Then someone starts telling them it's not okay to be that way. If you act like that, you're a pussy.
As Real and others have explained, it is through this process of denial that men are primed for depression. And it is the cultural necessity of carrying out and carrying on this process that makes it so difficult for them to recognize and admit to depression when it comes. They not only don't acknowledge it to themselves, they often don't display the symptoms that psychotherapists use to diagnose depression.
The cultural training that lays the groundwork for depression in men and for their denial of it later in life involves social isolation. That means telling people the truth about yourself and trusting that they'll do the same, a concept that seems terrifying to many men.
In one case, two friends knew each other for years, commuting together, talking every day, laughing together. They would not have said they were socially isolated, yet when they happened to run into each other in the same group meeting for men suffering from depression, they had to laugh: Neither one had ever admitted it to the other, even though they were both seeking treatment for it.
Social isolation is a well-known killer of mammals. Countless studies going back to the '50s show that contact, affection, emotional communication, and genuine closeness are necessary for mammals, including humans, to maintain our health. Isolation wreaks havoc on everything from the immune system to the cardiovascular system to the brain. Conversely, staying socially connected helps protect men from mental illness, including depression.
The new research done by Kessler and others shows that single men and women look no different when it comes to most kinds of mental illness. But when they get married, they veer off in different directions. "It's a very good deal to be married if you're a man," Kessler says. "It's associated with a dramatic improvement in mental health."
Perhaps because they are forced into solitude as children, men are not as good at being alone as women are. Because of early socialization, women are better at relationships--with children, friends, and relatives. In general, women have more friends than men and are closer to those friends. This, of course, is the direct result of boys' having independence forced on them early in life, when what they need is emotional and physical contact with others.
Socialization punishes women, too. When they have children, women's mental health suffers, while that of men doesn't change at all. That's because women, in general, take care of the kids. If there's trouble in the home, or work interferes with child rearing, they'll disproportionately suffer for it.
Women also worry more than men. They care about a larger group of people who just don't appear on the emotional radar screens of men. In marriage, men share in the joys and are often protected from the pain. Just as the man will go downstairs to investigate a suspicious noise, the woman plays the role of emotional protector.
Kessler uses this example: A wife reports (to the researcher) that she's very upset, because her daughter had an abortion and had to miss a number of days of school. The husband reports that his daughter had the flu and couldn't go to school. How could this be? The explanation is simple: The daughter got pregnant and went to her mother for help, saying, "Whatever you do, don't tell Dad." So the mother helped the daughter have an abortion and told the father the girl was home sick with the flu.
The result is that the husband is exposed to less stress, while the woman is exposed to more. Not only does she have to deal with the abortion, but she also has to lie to her husband and orchestrate the protection of that lie. But throughout, her connections are reinforced and affirmed.
The studies show that when a father dies, the children grow closer to the mother. They come around more. The mother has been maintaining those relationships all along, and they pay off in a crisis. Yet when a mother dies, the children come around less. That's because for years, when they called on Sunday, they talked to the mother, not the father. By filling the social role, the wife grows closer to the kids. That's why widowhood and divorce are so much worse for men. Their protection is ripped away, and they have no social network to catch them as they fall. The person who managed their emotional life is gone.
As Kessler puts it, "You can hire someone to do most of the things the husband does in a marriage. But you can never hire someone to do what the wife does." Men can change this situation and possibly protect themselves from depression later in life by expanding the depth and breadth of their social networks.
Recovery
After undergoing treatment for bipolar disorder and chronic depression, Britt went back to compete in all the events he had run so desperately in 2004, such as the Lake Placid Ironman. To his amazement, he recognized for the first time that the run took place in a glorious natural setting. "You're literally running through fields of green," he says. Later that year, he was competing in the Ironman Wisconsin, which he'd done in such a black mood the year before, and began to wonder, Why am I hurting myself? I don't need to hurt myself anymore. For the first time in his life, he walked for an hour during the event, feeling joyous.
Britt's compulsion to run began to fade. "My race performance declined by about 5 percent in the first half of last year," he tells me, "and it really tailed off by fall. I took most of early winter off, totally. It's a healthier me all around." In other words, he now runs for fun, something he was unable to experience before.
But recovery wasn't simple or easy. Early on, when Britt was first diagnosed, he spent much of his time searching for a single moment in each day when something good happened, something he could celebrate. Gradually, those moments grew larger and more frequent. "Now," he says, "the days are filled with not only great moments, but great minutes and hours. And those make up great days, great weeks, and even great months."
When men talk about depression, one of the recurring themes is how it sucks the color and flavor out of life. The birdsong that filled you with joy as a child has no effect at all. The people you love don't make your heart sing, even though you know they should. The colors of the world are tarnished and dull. Britt ran the Boston Marathon once again, and realized at the end that although he'd run it many times, he had literally never seen the finish line; he ran right through it and focused on the next thing. "Now I can see things I never saw before--colors, scenery, people," he says. "It's almost impossible to describe, except to say that it seems like the world has visually opened up."
Depression is well known for shutting down the senses, and when it lifted, Britt was so astonished at what was around him that he took up photography just to try to capture it all. "I never cared before. I never noticed the colors of a sunset. The electricity in a lightning strike. The glow of moonrise over a lake. They've always been there. But only recently have I begun to see them. And I am amazed."
Exercising Your Demons
Some people might call you highly competitive. Some might call you superfit. But a growing number of doctors would label you something else: Depressed
By: Laurence Gonzales
In 1994, at the age of 33, Raymond Britt took up running. It made him feel good. In fact, the more he pushed himself, the better he felt. So each time he went out, he pushed a little harder. It seemed to put him above the turmoil of the world and afford him some relief. Relief from what -- that wasn't so clear. His life was good. He was a successful executive. He'd married his high-school sweetheart. He had beautiful children.
But there was something odd about it all. For one thing, he had no background as a runner. He'd been a powerlifter in his 20s, benching 315. But in the summer of '94, amid a hectic schedule, he happened to see a flier for the Chicago Marathon and was seized by the impulse to run it. Never mind that there were only a few weeks left to train. Never mind that he had never run more than 3 miles at a time. He thought, I can do anything for 5 hours and 30 minutes, which was the qualifying time to receive a finisher's medal.
He became obsessed with his training.
"I was excited, I was nervous, I was alive," he says. "My mother and my wife thought I was crazy." As he reached the 18th mile of the marathon, his hopes for a life-changing experience were shattered. Beating himself up both mentally and physically, he managed to drag his body over the finish line in 4 hours and 41 minutes, as he puts it, "alone, hurt, angry, unhappy."
Rather than recover, he went out the next day to punish himself and prepare for the next marathon.
Sex Differences
The study of how mental illness affects men and women differently is new and fraught with controversy. The first comprehensive survey was conducted between 1990 and 1992. Its aim was to estimate the general prevalence of mental illness.
The research, known as the National Comorbidity Survey, was repeated, in more depth and on a larger scale, between 2001 and 2003, under the auspices of the World Health Organization and with funding from the National Institute of Mental Health. The principal investigator is Ronald C. Kessler, Ph.D., a jolly-looking, bearded professor in the department of health-care policy at Harvard University.
The numbers seem to show that men and women suffer from various mental illnesses at about the same rate, with some notable variations and exceptions. One of the differences, long accepted as gospel by the psychiatric professions, is that twice as many women as men suffer from depression. Kessler says his numbers show that a woman is twice as likely as a man to have a single episode of major clinical depression in her life. After the first episode, however, men and women don't differ in the number of episodes they'll have during a lifetime, or in whether they'll have another episode. Only the first step differs, he says. Then the statistics flatten out to equal.
But if repeat episodes of depression are equal for men and women, doesn't it stand to reason that they may be having first bouts at the same rate? Maybe the discrepancy lies not in the number of men and women who are depressed, but rather, in how depression is expressed.
According to an increasing number of experts, the diagnostic tallies don't take into account the real experience of a lot of men like Britt. They also ignore the fact that women are much more likely to report depression and seek help. Men are more likely to try to fight through their depression, using strategies ranging from hard work to extreme exercise to drinking to violence. Nearly four times more men than women kill themselves.
When women become depressed, they tend to show the classic symptoms described in the psychiatrist's handbook the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. They feel sad and tired, and lose interest in the pleasures of life. In short, women generally get depressed in just the way that most people, including psychotherapists, think about depression.
Men tend to get angry, and that anger expresses itself in a wide variety of intense activities, such as Britt's obsessive running. Some of these men even win marathons--on the streets of Chicago or in feats of work endurance--and look like heroes, which makes it even more difficult to diagnose their depression.
Britt says, "I've always thought Lance Armstrong suffered from depression and that's where his anger came from. I saw a lot of myself in him, the way he transfers anger into action. Depression leads some of us to fight as hard as we can against it. It makes you angry. I liked my anger. I got focused and felt better, like I was leaving turmoil in the dust. But it was temporary."
Because we think of the word "depression" as fitting the woman's profile better than the man's, doctors and therapists don't tend to recognize the disease as readily in men, and men don't talk about it. William Pollack, Ph.D., a professor of psychiatry at Harvard, estimates that 50 percent to 65 percent of men suffering from what they call "covert depression" aren't diagnosed.
It seems clear that men will do just about anything to avoid admitting to having the disease. They'd rather just suffer. Some of them would rather die.
Driven
Britt raced in Chicago the next year and qualified for the Boston Marathon. Still, he needed more. He entered the Chicago Triathlon that same year and nearly drowned. ("I was a terrible swimmer.") He returned in 1996, and did well. That only fed his craving. "I wanted to take everything to the next, most impossible level I could imagine," he says. He describes himself as "driven to the margin of terror."
By 1998, he had developed a set of rules for himself: more, harder, quicker, and farther away. Three Ironman races in 7 weeks. Roth, Germany, in July for Ironman Europe. Zurich in August for Ironman Switzerland, wife and 4-month-old baby in tow. Ironman Canada again in September. "Still not enough," he says.
In 1999: four Ironman races, a 50-miler, and the Western States 100. Seven days later, he ran two 5-Ks on the same day, for "pain as punishment and proof that I was okay. I could survive the day as long as I could channel my inner turbulence into power and aggression during training. The determination, the drive, kept me afloat."
In the following years, he broke 3 hours in the marathon, qualified for the Ironman World Championships three times, won awards, gained sponsorship, and was regularly published as a cardio guru. He was a champ, a role model. "How can this be a bad thing?" he asked. "And if I'm strong enough to outlast anything, aren't I strong enough to outlast life's challenges?"
Yet his world had begun to contract. He began intentionally doing reckless things. "I took risks riding my bicycle in traffic, running at night, fighting whatever was fighting me. It felt good to be fighting."
He couldn't run, bike, and swim all day. He had to work. He had a wife and kids. So he simply pushed that much harder. "My best performances came when I was ready to rip the top off the race course. I had very aggressive feelings. I just wanted to attack."
He was winning, yes, but he also required emergency medical attention after every event. He'd come in with his blood pressure reading 90 over 50 and required up to four IV bags of fluid to counter dehydration. That didn't seem odd to him, but his wife began to worry that he was trying to kill himself. He told her he was just pushing it. He eventually did 42 marathons, 27 Ironman Triathlons, and six ultramarathons in 11 years, covering 42,000 miles, the equivalent of running, swimming, and biking around the world 1 1/2 times.
The weird thing is this: Raymond Britt isn't that unusual. His distances aren't even that huge, compared with some guys'. And the mental illness he suffers from, which drove him to battle through all those miles, is not that uncommon among men.
Steven Imparl is a lawyer in Chicago, but a look at his résumé affords a glimpse into the frantic world of a man working very hard to compensate for depression. He graduated from high school in the top 15 of his class of 550 students. He received his B.S. degree with high honors. He became an information-technology specialist working for big companies, then went on to earn his law degree and start his own firm. Along the way, he studied French, German, Slovene, and Spanish. He learned classical guitar, studied Slavic and Balkan history, and sang barbershop harmony. And he somehow found time for power walking, inline skating, volleyball, and boxing. By the fall of 2001, he was so wound up, he could hardly sleep. He became more irritable, more easily angered. After nearly getting into a fistfight while walking down a street, he decided to seek help. But when the doctor told him he was suffering from clinical depression, Imparl refused to believe it. Admitting to depression is . . . well, it's like getting your period: Guys don't do it.
Once Imparl accepted the diagnosis, he performed like any true, overachieving depressed man would: Through a program of therapy and drugs, he got better, and then he founded a successful Web site, maledepression.com, for guys like him.
Raymond Britt's crash and burn came one day in November 2004, when he set out to run himself into the ground, to transfer the pain from his soul to his body. Many miles and hours later, he found himself bloodied, exhausted, and hypothermic, but he neither displaced the internal pain nor found relief. He was forced at last to face what he'd known for decades: Depression was rampant in his family. From an early age, Britt had been determined that he wouldn't succumb. He wouldn't be weak.
Because his father had medicated his own depression with alcohol, Britt had never taken up drinking. By the fall of 2004, his father had been in therapy for a while, and was encouraging Britt to seek help. Having experienced depression himself, he was able to see the disorder in his son. He sent Britt an e-mail with his doctor's name. And then he dropped dead.
It was a few weeks later when Britt hit the wall on his last desperate run. Then he collapsed into classic symptoms of depression, which is what happens when the strategy fails: "The weight felt so heavy that it was hard to physically move," says Britt. He found himself wishing he'd be in an accident that would put him in the hospital so that he could escape. "I wanted to be taken out."
That's the point at which depressed men can slip beyond fantasy into active thoughts of suicide. Some 31,000 people in the United States commit suicide each year. More than 24,000 of them are men. And that doesn't count the deaths from alcohol or drugs. In fact, some researchers are beginning to suspect that depression causes more deaths than auto accidents do.
Britt's fantasies of having an accident scared him. He went to see his father's psychiatrist. It didn't take the doctor long to diagnose his condition. (Q: "When were you last really happy?" A: "1975.") And yet, his denial of clinical depression was so strong that he sought a second opinion.
Maybe men need a different word for depression. Or maybe the brain researchers and psychologists simply need to redefine the condition so it includes the way men experience it, too.
Cultural Cover-Up
It's understandable that women are three times more likely than men to be treated for depression; our culture has put a feminine face on the disease, so women give themselves permission to feel it and to seek help for it. Pollack puts it this way: "We have in our society a feminized view of depression, coming out of a model of hysteria that dates back to Freud."
Terrence Real, author of I Don't Want to Talk about It, and a marriage and family therapist in Massachusetts, wrote, "There is a terrible collusion in our society, a cultural cover-up about depression in men." And part of the cultural influence involves the way men are taught from early childhood to be strong, silent, independent, and resistant to suffering. As Real puts it, "Men have about a milli-second's tolerance for feeling [this type of] pain, and then they spring into action. A flight from shame into grandiosity lies at the heart of male covert depression."
Another reason men leap into action, though, whether it's through intense exercise, overwork, pounding back martinis, or some other strategy, is that it actually does relieve the symptoms of depression, at least for a time. In fact, many therapists have begun using exercise as an adjunct to therapy, as explained in books like The Joy of Running, by Thaddeus Kostrubala, and The Exercise Prescription for Depression and Anxiety, by Keith Johnsgard. And research at Duke University confirmed their hunches in 1999.
But exercise in itself doesn't treat the underlying condition. In fact, books called The Joy of Working 80 Hours a Week and The Drinking Prescription for Depression might reach a wide audience, because those strategies can effectively mask depression for years. That is, they can sort of work.
Because at the heart of what Britt and Imparl were going through was a life filled with large stretches of no feeling at all. Britt says he was constantly running, "hoping that movement would help me discover something better."
Looking back on his decades of depression, Britt saw isolated flashes of happiness--the birth of his children, laughter, friendship--but they were, he says, "bright spots on what had been a more turbulent journey than I let myself admit. The moments of happiness sustained my denial of something I had only recently begun to consider an 'invisible load.'" In other words, he'd been swimming with an anvil, and he was sinking by imperceptible increments.
Conditioning
The social conditioning that leads to men's response to depression begins in infancy. Male babies receive less of every type of nurturing, including speech, touch, and comfort when they cry. And that is only the beginning of what will be, to one degree or another, a brutal upbringing for boys.
In the 1960s, the crusading social psychologist Jeanne Block and her colleagues explored how differently parents treat boys and girls. For instance, moms and dads encourage boys to be competitive and to achieve. They don't like them to show their emotions. They encourage them to be less dependent; mothers push them away. They punish them more than they punish girls. And they are unaware that they treat boys and girls differently.
By the time boys are on their way to the teenage years, the process of disavowing what they are is complete. The book A New Psychology of Men describes research in which people were asked what it means to be feminine or masculine. Women and girls defined themselves by the ways they were connected to others, and by citing qualities like being caring or compassionate. Men and boys defined themselves by negatives: They weren't weak, dependent, or connected to their mothers.
But there is not much in our cultural definition of what it means to be a man that is inherent in maleness. Children start off surprisingly alike, whether they're boys or girls. If there's a difference, it's the opposite of what the culture seems to expect: Boys are more sensitive. They give expression to their emotions more readily than girls. They affiliate with others in the same way as girls. Then someone starts telling them it's not okay to be that way. If you act like that, you're a pussy.
As Real and others have explained, it is through this process of denial that men are primed for depression. And it is the cultural necessity of carrying out and carrying on this process that makes it so difficult for them to recognize and admit to depression when it comes. They not only don't acknowledge it to themselves, they often don't display the symptoms that psychotherapists use to diagnose depression.
The cultural training that lays the groundwork for depression in men and for their denial of it later in life involves social isolation. That means telling people the truth about yourself and trusting that they'll do the same, a concept that seems terrifying to many men.
In one case, two friends knew each other for years, commuting together, talking every day, laughing together. They would not have said they were socially isolated, yet when they happened to run into each other in the same group meeting for men suffering from depression, they had to laugh: Neither one had ever admitted it to the other, even though they were both seeking treatment for it.
Social isolation is a well-known killer of mammals. Countless studies going back to the '50s show that contact, affection, emotional communication, and genuine closeness are necessary for mammals, including humans, to maintain our health. Isolation wreaks havoc on everything from the immune system to the cardiovascular system to the brain. Conversely, staying socially connected helps protect men from mental illness, including depression.
The new research done by Kessler and others shows that single men and women look no different when it comes to most kinds of mental illness. But when they get married, they veer off in different directions. "It's a very good deal to be married if you're a man," Kessler says. "It's associated with a dramatic improvement in mental health."
Perhaps because they are forced into solitude as children, men are not as good at being alone as women are. Because of early socialization, women are better at relationships--with children, friends, and relatives. In general, women have more friends than men and are closer to those friends. This, of course, is the direct result of boys' having independence forced on them early in life, when what they need is emotional and physical contact with others.
Socialization punishes women, too. When they have children, women's mental health suffers, while that of men doesn't change at all. That's because women, in general, take care of the kids. If there's trouble in the home, or work interferes with child rearing, they'll disproportionately suffer for it.
Women also worry more than men. They care about a larger group of people who just don't appear on the emotional radar screens of men. In marriage, men share in the joys and are often protected from the pain. Just as the man will go downstairs to investigate a suspicious noise, the woman plays the role of emotional protector.
Kessler uses this example: A wife reports (to the researcher) that she's very upset, because her daughter had an abortion and had to miss a number of days of school. The husband reports that his daughter had the flu and couldn't go to school. How could this be? The explanation is simple: The daughter got pregnant and went to her mother for help, saying, "Whatever you do, don't tell Dad." So the mother helped the daughter have an abortion and told the father the girl was home sick with the flu.
The result is that the husband is exposed to less stress, while the woman is exposed to more. Not only does she have to deal with the abortion, but she also has to lie to her husband and orchestrate the protection of that lie. But throughout, her connections are reinforced and affirmed.
The studies show that when a father dies, the children grow closer to the mother. They come around more. The mother has been maintaining those relationships all along, and they pay off in a crisis. Yet when a mother dies, the children come around less. That's because for years, when they called on Sunday, they talked to the mother, not the father. By filling the social role, the wife grows closer to the kids. That's why widowhood and divorce are so much worse for men. Their protection is ripped away, and they have no social network to catch them as they fall. The person who managed their emotional life is gone.
As Kessler puts it, "You can hire someone to do most of the things the husband does in a marriage. But you can never hire someone to do what the wife does." Men can change this situation and possibly protect themselves from depression later in life by expanding the depth and breadth of their social networks.
Recovery
After undergoing treatment for bipolar disorder and chronic depression, Britt went back to compete in all the events he had run so desperately in 2004, such as the Lake Placid Ironman. To his amazement, he recognized for the first time that the run took place in a glorious natural setting. "You're literally running through fields of green," he says. Later that year, he was competing in the Ironman Wisconsin, which he'd done in such a black mood the year before, and began to wonder, Why am I hurting myself? I don't need to hurt myself anymore. For the first time in his life, he walked for an hour during the event, feeling joyous.
Britt's compulsion to run began to fade. "My race performance declined by about 5 percent in the first half of last year," he tells me, "and it really tailed off by fall. I took most of early winter off, totally. It's a healthier me all around." In other words, he now runs for fun, something he was unable to experience before.
But recovery wasn't simple or easy. Early on, when Britt was first diagnosed, he spent much of his time searching for a single moment in each day when something good happened, something he could celebrate. Gradually, those moments grew larger and more frequent. "Now," he says, "the days are filled with not only great moments, but great minutes and hours. And those make up great days, great weeks, and even great months."
When men talk about depression, one of the recurring themes is how it sucks the color and flavor out of life. The birdsong that filled you with joy as a child has no effect at all. The people you love don't make your heart sing, even though you know they should. The colors of the world are tarnished and dull. Britt ran the Boston Marathon once again, and realized at the end that although he'd run it many times, he had literally never seen the finish line; he ran right through it and focused on the next thing. "Now I can see things I never saw before--colors, scenery, people," he says. "It's almost impossible to describe, except to say that it seems like the world has visually opened up."
Depression is well known for shutting down the senses, and when it lifted, Britt was so astonished at what was around him that he took up photography just to try to capture it all. "I never cared before. I never noticed the colors of a sunset. The electricity in a lightning strike. The glow of moonrise over a lake. They've always been there. But only recently have I begun to see them. And I am amazed."
Exercising Your Demons
Some people might call you highly competitive. Some might call you superfit. But a growing number of doctors would label you something else: Depressed
By: Laurence Gonzales
In 1994, at the age of 33, Raymond Britt took up running. It made him feel good. In fact, the more he pushed himself, the better he felt. So each time he went out, he pushed a little harder. It seemed to put him above the turmoil of the world and afford him some relief. Relief from what -- that wasn't so clear. His life was good. He was a successful executive. He'd married his high-school sweetheart. He had beautiful children.
But there was something odd about it all. For one thing, he had no background as a runner. He'd been a powerlifter in his 20s, benching 315. But in the summer of '94, amid a hectic schedule, he happened to see a flier for the Chicago Marathon and was seized by the impulse to run it. Never mind that there were only a few weeks left to train. Never mind that he had never run more than 3 miles at a time. He thought, I can do anything for 5 hours and 30 minutes, which was the qualifying time to receive a finisher's medal.
He became obsessed with his training.
"I was excited, I was nervous, I was alive," he says. "My mother and my wife thought I was crazy." As he reached the 18th mile of the marathon, his hopes for a life-changing experience were shattered. Beating himself up both mentally and physically, he managed to drag his body over the finish line in 4 hours and 41 minutes, as he puts it, "alone, hurt, angry, unhappy."
Rather than recover, he went out the next day to punish himself and prepare for the next marathon.
Sex Differences
The study of how mental illness affects men and women differently is new and fraught with controversy. The first comprehensive survey was conducted between 1990 and 1992. Its aim was to estimate the general prevalence of mental illness.
The research, known as the National Comorbidity Survey, was repeated, in more depth and on a larger scale, between 2001 and 2003, under the auspices of the World Health Organization and with funding from the National Institute of Mental Health. The principal investigator is Ronald C. Kessler, Ph.D., a jolly-looking, bearded professor in the department of health-care policy at Harvard University.
The numbers seem to show that men and women suffer from various mental illnesses at about the same rate, with some notable variations and exceptions. One of the differences, long accepted as gospel by the psychiatric professions, is that twice as many women as men suffer from depression. Kessler says his numbers show that a woman is twice as likely as a man to have a single episode of major clinical depression in her life. After the first episode, however, men and women don't differ in the number of episodes they'll have during a lifetime, or in whether they'll have another episode. Only the first step differs, he says. Then the statistics flatten out to equal.
But if repeat episodes of depression are equal for men and women, doesn't it stand to reason that they may be having first bouts at the same rate? Maybe the discrepancy lies not in the number of men and women who are depressed, but rather, in how depression is expressed.
According to an increasing number of experts, the diagnostic tallies don't take into account the real experience of a lot of men like Britt. They also ignore the fact that women are much more likely to report depression and seek help. Men are more likely to try to fight through their depression, using strategies ranging from hard work to extreme exercise to drinking to violence. Nearly four times more men than women kill themselves.
When women become depressed, they tend to show the classic symptoms described in the psychiatrist's handbook the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. They feel sad and tired, and lose interest in the pleasures of life. In short, women generally get depressed in just the way that most people, including psychotherapists, think about depression.
Men tend to get angry, and that anger expresses itself in a wide variety of intense activities, such as Britt's obsessive running. Some of these men even win marathons--on the streets of Chicago or in feats of work endurance--and look like heroes, which makes it even more difficult to diagnose their depression.
Britt says, "I've always thought Lance Armstrong suffered from depression and that's where his anger came from. I saw a lot of myself in him, the way he transfers anger into action. Depression leads some of us to fight as hard as we can against it. It makes you angry. I liked my anger. I got focused and felt better, like I was leaving turmoil in the dust. But it was temporary."
Because we think of the word "depression" as fitting the woman's profile better than the man's, doctors and therapists don't tend to recognize the disease as readily in men, and men don't talk about it. William Pollack, Ph.D., a professor of psychiatry at Harvard, estimates that 50 percent to 65 percent of men suffering from what they call "covert depression" aren't diagnosed.
It seems clear that men will do just about anything to avoid admitting to having the disease. They'd rather just suffer. Some of them would rather die.
Driven
Britt raced in Chicago the next year and qualified for the Boston Marathon. Still, he needed more. He entered the Chicago Triathlon that same year and nearly drowned. ("I was a terrible swimmer.") He returned in 1996, and did well. That only fed his craving. "I wanted to take everything to the next, most impossible level I could imagine," he says. He describes himself as "driven to the margin of terror."
By 1998, he had developed a set of rules for himself: more, harder, quicker, and farther away. Three Ironman races in 7 weeks. Roth, Germany, in July for Ironman Europe. Zurich in August for Ironman Switzerland, wife and 4-month-old baby in tow. Ironman Canada again in September. "Still not enough," he says.
In 1999: four Ironman races, a 50-miler, and the Western States 100. Seven days later, he ran two 5-Ks on the same day, for "pain as punishment and proof that I was okay. I could survive the day as long as I could channel my inner turbulence into power and aggression during training. The determination, the drive, kept me afloat."
In the following years, he broke 3 hours in the marathon, qualified for the Ironman World Championships three times, won awards, gained sponsorship, and was regularly published as a cardio guru. He was a champ, a role model. "How can this be a bad thing?" he asked. "And if I'm strong enough to outlast anything, aren't I strong enough to outlast life's challenges?"
Yet his world had begun to contract. He began intentionally doing reckless things. "I took risks riding my bicycle in traffic, running at night, fighting whatever was fighting me. It felt good to be fighting."
He couldn't run, bike, and swim all day. He had to work. He had a wife and kids. So he simply pushed that much harder. "My best performances came when I was ready to rip the top off the race course. I had very aggressive feelings. I just wanted to attack."
He was winning, yes, but he also required emergency medical attention after every event. He'd come in with his blood pressure reading 90 over 50 and required up to four IV bags of fluid to counter dehydration. That didn't seem odd to him, but his wife began to worry that he was trying to kill himself. He told her he was just pushing it. He eventually did 42 marathons, 27 Ironman Triathlons, and six ultramarathons in 11 years, covering 42,000 miles, the equivalent of running, swimming, and biking around the world 1 1/2 times.
The weird thing is this: Raymond Britt isn't that unusual. His distances aren't even that huge, compared with some guys'. And the mental illness he suffers from, which drove him to battle through all those miles, is not that uncommon among men.
Steven Imparl is a lawyer in Chicago, but a look at his résumé affords a glimpse into the frantic world of a man working very hard to compensate for depression. He graduated from high school in the top 15 of his class of 550 students. He received his B.S. degree with high honors. He became an information-technology specialist working for big companies, then went on to earn his law degree and start his own firm. Along the way, he studied French, German, Slovene, and Spanish. He learned classical guitar, studied Slavic and Balkan history, and sang barbershop harmony. And he somehow found time for power walking, inline skating, volleyball, and boxing. By the fall of 2001, he was so wound up, he could hardly sleep. He became more irritable, more easily angered. After nearly getting into a fistfight while walking down a street, he decided to seek help. But when the doctor told him he was suffering from clinical depression, Imparl refused to believe it. Admitting to depression is . . . well, it's like getting your period: Guys don't do it.
Once Imparl accepted the diagnosis, he performed like any true, overachieving depressed man would: Through a program of therapy and drugs, he got better, and then he founded a successful Web site, maledepression.com, for guys like him.
Raymond Britt's crash and burn came one day in November 2004, when he set out to run himself into the ground, to transfer the pain from his soul to his body. Many miles and hours later, he found himself bloodied, exhausted, and hypothermic, but he neither displaced the internal pain nor found relief. He was forced at last to face what he'd known for decades: Depression was rampant in his family. From an early age, Britt had been determined that he wouldn't succumb. He wouldn't be weak.
Because his father had medicated his own depression with alcohol, Britt had never taken up drinking. By the fall of 2004, his father had been in therapy for a while, and was encouraging Britt to seek help. Having experienced depression himself, he was able to see the disorder in his son. He sent Britt an e-mail with his doctor's name. And then he dropped dead.
It was a few weeks later when Britt hit the wall on his last desperate run. Then he collapsed into classic symptoms of depression, which is what happens when the strategy fails: "The weight felt so heavy that it was hard to physically move," says Britt. He found himself wishing he'd be in an accident that would put him in the hospital so that he could escape. "I wanted to be taken out."
That's the point at which depressed men can slip beyond fantasy into active thoughts of suicide. Some 31,000 people in the United States commit suicide each year. More than 24,000 of them are men. And that doesn't count the deaths from alcohol or drugs. In fact, some researchers are beginning to suspect that depression causes more deaths than auto accidents do.
Britt's fantasies of having an accident scared him. He went to see his father's psychiatrist. It didn't take the doctor long to diagnose his condition. (Q: "When were you last really happy?" A: "1975.") And yet, his denial of clinical depression was so strong that he sought a second opinion.
Maybe men need a different word for depression. Or maybe the brain researchers and psychologists simply need to redefine the condition so it includes the way men experience it, too.
Cultural Cover-Up
It's understandable that women are three times more likely than men to be treated for depression; our culture has put a feminine face on the disease, so women give themselves permission to feel it and to seek help for it. Pollack puts it this way: "We have in our society a feminized view of depression, coming out of a model of hysteria that dates back to Freud."
Terrence Real, author of I Don't Want to Talk about It, and a marriage and family therapist in Massachusetts, wrote, "There is a terrible collusion in our society, a cultural cover-up about depression in men." And part of the cultural influence involves the way men are taught from early childhood to be strong, silent, independent, and resistant to suffering. As Real puts it, "Men have about a milli-second's tolerance for feeling [this type of] pain, and then they spring into action. A flight from shame into grandiosity lies at the heart of male covert depression."
Another reason men leap into action, though, whether it's through intense exercise, overwork, pounding back martinis, or some other strategy, is that it actually does relieve the symptoms of depression, at least for a time. In fact, many therapists have begun using exercise as an adjunct to therapy, as explained in books like The Joy of Running, by Thaddeus Kostrubala, and The Exercise Prescription for Depression and Anxiety, by Keith Johnsgard. And research at Duke University confirmed their hunches in 1999.
But exercise in itself doesn't treat the underlying condition. In fact, books called The Joy of Working 80 Hours a Week and The Drinking Prescription for Depression might reach a wide audience, because those strategies can effectively mask depression for years. That is, they can sort of work.
Because at the heart of what Britt and Imparl were going through was a life filled with large stretches of no feeling at all. Britt says he was constantly running, "hoping that movement would help me discover something better."
Looking back on his decades of depression, Britt saw isolated flashes of happiness--the birth of his children, laughter, friendship--but they were, he says, "bright spots on what had been a more turbulent journey than I let myself admit. The moments of happiness sustained my denial of something I had only recently begun to consider an 'invisible load.'" In other words, he'd been swimming with an anvil, and he was sinking by imperceptible increments.
Conditioning
The social conditioning that leads to men's response to depression begins in infancy. Male babies receive less of every type of nurturing, including speech, touch, and comfort when they cry. And that is only the beginning of what will be, to one degree or another, a brutal upbringing for boys.
In the 1960s, the crusading social psychologist Jeanne Block and her colleagues explored how differently parents treat boys and girls. For instance, moms and dads encourage boys to be competitive and to achieve. They don't like them to show their emotions. They encourage them to be less dependent; mothers push them away. They punish them more than they punish girls. And they are unaware that they treat boys and girls differently.
By the time boys are on their way to the teenage years, the process of disavowing what they are is complete. The book A New Psychology of Men describes research in which people were asked what it means to be feminine or masculine. Women and girls defined themselves by the ways they were connected to others, and by citing qualities like being caring or compassionate. Men and boys defined themselves by negatives: They weren't weak, dependent, or connected to their mothers.
But there is not much in our cultural definition of what it means to be a man that is inherent in maleness. Children start off surprisingly alike, whether they're boys or girls. If there's a difference, it's the opposite of what the culture seems to expect: Boys are more sensitive. They give expression to their emotions more readily than girls. They affiliate with others in the same way as girls. Then someone starts telling them it's not okay to be that way. If you act like that, you're a pussy.
As Real and others have explained, it is through this process of denial that men are primed for depression. And it is the cultural necessity of carrying out and carrying on this process that makes it so difficult for them to recognize and admit to depression when it comes. They not only don't acknowledge it to themselves, they often don't display the symptoms that psychotherapists use to diagnose depression.
The cultural training that lays the groundwork for depression in men and for their denial of it later in life involves social isolation. That means telling people the truth about yourself and trusting that they'll do the same, a concept that seems terrifying to many men.
In one case, two friends knew each other for years, commuting together, talking every day, laughing together. They would not have said they were socially isolated, yet when they happened to run into each other in the same group meeting for men suffering from depression, they had to laugh: Neither one had ever admitted it to the other, even though they were both seeking treatment for it.
Social isolation is a well-known killer of mammals. Countless studies going back to the '50s show that contact, affection, emotional communication, and genuine closeness are necessary for mammals, including humans, to maintain our health. Isolation wreaks havoc on everything from the immune system to the cardiovascular system to the brain. Conversely, staying socially connected helps protect men from mental illness, including depression.
The new research done by Kessler and others shows that single men and women look no different when it comes to most kinds of mental illness. But when they get married, they veer off in different directions. "It's a very good deal to be married if you're a man," Kessler says. "It's associated with a dramatic improvement in mental health."
Perhaps because they are forced into solitude as children, men are not as good at being alone as women are. Because of early socialization, women are better at relationships--with children, friends, and relatives. In general, women have more friends than men and are closer to those friends. This, of course, is the direct result of boys' having independence forced on them early in life, when what they need is emotional and physical contact with others.
Socialization punishes women, too. When they have children, women's mental health suffers, while that of men doesn't change at all. That's because women, in general, take care of the kids. If there's trouble in the home, or work interferes with child rearing, they'll disproportionately suffer for it.
Women also worry more than men. They care about a larger group of people who just don't appear on the emotional radar screens of men. In marriage, men share in the joys and are often protected from the pain. Just as the man will go downstairs to investigate a suspicious noise, the woman plays the role of emotional protector.
Kessler uses this example: A wife reports (to the researcher) that she's very upset, because her daughter had an abortion and had to miss a number of days of school. The husband reports that his daughter had the flu and couldn't go to school. How could this be? The explanation is simple: The daughter got pregnant and went to her mother for help, saying, "Whatever you do, don't tell Dad." So the mother helped the daughter have an abortion and told the father the girl was home sick with the flu.
The result is that the husband is exposed to less stress, while the woman is exposed to more. Not only does she have to deal with the abortion, but she also has to lie to her husband and orchestrate the protection of that lie. But throughout, her connections are reinforced and affirmed.
The studies show that when a father dies, the children grow closer to the mother. They come around more. The mother has been maintaining those relationships all along, and they pay off in a crisis. Yet when a mother dies, the children come around less. That's because for years, when they called on Sunday, they talked to the mother, not the father. By filling the social role, the wife grows closer to the kids. That's why widowhood and divorce are so much worse for men. Their protection is ripped away, and they have no social network to catch them as they fall. The person who managed their emotional life is gone.
As Kessler puts it, "You can hire someone to do most of the things the husband does in a marriage. But you can never hire someone to do what the wife does." Men can change this situation and possibly protect themselves from depression later in life by expanding the depth and breadth of their social networks.
Recovery
After undergoing treatment for bipolar disorder and chronic depression, Britt went back to compete in all the events he had run so desperately in 2004, such as the Lake Placid Ironman. To his amazement, he recognized for the first time that the run took place in a glorious natural setting. "You're literally running through fields of green," he says. Later that year, he was competing in the Ironman Wisconsin, which he'd done in such a black mood the year before, and began to wonder, Why am I hurting myself? I don't need to hurt myself anymore. For the first time in his life, he walked for an hour during the event, feeling joyous.
Britt's compulsion to run began to fade. "My race performance declined by about 5 percent in the first half of last year," he tells me, "and it really tailed off by fall. I took most of early winter off, totally. It's a healthier me all around." In other words, he now runs for fun, something he was unable to experience before.
But recovery wasn't simple or easy. Early on, when Britt was first diagnosed, he spent much of his time searching for a single moment in each day when something good happened, something he could celebrate. Gradually, those moments grew larger and more frequent. "Now," he says, "the days are filled with not only great moments, but great minutes and hours. And those make up great days, great weeks, and even great months."
When men talk about depression, one of the recurring themes is how it sucks the color and flavor out of life. The birdsong that filled you with joy as a child has no effect at all. The people you love don't make your heart sing, even though you know they should. The colors of the world are tarnished and dull. Britt ran the Boston Marathon once again, and realized at the end that although he'd run it many times, he had literally never seen the finish line; he ran right through it and focused on the next thing. "Now I can see things I never saw before--colors, scenery, people," he says. "It's almost impossible to describe, except to say that it seems like the world has visually opened up."
Depression is well known for shutting down the senses, and when it lifted, Britt was so astonished at what was around him that he took up photography just to try to capture it all. "I never cared before. I never noticed the colors of a sunset. The electricity in a lightning strike. The glow of moonrise over a lake. They've always been there. But only recently have I begun to see them. And I am amazed."
Exercising Your Demons
Some people might call you highly competitive. Some might call you superfit. But a growing number of doctors would label you something else: Depressed
By: Laurence Gonzales
In 1994, at the age of 33, Raymond Britt took up running. It made him feel good. In fact, the more he pushed himself, the better he felt. So each time he went out, he pushed a little harder. It seemed to put him above the turmoil of the world and afford him some relief. Relief from what -- that wasn't so clear. His life was good. He was a successful executive. He'd married his high-school sweetheart. He had beautiful children.
But there was something odd about it all. For one thing, he had no background as a runner. He'd been a powerlifter in his 20s, benching 315. But in the summer of '94, amid a hectic schedule, he happened to see a flier for the Chicago Marathon and was seized by the impulse to run it. Never mind that there were only a few weeks left to train. Never mind that he had never run more than 3 miles at a time. He thought, I can do anything for 5 hours and 30 minutes, which was the qualifying time to receive a finisher's medal.
He became obsessed with his training.
"I was excited, I was nervous, I was alive," he says. "My mother and my wife thought I was crazy." As he reached the 18th mile of the marathon, his hopes for a life-changing experience were shattered. Beating himself up both mentally and physically, he managed to drag his body over the finish line in 4 hours and 41 minutes, as he puts it, "alone, hurt, angry, unhappy."
Rather than recover, he went out the next day to punish himself and prepare for the next marathon.
Sex Differences
The study of how mental illness affects men and women differently is new and fraught with controversy. The first comprehensive survey was conducted between 1990 and 1992. Its aim was to estimate the general prevalence of mental illness.
The research, known as the National Comorbidity Survey, was repeated, in more depth and on a larger scale, between 2001 and 2003, under the auspices of the World Health Organization and with funding from the National Institute of Mental Health. The principal investigator is Ronald C. Kessler, Ph.D., a jolly-looking, bearded professor in the department of health-care policy at Harvard University.
The numbers seem to show that men and women suffer from various mental illnesses at about the same rate, with some notable variations and exceptions. One of the differences, long accepted as gospel by the psychiatric professions, is that twice as many women as men suffer from depression. Kessler says his numbers show that a woman is twice as likely as a man to have a single episode of major clinical depression in her life. After the first episode, however, men and women don't differ in the number of episodes they'll have during a lifetime, or in whether they'll have another episode. Only the first step differs, he says. Then the statistics flatten out to equal.
But if repeat episodes of depression are equal for men and women, doesn't it stand to reason that they may be having first bouts at the same rate? Maybe the discrepancy lies not in the number of men and women who are depressed, but rather, in how depression is expressed.
According to an increasing number of experts, the diagnostic tallies don't take into account the real experience of a lot of men like Britt. They also ignore the fact that women are much more likely to report depression and seek help. Men are more likely to try to fight through their depression, using strategies ranging from hard work to extreme exercise to drinking to violence. Nearly four times more men than women kill themselves.
When women become depressed, they tend to show the classic symptoms described in the psychiatrist's handbook the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. They feel sad and tired, and lose interest in the pleasures of life. In short, women generally get depressed in just the way that most people, including psychotherapists, think about depression.
Men tend to get angry, and that anger expresses itself in a wide variety of intense activities, such as Britt's obsessive running. Some of these men even win marathons--on the streets of Chicago or in feats of work endurance--and look like heroes, which makes it even more difficult to diagnose their depression.
Britt says, "I've always thought Lance Armstrong suffered from depression and that's where his anger came from. I saw a lot of myself in him, the way he transfers anger into action. Depression leads some of us to fight as hard as we can against it. It makes you angry. I liked my anger. I got focused and felt better, like I was leaving turmoil in the dust. But it was temporary."
Because we think of the word "depression" as fitting the woman's profile better than the man's, doctors and therapists don't tend to recognize the disease as readily in men, and men don't talk about it. William Pollack, Ph.D., a professor of psychiatry at Harvard, estimates that 50 percent to 65 percent of men suffering from what they call "covert depression" aren't diagnosed.
It seems clear that men will do just about anything to avoid admitting to having the disease. They'd rather just suffer. Some of them would rather die.
Driven
Britt raced in Chicago the next year and qualified for the Boston Marathon. Still, he needed more. He entered the Chicago Triathlon that same year and nearly drowned. ("I was a terrible swimmer.") He returned in 1996, and did well. That only fed his craving. "I wanted to take everything to the next, most impossible level I could imagine," he says. He describes himself as "driven to the margin of terror."
By 1998, he had developed a set of rules for himself: more, harder, quicker, and farther away. Three Ironman races in 7 weeks. Roth, Germany, in July for Ironman Europe. Zurich in August for Ironman Switzerland, wife and 4-month-old baby in tow. Ironman Canada again in September. "Still not enough," he says.
In 1999: four Ironman races, a 50-miler, and the Western States 100. Seven days later, he ran two 5-Ks on the same day, for "pain as punishment and proof that I was okay. I could survive the day as long as I could channel my inner turbulence into power and aggression during training. The determination, the drive, kept me afloat."
In the following years, he broke 3 hours in the marathon, qualified for the Ironman World Championships three times, won awards, gained sponsorship, and was regularly published as a cardio guru. He was a champ, a role model. "How can this be a bad thing?" he asked. "And if I'm strong enough to outlast anything, aren't I strong enough to outlast life's challenges?"
Yet his world had begun to contract. He began intentionally doing reckless things. "I took risks riding my bicycle in traffic, running at night, fighting whatever was fighting me. It felt good to be fighting."
He couldn't run, bike, and swim all day. He had to work. He had a wife and kids. So he simply pushed that much harder. "My best performances came when I was ready to rip the top off the race course. I had very aggressive feelings. I just wanted to attack."
He was winning, yes, but he also required emergency medical attention after every event. He'd come in with his blood pressure reading 90 over 50 and required up to four IV bags of fluid to counter dehydration. That didn't seem odd to him, but his wife began to worry that he was trying to kill himself. He told her he was just pushing it. He eventually did 42 marathons, 27 Ironman Triathlons, and six ultramarathons in 11 years, covering 42,000 miles, the equivalent of running, swimming, and biking around the world 1 1/2 times.
The weird thing is this: Raymond Britt isn't that unusual. His distances aren't even that huge, compared with some guys'. And the mental illness he suffers from, which drove him to battle through all those miles, is not that uncommon among men.
Steven Imparl is a lawyer in Chicago, but a look at his résumé affords a glimpse into the frantic world of a man working very hard to compensate for depression. He graduated from high school in the top 15 of his class of 550 students. He received his B.S. degree with high honors. He became an information-technology specialist working for big companies, then went on to earn his law degree and start his own firm. Along the way, he studied French, German, Slovene, and Spanish. He learned classical guitar, studied Slavic and Balkan history, and sang barbershop harmony. And he somehow found time for power walking, inline skating, volleyball, and boxing. By the fall of 2001, he was so wound up, he could hardly sleep. He became more irritable, more easily angered. After nearly getting into a fistfight while walking down a street, he decided to seek help. But when the doctor told him he was suffering from clinical depression, Imparl refused to believe it. Admitting to depression is . . . well, it's like getting your period: Guys don't do it.
Once Imparl accepted the diagnosis, he performed like any true, overachieving depressed man would: Through a program of therapy and drugs, he got better, and then he founded a successful Web site, maledepression.com, for guys like him.
Raymond Britt's crash and burn came one day in November 2004, when he set out to run himself into the ground, to transfer the pain from his soul to his body. Many miles and hours later, he found himself bloodied, exhausted, and hypothermic, but he neither displaced the internal pain nor found relief. He was forced at last to face what he'd known for decades: Depression was rampant in his family. From an early age, Britt had been determined that he wouldn't succumb. He wouldn't be weak.
Because his father had medicated his own depression with alcohol, Britt had never taken up drinking. By the fall of 2004, his father had been in therapy for a while, and was encouraging Britt to seek help. Having experienced depression himself, he was able to see the disorder in his son. He sent Britt an e-mail with his doctor's name. And then he dropped dead.
It was a few weeks later when Britt hit the wall on his last desperate run. Then he collapsed into classic symptoms of depression, which is what happens when the strategy fails: "The weight felt so heavy that it was hard to physically move," says Britt. He found himself wishing he'd be in an accident that would put him in the hospital so that he could escape. "I wanted to be taken out."
That's the point at which depressed men can slip beyond fantasy into active thoughts of suicide. Some 31,000 people in the United States commit suicide each year. More than 24,000 of them are men. And that doesn't count the deaths from alcohol or drugs. In fact, some researchers are beginning to suspect that depression causes more deaths than auto accidents do.
Britt's fantasies of having an accident scared him. He went to see his father's psychiatrist. It didn't take the doctor long to diagnose his condition. (Q: "When were you last really happy?" A: "1975.") And yet, his denial of clinical depression was so strong that he sought a second opinion.
Maybe men need a different word for depression. Or maybe the brain researchers and psychologists simply need to redefine the condition so it includes the way men experience it, too.
Cultural Cover-Up
It's understandable that women are three times more likely than men to be treated for depression; our culture has put a feminine face on the disease, so women give themselves permission to feel it and to seek help for it. Pollack puts it this way: "We have in our society a feminized view of depression, coming out of a model of hysteria that dates back to Freud."
Terrence Real, author of I Don't Want to Talk about It, and a marriage and family therapist in Massachusetts, wrote, "There is a terrible collusion in our society, a cultural cover-up about depression in men." And part of the cultural influence involves the way men are taught from early childhood to be strong, silent, independent, and resistant to suffering. As Real puts it, "Men have about a milli-second's tolerance for feeling [this type of] pain, and then they spring into action. A flight from shame into grandiosity lies at the heart of male covert depression."
Another reason men leap into action, though, whether it's through intense exercise, overwork, pounding back martinis, or some other strategy, is that it actually does relieve the symptoms of depression, at least for a time. In fact, many therapists have begun using exercise as an adjunct to therapy, as explained in books like The Joy of Running, by Thaddeus Kostrubala, and The Exercise Prescription for Depression and Anxiety, by Keith Johnsgard. And research at Duke University confirmed their hunches in 1999.
But exercise in itself doesn't treat the underlying condition. In fact, books called The Joy of Working 80 Hours a Week and The Drinking Prescription for Depression might reach a wide audience, because those strategies can effectively mask depression for years. That is, they can sort of work.
Because at the heart of what Britt and Imparl were going through was a life filled with large stretches of no feeling at all. Britt says he was constantly running, "hoping that movement would help me discover something better."
Looking back on his decades of depression, Britt saw isolated flashes of happiness--the birth of his children, laughter, friendship--but they were, he says, "bright spots on what had been a more turbulent journey than I let myself admit. The moments of happiness sustained my denial of something I had only recently begun to consider an 'invisible load.'" In other words, he'd been swimming with an anvil, and he was sinking by imperceptible increments.
Conditioning
The social conditioning that leads to men's response to depression begins in infancy. Male babies receive less of every type of nurturing, including speech, touch, and comfort when they cry. And that is only the beginning of what will be, to one degree or another, a brutal upbringing for boys.
In the 1960s, the crusading social psychologist Jeanne Block and her colleagues explored how differently parents treat boys and girls. For instance, moms and dads encourage boys to be competitive and to achieve. They don't like them to show their emotions. They encourage them to be less dependent; mothers push them away. They punish them more than they punish girls. And they are unaware that they treat boys and girls differently.
By the time boys are on their way to the teenage years, the process of disavowing what they are is complete. The book A New Psychology of Men describes research in which people were asked what it means to be feminine or masculine. Women and girls defined themselves by the ways they were connected to others, and by citing qualities like being caring or compassionate. Men and boys defined themselves by negatives: They weren't weak, dependent, or connected to their mothers.
But there is not much in our cultural definition of what it means to be a man that is inherent in maleness. Children start off surprisingly alike, whether they're boys or girls. If there's a difference, it's the opposite of what the culture seems to expect: Boys are more sensitive. They give expression to their emotions more readily than girls. They affiliate with others in the same way as girls. Then someone starts telling them it's not okay to be that way. If you act like that, you're a pussy.
As Real and others have explained, it is through this process of denial that men are primed for depression. And it is the cultural necessity of carrying out and carrying on this process that makes it so difficult for them to recognize and admit to depression when it comes. They not only don't acknowledge it to themselves, they often don't display the symptoms that psychotherapists use to diagnose depression.
The cultural training that lays the groundwork for depression in men and for their denial of it later in life involves social isolation. That means telling people the truth about yourself and trusting that they'll do the same, a concept that seems terrifying to many men.
In one case, two friends knew each other for years, commuting together, talking every day, laughing together. They would not have said they were socially isolated, yet when they happened to run into each other in the same group meeting for men suffering from depression, they had to laugh: Neither one had ever admitted it to the other, even though they were both seeking treatment for it.
Social isolation is a well-known killer of mammals. Countless studies going back to the '50s show that contact, affection, emotional communication, and genuine closeness are necessary for mammals, including humans, to maintain our health. Isolation wreaks havoc on everything from the immune system to the cardiovascular system to the brain. Conversely, staying socially connected helps protect men from mental illness, including depression.
The new research done by Kessler and others shows that single men and women look no different when it comes to most kinds of mental illness. But when they get married, they veer off in different directions. "It's a very good deal to be married if you're a man," Kessler says. "It's associated with a dramatic improvement in mental health."
Perhaps because they are forced into solitude as children, men are not as good at being alone as women are. Because of early socialization, women are better at relationships--with children, friends, and relatives. In general, women have more friends than men and are closer to those friends. This, of course, is the direct result of boys' having independence forced on them early in life, when what they need is emotional and physical contact with others.
Socialization punishes women, too. When they have children, women's mental health suffers, while that of men doesn't change at all. That's because women, in general, take care of the kids. If there's trouble in the home, or work interferes with child rearing, they'll disproportionately suffer for it.
Women also worry more than men. They care about a larger group of people who just don't appear on the emotional radar screens of men. In marriage, men share in the joys and are often protected from the pain. Just as the man will go downstairs to investigate a suspicious noise, the woman plays the role of emotional protector.
Kessler uses this example: A wife reports (to the researcher) that she's very upset, because her daughter had an abortion and had to miss a number of days of school. The husband reports that his daughter had the flu and couldn't go to school. How could this be? The explanation is simple: The daughter got pregnant and went to her mother for help, saying, "Whatever you do, don't tell Dad." So the mother helped the daughter have an abortion and told the father the girl was home sick with the flu.
The result is that the husband is exposed to less stress, while the woman is exposed to more. Not only does she have to deal with the abortion, but she also has to lie to her husband and orchestrate the protection of that lie. But throughout, her connections are reinforced and affirmed.
The studies show that when a father dies, the children grow closer to the mother. They come around more. The mother has been maintaining those relationships all along, and they pay off in a crisis. Yet when a mother dies, the children come around less. That's because for years, when they called on Sunday, they talked to the mother, not the father. By filling the social role, the wife grows closer to the kids. That's why widowhood and divorce are so much worse for men. Their protection is ripped away, and they have no social network to catch them as they fall. The person who managed their emotional life is gone.
As Kessler puts it, "You can hire someone to do most of the things the husband does in a marriage. But you can never hire someone to do what the wife does." Men can change this situation and possibly protect themselves from depression later in life by expanding the depth and breadth of their social networks.
Recovery
After undergoing treatment for bipolar disorder and chronic depression, Britt went back to compete in all the events he had run so desperately in 2004, such as the Lake Placid Ironman. To his amazement, he recognized for the first time that the run took place in a glorious natural setting. "You're literally running through fields of green," he says. Later that year, he was competing in the Ironman Wisconsin, which he'd done in such a black mood the year before, and began to wonder, Why am I hurting myself? I don't need to hurt myself anymore. For the first time in his life, he walked for an hour during the event, feeling joyous.
Britt's compulsion to run began to fade. "My race performance declined by about 5 percent in the first half of last year," he tells me, "and it really tailed off by fall. I took most of early winter off, totally. It's a healthier me all around." In other words, he now runs for fun, something he was unable to experience before.
But recovery wasn't simple or easy. Early on, when Britt was first diagnosed, he spent much of his time searching for a single moment in each day when something good happened, something he could celebrate. Gradually, those moments grew larger and more frequent. "Now," he says, "the days are filled with not only great moments, but great minutes and hours. And those make up great days, great weeks, and even great months."
When men talk about depression, one of the recurring themes is how it sucks the color and flavor out of life. The birdsong that filled you with joy as a child has no effect at all. The people you love don't make your heart sing, even though you know they should. The colors of the world are tarnished and dull. Britt ran the Boston Marathon once again, and realized at the end that although he'd run it many times, he had literally never seen the finish line; he ran right through it and focused on the next thing. "Now I can see things I never saw before--colors, scenery, people," he says. "It's almost impossible to describe, except to say that it seems like the world has visually opened up."
Depression is well known for shutting down the senses, and when it lifted, Britt was so astonished at what was around him that he took up photography just to try to capture it all. "I never cared before. I never noticed the colors of a sunset. The electricity in a lightning strike. The glow of moonrise over a lake. They've always been there. But only recently have I begun to see them. And I am amazed."
Exercising Your Demons
Some people might call you highly competitive. Some might call you superfit. But a growing number of doctors would label you something else: Depressed
By: Laurence Gonzales
In 1994, at the age of 33, Raymond Britt took up running. It made him feel good. In fact, the more he pushed himself, the better he felt. So each time he went out, he pushed a little harder. It seemed to put him above the turmoil of the world and afford him some relief. Relief from what -- that wasn't so clear. His life was good. He was a successful executive. He'd married his high-school sweetheart. He had beautiful children.
But there was something odd about it all. For one thing, he had no background as a runner. He'd been a powerlifter in his 20s, benching 315. But in the summer of '94, amid a hectic schedule, he happened to see a flier for the Chicago Marathon and was seized by the impulse to run it. Never mind that there were only a few weeks left to train. Never mind that he had never run more than 3 miles at a time. He thought, I can do anything for 5 hours and 30 minutes, which was the qualifying time to receive a finisher's medal.
He became obsessed with his training.
"I was excited, I was nervous, I was alive," he says. "My mother and my wife thought I was crazy." As he reached the 18th mile of the marathon, his hopes for a life-changing experience were shattered. Beating himself up both mentally and physically, he managed to drag his body over the finish line in 4 hours and 41 minutes, as he puts it, "alone, hurt, angry, unhappy."
Rather than recover, he went out the next day to punish himself and prepare for the next marathon.
Sex Differences
The study of how mental illness affects men and women differently is new and fraught with controversy. The first comprehensive survey was conducted between 1990 and 1992. Its aim was to estimate the general prevalence of mental illness.
The research, known as the National Comorbidity Survey, was repeated, in more depth and on a larger scale, between 2001 and 2003, under the auspices of the World Health Organization and with funding from the National Institute of Mental Health. The principal investigator is Ronald C. Kessler, Ph.D., a jolly-looking, bearded professor in the department of health-care policy at Harvard University.
The numbers seem to show that men and women suffer from various mental illnesses at about the same rate, with some notable variations and exceptions. One of the differences, long accepted as gospel by the psychiatric professions, is that twice as many women as men suffer from depression. Kessler says his numbers show that a woman is twice as likely as a man to have a single episode of major clinical depression in her life. After the first episode, however, men and women don't differ in the number of episodes they'll have during a lifetime, or in whether they'll have another episode. Only the first step differs, he says. Then the statistics flatten out to equal.
But if repeat episodes of depression are equal for men and women, doesn't it stand to reason that they may be having first bouts at the same rate? Maybe the discrepancy lies not in the number of men and women who are depressed, but rather, in how depression is expressed.
According to an increasing number of experts, the diagnostic tallies don't take into account the real experience of a lot of men like Britt. They also ignore the fact that women are much more likely to report depression and seek help. Men are more likely to try to fight through their depression, using strategies ranging from hard work to extreme exercise to drinking to violence. Nearly four times more men than women kill themselves.
When women become depressed, they tend to show the classic symptoms described in the psychiatrist's handbook the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. They feel sad and tired, and lose interest in the pleasures of life. In short, women generally get depressed in just the way that most people, including psychotherapists, think about depression.
Men tend to get angry, and that anger expresses itself in a wide variety of intense activities, such as Britt's obsessive running. Some of these men even win marathons--on the streets of Chicago or in feats of work endurance--and look like heroes, which makes it even more difficult to diagnose their depression.
Britt says, "I've always thought Lance Armstrong suffered from depression and that's where his anger came from. I saw a lot of myself in him, the way he transfers anger into action. Depression leads some of us to fight as hard as we can against it. It makes you angry. I liked my anger. I got focused and felt better, like I was leaving turmoil in the dust. But it was temporary."
Because we think of the word "depression" as fitting the woman's profile better than the man's, doctors and therapists don't tend to recognize the disease as readily in men, and men don't talk about it. William Pollack, Ph.D., a professor of psychiatry at Harvard, estimates that 50 percent to 65 percent of men suffering from what they call "covert depression" aren't diagnosed.
It seems clear that men will do just about anything to avoid admitting to having the disease. They'd rather just suffer. Some of them would rather die.
Driven
Britt raced in Chicago the next year and qualified for the Boston Marathon. Still, he needed more. He entered the Chicago Triathlon that same year and nearly drowned. ("I was a terrible swimmer.") He returned in 1996, and did well. That only fed his craving. "I wanted to take everything to the next, most impossible level I could imagine," he says. He describes himself as "driven to the margin of terror."
By 1998, he had developed a set of rules for himself: more, harder, quicker, and farther away. Three Ironman races in 7 weeks. Roth, Germany, in July for Ironman Europe. Zurich in August for Ironman Switzerland, wife and 4-month-old baby in tow. Ironman Canada again in September. "Still not enough," he says.
In 1999: four Ironman races, a 50-miler, and the Western States 100. Seven days later, he ran two 5-Ks on the same day, for "pain as punishment and proof that I was okay. I could survive the day as long as I could channel my inner turbulence into power and aggression during training. The determination, the drive, kept me afloat."
In the following years, he broke 3 hours in the marathon, qualified for the Ironman World Championships three times, won awards, gained sponsorship, and was regularly published as a cardio guru. He was a champ, a role model. "How can this be a bad thing?" he asked. "And if I'm strong enough to outlast anything, aren't I strong enough to outlast life's challenges?"
Yet his world had begun to contract. He began intentionally doing reckless things. "I took risks riding my bicycle in traffic, running at night, fighting whatever was fighting me. It felt good to be fighting."
He couldn't run, bike, and swim all day. He had to work. He had a wife and kids. So he simply pushed that much harder. "My best performances came when I was ready to rip the top off the race course. I had very aggressive feelings. I just wanted to attack."
He was winning, yes, but he also required emergency medical attention after every event. He'd come in with his blood pressure reading 90 over 50 and required up to four IV bags of fluid to counter dehydration. That didn't seem odd to him, but his wife began to worry that he was trying to kill himself. He told her he was just pushing it. He eventually did 42 marathons, 27 Ironman Triathlons, and six ultramarathons in 11 years, covering 42,000 miles, the equivalent of running, swimming, and biking around the world 1 1/2 times.
The weird thing is this: Raymond Britt isn't that unusual. His distances aren't even that huge, compared with some guys'. And the mental illness he suffers from, which drove him to battle through all those miles, is not that uncommon among men.
Steven Imparl is a lawyer in Chicago, but a look at his résumé affords a glimpse into the frantic world of a man working very hard to compensate for depression. He graduated from high school in the top 15 of his class of 550 students. He received his B.S. degree with high honors. He became an information-technology specialist working for big companies, then went on to earn his law degree and start his own firm. Along the way, he studied French, German, Slovene, and Spanish. He learned classical guitar, studied Slavic and Balkan history, and sang barbershop harmony. And he somehow found time for power walking, inline skating, volleyball, and boxing. By the fall of 2001, he was so wound up, he could hardly sleep. He became more irritable, more easily angered. After nearly getting into a fistfight while walking down a street, he decided to seek help. But when the doctor told him he was suffering from clinical depression, Imparl refused to believe it. Admitting to depression is . . . well, it's like getting your period: Guys don't do it.
Once Imparl accepted the diagnosis, he performed like any true, overachieving depressed man would: Through a program of therapy and drugs, he got better, and then he founded a successful Web site, maledepression.com, for guys like him.
Raymond Britt's crash and burn came one day in November 2004, when he set out to run himself into the ground, to transfer the pain from his soul to his body. Many miles and hours later, he found himself bloodied, exhausted, and hypothermic, but he neither displaced the internal pain nor found relief. He was forced at last to face what he'd known for decades: Depression was rampant in his family. From an early age, Britt had been determined that he wouldn't succumb. He wouldn't be weak.
Because his father had medicated his own depression with alcohol, Britt had never taken up drinking. By the fall of 2004, his father had been in therapy for a while, and was encouraging Britt to seek help. Having experienced depression himself, he was able to see the disorder in his son. He sent Britt an e-mail with his doctor's name. And then he dropped dead.
It was a few weeks later when Britt hit the wall on his last desperate run. Then he collapsed into classic symptoms of depression, which is what happens when the strategy fails: "The weight felt so heavy that it was hard to physically move," says Britt. He found himself wishing he'd be in an accident that would put him in the hospital so that he could escape. "I wanted to be taken out."
That's the point at which depressed men can slip beyond fantasy into active thoughts of suicide. Some 31,000 people in the United States commit suicide each year. More than 24,000 of them are men. And that doesn't count the deaths from alcohol or drugs. In fact, some researchers are beginning to suspect that depression causes more deaths than auto accidents do.
Britt's fantasies of having an accident scared him. He went to see his father's psychiatrist. It didn't take the doctor long to diagnose his condition. (Q: "When were you last really happy?" A: "1975.") And yet, his denial of clinical depression was so strong that he sought a second opinion.
Maybe men need a different word for depression. Or maybe the brain researchers and psychologists simply need to redefine the condition so it includes the way men experience it, too.
Cultural Cover-Up
It's understandable that women are three times more likely than men to be treated for depression; our culture has put a feminine face on the disease, so women give themselves permission to feel it and to seek help for it. Pollack puts it this way: "We have in our society a feminized view of depression, coming out of a model of hysteria that dates back to Freud."
Terrence Real, author of I Don't Want to Talk about It, and a marriage and family therapist in Massachusetts, wrote, "There is a terrible collusion in our society, a cultural cover-up about depression in men." And part of the cultural influence involves the way men are taught from early childhood to be strong, silent, independent, and resistant to suffering. As Real puts it, "Men have about a milli-second's tolerance for feeling [this type of] pain, and then they spring into action. A flight from shame into grandiosity lies at the heart of male covert depression."
Another reason men leap into action, though, whether it's through intense exercise, overwork, pounding back martinis, or some other strategy, is that it actually does relieve the symptoms of depression, at least for a time. In fact, many therapists have begun using exercise as an adjunct to therapy, as explained in books like The Joy of Running, by Thaddeus Kostrubala, and The Exercise Prescription for Depression and Anxiety, by Keith Johnsgard. And research at Duke University confirmed their hunches in 1999.
But exercise in itself doesn't treat the underlying condition. In fact, books called The Joy of Working 80 Hours a Week and The Drinking Prescription for Depression might reach a wide audience, because those strategies can effectively mask depression for years. That is, they can sort of work.
Because at the heart of what Britt and Imparl were going through was a life filled with large stretches of no feeling at all. Britt says he was constantly running, "hoping that movement would help me discover something better."
Looking back on his decades of depression, Britt saw isolated flashes of happiness--the birth of his children, laughter, friendship--but they were, he says, "bright spots on what had been a more turbulent journey than I let myself admit. The moments of happiness sustained my denial of something I had only recently begun to consider an 'invisible load.'" In other words, he'd been swimming with an anvil, and he was sinking by imperceptible increments.
Conditioning
The social conditioning that leads to men's response to depression begins in infancy. Male babies receive less of every type of nurturing, including speech, touch, and comfort when they cry. And that is only the beginning of what will be, to one degree or another, a brutal upbringing for boys.
In the 1960s, the crusading social psychologist Jeanne Block and her colleagues explored how differently parents treat boys and girls. For instance, moms and dads encourage boys to be competitive and to achieve. They don't like them to show their emotions. They encourage them to be less dependent; mothers push them away. They punish them more than they punish girls. And they are unaware that they treat boys and girls differently.
By the time boys are on their way to the teenage years, the process of disavowing what they are is complete. The book A New Psychology of Men describes research in which people were asked what it means to be feminine or masculine. Women and girls defined themselves by the ways they were connected to others, and by citing qualities like being caring or compassionate. Men and boys defined themselves by negatives: They weren't weak, dependent, or connected to their mothers.
But there is not much in our cultural definition of what it means to be a man that is inherent in maleness. Children start off surprisingly alike, whether they're boys or girls. If there's a difference, it's the opposite of what the culture seems to expect: Boys are more sensitive. They give expression to their emotions more readily than girls. They affiliate with others in the same way as girls. Then someone starts telling them it's not okay to be that way. If you act like that, you're a pussy.
As Real and others have explained, it is through this process of denial that men are primed for depression. And it is the cultural necessity of carrying out and carrying on this process that makes it so difficult for them to recognize and admit to depression when it comes. They not only don't acknowledge it to themselves, they often don't display the symptoms that psychotherapists use to diagnose depression.
The cultural training that lays the groundwork for depression in men and for their denial of it later in life involves social isolation. That means telling people the truth about yourself and trusting that they'll do the same, a concept that seems terrifying to many men.
In one case, two friends knew each other for years, commuting together, talking every day, laughing together. They would not have said they were socially isolated, yet when they happened to run into each other in the same group meeting for men suffering from depression, they had to laugh: Neither one had ever admitted it to the other, even though they were both seeking treatment for it.
Social isolation is a well-known killer of mammals. Countless studies going back to the '50s show that contact, affection, emotional communication, and genuine closeness are necessary for mammals, including humans, to maintain our health. Isolation wreaks havoc on everything from the immune system to the cardiovascular system to the brain. Conversely, staying socially connected helps protect men from mental illness, including depression.
The new research done by Kessler and others shows that single men and women look no different when it comes to most kinds of mental illness. But when they get married, they veer off in different directions. "It's a very good deal to be married if you're a man," Kessler says. "It's associated with a dramatic improvement in mental health."
Perhaps because they are forced into solitude as children, men are not as good at being alone as women are. Because of early socialization, women are better at relationships--with children, friends, and relatives. In general, women have more friends than men and are closer to those friends. This, of course, is the direct result of boys' having independence forced on them early in life, when what they need is emotional and physical contact with others.
Socialization punishes women, too. When they have children, women's mental health suffers, while that of men doesn't change at all. That's because women, in general, take care of the kids. If there's trouble in the home, or work interferes with child rearing, they'll disproportionately suffer for it.
Women also worry more than men. They care about a larger group of people who just don't appear on the emotional radar screens of men. In marriage, men share in the joys and are often protected from the pain. Just as the man will go downstairs to investigate a suspicious noise, the woman plays the role of emotional protector.
Kessler uses this example: A wife reports (to the researcher) that she's very upset, because her daughter had an abortion and had to miss a number of days of school. The husband reports that his daughter had the flu and couldn't go to school. How could this be? The explanation is simple: The daughter got pregnant and went to her mother for help, saying, "Whatever you do, don't tell Dad." So the mother helped the daughter have an abortion and told the father the girl was home sick with the flu.
The result is that the husband is exposed to less stress, while the woman is exposed to more. Not only does she have to deal with the abortion, but she also has to lie to her husband and orchestrate the protection of that lie. But throughout, her connections are reinforced and affirmed.
The studies show that when a father dies, the children grow closer to the mother. They come around more. The mother has been maintaining those relationships all along, and they pay off in a crisis. Yet when a mother dies, the children come around less. That's because for years, when they called on Sunday, they talked to the mother, not the father. By filling the social role, the wife grows closer to the kids. That's why widowhood and divorce are so much worse for men. Their protection is ripped away, and they have no social network to catch them as they fall. The person who managed their emotional life is gone.
As Kessler puts it, "You can hire someone to do most of the things the husband does in a marriage. But you can never hire someone to do what the wife does." Men can change this situation and possibly protect themselves from depression later in life by expanding the depth and breadth of their social networks.
Recovery
After undergoing treatment for bipolar disorder and chronic depression, Britt went back to compete in all the events he had run so desperately in 2004, such as the Lake Placid Ironman. To his amazement, he recognized for the first time that the run took place in a glorious natural setting. "You're literally running through fields of green," he says. Later that year, he was competing in the Ironman Wisconsin, which he'd done in such a black mood the year before, and began to wonder, Why am I hurting myself? I don't need to hurt myself anymore. For the first time in his life, he walked for an hour during the event, feeling joyous.
Britt's compulsion to run began to fade. "My race performance declined by about 5 percent in the first half of last year," he tells me, "and it really tailed off by fall. I took most of early winter off, totally. It's a healthier me all around." In other words, he now runs for fun, something he was unable to experience before.
But recovery wasn't simple or easy. Early on, when Britt was first diagnosed, he spent much of his time searching for a single moment in each day when something good happened, something he could celebrate. Gradually, those moments grew larger and more frequent. "Now," he says, "the days are filled with not only great moments, but great minutes and hours. And those make up great days, great weeks, and even great months."
When men talk about depression, one of the recurring themes is how it sucks the color and flavor out of life. The birdsong that filled you with joy as a child has no effect at all. The people you love don't make your heart sing, even though you know they should. The colors of the world are tarnished and dull. Britt ran the Boston Marathon once again, and realized at the end that although he'd run it many times, he had literally never seen the finish line; he ran right through it and focused on the next thing. "Now I can see things I never saw before--colors, scenery, people," he says. "It's almost impossible to describe, except to say that it seems like the world has visually opened up."
Depression is well known for shutting down the senses, and when it lifted, Britt was so astonished at what was around him that he took up photography just to try to capture it all. "I never cared before. I never noticed the colors of a sunset. The electricity in a lightning strike. The glow of moonrise over a lake. They've always been there. But only recently have I begun to see them. And I am amazed."
Exercising Your Demons
Some people might call you highly competitive. Some might call you superfit. But a growing number of doctors would label you something else: Depressed
By: Laurence Gonzales
In 1994, at the age of 33, Raymond Britt took up running. It made him feel good. In fact, the more he pushed himself, the better he felt. So each time he went out, he pushed a little harder. It seemed to put him above the turmoil of the world and afford him some relief. Relief from what -- that wasn't so clear. His life was good. He was a successful executive. He'd married his high-school sweetheart. He had beautiful children.
But there was something odd about it all. For one thing, he had no background as a runner. He'd been a powerlifter in his 20s, benching 315. But in the summer of '94, amid a hectic schedule, he happened to see a flier for the Chicago Marathon and was seized by the impulse to run it. Never mind that there were only a few weeks left to train. Never mind that he had never run more than 3 miles at a time. He thought, I can do anything for 5 hours and 30 minutes, which was the qualifying time to receive a finisher's medal.
He became obsessed with his training.
"I was excited, I was nervous, I was alive," he says. "My mother and my wife thought I was crazy." As he reached the 18th mile of the marathon, his hopes for a life-changing experience were shattered. Beating himself up both mentally and physically, he managed to drag his body over the finish line in 4 hours and 41 minutes, as he puts it, "alone, hurt, angry, unhappy."
Rather than recover, he went out the next day to punish himself and prepare for the next marathon.
Sex Differences
The study of how mental illness affects men and women differently is new and fraught with controversy. The first comprehensive survey was conducted between 1990 and 1992. Its aim was to estimate the general prevalence of mental illness.
The research, known as the National Comorbidity Survey, was repeated, in more depth and on a larger scale, between 2001 and 2003, under the auspices of the World Health Organization and with funding from the National Institute of Mental Health. The principal investigator is Ronald C. Kessler, Ph.D., a jolly-looking, bearded professor in the department of health-care policy at Harvard University.
The numbers seem to show that men and women suffer from various mental illnesses at about the same rate, with some notable variations and exceptions. One of the differences, long accepted as gospel by the psychiatric professions, is that twice as many women as men suffer from depression. Kessler says his numbers show that a woman is twice as likely as a man to have a single episode of major clinical depression in her life. After the first episode, however, men and women don't differ in the number of episodes they'll have during a lifetime, or in whether they'll have another episode. Only the first step differs, he says. Then the statistics flatten out to equal.
But if repeat episodes of depression are equal for men and women, doesn't it stand to reason that they may be having first bouts at the same rate? Maybe the discrepancy lies not in the number of men and women who are depressed, but rather, in how depression is expressed.
According to an increasing number of experts, the diagnostic tallies don't take into account the real experience of a lot of men like Britt. They also ignore the fact that women are much more likely to report depression and seek help. Men are more likely to try to fight through their depression, using strategies ranging from hard work to extreme exercise to drinking to violence. Nearly four times more men than women kill themselves.
When women become depressed, they tend to show the classic symptoms described in the psychiatrist's handbook the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. They feel sad and tired, and lose interest in the pleasures of life. In short, women generally get depressed in just the way that most people, including psychotherapists, think about depression.
Men tend to get angry, and that anger expresses itself in a wide variety of intense activities, such as Britt's obsessive running. Some of these men even win marathons--on the streets of Chicago or in feats of work endurance--and look like heroes, which makes it even more difficult to diagnose their depression.
Britt says, "I've always thought Lance Armstrong suffered from depression and that's where his anger came from. I saw a lot of myself in him, the way he transfers anger into action. Depression leads some of us to fight as hard as we can against it. It makes you angry. I liked my anger. I got focused and felt better, like I was leaving turmoil in the dust. But it was temporary."
Because we think of the word "depression" as fitting the woman's profile better than the man's, doctors and therapists don't tend to recognize the disease as readily in men, and men don't talk about it. William Pollack, Ph.D., a professor of psychiatry at Harvard, estimates that 50 percent to 65 percent of men suffering from what they call "covert depression" aren't diagnosed.
It seems clear that men will do just about anything to avoid admitting to having the disease. They'd rather just suffer. Some of them would rather die.
Driven
Britt raced in Chicago the next year and qualified for the Boston Marathon. Still, he needed more. He entered the Chicago Triathlon that same year and nearly drowned. ("I was a terrible swimmer.") He returned in 1996, and did well. That only fed his craving. "I wanted to take everything to the next, most impossible level I could imagine," he says. He describes himself as "driven to the margin of terror."
By 1998, he had developed a set of rules for himself: more, harder, quicker, and farther away. Three Ironman races in 7 weeks. Roth, Germany, in July for Ironman Europe. Zurich in August for Ironman Switzerland, wife and 4-month-old baby in tow. Ironman Canada again in September. "Still not enough," he says.
In 1999: four Ironman races, a 50-miler, and the Western States 100. Seven days later, he ran two 5-Ks on the same day, for "pain as punishment and proof that I was okay. I could survive the day as long as I could channel my inner turbulence into power and aggression during training. The determination, the drive, kept me afloat."
In the following years, he broke 3 hours in the marathon, qualified for the Ironman World Championships three times, won awards, gained sponsorship, and was regularly published as a cardio guru. He was a champ, a role model. "How can this be a bad thing?" he asked. "And if I'm strong enough to outlast anything, aren't I strong enough to outlast life's challenges?"
Yet his world had begun to contract. He began intentionally doing reckless things. "I took risks riding my bicycle in traffic, running at night, fighting whatever was fighting me. It felt good to be fighting."
He couldn't run, bike, and swim all day. He had to work. He had a wife and kids. So he simply pushed that much harder. "My best performances came when I was ready to rip the top off the race course. I had very aggressive feelings. I just wanted to attack."
He was winning, yes, but he also required emergency medical attention after every event. He'd come in with his blood pressure reading 90 over 50 and required up to four IV bags of fluid to counter dehydration. That didn't seem odd to him, but his wife began to worry that he was trying to kill himself. He told her he was just pushing it. He eventually did 42 marathons, 27 Ironman Triathlons, and six ultramarathons in 11 years, covering 42,000 miles, the equivalent of running, swimming, and biking around the world 1 1/2 times.
The weird thing is this: Raymond Britt isn't that unusual. His distances aren't even that huge, compared with some guys'. And the mental illness he suffers from, which drove him to battle through all those miles, is not that uncommon among men.
Steven Imparl is a lawyer in Chicago, but a look at his résumé affords a glimpse into the frantic world of a man working very hard to compensate for depression. He graduated from high school in the top 15 of his class of 550 students. He received his B.S. degree with high honors. He became an information-technology specialist working for big companies, then went on to earn his law degree and start his own firm. Along the way, he studied French, German, Slovene, and Spanish. He learned classical guitar, studied Slavic and Balkan history, and sang barbershop harmony. And he somehow found time for power walking, inline skating, volleyball, and boxing. By the fall of 2001, he was so wound up, he could hardly sleep. He became more irritable, more easily angered. After nearly getting into a fistfight while walking down a street, he decided to seek help. But when the doctor told him he was suffering from clinical depression, Imparl refused to believe it. Admitting to depression is . . . well, it's like getting your period: Guys don't do it.
Once Imparl accepted the diagnosis, he performed like any true, overachieving depressed man would: Through a program of therapy and drugs, he got better, and then he founded a successful Web site, maledepression.com, for guys like him.
Raymond Britt's crash and burn came one day in November 2004, when he set out to run himself into the ground, to transfer the pain from his soul to his body. Many miles and hours later, he found himself bloodied, exhausted, and hypothermic, but he neither displaced the internal pain nor found relief. He was forced at last to face what he'd known for decades: Depression was rampant in his family. From an early age, Britt had been determined that he wouldn't succumb. He wouldn't be weak.
Because his father had medicated his own depression with alcohol, Britt had never taken up drinking. By the fall of 2004, his father had been in therapy for a while, and was encouraging Britt to seek help. Having experienced depression himself, he was able to see the disorder in his son. He sent Britt an e-mail with his doctor's name. And then he dropped dead.
It was a few weeks later when Britt hit the wall on his last desperate run. Then he collapsed into classic symptoms of depression, which is what happens when the strategy fails: "The weight felt so heavy that it was hard to physically move," says Britt. He found himself wishing he'd be in an accident that would put him in the hospital so that he could escape. "I wanted to be taken out."
That's the point at which depressed men can slip beyond fantasy into active thoughts of suicide. Some 31,000 people in the United States commit suicide each year. More than 24,000 of them are men. And that doesn't count the deaths from alcohol or drugs. In fact, some researchers are beginning to suspect that depression causes more deaths than auto accidents do.
Britt's fantasies of having an accident scared him. He went to see his father's psychiatrist. It didn't take the doctor long to diagnose his condition. (Q: "When were you last really happy?" A: "1975.") And yet, his denial of clinical depression was so strong that he sought a second opinion.
Maybe men need a different word for depression. Or maybe the brain researchers and psychologists simply need to redefine the condition so it includes the way men experience it, too.
Cultural Cover-Up
It's understandable that women are three times more likely than men to be treated for depression; our culture has put a feminine face on the disease, so women give themselves permission to feel it and to seek help for it. Pollack puts it this way: "We have in our society a feminized view of depression, coming out of a model of hysteria that dates back to Freud."
Terrence Real, author of I Don't Want to Talk about It, and a marriage and family therapist in Massachusetts, wrote, "There is a terrible collusion in our society, a cultural cover-up about depression in men." And part of the cultural influence involves the way men are taught from early childhood to be strong, silent, independent, and resistant to suffering. As Real puts it, "Men have about a milli-second's tolerance for feeling [this type of] pain, and then they spring into action. A flight from shame into grandiosity lies at the heart of male covert depression."
Another reason men leap into action, though, whether it's through intense exercise, overwork, pounding back martinis, or some other strategy, is that it actually does relieve the symptoms of depression, at least for a time. In fact, many therapists have begun using exercise as an adjunct to therapy, as explained in books like The Joy of Running, by Thaddeus Kostrubala, and The Exercise Prescription for Depression and Anxiety, by Keith Johnsgard. And research at Duke University confirmed their hunches in 1999.
But exercise in itself doesn't treat the underlying condition. In fact, books called The Joy of Working 80 Hours a Week and The Drinking Prescription for Depression might reach a wide audience, because those strategies can effectively mask depression for years. That is, they can sort of work.
Because at the heart of what Britt and Imparl were going through was a life filled with large stretches of no feeling at all. Britt says he was constantly running, "hoping that movement would help me discover something better."
Looking back on his decades of depression, Britt saw isolated flashes of happiness--the birth of his children, laughter, friendship--but they were, he says, "bright spots on what had been a more turbulent journey than I let myself admit. The moments of happiness sustained my denial of something I had only recently begun to consider an 'invisible load.'" In other words, he'd been swimming with an anvil, and he was sinking by imperceptible increments.
Conditioning
The social conditioning that leads to men's response to depression begins in infancy. Male babies receive less of every type of nurturing, including speech, touch, and comfort when they cry. And that is only the beginning of what will be, to one degree or another, a brutal upbringing for boys.
In the 1960s, the crusading social psychologist Jeanne Block and her colleagues explored how differently parents treat boys and girls. For instance, moms and dads encourage boys to be competitive and to achieve. They don't like them to show their emotions. They encourage them to be less dependent; mothers push them away. They punish them more than they punish girls. And they are unaware that they treat boys and girls differently.
By the time boys are on their way to the teenage years, the process of disavowing what they are is complete. The book A New Psychology of Men describes research in which people were asked what it means to be feminine or masculine. Women and girls defined themselves by the ways they were connected to others, and by citing qualities like being caring or compassionate. Men and boys defined themselves by negatives: They weren't weak, dependent, or connected to their mothers.
But there is not much in our cultural definition of what it means to be a man that is inherent in maleness. Children start off surprisingly alike, whether they're boys or girls. If there's a difference, it's the opposite of what the culture seems to expect: Boys are more sensitive. They give expression to their emotions more readily than girls. They affiliate with others in the same way as girls. Then someone starts telling them it's not okay to be that way. If you act like that, you're a pussy.
As Real and others have explained, it is through this process of denial that men are primed for depression. And it is the cultural necessity of carrying out and carrying on this process that makes it so difficult for them to recognize and admit to depression when it comes. They not only don't acknowledge it to themselves, they often don't display the symptoms that psychotherapists use to diagnose depression.
The cultural training that lays the groundwork for depression in men and for their denial of it later in life involves social isolation. That means telling people the truth about yourself and trusting that they'll do the same, a concept that seems terrifying to many men.
In one case, two friends knew each other for years, commuting together, talking every day, laughing together. They would not have said they were socially isolated, yet when they happened to run into each other in the same group meeting for men suffering from depression, they had to laugh: Neither one had ever admitted it to the other, even though they were both seeking treatment for it.
Social isolation is a well-known killer of mammals. Countless studies going back to the '50s show that contact, affection, emotional communication, and genuine closeness are necessary for mammals, including humans, to maintain our health. Isolation wreaks havoc on everything from the immune system to the cardiovascular system to the brain. Conversely, staying socially connected helps protect men from mental illness, including depression.
The new research done by Kessler and others shows that single men and women look no different when it comes to most kinds of mental illness. But when they get married, they veer off in different directions. "It's a very good deal to be married if you're a man," Kessler says. "It's associated with a dramatic improvement in mental health."
Perhaps because they are forced into solitude as children, men are not as good at being alone as women are. Because of early socialization, women are better at relationships--with children, friends, and relatives. In general, women have more friends than men and are closer to those friends. This, of course, is the direct result of boys' having independence forced on them early in life, when what they need is emotional and physical contact with others.
Socialization punishes women, too. When they have children, women's mental health suffers, while that of men doesn't change at all. That's because women, in general, take care of the kids. If there's trouble in the home, or work interferes with child rearing, they'll disproportionately suffer for it.
Women also worry more than men. They care about a larger group of people who just don't appear on the emotional radar screens of men. In marriage, men share in the joys and are often protected from the pain. Just as the man will go downstairs to investigate a suspicious noise, the woman plays the role of emotional protector.
Kessler uses this example: A wife reports (to the researcher) that she's very upset, because her daughter had an abortion and had to miss a number of days of school. The husband reports that his daughter had the flu and couldn't go to school. How could this be? The explanation is simple: The daughter got pregnant and went to her mother for help, saying, "Whatever you do, don't tell Dad." So the mother helped the daughter have an abortion and told the father the girl was home sick with the flu.
The result is that the husband is exposed to less stress, while the woman is exposed to more. Not only does she have to deal with the abortion, but she also has to lie to her husband and orchestrate the protection of that lie. But throughout, her connections are reinforced and affirmed.
The studies show that when a father dies, the children grow closer to the mother. They come around more. The mother has been maintaining those relationships all along, and they pay off in a crisis. Yet when a mother dies, the children come around less. That's because for years, when they called on Sunday, they talked to the mother, not the father. By filling the social role, the wife grows closer to the kids. That's why widowhood and divorce are so much worse for men. Their protection is ripped away, and they have no social network to catch them as they fall. The person who managed their emotional life is gone.
As Kessler puts it, "You can hire someone to do most of the things the husband does in a marriage. But you can never hire someone to do what the wife does." Men can change this situation and possibly protect themselves from depression later in life by expanding the depth and breadth of their social networks.
Recovery
After undergoing treatment for bipolar disorder and chronic depression, Britt went back to compete in all the events he had run so desperately in 2004, such as the Lake Placid Ironman. To his amazement, he recognized for the first time that the run took place in a glorious natural setting. "You're literally running through fields of green," he says. Later that year, he was competing in the Ironman Wisconsin, which he'd done in such a black mood the year before, and began to wonder, Why am I hurting myself? I don't need to hurt myself anymore. For the first time in his life, he walked for an hour during the event, feeling joyous.
Britt's compulsion to run began to fade. "My race performance declined by about 5 percent in the first half of last year," he tells me, "and it really tailed off by fall. I took most of early winter off, totally. It's a healthier me all around." In other words, he now runs for fun, something he was unable to experience before.
But recovery wasn't simple or easy. Early on, when Britt was first diagnosed, he spent much of his time searching for a single moment in each day when something good happened, something he could celebrate. Gradually, those moments grew larger and more frequent. "Now," he says, "the days are filled with not only great moments, but great minutes and hours. And those make up great days, great weeks, and even great months."
When men talk about depression, one of the recurring themes is how it sucks the color and flavor out of life. The birdsong that filled you with joy as a child has no effect at all. The people you love don't make your heart sing, even though you know they should. The colors of the world are tarnished and dull. Britt ran the Boston Marathon once again, and realized at the end that although he'd run it many times, he had literally never seen the finish line; he ran right through it and focused on the next thing. "Now I can see things I never saw before--colors, scenery, people," he says. "It's almost impossible to describe, except to say that it seems like the world has visually opened up."
Depression is well known for shutting down the senses, and when it lifted, Britt was so astonished at what was around him that he took up photography just to try to capture it all. "I never cared before. I never noticed the colors of a sunset. The electricity in a lightning strike. The glow of moonrise over a lake. They've always been there. But only recently have I begun to see them. And I am amazed."
Exercising Your Demons
Some people might call you highly competitive. Some might call you superfit. But a growing number of doctors would label you something else: Depressed
By: Laurence Gonzales
In 1994, at the age of 33, Raymond Britt took up running. It made him feel good. In fact, the more he pushed himself, the better he felt. So each time he went out, he pushed a little harder. It seemed to put him above the turmoil of the world and afford him some relief. Relief from what -- that wasn't so clear. His life was good. He was a successful executive. He'd married his high-school sweetheart. He had beautiful children.
But there was something odd about it all. For one thing, he had no background as a runner. He'd been a powerlifter in his 20s, benching 315. But in the summer of '94, amid a hectic schedule, he happened to see a flier for the Chicago Marathon and was seized by the impulse to run it. Never mind that there were only a few weeks left to train. Never mind that he had never run more than 3 miles at a time. He thought, I can do anything for 5 hours and 30 minutes, which was the qualifying time to receive a finisher's medal.
He became obsessed with his training.
"I was excited, I was nervous, I was alive," he says. "My mother and my wife thought I was crazy." As he reached the 18th mile of the marathon, his hopes for a life-changing experience were shattered. Beating himself up both mentally and physically, he managed to drag his body over the finish line in 4 hours and 41 minutes, as he puts it, "alone, hurt, angry, unhappy."
Rather than recover, he went out the next day to punish himself and prepare for the next marathon.
Sex Differences
The study of how mental illness affects men and women differently is new and fraught with controversy. The first comprehensive survey was conducted between 1990 and 1992. Its aim was to estimate the general prevalence of mental illness.
The research, known as the National Comorbidity Survey, was repeated, in more depth and on a larger scale, between 2001 and 2003, under the auspices of the World Health Organization and with funding from the National Institute of Mental Health. The principal investigator is Ronald C. Kessler, Ph.D., a jolly-looking, bearded professor in the department of health-care policy at Harvard University.
The numbers seem to show that men and women suffer from various mental illnesses at about the same rate, with some notable variations and exceptions. One of the differences, long accepted as gospel by the psychiatric professions, is that twice as many women as men suffer from depression. Kessler says his numbers show that a woman is twice as likely as a man to have a single episode of major clinical depression in her life. After the first episode, however, men and women don't differ in the number of episodes they'll have during a lifetime, or in whether they'll have another episode. Only the first step differs, he says. Then the statistics flatten out to equal.
But if repeat episodes of depression are equal for men and women, doesn't it stand to reason that they may be having first bouts at the same rate? Maybe the discrepancy lies not in the number of men and women who are depressed, but rather, in how depression is expressed.
According to an increasing number of experts, the diagnostic tallies don't take into account the real experience of a lot of men like Britt. They also ignore the fact that women are much more likely to report depression and seek help. Men are more likely to try to fight through their depression, using strategies ranging from hard work to extreme exercise to drinking to violence. Nearly four times more men than women kill themselves.
When women become depressed, they tend to show the classic symptoms described in the psychiatrist's handbook the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. They feel sad and tired, and lose interest in the pleasures of life. In short, women generally get depressed in just the way that most people, including psychotherapists, think about depression.
Men tend to get angry, and that anger expresses itself in a wide variety of intense activities, such as Britt's obsessive running. Some of these men even win marathons--on the streets of Chicago or in feats of work endurance--and look like heroes, which makes it even more difficult to diagnose their depression.
Britt says, "I've always thought Lance Armstrong suffered from depression and that's where his anger came from. I saw a lot of myself in him, the way he transfers anger into action. Depression leads some of us to fight as hard as we can against it. It makes you angry. I liked my anger. I got focused and felt better, like I was leaving turmoil in the dust. But it was temporary."
Because we think of the word "depression" as fitting the woman's profile better than the man's, doctors and therapists don't tend to recognize the disease as readily in men, and men don't talk about it. William Pollack, Ph.D., a professor of psychiatry at Harvard, estimates that 50 percent to 65 percent of men suffering from what they call "covert depression" aren't diagnosed.
It seems clear that men will do just about anything to avoid admitting to having the disease. They'd rather just suffer. Some of them would rather die.
Driven
Britt raced in Chicago the next year and qualified for the Boston Marathon. Still, he needed more. He entered the Chicago Triathlon that same year and nearly drowned. ("I was a terrible swimmer.") He returned in 1996, and did well. That only fed his craving. "I wanted to take everything to the next, most impossible level I could imagine," he says. He describes himself as "driven to the margin of terror."
By 1998, he had developed a set of rules for himself: more, harder, quicker, and farther away. Three Ironman races in 7 weeks. Roth, Germany, in July for Ironman Europe. Zurich in August for Ironman Switzerland, wife and 4-month-old baby in tow. Ironman Canada again in September. "Still not enough," he says.
In 1999: four Ironman races, a 50-miler, and the Western States 100. Seven days later, he ran two 5-Ks on the same day, for "pain as punishment and proof that I was okay. I could survive the day as long as I could channel my inner turbulence into power and aggression during training. The determination, the drive, kept me afloat."
In the following years, he broke 3 hours in the marathon, qualified for the Ironman World Championships three times, won awards, gained sponsorship, and was regularly published as a cardio guru. He was a champ, a role model. "How can this be a bad thing?" he asked. "And if I'm strong enough to outlast anything, aren't I strong enough to outlast life's challenges?"
Yet his world had begun to contract. He began intentionally doing reckless things. "I took risks riding my bicycle in traffic, running at night, fighting whatever was fighting me. It felt good to be fighting."
He couldn't run, bike, and swim all day. He had to work. He had a wife and kids. So he simply pushed that much harder. "My best performances came when I was ready to rip the top off the race course. I had very aggressive feelings. I just wanted to attack."
He was winning, yes, but he also required emergency medical attention after every event. He'd come in with his blood pressure reading 90 over 50 and required up to four IV bags of fluid to counter dehydration. That didn't seem odd to him, but his wife began to worry that he was trying to kill himself. He told her he was just pushing it. He eventually did 42 marathons, 27 Ironman Triathlons, and six ultramarathons in 11 years, covering 42,000 miles, the equivalent of running, swimming, and biking around the world 1 1/2 times.
The weird thing is this: Raymond Britt isn't that unusual. His distances aren't even that huge, compared with some guys'. And the mental illness he suffers from, which drove him to battle through all those miles, is not that uncommon among men.
Steven Imparl is a lawyer in Chicago, but a look at his résumé affords a glimpse into the frantic world of a man working very hard to compensate for depression. He graduated from high school in the top 15 of his class of 550 students. He received his B.S. degree with high honors. He became an information-technology specialist working for big companies, then went on to earn his law degree and start his own firm. Along the way, he studied French, German, Slovene, and Spanish. He learned classical guitar, studied Slavic and Balkan history, and sang barbershop harmony. And he somehow found time for power walking, inline skating, volleyball, and boxing. By the fall of 2001, he was so wound up, he could hardly sleep. He became more irritable, more easily angered. After nearly getting into a fistfight while walking down a street, he decided to seek help. But when the doctor told him he was suffering from clinical depression, Imparl refused to believe it. Admitting to depression is . . . well, it's like getting your period: Guys don't do it.
Once Imparl accepted the diagnosis, he performed like any true, overachieving depressed man would: Through a program of therapy and drugs, he got better, and then he founded a successful Web site, maledepression.com, for guys like him.
Raymond Britt's crash and burn came one day in November 2004, when he set out to run himself into the ground, to transfer the pain from his soul to his body. Many miles and hours later, he found himself bloodied, exhausted, and hypothermic, but he neither displaced the internal pain nor found relief. He was forced at last to face what he'd known for decades: Depression was rampant in his family. From an early age, Britt had been determined that he wouldn't succumb. He wouldn't be weak.
Because his father had medicated his own depression with alcohol, Britt had never taken up drinking. By the fall of 2004, his father had been in therapy for a while, and was encouraging Britt to seek help. Having experienced depression himself, he was able to see the disorder in his son. He sent Britt an e-mail with his doctor's name. And then he dropped dead.
It was a few weeks later when Britt hit the wall on his last desperate run. Then he collapsed into classic symptoms of depression, which is what happens when the strategy fails: "The weight felt so heavy that it was hard to physically move," says Britt. He found himself wishing he'd be in an accident that would put him in the hospital so that he could escape. "I wanted to be taken out."
That's the point at which depressed men can slip beyond fantasy into active thoughts of suicide. Some 31,000 people in the United States commit suicide each year. More than 24,000 of them are men. And that doesn't count the deaths from alcohol or drugs. In fact, some researchers are beginning to suspect that depression causes more deaths than auto accidents do.
Britt's fantasies of having an accident scared him. He went to see his father's psychiatrist. It didn't take the doctor long to diagnose his condition. (Q: "When were you last really happy?" A: "1975.") And yet, his denial of clinical depression was so strong that he sought a second opinion.
Maybe men need a different word for depression. Or maybe the brain researchers and psychologists simply need to redefine the condition so it includes the way men experience it, too.
Cultural Cover-Up
It's understandable that women are three times more likely than men to be treated for depression; our culture has put a feminine face on the disease, so women give themselves permission to feel it and to seek help for it. Pollack puts it this way: "We have in our society a feminized view of depression, coming out of a model of hysteria that dates back to Freud."
Terrence Real, author of I Don't Want to Talk about It, and a marriage and family therapist in Massachusetts, wrote, "There is a terrible collusion in our society, a cultural cover-up about depression in men." And part of the cultural influence involves the way men are taught from early childhood to be strong, silent, independent, and resistant to suffering. As Real puts it, "Men have about a milli-second's tolerance for feeling [this type of] pain, and then they spring into action. A flight from shame into grandiosity lies at the heart of male covert depression."
Another reason men leap into action, though, whether it's through intense exercise, overwork, pounding back martinis, or some other strategy, is that it actually does relieve the symptoms of depression, at least for a time. In fact, many therapists have begun using exercise as an adjunct to therapy, as explained in books like The Joy of Running, by Thaddeus Kostrubala, and The Exercise Prescription for Depression and Anxiety, by Keith Johnsgard. And research at Duke University confirmed their hunches in 1999.
But exercise in itself doesn't treat the underlying condition. In fact, books called The Joy of Working 80 Hours a Week and The Drinking Prescription for Depression might reach a wide audience, because those strategies can effectively mask depression for years. That is, they can sort of work.
Because at the heart of what Britt and Imparl were going through was a life filled with large stretches of no feeling at all. Britt says he was constantly running, "hoping that movement would help me discover something better."
Looking back on his decades of depression, Britt saw isolated flashes of happiness--the birth of his children, laughter, friendship--but they were, he says, "bright spots on what had been a more turbulent journey than I let myself admit. The moments of happiness sustained my denial of something I had only recently begun to consider an 'invisible load.'" In other words, he'd been swimming with an anvil, and he was sinking by imperceptible increments.
Conditioning
The social conditioning that leads to men's response to depression begins in infancy. Male babies receive less of every type of nurturing, including speech, touch, and comfort when they cry. And that is only the beginning of what will be, to one degree or another, a brutal upbringing for boys.
In the 1960s, the crusading social psychologist Jeanne Block and her colleagues explored how differently parents treat boys and girls. For instance, moms and dads encourage boys to be competitive and to achieve. They don't like them to show their emotions. They encourage them to be less dependent; mothers push them away. They punish them more than they punish girls. And they are unaware that they treat boys and girls differently.
By the time boys are on their way to the teenage years, the process of disavowing what they are is complete. The book A New Psychology of Men describes research in which people were asked what it means to be feminine or masculine. Women and girls defined themselves by the ways they were connected to others, and by citing qualities like being caring or compassionate. Men and boys defined themselves by negatives: They weren't weak, dependent, or connected to their mothers.
But there is not much in our cultural definition of what it means to be a man that is inherent in maleness. Children start off surprisingly alike, whether they're boys or girls. If there's a difference, it's the opposite of what the culture seems to expect: Boys are more sensitive. They give expression to their emotions more readily than girls. They affiliate with others in the same way as girls. Then someone starts telling them it's not okay to be that way. If you act like that, you're a pussy.
As Real and others have explained, it is through this process of denial that men are primed for depression. And it is the cultural necessity of carrying out and carrying on this process that makes it so difficult for them to recognize and admit to depression when it comes. They not only don't acknowledge it to themselves, they often don't display the symptoms that psychotherapists use to diagnose depression.
The cultural training that lays the groundwork for depression in men and for their denial of it later in life involves social isolation. That means telling people the truth about yourself and trusting that they'll do the same, a concept that seems terrifying to many men.
In one case, two friends knew each other for years, commuting together, talking every day, laughing together. They would not have said they were socially isolated, yet when they happened to run into each other in the same group meeting for men suffering from depression, they had to laugh: Neither one had ever admitted it to the other, even though they were both seeking treatment for it.
Social isolation is a well-known killer of mammals. Countless studies going back to the '50s show that contact, affection, emotional communication, and genuine closeness are necessary for mammals, including humans, to maintain our health. Isolation wreaks havoc on everything from the immune system to the cardiovascular system to the brain. Conversely, staying socially connected helps protect men from mental illness, including depression.
The new research done by Kessler and others shows that single men and women look no different when it comes to most kinds of mental illness. But when they get married, they veer off in different directions. "It's a very good deal to be married if you're a man," Kessler says. "It's associated with a dramatic improvement in mental health."
Perhaps because they are forced into solitude as children, men are not as good at being alone as women are. Because of early socialization, women are better at relationships--with children, friends, and relatives. In general, women have more friends than men and are closer to those friends. This, of course, is the direct result of boys' having independence forced on them early in life, when what they need is emotional and physical contact with others.
Socialization punishes women, too. When they have children, women's mental health suffers, while that of men doesn't change at all. That's because women, in general, take care of the kids. If there's trouble in the home, or work interferes with child rearing, they'll disproportionately suffer for it.
Women also worry more than men. They care about a larger group of people who just don't appear on the emotional radar screens of men. In marriage, men share in the joys and are often protected from the pain. Just as the man will go downstairs to investigate a suspicious noise, the woman plays the role of emotional protector.
Kessler uses this example: A wife reports (to the researcher) that she's very upset, because her daughter had an abortion and had to miss a number of days of school. The husband reports that his daughter had the flu and couldn't go to school. How could this be? The explanation is simple: The daughter got pregnant and went to her mother for help, saying, "Whatever you do, don't tell Dad." So the mother helped the daughter have an abortion and told the father the girl was home sick with the flu.
The result is that the husband is exposed to less stress, while the woman is exposed to more. Not only does she have to deal with the abortion, but she also has to lie to her husband and orchestrate the protection of that lie. But throughout, her connections are reinforced and affirmed.
The studies show that when a father dies, the children grow closer to the mother. They come around more. The mother has been maintaining those relationships all along, and they pay off in a crisis. Yet when a mother dies, the children come around less. That's because for years, when they called on Sunday, they talked to the mother, not the father. By filling the social role, the wife grows closer to the kids. That's why widowhood and divorce are so much worse for men. Their protection is ripped away, and they have no social network to catch them as they fall. The person who managed their emotional life is gone.
As Kessler puts it, "You can hire someone to do most of the things the husband does in a marriage. But you can never hire someone to do what the wife does." Men can change this situation and possibly protect themselves from depression later in life by expanding the depth and breadth of their social networks.
Recovery
After undergoing treatment for bipolar disorder and chronic depression, Britt went back to compete in all the events he had run so desperately in 2004, such as the Lake Placid Ironman. To his amazement, he recognized for the first time that the run took place in a glorious natural setting. "You're literally running through fields of green," he says. Later that year, he was competing in the Ironman Wisconsin, which he'd done in such a black mood the year before, and began to wonder, Why am I hurting myself? I don't need to hurt myself anymore. For the first time in his life, he walked for an hour during the event, feeling joyous.
Britt's compulsion to run began to fade. "My race performance declined by about 5 percent in the first half of last year," he tells me, "and it really tailed off by fall. I took most of early winter off, totally. It's a healthier me all around." In other words, he now runs for fun, something he was unable to experience before.
But recovery wasn't simple or easy. Early on, when Britt was first diagnosed, he spent much of his time searching for a single moment in each day when something good happened, something he could celebrate. Gradually, those moments grew larger and more frequent. "Now," he says, "the days are filled with not only great moments, but great minutes and hours. And those make up great days, great weeks, and even great months."
When men talk about depression, one of the recurring themes is how it sucks the color and flavor out of life. The birdsong that filled you with joy as a child has no effect at all. The people you love don't make your heart sing, even though you know they should. The colors of the world are tarnished and dull. Britt ran the Boston Marathon once again, and realized at the end that although he'd run it many times, he had literally never seen the finish line; he ran right through it and focused on the next thing. "Now I can see things I never saw before--colors, scenery, people," he says. "It's almost impossible to describe, except to say that it seems like the world has visually opened up."
Depression is well known for shutting down the senses, and when it lifted, Britt was so astonished at what was around him that he took up photography just to try to capture it all. "I never cared before. I never noticed the colors of a sunset. The electricity in a lightning strike. The glow of moonrise over a lake. They've always been there. But only recently have I begun to see them. And I am amazed."
Exercising Your Demons
Some people might call you highly competitive. Some might call you superfit. But a growing number of doctors would label you something else: Depressed
By: Laurence Gonzales
In 1994, at the age of 33, Raymond Britt took up running. It made him feel good. In fact, the more he pushed himself, the better he felt. So each time he went out, he pushed a little harder. It seemed to put him above the turmoil of the world and afford him some relief. Relief from what -- that wasn't so clear. His life was good. He was a successful executive. He'd married his high-school sweetheart. He had beautiful children.
But there was something odd about it all. For one thing, he had no background as a runner. He'd been a powerlifter in his 20s, benching 315. But in the summer of '94, amid a hectic schedule, he happened to see a flier for the Chicago Marathon and was seized by the impulse to run it. Never mind that there were only a few weeks left to train. Never mind that he had never run more than 3 miles at a time. He thought, I can do anything for 5 hours and 30 minutes, which was the qualifying time to receive a finisher's medal.
He became obsessed with his training.
"I was excited, I was nervous, I was alive," he says. "My mother and my wife thought I was crazy." As he reached the 18th mile of the marathon, his hopes for a life-changing experience were shattered. Beating himself up both mentally and physically, he managed to drag his body over the finish line in 4 hours and 41 minutes, as he puts it, "alone, hurt, angry, unhappy."
Rather than recover, he went out the next day to punish himself and prepare for the next marathon.
Sex Differences
The study of how mental illness affects men and women differently is new and fraught with controversy. The first comprehensive survey was conducted between 1990 and 1992. Its aim was to estimate the general prevalence of mental illness.
The research, known as the National Comorbidity Survey, was repeated, in more depth and on a larger scale, between 2001 and 2003, under the auspices of the World Health Organization and with funding from the National Institute of Mental Health. The principal investigator is Ronald C. Kessler, Ph.D., a jolly-looking, bearded professor in the department of health-care policy at Harvard University.
The numbers seem to show that men and women suffer from various mental illnesses at about the same rate, with some notable variations and exceptions. One of the differences, long accepted as gospel by the psychiatric professions, is that twice as many women as men suffer from depression. Kessler says his numbers show that a woman is twice as likely as a man to have a single episode of major clinical depression in her life. After the first episode, however, men and women don't differ in the number of episodes they'll have during a lifetime, or in whether they'll have another episode. Only the first step differs, he says. Then the statistics flatten out to equal.
But if repeat episodes of depression are equal for men and women, doesn't it stand to reason that they may be having first bouts at the same rate? Maybe the discrepancy lies not in the number of men and women who are depressed, but rather, in how depression is expressed.
According to an increasing number of experts, the diagnostic tallies don't take into account the real experience of a lot of men like Britt. They also ignore the fact that women are much more likely to report depression and seek help. Men are more likely to try to fight through their depression, using strategies ranging from hard work to extreme exercise to drinking to violence. Nearly four times more men than women kill themselves.
When women become depressed, they tend to show the classic symptoms described in the psychiatrist's handbook the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. They feel sad and tired, and lose interest in the pleasures of life. In short, women generally get depressed in just the way that most people, including psychotherapists, think about depression.
Men tend to get angry, and that anger expresses itself in a wide variety of intense activities, such as Britt's obsessive running. Some of these men even win marathons--on the streets of Chicago or in feats of work endurance--and look like heroes, which makes it even more difficult to diagnose their depression.
Britt says, "I've always thought Lance Armstrong suffered from depression and that's where his anger came from. I saw a lot of myself in him, the way he transfers anger into action. Depression leads some of us to fight as hard as we can against it. It makes you angry. I liked my anger. I got focused and felt better, like I was leaving turmoil in the dust. But it was temporary."
Because we think of the word "depression" as fitting the woman's profile better than the man's, doctors and therapists don't tend to recognize the disease as readily in men, and men don't talk about it. William Pollack, Ph.D., a professor of psychiatry at Harvard, estimates that 50 percent to 65 percent of men suffering from what they call "covert depression" aren't diagnosed.
It seems clear that men will do just about anything to avoid admitting to having the disease. They'd rather just suffer. Some of them would rather die.
Driven
Britt raced in Chicago the next year and qualified for the Boston Marathon. Still, he needed more. He entered the Chicago Triathlon that same year and nearly drowned. ("I was a terrible swimmer.") He returned in 1996, and did well. That only fed his craving. "I wanted to take everything to the next, most impossible level I could imagine," he says. He describes himself as "driven to the margin of terror."
By 1998, he had developed a set of rules for himself: more, harder, quicker, and farther away. Three Ironman races in 7 weeks. Roth, Germany, in July for Ironman Europe. Zurich in August for Ironman Switzerland, wife and 4-month-old baby in tow. Ironman Canada again in September. "Still not enough," he says.
In 1999: four Ironman races, a 50-miler, and the Western States 100. Seven days later, he ran two 5-Ks on the same day, for "pain as punishment and proof that I was okay. I could survive the day as long as I could channel my inner turbulence into power and aggression during training. The determination, the drive, kept me afloat."
In the following years, he broke 3 hours in the marathon, qualified for the Ironman World Championships three times, won awards, gained sponsorship, and was regularly published as a cardio guru. He was a champ, a role model. "How can this be a bad thing?" he asked. "And if I'm strong enough to outlast anything, aren't I strong enough to outlast life's challenges?"
Yet his world had begun to contract. He began intentionally doing reckless things. "I took risks riding my bicycle in traffic, running at night, fighting whatever was fighting me. It felt good to be fighting."
He couldn't run, bike, and swim all day. He had to work. He had a wife and kids. So he simply pushed that much harder. "My best performances came when I was ready to rip the top off the race course. I had very aggressive feelings. I just wanted to attack."
He was winning, yes, but he also required emergency medical attention after every event. He'd come in with his blood pressure reading 90 over 50 and required up to four IV bags of fluid to counter dehydration. That didn't seem odd to him, but his wife began to worry that he was trying to kill himself. He told her he was just pushing it. He eventually did 42 marathons, 27 Ironman Triathlons, and six ultramarathons in 11 years, covering 42,000 miles, the equivalent of running, swimming, and biking around the world 1 1/2 times.
The weird thing is this: Raymond Britt isn't that unusual. His distances aren't even that huge, compared with some guys'. And the mental illness he suffers from, which drove him to battle through all those miles, is not that uncommon among men.
Steven Imparl is a lawyer in Chicago, but a look at his résumé affords a glimpse into the frantic world of a man working very hard to compensate for depression. He graduated from high school in the top 15 of his class of 550 students. He received his B.S. degree with high honors. He became an information-technology specialist working for big companies, then went on to earn his law degree and start his own firm. Along the way, he studied French, German, Slovene, and Spanish. He learned classical guitar, studied Slavic and Balkan history, and sang barbershop harmony. And he somehow found time for power walking, inline skating, volleyball, and boxing. By the fall of 2001, he was so wound up, he could hardly sleep. He became more irritable, more easily angered. After nearly getting into a fistfight while walking down a street, he decided to seek help. But when the doctor told him he was suffering from clinical depression, Imparl refused to believe it. Admitting to depression is . . . well, it's like getting your period: Guys don't do it.
Once Imparl accepted the diagnosis, he performed like any true, overachieving depressed man would: Through a program of therapy and drugs, he got better, and then he founded a successful Web site, maledepression.com, for guys like him.
Raymond Britt's crash and burn came one day in November 2004, when he set out to run himself into the ground, to transfer the pain from his soul to his body. Many miles and hours later, he found himself bloodied, exhausted, and hypothermic, but he neither displaced the internal pain nor found relief. He was forced at last to face what he'd known for decades: Depression was rampant in his family. From an early age, Britt had been determined that he wouldn't succumb. He wouldn't be weak.
Because his father had medicated his own depression with alcohol, Britt had never taken up drinking. By the fall of 2004, his father had been in therapy for a while, and was encouraging Britt to seek help. Having experienced depression himself, he was able to see the disorder in his son. He sent Britt an e-mail with his doctor's name. And then he dropped dead.
It was a few weeks later when Britt hit the wall on his last desperate run. Then he collapsed into classic symptoms of depression, which is what happens when the strategy fails: "The weight felt so heavy that it was hard to physically move," says Britt. He found himself wishing he'd be in an accident that would put him in the hospital so that he could escape. "I wanted to be taken out."
That's the point at which depressed men can slip beyond fantasy into active thoughts of suicide. Some 31,000 people in the United States commit suicide each year. More than 24,000 of them are men. And that doesn't count the deaths from alcohol or drugs. In fact, some researchers are beginning to suspect that depression causes more deaths than auto accidents do.
Britt's fantasies of having an accident scared him. He went to see his father's psychiatrist. It didn't take the doctor long to diagnose his condition. (Q: "When were you last really happy?" A: "1975.") And yet, his denial of clinical depression was so strong that he sought a second opinion.
Maybe men need a different word for depression. Or maybe the brain researchers and psychologists simply need to redefine the condition so it includes the way men experience it, too.
Cultural Cover-Up
It's understandable that women are three times more likely than men to be treated for depression; our culture has put a feminine face on the disease, so women give themselves permission to feel it and to seek help for it. Pollack puts it this way: "We have in our society a feminized view of depression, coming out of a model of hysteria that dates back to Freud."
Terrence Real, author of I Don't Want to Talk about It, and a marriage and family therapist in Massachusetts, wrote, "There is a terrible collusion in our society, a cultural cover-up about depression in men." And part of the cultural influence involves the way men are taught from early childhood to be strong, silent, independent, and resistant to suffering. As Real puts it, "Men have about a milli-second's tolerance for feeling [this type of] pain, and then they spring into action. A flight from shame into grandiosity lies at the heart of male covert depression."
Another reason men leap into action, though, whether it's through intense exercise, overwork, pounding back martinis, or some other strategy, is that it actually does relieve the symptoms of depression, at least for a time. In fact, many therapists have begun using exercise as an adjunct to therapy, as explained in books like The Joy of Running, by Thaddeus Kostrubala, and The Exercise Prescription for Depression and Anxiety, by Keith Johnsgard. And research at Duke University confirmed their hunches in 1999.
But exercise in itself doesn't treat the underlying condition. In fact, books called The Joy of Working 80 Hours a Week and The Drinking Prescription for Depression might reach a wide audience, because those strategies can effectively mask depression for years. That is, they can sort of work.
Because at the heart of what Britt and Imparl were going through was a life filled with large stretches of no feeling at all. Britt says he was constantly running, "hoping that movement would help me discover something better."
Looking back on his decades of depression, Britt saw isolated flashes of happiness--the birth of his children, laughter, friendship--but they were, he says, "bright spots on what had been a more turbulent journey than I let myself admit. The moments of happiness sustained my denial of something I had only recently begun to consider an 'invisible load.'" In other words, he'd been swimming with an anvil, and he was sinking by imperceptible increments.
Conditioning
The social conditioning that leads to men's response to depression begins in infancy. Male babies receive less of every type of nurturing, including speech, touch, and comfort when they cry. And that is only the beginning of what will be, to one degree or another, a brutal upbringing for boys.
In the 1960s, the crusading social psychologist Jeanne Block and her colleagues explored how differently parents treat boys and girls. For instance, moms and dads encourage boys to be competitive and to achieve. They don't like them to show their emotions. They encourage them to be less dependent; mothers push them away. They punish them more than they punish girls. And they are unaware that they treat boys and girls differently.
By the time boys are on their way to the teenage years, the process of disavowing what they are is complete. The book A New Psychology of Men describes research in which people were asked what it means to be feminine or masculine. Women and girls defined themselves by the ways they were connected to others, and by citing qualities like being caring or compassionate. Men and boys defined themselves by negatives: They weren't weak, dependent, or connected to their mothers.
But there is not much in our cultural definition of what it means to be a man that is inherent in maleness. Children start off surprisingly alike, whether they're boys or girls. If there's a difference, it's the opposite of what the culture seems to expect: Boys are more sensitive. They give expression to their emotions more readily than girls. They affiliate with others in the same way as girls. Then someone starts telling them it's not okay to be that way. If you act like that, you're a pussy.
As Real and others have explained, it is through this process of denial that men are primed for depression. And it is the cultural necessity of carrying out and carrying on this process that makes it so difficult for them to recognize and admit to depression when it comes. They not only don't acknowledge it to themselves, they often don't display the symptoms that psychotherapists use to diagnose depression.
The cultural training that lays the groundwork for depression in men and for their denial of it later in life involves social isolation. That means telling people the truth about yourself and trusting that they'll do the same, a concept that seems terrifying to many men.
In one case, two friends knew each other for years, commuting together, talking every day, laughing together. They would not have said they were socially isolated, yet when they happened to run into each other in the same group meeting for men suffering from depression, they had to laugh: Neither one had ever admitted it to the other, even though they were both seeking treatment for it.
Social isolation is a well-known killer of mammals. Countless studies going back to the '50s show that contact, affection, emotional communication, and genuine closeness are necessary for mammals, including humans, to maintain our health. Isolation wreaks havoc on everything from the immune system to the cardiovascular system to the brain. Conversely, staying socially connected helps protect men from mental illness, including depression.
The new research done by Kessler and others shows that single men and women look no different when it comes to most kinds of mental illness. But when they get married, they veer off in different directions. "It's a very good deal to be married if you're a man," Kessler says. "It's associated with a dramatic improvement in mental health."
Perhaps because they are forced into solitude as children, men are not as good at being alone as women are. Because of early socialization, women are better at relationships--with children, friends, and relatives. In general, women have more friends than men and are closer to those friends. This, of course, is the direct result of boys' having independence forced on them early in life, when what they need is emotional and physical contact with others.
Socialization punishes women, too. When they have children, women's mental health suffers, while that of men doesn't change at all. That's because women, in general, take care of the kids. If there's trouble in the home, or work interferes with child rearing, they'll disproportionately suffer for it.
Women also worry more than men. They care about a larger group of people who just don't appear on the emotional radar screens of men. In marriage, men share in the joys and are often protected from the pain. Just as the man will go downstairs to investigate a suspicious noise, the woman plays the role of emotional protector.
Kessler uses this example: A wife reports (to the researcher) that she's very upset, because her daughter had an abortion and had to miss a number of days of school. The husband reports that his daughter had the flu and couldn't go to school. How could this be? The explanation is simple: The daughter got pregnant and went to her mother for help, saying, "Whatever you do, don't tell Dad." So the mother helped the daughter have an abortion and told the father the girl was home sick with the flu.
The result is that the husband is exposed to less stress, while the woman is exposed to more. Not only does she have to deal with the abortion, but she also has to lie to her husband and orchestrate the protection of that lie. But throughout, her connections are reinforced and affirmed.
The studies show that when a father dies, the children grow closer to the mother. They come around more. The mother has been maintaining those relationships all along, and they pay off in a crisis. Yet when a mother dies, the children come around less. That's because for years, when they called on Sunday, they talked to the mother, not the father. By filling the social role, the wife grows closer to the kids. That's why widowhood and divorce are so much worse for men. Their protection is ripped away, and they have no social network to catch them as they fall. The person who managed their emotional life is gone.
As Kessler puts it, "You can hire someone to do most of the things the husband does in a marriage. But you can never hire someone to do what the wife does." Men can change this situation and possibly protect themselves from depression later in life by expanding the depth and breadth of their social networks.
Recovery
After undergoing treatment for bipolar disorder and chronic depression, Britt went back to compete in all the events he had run so desperately in 2004, such as the Lake Placid Ironman. To his amazement, he recognized for the first time that the run took place in a glorious natural setting. "You're literally running through fields of green," he says. Later that year, he was competing in the Ironman Wisconsin, which he'd done in such a black mood the year before, and began to wonder, Why am I hurting myself? I don't need to hurt myself anymore. For the first time in his life, he walked for an hour during the event, feeling joyous.
Britt's compulsion to run began to fade. "My race performance declined by about 5 percent in the first half of last year," he tells me, "and it really tailed off by fall. I took most of early winter off, totally. It's a healthier me all around." In other words, he now runs for fun, something he was unable to experience before.
But recovery wasn't simple or easy. Early on, when Britt was first diagnosed, he spent much of his time searching for a single moment in each day when something good happened, something he could celebrate. Gradually, those moments grew larger and more frequent. "Now," he says, "the days are filled with not only great moments, but great minutes and hours. And those make up great days, great weeks, and even great months."
When men talk about depression, one of the recurring themes is how it sucks the color and flavor out of life. The birdsong that filled you with joy as a child has no effect at all. The people you love don't make your heart sing, even though you know they should. The colors of the world are tarnished and dull. Britt ran the Boston Marathon once again, and realized at the end that although he'd run it many times, he had literally never seen the finish line; he ran right through it and focused on the next thing. "Now I can see things I never saw before--colors, scenery, people," he says. "It's almost impossible to describe, except to say that it seems like the world has visually opened up."
Depression is well known for shutting down the senses, and when it lifted, Britt was so astonished at what was around him that he took up photography just to try to capture it all. "I never cared before. I never noticed the colors of a sunset. The electricity in a lightning strike. The glow of moonrise over a lake. They've always been there. But only recently have I begun to see them. And I am amazed."
Exercising Your Demons
Some people might call you highly competitive. Some might call you superfit. But a growing number of doctors would label you something else: Depressed
By: Laurence Gonzales
In 1994, at the age of 33, Raymond Britt took up running. It made him feel good. In fact, the more he pushed himself, the better he felt. So each time he went out, he pushed a little harder. It seemed to put him above the turmoil of the world and afford him some relief. Relief from what -- that wasn't so clear. His life was good. He was a successful executive. He'd married his high-school sweetheart. He had beautiful children.
But there was something odd about it all. For one thing, he had no background as a runner. He'd been a powerlifter in his 20s, benching 315. But in the summer of '94, amid a hectic schedule, he happened to see a flier for the Chicago Marathon and was seized by the impulse to run it. Never mind that there were only a few weeks left to train. Never mind that he had never run more than 3 miles at a time. He thought, I can do anything for 5 hours and 30 minutes, which was the qualifying time to receive a finisher's medal.
He became obsessed with his training.
"I was excited, I was nervous, I was alive," he says. "My mother and my wife thought I was crazy." As he reached the 18th mile of the marathon, his hopes for a life-changing experience were shattered. Beating himself up both mentally and physically, he managed to drag his body over the finish line in 4 hours and 41 minutes, as he puts it, "alone, hurt, angry, unhappy."
Rather than recover, he went out the next day to punish himself and prepare for the next marathon.
Sex Differences
The study of how mental illness affects men and women differently is new and fraught with controversy. The first comprehensive survey was conducted between 1990 and 1992. Its aim was to estimate the general prevalence of mental illness.
The research, known as the National Comorbidity Survey, was repeated, in more depth and on a larger scale, between 2001 and 2003, under the auspices of the World Health Organization and with funding from the National Institute of Mental Health. The principal investigator is Ronald C. Kessler, Ph.D., a jolly-looking, bearded professor in the department of health-care policy at Harvard University.
The numbers seem to show that men and women suffer from various mental illnesses at about the same rate, with some notable variations and exceptions. One of the differences, long accepted as gospel by the psychiatric professions, is that twice as many women as men suffer from depression. Kessler says his numbers show that a woman is twice as likely as a man to have a single episode of major clinical depression in her life. After the first episode, however, men and women don't differ in the number of episodes they'll have during a lifetime, or in whether they'll have another episode. Only the first step differs, he says. Then the statistics flatten out to equal.
But if repeat episodes of depression are equal for men and women, doesn't it stand to reason that they may be having first bouts at the same rate? Maybe the discrepancy lies not in the number of men and women who are depressed, but rather, in how depression is expressed.
According to an increasing number of experts, the diagnostic tallies don't take into account the real experience of a lot of men like Britt. They also ignore the fact that women are much more likely to report depression and seek help. Men are more likely to try to fight through their depression, using strategies ranging from hard work to extreme exercise to drinking to violence. Nearly four times more men than women kill themselves.
When women become depressed, they tend to show the classic symptoms described in the psychiatrist's handbook the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. They feel sad and tired, and lose interest in the pleasures of life. In short, women generally get depressed in just the way that most people, including psychotherapists, think about depression.
Men tend to get angry, and that anger expresses itself in a wide variety of intense activities, such as Britt's obsessive running. Some of these men even win marathons--on the streets of Chicago or in feats of work endurance--and look like heroes, which makes it even more difficult to diagnose their depression.
Britt says, "I've always thought Lance Armstrong suffered from depression and that's where his anger came from. I saw a lot of myself in him, the way he transfers anger into action. Depression leads some of us to fight as hard as we can against it. It makes you angry. I liked my anger. I got focused and felt better, like I was leaving turmoil in the dust. But it was temporary."
Because we think of the word "depression" as fitting the woman's profile better than the man's, doctors and therapists don't tend to recognize the disease as readily in men, and men don't talk about it. William Pollack, Ph.D., a professor of psychiatry at Harvard, estimates that 50 percent to 65 percent of men suffering from what they call "covert depression" aren't diagnosed.
It seems clear that men will do just about anything to avoid admitting to having the disease. They'd rather just suffer. Some of them would rather die.
Driven
Britt raced in Chicago the next year and qualified for the Boston Marathon. Still, he needed more. He entered the Chicago Triathlon that same year and nearly drowned. ("I was a terrible swimmer.") He returned in 1996, and did well. That only fed his craving. "I wanted to take everything to the next, most impossible level I could imagine," he says. He describes himself as "driven to the margin of terror."
By 1998, he had developed a set of rules for himself: more, harder, quicker, and farther away. Three Ironman races in 7 weeks. Roth, Germany, in July for Ironman Europe. Zurich in August for Ironman Switzerland, wife and 4-month-old baby in tow. Ironman Canada again in September. "Still not enough," he says.
In 1999: four Ironman races, a 50-miler, and the Western States 100. Seven days later, he ran two 5-Ks on the same day, for "pain as punishment and proof that I was okay. I could survive the day as long as I could channel my inner turbulence into power and aggression during training. The determination, the drive, kept me afloat."
In the following years, he broke 3 hours in the marathon, qualified for the Ironman World Championships three times, won awards, gained sponsorship, and was regularly published as a cardio guru. He was a champ, a role model. "How can this be a bad thing?" he asked. "And if I'm strong enough to outlast anything, aren't I strong enough to outlast life's challenges?"
Yet his world had begun to contract. He began intentionally doing reckless things. "I took risks riding my bicycle in traffic, running at night, fighting whatever was fighting me. It felt good to be fighting."
He couldn't run, bike, and swim all day. He had to work. He had a wife and kids. So he simply pushed that much harder. "My best performances came when I was ready to rip the top off the race course. I had very aggressive feelings. I just wanted to attack."
He was winning, yes, but he also required emergency medical attention after every event. He'd come in with his blood pressure reading 90 over 50 and required up to four IV bags of fluid to counter dehydration. That didn't seem odd to him, but his wife began to worry that he was trying to kill himself. He told her he was just pushing it. He eventually did 42 marathons, 27 Ironman Triathlons, and six ultramarathons in 11 years, covering 42,000 miles, the equivalent of running, swimming, and biking around the world 1 1/2 times.
The weird thing is this: Raymond Britt isn't that unusual. His distances aren't even that huge, compared with some guys'. And the mental illness he suffers from, which drove him to battle through all those miles, is not that uncommon among men.
Steven Imparl is a lawyer in Chicago, but a look at his résumé affords a glimpse into the frantic world of a man working very hard to compensate for depression. He graduated from high school in the top 15 of his class of 550 students. He received his B.S. degree with high honors. He became an information-technology specialist working for big companies, then went on to earn his law degree and start his own firm. Along the way, he studied French, German, Slovene, and Spanish. He learned classical guitar, studied Slavic and Balkan history, and sang barbershop harmony. And he somehow found time for power walking, inline skating, volleyball, and boxing. By the fall of 2001, he was so wound up, he could hardly sleep. He became more irritable, more easily angered. After nearly getting into a fistfight while walking down a street, he decided to seek help. But when the doctor told him he was suffering from clinical depression, Imparl refused to believe it. Admitting to depression is . . . well, it's like getting your period: Guys don't do it.
Once Imparl accepted the diagnosis, he performed like any true, overachieving depressed man would: Through a program of therapy and drugs, he got better, and then he founded a successful Web site, maledepression.com, for guys like him.
Raymond Britt's crash and burn came one day in November 2004, when he set out to run himself into the ground, to transfer the pain from his soul to his body. Many miles and hours later, he found himself bloodied, exhausted, and hypothermic, but he neither displaced the internal pain nor found relief. He was forced at last to face what he'd known for decades: Depression was rampant in his family. From an early age, Britt had been determined that he wouldn't succumb. He wouldn't be weak.
Because his father had medicated his own depression with alcohol, Britt had never taken up drinking. By the fall of 2004, his father had been in therapy for a while, and was encouraging Britt to seek help. Having experienced depression himself, he was able to see the disorder in his son. He sent Britt an e-mail with his doctor's name. And then he dropped dead.
It was a few weeks later when Britt hit the wall on his last desperate run. Then he collapsed into classic symptoms of depression, which is what happens when the strategy fails: "The weight felt so heavy that it was hard to physically move," says Britt. He found himself wishing he'd be in an accident that would put him in the hospital so that he could escape. "I wanted to be taken out."
That's the point at which depressed men can slip beyond fantasy into active thoughts of suicide. Some 31,000 people in the United States commit suicide each year. More than 24,000 of them are men. And that doesn't count the deaths from alcohol or drugs. In fact, some researchers are beginning to suspect that depression causes more deaths than auto accidents do.
Britt's fantasies of having an accident scared him. He went to see his father's psychiatrist. It didn't take the doctor long to diagnose his condition. (Q: "When were you last really happy?" A: "1975.") And yet, his denial of clinical depression was so strong that he sought a second opinion.
Maybe men need a different word for depression. Or maybe the brain researchers and psychologists simply need to redefine the condition so it includes the way men experience it, too.
Cultural Cover-Up
It's understandable that women are three times more likely than men to be treated for depression; our culture has put a feminine face on the disease, so women give themselves permission to feel it and to seek help for it. Pollack puts it this way: "We have in our society a feminized view of depression, coming out of a model of hysteria that dates back to Freud."
Terrence Real, author of I Don't Want to Talk about It, and a marriage and family therapist in Massachusetts, wrote, "There is a terrible collusion in our society, a cultural cover-up about depression in men." And part of the cultural influence involves the way men are taught from early childhood to be strong, silent, independent, and resistant to suffering. As Real puts it, "Men have about a milli-second's tolerance for feeling [this type of] pain, and then they spring into action. A flight from shame into grandiosity lies at the heart of male covert depression."
Another reason men leap into action, though, whether it's through intense exercise, overwork, pounding back martinis, or some other strategy, is that it actually does relieve the symptoms of depression, at least for a time. In fact, many therapists have begun using exercise as an adjunct to therapy, as explained in books like The Joy of Running, by Thaddeus Kostrubala, and The Exercise Prescription for Depression and Anxiety, by Keith Johnsgard. And research at Duke University confirmed their hunches in 1999.
But exercise in itself doesn't treat the underlying condition. In fact, books called The Joy of Working 80 Hours a Week and The Drinking Prescription for Depression might reach a wide audience, because those strategies can effectively mask depression for years. That is, they can sort of work.
Because at the heart of what Britt and Imparl were going through was a life filled with large stretches of no feeling at all. Britt says he was constantly running, "hoping that movement would help me discover something better."
Looking back on his decades of depression, Britt saw isolated flashes of happiness--the birth of his children, laughter, friendship--but they were, he says, "bright spots on what had been a more turbulent journey than I let myself admit. The moments of happiness sustained my denial of something I had only recently begun to consider an 'invisible load.'" In other words, he'd been swimming with an anvil, and he was sinking by imperceptible increments.
Conditioning
The social conditioning that leads to men's response to depression begins in infancy. Male babies receive less of every type of nurturing, including speech, touch, and comfort when they cry. And that is only the beginning of what will be, to one degree or another, a brutal upbringing for boys.
In the 1960s, the crusading social psychologist Jeanne Block and her colleagues explored how differently parents treat boys and girls. For instance, moms and dads encourage boys to be competitive and to achieve. They don't like them to show their emotions. They encourage them to be less dependent; mothers push them away. They punish them more than they punish girls. And they are unaware that they treat boys and girls differently.
By the time boys are on their way to the teenage years, the process of disavowing what they are is complete. The book A New Psychology of Men describes research in which people were asked what it means to be feminine or masculine. Women and girls defined themselves by the ways they were connected to others, and by citing qualities like being caring or compassionate. Men and boys defined themselves by negatives: They weren't weak, dependent, or connected to their mothers.
But there is not much in our cultural definition of what it means to be a man that is inherent in maleness. Children start off surprisingly alike, whether they're boys or girls. If there's a difference, it's the opposite of what the culture seems to expect: Boys are more sensitive. They give expression to their emotions more readily than girls. They affiliate with others in the same way as girls. Then someone starts telling them it's not okay to be that way. If you act like that, you're a pussy.
As Real and others have explained, it is through this process of denial that men are primed for depression. And it is the cultural necessity of carrying out and carrying on this process that makes it so difficult for them to recognize and admit to depression when it comes. They not only don't acknowledge it to themselves, they often don't display the symptoms that psychotherapists use to diagnose depression.
The cultural training that lays the groundwork for depression in men and for their denial of it later in life involves social isolation. That means telling people the truth about yourself and trusting that they'll do the same, a concept that seems terrifying to many men.
In one case, two friends knew each other for years, commuting together, talking every day, laughing together. They would not have said they were socially isolated, yet when they happened to run into each other in the same group meeting for men suffering from depression, they had to laugh: Neither one had ever admitted it to the other, even though they were both seeking treatment for it.
Social isolation is a well-known killer of mammals. Countless studies going back to the '50s show that contact, affection, emotional communication, and genuine closeness are necessary for mammals, including humans, to maintain our health. Isolation wreaks havoc on everything from the immune system to the cardiovascular system to the brain. Conversely, staying socially connected helps protect men from mental illness, including depression.
The new research done by Kessler and others shows that single men and women look no different when it comes to most kinds of mental illness. But when they get married, they veer off in different directions. "It's a very good deal to be married if you're a man," Kessler says. "It's associated with a dramatic improvement in mental health."
Perhaps because they are forced into solitude as children, men are not as good at being alone as women are. Because of early socialization, women are better at relationships--with children, friends, and relatives. In general, women have more friends than men and are closer to those friends. This, of course, is the direct result of boys' having independence forced on them early in life, when what they need is emotional and physical contact with others.
Socialization punishes women, too. When they have children, women's mental health suffers, while that of men doesn't change at all. That's because women, in general, take care of the kids. If there's trouble in the home, or work interferes with child rearing, they'll disproportionately suffer for it.
Women also worry more than men. They care about a larger group of people who just don't appear on the emotional radar screens of men. In marriage, men share in the joys and are often protected from the pain. Just as the man will go downstairs to investigate a suspicious noise, the woman plays the role of emotional protector.
Kessler uses this example: A wife reports (to the researcher) that she's very upset, because her daughter had an abortion and had to miss a number of days of school. The husband reports that his daughter had the flu and couldn't go to school. How could this be? The explanation is simple: The daughter got pregnant and went to her mother for help, saying, "Whatever you do, don't tell Dad." So the mother helped the daughter have an abortion and told the father the girl was home sick with the flu.
The result is that the husband is exposed to less stress, while the woman is exposed to more. Not only does she have to deal with the abortion, but she also has to lie to her husband and orchestrate the protection of that lie. But throughout, her connections are reinforced and affirmed.
The studies show that when a father dies, the children grow closer to the mother. They come around more. The mother has been maintaining those relationships all along, and they pay off in a crisis. Yet when a mother dies, the children come around less. That's because for years, when they called on Sunday, they talked to the mother, not the father. By filling the social role, the wife grows closer to the kids. That's why widowhood and divorce are so much worse for men. Their protection is ripped away, and they have no social network to catch them as they fall. The person who managed their emotional life is gone.
As Kessler puts it, "You can hire someone to do most of the things the husband does in a marriage. But you can never hire someone to do what the wife does." Men can change this situation and possibly protect themselves from depression later in life by expanding the depth and breadth of their social networks.
Recovery
After undergoing treatment for bipolar disorder and chronic depression, Britt went back to compete in all the events he had run so desperately in 2004, such as the Lake Placid Ironman. To his amazement, he recognized for the first time that the run took place in a glorious natural setting. "You're literally running through fields of green," he says. Later that year, he was competing in the Ironman Wisconsin, which he'd done in such a black mood the year before, and began to wonder, Why am I hurting myself? I don't need to hurt myself anymore. For the first time in his life, he walked for an hour during the event, feeling joyous.
Britt's compulsion to run began to fade. "My race performance declined by about 5 percent in the first half of last year," he tells me, "and it really tailed off by fall. I took most of early winter off, totally. It's a healthier me all around." In other words, he now runs for fun, something he was unable to experience before.
But recovery wasn't simple or easy. Early on, when Britt was first diagnosed, he spent much of his time searching for a single moment in each day when something good happened, something he could celebrate. Gradually, those moments grew larger and more frequent. "Now," he says, "the days are filled with not only great moments, but great minutes and hours. And those make up great days, great weeks, and even great months."
When men talk about depression, one of the recurring themes is how it sucks the color and flavor out of life. The birdsong that filled you with joy as a child has no effect at all. The people you love don't make your heart sing, even though you know they should. The colors of the world are tarnished and dull. Britt ran the Boston Marathon once again, and realized at the end that although he'd run it many times, he had literally never seen the finish line; he ran right through it and focused on the next thing. "Now I can see things I never saw before--colors, scenery, people," he says. "It's almost impossible to describe, except to say that it seems like the world has visually opened up."
Depression is well known for shutting down the senses, and when it lifted, Britt was so astonished at what was around him that he took up photography just to try to capture it all. "I never cared before. I never noticed the colors of a sunset. The electricity in a lightning strike. The glow of moonrise over a lake. They've always been there. But only recently have I begun to see them. And I am amazed."
Exercising Your Demons
Some people might call you highly competitive. Some might call you superfit. But a growing number of doctors would label you something else: Depressed
By: Laurence Gonzales
In 1994, at the age of 33, Raymond Britt took up running. It made him feel good. In fact, the more he pushed himself, the better he felt. So each time he went out, he pushed a little harder. It seemed to put him above the turmoil of the world and afford him some relief. Relief from what -- that wasn't so clear. His life was good. He was a successful executive. He'd married his high-school sweetheart. He had beautiful children.
But there was something odd about it all. For one thing, he had no background as a runner. He'd been a powerlifter in his 20s, benching 315. But in the summer of '94, amid a hectic schedule, he happened to see a flier for the Chicago Marathon and was seized by the impulse to run it. Never mind that there were only a few weeks left to train. Never mind that he had never run more than 3 miles at a time. He thought, I can do anything for 5 hours and 30 minutes, which was the qualifying time to receive a finisher's medal.
He became obsessed with his training.
"I was excited, I was nervous, I was alive," he says. "My mother and my wife thought I was crazy." As he reached the 18th mile of the marathon, his hopes for a life-changing experience were shattered. Beating himself up both mentally and physically, he managed to drag his body over the finish line in 4 hours and 41 minutes, as he puts it, "alone, hurt, angry, unhappy."
Rather than recover, he went out the next day to punish himself and prepare for the next marathon.
Sex Differences
The study of how mental illness affects men and women differently is new and fraught with controversy. The first comprehensive survey was conducted between 1990 and 1992. Its aim was to estimate the general prevalence of mental illness.
The research, known as the National Comorbidity Survey, was repeated, in more depth and on a larger scale, between 2001 and 2003, under the auspices of the World Health Organization and with funding from the National Institute of Mental Health. The principal investigator is Ronald C. Kessler, Ph.D., a jolly-looking, bearded professor in the department of health-care policy at Harvard University.
The numbers seem to show that men and women suffer from various mental illnesses at about the same rate, with some notable variations and exceptions. One of the differences, long accepted as gospel by the psychiatric professions, is that twice as many women as men suffer from depression. Kessler says his numbers show that a woman is twice as likely as a man to have a single episode of major clinical depression in her life. After the first episode, however, men and women don't differ in the number of episodes they'll have during a lifetime, or in whether they'll have another episode. Only the first step differs, he says. Then the statistics flatten out to equal.
But if repeat episodes of depression are equal for men and women, doesn't it stand to reason that they may be having first bouts at the same rate? Maybe the discrepancy lies not in the number of men and women who are depressed, but rather, in how depression is expressed.
According to an increasing number of experts, the diagnostic tallies don't take into account the real experience of a lot of men like Britt. They also ignore the fact that women are much more likely to report depression and seek help. Men are more likely to try to fight through their depression, using strategies ranging from hard work to extreme exercise to drinking to violence. Nearly four times more men than women kill themselves.
When women become depressed, they tend to show the classic symptoms described in the psychiatrist's handbook the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. They feel sad and tired, and lose interest in the pleasures of life. In short, women generally get depressed in just the way that most people, including psychotherapists, think about depression.
Men tend to get angry, and that anger expresses itself in a wide variety of intense activities, such as Britt's obsessive running. Some of these men even win marathons--on the streets of Chicago or in feats of work endurance--and look like heroes, which makes it even more difficult to diagnose their depression.
Britt says, "I've always thought Lance Armstrong suffered from depression and that's where his anger came from. I saw a lot of myself in him, the way he transfers anger into action. Depression leads some of us to fight as hard as we can against it. It makes you angry. I liked my anger. I got focused and felt better, like I was leaving turmoil in the dust. But it was temporary."
Because we think of the word "depression" as fitting the woman's profile better than the man's, doctors and therapists don't tend to recognize the disease as readily in men, and men don't talk about it. William Pollack, Ph.D., a professor of psychiatry at Harvard, estimates that 50 percent to 65 percent of men suffering from what they call "covert depression" aren't diagnosed.
It seems clear that men will do just about anything to avoid admitting to having the disease. They'd rather just suffer. Some of them would rather die.
Driven
Britt raced in Chicago the next year and qualified for the Boston Marathon. Still, he needed more. He entered the Chicago Triathlon that same year and nearly drowned. ("I was a terrible swimmer.") He returned in 1996, and did well. That only fed his craving. "I wanted to take everything to the next, most impossible level I could imagine," he says. He describes himself as "driven to the margin of terror."
By 1998, he had developed a set of rules for himself: more, harder, quicker, and farther away. Three Ironman races in 7 weeks. Roth, Germany, in July for Ironman Europe. Zurich in August for Ironman Switzerland, wife and 4-month-old baby in tow. Ironman Canada again in September. "Still not enough," he says.
In 1999: four Ironman races, a 50-miler, and the Western States 100. Seven days later, he ran two 5-Ks on the same day, for "pain as punishment and proof that I was okay. I could survive the day as long as I could channel my inner turbulence into power and aggression during training. The determination, the drive, kept me afloat."
In the following years, he broke 3 hours in the marathon, qualified for the Ironman World Championships three times, won awards, gained sponsorship, and was regularly published as a cardio guru. He was a champ, a role model. "How can this be a bad thing?" he asked. "And if I'm strong enough to outlast anything, aren't I strong enough to outlast life's challenges?"
Yet his world had begun to contract. He began intentionally doing reckless things. "I took risks riding my bicycle in traffic, running at night, fighting whatever was fighting me. It felt good to be fighting."
He couldn't run, bike, and swim all day. He had to work. He had a wife and kids. So he simply pushed that much harder. "My best performances came when I was ready to rip the top off the race course. I had very aggressive feelings. I just wanted to attack."
He was winning, yes, but he also required emergency medical attention after every event. He'd come in with his blood pressure reading 90 over 50 and required up to four IV bags of fluid to counter dehydration. That didn't seem odd to him, but his wife began to worry that he was trying to kill himself. He told her he was just pushing it. He eventually did 42 marathons, 27 Ironman Triathlons, and six ultramarathons in 11 years, covering 42,000 miles, the equivalent of running, swimming, and biking around the world 1 1/2 times.
The weird thing is this: Raymond Britt isn't that unusual. His distances aren't even that huge, compared with some guys'. And the mental illness he suffers from, which drove him to battle through all those miles, is not that uncommon among men.
Steven Imparl is a lawyer in Chicago, but a look at his résumé affords a glimpse into the frantic world of a man working very hard to compensate for depression. He graduated from high school in the top 15 of his class of 550 students. He received his B.S. degree with high honors. He became an information-technology specialist working for big companies, then went on to earn his law degree and start his own firm. Along the way, he studied French, German, Slovene, and Spanish. He learned classical guitar, studied Slavic and Balkan history, and sang barbershop harmony. And he somehow found time for power walking, inline skating, volleyball, and boxing. By the fall of 2001, he was so wound up, he could hardly sleep. He became more irritable, more easily angered. After nearly getting into a fistfight while walking down a street, he decided to seek help. But when the doctor told him he was suffering from clinical depression, Imparl refused to believe it. Admitting to depression is . . . well, it's like getting your period: Guys don't do it.
Once Imparl accepted the diagnosis, he performed like any true, overachieving depressed man would: Through a program of therapy and drugs, he got better, and then he founded a successful Web site, maledepression.com, for guys like him.
Raymond Britt's crash and burn came one day in November 2004, when he set out to run himself into the ground, to transfer the pain from his soul to his body. Many miles and hours later, he found himself bloodied, exhausted, and hypothermic, but he neither displaced the internal pain nor found relief. He was forced at last to face what he'd known for decades: Depression was rampant in his family. From an early age, Britt had been determined that he wouldn't succumb. He wouldn't be weak.
Because his father had medicated his own depression with alcohol, Britt had never taken up drinking. By the fall of 2004, his father had been in therapy for a while, and was encouraging Britt to seek help. Having experienced depression himself, he was able to see the disorder in his son. He sent Britt an e-mail with his doctor's name. And then he dropped dead.
It was a few weeks later when Britt hit the wall on his last desperate run. Then he collapsed into classic symptoms of depression, which is what happens when the strategy fails: "The weight felt so heavy that it was hard to physically move," says Britt. He found himself wishing he'd be in an accident that would put him in the hospital so that he could escape. "I wanted to be taken out."
That's the point at which depressed men can slip beyond fantasy into active thoughts of suicide. Some 31,000 people in the United States commit suicide each year. More than 24,000 of them are men. And that doesn't count the deaths from alcohol or drugs. In fact, some researchers are beginning to suspect that depression causes more deaths than auto accidents do.
Britt's fantasies of having an accident scared him. He went to see his father's psychiatrist. It didn't take the doctor long to diagnose his condition. (Q: "When were you last really happy?" A: "1975.") And yet, his denial of clinical depression was so strong that he sought a second opinion.
Maybe men need a different word for depression. Or maybe the brain researchers and psychologists simply need to redefine the condition so it includes the way men experience it, too.
Cultural Cover-Up
It's understandable that women are three times more likely than men to be treated for depression; our culture has put a feminine face on the disease, so women give themselves permission to feel it and to seek help for it. Pollack puts it this way: "We have in our society a feminized view of depression, coming out of a model of hysteria that dates back to Freud."
Terrence Real, author of I Don't Want to Talk about It, and a marriage and family therapist in Massachusetts, wrote, "There is a terrible collusion in our society, a cultural cover-up about depression in men." And part of the cultural influence involves the way men are taught from early childhood to be strong, silent, independent, and resistant to suffering. As Real puts it, "Men have about a milli-second's tolerance for feeling [this type of] pain, and then they spring into action. A flight from shame into grandiosity lies at the heart of male covert depression."
Another reason men leap into action, though, whether it's through intense exercise, overwork, pounding back martinis, or some other strategy, is that it actually does relieve the symptoms of depression, at least for a time. In fact, many therapists have begun using exercise as an adjunct to therapy, as explained in books like The Joy of Running, by Thaddeus Kostrubala, and The Exercise Prescription for Depression and Anxiety, by Keith Johnsgard. And research at Duke University confirmed their hunches in 1999.
But exercise in itself doesn't treat the underlying condition. In fact, books called The Joy of Working 80 Hours a Week and The Drinking Prescription for Depression might reach a wide audience, because those strategies can effectively mask depression for years. That is, they can sort of work.
Because at the heart of what Britt and Imparl were going through was a life filled with large stretches of no feeling at all. Britt says he was constantly running, "hoping that movement would help me discover something better."
Looking back on his decades of depression, Britt saw isolated flashes of happiness--the birth of his children, laughter, friendship--but they were, he says, "bright spots on what had been a more turbulent journey than I let myself admit. The moments of happiness sustained my denial of something I had only recently begun to consider an 'invisible load.'" In other words, he'd been swimming with an anvil, and he was sinking by imperceptible increments.
Conditioning
The social conditioning that leads to men's response to depression begins in infancy. Male babies receive less of every type of nurturing, including speech, touch, and comfort when they cry. And that is only the beginning of what will be, to one degree or another, a brutal upbringing for boys.
In the 1960s, the crusading social psychologist Jeanne Block and her colleagues explored how differently parents treat boys and girls. For instance, moms and dads encourage boys to be competitive and to achieve. They don't like them to show their emotions. They encourage them to be less dependent; mothers push them away. They punish them more than they punish girls. And they are unaware that they treat boys and girls differently.
By the time boys are on their way to the teenage years, the process of disavowing what they are is complete. The book A New Psychology of Men describes research in which people were asked what it means to be feminine or masculine. Women and girls defined themselves by the ways they were connected to others, and by citing qualities like being caring or compassionate. Men and boys defined themselves by negatives: They weren't weak, dependent, or connected to their mothers.
But there is not much in our cultural definition of what it means to be a man that is inherent in maleness. Children start off surprisingly alike, whether they're boys or girls. If there's a difference, it's the opposite of what the culture seems to expect: Boys are more sensitive. They give expression to their emotions more readily than girls. They affiliate with others in the same way as girls. Then someone starts telling them it's not okay to be that way. If you act like that, you're a pussy.
As Real and others have explained, it is through this process of denial that men are primed for depression. And it is the cultural necessity of carrying out and carrying on this process that makes it so difficult for them to recognize and admit to depression when it comes. They not only don't acknowledge it to themselves, they often don't display the symptoms that psychotherapists use to diagnose depression.
The cultural training that lays the groundwork for depression in men and for their denial of it later in life involves social isolation. That means telling people the truth about yourself and trusting that they'll do the same, a concept that seems terrifying to many men.
In one case, two friends knew each other for years, commuting together, talking every day, laughing together. They would not have said they were socially isolated, yet when they happened to run into each other in the same group meeting for men suffering from depression, they had to laugh: Neither one had ever admitted it to the other, even though they were both seeking treatment for it.
Social isolation is a well-known killer of mammals. Countless studies going back to the '50s show that contact, affection, emotional communication, and genuine closeness are necessary for mammals, including humans, to maintain our health. Isolation wreaks havoc on everything from the immune system to the cardiovascular system to the brain. Conversely, staying socially connected helps protect men from mental illness, including depression.
The new research done by Kessler and others shows that single men and women look no different when it comes to most kinds of mental illness. But when they get married, they veer off in different directions. "It's a very good deal to be married if you're a man," Kessler says. "It's associated with a dramatic improvement in mental health."
Perhaps because they are forced into solitude as children, men are not as good at being alone as women are. Because of early socialization, women are better at relationships--with children, friends, and relatives. In general, women have more friends than men and are closer to those friends. This, of course, is the direct result of boys' having independence forced on them early in life, when what they need is emotional and physical contact with others.
Socialization punishes women, too. When they have children, women's mental health suffers, while that of men doesn't change at all. That's because women, in general, take care of the kids. If there's trouble in the home, or work interferes with child rearing, they'll disproportionately suffer for it.
Women also worry more than men. They care about a larger group of people who just don't appear on the emotional radar screens of men. In marriage, men share in the joys and are often protected from the pain. Just as the man will go downstairs to investigate a suspicious noise, the woman plays the role of emotional protector.
Kessler uses this example: A wife reports (to the researcher) that she's very upset, because her daughter had an abortion and had to miss a number of days of school. The husband reports that his daughter had the flu and couldn't go to school. How could this be? The explanation is simple: The daughter got pregnant and went to her mother for help, saying, "Whatever you do, don't tell Dad." So the mother helped the daughter have an abortion and told the father the girl was home sick with the flu.
The result is that the husband is exposed to less stress, while the woman is exposed to more. Not only does she have to deal with the abortion, but she also has to lie to her husband and orchestrate the protection of that lie. But throughout, her connections are reinforced and affirmed.
The studies show that when a father dies, the children grow closer to the mother. They come around more. The mother has been maintaining those relationships all along, and they pay off in a crisis. Yet when a mother dies, the children come around less. That's because for years, when they called on Sunday, they talked to the mother, not the father. By filling the social role, the wife grows closer to the kids. That's why widowhood and divorce are so much worse for men. Their protection is ripped away, and they have no social network to catch them as they fall. The person who managed their emotional life is gone.
As Kessler puts it, "You can hire someone to do most of the things the husband does in a marriage. But you can never hire someone to do what the wife does." Men can change this situation and possibly protect themselves from depression later in life by expanding the depth and breadth of their social networks.
Recovery
After undergoing treatment for bipolar disorder and chronic depression, Britt went back to compete in all the events he had run so desperately in 2004, such as the Lake Placid Ironman. To his amazement, he recognized for the first time that the run took place in a glorious natural setting. "You're literally running through fields of green," he says. Later that year, he was competing in the Ironman Wisconsin, which he'd done in such a black mood the year before, and began to wonder, Why am I hurting myself? I don't need to hurt myself anymore. For the first time in his life, he walked for an hour during the event, feeling joyous.
Britt's compulsion to run began to fade. "My race performance declined by about 5 percent in the first half of last year," he tells me, "and it really tailed off by fall. I took most of early winter off, totally. It's a healthier me all around." In other words, he now runs for fun, something he was unable to experience before.
But recovery wasn't simple or easy. Early on, when Britt was first diagnosed, he spent much of his time searching for a single moment in each day when something good happened, something he could celebrate. Gradually, those moments grew larger and more frequent. "Now," he says, "the days are filled with not only great moments, but great minutes and hours. And those make up great days, great weeks, and even great months."
When men talk about depression, one of the recurring themes is how it sucks the color and flavor out of life. The birdsong that filled you with joy as a child has no effect at all. The people you love don't make your heart sing, even though you know they should. The colors of the world are tarnished and dull. Britt ran the Boston Marathon once again, and realized at the end that although he'd run it many times, he had literally never seen the finish line; he ran right through it and focused on the next thing. "Now I can see things I never saw before--colors, scenery, people," he says. "It's almost impossible to describe, except to say that it seems like the world has visually opened up."
Depression is well known for shutting down the senses, and when it lifted, Britt was so astonished at what was around him that he took up photography just to try to capture it all. "I never cared before. I never noticed the colors of a sunset. The electricity in a lightning strike. The glow of moonrise over a lake. They've always been there. But only recently have I begun to see them. And I am amazed."
Exercising Your Demons
Some people might call you highly competitive. Some might call you superfit. But a growing number of doctors would label you something else: Depressed
By: Laurence Gonzales
In 1994, at the age of 33, Raymond Britt took up running. It made him feel good. In fact, the more he pushed himself, the better he felt. So each time he went out, he pushed a little harder. It seemed to put him above the turmoil of the world and afford him some relief. Relief from what -- that wasn't so clear. His life was good. He was a successful executive. He'd married his high-school sweetheart. He had beautiful children.
But there was something odd about it all. For one thing, he had no background as a runner. He'd been a powerlifter in his 20s, benching 315. But in the summer of '94, amid a hectic schedule, he happened to see a flier for the Chicago Marathon and was seized by the impulse to run it. Never mind that there were only a few weeks left to train. Never mind that he had never run more than 3 miles at a time. He thought, I can do anything for 5 hours and 30 minutes, which was the qualifying time to receive a finisher's medal.
He became obsessed with his training.
"I was excited, I was nervous, I was alive," he says. "My mother and my wife thought I was crazy." As he reached the 18th mile of the marathon, his hopes for a life-changing experience were shattered. Beating himself up both mentally and physically, he managed to drag his body over the finish line in 4 hours and 41 minutes, as he puts it, "alone, hurt, angry, unhappy."
Rather than recover, he went out the next day to punish himself and prepare for the next marathon.
Sex Differences
The study of how mental illness affects men and women differently is new and fraught with controversy. The first comprehensive survey was conducted between 1990 and 1992. Its aim was to estimate the general prevalence of mental illness.
The research, known as the National Comorbidity Survey, was repeated, in more depth and on a larger scale, between 2001 and 2003, under the auspices of the World Health Organization and with funding from the National Institute of Mental Health. The principal investigator is Ronald C. Kessler, Ph.D., a jolly-looking, bearded professor in the department of health-care policy at Harvard University.
The numbers seem to show that men and women suffer from various mental illnesses at about the same rate, with some notable variations and exceptions. One of the differences, long accepted as gospel by the psychiatric professions, is that twice as many women as men suffer from depression. Kessler says his numbers show that a woman is twice as likely as a man to have a single episode of major clinical depression in her life. After the first episode, however, men and women don't differ in the number of episodes they'll have during a lifetime, or in whether they'll have another episode. Only the first step differs, he says. Then the statistics flatten out to equal.
But if repeat episodes of depression are equal for men and women, doesn't it stand to reason that they may be having first bouts at the same rate? Maybe the discrepancy lies not in the number of men and women who are depressed, but rather, in how depression is expressed.
According to an increasing number of experts, the diagnostic tallies don't take into account the real experience of a lot of men like Britt. They also ignore the fact that women are much more likely to report depression and seek help. Men are more likely to try to fight through their depression, using strategies ranging from hard work to extreme exercise to drinking to violence. Nearly four times more men than women kill themselves.
When women become depressed, they tend to show the classic symptoms described in the psychiatrist's handbook the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. They feel sad and tired, and lose interest in the pleasures of life. In short, women generally get depressed in just the way that most people, including psychotherapists, think about depression.
Men tend to get angry, and that anger expresses itself in a wide variety of intense activities, such as Britt's obsessive running. Some of these men even win marathons--on the streets of Chicago or in feats of work endurance--and look like heroes, which makes it even more difficult to diagnose their depression.
Britt says, "I've always thought Lance Armstrong suffered from depression and that's where his anger came from. I saw a lot of myself in him, the way he transfers anger into action. Depression leads some of us to fight as hard as we can against it. It makes you angry. I liked my anger. I got focused and felt better, like I was leaving turmoil in the dust. But it was temporary."
Because we think of the word "depression" as fitting the woman's profile better than the man's, doctors and therapists don't tend to recognize the disease as readily in men, and men don't talk about it. William Pollack, Ph.D., a professor of psychiatry at Harvard, estimates that 50 percent to 65 percent of men suffering from what they call "covert depression" aren't diagnosed.
It seems clear that men will do just about anything to avoid admitting to having the disease. They'd rather just suffer. Some of them would rather die.
Driven
Britt raced in Chicago the next year and qualified for the Boston Marathon. Still, he needed more. He entered the Chicago Triathlon that same year and nearly drowned. ("I was a terrible swimmer.") He returned in 1996, and did well. That only fed his craving. "I wanted to take everything to the next, most impossible level I could imagine," he says. He describes himself as "driven to the margin of terror."
By 1998, he had developed a set of rules for himself: more, harder, quicker, and farther away. Three Ironman races in 7 weeks. Roth, Germany, in July for Ironman Europe. Zurich in August for Ironman Switzerland, wife and 4-month-old baby in tow. Ironman Canada again in September. "Still not enough," he says.
In 1999: four Ironman races, a 50-miler, and the Western States 100. Seven days later, he ran two 5-Ks on the same day, for "pain as punishment and proof that I was okay. I could survive the day as long as I could channel my inner turbulence into power and aggression during training. The determination, the drive, kept me afloat."
In the following years, he broke 3 hours in the marathon, qualified for the Ironman World Championships three times, won awards, gained sponsorship, and was regularly published as a cardio guru. He was a champ, a role model. "How can this be a bad thing?" he asked. "And if I'm strong enough to outlast anything, aren't I strong enough to outlast life's challenges?"
Yet his world had begun to contract. He began intentionally doing reckless things. "I took risks riding my bicycle in traffic, running at night, fighting whatever was fighting me. It felt good to be fighting."
He couldn't run, bike, and swim all day. He had to work. He had a wife and kids. So he simply pushed that much harder. "My best performances came when I was ready to rip the top off the race course. I had very aggressive feelings. I just wanted to attack."
He was winning, yes, but he also required emergency medical attention after every event. He'd come in with his blood pressure reading 90 over 50 and required up to four IV bags of fluid to counter dehydration. That didn't seem odd to him, but his wife began to worry that he was trying to kill himself. He told her he was just pushing it. He eventually did 42 marathons, 27 Ironman Triathlons, and six ultramarathons in 11 years, covering 42,000 miles, the equivalent of running, swimming, and biking around the world 1 1/2 times.
The weird thing is this: Raymond Britt isn't that unusual. His distances aren't even that huge, compared with some guys'. And the mental illness he suffers from, which drove him to battle through all those miles, is not that uncommon among men.
Steven Imparl is a lawyer in Chicago, but a look at his résumé affords a glimpse into the frantic world of a man working very hard to compensate for depression. He graduated from high school in the top 15 of his class of 550 students. He received his B.S. degree with high honors. He became an information-technology specialist working for big companies, then went on to earn his law degree and start his own firm. Along the way, he studied French, German, Slovene, and Spanish. He learned classical guitar, studied Slavic and Balkan history, and sang barbershop harmony. And he somehow found time for power walking, inline skating, volleyball, and boxing. By the fall of 2001, he was so wound up, he could hardly sleep. He became more irritable, more easily angered. After nearly getting into a fistfight while walking down a street, he decided to seek help. But when the doctor told him he was suffering from clinical depression, Imparl refused to believe it. Admitting to depression is . . . well, it's like getting your period: Guys don't do it.
Once Imparl accepted the diagnosis, he performed like any true, overachieving depressed man would: Through a program of therapy and drugs, he got better, and then he founded a successful Web site, maledepression.com, for guys like him.
Raymond Britt's crash and burn came one day in November 2004, when he set out to run himself into the ground, to transfer the pain from his soul to his body. Many miles and hours later, he found himself bloodied, exhausted, and hypothermic, but he neither displaced the internal pain nor found relief. He was forced at last to face what he'd known for decades: Depression was rampant in his family. From an early age, Britt had been determined that he wouldn't succumb. He wouldn't be weak.
Because his father had medicated his own depression with alcohol, Britt had never taken up drinking. By the fall of 2004, his father had been in therapy for a while, and was encouraging Britt to seek help. Having experienced depression himself, he was able to see the disorder in his son. He sent Britt an e-mail with his doctor's name. And then he dropped dead.
It was a few weeks later when Britt hit the wall on his last desperate run. Then he collapsed into classic symptoms of depression, which is what happens when the strategy fails: "The weight felt so heavy that it was hard to physically move," says Britt. He found himself wishing he'd be in an accident that would put him in the hospital so that he could escape. "I wanted to be taken out."
That's the point at which depressed men can slip beyond fantasy into active thoughts of suicide. Some 31,000 people in the United States commit suicide each year. More than 24,000 of them are men. And that doesn't count the deaths from alcohol or drugs. In fact, some researchers are beginning to suspect that depression causes more deaths than auto accidents do.
Britt's fantasies of having an accident scared him. He went to see his father's psychiatrist. It didn't take the doctor long to diagnose his condition. (Q: "When were you last really happy?" A: "1975.") And yet, his denial of clinical depression was so strong that he sought a second opinion.
Maybe men need a different word for depression. Or maybe the brain researchers and psychologists simply need to redefine the condition so it includes the way men experience it, too.
Cultural Cover-Up
It's understandable that women are three times more likely than men to be treated for depression; our culture has put a feminine face on the disease, so women give themselves permission to feel it and to seek help for it. Pollack puts it this way: "We have in our society a feminized view of depression, coming out of a model of hysteria that dates back to Freud."
Terrence Real, author of I Don't Want to Talk about It, and a marriage and family therapist in Massachusetts, wrote, "There is a terrible collusion in our society, a cultural cover-up about depression in men." And part of the cultural influence involves the way men are taught from early childhood to be strong, silent, independent, and resistant to suffering. As Real puts it, "Men have about a milli-second's tolerance for feeling [this type of] pain, and then they spring into action. A flight from shame into grandiosity lies at the heart of male covert depression."
Another reason men leap into action, though, whether it's through intense exercise, overwork, pounding back martinis, or some other strategy, is that it actually does relieve the symptoms of depression, at least for a time. In fact, many therapists have begun using exercise as an adjunct to therapy, as explained in books like The Joy of Running, by Thaddeus Kostrubala, and The Exercise Prescription for Depression and Anxiety, by Keith Johnsgard. And research at Duke University confirmed their hunches in 1999.
But exercise in itself doesn't treat the underlying condition. In fact, books called The Joy of Working 80 Hours a Week and The Drinking Prescription for Depression might reach a wide audience, because those strategies can effectively mask depression for years. That is, they can sort of work.
Because at the heart of what Britt and Imparl were going through was a life filled with large stretches of no feeling at all. Britt says he was constantly running, "hoping that movement would help me discover something better."
Looking back on his decades of depression, Britt saw isolated flashes of happiness--the birth of his children, laughter, friendship--but they were, he says, "bright spots on what had been a more turbulent journey than I let myself admit. The moments of happiness sustained my denial of something I had only recently begun to consider an 'invisible load.'" In other words, he'd been swimming with an anvil, and he was sinking by imperceptible increments.
Conditioning
The social conditioning that leads to men's response to depression begins in infancy. Male babies receive less of every type of nurturing, including speech, touch, and comfort when they cry. And that is only the beginning of what will be, to one degree or another, a brutal upbringing for boys.
In the 1960s, the crusading social psychologist Jeanne Block and her colleagues explored how differently parents treat boys and girls. For instance, moms and dads encourage boys to be competitive and to achieve. They don't like them to show their emotions. They encourage them to be less dependent; mothers push them away. They punish them more than they punish girls. And they are unaware that they treat boys and girls differently.
By the time boys are on their way to the teenage years, the process of disavowing what they are is complete. The book A New Psychology of Men describes research in which people were asked what it means to be feminine or masculine. Women and girls defined themselves by the ways they were connected to others, and by citing qualities like being caring or compassionate. Men and boys defined themselves by negatives: They weren't weak, dependent, or connected to their mothers.
But there is not much in our cultural definition of what it means to be a man that is inherent in maleness. Children start off surprisingly alike, whether they're boys or girls. If there's a difference, it's the opposite of what the culture seems to expect: Boys are more sensitive. They give expression to their emotions more readily than girls. They affiliate with others in the same way as girls. Then someone starts telling them it's not okay to be that way. If you act like that, you're a pussy.
As Real and others have explained, it is through this process of denial that men are primed for depression. And it is the cultural necessity of carrying out and carrying on this process that makes it so difficult for them to recognize and admit to depression when it comes. They not only don't acknowledge it to themselves, they often don't display the symptoms that psychotherapists use to diagnose depression.
The cultural training that lays the groundwork for depression in men and for their denial of it later in life involves social isolation. That means telling people the truth about yourself and trusting that they'll do the same, a concept that seems terrifying to many men.
In one case, two friends knew each other for years, commuting together, talking every day, laughing together. They would not have said they were socially isolated, yet when they happened to run into each other in the same group meeting for men suffering from depression, they had to laugh: Neither one had ever admitted it to the other, even though they were both seeking treatment for it.
Social isolation is a well-known killer of mammals. Countless studies going back to the '50s show that contact, affection, emotional communication, and genuine closeness are necessary for mammals, including humans, to maintain our health. Isolation wreaks havoc on everything from the immune system to the cardiovascular system to the brain. Conversely, staying socially connected helps protect men from mental illness, including depression.
The new research done by Kessler and others shows that single men and women look no different when it comes to most kinds of mental illness. But when they get married, they veer off in different directions. "It's a very good deal to be married if you're a man," Kessler says. "It's associated with a dramatic improvement in mental health."
Perhaps because they are forced into solitude as children, men are not as good at being alone as women are. Because of early socialization, women are better at relationships--with children, friends, and relatives. In general, women have more friends than men and are closer to those friends. This, of course, is the direct result of boys' having independence forced on them early in life, when what they need is emotional and physical contact with others.
Socialization punishes women, too. When they have children, women's mental health suffers, while that of men doesn't change at all. That's because women, in general, take care of the kids. If there's trouble in the home, or work interferes with child rearing, they'll disproportionately suffer for it.
Women also worry more than men. They care about a larger group of people who just don't appear on the emotional radar screens of men. In marriage, men share in the joys and are often protected from the pain. Just as the man will go downstairs to investigate a suspicious noise, the woman plays the role of emotional protector.
Kessler uses this example: A wife reports (to the researcher) that she's very upset, because her daughter had an abortion and had to miss a number of days of school. The husband reports that his daughter had the flu and couldn't go to school. How could this be? The explanation is simple: The daughter got pregnant and went to her mother for help, saying, "Whatever you do, don't tell Dad." So the mother helped the daughter have an abortion and told the father the girl was home sick with the flu.
The result is that the husband is exposed to less stress, while the woman is exposed to more. Not only does she have to deal with the abortion, but she also has to lie to her husband and orchestrate the protection of that lie. But throughout, her connections are reinforced and affirmed.
The studies show that when a father dies, the children grow closer to the mother. They come around more. The mother has been maintaining those relationships all along, and they pay off in a crisis. Yet when a mother dies, the children come around less. That's because for years, when they called on Sunday, they talked to the mother, not the father. By filling the social role, the wife grows closer to the kids. That's why widowhood and divorce are so much worse for men. Their protection is ripped away, and they have no social network to catch them as they fall. The person who managed their emotional life is gone.
As Kessler puts it, "You can hire someone to do most of the things the husband does in a marriage. But you can never hire someone to do what the wife does." Men can change this situation and possibly protect themselves from depression later in life by expanding the depth and breadth of their social networks.
Recovery
After undergoing treatment for bipolar disorder and chronic depression, Britt went back to compete in all the events he had run so desperately in 2004, such as the Lake Placid Ironman. To his amazement, he recognized for the first time that the run took place in a glorious natural setting. "You're literally running through fields of green," he says. Later that year, he was competing in the Ironman Wisconsin, which he'd done in such a black mood the year before, and began to wonder, Why am I hurting myself? I don't need to hurt myself anymore. For the first time in his life, he walked for an hour during the event, feeling joyous.
Britt's compulsion to run began to fade. "My race performance declined by about 5 percent in the first half of last year," he tells me, "and it really tailed off by fall. I took most of early winter off, totally. It's a healthier me all around." In other words, he now runs for fun, something he was unable to experience before.
But recovery wasn't simple or easy. Early on, when Britt was first diagnosed, he spent much of his time searching for a single moment in each day when something good happened, something he could celebrate. Gradually, those moments grew larger and more frequent. "Now," he says, "the days are filled with not only great moments, but great minutes and hours. And those make up great days, great weeks, and even great months."
When men talk about depression, one of the recurring themes is how it sucks the color and flavor out of life. The birdsong that filled you with joy as a child has no effect at all. The people you love don't make your heart sing, even though you know they should. The colors of the world are tarnished and dull. Britt ran the Boston Marathon once again, and realized at the end that although he'd run it many times, he had literally never seen the finish line; he ran right through it and focused on the next thing. "Now I can see things I never saw before--colors, scenery, people," he says. "It's almost impossible to describe, except to say that it seems like the world has visually opened up."
Depression is well known for shutting down the senses, and when it lifted, Britt was so astonished at what was around him that he took up photography just to try to capture it all. "I never cared before. I never noticed the colors of a sunset. The electricity in a lightning strike. The glow of moonrise over a lake. They've always been there. But only recently have I begun to see them. And I am amazed."
Exercising Your Demons
Some people might call you highly competitive. Some might call you superfit. But a growing number of doctors would label you something else: Depressed
By: Laurence Gonzales
In 1994, at the age of 33, Raymond Britt took up running. It made him feel good. In fact, the more he pushed himself, the better he felt. So each time he went out, he pushed a little harder. It seemed to put him above the turmoil of the world and afford him some relief. Relief from what -- that wasn't so clear. His life was good. He was a successful executive. He'd married his high-school sweetheart. He had beautiful children.
But there was something odd about it all. For one thing, he had no background as a runner. He'd been a powerlifter in his 20s, benching 315. But in the summer of '94, amid a hectic schedule, he happened to see a flier for the Chicago Marathon and was seized by the impulse to run it. Never mind that there were only a few weeks left to train. Never mind that he had never run more than 3 miles at a time. He thought, I can do anything for 5 hours and 30 minutes, which was the qualifying time to receive a finisher's medal.
He became obsessed with his training.
"I was excited, I was nervous, I was alive," he says. "My mother and my wife thought I was crazy." As he reached the 18th mile of the marathon, his hopes for a life-changing experience were shattered. Beating himself up both mentally and physically, he managed to drag his body over the finish line in 4 hours and 41 minutes, as he puts it, "alone, hurt, angry, unhappy."
Rather than recover, he went out the next day to punish himself and prepare for the next marathon.
Sex Differences
The study of how mental illness affects men and women differently is new and fraught with controversy. The first comprehensive survey was conducted between 1990 and 1992. Its aim was to estimate the general prevalence of mental illness.
The research, known as the National Comorbidity Survey, was repeated, in more depth and on a larger scale, between 2001 and 2003, under the auspices of the World Health Organization and with funding from the National Institute of Mental Health. The principal investigator is Ronald C. Kessler, Ph.D., a jolly-looking, bearded professor in the department of health-care policy at Harvard University.
The numbers seem to show that men and women suffer from various mental illnesses at about the same rate, with some notable variations and exceptions. One of the differences, long accepted as gospel by the psychiatric professions, is that twice as many women as men suffer from depression. Kessler says his numbers show that a woman is twice as likely as a man to have a single episode of major clinical depression in her life. After the first episode, however, men and women don't differ in the number of episodes they'll have during a lifetime, or in whether they'll have another episode. Only the first step differs, he says. Then the statistics flatten out to equal.
But if repeat episodes of depression are equal for men and women, doesn't it stand to reason that they may be having first bouts at the same rate? Maybe the discrepancy lies not in the number of men and women who are depressed, but rather, in how depression is expressed.
According to an increasing number of experts, the diagnostic tallies don't take into account the real experience of a lot of men like Britt. They also ignore the fact that women are much more likely to report depression and seek help. Men are more likely to try to fight through their depression, using strategies ranging from hard work to extreme exercise to drinking to violence. Nearly four times more men than women kill themselves.
When women become depressed, they tend to show the classic symptoms described in the psychiatrist's handbook the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. They feel sad and tired, and lose interest in the pleasures of life. In short, women generally get depressed in just the way that most people, including psychotherapists, think about depression.
Men tend to get angry, and that anger expresses itself in a wide variety of intense activities, such as Britt's obsessive running. Some of these men even win marathons--on the streets of Chicago or in feats of work endurance--and look like heroes, which makes it even more difficult to diagnose their depression.
Britt says, "I've always thought Lance Armstrong suffered from depression and that's where his anger came from. I saw a lot of myself in him, the way he transfers anger into action. Depression leads some of us to fight as hard as we can against it. It makes you angry. I liked my anger. I got focused and felt better, like I was leaving turmoil in the dust. But it was temporary."
Because we think of the word "depression" as fitting the woman's profile better than the man's, doctors and therapists don't tend to recognize the disease as readily in men, and men don't talk about it. William Pollack, Ph.D., a professor of psychiatry at Harvard, estimates that 50 percent to 65 percent of men suffering from what they call "covert depression" aren't diagnosed.
It seems clear that men will do just about anything to avoid admitting to having the disease. They'd rather just suffer. Some of them would rather die.
Driven
Britt raced in Chicago the next year and qualified for the Boston Marathon. Still, he needed more. He entered the Chicago Triathlon that same year and nearly drowned. ("I was a terrible swimmer.") He returned in 1996, and did well. That only fed his craving. "I wanted to take everything to the next, most impossible level I could imagine," he says. He describes himself as "driven to the margin of terror."
By 1998, he had developed a set of rules for himself: more, harder, quicker, and farther away. Three Ironman races in 7 weeks. Roth, Germany, in July for Ironman Europe. Zurich in August for Ironman Switzerland, wife and 4-month-old baby in tow. Ironman Canada again in September. "Still not enough," he says.
In 1999: four Ironman races, a 50-miler, and the Western States 100. Seven days later, he ran two 5-Ks on the same day, for "pain as punishment and proof that I was okay. I could survive the day as long as I could channel my inner turbulence into power and aggression during training. The determination, the drive, kept me afloat."
In the following years, he broke 3 hours in the marathon, qualified for the Ironman World Championships three times, won awards, gained sponsorship, and was regularly published as a cardio guru. He was a champ, a role model. "How can this be a bad thing?" he asked. "And if I'm strong enough to outlast anything, aren't I strong enough to outlast life's challenges?"
Yet his world had begun to contract. He began intentionally doing reckless things. "I took risks riding my bicycle in traffic, running at night, fighting whatever was fighting me. It felt good to be fighting."
He couldn't run, bike, and swim all day. He had to work. He had a wife and kids. So he simply pushed that much harder. "My best performances came when I was ready to rip the top off the race course. I had very aggressive feelings. I just wanted to attack."
He was winning, yes, but he also required emergency medical attention after every event. He'd come in with his blood pressure reading 90 over 50 and required up to four IV bags of fluid to counter dehydration. That didn't seem odd to him, but his wife began to worry that he was trying to kill himself. He told her he was just pushing it. He eventually did 42 marathons, 27 Ironman Triathlons, and six ultramarathons in 11 years, covering 42,000 miles, the equivalent of running, swimming, and biking around the world 1 1/2 times.
The weird thing is this: Raymond Britt isn't that unusual. His distances aren't even that huge, compared with some guys'. And the mental illness he suffers from, which drove him to battle through all those miles, is not that uncommon among men.
Steven Imparl is a lawyer in Chicago, but a look at his résumé affords a glimpse into the frantic world of a man working very hard to compensate for depression. He graduated from high school in the top 15 of his class of 550 students. He received his B.S. degree with high honors. He became an information-technology specialist working for big companies, then went on to earn his law degree and start his own firm. Along the way, he studied French, German, Slovene, and Spanish. He learned classical guitar, studied Slavic and Balkan history, and sang barbershop harmony. And he somehow found time for power walking, inline skating, volleyball, and boxing. By the fall of 2001, he was so wound up, he could hardly sleep. He became more irritable, more easily angered. After nearly getting into a fistfight while walking down a street, he decided to seek help. But when the doctor told him he was suffering from clinical depression, Imparl refused to believe it. Admitting to depression is . . . well, it's like getting your period: Guys don't do it.
Once Imparl accepted the diagnosis, he performed like any true, overachieving depressed man would: Through a program of therapy and drugs, he got better, and then he founded a successful Web site, maledepression.com, for guys like him.
Raymond Britt's crash and burn came one day in November 2004, when he set out to run himself into the ground, to transfer the pain from his soul to his body. Many miles and hours later, he found himself bloodied, exhausted, and hypothermic, but he neither displaced the internal pain nor found relief. He was forced at last to face what he'd known for decades: Depression was rampant in his family. From an early age, Britt had been determined that he wouldn't succumb. He wouldn't be weak.
Because his father had medicated his own depression with alcohol, Britt had never taken up drinking. By the fall of 2004, his father had been in therapy for a while, and was encouraging Britt to seek help. Having experienced depression himself, he was able to see the disorder in his son. He sent Britt an e-mail with his doctor's name. And then he dropped dead.
It was a few weeks later when Britt hit the wall on his last desperate run. Then he collapsed into classic symptoms of depression, which is what happens when the strategy fails: "The weight felt so heavy that it was hard to physically move," says Britt. He found himself wishing he'd be in an accident that would put him in the hospital so that he could escape. "I wanted to be taken out."
That's the point at which depressed men can slip beyond fantasy into active thoughts of suicide. Some 31,000 people in the United States commit suicide each year. More than 24,000 of them are men. And that doesn't count the deaths from alcohol or drugs. In fact, some researchers are beginning to suspect that depression causes more deaths than auto accidents do.
Britt's fantasies of having an accident scared him. He went to see his father's psychiatrist. It didn't take the doctor long to diagnose his condition. (Q: "When were you last really happy?" A: "1975.") And yet, his denial of clinical depression was so strong that he sought a second opinion.
Maybe men need a different word for depression. Or maybe the brain researchers and psychologists simply need to redefine the condition so it includes the way men experience it, too.
Cultural Cover-Up
It's understandable that women are three times more likely than men to be treated for depression; our culture has put a feminine face on the disease, so women give themselves permission to feel it and to seek help for it. Pollack puts it this way: "We have in our society a feminized view of depression, coming out of a model of hysteria that dates back to Freud."
Terrence Real, author of I Don't Want to Talk about It, and a marriage and family therapist in Massachusetts, wrote, "There is a terrible collusion in our society, a cultural cover-up about depression in men." And part of the cultural influence involves the way men are taught from early childhood to be strong, silent, independent, and resistant to suffering. As Real puts it, "Men have about a milli-second's tolerance for feeling [this type of] pain, and then they spring into action. A flight from shame into grandiosity lies at the heart of male covert depression."
Another reason men leap into action, though, whether it's through intense exercise, overwork, pounding back martinis, or some other strategy, is that it actually does relieve the symptoms of depression, at least for a time. In fact, many therapists have begun using exercise as an adjunct to therapy, as explained in books like The Joy of Running, by Thaddeus Kostrubala, and The Exercise Prescription for Depression and Anxiety, by Keith Johnsgard. And research at Duke University confirmed their hunches in 1999.
But exercise in itself doesn't treat the underlying condition. In fact, books called The Joy of Working 80 Hours a Week and The Drinking Prescription for Depression might reach a wide audience, because those strategies can effectively mask depression for years. That is, they can sort of work.
Because at the heart of what Britt and Imparl were going through was a life filled with large stretches of no feeling at all. Britt says he was constantly running, "hoping that movement would help me discover something better."
Looking back on his decades of depression, Britt saw isolated flashes of happiness--the birth of his children, laughter, friendship--but they were, he says, "bright spots on what had been a more turbulent journey than I let myself admit. The moments of happiness sustained my denial of something I had only recently begun to consider an 'invisible load.'" In other words, he'd been swimming with an anvil, and he was sinking by imperceptible increments.
Conditioning
The social conditioning that leads to men's response to depression begins in infancy. Male babies receive less of every type of nurturing, including speech, touch, and comfort when they cry. And that is only the beginning of what will be, to one degree or another, a brutal upbringing for boys.
In the 1960s, the crusading social psychologist Jeanne Block and her colleagues explored how differently parents treat boys and girls. For instance, moms and dads encourage boys to be competitive and to achieve. They don't like them to show their emotions. They encourage them to be less dependent; mothers push them away. They punish them more than they punish girls. And they are unaware that they treat boys and girls differently.
By the time boys are on their way to the teenage years, the process of disavowing what they are is complete. The book A New Psychology of Men describes research in which people were asked what it means to be feminine or masculine. Women and girls defined themselves by the ways they were connected to others, and by citing qualities like being caring or compassionate. Men and boys defined themselves by negatives: They weren't weak, dependent, or connected to their mothers.
But there is not much in our cultural definition of what it means to be a man that is inherent in maleness. Children start off surprisingly alike, whether they're boys or girls. If there's a difference, it's the opposite of what the culture seems to expect: Boys are more sensitive. They give expression to their emotions more readily than girls. They affiliate with others in the same way as girls. Then someone starts telling them it's not okay to be that way. If you act like that, you're a pussy.
As Real and others have explained, it is through this process of denial that men are primed for depression. And it is the cultural necessity of carrying out and carrying on this process that makes it so difficult for them to recognize and admit to depression when it comes. They not only don't acknowledge it to themselves, they often don't display the symptoms that psychotherapists use to diagnose depression.
The cultural training that lays the groundwork for depression in men and for their denial of it later in life involves social isolation. That means telling people the truth about yourself and trusting that they'll do the same, a concept that seems terrifying to many men.
In one case, two friends knew each other for years, commuting together, talking every day, laughing together. They would not have said they were socially isolated, yet when they happened to run into each other in the same group meeting for men suffering from depression, they had to laugh: Neither one had ever admitted it to the other, even though they were both seeking treatment for it.
Social isolation is a well-known killer of mammals. Countless studies going back to the '50s show that contact, affection, emotional communication, and genuine closeness are necessary for mammals, including humans, to maintain our health. Isolation wreaks havoc on everything from the immune system to the cardiovascular system to the brain. Conversely, staying socially connected helps protect men from mental illness, including depression.
The new research done by Kessler and others shows that single men and women look no different when it comes to most kinds of mental illness. But when they get married, they veer off in different directions. "It's a very good deal to be married if you're a man," Kessler says. "It's associated with a dramatic improvement in mental health."
Perhaps because they are forced into solitude as children, men are not as good at being alone as women are. Because of early socialization, women are better at relationships--with children, friends, and relatives. In general, women have more friends than men and are closer to those friends. This, of course, is the direct result of boys' having independence forced on them early in life, when what they need is emotional and physical contact with others.
Socialization punishes women, too. When they have children, women's mental health suffers, while that of men doesn't change at all. That's because women, in general, take care of the kids. If there's trouble in the home, or work interferes with child rearing, they'll disproportionately suffer for it.
Women also worry more than men. They care about a larger group of people who just don't appear on the emotional radar screens of men. In marriage, men share in the joys and are often protected from the pain. Just as the man will go downstairs to investigate a suspicious noise, the woman plays the role of emotional protector.
Kessler uses this example: A wife reports (to the researcher) that she's very upset, because her daughter had an abortion and had to miss a number of days of school. The husband reports that his daughter had the flu and couldn't go to school. How could this be? The explanation is simple: The daughter got pregnant and went to her mother for help, saying, "Whatever you do, don't tell Dad." So the mother helped the daughter have an abortion and told the father the girl was home sick with the flu.
The result is that the husband is exposed to less stress, while the woman is exposed to more. Not only does she have to deal with the abortion, but she also has to lie to her husband and orchestrate the protection of that lie. But throughout, her connections are reinforced and affirmed.
The studies show that when a father dies, the children grow closer to the mother. They come around more. The mother has been maintaining those relationships all along, and they pay off in a crisis. Yet when a mother dies, the children come around less. That's because for years, when they called on Sunday, they talked to the mother, not the father. By filling the social role, the wife grows closer to the kids. That's why widowhood and divorce are so much worse for men. Their protection is ripped away, and they have no social network to catch them as they fall. The person who managed their emotional life is gone.
As Kessler puts it, "You can hire someone to do most of the things the husband does in a marriage. But you can never hire someone to do what the wife does." Men can change this situation and possibly protect themselves from depression later in life by expanding the depth and breadth of their social networks.
Recovery
After undergoing treatment for bipolar disorder and chronic depression, Britt went back to compete in all the events he had run so desperately in 2004, such as the Lake Placid Ironman. To his amazement, he recognized for the first time that the run took place in a glorious natural setting. "You're literally running through fields of green," he says. Later that year, he was competing in the Ironman Wisconsin, which he'd done in such a black mood the year before, and began to wonder, Why am I hurting myself? I don't need to hurt myself anymore. For the first time in his life, he walked for an hour during the event, feeling joyous.
Britt's compulsion to run began to fade. "My race performance declined by about 5 percent in the first half of last year," he tells me, "and it really tailed off by fall. I took most of early winter off, totally. It's a healthier me all around." In other words, he now runs for fun, something he was unable to experience before.
But recovery wasn't simple or easy. Early on, when Britt was first diagnosed, he spent much of his time searching for a single moment in each day when something good happened, something he could celebrate. Gradually, those moments grew larger and more frequent. "Now," he says, "the days are filled with not only great moments, but great minutes and hours. And those make up great days, great weeks, and even great months."
When men talk about depression, one of the recurring themes is how it sucks the color and flavor out of life. The birdsong that filled you with joy as a child has no effect at all. The people you love don't make your heart sing, even though you know they should. The colors of the world are tarnished and dull. Britt ran the Boston Marathon once again, and realized at the end that although he'd run it many times, he had literally never seen the finish line; he ran right through it and focused on the next thing. "Now I can see things I never saw before--colors, scenery, people," he says. "It's almost impossible to describe, except to say that it seems like the world has visually opened up."
Depression is well known for shutting down the senses, and when it lifted, Britt was so astonished at what was around him that he took up photography just to try to capture it all. "I never cared before. I never noticed the colors of a sunset. The electricity in a lightning strike. The glow of moonrise over a lake. They've always been there. But only recently have I begun to see them. And I am amazed."
Exercising Your Demons
Some people might call you highly competitive. Some might call you superfit. But a growing number of doctors would label you something else: Depressed
By: Laurence Gonzales
In 1994, at the age of 33, Raymond Britt took up running. It made him feel good. In fact, the more he pushed himself, the better he felt. So each time he went out, he pushed a little harder. It seemed to put him above the turmoil of the world and afford him some relief. Relief from what -- that wasn't so clear. His life was good. He was a successful executive. He'd married his high-school sweetheart. He had beautiful children.
But there was something odd about it all. For one thing, he had no background as a runner. He'd been a powerlifter in his 20s, benching 315. But in the summer of '94, amid a hectic schedule, he happened to see a flier for the Chicago Marathon and was seized by the impulse to run it. Never mind that there were only a few weeks left to train. Never mind that he had never run more than 3 miles at a time. He thought, I can do anything for 5 hours and 30 minutes, which was the qualifying time to receive a finisher's medal.
He became obsessed with his training.
"I was excited, I was nervous, I was alive," he says. "My mother and my wife thought I was crazy." As he reached the 18th mile of the marathon, his hopes for a life-changing experience were shattered. Beating himself up both mentally and physically, he managed to drag his body over the finish line in 4 hours and 41 minutes, as he puts it, "alone, hurt, angry, unhappy."
Rather than recover, he went out the next day to punish himself and prepare for the next marathon.
Sex Differences
The study of how mental illness affects men and women differently is new and fraught with controversy. The first comprehensive survey was conducted between 1990 and 1992. Its aim was to estimate the general prevalence of mental illness.
The research, known as the National Comorbidity Survey, was repeated, in more depth and on a larger scale, between 2001 and 2003, under the auspices of the World Health Organization and with funding from the National Institute of Mental Health. The principal investigator is Ronald C. Kessler, Ph.D., a jolly-looking, bearded professor in the department of health-care policy at Harvard University.
The numbers seem to show that men and women suffer from various mental illnesses at about the same rate, with some notable variations and exceptions. One of the differences, long accepted as gospel by the psychiatric professions, is that twice as many women as men suffer from depression. Kessler says his numbers show that a woman is twice as likely as a man to have a single episode of major clinical depression in her life. After the first episode, however, men and women don't differ in the number of episodes they'll have during a lifetime, or in whether they'll have another episode. Only the first step differs, he says. Then the statistics flatten out to equal.
But if repeat episodes of depression are equal for men and women, doesn't it stand to reason that they may be having first bouts at the same rate? Maybe the discrepancy lies not in the number of men and women who are depressed, but rather, in how depression is expressed.
According to an increasing number of experts, the diagnostic tallies don't take into account the real experience of a lot of men like Britt. They also ignore the fact that women are much more likely to report depression and seek help. Men are more likely to try to fight through their depression, using strategies ranging from hard work to extreme exercise to drinking to violence. Nearly four times more men than women kill themselves.
When women become depressed, they tend to show the classic symptoms described in the psychiatrist's handbook the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. They feel sad and tired, and lose interest in the pleasures of life. In short, women generally get depressed in just the way that most people, including psychotherapists, think about depression.
Men tend to get angry, and that anger expresses itself in a wide variety of intense activities, such as Britt's obsessive running. Some of these men even win marathons--on the streets of Chicago or in feats of work endurance--and look like heroes, which makes it even more difficult to diagnose their depression.
Britt says, "I've always thought Lance Armstrong suffered from depression and that's where his anger came from. I saw a lot of myself in him, the way he transfers anger into action. Depression leads some of us to fight as hard as we can against it. It makes you angry. I liked my anger. I got focused and felt better, like I was leaving turmoil in the dust. But it was temporary."
Because we think of the word "depression" as fitting the woman's profile better than the man's, doctors and therapists don't tend to recognize the disease as readily in men, and men don't talk about it. William Pollack, Ph.D., a professor of psychiatry at Harvard, estimates that 50 percent to 65 percent of men suffering from what they call "covert depression" aren't diagnosed.
It seems clear that men will do just about anything to avoid admitting to having the disease. They'd rather just suffer. Some of them would rather die.
Driven
Britt raced in Chicago the next year and qualified for the Boston Marathon. Still, he needed more. He entered the Chicago Triathlon that same year and nearly drowned. ("I was a terrible swimmer.") He returned in 1996, and did well. That only fed his craving. "I wanted to take everything to the next, most impossible level I could imagine," he says. He describes himself as "driven to the margin of terror."
By 1998, he had developed a set of rules for himself: more, harder, quicker, and farther away. Three Ironman races in 7 weeks. Roth, Germany, in July for Ironman Europe. Zurich in August for Ironman Switzerland, wife and 4-month-old baby in tow. Ironman Canada again in September. "Still not enough," he says.
In 1999: four Ironman races, a 50-miler, and the Western States 100. Seven days later, he ran two 5-Ks on the same day, for "pain as punishment and proof that I was okay. I could survive the day as long as I could channel my inner turbulence into power and aggression during training. The determination, the drive, kept me afloat."
In the following years, he broke 3 hours in the marathon, qualified for the Ironman World Championships three times, won awards, gained sponsorship, and was regularly published as a cardio guru. He was a champ, a role model. "How can this be a bad thing?" he asked. "And if I'm strong enough to outlast anything, aren't I strong enough to outlast life's challenges?"
Yet his world had begun to contract. He began intentionally doing reckless things. "I took risks riding my bicycle in traffic, running at night, fighting whatever was fighting me. It felt good to be fighting."
He couldn't run, bike, and swim all day. He had to work. He had a wife and kids. So he simply pushed that much harder. "My best performances came when I was ready to rip the top off the race course. I had very aggressive feelings. I just wanted to attack."
He was winning, yes, but he also required emergency medical attention after every event. He'd come in with his blood pressure reading 90 over 50 and required up to four IV bags of fluid to counter dehydration. That didn't seem odd to him, but his wife began to worry that he was trying to kill himself. He told her he was just pushing it. He eventually did 42 marathons, 27 Ironman Triathlons, and six ultramarathons in 11 years, covering 42,000 miles, the equivalent of running, swimming, and biking around the world 1 1/2 times.
The weird thing is this: Raymond Britt isn't that unusual. His distances aren't even that huge, compared with some guys'. And the mental illness he suffers from, which drove him to battle through all those miles, is not that uncommon among men.
Steven Imparl is a lawyer in Chicago, but a look at his résumé affords a glimpse into the frantic world of a man working very hard to compensate for depression. He graduated from high school in the top 15 of his class of 550 students. He received his B.S. degree with high honors. He became an information-technology specialist working for big companies, then went on to earn his law degree and start his own firm. Along the way, he studied French, German, Slovene, and Spanish. He learned classical guitar, studied Slavic and Balkan history, and sang barbershop harmony. And he somehow found time for power walking, inline skating, volleyball, and boxing. By the fall of 2001, he was so wound up, he could hardly sleep. He became more irritable, more easily angered. After nearly getting into a fistfight while walking down a street, he decided to seek help. But when the doctor told him he was suffering from clinical depression, Imparl refused to believe it. Admitting to depression is . . . well, it's like getting your period: Guys don't do it.
Once Imparl accepted the diagnosis, he performed like any true, overachieving depressed man would: Through a program of therapy and drugs, he got better, and then he founded a successful Web site, maledepression.com, for guys like him.
Raymond Britt's crash and burn came one day in November 2004, when he set out to run himself into the ground, to transfer the pain from his soul to his body. Many miles and hours later, he found himself bloodied, exhausted, and hypothermic, but he neither displaced the internal pain nor found relief. He was forced at last to face what he'd known for decades: Depression was rampant in his family. From an early age, Britt had been determined that he wouldn't succumb. He wouldn't be weak.
Because his father had medicated his own depression with alcohol, Britt had never taken up drinking. By the fall of 2004, his father had been in therapy for a while, and was encouraging Britt to seek help. Having experienced depression himself, he was able to see the disorder in his son. He sent Britt an e-mail with his doctor's name. And then he dropped dead.
It was a few weeks later when Britt hit the wall on his last desperate run. Then he collapsed into classic symptoms of depression, which is what happens when the strategy fails: "The weight felt so heavy that it was hard to physically move," says Britt. He found himself wishing he'd be in an accident that would put him in the hospital so that he could escape. "I wanted to be taken out."
That's the point at which depressed men can slip beyond fantasy into active thoughts of suicide. Some 31,000 people in the United States commit suicide each year. More than 24,000 of them are men. And that doesn't count the deaths from alcohol or drugs. In fact, some researchers are beginning to suspect that depression causes more deaths than auto accidents do.
Britt's fantasies of having an accident scared him. He went to see his father's psychiatrist. It didn't take the doctor long to diagnose his condition. (Q: "When were you last really happy?" A: "1975.") And yet, his denial of clinical depression was so strong that he sought a second opinion.
Maybe men need a different word for depression. Or maybe the brain researchers and psychologists simply need to redefine the condition so it includes the way men experience it, too.
Cultural Cover-Up
It's understandable that women are three times more likely than men to be treated for depression; our culture has put a feminine face on the disease, so women give themselves permission to feel it and to seek help for it. Pollack puts it this way: "We have in our society a feminized view of depression, coming out of a model of hysteria that dates back to Freud."
Terrence Real, author of I Don't Want to Talk about It, and a marriage and family therapist in Massachusetts, wrote, "There is a terrible collusion in our society, a cultural cover-up about depression in men." And part of the cultural influence involves the way men are taught from early childhood to be strong, silent, independent, and resistant to suffering. As Real puts it, "Men have about a milli-second's tolerance for feeling [this type of] pain, and then they spring into action. A flight from shame into grandiosity lies at the heart of male covert depression."
Another reason men leap into action, though, whether it's through intense exercise, overwork, pounding back martinis, or some other strategy, is that it actually does relieve the symptoms of depression, at least for a time. In fact, many therapists have begun using exercise as an adjunct to therapy, as explained in books like The Joy of Running, by Thaddeus Kostrubala, and The Exercise Prescription for Depression and Anxiety, by Keith Johnsgard. And research at Duke University confirmed their hunches in 1999.
But exercise in itself doesn't treat the underlying condition. In fact, books called The Joy of Working 80 Hours a Week and The Drinking Prescription for Depression might reach a wide audience, because those strategies can effectively mask depression for years. That is, they can sort of work.
Because at the heart of what Britt and Imparl were going through was a life filled with large stretches of no feeling at all. Britt says he was constantly running, "hoping that movement would help me discover something better."
Looking back on his decades of depression, Britt saw isolated flashes of happiness--the birth of his children, laughter, friendship--but they were, he says, "bright spots on what had been a more turbulent journey than I let myself admit. The moments of happiness sustained my denial of something I had only recently begun to consider an 'invisible load.'" In other words, he'd been swimming with an anvil, and he was sinking by imperceptible increments.
Conditioning
The social conditioning that leads to men's response to depression begins in infancy. Male babies receive less of every type of nurturing, including speech, touch, and comfort when they cry. And that is only the beginning of what will be, to one degree or another, a brutal upbringing for boys.
In the 1960s, the crusading social psychologist Jeanne Block and her colleagues explored how differently parents treat boys and girls. For instance, moms and dads encourage boys to be competitive and to achieve. They don't like them to show their emotions. They encourage them to be less dependent; mothers push them away. They punish them more than they punish girls. And they are unaware that they treat boys and girls differently.
By the time boys are on their way to the teenage years, the process of disavowing what they are is complete. The book A New Psychology of Men describes research in which people were asked what it means to be feminine or masculine. Women and girls defined themselves by the ways they were connected to others, and by citing qualities like being caring or compassionate. Men and boys defined themselves by negatives: They weren't weak, dependent, or connected to their mothers.
But there is not much in our cultural definition of what it means to be a man that is inherent in maleness. Children start off surprisingly alike, whether they're boys or girls. If there's a difference, it's the opposite of what the culture seems to expect: Boys are more sensitive. They give expression to their emotions more readily than girls. They affiliate with others in the same way as girls. Then someone starts telling them it's not okay to be that way. If you act like that, you're a pussy.
As Real and others have explained, it is through this process of denial that men are primed for depression. And it is the cultural necessity of carrying out and carrying on this process that makes it so difficult for them to recognize and admit to depression when it comes. They not only don't acknowledge it to themselves, they often don't display the symptoms that psychotherapists use to diagnose depression.
The cultural training that lays the groundwork for depression in men and for their denial of it later in life involves social isolation. That means telling people the truth about yourself and trusting that they'll do the same, a concept that seems terrifying to many men.
In one case, two friends knew each other for years, commuting together, talking every day, laughing together. They would not have said they were socially isolated, yet when they happened to run into each other in the same group meeting for men suffering from depression, they had to laugh: Neither one had ever admitted it to the other, even though they were both seeking treatment for it.
Social isolation is a well-known killer of mammals. Countless studies going back to the '50s show that contact, affection, emotional communication, and genuine closeness are necessary for mammals, including humans, to maintain our health. Isolation wreaks havoc on everything from the immune system to the cardiovascular system to the brain. Conversely, staying socially connected helps protect men from mental illness, including depression.
The new research done by Kessler and others shows that single men and women look no different when it comes to most kinds of mental illness. But when they get married, they veer off in different directions. "It's a very good deal to be married if you're a man," Kessler says. "It's associated with a dramatic improvement in mental health."
Perhaps because they are forced into solitude as children, men are not as good at being alone as women are. Because of early socialization, women are better at relationships--with children, friends, and relatives. In general, women have more friends than men and are closer to those friends. This, of course, is the direct result of boys' having independence forced on them early in life, when what they need is emotional and physical contact with others.
Socialization punishes women, too. When they have children, women's mental health suffers, while that of men doesn't change at all. That's because women, in general, take care of the kids. If there's trouble in the home, or work interferes with child rearing, they'll disproportionately suffer for it.
Women also worry more than men. They care about a larger group of people who just don't appear on the emotional radar screens of men. In marriage, men share in the joys and are often protected from the pain. Just as the man will go downstairs to investigate a suspicious noise, the woman plays the role of emotional protector.
Kessler uses this example: A wife reports (to the researcher) that she's very upset, because her daughter had an abortion and had to miss a number of days of school. The husband reports that his daughter had the flu and couldn't go to school. How could this be? The explanation is simple: The daughter got pregnant and went to her mother for help, saying, "Whatever you do, don't tell Dad." So the mother helped the daughter have an abortion and told the father the girl was home sick with the flu.
The result is that the husband is exposed to less stress, while the woman is exposed to more. Not only does she have to deal with the abortion, but she also has to lie to her husband and orchestrate the protection of that lie. But throughout, her connections are reinforced and affirmed.
The studies show that when a father dies, the children grow closer to the mother. They come around more. The mother has been maintaining those relationships all along, and they pay off in a crisis. Yet when a mother dies, the children come around less. That's because for years, when they called on Sunday, they talked to the mother, not the father. By filling the social role, the wife grows closer to the kids. That's why widowhood and divorce are so much worse for men. Their protection is ripped away, and they have no social network to catch them as they fall. The person who managed their emotional life is gone.
As Kessler puts it, "You can hire someone to do most of the things the husband does in a marriage. But you can never hire someone to do what the wife does." Men can change this situation and possibly protect themselves from depression later in life by expanding the depth and breadth of their social networks.
Recovery
After undergoing treatment for bipolar disorder and chronic depression, Britt went back to compete in all the events he had run so desperately in 2004, such as the Lake Placid Ironman. To his amazement, he recognized for the first time that the run took place in a glorious natural setting. "You're literally running through fields of green," he says. Later that year, he was competing in the Ironman Wisconsin, which he'd done in such a black mood the year before, and began to wonder, Why am I hurting myself? I don't need to hurt myself anymore. For the first time in his life, he walked for an hour during the event, feeling joyous.
Britt's compulsion to run began to fade. "My race performance declined by about 5 percent in the first half of last year," he tells me, "and it really tailed off by fall. I took most of early winter off, totally. It's a healthier me all around." In other words, he now runs for fun, something he was unable to experience before.
But recovery wasn't simple or easy. Early on, when Britt was first diagnosed, he spent much of his time searching for a single moment in each day when something good happened, something he could celebrate. Gradually, those moments grew larger and more frequent. "Now," he says, "the days are filled with not only great moments, but great minutes and hours. And those make up great days, great weeks, and even great months."
When men talk about depression, one of the recurring themes is how it sucks the color and flavor out of life. The birdsong that filled you with joy as a child has no effect at all. The people you love don't make your heart sing, even though you know they should. The colors of the world are tarnished and dull. Britt ran the Boston Marathon once again, and realized at the end that although he'd run it many times, he had literally never seen the finish line; he ran right through it and focused on the next thing. "Now I can see things I never saw before--colors, scenery, people," he says. "It's almost impossible to describe, except to say that it seems like the world has visually opened up."
Depression is well known for shutting down the senses, and when it lifted, Britt was so astonished at what was around him that he took up photography just to try to capture it all. "I never cared before. I never noticed the colors of a sunset. The electricity in a lightning strike. The glow of moonrise over a lake. They've always been there. But only recently have I begun to see them. And I am amazed."
Exercising Your Demons
Some people might call you highly competitive. Some might call you superfit. But a growing number of doctors would label you something else: Depressed
By: Laurence Gonzales
In 1994, at the age of 33, Raymond Britt took up running. It made him feel good. In fact, the more he pushed himself, the better he felt. So each time he went out, he pushed a little harder. It seemed to put him above the turmoil of the world and afford him some relief. Relief from what -- that wasn't so clear. His life was good. He was a successful executive. He'd married his high-school sweetheart. He had beautiful children.
But there was something odd about it all. For one thing, he had no background as a runner. He'd been a powerlifter in his 20s, benching 315. But in the summer of '94, amid a hectic schedule, he happened to see a flier for the Chicago Marathon and was seized by the impulse to run it. Never mind that there were only a few weeks left to train. Never mind that he had never run more than 3 miles at a time. He thought, I can do anything for 5 hours and 30 minutes, which was the qualifying time to receive a finisher's medal.
He became obsessed with his training.
"I was excited, I was nervous, I was alive," he says. "My mother and my wife thought I was crazy." As he reached the 18th mile of the marathon, his hopes for a life-changing experience were shattered. Beating himself up both mentally and physically, he managed to drag his body over the finish line in 4 hours and 41 minutes, as he puts it, "alone, hurt, angry, unhappy."
Rather than recover, he went out the next day to punish himself and prepare for the next marathon.
Sex Differences
The study of how mental illness affects men and women differently is new and fraught with controversy. The first comprehensive survey was conducted between 1990 and 1992. Its aim was to estimate the general prevalence of mental illness.
The research, known as the National Comorbidity Survey, was repeated, in more depth and on a larger scale, between 2001 and 2003, under the auspices of the World Health Organization and with funding from the National Institute of Mental Health. The principal investigator is Ronald C. Kessler, Ph.D., a jolly-looking, bearded professor in the department of health-care policy at Harvard University.
The numbers seem to show that men and women suffer from various mental illnesses at about the same rate, with some notable variations and exceptions. One of the differences, long accepted as gospel by the psychiatric professions, is that twice as many women as men suffer from depression. Kessler says his numbers show that a woman is twice as likely as a man to have a single episode of major clinical depression in her life. After the first episode, however, men and women don't differ in the number of episodes they'll have during a lifetime, or in whether they'll have another episode. Only the first step differs, he says. Then the statistics flatten out to equal.
But if repeat episodes of depression are equal for men and women, doesn't it stand to reason that they may be having first bouts at the same rate? Maybe the discrepancy lies not in the number of men and women who are depressed, but rather, in how depression is expressed.
According to an increasing number of experts, the diagnostic tallies don't take into account the real experience of a lot of men like Britt. They also ignore the fact that women are much more likely to report depression and seek help. Men are more likely to try to fight through their depression, using strategies ranging from hard work to extreme exercise to drinking to violence. Nearly four times more men than women kill themselves.
When women become depressed, they tend to show the classic symptoms described in the psychiatrist's handbook the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. They feel sad and tired, and lose interest in the pleasures of life. In short, women generally get depressed in just the way that most people, including psychotherapists, think about depression.
Men tend to get angry, and that anger expresses itself in a wide variety of intense activities, such as Britt's obsessive running. Some of these men even win marathons--on the streets of Chicago or in feats of work endurance--and look like heroes, which makes it even more difficult to diagnose their depression.
Britt says, "I've always thought Lance Armstrong suffered from depression and that's where his anger came from. I saw a lot of myself in him, the way he transfers anger into action. Depression leads some of us to fight as hard as we can against it. It makes you angry. I liked my anger. I got focused and felt better, like I was leaving turmoil in the dust. But it was temporary."
Because we think of the word "depression" as fitting the woman's profile better than the man's, doctors and therapists don't tend to recognize the disease as readily in men, and men don't talk about it. William Pollack, Ph.D., a professor of psychiatry at Harvard, estimates that 50 percent to 65 percent of men suffering from what they call "covert depression" aren't diagnosed.
It seems clear that men will do just about anything to avoid admitting to having the disease. They'd rather just suffer. Some of them would rather die.
Driven
Britt raced in Chicago the next year and qualified for the Boston Marathon. Still, he needed more. He entered the Chicago Triathlon that same year and nearly drowned. ("I was a terrible swimmer.") He returned in 1996, and did well. That only fed his craving. "I wanted to take everything to the next, most impossible level I could imagine," he says. He describes himself as "driven to the margin of terror."
By 1998, he had developed a set of rules for himself: more, harder, quicker, and farther away. Three Ironman races in 7 weeks. Roth, Germany, in July for Ironman Europe. Zurich in August for Ironman Switzerland, wife and 4-month-old baby in tow. Ironman Canada again in September. "Still not enough," he says.
In 1999: four Ironman races, a 50-miler, and the Western States 100. Seven days later, he ran two 5-Ks on the same day, for "pain as punishment and proof that I was okay. I could survive the day as long as I could channel my inner turbulence into power and aggression during training. The determination, the drive, kept me afloat."
In the following years, he broke 3 hours in the marathon, qualified for the Ironman World Championships three times, won awards, gained sponsorship, and was regularly published as a cardio guru. He was a champ, a role model. "How can this be a bad thing?" he asked. "And if I'm strong enough to outlast anything, aren't I strong enough to outlast life's challenges?"
Yet his world had begun to contract. He began intentionally doing reckless things. "I took risks riding my bicycle in traffic, running at night, fighting whatever was fighting me. It felt good to be fighting."
He couldn't run, bike, and swim all day. He had to work. He had a wife and kids. So he simply pushed that much harder. "My best performances came when I was ready to rip the top off the race course. I had very aggressive feelings. I just wanted to attack."
He was winning, yes, but he also required emergency medical attention after every event. He'd come in with his blood pressure reading 90 over 50 and required up to four IV bags of fluid to counter dehydration. That didn't seem odd to him, but his wife began to worry that he was trying to kill himself. He told her he was just pushing it. He eventually did 42 marathons, 27 Ironman Triathlons, and six ultramarathons in 11 years, covering 42,000 miles, the equivalent of running, swimming, and biking around the world 1 1/2 times.
The weird thing is this: Raymond Britt isn't that unusual. His distances aren't even that huge, compared with some guys'. And the mental illness he suffers from, which drove him to battle through all those miles, is not that uncommon among men.
Steven Imparl is a lawyer in Chicago, but a look at his résumé affords a glimpse into the frantic world of a man working very hard to compensate for depression. He graduated from high school in the top 15 of his class of 550 students. He received his B.S. degree with high honors. He became an information-technology specialist working for big companies, then went on to earn his law degree and start his own firm. Along the way, he studied French, German, Slovene, and Spanish. He learned classical guitar, studied Slavic and Balkan history, and sang barbershop harmony. And he somehow found time for power walking, inline skating, volleyball, and boxing. By the fall of 2001, he was so wound up, he could hardly sleep. He became more irritable, more easily angered. After nearly getting into a fistfight while walking down a street, he decided to seek help. But when the doctor told him he was suffering from clinical depression, Imparl refused to believe it. Admitting to depression is . . . well, it's like getting your period: Guys don't do it.
Once Imparl accepted the diagnosis, he performed like any true, overachieving depressed man would: Through a program of therapy and drugs, he got better, and then he founded a successful Web site, maledepression.com, for guys like him.
Raymond Britt's crash and burn came one day in November 2004, when he set out to run himself into the ground, to transfer the pain from his soul to his body. Many miles and hours later, he found himself bloodied, exhausted, and hypothermic, but he neither displaced the internal pain nor found relief. He was forced at last to face what he'd known for decades: Depression was rampant in his family. From an early age, Britt had been determined that he wouldn't succumb. He wouldn't be weak.
Because his father had medicated his own depression with alcohol, Britt had never taken up drinking. By the fall of 2004, his father had been in therapy for a while, and was encouraging Britt to seek help. Having experienced depression himself, he was able to see the disorder in his son. He sent Britt an e-mail with his doctor's name. And then he dropped dead.
It was a few weeks later when Britt hit the wall on his last desperate run. Then he collapsed into classic symptoms of depression, which is what happens when the strategy fails: "The weight felt so heavy that it was hard to physically move," says Britt. He found himself wishing he'd be in an accident that would put him in the hospital so that he could escape. "I wanted to be taken out."
That's the point at which depressed men can slip beyond fantasy into active thoughts of suicide. Some 31,000 people in the United States commit suicide each year. More than 24,000 of them are men. And that doesn't count the deaths from alcohol or drugs. In fact, some researchers are beginning to suspect that depression causes more deaths than auto accidents do.
Britt's fantasies of having an accident scared him. He went to see his father's psychiatrist. It didn't take the doctor long to diagnose his condition. (Q: "When were you last really happy?" A: "1975.") And yet, his denial of clinical depression was so strong that he sought a second opinion.
Maybe men need a different word for depression. Or maybe the brain researchers and psychologists simply need to redefine the condition so it includes the way men experience it, too.
Cultural Cover-Up
It's understandable that women are three times more likely than men to be treated for depression; our culture has put a feminine face on the disease, so women give themselves permission to feel it and to seek help for it. Pollack puts it this way: "We have in our society a feminized view of depression, coming out of a model of hysteria that dates back to Freud."
Terrence Real, author of I Don't Want to Talk about It, and a marriage and family therapist in Massachusetts, wrote, "There is a terrible collusion in our society, a cultural cover-up about depression in men." And part of the cultural influence involves the way men are taught from early childhood to be strong, silent, independent, and resistant to suffering. As Real puts it, "Men have about a milli-second's tolerance for feeling [this type of] pain, and then they spring into action. A flight from shame into grandiosity lies at the heart of male covert depression."
Another reason men leap into action, though, whether it's through intense exercise, overwork, pounding back martinis, or some other strategy, is that it actually does relieve the symptoms of depression, at least for a time. In fact, many therapists have begun using exercise as an adjunct to therapy, as explained in books like The Joy of Running, by Thaddeus Kostrubala, and The Exercise Prescription for Depression and Anxiety, by Keith Johnsgard. And research at Duke University confirmed their hunches in 1999.
But exercise in itself doesn't treat the underlying condition. In fact, books called The Joy of Working 80 Hours a Week and The Drinking Prescription for Depression might reach a wide audience, because those strategies can effectively mask depression for years. That is, they can sort of work.
Because at the heart of what Britt and Imparl were going through was a life filled with large stretches of no feeling at all. Britt says he was constantly running, "hoping that movement would help me discover something better."
Looking back on his decades of depression, Britt saw isolated flashes of happiness--the birth of his children, laughter, friendship--but they were, he says, "bright spots on what had been a more turbulent journey than I let myself admit. The moments of happiness sustained my denial of something I had only recently begun to consider an 'invisible load.'" In other words, he'd been swimming with an anvil, and he was sinking by imperceptible increments.
Conditioning
The social conditioning that leads to men's response to depression begins in infancy. Male babies receive less of every type of nurturing, including speech, touch, and comfort when they cry. And that is only the beginning of what will be, to one degree or another, a brutal upbringing for boys.
In the 1960s, the crusading social psychologist Jeanne Block and her colleagues explored how differently parents treat boys and girls. For instance, moms and dads encourage boys to be competitive and to achieve. They don't like them to show their emotions. They encourage them to be less dependent; mothers push them away. They punish them more than they punish girls. And they are unaware that they treat boys and girls differently.
By the time boys are on their way to the teenage years, the process of disavowing what they are is complete. The book A New Psychology of Men describes research in which people were asked what it means to be feminine or masculine. Women and girls defined themselves by the ways they were connected to others, and by citing qualities like being caring or compassionate. Men and boys defined themselves by negatives: They weren't weak, dependent, or connected to their mothers.
But there is not much in our cultural definition of what it means to be a man that is inherent in maleness. Children start off surprisingly alike, whether they're boys or girls. If there's a difference, it's the opposite of what the culture seems to expect: Boys are more sensitive. They give expression to their emotions more readily than girls. They affiliate with others in the same way as girls. Then someone starts telling them it's not okay to be that way. If you act like that, you're a pussy.
As Real and others have explained, it is through this process of denial that men are primed for depression. And it is the cultural necessity of carrying out and carrying on this process that makes it so difficult for them to recognize and admit to depression when it comes. They not only don't acknowledge it to themselves, they often don't display the symptoms that psychotherapists use to diagnose depression.
The cultural training that lays the groundwork for depression in men and for their denial of it later in life involves social isolation. That means telling people the truth about yourself and trusting that they'll do the same, a concept that seems terrifying to many men.
In one case, two friends knew each other for years, commuting together, talking every day, laughing together. They would not have said they were socially isolated, yet when they happened to run into each other in the same group meeting for men suffering from depression, they had to laugh: Neither one had ever admitted it to the other, even though they were both seeking treatment for it.
Social isolation is a well-known killer of mammals. Countless studies going back to the '50s show that contact, affection, emotional communication, and genuine closeness are necessary for mammals, including humans, to maintain our health. Isolation wreaks havoc on everything from the immune system to the cardiovascular system to the brain. Conversely, staying socially connected helps protect men from mental illness, including depression.
The new research done by Kessler and others shows that single men and women look no different when it comes to most kinds of mental illness. But when they get married, they veer off in different directions. "It's a very good deal to be married if you're a man," Kessler says. "It's associated with a dramatic improvement in mental health."
Perhaps because they are forced into solitude as children, men are not as good at being alone as women are. Because of early socialization, women are better at relationships--with children, friends, and relatives. In general, women have more friends than men and are closer to those friends. This, of course, is the direct result of boys' having independence forced on them early in life, when what they need is emotional and physical contact with others.
Socialization punishes women, too. When they have children, women's mental health suffers, while that of men doesn't change at all. That's because women, in general, take care of the kids. If there's trouble in the home, or work interferes with child rearing, they'll disproportionately suffer for it.
Women also worry more than men. They care about a larger group of people who just don't appear on the emotional radar screens of men. In marriage, men share in the joys and are often protected from the pain. Just as the man will go downstairs to investigate a suspicious noise, the woman plays the role of emotional protector.
Kessler uses this example: A wife reports (to the researcher) that she's very upset, because her daughter had an abortion and had to miss a number of days of school. The husband reports that his daughter had the flu and couldn't go to school. How could this be? The explanation is simple: The daughter got pregnant and went to her mother for help, saying, "Whatever you do, don't tell Dad." So the mother helped the daughter have an abortion and told the father the girl was home sick with the flu.
The result is that the husband is exposed to less stress, while the woman is exposed to more. Not only does she have to deal with the abortion, but she also has to lie to her husband and orchestrate the protection of that lie. But throughout, her connections are reinforced and affirmed.
The studies show that when a father dies, the children grow closer to the mother. They come around more. The mother has been maintaining those relationships all along, and they pay off in a crisis. Yet when a mother dies, the children come around less. That's because for years, when they called on Sunday, they talked to the mother, not the father. By filling the social role, the wife grows closer to the kids. That's why widowhood and divorce are so much worse for men. Their protection is ripped away, and they have no social network to catch them as they fall. The person who managed their emotional life is gone.
As Kessler puts it, "You can hire someone to do most of the things the husband does in a marriage. But you can never hire someone to do what the wife does." Men can change this situation and possibly protect themselves from depression later in life by expanding the depth and breadth of their social networks.
Recovery
After undergoing treatment for bipolar disorder and chronic depression, Britt went back to compete in all the events he had run so desperately in 2004, such as the Lake Placid Ironman. To his amazement, he recognized for the first time that the run took place in a glorious natural setting. "You're literally running through fields of green," he says. Later that year, he was competing in the Ironman Wisconsin, which he'd done in such a black mood the year before, and began to wonder, Why am I hurting myself? I don't need to hurt myself anymore. For the first time in his life, he walked for an hour during the event, feeling joyous.
Britt's compulsion to run began to fade. "My race performance declined by about 5 percent in the first half of last year," he tells me, "and it really tailed off by fall. I took most of early winter off, totally. It's a healthier me all around." In other words, he now runs for fun, something he was unable to experience before.
But recovery wasn't simple or easy. Early on, when Britt was first diagnosed, he spent much of his time searching for a single moment in each day when something good happened, something he could celebrate. Gradually, those moments grew larger and more frequent. "Now," he says, "the days are filled with not only great moments, but great minutes and hours. And those make up great days, great weeks, and even great months."
When men talk about depression, one of the recurring themes is how it sucks the color and flavor out of life. The birdsong that filled you with joy as a child has no effect at all. The people you love don't make your heart sing, even though you know they should. The colors of the world are tarnished and dull. Britt ran the Boston Marathon once again, and realized at the end that although he'd run it many times, he had literally never seen the finish line; he ran right through it and focused on the next thing. "Now I can see things I never saw before--colors, scenery, people," he says. "It's almost impossible to describe, except to say that it seems like the world has visually opened up."
Depression is well known for shutting down the senses, and when it lifted, Britt was so astonished at what was around him that he took up photography just to try to capture it all. "I never cared before. I never noticed the colors of a sunset. The electricity in a lightning strike. The glow of moonrise over a lake. They've always been there. But only recently have I begun to see them. And I am amazed."
Exercising Your Demons
Some people might call you highly competitive. Some might call you superfit. But a growing number of doctors would label you something else: Depressed
By: Laurence Gonzales
In 1994, at the age of 33, Raymond Britt took up running. It made him feel good. In fact, the more he pushed himself, the better he felt. So each time he went out, he pushed a little harder. It seemed to put him above the turmoil of the world and afford him some relief. Relief from what -- that wasn't so clear. His life was good. He was a successful executive. He'd married his high-school sweetheart. He had beautiful children.
But there was something odd about it all. For one thing, he had no background as a runner. He'd been a powerlifter in his 20s, benching 315. But in the summer of '94, amid a hectic schedule, he happened to see a flier for the Chicago Marathon and was seized by the impulse to run it. Never mind that there were only a few weeks left to train. Never mind that he had never run more than 3 miles at a time. He thought, I can do anything for 5 hours and 30 minutes, which was the qualifying time to receive a finisher's medal.
He became obsessed with his training.
"I was excited, I was nervous, I was alive," he says. "My mother and my wife thought I was crazy." As he reached the 18th mile of the marathon, his hopes for a life-changing experience were shattered. Beating himself up both mentally and physically, he managed to drag his body over the finish line in 4 hours and 41 minutes, as he puts it, "alone, hurt, angry, unhappy."
Rather than recover, he went out the next day to punish himself and prepare for the next marathon.
Sex Differences
The study of how mental illness affects men and women differently is new and fraught with controversy. The first comprehensive survey was conducted between 1990 and 1992. Its aim was to estimate the general prevalence of mental illness.
The research, known as the National Comorbidity Survey, was repeated, in more depth and on a larger scale, between 2001 and 2003, under the auspices of the World Health Organization and with funding from the National Institute of Mental Health. The principal investigator is Ronald C. Kessler, Ph.D., a jolly-looking, bearded professor in the department of health-care policy at Harvard University.
The numbers seem to show that men and women suffer from various mental illnesses at about the same rate, with some notable variations and exceptions. One of the differences, long accepted as gospel by the psychiatric professions, is that twice as many women as men suffer from depression. Kessler says his numbers show that a woman is twice as likely as a man to have a single episode of major clinical depression in her life. After the first episode, however, men and women don't differ in the number of episodes they'll have during a lifetime, or in whether they'll have another episode. Only the first step differs, he says. Then the statistics flatten out to equal.
But if repeat episodes of depression are equal for men and women, doesn't it stand to reason that they may be having first bouts at the same rate? Maybe the discrepancy lies not in the number of men and women who are depressed, but rather, in how depression is expressed.
According to an increasing number of experts, the diagnostic tallies don't take into account the real experience of a lot of men like Britt. They also ignore the fact that women are much more likely to report depression and seek help. Men are more likely to try to fight through their depression, using strategies ranging from hard work to extreme exercise to drinking to violence. Nearly four times more men than women kill themselves.
When women become depressed, they tend to show the classic symptoms described in the psychiatrist's handbook the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. They feel sad and tired, and lose interest in the pleasures of life. In short, women generally get depressed in just the way that most people, including psychotherapists, think about depression.
Men tend to get angry, and that anger expresses itself in a wide variety of intense activities, such as Britt's obsessive running. Some of these men even win marathons--on the streets of Chicago or in feats of work endurance--and look like heroes, which makes it even more difficult to diagnose their depression.
Britt says, "I've always thought Lance Armstrong suffered from depression and that's where his anger came from. I saw a lot of myself in him, the way he transfers anger into action. Depression leads some of us to fight as hard as we can against it. It makes you angry. I liked my anger. I got focused and felt better, like I was leaving turmoil in the dust. But it was temporary."
Because we think of the word "depression" as fitting the woman's profile better than the man's, doctors and therapists don't tend to recognize the disease as readily in men, and men don't talk about it. William Pollack, Ph.D., a professor of psychiatry at Harvard, estimates that 50 percent to 65 percent of men suffering from what they call "covert depression" aren't diagnosed.
It seems clear that men will do just about anything to avoid admitting to having the disease. They'd rather just suffer. Some of them would rather die.
Driven
Britt raced in Chicago the next year and qualified for the Boston Marathon. Still, he needed more. He entered the Chicago Triathlon that same year and nearly drowned. ("I was a terrible swimmer.") He returned in 1996, and did well. That only fed his craving. "I wanted to take everything to the next, most impossible level I could imagine," he says. He describes himself as "driven to the margin of terror."
By 1998, he had developed a set of rules for himself: more, harder, quicker, and farther away. Three Ironman races in 7 weeks. Roth, Germany, in July for Ironman Europe. Zurich in August for Ironman Switzerland, wife and 4-month-old baby in tow. Ironman Canada again in September. "Still not enough," he says.
In 1999: four Ironman races, a 50-miler, and the Western States 100. Seven days later, he ran two 5-Ks on the same day, for "pain as punishment and proof that I was okay. I could survive the day as long as I could channel my inner turbulence into power and aggression during training. The determination, the drive, kept me afloat."
In the following years, he broke 3 hours in the marathon, qualified for the Ironman World Championships three times, won awards, gained sponsorship, and was regularly published as a cardio guru. He was a champ, a role model. "How can this be a bad thing?" he asked. "And if I'm strong enough to outlast anything, aren't I strong enough to outlast life's challenges?"
Yet his world had begun to contract. He began intentionally doing reckless things. "I took risks riding my bicycle in traffic, running at night, fighting whatever was fighting me. It felt good to be fighting."
He couldn't run, bike, and swim all day. He had to work. He had a wife and kids. So he simply pushed that much harder. "My best performances came when I was ready to rip the top off the race course. I had very aggressive feelings. I just wanted to attack."
He was winning, yes, but he also required emergency medical attention after every event. He'd come in with his blood pressure reading 90 over 50 and required up to four IV bags of fluid to counter dehydration. That didn't seem odd to him, but his wife began to worry that he was trying to kill himself. He told her he was just pushing it. He eventually did 42 marathons, 27 Ironman Triathlons, and six ultramarathons in 11 years, covering 42,000 miles, the equivalent of running, swimming, and biking around the world 1 1/2 times.
The weird thing is this: Raymond Britt isn't that unusual. His distances aren't even that huge, compared with some guys'. And the mental illness he suffers from, which drove him to battle through all those miles, is not that uncommon among men.
Steven Imparl is a lawyer in Chicago, but a look at his résumé affords a glimpse into the frantic world of a man working very hard to compensate for depression. He graduated from high school in the top 15 of his class of 550 students. He received his B.S. degree with high honors. He became an information-technology specialist working for big companies, then went on to earn his law degree and start his own firm. Along the way, he studied French, German, Slovene, and Spanish. He learned classical guitar, studied Slavic and Balkan history, and sang barbershop harmony. And he somehow found time for power walking, inline skating, volleyball, and boxing. By the fall of 2001, he was so wound up, he could hardly sleep. He became more irritable, more easily angered. After nearly getting into a fistfight while walking down a street, he decided to seek help. But when the doctor told him he was suffering from clinical depression, Imparl refused to believe it. Admitting to depression is . . . well, it's like getting your period: Guys don't do it.
Once Imparl accepted the diagnosis, he performed like any true, overachieving depressed man would: Through a program of therapy and drugs, he got better, and then he founded a successful Web site, maledepression.com, for guys like him.
Raymond Britt's crash and burn came one day in November 2004, when he set out to run himself into the ground, to transfer the pain from his soul to his body. Many miles and hours later, he found himself bloodied, exhausted, and hypothermic, but he neither displaced the internal pain nor found relief. He was forced at last to face what he'd known for decades: Depression was rampant in his family. From an early age, Britt had been determined that he wouldn't succumb. He wouldn't be weak.
Because his father had medicated his own depression with alcohol, Britt had never taken up drinking. By the fall of 2004, his father had been in therapy for a while, and was encouraging Britt to seek help. Having experienced depression himself, he was able to see the disorder in his son. He sent Britt an e-mail with his doctor's name. And then he dropped dead.
It was a few weeks later when Britt hit the wall on his last desperate run. Then he collapsed into classic symptoms of depression, which is what happens when the strategy fails: "The weight felt so heavy that it was hard to physically move," says Britt. He found himself wishing he'd be in an accident that would put him in the hospital so that he could escape. "I wanted to be taken out."
That's the point at which depressed men can slip beyond fantasy into active thoughts of suicide. Some 31,000 people in the United States commit suicide each year. More than 24,000 of them are men. And that doesn't count the deaths from alcohol or drugs. In fact, some researchers are beginning to suspect that depression causes more deaths than auto accidents do.
Britt's fantasies of having an accident scared him. He went to see his father's psychiatrist. It didn't take the doctor long to diagnose his condition. (Q: "When were you last really happy?" A: "1975.") And yet, his denial of clinical depression was so strong that he sought a second opinion.
Maybe men need a different word for depression. Or maybe the brain researchers and psychologists simply need to redefine the condition so it includes the way men experience it, too.
Cultural Cover-Up
It's understandable that women are three times more likely than men to be treated for depression; our culture has put a feminine face on the disease, so women give themselves permission to feel it and to seek help for it. Pollack puts it this way: "We have in our society a feminized view of depression, coming out of a model of hysteria that dates back to Freud."
Terrence Real, author of I Don't Want to Talk about It, and a marriage and family therapist in Massachusetts, wrote, "There is a terrible collusion in our society, a cultural cover-up about depression in men." And part of the cultural influence involves the way men are taught from early childhood to be strong, silent, independent, and resistant to suffering. As Real puts it, "Men have about a milli-second's tolerance for feeling [this type of] pain, and then they spring into action. A flight from shame into grandiosity lies at the heart of male covert depression."
Another reason men leap into action, though, whether it's through intense exercise, overwork, pounding back martinis, or some other strategy, is that it actually does relieve the symptoms of depression, at least for a time. In fact, many therapists have begun using exercise as an adjunct to therapy, as explained in books like The Joy of Running, by Thaddeus Kostrubala, and The Exercise Prescription for Depression and Anxiety, by Keith Johnsgard. And research at Duke University confirmed their hunches in 1999.
But exercise in itself doesn't treat the underlying condition. In fact, books called The Joy of Working 80 Hours a Week and The Drinking Prescription for Depression might reach a wide audience, because those strategies can effectively mask depression for years. That is, they can sort of work.
Because at the heart of what Britt and Imparl were going through was a life filled with large stretches of no feeling at all. Britt says he was constantly running, "hoping that movement would help me discover something better."
Looking back on his decades of depression, Britt saw isolated flashes of happiness--the birth of his children, laughter, friendship--but they were, he says, "bright spots on what had been a more turbulent journey than I let myself admit. The moments of happiness sustained my denial of something I had only recently begun to consider an 'invisible load.'" In other words, he'd been swimming with an anvil, and he was sinking by imperceptible increments.
Conditioning
The social conditioning that leads to men's response to depression begins in infancy. Male babies receive less of every type of nurturing, including speech, touch, and comfort when they cry. And that is only the beginning of what will be, to one degree or another, a brutal upbringing for boys.
In the 1960s, the crusading social psychologist Jeanne Block and her colleagues explored how differently parents treat boys and girls. For instance, moms and dads encourage boys to be competitive and to achieve. They don't like them to show their emotions. They encourage them to be less dependent; mothers push them away. They punish them more than they punish girls. And they are unaware that they treat boys and girls differently.
By the time boys are on their way to the teenage years, the process of disavowing what they are is complete. The book A New Psychology of Men describes research in which people were asked what it means to be feminine or masculine. Women and girls defined themselves by the ways they were connected to others, and by citing qualities like being caring or compassionate. Men and boys defined themselves by negatives: They weren't weak, dependent, or connected to their mothers.
But there is not much in our cultural definition of what it means to be a man that is inherent in maleness. Children start off surprisingly alike, whether they're boys or girls. If there's a difference, it's the opposite of what the culture seems to expect: Boys are more sensitive. They give expression to their emotions more readily than girls. They affiliate with others in the same way as girls. Then someone starts telling them it's not okay to be that way. If you act like that, you're a pussy.
As Real and others have explained, it is through this process of denial that men are primed for depression. And it is the cultural necessity of carrying out and carrying on this process that makes it so difficult for them to recognize and admit to depression when it comes. They not only don't acknowledge it to themselves, they often don't display the symptoms that psychotherapists use to diagnose depression.
The cultural training that lays the groundwork for depression in men and for their denial of it later in life involves social isolation. That means telling people the truth about yourself and trusting that they'll do the same, a concept that seems terrifying to many men.
In one case, two friends knew each other for years, commuting together, talking every day, laughing together. They would not have said they were socially isolated, yet when they happened to run into each other in the same group meeting for men suffering from depression, they had to laugh: Neither one had ever admitted it to the other, even though they were both seeking treatment for it.
Social isolation is a well-known killer of mammals. Countless studies going back to the '50s show that contact, affection, emotional communication, and genuine closeness are necessary for mammals, including humans, to maintain our health. Isolation wreaks havoc on everything from the immune system to the cardiovascular system to the brain. Conversely, staying socially connected helps protect men from mental illness, including depression.
The new research done by Kessler and others shows that single men and women look no different when it comes to most kinds of mental illness. But when they get married, they veer off in different directions. "It's a very good deal to be married if you're a man," Kessler says. "It's associated with a dramatic improvement in mental health."
Perhaps because they are forced into solitude as children, men are not as good at being alone as women are. Because of early socialization, women are better at relationships--with children, friends, and relatives. In general, women have more friends than men and are closer to those friends. This, of course, is the direct result of boys' having independence forced on them early in life, when what they need is emotional and physical contact with others.
Socialization punishes women, too. When they have children, women's mental health suffers, while that of men doesn't change at all. That's because women, in general, take care of the kids. If there's trouble in the home, or work interferes with child rearing, they'll disproportionately suffer for it.
Women also worry more than men. They care about a larger group of people who just don't appear on the emotional radar screens of men. In marriage, men share in the joys and are often protected from the pain. Just as the man will go downstairs to investigate a suspicious noise, the woman plays the role of emotional protector.
Kessler uses this example: A wife reports (to the researcher) that she's very upset, because her daughter had an abortion and had to miss a number of days of school. The husband reports that his daughter had the flu and couldn't go to school. How could this be? The explanation is simple: The daughter got pregnant and went to her mother for help, saying, "Whatever you do, don't tell Dad." So the mother helped the daughter have an abortion and told the father the girl was home sick with the flu.
The result is that the husband is exposed to less stress, while the woman is exposed to more. Not only does she have to deal with the abortion, but she also has to lie to her husband and orchestrate the protection of that lie. But throughout, her connections are reinforced and affirmed.
The studies show that when a father dies, the children grow closer to the mother. They come around more. The mother has been maintaining those relationships all along, and they pay off in a crisis. Yet when a mother dies, the children come around less. That's because for years, when they called on Sunday, they talked to the mother, not the father. By filling the social role, the wife grows closer to the kids. That's why widowhood and divorce are so much worse for men. Their protection is ripped away, and they have no social network to catch them as they fall. The person who managed their emotional life is gone.
As Kessler puts it, "You can hire someone to do most of the things the husband does in a marriage. But you can never hire someone to do what the wife does." Men can change this situation and possibly protect themselves from depression later in life by expanding the depth and breadth of their social networks.
Recovery
After undergoing treatment for bipolar disorder and chronic depression, Britt went back to compete in all the events he had run so desperately in 2004, such as the Lake Placid Ironman. To his amazement, he recognized for the first time that the run took place in a glorious natural setting. "You're literally running through fields of green," he says. Later that year, he was competing in the Ironman Wisconsin, which he'd done in such a black mood the year before, and began to wonder, Why am I hurting myself? I don't need to hurt myself anymore. For the first time in his life, he walked for an hour during the event, feeling joyous.
Britt's compulsion to run began to fade. "My race performance declined by about 5 percent in the first half of last year," he tells me, "and it really tailed off by fall. I took most of early winter off, totally. It's a healthier me all around." In other words, he now runs for fun, something he was unable to experience before.
But recovery wasn't simple or easy. Early on, when Britt was first diagnosed, he spent much of his time searching for a single moment in each day when something good happened, something he could celebrate. Gradually, those moments grew larger and more frequent. "Now," he says, "the days are filled with not only great moments, but great minutes and hours. And those make up great days, great weeks, and even great months."
When men talk about depression, one of the recurring themes is how it sucks the color and flavor out of life. The birdsong that filled you with joy as a child has no effect at all. The people you love don't make your heart sing, even though you know they should. The colors of the world are tarnished and dull. Britt ran the Boston Marathon once again, and realized at the end that although he'd run it many times, he had literally never seen the finish line; he ran right through it and focused on the next thing. "Now I can see things I never saw before--colors, scenery, people," he says. "It's almost impossible to describe, except to say that it seems like the world has visually opened up."
Depression is well known for shutting down the senses, and when it lifted, Britt was so astonished at what was around him that he took up photography just to try to capture it all. "I never cared before. I never noticed the colors of a sunset. The electricity in a lightning strike. The glow of moonrise over a lake. They've always been there. But only recently have I begun to see them. And I am amazed."
Exercising Your Demons
Some people might call you highly competitive. Some might call you superfit. But a growing number of doctors would label you something else: Depressed
By: Laurence Gonzales
In 1994, at the age of 33, Raymond Britt took up running. It made him feel good. In fact, the more he pushed himself, the better he felt. So each time he went out, he pushed a little harder. It seemed to put him above the turmoil of the world and afford him some relief. Relief from what -- that wasn't so clear. His life was good. He was a successful executive. He'd married his high-school sweetheart. He had beautiful children.
But there was something odd about it all. For one thing, he had no background as a runner. He'd been a powerlifter in his 20s, benching 315. But in the summer of '94, amid a hectic schedule, he happened to see a flier for the Chicago Marathon and was seized by the impulse to run it. Never mind that there were only a few weeks left to train. Never mind that he had never run more than 3 miles at a time. He thought, I can do anything for 5 hours and 30 minutes, which was the qualifying time to receive a finisher's medal.
He became obsessed with his training.
"I was excited, I was nervous, I was alive," he says. "My mother and my wife thought I was crazy." As he reached the 18th mile of the marathon, his hopes for a life-changing experience were shattered. Beating himself up both mentally and physically, he managed to drag his body over the finish line in 4 hours and 41 minutes, as he puts it, "alone, hurt, angry, unhappy."
Rather than recover, he went out the next day to punish himself and prepare for the next marathon.
Sex Differences
The study of how mental illness affects men and women differently is new and fraught with controversy. The first comprehensive survey was conducted between 1990 and 1992. Its aim was to estimate the general prevalence of mental illness.
The research, known as the National Comorbidity Survey, was repeated, in more depth and on a larger scale, between 2001 and 2003, under the auspices of the World Health Organization and with funding from the National Institute of Mental Health. The principal investigator is Ronald C. Kessler, Ph.D., a jolly-looking, bearded professor in the department of health-care policy at Harvard University.
The numbers seem to show that men and women suffer from various mental illnesses at about the same rate, with some notable variations and exceptions. One of the differences, long accepted as gospel by the psychiatric professions, is that twice as many women as men suffer from depression. Kessler says his numbers show that a woman is twice as likely as a man to have a single episode of major clinical depression in her life. After the first episode, however, men and women don't differ in the number of episodes they'll have during a lifetime, or in whether they'll have another episode. Only the first step differs, he says. Then the statistics flatten out to equal.
But if repeat episodes of depression are equal for men and women, doesn't it stand to reason that they may be having first bouts at the same rate? Maybe the discrepancy lies not in the number of men and women who are depressed, but rather, in how depression is expressed.
According to an increasing number of experts, the diagnostic tallies don't take into account the real experience of a lot of men like Britt. They also ignore the fact that women are much more likely to report depression and seek help. Men are more likely to try to fight through their depression, using strategies ranging from hard work to extreme exercise to drinking to violence. Nearly four times more men than women kill themselves.
When women become depressed, they tend to show the classic symptoms described in the psychiatrist's handbook the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. They feel sad and tired, and lose interest in the pleasures of life. In short, women generally get depressed in just the way that most people, including psychotherapists, think about depression.
Men tend to get angry, and that anger expresses itself in a wide variety of intense activities, such as Britt's obsessive running. Some of these men even win marathons--on the streets of Chicago or in feats of work endurance--and look like heroes, which makes it even more difficult to diagnose their depression.
Britt says, "I've always thought Lance Armstrong suffered from depression and that's where his anger came from. I saw a lot of myself in him, the way he transfers anger into action. Depression leads some of us to fight as hard as we can against it. It makes you angry. I liked my anger. I got focused and felt better, like I was leaving turmoil in the dust. But it was temporary."
Because we think of the word "depression" as fitting the woman's profile better than the man's, doctors and therapists don't tend to recognize the disease as readily in men, and men don't talk about it. William Pollack, Ph.D., a professor of psychiatry at Harvard, estimates that 50 percent to 65 percent of men suffering from what they call "covert depression" aren't diagnosed.
It seems clear that men will do just about anything to avoid admitting to having the disease. They'd rather just suffer. Some of them would rather die.
Driven
Britt raced in Chicago the next year and qualified for the Boston Marathon. Still, he needed more. He entered the Chicago Triathlon that same year and nearly drowned. ("I was a terrible swimmer.") He returned in 1996, and did well. That only fed his craving. "I wanted to take everything to the next, most impossible level I could imagine," he says. He describes himself as "driven to the margin of terror."
By 1998, he had developed a set of rules for himself: more, harder, quicker, and farther away. Three Ironman races in 7 weeks. Roth, Germany, in July for Ironman Europe. Zurich in August for Ironman Switzerland, wife and 4-month-old baby in tow. Ironman Canada again in September. "Still not enough," he says.
In 1999: four Ironman races, a 50-miler, and the Western States 100. Seven days later, he ran two 5-Ks on the same day, for "pain as punishment and proof that I was okay. I could survive the day as long as I could channel my inner turbulence into power and aggression during training. The determination, the drive, kept me afloat."
In the following years, he broke 3 hours in the marathon, qualified for the Ironman World Championships three times, won awards, gained sponsorship, and was regularly published as a cardio guru. He was a champ, a role model. "How can this be a bad thing?" he asked. "And if I'm strong enough to outlast anything, aren't I strong enough to outlast life's challenges?"
Yet his world had begun to contract. He began intentionally doing reckless things. "I took risks riding my bicycle in traffic, running at night, fighting whatever was fighting me. It felt good to be fighting."
He couldn't run, bike, and swim all day. He had to work. He had a wife and kids. So he simply pushed that much harder. "My best performances came when I was ready to rip the top off the race course. I had very aggressive feelings. I just wanted to attack."
He was winning, yes, but he also required emergency medical attention after every event. He'd come in with his blood pressure reading 90 over 50 and required up to four IV bags of fluid to counter dehydration. That didn't seem odd to him, but his wife began to worry that he was trying to kill himself. He told her he was just pushing it. He eventually did 42 marathons, 27 Ironman Triathlons, and six ultramarathons in 11 years, covering 42,000 miles, the equivalent of running, swimming, and biking around the world 1 1/2 times.
The weird thing is this: Raymond Britt isn't that unusual. His distances aren't even that huge, compared with some guys'. And the mental illness he suffers from, which drove him to battle through all those miles, is not that uncommon among men.
Steven Imparl is a lawyer in Chicago, but a look at his résumé affords a glimpse into the frantic world of a man working very hard to compensate for depression. He graduated from high school in the top 15 of his class of 550 students. He received his B.S. degree with high honors. He became an information-technology specialist working for big companies, then went on to earn his law degree and start his own firm. Along the way, he studied French, German, Slovene, and Spanish. He learned classical guitar, studied Slavic and Balkan history, and sang barbershop harmony. And he somehow found time for power walking, inline skating, volleyball, and boxing. By the fall of 2001, he was so wound up, he could hardly sleep. He became more irritable, more easily angered. After nearly getting into a fistfight while walking down a street, he decided to seek help. But when the doctor told him he was suffering from clinical depression, Imparl refused to believe it. Admitting to depression is . . . well, it's like getting your period: Guys don't do it.
Once Imparl accepted the diagnosis, he performed like any true, overachieving depressed man would: Through a program of therapy and drugs, he got better, and then he founded a successful Web site, maledepression.com, for guys like him.
Raymond Britt's crash and burn came one day in November 2004, when he set out to run himself into the ground, to transfer the pain from his soul to his body. Many miles and hours later, he found himself bloodied, exhausted, and hypothermic, but he neither displaced the internal pain nor found relief. He was forced at last to face what he'd known for decades: Depression was rampant in his family. From an early age, Britt had been determined that he wouldn't succumb. He wouldn't be weak.
Because his father had medicated his own depression with alcohol, Britt had never taken up drinking. By the fall of 2004, his father had been in therapy for a while, and was encouraging Britt to seek help. Having experienced depression himself, he was able to see the disorder in his son. He sent Britt an e-mail with his doctor's name. And then he dropped dead.
It was a few weeks later when Britt hit the wall on his last desperate run. Then he collapsed into classic symptoms of depression, which is what happens when the strategy fails: "The weight felt so heavy that it was hard to physically move," says Britt. He found himself wishing he'd be in an accident that would put him in the hospital so that he could escape. "I wanted to be taken out."
That's the point at which depressed men can slip beyond fantasy into active thoughts of suicide. Some 31,000 people in the United States commit suicide each year. More than 24,000 of them are men. And that doesn't count the deaths from alcohol or drugs. In fact, some researchers are beginning to suspect that depression causes more deaths than auto accidents do.
Britt's fantasies of having an accident scared him. He went to see his father's psychiatrist. It didn't take the doctor long to diagnose his condition. (Q: "When were you last really happy?" A: "1975.") And yet, his denial of clinical depression was so strong that he sought a second opinion.
Maybe men need a different word for depression. Or maybe the brain researchers and psychologists simply need to redefine the condition so it includes the way men experience it, too.
Cultural Cover-Up
It's understandable that women are three times more likely than men to be treated for depression; our culture has put a feminine face on the disease, so women give themselves permission to feel it and to seek help for it. Pollack puts it this way: "We have in our society a feminized view of depression, coming out of a model of hysteria that dates back to Freud."
Terrence Real, author of I Don't Want to Talk about It, and a marriage and family therapist in Massachusetts, wrote, "There is a terrible collusion in our society, a cultural cover-up about depression in men." And part of the cultural influence involves the way men are taught from early childhood to be strong, silent, independent, and resistant to suffering. As Real puts it, "Men have about a milli-second's tolerance for feeling [this type of] pain, and then they spring into action. A flight from shame into grandiosity lies at the heart of male covert depression."
Another reason men leap into action, though, whether it's through intense exercise, overwork, pounding back martinis, or some other strategy, is that it actually does relieve the symptoms of depression, at least for a time. In fact, many therapists have begun using exercise as an adjunct to therapy, as explained in books like The Joy of Running, by Thaddeus Kostrubala, and The Exercise Prescription for Depression and Anxiety, by Keith Johnsgard. And research at Duke University confirmed their hunches in 1999.
But exercise in itself doesn't treat the underlying condition. In fact, books called The Joy of Working 80 Hours a Week and The Drinking Prescription for Depression might reach a wide audience, because those strategies can effectively mask depression for years. That is, they can sort of work.
Because at the heart of what Britt and Imparl were going through was a life filled with large stretches of no feeling at all. Britt says he was constantly running, "hoping that movement would help me discover something better."
Looking back on his decades of depression, Britt saw isolated flashes of happiness--the birth of his children, laughter, friendship--but they were, he says, "bright spots on what had been a more turbulent journey than I let myself admit. The moments of happiness sustained my denial of something I had only recently begun to consider an 'invisible load.'" In other words, he'd been swimming with an anvil, and he was sinking by imperceptible increments.
Conditioning
The social conditioning that leads to men's response to depression begins in infancy. Male babies receive less of every type of nurturing, including speech, touch, and comfort when they cry. And that is only the beginning of what will be, to one degree or another, a brutal upbringing for boys.
In the 1960s, the crusading social psychologist Jeanne Block and her colleagues explored how differently parents treat boys and girls. For instance, moms and dads encourage boys to be competitive and to achieve. They don't like them to show their emotions. They encourage them to be less dependent; mothers push them away. They punish them more than they punish girls. And they are unaware that they treat boys and girls differently.
By the time boys are on their way to the teenage years, the process of disavowing what they are is complete. The book A New Psychology of Men describes research in which people were asked what it means to be feminine or masculine. Women and girls defined themselves by the ways they were connected to others, and by citing qualities like being caring or compassionate. Men and boys defined themselves by negatives: They weren't weak, dependent, or connected to their mothers.
But there is not much in our cultural definition of what it means to be a man that is inherent in maleness. Children start off surprisingly alike, whether they're boys or girls. If there's a difference, it's the opposite of what the culture seems to expect: Boys are more sensitive. They give expression to their emotions more readily than girls. They affiliate with others in the same way as girls. Then someone starts telling them it's not okay to be that way. If you act like that, you're a pussy.
As Real and others have explained, it is through this process of denial that men are primed for depression. And it is the cultural necessity of carrying out and carrying on this process that makes it so difficult for them to recognize and admit to depression when it comes. They not only don't acknowledge it to themselves, they often don't display the symptoms that psychotherapists use to diagnose depression.
The cultural training that lays the groundwork for depression in men and for their denial of it later in life involves social isolation. That means telling people the truth about yourself and trusting that they'll do the same, a concept that seems terrifying to many men.
In one case, two friends knew each other for years, commuting together, talking every day, laughing together. They would not have said they were socially isolated, yet when they happened to run into each other in the same group meeting for men suffering from depression, they had to laugh: Neither one had ever admitted it to the other, even though they were both seeking treatment for it.
Social isolation is a well-known killer of mammals. Countless studies going back to the '50s show that contact, affection, emotional communication, and genuine closeness are necessary for mammals, including humans, to maintain our health. Isolation wreaks havoc on everything from the immune system to the cardiovascular system to the brain. Conversely, staying socially connected helps protect men from mental illness, including depression.
The new research done by Kessler and others shows that single men and women look no different when it comes to most kinds of mental illness. But when they get married, they veer off in different directions. "It's a very good deal to be married if you're a man," Kessler says. "It's associated with a dramatic improvement in mental health."
Perhaps because they are forced into solitude as children, men are not as good at being alone as women are. Because of early socialization, women are better at relationships--with children, friends, and relatives. In general, women have more friends than men and are closer to those friends. This, of course, is the direct result of boys' having independence forced on them early in life, when what they need is emotional and physical contact with others.
Socialization punishes women, too. When they have children, women's mental health suffers, while that of men doesn't change at all. That's because women, in general, take care of the kids. If there's trouble in the home, or work interferes with child rearing, they'll disproportionately suffer for it.
Women also worry more than men. They care about a larger group of people who just don't appear on the emotional radar screens of men. In marriage, men share in the joys and are often protected from the pain. Just as the man will go downstairs to investigate a suspicious noise, the woman plays the role of emotional protector.
Kessler uses this example: A wife reports (to the researcher) that she's very upset, because her daughter had an abortion and had to miss a number of days of school. The husband reports that his daughter had the flu and couldn't go to school. How could this be? The explanation is simple: The daughter got pregnant and went to her mother for help, saying, "Whatever you do, don't tell Dad." So the mother helped the daughter have an abortion and told the father the girl was home sick with the flu.
The result is that the husband is exposed to less stress, while the woman is exposed to more. Not only does she have to deal with the abortion, but she also has to lie to her husband and orchestrate the protection of that lie. But throughout, her connections are reinforced and affirmed.
The studies show that when a father dies, the children grow closer to the mother. They come around more. The mother has been maintaining those relationships all along, and they pay off in a crisis. Yet when a mother dies, the children come around less. That's because for years, when they called on Sunday, they talked to the mother, not the father. By filling the social role, the wife grows closer to the kids. That's why widowhood and divorce are so much worse for men. Their protection is ripped away, and they have no social network to catch them as they fall. The person who managed their emotional life is gone.
As Kessler puts it, "You can hire someone to do most of the things the husband does in a marriage. But you can never hire someone to do what the wife does." Men can change this situation and possibly protect themselves from depression later in life by expanding the depth and breadth of their social networks.
Recovery
After undergoing treatment for bipolar disorder and chronic depression, Britt went back to compete in all the events he had run so desperately in 2004, such as the Lake Placid Ironman. To his amazement, he recognized for the first time that the run took place in a glorious natural setting. "You're literally running through fields of green," he says. Later that year, he was competing in the Ironman Wisconsin, which he'd done in such a black mood the year before, and began to wonder, Why am I hurting myself? I don't need to hurt myself anymore. For the first time in his life, he walked for an hour during the event, feeling joyous.
Britt's compulsion to run began to fade. "My race performance declined by about 5 percent in the first half of last year," he tells me, "and it really tailed off by fall. I took most of early winter off, totally. It's a healthier me all around." In other words, he now runs for fun, something he was unable to experience before.
But recovery wasn't simple or easy. Early on, when Britt was first diagnosed, he spent much of his time searching for a single moment in each day when something good happened, something he could celebrate. Gradually, those moments grew larger and more frequent. "Now," he says, "the days are filled with not only great moments, but great minutes and hours. And those make up great days, great weeks, and even great months."
When men talk about depression, one of the recurring themes is how it sucks the color and flavor out of life. The birdsong that filled you with joy as a child has no effect at all. The people you love don't make your heart sing, even though you know they should. The colors of the world are tarnished and dull. Britt ran the Boston Marathon once again, and realized at the end that although he'd run it many times, he had literally never seen the finish line; he ran right through it and focused on the next thing. "Now I can see things I never saw before--colors, scenery, people," he says. "It's almost impossible to describe, except to say that it seems like the world has visually opened up."
Depression is well known for shutting down the senses, and when it lifted, Britt was so astonished at what was around him that he took up photography just to try to capture it all. "I never cared before. I never noticed the colors of a sunset. The electricity in a lightning strike. The glow of moonrise over a lake. They've always been there. But only recently have I begun to see them. And I am amazed."
Exercising Your Demons
Some people might call you highly competitive. Some might call you superfit. But a growing number of doctors would label you something else: Depressed
By: Laurence Gonzales
In 1994, at the age of 33, Raymond Britt took up running. It made him feel good. In fact, the more he pushed himself, the better he felt. So each time he went out, he pushed a little harder. It seemed to put him above the turmoil of the world and afford him some relief. Relief from what -- that wasn't so clear. His life was good. He was a successful executive. He'd married his high-school sweetheart. He had beautiful children.
But there was something odd about it all. For one thing, he had no background as a runner. He'd been a powerlifter in his 20s, benching 315. But in the summer of '94, amid a hectic schedule, he happened to see a flier for the Chicago Marathon and was seized by the impulse to run it. Never mind that there were only a few weeks left to train. Never mind that he had never run more than 3 miles at a time. He thought, I can do anything for 5 hours and 30 minutes, which was the qualifying time to receive a finisher's medal.
He became obsessed with his training.
"I was excited, I was nervous, I was alive," he says. "My mother and my wife thought I was crazy." As he reached the 18th mile of the marathon, his hopes for a life-changing experience were shattered. Beating himself up both mentally and physically, he managed to drag his body over the finish line in 4 hours and 41 minutes, as he puts it, "alone, hurt, angry, unhappy."
Rather than recover, he went out the next day to punish himself and prepare for the next marathon.
Sex Differences
The study of how mental illness affects men and women differently is new and fraught with controversy. The first comprehensive survey was conducted between 1990 and 1992. Its aim was to estimate the general prevalence of mental illness.
The research, known as the National Comorbidity Survey, was repeated, in more depth and on a larger scale, between 2001 and 2003, under the auspices of the World Health Organization and with funding from the National Institute of Mental Health. The principal investigator is Ronald C. Kessler, Ph.D., a jolly-looking, bearded professor in the department of health-care policy at Harvard University.
The numbers seem to show that men and women suffer from various mental illnesses at about the same rate, with some notable variations and exceptions. One of the differences, long accepted as gospel by the psychiatric professions, is that twice as many women as men suffer from depression. Kessler says his numbers show that a woman is twice as likely as a man to have a single episode of major clinical depression in her life. After the first episode, however, men and women don't differ in the number of episodes they'll have during a lifetime, or in whether they'll have another episode. Only the first step differs, he says. Then the statistics flatten out to equal.
But if repeat episodes of depression are equal for men and women, doesn't it stand to reason that they may be having first bouts at the same rate? Maybe the discrepancy lies not in the number of men and women who are depressed, but rather, in how depression is expressed.
According to an increasing number of experts, the diagnostic tallies don't take into account the real experience of a lot of men like Britt. They also ignore the fact that women are much more likely to report depression and seek help. Men are more likely to try to fight through their depression, using strategies ranging from hard work to extreme exercise to drinking to violence. Nearly four times more men than women kill themselves.
When women become depressed, they tend to show the classic symptoms described in the psychiatrist's handbook the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. They feel sad and tired, and lose interest in the pleasures of life. In short, women generally get depressed in just the way that most people, including psychotherapists, think about depression.
Men tend to get angry, and that anger expresses itself in a wide variety of intense activities, such as Britt's obsessive running. Some of these men even win marathons--on the streets of Chicago or in feats of work endurance--and look like heroes, which makes it even more difficult to diagnose their depression.
Britt says, "I've always thought Lance Armstrong suffered from depression and that's where his anger came from. I saw a lot of myself in him, the way he transfers anger into action. Depression leads some of us to fight as hard as we can against it. It makes you angry. I liked my anger. I got focused and felt better, like I was leaving turmoil in the dust. But it was temporary."
Because we think of the word "depression" as fitting the woman's profile better than the man's, doctors and therapists don't tend to recognize the disease as readily in men, and men don't talk about it. William Pollack, Ph.D., a professor of psychiatry at Harvard, estimates that 50 percent to 65 percent of men suffering from what they call "covert depression" aren't diagnosed.
It seems clear that men will do just about anything to avoid admitting to having the disease. They'd rather just suffer. Some of them would rather die.
Driven
Britt raced in Chicago the next year and qualified for the Boston Marathon. Still, he needed more. He entered the Chicago Triathlon that same year and nearly drowned. ("I was a terrible swimmer.") He returned in 1996, and did well. That only fed his craving. "I wanted to take everything to the next, most impossible level I could imagine," he says. He describes himself as "driven to the margin of terror."
By 1998, he had developed a set of rules for himself: more, harder, quicker, and farther away. Three Ironman races in 7 weeks. Roth, Germany, in July for Ironman Europe. Zurich in August for Ironman Switzerland, wife and 4-month-old baby in tow. Ironman Canada again in September. "Still not enough," he says.
In 1999: four Ironman races, a 50-miler, and the Western States 100. Seven days later, he ran two 5-Ks on the same day, for "pain as punishment and proof that I was okay. I could survive the day as long as I could channel my inner turbulence into power and aggression during training. The determination, the drive, kept me afloat."
In the following years, he broke 3 hours in the marathon, qualified for the Ironman World Championships three times, won awards, gained sponsorship, and was regularly published as a cardio guru. He was a champ, a role model. "How can this be a bad thing?" he asked. "And if I'm strong enough to outlast anything, aren't I strong enough to outlast life's challenges?"
Yet his world had begun to contract. He began intentionally doing reckless things. "I took risks riding my bicycle in traffic, running at night, fighting whatever was fighting me. It felt good to be fighting."
He couldn't run, bike, and swim all day. He had to work. He had a wife and kids. So he simply pushed that much harder. "My best performances came when I was ready to rip the top off the race course. I had very aggressive feelings. I just wanted to attack."
He was winning, yes, but he also required emergency medical attention after every event. He'd come in with his blood pressure reading 90 over 50 and required up to four IV bags of fluid to counter dehydration. That didn't seem odd to him, but his wife began to worry that he was trying to kill himself. He told her he was just pushing it. He eventually did 42 marathons, 27 Ironman Triathlons, and six ultramarathons in 11 years, covering 42,000 miles, the equivalent of running, swimming, and biking around the world 1 1/2 times.
The weird thing is this: Raymond Britt isn't that unusual. His distances aren't even that huge, compared with some guys'. And the mental illness he suffers from, which drove him to battle through all those miles, is not that uncommon among men.
Steven Imparl is a lawyer in Chicago, but a look at his résumé affords a glimpse into the frantic world of a man working very hard to compensate for depression. He graduated from high school in the top 15 of his class of 550 students. He received his B.S. degree with high honors. He became an information-technology specialist working for big companies, then went on to earn his law degree and start his own firm. Along the way, he studied French, German, Slovene, and Spanish. He learned classical guitar, studied Slavic and Balkan history, and sang barbershop harmony. And he somehow found time for power walking, inline skating, volleyball, and boxing. By the fall of 2001, he was so wound up, he could hardly sleep. He became more irritable, more easily angered. After nearly getting into a fistfight while walking down a street, he decided to seek help. But when the doctor told him he was suffering from clinical depression, Imparl refused to believe it. Admitting to depression is . . . well, it's like getting your period: Guys don't do it.
Once Imparl accepted the diagnosis, he performed like any true, overachieving depressed man would: Through a program of therapy and drugs, he got better, and then he founded a successful Web site, maledepression.com, for guys like him.
Raymond Britt's crash and burn came one day in November 2004, when he set out to run himself into the ground, to transfer the pain from his soul to his body. Many miles and hours later, he found himself bloodied, exhausted, and hypothermic, but he neither displaced the internal pain nor found relief. He was forced at last to face what he'd known for decades: Depression was rampant in his family. From an early age, Britt had been determined that he wouldn't succumb. He wouldn't be weak.
Because his father had medicated his own depression with alcohol, Britt had never taken up drinking. By the fall of 2004, his father had been in therapy for a while, and was encouraging Britt to seek help. Having experienced depression himself, he was able to see the disorder in his son. He sent Britt an e-mail with his doctor's name. And then he dropped dead.
It was a few weeks later when Britt hit the wall on his last desperate run. Then he collapsed into classic symptoms of depression, which is what happens when the strategy fails: "The weight felt so heavy that it was hard to physically move," says Britt. He found himself wishing he'd be in an accident that would put him in the hospital so that he could escape. "I wanted to be taken out."
That's the point at which depressed men can slip beyond fantasy into active thoughts of suicide. Some 31,000 people in the United States commit suicide each year. More than 24,000 of them are men. And that doesn't count the deaths from alcohol or drugs. In fact, some researchers are beginning to suspect that depression causes more deaths than auto accidents do.
Britt's fantasies of having an accident scared him. He went to see his father's psychiatrist. It didn't take the doctor long to diagnose his condition. (Q: "When were you last really happy?" A: "1975.") And yet, his denial of clinical depression was so strong that he sought a second opinion.
Maybe men need a different word for depression. Or maybe the brain researchers and psychologists simply need to redefine the condition so it includes the way men experience it, too.
Cultural Cover-Up
It's understandable that women are three times more likely than men to be treated for depression; our culture has put a feminine face on the disease, so women give themselves permission to feel it and to seek help for it. Pollack puts it this way: "We have in our society a feminized view of depression, coming out of a model of hysteria that dates back to Freud."
Terrence Real, author of I Don't Want to Talk about It, and a marriage and family therapist in Massachusetts, wrote, "There is a terrible collusion in our society, a cultural cover-up about depression in men." And part of the cultural influence involves the way men are taught from early childhood to be strong, silent, independent, and resistant to suffering. As Real puts it, "Men have about a milli-second's tolerance for feeling [this type of] pain, and then they spring into action. A flight from shame into grandiosity lies at the heart of male covert depression."
Another reason men leap into action, though, whether it's through intense exercise, overwork, pounding back martinis, or some other strategy, is that it actually does relieve the symptoms of depression, at least for a time. In fact, many therapists have begun using exercise as an adjunct to therapy, as explained in books like The Joy of Running, by Thaddeus Kostrubala, and The Exercise Prescription for Depression and Anxiety, by Keith Johnsgard. And research at Duke University confirmed their hunches in 1999.
But exercise in itself doesn't treat the underlying condition. In fact, books called The Joy of Working 80 Hours a Week and The Drinking Prescription for Depression might reach a wide audience, because those strategies can effectively mask depression for years. That is, they can sort of work.
Because at the heart of what Britt and Imparl were going through was a life filled with large stretches of no feeling at all. Britt says he was constantly running, "hoping that movement would help me discover something better."
Looking back on his decades of depression, Britt saw isolated flashes of happiness--the birth of his children, laughter, friendship--but they were, he says, "bright spots on what had been a more turbulent journey than I let myself admit. The moments of happiness sustained my denial of something I had only recently begun to consider an 'invisible load.'" In other words, he'd been swimming with an anvil, and he was sinking by imperceptible increments.
Conditioning
The social conditioning that leads to men's response to depression begins in infancy. Male babies receive less of every type of nurturing, including speech, touch, and comfort when they cry. And that is only the beginning of what will be, to one degree or another, a brutal upbringing for boys.
In the 1960s, the crusading social psychologist Jeanne Block and her colleagues explored how differently parents treat boys and girls. For instance, moms and dads encourage boys to be competitive and to achieve. They don't like them to show their emotions. They encourage them to be less dependent; mothers push them away. They punish them more than they punish girls. And they are unaware that they treat boys and girls differently.
By the time boys are on their way to the teenage years, the process of disavowing what they are is complete. The book A New Psychology of Men describes research in which people were asked what it means to be feminine or masculine. Women and girls defined themselves by the ways they were connected to others, and by citing qualities like being caring or compassionate. Men and boys defined themselves by negatives: They weren't weak, dependent, or connected to their mothers.
But there is not much in our cultural definition of what it means to be a man that is inherent in maleness. Children start off surprisingly alike, whether they're boys or girls. If there's a difference, it's the opposite of what the culture seems to expect: Boys are more sensitive. They give expression to their emotions more readily than girls. They affiliate with others in the same way as girls. Then someone starts telling them it's not okay to be that way. If you act like that, you're a pussy.
As Real and others have explained, it is through this process of denial that men are primed for depression. And it is the cultural necessity of carrying out and carrying on this process that makes it so difficult for them to recognize and admit to depression when it comes. They not only don't acknowledge it to themselves, they often don't display the symptoms that psychotherapists use to diagnose depression.
The cultural training that lays the groundwork for depression in men and for their denial of it later in life involves social isolation. That means telling people the truth about yourself and trusting that they'll do the same, a concept that seems terrifying to many men.
In one case, two friends knew each other for years, commuting together, talking every day, laughing together. They would not have said they were socially isolated, yet when they happened to run into each other in the same group meeting for men suffering from depression, they had to laugh: Neither one had ever admitted it to the other, even though they were both seeking treatment for it.
Social isolation is a well-known killer of mammals. Countless studies going back to the '50s show that contact, affection, emotional communication, and genuine closeness are necessary for mammals, including humans, to maintain our health. Isolation wreaks havoc on everything from the immune system to the cardiovascular system to the brain. Conversely, staying socially connected helps protect men from mental illness, including depression.
The new research done by Kessler and others shows that single men and women look no different when it comes to most kinds of mental illness. But when they get married, they veer off in different directions. "It's a very good deal to be married if you're a man," Kessler says. "It's associated with a dramatic improvement in mental health."
Perhaps because they are forced into solitude as children, men are not as good at being alone as women are. Because of early socialization, women are better at relationships--with children, friends, and relatives. In general, women have more friends than men and are closer to those friends. This, of course, is the direct result of boys' having independence forced on them early in life, when what they need is emotional and physical contact with others.
Socialization punishes women, too. When they have children, women's mental health suffers, while that of men doesn't change at all. That's because women, in general, take care of the kids. If there's trouble in the home, or work interferes with child rearing, they'll disproportionately suffer for it.
Women also worry more than men. They care about a larger group of people who just don't appear on the emotional radar screens of men. In marriage, men share in the joys and are often protected from the pain. Just as the man will go downstairs to investigate a suspicious noise, the woman plays the role of emotional protector.
Kessler uses this example: A wife reports (to the researcher) that she's very upset, because her daughter had an abortion and had to miss a number of days of school. The husband reports that his daughter had the flu and couldn't go to school. How could this be? The explanation is simple: The daughter got pregnant and went to her mother for help, saying, "Whatever you do, don't tell Dad." So the mother helped the daughter have an abortion and told the father the girl was home sick with the flu.
The result is that the husband is exposed to less stress, while the woman is exposed to more. Not only does she have to deal with the abortion, but she also has to lie to her husband and orchestrate the protection of that lie. But throughout, her connections are reinforced and affirmed.
The studies show that when a father dies, the children grow closer to the mother. They come around more. The mother has been maintaining those relationships all along, and they pay off in a crisis. Yet when a mother dies, the children come around less. That's because for years, when they called on Sunday, they talked to the mother, not the father. By filling the social role, the wife grows closer to the kids. That's why widowhood and divorce are so much worse for men. Their protection is ripped away, and they have no social network to catch them as they fall. The person who managed their emotional life is gone.
As Kessler puts it, "You can hire someone to do most of the things the husband does in a marriage. But you can never hire someone to do what the wife does." Men can change this situation and possibly protect themselves from depression later in life by expanding the depth and breadth of their social networks.
Recovery
After undergoing treatment for bipolar disorder and chronic depression, Britt went back to compete in all the events he had run so desperately in 2004, such as the Lake Placid Ironman. To his amazement, he recognized for the first time that the run took place in a glorious natural setting. "You're literally running through fields of green," he says. Later that year, he was competing in the Ironman Wisconsin, which he'd done in such a black mood the year before, and began to wonder, Why am I hurting myself? I don't need to hurt myself anymore. For the first time in his life, he walked for an hour during the event, feeling joyous.
Britt's compulsion to run began to fade. "My race performance declined by about 5 percent in the first half of last year," he tells me, "and it really tailed off by fall. I took most of early winter off, totally. It's a healthier me all around." In other words, he now runs for fun, something he was unable to experience before.
But recovery wasn't simple or easy. Early on, when Britt was first diagnosed, he spent much of his time searching for a single moment in each day when something good happened, something he could celebrate. Gradually, those moments grew larger and more frequent. "Now," he says, "the days are filled with not only great moments, but great minutes and hours. And those make up great days, great weeks, and even great months."
When men talk about depression, one of the recurring themes is how it sucks the color and flavor out of life. The birdsong that filled you with joy as a child has no effect at all. The people you love don't make your heart sing, even though you know they should. The colors of the world are tarnished and dull. Britt ran the Boston Marathon once again, and realized at the end that although he'd run it many times, he had literally never seen the finish line; he ran right through it and focused on the next thing. "Now I can see things I never saw before--colors, scenery, people," he says. "It's almost impossible to describe, except to say that it seems like the world has visually opened up."
Depression is well known for shutting down the senses, and when it lifted, Britt was so astonished at what was around him that he took up photography just to try to capture it all. "I never cared before. I never noticed the colors of a sunset. The electricity in a lightning strike. The glow of moonrise over a lake. They've always been there. But only recently have I begun to see them. And I am amazed."
Exercising Your Demons
Some people might call you highly competitive. Some might call you superfit. But a growing number of doctors would label you something else: Depressed
By: Laurence Gonzales
In 1994, at the age of 33, Raymond Britt took up running. It made him feel good. In fact, the more he pushed himself, the better he felt. So each time he went out, he pushed a little harder. It seemed to put him above the turmoil of the world and afford him some relief. Relief from what -- that wasn't so clear. His life was good. He was a successful executive. He'd married his high-school sweetheart. He had beautiful children.
But there was something odd about it all. For one thing, he had no background as a runner. He'd been a powerlifter in his 20s, benching 315. But in the summer of '94, amid a hectic schedule, he happened to see a flier for the Chicago Marathon and was seized by the impulse to run it. Never mind that there were only a few weeks left to train. Never mind that he had never run more than 3 miles at a time. He thought, I can do anything for 5 hours and 30 minutes, which was the qualifying time to receive a finisher's medal.
He became obsessed with his training.
"I was excited, I was nervous, I was alive," he says. "My mother and my wife thought I was crazy." As he reached the 18th mile of the marathon, his hopes for a life-changing experience were shattered. Beating himself up both mentally and physically, he managed to drag his body over the finish line in 4 hours and 41 minutes, as he puts it, "alone, hurt, angry, unhappy."
Rather than recover, he went out the next day to punish himself and prepare for the next marathon.
Sex Differences
The study of how mental illness affects men and women differently is new and fraught with controversy. The first comprehensive survey was conducted between 1990 and 1992. Its aim was to estimate the general prevalence of mental illness.
The research, known as the National Comorbidity Survey, was repeated, in more depth and on a larger scale, between 2001 and 2003, under the auspices of the World Health Organization and with funding from the National Institute of Mental Health. The principal investigator is Ronald C. Kessler, Ph.D., a jolly-looking, bearded professor in the department of health-care policy at Harvard University.
The numbers seem to show that men and women suffer from various mental illnesses at about the same rate, with some notable variations and exceptions. One of the differences, long accepted as gospel by the psychiatric professions, is that twice as many women as men suffer from depression. Kessler says his numbers show that a woman is twice as likely as a man to have a single episode of major clinical depression in her life. After the first episode, however, men and women don't differ in the number of episodes they'll have during a lifetime, or in whether they'll have another episode. Only the first step differs, he says. Then the statistics flatten out to equal.
But if repeat episodes of depression are equal for men and women, doesn't it stand to reason that they may be having first bouts at the same rate? Maybe the discrepancy lies not in the number of men and women who are depressed, but rather, in how depression is expressed.
According to an increasing number of experts, the diagnostic tallies don't take into account the real experience of a lot of men like Britt. They also ignore the fact that women are much more likely to report depression and seek help. Men are more likely to try to fight through their depression, using strategies ranging from hard work to extreme exercise to drinking to violence. Nearly four times more men than women kill themselves.
When women become depressed, they tend to show the classic symptoms described in the psychiatrist's handbook the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. They feel sad and tired, and lose interest in the pleasures of life. In short, women generally get depressed in just the way that most people, including psychotherapists, think about depression.
Men tend to get angry, and that anger expresses itself in a wide variety of intense activities, such as Britt's obsessive running. Some of these men even win marathons--on the streets of Chicago or in feats of work endurance--and look like heroes, which makes it even more difficult to diagnose their depression.
Britt says, "I've always thought Lance Armstrong suffered from depression and that's where his anger came from. I saw a lot of myself in him, the way he transfers anger into action. Depression leads some of us to fight as hard as we can against it. It makes you angry. I liked my anger. I got focused and felt better, like I was leaving turmoil in the dust. But it was temporary."
Because we think of the word "depression" as fitting the woman's profile better than the man's, doctors and therapists don't tend to recognize the disease as readily in men, and men don't talk about it. William Pollack, Ph.D., a professor of psychiatry at Harvard, estimates that 50 percent to 65 percent of men suffering from what they call "covert depression" aren't diagnosed.
It seems clear that men will do just about anything to avoid admitting to having the disease. They'd rather just suffer. Some of them would rather die.
Driven
Britt raced in Chicago the next year and qualified for the Boston Marathon. Still, he needed more. He entered the Chicago Triathlon that same year and nearly drowned. ("I was a terrible swimmer.") He returned in 1996, and did well. That only fed his craving. "I wanted to take everything to the next, most impossible level I could imagine," he says. He describes himself as "driven to the margin of terror."
By 1998, he had developed a set of rules for himself: more, harder, quicker, and farther away. Three Ironman races in 7 weeks. Roth, Germany, in July for Ironman Europe. Zurich in August for Ironman Switzerland, wife and 4-month-old baby in tow. Ironman Canada again in September. "Still not enough," he says.
In 1999: four Ironman races, a 50-miler, and the Western States 100. Seven days later, he ran two 5-Ks on the same day, for "pain as punishment and proof that I was okay. I could survive the day as long as I could channel my inner turbulence into power and aggression during training. The determination, the drive, kept me afloat."
In the following years, he broke 3 hours in the marathon, qualified for the Ironman World Championships three times, won awards, gained sponsorship, and was regularly published as a cardio guru. He was a champ, a role model. "How can this be a bad thing?" he asked. "And if I'm strong enough to outlast anything, aren't I strong enough to outlast life's challenges?"
Yet his world had begun to contract. He began intentionally doing reckless things. "I took risks riding my bicycle in traffic, running at night, fighting whatever was fighting me. It felt good to be fighting."
He couldn't run, bike, and swim all day. He had to work. He had a wife and kids. So he simply pushed that much harder. "My best performances came when I was ready to rip the top off the race course. I had very aggressive feelings. I just wanted to attack."
He was winning, yes, but he also required emergency medical attention after every event. He'd come in with his blood pressure reading 90 over 50 and required up to four IV bags of fluid to counter dehydration. That didn't seem odd to him, but his wife began to worry that he was trying to kill himself. He told her he was just pushing it. He eventually did 42 marathons, 27 Ironman Triathlons, and six ultramarathons in 11 years, covering 42,000 miles, the equivalent of running, swimming, and biking around the world 1 1/2 times.
The weird thing is this: Raymond Britt isn't that unusual. His distances aren't even that huge, compared with some guys'. And the mental illness he suffers from, which drove him to battle through all those miles, is not that uncommon among men.
Steven Imparl is a lawyer in Chicago, but a look at his résumé affords a glimpse into the frantic world of a man working very hard to compensate for depression. He graduated from high school in the top 15 of his class of 550 students. He received his B.S. degree with high honors. He became an information-technology specialist working for big companies, then went on to earn his law degree and start his own firm. Along the way, he studied French, German, Slovene, and Spanish. He learned classical guitar, studied Slavic and Balkan history, and sang barbershop harmony. And he somehow found time for power walking, inline skating, volleyball, and boxing. By the fall of 2001, he was so wound up, he could hardly sleep. He became more irritable, more easily angered. After nearly getting into a fistfight while walking down a street, he decided to seek help. But when the doctor told him he was suffering from clinical depression, Imparl refused to believe it. Admitting to depression is . . . well, it's like getting your period: Guys don't do it.
Once Imparl accepted the diagnosis, he performed like any true, overachieving depressed man would: Through a program of therapy and drugs, he got better, and then he founded a successful Web site, maledepression.com, for guys like him.
Raymond Britt's crash and burn came one day in November 2004, when he set out to run himself into the ground, to transfer the pain from his soul to his body. Many miles and hours later, he found himself bloodied, exhausted, and hypothermic, but he neither displaced the internal pain nor found relief. He was forced at last to face what he'd known for decades: Depression was rampant in his family. From an early age, Britt had been determined that he wouldn't succumb. He wouldn't be weak.
Because his father had medicated his own depression with alcohol, Britt had never taken up drinking. By the fall of 2004, his father had been in therapy for a while, and was encouraging Britt to seek help. Having experienced depression himself, he was able to see the disorder in his son. He sent Britt an e-mail with his doctor's name. And then he dropped dead.
It was a few weeks later when Britt hit the wall on his last desperate run. Then he collapsed into classic symptoms of depression, which is what happens when the strategy fails: "The weight felt so heavy that it was hard to physically move," says Britt. He found himself wishing he'd be in an accident that would put him in the hospital so that he could escape. "I wanted to be taken out."
That's the point at which depressed men can slip beyond fantasy into active thoughts of suicide. Some 31,000 people in the United States commit suicide each year. More than 24,000 of them are men. And that doesn't count the deaths from alcohol or drugs. In fact, some researchers are beginning to suspect that depression causes more deaths than auto accidents do.
Britt's fantasies of having an accident scared him. He went to see his father's psychiatrist. It didn't take the doctor long to diagnose his condition. (Q: "When were you last really happy?" A: "1975.") And yet, his denial of clinical depression was so strong that he sought a second opinion.
Maybe men need a different word for depression. Or maybe the brain researchers and psychologists simply need to redefine the condition so it includes the way men experience it, too.
Cultural Cover-Up
It's understandable that women are three times more likely than men to be treated for depression; our culture has put a feminine face on the disease, so women give themselves permission to feel it and to seek help for it. Pollack puts it this way: "We have in our society a feminized view of depression, coming out of a model of hysteria that dates back to Freud."
Terrence Real, author of I Don't Want to Talk about It, and a marriage and family therapist in Massachusetts, wrote, "There is a terrible collusion in our society, a cultural cover-up about depression in men." And part of the cultural influence involves the way men are taught from early childhood to be strong, silent, independent, and resistant to suffering. As Real puts it, "Men have about a milli-second's tolerance for feeling [this type of] pain, and then they spring into action. A flight from shame into grandiosity lies at the heart of male covert depression."
Another reason men leap into action, though, whether it's through intense exercise, overwork, pounding back martinis, or some other strategy, is that it actually does relieve the symptoms of depression, at least for a time. In fact, many therapists have begun using exercise as an adjunct to therapy, as explained in books like The Joy of Running, by Thaddeus Kostrubala, and The Exercise Prescription for Depression and Anxiety, by Keith Johnsgard. And research at Duke University confirmed their hunches in 1999.
But exercise in itself doesn't treat the underlying condition. In fact, books called The Joy of Working 80 Hours a Week and The Drinking Prescription for Depression might reach a wide audience, because those strategies can effectively mask depression for years. That is, they can sort of work.
Because at the heart of what Britt and Imparl were going through was a life filled with large stretches of no feeling at all. Britt says he was constantly running, "hoping that movement would help me discover something better."
Looking back on his decades of depression, Britt saw isolated flashes of happiness--the birth of his children, laughter, friendship--but they were, he says, "bright spots on what had been a more turbulent journey than I let myself admit. The moments of happiness sustained my denial of something I had only recently begun to consider an 'invisible load.'" In other words, he'd been swimming with an anvil, and he was sinking by imperceptible increments.
Conditioning
The social conditioning that leads to men's response to depression begins in infancy. Male babies receive less of every type of nurturing, including speech, touch, and comfort when they cry. And that is only the beginning of what will be, to one degree or another, a brutal upbringing for boys.
In the 1960s, the crusading social psychologist Jeanne Block and her colleagues explored how differently parents treat boys and girls. For instance, moms and dads encourage boys to be competitive and to achieve. They don't like them to show their emotions. They encourage them to be less dependent; mothers push them away. They punish them more than they punish girls. And they are unaware that they treat boys and girls differently.
By the time boys are on their way to the teenage years, the process of disavowing what they are is complete. The book A New Psychology of Men describes research in which people were asked what it means to be feminine or masculine. Women and girls defined themselves by the ways they were connected to others, and by citing qualities like being caring or compassionate. Men and boys defined themselves by negatives: They weren't weak, dependent, or connected to their mothers.
But there is not much in our cultural definition of what it means to be a man that is inherent in maleness. Children start off surprisingly alike, whether they're boys or girls. If there's a difference, it's the opposite of what the culture seems to expect: Boys are more sensitive. They give expression to their emotions more readily than girls. They affiliate with others in the same way as girls. Then someone starts telling them it's not okay to be that way. If you act like that, you're a pussy.
As Real and others have explained, it is through this process of denial that men are primed for depression. And it is the cultural necessity of carrying out and carrying on this process that makes it so difficult for them to recognize and admit to depression when it comes. They not only don't acknowledge it to themselves, they often don't display the symptoms that psychotherapists use to diagnose depression.
The cultural training that lays the groundwork for depression in men and for their denial of it later in life involves social isolation. That means telling people the truth about yourself and trusting that they'll do the same, a concept that seems terrifying to many men.
In one case, two friends knew each other for years, commuting together, talking every day, laughing together. They would not have said they were socially isolated, yet when they happened to run into each other in the same group meeting for men suffering from depression, they had to laugh: Neither one had ever admitted it to the other, even though they were both seeking treatment for it.
Social isolation is a well-known killer of mammals. Countless studies going back to the '50s show that contact, affection, emotional communication, and genuine closeness are necessary for mammals, including humans, to maintain our health. Isolation wreaks havoc on everything from the immune system to the cardiovascular system to the brain. Conversely, staying socially connected helps protect men from mental illness, including depression.
The new research done by Kessler and others shows that single men and women look no different when it comes to most kinds of mental illness. But when they get married, they veer off in different directions. "It's a very good deal to be married if you're a man," Kessler says. "It's associated with a dramatic improvement in mental health."
Perhaps because they are forced into solitude as children, men are not as good at being alone as women are. Because of early socialization, women are better at relationships--with children, friends, and relatives. In general, women have more friends than men and are closer to those friends. This, of course, is the direct result of boys' having independence forced on them early in life, when what they need is emotional and physical contact with others.
Socialization punishes women, too. When they have children, women's mental health suffers, while that of men doesn't change at all. That's because women, in general, take care of the kids. If there's trouble in the home, or work interferes with child rearing, they'll disproportionately suffer for it.
Women also worry more than men. They care about a larger group of people who just don't appear on the emotional radar screens of men. In marriage, men share in the joys and are often protected from the pain. Just as the man will go downstairs to investigate a suspicious noise, the woman plays the role of emotional protector.
Kessler uses this example: A wife reports (to the researcher) that she's very upset, because her daughter had an abortion and had to miss a number of days of school. The husband reports that his daughter had the flu and couldn't go to school. How could this be? The explanation is simple: The daughter got pregnant and went to her mother for help, saying, "Whatever you do, don't tell Dad." So the mother helped the daughter have an abortion and told the father the girl was home sick with the flu.
The result is that the husband is exposed to less stress, while the woman is exposed to more. Not only does she have to deal with the abortion, but she also has to lie to her husband and orchestrate the protection of that lie. But throughout, her connections are reinforced and affirmed.
The studies show that when a father dies, the children grow closer to the mother. They come around more. The mother has been maintaining those relationships all along, and they pay off in a crisis. Yet when a mother dies, the children come around less. That's because for years, when they called on Sunday, they talked to the mother, not the father. By filling the social role, the wife grows closer to the kids. That's why widowhood and divorce are so much worse for men. Their protection is ripped away, and they have no social network to catch them as they fall. The person who managed their emotional life is gone.
As Kessler puts it, "You can hire someone to do most of the things the husband does in a marriage. But you can never hire someone to do what the wife does." Men can change this situation and possibly protect themselves from depression later in life by expanding the depth and breadth of their social networks.
Recovery
After undergoing treatment for bipolar disorder and chronic depression, Britt went back to compete in all the events he had run so desperately in 2004, such as the Lake Placid Ironman. To his amazement, he recognized for the first time that the run took place in a glorious natural setting. "You're literally running through fields of green," he says. Later that year, he was competing in the Ironman Wisconsin, which he'd done in such a black mood the year before, and began to wonder, Why am I hurting myself? I don't need to hurt myself anymore. For the first time in his life, he walked for an hour during the event, feeling joyous.
Britt's compulsion to run began to fade. "My race performance declined by about 5 percent in the first half of last year," he tells me, "and it really tailed off by fall. I took most of early winter off, totally. It's a healthier me all around." In other words, he now runs for fun, something he was unable to experience before.
But recovery wasn't simple or easy. Early on, when Britt was first diagnosed, he spent much of his time searching for a single moment in each day when something good happened, something he could celebrate. Gradually, those moments grew larger and more frequent. "Now," he says, "the days are filled with not only great moments, but great minutes and hours. And those make up great days, great weeks, and even great months."
When men talk about depression, one of the recurring themes is how it sucks the color and flavor out of life. The birdsong that filled you with joy as a child has no effect at all. The people you love don't make your heart sing, even though you know they should. The colors of the world are tarnished and dull. Britt ran the Boston Marathon once again, and realized at the end that although he'd run it many times, he had literally never seen the finish line; he ran right through it and focused on the next thing. "Now I can see things I never saw before--colors, scenery, people," he says. "It's almost impossible to describe, except to say that it seems like the world has visually opened up."
Depression is well known for shutting down the senses, and when it lifted, Britt was so astonished at what was around him that he took up photography just to try to capture it all. "I never cared before. I never noticed the colors of a sunset. The electricity in a lightning strike. The glow of moonrise over a lake. They've always been there. But only recently have I begun to see them. And I am amazed."
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themWhat Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themWhat Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themWhat Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themWhat Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themWhat Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need them
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themWhat Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themWhat Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themWhat Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themWhat Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themWhat Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need them
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themWhat Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themWhat Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themWhat Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themWhat Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themWhat Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need themARE yoU LonEly? DO U HAVE 2 MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS?
Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?A feeling of having no common bond with the people around youFeeling disconnected from othersFeeling sad because there is no one else available to be with youFeeling uncomfortable being by yourselfFeeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about youBeing without friends or a companionFeeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with youFeeling abandoned
Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
Feeling left out
Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need them
Acyclovir, Ganciclovir, and Zidovudine Transfer into Rat Milk
Jane Alcorn1 and Patrick J. McNamara2*
Division of Pharmaceutical Sciences, College of Pharmacy, University of Kentucky, Lexington, Kentucky 40536-0082,2 College of Pharmacy and Nutrition, University of Saskatchewan, Saskatoon, Saskatchewan S7N 5C9, Canada1
Received 26 October 2001/ Returned for modification 22 January 2002/ Accepted 26 February 2002
Treatment with antiviral agents that accumulate in breast milk may offer a novel approach to reduce the rates of vertical transmission of important viruses and the risk of clinical illness in suckling neonates. The present study evaluated the extent and mechanism of transfer of three antiviral nucleoside analogues into milk in a lactating rat model system. Acyclovir (0.26 mg/h), ganciclovir (0.13 mg/h), and zidovudine (0.5 mg/h) were each infused to steady-state concentrations in six rats 15 to 16 days postpartum. The observed ratios of the concentrations in milk to the concentrations in serum (observed milk-to-serum ratio), calculated from the ratio of the steady-state concentration in serum to the steady-state concentration in milk, determined the extent of drug transfer into milk. To identify the mechanism of transfer into milk, the observed milk-to-serum ratio was compared to a predicted milk-to-serum ratio estimated from an in vitro passive diffusion model of transfer of each drug into milk. High-pressure liquid chromatography methods determined milk and serum drug concentrations. Mean ± standard deviation observed milk-to-serum ratios for acyclovir, ganciclovir, and zidovudine were 5.1 ± 1.4, 1.6 ± 0.33, and 1.0 ± 0.29, respectively, compared with their corresponding predicted ratios of 1.1, 0.85, and 0.71. These results suggest that acyclovir accumulates in milk due to active transport mechanisms, while passive diffusion processes govern the transfer of both ganciclovir and zidovudine into milk. The presence of all three antiviral drugs in milk and the potential for active drug transfer into milk warrants further investigation of the accumulation of other antiviral drugs in milk and their therapeutic benefits in reducing the vertical transmission of viruses and clinical sequelae in the breast-feeding infant.Acyclovir, Ganciclovir, and Zidovudine Transfer into Rat Milk
Jane Alcorn1 and Patrick J. McNamara2*
Division of Pharmaceutical Sciences, College of Pharmacy, University of Kentucky, Lexington, Kentucky 40536-0082,2 College of Pharmacy and Nutrition, University of Saskatchewan, Saskatoon, Saskatchewan S7N 5C9, Canada1
Received 26 October 2001/ Returned for modification 22 January 2002/ Accepted 26 February 2002
Treatment with antiviral agents that accumulate in breast milk may offer a novel approach to reduce the rates of vertical transmission of important viruses and the risk of clinical illness in suckling neonates. The present study evaluated the extent and mechanism of transfer of three antiviral nucleoside analogues into milk in a lactating rat model system. Acyclovir (0.26 mg/h), ganciclovir (0.13 mg/h), and zidovudine (0.5 mg/h) were each infused to steady-state concentrations in six rats 15 to 16 days postpartum. The observed ratios of the concentrations in milk to the concentrations in serum (observed milk-to-serum ratio), calculated from the ratio of the steady-state concentration in serum to the steady-state concentration in milk, determined the extent of drug transfer into milk. To identify the mechanism of transfer into milk, the observed milk-to-serum ratio was compared to a predicted milk-to-serum ratio estimated from an in vitro passive diffusion model of transfer of each drug into milk. High-pressure liquid chromatography methods determined milk and serum drug concentrations. Mean ± standard deviation observed milk-to-serum ratios for acyclovir, ganciclovir, and zidovudine were 5.1 ± 1.4, 1.6 ± 0.33, and 1.0 ± 0.29, respectively, compared with their corresponding predicted ratios of 1.1, 0.85, and 0.71. These results suggest that acyclovir accumulates in milk due to active transport mechanisms, while passive diffusion processes govern the transfer of both ganciclovir and zidovudine into milk. The presence of all three antiviral drugs in milk and the potential for active drug transfer into milk warrants further investigation of the accumulation of other antiviral drugs in milk and their therapeutic benefits in reducing the vertical transmission of viruses and clinical sequelae in the breast-feeding infant.Acyclovir, Ganciclovir, and Zidovudine Transfer into Rat Milk
Jane Alcorn1 and Patrick J. McNamara2*
Division of Pharmaceutical Sciences, College of Pharmacy, University of Kentucky, Lexington, Kentucky 40536-0082,2 College of Pharmacy and Nutrition, University of Saskatchewan, Saskatoon, Saskatchewan S7N 5C9, Canada1
Received 26 October 2001/ Returned for modification 22 January 2002/ Accepted 26 February 2002
Treatment with antiviral agents that accumulate in breast milk may offer a novel approach to reduce the rates of vertical transmission of important viruses and the risk of clinical illness in suckling neonates. The present study evaluated the extent and mechanism of transfer of three antiviral nucleoside analogues into milk in a lactating rat model system. Acyclovir (0.26 mg/h), ganciclovir (0.13 mg/h), and zidovudine (0.5 mg/h) were each infused to steady-state concentrations in six rats 15 to 16 days postpartum. The observed ratios of the concentrations in milk to the concentrations in serum (observed milk-to-serum ratio), calculated from the ratio of the steady-state concentration in serum to the steady-state concentration in milk, determined the extent of drug transfer into milk. To identify the mechanism of transfer into milk, the observed milk-to-serum ratio was compared to a predicted milk-to-serum ratio estimated from an in vitro passive diffusion model of transfer of each drug into milk. High-pressure liquid chromatography methods determined milk and serum drug concentrations. Mean ± standard deviation observed milk-to-serum ratios for acyclovir, ganciclovir, and zidovudine were 5.1 ± 1.4, 1.6 ± 0.33, and 1.0 ± 0.29, respectively, compared with their corresponding predicted ratios of 1.1, 0.85, and 0.71. These results suggest that acyclovir accumulates in milk due to active transport mechanisms, while passive diffusion processes govern the transfer of both ganciclovir and zidovudine into milk. The presence of all three antiviral drugs in milk and the potential for active drug transfer into milk warrants further investigation of the accumulation of other antiviral drugs in milk and their therapeutic benefits in reducing the vertical transmission of viruses and clinical sequelae in the breast-feeding infant.Acyclovir, Ganciclovir, and Zidovudine Transfer into Rat Milk
Jane Alcorn1 and Patrick J. McNamara2*
Division of Pharmaceutical Sciences, College of Pharmacy, University of Kentucky, Lexington, Kentucky 40536-0082,2 College of Pharmacy and Nutrition, University of Saskatchewan, Saskatoon, Saskatchewan S7N 5C9, Canada1
Received 26 October 2001/ Returned for modification 22 January 2002/ Accepted 26 February 2002
Treatment with antiviral agents that accumulate in breast milk may offer a novel approach to reduce the rates of vertical transmission of important viruses and the risk of clinical illness in suckling neonates. The present study evaluated the extent and mechanism of transfer of three antiviral nucleoside analogues into milk in a lactating rat model system. Acyclovir (0.26 mg/h), ganciclovir (0.13 mg/h), and zidovudine (0.5 mg/h) were each infused to steady-state concentrations in six rats 15 to 16 days postpartum. The observed ratios of the concentrations in milk to the concentrations in serum (observed milk-to-serum ratio), calculated from the ratio of the steady-state concentration in serum to the steady-state concentration in milk, determined the extent of drug transfer into milk. To identify the mechanism of transfer into milk, the observed milk-to-serum ratio was compared to a predicted milk-to-serum ratio estimated from an in vitro passive diffusion model of transfer of each drug into milk. High-pressure liquid chromatography methods determined milk and serum drug concentrations. Mean ± standard deviation observed milk-to-serum ratios for acyclovir, ganciclovir, and zidovudine were 5.1 ± 1.4, 1.6 ± 0.33, and 1.0 ± 0.29, respectively, compared with their corresponding predicted ratios of 1.1, 0.85, and 0.71. These results suggest that acyclovir accumulates in milk due to active transport mechanisms, while passive diffusion processes govern the transfer of both ganciclovir and zidovudine into milk. The presence of all three antiviral drugs in milk and the potential for active drug transfer into milk warrants further investigation of the accumulation of other antiviral drugs in milk and their therapeutic benefits in reducing the vertical transmission of viruses and clinical sequelae in the breast-feeding infant.Acyclovir, Ganciclovir, and Zidovudine Transfer into Rat Milk
Jane Alcorn1 and Patrick J. McNamara2*
Division of Pharmaceutical Sciences, College of Pharmacy, University of Kentucky, Lexington, Kentucky 40536-0082,2 College of Pharmacy and Nutrition, University of Saskatchewan, Saskatoon, Saskatchewan S7N 5C9, Canada1
Received 26 October 2001/ Returned for modification 22 January 2002/ Accepted 26 February 2002
Treatment with antiviral agents that accumulate in breast milk may offer a novel approach to reduce the rates of vertical transmission of important viruses and the risk of clinical illness in suckling neonates. The present study evaluated the extent and mechanism of transfer of three antiviral nucleoside analogues into milk in a lactating rat model system. Acyclovir (0.26 mg/h), ganciclovir (0.13 mg/h), and zidovudine (0.5 mg/h) were each infused to steady-state concentrations in six rats 15 to 16 days postpartum. The observed ratios of the concentrations in milk to the concentrations in serum (observed milk-to-serum ratio), calculated from the ratio of the steady-state concentration in serum to the steady-state concentration in milk, determined the extent of drug transfer into milk. To identify the mechanism of transfer into milk, the observed milk-to-serum ratio was compared to a predicted milk-to-serum ratio estimated from an in vitro passive diffusion model of transfer of each drug into milk. High-pressure liquid chromatography methods determined milk and serum drug concentrations. Mean ± standard deviation observed milk-to-serum ratios for acyclovir, ganciclovir, and zidovudine were 5.1 ± 1.4, 1.6 ± 0.33, and 1.0 ± 0.29, respectively, compared with their corresponding predicted ratios of 1.1, 0.85, and 0.71. These results suggest that acyclovir accumulates in milk due to active transport mechanisms, while passive diffusion processes govern the transfer of both ganciclovir and zidovudine into milk. The presence of all three antiviral drugs in milk and the potential for active drug transfer into milk warrants further investigation of the accumulation of other antiviral drugs in milk and their therapeutic benefits in reducing the vertical transmission of viruses and clinical sequelae in the breast-feeding infant.Acyclovir, Ganciclovir, and Zidovudine Transfer into Rat Milk
Jane Alcorn1 and Patrick J. McNamara2*
Division of Pharmaceutical Sciences, College of Pharmacy, University of Kentucky, Lexington, Kentucky 40536-0082,2 College of Pharmacy and Nutrition, University of Saskatchewan, Saskatoon, Saskatchewan S7N 5C9, Canada1
Received 26 October 2001/ Returned for modification 22 January 2002/ Accepted 26 February 2002
Treatment with antiviral agents that accumulate in breast milk may offer a novel approach to reduce the rates of vertical transmission of important viruses and the risk of clinical illness in suckling neonates. The present study evaluated the extent and mechanism of transfer of three antiviral nucleoside analogues into milk in a lactating rat model system. Acyclovir (0.26 mg/h), ganciclovir (0.13 mg/h), and zidovudine (0.5 mg/h) were each infused to steady-state concentrations in six rats 15 to 16 days postpartum. The observed ratios of the concentrations in milk to the concentrations in serum (observed milk-to-serum ratio), calculated from the ratio of the steady-state concentration in serum to the steady-state concentration in milk, determined the extent of drug transfer into milk. To identify the mechanism of transfer into milk, the observed milk-to-serum ratio was compared to a predicted milk-to-serum ratio estimated from an in vitro passive diffusion model of transfer of each drug into milk. High-pressure liquid chromatography methods determined milk and serum drug concentrations. Mean ± standard deviation observed milk-to-serum ratios for acyclovir, ganciclovir, and zidovudine were 5.1 ± 1.4, 1.6 ± 0.33, and 1.0 ± 0.29, respectively, compared with their corresponding predicted ratios of 1.1, 0.85, and 0.71. These results suggest that acyclovir accumulates in milk due to active transport mechanisms, while passive diffusion processes govern the transfer of both ganciclovir and zidovudine into milk. The presence of all three antiviral drugs in milk and the potential for active drug transfer into milk warrants further investigation of the accumulation of other antiviral drugs in milk and their therapeutic benefits in reducing the vertical transmission of viruses and clinical sequelae in the breast-feeding infant.Acyclovir, Ganciclovir, and Zidovudine Transfer into Rat Milk
Jane Alcorn1 and Patrick J. McNamara2*
Division of Pharmaceutical Sciences, College of Pharmacy, University of Kentucky, Lexington, Kentucky 40536-0082,2 College of Pharmacy and Nutrition, University of Saskatchewan, Saskatoon, Saskatchewan S7N 5C9, Canada1
Received 26 October 2001/ Returned for modification 22 January 2002/ Accepted 26 February 2002
Treatment with antiviral agents that accumulate in breast milk may offer a novel approach to reduce the rates of vertical transmission of important viruses and the risk of clinical illness in suckling neonates. The present study evaluated the extent and mechanism of transfer of three antiviral nucleoside analogues into milk in a lactating rat model system. Acyclovir (0.26 mg/h), ganciclovir (0.13 mg/h), and zidovudine (0.5 mg/h) were each infused to steady-state concentrations in six rats 15 to 16 days postpartum. The observed ratios of the concentrations in milk to the concentrations in serum (observed milk-to-serum ratio), calculated from the ratio of the steady-state concentration in serum to the steady-state concentration in milk, determined the extent of drug transfer into milk. To identify the mechanism of transfer into milk, the observed milk-to-serum ratio was compared to a predicted milk-to-serum ratio estimated from an in vitro passive diffusion model of transfer of each drug into milk. High-pressure liquid chromatography methods determined milk and serum drug concentrations. Mean ± standard deviation observed milk-to-serum ratios for acyclovir, ganciclovir, and zidovudine were 5.1 ± 1.4, 1.6 ± 0.33, and 1.0 ± 0.29, respectively, compared with their corresponding predicted ratios of 1.1, 0.85, and 0.71. These results suggest that acyclovir accumulates in milk due to active transport mechanisms, while passive diffusion processes govern the transfer of both ganciclovir and zidovudine into milk. The presence of all three antiviral drugs in milk and the potential for active drug transfer into milk warrants further investigation of the accumulation of other antiviral drugs in milk and their therapeutic benefits in reducing the vertical transmission of viruses and clinical sequelae in the breast-feeding infant.Acyclovir, Ganciclovir, and Zidovudine Transfer into Rat Milk
Jane Alcorn1 and Patrick J. McNamara2*
Division of Pharmaceutical Sciences, College of Pharmacy, University of Kentucky, Lexington, Kentucky 40536-0082,2 College of Pharmacy and Nutrition, University of Saskatchewan, Saskatoon, Saskatchewan S7N 5C9, Canada1
Received 26 October 2001/ Returned for modification 22 January 2002/ Accepted 26 February 2002
Treatment with antiviral agents that accumulate in breast milk may offer a novel approach to reduce the rates of vertical transmission of important viruses and the risk of clinical illness in suckling neonates. The present study evaluated the extent and mechanism of transfer of three antiviral nucleoside analogues into milk in a lactating rat model system. Acyclovir (0.26 mg/h), ganciclovir (0.13 mg/h), and zidovudine (0.5 mg/h) were each infused to steady-state concentrations in six rats 15 to 16 days postpartum. The observed ratios of the concentrations in milk to the concentrations in serum (observed milk-to-serum ratio), calculated from the ratio of the steady-state concentration in serum to the steady-state concentration in milk, determined the extent of drug transfer into milk. To identify the mechanism of transfer into milk, the observed milk-to-serum ratio was compared to a predicted milk-to-serum ratio estimated from an in vitro passive diffusion model of transfer of each drug into milk. High-pressure liquid chromatography methods determined milk and serum drug concentrations. Mean ± standard deviation observed milk-to-serum ratios for acyclovir, ganciclovir, and zidovudine were 5.1 ± 1.4, 1.6 ± 0.33, and 1.0 ± 0.29, respectively, compared with their corresponding predicted ratios of 1.1, 0.85, and 0.71. These results suggest that acyclovir accumulates in milk due to active transport mechanisms, while passive diffusion processes govern the transfer of both ganciclovir and zidovudine into milk. The presence of all three antiviral drugs in milk and the potential for active drug transfer into milk warrants further investigation of the accumulation of other antiviral drugs in milk and their therapeutic benefits in reducing the vertical transmission of viruses and clinical sequelae in the breast-feeding infant.Acyclovir, Ganciclovir, and Zidovudine Transfer into Rat Milk
Jane Alcorn1 and Patrick J. McNamara2*
Division of Pharmaceutical Sciences, College of Pharmacy, University of Kentucky, Lexington, Kentucky 40536-0082,2 College of Pharmacy and Nutrition, University of Saskatchewan, Saskatoon, Saskatchewan S7N 5C9, Canada1
Received 26 October 2001/ Returned for modification 22 January 2002/ Accepted 26 February 2002
Treatment with antiviral agents that accumulate in breast milk may offer a novel approach to reduce the rates of vertical transmission of important viruses and the risk of clinical illness in suckling neonates. The present study evaluated the extent and mechanism of transfer of three antiviral nucleoside analogues into milk in a lactating rat model system. Acyclovir (0.26 mg/h), ganciclovir (0.13 mg/h), and zidovudine (0.5 mg/h) were each infused to steady-state concentrations in six rats 15 to 16 days postpartum. The observed ratios of the concentrations in milk to the concentrations in serum (observed milk-to-serum ratio), calculated from the ratio of the steady-state concentration in serum to the steady-state concentration in milk, determined the extent of drug transfer into milk. To identify the mechanism of transfer into milk, the observed milk-to-serum ratio was compared to a predicted milk-to-serum ratio estimated from an in vitro passive diffusion model of transfer of each drug into milk. High-pressure liquid chromatography methods determined milk and serum drug concentrations. Mean ± standard deviation observed milk-to-serum ratios for acyclovir, ganciclovir, and zidovudine were 5.1 ± 1.4, 1.6 ± 0.33, and 1.0 ± 0.29, respectively, compared with their corresponding predicted ratios of 1.1, 0.85, and 0.71. These results suggest that acyclovir accumulates in milk due to active transport mechanisms, while passive diffusion processes govern the transfer of both ganciclovir and zidovudine into milk. The presence of all three antiviral drugs in milk and the potential for active drug transfer into milk warrants further investigation of the accumulation of other antiviral drugs in milk and their therapeutic benefits in reducing the vertical transmission of viruses and clinical sequelae in the breast-feeding infant.Acyclovir, Ganciclovir, and Zidovudine Transfer into Rat Milk
Jane Alcorn1 and Patrick J. McNamara2*
Division of Pharmaceutical Sciences, College of Pharmacy, University of Kentucky, Lexington, Kentucky 40536-0082,2 College of Pharmacy and Nutrition, University of Saskatchewan, Saskatoon, Saskatchewan S7N 5C9, Canada1
Received 26 October 2001/ Returned for modification 22 January 2002/ Accepted 26 February 2002
Treatment with antiviral agents that accumulate in breast milk may offer a novel approach to reduce the rates of vertical transmission of important viruses and the risk of clinical illness in suckling neonates. The present study evaluated the extent and mechanism of transfer of three antiviral nucleoside analogues into milk in a lactating rat model system. Acyclovir (0.26 mg/h), ganciclovir (0.13 mg/h), and zidovudine (0.5 mg/h) were each infused to steady-state concentrations in six rats 15 to 16 days postpartum. The observed ratios of the concentrations in milk to the concentrations in serum (observed milk-to-serum ratio), calculated from the ratio of the steady-state concentration in serum to the steady-state concentration in milk, determined the extent of drug transfer into milk. To identify the mechanism of transfer into milk, the observed milk-to-serum ratio was compared to a predicted milk-to-serum ratio estimated from an in vitro passive diffusion model of transfer of each drug into milk. High-pressure liquid chromatography methods determined milk and serum drug concentrations. Mean ± standard deviation observed milk-to-serum ratios for acyclovir, ganciclovir, and zidovudine were 5.1 ± 1.4, 1.6 ± 0.33, and 1.0 ± 0.29, respectively, compared with their corresponding predicted ratios of 1.1, 0.85, and 0.71. These results suggest that acyclovir accumulates in milk due to active transport mechanisms, while passive diffusion processes govern the transfer of both ganciclovir and zidovudine into milk. The presence of all three antiviral drugs in milk and the potential for active drug transfer into milk warrants further investigation of the accumulation of other antiviral drugs in milk and their therapeutic benefits in reducing the vertical transmission of viruses and clinical sequelae in the breast-feeding infant.Acyclovir, Ganciclovir, and Zidovudine Transfer into Rat Milk
Jane Alcorn1 and Patrick J. McNamara2*
Division of Pharmaceutical Sciences, College of Pharmacy, University of Kentucky, Lexington, Kentucky 40536-0082,2 College of Pharmacy and Nutrition, University of Saskatchewan, Saskatoon, Saskatchewan S7N 5C9, Canada1
Received 26 October 2001/ Returned for modification 22 January 2002/ Accepted 26 February 2002
Treatment with antiviral agents that accumulate in breast milk may offer a novel approach to reduce the rates of vertical transmission of important viruses and the risk of clinical illness in suckling neonates. The present study evaluated the extent and mechanism of transfer of three antiviral nucleoside analogues into milk in a lactating rat model system. Acyclovir (0.26 mg/h), ganciclovir (0.13 mg/h), and zidovudine (0.5 mg/h) were each infused to steady-state concentrations in six rats 15 to 16 days postpartum. The observed ratios of the concentrations in milk to the concentrations in serum (observed milk-to-serum ratio), calculated from the ratio of the steady-state concentration in serum to the steady-state concentration in milk, determined the extent of drug transfer into milk. To identify the mechanism of transfer into milk, the observed milk-to-serum ratio was compared to a predicted milk-to-serum ratio estimated from an in vitro passive diffusion model of transfer of each drug into milk. High-pressure liquid chromatography methods determined milk and serum drug concentrations. Mean ± standard deviation observed milk-to-serum ratios for acyclovir, ganciclovir, and zidovudine were 5.1 ± 1.4, 1.6 ± 0.33, and 1.0 ± 0.29, respectively, compared with their corresponding predicted ratios of 1.1, 0.85, and 0.71. These results suggest that acyclovir accumulates in milk due to active transport mechanisms, while passive diffusion processes govern the transfer of both ganciclovir and zidovudine into milk. The presence of all three antiviral drugs in milk and the potential for active drug transfer into milk warrants further investigation of the accumulation of other antiviral drugs in milk and their therapeutic benefits in reducing the vertical transmission of viruses and clinical sequelae in the breast-feeding infant.Acyclovir, Ganciclovir, and Zidovudine Transfer into Rat Milk
Jane Alcorn1 and Patrick J. McNamara2*
Division of Pharmaceutical Sciences, College of Pharmacy, University of Kentucky, Lexington, Kentucky 40536-0082,2 College of Pharmacy and Nutrition, University of Saskatchewan, Saskatoon, Saskatchewan S7N 5C9, Canada1
Received 26 October 2001/ Returned for modification 22 January 2002/ Accepted 26 February 2002
Treatment with antiviral agents that accumulate in breast milk may offer a novel approach to reduce the rates of vertical transmission of important viruses and the risk of clinical illness in suckling neonates. The present study evaluated the extent and mechanism of transfer of three antiviral nucleoside analogues into milk in a lactating rat model system. Acyclovir (0.26 mg/h), ganciclovir (0.13 mg/h), and zidovudine (0.5 mg/h) were each infused to steady-state concentrations in six rats 15 to 16 days postpartum. The observed ratios of the concentrations in milk to the concentrations in serum (observed milk-to-serum ratio), calculated from the ratio of the steady-state concentration in serum to the steady-state concentration in milk, determined the extent of drug transfer into milk. To identify the mechanism of transfer into milk, the observed milk-to-serum ratio was compared to a predicted milk-to-serum ratio estimated from an in vitro passive diffusion model of transfer of each drug into milk. High-pressure liquid chromatography methods determined milk and serum drug concentrations. Mean ± standard deviation observed milk-to-serum ratios for acyclovir, ganciclovir, and zidovudine were 5.1 ± 1.4, 1.6 ± 0.33, and 1.0 ± 0.29, respectively, compared with their corresponding predicted ratios of 1.1, 0.85, and 0.71. These results suggest that acyclovir accumulates in milk due to active transport mechanisms, while passive diffusion processes govern the transfer of both ganciclovir and zidovudine into milk. The presence of all three antiviral drugs in milk and the potential for active drug transfer into milk warrants further investigation of the accumulation of other antiviral drugs in milk and their therapeutic benefits in reducing the vertical transmission of viruses and clinical sequelae in the breast-feeding infant.Acyclovir, Ganciclovir, and Zidovudine Transfer into Rat Milk
Jane Alcorn1 and Patrick J. McNamara2*
Division of Pharmaceutical Sciences, College of Pharmacy, University of Kentucky, Lexington, Kentucky 40536-0082,2 College of Pharmacy and Nutrition, University of Saskatchewan, Saskatoon, Saskatchewan S7N 5C9, Canada1
Received 26 October 2001/ Returned for modification 22 January 2002/ Accepted 26 February 2002
Treatment with antiviral agents that accumulate in breast milk may offer a novel approach to reduce the rates of vertical transmission of important viruses and the risk of clinical illness in suckling neonates. The present study evaluated the extent and mechanism of transfer of three antiviral nucleoside analogues into milk in a lactating rat model system. Acyclovir (0.26 mg/h), ganciclovir (0.13 mg/h), and zidovudine (0.5 mg/h) were each infused to steady-state concentrations in six rats 15 to 16 days postpartum. The observed ratios of the concentrations in milk to the concentrations in serum (observed milk-to-serum ratio), calculated from the ratio of the steady-state concentration in serum to the steady-state concentration in milk, determined the extent of drug transfer into milk. To identify the mechanism of transfer into milk, the observed milk-to-serum ratio was compared to a predicted milk-to-serum ratio estimated from an in vitro passive diffusion model of transfer of each drug into milk. High-pressure liquid chromatography methods determined milk and serum drug concentrations. Mean ± standard deviation observed milk-to-serum ratios for acyclovir, ganciclovir, and zidovudine were 5.1 ± 1.4, 1.6 ± 0.33, and 1.0 ± 0.29, respectively, compared with their corresponding predicted ratios of 1.1, 0.85, and 0.71. These results suggest that acyclovir accumulates in milk due to active transport mechanisms, while passive diffusion processes govern the transfer of both ganciclovir and zidovudine into milk. The presence of all three antiviral drugs in milk and the potential for active drug transfer into milk warrants further investigation of the accumulation of other antiviral drugs in milk and their therapeutic benefits in reducing the vertical transmission of viruses and clinical sequelae in the breast-feeding infant.Acyclovir, Ganciclovir, and Zidovudine Transfer into Rat Milk
Jane Alcorn1 and Patrick J. McNamara2*
Division of Pharmaceutical Sciences, College of Pharmacy, University of Kentucky, Lexington, Kentucky 40536-0082,2 College of Pharmacy and Nutrition, University of Saskatchewan, Saskatoon, Saskatchewan S7N 5C9, Canada1
Received 26 October 2001/ Returned for modification 22 January 2002/ Accepted 26 February 2002
Treatment with antiviral agents that accumulate in breast milk may offer a novel approach to reduce the rates of vertical transmission of important viruses and the risk of clinical illness in suckling neonates. The present study evaluated the extent and mechanism of transfer of three antiviral nucleoside analogues into milk in a lactating rat model system. Acyclovir (0.26 mg/h), ganciclovir (0.13 mg/h), and zidovudine (0.5 mg/h) were each infused to steady-state concentrations in six rats 15 to 16 days postpartum. The observed ratios of the concentrations in milk to the concentrations in serum (observed milk-to-serum ratio), calculated from the ratio of the steady-state concentration in serum to the steady-state concentration in milk, determined the extent of drug transfer into milk. To identify the mechanism of transfer into milk, the observed milk-to-serum ratio was compared to a predicted milk-to-serum ratio estimated from an in vitro passive diffusion model of transfer of each drug into milk. High-pressure liquid chromatography methods determined milk and serum drug concentrations. Mean ± standard deviation observed milk-to-serum ratios for acyclovir, ganciclovir, and zidovudine were 5.1 ± 1.4, 1.6 ± 0.33, and 1.0 ± 0.29, respectively, compared with their corresponding predicted ratios of 1.1, 0.85, and 0.71. These results suggest that acyclovir accumulates in milk due to active transport mechanisms, while passive diffusion processes govern the transfer of both ganciclovir and zidovudine into milk. The presence of all three antiviral drugs in milk and the potential for active drug transfer into milk warrants further investigation of the accumulation of other antiviral drugs in milk and their therapeutic benefits in reducing the vertical transmission of viruses and clinical sequelae in the breast-feeding infant.Acyclovir, Ganciclovir, and Zidovudine Transfer into Rat Milk
Jane Alcorn1 and Patrick J. McNamara2*
Division of Pharmaceutical Sciences, College of Pharmacy, University of Kentucky, Lexington, Kentucky 40536-0082,2 College of Pharmacy and Nutrition, University of Saskatchewan, Saskatoon, Saskatchewan S7N 5C9, Canada1
Received 26 October 2001/ Returned for modification 22 January 2002/ Accepted 26 February 2002
Treatment with antiviral agents that accumulate in breast milk may offer a novel approach to reduce the rates of vertical transmission of important viruses and the risk of clinical illness in suckling neonates. The present study evaluated the extent and mechanism of transfer of three antiviral nucleoside analogues into milk in a lactating rat model system. Acyclovir (0.26 mg/h), ganciclovir (0.13 mg/h), and zidovudine (0.5 mg/h) were each infused to steady-state concentrations in six rats 15 to 16 days postpartum. The observed ratios of the concentrations in milk to the concentrations in serum (observed milk-to-serum ratio), calculated from the ratio of the steady-state concentration in serum to the steady-state concentration in milk, determined the extent of drug transfer into milk. To identify the mechanism of transfer into milk, the observed milk-to-serum ratio was compared to a predicted milk-to-serum ratio estimated from an in vitro passive diffusion model of transfer of each drug into milk. High-pressure liquid chromatography methods determined milk and serum drug concentrations. Mean ± standard deviation observed milk-to-serum ratios for acyclovir, ganciclovir, and zidovudine were 5.1 ± 1.4, 1.6 ± 0.33, and 1.0 ± 0.29, respectively, compared with their corresponding predicted ratios of 1.1, 0.85, and 0.71. These results suggest that acyclovir accumulates in milk due to active transport mechanisms, while passive diffusion processes govern the transfer of both ganciclovir and zidovudine into milk. The presence of all three antiviral drugs in milk and the potential for active drug transfer into milk warrants further investigation of the accumulation of other antiviral drugs in milk and their therapeutic benefits in reducing the vertical transmission of viruses and clinical sequelae in the breast-feeding infant.Acyclovir, Ganciclovir, and Zidovudine Transfer into Rat Milk
Jane Alcorn1 and Patrick J. McNamara2*
Division of Pharmaceutical Sciences, College of Pharmacy, University of Kentucky, Lexington, Kentucky 40536-0082,2 College of Pharmacy and Nutrition, University of Saskatchewan, Saskatoon, Saskatchewan S7N 5C9, Canada1
Received 26 October 2001/ Returned for modification 22 January 2002/ Accepted 26 February 2002
Treatment with antiviral agents that accumulate in breast milk may offer a novel approach to reduce the rates of vertical transmission of important viruses and the risk of clinical illness in suckling neonates. The present study evaluated the extent and mechanism of transfer of three antiviral nucleoside analogues into milk in a lactating rat model system. Acyclovir (0.26 mg/h), ganciclovir (0.13 mg/h), and zidovudine (0.5 mg/h) were each infused to steady-state concentrations in six rats 15 to 16 days postpartum. The observed ratios of the concentrations in milk to the concentrations in serum (observed milk-to-serum ratio), calculated from the ratio of the steady-state concentration in serum to the steady-state concentration in milk, determined the extent of drug transfer into milk. To identify the mechanism of transfer into milk, the observed milk-to-serum ratio was compared to a predicted milk-to-serum ratio estimated from an in vitro passive diffusion model of transfer of each drug into milk. High-pressure liquid chromatography methods determined milk and serum drug concentrations. Mean ± standard deviation observed milk-to-serum ratios for acyclovir, ganciclovir, and zidovudine were 5.1 ± 1.4, 1.6 ± 0.33, and 1.0 ± 0.29, respectively, compared with their corresponding predicted ratios of 1.1, 0.85, and 0.71. These results suggest that acyclovir accumulates in milk due to active transport mechanisms, while passive diffusion processes govern the transfer of both ganciclovir and zidovudine into milk. The presence of all three antiviral drugs in milk and the potential for active drug transfer into milk warrants further investigation of the accumulation of other antiviral drugs in milk and their therapeutic benefits in reducing the vertical transmission of viruses and clinical sequelae in the breast-feeding infant.Acyclovir, Ganciclovir, and Zidovudine Transfer into Rat Milk
Jane Alcorn1 and Patrick J. McNamara2*
Division of Pharmaceutical Sciences, College of Pharmacy, University of Kentucky, Lexington, Kentucky 40536-0082,2 College of Pharmacy and Nutrition, University of Saskatchewan, Saskatoon, Saskatchewan S7N 5C9, Canada1
Received 26 October 2001/ Returned for modification 22 January 2002/ Accepted 26 February 2002
Treatment with antiviral agents that accumulate in breast milk may offer a novel approach to reduce the rates of vertical transmission of important viruses and the risk of clinical illness in suckling neonates. The present study evaluated the extent and mechanism of transfer of three antiviral nucleoside analogues into milk in a lactating rat model system. Acyclovir (0.26 mg/h), ganciclovir (0.13 mg/h), and zidovudine (0.5 mg/h) were each infused to steady-state concentrations in six rats 15 to 16 days postpartum. The observed ratios of the concentrations in milk to the concentrations in serum (observed milk-to-serum ratio), calculated from the ratio of the steady-state concentration in serum to the steady-state concentration in milk, determined the extent of drug transfer into milk. To identify the mechanism of transfer into milk, the observed milk-to-serum ratio was compared to a predicted milk-to-serum ratio estimated from an in vitro passive diffusion model of transfer of each drug into milk. High-pressure liquid chromatography methods determined milk and serum drug concentrations. Mean ± standard deviation observed milk-to-serum ratios for acyclovir, ganciclovir, and zidovudine were 5.1 ± 1.4, 1.6 ± 0.33, and 1.0 ± 0.29, respectively, compared with their corresponding predicted ratios of 1.1, 0.85, and 0.71. These results suggest that acyclovir accumulates in milk due to active transport mechanisms, while passive diffusion processes govern the transfer of both ganciclovir and zidovudine into milk. The presence of all three antiviral drugs in milk and the potential for active drug transfer into milk warrants further investigation of the accumulation of other antiviral drugs in milk and their therapeutic benefits in reducing the vertical transmission of viruses and clinical sequelae in the breast-feeding infant.
Acyclovir, Ganciclovir, and Zidovudine Transfer into Rat Milk
Jane Alcorn1 and Patrick J. McNamara2*
Division of Pharmaceutical Sciences, College of Pharmacy, University of Kentucky, Lexington, Kentucky 40536-0082,2 College of Pharmacy and Nutrition, University of Saskatchewan, Saskatoon, Saskatchewan S7N 5C9, Canada1
Received 26 October 2001/ Returned for modification 22 January 2002/ Accepted 26 February 2002
Treatment with antiviral agents that accumulate in breast milk may offer a novel approach to reduce the rates of vertical transmission of important viruses and the risk of clinical illness in suckling neonates. The present study evaluated the extent and mechanism of transfer of three antiviral nucleoside analogues into milk in a lactating rat model system. Acyclovir (0.26 mg/h), ganciclovir (0.13 mg/h), and zidovudine (0.5 mg/h) were each infused to steady-state concentrations in six rats 15 to 16 days postpartum. The observed ratios of the concentrations in milk to the concentrations in serum (observed milk-to-serum ratio), calculated from the ratio of the steady-state concentration in serum to the steady-state concentration in milk, determined the extent of drug transfer into milk. To identify the mechanism of transfer into milk, the observed milk-to-serum ratio was compared to a predicted milk-to-serum ratio estimated from an in vitro passive diffusion model of transfer of each drug into milk. High-pressure liquid chromatography methods determined milk and serum drug concentrations. Mean ± standard deviation observed milk-to-serum ratios for acyclovir, ganciclovir, and zidovudine were 5.1 ± 1.4, 1.6 ± 0.33, and 1.0 ± 0.29, respectively, compared with their corresponding predicted ratios of 1.1, 0.85, and 0.71. These results suggest that acyclovir accumulates in milk due to active transport mechanisms, while passive diffusion processes govern the transfer of both ganciclovir and zidovudine into milk. The presence of all three antiviral drugs in milk and the potential for active drug transfer into milk warrants further investigation of the accumulation of other antiviral drugs in milk and their therapeutic benefits in reducing the vertical transmission of viruses and clinical sequelae in the breast-feeding infant.
very long weekend. Give me a minute to gather my thoughts about why the star of the show only wanted to talk to 2 people and did not want her picture taken. Really Beverly, there is no need to cover your face. Most of us have seen way more than just your face. Forget Kim K, I am sure OT would be abuzz if they had a chance to see your pics. We will see.
Also pouring out liquor for those that can't cover their tracks.
Via user request:
Dear Aloofone,
There has been a collection taken up by members of the collective hairboards to refund you the $6.50 AND to pay for psychotherapy. Aloof is not just a username. It describes your posting capability to a T. The utter stupidity that seems to escape your backpedaling mouth on the regular really cracks me up! :lachen: I will forgo the comedy, that is your posts, because I know you need help. That, and I'm tired of seeing your ugly ass face. Please do not call me a hater like that old ass Iris (is she collecting SSI benefits yet?). I do no hate anyone. I hate personalities, characteristics, faces, etc. But people do not fall under that category.
Sincerely,
Nikos "Non-Hater" Dimopoulos I had a very long weekend. Give me a minute to gather my thoughts about why the star of the show only wanted to talk to 2 people and did not want her picture taken. Really Beverly, there is no need to cover your face. Most of us have seen way more than just your face. Forget Kim K, I am sure OT would be abuzz if they had a chance to see your pics. We will see.
Also pouring out liquor for those that can't cover their tracks.
Via user request:
Dear Aloofone,
There has been a collection taken up by members of the collective hairboards to refund you the $6.50 AND to pay for psychotherapy. Aloof is not just a username. It describes your posting capability to a T. The utter stupidity that seems to escape your backpedaling mouth on the regular really cracks me up! :lachen: I will forgo the comedy, that is your posts, because I know you need help. That, and I'm tired of seeing your ugly ass face. Please do not call me a hater like that old ass Iris (is she collecting SSI benefits yet?). I do no hate anyone. I hate personalities, characteristics, faces, etc. But people do not fall under that category.
Sincerely,
Nikos "Non-Hater" Dimopoulos I had a very long weekend. Give me a minute to gather my thoughts about why the star of the show only wanted to talk to 2 people and did not want her picture taken. Really Beverly, there is no need to cover your face. Most of us have seen way more than just your face. Forget Kim K, I am sure OT would be abuzz if they had a chance to see your pics. We will see.
Also pouring out liquor for those that can't cover their tracks.
Via user request:
Dear Aloofone,
There has been a collection taken up by members of the collective hairboards to refund you the $6.50 AND to pay for psychotherapy. Aloof is not just a username. It describes your posting capability to a T. The utter stupidity that seems to escape your backpedaling mouth on the regular really cracks me up! :lachen: I will forgo the comedy, that is your posts, because I know you need help. That, and I'm tired of seeing your ugly ass face. Please do not call me a hater like that old ass Iris (is she collecting SSI benefits yet?). I do no hate anyone. I hate personalities, characteristics, faces, etc. But people do not fall under that category.
Sincerely,
Nikos "Non-Hater" Dimopoulos I had a very long weekend. Give me a minute to gather my thoughts about why the star of the show only wanted to talk to 2 people and did not want her picture taken. Really Beverly, there is no need to cover your face. Most of us have seen way more than just your face. Forget Kim K, I am sure OT would be abuzz if they had a chance to see your pics. We will see.
Also pouring out liquor for those that can't cover their tracks.
Via user request:
Dear Aloofone,
There has been a collection taken up by members of the collective hairboards to refund you the $6.50 AND to pay for psychotherapy. Aloof is not just a username. It describes your posting capability to a T. The utter stupidity that seems to escape your backpedaling mouth on the regular really cracks me up! :lachen: I will forgo the comedy, that is your posts, because I know you need help. That, and I'm tired of seeing your ugly ass face. Please do not call me a hater like that old ass Iris (is she collecting SSI benefits yet?). I do no hate anyone. I hate personalities, characteristics, faces, etc. But people do not fall under that category.
Sincerely,
Nikos "Non-Hater" Dimopoulos I had a very long weekend. Give me a minute to gather my thoughts about why the star of the show only wanted to talk to 2 people and did not want her picture taken. Really Beverly, there is no need to cover your face. Most of us have seen way more than just your face. Forget Kim K, I am sure OT would be abuzz if they had a chance to see your pics. We will see.
Also pouring out liquor for those that can't cover their tracks.
Via user request:
Dear Aloofone,
There has been a collection taken up by members of the collective hairboards to refund you the $6.50 AND to pay for psychotherapy. Aloof is not just a username. It describes your posting capability to a T. The utter stupidity that seems to escape your backpedaling mouth on the regular really cracks me up! :lachen: I will forgo the comedy, that is your posts, because I know you need help. That, and I'm tired of seeing your ugly ass face. Please do not call me a hater like that old ass Iris (is she collecting SSI benefits yet?). I do no hate anyone. I hate personalities, characteristics, faces, etc. But people do not fall under that category.
Sincerely,
Nikos "Non-Hater" Dimopoulos I had a very long weekend. Give me a minute to gather my thoughts about why the star of the show only wanted to talk to 2 people and did not want her picture taken. Really Beverly, there is no need to cover your face. Most of us have seen way more than just your face. Forget Kim K, I am sure OT would be abuzz if they had a chance to see your pics. We will see.
Also pouring out liquor for those that can't cover their tracks.
Via user request:
Dear Aloofone,
There has been a collection taken up by members of the collective hairboards to refund you the $6.50 AND to pay for psychotherapy. Aloof is not just a username. It describes your posting capability to a T. The utter stupidity that seems to escape your backpedaling mouth on the regular really cracks me up! :lachen: I will forgo the comedy, that is your posts, because I know you need help. That, and I'm tired of seeing your ugly ass face. Please do not call me a hater like that old ass Iris (is she collecting SSI benefits yet?). I do no hate anyone. I hate personalities, characteristics, faces, etc. But people do not fall under that category.
Sincerely,
Nikos "Non-Hater" Dimopoulos I had a very long weekend. Give me a minute to gather my thoughts about why the star of the show only wanted to talk to 2 people and did not want her picture taken. Really Beverly, there is no need to cover your face. Most of us have seen way more than just your face. Forget Kim K, I am sure OT would be abuzz if they had a chance to see your pics. We will see.
Also pouring out liquor for those that can't cover their tracks.
Via user request:
Dear Aloofone,
There has been a collection taken up by members of the collective hairboards to refund you the $6.50 AND to pay for psychotherapy. Aloof is not just a username. It describes your posting capability to a T. The utter stupidity that seems to escape your backpedaling mouth on the regular really cracks me up! :lachen: I will forgo the comedy, that is your posts, because I know you need help. That, and I'm tired of seeing your ugly ass face. Please do not call me a hater like that old ass Iris (is she collecting SSI benefits yet?). I do no hate anyone. I hate personalities, characteristics, faces, etc. But people do not fall under that category.
Sincerely,
Nikos "Non-Hater" Dimopoulos I had a very long weekend. Give me a minute to gather my thoughts about why the star of the show only wanted to talk to 2 people and did not want her picture taken. Really Beverly, there is no need to cover your face. Most of us have seen way more than just your face. Forget Kim K, I am sure OT would be abuzz if they had a chance to see your pics. We will see.
Also pouring out liquor for those that can't cover their tracks.
Via user request:
Dear Aloofone,
There has been a collection taken up by members of the collective hairboards to refund you the $6.50 AND to pay for psychotherapy. Aloof is not just a username. It describes your posting capability to a T. The utter stupidity that seems to escape your backpedaling mouth on the regular really cracks me up! :lachen: I will forgo the comedy, that is your posts, because I know you need help. That, and I'm tired of seeing your ugly ass face. Please do not call me a hater like that old ass Iris (is she collecting SSI benefits yet?). I do no hate anyone. I hate personalities, characteristics, faces, etc. But people do not fall under that category.
Sincerely,
Nikos "Non-Hater" Dimopoulos
September 19, 2008 6:21 AM
Anonymous said...
I had a very long weekend. Give me a minute to gather my thoughts about why the star of the show only wanted to talk to 2 people and did not want her picture taken. Really Beverly, there is no need to cover your face. Most of us have seen way more than just your face. Forget Kim K, I am sure OT would be abuzz if they had a chance to see your pics. We will see.
Also pouring out liquor for those that can't cover their tracks.
Via user request:
Dear Aloofone,
There has been a collection taken up by members of the collective hairboards to refund you the $6.50 AND to pay for psychotherapy. Aloof is not just a username. It describes your posting capability to a T. The utter stupidity that seems to escape your backpedaling mouth on the regular really cracks me up! :lachen: I will forgo the comedy, that is your posts, because I know you need help. That, and I'm tired of seeing your ugly ass face. Please do not call me a hater like that old ass Iris (is she collecting SSI benefits yet?). I do no hate anyone. I hate personalities, characteristics, faces, etc. But people do not fall under that category.
Sincerely,
Nikos "Non-Hater" Dimopoulos I had a very long weekend. Give me a minute to gather my thoughts about why the star of the show only wanted to talk to 2 people and did not want her picture taken. Really Beverly, there is no need to cover your face. Most of us have seen way more than just your face. Forget Kim K, I am sure OT would be abuzz if they had a chance to see your pics. We will see.
Also pouring out liquor for those that can't cover their tracks.
Via user request:
Dear Aloofone,
There has been a collection taken up by members of the collective hairboards to refund you the $6.50 AND to pay for psychotherapy. Aloof is not just a username. It describes your posting capability to a T. The utter stupidity that seems to escape your backpedaling mouth on the regular really cracks me up! :lachen: I will forgo the comedy, that is your posts, because I know you need help. That, and I'm tired of seeing your ugly ass face. Please do not call me a hater like that old ass Iris (is she collecting SSI benefits yet?). I do no hate anyone. I hate personalities, characteristics, faces, etc. But people do not fall under that category.
Sincerely,
Nikos "Non-Hater" Dimopoulos I had a very long weekend. Give me a minute to gather my thoughts about why the star of the show only wanted to talk to 2 people and did not want her picture taken. Really Beverly, there is no need to cover your face. Most of us have seen way more than just your face. Forget Kim K, I am sure OT would be abuzz if they had a chance to see your pics. We will see.
Also pouring out liquor for those that can't cover their tracks.
Via user request:
Dear Aloofone,
There has been a collection taken up by members of the collective hairboards to refund you the $6.50 AND to pay for psychotherapy. Aloof is not just a username. It describes your posting capability to a T. The utter stupidity that seems to escape your backpedaling mouth on the regular really cracks me up! :lachen: I will forgo the comedy, that is your posts, because I know you need help. That, and I'm tired of seeing your ugly ass face. Please do not call me a hater like that old ass Iris (is she collecting SSI benefits yet?). I do no hate anyone. I hate personalities, characteristics, faces, etc. But people do not fall under that category.
Sincerely,
Nikos "Non-Hater" Dimopoulos I had a very long weekend. Give me a minute to gather my thoughts about why the star of the show only wanted to talk to 2 people and did not want her picture taken. Really Beverly, there is no need to cover your face. Most of us have seen way more than just your face. Forget Kim K, I am sure OT would be abuzz if they had a chance to see your pics. We will see.
Also pouring out liquor for those that can't cover their tracks.
Via user request:
Dear Aloofone,
There has been a collection taken up by members of the collective hairboards to refund you the $6.50 AND to pay for psychotherapy. Aloof is not just a username. It describes your posting capability to a T. The utter stupidity that seems to escape your backpedaling mouth on the regular really cracks me up! :lachen: I will forgo the comedy, that is your posts, because I know you need help. That, and I'm tired of seeing your ugly ass face. Please do not call me a hater like that old ass Iris (is she collecting SSI benefits yet?). I do no hate anyone. I hate personalities, characteristics, faces, etc. But people do not fall under that category.
Sincerely,
Nikos "Non-Hater" Dimopoulos I had a very long weekend. Give me a minute to gather my thoughts about why the star of the show only wanted to talk to 2 people and did not want her picture taken. Really Beverly, there is no need to cover your face. Most of us have seen way more than just your face. Forget Kim K, I am sure OT would be abuzz if they had a chance to see your pics. We will see.
Also pouring out liquor for those that can't cover their tracks.
Via user request:
Dear Aloofone,
There has been a collection taken up by members of the collective hairboards to refund you the $6.50 AND to pay for psychotherapy. Aloof is not just a username. It describes your posting capability to a T. The utter stupidity that seems to escape your backpedaling mouth on the regular really cracks me up! :lachen: I will forgo the comedy, that is your posts, because I know you need help. That, and I'm tired of seeing your ugly ass face. Please do not call me a hater like that old ass Iris (is she collecting SSI benefits yet?). I do no hate anyone. I hate personalities, characteristics, faces, etc. But people do not fall under that category.
Sincerely,
Nikos "Non-Hater" Dimopoulos
September 19, 2008 6:22 AM
Anonymous said...
hey (the moderators of Long Hair Care Forum) have started another round of banning. I'm still there. Pouring out liqour for those who aren't. That $6.50 has some mods "Stunnin." (So not in touch with the real world, bitch its Stunting, as in doing tricks, slut bag) Y'all better stop giving those ungrateful folks your money! That's money well spent on hair products, gas, food, or a bootleg education on the web. Or join a site that isn't ran by a bunch of hippogrits. On the list so far... MPJ (Miss Plain Jane), Mizanilocs (formerly Mizanimami and 2nd time entering a-banned-done-ment), Beautifulisaunderstatment (damn thats a long ass name, formerly banned but not sure who she is) and MissScarlett. You all probably remember MissS from the meet up scandal. She ditched some folks who set up a "coming to town" parade (Abenyo) in her honor to hang out with more down to earth folks (Sylver and Army). I mean MissS sort of apolo-lied. BUT they still haven't banned "Alexis." Oh you don't know who Alexis is? Its the person who HACKED into MissS's account and posted the PM's that exposed the whole thing. But really Alexis is Bev. Yes bitch we know. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned) hey (the moderators of Long Hair Care Forum) have started another round of banning. I'm still there. Pouring out liqour for those who aren't. That $6.50 has some mods "Stunnin." (So not in touch with the real world, bitch its Stunting, as in doing tricks, slut bag) Y'all better stop giving those ungrateful folks your money! That's money well spent on hair products, gas, food, or a bootleg education on the web. Or join a site that isn't ran by a bunch of hippogrits. On the list so far... MPJ (Miss Plain Jane), Mizanilocs (formerly Mizanimami and 2nd time entering a-banned-done-ment), Beautifulisaunderstatment (damn thats a long ass name, formerly banned but not sure who she is) and MissScarlett. You all probably remember MissS from the meet up scandal. She ditched some folks who set up a "coming to town" parade (Abenyo) in her honor to hang out with more down to earth folks (Sylver and Army). I mean MissS sort of apolo-lied. BUT they still haven't banned "Alexis." Oh you don't know who Alexis is? Its the person who HACKED into MissS's account and posted the PM's that exposed the whole thing. But really Alexis is Bev. Yes bitch we know. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned) hey (the moderators of Long Hair Care Forum) have started another round of banning. I'm still there. Pouring out liqour for those who aren't. That $6.50 has some mods "Stunnin." (So not in touch with the real world, bitch its Stunting, as in doing tricks, slut bag) Y'all better stop giving those ungrateful folks your money! That's money well spent on hair products, gas, food, or a bootleg education on the web. Or join a site that isn't ran by a bunch of hippogrits. On the list so far... MPJ (Miss Plain Jane), Mizanilocs (formerly Mizanimami and 2nd time entering a-banned-done-ment), Beautifulisaunderstatment (damn thats a long ass name, formerly banned but not sure who she is) and MissScarlett. You all probably remember MissS from the meet up scandal. She ditched some folks who set up a "coming to town" parade (Abenyo) in her honor to hang out with more down to earth folks (Sylver and Army). I mean MissS sort of apolo-lied. BUT they still haven't banned "Alexis." Oh you don't know who Alexis is? Its the person who HACKED into MissS's account and posted the PM's that exposed the whole thing. But really Alexis is Bev. Yes bitch we know. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned) hey (the moderators of Long Hair Care Forum) have started another round of banning. I'm still there. Pouring out liqour for those who aren't. That $6.50 has some mods "Stunnin." (So not in touch with the real world, bitch its Stunting, as in doing tricks, slut bag) Y'all better stop giving those ungrateful folks your money! That's money well spent on hair products, gas, food, or a bootleg education on the web. Or join a site that isn't ran by a bunch of hippogrits. On the list so far... MPJ (Miss Plain Jane), Mizanilocs (formerly Mizanimami and 2nd time entering a-banned-done-ment), Beautifulisaunderstatment (damn thats a long ass name, formerly banned but not sure who she is) and MissScarlett. You all probably remember MissS from the meet up scandal. She ditched some folks who set up a "coming to town" parade (Abenyo) in her honor to hang out with more down to earth folks (Sylver and Army). I mean MissS sort of apolo-lied. BUT they still haven't banned "Alexis." Oh you don't know who Alexis is? Its the person who HACKED into MissS's account and posted the PM's that exposed the whole thing. But really Alexis is Bev. Yes bitch we know. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned) hey (the moderators of Long Hair Care Forum) have started another round of banning. I'm still there. Pouring out liqour for those who aren't. That $6.50 has some mods "Stunnin." (So not in touch with the real world, bitch its Stunting, as in doing tricks, slut bag) Y'all better stop giving those ungrateful folks your money! That's money well spent on hair products, gas, food, or a bootleg education on the web. Or join a site that isn't ran by a bunch of hippogrits. On the list so far... MPJ (Miss Plain Jane), Mizanilocs (formerly Mizanimami and 2nd time entering a-banned-done-ment), Beautifulisaunderstatment (damn thats a long ass name, formerly banned but not sure who she is) and MissScarlett. You all probably remember MissS from the meet up scandal. She ditched some folks who set up a "coming to town" parade (Abenyo) in her honor to hang out with more down to earth folks (Sylver and Army). I mean MissS sort of apolo-lied. BUT they still haven't banned "Alexis." Oh you don't know who Alexis is? Its the person who HACKED into MissS's account and posted the PM's that exposed the whole thing. But really Alexis is Bev. Yes bitch we know. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned) hey (the moderators of Long Hair Care Forum) have started another round of banning. I'm still there. Pouring out liqour for those who aren't. That $6.50 has some mods "Stunnin." (So not in touch with the real world, bitch its Stunting, as in doing tricks, slut bag) Y'all better stop giving those ungrateful folks your money! That's money well spent on hair products, gas, food, or a bootleg education on the web. Or join a site that isn't ran by a bunch of hippogrits. On the list so far... MPJ (Miss Plain Jane), Mizanilocs (formerly Mizanimami and 2nd time entering a-banned-done-ment), Beautifulisaunderstatment (damn thats a long ass name, formerly banned but not sure who she is) and MissScarlett. You all probably remember MissS from the meet up scandal. She ditched some folks who set up a "coming to town" parade (Abenyo) in her honor to hang out with more down to earth folks (Sylver and Army). I mean MissS sort of apolo-lied. BUT they still haven't banned "Alexis." Oh you don't know who Alexis is? Its the person who HACKED into MissS's account and posted the PM's that exposed the whole thing. But really Alexis is Bev. Yes bitch we know. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned) hey (the moderators of Long Hair Care Forum) have started another round of banning. I'm still there. Pouring out liqour for those who aren't. That $6.50 has some mods "Stunnin." (So not in touch with the real world, bitch its Stunting, as in doing tricks, slut bag) Y'all better stop giving those ungrateful folks your money! That's money well spent on hair products, gas, food, or a bootleg education on the web. Or join a site that isn't ran by a bunch of hippogrits. On the list so far... MPJ (Miss Plain Jane), Mizanilocs (formerly Mizanimami and 2nd time entering a-banned-done-ment), Beautifulisaunderstatment (damn thats a long ass name, formerly banned but not sure who she is) and MissScarlett. You all probably remember MissS from the meet up scandal. She ditched some folks who set up a "coming to town" parade (Abenyo) in her honor to hang out with more down to earth folks (Sylver and Army). I mean MissS sort of apolo-lied. BUT they still haven't banned "Alexis." Oh you don't know who Alexis is? Its the person who HACKED into MissS's account and posted the PM's that exposed the whole thing. But really Alexis is Bev. Yes bitch we know. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned) hey (the moderators of Long Hair Care Forum) have started another round of banning. I'm still there. Pouring out liqour for those who aren't. That $6.50 has some mods "Stunnin." (So not in touch with the real world, bitch its Stunting, as in doing tricks, slut bag) Y'all better stop giving those ungrateful folks your money! That's money well spent on hair products, gas, food, or a bootleg education on the web. Or join a site that isn't ran by a bunch of hippogrits. On the list so far... MPJ (Miss Plain Jane), Mizanilocs (formerly Mizanimami and 2nd time entering a-banned-done-ment), Beautifulisaunderstatment (damn thats a long ass name, formerly banned but not sure who she is) and MissScarlett. You all probably remember MissS from the meet up scandal. She ditched some folks who set up a "coming to town" parade (Abenyo) in her honor to hang out with more down to earth folks (Sylver and Army). I mean MissS sort of apolo-lied. BUT they still haven't banned "Alexis." Oh you don't know who Alexis is? Its the person who HACKED into MissS's account and posted the PM's that exposed the whole thing. But really Alexis is Bev. Yes bitch we know. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned) hey (the moderators of Long Hair Care Forum) have started another round of banning. I'm still there. Pouring out liqour for those who aren't. That $6.50 has some mods "Stunnin." (So not in touch with the real world, bitch its Stunting, as in doing tricks, slut bag) Y'all better stop giving those ungrateful folks your money! That's money well spent on hair products, gas, food, or a bootleg education on the web. Or join a site that isn't ran by a bunch of hippogrits. On the list so far... MPJ (Miss Plain Jane), Mizanilocs (formerly Mizanimami and 2nd time entering a-banned-done-ment), Beautifulisaunderstatment (damn thats a long ass name, formerly banned but not sure who she is) and MissScarlett. You all probably remember MissS from the meet up scandal. She ditched some folks who set up a "coming to town" parade (Abenyo) in her honor to hang out with more down to earth folks (Sylver and Army). I mean MissS sort of apolo-lied. BUT they still haven't banned "Alexis." Oh you don't know who Alexis is? Its the person who HACKED into MissS's account and posted the PM's that exposed the whole thing. But really Alexis is Bev. Yes bitch we know. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned) hey (the moderators of Long Hair Care Forum) have started another round of banning. I'm still there. Pouring out liqour for those who aren't. That $6.50 has some mods "Stunnin." (So not in touch with the real world, bitch its Stunting, as in doing tricks, slut bag) Y'all better stop giving those ungrateful folks your money! That's money well spent on hair products, gas, food, or a bootleg education on the web. Or join a site that isn't ran by a bunch of hippogrits. On the list so far... MPJ (Miss Plain Jane), Mizanilocs (formerly Mizanimami and 2nd time entering a-banned-done-ment), Beautifulisaunderstatment (damn thats a long ass name, formerly banned but not sure who she is) and MissScarlett. You all probably remember MissS from the meet up scandal. She ditched some folks who set up a "coming to town" parade (Abenyo) in her honor to hang out with more down to earth folks (Sylver and Army). I mean MissS sort of apolo-lied. BUT they still haven't banned "Alexis." Oh you don't know who Alexis is? Its the person who HACKED into MissS's account and posted the PM's that exposed the whole thing. But really Alexis is Bev. Yes bitch we know. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned)
August 17, 2008 2:55 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Well, I found your insights appropriate. I just got banned, temp style, for p.o. one of the 10k+ members. Or, more to the point, for calling the bitch out. It is what it is...I'll be perm. banned before I change how I speak. Keep on outing the hypocrites who try to run the place. Because I'll be damned if a chick who tried to call me a troll didn't start a thread calling another members pics so scary she was thinking of blocking sigs. And a mod called the thread hatefull. How soon they forget.
cerchier
August 28, 2008 8:20 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
LOL. Bitter bitch. You always sound like you have a gigantic metal pole up your ass on lhch. Why the constant stank attitude? It radiates through all of your lousy posts.
We've all seen your picture so we know you're not a 13 year old moody cunt of a teenager going through puberty. You have the mental age of one though.
Keep on talking the way you do, as thus allowing everyone to continue laugh at you :D
August 29, 2008 1:59 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Did this one make the banned, too? LOL
August 29, 2008 6:19 PM
Anonymous Cerchier said...
Only banned for a month. I'll be back. And unlike old anon above, I don't care if you know who I am. Cerchier is my name there too. Also, check how uses the words gigantic metal pole up your ass in the same sentence that she tries to act superior. Hypocritical idiot. BTW, hit me up when I come back...if you don't mind coming out of hiding, and maybe I'll share the laugh with you.
I knew as much as you all liked to pretend like you're above this drama you'll are all up in it reading and waiting for your name to come up.
August 30, 2008 12:15 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This forum is getting out of hand lately. All these fucking hypocrits. There are the threads that are started to start shit and the same dumb ass people who love the drama and fall for that shit everytime. I also want to know who the hell Blossom is fucking to be allowed to stay on the board, that bitch breaks 20 rules a day. Nikkos, where is your damn pleadge to curb the cussing or the clever guises used to curse? The so called pretty bitches on there that always got something to say about anyone that is not lightskinned and skinny. Bint and Lourdes your day will come, I promise. Volare get another pic up (is that really you?) You go to Clemson, thats not even a real college lol. Yall miserable bitches have nothing better to do than tear people down. And if you are wondering, I am lightskinned and skinny so keep your "hater" comment, it does not apply hateful bitches.
September 2, 2008 11:30 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
What's with all of the dykes? It's turning into a lesbo board!
September 3, 2008 1:38 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
stupid bitch probably got banned!
September 4, 2008 11:25 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Oh man this board is getting better and better. I have the pics of bev, maybe I should create a blog and post them lol. They are going hard in there today and where are the mods? Is that one that is pregnant with the white loser baby still on?
September 4, 2008 2:51 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
post them!
September 4, 2008 6:17 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Seraphinelle always hating on Americans and America. Bitch please nobody checking for your wack ass Canada. Stay your corny ass over there. Then got a nerve to say we was hating on Jamaica. Bitch Please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Her citizenship request to come to America must have been denied which is why she so bitter. Her and her ugly ass friend Abenyo swear they the shit Abenyo look like she 50 in the face her ugly ass.
September 5, 2008 5:09 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
"Yall miserable bitches have nothing better to do than tear people down. "
Oh, the irony! Actually, since I can tell what a dumbass you are from your post alone, I bet you have no idea what the word "irony" mean.
September 5, 2008 11:07 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Anyone Know why Ms. Scar got banned, and all the other chicks that got banned the other day? I wonder if they are all over at Dirty girlz socaial club?
September 6, 2008 9:29 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Not Miss Scarlett, one of the queen bitches! I thought she had an in to keep her from making the banned! LoL
September 6, 2008 1:23 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
She thought that? Wow! I still want to know and I know someone knows why she got banned.
September 6, 2008 4:59 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Wow. I learn more from here than there...even before I was banned for a month. I thought Miss Scarlett was damn near an untouchable. Still, until an actual untouchable gets touched, the rules aren't unilaterally enforced and, as such, are to be regarded as just something to consider. Most of them say things others would get perm. banned for but are considered, like a flatulent Grandfather, something to be tolerated. Naw!!! Something smells like boo boo!
September 6, 2008 5:05 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Oh, and why is everyone afraid to post Beverly's pics? My imagination is starting to wander...what DOES she look like?
September 6, 2008 5:23 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
so are some chicks sucking niko's dick or what? I don't get what makes some untouchable! Are they the OGs of lhcf?
September 6, 2008 6:01 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Money is what makes them untouchable. They've been around forever and keep paying. Too big of a risk to make them follow the rules. Not for nothing, but it makes sense. I'm not paying another dime to renew.
I am known to do the wop.
September 6, 2008 7:24 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
cerchier shut the fuck up bitch
bev could get money from plenty of members
she can afford to ban a few people
we need to figure out why firecracker is not banned
September 6, 2008 10:14 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
firecracker and blossom! How the hell are these two still members? I like firecracker though, blossom and her desperate ass can kick rocks. Bloss guess what, white men dont want you either. Volare bad as hell though and I wonder is that really Tiara on there, hmmmm.
September 7, 2008 6:28 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I am surprised that people have the time (and careers) where they can post so often throughout the day. Not only do they post, but they have essay like responses in their posts. I can see every once and a while, but some of these people write long responses every day. SleekandBouncy comes to mind, there are a few others though.
September 7, 2008 10:05 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
maybe they are not a broke busted bitch like you and either do not work full time or do not care
the time you spent wondering you could be doing something else
get a life bitch
September 7, 2008 10:18 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
That last post sounded like sleekandbouncy, a bit bitter are we fake ass dahling ;)
September 7, 2008 10:37 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
^^^^ I agree with the last post.
That poster responded just a little too quickly--hunched over the computer with nothing else to do...they sound VERY little bitter. It's just a hair website.
September 7, 2008 10:46 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I think you really hurt abenyo's feelings, she's been extra angry and rude lately!
September 7, 2008 10:47 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
abenyo has always been rude and angry and yes it is because she is ugly and never has a man
September 7, 2008 11:00 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
There are some nice posters on the site. There are really just a few that are irritating.
September 7, 2008 11:11 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
damn this has grown. Aside from D lewis who I love, who the hell are the nice posters cause all them hoes are bitter and evil.
September 7, 2008 11:14 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
ella is very sweet. Dlewis is cool...um...who else is nice? Oh well.
September 7, 2008 11:22 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
FlowerHair is very nice.
September 7, 2008 11:24 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I guess iris gets on people's nerves or whatever but she seems nice to me.
September 7, 2008 2:17 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
The reason why fire will never be banned is because they are personal friends so keep holding your breath on that one. If you think there is bs on LHCF you need to check out dirty girlz. Those are what you call miserable bitches. The chat crew have also gone to worlds unknown, but who are they kidding, people know where they are. All them chicks are nice I like flower, dlewis and sylver even though she wont give you the time of day if you not light and pretty, she ok.
September 7, 2008 3:25 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Whoever it is that wants me to spend time wondering about other things, and the other that called me a bitch, only makes me even more curious what Bev looks like. Why are you'll so defensive? Does it have something to do with her hair?
September 7, 2008 4:56 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I am really curious (and since they won't answer this on the site without closing or deleting a thread), how does one really get banned? I know if you curse, or call someone ugly you get banned.
However, it sounds as though if you offend an 'untouchable' you get banned.
September 7, 2008 5:53 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
To the poster right above-
There seems to be different rules for different people. We could tell you rules all day and you could still do the wrong the to the wrong person and get banned.
September 7, 2008 6:20 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Don't tell me bev is a bald headit bitch! LOL!
September 7, 2008 6:22 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Thanks anonymous @6:20. This is my thinking too.
September 7, 2008 6:57 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I wonder who actually is 'untouchable', besides blosss and fire.
September 7, 2008 6:59 PM
Anonymous Cerchier said...
Chellero and Vevster come to mind as untouchable. Hell, Chellero said I need more dick. But some of the mods use less than subtle comments to target people.
Btw, I've cursed, but never called anyone ugly, and I made the banned 3 times. The girl who used scary to describe someones pic is most definitely not banned so, you may call someone ugly, with the right adjective.
September 8, 2008 9:06 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
what happened to aloofone? is she banned?
September 8, 2008 12:21 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Why was MissScarlet banned?!?!?!
September 8, 2008 12:32 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This is juicer than the actual board! Did the creator get banned? I wonder why they abandoned it.
September 8, 2008 4:06 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Aloofone is not banned. There is some info on here and on the Niko's step-cousin blog about why MissScarlet may have been banned or just left.
September 8, 2008 4:18 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Aloofone hasn't been banned.
I also think the meaning of being an 'untouchable' is that one says something and everyone agrees with them, and doesn't question their statement. However, if another person were to say the exact same thing, everyone would disagree, call them an idiot, or completely ignore them etc...
There are a few people on the site who everyone blindly agrees with, even if what they are saying is something someone else may have said already.
September 8, 2008 5:01 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This blog and that one that closed down were hard on aloofone, I could understand why she wouldn't want to come back. She can be confrontational, but she is not the worst one on the board, I don't know why she was targeted.
September 8, 2008 6:05 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
She looks like a used turd and always wants attention. She was actually talking about being a model. Bitch, please.
September 10, 2008 9:37 AM
Comment deleted
This post has been removed by the author.
September 10, 2008 12:27 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This thread is pathetic, the poster doesn't even have that much hair!
http://www.longhaircareforum.com/forums/showthread.php?t=278305
September 10, 2008 12:29 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This comment section is hilarious - It's like the Special Ed. version of DGSC - or maybe it's the ugly twin with the club foot and headgear.
"Who needs dates and parties and friends anyway!"
*stomps orthopedic shoe*
*sucks on asthma inhaler*
LMMFAO
September 10, 2008 3:25 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
It's so pathetic you couldn't help but to make an appearance, right? Which means you read it, right? No need to be ashamed. Welcome :D
September 10, 2008 3:33 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Yeah, because it takes sooo much time to comment here, unlike the full time careers some of the lhcf chicks make out of posting. Shoot, I wish I had the time on my hands some of those chicks have. At least here things are a little more real and to the point.
September 10, 2008 3:38 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I meant the pathetic comment at the girl who found it hilarious, not the one who quoted the thread on LHCF about taking 5-6 hours to wash uneven sl hair. Am I the only one that thinks most of the heffa's who claim to be trimming or dusting and go from bsl to apl are really just trying to hide their hair breaking off?
September 10, 2008 3:38 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
"Am I the only one that thinks most of the heffa's who claim to be trimming or dusting and go from bsl to apl are really just trying to hide their hair breaking off?"
I agree with this. They are ashamed, or in denial.
September 10, 2008 3:46 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I love how certain posters have to show off the clothing and the outfits they have in their signatures.
September 11, 2008 9:11 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Heh, there was one member all about her clothes and trying to show off. So much so that she took pics in the changing rooms of stores and tried to pass off the clothes as stuff she owned. Someone busted her when they recognized the carpet. lmao
September 11, 2008 3:48 PM
Anonymous abenyo said...
Hey I'm popular!!!
Thanks for keeping me on your minds. Don't know who the hell ya'll are nor do I care, but ya'll still got your feelings hurt. stop being simple and such idiots that are posting on a blog in disguise. You hate the board yet you keep coming back. Stop acting like bitches.. Got issues? solve it.
-Abenyo
September 11, 2008 9:02 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
The bitter bitch cant do anymore blogs!
LMAO!!!!!!!
September 12, 2008 3:55 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
can you update the blog? I want some gossip
September 12, 2008 4:24 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Yeah, I want an update too. Why do you all call everyone bitter bitches that calls you out on your stank attitudes? Perhaps you forget the numerous girl's hair vids on youtube you diss in threads only to have them find out and have them defend themselves. What about the girl who made the vid of the dog shitting on the lhcf screen while a horse makes noises because members use horse products? It can't be everyone else. If ppl are making blogs, vids, and long forum threads about one sites attitude then the members should take a long look in the mirror.
September 12, 2008 5:30 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Oh in case you forgot the long forum thread I'm talking about was on Lipstick Alley.
September 12, 2008 5:34 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
@3:48, yes. and i think sleekandbouncy does this too. why?
September 12, 2008 6:04 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
It's High School all over again. The Mean Girls, The Outcasts, and The Suck ups who want to be mean girls abound. There are some nice members but they don't run the place.
September 12, 2008 10:39 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I know sleekandbouncy does this. If she shows her face, maybe someone will recognize her and put her on blast like Jlove.
September 12, 2008 10:54 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
abenyo
sit down hoe
nobody care about your ugly gremlin face ass
September 12, 2008 11:00 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Don't hate me for saying this but, why do the African's, with stern ass features, never smile? You're bound to look like a gremlin. Smile Abenyo...and Aloofone, too, if you ever decide to show your face again.
September 12, 2008 11:40 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6iVk9H8FHKc
This is the vid! Lma. Thanks!
September 12, 2008 11:55 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
yeah, that is probably why she doesn't want to show her face...she doesn't want to be put on blast. LOL!
September 12, 2008 11:56 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Hey, Abenyo, what did you think about Miss Scarlett dissing you as too ghetto?
September 12, 2008 12:12 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Shouldn't barbiesocialite top talking about how to get men, when she is a dyke?
September 12, 2008 9:14 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Barbiesocialite doesn't have enough integrity to leave like the other lesbian, that was like a scientist. LHCF site doesn't support -heterosexual, non-christian people.
September 13, 2008 12:15 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I meant non-heterosexual!
September 13, 2008 12:16 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Yeah, abenyo you are real "popular". We are entertained by your monkey-looking ass!
September 14, 2008 3:40 PM
Anonymous abenyo said...
To all you bitches get a fucking life. stick a saw down your throat and pull it out the other end. As for the asshole from DGZ I'm waiting for you bitch, come out come out. I'm not popular but ya'll sure talk about me and think about me all day everyday. Moron that would tell you that I'm atleast important enough for ya'll to be studying me like freakin dykes. Don't worry about the way I look, maybe you should worry about getting a life and stop posting on a blog anonymously about me. I mean how fucking pathetic. It's going on some months now and ya'll still gonna talk about me. Talk about press. LOL oooo some females think I look ugly, boo fucking hoo. Bitches there is soo much to this world then the pettiness you are displaying. Ya'll say the other forums are High school what do you call grown woman talking about someone behind their backs? Mature is not what comes to mind. But hey keep saying I'm ugly, lol I don't go that route and never will. And the bitch that constantly want to talk about africa, lol what are you.. oh let me guess you just got fucked by some foreign dick and now you got indian or whatever in you right? May you prosper in lice infected locks, long lasting shedding, breakage that never stops, and head sores that no ACV or surgery will cure.
Have fun!
September 14, 2008 9:09 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
LOL, you sure seem to like it here, Abenyo, you can't seem to stay away!
Boy, you sure told everyone!
September 14, 2008 9:37 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Abenyo you sure are a mad ugly porch monkey.You also have no idea just how many people hate your stupid ugly dumb ass. Watch out for the ones who feed you info. Stupid rabid bitch.
September 14, 2008 9:51 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I see everyone is fired up tonight. LMAO!
September 14, 2008 9:54 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Abenyo you are being worked over big time.
September 14, 2008 10:09 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
She sure is. Looking like the fool who birth her ugly ass.
September 14, 2008 10:13 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Shut up abenyo!that was funny though but you still ugly. Ok on to the rest of them, is JR and Candy an item? JR got a deep voice like a man, bod like one too and Candy look like a rat.
September 14, 2008 10:14 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
For someone who doesn't care you sho keep bringin' you ass back! Sounds like you have no life Abenyo, or you can't stand not having yo monkey ass kissed!
September 14, 2008 10:25 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
so what happened to abenyo, they were supposed to have a meeting and she was stood up?
September 14, 2008 11:35 PM
Anonymous In-Adequate said...
DANG!!! Im dying at how all you LHCF members have turned this shit into a forum. But the anonymous posting is on some bitch shit.
September 15, 2008 1:53 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Hilfigher looks like a man too. That head on her hair stays looking like s brillo pad. Talk about creature from another planet. She stays cosigning on some stupid shit. Another ugly African monkey.
September 15, 2008 5:20 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Bint or OAHQ is always talking about someone's look. She got a identity crisis. She shouldn't be talking about others. That baby of hers might come out looking as ugly as her.
September 15, 2008 5:28 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
TSU you look like a pork oink oink with lipstick. Step away from the table take a few step out the kitchen and run to the gym. No woman should weigh gazillion pounds starve yourself bitch then maybe your man won't be fucking someone else.
September 15, 2008 5:33 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
What about that welfare hoe with the second hand store? What's her name acidrain? Oh summerrain lol aint nothing summer about that hoe. Even her own mama don't want her.
September 15, 2008 5:36 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Wow someone really has a lot to say. Get a life!!! What have any of these people done to you to warrant you talking about someone's mother, weight, hair or child. Everyone on this blog that comes here to talk about people maliciously has real world issues they need to contend with. Is the internet that serious that you just have to let it be known you do not like another person's font? You all do not know these people in real life so why are you wasting so much time airing out these dumb ass comments on a blog? Log off, spend time you with your family, read a book, go plant a tree find a hobby that actually benefits society instead of being evil bitches sitting about your computer typing nasty remarks.
I bet everyone who is typing mean things are probably trying to be or friends with the person they are talking about. I urge all of you to just end this and stop giving this blog attention and it will die out eventually. To the people who have been hurt by the comments do not take it personally as the person who said it is too much of a coward to say it to you personally.
September 15, 2008 7:08 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
great, another fucking lecture!
We've been told once again!
September 15, 2008 8:55 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
How is it so many women in one forum are manless and lonely. I see plenty of black couples! I think these chicks have so many issues they scare off any men who might be interested.
Out of my family and friends, no one is sitting around moaning about having no black man! They either have one or can easily find one. There has to be something really wrong with those women, and it ain't all about geography, either.
September 15, 2008 10:25 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
These women are a bunch of hipocrites! Can someone please tell me how the hell that WHORE blossom can post all this shit about fucking every random WHITE MAN and she gets apllauded. WHAT THE FUCK! There is a thread on superhead and these bitches have the most shit to say, but not on her thread. Where is Que, Bint and all the others that are on that holier than thou bullshit? Why not pop in there and tell it like it is. You all are all thinking it (SHE A HOE) but you congatulating her? a site full of fucking hipocrites.
September 15, 2008 10:51 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
damn
September 15, 2008 10:52 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
How the fuck you gonna have a name like Jessica rabbit and you look like a mack truck? and candy is ugly lol.
September 15, 2008 10:54 AM
Anonymous Cerchier said...
Wtf! I got some reading to do!
September 15, 2008 1:31 PM
Anonymous Heat/Glam said...
Piece of advice to one anonymous person. If you want to remain "anonymous" you might want to step of the soapbox of an issue that you usually post about on the forum. You might get found out quick. I hate anonymity, but if you are gonna do it at least be smart as you seem to be on the forum.
September 15, 2008 2:07 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
She aint the only one "on the forum"! lmao. Look around you!
September 15, 2008 2:24 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
who is this?
http://img61.imageshack.us/img61/548/bevgg6.png
September 15, 2008 3:00 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Nooooo! Please don't tell me that is Bev. Great day in the lacefront wearing, soup cooling, wannabe video ho morning! Image saved for future use.
September 15, 2008 3:12 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Lawd somebody finally posted them lol
September 15, 2008 3:15 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
that is what she looks like? no wonder she hides her face at meetups. if i look like that i would ban the cute women too.
September 15, 2008 3:31 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Damn, if that's really her, she ugly! And stank! No wonder she didn't want these posted! Can we get some verification so I can pass these around?
September 15, 2008 3:34 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
i wonder did she find jesus wearing those leopard panties?
September 15, 2008 3:40 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
What in the Mr.Ed stunt double hell is going on with her in these pics?
September 15, 2008 3:46 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I can verify that is her.
September 15, 2008 3:55 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Wow, my puppet just got banned forever. You suck, Beverly. And yeah, I did see you in your tiger panties before I asked you that legitimate question.
September 15, 2008 3:58 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
I should add, either Bev is a liar, and does know when people are banned and for what, or she is as dumb as she looks in her pics, and her mods do the banning.
September 15, 2008 4:00 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
you're right; sleekandbouncy loves to show off her clothing...on a hair forum. LOL!
September 15, 2008 4:07 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This is too much, you need to take that down. Maybe she has a reason she doesn't want those seen. Has she really done anything to any of you personally for you to be this evil? Please delete that link before more people see it.
September 15, 2008 4:08 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Get real. The reason she doesn't want anyone to see it is because she doesn't want people to know she is, well, visually unappealing but, more to the point, she wears a wig. Queen hypocrite, and now, to me, confirmed liar. Where's her hair? LHCF admin---wig---does not compute. Why is she the only one that ALWAYS hides her hair? Toofus notwithstanding.
September 15, 2008 4:14 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
all those bitches in bikinis in avatars and sigs and you want to call out sleekandbouncy who is fully dressed?
as far as bev if she did not want those picture seen she should have never took them.
September 15, 2008 4:15 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Gin looks like a horse too her ugly ass.
September 15, 2008 4:23 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Sleekandbouncy thats u huh?
September 15, 2008 4:41 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I'm reading through the "this thread is closed" files and vevster actually asked where MissScarlett is at about the time it was brought up here. Allandra shut it down with a quickness. Calling ppl on their shit there works! I thought the two stickies Allandra wrote about ppl watching their ass after we got rolling was coincidence but it isn't.
September 15, 2008 4:57 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I'm still surprised they banned the bitch.
September 15, 2008 5:42 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Since you can't ask on the forum, why did MissScarlett get banned? Did she curse someone out?
September 15, 2008 5:49 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Read this blog and Niko's step-cousin. Apparently abenyo set up some big LHCF to do for MissScarlett and she dissed them for people she found more to her liking. She lied about and got called out and then... I don't know why, though. I'd be afraid to meet Abenyo too.
September 15, 2008 6:25 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
cerchier after that post u did i know u would be banned lol
September 15, 2008 6:32 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Me too. But God hates a bullshitter as much as I do.
September 15, 2008 6:34 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
The post I was banned for, if you aren't a member, was responding to the Toofus, I mean Bev, closing my thread without answering a question I asked about why i was banned. I wanted the post I was accused of insulting a member. I told her the only fraction for Cerchier was from feb. She came up with some bull...I don't know, I looked, can't find anything. Then she closed the thread. I started a new thread and I stated if, as an ADMIN, you really don't know why I was bannned, then I want to know who you gave the power to ban people to without your knowledge. Then I was banned...forever lmao
September 15, 2008 6:52 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Damn! Bitch look like predator!
September 15, 2008 9:45 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
cerchier u a mess lol
September 16, 2008 8:02 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I'm sorry, but some people need to be ashamed of themselves. Bitches using animal products and pussy creams to grow their hair and then will kill you if you say other women don't go to these extremes. Don't say anything about how creamy crack sets you back. Never seen so many college educated dumb asses.
September 16, 2008 1:20 PM
Anonymous Heat/Glam said...
How you gonna talk about hair methods that WORK. Yeah folk are using horse items and have long flowing hair, while others talk about there methods are sitting there at shoulder length for the past 5 years and wondering why. SMH
September 16, 2008 2:04 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
glam you need to stay your ass off this blog
i just read through the comments and you are always here
drama whore
i see bev got her shit cracked on the board
September 16, 2008 3:17 PM
Anonymous Heat/Glam said...
I'll leave when you annonys grow balls and put your name on comments. That ain't never gonna happen so looks like I'm a permanent fixture boo.
September 16, 2008 9:41 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
There are too many jesus freaks on that board!!!! You woman are sooo vain praying to God for long hair! You make God look like a JOKE!
The Christian section is sooo funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Masturbating when you are married is BAD!? LOLLLLL! That's why black women can't find a man, they worship GOD so much that they don't know how to treat a REAL man!
September 17, 2008 12:43 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
BEVERLY is taking advantage of you all!
BEVERLY is taking advantage of you all!
BEVERLY is taking advantage of you all!
$6.50!?
Oh don't give me that proverbial, PC BULLSHIT, "You pay more than that for a hair product" "Other sites charge more". AND?! There are TONS of sites on the net that give a wealth of information to their members, but you don't have to pay no damn fee (purseforum, thefashionspot, blackvoices, longhairlovers etc) WHy do you think those sites are FREE, but they still get revenue!?? ADS! ADS! Bev has ads all over that damn board "It takes money to run a site" she says, yes, but BITCH, you get AD money! And then she had the NEVER to increase the price! I guess that bitch is using that money to pay for her weaves!
Or maybe she uses the mooney for her tithes to Jeebus!!!
September 17, 2008 12:57 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Oh, no shit she is scamming people. But their are always fools to separate their money from.
September 17, 2008 5:07 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I guess $6.50 breaks some people's pockets and then again $6.50 is just a drop in the bucket for others.
Those who "got it like that" can pay if they want.
Who is it hurting?
September 17, 2008 5:18 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Crabs in a barrel!
September 17, 2008 7:20 AM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Yes. Crabs in a barrel. No one wants to recognize the truth so they drag everyone down to the level of lies. Love the wading pool, if you can.
6.50 doesn't break anyone willing to smear horse skin products on their hair that can cost 40 dollars. Forget the shedding you need to pay how much to correct? What was that other horse product you all spent more than 40 bucks to turn your necks and jewelry black, and left a smell like you worked for the circus. Bitch, wake up.
September 17, 2008 9:09 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
True cerchier. You know, there is knowledge to be gained from lhcf, but I think for some women it can be pretty harmful. All the bandwagons, and people trying to convince others to spend money they don't have. A weak minded person can easily get caught up, and a lot of those women are pretty weak minded. Their quest for that white beauty standard has clouded their minds. And yes, I know black women have all kinds of textures, blah blah, but I still think the most of the women on lhcf are checking for the white beauty, not black
September 17, 2008 9:17 AM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Preach.
September 17, 2008 12:02 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Why are so many of them married, dating white men?
September 17, 2008 12:05 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
They take up with those alien looking white men so they can have kids with 'good hair.' They are a bunch of self hating dumb ass women who don't have a clue. I have not seen one handsome ass white man attached to one of those nappy headed hoes. None of them look like they are about anything. It's perfectly okay to take up with some greasy ass white boy rather than a black man with plenty going for them.I quit reading when pankskates husband demanded she shave her nappy ass vajayjay. The punk wasn't man enuff to tackle that nappy ass jungle. The dumbness ran me away a long time ago.
September 17, 2008 3:06 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
OMG Pinkskates posted that? Her husband said that and she posted it? Abordeaux is the only person I have seen that has a nice looking white boy. The rest look horrible, I think KBragg's husband is probably the worst looking.
September 17, 2008 3:18 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
makes me really wonder who these chicks are growing hair for? The ugly ass white men they are with for sure. And can someone tell Oneya to shut the fuck up.
September 17, 2008 3:46 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Didnt I tell yall firecracker was all up in Bevs ass? what a coincidence that the minute Bev put them pics in her album, here come fire broadcasting it. I am sure if the other pic was not posted here we would not know who Mr. Ed was, lacefront and all.
September 17, 2008 3:49 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Wow, pinkskates husband demanded that? She seemed so in control. I didn't go to the fitness forum much but she seemed on top of her shit. That's embarrassing and gross. I don't knock interracial dating, but in the cases you're presenting, settling for some less than cute, prejudiced, crackerjack white man I do.
September 17, 2008 4:17 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
someone needs to knock some sense into thinkpinkprincess. I mean come on...homegirl is 19 and she doesn't know about Roots? Even if she didn't know, google exists for a reason.
September 17, 2008 9:37 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This thread about Pinkskates husband was quite hilarious:
http://www.longhaircareforum.com/forums/showthread.php?t=141647&highlight=brazillian+wax
September 17, 2008 11:44 PM
Anonymous Jennan said...
AWWW SHit! How tha fuck did i miss this Blog!!! LSA in the house!!! Seraphinelle is fat bitch, that cows always talking about fat people. Have you seen the rings round her neck???? Abenyo is hurt in the face for real. Bint/OAHQ,why the fuck si this woman obsessed with FAT people like seraphinelle? And her whole "i'm mixed afro arab/black women hate/rah rah i'm saudi bullshit* is Jarring.. This biotch claims to be married. Maybe to the computer?This coming from one afro arab bitch to another. Hoe sit your self down.
Whats her name, fabulosity. U ain't got a man cos ur ugly. And your hair looks like shit!Texlaxed tha fuck??? Sleek and Bouncy. I like her. But no i do not want to see what your wearing everyday. And no you are not fashionable, i'm euro s o u know this shit is innate to us. Whos that trick that can't spell?
U know what i'ma register tomorrow and post Bevs pics.Nah let me wait 2 weeks and have some fake arse hair pics. I'm mad i can't use Jennan. Oh and Beyondcute you can't catch me!!!
September 18, 2008 8:48 AM
Anonymous Jennan said...
Urgh u need to silvergirls husband( btw silvergirl has some serious self hate problems, do a search, she fucked a white supremacist for fucks sake! But she's got that 3B hair so everyone oohs) Her white man looks like something from the blue lagoon!!!!
foxie roxy is a man right?
aww shit i am bookmarking this blog
September 18, 2008 8:52 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
so funny jennan! sleekandbouncy just grates for some reason...
September 18, 2008 9:31 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I see you coward bitches are still huddled up in here on your hurt feeling hoe ass nigga circle jerk.
September 18, 2008 10:06 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I just want to warn you all that I will be getting the IPs of all the posters on this blog very soon. Connections, connections, connections. I have not decided what I will do with this info. I may use it to punk some of you or turn it over to Bev and Nikkos for mass bannings and outtings. Shit is for sure about to hit the fan.
September 18, 2008 10:10 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
oh no not that!
September 18, 2008 10:55 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
WTF are you gonna do sith some damn IP#s??? Somebody supposed to be scared of your ass? HTF is a punk gonna punk someone? Go brush your effin hair!
September 18, 2008 12:00 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I am going to have them match the IPs with your user names. Because I know most of you dumb bitches are not switching computers.
I have some of the IPs in my e-mail already.
September 18, 2008 12:11 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
You're getting the ip's on here from who? Bitch, scare tactics only work on the idiots you have under your control. How exactly do you plan to get Blogger to release the ip addresses of an anon poster without them having a big ass problem from every anon poster on their site. They allow anon for a reason. You are trying to scare the wrong person.
September 18, 2008 12:50 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I know someone that works at Google you donkey face trollop.
September 18, 2008 12:55 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I doubt you have anything, and so what if you do? We're already here, why stop posting? And those dumb asses don't check IP's when people re-register, the same people can get back in. Either do it or shut the fuck up and put some coochie cream or butt fungus or whatever on your hair.
September 18, 2008 12:57 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
And...that relates to Blogger, how? What you are trying to do is scare people from posting. If you'd like, I'll write to Blogger and find out under what circumstances they release a poster's ip address. If it's like most, including google, it's only when they violate the law. You're full of shit. Spit it out. It's making your breath stank.
September 18, 2008 12:59 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
It must be either Bev or Abenyo, the 2 who have been hit the hardest on this blog. Who else would care if we post here or not? If talking shit were a crime lhcf would have been shut down long ago.
September 18, 2008 1:10 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
You are a dumb bitch Cerchier. Google owns Blogger so you need to check your facts. I already told you that I KNOW someone so your little writing to get a release is stupid, because I am getting the info regardless of their policy. Obviously you are getting nervous.
September 18, 2008 1:16 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
cerchier has no reason to be nervous, she has already been banned.
September 18, 2008 1:21 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Ok, I'm asking Blogger if they are releasing some of their anon posters(remember, they help add to the ad sales) to some black chick running a website for black women who want long hair. Or if they ever have or give a shit enough to. Or, now that they know some baby daddy's first baby mama may have sent her second baby daddy to look, is that ok with them? You don't scare me, trick. You don't know anyone. Give it up.
September 18, 2008 1:22 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Waiting on that mass banning...
September 18, 2008 1:30 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I know enough to get your trollop ass writing response after response.
September 18, 2008 1:32 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
i think scarlett is back as zaynab
also why is ugly ass abenyo writing these damn sermons on the blog
we already know you mad
we wrote it to make you mad
her and that duck face friend of hers seraphineela
September 18, 2008 1:34 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Oh, don't degenerate now. And, trollop...really? Who says that now, Bev? Get me, please do you silly cunt.
Here is the letter I sent,
Hi,
I’m writing because I need to clearly understand your policy on submitting the Internet Protocol addresses of you members, specifically the anonymous posters, on Blogger, to those who request it. On the Blogspot http://nikoscousins.blogspot.com for Tuesday, August 12, 2008 in the comments toward the end there is a poster that asserts, through the use of someone she knows at who works at Google, the i.p. addresses of every poster in that comment section. Could you please tell me if this is true?
Sincerely,
September 18, 2008 1:37 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
lmao
cerchier is nervous as shit
September 18, 2008 1:52 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Umm...I'm already banned. I'm annoyed at shit that she's trying to play people here for fools, though.
September 18, 2008 1:57 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
cerchier you really do not have a life at all
you are posted up on this blog
writing day in and day out
now you are writing notes to blogger over some dumb bitch making idle threats
you really ought to find something more productive to do just one day a week
you look so pathetic
September 18, 2008 2:08 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
the board is having a database error
i know who is responsible for that
September 18, 2008 2:12 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
oh please get me banned and "outed" so fucking what? $6.50 is less than the price of a fucking magazine over here. Man i wish i could have seen the miss scarlett thread.What did she do when she got caught out? She got banned for lying? That ain't really a crime. Lord Summerrains boutique is horrid. Her clothes are cheap and nasty looking. Poor jlove just wanted to keep up with the jonses.I dunno why people picked on alfoone, yeah she was annoying but fucking hell other members irk me more. They are so fake. And damn i didn't know people hated Abenyo that much, yeah her eyes r like "the better to see you with my dear" but if ugliness was a crime more than half of LHCF would be doing time. I feel sorry for relaxer rehab. Fucking hell don't they have arranged marriages or something? Shes like nearly 60, obese, hurt in the face- she gonna be typing on LHCF till death comes knocking she ain't got nothing else to do.
There are some nice people there?
I dunno why people hated adequate so much. Her white man was ugly and she posted every aspect of her life, but she wasn't malicious.
J x
September 18, 2008 2:12 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
I actually think Adequate's man was one of the only handsome white men on the board.
To the other girl
As for me not having a life, consider this my new life. Similar to the life you have posting like a welfare queen on LHCF. But wait, you have even less of a life because you post here too.
September 18, 2008 2:19 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
this is only my 2nd post here
compared to how many you have
and how many times have you been banned and come back starting shit? the minute they turn your name back on. you probably have it marked on your calendar when your ban date is up.
bitch please
September 18, 2008 2:50 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Of course FoxieRoxie is a man.
September 18, 2008 3:13 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Wasn't there a real tranny at one time? Not just someone who looks like one, a real one.
September 18, 2008 3:21 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
FoxyRoxy is a tranny so is Queeny.
September 18, 2008 3:35 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
I'm pretty sure foxyroxy, I hit up her fotki whe the whole "were you born a man" shite went off in ot, is a man. But she is nice. Queeny...
September 18, 2008 3:55 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Oh, I thought you guys were talking about FoxyScholar!
I don't think MissScarlett made the banned over "DC gate" because she continued to post well after that. She did something else to make the banned.
September 18, 2008 4:49 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
There was a thread a while back that got deleted because everyone was calling someone "leatherface". Who is leatherface?
September 18, 2008 4:56 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Queeny is one of the fakest bitches on that site. She stay gossiping but yet claims to be a christian. I am waiting for her ass to be put on blast for the fake that she is. Always posting up those burnt crispy looking children like someone gives a damn. Queeny, Ms.Honey, Nice & Wavy, Shimmy all those bitches that stay on the Christian forum are fake gossipy bitches, but Queeny is the main one.
September 18, 2008 5:49 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Who does this blog belong to?
September 18, 2008 5:50 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I don't know who started, but I think they made the banned, which is why they don't maintain it.
September 18, 2008 6:03 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Yeah, the poster who started this doesn't update but reading through the posts, you guys do. Keep it up.
September 18, 2008 6:28 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Didn't someone say Passionfruit did it?
September 19, 2008 7:23 PM
Anonymous said...
who is this?
http://img61.imageshack.us/img61/548/bevgg6.png
It's BEV! Check out the bitch you worship in her best ghetto ho pose with leopard draws and teeth that make mr. ed jealous!
September 19, 2008 7:27 PM
http://nikosdump.blogspot.com/
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very long weekend. Give me a minute to gather my thoughts about why the star of the show only wanted to talk to 2 people and did not want her picture taken. Really Beverly, there is no need to cover your face. Most of us have seen way more than just your face. Forget Kim K, I am sure OT would be abuzz if they had a chance to see your pics. We will see.
Also pouring out liquor for those that can't cover their tracks.
Via user request:
Dear Aloofone,
There has been a collection taken up by members of the collective hairboards to refund you the $6.50 AND to pay for psychotherapy. Aloof is not just a username. It describes your posting capability to a T. The utter stupidity that seems to escape your backpedaling mouth on the regular really cracks me up! :lachen: I will forgo the comedy, that is your posts, because I know you need help. That, and I'm tired of seeing your ugly ass face. Please do not call me a hater like that old ass Iris (is she collecting SSI benefits yet?). I do no hate anyone. I hate personalities, characteristics, faces, etc. But people do not fall under that category.
Sincerely,
Nikos "Non-Hater" Dimopoulos I had a very long weekend. Give me a minute to gather my thoughts about why the star of the show only wanted to talk to 2 people and did not want her picture taken. Really Beverly, there is no need to cover your face. Most of us have seen way more than just your face. Forget Kim K, I am sure OT would be abuzz if they had a chance to see your pics. We will see.
Also pouring out liquor for those that can't cover their tracks.
Via user request:
Dear Aloofone,
There has been a collection taken up by members of the collective hairboards to refund you the $6.50 AND to pay for psychotherapy. Aloof is not just a username. It describes your posting capability to a T. The utter stupidity that seems to escape your backpedaling mouth on the regular really cracks me up! :lachen: I will forgo the comedy, that is your posts, because I know you need help. That, and I'm tired of seeing your ugly ass face. Please do not call me a hater like that old ass Iris (is she collecting SSI benefits yet?). I do no hate anyone. I hate personalities, characteristics, faces, etc. But people do not fall under that category.
Sincerely,
Nikos "Non-Hater" Dimopoulos I had a very long weekend. Give me a minute to gather my thoughts about why the star of the show only wanted to talk to 2 people and did not want her picture taken. Really Beverly, there is no need to cover your face. Most of us have seen way more than just your face. Forget Kim K, I am sure OT would be abuzz if they had a chance to see your pics. We will see.
Also pouring out liquor for those that can't cover their tracks.
Via user request:
Dear Aloofone,
There has been a collection taken up by members of the collective hairboards to refund you the $6.50 AND to pay for psychotherapy. Aloof is not just a username. It describes your posting capability to a T. The utter stupidity that seems to escape your backpedaling mouth on the regular really cracks me up! :lachen: I will forgo the comedy, that is your posts, because I know you need help. That, and I'm tired of seeing your ugly ass face. Please do not call me a hater like that old ass Iris (is she collecting SSI benefits yet?). I do no hate anyone. I hate personalities, characteristics, faces, etc. But people do not fall under that category.
Sincerely,
Nikos "Non-Hater" Dimopoulos I had a very long weekend. Give me a minute to gather my thoughts about why the star of the show only wanted to talk to 2 people and did not want her picture taken. Really Beverly, there is no need to cover your face. Most of us have seen way more than just your face. Forget Kim K, I am sure OT would be abuzz if they had a chance to see your pics. We will see.
Also pouring out liquor for those that can't cover their tracks.
Via user request:
Dear Aloofone,
There has been a collection taken up by members of the collective hairboards to refund you the $6.50 AND to pay for psychotherapy. Aloof is not just a username. It describes your posting capability to a T. The utter stupidity that seems to escape your backpedaling mouth on the regular really cracks me up! :lachen: I will forgo the comedy, that is your posts, because I know you need help. That, and I'm tired of seeing your ugly ass face. Please do not call me a hater like that old ass Iris (is she collecting SSI benefits yet?). I do no hate anyone. I hate personalities, characteristics, faces, etc. But people do not fall under that category.
Sincerely,
Nikos "Non-Hater" Dimopoulos I had a very long weekend. Give me a minute to gather my thoughts about why the star of the show only wanted to talk to 2 people and did not want her picture taken. Really Beverly, there is no need to cover your face. Most of us have seen way more than just your face. Forget Kim K, I am sure OT would be abuzz if they had a chance to see your pics. We will see.
Also pouring out liquor for those that can't cover their tracks.
Via user request:
Dear Aloofone,
There has been a collection taken up by members of the collective hairboards to refund you the $6.50 AND to pay for psychotherapy. Aloof is not just a username. It describes your posting capability to a T. The utter stupidity that seems to escape your backpedaling mouth on the regular really cracks me up! :lachen: I will forgo the comedy, that is your posts, because I know you need help. That, and I'm tired of seeing your ugly ass face. Please do not call me a hater like that old ass Iris (is she collecting SSI benefits yet?). I do no hate anyone. I hate personalities, characteristics, faces, etc. But people do not fall under that category.
Sincerely,
Nikos "Non-Hater" Dimopoulos I had a very long weekend. Give me a minute to gather my thoughts about why the star of the show only wanted to talk to 2 people and did not want her picture taken. Really Beverly, there is no need to cover your face. Most of us have seen way more than just your face. Forget Kim K, I am sure OT would be abuzz if they had a chance to see your pics. We will see.
Also pouring out liquor for those that can't cover their tracks.
Via user request:
Dear Aloofone,
There has been a collection taken up by members of the collective hairboards to refund you the $6.50 AND to pay for psychotherapy. Aloof is not just a username. It describes your posting capability to a T. The utter stupidity that seems to escape your backpedaling mouth on the regular really cracks me up! :lachen: I will forgo the comedy, that is your posts, because I know you need help. That, and I'm tired of seeing your ugly ass face. Please do not call me a hater like that old ass Iris (is she collecting SSI benefits yet?). I do no hate anyone. I hate personalities, characteristics, faces, etc. But people do not fall under that category.
Sincerely,
Nikos "Non-Hater" Dimopoulos I had a very long weekend. Give me a minute to gather my thoughts about why the star of the show only wanted to talk to 2 people and did not want her picture taken. Really Beverly, there is no need to cover your face. Most of us have seen way more than just your face. Forget Kim K, I am sure OT would be abuzz if they had a chance to see your pics. We will see.
Also pouring out liquor for those that can't cover their tracks.
Via user request:
Dear Aloofone,
There has been a collection taken up by members of the collective hairboards to refund you the $6.50 AND to pay for psychotherapy. Aloof is not just a username. It describes your posting capability to a T. The utter stupidity that seems to escape your backpedaling mouth on the regular really cracks me up! :lachen: I will forgo the comedy, that is your posts, because I know you need help. That, and I'm tired of seeing your ugly ass face. Please do not call me a hater like that old ass Iris (is she collecting SSI benefits yet?). I do no hate anyone. I hate personalities, characteristics, faces, etc. But people do not fall under that category.
Sincerely,
Nikos "Non-Hater" Dimopoulos I had a very long weekend. Give me a minute to gather my thoughts about why the star of the show only wanted to talk to 2 people and did not want her picture taken. Really Beverly, there is no need to cover your face. Most of us have seen way more than just your face. Forget Kim K, I am sure OT would be abuzz if they had a chance to see your pics. We will see.
Also pouring out liquor for those that can't cover their tracks.
Via user request:
Dear Aloofone,
There has been a collection taken up by members of the collective hairboards to refund you the $6.50 AND to pay for psychotherapy. Aloof is not just a username. It describes your posting capability to a T. The utter stupidity that seems to escape your backpedaling mouth on the regular really cracks me up! :lachen: I will forgo the comedy, that is your posts, because I know you need help. That, and I'm tired of seeing your ugly ass face. Please do not call me a hater like that old ass Iris (is she collecting SSI benefits yet?). I do no hate anyone. I hate personalities, characteristics, faces, etc. But people do not fall under that category.
Sincerely,
Nikos "Non-Hater" Dimopoulos
September 19, 2008 6:21 AM
Anonymous said...
I had a very long weekend. Give me a minute to gather my thoughts about why the star of the show only wanted to talk to 2 people and did not want her picture taken. Really Beverly, there is no need to cover your face. Most of us have seen way more than just your face. Forget Kim K, I am sure OT would be abuzz if they had a chance to see your pics. We will see.
Also pouring out liquor for those that can't cover their tracks.
Via user request:
Dear Aloofone,
There has been a collection taken up by members of the collective hairboards to refund you the $6.50 AND to pay for psychotherapy. Aloof is not just a username. It describes your posting capability to a T. The utter stupidity that seems to escape your backpedaling mouth on the regular really cracks me up! :lachen: I will forgo the comedy, that is your posts, because I know you need help. That, and I'm tired of seeing your ugly ass face. Please do not call me a hater like that old ass Iris (is she collecting SSI benefits yet?). I do no hate anyone. I hate personalities, characteristics, faces, etc. But people do not fall under that category.
Sincerely,
Nikos "Non-Hater" Dimopoulos I had a very long weekend. Give me a minute to gather my thoughts about why the star of the show only wanted to talk to 2 people and did not want her picture taken. Really Beverly, there is no need to cover your face. Most of us have seen way more than just your face. Forget Kim K, I am sure OT would be abuzz if they had a chance to see your pics. We will see.
Also pouring out liquor for those that can't cover their tracks.
Via user request:
Dear Aloofone,
There has been a collection taken up by members of the collective hairboards to refund you the $6.50 AND to pay for psychotherapy. Aloof is not just a username. It describes your posting capability to a T. The utter stupidity that seems to escape your backpedaling mouth on the regular really cracks me up! :lachen: I will forgo the comedy, that is your posts, because I know you need help. That, and I'm tired of seeing your ugly ass face. Please do not call me a hater like that old ass Iris (is she collecting SSI benefits yet?). I do no hate anyone. I hate personalities, characteristics, faces, etc. But people do not fall under that category.
Sincerely,
Nikos "Non-Hater" Dimopoulos I had a very long weekend. Give me a minute to gather my thoughts about why the star of the show only wanted to talk to 2 people and did not want her picture taken. Really Beverly, there is no need to cover your face. Most of us have seen way more than just your face. Forget Kim K, I am sure OT would be abuzz if they had a chance to see your pics. We will see.
Also pouring out liquor for those that can't cover their tracks.
Via user request:
Dear Aloofone,
There has been a collection taken up by members of the collective hairboards to refund you the $6.50 AND to pay for psychotherapy. Aloof is not just a username. It describes your posting capability to a T. The utter stupidity that seems to escape your backpedaling mouth on the regular really cracks me up! :lachen: I will forgo the comedy, that is your posts, because I know you need help. That, and I'm tired of seeing your ugly ass face. Please do not call me a hater like that old ass Iris (is she collecting SSI benefits yet?). I do no hate anyone. I hate personalities, characteristics, faces, etc. But people do not fall under that category.
Sincerely,
Nikos "Non-Hater" Dimopoulos I had a very long weekend. Give me a minute to gather my thoughts about why the star of the show only wanted to talk to 2 people and did not want her picture taken. Really Beverly, there is no need to cover your face. Most of us have seen way more than just your face. Forget Kim K, I am sure OT would be abuzz if they had a chance to see your pics. We will see.
Also pouring out liquor for those that can't cover their tracks.
Via user request:
Dear Aloofone,
There has been a collection taken up by members of the collective hairboards to refund you the $6.50 AND to pay for psychotherapy. Aloof is not just a username. It describes your posting capability to a T. The utter stupidity that seems to escape your backpedaling mouth on the regular really cracks me up! :lachen: I will forgo the comedy, that is your posts, because I know you need help. That, and I'm tired of seeing your ugly ass face. Please do not call me a hater like that old ass Iris (is she collecting SSI benefits yet?). I do no hate anyone. I hate personalities, characteristics, faces, etc. But people do not fall under that category.
Sincerely,
Nikos "Non-Hater" Dimopoulos I had a very long weekend. Give me a minute to gather my thoughts about why the star of the show only wanted to talk to 2 people and did not want her picture taken. Really Beverly, there is no need to cover your face. Most of us have seen way more than just your face. Forget Kim K, I am sure OT would be abuzz if they had a chance to see your pics. We will see.
Also pouring out liquor for those that can't cover their tracks.
Via user request:
Dear Aloofone,
There has been a collection taken up by members of the collective hairboards to refund you the $6.50 AND to pay for psychotherapy. Aloof is not just a username. It describes your posting capability to a T. The utter stupidity that seems to escape your backpedaling mouth on the regular really cracks me up! :lachen: I will forgo the comedy, that is your posts, because I know you need help. That, and I'm tired of seeing your ugly ass face. Please do not call me a hater like that old ass Iris (is she collecting SSI benefits yet?). I do no hate anyone. I hate personalities, characteristics, faces, etc. But people do not fall under that category.
Sincerely,
Nikos "Non-Hater" Dimopoulos
September 19, 2008 6:22 AM
Anonymous said...
hey (the moderators of Long Hair Care Forum) have started another round of banning. I'm still there. Pouring out liqour for those who aren't. That $6.50 has some mods "Stunnin." (So not in touch with the real world, bitch its Stunting, as in doing tricks, slut bag) Y'all better stop giving those ungrateful folks your money! That's money well spent on hair products, gas, food, or a bootleg education on the web. Or join a site that isn't ran by a bunch of hippogrits. On the list so far... MPJ (Miss Plain Jane), Mizanilocs (formerly Mizanimami and 2nd time entering a-banned-done-ment), Beautifulisaunderstatment (damn thats a long ass name, formerly banned but not sure who she is) and MissScarlett. You all probably remember MissS from the meet up scandal. She ditched some folks who set up a "coming to town" parade (Abenyo) in her honor to hang out with more down to earth folks (Sylver and Army). I mean MissS sort of apolo-lied. BUT they still haven't banned "Alexis." Oh you don't know who Alexis is? Its the person who HACKED into MissS's account and posted the PM's that exposed the whole thing. But really Alexis is Bev. Yes bitch we know. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned) hey (the moderators of Long Hair Care Forum) have started another round of banning. I'm still there. Pouring out liqour for those who aren't. That $6.50 has some mods "Stunnin." (So not in touch with the real world, bitch its Stunting, as in doing tricks, slut bag) Y'all better stop giving those ungrateful folks your money! That's money well spent on hair products, gas, food, or a bootleg education on the web. Or join a site that isn't ran by a bunch of hippogrits. On the list so far... MPJ (Miss Plain Jane), Mizanilocs (formerly Mizanimami and 2nd time entering a-banned-done-ment), Beautifulisaunderstatment (damn thats a long ass name, formerly banned but not sure who she is) and MissScarlett. You all probably remember MissS from the meet up scandal. She ditched some folks who set up a "coming to town" parade (Abenyo) in her honor to hang out with more down to earth folks (Sylver and Army). I mean MissS sort of apolo-lied. BUT they still haven't banned "Alexis." Oh you don't know who Alexis is? Its the person who HACKED into MissS's account and posted the PM's that exposed the whole thing. But really Alexis is Bev. Yes bitch we know. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned) hey (the moderators of Long Hair Care Forum) have started another round of banning. I'm still there. Pouring out liqour for those who aren't. That $6.50 has some mods "Stunnin." (So not in touch with the real world, bitch its Stunting, as in doing tricks, slut bag) Y'all better stop giving those ungrateful folks your money! That's money well spent on hair products, gas, food, or a bootleg education on the web. Or join a site that isn't ran by a bunch of hippogrits. On the list so far... MPJ (Miss Plain Jane), Mizanilocs (formerly Mizanimami and 2nd time entering a-banned-done-ment), Beautifulisaunderstatment (damn thats a long ass name, formerly banned but not sure who she is) and MissScarlett. You all probably remember MissS from the meet up scandal. She ditched some folks who set up a "coming to town" parade (Abenyo) in her honor to hang out with more down to earth folks (Sylver and Army). I mean MissS sort of apolo-lied. BUT they still haven't banned "Alexis." Oh you don't know who Alexis is? Its the person who HACKED into MissS's account and posted the PM's that exposed the whole thing. But really Alexis is Bev. Yes bitch we know. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned) hey (the moderators of Long Hair Care Forum) have started another round of banning. I'm still there. Pouring out liqour for those who aren't. That $6.50 has some mods "Stunnin." (So not in touch with the real world, bitch its Stunting, as in doing tricks, slut bag) Y'all better stop giving those ungrateful folks your money! That's money well spent on hair products, gas, food, or a bootleg education on the web. Or join a site that isn't ran by a bunch of hippogrits. On the list so far... MPJ (Miss Plain Jane), Mizanilocs (formerly Mizanimami and 2nd time entering a-banned-done-ment), Beautifulisaunderstatment (damn thats a long ass name, formerly banned but not sure who she is) and MissScarlett. You all probably remember MissS from the meet up scandal. She ditched some folks who set up a "coming to town" parade (Abenyo) in her honor to hang out with more down to earth folks (Sylver and Army). I mean MissS sort of apolo-lied. BUT they still haven't banned "Alexis." Oh you don't know who Alexis is? Its the person who HACKED into MissS's account and posted the PM's that exposed the whole thing. But really Alexis is Bev. Yes bitch we know. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned) hey (the moderators of Long Hair Care Forum) have started another round of banning. I'm still there. Pouring out liqour for those who aren't. That $6.50 has some mods "Stunnin." (So not in touch with the real world, bitch its Stunting, as in doing tricks, slut bag) Y'all better stop giving those ungrateful folks your money! That's money well spent on hair products, gas, food, or a bootleg education on the web. Or join a site that isn't ran by a bunch of hippogrits. On the list so far... MPJ (Miss Plain Jane), Mizanilocs (formerly Mizanimami and 2nd time entering a-banned-done-ment), Beautifulisaunderstatment (damn thats a long ass name, formerly banned but not sure who she is) and MissScarlett. You all probably remember MissS from the meet up scandal. She ditched some folks who set up a "coming to town" parade (Abenyo) in her honor to hang out with more down to earth folks (Sylver and Army). I mean MissS sort of apolo-lied. BUT they still haven't banned "Alexis." Oh you don't know who Alexis is? Its the person who HACKED into MissS's account and posted the PM's that exposed the whole thing. But really Alexis is Bev. Yes bitch we know. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned) hey (the moderators of Long Hair Care Forum) have started another round of banning. I'm still there. Pouring out liqour for those who aren't. That $6.50 has some mods "Stunnin." (So not in touch with the real world, bitch its Stunting, as in doing tricks, slut bag) Y'all better stop giving those ungrateful folks your money! That's money well spent on hair products, gas, food, or a bootleg education on the web. Or join a site that isn't ran by a bunch of hippogrits. On the list so far... MPJ (Miss Plain Jane), Mizanilocs (formerly Mizanimami and 2nd time entering a-banned-done-ment), Beautifulisaunderstatment (damn thats a long ass name, formerly banned but not sure who she is) and MissScarlett. You all probably remember MissS from the meet up scandal. She ditched some folks who set up a "coming to town" parade (Abenyo) in her honor to hang out with more down to earth folks (Sylver and Army). I mean MissS sort of apolo-lied. BUT they still haven't banned "Alexis." Oh you don't know who Alexis is? Its the person who HACKED into MissS's account and posted the PM's that exposed the whole thing. But really Alexis is Bev. Yes bitch we know. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned) hey (the moderators of Long Hair Care Forum) have started another round of banning. I'm still there. Pouring out liqour for those who aren't. That $6.50 has some mods "Stunnin." (So not in touch with the real world, bitch its Stunting, as in doing tricks, slut bag) Y'all better stop giving those ungrateful folks your money! That's money well spent on hair products, gas, food, or a bootleg education on the web. Or join a site that isn't ran by a bunch of hippogrits. On the list so far... MPJ (Miss Plain Jane), Mizanilocs (formerly Mizanimami and 2nd time entering a-banned-done-ment), Beautifulisaunderstatment (damn thats a long ass name, formerly banned but not sure who she is) and MissScarlett. You all probably remember MissS from the meet up scandal. She ditched some folks who set up a "coming to town" parade (Abenyo) in her honor to hang out with more down to earth folks (Sylver and Army). I mean MissS sort of apolo-lied. BUT they still haven't banned "Alexis." Oh you don't know who Alexis is? Its the person who HACKED into MissS's account and posted the PM's that exposed the whole thing. But really Alexis is Bev. Yes bitch we know. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned) hey (the moderators of Long Hair Care Forum) have started another round of banning. I'm still there. Pouring out liqour for those who aren't. That $6.50 has some mods "Stunnin." (So not in touch with the real world, bitch its Stunting, as in doing tricks, slut bag) Y'all better stop giving those ungrateful folks your money! That's money well spent on hair products, gas, food, or a bootleg education on the web. Or join a site that isn't ran by a bunch of hippogrits. On the list so far... MPJ (Miss Plain Jane), Mizanilocs (formerly Mizanimami and 2nd time entering a-banned-done-ment), Beautifulisaunderstatment (damn thats a long ass name, formerly banned but not sure who she is) and MissScarlett. You all probably remember MissS from the meet up scandal. She ditched some folks who set up a "coming to town" parade (Abenyo) in her honor to hang out with more down to earth folks (Sylver and Army). I mean MissS sort of apolo-lied. BUT they still haven't banned "Alexis." Oh you don't know who Alexis is? Its the person who HACKED into MissS's account and posted the PM's that exposed the whole thing. But really Alexis is Bev. Yes bitch we know. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned) hey (the moderators of Long Hair Care Forum) have started another round of banning. I'm still there. Pouring out liqour for those who aren't. That $6.50 has some mods "Stunnin." (So not in touch with the real world, bitch its Stunting, as in doing tricks, slut bag) Y'all better stop giving those ungrateful folks your money! That's money well spent on hair products, gas, food, or a bootleg education on the web. Or join a site that isn't ran by a bunch of hippogrits. On the list so far... MPJ (Miss Plain Jane), Mizanilocs (formerly Mizanimami and 2nd time entering a-banned-done-ment), Beautifulisaunderstatment (damn thats a long ass name, formerly banned but not sure who she is) and MissScarlett. You all probably remember MissS from the meet up scandal. She ditched some folks who set up a "coming to town" parade (Abenyo) in her honor to hang out with more down to earth folks (Sylver and Army). I mean MissS sort of apolo-lied. BUT they still haven't banned "Alexis." Oh you don't know who Alexis is? Its the person who HACKED into MissS's account and posted the PM's that exposed the whole thing. But really Alexis is Bev. Yes bitch we know. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned) hey (the moderators of Long Hair Care Forum) have started another round of banning. I'm still there. Pouring out liqour for those who aren't. That $6.50 has some mods "Stunnin." (So not in touch with the real world, bitch its Stunting, as in doing tricks, slut bag) Y'all better stop giving those ungrateful folks your money! That's money well spent on hair products, gas, food, or a bootleg education on the web. Or join a site that isn't ran by a bunch of hippogrits. On the list so far... MPJ (Miss Plain Jane), Mizanilocs (formerly Mizanimami and 2nd time entering a-banned-done-ment), Beautifulisaunderstatment (damn thats a long ass name, formerly banned but not sure who she is) and MissScarlett. You all probably remember MissS from the meet up scandal. She ditched some folks who set up a "coming to town" parade (Abenyo) in her honor to hang out with more down to earth folks (Sylver and Army). I mean MissS sort of apolo-lied. BUT they still haven't banned "Alexis." Oh you don't know who Alexis is? Its the person who HACKED into MissS's account and posted the PM's that exposed the whole thing. But really Alexis is Bev. Yes bitch we know. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned)
August 17, 2008 2:55 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Well, I found your insights appropriate. I just got banned, temp style, for p.o. one of the 10k+ members. Or, more to the point, for calling the bitch out. It is what it is...I'll be perm. banned before I change how I speak. Keep on outing the hypocrites who try to run the place. Because I'll be damned if a chick who tried to call me a troll didn't start a thread calling another members pics so scary she was thinking of blocking sigs. And a mod called the thread hatefull. How soon they forget.
cerchier
August 28, 2008 8:20 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
LOL. Bitter bitch. You always sound like you have a gigantic metal pole up your ass on lhch. Why the constant stank attitude? It radiates through all of your lousy posts.
We've all seen your picture so we know you're not a 13 year old moody cunt of a teenager going through puberty. You have the mental age of one though.
Keep on talking the way you do, as thus allowing everyone to continue laugh at you :D
August 29, 2008 1:59 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Did this one make the banned, too? LOL
August 29, 2008 6:19 PM
Anonymous Cerchier said...
Only banned for a month. I'll be back. And unlike old anon above, I don't care if you know who I am. Cerchier is my name there too. Also, check how uses the words gigantic metal pole up your ass in the same sentence that she tries to act superior. Hypocritical idiot. BTW, hit me up when I come back...if you don't mind coming out of hiding, and maybe I'll share the laugh with you.
I knew as much as you all liked to pretend like you're above this drama you'll are all up in it reading and waiting for your name to come up.
August 30, 2008 12:15 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This forum is getting out of hand lately. All these fucking hypocrits. There are the threads that are started to start shit and the same dumb ass people who love the drama and fall for that shit everytime. I also want to know who the hell Blossom is fucking to be allowed to stay on the board, that bitch breaks 20 rules a day. Nikkos, where is your damn pleadge to curb the cussing or the clever guises used to curse? The so called pretty bitches on there that always got something to say about anyone that is not lightskinned and skinny. Bint and Lourdes your day will come, I promise. Volare get another pic up (is that really you?) You go to Clemson, thats not even a real college lol. Yall miserable bitches have nothing better to do than tear people down. And if you are wondering, I am lightskinned and skinny so keep your "hater" comment, it does not apply hateful bitches.
September 2, 2008 11:30 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
What's with all of the dykes? It's turning into a lesbo board!
September 3, 2008 1:38 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
stupid bitch probably got banned!
September 4, 2008 11:25 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Oh man this board is getting better and better. I have the pics of bev, maybe I should create a blog and post them lol. They are going hard in there today and where are the mods? Is that one that is pregnant with the white loser baby still on?
September 4, 2008 2:51 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
post them!
September 4, 2008 6:17 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Seraphinelle always hating on Americans and America. Bitch please nobody checking for your wack ass Canada. Stay your corny ass over there. Then got a nerve to say we was hating on Jamaica. Bitch Please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Her citizenship request to come to America must have been denied which is why she so bitter. Her and her ugly ass friend Abenyo swear they the shit Abenyo look like she 50 in the face her ugly ass.
September 5, 2008 5:09 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
"Yall miserable bitches have nothing better to do than tear people down. "
Oh, the irony! Actually, since I can tell what a dumbass you are from your post alone, I bet you have no idea what the word "irony" mean.
September 5, 2008 11:07 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Anyone Know why Ms. Scar got banned, and all the other chicks that got banned the other day? I wonder if they are all over at Dirty girlz socaial club?
September 6, 2008 9:29 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Not Miss Scarlett, one of the queen bitches! I thought she had an in to keep her from making the banned! LoL
September 6, 2008 1:23 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
She thought that? Wow! I still want to know and I know someone knows why she got banned.
September 6, 2008 4:59 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Wow. I learn more from here than there...even before I was banned for a month. I thought Miss Scarlett was damn near an untouchable. Still, until an actual untouchable gets touched, the rules aren't unilaterally enforced and, as such, are to be regarded as just something to consider. Most of them say things others would get perm. banned for but are considered, like a flatulent Grandfather, something to be tolerated. Naw!!! Something smells like boo boo!
September 6, 2008 5:05 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Oh, and why is everyone afraid to post Beverly's pics? My imagination is starting to wander...what DOES she look like?
September 6, 2008 5:23 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
so are some chicks sucking niko's dick or what? I don't get what makes some untouchable! Are they the OGs of lhcf?
September 6, 2008 6:01 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Money is what makes them untouchable. They've been around forever and keep paying. Too big of a risk to make them follow the rules. Not for nothing, but it makes sense. I'm not paying another dime to renew.
I am known to do the wop.
September 6, 2008 7:24 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
cerchier shut the fuck up bitch
bev could get money from plenty of members
she can afford to ban a few people
we need to figure out why firecracker is not banned
September 6, 2008 10:14 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
firecracker and blossom! How the hell are these two still members? I like firecracker though, blossom and her desperate ass can kick rocks. Bloss guess what, white men dont want you either. Volare bad as hell though and I wonder is that really Tiara on there, hmmmm.
September 7, 2008 6:28 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I am surprised that people have the time (and careers) where they can post so often throughout the day. Not only do they post, but they have essay like responses in their posts. I can see every once and a while, but some of these people write long responses every day. SleekandBouncy comes to mind, there are a few others though.
September 7, 2008 10:05 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
maybe they are not a broke busted bitch like you and either do not work full time or do not care
the time you spent wondering you could be doing something else
get a life bitch
September 7, 2008 10:18 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
That last post sounded like sleekandbouncy, a bit bitter are we fake ass dahling ;)
September 7, 2008 10:37 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
^^^^ I agree with the last post.
That poster responded just a little too quickly--hunched over the computer with nothing else to do...they sound VERY little bitter. It's just a hair website.
September 7, 2008 10:46 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I think you really hurt abenyo's feelings, she's been extra angry and rude lately!
September 7, 2008 10:47 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
abenyo has always been rude and angry and yes it is because she is ugly and never has a man
September 7, 2008 11:00 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
There are some nice posters on the site. There are really just a few that are irritating.
September 7, 2008 11:11 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
damn this has grown. Aside from D lewis who I love, who the hell are the nice posters cause all them hoes are bitter and evil.
September 7, 2008 11:14 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
ella is very sweet. Dlewis is cool...um...who else is nice? Oh well.
September 7, 2008 11:22 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
FlowerHair is very nice.
September 7, 2008 11:24 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I guess iris gets on people's nerves or whatever but she seems nice to me.
September 7, 2008 2:17 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
The reason why fire will never be banned is because they are personal friends so keep holding your breath on that one. If you think there is bs on LHCF you need to check out dirty girlz. Those are what you call miserable bitches. The chat crew have also gone to worlds unknown, but who are they kidding, people know where they are. All them chicks are nice I like flower, dlewis and sylver even though she wont give you the time of day if you not light and pretty, she ok.
September 7, 2008 3:25 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Whoever it is that wants me to spend time wondering about other things, and the other that called me a bitch, only makes me even more curious what Bev looks like. Why are you'll so defensive? Does it have something to do with her hair?
September 7, 2008 4:56 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I am really curious (and since they won't answer this on the site without closing or deleting a thread), how does one really get banned? I know if you curse, or call someone ugly you get banned.
However, it sounds as though if you offend an 'untouchable' you get banned.
September 7, 2008 5:53 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
To the poster right above-
There seems to be different rules for different people. We could tell you rules all day and you could still do the wrong the to the wrong person and get banned.
September 7, 2008 6:20 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Don't tell me bev is a bald headit bitch! LOL!
September 7, 2008 6:22 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Thanks anonymous @6:20. This is my thinking too.
September 7, 2008 6:57 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I wonder who actually is 'untouchable', besides blosss and fire.
September 7, 2008 6:59 PM
Anonymous Cerchier said...
Chellero and Vevster come to mind as untouchable. Hell, Chellero said I need more dick. But some of the mods use less than subtle comments to target people.
Btw, I've cursed, but never called anyone ugly, and I made the banned 3 times. The girl who used scary to describe someones pic is most definitely not banned so, you may call someone ugly, with the right adjective.
September 8, 2008 9:06 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
what happened to aloofone? is she banned?
September 8, 2008 12:21 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Why was MissScarlet banned?!?!?!
September 8, 2008 12:32 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This is juicer than the actual board! Did the creator get banned? I wonder why they abandoned it.
September 8, 2008 4:06 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Aloofone is not banned. There is some info on here and on the Niko's step-cousin blog about why MissScarlet may have been banned or just left.
September 8, 2008 4:18 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Aloofone hasn't been banned.
I also think the meaning of being an 'untouchable' is that one says something and everyone agrees with them, and doesn't question their statement. However, if another person were to say the exact same thing, everyone would disagree, call them an idiot, or completely ignore them etc...
There are a few people on the site who everyone blindly agrees with, even if what they are saying is something someone else may have said already.
September 8, 2008 5:01 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This blog and that one that closed down were hard on aloofone, I could understand why she wouldn't want to come back. She can be confrontational, but she is not the worst one on the board, I don't know why she was targeted.
September 8, 2008 6:05 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
She looks like a used turd and always wants attention. She was actually talking about being a model. Bitch, please.
September 10, 2008 9:37 AM
Comment deleted
This post has been removed by the author.
September 10, 2008 12:27 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This thread is pathetic, the poster doesn't even have that much hair!
http://www.longhaircareforum.com/forums/showthread.php?t=278305
September 10, 2008 12:29 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This comment section is hilarious - It's like the Special Ed. version of DGSC - or maybe it's the ugly twin with the club foot and headgear.
"Who needs dates and parties and friends anyway!"
*stomps orthopedic shoe*
*sucks on asthma inhaler*
LMMFAO
September 10, 2008 3:25 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
It's so pathetic you couldn't help but to make an appearance, right? Which means you read it, right? No need to be ashamed. Welcome :D
September 10, 2008 3:33 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Yeah, because it takes sooo much time to comment here, unlike the full time careers some of the lhcf chicks make out of posting. Shoot, I wish I had the time on my hands some of those chicks have. At least here things are a little more real and to the point.
September 10, 2008 3:38 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I meant the pathetic comment at the girl who found it hilarious, not the one who quoted the thread on LHCF about taking 5-6 hours to wash uneven sl hair. Am I the only one that thinks most of the heffa's who claim to be trimming or dusting and go from bsl to apl are really just trying to hide their hair breaking off?
September 10, 2008 3:38 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
"Am I the only one that thinks most of the heffa's who claim to be trimming or dusting and go from bsl to apl are really just trying to hide their hair breaking off?"
I agree with this. They are ashamed, or in denial.
September 10, 2008 3:46 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I love how certain posters have to show off the clothing and the outfits they have in their signatures.
September 11, 2008 9:11 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Heh, there was one member all about her clothes and trying to show off. So much so that she took pics in the changing rooms of stores and tried to pass off the clothes as stuff she owned. Someone busted her when they recognized the carpet. lmao
September 11, 2008 3:48 PM
Anonymous abenyo said...
Hey I'm popular!!!
Thanks for keeping me on your minds. Don't know who the hell ya'll are nor do I care, but ya'll still got your feelings hurt. stop being simple and such idiots that are posting on a blog in disguise. You hate the board yet you keep coming back. Stop acting like bitches.. Got issues? solve it.
-Abenyo
September 11, 2008 9:02 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
The bitter bitch cant do anymore blogs!
LMAO!!!!!!!
September 12, 2008 3:55 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
can you update the blog? I want some gossip
September 12, 2008 4:24 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Yeah, I want an update too. Why do you all call everyone bitter bitches that calls you out on your stank attitudes? Perhaps you forget the numerous girl's hair vids on youtube you diss in threads only to have them find out and have them defend themselves. What about the girl who made the vid of the dog shitting on the lhcf screen while a horse makes noises because members use horse products? It can't be everyone else. If ppl are making blogs, vids, and long forum threads about one sites attitude then the members should take a long look in the mirror.
September 12, 2008 5:30 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Oh in case you forgot the long forum thread I'm talking about was on Lipstick Alley.
September 12, 2008 5:34 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
@3:48, yes. and i think sleekandbouncy does this too. why?
September 12, 2008 6:04 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
It's High School all over again. The Mean Girls, The Outcasts, and The Suck ups who want to be mean girls abound. There are some nice members but they don't run the place.
September 12, 2008 10:39 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I know sleekandbouncy does this. If she shows her face, maybe someone will recognize her and put her on blast like Jlove.
September 12, 2008 10:54 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
abenyo
sit down hoe
nobody care about your ugly gremlin face ass
September 12, 2008 11:00 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Don't hate me for saying this but, why do the African's, with stern ass features, never smile? You're bound to look like a gremlin. Smile Abenyo...and Aloofone, too, if you ever decide to show your face again.
September 12, 2008 11:40 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6iVk9H8FHKc
This is the vid! Lma. Thanks!
September 12, 2008 11:55 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
yeah, that is probably why she doesn't want to show her face...she doesn't want to be put on blast. LOL!
September 12, 2008 11:56 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Hey, Abenyo, what did you think about Miss Scarlett dissing you as too ghetto?
September 12, 2008 12:12 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Shouldn't barbiesocialite top talking about how to get men, when she is a dyke?
September 12, 2008 9:14 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Barbiesocialite doesn't have enough integrity to leave like the other lesbian, that was like a scientist. LHCF site doesn't support -heterosexual, non-christian people.
September 13, 2008 12:15 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I meant non-heterosexual!
September 13, 2008 12:16 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Yeah, abenyo you are real "popular". We are entertained by your monkey-looking ass!
September 14, 2008 3:40 PM
Anonymous abenyo said...
To all you bitches get a fucking life. stick a saw down your throat and pull it out the other end. As for the asshole from DGZ I'm waiting for you bitch, come out come out. I'm not popular but ya'll sure talk about me and think about me all day everyday. Moron that would tell you that I'm atleast important enough for ya'll to be studying me like freakin dykes. Don't worry about the way I look, maybe you should worry about getting a life and stop posting on a blog anonymously about me. I mean how fucking pathetic. It's going on some months now and ya'll still gonna talk about me. Talk about press. LOL oooo some females think I look ugly, boo fucking hoo. Bitches there is soo much to this world then the pettiness you are displaying. Ya'll say the other forums are High school what do you call grown woman talking about someone behind their backs? Mature is not what comes to mind. But hey keep saying I'm ugly, lol I don't go that route and never will. And the bitch that constantly want to talk about africa, lol what are you.. oh let me guess you just got fucked by some foreign dick and now you got indian or whatever in you right? May you prosper in lice infected locks, long lasting shedding, breakage that never stops, and head sores that no ACV or surgery will cure.
Have fun!
September 14, 2008 9:09 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
LOL, you sure seem to like it here, Abenyo, you can't seem to stay away!
Boy, you sure told everyone!
September 14, 2008 9:37 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Abenyo you sure are a mad ugly porch monkey.You also have no idea just how many people hate your stupid ugly dumb ass. Watch out for the ones who feed you info. Stupid rabid bitch.
September 14, 2008 9:51 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I see everyone is fired up tonight. LMAO!
September 14, 2008 9:54 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Abenyo you are being worked over big time.
September 14, 2008 10:09 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
She sure is. Looking like the fool who birth her ugly ass.
September 14, 2008 10:13 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Shut up abenyo!that was funny though but you still ugly. Ok on to the rest of them, is JR and Candy an item? JR got a deep voice like a man, bod like one too and Candy look like a rat.
September 14, 2008 10:14 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
For someone who doesn't care you sho keep bringin' you ass back! Sounds like you have no life Abenyo, or you can't stand not having yo monkey ass kissed!
September 14, 2008 10:25 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
so what happened to abenyo, they were supposed to have a meeting and she was stood up?
September 14, 2008 11:35 PM
Anonymous In-Adequate said...
DANG!!! Im dying at how all you LHCF members have turned this shit into a forum. But the anonymous posting is on some bitch shit.
September 15, 2008 1:53 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Hilfigher looks like a man too. That head on her hair stays looking like s brillo pad. Talk about creature from another planet. She stays cosigning on some stupid shit. Another ugly African monkey.
September 15, 2008 5:20 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Bint or OAHQ is always talking about someone's look. She got a identity crisis. She shouldn't be talking about others. That baby of hers might come out looking as ugly as her.
September 15, 2008 5:28 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
TSU you look like a pork oink oink with lipstick. Step away from the table take a few step out the kitchen and run to the gym. No woman should weigh gazillion pounds starve yourself bitch then maybe your man won't be fucking someone else.
September 15, 2008 5:33 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
What about that welfare hoe with the second hand store? What's her name acidrain? Oh summerrain lol aint nothing summer about that hoe. Even her own mama don't want her.
September 15, 2008 5:36 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Wow someone really has a lot to say. Get a life!!! What have any of these people done to you to warrant you talking about someone's mother, weight, hair or child. Everyone on this blog that comes here to talk about people maliciously has real world issues they need to contend with. Is the internet that serious that you just have to let it be known you do not like another person's font? You all do not know these people in real life so why are you wasting so much time airing out these dumb ass comments on a blog? Log off, spend time you with your family, read a book, go plant a tree find a hobby that actually benefits society instead of being evil bitches sitting about your computer typing nasty remarks.
I bet everyone who is typing mean things are probably trying to be or friends with the person they are talking about. I urge all of you to just end this and stop giving this blog attention and it will die out eventually. To the people who have been hurt by the comments do not take it personally as the person who said it is too much of a coward to say it to you personally.
September 15, 2008 7:08 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
great, another fucking lecture!
We've been told once again!
September 15, 2008 8:55 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
How is it so many women in one forum are manless and lonely. I see plenty of black couples! I think these chicks have so many issues they scare off any men who might be interested.
Out of my family and friends, no one is sitting around moaning about having no black man! They either have one or can easily find one. There has to be something really wrong with those women, and it ain't all about geography, either.
September 15, 2008 10:25 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
These women are a bunch of hipocrites! Can someone please tell me how the hell that WHORE blossom can post all this shit about fucking every random WHITE MAN and she gets apllauded. WHAT THE FUCK! There is a thread on superhead and these bitches have the most shit to say, but not on her thread. Where is Que, Bint and all the others that are on that holier than thou bullshit? Why not pop in there and tell it like it is. You all are all thinking it (SHE A HOE) but you congatulating her? a site full of fucking hipocrites.
September 15, 2008 10:51 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
damn
September 15, 2008 10:52 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
How the fuck you gonna have a name like Jessica rabbit and you look like a mack truck? and candy is ugly lol.
September 15, 2008 10:54 AM
Anonymous Cerchier said...
Wtf! I got some reading to do!
September 15, 2008 1:31 PM
Anonymous Heat/Glam said...
Piece of advice to one anonymous person. If you want to remain "anonymous" you might want to step of the soapbox of an issue that you usually post about on the forum. You might get found out quick. I hate anonymity, but if you are gonna do it at least be smart as you seem to be on the forum.
September 15, 2008 2:07 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
She aint the only one "on the forum"! lmao. Look around you!
September 15, 2008 2:24 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
who is this?
http://img61.imageshack.us/img61/548/bevgg6.png
September 15, 2008 3:00 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Nooooo! Please don't tell me that is Bev. Great day in the lacefront wearing, soup cooling, wannabe video ho morning! Image saved for future use.
September 15, 2008 3:12 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Lawd somebody finally posted them lol
September 15, 2008 3:15 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
that is what she looks like? no wonder she hides her face at meetups. if i look like that i would ban the cute women too.
September 15, 2008 3:31 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Damn, if that's really her, she ugly! And stank! No wonder she didn't want these posted! Can we get some verification so I can pass these around?
September 15, 2008 3:34 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
i wonder did she find jesus wearing those leopard panties?
September 15, 2008 3:40 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
What in the Mr.Ed stunt double hell is going on with her in these pics?
September 15, 2008 3:46 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I can verify that is her.
September 15, 2008 3:55 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Wow, my puppet just got banned forever. You suck, Beverly. And yeah, I did see you in your tiger panties before I asked you that legitimate question.
September 15, 2008 3:58 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
I should add, either Bev is a liar, and does know when people are banned and for what, or she is as dumb as she looks in her pics, and her mods do the banning.
September 15, 2008 4:00 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
you're right; sleekandbouncy loves to show off her clothing...on a hair forum. LOL!
September 15, 2008 4:07 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This is too much, you need to take that down. Maybe she has a reason she doesn't want those seen. Has she really done anything to any of you personally for you to be this evil? Please delete that link before more people see it.
September 15, 2008 4:08 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Get real. The reason she doesn't want anyone to see it is because she doesn't want people to know she is, well, visually unappealing but, more to the point, she wears a wig. Queen hypocrite, and now, to me, confirmed liar. Where's her hair? LHCF admin---wig---does not compute. Why is she the only one that ALWAYS hides her hair? Toofus notwithstanding.
September 15, 2008 4:14 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
all those bitches in bikinis in avatars and sigs and you want to call out sleekandbouncy who is fully dressed?
as far as bev if she did not want those picture seen she should have never took them.
September 15, 2008 4:15 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Gin looks like a horse too her ugly ass.
September 15, 2008 4:23 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Sleekandbouncy thats u huh?
September 15, 2008 4:41 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I'm reading through the "this thread is closed" files and vevster actually asked where MissScarlett is at about the time it was brought up here. Allandra shut it down with a quickness. Calling ppl on their shit there works! I thought the two stickies Allandra wrote about ppl watching their ass after we got rolling was coincidence but it isn't.
September 15, 2008 4:57 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I'm still surprised they banned the bitch.
September 15, 2008 5:42 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Since you can't ask on the forum, why did MissScarlett get banned? Did she curse someone out?
September 15, 2008 5:49 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Read this blog and Niko's step-cousin. Apparently abenyo set up some big LHCF to do for MissScarlett and she dissed them for people she found more to her liking. She lied about and got called out and then... I don't know why, though. I'd be afraid to meet Abenyo too.
September 15, 2008 6:25 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
cerchier after that post u did i know u would be banned lol
September 15, 2008 6:32 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Me too. But God hates a bullshitter as much as I do.
September 15, 2008 6:34 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
The post I was banned for, if you aren't a member, was responding to the Toofus, I mean Bev, closing my thread without answering a question I asked about why i was banned. I wanted the post I was accused of insulting a member. I told her the only fraction for Cerchier was from feb. She came up with some bull...I don't know, I looked, can't find anything. Then she closed the thread. I started a new thread and I stated if, as an ADMIN, you really don't know why I was bannned, then I want to know who you gave the power to ban people to without your knowledge. Then I was banned...forever lmao
September 15, 2008 6:52 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Damn! Bitch look like predator!
September 15, 2008 9:45 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
cerchier u a mess lol
September 16, 2008 8:02 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I'm sorry, but some people need to be ashamed of themselves. Bitches using animal products and pussy creams to grow their hair and then will kill you if you say other women don't go to these extremes. Don't say anything about how creamy crack sets you back. Never seen so many college educated dumb asses.
September 16, 2008 1:20 PM
Anonymous Heat/Glam said...
How you gonna talk about hair methods that WORK. Yeah folk are using horse items and have long flowing hair, while others talk about there methods are sitting there at shoulder length for the past 5 years and wondering why. SMH
September 16, 2008 2:04 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
glam you need to stay your ass off this blog
i just read through the comments and you are always here
drama whore
i see bev got her shit cracked on the board
September 16, 2008 3:17 PM
Anonymous Heat/Glam said...
I'll leave when you annonys grow balls and put your name on comments. That ain't never gonna happen so looks like I'm a permanent fixture boo.
September 16, 2008 9:41 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
There are too many jesus freaks on that board!!!! You woman are sooo vain praying to God for long hair! You make God look like a JOKE!
The Christian section is sooo funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Masturbating when you are married is BAD!? LOLLLLL! That's why black women can't find a man, they worship GOD so much that they don't know how to treat a REAL man!
September 17, 2008 12:43 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
BEVERLY is taking advantage of you all!
BEVERLY is taking advantage of you all!
BEVERLY is taking advantage of you all!
$6.50!?
Oh don't give me that proverbial, PC BULLSHIT, "You pay more than that for a hair product" "Other sites charge more". AND?! There are TONS of sites on the net that give a wealth of information to their members, but you don't have to pay no damn fee (purseforum, thefashionspot, blackvoices, longhairlovers etc) WHy do you think those sites are FREE, but they still get revenue!?? ADS! ADS! Bev has ads all over that damn board "It takes money to run a site" she says, yes, but BITCH, you get AD money! And then she had the NEVER to increase the price! I guess that bitch is using that money to pay for her weaves!
Or maybe she uses the mooney for her tithes to Jeebus!!!
September 17, 2008 12:57 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Oh, no shit she is scamming people. But their are always fools to separate their money from.
September 17, 2008 5:07 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I guess $6.50 breaks some people's pockets and then again $6.50 is just a drop in the bucket for others.
Those who "got it like that" can pay if they want.
Who is it hurting?
September 17, 2008 5:18 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Crabs in a barrel!
September 17, 2008 7:20 AM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Yes. Crabs in a barrel. No one wants to recognize the truth so they drag everyone down to the level of lies. Love the wading pool, if you can.
6.50 doesn't break anyone willing to smear horse skin products on their hair that can cost 40 dollars. Forget the shedding you need to pay how much to correct? What was that other horse product you all spent more than 40 bucks to turn your necks and jewelry black, and left a smell like you worked for the circus. Bitch, wake up.
September 17, 2008 9:09 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
True cerchier. You know, there is knowledge to be gained from lhcf, but I think for some women it can be pretty harmful. All the bandwagons, and people trying to convince others to spend money they don't have. A weak minded person can easily get caught up, and a lot of those women are pretty weak minded. Their quest for that white beauty standard has clouded their minds. And yes, I know black women have all kinds of textures, blah blah, but I still think the most of the women on lhcf are checking for the white beauty, not black
September 17, 2008 9:17 AM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Preach.
September 17, 2008 12:02 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Why are so many of them married, dating white men?
September 17, 2008 12:05 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
They take up with those alien looking white men so they can have kids with 'good hair.' They are a bunch of self hating dumb ass women who don't have a clue. I have not seen one handsome ass white man attached to one of those nappy headed hoes. None of them look like they are about anything. It's perfectly okay to take up with some greasy ass white boy rather than a black man with plenty going for them.I quit reading when pankskates husband demanded she shave her nappy ass vajayjay. The punk wasn't man enuff to tackle that nappy ass jungle. The dumbness ran me away a long time ago.
September 17, 2008 3:06 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
OMG Pinkskates posted that? Her husband said that and she posted it? Abordeaux is the only person I have seen that has a nice looking white boy. The rest look horrible, I think KBragg's husband is probably the worst looking.
September 17, 2008 3:18 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
makes me really wonder who these chicks are growing hair for? The ugly ass white men they are with for sure. And can someone tell Oneya to shut the fuck up.
September 17, 2008 3:46 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Didnt I tell yall firecracker was all up in Bevs ass? what a coincidence that the minute Bev put them pics in her album, here come fire broadcasting it. I am sure if the other pic was not posted here we would not know who Mr. Ed was, lacefront and all.
September 17, 2008 3:49 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Wow, pinkskates husband demanded that? She seemed so in control. I didn't go to the fitness forum much but she seemed on top of her shit. That's embarrassing and gross. I don't knock interracial dating, but in the cases you're presenting, settling for some less than cute, prejudiced, crackerjack white man I do.
September 17, 2008 4:17 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
someone needs to knock some sense into thinkpinkprincess. I mean come on...homegirl is 19 and she doesn't know about Roots? Even if she didn't know, google exists for a reason.
September 17, 2008 9:37 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This thread about Pinkskates husband was quite hilarious:
http://www.longhaircareforum.com/forums/showthread.php?t=141647&highlight=brazillian+wax
September 17, 2008 11:44 PM
Anonymous Jennan said...
AWWW SHit! How tha fuck did i miss this Blog!!! LSA in the house!!! Seraphinelle is fat bitch, that cows always talking about fat people. Have you seen the rings round her neck???? Abenyo is hurt in the face for real. Bint/OAHQ,why the fuck si this woman obsessed with FAT people like seraphinelle? And her whole "i'm mixed afro arab/black women hate/rah rah i'm saudi bullshit* is Jarring.. This biotch claims to be married. Maybe to the computer?This coming from one afro arab bitch to another. Hoe sit your self down.
Whats her name, fabulosity. U ain't got a man cos ur ugly. And your hair looks like shit!Texlaxed tha fuck??? Sleek and Bouncy. I like her. But no i do not want to see what your wearing everyday. And no you are not fashionable, i'm euro s o u know this shit is innate to us. Whos that trick that can't spell?
U know what i'ma register tomorrow and post Bevs pics.Nah let me wait 2 weeks and have some fake arse hair pics. I'm mad i can't use Jennan. Oh and Beyondcute you can't catch me!!!
September 18, 2008 8:48 AM
Anonymous Jennan said...
Urgh u need to silvergirls husband( btw silvergirl has some serious self hate problems, do a search, she fucked a white supremacist for fucks sake! But she's got that 3B hair so everyone oohs) Her white man looks like something from the blue lagoon!!!!
foxie roxy is a man right?
aww shit i am bookmarking this blog
September 18, 2008 8:52 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
so funny jennan! sleekandbouncy just grates for some reason...
September 18, 2008 9:31 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I see you coward bitches are still huddled up in here on your hurt feeling hoe ass nigga circle jerk.
September 18, 2008 10:06 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I just want to warn you all that I will be getting the IPs of all the posters on this blog very soon. Connections, connections, connections. I have not decided what I will do with this info. I may use it to punk some of you or turn it over to Bev and Nikkos for mass bannings and outtings. Shit is for sure about to hit the fan.
September 18, 2008 10:10 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
oh no not that!
September 18, 2008 10:55 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
WTF are you gonna do sith some damn IP#s??? Somebody supposed to be scared of your ass? HTF is a punk gonna punk someone? Go brush your effin hair!
September 18, 2008 12:00 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I am going to have them match the IPs with your user names. Because I know most of you dumb bitches are not switching computers.
I have some of the IPs in my e-mail already.
September 18, 2008 12:11 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
You're getting the ip's on here from who? Bitch, scare tactics only work on the idiots you have under your control. How exactly do you plan to get Blogger to release the ip addresses of an anon poster without them having a big ass problem from every anon poster on their site. They allow anon for a reason. You are trying to scare the wrong person.
September 18, 2008 12:50 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I know someone that works at Google you donkey face trollop.
September 18, 2008 12:55 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I doubt you have anything, and so what if you do? We're already here, why stop posting? And those dumb asses don't check IP's when people re-register, the same people can get back in. Either do it or shut the fuck up and put some coochie cream or butt fungus or whatever on your hair.
September 18, 2008 12:57 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
And...that relates to Blogger, how? What you are trying to do is scare people from posting. If you'd like, I'll write to Blogger and find out under what circumstances they release a poster's ip address. If it's like most, including google, it's only when they violate the law. You're full of shit. Spit it out. It's making your breath stank.
September 18, 2008 12:59 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
It must be either Bev or Abenyo, the 2 who have been hit the hardest on this blog. Who else would care if we post here or not? If talking shit were a crime lhcf would have been shut down long ago.
September 18, 2008 1:10 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
You are a dumb bitch Cerchier. Google owns Blogger so you need to check your facts. I already told you that I KNOW someone so your little writing to get a release is stupid, because I am getting the info regardless of their policy. Obviously you are getting nervous.
September 18, 2008 1:16 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
cerchier has no reason to be nervous, she has already been banned.
September 18, 2008 1:21 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Ok, I'm asking Blogger if they are releasing some of their anon posters(remember, they help add to the ad sales) to some black chick running a website for black women who want long hair. Or if they ever have or give a shit enough to. Or, now that they know some baby daddy's first baby mama may have sent her second baby daddy to look, is that ok with them? You don't scare me, trick. You don't know anyone. Give it up.
September 18, 2008 1:22 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Waiting on that mass banning...
September 18, 2008 1:30 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I know enough to get your trollop ass writing response after response.
September 18, 2008 1:32 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
i think scarlett is back as zaynab
also why is ugly ass abenyo writing these damn sermons on the blog
we already know you mad
we wrote it to make you mad
her and that duck face friend of hers seraphineela
September 18, 2008 1:34 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Oh, don't degenerate now. And, trollop...really? Who says that now, Bev? Get me, please do you silly cunt.
Here is the letter I sent,
Hi,
I’m writing because I need to clearly understand your policy on submitting the Internet Protocol addresses of you members, specifically the anonymous posters, on Blogger, to those who request it. On the Blogspot http://nikoscousins.blogspot.com for Tuesday, August 12, 2008 in the comments toward the end there is a poster that asserts, through the use of someone she knows at who works at Google, the i.p. addresses of every poster in that comment section. Could you please tell me if this is true?
Sincerely,
September 18, 2008 1:37 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
lmao
cerchier is nervous as shit
September 18, 2008 1:52 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Umm...I'm already banned. I'm annoyed at shit that she's trying to play people here for fools, though.
September 18, 2008 1:57 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
cerchier you really do not have a life at all
you are posted up on this blog
writing day in and day out
now you are writing notes to blogger over some dumb bitch making idle threats
you really ought to find something more productive to do just one day a week
you look so pathetic
September 18, 2008 2:08 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
the board is having a database error
i know who is responsible for that
September 18, 2008 2:12 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
oh please get me banned and "outed" so fucking what? $6.50 is less than the price of a fucking magazine over here. Man i wish i could have seen the miss scarlett thread.What did she do when she got caught out? She got banned for lying? That ain't really a crime. Lord Summerrains boutique is horrid. Her clothes are cheap and nasty looking. Poor jlove just wanted to keep up with the jonses.I dunno why people picked on alfoone, yeah she was annoying but fucking hell other members irk me more. They are so fake. And damn i didn't know people hated Abenyo that much, yeah her eyes r like "the better to see you with my dear" but if ugliness was a crime more than half of LHCF would be doing time. I feel sorry for relaxer rehab. Fucking hell don't they have arranged marriages or something? Shes like nearly 60, obese, hurt in the face- she gonna be typing on LHCF till death comes knocking she ain't got nothing else to do.
There are some nice people there?
I dunno why people hated adequate so much. Her white man was ugly and she posted every aspect of her life, but she wasn't malicious.
J x
September 18, 2008 2:12 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
I actually think Adequate's man was one of the only handsome white men on the board.
To the other girl
As for me not having a life, consider this my new life. Similar to the life you have posting like a welfare queen on LHCF. But wait, you have even less of a life because you post here too.
September 18, 2008 2:19 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
this is only my 2nd post here
compared to how many you have
and how many times have you been banned and come back starting shit? the minute they turn your name back on. you probably have it marked on your calendar when your ban date is up.
bitch please
September 18, 2008 2:50 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Of course FoxieRoxie is a man.
September 18, 2008 3:13 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Wasn't there a real tranny at one time? Not just someone who looks like one, a real one.
September 18, 2008 3:21 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
FoxyRoxy is a tranny so is Queeny.
September 18, 2008 3:35 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
I'm pretty sure foxyroxy, I hit up her fotki whe the whole "were you born a man" shite went off in ot, is a man. But she is nice. Queeny...
September 18, 2008 3:55 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Oh, I thought you guys were talking about FoxyScholar!
I don't think MissScarlett made the banned over "DC gate" because she continued to post well after that. She did something else to make the banned.
September 18, 2008 4:49 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
There was a thread a while back that got deleted because everyone was calling someone "leatherface". Who is leatherface?
September 18, 2008 4:56 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Queeny is one of the fakest bitches on that site. She stay gossiping but yet claims to be a christian. I am waiting for her ass to be put on blast for the fake that she is. Always posting up those burnt crispy looking children like someone gives a damn. Queeny, Ms.Honey, Nice & Wavy, Shimmy all those bitches that stay on the Christian forum are fake gossipy bitches, but Queeny is the main one.
September 18, 2008 5:49 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Who does this blog belong to?
September 18, 2008 5:50 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I don't know who started, but I think they made the banned, which is why they don't maintain it.
September 18, 2008 6:03 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Yeah, the poster who started this doesn't update but reading through the posts, you guys do. Keep it up.
September 18, 2008 6:28 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Didn't someone say Passionfruit did it?
September 19, 2008 7:23 PM
Anonymous said...
who is this?
http://img61.imageshack.us/img61/548/bevgg6.png
It's BEV! Check out the bitch you worship in her best ghetto ho pose with leopard draws and teeth that make mr. ed jealous!
September 19, 2008 7:27 PM
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Spread the word!
http://nikosdump.blogspot.com/
No censorship or harassment from the lhcf crew. I moderate comments like a ....Allandra.
Spread the word!
http://nikosdump.blogspot.com/
No censorship or harassment from the lhcf crew. I moderate comments like a ....Allandra.
Spread the word!
http://nikosdump.blogspot.com/
No censorship or harassment from the lhcf crew. I moderate comments like a ....Allandra.
Spread the word!
http://nikosdump.blogspot.com/
No censorship or harassment from the lhcf crew. I moderate comments like a ....Allandra.
Spread the word!
http://nikosdump.blogspot.com/
No censorship or harassment from the lhcf crew. I moderate comments like a ....Allandra.
Spread the word!
http://nikosdump.blogspot.com/
No censorship or harassment from the lhcf crew. I moderate comments like a ....Allandra.
Spread the word!
http://nikosdump.blogspot.com/
No censorship or harassment from the lhcf crew. I moderate comments like a ....Allandra.
Spread the word!
http://nikosdump.blogspot.com/
No censorship or harassment from the lhcf crew. I moderate comments like a ....Allandra.
Spread the word!
http://nikosdump.blogspot.com/
No censorship or harassment from the lhcf crew. I moderate comments like a ....Allandra.
Spread the word!
very long weekend. Give me a minute to gather my thoughts about why the star of the show only wanted to talk to 2 people and did not want her picture taken. Really Beverly, there is no need to cover your face. Most of us have seen way more than just your face. Forget Kim K, I am sure OT would be abuzz if they had a chance to see your pics. We will see.
Also pouring out liquor for those that can't cover their tracks.
Via user request:
Dear Aloofone,
There has been a collection taken up by members of the collective hairboards to refund you the $6.50 AND to pay for psychotherapy. Aloof is not just a username. It describes your posting capability to a T. The utter stupidity that seems to escape your backpedaling mouth on the regular really cracks me up! :lachen: I will forgo the comedy, that is your posts, because I know you need help. That, and I'm tired of seeing your ugly ass face. Please do not call me a hater like that old ass Iris (is she collecting SSI benefits yet?). I do no hate anyone. I hate personalities, characteristics, faces, etc. But people do not fall under that category.
Sincerely,
Nikos "Non-Hater" Dimopoulos I had a very long weekend. Give me a minute to gather my thoughts about why the star of the show only wanted to talk to 2 people and did not want her picture taken. Really Beverly, there is no need to cover your face. Most of us have seen way more than just your face. Forget Kim K, I am sure OT would be abuzz if they had a chance to see your pics. We will see.
Also pouring out liquor for those that can't cover their tracks.
Via user request:
Dear Aloofone,
There has been a collection taken up by members of the collective hairboards to refund you the $6.50 AND to pay for psychotherapy. Aloof is not just a username. It describes your posting capability to a T. The utter stupidity that seems to escape your backpedaling mouth on the regular really cracks me up! :lachen: I will forgo the comedy, that is your posts, because I know you need help. That, and I'm tired of seeing your ugly ass face. Please do not call me a hater like that old ass Iris (is she collecting SSI benefits yet?). I do no hate anyone. I hate personalities, characteristics, faces, etc. But people do not fall under that category.
Sincerely,
Nikos "Non-Hater" Dimopoulos I had a very long weekend. Give me a minute to gather my thoughts about why the star of the show only wanted to talk to 2 people and did not want her picture taken. Really Beverly, there is no need to cover your face. Most of us have seen way more than just your face. Forget Kim K, I am sure OT would be abuzz if they had a chance to see your pics. We will see.
Also pouring out liquor for those that can't cover their tracks.
Via user request:
Dear Aloofone,
There has been a collection taken up by members of the collective hairboards to refund you the $6.50 AND to pay for psychotherapy. Aloof is not just a username. It describes your posting capability to a T. The utter stupidity that seems to escape your backpedaling mouth on the regular really cracks me up! :lachen: I will forgo the comedy, that is your posts, because I know you need help. That, and I'm tired of seeing your ugly ass face. Please do not call me a hater like that old ass Iris (is she collecting SSI benefits yet?). I do no hate anyone. I hate personalities, characteristics, faces, etc. But people do not fall under that category.
Sincerely,
Nikos "Non-Hater" Dimopoulos I had a very long weekend. Give me a minute to gather my thoughts about why the star of the show only wanted to talk to 2 people and did not want her picture taken. Really Beverly, there is no need to cover your face. Most of us have seen way more than just your face. Forget Kim K, I am sure OT would be abuzz if they had a chance to see your pics. We will see.
Also pouring out liquor for those that can't cover their tracks.
Via user request:
Dear Aloofone,
There has been a collection taken up by members of the collective hairboards to refund you the $6.50 AND to pay for psychotherapy. Aloof is not just a username. It describes your posting capability to a T. The utter stupidity that seems to escape your backpedaling mouth on the regular really cracks me up! :lachen: I will forgo the comedy, that is your posts, because I know you need help. That, and I'm tired of seeing your ugly ass face. Please do not call me a hater like that old ass Iris (is she collecting SSI benefits yet?). I do no hate anyone. I hate personalities, characteristics, faces, etc. But people do not fall under that category.
Sincerely,
Nikos "Non-Hater" Dimopoulos I had a very long weekend. Give me a minute to gather my thoughts about why the star of the show only wanted to talk to 2 people and did not want her picture taken. Really Beverly, there is no need to cover your face. Most of us have seen way more than just your face. Forget Kim K, I am sure OT would be abuzz if they had a chance to see your pics. We will see.
Also pouring out liquor for those that can't cover their tracks.
Via user request:
Dear Aloofone,
There has been a collection taken up by members of the collective hairboards to refund you the $6.50 AND to pay for psychotherapy. Aloof is not just a username. It describes your posting capability to a T. The utter stupidity that seems to escape your backpedaling mouth on the regular really cracks me up! :lachen: I will forgo the comedy, that is your posts, because I know you need help. That, and I'm tired of seeing your ugly ass face. Please do not call me a hater like that old ass Iris (is she collecting SSI benefits yet?). I do no hate anyone. I hate personalities, characteristics, faces, etc. But people do not fall under that category.
Sincerely,
Nikos "Non-Hater" Dimopoulos I had a very long weekend. Give me a minute to gather my thoughts about why the star of the show only wanted to talk to 2 people and did not want her picture taken. Really Beverly, there is no need to cover your face. Most of us have seen way more than just your face. Forget Kim K, I am sure OT would be abuzz if they had a chance to see your pics. We will see.
Also pouring out liquor for those that can't cover their tracks.
Via user request:
Dear Aloofone,
There has been a collection taken up by members of the collective hairboards to refund you the $6.50 AND to pay for psychotherapy. Aloof is not just a username. It describes your posting capability to a T. The utter stupidity that seems to escape your backpedaling mouth on the regular really cracks me up! :lachen: I will forgo the comedy, that is your posts, because I know you need help. That, and I'm tired of seeing your ugly ass face. Please do not call me a hater like that old ass Iris (is she collecting SSI benefits yet?). I do no hate anyone. I hate personalities, characteristics, faces, etc. But people do not fall under that category.
Sincerely,
Nikos "Non-Hater" Dimopoulos I had a very long weekend. Give me a minute to gather my thoughts about why the star of the show only wanted to talk to 2 people and did not want her picture taken. Really Beverly, there is no need to cover your face. Most of us have seen way more than just your face. Forget Kim K, I am sure OT would be abuzz if they had a chance to see your pics. We will see.
Also pouring out liquor for those that can't cover their tracks.
Via user request:
Dear Aloofone,
There has been a collection taken up by members of the collective hairboards to refund you the $6.50 AND to pay for psychotherapy. Aloof is not just a username. It describes your posting capability to a T. The utter stupidity that seems to escape your backpedaling mouth on the regular really cracks me up! :lachen: I will forgo the comedy, that is your posts, because I know you need help. That, and I'm tired of seeing your ugly ass face. Please do not call me a hater like that old ass Iris (is she collecting SSI benefits yet?). I do no hate anyone. I hate personalities, characteristics, faces, etc. But people do not fall under that category.
Sincerely,
Nikos "Non-Hater" Dimopoulos I had a very long weekend. Give me a minute to gather my thoughts about why the star of the show only wanted to talk to 2 people and did not want her picture taken. Really Beverly, there is no need to cover your face. Most of us have seen way more than just your face. Forget Kim K, I am sure OT would be abuzz if they had a chance to see your pics. We will see.
Also pouring out liquor for those that can't cover their tracks.
Via user request:
Dear Aloofone,
There has been a collection taken up by members of the collective hairboards to refund you the $6.50 AND to pay for psychotherapy. Aloof is not just a username. It describes your posting capability to a T. The utter stupidity that seems to escape your backpedaling mouth on the regular really cracks me up! :lachen: I will forgo the comedy, that is your posts, because I know you need help. That, and I'm tired of seeing your ugly ass face. Please do not call me a hater like that old ass Iris (is she collecting SSI benefits yet?). I do no hate anyone. I hate personalities, characteristics, faces, etc. But people do not fall under that category.
Sincerely,
Nikos "Non-Hater" Dimopoulos
September 19, 2008 6:21 AM
Anonymous said...
I had a very long weekend. Give me a minute to gather my thoughts about why the star of the show only wanted to talk to 2 people and did not want her picture taken. Really Beverly, there is no need to cover your face. Most of us have seen way more than just your face. Forget Kim K, I am sure OT would be abuzz if they had a chance to see your pics. We will see.
Also pouring out liquor for those that can't cover their tracks.
Via user request:
Dear Aloofone,
There has been a collection taken up by members of the collective hairboards to refund you the $6.50 AND to pay for psychotherapy. Aloof is not just a username. It describes your posting capability to a T. The utter stupidity that seems to escape your backpedaling mouth on the regular really cracks me up! :lachen: I will forgo the comedy, that is your posts, because I know you need help. That, and I'm tired of seeing your ugly ass face. Please do not call me a hater like that old ass Iris (is she collecting SSI benefits yet?). I do no hate anyone. I hate personalities, characteristics, faces, etc. But people do not fall under that category.
Sincerely,
Nikos "Non-Hater" Dimopoulos I had a very long weekend. Give me a minute to gather my thoughts about why the star of the show only wanted to talk to 2 people and did not want her picture taken. Really Beverly, there is no need to cover your face. Most of us have seen way more than just your face. Forget Kim K, I am sure OT would be abuzz if they had a chance to see your pics. We will see.
Also pouring out liquor for those that can't cover their tracks.
Via user request:
Dear Aloofone,
There has been a collection taken up by members of the collective hairboards to refund you the $6.50 AND to pay for psychotherapy. Aloof is not just a username. It describes your posting capability to a T. The utter stupidity that seems to escape your backpedaling mouth on the regular really cracks me up! :lachen: I will forgo the comedy, that is your posts, because I know you need help. That, and I'm tired of seeing your ugly ass face. Please do not call me a hater like that old ass Iris (is she collecting SSI benefits yet?). I do no hate anyone. I hate personalities, characteristics, faces, etc. But people do not fall under that category.
Sincerely,
Nikos "Non-Hater" Dimopoulos I had a very long weekend. Give me a minute to gather my thoughts about why the star of the show only wanted to talk to 2 people and did not want her picture taken. Really Beverly, there is no need to cover your face. Most of us have seen way more than just your face. Forget Kim K, I am sure OT would be abuzz if they had a chance to see your pics. We will see.
Also pouring out liquor for those that can't cover their tracks.
Via user request:
Dear Aloofone,
There has been a collection taken up by members of the collective hairboards to refund you the $6.50 AND to pay for psychotherapy. Aloof is not just a username. It describes your posting capability to a T. The utter stupidity that seems to escape your backpedaling mouth on the regular really cracks me up! :lachen: I will forgo the comedy, that is your posts, because I know you need help. That, and I'm tired of seeing your ugly ass face. Please do not call me a hater like that old ass Iris (is she collecting SSI benefits yet?). I do no hate anyone. I hate personalities, characteristics, faces, etc. But people do not fall under that category.
Sincerely,
Nikos "Non-Hater" Dimopoulos I had a very long weekend. Give me a minute to gather my thoughts about why the star of the show only wanted to talk to 2 people and did not want her picture taken. Really Beverly, there is no need to cover your face. Most of us have seen way more than just your face. Forget Kim K, I am sure OT would be abuzz if they had a chance to see your pics. We will see.
Also pouring out liquor for those that can't cover their tracks.
Via user request:
Dear Aloofone,
There has been a collection taken up by members of the collective hairboards to refund you the $6.50 AND to pay for psychotherapy. Aloof is not just a username. It describes your posting capability to a T. The utter stupidity that seems to escape your backpedaling mouth on the regular really cracks me up! :lachen: I will forgo the comedy, that is your posts, because I know you need help. That, and I'm tired of seeing your ugly ass face. Please do not call me a hater like that old ass Iris (is she collecting SSI benefits yet?). I do no hate anyone. I hate personalities, characteristics, faces, etc. But people do not fall under that category.
Sincerely,
Nikos "Non-Hater" Dimopoulos I had a very long weekend. Give me a minute to gather my thoughts about why the star of the show only wanted to talk to 2 people and did not want her picture taken. Really Beverly, there is no need to cover your face. Most of us have seen way more than just your face. Forget Kim K, I am sure OT would be abuzz if they had a chance to see your pics. We will see.
Also pouring out liquor for those that can't cover their tracks.
Via user request:
Dear Aloofone,
There has been a collection taken up by members of the collective hairboards to refund you the $6.50 AND to pay for psychotherapy. Aloof is not just a username. It describes your posting capability to a T. The utter stupidity that seems to escape your backpedaling mouth on the regular really cracks me up! :lachen: I will forgo the comedy, that is your posts, because I know you need help. That, and I'm tired of seeing your ugly ass face. Please do not call me a hater like that old ass Iris (is she collecting SSI benefits yet?). I do no hate anyone. I hate personalities, characteristics, faces, etc. But people do not fall under that category.
Sincerely,
Nikos "Non-Hater" Dimopoulos
September 19, 2008 6:22 AM
Anonymous said...
hey (the moderators of Long Hair Care Forum) have started another round of banning. I'm still there. Pouring out liqour for those who aren't. That $6.50 has some mods "Stunnin." (So not in touch with the real world, bitch its Stunting, as in doing tricks, slut bag) Y'all better stop giving those ungrateful folks your money! That's money well spent on hair products, gas, food, or a bootleg education on the web. Or join a site that isn't ran by a bunch of hippogrits. On the list so far... MPJ (Miss Plain Jane), Mizanilocs (formerly Mizanimami and 2nd time entering a-banned-done-ment), Beautifulisaunderstatment (damn thats a long ass name, formerly banned but not sure who she is) and MissScarlett. You all probably remember MissS from the meet up scandal. She ditched some folks who set up a "coming to town" parade (Abenyo) in her honor to hang out with more down to earth folks (Sylver and Army). I mean MissS sort of apolo-lied. BUT they still haven't banned "Alexis." Oh you don't know who Alexis is? Its the person who HACKED into MissS's account and posted the PM's that exposed the whole thing. But really Alexis is Bev. Yes bitch we know. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned) hey (the moderators of Long Hair Care Forum) have started another round of banning. I'm still there. Pouring out liqour for those who aren't. That $6.50 has some mods "Stunnin." (So not in touch with the real world, bitch its Stunting, as in doing tricks, slut bag) Y'all better stop giving those ungrateful folks your money! That's money well spent on hair products, gas, food, or a bootleg education on the web. Or join a site that isn't ran by a bunch of hippogrits. On the list so far... MPJ (Miss Plain Jane), Mizanilocs (formerly Mizanimami and 2nd time entering a-banned-done-ment), Beautifulisaunderstatment (damn thats a long ass name, formerly banned but not sure who she is) and MissScarlett. You all probably remember MissS from the meet up scandal. She ditched some folks who set up a "coming to town" parade (Abenyo) in her honor to hang out with more down to earth folks (Sylver and Army). I mean MissS sort of apolo-lied. BUT they still haven't banned "Alexis." Oh you don't know who Alexis is? Its the person who HACKED into MissS's account and posted the PM's that exposed the whole thing. But really Alexis is Bev. Yes bitch we know. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned) hey (the moderators of Long Hair Care Forum) have started another round of banning. I'm still there. Pouring out liqour for those who aren't. That $6.50 has some mods "Stunnin." (So not in touch with the real world, bitch its Stunting, as in doing tricks, slut bag) Y'all better stop giving those ungrateful folks your money! That's money well spent on hair products, gas, food, or a bootleg education on the web. Or join a site that isn't ran by a bunch of hippogrits. On the list so far... MPJ (Miss Plain Jane), Mizanilocs (formerly Mizanimami and 2nd time entering a-banned-done-ment), Beautifulisaunderstatment (damn thats a long ass name, formerly banned but not sure who she is) and MissScarlett. You all probably remember MissS from the meet up scandal. She ditched some folks who set up a "coming to town" parade (Abenyo) in her honor to hang out with more down to earth folks (Sylver and Army). I mean MissS sort of apolo-lied. BUT they still haven't banned "Alexis." Oh you don't know who Alexis is? Its the person who HACKED into MissS's account and posted the PM's that exposed the whole thing. But really Alexis is Bev. Yes bitch we know. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned) hey (the moderators of Long Hair Care Forum) have started another round of banning. I'm still there. Pouring out liqour for those who aren't. That $6.50 has some mods "Stunnin." (So not in touch with the real world, bitch its Stunting, as in doing tricks, slut bag) Y'all better stop giving those ungrateful folks your money! That's money well spent on hair products, gas, food, or a bootleg education on the web. Or join a site that isn't ran by a bunch of hippogrits. On the list so far... MPJ (Miss Plain Jane), Mizanilocs (formerly Mizanimami and 2nd time entering a-banned-done-ment), Beautifulisaunderstatment (damn thats a long ass name, formerly banned but not sure who she is) and MissScarlett. You all probably remember MissS from the meet up scandal. She ditched some folks who set up a "coming to town" parade (Abenyo) in her honor to hang out with more down to earth folks (Sylver and Army). I mean MissS sort of apolo-lied. BUT they still haven't banned "Alexis." Oh you don't know who Alexis is? Its the person who HACKED into MissS's account and posted the PM's that exposed the whole thing. But really Alexis is Bev. Yes bitch we know. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned) hey (the moderators of Long Hair Care Forum) have started another round of banning. I'm still there. Pouring out liqour for those who aren't. That $6.50 has some mods "Stunnin." (So not in touch with the real world, bitch its Stunting, as in doing tricks, slut bag) Y'all better stop giving those ungrateful folks your money! That's money well spent on hair products, gas, food, or a bootleg education on the web. Or join a site that isn't ran by a bunch of hippogrits. On the list so far... MPJ (Miss Plain Jane), Mizanilocs (formerly Mizanimami and 2nd time entering a-banned-done-ment), Beautifulisaunderstatment (damn thats a long ass name, formerly banned but not sure who she is) and MissScarlett. You all probably remember MissS from the meet up scandal. She ditched some folks who set up a "coming to town" parade (Abenyo) in her honor to hang out with more down to earth folks (Sylver and Army). I mean MissS sort of apolo-lied. BUT they still haven't banned "Alexis." Oh you don't know who Alexis is? Its the person who HACKED into MissS's account and posted the PM's that exposed the whole thing. But really Alexis is Bev. Yes bitch we know. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned) hey (the moderators of Long Hair Care Forum) have started another round of banning. I'm still there. Pouring out liqour for those who aren't. That $6.50 has some mods "Stunnin." (So not in touch with the real world, bitch its Stunting, as in doing tricks, slut bag) Y'all better stop giving those ungrateful folks your money! That's money well spent on hair products, gas, food, or a bootleg education on the web. Or join a site that isn't ran by a bunch of hippogrits. On the list so far... MPJ (Miss Plain Jane), Mizanilocs (formerly Mizanimami and 2nd time entering a-banned-done-ment), Beautifulisaunderstatment (damn thats a long ass name, formerly banned but not sure who she is) and MissScarlett. You all probably remember MissS from the meet up scandal. She ditched some folks who set up a "coming to town" parade (Abenyo) in her honor to hang out with more down to earth folks (Sylver and Army). I mean MissS sort of apolo-lied. BUT they still haven't banned "Alexis." Oh you don't know who Alexis is? Its the person who HACKED into MissS's account and posted the PM's that exposed the whole thing. But really Alexis is Bev. Yes bitch we know. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned) hey (the moderators of Long Hair Care Forum) have started another round of banning. I'm still there. Pouring out liqour for those who aren't. That $6.50 has some mods "Stunnin." (So not in touch with the real world, bitch its Stunting, as in doing tricks, slut bag) Y'all better stop giving those ungrateful folks your money! That's money well spent on hair products, gas, food, or a bootleg education on the web. Or join a site that isn't ran by a bunch of hippogrits. On the list so far... MPJ (Miss Plain Jane), Mizanilocs (formerly Mizanimami and 2nd time entering a-banned-done-ment), Beautifulisaunderstatment (damn thats a long ass name, formerly banned but not sure who she is) and MissScarlett. You all probably remember MissS from the meet up scandal. She ditched some folks who set up a "coming to town" parade (Abenyo) in her honor to hang out with more down to earth folks (Sylver and Army). I mean MissS sort of apolo-lied. BUT they still haven't banned "Alexis." Oh you don't know who Alexis is? Its the person who HACKED into MissS's account and posted the PM's that exposed the whole thing. But really Alexis is Bev. Yes bitch we know. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned) hey (the moderators of Long Hair Care Forum) have started another round of banning. I'm still there. Pouring out liqour for those who aren't. That $6.50 has some mods "Stunnin." (So not in touch with the real world, bitch its Stunting, as in doing tricks, slut bag) Y'all better stop giving those ungrateful folks your money! That's money well spent on hair products, gas, food, or a bootleg education on the web. Or join a site that isn't ran by a bunch of hippogrits. On the list so far... MPJ (Miss Plain Jane), Mizanilocs (formerly Mizanimami and 2nd time entering a-banned-done-ment), Beautifulisaunderstatment (damn thats a long ass name, formerly banned but not sure who she is) and MissScarlett. You all probably remember MissS from the meet up scandal. She ditched some folks who set up a "coming to town" parade (Abenyo) in her honor to hang out with more down to earth folks (Sylver and Army). I mean MissS sort of apolo-lied. BUT they still haven't banned "Alexis." Oh you don't know who Alexis is? Its the person who HACKED into MissS's account and posted the PM's that exposed the whole thing. But really Alexis is Bev. Yes bitch we know. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned) hey (the moderators of Long Hair Care Forum) have started another round of banning. I'm still there. Pouring out liqour for those who aren't. That $6.50 has some mods "Stunnin." (So not in touch with the real world, bitch its Stunting, as in doing tricks, slut bag) Y'all better stop giving those ungrateful folks your money! That's money well spent on hair products, gas, food, or a bootleg education on the web. Or join a site that isn't ran by a bunch of hippogrits. On the list so far... MPJ (Miss Plain Jane), Mizanilocs (formerly Mizanimami and 2nd time entering a-banned-done-ment), Beautifulisaunderstatment (damn thats a long ass name, formerly banned but not sure who she is) and MissScarlett. You all probably remember MissS from the meet up scandal. She ditched some folks who set up a "coming to town" parade (Abenyo) in her honor to hang out with more down to earth folks (Sylver and Army). I mean MissS sort of apolo-lied. BUT they still haven't banned "Alexis." Oh you don't know who Alexis is? Its the person who HACKED into MissS's account and posted the PM's that exposed the whole thing. But really Alexis is Bev. Yes bitch we know. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned) hey (the moderators of Long Hair Care Forum) have started another round of banning. I'm still there. Pouring out liqour for those who aren't. That $6.50 has some mods "Stunnin." (So not in touch with the real world, bitch its Stunting, as in doing tricks, slut bag) Y'all better stop giving those ungrateful folks your money! That's money well spent on hair products, gas, food, or a bootleg education on the web. Or join a site that isn't ran by a bunch of hippogrits. On the list so far... MPJ (Miss Plain Jane), Mizanilocs (formerly Mizanimami and 2nd time entering a-banned-done-ment), Beautifulisaunderstatment (damn thats a long ass name, formerly banned but not sure who she is) and MissScarlett. You all probably remember MissS from the meet up scandal. She ditched some folks who set up a "coming to town" parade (Abenyo) in her honor to hang out with more down to earth folks (Sylver and Army). I mean MissS sort of apolo-lied. BUT they still haven't banned "Alexis." Oh you don't know who Alexis is? Its the person who HACKED into MissS's account and posted the PM's that exposed the whole thing. But really Alexis is Bev. Yes bitch we know. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned)
August 17, 2008 2:55 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Well, I found your insights appropriate. I just got banned, temp style, for p.o. one of the 10k+ members. Or, more to the point, for calling the bitch out. It is what it is...I'll be perm. banned before I change how I speak. Keep on outing the hypocrites who try to run the place. Because I'll be damned if a chick who tried to call me a troll didn't start a thread calling another members pics so scary she was thinking of blocking sigs. And a mod called the thread hatefull. How soon they forget.
cerchier
August 28, 2008 8:20 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
LOL. Bitter bitch. You always sound like you have a gigantic metal pole up your ass on lhch. Why the constant stank attitude? It radiates through all of your lousy posts.
We've all seen your picture so we know you're not a 13 year old moody cunt of a teenager going through puberty. You have the mental age of one though.
Keep on talking the way you do, as thus allowing everyone to continue laugh at you :D
August 29, 2008 1:59 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Did this one make the banned, too? LOL
August 29, 2008 6:19 PM
Anonymous Cerchier said...
Only banned for a month. I'll be back. And unlike old anon above, I don't care if you know who I am. Cerchier is my name there too. Also, check how uses the words gigantic metal pole up your ass in the same sentence that she tries to act superior. Hypocritical idiot. BTW, hit me up when I come back...if you don't mind coming out of hiding, and maybe I'll share the laugh with you.
I knew as much as you all liked to pretend like you're above this drama you'll are all up in it reading and waiting for your name to come up.
August 30, 2008 12:15 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This forum is getting out of hand lately. All these fucking hypocrits. There are the threads that are started to start shit and the same dumb ass people who love the drama and fall for that shit everytime. I also want to know who the hell Blossom is fucking to be allowed to stay on the board, that bitch breaks 20 rules a day. Nikkos, where is your damn pleadge to curb the cussing or the clever guises used to curse? The so called pretty bitches on there that always got something to say about anyone that is not lightskinned and skinny. Bint and Lourdes your day will come, I promise. Volare get another pic up (is that really you?) You go to Clemson, thats not even a real college lol. Yall miserable bitches have nothing better to do than tear people down. And if you are wondering, I am lightskinned and skinny so keep your "hater" comment, it does not apply hateful bitches.
September 2, 2008 11:30 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
What's with all of the dykes? It's turning into a lesbo board!
September 3, 2008 1:38 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
stupid bitch probably got banned!
September 4, 2008 11:25 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Oh man this board is getting better and better. I have the pics of bev, maybe I should create a blog and post them lol. They are going hard in there today and where are the mods? Is that one that is pregnant with the white loser baby still on?
September 4, 2008 2:51 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
post them!
September 4, 2008 6:17 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Seraphinelle always hating on Americans and America. Bitch please nobody checking for your wack ass Canada. Stay your corny ass over there. Then got a nerve to say we was hating on Jamaica. Bitch Please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Her citizenship request to come to America must have been denied which is why she so bitter. Her and her ugly ass friend Abenyo swear they the shit Abenyo look like she 50 in the face her ugly ass.
September 5, 2008 5:09 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
"Yall miserable bitches have nothing better to do than tear people down. "
Oh, the irony! Actually, since I can tell what a dumbass you are from your post alone, I bet you have no idea what the word "irony" mean.
September 5, 2008 11:07 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Anyone Know why Ms. Scar got banned, and all the other chicks that got banned the other day? I wonder if they are all over at Dirty girlz socaial club?
September 6, 2008 9:29 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Not Miss Scarlett, one of the queen bitches! I thought she had an in to keep her from making the banned! LoL
September 6, 2008 1:23 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
She thought that? Wow! I still want to know and I know someone knows why she got banned.
September 6, 2008 4:59 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Wow. I learn more from here than there...even before I was banned for a month. I thought Miss Scarlett was damn near an untouchable. Still, until an actual untouchable gets touched, the rules aren't unilaterally enforced and, as such, are to be regarded as just something to consider. Most of them say things others would get perm. banned for but are considered, like a flatulent Grandfather, something to be tolerated. Naw!!! Something smells like boo boo!
September 6, 2008 5:05 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Oh, and why is everyone afraid to post Beverly's pics? My imagination is starting to wander...what DOES she look like?
September 6, 2008 5:23 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
so are some chicks sucking niko's dick or what? I don't get what makes some untouchable! Are they the OGs of lhcf?
September 6, 2008 6:01 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Money is what makes them untouchable. They've been around forever and keep paying. Too big of a risk to make them follow the rules. Not for nothing, but it makes sense. I'm not paying another dime to renew.
I am known to do the wop.
September 6, 2008 7:24 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
cerchier shut the fuck up bitch
bev could get money from plenty of members
she can afford to ban a few people
we need to figure out why firecracker is not banned
September 6, 2008 10:14 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
firecracker and blossom! How the hell are these two still members? I like firecracker though, blossom and her desperate ass can kick rocks. Bloss guess what, white men dont want you either. Volare bad as hell though and I wonder is that really Tiara on there, hmmmm.
September 7, 2008 6:28 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I am surprised that people have the time (and careers) where they can post so often throughout the day. Not only do they post, but they have essay like responses in their posts. I can see every once and a while, but some of these people write long responses every day. SleekandBouncy comes to mind, there are a few others though.
September 7, 2008 10:05 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
maybe they are not a broke busted bitch like you and either do not work full time or do not care
the time you spent wondering you could be doing something else
get a life bitch
September 7, 2008 10:18 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
That last post sounded like sleekandbouncy, a bit bitter are we fake ass dahling ;)
September 7, 2008 10:37 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
^^^^ I agree with the last post.
That poster responded just a little too quickly--hunched over the computer with nothing else to do...they sound VERY little bitter. It's just a hair website.
September 7, 2008 10:46 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I think you really hurt abenyo's feelings, she's been extra angry and rude lately!
September 7, 2008 10:47 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
abenyo has always been rude and angry and yes it is because she is ugly and never has a man
September 7, 2008 11:00 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
There are some nice posters on the site. There are really just a few that are irritating.
September 7, 2008 11:11 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
damn this has grown. Aside from D lewis who I love, who the hell are the nice posters cause all them hoes are bitter and evil.
September 7, 2008 11:14 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
ella is very sweet. Dlewis is cool...um...who else is nice? Oh well.
September 7, 2008 11:22 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
FlowerHair is very nice.
September 7, 2008 11:24 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I guess iris gets on people's nerves or whatever but she seems nice to me.
September 7, 2008 2:17 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
The reason why fire will never be banned is because they are personal friends so keep holding your breath on that one. If you think there is bs on LHCF you need to check out dirty girlz. Those are what you call miserable bitches. The chat crew have also gone to worlds unknown, but who are they kidding, people know where they are. All them chicks are nice I like flower, dlewis and sylver even though she wont give you the time of day if you not light and pretty, she ok.
September 7, 2008 3:25 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Whoever it is that wants me to spend time wondering about other things, and the other that called me a bitch, only makes me even more curious what Bev looks like. Why are you'll so defensive? Does it have something to do with her hair?
September 7, 2008 4:56 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I am really curious (and since they won't answer this on the site without closing or deleting a thread), how does one really get banned? I know if you curse, or call someone ugly you get banned.
However, it sounds as though if you offend an 'untouchable' you get banned.
September 7, 2008 5:53 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
To the poster right above-
There seems to be different rules for different people. We could tell you rules all day and you could still do the wrong the to the wrong person and get banned.
September 7, 2008 6:20 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Don't tell me bev is a bald headit bitch! LOL!
September 7, 2008 6:22 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Thanks anonymous @6:20. This is my thinking too.
September 7, 2008 6:57 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I wonder who actually is 'untouchable', besides blosss and fire.
September 7, 2008 6:59 PM
Anonymous Cerchier said...
Chellero and Vevster come to mind as untouchable. Hell, Chellero said I need more dick. But some of the mods use less than subtle comments to target people.
Btw, I've cursed, but never called anyone ugly, and I made the banned 3 times. The girl who used scary to describe someones pic is most definitely not banned so, you may call someone ugly, with the right adjective.
September 8, 2008 9:06 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
what happened to aloofone? is she banned?
September 8, 2008 12:21 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Why was MissScarlet banned?!?!?!
September 8, 2008 12:32 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This is juicer than the actual board! Did the creator get banned? I wonder why they abandoned it.
September 8, 2008 4:06 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Aloofone is not banned. There is some info on here and on the Niko's step-cousin blog about why MissScarlet may have been banned or just left.
September 8, 2008 4:18 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Aloofone hasn't been banned.
I also think the meaning of being an 'untouchable' is that one says something and everyone agrees with them, and doesn't question their statement. However, if another person were to say the exact same thing, everyone would disagree, call them an idiot, or completely ignore them etc...
There are a few people on the site who everyone blindly agrees with, even if what they are saying is something someone else may have said already.
September 8, 2008 5:01 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This blog and that one that closed down were hard on aloofone, I could understand why she wouldn't want to come back. She can be confrontational, but she is not the worst one on the board, I don't know why she was targeted.
September 8, 2008 6:05 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
She looks like a used turd and always wants attention. She was actually talking about being a model. Bitch, please.
September 10, 2008 9:37 AM
Comment deleted
This post has been removed by the author.
September 10, 2008 12:27 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This thread is pathetic, the poster doesn't even have that much hair!
http://www.longhaircareforum.com/forums/showthread.php?t=278305
September 10, 2008 12:29 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This comment section is hilarious - It's like the Special Ed. version of DGSC - or maybe it's the ugly twin with the club foot and headgear.
"Who needs dates and parties and friends anyway!"
*stomps orthopedic shoe*
*sucks on asthma inhaler*
LMMFAO
September 10, 2008 3:25 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
It's so pathetic you couldn't help but to make an appearance, right? Which means you read it, right? No need to be ashamed. Welcome :D
September 10, 2008 3:33 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Yeah, because it takes sooo much time to comment here, unlike the full time careers some of the lhcf chicks make out of posting. Shoot, I wish I had the time on my hands some of those chicks have. At least here things are a little more real and to the point.
September 10, 2008 3:38 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I meant the pathetic comment at the girl who found it hilarious, not the one who quoted the thread on LHCF about taking 5-6 hours to wash uneven sl hair. Am I the only one that thinks most of the heffa's who claim to be trimming or dusting and go from bsl to apl are really just trying to hide their hair breaking off?
September 10, 2008 3:38 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
"Am I the only one that thinks most of the heffa's who claim to be trimming or dusting and go from bsl to apl are really just trying to hide their hair breaking off?"
I agree with this. They are ashamed, or in denial.
September 10, 2008 3:46 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I love how certain posters have to show off the clothing and the outfits they have in their signatures.
September 11, 2008 9:11 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Heh, there was one member all about her clothes and trying to show off. So much so that she took pics in the changing rooms of stores and tried to pass off the clothes as stuff she owned. Someone busted her when they recognized the carpet. lmao
September 11, 2008 3:48 PM
Anonymous abenyo said...
Hey I'm popular!!!
Thanks for keeping me on your minds. Don't know who the hell ya'll are nor do I care, but ya'll still got your feelings hurt. stop being simple and such idiots that are posting on a blog in disguise. You hate the board yet you keep coming back. Stop acting like bitches.. Got issues? solve it.
-Abenyo
September 11, 2008 9:02 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
The bitter bitch cant do anymore blogs!
LMAO!!!!!!!
September 12, 2008 3:55 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
can you update the blog? I want some gossip
September 12, 2008 4:24 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Yeah, I want an update too. Why do you all call everyone bitter bitches that calls you out on your stank attitudes? Perhaps you forget the numerous girl's hair vids on youtube you diss in threads only to have them find out and have them defend themselves. What about the girl who made the vid of the dog shitting on the lhcf screen while a horse makes noises because members use horse products? It can't be everyone else. If ppl are making blogs, vids, and long forum threads about one sites attitude then the members should take a long look in the mirror.
September 12, 2008 5:30 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Oh in case you forgot the long forum thread I'm talking about was on Lipstick Alley.
September 12, 2008 5:34 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
@3:48, yes. and i think sleekandbouncy does this too. why?
September 12, 2008 6:04 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
It's High School all over again. The Mean Girls, The Outcasts, and The Suck ups who want to be mean girls abound. There are some nice members but they don't run the place.
September 12, 2008 10:39 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I know sleekandbouncy does this. If she shows her face, maybe someone will recognize her and put her on blast like Jlove.
September 12, 2008 10:54 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
abenyo
sit down hoe
nobody care about your ugly gremlin face ass
September 12, 2008 11:00 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Don't hate me for saying this but, why do the African's, with stern ass features, never smile? You're bound to look like a gremlin. Smile Abenyo...and Aloofone, too, if you ever decide to show your face again.
September 12, 2008 11:40 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6iVk9H8FHKc
This is the vid! Lma. Thanks!
September 12, 2008 11:55 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
yeah, that is probably why she doesn't want to show her face...she doesn't want to be put on blast. LOL!
September 12, 2008 11:56 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Hey, Abenyo, what did you think about Miss Scarlett dissing you as too ghetto?
September 12, 2008 12:12 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Shouldn't barbiesocialite top talking about how to get men, when she is a dyke?
September 12, 2008 9:14 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Barbiesocialite doesn't have enough integrity to leave like the other lesbian, that was like a scientist. LHCF site doesn't support -heterosexual, non-christian people.
September 13, 2008 12:15 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I meant non-heterosexual!
September 13, 2008 12:16 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Yeah, abenyo you are real "popular". We are entertained by your monkey-looking ass!
September 14, 2008 3:40 PM
Anonymous abenyo said...
To all you bitches get a fucking life. stick a saw down your throat and pull it out the other end. As for the asshole from DGZ I'm waiting for you bitch, come out come out. I'm not popular but ya'll sure talk about me and think about me all day everyday. Moron that would tell you that I'm atleast important enough for ya'll to be studying me like freakin dykes. Don't worry about the way I look, maybe you should worry about getting a life and stop posting on a blog anonymously about me. I mean how fucking pathetic. It's going on some months now and ya'll still gonna talk about me. Talk about press. LOL oooo some females think I look ugly, boo fucking hoo. Bitches there is soo much to this world then the pettiness you are displaying. Ya'll say the other forums are High school what do you call grown woman talking about someone behind their backs? Mature is not what comes to mind. But hey keep saying I'm ugly, lol I don't go that route and never will. And the bitch that constantly want to talk about africa, lol what are you.. oh let me guess you just got fucked by some foreign dick and now you got indian or whatever in you right? May you prosper in lice infected locks, long lasting shedding, breakage that never stops, and head sores that no ACV or surgery will cure.
Have fun!
September 14, 2008 9:09 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
LOL, you sure seem to like it here, Abenyo, you can't seem to stay away!
Boy, you sure told everyone!
September 14, 2008 9:37 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Abenyo you sure are a mad ugly porch monkey.You also have no idea just how many people hate your stupid ugly dumb ass. Watch out for the ones who feed you info. Stupid rabid bitch.
September 14, 2008 9:51 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I see everyone is fired up tonight. LMAO!
September 14, 2008 9:54 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Abenyo you are being worked over big time.
September 14, 2008 10:09 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
She sure is. Looking like the fool who birth her ugly ass.
September 14, 2008 10:13 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Shut up abenyo!that was funny though but you still ugly. Ok on to the rest of them, is JR and Candy an item? JR got a deep voice like a man, bod like one too and Candy look like a rat.
September 14, 2008 10:14 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
For someone who doesn't care you sho keep bringin' you ass back! Sounds like you have no life Abenyo, or you can't stand not having yo monkey ass kissed!
September 14, 2008 10:25 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
so what happened to abenyo, they were supposed to have a meeting and she was stood up?
September 14, 2008 11:35 PM
Anonymous In-Adequate said...
DANG!!! Im dying at how all you LHCF members have turned this shit into a forum. But the anonymous posting is on some bitch shit.
September 15, 2008 1:53 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Hilfigher looks like a man too. That head on her hair stays looking like s brillo pad. Talk about creature from another planet. She stays cosigning on some stupid shit. Another ugly African monkey.
September 15, 2008 5:20 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Bint or OAHQ is always talking about someone's look. She got a identity crisis. She shouldn't be talking about others. That baby of hers might come out looking as ugly as her.
September 15, 2008 5:28 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
TSU you look like a pork oink oink with lipstick. Step away from the table take a few step out the kitchen and run to the gym. No woman should weigh gazillion pounds starve yourself bitch then maybe your man won't be fucking someone else.
September 15, 2008 5:33 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
What about that welfare hoe with the second hand store? What's her name acidrain? Oh summerrain lol aint nothing summer about that hoe. Even her own mama don't want her.
September 15, 2008 5:36 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Wow someone really has a lot to say. Get a life!!! What have any of these people done to you to warrant you talking about someone's mother, weight, hair or child. Everyone on this blog that comes here to talk about people maliciously has real world issues they need to contend with. Is the internet that serious that you just have to let it be known you do not like another person's font? You all do not know these people in real life so why are you wasting so much time airing out these dumb ass comments on a blog? Log off, spend time you with your family, read a book, go plant a tree find a hobby that actually benefits society instead of being evil bitches sitting about your computer typing nasty remarks.
I bet everyone who is typing mean things are probably trying to be or friends with the person they are talking about. I urge all of you to just end this and stop giving this blog attention and it will die out eventually. To the people who have been hurt by the comments do not take it personally as the person who said it is too much of a coward to say it to you personally.
September 15, 2008 7:08 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
great, another fucking lecture!
We've been told once again!
September 15, 2008 8:55 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
How is it so many women in one forum are manless and lonely. I see plenty of black couples! I think these chicks have so many issues they scare off any men who might be interested.
Out of my family and friends, no one is sitting around moaning about having no black man! They either have one or can easily find one. There has to be something really wrong with those women, and it ain't all about geography, either.
September 15, 2008 10:25 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
These women are a bunch of hipocrites! Can someone please tell me how the hell that WHORE blossom can post all this shit about fucking every random WHITE MAN and she gets apllauded. WHAT THE FUCK! There is a thread on superhead and these bitches have the most shit to say, but not on her thread. Where is Que, Bint and all the others that are on that holier than thou bullshit? Why not pop in there and tell it like it is. You all are all thinking it (SHE A HOE) but you congatulating her? a site full of fucking hipocrites.
September 15, 2008 10:51 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
damn
September 15, 2008 10:52 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
How the fuck you gonna have a name like Jessica rabbit and you look like a mack truck? and candy is ugly lol.
September 15, 2008 10:54 AM
Anonymous Cerchier said...
Wtf! I got some reading to do!
September 15, 2008 1:31 PM
Anonymous Heat/Glam said...
Piece of advice to one anonymous person. If you want to remain "anonymous" you might want to step of the soapbox of an issue that you usually post about on the forum. You might get found out quick. I hate anonymity, but if you are gonna do it at least be smart as you seem to be on the forum.
September 15, 2008 2:07 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
She aint the only one "on the forum"! lmao. Look around you!
September 15, 2008 2:24 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
who is this?
http://img61.imageshack.us/img61/548/bevgg6.png
September 15, 2008 3:00 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Nooooo! Please don't tell me that is Bev. Great day in the lacefront wearing, soup cooling, wannabe video ho morning! Image saved for future use.
September 15, 2008 3:12 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Lawd somebody finally posted them lol
September 15, 2008 3:15 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
that is what she looks like? no wonder she hides her face at meetups. if i look like that i would ban the cute women too.
September 15, 2008 3:31 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Damn, if that's really her, she ugly! And stank! No wonder she didn't want these posted! Can we get some verification so I can pass these around?
September 15, 2008 3:34 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
i wonder did she find jesus wearing those leopard panties?
September 15, 2008 3:40 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
What in the Mr.Ed stunt double hell is going on with her in these pics?
September 15, 2008 3:46 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I can verify that is her.
September 15, 2008 3:55 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Wow, my puppet just got banned forever. You suck, Beverly. And yeah, I did see you in your tiger panties before I asked you that legitimate question.
September 15, 2008 3:58 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
I should add, either Bev is a liar, and does know when people are banned and for what, or she is as dumb as she looks in her pics, and her mods do the banning.
September 15, 2008 4:00 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
you're right; sleekandbouncy loves to show off her clothing...on a hair forum. LOL!
September 15, 2008 4:07 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This is too much, you need to take that down. Maybe she has a reason she doesn't want those seen. Has she really done anything to any of you personally for you to be this evil? Please delete that link before more people see it.
September 15, 2008 4:08 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Get real. The reason she doesn't want anyone to see it is because she doesn't want people to know she is, well, visually unappealing but, more to the point, she wears a wig. Queen hypocrite, and now, to me, confirmed liar. Where's her hair? LHCF admin---wig---does not compute. Why is she the only one that ALWAYS hides her hair? Toofus notwithstanding.
September 15, 2008 4:14 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
all those bitches in bikinis in avatars and sigs and you want to call out sleekandbouncy who is fully dressed?
as far as bev if she did not want those picture seen she should have never took them.
September 15, 2008 4:15 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Gin looks like a horse too her ugly ass.
September 15, 2008 4:23 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Sleekandbouncy thats u huh?
September 15, 2008 4:41 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I'm reading through the "this thread is closed" files and vevster actually asked where MissScarlett is at about the time it was brought up here. Allandra shut it down with a quickness. Calling ppl on their shit there works! I thought the two stickies Allandra wrote about ppl watching their ass after we got rolling was coincidence but it isn't.
September 15, 2008 4:57 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I'm still surprised they banned the bitch.
September 15, 2008 5:42 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Since you can't ask on the forum, why did MissScarlett get banned? Did she curse someone out?
September 15, 2008 5:49 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Read this blog and Niko's step-cousin. Apparently abenyo set up some big LHCF to do for MissScarlett and she dissed them for people she found more to her liking. She lied about and got called out and then... I don't know why, though. I'd be afraid to meet Abenyo too.
September 15, 2008 6:25 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
cerchier after that post u did i know u would be banned lol
September 15, 2008 6:32 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Me too. But God hates a bullshitter as much as I do.
September 15, 2008 6:34 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
The post I was banned for, if you aren't a member, was responding to the Toofus, I mean Bev, closing my thread without answering a question I asked about why i was banned. I wanted the post I was accused of insulting a member. I told her the only fraction for Cerchier was from feb. She came up with some bull...I don't know, I looked, can't find anything. Then she closed the thread. I started a new thread and I stated if, as an ADMIN, you really don't know why I was bannned, then I want to know who you gave the power to ban people to without your knowledge. Then I was banned...forever lmao
September 15, 2008 6:52 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Damn! Bitch look like predator!
September 15, 2008 9:45 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
cerchier u a mess lol
September 16, 2008 8:02 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I'm sorry, but some people need to be ashamed of themselves. Bitches using animal products and pussy creams to grow their hair and then will kill you if you say other women don't go to these extremes. Don't say anything about how creamy crack sets you back. Never seen so many college educated dumb asses.
September 16, 2008 1:20 PM
Anonymous Heat/Glam said...
How you gonna talk about hair methods that WORK. Yeah folk are using horse items and have long flowing hair, while others talk about there methods are sitting there at shoulder length for the past 5 years and wondering why. SMH
September 16, 2008 2:04 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
glam you need to stay your ass off this blog
i just read through the comments and you are always here
drama whore
i see bev got her shit cracked on the board
September 16, 2008 3:17 PM
Anonymous Heat/Glam said...
I'll leave when you annonys grow balls and put your name on comments. That ain't never gonna happen so looks like I'm a permanent fixture boo.
September 16, 2008 9:41 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
There are too many jesus freaks on that board!!!! You woman are sooo vain praying to God for long hair! You make God look like a JOKE!
The Christian section is sooo funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Masturbating when you are married is BAD!? LOLLLLL! That's why black women can't find a man, they worship GOD so much that they don't know how to treat a REAL man!
September 17, 2008 12:43 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
BEVERLY is taking advantage of you all!
BEVERLY is taking advantage of you all!
BEVERLY is taking advantage of you all!
$6.50!?
Oh don't give me that proverbial, PC BULLSHIT, "You pay more than that for a hair product" "Other sites charge more". AND?! There are TONS of sites on the net that give a wealth of information to their members, but you don't have to pay no damn fee (purseforum, thefashionspot, blackvoices, longhairlovers etc) WHy do you think those sites are FREE, but they still get revenue!?? ADS! ADS! Bev has ads all over that damn board "It takes money to run a site" she says, yes, but BITCH, you get AD money! And then she had the NEVER to increase the price! I guess that bitch is using that money to pay for her weaves!
Or maybe she uses the mooney for her tithes to Jeebus!!!
September 17, 2008 12:57 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Oh, no shit she is scamming people. But their are always fools to separate their money from.
September 17, 2008 5:07 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I guess $6.50 breaks some people's pockets and then again $6.50 is just a drop in the bucket for others.
Those who "got it like that" can pay if they want.
Who is it hurting?
September 17, 2008 5:18 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Crabs in a barrel!
September 17, 2008 7:20 AM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Yes. Crabs in a barrel. No one wants to recognize the truth so they drag everyone down to the level of lies. Love the wading pool, if you can.
6.50 doesn't break anyone willing to smear horse skin products on their hair that can cost 40 dollars. Forget the shedding you need to pay how much to correct? What was that other horse product you all spent more than 40 bucks to turn your necks and jewelry black, and left a smell like you worked for the circus. Bitch, wake up.
September 17, 2008 9:09 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
True cerchier. You know, there is knowledge to be gained from lhcf, but I think for some women it can be pretty harmful. All the bandwagons, and people trying to convince others to spend money they don't have. A weak minded person can easily get caught up, and a lot of those women are pretty weak minded. Their quest for that white beauty standard has clouded their minds. And yes, I know black women have all kinds of textures, blah blah, but I still think the most of the women on lhcf are checking for the white beauty, not black
September 17, 2008 9:17 AM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Preach.
September 17, 2008 12:02 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Why are so many of them married, dating white men?
September 17, 2008 12:05 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
They take up with those alien looking white men so they can have kids with 'good hair.' They are a bunch of self hating dumb ass women who don't have a clue. I have not seen one handsome ass white man attached to one of those nappy headed hoes. None of them look like they are about anything. It's perfectly okay to take up with some greasy ass white boy rather than a black man with plenty going for them.I quit reading when pankskates husband demanded she shave her nappy ass vajayjay. The punk wasn't man enuff to tackle that nappy ass jungle. The dumbness ran me away a long time ago.
September 17, 2008 3:06 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
OMG Pinkskates posted that? Her husband said that and she posted it? Abordeaux is the only person I have seen that has a nice looking white boy. The rest look horrible, I think KBragg's husband is probably the worst looking.
September 17, 2008 3:18 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
makes me really wonder who these chicks are growing hair for? The ugly ass white men they are with for sure. And can someone tell Oneya to shut the fuck up.
September 17, 2008 3:46 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Didnt I tell yall firecracker was all up in Bevs ass? what a coincidence that the minute Bev put them pics in her album, here come fire broadcasting it. I am sure if the other pic was not posted here we would not know who Mr. Ed was, lacefront and all.
September 17, 2008 3:49 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Wow, pinkskates husband demanded that? She seemed so in control. I didn't go to the fitness forum much but she seemed on top of her shit. That's embarrassing and gross. I don't knock interracial dating, but in the cases you're presenting, settling for some less than cute, prejudiced, crackerjack white man I do.
September 17, 2008 4:17 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
someone needs to knock some sense into thinkpinkprincess. I mean come on...homegirl is 19 and she doesn't know about Roots? Even if she didn't know, google exists for a reason.
September 17, 2008 9:37 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This thread about Pinkskates husband was quite hilarious:
http://www.longhaircareforum.com/forums/showthread.php?t=141647&highlight=brazillian+wax
September 17, 2008 11:44 PM
Anonymous Jennan said...
AWWW SHit! How tha fuck did i miss this Blog!!! LSA in the house!!! Seraphinelle is fat bitch, that cows always talking about fat people. Have you seen the rings round her neck???? Abenyo is hurt in the face for real. Bint/OAHQ,why the fuck si this woman obsessed with FAT people like seraphinelle? And her whole "i'm mixed afro arab/black women hate/rah rah i'm saudi bullshit* is Jarring.. This biotch claims to be married. Maybe to the computer?This coming from one afro arab bitch to another. Hoe sit your self down.
Whats her name, fabulosity. U ain't got a man cos ur ugly. And your hair looks like shit!Texlaxed tha fuck??? Sleek and Bouncy. I like her. But no i do not want to see what your wearing everyday. And no you are not fashionable, i'm euro s o u know this shit is innate to us. Whos that trick that can't spell?
U know what i'ma register tomorrow and post Bevs pics.Nah let me wait 2 weeks and have some fake arse hair pics. I'm mad i can't use Jennan. Oh and Beyondcute you can't catch me!!!
September 18, 2008 8:48 AM
Anonymous Jennan said...
Urgh u need to silvergirls husband( btw silvergirl has some serious self hate problems, do a search, she fucked a white supremacist for fucks sake! But she's got that 3B hair so everyone oohs) Her white man looks like something from the blue lagoon!!!!
foxie roxy is a man right?
aww shit i am bookmarking this blog
September 18, 2008 8:52 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
so funny jennan! sleekandbouncy just grates for some reason...
September 18, 2008 9:31 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I see you coward bitches are still huddled up in here on your hurt feeling hoe ass nigga circle jerk.
September 18, 2008 10:06 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I just want to warn you all that I will be getting the IPs of all the posters on this blog very soon. Connections, connections, connections. I have not decided what I will do with this info. I may use it to punk some of you or turn it over to Bev and Nikkos for mass bannings and outtings. Shit is for sure about to hit the fan.
September 18, 2008 10:10 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
oh no not that!
September 18, 2008 10:55 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
WTF are you gonna do sith some damn IP#s??? Somebody supposed to be scared of your ass? HTF is a punk gonna punk someone? Go brush your effin hair!
September 18, 2008 12:00 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I am going to have them match the IPs with your user names. Because I know most of you dumb bitches are not switching computers.
I have some of the IPs in my e-mail already.
September 18, 2008 12:11 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
You're getting the ip's on here from who? Bitch, scare tactics only work on the idiots you have under your control. How exactly do you plan to get Blogger to release the ip addresses of an anon poster without them having a big ass problem from every anon poster on their site. They allow anon for a reason. You are trying to scare the wrong person.
September 18, 2008 12:50 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I know someone that works at Google you donkey face trollop.
September 18, 2008 12:55 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I doubt you have anything, and so what if you do? We're already here, why stop posting? And those dumb asses don't check IP's when people re-register, the same people can get back in. Either do it or shut the fuck up and put some coochie cream or butt fungus or whatever on your hair.
September 18, 2008 12:57 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
And...that relates to Blogger, how? What you are trying to do is scare people from posting. If you'd like, I'll write to Blogger and find out under what circumstances they release a poster's ip address. If it's like most, including google, it's only when they violate the law. You're full of shit. Spit it out. It's making your breath stank.
September 18, 2008 12:59 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
It must be either Bev or Abenyo, the 2 who have been hit the hardest on this blog. Who else would care if we post here or not? If talking shit were a crime lhcf would have been shut down long ago.
September 18, 2008 1:10 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
You are a dumb bitch Cerchier. Google owns Blogger so you need to check your facts. I already told you that I KNOW someone so your little writing to get a release is stupid, because I am getting the info regardless of their policy. Obviously you are getting nervous.
September 18, 2008 1:16 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
cerchier has no reason to be nervous, she has already been banned.
September 18, 2008 1:21 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Ok, I'm asking Blogger if they are releasing some of their anon posters(remember, they help add to the ad sales) to some black chick running a website for black women who want long hair. Or if they ever have or give a shit enough to. Or, now that they know some baby daddy's first baby mama may have sent her second baby daddy to look, is that ok with them? You don't scare me, trick. You don't know anyone. Give it up.
September 18, 2008 1:22 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Waiting on that mass banning...
September 18, 2008 1:30 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I know enough to get your trollop ass writing response after response.
September 18, 2008 1:32 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
i think scarlett is back as zaynab
also why is ugly ass abenyo writing these damn sermons on the blog
we already know you mad
we wrote it to make you mad
her and that duck face friend of hers seraphineela
September 18, 2008 1:34 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Oh, don't degenerate now. And, trollop...really? Who says that now, Bev? Get me, please do you silly cunt.
Here is the letter I sent,
Hi,
I’m writing because I need to clearly understand your policy on submitting the Internet Protocol addresses of you members, specifically the anonymous posters, on Blogger, to those who request it. On the Blogspot http://nikoscousins.blogspot.com for Tuesday, August 12, 2008 in the comments toward the end there is a poster that asserts, through the use of someone she knows at who works at Google, the i.p. addresses of every poster in that comment section. Could you please tell me if this is true?
Sincerely,
September 18, 2008 1:37 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
lmao
cerchier is nervous as shit
September 18, 2008 1:52 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Umm...I'm already banned. I'm annoyed at shit that she's trying to play people here for fools, though.
September 18, 2008 1:57 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
cerchier you really do not have a life at all
you are posted up on this blog
writing day in and day out
now you are writing notes to blogger over some dumb bitch making idle threats
you really ought to find something more productive to do just one day a week
you look so pathetic
September 18, 2008 2:08 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
the board is having a database error
i know who is responsible for that
September 18, 2008 2:12 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
oh please get me banned and "outed" so fucking what? $6.50 is less than the price of a fucking magazine over here. Man i wish i could have seen the miss scarlett thread.What did she do when she got caught out? She got banned for lying? That ain't really a crime. Lord Summerrains boutique is horrid. Her clothes are cheap and nasty looking. Poor jlove just wanted to keep up with the jonses.I dunno why people picked on alfoone, yeah she was annoying but fucking hell other members irk me more. They are so fake. And damn i didn't know people hated Abenyo that much, yeah her eyes r like "the better to see you with my dear" but if ugliness was a crime more than half of LHCF would be doing time. I feel sorry for relaxer rehab. Fucking hell don't they have arranged marriages or something? Shes like nearly 60, obese, hurt in the face- she gonna be typing on LHCF till death comes knocking she ain't got nothing else to do.
There are some nice people there?
I dunno why people hated adequate so much. Her white man was ugly and she posted every aspect of her life, but she wasn't malicious.
J x
September 18, 2008 2:12 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
I actually think Adequate's man was one of the only handsome white men on the board.
To the other girl
As for me not having a life, consider this my new life. Similar to the life you have posting like a welfare queen on LHCF. But wait, you have even less of a life because you post here too.
September 18, 2008 2:19 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
this is only my 2nd post here
compared to how many you have
and how many times have you been banned and come back starting shit? the minute they turn your name back on. you probably have it marked on your calendar when your ban date is up.
bitch please
September 18, 2008 2:50 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Of course FoxieRoxie is a man.
September 18, 2008 3:13 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Wasn't there a real tranny at one time? Not just someone who looks like one, a real one.
September 18, 2008 3:21 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
FoxyRoxy is a tranny so is Queeny.
September 18, 2008 3:35 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
I'm pretty sure foxyroxy, I hit up her fotki whe the whole "were you born a man" shite went off in ot, is a man. But she is nice. Queeny...
September 18, 2008 3:55 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Oh, I thought you guys were talking about FoxyScholar!
I don't think MissScarlett made the banned over "DC gate" because she continued to post well after that. She did something else to make the banned.
September 18, 2008 4:49 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
There was a thread a while back that got deleted because everyone was calling someone "leatherface". Who is leatherface?
September 18, 2008 4:56 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Queeny is one of the fakest bitches on that site. She stay gossiping but yet claims to be a christian. I am waiting for her ass to be put on blast for the fake that she is. Always posting up those burnt crispy looking children like someone gives a damn. Queeny, Ms.Honey, Nice & Wavy, Shimmy all those bitches that stay on the Christian forum are fake gossipy bitches, but Queeny is the main one.
September 18, 2008 5:49 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Who does this blog belong to?
September 18, 2008 5:50 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I don't know who started, but I think they made the banned, which is why they don't maintain it.
September 18, 2008 6:03 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Yeah, the poster who started this doesn't update but reading through the posts, you guys do. Keep it up.
September 18, 2008 6:28 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Didn't someone say Passionfruit did it?
September 19, 2008 7:23 PM
Anonymous said...
who is this?
http://img61.imageshack.us/img61/548/bevgg6.png
It's BEV! Check out the bitch you worship in her best ghetto ho pose with leopard draws and teeth that make mr. ed jealous!
September 19, 2008 7:27 PM
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very long weekend. Give me a minute to gather my thoughts about why the star of the show only wanted to talk to 2 people and did not want her picture taken. Really Beverly, there is no need to cover your face. Most of us have seen way more than just your face. Forget Kim K, I am sure OT would be abuzz if they had a chance to see your pics. We will see.
Also pouring out liquor for those that can't cover their tracks.
Via user request:
Dear Aloofone,
There has been a collection taken up by members of the collective hairboards to refund you the $6.50 AND to pay for psychotherapy. Aloof is not just a username. It describes your posting capability to a T. The utter stupidity that seems to escape your backpedaling mouth on the regular really cracks me up! :lachen: I will forgo the comedy, that is your posts, because I know you need help. That, and I'm tired of seeing your ugly ass face. Please do not call me a hater like that old ass Iris (is she collecting SSI benefits yet?). I do no hate anyone. I hate personalities, characteristics, faces, etc. But people do not fall under that category.
Sincerely,
Nikos "Non-Hater" Dimopoulos I had a very long weekend. Give me a minute to gather my thoughts about why the star of the show only wanted to talk to 2 people and did not want her picture taken. Really Beverly, there is no need to cover your face. Most of us have seen way more than just your face. Forget Kim K, I am sure OT would be abuzz if they had a chance to see your pics. We will see.
Also pouring out liquor for those that can't cover their tracks.
Via user request:
Dear Aloofone,
There has been a collection taken up by members of the collective hairboards to refund you the $6.50 AND to pay for psychotherapy. Aloof is not just a username. It describes your posting capability to a T. The utter stupidity that seems to escape your backpedaling mouth on the regular really cracks me up! :lachen: I will forgo the comedy, that is your posts, because I know you need help. That, and I'm tired of seeing your ugly ass face. Please do not call me a hater like that old ass Iris (is she collecting SSI benefits yet?). I do no hate anyone. I hate personalities, characteristics, faces, etc. But people do not fall under that category.
Sincerely,
Nikos "Non-Hater" Dimopoulos I had a very long weekend. Give me a minute to gather my thoughts about why the star of the show only wanted to talk to 2 people and did not want her picture taken. Really Beverly, there is no need to cover your face. Most of us have seen way more than just your face. Forget Kim K, I am sure OT would be abuzz if they had a chance to see your pics. We will see.
Also pouring out liquor for those that can't cover their tracks.
Via user request:
Dear Aloofone,
There has been a collection taken up by members of the collective hairboards to refund you the $6.50 AND to pay for psychotherapy. Aloof is not just a username. It describes your posting capability to a T. The utter stupidity that seems to escape your backpedaling mouth on the regular really cracks me up! :lachen: I will forgo the comedy, that is your posts, because I know you need help. That, and I'm tired of seeing your ugly ass face. Please do not call me a hater like that old ass Iris (is she collecting SSI benefits yet?). I do no hate anyone. I hate personalities, characteristics, faces, etc. But people do not fall under that category.
Sincerely,
Nikos "Non-Hater" Dimopoulos I had a very long weekend. Give me a minute to gather my thoughts about why the star of the show only wanted to talk to 2 people and did not want her picture taken. Really Beverly, there is no need to cover your face. Most of us have seen way more than just your face. Forget Kim K, I am sure OT would be abuzz if they had a chance to see your pics. We will see.
Also pouring out liquor for those that can't cover their tracks.
Via user request:
Dear Aloofone,
There has been a collection taken up by members of the collective hairboards to refund you the $6.50 AND to pay for psychotherapy. Aloof is not just a username. It describes your posting capability to a T. The utter stupidity that seems to escape your backpedaling mouth on the regular really cracks me up! :lachen: I will forgo the comedy, that is your posts, because I know you need help. That, and I'm tired of seeing your ugly ass face. Please do not call me a hater like that old ass Iris (is she collecting SSI benefits yet?). I do no hate anyone. I hate personalities, characteristics, faces, etc. But people do not fall under that category.
Sincerely,
Nikos "Non-Hater" Dimopoulos I had a very long weekend. Give me a minute to gather my thoughts about why the star of the show only wanted to talk to 2 people and did not want her picture taken. Really Beverly, there is no need to cover your face. Most of us have seen way more than just your face. Forget Kim K, I am sure OT would be abuzz if they had a chance to see your pics. We will see.
Also pouring out liquor for those that can't cover their tracks.
Via user request:
Dear Aloofone,
There has been a collection taken up by members of the collective hairboards to refund you the $6.50 AND to pay for psychotherapy. Aloof is not just a username. It describes your posting capability to a T. The utter stupidity that seems to escape your backpedaling mouth on the regular really cracks me up! :lachen: I will forgo the comedy, that is your posts, because I know you need help. That, and I'm tired of seeing your ugly ass face. Please do not call me a hater like that old ass Iris (is she collecting SSI benefits yet?). I do no hate anyone. I hate personalities, characteristics, faces, etc. But people do not fall under that category.
Sincerely,
Nikos "Non-Hater" Dimopoulos I had a very long weekend. Give me a minute to gather my thoughts about why the star of the show only wanted to talk to 2 people and did not want her picture taken. Really Beverly, there is no need to cover your face. Most of us have seen way more than just your face. Forget Kim K, I am sure OT would be abuzz if they had a chance to see your pics. We will see.
Also pouring out liquor for those that can't cover their tracks.
Via user request:
Dear Aloofone,
There has been a collection taken up by members of the collective hairboards to refund you the $6.50 AND to pay for psychotherapy. Aloof is not just a username. It describes your posting capability to a T. The utter stupidity that seems to escape your backpedaling mouth on the regular really cracks me up! :lachen: I will forgo the comedy, that is your posts, because I know you need help. That, and I'm tired of seeing your ugly ass face. Please do not call me a hater like that old ass Iris (is she collecting SSI benefits yet?). I do no hate anyone. I hate personalities, characteristics, faces, etc. But people do not fall under that category.
Sincerely,
Nikos "Non-Hater" Dimopoulos I had a very long weekend. Give me a minute to gather my thoughts about why the star of the show only wanted to talk to 2 people and did not want her picture taken. Really Beverly, there is no need to cover your face. Most of us have seen way more than just your face. Forget Kim K, I am sure OT would be abuzz if they had a chance to see your pics. We will see.
Also pouring out liquor for those that can't cover their tracks.
Via user request:
Dear Aloofone,
There has been a collection taken up by members of the collective hairboards to refund you the $6.50 AND to pay for psychotherapy. Aloof is not just a username. It describes your posting capability to a T. The utter stupidity that seems to escape your backpedaling mouth on the regular really cracks me up! :lachen: I will forgo the comedy, that is your posts, because I know you need help. That, and I'm tired of seeing your ugly ass face. Please do not call me a hater like that old ass Iris (is she collecting SSI benefits yet?). I do no hate anyone. I hate personalities, characteristics, faces, etc. But people do not fall under that category.
Sincerely,
Nikos "Non-Hater" Dimopoulos I had a very long weekend. Give me a minute to gather my thoughts about why the star of the show only wanted to talk to 2 people and did not want her picture taken. Really Beverly, there is no need to cover your face. Most of us have seen way more than just your face. Forget Kim K, I am sure OT would be abuzz if they had a chance to see your pics. We will see.
Also pouring out liquor for those that can't cover their tracks.
Via user request:
Dear Aloofone,
There has been a collection taken up by members of the collective hairboards to refund you the $6.50 AND to pay for psychotherapy. Aloof is not just a username. It describes your posting capability to a T. The utter stupidity that seems to escape your backpedaling mouth on the regular really cracks me up! :lachen: I will forgo the comedy, that is your posts, because I know you need help. That, and I'm tired of seeing your ugly ass face. Please do not call me a hater like that old ass Iris (is she collecting SSI benefits yet?). I do no hate anyone. I hate personalities, characteristics, faces, etc. But people do not fall under that category.
Sincerely,
Nikos "Non-Hater" Dimopoulos
September 19, 2008 6:21 AM
Anonymous said...
I had a very long weekend. Give me a minute to gather my thoughts about why the star of the show only wanted to talk to 2 people and did not want her picture taken. Really Beverly, there is no need to cover your face. Most of us have seen way more than just your face. Forget Kim K, I am sure OT would be abuzz if they had a chance to see your pics. We will see.
Also pouring out liquor for those that can't cover their tracks.
Via user request:
Dear Aloofone,
There has been a collection taken up by members of the collective hairboards to refund you the $6.50 AND to pay for psychotherapy. Aloof is not just a username. It describes your posting capability to a T. The utter stupidity that seems to escape your backpedaling mouth on the regular really cracks me up! :lachen: I will forgo the comedy, that is your posts, because I know you need help. That, and I'm tired of seeing your ugly ass face. Please do not call me a hater like that old ass Iris (is she collecting SSI benefits yet?). I do no hate anyone. I hate personalities, characteristics, faces, etc. But people do not fall under that category.
Sincerely,
Nikos "Non-Hater" Dimopoulos I had a very long weekend. Give me a minute to gather my thoughts about why the star of the show only wanted to talk to 2 people and did not want her picture taken. Really Beverly, there is no need to cover your face. Most of us have seen way more than just your face. Forget Kim K, I am sure OT would be abuzz if they had a chance to see your pics. We will see.
Also pouring out liquor for those that can't cover their tracks.
Via user request:
Dear Aloofone,
There has been a collection taken up by members of the collective hairboards to refund you the $6.50 AND to pay for psychotherapy. Aloof is not just a username. It describes your posting capability to a T. The utter stupidity that seems to escape your backpedaling mouth on the regular really cracks me up! :lachen: I will forgo the comedy, that is your posts, because I know you need help. That, and I'm tired of seeing your ugly ass face. Please do not call me a hater like that old ass Iris (is she collecting SSI benefits yet?). I do no hate anyone. I hate personalities, characteristics, faces, etc. But people do not fall under that category.
Sincerely,
Nikos "Non-Hater" Dimopoulos I had a very long weekend. Give me a minute to gather my thoughts about why the star of the show only wanted to talk to 2 people and did not want her picture taken. Really Beverly, there is no need to cover your face. Most of us have seen way more than just your face. Forget Kim K, I am sure OT would be abuzz if they had a chance to see your pics. We will see.
Also pouring out liquor for those that can't cover their tracks.
Via user request:
Dear Aloofone,
There has been a collection taken up by members of the collective hairboards to refund you the $6.50 AND to pay for psychotherapy. Aloof is not just a username. It describes your posting capability to a T. The utter stupidity that seems to escape your backpedaling mouth on the regular really cracks me up! :lachen: I will forgo the comedy, that is your posts, because I know you need help. That, and I'm tired of seeing your ugly ass face. Please do not call me a hater like that old ass Iris (is she collecting SSI benefits yet?). I do no hate anyone. I hate personalities, characteristics, faces, etc. But people do not fall under that category.
Sincerely,
Nikos "Non-Hater" Dimopoulos I had a very long weekend. Give me a minute to gather my thoughts about why the star of the show only wanted to talk to 2 people and did not want her picture taken. Really Beverly, there is no need to cover your face. Most of us have seen way more than just your face. Forget Kim K, I am sure OT would be abuzz if they had a chance to see your pics. We will see.
Also pouring out liquor for those that can't cover their tracks.
Via user request:
Dear Aloofone,
There has been a collection taken up by members of the collective hairboards to refund you the $6.50 AND to pay for psychotherapy. Aloof is not just a username. It describes your posting capability to a T. The utter stupidity that seems to escape your backpedaling mouth on the regular really cracks me up! :lachen: I will forgo the comedy, that is your posts, because I know you need help. That, and I'm tired of seeing your ugly ass face. Please do not call me a hater like that old ass Iris (is she collecting SSI benefits yet?). I do no hate anyone. I hate personalities, characteristics, faces, etc. But people do not fall under that category.
Sincerely,
Nikos "Non-Hater" Dimopoulos I had a very long weekend. Give me a minute to gather my thoughts about why the star of the show only wanted to talk to 2 people and did not want her picture taken. Really Beverly, there is no need to cover your face. Most of us have seen way more than just your face. Forget Kim K, I am sure OT would be abuzz if they had a chance to see your pics. We will see.
Also pouring out liquor for those that can't cover their tracks.
Via user request:
Dear Aloofone,
There has been a collection taken up by members of the collective hairboards to refund you the $6.50 AND to pay for psychotherapy. Aloof is not just a username. It describes your posting capability to a T. The utter stupidity that seems to escape your backpedaling mouth on the regular really cracks me up! :lachen: I will forgo the comedy, that is your posts, because I know you need help. That, and I'm tired of seeing your ugly ass face. Please do not call me a hater like that old ass Iris (is she collecting SSI benefits yet?). I do no hate anyone. I hate personalities, characteristics, faces, etc. But people do not fall under that category.
Sincerely,
Nikos "Non-Hater" Dimopoulos
September 19, 2008 6:22 AM
Anonymous said...
hey (the moderators of Long Hair Care Forum) have started another round of banning. I'm still there. Pouring out liqour for those who aren't. That $6.50 has some mods "Stunnin." (So not in touch with the real world, bitch its Stunting, as in doing tricks, slut bag) Y'all better stop giving those ungrateful folks your money! That's money well spent on hair products, gas, food, or a bootleg education on the web. Or join a site that isn't ran by a bunch of hippogrits. On the list so far... MPJ (Miss Plain Jane), Mizanilocs (formerly Mizanimami and 2nd time entering a-banned-done-ment), Beautifulisaunderstatment (damn thats a long ass name, formerly banned but not sure who she is) and MissScarlett. You all probably remember MissS from the meet up scandal. She ditched some folks who set up a "coming to town" parade (Abenyo) in her honor to hang out with more down to earth folks (Sylver and Army). I mean MissS sort of apolo-lied. BUT they still haven't banned "Alexis." Oh you don't know who Alexis is? Its the person who HACKED into MissS's account and posted the PM's that exposed the whole thing. But really Alexis is Bev. Yes bitch we know. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned) hey (the moderators of Long Hair Care Forum) have started another round of banning. I'm still there. Pouring out liqour for those who aren't. That $6.50 has some mods "Stunnin." (So not in touch with the real world, bitch its Stunting, as in doing tricks, slut bag) Y'all better stop giving those ungrateful folks your money! That's money well spent on hair products, gas, food, or a bootleg education on the web. Or join a site that isn't ran by a bunch of hippogrits. On the list so far... MPJ (Miss Plain Jane), Mizanilocs (formerly Mizanimami and 2nd time entering a-banned-done-ment), Beautifulisaunderstatment (damn thats a long ass name, formerly banned but not sure who she is) and MissScarlett. You all probably remember MissS from the meet up scandal. She ditched some folks who set up a "coming to town" parade (Abenyo) in her honor to hang out with more down to earth folks (Sylver and Army). I mean MissS sort of apolo-lied. BUT they still haven't banned "Alexis." Oh you don't know who Alexis is? Its the person who HACKED into MissS's account and posted the PM's that exposed the whole thing. But really Alexis is Bev. Yes bitch we know. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned) hey (the moderators of Long Hair Care Forum) have started another round of banning. I'm still there. Pouring out liqour for those who aren't. That $6.50 has some mods "Stunnin." (So not in touch with the real world, bitch its Stunting, as in doing tricks, slut bag) Y'all better stop giving those ungrateful folks your money! That's money well spent on hair products, gas, food, or a bootleg education on the web. Or join a site that isn't ran by a bunch of hippogrits. On the list so far... MPJ (Miss Plain Jane), Mizanilocs (formerly Mizanimami and 2nd time entering a-banned-done-ment), Beautifulisaunderstatment (damn thats a long ass name, formerly banned but not sure who she is) and MissScarlett. You all probably remember MissS from the meet up scandal. She ditched some folks who set up a "coming to town" parade (Abenyo) in her honor to hang out with more down to earth folks (Sylver and Army). I mean MissS sort of apolo-lied. BUT they still haven't banned "Alexis." Oh you don't know who Alexis is? Its the person who HACKED into MissS's account and posted the PM's that exposed the whole thing. But really Alexis is Bev. Yes bitch we know. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned) hey (the moderators of Long Hair Care Forum) have started another round of banning. I'm still there. Pouring out liqour for those who aren't. That $6.50 has some mods "Stunnin." (So not in touch with the real world, bitch its Stunting, as in doing tricks, slut bag) Y'all better stop giving those ungrateful folks your money! That's money well spent on hair products, gas, food, or a bootleg education on the web. Or join a site that isn't ran by a bunch of hippogrits. On the list so far... MPJ (Miss Plain Jane), Mizanilocs (formerly Mizanimami and 2nd time entering a-banned-done-ment), Beautifulisaunderstatment (damn thats a long ass name, formerly banned but not sure who she is) and MissScarlett. You all probably remember MissS from the meet up scandal. She ditched some folks who set up a "coming to town" parade (Abenyo) in her honor to hang out with more down to earth folks (Sylver and Army). I mean MissS sort of apolo-lied. BUT they still haven't banned "Alexis." Oh you don't know who Alexis is? Its the person who HACKED into MissS's account and posted the PM's that exposed the whole thing. But really Alexis is Bev. Yes bitch we know. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned) hey (the moderators of Long Hair Care Forum) have started another round of banning. I'm still there. Pouring out liqour for those who aren't. That $6.50 has some mods "Stunnin." (So not in touch with the real world, bitch its Stunting, as in doing tricks, slut bag) Y'all better stop giving those ungrateful folks your money! That's money well spent on hair products, gas, food, or a bootleg education on the web. Or join a site that isn't ran by a bunch of hippogrits. On the list so far... MPJ (Miss Plain Jane), Mizanilocs (formerly Mizanimami and 2nd time entering a-banned-done-ment), Beautifulisaunderstatment (damn thats a long ass name, formerly banned but not sure who she is) and MissScarlett. You all probably remember MissS from the meet up scandal. She ditched some folks who set up a "coming to town" parade (Abenyo) in her honor to hang out with more down to earth folks (Sylver and Army). I mean MissS sort of apolo-lied. BUT they still haven't banned "Alexis." Oh you don't know who Alexis is? Its the person who HACKED into MissS's account and posted the PM's that exposed the whole thing. But really Alexis is Bev. Yes bitch we know. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned) hey (the moderators of Long Hair Care Forum) have started another round of banning. I'm still there. Pouring out liqour for those who aren't. That $6.50 has some mods "Stunnin." (So not in touch with the real world, bitch its Stunting, as in doing tricks, slut bag) Y'all better stop giving those ungrateful folks your money! That's money well spent on hair products, gas, food, or a bootleg education on the web. Or join a site that isn't ran by a bunch of hippogrits. On the list so far... MPJ (Miss Plain Jane), Mizanilocs (formerly Mizanimami and 2nd time entering a-banned-done-ment), Beautifulisaunderstatment (damn thats a long ass name, formerly banned but not sure who she is) and MissScarlett. You all probably remember MissS from the meet up scandal. She ditched some folks who set up a "coming to town" parade (Abenyo) in her honor to hang out with more down to earth folks (Sylver and Army). I mean MissS sort of apolo-lied. BUT they still haven't banned "Alexis." Oh you don't know who Alexis is? Its the person who HACKED into MissS's account and posted the PM's that exposed the whole thing. But really Alexis is Bev. Yes bitch we know. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned) hey (the moderators of Long Hair Care Forum) have started another round of banning. I'm still there. Pouring out liqour for those who aren't. That $6.50 has some mods "Stunnin." (So not in touch with the real world, bitch its Stunting, as in doing tricks, slut bag) Y'all better stop giving those ungrateful folks your money! That's money well spent on hair products, gas, food, or a bootleg education on the web. Or join a site that isn't ran by a bunch of hippogrits. On the list so far... MPJ (Miss Plain Jane), Mizanilocs (formerly Mizanimami and 2nd time entering a-banned-done-ment), Beautifulisaunderstatment (damn thats a long ass name, formerly banned but not sure who she is) and MissScarlett. You all probably remember MissS from the meet up scandal. She ditched some folks who set up a "coming to town" parade (Abenyo) in her honor to hang out with more down to earth folks (Sylver and Army). I mean MissS sort of apolo-lied. BUT they still haven't banned "Alexis." Oh you don't know who Alexis is? Its the person who HACKED into MissS's account and posted the PM's that exposed the whole thing. But really Alexis is Bev. Yes bitch we know. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned) hey (the moderators of Long Hair Care Forum) have started another round of banning. I'm still there. Pouring out liqour for those who aren't. That $6.50 has some mods "Stunnin." (So not in touch with the real world, bitch its Stunting, as in doing tricks, slut bag) Y'all better stop giving those ungrateful folks your money! That's money well spent on hair products, gas, food, or a bootleg education on the web. Or join a site that isn't ran by a bunch of hippogrits. On the list so far... MPJ (Miss Plain Jane), Mizanilocs (formerly Mizanimami and 2nd time entering a-banned-done-ment), Beautifulisaunderstatment (damn thats a long ass name, formerly banned but not sure who she is) and MissScarlett. You all probably remember MissS from the meet up scandal. She ditched some folks who set up a "coming to town" parade (Abenyo) in her honor to hang out with more down to earth folks (Sylver and Army). I mean MissS sort of apolo-lied. BUT they still haven't banned "Alexis." Oh you don't know who Alexis is? Its the person who HACKED into MissS's account and posted the PM's that exposed the whole thing. But really Alexis is Bev. Yes bitch we know. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned) hey (the moderators of Long Hair Care Forum) have started another round of banning. I'm still there. Pouring out liqour for those who aren't. That $6.50 has some mods "Stunnin." (So not in touch with the real world, bitch its Stunting, as in doing tricks, slut bag) Y'all better stop giving those ungrateful folks your money! That's money well spent on hair products, gas, food, or a bootleg education on the web. Or join a site that isn't ran by a bunch of hippogrits. On the list so far... MPJ (Miss Plain Jane), Mizanilocs (formerly Mizanimami and 2nd time entering a-banned-done-ment), Beautifulisaunderstatment (damn thats a long ass name, formerly banned but not sure who she is) and MissScarlett. You all probably remember MissS from the meet up scandal. She ditched some folks who set up a "coming to town" parade (Abenyo) in her honor to hang out with more down to earth folks (Sylver and Army). I mean MissS sort of apolo-lied. BUT they still haven't banned "Alexis." Oh you don't know who Alexis is? Its the person who HACKED into MissS's account and posted the PM's that exposed the whole thing. But really Alexis is Bev. Yes bitch we know. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned) hey (the moderators of Long Hair Care Forum) have started another round of banning. I'm still there. Pouring out liqour for those who aren't. That $6.50 has some mods "Stunnin." (So not in touch with the real world, bitch its Stunting, as in doing tricks, slut bag) Y'all better stop giving those ungrateful folks your money! That's money well spent on hair products, gas, food, or a bootleg education on the web. Or join a site that isn't ran by a bunch of hippogrits. On the list so far... MPJ (Miss Plain Jane), Mizanilocs (formerly Mizanimami and 2nd time entering a-banned-done-ment), Beautifulisaunderstatment (damn thats a long ass name, formerly banned but not sure who she is) and MissScarlett. You all probably remember MissS from the meet up scandal. She ditched some folks who set up a "coming to town" parade (Abenyo) in her honor to hang out with more down to earth folks (Sylver and Army). I mean MissS sort of apolo-lied. BUT they still haven't banned "Alexis." Oh you don't know who Alexis is? Its the person who HACKED into MissS's account and posted the PM's that exposed the whole thing. But really Alexis is Bev. Yes bitch we know. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned)
August 17, 2008 2:55 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Well, I found your insights appropriate. I just got banned, temp style, for p.o. one of the 10k+ members. Or, more to the point, for calling the bitch out. It is what it is...I'll be perm. banned before I change how I speak. Keep on outing the hypocrites who try to run the place. Because I'll be damned if a chick who tried to call me a troll didn't start a thread calling another members pics so scary she was thinking of blocking sigs. And a mod called the thread hatefull. How soon they forget.
cerchier
August 28, 2008 8:20 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
LOL. Bitter bitch. You always sound like you have a gigantic metal pole up your ass on lhch. Why the constant stank attitude? It radiates through all of your lousy posts.
We've all seen your picture so we know you're not a 13 year old moody cunt of a teenager going through puberty. You have the mental age of one though.
Keep on talking the way you do, as thus allowing everyone to continue laugh at you :D
August 29, 2008 1:59 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Did this one make the banned, too? LOL
August 29, 2008 6:19 PM
Anonymous Cerchier said...
Only banned for a month. I'll be back. And unlike old anon above, I don't care if you know who I am. Cerchier is my name there too. Also, check how uses the words gigantic metal pole up your ass in the same sentence that she tries to act superior. Hypocritical idiot. BTW, hit me up when I come back...if you don't mind coming out of hiding, and maybe I'll share the laugh with you.
I knew as much as you all liked to pretend like you're above this drama you'll are all up in it reading and waiting for your name to come up.
August 30, 2008 12:15 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This forum is getting out of hand lately. All these fucking hypocrits. There are the threads that are started to start shit and the same dumb ass people who love the drama and fall for that shit everytime. I also want to know who the hell Blossom is fucking to be allowed to stay on the board, that bitch breaks 20 rules a day. Nikkos, where is your damn pleadge to curb the cussing or the clever guises used to curse? The so called pretty bitches on there that always got something to say about anyone that is not lightskinned and skinny. Bint and Lourdes your day will come, I promise. Volare get another pic up (is that really you?) You go to Clemson, thats not even a real college lol. Yall miserable bitches have nothing better to do than tear people down. And if you are wondering, I am lightskinned and skinny so keep your "hater" comment, it does not apply hateful bitches.
September 2, 2008 11:30 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
What's with all of the dykes? It's turning into a lesbo board!
September 3, 2008 1:38 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
stupid bitch probably got banned!
September 4, 2008 11:25 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Oh man this board is getting better and better. I have the pics of bev, maybe I should create a blog and post them lol. They are going hard in there today and where are the mods? Is that one that is pregnant with the white loser baby still on?
September 4, 2008 2:51 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
post them!
September 4, 2008 6:17 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Seraphinelle always hating on Americans and America. Bitch please nobody checking for your wack ass Canada. Stay your corny ass over there. Then got a nerve to say we was hating on Jamaica. Bitch Please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Her citizenship request to come to America must have been denied which is why she so bitter. Her and her ugly ass friend Abenyo swear they the shit Abenyo look like she 50 in the face her ugly ass.
September 5, 2008 5:09 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
"Yall miserable bitches have nothing better to do than tear people down. "
Oh, the irony! Actually, since I can tell what a dumbass you are from your post alone, I bet you have no idea what the word "irony" mean.
September 5, 2008 11:07 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Anyone Know why Ms. Scar got banned, and all the other chicks that got banned the other day? I wonder if they are all over at Dirty girlz socaial club?
September 6, 2008 9:29 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Not Miss Scarlett, one of the queen bitches! I thought she had an in to keep her from making the banned! LoL
September 6, 2008 1:23 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
She thought that? Wow! I still want to know and I know someone knows why she got banned.
September 6, 2008 4:59 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Wow. I learn more from here than there...even before I was banned for a month. I thought Miss Scarlett was damn near an untouchable. Still, until an actual untouchable gets touched, the rules aren't unilaterally enforced and, as such, are to be regarded as just something to consider. Most of them say things others would get perm. banned for but are considered, like a flatulent Grandfather, something to be tolerated. Naw!!! Something smells like boo boo!
September 6, 2008 5:05 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Oh, and why is everyone afraid to post Beverly's pics? My imagination is starting to wander...what DOES she look like?
September 6, 2008 5:23 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
so are some chicks sucking niko's dick or what? I don't get what makes some untouchable! Are they the OGs of lhcf?
September 6, 2008 6:01 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Money is what makes them untouchable. They've been around forever and keep paying. Too big of a risk to make them follow the rules. Not for nothing, but it makes sense. I'm not paying another dime to renew.
I am known to do the wop.
September 6, 2008 7:24 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
cerchier shut the fuck up bitch
bev could get money from plenty of members
she can afford to ban a few people
we need to figure out why firecracker is not banned
September 6, 2008 10:14 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
firecracker and blossom! How the hell are these two still members? I like firecracker though, blossom and her desperate ass can kick rocks. Bloss guess what, white men dont want you either. Volare bad as hell though and I wonder is that really Tiara on there, hmmmm.
September 7, 2008 6:28 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I am surprised that people have the time (and careers) where they can post so often throughout the day. Not only do they post, but they have essay like responses in their posts. I can see every once and a while, but some of these people write long responses every day. SleekandBouncy comes to mind, there are a few others though.
September 7, 2008 10:05 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
maybe they are not a broke busted bitch like you and either do not work full time or do not care
the time you spent wondering you could be doing something else
get a life bitch
September 7, 2008 10:18 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
That last post sounded like sleekandbouncy, a bit bitter are we fake ass dahling ;)
September 7, 2008 10:37 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
^^^^ I agree with the last post.
That poster responded just a little too quickly--hunched over the computer with nothing else to do...they sound VERY little bitter. It's just a hair website.
September 7, 2008 10:46 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I think you really hurt abenyo's feelings, she's been extra angry and rude lately!
September 7, 2008 10:47 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
abenyo has always been rude and angry and yes it is because she is ugly and never has a man
September 7, 2008 11:00 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
There are some nice posters on the site. There are really just a few that are irritating.
September 7, 2008 11:11 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
damn this has grown. Aside from D lewis who I love, who the hell are the nice posters cause all them hoes are bitter and evil.
September 7, 2008 11:14 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
ella is very sweet. Dlewis is cool...um...who else is nice? Oh well.
September 7, 2008 11:22 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
FlowerHair is very nice.
September 7, 2008 11:24 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I guess iris gets on people's nerves or whatever but she seems nice to me.
September 7, 2008 2:17 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
The reason why fire will never be banned is because they are personal friends so keep holding your breath on that one. If you think there is bs on LHCF you need to check out dirty girlz. Those are what you call miserable bitches. The chat crew have also gone to worlds unknown, but who are they kidding, people know where they are. All them chicks are nice I like flower, dlewis and sylver even though she wont give you the time of day if you not light and pretty, she ok.
September 7, 2008 3:25 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Whoever it is that wants me to spend time wondering about other things, and the other that called me a bitch, only makes me even more curious what Bev looks like. Why are you'll so defensive? Does it have something to do with her hair?
September 7, 2008 4:56 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I am really curious (and since they won't answer this on the site without closing or deleting a thread), how does one really get banned? I know if you curse, or call someone ugly you get banned.
However, it sounds as though if you offend an 'untouchable' you get banned.
September 7, 2008 5:53 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
To the poster right above-
There seems to be different rules for different people. We could tell you rules all day and you could still do the wrong the to the wrong person and get banned.
September 7, 2008 6:20 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Don't tell me bev is a bald headit bitch! LOL!
September 7, 2008 6:22 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Thanks anonymous @6:20. This is my thinking too.
September 7, 2008 6:57 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I wonder who actually is 'untouchable', besides blosss and fire.
September 7, 2008 6:59 PM
Anonymous Cerchier said...
Chellero and Vevster come to mind as untouchable. Hell, Chellero said I need more dick. But some of the mods use less than subtle comments to target people.
Btw, I've cursed, but never called anyone ugly, and I made the banned 3 times. The girl who used scary to describe someones pic is most definitely not banned so, you may call someone ugly, with the right adjective.
September 8, 2008 9:06 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
what happened to aloofone? is she banned?
September 8, 2008 12:21 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Why was MissScarlet banned?!?!?!
September 8, 2008 12:32 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This is juicer than the actual board! Did the creator get banned? I wonder why they abandoned it.
September 8, 2008 4:06 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Aloofone is not banned. There is some info on here and on the Niko's step-cousin blog about why MissScarlet may have been banned or just left.
September 8, 2008 4:18 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Aloofone hasn't been banned.
I also think the meaning of being an 'untouchable' is that one says something and everyone agrees with them, and doesn't question their statement. However, if another person were to say the exact same thing, everyone would disagree, call them an idiot, or completely ignore them etc...
There are a few people on the site who everyone blindly agrees with, even if what they are saying is something someone else may have said already.
September 8, 2008 5:01 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This blog and that one that closed down were hard on aloofone, I could understand why she wouldn't want to come back. She can be confrontational, but she is not the worst one on the board, I don't know why she was targeted.
September 8, 2008 6:05 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
She looks like a used turd and always wants attention. She was actually talking about being a model. Bitch, please.
September 10, 2008 9:37 AM
Comment deleted
This post has been removed by the author.
September 10, 2008 12:27 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This thread is pathetic, the poster doesn't even have that much hair!
http://www.longhaircareforum.com/forums/showthread.php?t=278305
September 10, 2008 12:29 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This comment section is hilarious - It's like the Special Ed. version of DGSC - or maybe it's the ugly twin with the club foot and headgear.
"Who needs dates and parties and friends anyway!"
*stomps orthopedic shoe*
*sucks on asthma inhaler*
LMMFAO
September 10, 2008 3:25 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
It's so pathetic you couldn't help but to make an appearance, right? Which means you read it, right? No need to be ashamed. Welcome :D
September 10, 2008 3:33 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Yeah, because it takes sooo much time to comment here, unlike the full time careers some of the lhcf chicks make out of posting. Shoot, I wish I had the time on my hands some of those chicks have. At least here things are a little more real and to the point.
September 10, 2008 3:38 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I meant the pathetic comment at the girl who found it hilarious, not the one who quoted the thread on LHCF about taking 5-6 hours to wash uneven sl hair. Am I the only one that thinks most of the heffa's who claim to be trimming or dusting and go from bsl to apl are really just trying to hide their hair breaking off?
September 10, 2008 3:38 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
"Am I the only one that thinks most of the heffa's who claim to be trimming or dusting and go from bsl to apl are really just trying to hide their hair breaking off?"
I agree with this. They are ashamed, or in denial.
September 10, 2008 3:46 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I love how certain posters have to show off the clothing and the outfits they have in their signatures.
September 11, 2008 9:11 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Heh, there was one member all about her clothes and trying to show off. So much so that she took pics in the changing rooms of stores and tried to pass off the clothes as stuff she owned. Someone busted her when they recognized the carpet. lmao
September 11, 2008 3:48 PM
Anonymous abenyo said...
Hey I'm popular!!!
Thanks for keeping me on your minds. Don't know who the hell ya'll are nor do I care, but ya'll still got your feelings hurt. stop being simple and such idiots that are posting on a blog in disguise. You hate the board yet you keep coming back. Stop acting like bitches.. Got issues? solve it.
-Abenyo
September 11, 2008 9:02 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
The bitter bitch cant do anymore blogs!
LMAO!!!!!!!
September 12, 2008 3:55 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
can you update the blog? I want some gossip
September 12, 2008 4:24 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Yeah, I want an update too. Why do you all call everyone bitter bitches that calls you out on your stank attitudes? Perhaps you forget the numerous girl's hair vids on youtube you diss in threads only to have them find out and have them defend themselves. What about the girl who made the vid of the dog shitting on the lhcf screen while a horse makes noises because members use horse products? It can't be everyone else. If ppl are making blogs, vids, and long forum threads about one sites attitude then the members should take a long look in the mirror.
September 12, 2008 5:30 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Oh in case you forgot the long forum thread I'm talking about was on Lipstick Alley.
September 12, 2008 5:34 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
@3:48, yes. and i think sleekandbouncy does this too. why?
September 12, 2008 6:04 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
It's High School all over again. The Mean Girls, The Outcasts, and The Suck ups who want to be mean girls abound. There are some nice members but they don't run the place.
September 12, 2008 10:39 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I know sleekandbouncy does this. If she shows her face, maybe someone will recognize her and put her on blast like Jlove.
September 12, 2008 10:54 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
abenyo
sit down hoe
nobody care about your ugly gremlin face ass
September 12, 2008 11:00 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Don't hate me for saying this but, why do the African's, with stern ass features, never smile? You're bound to look like a gremlin. Smile Abenyo...and Aloofone, too, if you ever decide to show your face again.
September 12, 2008 11:40 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6iVk9H8FHKc
This is the vid! Lma. Thanks!
September 12, 2008 11:55 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
yeah, that is probably why she doesn't want to show her face...she doesn't want to be put on blast. LOL!
September 12, 2008 11:56 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Hey, Abenyo, what did you think about Miss Scarlett dissing you as too ghetto?
September 12, 2008 12:12 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Shouldn't barbiesocialite top talking about how to get men, when she is a dyke?
September 12, 2008 9:14 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Barbiesocialite doesn't have enough integrity to leave like the other lesbian, that was like a scientist. LHCF site doesn't support -heterosexual, non-christian people.
September 13, 2008 12:15 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I meant non-heterosexual!
September 13, 2008 12:16 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Yeah, abenyo you are real "popular". We are entertained by your monkey-looking ass!
September 14, 2008 3:40 PM
Anonymous abenyo said...
To all you bitches get a fucking life. stick a saw down your throat and pull it out the other end. As for the asshole from DGZ I'm waiting for you bitch, come out come out. I'm not popular but ya'll sure talk about me and think about me all day everyday. Moron that would tell you that I'm atleast important enough for ya'll to be studying me like freakin dykes. Don't worry about the way I look, maybe you should worry about getting a life and stop posting on a blog anonymously about me. I mean how fucking pathetic. It's going on some months now and ya'll still gonna talk about me. Talk about press. LOL oooo some females think I look ugly, boo fucking hoo. Bitches there is soo much to this world then the pettiness you are displaying. Ya'll say the other forums are High school what do you call grown woman talking about someone behind their backs? Mature is not what comes to mind. But hey keep saying I'm ugly, lol I don't go that route and never will. And the bitch that constantly want to talk about africa, lol what are you.. oh let me guess you just got fucked by some foreign dick and now you got indian or whatever in you right? May you prosper in lice infected locks, long lasting shedding, breakage that never stops, and head sores that no ACV or surgery will cure.
Have fun!
September 14, 2008 9:09 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
LOL, you sure seem to like it here, Abenyo, you can't seem to stay away!
Boy, you sure told everyone!
September 14, 2008 9:37 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Abenyo you sure are a mad ugly porch monkey.You also have no idea just how many people hate your stupid ugly dumb ass. Watch out for the ones who feed you info. Stupid rabid bitch.
September 14, 2008 9:51 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I see everyone is fired up tonight. LMAO!
September 14, 2008 9:54 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Abenyo you are being worked over big time.
September 14, 2008 10:09 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
She sure is. Looking like the fool who birth her ugly ass.
September 14, 2008 10:13 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Shut up abenyo!that was funny though but you still ugly. Ok on to the rest of them, is JR and Candy an item? JR got a deep voice like a man, bod like one too and Candy look like a rat.
September 14, 2008 10:14 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
For someone who doesn't care you sho keep bringin' you ass back! Sounds like you have no life Abenyo, or you can't stand not having yo monkey ass kissed!
September 14, 2008 10:25 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
so what happened to abenyo, they were supposed to have a meeting and she was stood up?
September 14, 2008 11:35 PM
Anonymous In-Adequate said...
DANG!!! Im dying at how all you LHCF members have turned this shit into a forum. But the anonymous posting is on some bitch shit.
September 15, 2008 1:53 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Hilfigher looks like a man too. That head on her hair stays looking like s brillo pad. Talk about creature from another planet. She stays cosigning on some stupid shit. Another ugly African monkey.
September 15, 2008 5:20 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Bint or OAHQ is always talking about someone's look. She got a identity crisis. She shouldn't be talking about others. That baby of hers might come out looking as ugly as her.
September 15, 2008 5:28 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
TSU you look like a pork oink oink with lipstick. Step away from the table take a few step out the kitchen and run to the gym. No woman should weigh gazillion pounds starve yourself bitch then maybe your man won't be fucking someone else.
September 15, 2008 5:33 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
What about that welfare hoe with the second hand store? What's her name acidrain? Oh summerrain lol aint nothing summer about that hoe. Even her own mama don't want her.
September 15, 2008 5:36 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Wow someone really has a lot to say. Get a life!!! What have any of these people done to you to warrant you talking about someone's mother, weight, hair or child. Everyone on this blog that comes here to talk about people maliciously has real world issues they need to contend with. Is the internet that serious that you just have to let it be known you do not like another person's font? You all do not know these people in real life so why are you wasting so much time airing out these dumb ass comments on a blog? Log off, spend time you with your family, read a book, go plant a tree find a hobby that actually benefits society instead of being evil bitches sitting about your computer typing nasty remarks.
I bet everyone who is typing mean things are probably trying to be or friends with the person they are talking about. I urge all of you to just end this and stop giving this blog attention and it will die out eventually. To the people who have been hurt by the comments do not take it personally as the person who said it is too much of a coward to say it to you personally.
September 15, 2008 7:08 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
great, another fucking lecture!
We've been told once again!
September 15, 2008 8:55 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
How is it so many women in one forum are manless and lonely. I see plenty of black couples! I think these chicks have so many issues they scare off any men who might be interested.
Out of my family and friends, no one is sitting around moaning about having no black man! They either have one or can easily find one. There has to be something really wrong with those women, and it ain't all about geography, either.
September 15, 2008 10:25 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
These women are a bunch of hipocrites! Can someone please tell me how the hell that WHORE blossom can post all this shit about fucking every random WHITE MAN and she gets apllauded. WHAT THE FUCK! There is a thread on superhead and these bitches have the most shit to say, but not on her thread. Where is Que, Bint and all the others that are on that holier than thou bullshit? Why not pop in there and tell it like it is. You all are all thinking it (SHE A HOE) but you congatulating her? a site full of fucking hipocrites.
September 15, 2008 10:51 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
damn
September 15, 2008 10:52 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
How the fuck you gonna have a name like Jessica rabbit and you look like a mack truck? and candy is ugly lol.
September 15, 2008 10:54 AM
Anonymous Cerchier said...
Wtf! I got some reading to do!
September 15, 2008 1:31 PM
Anonymous Heat/Glam said...
Piece of advice to one anonymous person. If you want to remain "anonymous" you might want to step of the soapbox of an issue that you usually post about on the forum. You might get found out quick. I hate anonymity, but if you are gonna do it at least be smart as you seem to be on the forum.
September 15, 2008 2:07 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
She aint the only one "on the forum"! lmao. Look around you!
September 15, 2008 2:24 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
who is this?
http://img61.imageshack.us/img61/548/bevgg6.png
September 15, 2008 3:00 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Nooooo! Please don't tell me that is Bev. Great day in the lacefront wearing, soup cooling, wannabe video ho morning! Image saved for future use.
September 15, 2008 3:12 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Lawd somebody finally posted them lol
September 15, 2008 3:15 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
that is what she looks like? no wonder she hides her face at meetups. if i look like that i would ban the cute women too.
September 15, 2008 3:31 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Damn, if that's really her, she ugly! And stank! No wonder she didn't want these posted! Can we get some verification so I can pass these around?
September 15, 2008 3:34 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
i wonder did she find jesus wearing those leopard panties?
September 15, 2008 3:40 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
What in the Mr.Ed stunt double hell is going on with her in these pics?
September 15, 2008 3:46 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I can verify that is her.
September 15, 2008 3:55 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Wow, my puppet just got banned forever. You suck, Beverly. And yeah, I did see you in your tiger panties before I asked you that legitimate question.
September 15, 2008 3:58 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
I should add, either Bev is a liar, and does know when people are banned and for what, or she is as dumb as she looks in her pics, and her mods do the banning.
September 15, 2008 4:00 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
you're right; sleekandbouncy loves to show off her clothing...on a hair forum. LOL!
September 15, 2008 4:07 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This is too much, you need to take that down. Maybe she has a reason she doesn't want those seen. Has she really done anything to any of you personally for you to be this evil? Please delete that link before more people see it.
September 15, 2008 4:08 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Get real. The reason she doesn't want anyone to see it is because she doesn't want people to know she is, well, visually unappealing but, more to the point, she wears a wig. Queen hypocrite, and now, to me, confirmed liar. Where's her hair? LHCF admin---wig---does not compute. Why is she the only one that ALWAYS hides her hair? Toofus notwithstanding.
September 15, 2008 4:14 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
all those bitches in bikinis in avatars and sigs and you want to call out sleekandbouncy who is fully dressed?
as far as bev if she did not want those picture seen she should have never took them.
September 15, 2008 4:15 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Gin looks like a horse too her ugly ass.
September 15, 2008 4:23 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Sleekandbouncy thats u huh?
September 15, 2008 4:41 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I'm reading through the "this thread is closed" files and vevster actually asked where MissScarlett is at about the time it was brought up here. Allandra shut it down with a quickness. Calling ppl on their shit there works! I thought the two stickies Allandra wrote about ppl watching their ass after we got rolling was coincidence but it isn't.
September 15, 2008 4:57 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I'm still surprised they banned the bitch.
September 15, 2008 5:42 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Since you can't ask on the forum, why did MissScarlett get banned? Did she curse someone out?
September 15, 2008 5:49 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Read this blog and Niko's step-cousin. Apparently abenyo set up some big LHCF to do for MissScarlett and she dissed them for people she found more to her liking. She lied about and got called out and then... I don't know why, though. I'd be afraid to meet Abenyo too.
September 15, 2008 6:25 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
cerchier after that post u did i know u would be banned lol
September 15, 2008 6:32 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Me too. But God hates a bullshitter as much as I do.
September 15, 2008 6:34 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
The post I was banned for, if you aren't a member, was responding to the Toofus, I mean Bev, closing my thread without answering a question I asked about why i was banned. I wanted the post I was accused of insulting a member. I told her the only fraction for Cerchier was from feb. She came up with some bull...I don't know, I looked, can't find anything. Then she closed the thread. I started a new thread and I stated if, as an ADMIN, you really don't know why I was bannned, then I want to know who you gave the power to ban people to without your knowledge. Then I was banned...forever lmao
September 15, 2008 6:52 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Damn! Bitch look like predator!
September 15, 2008 9:45 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
cerchier u a mess lol
September 16, 2008 8:02 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I'm sorry, but some people need to be ashamed of themselves. Bitches using animal products and pussy creams to grow their hair and then will kill you if you say other women don't go to these extremes. Don't say anything about how creamy crack sets you back. Never seen so many college educated dumb asses.
September 16, 2008 1:20 PM
Anonymous Heat/Glam said...
How you gonna talk about hair methods that WORK. Yeah folk are using horse items and have long flowing hair, while others talk about there methods are sitting there at shoulder length for the past 5 years and wondering why. SMH
September 16, 2008 2:04 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
glam you need to stay your ass off this blog
i just read through the comments and you are always here
drama whore
i see bev got her shit cracked on the board
September 16, 2008 3:17 PM
Anonymous Heat/Glam said...
I'll leave when you annonys grow balls and put your name on comments. That ain't never gonna happen so looks like I'm a permanent fixture boo.
September 16, 2008 9:41 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
There are too many jesus freaks on that board!!!! You woman are sooo vain praying to God for long hair! You make God look like a JOKE!
The Christian section is sooo funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Masturbating when you are married is BAD!? LOLLLLL! That's why black women can't find a man, they worship GOD so much that they don't know how to treat a REAL man!
September 17, 2008 12:43 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
BEVERLY is taking advantage of you all!
BEVERLY is taking advantage of you all!
BEVERLY is taking advantage of you all!
$6.50!?
Oh don't give me that proverbial, PC BULLSHIT, "You pay more than that for a hair product" "Other sites charge more". AND?! There are TONS of sites on the net that give a wealth of information to their members, but you don't have to pay no damn fee (purseforum, thefashionspot, blackvoices, longhairlovers etc) WHy do you think those sites are FREE, but they still get revenue!?? ADS! ADS! Bev has ads all over that damn board "It takes money to run a site" she says, yes, but BITCH, you get AD money! And then she had the NEVER to increase the price! I guess that bitch is using that money to pay for her weaves!
Or maybe she uses the mooney for her tithes to Jeebus!!!
September 17, 2008 12:57 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Oh, no shit she is scamming people. But their are always fools to separate their money from.
September 17, 2008 5:07 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I guess $6.50 breaks some people's pockets and then again $6.50 is just a drop in the bucket for others.
Those who "got it like that" can pay if they want.
Who is it hurting?
September 17, 2008 5:18 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Crabs in a barrel!
September 17, 2008 7:20 AM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Yes. Crabs in a barrel. No one wants to recognize the truth so they drag everyone down to the level of lies. Love the wading pool, if you can.
6.50 doesn't break anyone willing to smear horse skin products on their hair that can cost 40 dollars. Forget the shedding you need to pay how much to correct? What was that other horse product you all spent more than 40 bucks to turn your necks and jewelry black, and left a smell like you worked for the circus. Bitch, wake up.
September 17, 2008 9:09 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
True cerchier. You know, there is knowledge to be gained from lhcf, but I think for some women it can be pretty harmful. All the bandwagons, and people trying to convince others to spend money they don't have. A weak minded person can easily get caught up, and a lot of those women are pretty weak minded. Their quest for that white beauty standard has clouded their minds. And yes, I know black women have all kinds of textures, blah blah, but I still think the most of the women on lhcf are checking for the white beauty, not black
September 17, 2008 9:17 AM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Preach.
September 17, 2008 12:02 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Why are so many of them married, dating white men?
September 17, 2008 12:05 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
They take up with those alien looking white men so they can have kids with 'good hair.' They are a bunch of self hating dumb ass women who don't have a clue. I have not seen one handsome ass white man attached to one of those nappy headed hoes. None of them look like they are about anything. It's perfectly okay to take up with some greasy ass white boy rather than a black man with plenty going for them.I quit reading when pankskates husband demanded she shave her nappy ass vajayjay. The punk wasn't man enuff to tackle that nappy ass jungle. The dumbness ran me away a long time ago.
September 17, 2008 3:06 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
OMG Pinkskates posted that? Her husband said that and she posted it? Abordeaux is the only person I have seen that has a nice looking white boy. The rest look horrible, I think KBragg's husband is probably the worst looking.
September 17, 2008 3:18 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
makes me really wonder who these chicks are growing hair for? The ugly ass white men they are with for sure. And can someone tell Oneya to shut the fuck up.
September 17, 2008 3:46 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Didnt I tell yall firecracker was all up in Bevs ass? what a coincidence that the minute Bev put them pics in her album, here come fire broadcasting it. I am sure if the other pic was not posted here we would not know who Mr. Ed was, lacefront and all.
September 17, 2008 3:49 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Wow, pinkskates husband demanded that? She seemed so in control. I didn't go to the fitness forum much but she seemed on top of her shit. That's embarrassing and gross. I don't knock interracial dating, but in the cases you're presenting, settling for some less than cute, prejudiced, crackerjack white man I do.
September 17, 2008 4:17 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
someone needs to knock some sense into thinkpinkprincess. I mean come on...homegirl is 19 and she doesn't know about Roots? Even if she didn't know, google exists for a reason.
September 17, 2008 9:37 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This thread about Pinkskates husband was quite hilarious:
http://www.longhaircareforum.com/forums/showthread.php?t=141647&highlight=brazillian+wax
September 17, 2008 11:44 PM
Anonymous Jennan said...
AWWW SHit! How tha fuck did i miss this Blog!!! LSA in the house!!! Seraphinelle is fat bitch, that cows always talking about fat people. Have you seen the rings round her neck???? Abenyo is hurt in the face for real. Bint/OAHQ,why the fuck si this woman obsessed with FAT people like seraphinelle? And her whole "i'm mixed afro arab/black women hate/rah rah i'm saudi bullshit* is Jarring.. This biotch claims to be married. Maybe to the computer?This coming from one afro arab bitch to another. Hoe sit your self down.
Whats her name, fabulosity. U ain't got a man cos ur ugly. And your hair looks like shit!Texlaxed tha fuck??? Sleek and Bouncy. I like her. But no i do not want to see what your wearing everyday. And no you are not fashionable, i'm euro s o u know this shit is innate to us. Whos that trick that can't spell?
U know what i'ma register tomorrow and post Bevs pics.Nah let me wait 2 weeks and have some fake arse hair pics. I'm mad i can't use Jennan. Oh and Beyondcute you can't catch me!!!
September 18, 2008 8:48 AM
Anonymous Jennan said...
Urgh u need to silvergirls husband( btw silvergirl has some serious self hate problems, do a search, she fucked a white supremacist for fucks sake! But she's got that 3B hair so everyone oohs) Her white man looks like something from the blue lagoon!!!!
foxie roxy is a man right?
aww shit i am bookmarking this blog
September 18, 2008 8:52 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
so funny jennan! sleekandbouncy just grates for some reason...
September 18, 2008 9:31 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I see you coward bitches are still huddled up in here on your hurt feeling hoe ass nigga circle jerk.
September 18, 2008 10:06 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I just want to warn you all that I will be getting the IPs of all the posters on this blog very soon. Connections, connections, connections. I have not decided what I will do with this info. I may use it to punk some of you or turn it over to Bev and Nikkos for mass bannings and outtings. Shit is for sure about to hit the fan.
September 18, 2008 10:10 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
oh no not that!
September 18, 2008 10:55 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
WTF are you gonna do sith some damn IP#s??? Somebody supposed to be scared of your ass? HTF is a punk gonna punk someone? Go brush your effin hair!
September 18, 2008 12:00 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I am going to have them match the IPs with your user names. Because I know most of you dumb bitches are not switching computers.
I have some of the IPs in my e-mail already.
September 18, 2008 12:11 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
You're getting the ip's on here from who? Bitch, scare tactics only work on the idiots you have under your control. How exactly do you plan to get Blogger to release the ip addresses of an anon poster without them having a big ass problem from every anon poster on their site. They allow anon for a reason. You are trying to scare the wrong person.
September 18, 2008 12:50 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I know someone that works at Google you donkey face trollop.
September 18, 2008 12:55 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I doubt you have anything, and so what if you do? We're already here, why stop posting? And those dumb asses don't check IP's when people re-register, the same people can get back in. Either do it or shut the fuck up and put some coochie cream or butt fungus or whatever on your hair.
September 18, 2008 12:57 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
And...that relates to Blogger, how? What you are trying to do is scare people from posting. If you'd like, I'll write to Blogger and find out under what circumstances they release a poster's ip address. If it's like most, including google, it's only when they violate the law. You're full of shit. Spit it out. It's making your breath stank.
September 18, 2008 12:59 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
It must be either Bev or Abenyo, the 2 who have been hit the hardest on this blog. Who else would care if we post here or not? If talking shit were a crime lhcf would have been shut down long ago.
September 18, 2008 1:10 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
You are a dumb bitch Cerchier. Google owns Blogger so you need to check your facts. I already told you that I KNOW someone so your little writing to get a release is stupid, because I am getting the info regardless of their policy. Obviously you are getting nervous.
September 18, 2008 1:16 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
cerchier has no reason to be nervous, she has already been banned.
September 18, 2008 1:21 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Ok, I'm asking Blogger if they are releasing some of their anon posters(remember, they help add to the ad sales) to some black chick running a website for black women who want long hair. Or if they ever have or give a shit enough to. Or, now that they know some baby daddy's first baby mama may have sent her second baby daddy to look, is that ok with them? You don't scare me, trick. You don't know anyone. Give it up.
September 18, 2008 1:22 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Waiting on that mass banning...
September 18, 2008 1:30 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I know enough to get your trollop ass writing response after response.
September 18, 2008 1:32 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
i think scarlett is back as zaynab
also why is ugly ass abenyo writing these damn sermons on the blog
we already know you mad
we wrote it to make you mad
her and that duck face friend of hers seraphineela
September 18, 2008 1:34 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Oh, don't degenerate now. And, trollop...really? Who says that now, Bev? Get me, please do you silly cunt.
Here is the letter I sent,
Hi,
I’m writing because I need to clearly understand your policy on submitting the Internet Protocol addresses of you members, specifically the anonymous posters, on Blogger, to those who request it. On the Blogspot http://nikoscousins.blogspot.com for Tuesday, August 12, 2008 in the comments toward the end there is a poster that asserts, through the use of someone she knows at who works at Google, the i.p. addresses of every poster in that comment section. Could you please tell me if this is true?
Sincerely,
September 18, 2008 1:37 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
lmao
cerchier is nervous as shit
September 18, 2008 1:52 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Umm...I'm already banned. I'm annoyed at shit that she's trying to play people here for fools, though.
September 18, 2008 1:57 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
cerchier you really do not have a life at all
you are posted up on this blog
writing day in and day out
now you are writing notes to blogger over some dumb bitch making idle threats
you really ought to find something more productive to do just one day a week
you look so pathetic
September 18, 2008 2:08 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
the board is having a database error
i know who is responsible for that
September 18, 2008 2:12 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
oh please get me banned and "outed" so fucking what? $6.50 is less than the price of a fucking magazine over here. Man i wish i could have seen the miss scarlett thread.What did she do when she got caught out? She got banned for lying? That ain't really a crime. Lord Summerrains boutique is horrid. Her clothes are cheap and nasty looking. Poor jlove just wanted to keep up with the jonses.I dunno why people picked on alfoone, yeah she was annoying but fucking hell other members irk me more. They are so fake. And damn i didn't know people hated Abenyo that much, yeah her eyes r like "the better to see you with my dear" but if ugliness was a crime more than half of LHCF would be doing time. I feel sorry for relaxer rehab. Fucking hell don't they have arranged marriages or something? Shes like nearly 60, obese, hurt in the face- she gonna be typing on LHCF till death comes knocking she ain't got nothing else to do.
There are some nice people there?
I dunno why people hated adequate so much. Her white man was ugly and she posted every aspect of her life, but she wasn't malicious.
J x
September 18, 2008 2:12 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
I actually think Adequate's man was one of the only handsome white men on the board.
To the other girl
As for me not having a life, consider this my new life. Similar to the life you have posting like a welfare queen on LHCF. But wait, you have even less of a life because you post here too.
September 18, 2008 2:19 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
this is only my 2nd post here
compared to how many you have
and how many times have you been banned and come back starting shit? the minute they turn your name back on. you probably have it marked on your calendar when your ban date is up.
bitch please
September 18, 2008 2:50 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Of course FoxieRoxie is a man.
September 18, 2008 3:13 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Wasn't there a real tranny at one time? Not just someone who looks like one, a real one.
September 18, 2008 3:21 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
FoxyRoxy is a tranny so is Queeny.
September 18, 2008 3:35 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
I'm pretty sure foxyroxy, I hit up her fotki whe the whole "were you born a man" shite went off in ot, is a man. But she is nice. Queeny...
September 18, 2008 3:55 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Oh, I thought you guys were talking about FoxyScholar!
I don't think MissScarlett made the banned over "DC gate" because she continued to post well after that. She did something else to make the banned.
September 18, 2008 4:49 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
There was a thread a while back that got deleted because everyone was calling someone "leatherface". Who is leatherface?
September 18, 2008 4:56 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Queeny is one of the fakest bitches on that site. She stay gossiping but yet claims to be a christian. I am waiting for her ass to be put on blast for the fake that she is. Always posting up those burnt crispy looking children like someone gives a damn. Queeny, Ms.Honey, Nice & Wavy, Shimmy all those bitches that stay on the Christian forum are fake gossipy bitches, but Queeny is the main one.
September 18, 2008 5:49 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Who does this blog belong to?
September 18, 2008 5:50 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I don't know who started, but I think they made the banned, which is why they don't maintain it.
September 18, 2008 6:03 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Yeah, the poster who started this doesn't update but reading through the posts, you guys do. Keep it up.
September 18, 2008 6:28 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Didn't someone say Passionfruit did it?
September 19, 2008 7:23 PM
Anonymous said...
who is this?
http://img61.imageshack.us/img61/548/bevgg6.png
It's BEV! Check out the bitch you worship in her best ghetto ho pose with leopard draws and teeth that make mr. ed jealous!
September 19, 2008 7:27 PM
http://nikosdump.blogspot.com/
No censorship or harassment from the lhcf crew. I moderate comments like a ....Allandra.
Spread the word!
http://nikosdump.blogspot.com/
No censorship or harassment from the lhcf crew. I moderate comments like a ....Allandra.
Spread the word!
http://nikosdump.blogspot.com/
No censorship or harassment from the lhcf crew. I moderate comments like a ....Allandra.
Spread the word!
http://nikosdump.blogspot.com/
No censorship or harassment from the lhcf crew. I moderate comments like a ....Allandra.
Spread the word!
http://nikosdump.blogspot.com/
No censorship or harassment from the lhcf crew. I moderate comments like a ....Allandra.
Spread the word!
http://nikosdump.blogspot.com/
No censorship or harassment from the lhcf crew. I moderate comments like a ....Allandra.
Spread the word!
http://nikosdump.blogspot.com/
No censorship or harassment from the lhcf crew. I moderate comments like a ....Allandra.
Spread the word!
http://nikosdump.blogspot.com/
No censorship or harassment from the lhcf crew. I moderate comments like a ....Allandra.
Spread the word!
http://nikosdump.blogspot.com/
No censorship or harassment from the lhcf crew. I moderate comments like a ....Allandra.
Spread the word!
http://nikosdump.blogspot.com/
No censorship or harassment from the lhcf crew. I moderate comments like a ....Allandra.
Spread the word!
http://nikosdump.blogspot.com/
No censorship or harassment from the lhcf crew. I moderate comments like a ....Allandra.
Spread the word!
http://nikosdump.blogspot.com/
No censorship or harassment from the lhcf crew. I moderate comments like a ....Allandra.
Spread the word!
http://nikosdump.blogspot.com/
No censorship or harassment from the lhcf crew. I moderate comments like a ....Allandra.
Spread the word!
http://nikosdump.blogspot.com/
No censorship or harassment from the lhcf crew. I moderate comments like a ....Allandra.
Spread the word!
http://nikosdump.blogspot.com/
No censorship or harassment from the lhcf crew. I moderate comments like a ....Allandra.
Spread the word!
http://nikosdump.blogspot.com/
No censorship or harassment from the lhcf crew. I moderate comments like a ....Allandra.
Spread the word!
http://nikosdump.blogspot.com/
No censorship or harassment from the lhcf crew. I moderate comments like a ....Allandra.
Spread the word!
http://nikosdump.blogspot.com/
No censorship or harassment from the lhcf crew. I moderate comments like a ....Allandra.
Spread the word!
http://nikosdump.blogspot.com/
No censorship or harassment from the lhcf crew. I moderate comments like a ....Allandra.
Spread the word!
http://nikosdump.blogspot.com/
No censorship or harassment from the lhcf crew. I moderate comments like a ....Allandra.
Spread the word!
http://nikosdump.blogspot.com/
No censorship or harassment from the lhcf crew. I moderate comments like a ....Allandra.
Spread the word!
http://nikosdump.blogspot.com/
No censorship or harassment from the lhcf crew. I moderate comments like a ....Allandra.
Spread the word!
http://nikosdump.blogspot.com/
No censorship or harassment from the lhcf crew. I moderate comments like a ....Allandra.
Spread the word!
http://nikosdump.blogspot.com/
No censorship or harassment from the lhcf crew. I moderate comments like a ....Allandra.
Spread the word!
http://nikosdump.blogspot.com/
No censorship or harassment from the lhcf crew. I moderate comments like a ....Allandra.
Spread the word!
http://nikosdump.blogspot.com/
No censorship or harassment from the lhcf crew. I moderate comments like a ....Allandra.
Spread the word!
http://nikosdump.blogspot.com/
No censorship or harassment from the lhcf crew. I moderate comments like a ....Allandra.
Spread the word!
http://nikosdump.blogspot.com/
No censorship or harassment from the lhcf crew. I moderate comments like a ....Allandra.
Spread the word!
http://nikosdump.blogspot.com/
No censorship or harassment from the lhcf crew. I moderate comments like a ....Allandra.
Spread the word!
http://nikosdump.blogspot.com/
No censorship or harassment from the lhcf crew. I moderate comments like a ....Allandra.
Spread the word!
http://nikosdump.blogspot.com/
No censorship or harassment from the lhcf crew. I moderate comments like a ....Allandra.
Spread the word!
http://nikosdump.blogspot.com/
No censorship or harassment from the lhcf crew. I moderate comments like a ....Allandra.
Spread the word!
http://nikosdump.blogspot.com/
No censorship or harassment from the lhcf crew. I moderate comments like a ....Allandra.
Spread the word!
very long weekend. Give me a minute to gather my thoughts about why the star of the show only wanted to talk to 2 people and did not want her picture taken. Really Beverly, there is no need to cover your face. Most of us have seen way more than just your face. Forget Kim K, I am sure OT would be abuzz if they had a chance to see your pics. We will see.
Also pouring out liquor for those that can't cover their tracks.
Via user request:
Dear Aloofone,
There has been a collection taken up by members of the collective hairboards to refund you the $6.50 AND to pay for psychotherapy. Aloof is not just a username. It describes your posting capability to a T. The utter stupidity that seems to escape your backpedaling mouth on the regular really cracks me up! :lachen: I will forgo the comedy, that is your posts, because I know you need help. That, and I'm tired of seeing your ugly ass face. Please do not call me a hater like that old ass Iris (is she collecting SSI benefits yet?). I do no hate anyone. I hate personalities, characteristics, faces, etc. But people do not fall under that category.
Sincerely,
Nikos "Non-Hater" Dimopoulos I had a very long weekend. Give me a minute to gather my thoughts about why the star of the show only wanted to talk to 2 people and did not want her picture taken. Really Beverly, there is no need to cover your face. Most of us have seen way more than just your face. Forget Kim K, I am sure OT would be abuzz if they had a chance to see your pics. We will see.
Also pouring out liquor for those that can't cover their tracks.
Via user request:
Dear Aloofone,
There has been a collection taken up by members of the collective hairboards to refund you the $6.50 AND to pay for psychotherapy. Aloof is not just a username. It describes your posting capability to a T. The utter stupidity that seems to escape your backpedaling mouth on the regular really cracks me up! :lachen: I will forgo the comedy, that is your posts, because I know you need help. That, and I'm tired of seeing your ugly ass face. Please do not call me a hater like that old ass Iris (is she collecting SSI benefits yet?). I do no hate anyone. I hate personalities, characteristics, faces, etc. But people do not fall under that category.
Sincerely,
Nikos "Non-Hater" Dimopoulos I had a very long weekend. Give me a minute to gather my thoughts about why the star of the show only wanted to talk to 2 people and did not want her picture taken. Really Beverly, there is no need to cover your face. Most of us have seen way more than just your face. Forget Kim K, I am sure OT would be abuzz if they had a chance to see your pics. We will see.
Also pouring out liquor for those that can't cover their tracks.
Via user request:
Dear Aloofone,
There has been a collection taken up by members of the collective hairboards to refund you the $6.50 AND to pay for psychotherapy. Aloof is not just a username. It describes your posting capability to a T. The utter stupidity that seems to escape your backpedaling mouth on the regular really cracks me up! :lachen: I will forgo the comedy, that is your posts, because I know you need help. That, and I'm tired of seeing your ugly ass face. Please do not call me a hater like that old ass Iris (is she collecting SSI benefits yet?). I do no hate anyone. I hate personalities, characteristics, faces, etc. But people do not fall under that category.
Sincerely,
Nikos "Non-Hater" Dimopoulos I had a very long weekend. Give me a minute to gather my thoughts about why the star of the show only wanted to talk to 2 people and did not want her picture taken. Really Beverly, there is no need to cover your face. Most of us have seen way more than just your face. Forget Kim K, I am sure OT would be abuzz if they had a chance to see your pics. We will see.
Also pouring out liquor for those that can't cover their tracks.
Via user request:
Dear Aloofone,
There has been a collection taken up by members of the collective hairboards to refund you the $6.50 AND to pay for psychotherapy. Aloof is not just a username. It describes your posting capability to a T. The utter stupidity that seems to escape your backpedaling mouth on the regular really cracks me up! :lachen: I will forgo the comedy, that is your posts, because I know you need help. That, and I'm tired of seeing your ugly ass face. Please do not call me a hater like that old ass Iris (is she collecting SSI benefits yet?). I do no hate anyone. I hate personalities, characteristics, faces, etc. But people do not fall under that category.
Sincerely,
Nikos "Non-Hater" Dimopoulos I had a very long weekend. Give me a minute to gather my thoughts about why the star of the show only wanted to talk to 2 people and did not want her picture taken. Really Beverly, there is no need to cover your face. Most of us have seen way more than just your face. Forget Kim K, I am sure OT would be abuzz if they had a chance to see your pics. We will see.
Also pouring out liquor for those that can't cover their tracks.
Via user request:
Dear Aloofone,
There has been a collection taken up by members of the collective hairboards to refund you the $6.50 AND to pay for psychotherapy. Aloof is not just a username. It describes your posting capability to a T. The utter stupidity that seems to escape your backpedaling mouth on the regular really cracks me up! :lachen: I will forgo the comedy, that is your posts, because I know you need help. That, and I'm tired of seeing your ugly ass face. Please do not call me a hater like that old ass Iris (is she collecting SSI benefits yet?). I do no hate anyone. I hate personalities, characteristics, faces, etc. But people do not fall under that category.
Sincerely,
Nikos "Non-Hater" Dimopoulos I had a very long weekend. Give me a minute to gather my thoughts about why the star of the show only wanted to talk to 2 people and did not want her picture taken. Really Beverly, there is no need to cover your face. Most of us have seen way more than just your face. Forget Kim K, I am sure OT would be abuzz if they had a chance to see your pics. We will see.
Also pouring out liquor for those that can't cover their tracks.
Via user request:
Dear Aloofone,
There has been a collection taken up by members of the collective hairboards to refund you the $6.50 AND to pay for psychotherapy. Aloof is not just a username. It describes your posting capability to a T. The utter stupidity that seems to escape your backpedaling mouth on the regular really cracks me up! :lachen: I will forgo the comedy, that is your posts, because I know you need help. That, and I'm tired of seeing your ugly ass face. Please do not call me a hater like that old ass Iris (is she collecting SSI benefits yet?). I do no hate anyone. I hate personalities, characteristics, faces, etc. But people do not fall under that category.
Sincerely,
Nikos "Non-Hater" Dimopoulos I had a very long weekend. Give me a minute to gather my thoughts about why the star of the show only wanted to talk to 2 people and did not want her picture taken. Really Beverly, there is no need to cover your face. Most of us have seen way more than just your face. Forget Kim K, I am sure OT would be abuzz if they had a chance to see your pics. We will see.
Also pouring out liquor for those that can't cover their tracks.
Via user request:
Dear Aloofone,
There has been a collection taken up by members of the collective hairboards to refund you the $6.50 AND to pay for psychotherapy. Aloof is not just a username. It describes your posting capability to a T. The utter stupidity that seems to escape your backpedaling mouth on the regular really cracks me up! :lachen: I will forgo the comedy, that is your posts, because I know you need help. That, and I'm tired of seeing your ugly ass face. Please do not call me a hater like that old ass Iris (is she collecting SSI benefits yet?). I do no hate anyone. I hate personalities, characteristics, faces, etc. But people do not fall under that category.
Sincerely,
Nikos "Non-Hater" Dimopoulos I had a very long weekend. Give me a minute to gather my thoughts about why the star of the show only wanted to talk to 2 people and did not want her picture taken. Really Beverly, there is no need to cover your face. Most of us have seen way more than just your face. Forget Kim K, I am sure OT would be abuzz if they had a chance to see your pics. We will see.
Also pouring out liquor for those that can't cover their tracks.
Via user request:
Dear Aloofone,
There has been a collection taken up by members of the collective hairboards to refund you the $6.50 AND to pay for psychotherapy. Aloof is not just a username. It describes your posting capability to a T. The utter stupidity that seems to escape your backpedaling mouth on the regular really cracks me up! :lachen: I will forgo the comedy, that is your posts, because I know you need help. That, and I'm tired of seeing your ugly ass face. Please do not call me a hater like that old ass Iris (is she collecting SSI benefits yet?). I do no hate anyone. I hate personalities, characteristics, faces, etc. But people do not fall under that category.
Sincerely,
Nikos "Non-Hater" Dimopoulos
September 19, 2008 6:21 AM
Anonymous said...
I had a very long weekend. Give me a minute to gather my thoughts about why the star of the show only wanted to talk to 2 people and did not want her picture taken. Really Beverly, there is no need to cover your face. Most of us have seen way more than just your face. Forget Kim K, I am sure OT would be abuzz if they had a chance to see your pics. We will see.
Also pouring out liquor for those that can't cover their tracks.
Via user request:
Dear Aloofone,
There has been a collection taken up by members of the collective hairboards to refund you the $6.50 AND to pay for psychotherapy. Aloof is not just a username. It describes your posting capability to a T. The utter stupidity that seems to escape your backpedaling mouth on the regular really cracks me up! :lachen: I will forgo the comedy, that is your posts, because I know you need help. That, and I'm tired of seeing your ugly ass face. Please do not call me a hater like that old ass Iris (is she collecting SSI benefits yet?). I do no hate anyone. I hate personalities, characteristics, faces, etc. But people do not fall under that category.
Sincerely,
Nikos "Non-Hater" Dimopoulos I had a very long weekend. Give me a minute to gather my thoughts about why the star of the show only wanted to talk to 2 people and did not want her picture taken. Really Beverly, there is no need to cover your face. Most of us have seen way more than just your face. Forget Kim K, I am sure OT would be abuzz if they had a chance to see your pics. We will see.
Also pouring out liquor for those that can't cover their tracks.
Via user request:
Dear Aloofone,
There has been a collection taken up by members of the collective hairboards to refund you the $6.50 AND to pay for psychotherapy. Aloof is not just a username. It describes your posting capability to a T. The utter stupidity that seems to escape your backpedaling mouth on the regular really cracks me up! :lachen: I will forgo the comedy, that is your posts, because I know you need help. That, and I'm tired of seeing your ugly ass face. Please do not call me a hater like that old ass Iris (is she collecting SSI benefits yet?). I do no hate anyone. I hate personalities, characteristics, faces, etc. But people do not fall under that category.
Sincerely,
Nikos "Non-Hater" Dimopoulos I had a very long weekend. Give me a minute to gather my thoughts about why the star of the show only wanted to talk to 2 people and did not want her picture taken. Really Beverly, there is no need to cover your face. Most of us have seen way more than just your face. Forget Kim K, I am sure OT would be abuzz if they had a chance to see your pics. We will see.
Also pouring out liquor for those that can't cover their tracks.
Via user request:
Dear Aloofone,
There has been a collection taken up by members of the collective hairboards to refund you the $6.50 AND to pay for psychotherapy. Aloof is not just a username. It describes your posting capability to a T. The utter stupidity that seems to escape your backpedaling mouth on the regular really cracks me up! :lachen: I will forgo the comedy, that is your posts, because I know you need help. That, and I'm tired of seeing your ugly ass face. Please do not call me a hater like that old ass Iris (is she collecting SSI benefits yet?). I do no hate anyone. I hate personalities, characteristics, faces, etc. But people do not fall under that category.
Sincerely,
Nikos "Non-Hater" Dimopoulos I had a very long weekend. Give me a minute to gather my thoughts about why the star of the show only wanted to talk to 2 people and did not want her picture taken. Really Beverly, there is no need to cover your face. Most of us have seen way more than just your face. Forget Kim K, I am sure OT would be abuzz if they had a chance to see your pics. We will see.
Also pouring out liquor for those that can't cover their tracks.
Via user request:
Dear Aloofone,
There has been a collection taken up by members of the collective hairboards to refund you the $6.50 AND to pay for psychotherapy. Aloof is not just a username. It describes your posting capability to a T. The utter stupidity that seems to escape your backpedaling mouth on the regular really cracks me up! :lachen: I will forgo the comedy, that is your posts, because I know you need help. That, and I'm tired of seeing your ugly ass face. Please do not call me a hater like that old ass Iris (is she collecting SSI benefits yet?). I do no hate anyone. I hate personalities, characteristics, faces, etc. But people do not fall under that category.
Sincerely,
Nikos "Non-Hater" Dimopoulos I had a very long weekend. Give me a minute to gather my thoughts about why the star of the show only wanted to talk to 2 people and did not want her picture taken. Really Beverly, there is no need to cover your face. Most of us have seen way more than just your face. Forget Kim K, I am sure OT would be abuzz if they had a chance to see your pics. We will see.
Also pouring out liquor for those that can't cover their tracks.
Via user request:
Dear Aloofone,
There has been a collection taken up by members of the collective hairboards to refund you the $6.50 AND to pay for psychotherapy. Aloof is not just a username. It describes your posting capability to a T. The utter stupidity that seems to escape your backpedaling mouth on the regular really cracks me up! :lachen: I will forgo the comedy, that is your posts, because I know you need help. That, and I'm tired of seeing your ugly ass face. Please do not call me a hater like that old ass Iris (is she collecting SSI benefits yet?). I do no hate anyone. I hate personalities, characteristics, faces, etc. But people do not fall under that category.
Sincerely,
Nikos "Non-Hater" Dimopoulos
September 19, 2008 6:22 AM
Anonymous said...
hey (the moderators of Long Hair Care Forum) have started another round of banning. I'm still there. Pouring out liqour for those who aren't. That $6.50 has some mods "Stunnin." (So not in touch with the real world, bitch its Stunting, as in doing tricks, slut bag) Y'all better stop giving those ungrateful folks your money! That's money well spent on hair products, gas, food, or a bootleg education on the web. Or join a site that isn't ran by a bunch of hippogrits. On the list so far... MPJ (Miss Plain Jane), Mizanilocs (formerly Mizanimami and 2nd time entering a-banned-done-ment), Beautifulisaunderstatment (damn thats a long ass name, formerly banned but not sure who she is) and MissScarlett. You all probably remember MissS from the meet up scandal. She ditched some folks who set up a "coming to town" parade (Abenyo) in her honor to hang out with more down to earth folks (Sylver and Army). I mean MissS sort of apolo-lied. BUT they still haven't banned "Alexis." Oh you don't know who Alexis is? Its the person who HACKED into MissS's account and posted the PM's that exposed the whole thing. But really Alexis is Bev. Yes bitch we know. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned) hey (the moderators of Long Hair Care Forum) have started another round of banning. I'm still there. Pouring out liqour for those who aren't. That $6.50 has some mods "Stunnin." (So not in touch with the real world, bitch its Stunting, as in doing tricks, slut bag) Y'all better stop giving those ungrateful folks your money! That's money well spent on hair products, gas, food, or a bootleg education on the web. Or join a site that isn't ran by a bunch of hippogrits. On the list so far... MPJ (Miss Plain Jane), Mizanilocs (formerly Mizanimami and 2nd time entering a-banned-done-ment), Beautifulisaunderstatment (damn thats a long ass name, formerly banned but not sure who she is) and MissScarlett. You all probably remember MissS from the meet up scandal. She ditched some folks who set up a "coming to town" parade (Abenyo) in her honor to hang out with more down to earth folks (Sylver and Army). I mean MissS sort of apolo-lied. BUT they still haven't banned "Alexis." Oh you don't know who Alexis is? Its the person who HACKED into MissS's account and posted the PM's that exposed the whole thing. But really Alexis is Bev. Yes bitch we know. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned) hey (the moderators of Long Hair Care Forum) have started another round of banning. I'm still there. Pouring out liqour for those who aren't. That $6.50 has some mods "Stunnin." (So not in touch with the real world, bitch its Stunting, as in doing tricks, slut bag) Y'all better stop giving those ungrateful folks your money! That's money well spent on hair products, gas, food, or a bootleg education on the web. Or join a site that isn't ran by a bunch of hippogrits. On the list so far... MPJ (Miss Plain Jane), Mizanilocs (formerly Mizanimami and 2nd time entering a-banned-done-ment), Beautifulisaunderstatment (damn thats a long ass name, formerly banned but not sure who she is) and MissScarlett. You all probably remember MissS from the meet up scandal. She ditched some folks who set up a "coming to town" parade (Abenyo) in her honor to hang out with more down to earth folks (Sylver and Army). I mean MissS sort of apolo-lied. BUT they still haven't banned "Alexis." Oh you don't know who Alexis is? Its the person who HACKED into MissS's account and posted the PM's that exposed the whole thing. But really Alexis is Bev. Yes bitch we know. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned) hey (the moderators of Long Hair Care Forum) have started another round of banning. I'm still there. Pouring out liqour for those who aren't. That $6.50 has some mods "Stunnin." (So not in touch with the real world, bitch its Stunting, as in doing tricks, slut bag) Y'all better stop giving those ungrateful folks your money! That's money well spent on hair products, gas, food, or a bootleg education on the web. Or join a site that isn't ran by a bunch of hippogrits. On the list so far... MPJ (Miss Plain Jane), Mizanilocs (formerly Mizanimami and 2nd time entering a-banned-done-ment), Beautifulisaunderstatment (damn thats a long ass name, formerly banned but not sure who she is) and MissScarlett. You all probably remember MissS from the meet up scandal. She ditched some folks who set up a "coming to town" parade (Abenyo) in her honor to hang out with more down to earth folks (Sylver and Army). I mean MissS sort of apolo-lied. BUT they still haven't banned "Alexis." Oh you don't know who Alexis is? Its the person who HACKED into MissS's account and posted the PM's that exposed the whole thing. But really Alexis is Bev. Yes bitch we know. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned) hey (the moderators of Long Hair Care Forum) have started another round of banning. I'm still there. Pouring out liqour for those who aren't. That $6.50 has some mods "Stunnin." (So not in touch with the real world, bitch its Stunting, as in doing tricks, slut bag) Y'all better stop giving those ungrateful folks your money! That's money well spent on hair products, gas, food, or a bootleg education on the web. Or join a site that isn't ran by a bunch of hippogrits. On the list so far... MPJ (Miss Plain Jane), Mizanilocs (formerly Mizanimami and 2nd time entering a-banned-done-ment), Beautifulisaunderstatment (damn thats a long ass name, formerly banned but not sure who she is) and MissScarlett. You all probably remember MissS from the meet up scandal. She ditched some folks who set up a "coming to town" parade (Abenyo) in her honor to hang out with more down to earth folks (Sylver and Army). I mean MissS sort of apolo-lied. BUT they still haven't banned "Alexis." Oh you don't know who Alexis is? Its the person who HACKED into MissS's account and posted the PM's that exposed the whole thing. But really Alexis is Bev. Yes bitch we know. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned) hey (the moderators of Long Hair Care Forum) have started another round of banning. I'm still there. Pouring out liqour for those who aren't. That $6.50 has some mods "Stunnin." (So not in touch with the real world, bitch its Stunting, as in doing tricks, slut bag) Y'all better stop giving those ungrateful folks your money! That's money well spent on hair products, gas, food, or a bootleg education on the web. Or join a site that isn't ran by a bunch of hippogrits. On the list so far... MPJ (Miss Plain Jane), Mizanilocs (formerly Mizanimami and 2nd time entering a-banned-done-ment), Beautifulisaunderstatment (damn thats a long ass name, formerly banned but not sure who she is) and MissScarlett. You all probably remember MissS from the meet up scandal. She ditched some folks who set up a "coming to town" parade (Abenyo) in her honor to hang out with more down to earth folks (Sylver and Army). I mean MissS sort of apolo-lied. BUT they still haven't banned "Alexis." Oh you don't know who Alexis is? Its the person who HACKED into MissS's account and posted the PM's that exposed the whole thing. But really Alexis is Bev. Yes bitch we know. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned) hey (the moderators of Long Hair Care Forum) have started another round of banning. I'm still there. Pouring out liqour for those who aren't. That $6.50 has some mods "Stunnin." (So not in touch with the real world, bitch its Stunting, as in doing tricks, slut bag) Y'all better stop giving those ungrateful folks your money! That's money well spent on hair products, gas, food, or a bootleg education on the web. Or join a site that isn't ran by a bunch of hippogrits. On the list so far... MPJ (Miss Plain Jane), Mizanilocs (formerly Mizanimami and 2nd time entering a-banned-done-ment), Beautifulisaunderstatment (damn thats a long ass name, formerly banned but not sure who she is) and MissScarlett. You all probably remember MissS from the meet up scandal. She ditched some folks who set up a "coming to town" parade (Abenyo) in her honor to hang out with more down to earth folks (Sylver and Army). I mean MissS sort of apolo-lied. BUT they still haven't banned "Alexis." Oh you don't know who Alexis is? Its the person who HACKED into MissS's account and posted the PM's that exposed the whole thing. But really Alexis is Bev. Yes bitch we know. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned) hey (the moderators of Long Hair Care Forum) have started another round of banning. I'm still there. Pouring out liqour for those who aren't. That $6.50 has some mods "Stunnin." (So not in touch with the real world, bitch its Stunting, as in doing tricks, slut bag) Y'all better stop giving those ungrateful folks your money! That's money well spent on hair products, gas, food, or a bootleg education on the web. Or join a site that isn't ran by a bunch of hippogrits. On the list so far... MPJ (Miss Plain Jane), Mizanilocs (formerly Mizanimami and 2nd time entering a-banned-done-ment), Beautifulisaunderstatment (damn thats a long ass name, formerly banned but not sure who she is) and MissScarlett. You all probably remember MissS from the meet up scandal. She ditched some folks who set up a "coming to town" parade (Abenyo) in her honor to hang out with more down to earth folks (Sylver and Army). I mean MissS sort of apolo-lied. BUT they still haven't banned "Alexis." Oh you don't know who Alexis is? Its the person who HACKED into MissS's account and posted the PM's that exposed the whole thing. But really Alexis is Bev. Yes bitch we know. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned) hey (the moderators of Long Hair Care Forum) have started another round of banning. I'm still there. Pouring out liqour for those who aren't. That $6.50 has some mods "Stunnin." (So not in touch with the real world, bitch its Stunting, as in doing tricks, slut bag) Y'all better stop giving those ungrateful folks your money! That's money well spent on hair products, gas, food, or a bootleg education on the web. Or join a site that isn't ran by a bunch of hippogrits. On the list so far... MPJ (Miss Plain Jane), Mizanilocs (formerly Mizanimami and 2nd time entering a-banned-done-ment), Beautifulisaunderstatment (damn thats a long ass name, formerly banned but not sure who she is) and MissScarlett. You all probably remember MissS from the meet up scandal. She ditched some folks who set up a "coming to town" parade (Abenyo) in her honor to hang out with more down to earth folks (Sylver and Army). I mean MissS sort of apolo-lied. BUT they still haven't banned "Alexis." Oh you don't know who Alexis is? Its the person who HACKED into MissS's account and posted the PM's that exposed the whole thing. But really Alexis is Bev. Yes bitch we know. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned) hey (the moderators of Long Hair Care Forum) have started another round of banning. I'm still there. Pouring out liqour for those who aren't. That $6.50 has some mods "Stunnin." (So not in touch with the real world, bitch its Stunting, as in doing tricks, slut bag) Y'all better stop giving those ungrateful folks your money! That's money well spent on hair products, gas, food, or a bootleg education on the web. Or join a site that isn't ran by a bunch of hippogrits. On the list so far... MPJ (Miss Plain Jane), Mizanilocs (formerly Mizanimami and 2nd time entering a-banned-done-ment), Beautifulisaunderstatment (damn thats a long ass name, formerly banned but not sure who she is) and MissScarlett. You all probably remember MissS from the meet up scandal. She ditched some folks who set up a "coming to town" parade (Abenyo) in her honor to hang out with more down to earth folks (Sylver and Army). I mean MissS sort of apolo-lied. BUT they still haven't banned "Alexis." Oh you don't know who Alexis is? Its the person who HACKED into MissS's account and posted the PM's that exposed the whole thing. But really Alexis is Bev. Yes bitch we know. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned)
August 17, 2008 2:55 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Well, I found your insights appropriate. I just got banned, temp style, for p.o. one of the 10k+ members. Or, more to the point, for calling the bitch out. It is what it is...I'll be perm. banned before I change how I speak. Keep on outing the hypocrites who try to run the place. Because I'll be damned if a chick who tried to call me a troll didn't start a thread calling another members pics so scary she was thinking of blocking sigs. And a mod called the thread hatefull. How soon they forget.
cerchier
August 28, 2008 8:20 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
LOL. Bitter bitch. You always sound like you have a gigantic metal pole up your ass on lhch. Why the constant stank attitude? It radiates through all of your lousy posts.
We've all seen your picture so we know you're not a 13 year old moody cunt of a teenager going through puberty. You have the mental age of one though.
Keep on talking the way you do, as thus allowing everyone to continue laugh at you :D
August 29, 2008 1:59 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Did this one make the banned, too? LOL
August 29, 2008 6:19 PM
Anonymous Cerchier said...
Only banned for a month. I'll be back. And unlike old anon above, I don't care if you know who I am. Cerchier is my name there too. Also, check how uses the words gigantic metal pole up your ass in the same sentence that she tries to act superior. Hypocritical idiot. BTW, hit me up when I come back...if you don't mind coming out of hiding, and maybe I'll share the laugh with you.
I knew as much as you all liked to pretend like you're above this drama you'll are all up in it reading and waiting for your name to come up.
August 30, 2008 12:15 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This forum is getting out of hand lately. All these fucking hypocrits. There are the threads that are started to start shit and the same dumb ass people who love the drama and fall for that shit everytime. I also want to know who the hell Blossom is fucking to be allowed to stay on the board, that bitch breaks 20 rules a day. Nikkos, where is your damn pleadge to curb the cussing or the clever guises used to curse? The so called pretty bitches on there that always got something to say about anyone that is not lightskinned and skinny. Bint and Lourdes your day will come, I promise. Volare get another pic up (is that really you?) You go to Clemson, thats not even a real college lol. Yall miserable bitches have nothing better to do than tear people down. And if you are wondering, I am lightskinned and skinny so keep your "hater" comment, it does not apply hateful bitches.
September 2, 2008 11:30 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
What's with all of the dykes? It's turning into a lesbo board!
September 3, 2008 1:38 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
stupid bitch probably got banned!
September 4, 2008 11:25 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Oh man this board is getting better and better. I have the pics of bev, maybe I should create a blog and post them lol. They are going hard in there today and where are the mods? Is that one that is pregnant with the white loser baby still on?
September 4, 2008 2:51 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
post them!
September 4, 2008 6:17 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Seraphinelle always hating on Americans and America. Bitch please nobody checking for your wack ass Canada. Stay your corny ass over there. Then got a nerve to say we was hating on Jamaica. Bitch Please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Her citizenship request to come to America must have been denied which is why she so bitter. Her and her ugly ass friend Abenyo swear they the shit Abenyo look like she 50 in the face her ugly ass.
September 5, 2008 5:09 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
"Yall miserable bitches have nothing better to do than tear people down. "
Oh, the irony! Actually, since I can tell what a dumbass you are from your post alone, I bet you have no idea what the word "irony" mean.
September 5, 2008 11:07 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Anyone Know why Ms. Scar got banned, and all the other chicks that got banned the other day? I wonder if they are all over at Dirty girlz socaial club?
September 6, 2008 9:29 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Not Miss Scarlett, one of the queen bitches! I thought she had an in to keep her from making the banned! LoL
September 6, 2008 1:23 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
She thought that? Wow! I still want to know and I know someone knows why she got banned.
September 6, 2008 4:59 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Wow. I learn more from here than there...even before I was banned for a month. I thought Miss Scarlett was damn near an untouchable. Still, until an actual untouchable gets touched, the rules aren't unilaterally enforced and, as such, are to be regarded as just something to consider. Most of them say things others would get perm. banned for but are considered, like a flatulent Grandfather, something to be tolerated. Naw!!! Something smells like boo boo!
September 6, 2008 5:05 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Oh, and why is everyone afraid to post Beverly's pics? My imagination is starting to wander...what DOES she look like?
September 6, 2008 5:23 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
so are some chicks sucking niko's dick or what? I don't get what makes some untouchable! Are they the OGs of lhcf?
September 6, 2008 6:01 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Money is what makes them untouchable. They've been around forever and keep paying. Too big of a risk to make them follow the rules. Not for nothing, but it makes sense. I'm not paying another dime to renew.
I am known to do the wop.
September 6, 2008 7:24 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
cerchier shut the fuck up bitch
bev could get money from plenty of members
she can afford to ban a few people
we need to figure out why firecracker is not banned
September 6, 2008 10:14 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
firecracker and blossom! How the hell are these two still members? I like firecracker though, blossom and her desperate ass can kick rocks. Bloss guess what, white men dont want you either. Volare bad as hell though and I wonder is that really Tiara on there, hmmmm.
September 7, 2008 6:28 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I am surprised that people have the time (and careers) where they can post so often throughout the day. Not only do they post, but they have essay like responses in their posts. I can see every once and a while, but some of these people write long responses every day. SleekandBouncy comes to mind, there are a few others though.
September 7, 2008 10:05 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
maybe they are not a broke busted bitch like you and either do not work full time or do not care
the time you spent wondering you could be doing something else
get a life bitch
September 7, 2008 10:18 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
That last post sounded like sleekandbouncy, a bit bitter are we fake ass dahling ;)
September 7, 2008 10:37 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
^^^^ I agree with the last post.
That poster responded just a little too quickly--hunched over the computer with nothing else to do...they sound VERY little bitter. It's just a hair website.
September 7, 2008 10:46 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I think you really hurt abenyo's feelings, she's been extra angry and rude lately!
September 7, 2008 10:47 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
abenyo has always been rude and angry and yes it is because she is ugly and never has a man
September 7, 2008 11:00 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
There are some nice posters on the site. There are really just a few that are irritating.
September 7, 2008 11:11 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
damn this has grown. Aside from D lewis who I love, who the hell are the nice posters cause all them hoes are bitter and evil.
September 7, 2008 11:14 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
ella is very sweet. Dlewis is cool...um...who else is nice? Oh well.
September 7, 2008 11:22 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
FlowerHair is very nice.
September 7, 2008 11:24 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I guess iris gets on people's nerves or whatever but she seems nice to me.
September 7, 2008 2:17 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
The reason why fire will never be banned is because they are personal friends so keep holding your breath on that one. If you think there is bs on LHCF you need to check out dirty girlz. Those are what you call miserable bitches. The chat crew have also gone to worlds unknown, but who are they kidding, people know where they are. All them chicks are nice I like flower, dlewis and sylver even though she wont give you the time of day if you not light and pretty, she ok.
September 7, 2008 3:25 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Whoever it is that wants me to spend time wondering about other things, and the other that called me a bitch, only makes me even more curious what Bev looks like. Why are you'll so defensive? Does it have something to do with her hair?
September 7, 2008 4:56 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I am really curious (and since they won't answer this on the site without closing or deleting a thread), how does one really get banned? I know if you curse, or call someone ugly you get banned.
However, it sounds as though if you offend an 'untouchable' you get banned.
September 7, 2008 5:53 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
To the poster right above-
There seems to be different rules for different people. We could tell you rules all day and you could still do the wrong the to the wrong person and get banned.
September 7, 2008 6:20 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Don't tell me bev is a bald headit bitch! LOL!
September 7, 2008 6:22 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Thanks anonymous @6:20. This is my thinking too.
September 7, 2008 6:57 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I wonder who actually is 'untouchable', besides blosss and fire.
September 7, 2008 6:59 PM
Anonymous Cerchier said...
Chellero and Vevster come to mind as untouchable. Hell, Chellero said I need more dick. But some of the mods use less than subtle comments to target people.
Btw, I've cursed, but never called anyone ugly, and I made the banned 3 times. The girl who used scary to describe someones pic is most definitely not banned so, you may call someone ugly, with the right adjective.
September 8, 2008 9:06 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
what happened to aloofone? is she banned?
September 8, 2008 12:21 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Why was MissScarlet banned?!?!?!
September 8, 2008 12:32 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This is juicer than the actual board! Did the creator get banned? I wonder why they abandoned it.
September 8, 2008 4:06 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Aloofone is not banned. There is some info on here and on the Niko's step-cousin blog about why MissScarlet may have been banned or just left.
September 8, 2008 4:18 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Aloofone hasn't been banned.
I also think the meaning of being an 'untouchable' is that one says something and everyone agrees with them, and doesn't question their statement. However, if another person were to say the exact same thing, everyone would disagree, call them an idiot, or completely ignore them etc...
There are a few people on the site who everyone blindly agrees with, even if what they are saying is something someone else may have said already.
September 8, 2008 5:01 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This blog and that one that closed down were hard on aloofone, I could understand why she wouldn't want to come back. She can be confrontational, but she is not the worst one on the board, I don't know why she was targeted.
September 8, 2008 6:05 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
She looks like a used turd and always wants attention. She was actually talking about being a model. Bitch, please.
September 10, 2008 9:37 AM
Comment deleted
This post has been removed by the author.
September 10, 2008 12:27 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This thread is pathetic, the poster doesn't even have that much hair!
http://www.longhaircareforum.com/forums/showthread.php?t=278305
September 10, 2008 12:29 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This comment section is hilarious - It's like the Special Ed. version of DGSC - or maybe it's the ugly twin with the club foot and headgear.
"Who needs dates and parties and friends anyway!"
*stomps orthopedic shoe*
*sucks on asthma inhaler*
LMMFAO
September 10, 2008 3:25 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
It's so pathetic you couldn't help but to make an appearance, right? Which means you read it, right? No need to be ashamed. Welcome :D
September 10, 2008 3:33 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Yeah, because it takes sooo much time to comment here, unlike the full time careers some of the lhcf chicks make out of posting. Shoot, I wish I had the time on my hands some of those chicks have. At least here things are a little more real and to the point.
September 10, 2008 3:38 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I meant the pathetic comment at the girl who found it hilarious, not the one who quoted the thread on LHCF about taking 5-6 hours to wash uneven sl hair. Am I the only one that thinks most of the heffa's who claim to be trimming or dusting and go from bsl to apl are really just trying to hide their hair breaking off?
September 10, 2008 3:38 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
"Am I the only one that thinks most of the heffa's who claim to be trimming or dusting and go from bsl to apl are really just trying to hide their hair breaking off?"
I agree with this. They are ashamed, or in denial.
September 10, 2008 3:46 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I love how certain posters have to show off the clothing and the outfits they have in their signatures.
September 11, 2008 9:11 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Heh, there was one member all about her clothes and trying to show off. So much so that she took pics in the changing rooms of stores and tried to pass off the clothes as stuff she owned. Someone busted her when they recognized the carpet. lmao
September 11, 2008 3:48 PM
Anonymous abenyo said...
Hey I'm popular!!!
Thanks for keeping me on your minds. Don't know who the hell ya'll are nor do I care, but ya'll still got your feelings hurt. stop being simple and such idiots that are posting on a blog in disguise. You hate the board yet you keep coming back. Stop acting like bitches.. Got issues? solve it.
-Abenyo
September 11, 2008 9:02 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
The bitter bitch cant do anymore blogs!
LMAO!!!!!!!
September 12, 2008 3:55 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
can you update the blog? I want some gossip
September 12, 2008 4:24 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Yeah, I want an update too. Why do you all call everyone bitter bitches that calls you out on your stank attitudes? Perhaps you forget the numerous girl's hair vids on youtube you diss in threads only to have them find out and have them defend themselves. What about the girl who made the vid of the dog shitting on the lhcf screen while a horse makes noises because members use horse products? It can't be everyone else. If ppl are making blogs, vids, and long forum threads about one sites attitude then the members should take a long look in the mirror.
September 12, 2008 5:30 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Oh in case you forgot the long forum thread I'm talking about was on Lipstick Alley.
September 12, 2008 5:34 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
@3:48, yes. and i think sleekandbouncy does this too. why?
September 12, 2008 6:04 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
It's High School all over again. The Mean Girls, The Outcasts, and The Suck ups who want to be mean girls abound. There are some nice members but they don't run the place.
September 12, 2008 10:39 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I know sleekandbouncy does this. If she shows her face, maybe someone will recognize her and put her on blast like Jlove.
September 12, 2008 10:54 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
abenyo
sit down hoe
nobody care about your ugly gremlin face ass
September 12, 2008 11:00 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Don't hate me for saying this but, why do the African's, with stern ass features, never smile? You're bound to look like a gremlin. Smile Abenyo...and Aloofone, too, if you ever decide to show your face again.
September 12, 2008 11:40 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6iVk9H8FHKc
This is the vid! Lma. Thanks!
September 12, 2008 11:55 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
yeah, that is probably why she doesn't want to show her face...she doesn't want to be put on blast. LOL!
September 12, 2008 11:56 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Hey, Abenyo, what did you think about Miss Scarlett dissing you as too ghetto?
September 12, 2008 12:12 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Shouldn't barbiesocialite top talking about how to get men, when she is a dyke?
September 12, 2008 9:14 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Barbiesocialite doesn't have enough integrity to leave like the other lesbian, that was like a scientist. LHCF site doesn't support -heterosexual, non-christian people.
September 13, 2008 12:15 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I meant non-heterosexual!
September 13, 2008 12:16 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Yeah, abenyo you are real "popular". We are entertained by your monkey-looking ass!
September 14, 2008 3:40 PM
Anonymous abenyo said...
To all you bitches get a fucking life. stick a saw down your throat and pull it out the other end. As for the asshole from DGZ I'm waiting for you bitch, come out come out. I'm not popular but ya'll sure talk about me and think about me all day everyday. Moron that would tell you that I'm atleast important enough for ya'll to be studying me like freakin dykes. Don't worry about the way I look, maybe you should worry about getting a life and stop posting on a blog anonymously about me. I mean how fucking pathetic. It's going on some months now and ya'll still gonna talk about me. Talk about press. LOL oooo some females think I look ugly, boo fucking hoo. Bitches there is soo much to this world then the pettiness you are displaying. Ya'll say the other forums are High school what do you call grown woman talking about someone behind their backs? Mature is not what comes to mind. But hey keep saying I'm ugly, lol I don't go that route and never will. And the bitch that constantly want to talk about africa, lol what are you.. oh let me guess you just got fucked by some foreign dick and now you got indian or whatever in you right? May you prosper in lice infected locks, long lasting shedding, breakage that never stops, and head sores that no ACV or surgery will cure.
Have fun!
September 14, 2008 9:09 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
LOL, you sure seem to like it here, Abenyo, you can't seem to stay away!
Boy, you sure told everyone!
September 14, 2008 9:37 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Abenyo you sure are a mad ugly porch monkey.You also have no idea just how many people hate your stupid ugly dumb ass. Watch out for the ones who feed you info. Stupid rabid bitch.
September 14, 2008 9:51 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I see everyone is fired up tonight. LMAO!
September 14, 2008 9:54 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Abenyo you are being worked over big time.
September 14, 2008 10:09 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
She sure is. Looking like the fool who birth her ugly ass.
September 14, 2008 10:13 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Shut up abenyo!that was funny though but you still ugly. Ok on to the rest of them, is JR and Candy an item? JR got a deep voice like a man, bod like one too and Candy look like a rat.
September 14, 2008 10:14 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
For someone who doesn't care you sho keep bringin' you ass back! Sounds like you have no life Abenyo, or you can't stand not having yo monkey ass kissed!
September 14, 2008 10:25 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
so what happened to abenyo, they were supposed to have a meeting and she was stood up?
September 14, 2008 11:35 PM
Anonymous In-Adequate said...
DANG!!! Im dying at how all you LHCF members have turned this shit into a forum. But the anonymous posting is on some bitch shit.
September 15, 2008 1:53 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Hilfigher looks like a man too. That head on her hair stays looking like s brillo pad. Talk about creature from another planet. She stays cosigning on some stupid shit. Another ugly African monkey.
September 15, 2008 5:20 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Bint or OAHQ is always talking about someone's look. She got a identity crisis. She shouldn't be talking about others. That baby of hers might come out looking as ugly as her.
September 15, 2008 5:28 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
TSU you look like a pork oink oink with lipstick. Step away from the table take a few step out the kitchen and run to the gym. No woman should weigh gazillion pounds starve yourself bitch then maybe your man won't be fucking someone else.
September 15, 2008 5:33 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
What about that welfare hoe with the second hand store? What's her name acidrain? Oh summerrain lol aint nothing summer about that hoe. Even her own mama don't want her.
September 15, 2008 5:36 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Wow someone really has a lot to say. Get a life!!! What have any of these people done to you to warrant you talking about someone's mother, weight, hair or child. Everyone on this blog that comes here to talk about people maliciously has real world issues they need to contend with. Is the internet that serious that you just have to let it be known you do not like another person's font? You all do not know these people in real life so why are you wasting so much time airing out these dumb ass comments on a blog? Log off, spend time you with your family, read a book, go plant a tree find a hobby that actually benefits society instead of being evil bitches sitting about your computer typing nasty remarks.
I bet everyone who is typing mean things are probably trying to be or friends with the person they are talking about. I urge all of you to just end this and stop giving this blog attention and it will die out eventually. To the people who have been hurt by the comments do not take it personally as the person who said it is too much of a coward to say it to you personally.
September 15, 2008 7:08 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
great, another fucking lecture!
We've been told once again!
September 15, 2008 8:55 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
How is it so many women in one forum are manless and lonely. I see plenty of black couples! I think these chicks have so many issues they scare off any men who might be interested.
Out of my family and friends, no one is sitting around moaning about having no black man! They either have one or can easily find one. There has to be something really wrong with those women, and it ain't all about geography, either.
September 15, 2008 10:25 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
These women are a bunch of hipocrites! Can someone please tell me how the hell that WHORE blossom can post all this shit about fucking every random WHITE MAN and she gets apllauded. WHAT THE FUCK! There is a thread on superhead and these bitches have the most shit to say, but not on her thread. Where is Que, Bint and all the others that are on that holier than thou bullshit? Why not pop in there and tell it like it is. You all are all thinking it (SHE A HOE) but you congatulating her? a site full of fucking hipocrites.
September 15, 2008 10:51 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
damn
September 15, 2008 10:52 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
How the fuck you gonna have a name like Jessica rabbit and you look like a mack truck? and candy is ugly lol.
September 15, 2008 10:54 AM
Anonymous Cerchier said...
Wtf! I got some reading to do!
September 15, 2008 1:31 PM
Anonymous Heat/Glam said...
Piece of advice to one anonymous person. If you want to remain "anonymous" you might want to step of the soapbox of an issue that you usually post about on the forum. You might get found out quick. I hate anonymity, but if you are gonna do it at least be smart as you seem to be on the forum.
September 15, 2008 2:07 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
She aint the only one "on the forum"! lmao. Look around you!
September 15, 2008 2:24 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
who is this?
http://img61.imageshack.us/img61/548/bevgg6.png
September 15, 2008 3:00 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Nooooo! Please don't tell me that is Bev. Great day in the lacefront wearing, soup cooling, wannabe video ho morning! Image saved for future use.
September 15, 2008 3:12 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Lawd somebody finally posted them lol
September 15, 2008 3:15 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
that is what she looks like? no wonder she hides her face at meetups. if i look like that i would ban the cute women too.
September 15, 2008 3:31 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Damn, if that's really her, she ugly! And stank! No wonder she didn't want these posted! Can we get some verification so I can pass these around?
September 15, 2008 3:34 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
i wonder did she find jesus wearing those leopard panties?
September 15, 2008 3:40 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
What in the Mr.Ed stunt double hell is going on with her in these pics?
September 15, 2008 3:46 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I can verify that is her.
September 15, 2008 3:55 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Wow, my puppet just got banned forever. You suck, Beverly. And yeah, I did see you in your tiger panties before I asked you that legitimate question.
September 15, 2008 3:58 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
I should add, either Bev is a liar, and does know when people are banned and for what, or she is as dumb as she looks in her pics, and her mods do the banning.
September 15, 2008 4:00 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
you're right; sleekandbouncy loves to show off her clothing...on a hair forum. LOL!
September 15, 2008 4:07 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This is too much, you need to take that down. Maybe she has a reason she doesn't want those seen. Has she really done anything to any of you personally for you to be this evil? Please delete that link before more people see it.
September 15, 2008 4:08 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Get real. The reason she doesn't want anyone to see it is because she doesn't want people to know she is, well, visually unappealing but, more to the point, she wears a wig. Queen hypocrite, and now, to me, confirmed liar. Where's her hair? LHCF admin---wig---does not compute. Why is she the only one that ALWAYS hides her hair? Toofus notwithstanding.
September 15, 2008 4:14 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
all those bitches in bikinis in avatars and sigs and you want to call out sleekandbouncy who is fully dressed?
as far as bev if she did not want those picture seen she should have never took them.
September 15, 2008 4:15 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Gin looks like a horse too her ugly ass.
September 15, 2008 4:23 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Sleekandbouncy thats u huh?
September 15, 2008 4:41 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I'm reading through the "this thread is closed" files and vevster actually asked where MissScarlett is at about the time it was brought up here. Allandra shut it down with a quickness. Calling ppl on their shit there works! I thought the two stickies Allandra wrote about ppl watching their ass after we got rolling was coincidence but it isn't.
September 15, 2008 4:57 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I'm still surprised they banned the bitch.
September 15, 2008 5:42 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Since you can't ask on the forum, why did MissScarlett get banned? Did she curse someone out?
September 15, 2008 5:49 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Read this blog and Niko's step-cousin. Apparently abenyo set up some big LHCF to do for MissScarlett and she dissed them for people she found more to her liking. She lied about and got called out and then... I don't know why, though. I'd be afraid to meet Abenyo too.
September 15, 2008 6:25 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
cerchier after that post u did i know u would be banned lol
September 15, 2008 6:32 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Me too. But God hates a bullshitter as much as I do.
September 15, 2008 6:34 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
The post I was banned for, if you aren't a member, was responding to the Toofus, I mean Bev, closing my thread without answering a question I asked about why i was banned. I wanted the post I was accused of insulting a member. I told her the only fraction for Cerchier was from feb. She came up with some bull...I don't know, I looked, can't find anything. Then she closed the thread. I started a new thread and I stated if, as an ADMIN, you really don't know why I was bannned, then I want to know who you gave the power to ban people to without your knowledge. Then I was banned...forever lmao
September 15, 2008 6:52 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Damn! Bitch look like predator!
September 15, 2008 9:45 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
cerchier u a mess lol
September 16, 2008 8:02 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I'm sorry, but some people need to be ashamed of themselves. Bitches using animal products and pussy creams to grow their hair and then will kill you if you say other women don't go to these extremes. Don't say anything about how creamy crack sets you back. Never seen so many college educated dumb asses.
September 16, 2008 1:20 PM
Anonymous Heat/Glam said...
How you gonna talk about hair methods that WORK. Yeah folk are using horse items and have long flowing hair, while others talk about there methods are sitting there at shoulder length for the past 5 years and wondering why. SMH
September 16, 2008 2:04 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
glam you need to stay your ass off this blog
i just read through the comments and you are always here
drama whore
i see bev got her shit cracked on the board
September 16, 2008 3:17 PM
Anonymous Heat/Glam said...
I'll leave when you annonys grow balls and put your name on comments. That ain't never gonna happen so looks like I'm a permanent fixture boo.
September 16, 2008 9:41 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
There are too many jesus freaks on that board!!!! You woman are sooo vain praying to God for long hair! You make God look like a JOKE!
The Christian section is sooo funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Masturbating when you are married is BAD!? LOLLLLL! That's why black women can't find a man, they worship GOD so much that they don't know how to treat a REAL man!
September 17, 2008 12:43 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
BEVERLY is taking advantage of you all!
BEVERLY is taking advantage of you all!
BEVERLY is taking advantage of you all!
$6.50!?
Oh don't give me that proverbial, PC BULLSHIT, "You pay more than that for a hair product" "Other sites charge more". AND?! There are TONS of sites on the net that give a wealth of information to their members, but you don't have to pay no damn fee (purseforum, thefashionspot, blackvoices, longhairlovers etc) WHy do you think those sites are FREE, but they still get revenue!?? ADS! ADS! Bev has ads all over that damn board "It takes money to run a site" she says, yes, but BITCH, you get AD money! And then she had the NEVER to increase the price! I guess that bitch is using that money to pay for her weaves!
Or maybe she uses the mooney for her tithes to Jeebus!!!
September 17, 2008 12:57 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Oh, no shit she is scamming people. But their are always fools to separate their money from.
September 17, 2008 5:07 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I guess $6.50 breaks some people's pockets and then again $6.50 is just a drop in the bucket for others.
Those who "got it like that" can pay if they want.
Who is it hurting?
September 17, 2008 5:18 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Crabs in a barrel!
September 17, 2008 7:20 AM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Yes. Crabs in a barrel. No one wants to recognize the truth so they drag everyone down to the level of lies. Love the wading pool, if you can.
6.50 doesn't break anyone willing to smear horse skin products on their hair that can cost 40 dollars. Forget the shedding you need to pay how much to correct? What was that other horse product you all spent more than 40 bucks to turn your necks and jewelry black, and left a smell like you worked for the circus. Bitch, wake up.
September 17, 2008 9:09 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
True cerchier. You know, there is knowledge to be gained from lhcf, but I think for some women it can be pretty harmful. All the bandwagons, and people trying to convince others to spend money they don't have. A weak minded person can easily get caught up, and a lot of those women are pretty weak minded. Their quest for that white beauty standard has clouded their minds. And yes, I know black women have all kinds of textures, blah blah, but I still think the most of the women on lhcf are checking for the white beauty, not black
September 17, 2008 9:17 AM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Preach.
September 17, 2008 12:02 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Why are so many of them married, dating white men?
September 17, 2008 12:05 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
They take up with those alien looking white men so they can have kids with 'good hair.' They are a bunch of self hating dumb ass women who don't have a clue. I have not seen one handsome ass white man attached to one of those nappy headed hoes. None of them look like they are about anything. It's perfectly okay to take up with some greasy ass white boy rather than a black man with plenty going for them.I quit reading when pankskates husband demanded she shave her nappy ass vajayjay. The punk wasn't man enuff to tackle that nappy ass jungle. The dumbness ran me away a long time ago.
September 17, 2008 3:06 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
OMG Pinkskates posted that? Her husband said that and she posted it? Abordeaux is the only person I have seen that has a nice looking white boy. The rest look horrible, I think KBragg's husband is probably the worst looking.
September 17, 2008 3:18 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
makes me really wonder who these chicks are growing hair for? The ugly ass white men they are with for sure. And can someone tell Oneya to shut the fuck up.
September 17, 2008 3:46 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Didnt I tell yall firecracker was all up in Bevs ass? what a coincidence that the minute Bev put them pics in her album, here come fire broadcasting it. I am sure if the other pic was not posted here we would not know who Mr. Ed was, lacefront and all.
September 17, 2008 3:49 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Wow, pinkskates husband demanded that? She seemed so in control. I didn't go to the fitness forum much but she seemed on top of her shit. That's embarrassing and gross. I don't knock interracial dating, but in the cases you're presenting, settling for some less than cute, prejudiced, crackerjack white man I do.
September 17, 2008 4:17 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
someone needs to knock some sense into thinkpinkprincess. I mean come on...homegirl is 19 and she doesn't know about Roots? Even if she didn't know, google exists for a reason.
September 17, 2008 9:37 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This thread about Pinkskates husband was quite hilarious:
http://www.longhaircareforum.com/forums/showthread.php?t=141647&highlight=brazillian+wax
September 17, 2008 11:44 PM
Anonymous Jennan said...
AWWW SHit! How tha fuck did i miss this Blog!!! LSA in the house!!! Seraphinelle is fat bitch, that cows always talking about fat people. Have you seen the rings round her neck???? Abenyo is hurt in the face for real. Bint/OAHQ,why the fuck si this woman obsessed with FAT people like seraphinelle? And her whole "i'm mixed afro arab/black women hate/rah rah i'm saudi bullshit* is Jarring.. This biotch claims to be married. Maybe to the computer?This coming from one afro arab bitch to another. Hoe sit your self down.
Whats her name, fabulosity. U ain't got a man cos ur ugly. And your hair looks like shit!Texlaxed tha fuck??? Sleek and Bouncy. I like her. But no i do not want to see what your wearing everyday. And no you are not fashionable, i'm euro s o u know this shit is innate to us. Whos that trick that can't spell?
U know what i'ma register tomorrow and post Bevs pics.Nah let me wait 2 weeks and have some fake arse hair pics. I'm mad i can't use Jennan. Oh and Beyondcute you can't catch me!!!
September 18, 2008 8:48 AM
Anonymous Jennan said...
Urgh u need to silvergirls husband( btw silvergirl has some serious self hate problems, do a search, she fucked a white supremacist for fucks sake! But she's got that 3B hair so everyone oohs) Her white man looks like something from the blue lagoon!!!!
foxie roxy is a man right?
aww shit i am bookmarking this blog
September 18, 2008 8:52 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
so funny jennan! sleekandbouncy just grates for some reason...
September 18, 2008 9:31 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I see you coward bitches are still huddled up in here on your hurt feeling hoe ass nigga circle jerk.
September 18, 2008 10:06 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I just want to warn you all that I will be getting the IPs of all the posters on this blog very soon. Connections, connections, connections. I have not decided what I will do with this info. I may use it to punk some of you or turn it over to Bev and Nikkos for mass bannings and outtings. Shit is for sure about to hit the fan.
September 18, 2008 10:10 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
oh no not that!
September 18, 2008 10:55 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
WTF are you gonna do sith some damn IP#s??? Somebody supposed to be scared of your ass? HTF is a punk gonna punk someone? Go brush your effin hair!
September 18, 2008 12:00 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I am going to have them match the IPs with your user names. Because I know most of you dumb bitches are not switching computers.
I have some of the IPs in my e-mail already.
September 18, 2008 12:11 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
You're getting the ip's on here from who? Bitch, scare tactics only work on the idiots you have under your control. How exactly do you plan to get Blogger to release the ip addresses of an anon poster without them having a big ass problem from every anon poster on their site. They allow anon for a reason. You are trying to scare the wrong person.
September 18, 2008 12:50 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I know someone that works at Google you donkey face trollop.
September 18, 2008 12:55 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I doubt you have anything, and so what if you do? We're already here, why stop posting? And those dumb asses don't check IP's when people re-register, the same people can get back in. Either do it or shut the fuck up and put some coochie cream or butt fungus or whatever on your hair.
September 18, 2008 12:57 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
And...that relates to Blogger, how? What you are trying to do is scare people from posting. If you'd like, I'll write to Blogger and find out under what circumstances they release a poster's ip address. If it's like most, including google, it's only when they violate the law. You're full of shit. Spit it out. It's making your breath stank.
September 18, 2008 12:59 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
It must be either Bev or Abenyo, the 2 who have been hit the hardest on this blog. Who else would care if we post here or not? If talking shit were a crime lhcf would have been shut down long ago.
September 18, 2008 1:10 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
You are a dumb bitch Cerchier. Google owns Blogger so you need to check your facts. I already told you that I KNOW someone so your little writing to get a release is stupid, because I am getting the info regardless of their policy. Obviously you are getting nervous.
September 18, 2008 1:16 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
cerchier has no reason to be nervous, she has already been banned.
September 18, 2008 1:21 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Ok, I'm asking Blogger if they are releasing some of their anon posters(remember, they help add to the ad sales) to some black chick running a website for black women who want long hair. Or if they ever have or give a shit enough to. Or, now that they know some baby daddy's first baby mama may have sent her second baby daddy to look, is that ok with them? You don't scare me, trick. You don't know anyone. Give it up.
September 18, 2008 1:22 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Waiting on that mass banning...
September 18, 2008 1:30 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I know enough to get your trollop ass writing response after response.
September 18, 2008 1:32 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
i think scarlett is back as zaynab
also why is ugly ass abenyo writing these damn sermons on the blog
we already know you mad
we wrote it to make you mad
her and that duck face friend of hers seraphineela
September 18, 2008 1:34 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Oh, don't degenerate now. And, trollop...really? Who says that now, Bev? Get me, please do you silly cunt.
Here is the letter I sent,
Hi,
I’m writing because I need to clearly understand your policy on submitting the Internet Protocol addresses of you members, specifically the anonymous posters, on Blogger, to those who request it. On the Blogspot http://nikoscousins.blogspot.com for Tuesday, August 12, 2008 in the comments toward the end there is a poster that asserts, through the use of someone she knows at who works at Google, the i.p. addresses of every poster in that comment section. Could you please tell me if this is true?
Sincerely,
September 18, 2008 1:37 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
lmao
cerchier is nervous as shit
September 18, 2008 1:52 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Umm...I'm already banned. I'm annoyed at shit that she's trying to play people here for fools, though.
September 18, 2008 1:57 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
cerchier you really do not have a life at all
you are posted up on this blog
writing day in and day out
now you are writing notes to blogger over some dumb bitch making idle threats
you really ought to find something more productive to do just one day a week
you look so pathetic
September 18, 2008 2:08 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
the board is having a database error
i know who is responsible for that
September 18, 2008 2:12 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
oh please get me banned and "outed" so fucking what? $6.50 is less than the price of a fucking magazine over here. Man i wish i could have seen the miss scarlett thread.What did she do when she got caught out? She got banned for lying? That ain't really a crime. Lord Summerrains boutique is horrid. Her clothes are cheap and nasty looking. Poor jlove just wanted to keep up with the jonses.I dunno why people picked on alfoone, yeah she was annoying but fucking hell other members irk me more. They are so fake. And damn i didn't know people hated Abenyo that much, yeah her eyes r like "the better to see you with my dear" but if ugliness was a crime more than half of LHCF would be doing time. I feel sorry for relaxer rehab. Fucking hell don't they have arranged marriages or something? Shes like nearly 60, obese, hurt in the face- she gonna be typing on LHCF till death comes knocking she ain't got nothing else to do.
There are some nice people there?
I dunno why people hated adequate so much. Her white man was ugly and she posted every aspect of her life, but she wasn't malicious.
J x
September 18, 2008 2:12 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
I actually think Adequate's man was one of the only handsome white men on the board.
To the other girl
As for me not having a life, consider this my new life. Similar to the life you have posting like a welfare queen on LHCF. But wait, you have even less of a life because you post here too.
September 18, 2008 2:19 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
this is only my 2nd post here
compared to how many you have
and how many times have you been banned and come back starting shit? the minute they turn your name back on. you probably have it marked on your calendar when your ban date is up.
bitch please
September 18, 2008 2:50 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Of course FoxieRoxie is a man.
September 18, 2008 3:13 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Wasn't there a real tranny at one time? Not just someone who looks like one, a real one.
September 18, 2008 3:21 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
FoxyRoxy is a tranny so is Queeny.
September 18, 2008 3:35 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
I'm pretty sure foxyroxy, I hit up her fotki whe the whole "were you born a man" shite went off in ot, is a man. But she is nice. Queeny...
September 18, 2008 3:55 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Oh, I thought you guys were talking about FoxyScholar!
I don't think MissScarlett made the banned over "DC gate" because she continued to post well after that. She did something else to make the banned.
September 18, 2008 4:49 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
There was a thread a while back that got deleted because everyone was calling someone "leatherface". Who is leatherface?
September 18, 2008 4:56 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Queeny is one of the fakest bitches on that site. She stay gossiping but yet claims to be a christian. I am waiting for her ass to be put on blast for the fake that she is. Always posting up those burnt crispy looking children like someone gives a damn. Queeny, Ms.Honey, Nice & Wavy, Shimmy all those bitches that stay on the Christian forum are fake gossipy bitches, but Queeny is the main one.
September 18, 2008 5:49 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Who does this blog belong to?
September 18, 2008 5:50 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I don't know who started, but I think they made the banned, which is why they don't maintain it.
September 18, 2008 6:03 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Yeah, the poster who started this doesn't update but reading through the posts, you guys do. Keep it up.
September 18, 2008 6:28 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Didn't someone say Passionfruit did it?
September 19, 2008 7:23 PM
Anonymous said...
who is this?
http://img61.imageshack.us/img61/548/bevgg6.png
It's BEV! Check out the bitch you worship in her best ghetto ho pose with leopard draws and teeth that make mr. ed jealous!
September 19, 2008 7:27 PM
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Dear Aloofone,
There has been a collection taken up by members of the collective hairboards to refund you the $6.50 AND to pay for psychotherapy. Aloof is not just a username. It describes your posting capability to a T. The utter stupidity that seems to escape your backpedaling mouth on the regular really cracks me up! :lachen: I will forgo the comedy, that is your posts, because I know you need help. That, and I'm tired of seeing your ugly ass face. Please do not call me a hater like that old ass Iris (is she collecting SSI benefits yet?). I do no hate anyone. I hate personalities, characteristics, faces, etc. But people do not fall under that category.
Sincerely,
Nikos "Non-Hater" Dimopoulos I had a very long weekend. Give me a minute to gather my thoughts about why the star of the show only wanted to talk to 2 people and did not want her picture taken. Really Beverly, there is no need to cover your face. Most of us have seen way more than just your face. Forget Kim K, I am sure OT would be abuzz if they had a chance to see your pics. We will see.
Also pouring out liquor for those that can't cover their tracks.
Via user request:
Dear Aloofone,
There has been a collection taken up by members of the collective hairboards to refund you the $6.50 AND to pay for psychotherapy. Aloof is not just a username. It describes your posting capability to a T. The utter stupidity that seems to escape your backpedaling mouth on the regular really cracks me up! :lachen: I will forgo the comedy, that is your posts, because I know you need help. That, and I'm tired of seeing your ugly ass face. Please do not call me a hater like that old ass Iris (is she collecting SSI benefits yet?). I do no hate anyone. I hate personalities, characteristics, faces, etc. But people do not fall under that category.
Sincerely,
Nikos "Non-Hater" Dimopoulos
September 19, 2008 6:22 AM
Anonymous said...
hey (the moderators of Long Hair Care Forum) have started another round of banning. I'm still there. Pouring out liqour for those who aren't. That $6.50 has some mods "Stunnin." (So not in touch with the real world, bitch its Stunting, as in doing tricks, slut bag) Y'all better stop giving those ungrateful folks your money! That's money well spent on hair products, gas, food, or a bootleg education on the web. Or join a site that isn't ran by a bunch of hippogrits. On the list so far... MPJ (Miss Plain Jane), Mizanilocs (formerly Mizanimami and 2nd time entering a-banned-done-ment), Beautifulisaunderstatment (damn thats a long ass name, formerly banned but not sure who she is) and MissScarlett. You all probably remember MissS from the meet up scandal. She ditched some folks who set up a "coming to town" parade (Abenyo) in her honor to hang out with more down to earth folks (Sylver and Army). I mean MissS sort of apolo-lied. BUT they still haven't banned "Alexis." Oh you don't know who Alexis is? Its the person who HACKED into MissS's account and posted the PM's that exposed the whole thing. But really Alexis is Bev. Yes bitch we know. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned) hey (the moderators of Long Hair Care Forum) have started another round of banning. I'm still there. Pouring out liqour for those who aren't. That $6.50 has some mods "Stunnin." (So not in touch with the real world, bitch its Stunting, as in doing tricks, slut bag) Y'all better stop giving those ungrateful folks your money! That's money well spent on hair products, gas, food, or a bootleg education on the web. Or join a site that isn't ran by a bunch of hippogrits. On the list so far... MPJ (Miss Plain Jane), Mizanilocs (formerly Mizanimami and 2nd time entering a-banned-done-ment), Beautifulisaunderstatment (damn thats a long ass name, formerly banned but not sure who she is) and MissScarlett. You all probably remember MissS from the meet up scandal. She ditched some folks who set up a "coming to town" parade (Abenyo) in her honor to hang out with more down to earth folks (Sylver and Army). I mean MissS sort of apolo-lied. BUT they still haven't banned "Alexis." Oh you don't know who Alexis is? Its the person who HACKED into MissS's account and posted the PM's that exposed the whole thing. But really Alexis is Bev. Yes bitch we know. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned) hey (the moderators of Long Hair Care Forum) have started another round of banning. I'm still there. Pouring out liqour for those who aren't. That $6.50 has some mods "Stunnin." (So not in touch with the real world, bitch its Stunting, as in doing tricks, slut bag) Y'all better stop giving those ungrateful folks your money! That's money well spent on hair products, gas, food, or a bootleg education on the web. Or join a site that isn't ran by a bunch of hippogrits. On the list so far... MPJ (Miss Plain Jane), Mizanilocs (formerly Mizanimami and 2nd time entering a-banned-done-ment), Beautifulisaunderstatment (damn thats a long ass name, formerly banned but not sure who she is) and MissScarlett. You all probably remember MissS from the meet up scandal. She ditched some folks who set up a "coming to town" parade (Abenyo) in her honor to hang out with more down to earth folks (Sylver and Army). I mean MissS sort of apolo-lied. BUT they still haven't banned "Alexis." Oh you don't know who Alexis is? Its the person who HACKED into MissS's account and posted the PM's that exposed the whole thing. But really Alexis is Bev. Yes bitch we know. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned) hey (the moderators of Long Hair Care Forum) have started another round of banning. I'm still there. Pouring out liqour for those who aren't. That $6.50 has some mods "Stunnin." (So not in touch with the real world, bitch its Stunting, as in doing tricks, slut bag) Y'all better stop giving those ungrateful folks your money! That's money well spent on hair products, gas, food, or a bootleg education on the web. Or join a site that isn't ran by a bunch of hippogrits. On the list so far... MPJ (Miss Plain Jane), Mizanilocs (formerly Mizanimami and 2nd time entering a-banned-done-ment), Beautifulisaunderstatment (damn thats a long ass name, formerly banned but not sure who she is) and MissScarlett. You all probably remember MissS from the meet up scandal. She ditched some folks who set up a "coming to town" parade (Abenyo) in her honor to hang out with more down to earth folks (Sylver and Army). I mean MissS sort of apolo-lied. BUT they still haven't banned "Alexis." Oh you don't know who Alexis is? Its the person who HACKED into MissS's account and posted the PM's that exposed the whole thing. But really Alexis is Bev. Yes bitch we know. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned) hey (the moderators of Long Hair Care Forum) have started another round of banning. I'm still there. Pouring out liqour for those who aren't. That $6.50 has some mods "Stunnin." (So not in touch with the real world, bitch its Stunting, as in doing tricks, slut bag) Y'all better stop giving those ungrateful folks your money! That's money well spent on hair products, gas, food, or a bootleg education on the web. Or join a site that isn't ran by a bunch of hippogrits. On the list so far... MPJ (Miss Plain Jane), Mizanilocs (formerly Mizanimami and 2nd time entering a-banned-done-ment), Beautifulisaunderstatment (damn thats a long ass name, formerly banned but not sure who she is) and MissScarlett. You all probably remember MissS from the meet up scandal. She ditched some folks who set up a "coming to town" parade (Abenyo) in her honor to hang out with more down to earth folks (Sylver and Army). I mean MissS sort of apolo-lied. BUT they still haven't banned "Alexis." Oh you don't know who Alexis is? Its the person who HACKED into MissS's account and posted the PM's that exposed the whole thing. But really Alexis is Bev. Yes bitch we know. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned) hey (the moderators of Long Hair Care Forum) have started another round of banning. I'm still there. Pouring out liqour for those who aren't. That $6.50 has some mods "Stunnin." (So not in touch with the real world, bitch its Stunting, as in doing tricks, slut bag) Y'all better stop giving those ungrateful folks your money! That's money well spent on hair products, gas, food, or a bootleg education on the web. Or join a site that isn't ran by a bunch of hippogrits. On the list so far... MPJ (Miss Plain Jane), Mizanilocs (formerly Mizanimami and 2nd time entering a-banned-done-ment), Beautifulisaunderstatment (damn thats a long ass name, formerly banned but not sure who she is) and MissScarlett. You all probably remember MissS from the meet up scandal. She ditched some folks who set up a "coming to town" parade (Abenyo) in her honor to hang out with more down to earth folks (Sylver and Army). I mean MissS sort of apolo-lied. BUT they still haven't banned "Alexis." Oh you don't know who Alexis is? Its the person who HACKED into MissS's account and posted the PM's that exposed the whole thing. But really Alexis is Bev. Yes bitch we know. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned) hey (the moderators of Long Hair Care Forum) have started another round of banning. I'm still there. Pouring out liqour for those who aren't. That $6.50 has some mods "Stunnin." (So not in touch with the real world, bitch its Stunting, as in doing tricks, slut bag) Y'all better stop giving those ungrateful folks your money! That's money well spent on hair products, gas, food, or a bootleg education on the web. Or join a site that isn't ran by a bunch of hippogrits. On the list so far... MPJ (Miss Plain Jane), Mizanilocs (formerly Mizanimami and 2nd time entering a-banned-done-ment), Beautifulisaunderstatment (damn thats a long ass name, formerly banned but not sure who she is) and MissScarlett. You all probably remember MissS from the meet up scandal. She ditched some folks who set up a "coming to town" parade (Abenyo) in her honor to hang out with more down to earth folks (Sylver and Army). I mean MissS sort of apolo-lied. BUT they still haven't banned "Alexis." Oh you don't know who Alexis is? Its the person who HACKED into MissS's account and posted the PM's that exposed the whole thing. But really Alexis is Bev. Yes bitch we know. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned) hey (the moderators of Long Hair Care Forum) have started another round of banning. I'm still there. Pouring out liqour for those who aren't. That $6.50 has some mods "Stunnin." (So not in touch with the real world, bitch its Stunting, as in doing tricks, slut bag) Y'all better stop giving those ungrateful folks your money! That's money well spent on hair products, gas, food, or a bootleg education on the web. Or join a site that isn't ran by a bunch of hippogrits. On the list so far... MPJ (Miss Plain Jane), Mizanilocs (formerly Mizanimami and 2nd time entering a-banned-done-ment), Beautifulisaunderstatment (damn thats a long ass name, formerly banned but not sure who she is) and MissScarlett. You all probably remember MissS from the meet up scandal. She ditched some folks who set up a "coming to town" parade (Abenyo) in her honor to hang out with more down to earth folks (Sylver and Army). I mean MissS sort of apolo-lied. BUT they still haven't banned "Alexis." Oh you don't know who Alexis is? Its the person who HACKED into MissS's account and posted the PM's that exposed the whole thing. But really Alexis is Bev. Yes bitch we know. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned) hey (the moderators of Long Hair Care Forum) have started another round of banning. I'm still there. Pouring out liqour for those who aren't. That $6.50 has some mods "Stunnin." (So not in touch with the real world, bitch its Stunting, as in doing tricks, slut bag) Y'all better stop giving those ungrateful folks your money! That's money well spent on hair products, gas, food, or a bootleg education on the web. Or join a site that isn't ran by a bunch of hippogrits. On the list so far... MPJ (Miss Plain Jane), Mizanilocs (formerly Mizanimami and 2nd time entering a-banned-done-ment), Beautifulisaunderstatment (damn thats a long ass name, formerly banned but not sure who she is) and MissScarlett. You all probably remember MissS from the meet up scandal. She ditched some folks who set up a "coming to town" parade (Abenyo) in her honor to hang out with more down to earth folks (Sylver and Army). I mean MissS sort of apolo-lied. BUT they still haven't banned "Alexis." Oh you don't know who Alexis is? Its the person who HACKED into MissS's account and posted the PM's that exposed the whole thing. But really Alexis is Bev. Yes bitch we know. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned) hey (the moderators of Long Hair Care Forum) have started another round of banning. I'm still there. Pouring out liqour for those who aren't. That $6.50 has some mods "Stunnin." (So not in touch with the real world, bitch its Stunting, as in doing tricks, slut bag) Y'all better stop giving those ungrateful folks your money! That's money well spent on hair products, gas, food, or a bootleg education on the web. Or join a site that isn't ran by a bunch of hippogrits. On the list so far... MPJ (Miss Plain Jane), Mizanilocs (formerly Mizanimami and 2nd time entering a-banned-done-ment), Beautifulisaunderstatment (damn thats a long ass name, formerly banned but not sure who she is) and MissScarlett. You all probably remember MissS from the meet up scandal. She ditched some folks who set up a "coming to town" parade (Abenyo) in her honor to hang out with more down to earth folks (Sylver and Army). I mean MissS sort of apolo-lied. BUT they still haven't banned "Alexis." Oh you don't know who Alexis is? Its the person who HACKED into MissS's account and posted the PM's that exposed the whole thing. But really Alexis is Bev. Yes bitch we know. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned)
August 17, 2008 2:55 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Well, I found your insights appropriate. I just got banned, temp style, for p.o. one of the 10k+ members. Or, more to the point, for calling the bitch out. It is what it is...I'll be perm. banned before I change how I speak. Keep on outing the hypocrites who try to run the place. Because I'll be damned if a chick who tried to call me a troll didn't start a thread calling another members pics so scary she was thinking of blocking sigs. And a mod called the thread hatefull. How soon they forget.
cerchier
August 28, 2008 8:20 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
LOL. Bitter bitch. You always sound like you have a gigantic metal pole up your ass on lhch. Why the constant stank attitude? It radiates through all of your lousy posts.
We've all seen your picture so we know you're not a 13 year old moody cunt of a teenager going through puberty. You have the mental age of one though.
Keep on talking the way you do, as thus allowing everyone to continue laugh at you :D
August 29, 2008 1:59 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Did this one make the banned, too? LOL
August 29, 2008 6:19 PM
Anonymous Cerchier said...
Only banned for a month. I'll be back. And unlike old anon above, I don't care if you know who I am. Cerchier is my name there too. Also, check how uses the words gigantic metal pole up your ass in the same sentence that she tries to act superior. Hypocritical idiot. BTW, hit me up when I come back...if you don't mind coming out of hiding, and maybe I'll share the laugh with you.
I knew as much as you all liked to pretend like you're above this drama you'll are all up in it reading and waiting for your name to come up.
August 30, 2008 12:15 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This forum is getting out of hand lately. All these fucking hypocrits. There are the threads that are started to start shit and the same dumb ass people who love the drama and fall for that shit everytime. I also want to know who the hell Blossom is fucking to be allowed to stay on the board, that bitch breaks 20 rules a day. Nikkos, where is your damn pleadge to curb the cussing or the clever guises used to curse? The so called pretty bitches on there that always got something to say about anyone that is not lightskinned and skinny. Bint and Lourdes your day will come, I promise. Volare get another pic up (is that really you?) You go to Clemson, thats not even a real college lol. Yall miserable bitches have nothing better to do than tear people down. And if you are wondering, I am lightskinned and skinny so keep your "hater" comment, it does not apply hateful bitches.
September 2, 2008 11:30 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
What's with all of the dykes? It's turning into a lesbo board!
September 3, 2008 1:38 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
stupid bitch probably got banned!
September 4, 2008 11:25 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Oh man this board is getting better and better. I have the pics of bev, maybe I should create a blog and post them lol. They are going hard in there today and where are the mods? Is that one that is pregnant with the white loser baby still on?
September 4, 2008 2:51 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
post them!
September 4, 2008 6:17 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Seraphinelle always hating on Americans and America. Bitch please nobody checking for your wack ass Canada. Stay your corny ass over there. Then got a nerve to say we was hating on Jamaica. Bitch Please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Her citizenship request to come to America must have been denied which is why she so bitter. Her and her ugly ass friend Abenyo swear they the shit Abenyo look like she 50 in the face her ugly ass.
September 5, 2008 5:09 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
"Yall miserable bitches have nothing better to do than tear people down. "
Oh, the irony! Actually, since I can tell what a dumbass you are from your post alone, I bet you have no idea what the word "irony" mean.
September 5, 2008 11:07 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Anyone Know why Ms. Scar got banned, and all the other chicks that got banned the other day? I wonder if they are all over at Dirty girlz socaial club?
September 6, 2008 9:29 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Not Miss Scarlett, one of the queen bitches! I thought she had an in to keep her from making the banned! LoL
September 6, 2008 1:23 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
She thought that? Wow! I still want to know and I know someone knows why she got banned.
September 6, 2008 4:59 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Wow. I learn more from here than there...even before I was banned for a month. I thought Miss Scarlett was damn near an untouchable. Still, until an actual untouchable gets touched, the rules aren't unilaterally enforced and, as such, are to be regarded as just something to consider. Most of them say things others would get perm. banned for but are considered, like a flatulent Grandfather, something to be tolerated. Naw!!! Something smells like boo boo!
September 6, 2008 5:05 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Oh, and why is everyone afraid to post Beverly's pics? My imagination is starting to wander...what DOES she look like?
September 6, 2008 5:23 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
so are some chicks sucking niko's dick or what? I don't get what makes some untouchable! Are they the OGs of lhcf?
September 6, 2008 6:01 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Money is what makes them untouchable. They've been around forever and keep paying. Too big of a risk to make them follow the rules. Not for nothing, but it makes sense. I'm not paying another dime to renew.
I am known to do the wop.
September 6, 2008 7:24 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
cerchier shut the fuck up bitch
bev could get money from plenty of members
she can afford to ban a few people
we need to figure out why firecracker is not banned
September 6, 2008 10:14 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
firecracker and blossom! How the hell are these two still members? I like firecracker though, blossom and her desperate ass can kick rocks. Bloss guess what, white men dont want you either. Volare bad as hell though and I wonder is that really Tiara on there, hmmmm.
September 7, 2008 6:28 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I am surprised that people have the time (and careers) where they can post so often throughout the day. Not only do they post, but they have essay like responses in their posts. I can see every once and a while, but some of these people write long responses every day. SleekandBouncy comes to mind, there are a few others though.
September 7, 2008 10:05 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
maybe they are not a broke busted bitch like you and either do not work full time or do not care
the time you spent wondering you could be doing something else
get a life bitch
September 7, 2008 10:18 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
That last post sounded like sleekandbouncy, a bit bitter are we fake ass dahling ;)
September 7, 2008 10:37 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
^^^^ I agree with the last post.
That poster responded just a little too quickly--hunched over the computer with nothing else to do...they sound VERY little bitter. It's just a hair website.
September 7, 2008 10:46 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I think you really hurt abenyo's feelings, she's been extra angry and rude lately!
September 7, 2008 10:47 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
abenyo has always been rude and angry and yes it is because she is ugly and never has a man
September 7, 2008 11:00 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
There are some nice posters on the site. There are really just a few that are irritating.
September 7, 2008 11:11 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
damn this has grown. Aside from D lewis who I love, who the hell are the nice posters cause all them hoes are bitter and evil.
September 7, 2008 11:14 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
ella is very sweet. Dlewis is cool...um...who else is nice? Oh well.
September 7, 2008 11:22 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
FlowerHair is very nice.
September 7, 2008 11:24 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I guess iris gets on people's nerves or whatever but she seems nice to me.
September 7, 2008 2:17 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
The reason why fire will never be banned is because they are personal friends so keep holding your breath on that one. If you think there is bs on LHCF you need to check out dirty girlz. Those are what you call miserable bitches. The chat crew have also gone to worlds unknown, but who are they kidding, people know where they are. All them chicks are nice I like flower, dlewis and sylver even though she wont give you the time of day if you not light and pretty, she ok.
September 7, 2008 3:25 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Whoever it is that wants me to spend time wondering about other things, and the other that called me a bitch, only makes me even more curious what Bev looks like. Why are you'll so defensive? Does it have something to do with her hair?
September 7, 2008 4:56 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I am really curious (and since they won't answer this on the site without closing or deleting a thread), how does one really get banned? I know if you curse, or call someone ugly you get banned.
However, it sounds as though if you offend an 'untouchable' you get banned.
September 7, 2008 5:53 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
To the poster right above-
There seems to be different rules for different people. We could tell you rules all day and you could still do the wrong the to the wrong person and get banned.
September 7, 2008 6:20 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Don't tell me bev is a bald headit bitch! LOL!
September 7, 2008 6:22 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Thanks anonymous @6:20. This is my thinking too.
September 7, 2008 6:57 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I wonder who actually is 'untouchable', besides blosss and fire.
September 7, 2008 6:59 PM
Anonymous Cerchier said...
Chellero and Vevster come to mind as untouchable. Hell, Chellero said I need more dick. But some of the mods use less than subtle comments to target people.
Btw, I've cursed, but never called anyone ugly, and I made the banned 3 times. The girl who used scary to describe someones pic is most definitely not banned so, you may call someone ugly, with the right adjective.
September 8, 2008 9:06 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
what happened to aloofone? is she banned?
September 8, 2008 12:21 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Why was MissScarlet banned?!?!?!
September 8, 2008 12:32 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This is juicer than the actual board! Did the creator get banned? I wonder why they abandoned it.
September 8, 2008 4:06 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Aloofone is not banned. There is some info on here and on the Niko's step-cousin blog about why MissScarlet may have been banned or just left.
September 8, 2008 4:18 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Aloofone hasn't been banned.
I also think the meaning of being an 'untouchable' is that one says something and everyone agrees with them, and doesn't question their statement. However, if another person were to say the exact same thing, everyone would disagree, call them an idiot, or completely ignore them etc...
There are a few people on the site who everyone blindly agrees with, even if what they are saying is something someone else may have said already.
September 8, 2008 5:01 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This blog and that one that closed down were hard on aloofone, I could understand why she wouldn't want to come back. She can be confrontational, but she is not the worst one on the board, I don't know why she was targeted.
September 8, 2008 6:05 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
She looks like a used turd and always wants attention. She was actually talking about being a model. Bitch, please.
September 10, 2008 9:37 AM
Comment deleted
This post has been removed by the author.
September 10, 2008 12:27 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This thread is pathetic, the poster doesn't even have that much hair!
http://www.longhaircareforum.com/forums/showthread.php?t=278305
September 10, 2008 12:29 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This comment section is hilarious - It's like the Special Ed. version of DGSC - or maybe it's the ugly twin with the club foot and headgear.
"Who needs dates and parties and friends anyway!"
*stomps orthopedic shoe*
*sucks on asthma inhaler*
LMMFAO
September 10, 2008 3:25 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
It's so pathetic you couldn't help but to make an appearance, right? Which means you read it, right? No need to be ashamed. Welcome :D
September 10, 2008 3:33 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Yeah, because it takes sooo much time to comment here, unlike the full time careers some of the lhcf chicks make out of posting. Shoot, I wish I had the time on my hands some of those chicks have. At least here things are a little more real and to the point.
September 10, 2008 3:38 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I meant the pathetic comment at the girl who found it hilarious, not the one who quoted the thread on LHCF about taking 5-6 hours to wash uneven sl hair. Am I the only one that thinks most of the heffa's who claim to be trimming or dusting and go from bsl to apl are really just trying to hide their hair breaking off?
September 10, 2008 3:38 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
"Am I the only one that thinks most of the heffa's who claim to be trimming or dusting and go from bsl to apl are really just trying to hide their hair breaking off?"
I agree with this. They are ashamed, or in denial.
September 10, 2008 3:46 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I love how certain posters have to show off the clothing and the outfits they have in their signatures.
September 11, 2008 9:11 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Heh, there was one member all about her clothes and trying to show off. So much so that she took pics in the changing rooms of stores and tried to pass off the clothes as stuff she owned. Someone busted her when they recognized the carpet. lmao
September 11, 2008 3:48 PM
Anonymous abenyo said...
Hey I'm popular!!!
Thanks for keeping me on your minds. Don't know who the hell ya'll are nor do I care, but ya'll still got your feelings hurt. stop being simple and such idiots that are posting on a blog in disguise. You hate the board yet you keep coming back. Stop acting like bitches.. Got issues? solve it.
-Abenyo
September 11, 2008 9:02 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
The bitter bitch cant do anymore blogs!
LMAO!!!!!!!
September 12, 2008 3:55 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
can you update the blog? I want some gossip
September 12, 2008 4:24 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Yeah, I want an update too. Why do you all call everyone bitter bitches that calls you out on your stank attitudes? Perhaps you forget the numerous girl's hair vids on youtube you diss in threads only to have them find out and have them defend themselves. What about the girl who made the vid of the dog shitting on the lhcf screen while a horse makes noises because members use horse products? It can't be everyone else. If ppl are making blogs, vids, and long forum threads about one sites attitude then the members should take a long look in the mirror.
September 12, 2008 5:30 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Oh in case you forgot the long forum thread I'm talking about was on Lipstick Alley.
September 12, 2008 5:34 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
@3:48, yes. and i think sleekandbouncy does this too. why?
September 12, 2008 6:04 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
It's High School all over again. The Mean Girls, The Outcasts, and The Suck ups who want to be mean girls abound. There are some nice members but they don't run the place.
September 12, 2008 10:39 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I know sleekandbouncy does this. If she shows her face, maybe someone will recognize her and put her on blast like Jlove.
September 12, 2008 10:54 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
abenyo
sit down hoe
nobody care about your ugly gremlin face ass
September 12, 2008 11:00 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Don't hate me for saying this but, why do the African's, with stern ass features, never smile? You're bound to look like a gremlin. Smile Abenyo...and Aloofone, too, if you ever decide to show your face again.
September 12, 2008 11:40 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6iVk9H8FHKc
This is the vid! Lma. Thanks!
September 12, 2008 11:55 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
yeah, that is probably why she doesn't want to show her face...she doesn't want to be put on blast. LOL!
September 12, 2008 11:56 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Hey, Abenyo, what did you think about Miss Scarlett dissing you as too ghetto?
September 12, 2008 12:12 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Shouldn't barbiesocialite top talking about how to get men, when she is a dyke?
September 12, 2008 9:14 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Barbiesocialite doesn't have enough integrity to leave like the other lesbian, that was like a scientist. LHCF site doesn't support -heterosexual, non-christian people.
September 13, 2008 12:15 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I meant non-heterosexual!
September 13, 2008 12:16 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Yeah, abenyo you are real "popular". We are entertained by your monkey-looking ass!
September 14, 2008 3:40 PM
Anonymous abenyo said...
To all you bitches get a fucking life. stick a saw down your throat and pull it out the other end. As for the asshole from DGZ I'm waiting for you bitch, come out come out. I'm not popular but ya'll sure talk about me and think about me all day everyday. Moron that would tell you that I'm atleast important enough for ya'll to be studying me like freakin dykes. Don't worry about the way I look, maybe you should worry about getting a life and stop posting on a blog anonymously about me. I mean how fucking pathetic. It's going on some months now and ya'll still gonna talk about me. Talk about press. LOL oooo some females think I look ugly, boo fucking hoo. Bitches there is soo much to this world then the pettiness you are displaying. Ya'll say the other forums are High school what do you call grown woman talking about someone behind their backs? Mature is not what comes to mind. But hey keep saying I'm ugly, lol I don't go that route and never will. And the bitch that constantly want to talk about africa, lol what are you.. oh let me guess you just got fucked by some foreign dick and now you got indian or whatever in you right? May you prosper in lice infected locks, long lasting shedding, breakage that never stops, and head sores that no ACV or surgery will cure.
Have fun!
September 14, 2008 9:09 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
LOL, you sure seem to like it here, Abenyo, you can't seem to stay away!
Boy, you sure told everyone!
September 14, 2008 9:37 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Abenyo you sure are a mad ugly porch monkey.You also have no idea just how many people hate your stupid ugly dumb ass. Watch out for the ones who feed you info. Stupid rabid bitch.
September 14, 2008 9:51 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I see everyone is fired up tonight. LMAO!
September 14, 2008 9:54 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Abenyo you are being worked over big time.
September 14, 2008 10:09 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
She sure is. Looking like the fool who birth her ugly ass.
September 14, 2008 10:13 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Shut up abenyo!that was funny though but you still ugly. Ok on to the rest of them, is JR and Candy an item? JR got a deep voice like a man, bod like one too and Candy look like a rat.
September 14, 2008 10:14 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
For someone who doesn't care you sho keep bringin' you ass back! Sounds like you have no life Abenyo, or you can't stand not having yo monkey ass kissed!
September 14, 2008 10:25 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
so what happened to abenyo, they were supposed to have a meeting and she was stood up?
September 14, 2008 11:35 PM
Anonymous In-Adequate said...
DANG!!! Im dying at how all you LHCF members have turned this shit into a forum. But the anonymous posting is on some bitch shit.
September 15, 2008 1:53 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Hilfigher looks like a man too. That head on her hair stays looking like s brillo pad. Talk about creature from another planet. She stays cosigning on some stupid shit. Another ugly African monkey.
September 15, 2008 5:20 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Bint or OAHQ is always talking about someone's look. She got a identity crisis. She shouldn't be talking about others. That baby of hers might come out looking as ugly as her.
September 15, 2008 5:28 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
TSU you look like a pork oink oink with lipstick. Step away from the table take a few step out the kitchen and run to the gym. No woman should weigh gazillion pounds starve yourself bitch then maybe your man won't be fucking someone else.
September 15, 2008 5:33 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
What about that welfare hoe with the second hand store? What's her name acidrain? Oh summerrain lol aint nothing summer about that hoe. Even her own mama don't want her.
September 15, 2008 5:36 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Wow someone really has a lot to say. Get a life!!! What have any of these people done to you to warrant you talking about someone's mother, weight, hair or child. Everyone on this blog that comes here to talk about people maliciously has real world issues they need to contend with. Is the internet that serious that you just have to let it be known you do not like another person's font? You all do not know these people in real life so why are you wasting so much time airing out these dumb ass comments on a blog? Log off, spend time you with your family, read a book, go plant a tree find a hobby that actually benefits society instead of being evil bitches sitting about your computer typing nasty remarks.
I bet everyone who is typing mean things are probably trying to be or friends with the person they are talking about. I urge all of you to just end this and stop giving this blog attention and it will die out eventually. To the people who have been hurt by the comments do not take it personally as the person who said it is too much of a coward to say it to you personally.
September 15, 2008 7:08 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
great, another fucking lecture!
We've been told once again!
September 15, 2008 8:55 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
How is it so many women in one forum are manless and lonely. I see plenty of black couples! I think these chicks have so many issues they scare off any men who might be interested.
Out of my family and friends, no one is sitting around moaning about having no black man! They either have one or can easily find one. There has to be something really wrong with those women, and it ain't all about geography, either.
September 15, 2008 10:25 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
These women are a bunch of hipocrites! Can someone please tell me how the hell that WHORE blossom can post all this shit about fucking every random WHITE MAN and she gets apllauded. WHAT THE FUCK! There is a thread on superhead and these bitches have the most shit to say, but not on her thread. Where is Que, Bint and all the others that are on that holier than thou bullshit? Why not pop in there and tell it like it is. You all are all thinking it (SHE A HOE) but you congatulating her? a site full of fucking hipocrites.
September 15, 2008 10:51 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
damn
September 15, 2008 10:52 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
How the fuck you gonna have a name like Jessica rabbit and you look like a mack truck? and candy is ugly lol.
September 15, 2008 10:54 AM
Anonymous Cerchier said...
Wtf! I got some reading to do!
September 15, 2008 1:31 PM
Anonymous Heat/Glam said...
Piece of advice to one anonymous person. If you want to remain "anonymous" you might want to step of the soapbox of an issue that you usually post about on the forum. You might get found out quick. I hate anonymity, but if you are gonna do it at least be smart as you seem to be on the forum.
September 15, 2008 2:07 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
She aint the only one "on the forum"! lmao. Look around you!
September 15, 2008 2:24 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
who is this?
http://img61.imageshack.us/img61/548/bevgg6.png
September 15, 2008 3:00 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Nooooo! Please don't tell me that is Bev. Great day in the lacefront wearing, soup cooling, wannabe video ho morning! Image saved for future use.
September 15, 2008 3:12 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Lawd somebody finally posted them lol
September 15, 2008 3:15 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
that is what she looks like? no wonder she hides her face at meetups. if i look like that i would ban the cute women too.
September 15, 2008 3:31 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Damn, if that's really her, she ugly! And stank! No wonder she didn't want these posted! Can we get some verification so I can pass these around?
September 15, 2008 3:34 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
i wonder did she find jesus wearing those leopard panties?
September 15, 2008 3:40 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
What in the Mr.Ed stunt double hell is going on with her in these pics?
September 15, 2008 3:46 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I can verify that is her.
September 15, 2008 3:55 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Wow, my puppet just got banned forever. You suck, Beverly. And yeah, I did see you in your tiger panties before I asked you that legitimate question.
September 15, 2008 3:58 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
I should add, either Bev is a liar, and does know when people are banned and for what, or she is as dumb as she looks in her pics, and her mods do the banning.
September 15, 2008 4:00 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
you're right; sleekandbouncy loves to show off her clothing...on a hair forum. LOL!
September 15, 2008 4:07 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This is too much, you need to take that down. Maybe she has a reason she doesn't want those seen. Has she really done anything to any of you personally for you to be this evil? Please delete that link before more people see it.
September 15, 2008 4:08 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Get real. The reason she doesn't want anyone to see it is because she doesn't want people to know she is, well, visually unappealing but, more to the point, she wears a wig. Queen hypocrite, and now, to me, confirmed liar. Where's her hair? LHCF admin---wig---does not compute. Why is she the only one that ALWAYS hides her hair? Toofus notwithstanding.
September 15, 2008 4:14 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
all those bitches in bikinis in avatars and sigs and you want to call out sleekandbouncy who is fully dressed?
as far as bev if she did not want those picture seen she should have never took them.
September 15, 2008 4:15 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Gin looks like a horse too her ugly ass.
September 15, 2008 4:23 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Sleekandbouncy thats u huh?
September 15, 2008 4:41 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I'm reading through the "this thread is closed" files and vevster actually asked where MissScarlett is at about the time it was brought up here. Allandra shut it down with a quickness. Calling ppl on their shit there works! I thought the two stickies Allandra wrote about ppl watching their ass after we got rolling was coincidence but it isn't.
September 15, 2008 4:57 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I'm still surprised they banned the bitch.
September 15, 2008 5:42 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Since you can't ask on the forum, why did MissScarlett get banned? Did she curse someone out?
September 15, 2008 5:49 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Read this blog and Niko's step-cousin. Apparently abenyo set up some big LHCF to do for MissScarlett and she dissed them for people she found more to her liking. She lied about and got called out and then... I don't know why, though. I'd be afraid to meet Abenyo too.
September 15, 2008 6:25 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
cerchier after that post u did i know u would be banned lol
September 15, 2008 6:32 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Me too. But God hates a bullshitter as much as I do.
September 15, 2008 6:34 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
The post I was banned for, if you aren't a member, was responding to the Toofus, I mean Bev, closing my thread without answering a question I asked about why i was banned. I wanted the post I was accused of insulting a member. I told her the only fraction for Cerchier was from feb. She came up with some bull...I don't know, I looked, can't find anything. Then she closed the thread. I started a new thread and I stated if, as an ADMIN, you really don't know why I was bannned, then I want to know who you gave the power to ban people to without your knowledge. Then I was banned...forever lmao
September 15, 2008 6:52 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Damn! Bitch look like predator!
September 15, 2008 9:45 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
cerchier u a mess lol
September 16, 2008 8:02 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I'm sorry, but some people need to be ashamed of themselves. Bitches using animal products and pussy creams to grow their hair and then will kill you if you say other women don't go to these extremes. Don't say anything about how creamy crack sets you back. Never seen so many college educated dumb asses.
September 16, 2008 1:20 PM
Anonymous Heat/Glam said...
How you gonna talk about hair methods that WORK. Yeah folk are using horse items and have long flowing hair, while others talk about there methods are sitting there at shoulder length for the past 5 years and wondering why. SMH
September 16, 2008 2:04 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
glam you need to stay your ass off this blog
i just read through the comments and you are always here
drama whore
i see bev got her shit cracked on the board
September 16, 2008 3:17 PM
Anonymous Heat/Glam said...
I'll leave when you annonys grow balls and put your name on comments. That ain't never gonna happen so looks like I'm a permanent fixture boo.
September 16, 2008 9:41 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
There are too many jesus freaks on that board!!!! You woman are sooo vain praying to God for long hair! You make God look like a JOKE!
The Christian section is sooo funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Masturbating when you are married is BAD!? LOLLLLL! That's why black women can't find a man, they worship GOD so much that they don't know how to treat a REAL man!
September 17, 2008 12:43 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
BEVERLY is taking advantage of you all!
BEVERLY is taking advantage of you all!
BEVERLY is taking advantage of you all!
$6.50!?
Oh don't give me that proverbial, PC BULLSHIT, "You pay more than that for a hair product" "Other sites charge more". AND?! There are TONS of sites on the net that give a wealth of information to their members, but you don't have to pay no damn fee (purseforum, thefashionspot, blackvoices, longhairlovers etc) WHy do you think those sites are FREE, but they still get revenue!?? ADS! ADS! Bev has ads all over that damn board "It takes money to run a site" she says, yes, but BITCH, you get AD money! And then she had the NEVER to increase the price! I guess that bitch is using that money to pay for her weaves!
Or maybe she uses the mooney for her tithes to Jeebus!!!
September 17, 2008 12:57 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Oh, no shit she is scamming people. But their are always fools to separate their money from.
September 17, 2008 5:07 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I guess $6.50 breaks some people's pockets and then again $6.50 is just a drop in the bucket for others.
Those who "got it like that" can pay if they want.
Who is it hurting?
September 17, 2008 5:18 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Crabs in a barrel!
September 17, 2008 7:20 AM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Yes. Crabs in a barrel. No one wants to recognize the truth so they drag everyone down to the level of lies. Love the wading pool, if you can.
6.50 doesn't break anyone willing to smear horse skin products on their hair that can cost 40 dollars. Forget the shedding you need to pay how much to correct? What was that other horse product you all spent more than 40 bucks to turn your necks and jewelry black, and left a smell like you worked for the circus. Bitch, wake up.
September 17, 2008 9:09 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
True cerchier. You know, there is knowledge to be gained from lhcf, but I think for some women it can be pretty harmful. All the bandwagons, and people trying to convince others to spend money they don't have. A weak minded person can easily get caught up, and a lot of those women are pretty weak minded. Their quest for that white beauty standard has clouded their minds. And yes, I know black women have all kinds of textures, blah blah, but I still think the most of the women on lhcf are checking for the white beauty, not black
September 17, 2008 9:17 AM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Preach.
September 17, 2008 12:02 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Why are so many of them married, dating white men?
September 17, 2008 12:05 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
They take up with those alien looking white men so they can have kids with 'good hair.' They are a bunch of self hating dumb ass women who don't have a clue. I have not seen one handsome ass white man attached to one of those nappy headed hoes. None of them look like they are about anything. It's perfectly okay to take up with some greasy ass white boy rather than a black man with plenty going for them.I quit reading when pankskates husband demanded she shave her nappy ass vajayjay. The punk wasn't man enuff to tackle that nappy ass jungle. The dumbness ran me away a long time ago.
September 17, 2008 3:06 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
OMG Pinkskates posted that? Her husband said that and she posted it? Abordeaux is the only person I have seen that has a nice looking white boy. The rest look horrible, I think KBragg's husband is probably the worst looking.
September 17, 2008 3:18 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
makes me really wonder who these chicks are growing hair for? The ugly ass white men they are with for sure. And can someone tell Oneya to shut the fuck up.
September 17, 2008 3:46 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Didnt I tell yall firecracker was all up in Bevs ass? what a coincidence that the minute Bev put them pics in her album, here come fire broadcasting it. I am sure if the other pic was not posted here we would not know who Mr. Ed was, lacefront and all.
September 17, 2008 3:49 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Wow, pinkskates husband demanded that? She seemed so in control. I didn't go to the fitness forum much but she seemed on top of her shit. That's embarrassing and gross. I don't knock interracial dating, but in the cases you're presenting, settling for some less than cute, prejudiced, crackerjack white man I do.
September 17, 2008 4:17 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
someone needs to knock some sense into thinkpinkprincess. I mean come on...homegirl is 19 and she doesn't know about Roots? Even if she didn't know, google exists for a reason.
September 17, 2008 9:37 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This thread about Pinkskates husband was quite hilarious:
http://www.longhaircareforum.com/forums/showthread.php?t=141647&highlight=brazillian+wax
September 17, 2008 11:44 PM
Anonymous Jennan said...
AWWW SHit! How tha fuck did i miss this Blog!!! LSA in the house!!! Seraphinelle is fat bitch, that cows always talking about fat people. Have you seen the rings round her neck???? Abenyo is hurt in the face for real. Bint/OAHQ,why the fuck si this woman obsessed with FAT people like seraphinelle? And her whole "i'm mixed afro arab/black women hate/rah rah i'm saudi bullshit* is Jarring.. This biotch claims to be married. Maybe to the computer?This coming from one afro arab bitch to another. Hoe sit your self down.
Whats her name, fabulosity. U ain't got a man cos ur ugly. And your hair looks like shit!Texlaxed tha fuck??? Sleek and Bouncy. I like her. But no i do not want to see what your wearing everyday. And no you are not fashionable, i'm euro s o u know this shit is innate to us. Whos that trick that can't spell?
U know what i'ma register tomorrow and post Bevs pics.Nah let me wait 2 weeks and have some fake arse hair pics. I'm mad i can't use Jennan. Oh and Beyondcute you can't catch me!!!
September 18, 2008 8:48 AM
Anonymous Jennan said...
Urgh u need to silvergirls husband( btw silvergirl has some serious self hate problems, do a search, she fucked a white supremacist for fucks sake! But she's got that 3B hair so everyone oohs) Her white man looks like something from the blue lagoon!!!!
foxie roxy is a man right?
aww shit i am bookmarking this blog
September 18, 2008 8:52 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
so funny jennan! sleekandbouncy just grates for some reason...
September 18, 2008 9:31 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I see you coward bitches are still huddled up in here on your hurt feeling hoe ass nigga circle jerk.
September 18, 2008 10:06 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I just want to warn you all that I will be getting the IPs of all the posters on this blog very soon. Connections, connections, connections. I have not decided what I will do with this info. I may use it to punk some of you or turn it over to Bev and Nikkos for mass bannings and outtings. Shit is for sure about to hit the fan.
September 18, 2008 10:10 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
oh no not that!
September 18, 2008 10:55 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
WTF are you gonna do sith some damn IP#s??? Somebody supposed to be scared of your ass? HTF is a punk gonna punk someone? Go brush your effin hair!
September 18, 2008 12:00 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I am going to have them match the IPs with your user names. Because I know most of you dumb bitches are not switching computers.
I have some of the IPs in my e-mail already.
September 18, 2008 12:11 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
You're getting the ip's on here from who? Bitch, scare tactics only work on the idiots you have under your control. How exactly do you plan to get Blogger to release the ip addresses of an anon poster without them having a big ass problem from every anon poster on their site. They allow anon for a reason. You are trying to scare the wrong person.
September 18, 2008 12:50 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I know someone that works at Google you donkey face trollop.
September 18, 2008 12:55 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I doubt you have anything, and so what if you do? We're already here, why stop posting? And those dumb asses don't check IP's when people re-register, the same people can get back in. Either do it or shut the fuck up and put some coochie cream or butt fungus or whatever on your hair.
September 18, 2008 12:57 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
And...that relates to Blogger, how? What you are trying to do is scare people from posting. If you'd like, I'll write to Blogger and find out under what circumstances they release a poster's ip address. If it's like most, including google, it's only when they violate the law. You're full of shit. Spit it out. It's making your breath stank.
September 18, 2008 12:59 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
It must be either Bev or Abenyo, the 2 who have been hit the hardest on this blog. Who else would care if we post here or not? If talking shit were a crime lhcf would have been shut down long ago.
September 18, 2008 1:10 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
You are a dumb bitch Cerchier. Google owns Blogger so you need to check your facts. I already told you that I KNOW someone so your little writing to get a release is stupid, because I am getting the info regardless of their policy. Obviously you are getting nervous.
September 18, 2008 1:16 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
cerchier has no reason to be nervous, she has already been banned.
September 18, 2008 1:21 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Ok, I'm asking Blogger if they are releasing some of their anon posters(remember, they help add to the ad sales) to some black chick running a website for black women who want long hair. Or if they ever have or give a shit enough to. Or, now that they know some baby daddy's first baby mama may have sent her second baby daddy to look, is that ok with them? You don't scare me, trick. You don't know anyone. Give it up.
September 18, 2008 1:22 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Waiting on that mass banning...
September 18, 2008 1:30 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I know enough to get your trollop ass writing response after response.
September 18, 2008 1:32 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
i think scarlett is back as zaynab
also why is ugly ass abenyo writing these damn sermons on the blog
we already know you mad
we wrote it to make you mad
her and that duck face friend of hers seraphineela
September 18, 2008 1:34 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Oh, don't degenerate now. And, trollop...really? Who says that now, Bev? Get me, please do you silly cunt.
Here is the letter I sent,
Hi,
I’m writing because I need to clearly understand your policy on submitting the Internet Protocol addresses of you members, specifically the anonymous posters, on Blogger, to those who request it. On the Blogspot http://nikoscousins.blogspot.com for Tuesday, August 12, 2008 in the comments toward the end there is a poster that asserts, through the use of someone she knows at who works at Google, the i.p. addresses of every poster in that comment section. Could you please tell me if this is true?
Sincerely,
September 18, 2008 1:37 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
lmao
cerchier is nervous as shit
September 18, 2008 1:52 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Umm...I'm already banned. I'm annoyed at shit that she's trying to play people here for fools, though.
September 18, 2008 1:57 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
cerchier you really do not have a life at all
you are posted up on this blog
writing day in and day out
now you are writing notes to blogger over some dumb bitch making idle threats
you really ought to find something more productive to do just one day a week
you look so pathetic
September 18, 2008 2:08 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
the board is having a database error
i know who is responsible for that
September 18, 2008 2:12 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
oh please get me banned and "outed" so fucking what? $6.50 is less than the price of a fucking magazine over here. Man i wish i could have seen the miss scarlett thread.What did she do when she got caught out? She got banned for lying? That ain't really a crime. Lord Summerrains boutique is horrid. Her clothes are cheap and nasty looking. Poor jlove just wanted to keep up with the jonses.I dunno why people picked on alfoone, yeah she was annoying but fucking hell other members irk me more. They are so fake. And damn i didn't know people hated Abenyo that much, yeah her eyes r like "the better to see you with my dear" but if ugliness was a crime more than half of LHCF would be doing time. I feel sorry for relaxer rehab. Fucking hell don't they have arranged marriages or something? Shes like nearly 60, obese, hurt in the face- she gonna be typing on LHCF till death comes knocking she ain't got nothing else to do.
There are some nice people there?
I dunno why people hated adequate so much. Her white man was ugly and she posted every aspect of her life, but she wasn't malicious.
J x
September 18, 2008 2:12 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
I actually think Adequate's man was one of the only handsome white men on the board.
To the other girl
As for me not having a life, consider this my new life. Similar to the life you have posting like a welfare queen on LHCF. But wait, you have even less of a life because you post here too.
September 18, 2008 2:19 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
this is only my 2nd post here
compared to how many you have
and how many times have you been banned and come back starting shit? the minute they turn your name back on. you probably have it marked on your calendar when your ban date is up.
bitch please
September 18, 2008 2:50 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Of course FoxieRoxie is a man.
September 18, 2008 3:13 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Wasn't there a real tranny at one time? Not just someone who looks like one, a real one.
September 18, 2008 3:21 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
FoxyRoxy is a tranny so is Queeny.
September 18, 2008 3:35 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
I'm pretty sure foxyroxy, I hit up her fotki whe the whole "were you born a man" shite went off in ot, is a man. But she is nice. Queeny...
September 18, 2008 3:55 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Oh, I thought you guys were talking about FoxyScholar!
I don't think MissScarlett made the banned over "DC gate" because she continued to post well after that. She did something else to make the banned.
September 18, 2008 4:49 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
There was a thread a while back that got deleted because everyone was calling someone "leatherface". Who is leatherface?
September 18, 2008 4:56 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Queeny is one of the fakest bitches on that site. She stay gossiping but yet claims to be a christian. I am waiting for her ass to be put on blast for the fake that she is. Always posting up those burnt crispy looking children like someone gives a damn. Queeny, Ms.Honey, Nice & Wavy, Shimmy all those bitches that stay on the Christian forum are fake gossipy bitches, but Queeny is the main one.
September 18, 2008 5:49 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Who does this blog belong to?
September 18, 2008 5:50 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I don't know who started, but I think they made the banned, which is why they don't maintain it.
September 18, 2008 6:03 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Yeah, the poster who started this doesn't update but reading through the posts, you guys do. Keep it up.
September 18, 2008 6:28 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Didn't someone say Passionfruit did it?
September 19, 2008 7:23 PM
Anonymous said...
who is this?
http://img61.imageshack.us/img61/548/bevgg6.png
It's BEV! Check out the bitch you worship in her best ghetto ho pose with leopard draws and teeth that make mr. ed jealous!
September 19, 2008 7:27 PM
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Dear Aloofone,
There has been a collection taken up by members of the collective hairboards to refund you the $6.50 AND to pay for psychotherapy. Aloof is not just a username. It describes your posting capability to a T. The utter stupidity that seems to escape your backpedaling mouth on the regular really cracks me up! :lachen: I will forgo the comedy, that is your posts, because I know you need help. That, and I'm tired of seeing your ugly ass face. Please do not call me a hater like that old ass Iris (is she collecting SSI benefits yet?). I do no hate anyone. I hate personalities, characteristics, faces, etc. But people do not fall under that category.
Sincerely,
Nikos "Non-Hater" Dimopoulos I had a very long weekend. Give me a minute to gather my thoughts about why the star of the show only wanted to talk to 2 people and did not want her picture taken. Really Beverly, there is no need to cover your face. Most of us have seen way more than just your face. Forget Kim K, I am sure OT would be abuzz if they had a chance to see your pics. We will see.
Also pouring out liquor for those that can't cover their tracks.
Via user request:
Dear Aloofone,
There has been a collection taken up by members of the collective hairboards to refund you the $6.50 AND to pay for psychotherapy. Aloof is not just a username. It describes your posting capability to a T. The utter stupidity that seems to escape your backpedaling mouth on the regular really cracks me up! :lachen: I will forgo the comedy, that is your posts, because I know you need help. That, and I'm tired of seeing your ugly ass face. Please do not call me a hater like that old ass Iris (is she collecting SSI benefits yet?). I do no hate anyone. I hate personalities, characteristics, faces, etc. But people do not fall under that category.
Sincerely,
Nikos "Non-Hater" Dimopoulos
September 19, 2008 6:22 AM
Anonymous said...
hey (the moderators of Long Hair Care Forum) have started another round of banning. I'm still there. Pouring out liqour for those who aren't. That $6.50 has some mods "Stunnin." (So not in touch with the real world, bitch its Stunting, as in doing tricks, slut bag) Y'all better stop giving those ungrateful folks your money! That's money well spent on hair products, gas, food, or a bootleg education on the web. Or join a site that isn't ran by a bunch of hippogrits. On the list so far... MPJ (Miss Plain Jane), Mizanilocs (formerly Mizanimami and 2nd time entering a-banned-done-ment), Beautifulisaunderstatment (damn thats a long ass name, formerly banned but not sure who she is) and MissScarlett. You all probably remember MissS from the meet up scandal. She ditched some folks who set up a "coming to town" parade (Abenyo) in her honor to hang out with more down to earth folks (Sylver and Army). I mean MissS sort of apolo-lied. BUT they still haven't banned "Alexis." Oh you don't know who Alexis is? Its the person who HACKED into MissS's account and posted the PM's that exposed the whole thing. But really Alexis is Bev. Yes bitch we know. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned) hey (the moderators of Long Hair Care Forum) have started another round of banning. I'm still there. Pouring out liqour for those who aren't. That $6.50 has some mods "Stunnin." (So not in touch with the real world, bitch its Stunting, as in doing tricks, slut bag) Y'all better stop giving those ungrateful folks your money! That's money well spent on hair products, gas, food, or a bootleg education on the web. Or join a site that isn't ran by a bunch of hippogrits. On the list so far... MPJ (Miss Plain Jane), Mizanilocs (formerly Mizanimami and 2nd time entering a-banned-done-ment), Beautifulisaunderstatment (damn thats a long ass name, formerly banned but not sure who she is) and MissScarlett. You all probably remember MissS from the meet up scandal. She ditched some folks who set up a "coming to town" parade (Abenyo) in her honor to hang out with more down to earth folks (Sylver and Army). I mean MissS sort of apolo-lied. BUT they still haven't banned "Alexis." Oh you don't know who Alexis is? Its the person who HACKED into MissS's account and posted the PM's that exposed the whole thing. But really Alexis is Bev. Yes bitch we know. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned) hey (the moderators of Long Hair Care Forum) have started another round of banning. I'm still there. Pouring out liqour for those who aren't. That $6.50 has some mods "Stunnin." (So not in touch with the real world, bitch its Stunting, as in doing tricks, slut bag) Y'all better stop giving those ungrateful folks your money! That's money well spent on hair products, gas, food, or a bootleg education on the web. Or join a site that isn't ran by a bunch of hippogrits. On the list so far... MPJ (Miss Plain Jane), Mizanilocs (formerly Mizanimami and 2nd time entering a-banned-done-ment), Beautifulisaunderstatment (damn thats a long ass name, formerly banned but not sure who she is) and MissScarlett. You all probably remember MissS from the meet up scandal. She ditched some folks who set up a "coming to town" parade (Abenyo) in her honor to hang out with more down to earth folks (Sylver and Army). I mean MissS sort of apolo-lied. BUT they still haven't banned "Alexis." Oh you don't know who Alexis is? Its the person who HACKED into MissS's account and posted the PM's that exposed the whole thing. But really Alexis is Bev. Yes bitch we know. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned) hey (the moderators of Long Hair Care Forum) have started another round of banning. I'm still there. Pouring out liqour for those who aren't. That $6.50 has some mods "Stunnin." (So not in touch with the real world, bitch its Stunting, as in doing tricks, slut bag) Y'all better stop giving those ungrateful folks your money! That's money well spent on hair products, gas, food, or a bootleg education on the web. Or join a site that isn't ran by a bunch of hippogrits. On the list so far... MPJ (Miss Plain Jane), Mizanilocs (formerly Mizanimami and 2nd time entering a-banned-done-ment), Beautifulisaunderstatment (damn thats a long ass name, formerly banned but not sure who she is) and MissScarlett. You all probably remember MissS from the meet up scandal. She ditched some folks who set up a "coming to town" parade (Abenyo) in her honor to hang out with more down to earth folks (Sylver and Army). I mean MissS sort of apolo-lied. BUT they still haven't banned "Alexis." Oh you don't know who Alexis is? Its the person who HACKED into MissS's account and posted the PM's that exposed the whole thing. But really Alexis is Bev. Yes bitch we know. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned) hey (the moderators of Long Hair Care Forum) have started another round of banning. I'm still there. Pouring out liqour for those who aren't. That $6.50 has some mods "Stunnin." (So not in touch with the real world, bitch its Stunting, as in doing tricks, slut bag) Y'all better stop giving those ungrateful folks your money! That's money well spent on hair products, gas, food, or a bootleg education on the web. Or join a site that isn't ran by a bunch of hippogrits. On the list so far... MPJ (Miss Plain Jane), Mizanilocs (formerly Mizanimami and 2nd time entering a-banned-done-ment), Beautifulisaunderstatment (damn thats a long ass name, formerly banned but not sure who she is) and MissScarlett. You all probably remember MissS from the meet up scandal. She ditched some folks who set up a "coming to town" parade (Abenyo) in her honor to hang out with more down to earth folks (Sylver and Army). I mean MissS sort of apolo-lied. BUT they still haven't banned "Alexis." Oh you don't know who Alexis is? Its the person who HACKED into MissS's account and posted the PM's that exposed the whole thing. But really Alexis is Bev. Yes bitch we know. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned) hey (the moderators of Long Hair Care Forum) have started another round of banning. I'm still there. Pouring out liqour for those who aren't. That $6.50 has some mods "Stunnin." (So not in touch with the real world, bitch its Stunting, as in doing tricks, slut bag) Y'all better stop giving those ungrateful folks your money! That's money well spent on hair products, gas, food, or a bootleg education on the web. Or join a site that isn't ran by a bunch of hippogrits. On the list so far... MPJ (Miss Plain Jane), Mizanilocs (formerly Mizanimami and 2nd time entering a-banned-done-ment), Beautifulisaunderstatment (damn thats a long ass name, formerly banned but not sure who she is) and MissScarlett. You all probably remember MissS from the meet up scandal. She ditched some folks who set up a "coming to town" parade (Abenyo) in her honor to hang out with more down to earth folks (Sylver and Army). I mean MissS sort of apolo-lied. BUT they still haven't banned "Alexis." Oh you don't know who Alexis is? Its the person who HACKED into MissS's account and posted the PM's that exposed the whole thing. But really Alexis is Bev. Yes bitch we know. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned) hey (the moderators of Long Hair Care Forum) have started another round of banning. I'm still there. Pouring out liqour for those who aren't. That $6.50 has some mods "Stunnin." (So not in touch with the real world, bitch its Stunting, as in doing tricks, slut bag) Y'all better stop giving those ungrateful folks your money! That's money well spent on hair products, gas, food, or a bootleg education on the web. Or join a site that isn't ran by a bunch of hippogrits. On the list so far... MPJ (Miss Plain Jane), Mizanilocs (formerly Mizanimami and 2nd time entering a-banned-done-ment), Beautifulisaunderstatment (damn thats a long ass name, formerly banned but not sure who she is) and MissScarlett. You all probably remember MissS from the meet up scandal. She ditched some folks who set up a "coming to town" parade (Abenyo) in her honor to hang out with more down to earth folks (Sylver and Army). I mean MissS sort of apolo-lied. BUT they still haven't banned "Alexis." Oh you don't know who Alexis is? Its the person who HACKED into MissS's account and posted the PM's that exposed the whole thing. But really Alexis is Bev. Yes bitch we know. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned) hey (the moderators of Long Hair Care Forum) have started another round of banning. I'm still there. Pouring out liqour for those who aren't. That $6.50 has some mods "Stunnin." (So not in touch with the real world, bitch its Stunting, as in doing tricks, slut bag) Y'all better stop giving those ungrateful folks your money! That's money well spent on hair products, gas, food, or a bootleg education on the web. Or join a site that isn't ran by a bunch of hippogrits. On the list so far... MPJ (Miss Plain Jane), Mizanilocs (formerly Mizanimami and 2nd time entering a-banned-done-ment), Beautifulisaunderstatment (damn thats a long ass name, formerly banned but not sure who she is) and MissScarlett. You all probably remember MissS from the meet up scandal. She ditched some folks who set up a "coming to town" parade (Abenyo) in her honor to hang out with more down to earth folks (Sylver and Army). I mean MissS sort of apolo-lied. BUT they still haven't banned "Alexis." Oh you don't know who Alexis is? Its the person who HACKED into MissS's account and posted the PM's that exposed the whole thing. But really Alexis is Bev. Yes bitch we know. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned) hey (the moderators of Long Hair Care Forum) have started another round of banning. I'm still there. Pouring out liqour for those who aren't. That $6.50 has some mods "Stunnin." (So not in touch with the real world, bitch its Stunting, as in doing tricks, slut bag) Y'all better stop giving those ungrateful folks your money! That's money well spent on hair products, gas, food, or a bootleg education on the web. Or join a site that isn't ran by a bunch of hippogrits. On the list so far... MPJ (Miss Plain Jane), Mizanilocs (formerly Mizanimami and 2nd time entering a-banned-done-ment), Beautifulisaunderstatment (damn thats a long ass name, formerly banned but not sure who she is) and MissScarlett. You all probably remember MissS from the meet up scandal. She ditched some folks who set up a "coming to town" parade (Abenyo) in her honor to hang out with more down to earth folks (Sylver and Army). I mean MissS sort of apolo-lied. BUT they still haven't banned "Alexis." Oh you don't know who Alexis is? Its the person who HACKED into MissS's account and posted the PM's that exposed the whole thing. But really Alexis is Bev. Yes bitch we know. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned) hey (the moderators of Long Hair Care Forum) have started another round of banning. I'm still there. Pouring out liqour for those who aren't. That $6.50 has some mods "Stunnin." (So not in touch with the real world, bitch its Stunting, as in doing tricks, slut bag) Y'all better stop giving those ungrateful folks your money! That's money well spent on hair products, gas, food, or a bootleg education on the web. Or join a site that isn't ran by a bunch of hippogrits. On the list so far... MPJ (Miss Plain Jane), Mizanilocs (formerly Mizanimami and 2nd time entering a-banned-done-ment), Beautifulisaunderstatment (damn thats a long ass name, formerly banned but not sure who she is) and MissScarlett. You all probably remember MissS from the meet up scandal. She ditched some folks who set up a "coming to town" parade (Abenyo) in her honor to hang out with more down to earth folks (Sylver and Army). I mean MissS sort of apolo-lied. BUT they still haven't banned "Alexis." Oh you don't know who Alexis is? Its the person who HACKED into MissS's account and posted the PM's that exposed the whole thing. But really Alexis is Bev. Yes bitch we know. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned)
August 17, 2008 2:55 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Well, I found your insights appropriate. I just got banned, temp style, for p.o. one of the 10k+ members. Or, more to the point, for calling the bitch out. It is what it is...I'll be perm. banned before I change how I speak. Keep on outing the hypocrites who try to run the place. Because I'll be damned if a chick who tried to call me a troll didn't start a thread calling another members pics so scary she was thinking of blocking sigs. And a mod called the thread hatefull. How soon they forget.
cerchier
August 28, 2008 8:20 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
LOL. Bitter bitch. You always sound like you have a gigantic metal pole up your ass on lhch. Why the constant stank attitude? It radiates through all of your lousy posts.
We've all seen your picture so we know you're not a 13 year old moody cunt of a teenager going through puberty. You have the mental age of one though.
Keep on talking the way you do, as thus allowing everyone to continue laugh at you :D
August 29, 2008 1:59 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Did this one make the banned, too? LOL
August 29, 2008 6:19 PM
Anonymous Cerchier said...
Only banned for a month. I'll be back. And unlike old anon above, I don't care if you know who I am. Cerchier is my name there too. Also, check how uses the words gigantic metal pole up your ass in the same sentence that she tries to act superior. Hypocritical idiot. BTW, hit me up when I come back...if you don't mind coming out of hiding, and maybe I'll share the laugh with you.
I knew as much as you all liked to pretend like you're above this drama you'll are all up in it reading and waiting for your name to come up.
August 30, 2008 12:15 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This forum is getting out of hand lately. All these fucking hypocrits. There are the threads that are started to start shit and the same dumb ass people who love the drama and fall for that shit everytime. I also want to know who the hell Blossom is fucking to be allowed to stay on the board, that bitch breaks 20 rules a day. Nikkos, where is your damn pleadge to curb the cussing or the clever guises used to curse? The so called pretty bitches on there that always got something to say about anyone that is not lightskinned and skinny. Bint and Lourdes your day will come, I promise. Volare get another pic up (is that really you?) You go to Clemson, thats not even a real college lol. Yall miserable bitches have nothing better to do than tear people down. And if you are wondering, I am lightskinned and skinny so keep your "hater" comment, it does not apply hateful bitches.
September 2, 2008 11:30 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
What's with all of the dykes? It's turning into a lesbo board!
September 3, 2008 1:38 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
stupid bitch probably got banned!
September 4, 2008 11:25 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Oh man this board is getting better and better. I have the pics of bev, maybe I should create a blog and post them lol. They are going hard in there today and where are the mods? Is that one that is pregnant with the white loser baby still on?
September 4, 2008 2:51 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
post them!
September 4, 2008 6:17 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Seraphinelle always hating on Americans and America. Bitch please nobody checking for your wack ass Canada. Stay your corny ass over there. Then got a nerve to say we was hating on Jamaica. Bitch Please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Her citizenship request to come to America must have been denied which is why she so bitter. Her and her ugly ass friend Abenyo swear they the shit Abenyo look like she 50 in the face her ugly ass.
September 5, 2008 5:09 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
"Yall miserable bitches have nothing better to do than tear people down. "
Oh, the irony! Actually, since I can tell what a dumbass you are from your post alone, I bet you have no idea what the word "irony" mean.
September 5, 2008 11:07 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Anyone Know why Ms. Scar got banned, and all the other chicks that got banned the other day? I wonder if they are all over at Dirty girlz socaial club?
September 6, 2008 9:29 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Not Miss Scarlett, one of the queen bitches! I thought she had an in to keep her from making the banned! LoL
September 6, 2008 1:23 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
She thought that? Wow! I still want to know and I know someone knows why she got banned.
September 6, 2008 4:59 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Wow. I learn more from here than there...even before I was banned for a month. I thought Miss Scarlett was damn near an untouchable. Still, until an actual untouchable gets touched, the rules aren't unilaterally enforced and, as such, are to be regarded as just something to consider. Most of them say things others would get perm. banned for but are considered, like a flatulent Grandfather, something to be tolerated. Naw!!! Something smells like boo boo!
September 6, 2008 5:05 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Oh, and why is everyone afraid to post Beverly's pics? My imagination is starting to wander...what DOES she look like?
September 6, 2008 5:23 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
so are some chicks sucking niko's dick or what? I don't get what makes some untouchable! Are they the OGs of lhcf?
September 6, 2008 6:01 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Money is what makes them untouchable. They've been around forever and keep paying. Too big of a risk to make them follow the rules. Not for nothing, but it makes sense. I'm not paying another dime to renew.
I am known to do the wop.
September 6, 2008 7:24 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
cerchier shut the fuck up bitch
bev could get money from plenty of members
she can afford to ban a few people
we need to figure out why firecracker is not banned
September 6, 2008 10:14 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
firecracker and blossom! How the hell are these two still members? I like firecracker though, blossom and her desperate ass can kick rocks. Bloss guess what, white men dont want you either. Volare bad as hell though and I wonder is that really Tiara on there, hmmmm.
September 7, 2008 6:28 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I am surprised that people have the time (and careers) where they can post so often throughout the day. Not only do they post, but they have essay like responses in their posts. I can see every once and a while, but some of these people write long responses every day. SleekandBouncy comes to mind, there are a few others though.
September 7, 2008 10:05 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
maybe they are not a broke busted bitch like you and either do not work full time or do not care
the time you spent wondering you could be doing something else
get a life bitch
September 7, 2008 10:18 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
That last post sounded like sleekandbouncy, a bit bitter are we fake ass dahling ;)
September 7, 2008 10:37 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
^^^^ I agree with the last post.
That poster responded just a little too quickly--hunched over the computer with nothing else to do...they sound VERY little bitter. It's just a hair website.
September 7, 2008 10:46 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I think you really hurt abenyo's feelings, she's been extra angry and rude lately!
September 7, 2008 10:47 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
abenyo has always been rude and angry and yes it is because she is ugly and never has a man
September 7, 2008 11:00 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
There are some nice posters on the site. There are really just a few that are irritating.
September 7, 2008 11:11 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
damn this has grown. Aside from D lewis who I love, who the hell are the nice posters cause all them hoes are bitter and evil.
September 7, 2008 11:14 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
ella is very sweet. Dlewis is cool...um...who else is nice? Oh well.
September 7, 2008 11:22 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
FlowerHair is very nice.
September 7, 2008 11:24 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I guess iris gets on people's nerves or whatever but she seems nice to me.
September 7, 2008 2:17 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
The reason why fire will never be banned is because they are personal friends so keep holding your breath on that one. If you think there is bs on LHCF you need to check out dirty girlz. Those are what you call miserable bitches. The chat crew have also gone to worlds unknown, but who are they kidding, people know where they are. All them chicks are nice I like flower, dlewis and sylver even though she wont give you the time of day if you not light and pretty, she ok.
September 7, 2008 3:25 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Whoever it is that wants me to spend time wondering about other things, and the other that called me a bitch, only makes me even more curious what Bev looks like. Why are you'll so defensive? Does it have something to do with her hair?
September 7, 2008 4:56 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I am really curious (and since they won't answer this on the site without closing or deleting a thread), how does one really get banned? I know if you curse, or call someone ugly you get banned.
However, it sounds as though if you offend an 'untouchable' you get banned.
September 7, 2008 5:53 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
To the poster right above-
There seems to be different rules for different people. We could tell you rules all day and you could still do the wrong the to the wrong person and get banned.
September 7, 2008 6:20 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Don't tell me bev is a bald headit bitch! LOL!
September 7, 2008 6:22 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Thanks anonymous @6:20. This is my thinking too.
September 7, 2008 6:57 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I wonder who actually is 'untouchable', besides blosss and fire.
September 7, 2008 6:59 PM
Anonymous Cerchier said...
Chellero and Vevster come to mind as untouchable. Hell, Chellero said I need more dick. But some of the mods use less than subtle comments to target people.
Btw, I've cursed, but never called anyone ugly, and I made the banned 3 times. The girl who used scary to describe someones pic is most definitely not banned so, you may call someone ugly, with the right adjective.
September 8, 2008 9:06 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
what happened to aloofone? is she banned?
September 8, 2008 12:21 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Why was MissScarlet banned?!?!?!
September 8, 2008 12:32 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This is juicer than the actual board! Did the creator get banned? I wonder why they abandoned it.
September 8, 2008 4:06 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Aloofone is not banned. There is some info on here and on the Niko's step-cousin blog about why MissScarlet may have been banned or just left.
September 8, 2008 4:18 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Aloofone hasn't been banned.
I also think the meaning of being an 'untouchable' is that one says something and everyone agrees with them, and doesn't question their statement. However, if another person were to say the exact same thing, everyone would disagree, call them an idiot, or completely ignore them etc...
There are a few people on the site who everyone blindly agrees with, even if what they are saying is something someone else may have said already.
September 8, 2008 5:01 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This blog and that one that closed down were hard on aloofone, I could understand why she wouldn't want to come back. She can be confrontational, but she is not the worst one on the board, I don't know why she was targeted.
September 8, 2008 6:05 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
She looks like a used turd and always wants attention. She was actually talking about being a model. Bitch, please.
September 10, 2008 9:37 AM
Comment deleted
This post has been removed by the author.
September 10, 2008 12:27 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This thread is pathetic, the poster doesn't even have that much hair!
http://www.longhaircareforum.com/forums/showthread.php?t=278305
September 10, 2008 12:29 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This comment section is hilarious - It's like the Special Ed. version of DGSC - or maybe it's the ugly twin with the club foot and headgear.
"Who needs dates and parties and friends anyway!"
*stomps orthopedic shoe*
*sucks on asthma inhaler*
LMMFAO
September 10, 2008 3:25 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
It's so pathetic you couldn't help but to make an appearance, right? Which means you read it, right? No need to be ashamed. Welcome :D
September 10, 2008 3:33 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Yeah, because it takes sooo much time to comment here, unlike the full time careers some of the lhcf chicks make out of posting. Shoot, I wish I had the time on my hands some of those chicks have. At least here things are a little more real and to the point.
September 10, 2008 3:38 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I meant the pathetic comment at the girl who found it hilarious, not the one who quoted the thread on LHCF about taking 5-6 hours to wash uneven sl hair. Am I the only one that thinks most of the heffa's who claim to be trimming or dusting and go from bsl to apl are really just trying to hide their hair breaking off?
September 10, 2008 3:38 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
"Am I the only one that thinks most of the heffa's who claim to be trimming or dusting and go from bsl to apl are really just trying to hide their hair breaking off?"
I agree with this. They are ashamed, or in denial.
September 10, 2008 3:46 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I love how certain posters have to show off the clothing and the outfits they have in their signatures.
September 11, 2008 9:11 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Heh, there was one member all about her clothes and trying to show off. So much so that she took pics in the changing rooms of stores and tried to pass off the clothes as stuff she owned. Someone busted her when they recognized the carpet. lmao
September 11, 2008 3:48 PM
Anonymous abenyo said...
Hey I'm popular!!!
Thanks for keeping me on your minds. Don't know who the hell ya'll are nor do I care, but ya'll still got your feelings hurt. stop being simple and such idiots that are posting on a blog in disguise. You hate the board yet you keep coming back. Stop acting like bitches.. Got issues? solve it.
-Abenyo
September 11, 2008 9:02 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
The bitter bitch cant do anymore blogs!
LMAO!!!!!!!
September 12, 2008 3:55 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
can you update the blog? I want some gossip
September 12, 2008 4:24 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Yeah, I want an update too. Why do you all call everyone bitter bitches that calls you out on your stank attitudes? Perhaps you forget the numerous girl's hair vids on youtube you diss in threads only to have them find out and have them defend themselves. What about the girl who made the vid of the dog shitting on the lhcf screen while a horse makes noises because members use horse products? It can't be everyone else. If ppl are making blogs, vids, and long forum threads about one sites attitude then the members should take a long look in the mirror.
September 12, 2008 5:30 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Oh in case you forgot the long forum thread I'm talking about was on Lipstick Alley.
September 12, 2008 5:34 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
@3:48, yes. and i think sleekandbouncy does this too. why?
September 12, 2008 6:04 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
It's High School all over again. The Mean Girls, The Outcasts, and The Suck ups who want to be mean girls abound. There are some nice members but they don't run the place.
September 12, 2008 10:39 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I know sleekandbouncy does this. If she shows her face, maybe someone will recognize her and put her on blast like Jlove.
September 12, 2008 10:54 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
abenyo
sit down hoe
nobody care about your ugly gremlin face ass
September 12, 2008 11:00 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Don't hate me for saying this but, why do the African's, with stern ass features, never smile? You're bound to look like a gremlin. Smile Abenyo...and Aloofone, too, if you ever decide to show your face again.
September 12, 2008 11:40 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6iVk9H8FHKc
This is the vid! Lma. Thanks!
September 12, 2008 11:55 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
yeah, that is probably why she doesn't want to show her face...she doesn't want to be put on blast. LOL!
September 12, 2008 11:56 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Hey, Abenyo, what did you think about Miss Scarlett dissing you as too ghetto?
September 12, 2008 12:12 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Shouldn't barbiesocialite top talking about how to get men, when she is a dyke?
September 12, 2008 9:14 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Barbiesocialite doesn't have enough integrity to leave like the other lesbian, that was like a scientist. LHCF site doesn't support -heterosexual, non-christian people.
September 13, 2008 12:15 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I meant non-heterosexual!
September 13, 2008 12:16 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Yeah, abenyo you are real "popular". We are entertained by your monkey-looking ass!
September 14, 2008 3:40 PM
Anonymous abenyo said...
To all you bitches get a fucking life. stick a saw down your throat and pull it out the other end. As for the asshole from DGZ I'm waiting for you bitch, come out come out. I'm not popular but ya'll sure talk about me and think about me all day everyday. Moron that would tell you that I'm atleast important enough for ya'll to be studying me like freakin dykes. Don't worry about the way I look, maybe you should worry about getting a life and stop posting on a blog anonymously about me. I mean how fucking pathetic. It's going on some months now and ya'll still gonna talk about me. Talk about press. LOL oooo some females think I look ugly, boo fucking hoo. Bitches there is soo much to this world then the pettiness you are displaying. Ya'll say the other forums are High school what do you call grown woman talking about someone behind their backs? Mature is not what comes to mind. But hey keep saying I'm ugly, lol I don't go that route and never will. And the bitch that constantly want to talk about africa, lol what are you.. oh let me guess you just got fucked by some foreign dick and now you got indian or whatever in you right? May you prosper in lice infected locks, long lasting shedding, breakage that never stops, and head sores that no ACV or surgery will cure.
Have fun!
September 14, 2008 9:09 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
LOL, you sure seem to like it here, Abenyo, you can't seem to stay away!
Boy, you sure told everyone!
September 14, 2008 9:37 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Abenyo you sure are a mad ugly porch monkey.You also have no idea just how many people hate your stupid ugly dumb ass. Watch out for the ones who feed you info. Stupid rabid bitch.
September 14, 2008 9:51 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I see everyone is fired up tonight. LMAO!
September 14, 2008 9:54 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Abenyo you are being worked over big time.
September 14, 2008 10:09 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
She sure is. Looking like the fool who birth her ugly ass.
September 14, 2008 10:13 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Shut up abenyo!that was funny though but you still ugly. Ok on to the rest of them, is JR and Candy an item? JR got a deep voice like a man, bod like one too and Candy look like a rat.
September 14, 2008 10:14 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
For someone who doesn't care you sho keep bringin' you ass back! Sounds like you have no life Abenyo, or you can't stand not having yo monkey ass kissed!
September 14, 2008 10:25 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
so what happened to abenyo, they were supposed to have a meeting and she was stood up?
September 14, 2008 11:35 PM
Anonymous In-Adequate said...
DANG!!! Im dying at how all you LHCF members have turned this shit into a forum. But the anonymous posting is on some bitch shit.
September 15, 2008 1:53 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Hilfigher looks like a man too. That head on her hair stays looking like s brillo pad. Talk about creature from another planet. She stays cosigning on some stupid shit. Another ugly African monkey.
September 15, 2008 5:20 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Bint or OAHQ is always talking about someone's look. She got a identity crisis. She shouldn't be talking about others. That baby of hers might come out looking as ugly as her.
September 15, 2008 5:28 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
TSU you look like a pork oink oink with lipstick. Step away from the table take a few step out the kitchen and run to the gym. No woman should weigh gazillion pounds starve yourself bitch then maybe your man won't be fucking someone else.
September 15, 2008 5:33 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
What about that welfare hoe with the second hand store? What's her name acidrain? Oh summerrain lol aint nothing summer about that hoe. Even her own mama don't want her.
September 15, 2008 5:36 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Wow someone really has a lot to say. Get a life!!! What have any of these people done to you to warrant you talking about someone's mother, weight, hair or child. Everyone on this blog that comes here to talk about people maliciously has real world issues they need to contend with. Is the internet that serious that you just have to let it be known you do not like another person's font? You all do not know these people in real life so why are you wasting so much time airing out these dumb ass comments on a blog? Log off, spend time you with your family, read a book, go plant a tree find a hobby that actually benefits society instead of being evil bitches sitting about your computer typing nasty remarks.
I bet everyone who is typing mean things are probably trying to be or friends with the person they are talking about. I urge all of you to just end this and stop giving this blog attention and it will die out eventually. To the people who have been hurt by the comments do not take it personally as the person who said it is too much of a coward to say it to you personally.
September 15, 2008 7:08 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
great, another fucking lecture!
We've been told once again!
September 15, 2008 8:55 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
How is it so many women in one forum are manless and lonely. I see plenty of black couples! I think these chicks have so many issues they scare off any men who might be interested.
Out of my family and friends, no one is sitting around moaning about having no black man! They either have one or can easily find one. There has to be something really wrong with those women, and it ain't all about geography, either.
September 15, 2008 10:25 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
These women are a bunch of hipocrites! Can someone please tell me how the hell that WHORE blossom can post all this shit about fucking every random WHITE MAN and she gets apllauded. WHAT THE FUCK! There is a thread on superhead and these bitches have the most shit to say, but not on her thread. Where is Que, Bint and all the others that are on that holier than thou bullshit? Why not pop in there and tell it like it is. You all are all thinking it (SHE A HOE) but you congatulating her? a site full of fucking hipocrites.
September 15, 2008 10:51 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
damn
September 15, 2008 10:52 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
How the fuck you gonna have a name like Jessica rabbit and you look like a mack truck? and candy is ugly lol.
September 15, 2008 10:54 AM
Anonymous Cerchier said...
Wtf! I got some reading to do!
September 15, 2008 1:31 PM
Anonymous Heat/Glam said...
Piece of advice to one anonymous person. If you want to remain "anonymous" you might want to step of the soapbox of an issue that you usually post about on the forum. You might get found out quick. I hate anonymity, but if you are gonna do it at least be smart as you seem to be on the forum.
September 15, 2008 2:07 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
She aint the only one "on the forum"! lmao. Look around you!
September 15, 2008 2:24 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
who is this?
http://img61.imageshack.us/img61/548/bevgg6.png
September 15, 2008 3:00 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Nooooo! Please don't tell me that is Bev. Great day in the lacefront wearing, soup cooling, wannabe video ho morning! Image saved for future use.
September 15, 2008 3:12 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Lawd somebody finally posted them lol
September 15, 2008 3:15 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
that is what she looks like? no wonder she hides her face at meetups. if i look like that i would ban the cute women too.
September 15, 2008 3:31 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Damn, if that's really her, she ugly! And stank! No wonder she didn't want these posted! Can we get some verification so I can pass these around?
September 15, 2008 3:34 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
i wonder did she find jesus wearing those leopard panties?
September 15, 2008 3:40 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
What in the Mr.Ed stunt double hell is going on with her in these pics?
September 15, 2008 3:46 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I can verify that is her.
September 15, 2008 3:55 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Wow, my puppet just got banned forever. You suck, Beverly. And yeah, I did see you in your tiger panties before I asked you that legitimate question.
September 15, 2008 3:58 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
I should add, either Bev is a liar, and does know when people are banned and for what, or she is as dumb as she looks in her pics, and her mods do the banning.
September 15, 2008 4:00 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
you're right; sleekandbouncy loves to show off her clothing...on a hair forum. LOL!
September 15, 2008 4:07 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This is too much, you need to take that down. Maybe she has a reason she doesn't want those seen. Has she really done anything to any of you personally for you to be this evil? Please delete that link before more people see it.
September 15, 2008 4:08 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Get real. The reason she doesn't want anyone to see it is because she doesn't want people to know she is, well, visually unappealing but, more to the point, she wears a wig. Queen hypocrite, and now, to me, confirmed liar. Where's her hair? LHCF admin---wig---does not compute. Why is she the only one that ALWAYS hides her hair? Toofus notwithstanding.
September 15, 2008 4:14 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
all those bitches in bikinis in avatars and sigs and you want to call out sleekandbouncy who is fully dressed?
as far as bev if she did not want those picture seen she should have never took them.
September 15, 2008 4:15 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Gin looks like a horse too her ugly ass.
September 15, 2008 4:23 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Sleekandbouncy thats u huh?
September 15, 2008 4:41 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I'm reading through the "this thread is closed" files and vevster actually asked where MissScarlett is at about the time it was brought up here. Allandra shut it down with a quickness. Calling ppl on their shit there works! I thought the two stickies Allandra wrote about ppl watching their ass after we got rolling was coincidence but it isn't.
September 15, 2008 4:57 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I'm still surprised they banned the bitch.
September 15, 2008 5:42 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Since you can't ask on the forum, why did MissScarlett get banned? Did she curse someone out?
September 15, 2008 5:49 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Read this blog and Niko's step-cousin. Apparently abenyo set up some big LHCF to do for MissScarlett and she dissed them for people she found more to her liking. She lied about and got called out and then... I don't know why, though. I'd be afraid to meet Abenyo too.
September 15, 2008 6:25 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
cerchier after that post u did i know u would be banned lol
September 15, 2008 6:32 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Me too. But God hates a bullshitter as much as I do.
September 15, 2008 6:34 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
The post I was banned for, if you aren't a member, was responding to the Toofus, I mean Bev, closing my thread without answering a question I asked about why i was banned. I wanted the post I was accused of insulting a member. I told her the only fraction for Cerchier was from feb. She came up with some bull...I don't know, I looked, can't find anything. Then she closed the thread. I started a new thread and I stated if, as an ADMIN, you really don't know why I was bannned, then I want to know who you gave the power to ban people to without your knowledge. Then I was banned...forever lmao
September 15, 2008 6:52 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Damn! Bitch look like predator!
September 15, 2008 9:45 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
cerchier u a mess lol
September 16, 2008 8:02 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I'm sorry, but some people need to be ashamed of themselves. Bitches using animal products and pussy creams to grow their hair and then will kill you if you say other women don't go to these extremes. Don't say anything about how creamy crack sets you back. Never seen so many college educated dumb asses.
September 16, 2008 1:20 PM
Anonymous Heat/Glam said...
How you gonna talk about hair methods that WORK. Yeah folk are using horse items and have long flowing hair, while others talk about there methods are sitting there at shoulder length for the past 5 years and wondering why. SMH
September 16, 2008 2:04 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
glam you need to stay your ass off this blog
i just read through the comments and you are always here
drama whore
i see bev got her shit cracked on the board
September 16, 2008 3:17 PM
Anonymous Heat/Glam said...
I'll leave when you annonys grow balls and put your name on comments. That ain't never gonna happen so looks like I'm a permanent fixture boo.
September 16, 2008 9:41 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
There are too many jesus freaks on that board!!!! You woman are sooo vain praying to God for long hair! You make God look like a JOKE!
The Christian section is sooo funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Masturbating when you are married is BAD!? LOLLLLL! That's why black women can't find a man, they worship GOD so much that they don't know how to treat a REAL man!
September 17, 2008 12:43 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
BEVERLY is taking advantage of you all!
BEVERLY is taking advantage of you all!
BEVERLY is taking advantage of you all!
$6.50!?
Oh don't give me that proverbial, PC BULLSHIT, "You pay more than that for a hair product" "Other sites charge more". AND?! There are TONS of sites on the net that give a wealth of information to their members, but you don't have to pay no damn fee (purseforum, thefashionspot, blackvoices, longhairlovers etc) WHy do you think those sites are FREE, but they still get revenue!?? ADS! ADS! Bev has ads all over that damn board "It takes money to run a site" she says, yes, but BITCH, you get AD money! And then she had the NEVER to increase the price! I guess that bitch is using that money to pay for her weaves!
Or maybe she uses the mooney for her tithes to Jeebus!!!
September 17, 2008 12:57 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Oh, no shit she is scamming people. But their are always fools to separate their money from.
September 17, 2008 5:07 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I guess $6.50 breaks some people's pockets and then again $6.50 is just a drop in the bucket for others.
Those who "got it like that" can pay if they want.
Who is it hurting?
September 17, 2008 5:18 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Crabs in a barrel!
September 17, 2008 7:20 AM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Yes. Crabs in a barrel. No one wants to recognize the truth so they drag everyone down to the level of lies. Love the wading pool, if you can.
6.50 doesn't break anyone willing to smear horse skin products on their hair that can cost 40 dollars. Forget the shedding you need to pay how much to correct? What was that other horse product you all spent more than 40 bucks to turn your necks and jewelry black, and left a smell like you worked for the circus. Bitch, wake up.
September 17, 2008 9:09 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
True cerchier. You know, there is knowledge to be gained from lhcf, but I think for some women it can be pretty harmful. All the bandwagons, and people trying to convince others to spend money they don't have. A weak minded person can easily get caught up, and a lot of those women are pretty weak minded. Their quest for that white beauty standard has clouded their minds. And yes, I know black women have all kinds of textures, blah blah, but I still think the most of the women on lhcf are checking for the white beauty, not black
September 17, 2008 9:17 AM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Preach.
September 17, 2008 12:02 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Why are so many of them married, dating white men?
September 17, 2008 12:05 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
They take up with those alien looking white men so they can have kids with 'good hair.' They are a bunch of self hating dumb ass women who don't have a clue. I have not seen one handsome ass white man attached to one of those nappy headed hoes. None of them look like they are about anything. It's perfectly okay to take up with some greasy ass white boy rather than a black man with plenty going for them.I quit reading when pankskates husband demanded she shave her nappy ass vajayjay. The punk wasn't man enuff to tackle that nappy ass jungle. The dumbness ran me away a long time ago.
September 17, 2008 3:06 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
OMG Pinkskates posted that? Her husband said that and she posted it? Abordeaux is the only person I have seen that has a nice looking white boy. The rest look horrible, I think KBragg's husband is probably the worst looking.
September 17, 2008 3:18 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
makes me really wonder who these chicks are growing hair for? The ugly ass white men they are with for sure. And can someone tell Oneya to shut the fuck up.
September 17, 2008 3:46 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Didnt I tell yall firecracker was all up in Bevs ass? what a coincidence that the minute Bev put them pics in her album, here come fire broadcasting it. I am sure if the other pic was not posted here we would not know who Mr. Ed was, lacefront and all.
September 17, 2008 3:49 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Wow, pinkskates husband demanded that? She seemed so in control. I didn't go to the fitness forum much but she seemed on top of her shit. That's embarrassing and gross. I don't knock interracial dating, but in the cases you're presenting, settling for some less than cute, prejudiced, crackerjack white man I do.
September 17, 2008 4:17 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
someone needs to knock some sense into thinkpinkprincess. I mean come on...homegirl is 19 and she doesn't know about Roots? Even if she didn't know, google exists for a reason.
September 17, 2008 9:37 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This thread about Pinkskates husband was quite hilarious:
http://www.longhaircareforum.com/forums/showthread.php?t=141647&highlight=brazillian+wax
September 17, 2008 11:44 PM
Anonymous Jennan said...
AWWW SHit! How tha fuck did i miss this Blog!!! LSA in the house!!! Seraphinelle is fat bitch, that cows always talking about fat people. Have you seen the rings round her neck???? Abenyo is hurt in the face for real. Bint/OAHQ,why the fuck si this woman obsessed with FAT people like seraphinelle? And her whole "i'm mixed afro arab/black women hate/rah rah i'm saudi bullshit* is Jarring.. This biotch claims to be married. Maybe to the computer?This coming from one afro arab bitch to another. Hoe sit your self down.
Whats her name, fabulosity. U ain't got a man cos ur ugly. And your hair looks like shit!Texlaxed tha fuck??? Sleek and Bouncy. I like her. But no i do not want to see what your wearing everyday. And no you are not fashionable, i'm euro s o u know this shit is innate to us. Whos that trick that can't spell?
U know what i'ma register tomorrow and post Bevs pics.Nah let me wait 2 weeks and have some fake arse hair pics. I'm mad i can't use Jennan. Oh and Beyondcute you can't catch me!!!
September 18, 2008 8:48 AM
Anonymous Jennan said...
Urgh u need to silvergirls husband( btw silvergirl has some serious self hate problems, do a search, she fucked a white supremacist for fucks sake! But she's got that 3B hair so everyone oohs) Her white man looks like something from the blue lagoon!!!!
foxie roxy is a man right?
aww shit i am bookmarking this blog
September 18, 2008 8:52 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
so funny jennan! sleekandbouncy just grates for some reason...
September 18, 2008 9:31 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I see you coward bitches are still huddled up in here on your hurt feeling hoe ass nigga circle jerk.
September 18, 2008 10:06 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I just want to warn you all that I will be getting the IPs of all the posters on this blog very soon. Connections, connections, connections. I have not decided what I will do with this info. I may use it to punk some of you or turn it over to Bev and Nikkos for mass bannings and outtings. Shit is for sure about to hit the fan.
September 18, 2008 10:10 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
oh no not that!
September 18, 2008 10:55 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
WTF are you gonna do sith some damn IP#s??? Somebody supposed to be scared of your ass? HTF is a punk gonna punk someone? Go brush your effin hair!
September 18, 2008 12:00 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I am going to have them match the IPs with your user names. Because I know most of you dumb bitches are not switching computers.
I have some of the IPs in my e-mail already.
September 18, 2008 12:11 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
You're getting the ip's on here from who? Bitch, scare tactics only work on the idiots you have under your control. How exactly do you plan to get Blogger to release the ip addresses of an anon poster without them having a big ass problem from every anon poster on their site. They allow anon for a reason. You are trying to scare the wrong person.
September 18, 2008 12:50 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I know someone that works at Google you donkey face trollop.
September 18, 2008 12:55 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I doubt you have anything, and so what if you do? We're already here, why stop posting? And those dumb asses don't check IP's when people re-register, the same people can get back in. Either do it or shut the fuck up and put some coochie cream or butt fungus or whatever on your hair.
September 18, 2008 12:57 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
And...that relates to Blogger, how? What you are trying to do is scare people from posting. If you'd like, I'll write to Blogger and find out under what circumstances they release a poster's ip address. If it's like most, including google, it's only when they violate the law. You're full of shit. Spit it out. It's making your breath stank.
September 18, 2008 12:59 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
It must be either Bev or Abenyo, the 2 who have been hit the hardest on this blog. Who else would care if we post here or not? If talking shit were a crime lhcf would have been shut down long ago.
September 18, 2008 1:10 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
You are a dumb bitch Cerchier. Google owns Blogger so you need to check your facts. I already told you that I KNOW someone so your little writing to get a release is stupid, because I am getting the info regardless of their policy. Obviously you are getting nervous.
September 18, 2008 1:16 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
cerchier has no reason to be nervous, she has already been banned.
September 18, 2008 1:21 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Ok, I'm asking Blogger if they are releasing some of their anon posters(remember, they help add to the ad sales) to some black chick running a website for black women who want long hair. Or if they ever have or give a shit enough to. Or, now that they know some baby daddy's first baby mama may have sent her second baby daddy to look, is that ok with them? You don't scare me, trick. You don't know anyone. Give it up.
September 18, 2008 1:22 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Waiting on that mass banning...
September 18, 2008 1:30 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I know enough to get your trollop ass writing response after response.
September 18, 2008 1:32 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
i think scarlett is back as zaynab
also why is ugly ass abenyo writing these damn sermons on the blog
we already know you mad
we wrote it to make you mad
her and that duck face friend of hers seraphineela
September 18, 2008 1:34 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Oh, don't degenerate now. And, trollop...really? Who says that now, Bev? Get me, please do you silly cunt.
Here is the letter I sent,
Hi,
I’m writing because I need to clearly understand your policy on submitting the Internet Protocol addresses of you members, specifically the anonymous posters, on Blogger, to those who request it. On the Blogspot http://nikoscousins.blogspot.com for Tuesday, August 12, 2008 in the comments toward the end there is a poster that asserts, through the use of someone she knows at who works at Google, the i.p. addresses of every poster in that comment section. Could you please tell me if this is true?
Sincerely,
September 18, 2008 1:37 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
lmao
cerchier is nervous as shit
September 18, 2008 1:52 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Umm...I'm already banned. I'm annoyed at shit that she's trying to play people here for fools, though.
September 18, 2008 1:57 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
cerchier you really do not have a life at all
you are posted up on this blog
writing day in and day out
now you are writing notes to blogger over some dumb bitch making idle threats
you really ought to find something more productive to do just one day a week
you look so pathetic
September 18, 2008 2:08 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
the board is having a database error
i know who is responsible for that
September 18, 2008 2:12 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
oh please get me banned and "outed" so fucking what? $6.50 is less than the price of a fucking magazine over here. Man i wish i could have seen the miss scarlett thread.What did she do when she got caught out? She got banned for lying? That ain't really a crime. Lord Summerrains boutique is horrid. Her clothes are cheap and nasty looking. Poor jlove just wanted to keep up with the jonses.I dunno why people picked on alfoone, yeah she was annoying but fucking hell other members irk me more. They are so fake. And damn i didn't know people hated Abenyo that much, yeah her eyes r like "the better to see you with my dear" but if ugliness was a crime more than half of LHCF would be doing time. I feel sorry for relaxer rehab. Fucking hell don't they have arranged marriages or something? Shes like nearly 60, obese, hurt in the face- she gonna be typing on LHCF till death comes knocking she ain't got nothing else to do.
There are some nice people there?
I dunno why people hated adequate so much. Her white man was ugly and she posted every aspect of her life, but she wasn't malicious.
J x
September 18, 2008 2:12 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
I actually think Adequate's man was one of the only handsome white men on the board.
To the other girl
As for me not having a life, consider this my new life. Similar to the life you have posting like a welfare queen on LHCF. But wait, you have even less of a life because you post here too.
September 18, 2008 2:19 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
this is only my 2nd post here
compared to how many you have
and how many times have you been banned and come back starting shit? the minute they turn your name back on. you probably have it marked on your calendar when your ban date is up.
bitch please
September 18, 2008 2:50 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Of course FoxieRoxie is a man.
September 18, 2008 3:13 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Wasn't there a real tranny at one time? Not just someone who looks like one, a real one.
September 18, 2008 3:21 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
FoxyRoxy is a tranny so is Queeny.
September 18, 2008 3:35 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
I'm pretty sure foxyroxy, I hit up her fotki whe the whole "were you born a man" shite went off in ot, is a man. But she is nice. Queeny...
September 18, 2008 3:55 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Oh, I thought you guys were talking about FoxyScholar!
I don't think MissScarlett made the banned over "DC gate" because she continued to post well after that. She did something else to make the banned.
September 18, 2008 4:49 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
There was a thread a while back that got deleted because everyone was calling someone "leatherface". Who is leatherface?
September 18, 2008 4:56 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Queeny is one of the fakest bitches on that site. She stay gossiping but yet claims to be a christian. I am waiting for her ass to be put on blast for the fake that she is. Always posting up those burnt crispy looking children like someone gives a damn. Queeny, Ms.Honey, Nice & Wavy, Shimmy all those bitches that stay on the Christian forum are fake gossipy bitches, but Queeny is the main one.
September 18, 2008 5:49 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Who does this blog belong to?
September 18, 2008 5:50 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I don't know who started, but I think they made the banned, which is why they don't maintain it.
September 18, 2008 6:03 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Yeah, the poster who started this doesn't update but reading through the posts, you guys do. Keep it up.
September 18, 2008 6:28 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Didn't someone say Passionfruit did it?
September 19, 2008 7:23 PM
Anonymous said...
who is this?
http://img61.imageshack.us/img61/548/bevgg6.png
It's BEV! Check out the bitch you worship in her best ghetto ho pose with leopard draws and teeth that make mr. ed jealous!
September 19, 2008 7:27 PM
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http://nikosdump.blogspot.com/
No censorship or harassment from the lhcf crew. I moderate comments like a ....Allandra.
Spread the word!
http://nikosdump.blogspot.com/
No censorship or harassment from the lhcf crew. I moderate comments like a ....Allandra.
Spread the word!
http://nikosdump.blogspot.com/
No censorship or harassment from the lhcf crew. I moderate comments like a ....Allandra.
Spread the word!
http://nikosdump.blogspot.com/
No censorship or harassment from the lhcf crew. I moderate comments like a ....Allandra.
Spread the word!
http://nikosdump.blogspot.com/
No censorship or harassment from the lhcf crew. I moderate comments like a ....Allandra.
Spread the word!
http://nikosdump.blogspot.com/
No censorship or harassment from the lhcf crew. I moderate comments like a ....Allandra.
Spread the word!
http://nikosdump.blogspot.com/
No censorship or harassment from the lhcf crew. I moderate comments like a ....Allandra.
Spread the word!
http://nikosdump.blogspot.com/
No censorship or harassment from the lhcf crew. I moderate comments like a ....Allandra.
Spread the word!
http://nikosdump.blogspot.com/
No censorship or harassment from the lhcf crew. I moderate comments like a ....Allandra.
Spread the word!
http://nikosdump.blogspot.com/
No censorship or harassment from the lhcf crew. I moderate comments like a ....Allandra.
Spread the word!
http://nikosdump.blogspot.com/
No censorship or harassment from the lhcf crew. I moderate comments like a ....Allandra.
Spread the word!
http://nikosdump.blogspot.com/
No censorship or harassment from the lhcf crew. I moderate comments like a ....Allandra.
Spread the word!
http://nikosdump.blogspot.com/
No censorship or harassment from the lhcf crew. I moderate comments like a ....Allandra.
Spread the word!
http://nikosdump.blogspot.com/
No censorship or harassment from the lhcf crew. I moderate comments like a ....Allandra.
Spread the word!
Dear Aloofone,
There has been a collection taken up by members of the collective hairboards to refund you the $6.50 AND to pay for psychotherapy. Aloof is not just a username. It describes your posting capability to a T. The utter stupidity that seems to escape your backpedaling mouth on the regular really cracks me up! :lachen: I will forgo the comedy, that is your posts, because I know you need help. That, and I'm tired of seeing your ugly ass face. Please do not call me a hater like that old ass Iris (is she collecting SSI benefits yet?). I do no hate anyone. I hate personalities, characteristics, faces, etc. But people do not fall under that category.
Sincerely,
Nikos "Non-Hater" Dimopoulos I had a very long weekend. Give me a minute to gather my thoughts about why the star of the show only wanted to talk to 2 people and did not want her picture taken. Really Beverly, there is no need to cover your face. Most of us have seen way more than just your face. Forget Kim K, I am sure OT would be abuzz if they had a chance to see your pics. We will see.
Also pouring out liquor for those that can't cover their tracks.
Via user request:
Dear Aloofone,
There has been a collection taken up by members of the collective hairboards to refund you the $6.50 AND to pay for psychotherapy. Aloof is not just a username. It describes your posting capability to a T. The utter stupidity that seems to escape your backpedaling mouth on the regular really cracks me up! :lachen: I will forgo the comedy, that is your posts, because I know you need help. That, and I'm tired of seeing your ugly ass face. Please do not call me a hater like that old ass Iris (is she collecting SSI benefits yet?). I do no hate anyone. I hate personalities, characteristics, faces, etc. But people do not fall under that category.
Sincerely,
Nikos "Non-Hater" Dimopoulos
September 19, 2008 6:22 AM
Anonymous said...
hey (the moderators of Long Hair Care Forum) have started another round of banning. I'm still there. Pouring out liqour for those who aren't. That $6.50 has some mods "Stunnin." (So not in touch with the real world, bitch its Stunting, as in doing tricks, slut bag) Y'all better stop giving those ungrateful folks your money! That's money well spent on hair products, gas, food, or a bootleg education on the web. Or join a site that isn't ran by a bunch of hippogrits. On the list so far... MPJ (Miss Plain Jane), Mizanilocs (formerly Mizanimami and 2nd time entering a-banned-done-ment), Beautifulisaunderstatment (damn thats a long ass name, formerly banned but not sure who she is) and MissScarlett. You all probably remember MissS from the meet up scandal. She ditched some folks who set up a "coming to town" parade (Abenyo) in her honor to hang out with more down to earth folks (Sylver and Army). I mean MissS sort of apolo-lied. BUT they still haven't banned "Alexis." Oh you don't know who Alexis is? Its the person who HACKED into MissS's account and posted the PM's that exposed the whole thing. But really Alexis is Bev. Yes bitch we know. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned) hey (the moderators of Long Hair Care Forum) have started another round of banning. I'm still there. Pouring out liqour for those who aren't. That $6.50 has some mods "Stunnin." (So not in touch with the real world, bitch its Stunting, as in doing tricks, slut bag) Y'all better stop giving those ungrateful folks your money! That's money well spent on hair products, gas, food, or a bootleg education on the web. Or join a site that isn't ran by a bunch of hippogrits. On the list so far... MPJ (Miss Plain Jane), Mizanilocs (formerly Mizanimami and 2nd time entering a-banned-done-ment), Beautifulisaunderstatment (damn thats a long ass name, formerly banned but not sure who she is) and MissScarlett. You all probably remember MissS from the meet up scandal. She ditched some folks who set up a "coming to town" parade (Abenyo) in her honor to hang out with more down to earth folks (Sylver and Army). I mean MissS sort of apolo-lied. BUT they still haven't banned "Alexis." Oh you don't know who Alexis is? Its the person who HACKED into MissS's account and posted the PM's that exposed the whole thing. But really Alexis is Bev. Yes bitch we know. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned) hey (the moderators of Long Hair Care Forum) have started another round of banning. I'm still there. Pouring out liqour for those who aren't. That $6.50 has some mods "Stunnin." (So not in touch with the real world, bitch its Stunting, as in doing tricks, slut bag) Y'all better stop giving those ungrateful folks your money! That's money well spent on hair products, gas, food, or a bootleg education on the web. Or join a site that isn't ran by a bunch of hippogrits. On the list so far... MPJ (Miss Plain Jane), Mizanilocs (formerly Mizanimami and 2nd time entering a-banned-done-ment), Beautifulisaunderstatment (damn thats a long ass name, formerly banned but not sure who she is) and MissScarlett. You all probably remember MissS from the meet up scandal. She ditched some folks who set up a "coming to town" parade (Abenyo) in her honor to hang out with more down to earth folks (Sylver and Army). I mean MissS sort of apolo-lied. BUT they still haven't banned "Alexis." Oh you don't know who Alexis is? Its the person who HACKED into MissS's account and posted the PM's that exposed the whole thing. But really Alexis is Bev. Yes bitch we know. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned) hey (the moderators of Long Hair Care Forum) have started another round of banning. I'm still there. Pouring out liqour for those who aren't. That $6.50 has some mods "Stunnin." (So not in touch with the real world, bitch its Stunting, as in doing tricks, slut bag) Y'all better stop giving those ungrateful folks your money! That's money well spent on hair products, gas, food, or a bootleg education on the web. Or join a site that isn't ran by a bunch of hippogrits. On the list so far... MPJ (Miss Plain Jane), Mizanilocs (formerly Mizanimami and 2nd time entering a-banned-done-ment), Beautifulisaunderstatment (damn thats a long ass name, formerly banned but not sure who she is) and MissScarlett. You all probably remember MissS from the meet up scandal. She ditched some folks who set up a "coming to town" parade (Abenyo) in her honor to hang out with more down to earth folks (Sylver and Army). I mean MissS sort of apolo-lied. BUT they still haven't banned "Alexis." Oh you don't know who Alexis is? Its the person who HACKED into MissS's account and posted the PM's that exposed the whole thing. But really Alexis is Bev. Yes bitch we know. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned) hey (the moderators of Long Hair Care Forum) have started another round of banning. I'm still there. Pouring out liqour for those who aren't. That $6.50 has some mods "Stunnin." (So not in touch with the real world, bitch its Stunting, as in doing tricks, slut bag) Y'all better stop giving those ungrateful folks your money! That's money well spent on hair products, gas, food, or a bootleg education on the web. Or join a site that isn't ran by a bunch of hippogrits. On the list so far... MPJ (Miss Plain Jane), Mizanilocs (formerly Mizanimami and 2nd time entering a-banned-done-ment), Beautifulisaunderstatment (damn thats a long ass name, formerly banned but not sure who she is) and MissScarlett. You all probably remember MissS from the meet up scandal. She ditched some folks who set up a "coming to town" parade (Abenyo) in her honor to hang out with more down to earth folks (Sylver and Army). I mean MissS sort of apolo-lied. BUT they still haven't banned "Alexis." Oh you don't know who Alexis is? Its the person who HACKED into MissS's account and posted the PM's that exposed the whole thing. But really Alexis is Bev. Yes bitch we know. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned) hey (the moderators of Long Hair Care Forum) have started another round of banning. I'm still there. Pouring out liqour for those who aren't. That $6.50 has some mods "Stunnin." (So not in touch with the real world, bitch its Stunting, as in doing tricks, slut bag) Y'all better stop giving those ungrateful folks your money! That's money well spent on hair products, gas, food, or a bootleg education on the web. Or join a site that isn't ran by a bunch of hippogrits. On the list so far... MPJ (Miss Plain Jane), Mizanilocs (formerly Mizanimami and 2nd time entering a-banned-done-ment), Beautifulisaunderstatment (damn thats a long ass name, formerly banned but not sure who she is) and MissScarlett. You all probably remember MissS from the meet up scandal. She ditched some folks who set up a "coming to town" parade (Abenyo) in her honor to hang out with more down to earth folks (Sylver and Army). I mean MissS sort of apolo-lied. BUT they still haven't banned "Alexis." Oh you don't know who Alexis is? Its the person who HACKED into MissS's account and posted the PM's that exposed the whole thing. But really Alexis is Bev. Yes bitch we know. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned) hey (the moderators of Long Hair Care Forum) have started another round of banning. I'm still there. Pouring out liqour for those who aren't. That $6.50 has some mods "Stunnin." (So not in touch with the real world, bitch its Stunting, as in doing tricks, slut bag) Y'all better stop giving those ungrateful folks your money! That's money well spent on hair products, gas, food, or a bootleg education on the web. Or join a site that isn't ran by a bunch of hippogrits. On the list so far... MPJ (Miss Plain Jane), Mizanilocs (formerly Mizanimami and 2nd time entering a-banned-done-ment), Beautifulisaunderstatment (damn thats a long ass name, formerly banned but not sure who she is) and MissScarlett. You all probably remember MissS from the meet up scandal. She ditched some folks who set up a "coming to town" parade (Abenyo) in her honor to hang out with more down to earth folks (Sylver and Army). I mean MissS sort of apolo-lied. BUT they still haven't banned "Alexis." Oh you don't know who Alexis is? Its the person who HACKED into MissS's account and posted the PM's that exposed the whole thing. But really Alexis is Bev. Yes bitch we know. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned) hey (the moderators of Long Hair Care Forum) have started another round of banning. I'm still there. Pouring out liqour for those who aren't. That $6.50 has some mods "Stunnin." (So not in touch with the real world, bitch its Stunting, as in doing tricks, slut bag) Y'all better stop giving those ungrateful folks your money! That's money well spent on hair products, gas, food, or a bootleg education on the web. Or join a site that isn't ran by a bunch of hippogrits. On the list so far... MPJ (Miss Plain Jane), Mizanilocs (formerly Mizanimami and 2nd time entering a-banned-done-ment), Beautifulisaunderstatment (damn thats a long ass name, formerly banned but not sure who she is) and MissScarlett. You all probably remember MissS from the meet up scandal. She ditched some folks who set up a "coming to town" parade (Abenyo) in her honor to hang out with more down to earth folks (Sylver and Army). I mean MissS sort of apolo-lied. BUT they still haven't banned "Alexis." Oh you don't know who Alexis is? Its the person who HACKED into MissS's account and posted the PM's that exposed the whole thing. But really Alexis is Bev. Yes bitch we know. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned) hey (the moderators of Long Hair Care Forum) have started another round of banning. I'm still there. Pouring out liqour for those who aren't. That $6.50 has some mods "Stunnin." (So not in touch with the real world, bitch its Stunting, as in doing tricks, slut bag) Y'all better stop giving those ungrateful folks your money! That's money well spent on hair products, gas, food, or a bootleg education on the web. Or join a site that isn't ran by a bunch of hippogrits. On the list so far... MPJ (Miss Plain Jane), Mizanilocs (formerly Mizanimami and 2nd time entering a-banned-done-ment), Beautifulisaunderstatment (damn thats a long ass name, formerly banned but not sure who she is) and MissScarlett. You all probably remember MissS from the meet up scandal. She ditched some folks who set up a "coming to town" parade (Abenyo) in her honor to hang out with more down to earth folks (Sylver and Army). I mean MissS sort of apolo-lied. BUT they still haven't banned "Alexis." Oh you don't know who Alexis is? Its the person who HACKED into MissS's account and posted the PM's that exposed the whole thing. But really Alexis is Bev. Yes bitch we know. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned) hey (the moderators of Long Hair Care Forum) have started another round of banning. I'm still there. Pouring out liqour for those who aren't. That $6.50 has some mods "Stunnin." (So not in touch with the real world, bitch its Stunting, as in doing tricks, slut bag) Y'all better stop giving those ungrateful folks your money! That's money well spent on hair products, gas, food, or a bootleg education on the web. Or join a site that isn't ran by a bunch of hippogrits. On the list so far... MPJ (Miss Plain Jane), Mizanilocs (formerly Mizanimami and 2nd time entering a-banned-done-ment), Beautifulisaunderstatment (damn thats a long ass name, formerly banned but not sure who she is) and MissScarlett. You all probably remember MissS from the meet up scandal. She ditched some folks who set up a "coming to town" parade (Abenyo) in her honor to hang out with more down to earth folks (Sylver and Army). I mean MissS sort of apolo-lied. BUT they still haven't banned "Alexis." Oh you don't know who Alexis is? Its the person who HACKED into MissS's account and posted the PM's that exposed the whole thing. But really Alexis is Bev. Yes bitch we know. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned)
August 17, 2008 2:55 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Well, I found your insights appropriate. I just got banned, temp style, for p.o. one of the 10k+ members. Or, more to the point, for calling the bitch out. It is what it is...I'll be perm. banned before I change how I speak. Keep on outing the hypocrites who try to run the place. Because I'll be damned if a chick who tried to call me a troll didn't start a thread calling another members pics so scary she was thinking of blocking sigs. And a mod called the thread hatefull. How soon they forget.
cerchier
August 28, 2008 8:20 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
LOL. Bitter bitch. You always sound like you have a gigantic metal pole up your ass on lhch. Why the constant stank attitude? It radiates through all of your lousy posts.
We've all seen your picture so we know you're not a 13 year old moody cunt of a teenager going through puberty. You have the mental age of one though.
Keep on talking the way you do, as thus allowing everyone to continue laugh at you :D
August 29, 2008 1:59 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Did this one make the banned, too? LOL
August 29, 2008 6:19 PM
Anonymous Cerchier said...
Only banned for a month. I'll be back. And unlike old anon above, I don't care if you know who I am. Cerchier is my name there too. Also, check how uses the words gigantic metal pole up your ass in the same sentence that she tries to act superior. Hypocritical idiot. BTW, hit me up when I come back...if you don't mind coming out of hiding, and maybe I'll share the laugh with you.
I knew as much as you all liked to pretend like you're above this drama you'll are all up in it reading and waiting for your name to come up.
August 30, 2008 12:15 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This forum is getting out of hand lately. All these fucking hypocrits. There are the threads that are started to start shit and the same dumb ass people who love the drama and fall for that shit everytime. I also want to know who the hell Blossom is fucking to be allowed to stay on the board, that bitch breaks 20 rules a day. Nikkos, where is your damn pleadge to curb the cussing or the clever guises used to curse? The so called pretty bitches on there that always got something to say about anyone that is not lightskinned and skinny. Bint and Lourdes your day will come, I promise. Volare get another pic up (is that really you?) You go to Clemson, thats not even a real college lol. Yall miserable bitches have nothing better to do than tear people down. And if you are wondering, I am lightskinned and skinny so keep your "hater" comment, it does not apply hateful bitches.
September 2, 2008 11:30 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
What's with all of the dykes? It's turning into a lesbo board!
September 3, 2008 1:38 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
stupid bitch probably got banned!
September 4, 2008 11:25 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Oh man this board is getting better and better. I have the pics of bev, maybe I should create a blog and post them lol. They are going hard in there today and where are the mods? Is that one that is pregnant with the white loser baby still on?
September 4, 2008 2:51 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
post them!
September 4, 2008 6:17 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Seraphinelle always hating on Americans and America. Bitch please nobody checking for your wack ass Canada. Stay your corny ass over there. Then got a nerve to say we was hating on Jamaica. Bitch Please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Her citizenship request to come to America must have been denied which is why she so bitter. Her and her ugly ass friend Abenyo swear they the shit Abenyo look like she 50 in the face her ugly ass.
September 5, 2008 5:09 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
"Yall miserable bitches have nothing better to do than tear people down. "
Oh, the irony! Actually, since I can tell what a dumbass you are from your post alone, I bet you have no idea what the word "irony" mean.
September 5, 2008 11:07 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Anyone Know why Ms. Scar got banned, and all the other chicks that got banned the other day? I wonder if they are all over at Dirty girlz socaial club?
September 6, 2008 9:29 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Not Miss Scarlett, one of the queen bitches! I thought she had an in to keep her from making the banned! LoL
September 6, 2008 1:23 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
She thought that? Wow! I still want to know and I know someone knows why she got banned.
September 6, 2008 4:59 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Wow. I learn more from here than there...even before I was banned for a month. I thought Miss Scarlett was damn near an untouchable. Still, until an actual untouchable gets touched, the rules aren't unilaterally enforced and, as such, are to be regarded as just something to consider. Most of them say things others would get perm. banned for but are considered, like a flatulent Grandfather, something to be tolerated. Naw!!! Something smells like boo boo!
September 6, 2008 5:05 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Oh, and why is everyone afraid to post Beverly's pics? My imagination is starting to wander...what DOES she look like?
September 6, 2008 5:23 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
so are some chicks sucking niko's dick or what? I don't get what makes some untouchable! Are they the OGs of lhcf?
September 6, 2008 6:01 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Money is what makes them untouchable. They've been around forever and keep paying. Too big of a risk to make them follow the rules. Not for nothing, but it makes sense. I'm not paying another dime to renew.
I am known to do the wop.
September 6, 2008 7:24 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
cerchier shut the fuck up bitch
bev could get money from plenty of members
she can afford to ban a few people
we need to figure out why firecracker is not banned
September 6, 2008 10:14 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
firecracker and blossom! How the hell are these two still members? I like firecracker though, blossom and her desperate ass can kick rocks. Bloss guess what, white men dont want you either. Volare bad as hell though and I wonder is that really Tiara on there, hmmmm.
September 7, 2008 6:28 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I am surprised that people have the time (and careers) where they can post so often throughout the day. Not only do they post, but they have essay like responses in their posts. I can see every once and a while, but some of these people write long responses every day. SleekandBouncy comes to mind, there are a few others though.
September 7, 2008 10:05 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
maybe they are not a broke busted bitch like you and either do not work full time or do not care
the time you spent wondering you could be doing something else
get a life bitch
September 7, 2008 10:18 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
That last post sounded like sleekandbouncy, a bit bitter are we fake ass dahling ;)
September 7, 2008 10:37 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
^^^^ I agree with the last post.
That poster responded just a little too quickly--hunched over the computer with nothing else to do...they sound VERY little bitter. It's just a hair website.
September 7, 2008 10:46 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I think you really hurt abenyo's feelings, she's been extra angry and rude lately!
September 7, 2008 10:47 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
abenyo has always been rude and angry and yes it is because she is ugly and never has a man
September 7, 2008 11:00 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
There are some nice posters on the site. There are really just a few that are irritating.
September 7, 2008 11:11 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
damn this has grown. Aside from D lewis who I love, who the hell are the nice posters cause all them hoes are bitter and evil.
September 7, 2008 11:14 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
ella is very sweet. Dlewis is cool...um...who else is nice? Oh well.
September 7, 2008 11:22 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
FlowerHair is very nice.
September 7, 2008 11:24 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I guess iris gets on people's nerves or whatever but she seems nice to me.
September 7, 2008 2:17 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
The reason why fire will never be banned is because they are personal friends so keep holding your breath on that one. If you think there is bs on LHCF you need to check out dirty girlz. Those are what you call miserable bitches. The chat crew have also gone to worlds unknown, but who are they kidding, people know where they are. All them chicks are nice I like flower, dlewis and sylver even though she wont give you the time of day if you not light and pretty, she ok.
September 7, 2008 3:25 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Whoever it is that wants me to spend time wondering about other things, and the other that called me a bitch, only makes me even more curious what Bev looks like. Why are you'll so defensive? Does it have something to do with her hair?
September 7, 2008 4:56 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I am really curious (and since they won't answer this on the site without closing or deleting a thread), how does one really get banned? I know if you curse, or call someone ugly you get banned.
However, it sounds as though if you offend an 'untouchable' you get banned.
September 7, 2008 5:53 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
To the poster right above-
There seems to be different rules for different people. We could tell you rules all day and you could still do the wrong the to the wrong person and get banned.
September 7, 2008 6:20 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Don't tell me bev is a bald headit bitch! LOL!
September 7, 2008 6:22 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Thanks anonymous @6:20. This is my thinking too.
September 7, 2008 6:57 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I wonder who actually is 'untouchable', besides blosss and fire.
September 7, 2008 6:59 PM
Anonymous Cerchier said...
Chellero and Vevster come to mind as untouchable. Hell, Chellero said I need more dick. But some of the mods use less than subtle comments to target people.
Btw, I've cursed, but never called anyone ugly, and I made the banned 3 times. The girl who used scary to describe someones pic is most definitely not banned so, you may call someone ugly, with the right adjective.
September 8, 2008 9:06 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
what happened to aloofone? is she banned?
September 8, 2008 12:21 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Why was MissScarlet banned?!?!?!
September 8, 2008 12:32 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This is juicer than the actual board! Did the creator get banned? I wonder why they abandoned it.
September 8, 2008 4:06 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Aloofone is not banned. There is some info on here and on the Niko's step-cousin blog about why MissScarlet may have been banned or just left.
September 8, 2008 4:18 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Aloofone hasn't been banned.
I also think the meaning of being an 'untouchable' is that one says something and everyone agrees with them, and doesn't question their statement. However, if another person were to say the exact same thing, everyone would disagree, call them an idiot, or completely ignore them etc...
There are a few people on the site who everyone blindly agrees with, even if what they are saying is something someone else may have said already.
September 8, 2008 5:01 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This blog and that one that closed down were hard on aloofone, I could understand why she wouldn't want to come back. She can be confrontational, but she is not the worst one on the board, I don't know why she was targeted.
September 8, 2008 6:05 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
She looks like a used turd and always wants attention. She was actually talking about being a model. Bitch, please.
September 10, 2008 9:37 AM
Comment deleted
This post has been removed by the author.
September 10, 2008 12:27 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This thread is pathetic, the poster doesn't even have that much hair!
http://www.longhaircareforum.com/forums/showthread.php?t=278305
September 10, 2008 12:29 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This comment section is hilarious - It's like the Special Ed. version of DGSC - or maybe it's the ugly twin with the club foot and headgear.
"Who needs dates and parties and friends anyway!"
*stomps orthopedic shoe*
*sucks on asthma inhaler*
LMMFAO
September 10, 2008 3:25 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
It's so pathetic you couldn't help but to make an appearance, right? Which means you read it, right? No need to be ashamed. Welcome :D
September 10, 2008 3:33 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Yeah, because it takes sooo much time to comment here, unlike the full time careers some of the lhcf chicks make out of posting. Shoot, I wish I had the time on my hands some of those chicks have. At least here things are a little more real and to the point.
September 10, 2008 3:38 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I meant the pathetic comment at the girl who found it hilarious, not the one who quoted the thread on LHCF about taking 5-6 hours to wash uneven sl hair. Am I the only one that thinks most of the heffa's who claim to be trimming or dusting and go from bsl to apl are really just trying to hide their hair breaking off?
September 10, 2008 3:38 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
"Am I the only one that thinks most of the heffa's who claim to be trimming or dusting and go from bsl to apl are really just trying to hide their hair breaking off?"
I agree with this. They are ashamed, or in denial.
September 10, 2008 3:46 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I love how certain posters have to show off the clothing and the outfits they have in their signatures.
September 11, 2008 9:11 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Heh, there was one member all about her clothes and trying to show off. So much so that she took pics in the changing rooms of stores and tried to pass off the clothes as stuff she owned. Someone busted her when they recognized the carpet. lmao
September 11, 2008 3:48 PM
Anonymous abenyo said...
Hey I'm popular!!!
Thanks for keeping me on your minds. Don't know who the hell ya'll are nor do I care, but ya'll still got your feelings hurt. stop being simple and such idiots that are posting on a blog in disguise. You hate the board yet you keep coming back. Stop acting like bitches.. Got issues? solve it.
-Abenyo
September 11, 2008 9:02 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
The bitter bitch cant do anymore blogs!
LMAO!!!!!!!
September 12, 2008 3:55 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
can you update the blog? I want some gossip
September 12, 2008 4:24 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Yeah, I want an update too. Why do you all call everyone bitter bitches that calls you out on your stank attitudes? Perhaps you forget the numerous girl's hair vids on youtube you diss in threads only to have them find out and have them defend themselves. What about the girl who made the vid of the dog shitting on the lhcf screen while a horse makes noises because members use horse products? It can't be everyone else. If ppl are making blogs, vids, and long forum threads about one sites attitude then the members should take a long look in the mirror.
September 12, 2008 5:30 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Oh in case you forgot the long forum thread I'm talking about was on Lipstick Alley.
September 12, 2008 5:34 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
@3:48, yes. and i think sleekandbouncy does this too. why?
September 12, 2008 6:04 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
It's High School all over again. The Mean Girls, The Outcasts, and The Suck ups who want to be mean girls abound. There are some nice members but they don't run the place.
September 12, 2008 10:39 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I know sleekandbouncy does this. If she shows her face, maybe someone will recognize her and put her on blast like Jlove.
September 12, 2008 10:54 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
abenyo
sit down hoe
nobody care about your ugly gremlin face ass
September 12, 2008 11:00 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Don't hate me for saying this but, why do the African's, with stern ass features, never smile? You're bound to look like a gremlin. Smile Abenyo...and Aloofone, too, if you ever decide to show your face again.
September 12, 2008 11:40 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6iVk9H8FHKc
This is the vid! Lma. Thanks!
September 12, 2008 11:55 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
yeah, that is probably why she doesn't want to show her face...she doesn't want to be put on blast. LOL!
September 12, 2008 11:56 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Hey, Abenyo, what did you think about Miss Scarlett dissing you as too ghetto?
September 12, 2008 12:12 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Shouldn't barbiesocialite top talking about how to get men, when she is a dyke?
September 12, 2008 9:14 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Barbiesocialite doesn't have enough integrity to leave like the other lesbian, that was like a scientist. LHCF site doesn't support -heterosexual, non-christian people.
September 13, 2008 12:15 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I meant non-heterosexual!
September 13, 2008 12:16 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Yeah, abenyo you are real "popular". We are entertained by your monkey-looking ass!
September 14, 2008 3:40 PM
Anonymous abenyo said...
To all you bitches get a fucking life. stick a saw down your throat and pull it out the other end. As for the asshole from DGZ I'm waiting for you bitch, come out come out. I'm not popular but ya'll sure talk about me and think about me all day everyday. Moron that would tell you that I'm atleast important enough for ya'll to be studying me like freakin dykes. Don't worry about the way I look, maybe you should worry about getting a life and stop posting on a blog anonymously about me. I mean how fucking pathetic. It's going on some months now and ya'll still gonna talk about me. Talk about press. LOL oooo some females think I look ugly, boo fucking hoo. Bitches there is soo much to this world then the pettiness you are displaying. Ya'll say the other forums are High school what do you call grown woman talking about someone behind their backs? Mature is not what comes to mind. But hey keep saying I'm ugly, lol I don't go that route and never will. And the bitch that constantly want to talk about africa, lol what are you.. oh let me guess you just got fucked by some foreign dick and now you got indian or whatever in you right? May you prosper in lice infected locks, long lasting shedding, breakage that never stops, and head sores that no ACV or surgery will cure.
Have fun!
September 14, 2008 9:09 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
LOL, you sure seem to like it here, Abenyo, you can't seem to stay away!
Boy, you sure told everyone!
September 14, 2008 9:37 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Abenyo you sure are a mad ugly porch monkey.You also have no idea just how many people hate your stupid ugly dumb ass. Watch out for the ones who feed you info. Stupid rabid bitch.
September 14, 2008 9:51 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I see everyone is fired up tonight. LMAO!
September 14, 2008 9:54 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Abenyo you are being worked over big time.
September 14, 2008 10:09 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
She sure is. Looking like the fool who birth her ugly ass.
September 14, 2008 10:13 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Shut up abenyo!that was funny though but you still ugly. Ok on to the rest of them, is JR and Candy an item? JR got a deep voice like a man, bod like one too and Candy look like a rat.
September 14, 2008 10:14 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
For someone who doesn't care you sho keep bringin' you ass back! Sounds like you have no life Abenyo, or you can't stand not having yo monkey ass kissed!
September 14, 2008 10:25 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
so what happened to abenyo, they were supposed to have a meeting and she was stood up?
September 14, 2008 11:35 PM
Anonymous In-Adequate said...
DANG!!! Im dying at how all you LHCF members have turned this shit into a forum. But the anonymous posting is on some bitch shit.
September 15, 2008 1:53 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Hilfigher looks like a man too. That head on her hair stays looking like s brillo pad. Talk about creature from another planet. She stays cosigning on some stupid shit. Another ugly African monkey.
September 15, 2008 5:20 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Bint or OAHQ is always talking about someone's look. She got a identity crisis. She shouldn't be talking about others. That baby of hers might come out looking as ugly as her.
September 15, 2008 5:28 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
TSU you look like a pork oink oink with lipstick. Step away from the table take a few step out the kitchen and run to the gym. No woman should weigh gazillion pounds starve yourself bitch then maybe your man won't be fucking someone else.
September 15, 2008 5:33 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
What about that welfare hoe with the second hand store? What's her name acidrain? Oh summerrain lol aint nothing summer about that hoe. Even her own mama don't want her.
September 15, 2008 5:36 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Wow someone really has a lot to say. Get a life!!! What have any of these people done to you to warrant you talking about someone's mother, weight, hair or child. Everyone on this blog that comes here to talk about people maliciously has real world issues they need to contend with. Is the internet that serious that you just have to let it be known you do not like another person's font? You all do not know these people in real life so why are you wasting so much time airing out these dumb ass comments on a blog? Log off, spend time you with your family, read a book, go plant a tree find a hobby that actually benefits society instead of being evil bitches sitting about your computer typing nasty remarks.
I bet everyone who is typing mean things are probably trying to be or friends with the person they are talking about. I urge all of you to just end this and stop giving this blog attention and it will die out eventually. To the people who have been hurt by the comments do not take it personally as the person who said it is too much of a coward to say it to you personally.
September 15, 2008 7:08 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
great, another fucking lecture!
We've been told once again!
September 15, 2008 8:55 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
How is it so many women in one forum are manless and lonely. I see plenty of black couples! I think these chicks have so many issues they scare off any men who might be interested.
Out of my family and friends, no one is sitting around moaning about having no black man! They either have one or can easily find one. There has to be something really wrong with those women, and it ain't all about geography, either.
September 15, 2008 10:25 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
These women are a bunch of hipocrites! Can someone please tell me how the hell that WHORE blossom can post all this shit about fucking every random WHITE MAN and she gets apllauded. WHAT THE FUCK! There is a thread on superhead and these bitches have the most shit to say, but not on her thread. Where is Que, Bint and all the others that are on that holier than thou bullshit? Why not pop in there and tell it like it is. You all are all thinking it (SHE A HOE) but you congatulating her? a site full of fucking hipocrites.
September 15, 2008 10:51 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
damn
September 15, 2008 10:52 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
How the fuck you gonna have a name like Jessica rabbit and you look like a mack truck? and candy is ugly lol.
September 15, 2008 10:54 AM
Anonymous Cerchier said...
Wtf! I got some reading to do!
September 15, 2008 1:31 PM
Anonymous Heat/Glam said...
Piece of advice to one anonymous person. If you want to remain "anonymous" you might want to step of the soapbox of an issue that you usually post about on the forum. You might get found out quick. I hate anonymity, but if you are gonna do it at least be smart as you seem to be on the forum.
September 15, 2008 2:07 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
She aint the only one "on the forum"! lmao. Look around you!
September 15, 2008 2:24 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
who is this?
http://img61.imageshack.us/img61/548/bevgg6.png
September 15, 2008 3:00 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Nooooo! Please don't tell me that is Bev. Great day in the lacefront wearing, soup cooling, wannabe video ho morning! Image saved for future use.
September 15, 2008 3:12 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Lawd somebody finally posted them lol
September 15, 2008 3:15 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
that is what she looks like? no wonder she hides her face at meetups. if i look like that i would ban the cute women too.
September 15, 2008 3:31 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Damn, if that's really her, she ugly! And stank! No wonder she didn't want these posted! Can we get some verification so I can pass these around?
September 15, 2008 3:34 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
i wonder did she find jesus wearing those leopard panties?
September 15, 2008 3:40 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
What in the Mr.Ed stunt double hell is going on with her in these pics?
September 15, 2008 3:46 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I can verify that is her.
September 15, 2008 3:55 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Wow, my puppet just got banned forever. You suck, Beverly. And yeah, I did see you in your tiger panties before I asked you that legitimate question.
September 15, 2008 3:58 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
I should add, either Bev is a liar, and does know when people are banned and for what, or she is as dumb as she looks in her pics, and her mods do the banning.
September 15, 2008 4:00 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
you're right; sleekandbouncy loves to show off her clothing...on a hair forum. LOL!
September 15, 2008 4:07 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This is too much, you need to take that down. Maybe she has a reason she doesn't want those seen. Has she really done anything to any of you personally for you to be this evil? Please delete that link before more people see it.
September 15, 2008 4:08 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Get real. The reason she doesn't want anyone to see it is because she doesn't want people to know she is, well, visually unappealing but, more to the point, she wears a wig. Queen hypocrite, and now, to me, confirmed liar. Where's her hair? LHCF admin---wig---does not compute. Why is she the only one that ALWAYS hides her hair? Toofus notwithstanding.
September 15, 2008 4:14 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
all those bitches in bikinis in avatars and sigs and you want to call out sleekandbouncy who is fully dressed?
as far as bev if she did not want those picture seen she should have never took them.
September 15, 2008 4:15 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Gin looks like a horse too her ugly ass.
September 15, 2008 4:23 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Sleekandbouncy thats u huh?
September 15, 2008 4:41 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I'm reading through the "this thread is closed" files and vevster actually asked where MissScarlett is at about the time it was brought up here. Allandra shut it down with a quickness. Calling ppl on their shit there works! I thought the two stickies Allandra wrote about ppl watching their ass after we got rolling was coincidence but it isn't.
September 15, 2008 4:57 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I'm still surprised they banned the bitch.
September 15, 2008 5:42 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Since you can't ask on the forum, why did MissScarlett get banned? Did she curse someone out?
September 15, 2008 5:49 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Read this blog and Niko's step-cousin. Apparently abenyo set up some big LHCF to do for MissScarlett and she dissed them for people she found more to her liking. She lied about and got called out and then... I don't know why, though. I'd be afraid to meet Abenyo too.
September 15, 2008 6:25 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
cerchier after that post u did i know u would be banned lol
September 15, 2008 6:32 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Me too. But God hates a bullshitter as much as I do.
September 15, 2008 6:34 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
The post I was banned for, if you aren't a member, was responding to the Toofus, I mean Bev, closing my thread without answering a question I asked about why i was banned. I wanted the post I was accused of insulting a member. I told her the only fraction for Cerchier was from feb. She came up with some bull...I don't know, I looked, can't find anything. Then she closed the thread. I started a new thread and I stated if, as an ADMIN, you really don't know why I was bannned, then I want to know who you gave the power to ban people to without your knowledge. Then I was banned...forever lmao
September 15, 2008 6:52 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Damn! Bitch look like predator!
September 15, 2008 9:45 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
cerchier u a mess lol
September 16, 2008 8:02 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I'm sorry, but some people need to be ashamed of themselves. Bitches using animal products and pussy creams to grow their hair and then will kill you if you say other women don't go to these extremes. Don't say anything about how creamy crack sets you back. Never seen so many college educated dumb asses.
September 16, 2008 1:20 PM
Anonymous Heat/Glam said...
How you gonna talk about hair methods that WORK. Yeah folk are using horse items and have long flowing hair, while others talk about there methods are sitting there at shoulder length for the past 5 years and wondering why. SMH
September 16, 2008 2:04 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
glam you need to stay your ass off this blog
i just read through the comments and you are always here
drama whore
i see bev got her shit cracked on the board
September 16, 2008 3:17 PM
Anonymous Heat/Glam said...
I'll leave when you annonys grow balls and put your name on comments. That ain't never gonna happen so looks like I'm a permanent fixture boo.
September 16, 2008 9:41 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
There are too many jesus freaks on that board!!!! You woman are sooo vain praying to God for long hair! You make God look like a JOKE!
The Christian section is sooo funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Masturbating when you are married is BAD!? LOLLLLL! That's why black women can't find a man, they worship GOD so much that they don't know how to treat a REAL man!
September 17, 2008 12:43 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
BEVERLY is taking advantage of you all!
BEVERLY is taking advantage of you all!
BEVERLY is taking advantage of you all!
$6.50!?
Oh don't give me that proverbial, PC BULLSHIT, "You pay more than that for a hair product" "Other sites charge more". AND?! There are TONS of sites on the net that give a wealth of information to their members, but you don't have to pay no damn fee (purseforum, thefashionspot, blackvoices, longhairlovers etc) WHy do you think those sites are FREE, but they still get revenue!?? ADS! ADS! Bev has ads all over that damn board "It takes money to run a site" she says, yes, but BITCH, you get AD money! And then she had the NEVER to increase the price! I guess that bitch is using that money to pay for her weaves!
Or maybe she uses the mooney for her tithes to Jeebus!!!
September 17, 2008 12:57 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Oh, no shit she is scamming people. But their are always fools to separate their money from.
September 17, 2008 5:07 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I guess $6.50 breaks some people's pockets and then again $6.50 is just a drop in the bucket for others.
Those who "got it like that" can pay if they want.
Who is it hurting?
September 17, 2008 5:18 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Crabs in a barrel!
September 17, 2008 7:20 AM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Yes. Crabs in a barrel. No one wants to recognize the truth so they drag everyone down to the level of lies. Love the wading pool, if you can.
6.50 doesn't break anyone willing to smear horse skin products on their hair that can cost 40 dollars. Forget the shedding you need to pay how much to correct? What was that other horse product you all spent more than 40 bucks to turn your necks and jewelry black, and left a smell like you worked for the circus. Bitch, wake up.
September 17, 2008 9:09 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
True cerchier. You know, there is knowledge to be gained from lhcf, but I think for some women it can be pretty harmful. All the bandwagons, and people trying to convince others to spend money they don't have. A weak minded person can easily get caught up, and a lot of those women are pretty weak minded. Their quest for that white beauty standard has clouded their minds. And yes, I know black women have all kinds of textures, blah blah, but I still think the most of the women on lhcf are checking for the white beauty, not black
September 17, 2008 9:17 AM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Preach.
September 17, 2008 12:02 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Why are so many of them married, dating white men?
September 17, 2008 12:05 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
They take up with those alien looking white men so they can have kids with 'good hair.' They are a bunch of self hating dumb ass women who don't have a clue. I have not seen one handsome ass white man attached to one of those nappy headed hoes. None of them look like they are about anything. It's perfectly okay to take up with some greasy ass white boy rather than a black man with plenty going for them.I quit reading when pankskates husband demanded she shave her nappy ass vajayjay. The punk wasn't man enuff to tackle that nappy ass jungle. The dumbness ran me away a long time ago.
September 17, 2008 3:06 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
OMG Pinkskates posted that? Her husband said that and she posted it? Abordeaux is the only person I have seen that has a nice looking white boy. The rest look horrible, I think KBragg's husband is probably the worst looking.
September 17, 2008 3:18 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
makes me really wonder who these chicks are growing hair for? The ugly ass white men they are with for sure. And can someone tell Oneya to shut the fuck up.
September 17, 2008 3:46 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Didnt I tell yall firecracker was all up in Bevs ass? what a coincidence that the minute Bev put them pics in her album, here come fire broadcasting it. I am sure if the other pic was not posted here we would not know who Mr. Ed was, lacefront and all.
September 17, 2008 3:49 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Wow, pinkskates husband demanded that? She seemed so in control. I didn't go to the fitness forum much but she seemed on top of her shit. That's embarrassing and gross. I don't knock interracial dating, but in the cases you're presenting, settling for some less than cute, prejudiced, crackerjack white man I do.
September 17, 2008 4:17 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
someone needs to knock some sense into thinkpinkprincess. I mean come on...homegirl is 19 and she doesn't know about Roots? Even if she didn't know, google exists for a reason.
September 17, 2008 9:37 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This thread about Pinkskates husband was quite hilarious:
http://www.longhaircareforum.com/forums/showthread.php?t=141647&highlight=brazillian+wax
September 17, 2008 11:44 PM
Anonymous Jennan said...
AWWW SHit! How tha fuck did i miss this Blog!!! LSA in the house!!! Seraphinelle is fat bitch, that cows always talking about fat people. Have you seen the rings round her neck???? Abenyo is hurt in the face for real. Bint/OAHQ,why the fuck si this woman obsessed with FAT people like seraphinelle? And her whole "i'm mixed afro arab/black women hate/rah rah i'm saudi bullshit* is Jarring.. This biotch claims to be married. Maybe to the computer?This coming from one afro arab bitch to another. Hoe sit your self down.
Whats her name, fabulosity. U ain't got a man cos ur ugly. And your hair looks like shit!Texlaxed tha fuck??? Sleek and Bouncy. I like her. But no i do not want to see what your wearing everyday. And no you are not fashionable, i'm euro s o u know this shit is innate to us. Whos that trick that can't spell?
U know what i'ma register tomorrow and post Bevs pics.Nah let me wait 2 weeks and have some fake arse hair pics. I'm mad i can't use Jennan. Oh and Beyondcute you can't catch me!!!
September 18, 2008 8:48 AM
Anonymous Jennan said...
Urgh u need to silvergirls husband( btw silvergirl has some serious self hate problems, do a search, she fucked a white supremacist for fucks sake! But she's got that 3B hair so everyone oohs) Her white man looks like something from the blue lagoon!!!!
foxie roxy is a man right?
aww shit i am bookmarking this blog
September 18, 2008 8:52 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
so funny jennan! sleekandbouncy just grates for some reason...
September 18, 2008 9:31 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I see you coward bitches are still huddled up in here on your hurt feeling hoe ass nigga circle jerk.
September 18, 2008 10:06 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I just want to warn you all that I will be getting the IPs of all the posters on this blog very soon. Connections, connections, connections. I have not decided what I will do with this info. I may use it to punk some of you or turn it over to Bev and Nikkos for mass bannings and outtings. Shit is for sure about to hit the fan.
September 18, 2008 10:10 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
oh no not that!
September 18, 2008 10:55 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
WTF are you gonna do sith some damn IP#s??? Somebody supposed to be scared of your ass? HTF is a punk gonna punk someone? Go brush your effin hair!
September 18, 2008 12:00 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I am going to have them match the IPs with your user names. Because I know most of you dumb bitches are not switching computers.
I have some of the IPs in my e-mail already.
September 18, 2008 12:11 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
You're getting the ip's on here from who? Bitch, scare tactics only work on the idiots you have under your control. How exactly do you plan to get Blogger to release the ip addresses of an anon poster without them having a big ass problem from every anon poster on their site. They allow anon for a reason. You are trying to scare the wrong person.
September 18, 2008 12:50 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I know someone that works at Google you donkey face trollop.
September 18, 2008 12:55 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I doubt you have anything, and so what if you do? We're already here, why stop posting? And those dumb asses don't check IP's when people re-register, the same people can get back in. Either do it or shut the fuck up and put some coochie cream or butt fungus or whatever on your hair.
September 18, 2008 12:57 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
And...that relates to Blogger, how? What you are trying to do is scare people from posting. If you'd like, I'll write to Blogger and find out under what circumstances they release a poster's ip address. If it's like most, including google, it's only when they violate the law. You're full of shit. Spit it out. It's making your breath stank.
September 18, 2008 12:59 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
It must be either Bev or Abenyo, the 2 who have been hit the hardest on this blog. Who else would care if we post here or not? If talking shit were a crime lhcf would have been shut down long ago.
September 18, 2008 1:10 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
You are a dumb bitch Cerchier. Google owns Blogger so you need to check your facts. I already told you that I KNOW someone so your little writing to get a release is stupid, because I am getting the info regardless of their policy. Obviously you are getting nervous.
September 18, 2008 1:16 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
cerchier has no reason to be nervous, she has already been banned.
September 18, 2008 1:21 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Ok, I'm asking Blogger if they are releasing some of their anon posters(remember, they help add to the ad sales) to some black chick running a website for black women who want long hair. Or if they ever have or give a shit enough to. Or, now that they know some baby daddy's first baby mama may have sent her second baby daddy to look, is that ok with them? You don't scare me, trick. You don't know anyone. Give it up.
September 18, 2008 1:22 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Waiting on that mass banning...
September 18, 2008 1:30 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I know enough to get your trollop ass writing response after response.
September 18, 2008 1:32 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
i think scarlett is back as zaynab
also why is ugly ass abenyo writing these damn sermons on the blog
we already know you mad
we wrote it to make you mad
her and that duck face friend of hers seraphineela
September 18, 2008 1:34 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Oh, don't degenerate now. And, trollop...really? Who says that now, Bev? Get me, please do you silly cunt.
Here is the letter I sent,
Hi,
I’m writing because I need to clearly understand your policy on submitting the Internet Protocol addresses of you members, specifically the anonymous posters, on Blogger, to those who request it. On the Blogspot http://nikoscousins.blogspot.com for Tuesday, August 12, 2008 in the comments toward the end there is a poster that asserts, through the use of someone she knows at who works at Google, the i.p. addresses of every poster in that comment section. Could you please tell me if this is true?
Sincerely,
September 18, 2008 1:37 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
lmao
cerchier is nervous as shit
September 18, 2008 1:52 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Umm...I'm already banned. I'm annoyed at shit that she's trying to play people here for fools, though.
September 18, 2008 1:57 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
cerchier you really do not have a life at all
you are posted up on this blog
writing day in and day out
now you are writing notes to blogger over some dumb bitch making idle threats
you really ought to find something more productive to do just one day a week
you look so pathetic
September 18, 2008 2:08 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
the board is having a database error
i know who is responsible for that
September 18, 2008 2:12 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
oh please get me banned and "outed" so fucking what? $6.50 is less than the price of a fucking magazine over here. Man i wish i could have seen the miss scarlett thread.What did she do when she got caught out? She got banned for lying? That ain't really a crime. Lord Summerrains boutique is horrid. Her clothes are cheap and nasty looking. Poor jlove just wanted to keep up with the jonses.I dunno why people picked on alfoone, yeah she was annoying but fucking hell other members irk me more. They are so fake. And damn i didn't know people hated Abenyo that much, yeah her eyes r like "the better to see you with my dear" but if ugliness was a crime more than half of LHCF would be doing time. I feel sorry for relaxer rehab. Fucking hell don't they have arranged marriages or something? Shes like nearly 60, obese, hurt in the face- she gonna be typing on LHCF till death comes knocking she ain't got nothing else to do.
There are some nice people there?
I dunno why people hated adequate so much. Her white man was ugly and she posted every aspect of her life, but she wasn't malicious.
J x
September 18, 2008 2:12 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
I actually think Adequate's man was one of the only handsome white men on the board.
To the other girl
As for me not having a life, consider this my new life. Similar to the life you have posting like a welfare queen on LHCF. But wait, you have even less of a life because you post here too.
September 18, 2008 2:19 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
this is only my 2nd post here
compared to how many you have
and how many times have you been banned and come back starting shit? the minute they turn your name back on. you probably have it marked on your calendar when your ban date is up.
bitch please
September 18, 2008 2:50 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Of course FoxieRoxie is a man.
September 18, 2008 3:13 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Wasn't there a real tranny at one time? Not just someone who looks like one, a real one.
September 18, 2008 3:21 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
FoxyRoxy is a tranny so is Queeny.
September 18, 2008 3:35 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
I'm pretty sure foxyroxy, I hit up her fotki whe the whole "were you born a man" shite went off in ot, is a man. But she is nice. Queeny...
September 18, 2008 3:55 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Oh, I thought you guys were talking about FoxyScholar!
I don't think MissScarlett made the banned over "DC gate" because she continued to post well after that. She did something else to make the banned.
September 18, 2008 4:49 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
There was a thread a while back that got deleted because everyone was calling someone "leatherface". Who is leatherface?
September 18, 2008 4:56 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Queeny is one of the fakest bitches on that site. She stay gossiping but yet claims to be a christian. I am waiting for her ass to be put on blast for the fake that she is. Always posting up those burnt crispy looking children like someone gives a damn. Queeny, Ms.Honey, Nice & Wavy, Shimmy all those bitches that stay on the Christian forum are fake gossipy bitches, but Queeny is the main one.
September 18, 2008 5:49 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Who does this blog belong to?
September 18, 2008 5:50 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I don't know who started, but I think they made the banned, which is why they don't maintain it.
September 18, 2008 6:03 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Yeah, the poster who started this doesn't update but reading through the posts, you guys do. Keep it up.
September 18, 2008 6:28 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Didn't someone say Passionfruit did it?
September 19, 2008 7:23 PM
Anonymous said...
who is this?
http://img61.imageshack.us/img61/548/bevgg6.png
It's BEV! Check out the bitch you worship in her best ghetto ho pose with leopard draws and teeth that make mr. ed jealous!
September 19, 2008 7:27 PM
http://nikosdump.blogspot.com/
No censorship or harassment from the lhcf crew. I moderate comments like a ....Allandra.
Spread the word!
http://nikosdump.blogspot.com/
No censorship or harassment from the lhcf crew. I moderate comments like a ....Allandra.
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No censorship or harassment from the lhcf crew. I moderate comments like a ....Allandra.
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http://nikosdump.blogspot.com/
No censorship or harassment from the lhcf crew. I moderate comments like a ....Allandra.
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No censorship or harassment from the lhcf crew. I moderate comments like a ....Allandra.
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No censorship or harassment from the lhcf crew. I moderate comments like a ....Allandra.
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Dear Aloofone,
There has been a collection taken up by members of the collective hairboards to refund you the $6.50 AND to pay for psychotherapy. Aloof is not just a username. It describes your posting capability to a T. The utter stupidity that seems to escape your backpedaling mouth on the regular really cracks me up! :lachen: I will forgo the comedy, that is your posts, because I know you need help. That, and I'm tired of seeing your ugly ass face. Please do not call me a hater like that old ass Iris (is she collecting SSI benefits yet?). I do no hate anyone. I hate personalities, characteristics, faces, etc. But people do not fall under that category.
Sincerely,
Nikos "Non-Hater" Dimopoulos I had a very long weekend. Give me a minute to gather my thoughts about why the star of the show only wanted to talk to 2 people and did not want her picture taken. Really Beverly, there is no need to cover your face. Most of us have seen way more than just your face. Forget Kim K, I am sure OT would be abuzz if they had a chance to see your pics. We will see.
Also pouring out liquor for those that can't cover their tracks.
Via user request:
Dear Aloofone,
There has been a collection taken up by members of the collective hairboards to refund you the $6.50 AND to pay for psychotherapy. Aloof is not just a username. It describes your posting capability to a T. The utter stupidity that seems to escape your backpedaling mouth on the regular really cracks me up! :lachen: I will forgo the comedy, that is your posts, because I know you need help. That, and I'm tired of seeing your ugly ass face. Please do not call me a hater like that old ass Iris (is she collecting SSI benefits yet?). I do no hate anyone. I hate personalities, characteristics, faces, etc. But people do not fall under that category.
Sincerely,
Nikos "Non-Hater" Dimopoulos
September 19, 2008 6:22 AM
Anonymous said...
hey (the moderators of Long Hair Care Forum) have started another round of banning. I'm still there. Pouring out liqour for those who aren't. That $6.50 has some mods "Stunnin." (So not in touch with the real world, bitch its Stunting, as in doing tricks, slut bag) Y'all better stop giving those ungrateful folks your money! That's money well spent on hair products, gas, food, or a bootleg education on the web. Or join a site that isn't ran by a bunch of hippogrits. On the list so far... MPJ (Miss Plain Jane), Mizanilocs (formerly Mizanimami and 2nd time entering a-banned-done-ment), Beautifulisaunderstatment (damn thats a long ass name, formerly banned but not sure who she is) and MissScarlett. You all probably remember MissS from the meet up scandal. She ditched some folks who set up a "coming to town" parade (Abenyo) in her honor to hang out with more down to earth folks (Sylver and Army). I mean MissS sort of apolo-lied. BUT they still haven't banned "Alexis." Oh you don't know who Alexis is? Its the person who HACKED into MissS's account and posted the PM's that exposed the whole thing. But really Alexis is Bev. Yes bitch we know. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned) hey (the moderators of Long Hair Care Forum) have started another round of banning. I'm still there. Pouring out liqour for those who aren't. That $6.50 has some mods "Stunnin." (So not in touch with the real world, bitch its Stunting, as in doing tricks, slut bag) Y'all better stop giving those ungrateful folks your money! That's money well spent on hair products, gas, food, or a bootleg education on the web. Or join a site that isn't ran by a bunch of hippogrits. On the list so far... MPJ (Miss Plain Jane), Mizanilocs (formerly Mizanimami and 2nd time entering a-banned-done-ment), Beautifulisaunderstatment (damn thats a long ass name, formerly banned but not sure who she is) and MissScarlett. You all probably remember MissS from the meet up scandal. She ditched some folks who set up a "coming to town" parade (Abenyo) in her honor to hang out with more down to earth folks (Sylver and Army). I mean MissS sort of apolo-lied. BUT they still haven't banned "Alexis." Oh you don't know who Alexis is? Its the person who HACKED into MissS's account and posted the PM's that exposed the whole thing. But really Alexis is Bev. Yes bitch we know. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned) hey (the moderators of Long Hair Care Forum) have started another round of banning. I'm still there. Pouring out liqour for those who aren't. That $6.50 has some mods "Stunnin." (So not in touch with the real world, bitch its Stunting, as in doing tricks, slut bag) Y'all better stop giving those ungrateful folks your money! That's money well spent on hair products, gas, food, or a bootleg education on the web. Or join a site that isn't ran by a bunch of hippogrits. On the list so far... MPJ (Miss Plain Jane), Mizanilocs (formerly Mizanimami and 2nd time entering a-banned-done-ment), Beautifulisaunderstatment (damn thats a long ass name, formerly banned but not sure who she is) and MissScarlett. You all probably remember MissS from the meet up scandal. She ditched some folks who set up a "coming to town" parade (Abenyo) in her honor to hang out with more down to earth folks (Sylver and Army). I mean MissS sort of apolo-lied. BUT they still haven't banned "Alexis." Oh you don't know who Alexis is? Its the person who HACKED into MissS's account and posted the PM's that exposed the whole thing. But really Alexis is Bev. Yes bitch we know. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned) hey (the moderators of Long Hair Care Forum) have started another round of banning. I'm still there. Pouring out liqour for those who aren't. That $6.50 has some mods "Stunnin." (So not in touch with the real world, bitch its Stunting, as in doing tricks, slut bag) Y'all better stop giving those ungrateful folks your money! That's money well spent on hair products, gas, food, or a bootleg education on the web. Or join a site that isn't ran by a bunch of hippogrits. On the list so far... MPJ (Miss Plain Jane), Mizanilocs (formerly Mizanimami and 2nd time entering a-banned-done-ment), Beautifulisaunderstatment (damn thats a long ass name, formerly banned but not sure who she is) and MissScarlett. You all probably remember MissS from the meet up scandal. She ditched some folks who set up a "coming to town" parade (Abenyo) in her honor to hang out with more down to earth folks (Sylver and Army). I mean MissS sort of apolo-lied. BUT they still haven't banned "Alexis." Oh you don't know who Alexis is? Its the person who HACKED into MissS's account and posted the PM's that exposed the whole thing. But really Alexis is Bev. Yes bitch we know. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned) hey (the moderators of Long Hair Care Forum) have started another round of banning. I'm still there. Pouring out liqour for those who aren't. That $6.50 has some mods "Stunnin." (So not in touch with the real world, bitch its Stunting, as in doing tricks, slut bag) Y'all better stop giving those ungrateful folks your money! That's money well spent on hair products, gas, food, or a bootleg education on the web. Or join a site that isn't ran by a bunch of hippogrits. On the list so far... MPJ (Miss Plain Jane), Mizanilocs (formerly Mizanimami and 2nd time entering a-banned-done-ment), Beautifulisaunderstatment (damn thats a long ass name, formerly banned but not sure who she is) and MissScarlett. You all probably remember MissS from the meet up scandal. She ditched some folks who set up a "coming to town" parade (Abenyo) in her honor to hang out with more down to earth folks (Sylver and Army). I mean MissS sort of apolo-lied. BUT they still haven't banned "Alexis." Oh you don't know who Alexis is? Its the person who HACKED into MissS's account and posted the PM's that exposed the whole thing. But really Alexis is Bev. Yes bitch we know. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned) hey (the moderators of Long Hair Care Forum) have started another round of banning. I'm still there. Pouring out liqour for those who aren't. That $6.50 has some mods "Stunnin." (So not in touch with the real world, bitch its Stunting, as in doing tricks, slut bag) Y'all better stop giving those ungrateful folks your money! That's money well spent on hair products, gas, food, or a bootleg education on the web. Or join a site that isn't ran by a bunch of hippogrits. On the list so far... MPJ (Miss Plain Jane), Mizanilocs (formerly Mizanimami and 2nd time entering a-banned-done-ment), Beautifulisaunderstatment (damn thats a long ass name, formerly banned but not sure who she is) and MissScarlett. You all probably remember MissS from the meet up scandal. She ditched some folks who set up a "coming to town" parade (Abenyo) in her honor to hang out with more down to earth folks (Sylver and Army). I mean MissS sort of apolo-lied. BUT they still haven't banned "Alexis." Oh you don't know who Alexis is? Its the person who HACKED into MissS's account and posted the PM's that exposed the whole thing. But really Alexis is Bev. Yes bitch we know. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned) hey (the moderators of Long Hair Care Forum) have started another round of banning. I'm still there. Pouring out liqour for those who aren't. That $6.50 has some mods "Stunnin." (So not in touch with the real world, bitch its Stunting, as in doing tricks, slut bag) Y'all better stop giving those ungrateful folks your money! That's money well spent on hair products, gas, food, or a bootleg education on the web. Or join a site that isn't ran by a bunch of hippogrits. On the list so far... MPJ (Miss Plain Jane), Mizanilocs (formerly Mizanimami and 2nd time entering a-banned-done-ment), Beautifulisaunderstatment (damn thats a long ass name, formerly banned but not sure who she is) and MissScarlett. You all probably remember MissS from the meet up scandal. She ditched some folks who set up a "coming to town" parade (Abenyo) in her honor to hang out with more down to earth folks (Sylver and Army). I mean MissS sort of apolo-lied. BUT they still haven't banned "Alexis." Oh you don't know who Alexis is? Its the person who HACKED into MissS's account and posted the PM's that exposed the whole thing. But really Alexis is Bev. Yes bitch we know. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned) hey (the moderators of Long Hair Care Forum) have started another round of banning. I'm still there. Pouring out liqour for those who aren't. That $6.50 has some mods "Stunnin." (So not in touch with the real world, bitch its Stunting, as in doing tricks, slut bag) Y'all better stop giving those ungrateful folks your money! That's money well spent on hair products, gas, food, or a bootleg education on the web. Or join a site that isn't ran by a bunch of hippogrits. On the list so far... MPJ (Miss Plain Jane), Mizanilocs (formerly Mizanimami and 2nd time entering a-banned-done-ment), Beautifulisaunderstatment (damn thats a long ass name, formerly banned but not sure who she is) and MissScarlett. You all probably remember MissS from the meet up scandal. She ditched some folks who set up a "coming to town" parade (Abenyo) in her honor to hang out with more down to earth folks (Sylver and Army). I mean MissS sort of apolo-lied. BUT they still haven't banned "Alexis." Oh you don't know who Alexis is? Its the person who HACKED into MissS's account and posted the PM's that exposed the whole thing. But really Alexis is Bev. Yes bitch we know. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned) hey (the moderators of Long Hair Care Forum) have started another round of banning. I'm still there. Pouring out liqour for those who aren't. That $6.50 has some mods "Stunnin." (So not in touch with the real world, bitch its Stunting, as in doing tricks, slut bag) Y'all better stop giving those ungrateful folks your money! That's money well spent on hair products, gas, food, or a bootleg education on the web. Or join a site that isn't ran by a bunch of hippogrits. On the list so far... MPJ (Miss Plain Jane), Mizanilocs (formerly Mizanimami and 2nd time entering a-banned-done-ment), Beautifulisaunderstatment (damn thats a long ass name, formerly banned but not sure who she is) and MissScarlett. You all probably remember MissS from the meet up scandal. She ditched some folks who set up a "coming to town" parade (Abenyo) in her honor to hang out with more down to earth folks (Sylver and Army). I mean MissS sort of apolo-lied. BUT they still haven't banned "Alexis." Oh you don't know who Alexis is? Its the person who HACKED into MissS's account and posted the PM's that exposed the whole thing. But really Alexis is Bev. Yes bitch we know. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned) hey (the moderators of Long Hair Care Forum) have started another round of banning. I'm still there. Pouring out liqour for those who aren't. That $6.50 has some mods "Stunnin." (So not in touch with the real world, bitch its Stunting, as in doing tricks, slut bag) Y'all better stop giving those ungrateful folks your money! That's money well spent on hair products, gas, food, or a bootleg education on the web. Or join a site that isn't ran by a bunch of hippogrits. On the list so far... MPJ (Miss Plain Jane), Mizanilocs (formerly Mizanimami and 2nd time entering a-banned-done-ment), Beautifulisaunderstatment (damn thats a long ass name, formerly banned but not sure who she is) and MissScarlett. You all probably remember MissS from the meet up scandal. She ditched some folks who set up a "coming to town" parade (Abenyo) in her honor to hang out with more down to earth folks (Sylver and Army). I mean MissS sort of apolo-lied. BUT they still haven't banned "Alexis." Oh you don't know who Alexis is? Its the person who HACKED into MissS's account and posted the PM's that exposed the whole thing. But really Alexis is Bev. Yes bitch we know. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned)
August 17, 2008 2:55 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Well, I found your insights appropriate. I just got banned, temp style, for p.o. one of the 10k+ members. Or, more to the point, for calling the bitch out. It is what it is...I'll be perm. banned before I change how I speak. Keep on outing the hypocrites who try to run the place. Because I'll be damned if a chick who tried to call me a troll didn't start a thread calling another members pics so scary she was thinking of blocking sigs. And a mod called the thread hatefull. How soon they forget.
cerchier
August 28, 2008 8:20 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
LOL. Bitter bitch. You always sound like you have a gigantic metal pole up your ass on lhch. Why the constant stank attitude? It radiates through all of your lousy posts.
We've all seen your picture so we know you're not a 13 year old moody cunt of a teenager going through puberty. You have the mental age of one though.
Keep on talking the way you do, as thus allowing everyone to continue laugh at you :D
August 29, 2008 1:59 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Did this one make the banned, too? LOL
August 29, 2008 6:19 PM
Anonymous Cerchier said...
Only banned for a month. I'll be back. And unlike old anon above, I don't care if you know who I am. Cerchier is my name there too. Also, check how uses the words gigantic metal pole up your ass in the same sentence that she tries to act superior. Hypocritical idiot. BTW, hit me up when I come back...if you don't mind coming out of hiding, and maybe I'll share the laugh with you.
I knew as much as you all liked to pretend like you're above this drama you'll are all up in it reading and waiting for your name to come up.
August 30, 2008 12:15 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This forum is getting out of hand lately. All these fucking hypocrits. There are the threads that are started to start shit and the same dumb ass people who love the drama and fall for that shit everytime. I also want to know who the hell Blossom is fucking to be allowed to stay on the board, that bitch breaks 20 rules a day. Nikkos, where is your damn pleadge to curb the cussing or the clever guises used to curse? The so called pretty bitches on there that always got something to say about anyone that is not lightskinned and skinny. Bint and Lourdes your day will come, I promise. Volare get another pic up (is that really you?) You go to Clemson, thats not even a real college lol. Yall miserable bitches have nothing better to do than tear people down. And if you are wondering, I am lightskinned and skinny so keep your "hater" comment, it does not apply hateful bitches.
September 2, 2008 11:30 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
What's with all of the dykes? It's turning into a lesbo board!
September 3, 2008 1:38 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
stupid bitch probably got banned!
September 4, 2008 11:25 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Oh man this board is getting better and better. I have the pics of bev, maybe I should create a blog and post them lol. They are going hard in there today and where are the mods? Is that one that is pregnant with the white loser baby still on?
September 4, 2008 2:51 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
post them!
September 4, 2008 6:17 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Seraphinelle always hating on Americans and America. Bitch please nobody checking for your wack ass Canada. Stay your corny ass over there. Then got a nerve to say we was hating on Jamaica. Bitch Please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Her citizenship request to come to America must have been denied which is why she so bitter. Her and her ugly ass friend Abenyo swear they the shit Abenyo look like she 50 in the face her ugly ass.
September 5, 2008 5:09 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
"Yall miserable bitches have nothing better to do than tear people down. "
Oh, the irony! Actually, since I can tell what a dumbass you are from your post alone, I bet you have no idea what the word "irony" mean.
September 5, 2008 11:07 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Anyone Know why Ms. Scar got banned, and all the other chicks that got banned the other day? I wonder if they are all over at Dirty girlz socaial club?
September 6, 2008 9:29 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Not Miss Scarlett, one of the queen bitches! I thought she had an in to keep her from making the banned! LoL
September 6, 2008 1:23 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
She thought that? Wow! I still want to know and I know someone knows why she got banned.
September 6, 2008 4:59 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Wow. I learn more from here than there...even before I was banned for a month. I thought Miss Scarlett was damn near an untouchable. Still, until an actual untouchable gets touched, the rules aren't unilaterally enforced and, as such, are to be regarded as just something to consider. Most of them say things others would get perm. banned for but are considered, like a flatulent Grandfather, something to be tolerated. Naw!!! Something smells like boo boo!
September 6, 2008 5:05 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Oh, and why is everyone afraid to post Beverly's pics? My imagination is starting to wander...what DOES she look like?
September 6, 2008 5:23 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
so are some chicks sucking niko's dick or what? I don't get what makes some untouchable! Are they the OGs of lhcf?
September 6, 2008 6:01 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Money is what makes them untouchable. They've been around forever and keep paying. Too big of a risk to make them follow the rules. Not for nothing, but it makes sense. I'm not paying another dime to renew.
I am known to do the wop.
September 6, 2008 7:24 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
cerchier shut the fuck up bitch
bev could get money from plenty of members
she can afford to ban a few people
we need to figure out why firecracker is not banned
September 6, 2008 10:14 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
firecracker and blossom! How the hell are these two still members? I like firecracker though, blossom and her desperate ass can kick rocks. Bloss guess what, white men dont want you either. Volare bad as hell though and I wonder is that really Tiara on there, hmmmm.
September 7, 2008 6:28 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I am surprised that people have the time (and careers) where they can post so often throughout the day. Not only do they post, but they have essay like responses in their posts. I can see every once and a while, but some of these people write long responses every day. SleekandBouncy comes to mind, there are a few others though.
September 7, 2008 10:05 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
maybe they are not a broke busted bitch like you and either do not work full time or do not care
the time you spent wondering you could be doing something else
get a life bitch
September 7, 2008 10:18 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
That last post sounded like sleekandbouncy, a bit bitter are we fake ass dahling ;)
September 7, 2008 10:37 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
^^^^ I agree with the last post.
That poster responded just a little too quickly--hunched over the computer with nothing else to do...they sound VERY little bitter. It's just a hair website.
September 7, 2008 10:46 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I think you really hurt abenyo's feelings, she's been extra angry and rude lately!
September 7, 2008 10:47 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
abenyo has always been rude and angry and yes it is because she is ugly and never has a man
September 7, 2008 11:00 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
There are some nice posters on the site. There are really just a few that are irritating.
September 7, 2008 11:11 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
damn this has grown. Aside from D lewis who I love, who the hell are the nice posters cause all them hoes are bitter and evil.
September 7, 2008 11:14 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
ella is very sweet. Dlewis is cool...um...who else is nice? Oh well.
September 7, 2008 11:22 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
FlowerHair is very nice.
September 7, 2008 11:24 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I guess iris gets on people's nerves or whatever but she seems nice to me.
September 7, 2008 2:17 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
The reason why fire will never be banned is because they are personal friends so keep holding your breath on that one. If you think there is bs on LHCF you need to check out dirty girlz. Those are what you call miserable bitches. The chat crew have also gone to worlds unknown, but who are they kidding, people know where they are. All them chicks are nice I like flower, dlewis and sylver even though she wont give you the time of day if you not light and pretty, she ok.
September 7, 2008 3:25 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Whoever it is that wants me to spend time wondering about other things, and the other that called me a bitch, only makes me even more curious what Bev looks like. Why are you'll so defensive? Does it have something to do with her hair?
September 7, 2008 4:56 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I am really curious (and since they won't answer this on the site without closing or deleting a thread), how does one really get banned? I know if you curse, or call someone ugly you get banned.
However, it sounds as though if you offend an 'untouchable' you get banned.
September 7, 2008 5:53 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
To the poster right above-
There seems to be different rules for different people. We could tell you rules all day and you could still do the wrong the to the wrong person and get banned.
September 7, 2008 6:20 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Don't tell me bev is a bald headit bitch! LOL!
September 7, 2008 6:22 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Thanks anonymous @6:20. This is my thinking too.
September 7, 2008 6:57 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I wonder who actually is 'untouchable', besides blosss and fire.
September 7, 2008 6:59 PM
Anonymous Cerchier said...
Chellero and Vevster come to mind as untouchable. Hell, Chellero said I need more dick. But some of the mods use less than subtle comments to target people.
Btw, I've cursed, but never called anyone ugly, and I made the banned 3 times. The girl who used scary to describe someones pic is most definitely not banned so, you may call someone ugly, with the right adjective.
September 8, 2008 9:06 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
what happened to aloofone? is she banned?
September 8, 2008 12:21 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Why was MissScarlet banned?!?!?!
September 8, 2008 12:32 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This is juicer than the actual board! Did the creator get banned? I wonder why they abandoned it.
September 8, 2008 4:06 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Aloofone is not banned. There is some info on here and on the Niko's step-cousin blog about why MissScarlet may have been banned or just left.
September 8, 2008 4:18 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Aloofone hasn't been banned.
I also think the meaning of being an 'untouchable' is that one says something and everyone agrees with them, and doesn't question their statement. However, if another person were to say the exact same thing, everyone would disagree, call them an idiot, or completely ignore them etc...
There are a few people on the site who everyone blindly agrees with, even if what they are saying is something someone else may have said already.
September 8, 2008 5:01 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This blog and that one that closed down were hard on aloofone, I could understand why she wouldn't want to come back. She can be confrontational, but she is not the worst one on the board, I don't know why she was targeted.
September 8, 2008 6:05 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
She looks like a used turd and always wants attention. She was actually talking about being a model. Bitch, please.
September 10, 2008 9:37 AM
Comment deleted
This post has been removed by the author.
September 10, 2008 12:27 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This thread is pathetic, the poster doesn't even have that much hair!
http://www.longhaircareforum.com/forums/showthread.php?t=278305
September 10, 2008 12:29 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This comment section is hilarious - It's like the Special Ed. version of DGSC - or maybe it's the ugly twin with the club foot and headgear.
"Who needs dates and parties and friends anyway!"
*stomps orthopedic shoe*
*sucks on asthma inhaler*
LMMFAO
September 10, 2008 3:25 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
It's so pathetic you couldn't help but to make an appearance, right? Which means you read it, right? No need to be ashamed. Welcome :D
September 10, 2008 3:33 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Yeah, because it takes sooo much time to comment here, unlike the full time careers some of the lhcf chicks make out of posting. Shoot, I wish I had the time on my hands some of those chicks have. At least here things are a little more real and to the point.
September 10, 2008 3:38 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I meant the pathetic comment at the girl who found it hilarious, not the one who quoted the thread on LHCF about taking 5-6 hours to wash uneven sl hair. Am I the only one that thinks most of the heffa's who claim to be trimming or dusting and go from bsl to apl are really just trying to hide their hair breaking off?
September 10, 2008 3:38 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
"Am I the only one that thinks most of the heffa's who claim to be trimming or dusting and go from bsl to apl are really just trying to hide their hair breaking off?"
I agree with this. They are ashamed, or in denial.
September 10, 2008 3:46 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I love how certain posters have to show off the clothing and the outfits they have in their signatures.
September 11, 2008 9:11 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Heh, there was one member all about her clothes and trying to show off. So much so that she took pics in the changing rooms of stores and tried to pass off the clothes as stuff she owned. Someone busted her when they recognized the carpet. lmao
September 11, 2008 3:48 PM
Anonymous abenyo said...
Hey I'm popular!!!
Thanks for keeping me on your minds. Don't know who the hell ya'll are nor do I care, but ya'll still got your feelings hurt. stop being simple and such idiots that are posting on a blog in disguise. You hate the board yet you keep coming back. Stop acting like bitches.. Got issues? solve it.
-Abenyo
September 11, 2008 9:02 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
The bitter bitch cant do anymore blogs!
LMAO!!!!!!!
September 12, 2008 3:55 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
can you update the blog? I want some gossip
September 12, 2008 4:24 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Yeah, I want an update too. Why do you all call everyone bitter bitches that calls you out on your stank attitudes? Perhaps you forget the numerous girl's hair vids on youtube you diss in threads only to have them find out and have them defend themselves. What about the girl who made the vid of the dog shitting on the lhcf screen while a horse makes noises because members use horse products? It can't be everyone else. If ppl are making blogs, vids, and long forum threads about one sites attitude then the members should take a long look in the mirror.
September 12, 2008 5:30 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Oh in case you forgot the long forum thread I'm talking about was on Lipstick Alley.
September 12, 2008 5:34 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
@3:48, yes. and i think sleekandbouncy does this too. why?
September 12, 2008 6:04 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
It's High School all over again. The Mean Girls, The Outcasts, and The Suck ups who want to be mean girls abound. There are some nice members but they don't run the place.
September 12, 2008 10:39 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I know sleekandbouncy does this. If she shows her face, maybe someone will recognize her and put her on blast like Jlove.
September 12, 2008 10:54 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
abenyo
sit down hoe
nobody care about your ugly gremlin face ass
September 12, 2008 11:00 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Don't hate me for saying this but, why do the African's, with stern ass features, never smile? You're bound to look like a gremlin. Smile Abenyo...and Aloofone, too, if you ever decide to show your face again.
September 12, 2008 11:40 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6iVk9H8FHKc
This is the vid! Lma. Thanks!
September 12, 2008 11:55 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
yeah, that is probably why she doesn't want to show her face...she doesn't want to be put on blast. LOL!
September 12, 2008 11:56 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Hey, Abenyo, what did you think about Miss Scarlett dissing you as too ghetto?
September 12, 2008 12:12 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Shouldn't barbiesocialite top talking about how to get men, when she is a dyke?
September 12, 2008 9:14 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Barbiesocialite doesn't have enough integrity to leave like the other lesbian, that was like a scientist. LHCF site doesn't support -heterosexual, non-christian people.
September 13, 2008 12:15 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I meant non-heterosexual!
September 13, 2008 12:16 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Yeah, abenyo you are real "popular". We are entertained by your monkey-looking ass!
September 14, 2008 3:40 PM
Anonymous abenyo said...
To all you bitches get a fucking life. stick a saw down your throat and pull it out the other end. As for the asshole from DGZ I'm waiting for you bitch, come out come out. I'm not popular but ya'll sure talk about me and think about me all day everyday. Moron that would tell you that I'm atleast important enough for ya'll to be studying me like freakin dykes. Don't worry about the way I look, maybe you should worry about getting a life and stop posting on a blog anonymously about me. I mean how fucking pathetic. It's going on some months now and ya'll still gonna talk about me. Talk about press. LOL oooo some females think I look ugly, boo fucking hoo. Bitches there is soo much to this world then the pettiness you are displaying. Ya'll say the other forums are High school what do you call grown woman talking about someone behind their backs? Mature is not what comes to mind. But hey keep saying I'm ugly, lol I don't go that route and never will. And the bitch that constantly want to talk about africa, lol what are you.. oh let me guess you just got fucked by some foreign dick and now you got indian or whatever in you right? May you prosper in lice infected locks, long lasting shedding, breakage that never stops, and head sores that no ACV or surgery will cure.
Have fun!
September 14, 2008 9:09 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
LOL, you sure seem to like it here, Abenyo, you can't seem to stay away!
Boy, you sure told everyone!
September 14, 2008 9:37 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Abenyo you sure are a mad ugly porch monkey.You also have no idea just how many people hate your stupid ugly dumb ass. Watch out for the ones who feed you info. Stupid rabid bitch.
September 14, 2008 9:51 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I see everyone is fired up tonight. LMAO!
September 14, 2008 9:54 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Abenyo you are being worked over big time.
September 14, 2008 10:09 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
She sure is. Looking like the fool who birth her ugly ass.
September 14, 2008 10:13 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Shut up abenyo!that was funny though but you still ugly. Ok on to the rest of them, is JR and Candy an item? JR got a deep voice like a man, bod like one too and Candy look like a rat.
September 14, 2008 10:14 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
For someone who doesn't care you sho keep bringin' you ass back! Sounds like you have no life Abenyo, or you can't stand not having yo monkey ass kissed!
September 14, 2008 10:25 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
so what happened to abenyo, they were supposed to have a meeting and she was stood up?
September 14, 2008 11:35 PM
Anonymous In-Adequate said...
DANG!!! Im dying at how all you LHCF members have turned this shit into a forum. But the anonymous posting is on some bitch shit.
September 15, 2008 1:53 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Hilfigher looks like a man too. That head on her hair stays looking like s brillo pad. Talk about creature from another planet. She stays cosigning on some stupid shit. Another ugly African monkey.
September 15, 2008 5:20 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Bint or OAHQ is always talking about someone's look. She got a identity crisis. She shouldn't be talking about others. That baby of hers might come out looking as ugly as her.
September 15, 2008 5:28 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
TSU you look like a pork oink oink with lipstick. Step away from the table take a few step out the kitchen and run to the gym. No woman should weigh gazillion pounds starve yourself bitch then maybe your man won't be fucking someone else.
September 15, 2008 5:33 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
What about that welfare hoe with the second hand store? What's her name acidrain? Oh summerrain lol aint nothing summer about that hoe. Even her own mama don't want her.
September 15, 2008 5:36 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Wow someone really has a lot to say. Get a life!!! What have any of these people done to you to warrant you talking about someone's mother, weight, hair or child. Everyone on this blog that comes here to talk about people maliciously has real world issues they need to contend with. Is the internet that serious that you just have to let it be known you do not like another person's font? You all do not know these people in real life so why are you wasting so much time airing out these dumb ass comments on a blog? Log off, spend time you with your family, read a book, go plant a tree find a hobby that actually benefits society instead of being evil bitches sitting about your computer typing nasty remarks.
I bet everyone who is typing mean things are probably trying to be or friends with the person they are talking about. I urge all of you to just end this and stop giving this blog attention and it will die out eventually. To the people who have been hurt by the comments do not take it personally as the person who said it is too much of a coward to say it to you personally.
September 15, 2008 7:08 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
great, another fucking lecture!
We've been told once again!
September 15, 2008 8:55 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
How is it so many women in one forum are manless and lonely. I see plenty of black couples! I think these chicks have so many issues they scare off any men who might be interested.
Out of my family and friends, no one is sitting around moaning about having no black man! They either have one or can easily find one. There has to be something really wrong with those women, and it ain't all about geography, either.
September 15, 2008 10:25 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
These women are a bunch of hipocrites! Can someone please tell me how the hell that WHORE blossom can post all this shit about fucking every random WHITE MAN and she gets apllauded. WHAT THE FUCK! There is a thread on superhead and these bitches have the most shit to say, but not on her thread. Where is Que, Bint and all the others that are on that holier than thou bullshit? Why not pop in there and tell it like it is. You all are all thinking it (SHE A HOE) but you congatulating her? a site full of fucking hipocrites.
September 15, 2008 10:51 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
damn
September 15, 2008 10:52 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
How the fuck you gonna have a name like Jessica rabbit and you look like a mack truck? and candy is ugly lol.
September 15, 2008 10:54 AM
Anonymous Cerchier said...
Wtf! I got some reading to do!
September 15, 2008 1:31 PM
Anonymous Heat/Glam said...
Piece of advice to one anonymous person. If you want to remain "anonymous" you might want to step of the soapbox of an issue that you usually post about on the forum. You might get found out quick. I hate anonymity, but if you are gonna do it at least be smart as you seem to be on the forum.
September 15, 2008 2:07 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
She aint the only one "on the forum"! lmao. Look around you!
September 15, 2008 2:24 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
who is this?
http://img61.imageshack.us/img61/548/bevgg6.png
September 15, 2008 3:00 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Nooooo! Please don't tell me that is Bev. Great day in the lacefront wearing, soup cooling, wannabe video ho morning! Image saved for future use.
September 15, 2008 3:12 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Lawd somebody finally posted them lol
September 15, 2008 3:15 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
that is what she looks like? no wonder she hides her face at meetups. if i look like that i would ban the cute women too.
September 15, 2008 3:31 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Damn, if that's really her, she ugly! And stank! No wonder she didn't want these posted! Can we get some verification so I can pass these around?
September 15, 2008 3:34 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
i wonder did she find jesus wearing those leopard panties?
September 15, 2008 3:40 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
What in the Mr.Ed stunt double hell is going on with her in these pics?
September 15, 2008 3:46 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I can verify that is her.
September 15, 2008 3:55 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Wow, my puppet just got banned forever. You suck, Beverly. And yeah, I did see you in your tiger panties before I asked you that legitimate question.
September 15, 2008 3:58 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
I should add, either Bev is a liar, and does know when people are banned and for what, or she is as dumb as she looks in her pics, and her mods do the banning.
September 15, 2008 4:00 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
you're right; sleekandbouncy loves to show off her clothing...on a hair forum. LOL!
September 15, 2008 4:07 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This is too much, you need to take that down. Maybe she has a reason she doesn't want those seen. Has she really done anything to any of you personally for you to be this evil? Please delete that link before more people see it.
September 15, 2008 4:08 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Get real. The reason she doesn't want anyone to see it is because she doesn't want people to know she is, well, visually unappealing but, more to the point, she wears a wig. Queen hypocrite, and now, to me, confirmed liar. Where's her hair? LHCF admin---wig---does not compute. Why is she the only one that ALWAYS hides her hair? Toofus notwithstanding.
September 15, 2008 4:14 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
all those bitches in bikinis in avatars and sigs and you want to call out sleekandbouncy who is fully dressed?
as far as bev if she did not want those picture seen she should have never took them.
September 15, 2008 4:15 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Gin looks like a horse too her ugly ass.
September 15, 2008 4:23 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Sleekandbouncy thats u huh?
September 15, 2008 4:41 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I'm reading through the "this thread is closed" files and vevster actually asked where MissScarlett is at about the time it was brought up here. Allandra shut it down with a quickness. Calling ppl on their shit there works! I thought the two stickies Allandra wrote about ppl watching their ass after we got rolling was coincidence but it isn't.
September 15, 2008 4:57 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I'm still surprised they banned the bitch.
September 15, 2008 5:42 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Since you can't ask on the forum, why did MissScarlett get banned? Did she curse someone out?
September 15, 2008 5:49 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Read this blog and Niko's step-cousin. Apparently abenyo set up some big LHCF to do for MissScarlett and she dissed them for people she found more to her liking. She lied about and got called out and then... I don't know why, though. I'd be afraid to meet Abenyo too.
September 15, 2008 6:25 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
cerchier after that post u did i know u would be banned lol
September 15, 2008 6:32 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Me too. But God hates a bullshitter as much as I do.
September 15, 2008 6:34 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
The post I was banned for, if you aren't a member, was responding to the Toofus, I mean Bev, closing my thread without answering a question I asked about why i was banned. I wanted the post I was accused of insulting a member. I told her the only fraction for Cerchier was from feb. She came up with some bull...I don't know, I looked, can't find anything. Then she closed the thread. I started a new thread and I stated if, as an ADMIN, you really don't know why I was bannned, then I want to know who you gave the power to ban people to without your knowledge. Then I was banned...forever lmao
September 15, 2008 6:52 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Damn! Bitch look like predator!
September 15, 2008 9:45 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
cerchier u a mess lol
September 16, 2008 8:02 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I'm sorry, but some people need to be ashamed of themselves. Bitches using animal products and pussy creams to grow their hair and then will kill you if you say other women don't go to these extremes. Don't say anything about how creamy crack sets you back. Never seen so many college educated dumb asses.
September 16, 2008 1:20 PM
Anonymous Heat/Glam said...
How you gonna talk about hair methods that WORK. Yeah folk are using horse items and have long flowing hair, while others talk about there methods are sitting there at shoulder length for the past 5 years and wondering why. SMH
September 16, 2008 2:04 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
glam you need to stay your ass off this blog
i just read through the comments and you are always here
drama whore
i see bev got her shit cracked on the board
September 16, 2008 3:17 PM
Anonymous Heat/Glam said...
I'll leave when you annonys grow balls and put your name on comments. That ain't never gonna happen so looks like I'm a permanent fixture boo.
September 16, 2008 9:41 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
There are too many jesus freaks on that board!!!! You woman are sooo vain praying to God for long hair! You make God look like a JOKE!
The Christian section is sooo funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Masturbating when you are married is BAD!? LOLLLLL! That's why black women can't find a man, they worship GOD so much that they don't know how to treat a REAL man!
September 17, 2008 12:43 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
BEVERLY is taking advantage of you all!
BEVERLY is taking advantage of you all!
BEVERLY is taking advantage of you all!
$6.50!?
Oh don't give me that proverbial, PC BULLSHIT, "You pay more than that for a hair product" "Other sites charge more". AND?! There are TONS of sites on the net that give a wealth of information to their members, but you don't have to pay no damn fee (purseforum, thefashionspot, blackvoices, longhairlovers etc) WHy do you think those sites are FREE, but they still get revenue!?? ADS! ADS! Bev has ads all over that damn board "It takes money to run a site" she says, yes, but BITCH, you get AD money! And then she had the NEVER to increase the price! I guess that bitch is using that money to pay for her weaves!
Or maybe she uses the mooney for her tithes to Jeebus!!!
September 17, 2008 12:57 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Oh, no shit she is scamming people. But their are always fools to separate their money from.
September 17, 2008 5:07 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I guess $6.50 breaks some people's pockets and then again $6.50 is just a drop in the bucket for others.
Those who "got it like that" can pay if they want.
Who is it hurting?
September 17, 2008 5:18 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Crabs in a barrel!
September 17, 2008 7:20 AM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Yes. Crabs in a barrel. No one wants to recognize the truth so they drag everyone down to the level of lies. Love the wading pool, if you can.
6.50 doesn't break anyone willing to smear horse skin products on their hair that can cost 40 dollars. Forget the shedding you need to pay how much to correct? What was that other horse product you all spent more than 40 bucks to turn your necks and jewelry black, and left a smell like you worked for the circus. Bitch, wake up.
September 17, 2008 9:09 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
True cerchier. You know, there is knowledge to be gained from lhcf, but I think for some women it can be pretty harmful. All the bandwagons, and people trying to convince others to spend money they don't have. A weak minded person can easily get caught up, and a lot of those women are pretty weak minded. Their quest for that white beauty standard has clouded their minds. And yes, I know black women have all kinds of textures, blah blah, but I still think the most of the women on lhcf are checking for the white beauty, not black
September 17, 2008 9:17 AM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Preach.
September 17, 2008 12:02 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Why are so many of them married, dating white men?
September 17, 2008 12:05 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
They take up with those alien looking white men so they can have kids with 'good hair.' They are a bunch of self hating dumb ass women who don't have a clue. I have not seen one handsome ass white man attached to one of those nappy headed hoes. None of them look like they are about anything. It's perfectly okay to take up with some greasy ass white boy rather than a black man with plenty going for them.I quit reading when pankskates husband demanded she shave her nappy ass vajayjay. The punk wasn't man enuff to tackle that nappy ass jungle. The dumbness ran me away a long time ago.
September 17, 2008 3:06 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
OMG Pinkskates posted that? Her husband said that and she posted it? Abordeaux is the only person I have seen that has a nice looking white boy. The rest look horrible, I think KBragg's husband is probably the worst looking.
September 17, 2008 3:18 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
makes me really wonder who these chicks are growing hair for? The ugly ass white men they are with for sure. And can someone tell Oneya to shut the fuck up.
September 17, 2008 3:46 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Didnt I tell yall firecracker was all up in Bevs ass? what a coincidence that the minute Bev put them pics in her album, here come fire broadcasting it. I am sure if the other pic was not posted here we would not know who Mr. Ed was, lacefront and all.
September 17, 2008 3:49 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Wow, pinkskates husband demanded that? She seemed so in control. I didn't go to the fitness forum much but she seemed on top of her shit. That's embarrassing and gross. I don't knock interracial dating, but in the cases you're presenting, settling for some less than cute, prejudiced, crackerjack white man I do.
September 17, 2008 4:17 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
someone needs to knock some sense into thinkpinkprincess. I mean come on...homegirl is 19 and she doesn't know about Roots? Even if she didn't know, google exists for a reason.
September 17, 2008 9:37 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This thread about Pinkskates husband was quite hilarious:
http://www.longhaircareforum.com/forums/showthread.php?t=141647&highlight=brazillian+wax
September 17, 2008 11:44 PM
Anonymous Jennan said...
AWWW SHit! How tha fuck did i miss this Blog!!! LSA in the house!!! Seraphinelle is fat bitch, that cows always talking about fat people. Have you seen the rings round her neck???? Abenyo is hurt in the face for real. Bint/OAHQ,why the fuck si this woman obsessed with FAT people like seraphinelle? And her whole "i'm mixed afro arab/black women hate/rah rah i'm saudi bullshit* is Jarring.. This biotch claims to be married. Maybe to the computer?This coming from one afro arab bitch to another. Hoe sit your self down.
Whats her name, fabulosity. U ain't got a man cos ur ugly. And your hair looks like shit!Texlaxed tha fuck??? Sleek and Bouncy. I like her. But no i do not want to see what your wearing everyday. And no you are not fashionable, i'm euro s o u know this shit is innate to us. Whos that trick that can't spell?
U know what i'ma register tomorrow and post Bevs pics.Nah let me wait 2 weeks and have some fake arse hair pics. I'm mad i can't use Jennan. Oh and Beyondcute you can't catch me!!!
September 18, 2008 8:48 AM
Anonymous Jennan said...
Urgh u need to silvergirls husband( btw silvergirl has some serious self hate problems, do a search, she fucked a white supremacist for fucks sake! But she's got that 3B hair so everyone oohs) Her white man looks like something from the blue lagoon!!!!
foxie roxy is a man right?
aww shit i am bookmarking this blog
September 18, 2008 8:52 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
so funny jennan! sleekandbouncy just grates for some reason...
September 18, 2008 9:31 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I see you coward bitches are still huddled up in here on your hurt feeling hoe ass nigga circle jerk.
September 18, 2008 10:06 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I just want to warn you all that I will be getting the IPs of all the posters on this blog very soon. Connections, connections, connections. I have not decided what I will do with this info. I may use it to punk some of you or turn it over to Bev and Nikkos for mass bannings and outtings. Shit is for sure about to hit the fan.
September 18, 2008 10:10 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
oh no not that!
September 18, 2008 10:55 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
WTF are you gonna do sith some damn IP#s??? Somebody supposed to be scared of your ass? HTF is a punk gonna punk someone? Go brush your effin hair!
September 18, 2008 12:00 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I am going to have them match the IPs with your user names. Because I know most of you dumb bitches are not switching computers.
I have some of the IPs in my e-mail already.
September 18, 2008 12:11 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
You're getting the ip's on here from who? Bitch, scare tactics only work on the idiots you have under your control. How exactly do you plan to get Blogger to release the ip addresses of an anon poster without them having a big ass problem from every anon poster on their site. They allow anon for a reason. You are trying to scare the wrong person.
September 18, 2008 12:50 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I know someone that works at Google you donkey face trollop.
September 18, 2008 12:55 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I doubt you have anything, and so what if you do? We're already here, why stop posting? And those dumb asses don't check IP's when people re-register, the same people can get back in. Either do it or shut the fuck up and put some coochie cream or butt fungus or whatever on your hair.
September 18, 2008 12:57 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
And...that relates to Blogger, how? What you are trying to do is scare people from posting. If you'd like, I'll write to Blogger and find out under what circumstances they release a poster's ip address. If it's like most, including google, it's only when they violate the law. You're full of shit. Spit it out. It's making your breath stank.
September 18, 2008 12:59 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
It must be either Bev or Abenyo, the 2 who have been hit the hardest on this blog. Who else would care if we post here or not? If talking shit were a crime lhcf would have been shut down long ago.
September 18, 2008 1:10 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
You are a dumb bitch Cerchier. Google owns Blogger so you need to check your facts. I already told you that I KNOW someone so your little writing to get a release is stupid, because I am getting the info regardless of their policy. Obviously you are getting nervous.
September 18, 2008 1:16 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
cerchier has no reason to be nervous, she has already been banned.
September 18, 2008 1:21 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Ok, I'm asking Blogger if they are releasing some of their anon posters(remember, they help add to the ad sales) to some black chick running a website for black women who want long hair. Or if they ever have or give a shit enough to. Or, now that they know some baby daddy's first baby mama may have sent her second baby daddy to look, is that ok with them? You don't scare me, trick. You don't know anyone. Give it up.
September 18, 2008 1:22 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Waiting on that mass banning...
September 18, 2008 1:30 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I know enough to get your trollop ass writing response after response.
September 18, 2008 1:32 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
i think scarlett is back as zaynab
also why is ugly ass abenyo writing these damn sermons on the blog
we already know you mad
we wrote it to make you mad
her and that duck face friend of hers seraphineela
September 18, 2008 1:34 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Oh, don't degenerate now. And, trollop...really? Who says that now, Bev? Get me, please do you silly cunt.
Here is the letter I sent,
Hi,
I’m writing because I need to clearly understand your policy on submitting the Internet Protocol addresses of you members, specifically the anonymous posters, on Blogger, to those who request it. On the Blogspot http://nikoscousins.blogspot.com for Tuesday, August 12, 2008 in the comments toward the end there is a poster that asserts, through the use of someone she knows at who works at Google, the i.p. addresses of every poster in that comment section. Could you please tell me if this is true?
Sincerely,
September 18, 2008 1:37 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
lmao
cerchier is nervous as shit
September 18, 2008 1:52 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Umm...I'm already banned. I'm annoyed at shit that she's trying to play people here for fools, though.
September 18, 2008 1:57 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
cerchier you really do not have a life at all
you are posted up on this blog
writing day in and day out
now you are writing notes to blogger over some dumb bitch making idle threats
you really ought to find something more productive to do just one day a week
you look so pathetic
September 18, 2008 2:08 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
the board is having a database error
i know who is responsible for that
September 18, 2008 2:12 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
oh please get me banned and "outed" so fucking what? $6.50 is less than the price of a fucking magazine over here. Man i wish i could have seen the miss scarlett thread.What did she do when she got caught out? She got banned for lying? That ain't really a crime. Lord Summerrains boutique is horrid. Her clothes are cheap and nasty looking. Poor jlove just wanted to keep up with the jonses.I dunno why people picked on alfoone, yeah she was annoying but fucking hell other members irk me more. They are so fake. And damn i didn't know people hated Abenyo that much, yeah her eyes r like "the better to see you with my dear" but if ugliness was a crime more than half of LHCF would be doing time. I feel sorry for relaxer rehab. Fucking hell don't they have arranged marriages or something? Shes like nearly 60, obese, hurt in the face- she gonna be typing on LHCF till death comes knocking she ain't got nothing else to do.
There are some nice people there?
I dunno why people hated adequate so much. Her white man was ugly and she posted every aspect of her life, but she wasn't malicious.
J x
September 18, 2008 2:12 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
I actually think Adequate's man was one of the only handsome white men on the board.
To the other girl
As for me not having a life, consider this my new life. Similar to the life you have posting like a welfare queen on LHCF. But wait, you have even less of a life because you post here too.
September 18, 2008 2:19 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
this is only my 2nd post here
compared to how many you have
and how many times have you been banned and come back starting shit? the minute they turn your name back on. you probably have it marked on your calendar when your ban date is up.
bitch please
September 18, 2008 2:50 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Of course FoxieRoxie is a man.
September 18, 2008 3:13 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Wasn't there a real tranny at one time? Not just someone who looks like one, a real one.
September 18, 2008 3:21 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
FoxyRoxy is a tranny so is Queeny.
September 18, 2008 3:35 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
I'm pretty sure foxyroxy, I hit up her fotki whe the whole "were you born a man" shite went off in ot, is a man. But she is nice. Queeny...
September 18, 2008 3:55 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Oh, I thought you guys were talking about FoxyScholar!
I don't think MissScarlett made the banned over "DC gate" because she continued to post well after that. She did something else to make the banned.
September 18, 2008 4:49 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
There was a thread a while back that got deleted because everyone was calling someone "leatherface". Who is leatherface?
September 18, 2008 4:56 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Queeny is one of the fakest bitches on that site. She stay gossiping but yet claims to be a christian. I am waiting for her ass to be put on blast for the fake that she is. Always posting up those burnt crispy looking children like someone gives a damn. Queeny, Ms.Honey, Nice & Wavy, Shimmy all those bitches that stay on the Christian forum are fake gossipy bitches, but Queeny is the main one.
September 18, 2008 5:49 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Who does this blog belong to?
September 18, 2008 5:50 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I don't know who started, but I think they made the banned, which is why they don't maintain it.
September 18, 2008 6:03 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Yeah, the poster who started this doesn't update but reading through the posts, you guys do. Keep it up.
September 18, 2008 6:28 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Didn't someone say Passionfruit did it?
September 19, 2008 7:23 PM
Anonymous said...
who is this?
http://img61.imageshack.us/img61/548/bevgg6.png
It's BEV! Check out the bitch you worship in her best ghetto ho pose with leopard draws and teeth that make mr. ed jealous!
September 19, 2008 7:27 PM
http://nikosdump.blogspot.com/
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w. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned) hey (the moderators of Long Hair Care Forum) have started another round of banning. I'm still there. Pouring out liqour for those who aren't. That $6.50 has some mods "Stunnin." (So not in touch with the real world, bitch its Stunting, as in doing tricks, slut bag) Y'all better stop giving those ungrateful folks your money! That's money well spent on hair products, gas, food, or a bootleg education on the web. Or join a site that isn't ran by a bunch of hippogrits. On the list so far... MPJ (Miss Plain Jane), Mizanilocs (formerly Mizanimami and 2nd time entering a-banned-done-ment), Beautifulisaunderstatment (damn thats a long ass name, formerly banned but not sure who she is) and MissScarlett. You all probably remember MissS from the meet up scandal. She ditched some folks who set up a "coming to town" parade (Abenyo) in her honor to hang out with more down to earth folks (Sylver and Army). I mean MissS sort of apolo-lied. BUT they still haven't banned "Alexis." Oh you don't know who Alexis is? Its the person who HACKED into MissS's account and posted the PM's that exposed the whole thing. But really Alexis is Bev. Yes bitch we know. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned)
August 17, 2008 2:55 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Well, I found your insights appropriate. I just got banned, temp style, for p.o. one of the 10k+ members. Or, more to the point, for calling the bitch out. It is what it is...I'll be perm. banned before I change how I speak. Keep on outing the hypocrites who try to run the place. Because I'll be damned if a chick who tried to call me a troll didn't start a thread calling another members pics so scary she was thinking of blocking sigs. And a mod called the thread hatefull. How soon they forget.
cerchier
August 28, 2008 8:20 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
LOL. Bitter bitch. You always sound like you have a gigantic metal pole up your ass on lhch. Why the constant stank attitude? It radiates through all of your lousy posts.
We've all seen your picture so we know you're not a 13 year old moody cunt of a teenager going through puberty. You have the mental age of one though.
Keep on talking the way you do, as thus allowing everyone to continue laugh at you :D
August 29, 2008 1:59 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Did this one make the banned, too? LOL
August 29, 2008 6:19 PM
Anonymous Cerchier said...
Only banned for a month. I'll be back. And unlike old anon above, I don't care if you know who I am. Cerchier is my name there too. Also, check how uses the words gigantic metal pole up your ass in the same sentence that she tries to act superior. Hypocritical idiot. BTW, hit me up when I come back...if you don't mind coming out of hiding, and maybe I'll share the laugh with you.
I knew as much as you all liked to pretend like you're above this drama you'll are all up in it reading and waiting for your name to come up.
August 30, 2008 12:15 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This forum is getting out of hand lately. All these fucking hypocrits. There are the threads that are started to start shit and the same dumb ass people who love the drama and fall for that shit everytime. I also want to know who the hell Blossom is fucking to be allowed to stay on the board, that bitch breaks 20 rules a day. Nikkos, where is your damn pleadge to curb the cussing or the clever guises used to curse? The so called pretty bitches on there that always got something to say about anyone that is not lightskinned and skinny. Bint and Lourdes your day will come, I promise. Volare get another pic up (is that really you?) You go to Clemson, thats not even a real college lol. Yall miserable bitches have nothing better to do than tear people down. And if you are wondering, I am lightskinned and skinny so keep your "hater" comment, it does not apply hateful bitches.
September 2, 2008 11:30 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
What's with all of the dykes? It's turning into a lesbo board!
September 3, 2008 1:38 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
stupid bitch probably got banned!
September 4, 2008 11:25 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Oh man this board is getting better and better. I have the pics of bev, maybe I should create a blog and post them lol. They are going hard in there today and where are the mods? Is that one that is pregnant with the white loser baby still on?
September 4, 2008 2:51 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
post them!
September 4, 2008 6:17 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Seraphinelle always hating on Americans and America. Bitch please nobody checking for your wack ass Canada. Stay your corny ass over there. Then got a nerve to say we was hating on Jamaica. Bitch Please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Her citizenship request to come to America must have been denied which is why she so bitter. Her and her ugly ass friend Abenyo swear they the shit Abenyo look like she 50 in the face her ugly ass.
September 5, 2008 5:09 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
"Yall miserable bitches have nothing better to do than tear people down. "
Oh, the irony! Actually, since I can tell what a dumbass you are from your post alone, I bet you have no idea what the word "irony" mean.
September 5, 2008 11:07 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Anyone Know why Ms. Scar got banned, and all the other chicks that got banned the other day? I wonder if they are all over at Dirty girlz socaial club?
September 6, 2008 9:29 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Not Miss Scarlett, one of the queen bitches! I thought she had an in to keep her from making the banned! LoL
September 6, 2008 1:23 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
She thought that? Wow! I still want to know and I know someone knows why she got banned.
September 6, 2008 4:59 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Wow. I learn more from here than there...even before I was banned for a month. I thought Miss Scarlett was damn near an untouchable. Still, until an actual untouchable gets touched, the rules aren't unilaterally enforced and, as such, are to be regarded as just something to consider. Most of them say things others would get perm. banned for but are considered, like a flatulent Grandfather, something to be tolerated. Naw!!! Something smells like boo boo!
September 6, 2008 5:05 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Oh, and why is everyone afraid to post Beverly's pics? My imagination is starting to wander...what DOES she look like?
September 6, 2008 5:23 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
so are some chicks sucking niko's dick or what? I don't get what makes some untouchable! Are they the OGs of lhcf?
September 6, 2008 6:01 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Money is what makes them untouchable. They've been around forever and keep paying. Too big of a risk to make them follow the rules. Not for nothing, but it makes sense. I'm not paying another dime to renew.
I am known to do the wop.
September 6, 2008 7:24 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
cerchier shut the fuck up bitch
bev could get money from plenty of members
she can afford to ban a few people
we need to figure out why firecracker is not banned
September 6, 2008 10:14 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
firecracker and blossom! How the hell are these two still members? I like firecracker though, blossom and her desperate ass can kick rocks. Bloss guess what, white men dont want you either. Volare bad as hell though and I wonder is that really Tiara on there, hmmmm.
September 7, 2008 6:28 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I am surprised that people have the time (and careers) where they can post so often throughout the day. Not only do they post, but they have essay like responses in their posts. I can see every once and a while, but some of these people write long responses every day. SleekandBouncy comes to mind, there are a few others though.
September 7, 2008 10:05 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
maybe they are not a broke busted bitch like you and either do not work full time or do not care
the time you spent wondering you could be doing something else
get a life bitch
September 7, 2008 10:18 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
That last post sounded like sleekandbouncy, a bit bitter are we fake ass dahling ;)
September 7, 2008 10:37 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
^^^^ I agree with the last post.
That poster responded just a little too quickly--hunched over the computer with nothing else to do...they sound VERY little bitter. It's just a hair website.
September 7, 2008 10:46 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I think you really hurt abenyo's feelings, she's been extra angry and rude lately!
September 7, 2008 10:47 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
abenyo has always been rude and angry and yes it is because she is ugly and never has a man
September 7, 2008 11:00 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
There are some nice posters on the site. There are really just a few that are irritating.
September 7, 2008 11:11 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
damn this has grown. Aside from D lewis who I love, who the hell are the nice posters cause all them hoes are bitter and evil.
September 7, 2008 11:14 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
ella is very sweet. Dlewis is cool...um...who else is nice? Oh well.
September 7, 2008 11:22 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
FlowerHair is very nice.
September 7, 2008 11:24 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I guess iris gets on people's nerves or whatever but she seems nice to me.
September 7, 2008 2:17 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
The reason why fire will never be banned is because they are personal friends so keep holding your breath on that one. If you think there is bs on LHCF you need to check out dirty girlz. Those are what you call miserable bitches. The chat crew have also gone to worlds unknown, but who are they kidding, people know where they are. All them chicks are nice I like flower, dlewis and sylver even though she wont give you the time of day if you not light and pretty, she ok.
September 7, 2008 3:25 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Whoever it is that wants me to spend time wondering about other things, and the other that called me a bitch, only makes me even more curious what Bev looks like. Why are you'll so defensive? Does it have something to do with her hair?
September 7, 2008 4:56 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I am really curious (and since they won't answer this on the site without closing or deleting a thread), how does one really get banned? I know if you curse, or call someone ugly you get banned.
However, it sounds as though if you offend an 'untouchable' you get banned.
September 7, 2008 5:53 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
To the poster right above-
There seems to be different rules for different people. We could tell you rules all day and you could still do the wrong the to the wrong person and get banned.
September 7, 2008 6:20 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Don't tell me bev is a bald headit bitch! LOL!
September 7, 2008 6:22 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Thanks anonymous @6:20. This is my thinking too.
September 7, 2008 6:57 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I wonder who actually is 'untouchable', besides blosss and fire.
September 7, 2008 6:59 PM
Anonymous Cerchier said...
Chellero and Vevster come to mind as untouchable. Hell, Chellero said I need more dick. But some of the mods use less than subtle comments to target people.
Btw, I've cursed, but never called anyone ugly, and I made the banned 3 times. The girl who used scary to describe someones pic is most definitely not banned so, you may call someone ugly, with the right adjective.
September 8, 2008 9:06 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
what happened to aloofone? is she banned?
September 8, 2008 12:21 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Why was MissScarlet banned?!?!?!
September 8, 2008 12:32 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This is juicer than the actual board! Did the creator get banned? I wonder why they abandoned it.
September 8, 2008 4:06 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Aloofone is not banned. There is some info on here and on the Niko's step-cousin blog about why MissScarlet may have been banned or just left.
September 8, 2008 4:18 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Aloofone hasn't been banned.
I also think the meaning of being an 'untouchable' is that one says something and everyone agrees with them, and doesn't question their statement. However, if another person were to say the exact same thing, everyone would disagree, call them an idiot, or completely ignore them etc...
There are a few people on the site who everyone blindly agrees with, even if what they are saying is something someone else may have said already.
September 8, 2008 5:01 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This blog and that one that closed down were hard on aloofone, I could understand why she wouldn't want to come back. She can be confrontational, but she is not the worst one on the board, I don't know why she was targeted.
September 8, 2008 6:05 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
She looks like a used turd and always wants attention. She was actually talking about being a model. Bitch, please.
September 10, 2008 9:37 AM
Comment deleted
This post has been removed by the author.
September 10, 2008 12:27 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This thread is pathetic, the poster doesn't even have that much hair!
http://www.longhaircareforum.com/forums/showthread.php?t=278305
September 10, 2008 12:29 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This comment section is hilarious - It's like the Special Ed. version of DGSC - or maybe it's the ugly twin with the club foot and headgear.
"Who needs dates and parties and friends anyway!"
*stomps orthopedic shoe*
*sucks on asthma inhaler*
LMMFAO
September 10, 2008 3:25 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
It's so pathetic you couldn't help but to make an appearance, right? Which means you read it, right? No need to be ashamed. Welcome :D
September 10, 2008 3:33 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Yeah, because it takes sooo much time to comment here, unlike the full time careers some of the lhcf chicks make out of posting. Shoot, I wish I had the time on my hands some of those chicks have. At least here things are a little more real and to the point.
September 10, 2008 3:38 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I meant the pathetic comment at the girl who found it hilarious, not the one who quoted the thread on LHCF about taking 5-6 hours to wash uneven sl hair. Am I the only one that thinks most of the heffa's who claim to be trimming or dusting and go from bsl to apl are really just trying to hide their hair breaking off?
September 10, 2008 3:38 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
"Am I the only one that thinks most of the heffa's who claim to be trimming or dusting and go from bsl to apl are really just trying to hide their hair breaking off?"
I agree with this. They are ashamed, or in denial.
September 10, 2008 3:46 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I love how certain posters have to show off the clothing and the outfits they have in their signatures.
w. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned) hey (the moderators of Long Hair Care Forum) have started another round of banning. I'm still there. Pouring out liqour for those who aren't. That $6.50 has some mods "Stunnin." (So not in touch with the real world, bitch its Stunting, as in doing tricks, slut bag) Y'all better stop giving those ungrateful folks your money! That's money well spent on hair products, gas, food, or a bootleg education on the web. Or join a site that isn't ran by a bunch of hippogrits. On the list so far... MPJ (Miss Plain Jane), Mizanilocs (formerly Mizanimami and 2nd time entering a-banned-done-ment), Beautifulisaunderstatment (damn thats a long ass name, formerly banned but not sure who she is) and MissScarlett. You all probably remember MissS from the meet up scandal. She ditched some folks who set up a "coming to town" parade (Abenyo) in her honor to hang out with more down to earth folks (Sylver and Army). I mean MissS sort of apolo-lied. BUT they still haven't banned "Alexis." Oh you don't know who Alexis is? Its the person who HACKED into MissS's account and posted the PM's that exposed the whole thing. But really Alexis is Bev. Yes bitch we know. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned)
August 17, 2008 2:55 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Well, I found your insights appropriate. I just got banned, temp style, for p.o. one of the 10k+ members. Or, more to the point, for calling the bitch out. It is what it is...I'll be perm. banned before I change how I speak. Keep on outing the hypocrites who try to run the place. Because I'll be damned if a chick who tried to call me a troll didn't start a thread calling another members pics so scary she was thinking of blocking sigs. And a mod called the thread hatefull. How soon they forget.
cerchier
August 28, 2008 8:20 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
LOL. Bitter bitch. You always sound like you have a gigantic metal pole up your ass on lhch. Why the constant stank attitude? It radiates through all of your lousy posts.
We've all seen your picture so we know you're not a 13 year old moody cunt of a teenager going through puberty. You have the mental age of one though.
Keep on talking the way you do, as thus allowing everyone to continue laugh at you :D
August 29, 2008 1:59 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Did this one make the banned, too? LOL
August 29, 2008 6:19 PM
Anonymous Cerchier said...
Only banned for a month. I'll be back. And unlike old anon above, I don't care if you know who I am. Cerchier is my name there too. Also, check how uses the words gigantic metal pole up your ass in the same sentence that she tries to act superior. Hypocritical idiot. BTW, hit me up when I come back...if you don't mind coming out of hiding, and maybe I'll share the laugh with you.
I knew as much as you all liked to pretend like you're above this drama you'll are all up in it reading and waiting for your name to come up.
August 30, 2008 12:15 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This forum is getting out of hand lately. All these fucking hypocrits. There are the threads that are started to start shit and the same dumb ass people who love the drama and fall for that shit everytime. I also want to know who the hell Blossom is fucking to be allowed to stay on the board, that bitch breaks 20 rules a day. Nikkos, where is your damn pleadge to curb the cussing or the clever guises used to curse? The so called pretty bitches on there that always got something to say about anyone that is not lightskinned and skinny. Bint and Lourdes your day will come, I promise. Volare get another pic up (is that really you?) You go to Clemson, thats not even a real college lol. Yall miserable bitches have nothing better to do than tear people down. And if you are wondering, I am lightskinned and skinny so keep your "hater" comment, it does not apply hateful bitches.
September 2, 2008 11:30 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
What's with all of the dykes? It's turning into a lesbo board!
September 3, 2008 1:38 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
stupid bitch probably got banned!
September 4, 2008 11:25 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Oh man this board is getting better and better. I have the pics of bev, maybe I should create a blog and post them lol. They are going hard in there today and where are the mods? Is that one that is pregnant with the white loser baby still on?
September 4, 2008 2:51 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
post them!
September 4, 2008 6:17 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Seraphinelle always hating on Americans and America. Bitch please nobody checking for your wack ass Canada. Stay your corny ass over there. Then got a nerve to say we was hating on Jamaica. Bitch Please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Her citizenship request to come to America must have been denied which is why she so bitter. Her and her ugly ass friend Abenyo swear they the shit Abenyo look like she 50 in the face her ugly ass.
September 5, 2008 5:09 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
"Yall miserable bitches have nothing better to do than tear people down. "
Oh, the irony! Actually, since I can tell what a dumbass you are from your post alone, I bet you have no idea what the word "irony" mean.
September 5, 2008 11:07 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Anyone Know why Ms. Scar got banned, and all the other chicks that got banned the other day? I wonder if they are all over at Dirty girlz socaial club?
September 6, 2008 9:29 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Not Miss Scarlett, one of the queen bitches! I thought she had an in to keep her from making the banned! LoL
September 6, 2008 1:23 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
She thought that? Wow! I still want to know and I know someone knows why she got banned.
September 6, 2008 4:59 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Wow. I learn more from here than there...even before I was banned for a month. I thought Miss Scarlett was damn near an untouchable. Still, until an actual untouchable gets touched, the rules aren't unilaterally enforced and, as such, are to be regarded as just something to consider. Most of them say things others would get perm. banned for but are considered, like a flatulent Grandfather, something to be tolerated. Naw!!! Something smells like boo boo!
September 6, 2008 5:05 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Oh, and why is everyone afraid to post Beverly's pics? My imagination is starting to wander...what DOES she look like?
September 6, 2008 5:23 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
so are some chicks sucking niko's dick or what? I don't get what makes some untouchable! Are they the OGs of lhcf?
September 6, 2008 6:01 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Money is what makes them untouchable. They've been around forever and keep paying. Too big of a risk to make them follow the rules. Not for nothing, but it makes sense. I'm not paying another dime to renew.
I am known to do the wop.
September 6, 2008 7:24 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
cerchier shut the fuck up bitch
bev could get money from plenty of members
she can afford to ban a few people
we need to figure out why firecracker is not banned
September 6, 2008 10:14 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
firecracker and blossom! How the hell are these two still members? I like firecracker though, blossom and her desperate ass can kick rocks. Bloss guess what, white men dont want you either. Volare bad as hell though and I wonder is that really Tiara on there, hmmmm.
September 7, 2008 6:28 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I am surprised that people have the time (and careers) where they can post so often throughout the day. Not only do they post, but they have essay like responses in their posts. I can see every once and a while, but some of these people write long responses every day. SleekandBouncy comes to mind, there are a few others though.
September 7, 2008 10:05 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
maybe they are not a broke busted bitch like you and either do not work full time or do not care
the time you spent wondering you could be doing something else
get a life bitch
September 7, 2008 10:18 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
That last post sounded like sleekandbouncy, a bit bitter are we fake ass dahling ;)
September 7, 2008 10:37 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
^^^^ I agree with the last post.
That poster responded just a little too quickly--hunched over the computer with nothing else to do...they sound VERY little bitter. It's just a hair website.
September 7, 2008 10:46 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I think you really hurt abenyo's feelings, she's been extra angry and rude lately!
September 7, 2008 10:47 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
abenyo has always been rude and angry and yes it is because she is ugly and never has a man
September 7, 2008 11:00 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
There are some nice posters on the site. There are really just a few that are irritating.
September 7, 2008 11:11 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
damn this has grown. Aside from D lewis who I love, who the hell are the nice posters cause all them hoes are bitter and evil.
September 7, 2008 11:14 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
ella is very sweet. Dlewis is cool...um...who else is nice? Oh well.
September 7, 2008 11:22 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
FlowerHair is very nice.
September 7, 2008 11:24 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I guess iris gets on people's nerves or whatever but she seems nice to me.
September 7, 2008 2:17 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
The reason why fire will never be banned is because they are personal friends so keep holding your breath on that one. If you think there is bs on LHCF you need to check out dirty girlz. Those are what you call miserable bitches. The chat crew have also gone to worlds unknown, but who are they kidding, people know where they are. All them chicks are nice I like flower, dlewis and sylver even though she wont give you the time of day if you not light and pretty, she ok.
September 7, 2008 3:25 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Whoever it is that wants me to spend time wondering about other things, and the other that called me a bitch, only makes me even more curious what Bev looks like. Why are you'll so defensive? Does it have something to do with her hair?
September 7, 2008 4:56 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I am really curious (and since they won't answer this on the site without closing or deleting a thread), how does one really get banned? I know if you curse, or call someone ugly you get banned.
However, it sounds as though if you offend an 'untouchable' you get banned.
September 7, 2008 5:53 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
To the poster right above-
There seems to be different rules for different people. We could tell you rules all day and you could still do the wrong the to the wrong person and get banned.
September 7, 2008 6:20 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Don't tell me bev is a bald headit bitch! LOL!
September 7, 2008 6:22 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Thanks anonymous @6:20. This is my thinking too.
September 7, 2008 6:57 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I wonder who actually is 'untouchable', besides blosss and fire.
September 7, 2008 6:59 PM
Anonymous Cerchier said...
Chellero and Vevster come to mind as untouchable. Hell, Chellero said I need more dick. But some of the mods use less than subtle comments to target people.
Btw, I've cursed, but never called anyone ugly, and I made the banned 3 times. The girl who used scary to describe someones pic is most definitely not banned so, you may call someone ugly, with the right adjective.
September 8, 2008 9:06 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
what happened to aloofone? is she banned?
September 8, 2008 12:21 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Why was MissScarlet banned?!?!?!
September 8, 2008 12:32 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This is juicer than the actual board! Did the creator get banned? I wonder why they abandoned it.
September 8, 2008 4:06 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Aloofone is not banned. There is some info on here and on the Niko's step-cousin blog about why MissScarlet may have been banned or just left.
September 8, 2008 4:18 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Aloofone hasn't been banned.
I also think the meaning of being an 'untouchable' is that one says something and everyone agrees with them, and doesn't question their statement. However, if another person were to say the exact same thing, everyone would disagree, call them an idiot, or completely ignore them etc...
There are a few people on the site who everyone blindly agrees with, even if what they are saying is something someone else may have said already.
September 8, 2008 5:01 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This blog and that one that closed down were hard on aloofone, I could understand why she wouldn't want to come back. She can be confrontational, but she is not the worst one on the board, I don't know why she was targeted.
September 8, 2008 6:05 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
She looks like a used turd and always wants attention. She was actually talking about being a model. Bitch, please.
September 10, 2008 9:37 AM
Comment deleted
This post has been removed by the author.
September 10, 2008 12:27 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This thread is pathetic, the poster doesn't even have that much hair!
http://www.longhaircareforum.com/forums/showthread.php?t=278305
September 10, 2008 12:29 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This comment section is hilarious - It's like the Special Ed. version of DGSC - or maybe it's the ugly twin with the club foot and headgear.
"Who needs dates and parties and friends anyway!"
*stomps orthopedic shoe*
*sucks on asthma inhaler*
LMMFAO
September 10, 2008 3:25 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
It's so pathetic you couldn't help but to make an appearance, right? Which means you read it, right? No need to be ashamed. Welcome :D
September 10, 2008 3:33 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Yeah, because it takes sooo much time to comment here, unlike the full time careers some of the lhcf chicks make out of posting. Shoot, I wish I had the time on my hands some of those chicks have. At least here things are a little more real and to the point.
September 10, 2008 3:38 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I meant the pathetic comment at the girl who found it hilarious, not the one who quoted the thread on LHCF about taking 5-6 hours to wash uneven sl hair. Am I the only one that thinks most of the heffa's who claim to be trimming or dusting and go from bsl to apl are really just trying to hide their hair breaking off?
September 10, 2008 3:38 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
"Am I the only one that thinks most of the heffa's who claim to be trimming or dusting and go from bsl to apl are really just trying to hide their hair breaking off?"
I agree with this. They are ashamed, or in denial.
September 10, 2008 3:46 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I love how certain posters have to show off the clothing and the outfits they have in their signatures.
w. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned) hey (the moderators of Long Hair Care Forum) have started another round of banning. I'm still there. Pouring out liqour for those who aren't. That $6.50 has some mods "Stunnin." (So not in touch with the real world, bitch its Stunting, as in doing tricks, slut bag) Y'all better stop giving those ungrateful folks your money! That's money well spent on hair products, gas, food, or a bootleg education on the web. Or join a site that isn't ran by a bunch of hippogrits. On the list so far... MPJ (Miss Plain Jane), Mizanilocs (formerly Mizanimami and 2nd time entering a-banned-done-ment), Beautifulisaunderstatment (damn thats a long ass name, formerly banned but not sure who she is) and MissScarlett. You all probably remember MissS from the meet up scandal. She ditched some folks who set up a "coming to town" parade (Abenyo) in her honor to hang out with more down to earth folks (Sylver and Army). I mean MissS sort of apolo-lied. BUT they still haven't banned "Alexis." Oh you don't know who Alexis is? Its the person who HACKED into MissS's account and posted the PM's that exposed the whole thing. But really Alexis is Bev. Yes bitch we know. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned)
August 17, 2008 2:55 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Well, I found your insights appropriate. I just got banned, temp style, for p.o. one of the 10k+ members. Or, more to the point, for calling the bitch out. It is what it is...I'll be perm. banned before I change how I speak. Keep on outing the hypocrites who try to run the place. Because I'll be damned if a chick who tried to call me a troll didn't start a thread calling another members pics so scary she was thinking of blocking sigs. And a mod called the thread hatefull. How soon they forget.
cerchier
August 28, 2008 8:20 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
LOL. Bitter bitch. You always sound like you have a gigantic metal pole up your ass on lhch. Why the constant stank attitude? It radiates through all of your lousy posts.
We've all seen your picture so we know you're not a 13 year old moody cunt of a teenager going through puberty. You have the mental age of one though.
Keep on talking the way you do, as thus allowing everyone to continue laugh at you :D
August 29, 2008 1:59 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Did this one make the banned, too? LOL
August 29, 2008 6:19 PM
Anonymous Cerchier said...
Only banned for a month. I'll be back. And unlike old anon above, I don't care if you know who I am. Cerchier is my name there too. Also, check how uses the words gigantic metal pole up your ass in the same sentence that she tries to act superior. Hypocritical idiot. BTW, hit me up when I come back...if you don't mind coming out of hiding, and maybe I'll share the laugh with you.
I knew as much as you all liked to pretend like you're above this drama you'll are all up in it reading and waiting for your name to come up.
August 30, 2008 12:15 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This forum is getting out of hand lately. All these fucking hypocrits. There are the threads that are started to start shit and the same dumb ass people who love the drama and fall for that shit everytime. I also want to know who the hell Blossom is fucking to be allowed to stay on the board, that bitch breaks 20 rules a day. Nikkos, where is your damn pleadge to curb the cussing or the clever guises used to curse? The so called pretty bitches on there that always got something to say about anyone that is not lightskinned and skinny. Bint and Lourdes your day will come, I promise. Volare get another pic up (is that really you?) You go to Clemson, thats not even a real college lol. Yall miserable bitches have nothing better to do than tear people down. And if you are wondering, I am lightskinned and skinny so keep your "hater" comment, it does not apply hateful bitches.
September 2, 2008 11:30 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
What's with all of the dykes? It's turning into a lesbo board!
September 3, 2008 1:38 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
stupid bitch probably got banned!
September 4, 2008 11:25 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Oh man this board is getting better and better. I have the pics of bev, maybe I should create a blog and post them lol. They are going hard in there today and where are the mods? Is that one that is pregnant with the white loser baby still on?
September 4, 2008 2:51 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
post them!
September 4, 2008 6:17 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Seraphinelle always hating on Americans and America. Bitch please nobody checking for your wack ass Canada. Stay your corny ass over there. Then got a nerve to say we was hating on Jamaica. Bitch Please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Her citizenship request to come to America must have been denied which is why she so bitter. Her and her ugly ass friend Abenyo swear they the shit Abenyo look like she 50 in the face her ugly ass.
September 5, 2008 5:09 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
"Yall miserable bitches have nothing better to do than tear people down. "
Oh, the irony! Actually, since I can tell what a dumbass you are from your post alone, I bet you have no idea what the word "irony" mean.
September 5, 2008 11:07 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Anyone Know why Ms. Scar got banned, and all the other chicks that got banned the other day? I wonder if they are all over at Dirty girlz socaial club?
September 6, 2008 9:29 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Not Miss Scarlett, one of the queen bitches! I thought she had an in to keep her from making the banned! LoL
September 6, 2008 1:23 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
She thought that? Wow! I still want to know and I know someone knows why she got banned.
September 6, 2008 4:59 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Wow. I learn more from here than there...even before I was banned for a month. I thought Miss Scarlett was damn near an untouchable. Still, until an actual untouchable gets touched, the rules aren't unilaterally enforced and, as such, are to be regarded as just something to consider. Most of them say things others would get perm. banned for but are considered, like a flatulent Grandfather, something to be tolerated. Naw!!! Something smells like boo boo!
September 6, 2008 5:05 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Oh, and why is everyone afraid to post Beverly's pics? My imagination is starting to wander...what DOES she look like?
September 6, 2008 5:23 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
so are some chicks sucking niko's dick or what? I don't get what makes some untouchable! Are they the OGs of lhcf?
September 6, 2008 6:01 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Money is what makes them untouchable. They've been around forever and keep paying. Too big of a risk to make them follow the rules. Not for nothing, but it makes sense. I'm not paying another dime to renew.
I am known to do the wop.
September 6, 2008 7:24 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
cerchier shut the fuck up bitch
bev could get money from plenty of members
she can afford to ban a few people
we need to figure out why firecracker is not banned
September 6, 2008 10:14 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
firecracker and blossom! How the hell are these two still members? I like firecracker though, blossom and her desperate ass can kick rocks. Bloss guess what, white men dont want you either. Volare bad as hell though and I wonder is that really Tiara on there, hmmmm.
September 7, 2008 6:28 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I am surprised that people have the time (and careers) where they can post so often throughout the day. Not only do they post, but they have essay like responses in their posts. I can see every once and a while, but some of these people write long responses every day. SleekandBouncy comes to mind, there are a few others though.
September 7, 2008 10:05 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
maybe they are not a broke busted bitch like you and either do not work full time or do not care
the time you spent wondering you could be doing something else
get a life bitch
September 7, 2008 10:18 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
That last post sounded like sleekandbouncy, a bit bitter are we fake ass dahling ;)
September 7, 2008 10:37 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
^^^^ I agree with the last post.
That poster responded just a little too quickly--hunched over the computer with nothing else to do...they sound VERY little bitter. It's just a hair website.
September 7, 2008 10:46 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I think you really hurt abenyo's feelings, she's been extra angry and rude lately!
September 7, 2008 10:47 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
abenyo has always been rude and angry and yes it is because she is ugly and never has a man
September 7, 2008 11:00 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
There are some nice posters on the site. There are really just a few that are irritating.
September 7, 2008 11:11 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
damn this has grown. Aside from D lewis who I love, who the hell are the nice posters cause all them hoes are bitter and evil.
September 7, 2008 11:14 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
ella is very sweet. Dlewis is cool...um...who else is nice? Oh well.
September 7, 2008 11:22 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
FlowerHair is very nice.
September 7, 2008 11:24 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I guess iris gets on people's nerves or whatever but she seems nice to me.
September 7, 2008 2:17 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
The reason why fire will never be banned is because they are personal friends so keep holding your breath on that one. If you think there is bs on LHCF you need to check out dirty girlz. Those are what you call miserable bitches. The chat crew have also gone to worlds unknown, but who are they kidding, people know where they are. All them chicks are nice I like flower, dlewis and sylver even though she wont give you the time of day if you not light and pretty, she ok.
September 7, 2008 3:25 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Whoever it is that wants me to spend time wondering about other things, and the other that called me a bitch, only makes me even more curious what Bev looks like. Why are you'll so defensive? Does it have something to do with her hair?
September 7, 2008 4:56 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I am really curious (and since they won't answer this on the site without closing or deleting a thread), how does one really get banned? I know if you curse, or call someone ugly you get banned.
However, it sounds as though if you offend an 'untouchable' you get banned.
September 7, 2008 5:53 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
To the poster right above-
There seems to be different rules for different people. We could tell you rules all day and you could still do the wrong the to the wrong person and get banned.
September 7, 2008 6:20 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Don't tell me bev is a bald headit bitch! LOL!
September 7, 2008 6:22 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Thanks anonymous @6:20. This is my thinking too.
September 7, 2008 6:57 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I wonder who actually is 'untouchable', besides blosss and fire.
September 7, 2008 6:59 PM
Anonymous Cerchier said...
Chellero and Vevster come to mind as untouchable. Hell, Chellero said I need more dick. But some of the mods use less than subtle comments to target people.
Btw, I've cursed, but never called anyone ugly, and I made the banned 3 times. The girl who used scary to describe someones pic is most definitely not banned so, you may call someone ugly, with the right adjective.
September 8, 2008 9:06 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
what happened to aloofone? is she banned?
September 8, 2008 12:21 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Why was MissScarlet banned?!?!?!
September 8, 2008 12:32 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This is juicer than the actual board! Did the creator get banned? I wonder why they abandoned it.
September 8, 2008 4:06 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Aloofone is not banned. There is some info on here and on the Niko's step-cousin blog about why MissScarlet may have been banned or just left.
September 8, 2008 4:18 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Aloofone hasn't been banned.
I also think the meaning of being an 'untouchable' is that one says something and everyone agrees with them, and doesn't question their statement. However, if another person were to say the exact same thing, everyone would disagree, call them an idiot, or completely ignore them etc...
There are a few people on the site who everyone blindly agrees with, even if what they are saying is something someone else may have said already.
September 8, 2008 5:01 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This blog and that one that closed down were hard on aloofone, I could understand why she wouldn't want to come back. She can be confrontational, but she is not the worst one on the board, I don't know why she was targeted.
September 8, 2008 6:05 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
She looks like a used turd and always wants attention. She was actually talking about being a model. Bitch, please.
September 10, 2008 9:37 AM
Comment deleted
This post has been removed by the author.
September 10, 2008 12:27 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This thread is pathetic, the poster doesn't even have that much hair!
http://www.longhaircareforum.com/forums/showthread.php?t=278305
September 10, 2008 12:29 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This comment section is hilarious - It's like the Special Ed. version of DGSC - or maybe it's the ugly twin with the club foot and headgear.
"Who needs dates and parties and friends anyway!"
*stomps orthopedic shoe*
*sucks on asthma inhaler*
LMMFAO
September 10, 2008 3:25 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
It's so pathetic you couldn't help but to make an appearance, right? Which means you read it, right? No need to be ashamed. Welcome :D
September 10, 2008 3:33 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Yeah, because it takes sooo much time to comment here, unlike the full time careers some of the lhcf chicks make out of posting. Shoot, I wish I had the time on my hands some of those chicks have. At least here things are a little more real and to the point.
September 10, 2008 3:38 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I meant the pathetic comment at the girl who found it hilarious, not the one who quoted the thread on LHCF about taking 5-6 hours to wash uneven sl hair. Am I the only one that thinks most of the heffa's who claim to be trimming or dusting and go from bsl to apl are really just trying to hide their hair breaking off?
September 10, 2008 3:38 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
"Am I the only one that thinks most of the heffa's who claim to be trimming or dusting and go from bsl to apl are really just trying to hide their hair breaking off?"
I agree with this. They are ashamed, or in denial.
September 10, 2008 3:46 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I love how certain posters have to show off the clothing and the outfits they have in their signatures.
w. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned) hey (the moderators of Long Hair Care Forum) have started another round of banning. I'm still there. Pouring out liqour for those who aren't. That $6.50 has some mods "Stunnin." (So not in touch with the real world, bitch its Stunting, as in doing tricks, slut bag) Y'all better stop giving those ungrateful folks your money! That's money well spent on hair products, gas, food, or a bootleg education on the web. Or join a site that isn't ran by a bunch of hippogrits. On the list so far... MPJ (Miss Plain Jane), Mizanilocs (formerly Mizanimami and 2nd time entering a-banned-done-ment), Beautifulisaunderstatment (damn thats a long ass name, formerly banned but not sure who she is) and MissScarlett. You all probably remember MissS from the meet up scandal. She ditched some folks who set up a "coming to town" parade (Abenyo) in her honor to hang out with more down to earth folks (Sylver and Army). I mean MissS sort of apolo-lied. BUT they still haven't banned "Alexis." Oh you don't know who Alexis is? Its the person who HACKED into MissS's account and posted the PM's that exposed the whole thing. But really Alexis is Bev. Yes bitch we know. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned)
August 17, 2008 2:55 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Well, I found your insights appropriate. I just got banned, temp style, for p.o. one of the 10k+ members. Or, more to the point, for calling the bitch out. It is what it is...I'll be perm. banned before I change how I speak. Keep on outing the hypocrites who try to run the place. Because I'll be damned if a chick who tried to call me a troll didn't start a thread calling another members pics so scary she was thinking of blocking sigs. And a mod called the thread hatefull. How soon they forget.
cerchier
August 28, 2008 8:20 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
LOL. Bitter bitch. You always sound like you have a gigantic metal pole up your ass on lhch. Why the constant stank attitude? It radiates through all of your lousy posts.
We've all seen your picture so we know you're not a 13 year old moody cunt of a teenager going through puberty. You have the mental age of one though.
Keep on talking the way you do, as thus allowing everyone to continue laugh at you :D
August 29, 2008 1:59 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Did this one make the banned, too? LOL
August 29, 2008 6:19 PM
Anonymous Cerchier said...
Only banned for a month. I'll be back. And unlike old anon above, I don't care if you know who I am. Cerchier is my name there too. Also, check how uses the words gigantic metal pole up your ass in the same sentence that she tries to act superior. Hypocritical idiot. BTW, hit me up when I come back...if you don't mind coming out of hiding, and maybe I'll share the laugh with you.
I knew as much as you all liked to pretend like you're above this drama you'll are all up in it reading and waiting for your name to come up.
August 30, 2008 12:15 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This forum is getting out of hand lately. All these fucking hypocrits. There are the threads that are started to start shit and the same dumb ass people who love the drama and fall for that shit everytime. I also want to know who the hell Blossom is fucking to be allowed to stay on the board, that bitch breaks 20 rules a day. Nikkos, where is your damn pleadge to curb the cussing or the clever guises used to curse? The so called pretty bitches on there that always got something to say about anyone that is not lightskinned and skinny. Bint and Lourdes your day will come, I promise. Volare get another pic up (is that really you?) You go to Clemson, thats not even a real college lol. Yall miserable bitches have nothing better to do than tear people down. And if you are wondering, I am lightskinned and skinny so keep your "hater" comment, it does not apply hateful bitches.
September 2, 2008 11:30 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
What's with all of the dykes? It's turning into a lesbo board!
September 3, 2008 1:38 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
stupid bitch probably got banned!
September 4, 2008 11:25 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Oh man this board is getting better and better. I have the pics of bev, maybe I should create a blog and post them lol. They are going hard in there today and where are the mods? Is that one that is pregnant with the white loser baby still on?
September 4, 2008 2:51 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
post them!
September 4, 2008 6:17 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Seraphinelle always hating on Americans and America. Bitch please nobody checking for your wack ass Canada. Stay your corny ass over there. Then got a nerve to say we was hating on Jamaica. Bitch Please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Her citizenship request to come to America must have been denied which is why she so bitter. Her and her ugly ass friend Abenyo swear they the shit Abenyo look like she 50 in the face her ugly ass.
September 5, 2008 5:09 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
"Yall miserable bitches have nothing better to do than tear people down. "
Oh, the irony! Actually, since I can tell what a dumbass you are from your post alone, I bet you have no idea what the word "irony" mean.
September 5, 2008 11:07 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Anyone Know why Ms. Scar got banned, and all the other chicks that got banned the other day? I wonder if they are all over at Dirty girlz socaial club?
September 6, 2008 9:29 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Not Miss Scarlett, one of the queen bitches! I thought she had an in to keep her from making the banned! LoL
September 6, 2008 1:23 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
She thought that? Wow! I still want to know and I know someone knows why she got banned.
September 6, 2008 4:59 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Wow. I learn more from here than there...even before I was banned for a month. I thought Miss Scarlett was damn near an untouchable. Still, until an actual untouchable gets touched, the rules aren't unilaterally enforced and, as such, are to be regarded as just something to consider. Most of them say things others would get perm. banned for but are considered, like a flatulent Grandfather, something to be tolerated. Naw!!! Something smells like boo boo!
September 6, 2008 5:05 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Oh, and why is everyone afraid to post Beverly's pics? My imagination is starting to wander...what DOES she look like?
September 6, 2008 5:23 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
so are some chicks sucking niko's dick or what? I don't get what makes some untouchable! Are they the OGs of lhcf?
September 6, 2008 6:01 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Money is what makes them untouchable. They've been around forever and keep paying. Too big of a risk to make them follow the rules. Not for nothing, but it makes sense. I'm not paying another dime to renew.
I am known to do the wop.
September 6, 2008 7:24 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
cerchier shut the fuck up bitch
bev could get money from plenty of members
she can afford to ban a few people
we need to figure out why firecracker is not banned
September 6, 2008 10:14 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
firecracker and blossom! How the hell are these two still members? I like firecracker though, blossom and her desperate ass can kick rocks. Bloss guess what, white men dont want you either. Volare bad as hell though and I wonder is that really Tiara on there, hmmmm.
September 7, 2008 6:28 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I am surprised that people have the time (and careers) where they can post so often throughout the day. Not only do they post, but they have essay like responses in their posts. I can see every once and a while, but some of these people write long responses every day. SleekandBouncy comes to mind, there are a few others though.
September 7, 2008 10:05 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
maybe they are not a broke busted bitch like you and either do not work full time or do not care
the time you spent wondering you could be doing something else
get a life bitch
September 7, 2008 10:18 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
That last post sounded like sleekandbouncy, a bit bitter are we fake ass dahling ;)
September 7, 2008 10:37 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
^^^^ I agree with the last post.
That poster responded just a little too quickly--hunched over the computer with nothing else to do...they sound VERY little bitter. It's just a hair website.
September 7, 2008 10:46 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I think you really hurt abenyo's feelings, she's been extra angry and rude lately!
September 7, 2008 10:47 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
abenyo has always been rude and angry and yes it is because she is ugly and never has a man
September 7, 2008 11:00 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
There are some nice posters on the site. There are really just a few that are irritating.
September 7, 2008 11:11 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
damn this has grown. Aside from D lewis who I love, who the hell are the nice posters cause all them hoes are bitter and evil.
September 7, 2008 11:14 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
ella is very sweet. Dlewis is cool...um...who else is nice? Oh well.
September 7, 2008 11:22 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
FlowerHair is very nice.
September 7, 2008 11:24 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I guess iris gets on people's nerves or whatever but she seems nice to me.
September 7, 2008 2:17 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
The reason why fire will never be banned is because they are personal friends so keep holding your breath on that one. If you think there is bs on LHCF you need to check out dirty girlz. Those are what you call miserable bitches. The chat crew have also gone to worlds unknown, but who are they kidding, people know where they are. All them chicks are nice I like flower, dlewis and sylver even though she wont give you the time of day if you not light and pretty, she ok.
September 7, 2008 3:25 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Whoever it is that wants me to spend time wondering about other things, and the other that called me a bitch, only makes me even more curious what Bev looks like. Why are you'll so defensive? Does it have something to do with her hair?
September 7, 2008 4:56 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I am really curious (and since they won't answer this on the site without closing or deleting a thread), how does one really get banned? I know if you curse, or call someone ugly you get banned.
However, it sounds as though if you offend an 'untouchable' you get banned.
September 7, 2008 5:53 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
To the poster right above-
There seems to be different rules for different people. We could tell you rules all day and you could still do the wrong the to the wrong person and get banned.
September 7, 2008 6:20 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Don't tell me bev is a bald headit bitch! LOL!
September 7, 2008 6:22 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Thanks anonymous @6:20. This is my thinking too.
September 7, 2008 6:57 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I wonder who actually is 'untouchable', besides blosss and fire.
September 7, 2008 6:59 PM
Anonymous Cerchier said...
Chellero and Vevster come to mind as untouchable. Hell, Chellero said I need more dick. But some of the mods use less than subtle comments to target people.
Btw, I've cursed, but never called anyone ugly, and I made the banned 3 times. The girl who used scary to describe someones pic is most definitely not banned so, you may call someone ugly, with the right adjective.
September 8, 2008 9:06 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
what happened to aloofone? is she banned?
September 8, 2008 12:21 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Why was MissScarlet banned?!?!?!
September 8, 2008 12:32 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This is juicer than the actual board! Did the creator get banned? I wonder why they abandoned it.
September 8, 2008 4:06 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Aloofone is not banned. There is some info on here and on the Niko's step-cousin blog about why MissScarlet may have been banned or just left.
September 8, 2008 4:18 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Aloofone hasn't been banned.
I also think the meaning of being an 'untouchable' is that one says something and everyone agrees with them, and doesn't question their statement. However, if another person were to say the exact same thing, everyone would disagree, call them an idiot, or completely ignore them etc...
There are a few people on the site who everyone blindly agrees with, even if what they are saying is something someone else may have said already.
September 8, 2008 5:01 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This blog and that one that closed down were hard on aloofone, I could understand why she wouldn't want to come back. She can be confrontational, but she is not the worst one on the board, I don't know why she was targeted.
September 8, 2008 6:05 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
She looks like a used turd and always wants attention. She was actually talking about being a model. Bitch, please.
September 10, 2008 9:37 AM
Comment deleted
This post has been removed by the author.
September 10, 2008 12:27 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This thread is pathetic, the poster doesn't even have that much hair!
http://www.longhaircareforum.com/forums/showthread.php?t=278305
September 10, 2008 12:29 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This comment section is hilarious - It's like the Special Ed. version of DGSC - or maybe it's the ugly twin with the club foot and headgear.
"Who needs dates and parties and friends anyway!"
*stomps orthopedic shoe*
*sucks on asthma inhaler*
LMMFAO
September 10, 2008 3:25 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
It's so pathetic you couldn't help but to make an appearance, right? Which means you read it, right? No need to be ashamed. Welcome :D
September 10, 2008 3:33 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Yeah, because it takes sooo much time to comment here, unlike the full time careers some of the lhcf chicks make out of posting. Shoot, I wish I had the time on my hands some of those chicks have. At least here things are a little more real and to the point.
September 10, 2008 3:38 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I meant the pathetic comment at the girl who found it hilarious, not the one who quoted the thread on LHCF about taking 5-6 hours to wash uneven sl hair. Am I the only one that thinks most of the heffa's who claim to be trimming or dusting and go from bsl to apl are really just trying to hide their hair breaking off?
September 10, 2008 3:38 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
"Am I the only one that thinks most of the heffa's who claim to be trimming or dusting and go from bsl to apl are really just trying to hide their hair breaking off?"
I agree with this. They are ashamed, or in denial.
September 10, 2008 3:46 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I love how certain posters have to show off the clothing and the outfits they have in their signatures.
w. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned) hey (the moderators of Long Hair Care Forum) have started another round of banning. I'm still there. Pouring out liqour for those who aren't. That $6.50 has some mods "Stunnin." (So not in touch with the real world, bitch its Stunting, as in doing tricks, slut bag) Y'all better stop giving those ungrateful folks your money! That's money well spent on hair products, gas, food, or a bootleg education on the web. Or join a site that isn't ran by a bunch of hippogrits. On the list so far... MPJ (Miss Plain Jane), Mizanilocs (formerly Mizanimami and 2nd time entering a-banned-done-ment), Beautifulisaunderstatment (damn thats a long ass name, formerly banned but not sure who she is) and MissScarlett. You all probably remember MissS from the meet up scandal. She ditched some folks who set up a "coming to town" parade (Abenyo) in her honor to hang out with more down to earth folks (Sylver and Army). I mean MissS sort of apolo-lied. BUT they still haven't banned "Alexis." Oh you don't know who Alexis is? Its the person who HACKED into MissS's account and posted the PM's that exposed the whole thing. But really Alexis is Bev. Yes bitch we know. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned)
August 17, 2008 2:55 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Well, I found your insights appropriate. I just got banned, temp style, for p.o. one of the 10k+ members. Or, more to the point, for calling the bitch out. It is what it is...I'll be perm. banned before I change how I speak. Keep on outing the hypocrites who try to run the place. Because I'll be damned if a chick who tried to call me a troll didn't start a thread calling another members pics so scary she was thinking of blocking sigs. And a mod called the thread hatefull. How soon they forget.
cerchier
August 28, 2008 8:20 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
LOL. Bitter bitch. You always sound like you have a gigantic metal pole up your ass on lhch. Why the constant stank attitude? It radiates through all of your lousy posts.
We've all seen your picture so we know you're not a 13 year old moody cunt of a teenager going through puberty. You have the mental age of one though.
Keep on talking the way you do, as thus allowing everyone to continue laugh at you :D
August 29, 2008 1:59 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Did this one make the banned, too? LOL
August 29, 2008 6:19 PM
Anonymous Cerchier said...
Only banned for a month. I'll be back. And unlike old anon above, I don't care if you know who I am. Cerchier is my name there too. Also, check how uses the words gigantic metal pole up your ass in the same sentence that she tries to act superior. Hypocritical idiot. BTW, hit me up when I come back...if you don't mind coming out of hiding, and maybe I'll share the laugh with you.
I knew as much as you all liked to pretend like you're above this drama you'll are all up in it reading and waiting for your name to come up.
August 30, 2008 12:15 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This forum is getting out of hand lately. All these fucking hypocrits. There are the threads that are started to start shit and the same dumb ass people who love the drama and fall for that shit everytime. I also want to know who the hell Blossom is fucking to be allowed to stay on the board, that bitch breaks 20 rules a day. Nikkos, where is your damn pleadge to curb the cussing or the clever guises used to curse? The so called pretty bitches on there that always got something to say about anyone that is not lightskinned and skinny. Bint and Lourdes your day will come, I promise. Volare get another pic up (is that really you?) You go to Clemson, thats not even a real college lol. Yall miserable bitches have nothing better to do than tear people down. And if you are wondering, I am lightskinned and skinny so keep your "hater" comment, it does not apply hateful bitches.
September 2, 2008 11:30 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
What's with all of the dykes? It's turning into a lesbo board!
September 3, 2008 1:38 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
stupid bitch probably got banned!
September 4, 2008 11:25 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Oh man this board is getting better and better. I have the pics of bev, maybe I should create a blog and post them lol. They are going hard in there today and where are the mods? Is that one that is pregnant with the white loser baby still on?
September 4, 2008 2:51 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
post them!
September 4, 2008 6:17 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Seraphinelle always hating on Americans and America. Bitch please nobody checking for your wack ass Canada. Stay your corny ass over there. Then got a nerve to say we was hating on Jamaica. Bitch Please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Her citizenship request to come to America must have been denied which is why she so bitter. Her and her ugly ass friend Abenyo swear they the shit Abenyo look like she 50 in the face her ugly ass.
September 5, 2008 5:09 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
"Yall miserable bitches have nothing better to do than tear people down. "
Oh, the irony! Actually, since I can tell what a dumbass you are from your post alone, I bet you have no idea what the word "irony" mean.
September 5, 2008 11:07 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Anyone Know why Ms. Scar got banned, and all the other chicks that got banned the other day? I wonder if they are all over at Dirty girlz socaial club?
September 6, 2008 9:29 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Not Miss Scarlett, one of the queen bitches! I thought she had an in to keep her from making the banned! LoL
September 6, 2008 1:23 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
She thought that? Wow! I still want to know and I know someone knows why she got banned.
September 6, 2008 4:59 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Wow. I learn more from here than there...even before I was banned for a month. I thought Miss Scarlett was damn near an untouchable. Still, until an actual untouchable gets touched, the rules aren't unilaterally enforced and, as such, are to be regarded as just something to consider. Most of them say things others would get perm. banned for but are considered, like a flatulent Grandfather, something to be tolerated. Naw!!! Something smells like boo boo!
September 6, 2008 5:05 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Oh, and why is everyone afraid to post Beverly's pics? My imagination is starting to wander...what DOES she look like?
September 6, 2008 5:23 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
so are some chicks sucking niko's dick or what? I don't get what makes some untouchable! Are they the OGs of lhcf?
September 6, 2008 6:01 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Money is what makes them untouchable. They've been around forever and keep paying. Too big of a risk to make them follow the rules. Not for nothing, but it makes sense. I'm not paying another dime to renew.
I am known to do the wop.
September 6, 2008 7:24 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
cerchier shut the fuck up bitch
bev could get money from plenty of members
she can afford to ban a few people
we need to figure out why firecracker is not banned
September 6, 2008 10:14 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
firecracker and blossom! How the hell are these two still members? I like firecracker though, blossom and her desperate ass can kick rocks. Bloss guess what, white men dont want you either. Volare bad as hell though and I wonder is that really Tiara on there, hmmmm.
September 7, 2008 6:28 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I am surprised that people have the time (and careers) where they can post so often throughout the day. Not only do they post, but they have essay like responses in their posts. I can see every once and a while, but some of these people write long responses every day. SleekandBouncy comes to mind, there are a few others though.
September 7, 2008 10:05 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
maybe they are not a broke busted bitch like you and either do not work full time or do not care
the time you spent wondering you could be doing something else
get a life bitch
September 7, 2008 10:18 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
That last post sounded like sleekandbouncy, a bit bitter are we fake ass dahling ;)
September 7, 2008 10:37 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
^^^^ I agree with the last post.
That poster responded just a little too quickly--hunched over the computer with nothing else to do...they sound VERY little bitter. It's just a hair website.
September 7, 2008 10:46 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I think you really hurt abenyo's feelings, she's been extra angry and rude lately!
September 7, 2008 10:47 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
abenyo has always been rude and angry and yes it is because she is ugly and never has a man
September 7, 2008 11:00 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
There are some nice posters on the site. There are really just a few that are irritating.
September 7, 2008 11:11 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
damn this has grown. Aside from D lewis who I love, who the hell are the nice posters cause all them hoes are bitter and evil.
September 7, 2008 11:14 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
ella is very sweet. Dlewis is cool...um...who else is nice? Oh well.
September 7, 2008 11:22 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
FlowerHair is very nice.
September 7, 2008 11:24 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I guess iris gets on people's nerves or whatever but she seems nice to me.
September 7, 2008 2:17 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
The reason why fire will never be banned is because they are personal friends so keep holding your breath on that one. If you think there is bs on LHCF you need to check out dirty girlz. Those are what you call miserable bitches. The chat crew have also gone to worlds unknown, but who are they kidding, people know where they are. All them chicks are nice I like flower, dlewis and sylver even though she wont give you the time of day if you not light and pretty, she ok.
September 7, 2008 3:25 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Whoever it is that wants me to spend time wondering about other things, and the other that called me a bitch, only makes me even more curious what Bev looks like. Why are you'll so defensive? Does it have something to do with her hair?
September 7, 2008 4:56 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I am really curious (and since they won't answer this on the site without closing or deleting a thread), how does one really get banned? I know if you curse, or call someone ugly you get banned.
However, it sounds as though if you offend an 'untouchable' you get banned.
September 7, 2008 5:53 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
To the poster right above-
There seems to be different rules for different people. We could tell you rules all day and you could still do the wrong the to the wrong person and get banned.
September 7, 2008 6:20 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Don't tell me bev is a bald headit bitch! LOL!
September 7, 2008 6:22 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Thanks anonymous @6:20. This is my thinking too.
September 7, 2008 6:57 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I wonder who actually is 'untouchable', besides blosss and fire.
September 7, 2008 6:59 PM
Anonymous Cerchier said...
Chellero and Vevster come to mind as untouchable. Hell, Chellero said I need more dick. But some of the mods use less than subtle comments to target people.
Btw, I've cursed, but never called anyone ugly, and I made the banned 3 times. The girl who used scary to describe someones pic is most definitely not banned so, you may call someone ugly, with the right adjective.
September 8, 2008 9:06 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
what happened to aloofone? is she banned?
September 8, 2008 12:21 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Why was MissScarlet banned?!?!?!
September 8, 2008 12:32 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This is juicer than the actual board! Did the creator get banned? I wonder why they abandoned it.
September 8, 2008 4:06 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Aloofone is not banned. There is some info on here and on the Niko's step-cousin blog about why MissScarlet may have been banned or just left.
September 8, 2008 4:18 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Aloofone hasn't been banned.
I also think the meaning of being an 'untouchable' is that one says something and everyone agrees with them, and doesn't question their statement. However, if another person were to say the exact same thing, everyone would disagree, call them an idiot, or completely ignore them etc...
There are a few people on the site who everyone blindly agrees with, even if what they are saying is something someone else may have said already.
September 8, 2008 5:01 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This blog and that one that closed down were hard on aloofone, I could understand why she wouldn't want to come back. She can be confrontational, but she is not the worst one on the board, I don't know why she was targeted.
September 8, 2008 6:05 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
She looks like a used turd and always wants attention. She was actually talking about being a model. Bitch, please.
September 10, 2008 9:37 AM
Comment deleted
This post has been removed by the author.
September 10, 2008 12:27 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This thread is pathetic, the poster doesn't even have that much hair!
http://www.longhaircareforum.com/forums/showthread.php?t=278305
September 10, 2008 12:29 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This comment section is hilarious - It's like the Special Ed. version of DGSC - or maybe it's the ugly twin with the club foot and headgear.
"Who needs dates and parties and friends anyway!"
*stomps orthopedic shoe*
*sucks on asthma inhaler*
LMMFAO
September 10, 2008 3:25 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
It's so pathetic you couldn't help but to make an appearance, right? Which means you read it, right? No need to be ashamed. Welcome :D
September 10, 2008 3:33 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Yeah, because it takes sooo much time to comment here, unlike the full time careers some of the lhcf chicks make out of posting. Shoot, I wish I had the time on my hands some of those chicks have. At least here things are a little more real and to the point.
September 10, 2008 3:38 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I meant the pathetic comment at the girl who found it hilarious, not the one who quoted the thread on LHCF about taking 5-6 hours to wash uneven sl hair. Am I the only one that thinks most of the heffa's who claim to be trimming or dusting and go from bsl to apl are really just trying to hide their hair breaking off?
September 10, 2008 3:38 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
"Am I the only one that thinks most of the heffa's who claim to be trimming or dusting and go from bsl to apl are really just trying to hide their hair breaking off?"
I agree with this. They are ashamed, or in denial.
September 10, 2008 3:46 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I love how certain posters have to show off the clothing and the outfits they have in their signatures.
w. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned) hey (the moderators of Long Hair Care Forum) have started another round of banning. I'm still there. Pouring out liqour for those who aren't. That $6.50 has some mods "Stunnin." (So not in touch with the real world, bitch its Stunting, as in doing tricks, slut bag) Y'all better stop giving those ungrateful folks your money! That's money well spent on hair products, gas, food, or a bootleg education on the web. Or join a site that isn't ran by a bunch of hippogrits. On the list so far... MPJ (Miss Plain Jane), Mizanilocs (formerly Mizanimami and 2nd time entering a-banned-done-ment), Beautifulisaunderstatment (damn thats a long ass name, formerly banned but not sure who she is) and MissScarlett. You all probably remember MissS from the meet up scandal. She ditched some folks who set up a "coming to town" parade (Abenyo) in her honor to hang out with more down to earth folks (Sylver and Army). I mean MissS sort of apolo-lied. BUT they still haven't banned "Alexis." Oh you don't know who Alexis is? Its the person who HACKED into MissS's account and posted the PM's that exposed the whole thing. But really Alexis is Bev. Yes bitch we know. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned)
August 17, 2008 2:55 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Well, I found your insights appropriate. I just got banned, temp style, for p.o. one of the 10k+ members. Or, more to the point, for calling the bitch out. It is what it is...I'll be perm. banned before I change how I speak. Keep on outing the hypocrites who try to run the place. Because I'll be damned if a chick who tried to call me a troll didn't start a thread calling another members pics so scary she was thinking of blocking sigs. And a mod called the thread hatefull. How soon they forget.
cerchier
August 28, 2008 8:20 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
LOL. Bitter bitch. You always sound like you have a gigantic metal pole up your ass on lhch. Why the constant stank attitude? It radiates through all of your lousy posts.
We've all seen your picture so we know you're not a 13 year old moody cunt of a teenager going through puberty. You have the mental age of one though.
Keep on talking the way you do, as thus allowing everyone to continue laugh at you :D
August 29, 2008 1:59 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Did this one make the banned, too? LOL
August 29, 2008 6:19 PM
Anonymous Cerchier said...
Only banned for a month. I'll be back. And unlike old anon above, I don't care if you know who I am. Cerchier is my name there too. Also, check how uses the words gigantic metal pole up your ass in the same sentence that she tries to act superior. Hypocritical idiot. BTW, hit me up when I come back...if you don't mind coming out of hiding, and maybe I'll share the laugh with you.
I knew as much as you all liked to pretend like you're above this drama you'll are all up in it reading and waiting for your name to come up.
August 30, 2008 12:15 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This forum is getting out of hand lately. All these fucking hypocrits. There are the threads that are started to start shit and the same dumb ass people who love the drama and fall for that shit everytime. I also want to know who the hell Blossom is fucking to be allowed to stay on the board, that bitch breaks 20 rules a day. Nikkos, where is your damn pleadge to curb the cussing or the clever guises used to curse? The so called pretty bitches on there that always got something to say about anyone that is not lightskinned and skinny. Bint and Lourdes your day will come, I promise. Volare get another pic up (is that really you?) You go to Clemson, thats not even a real college lol. Yall miserable bitches have nothing better to do than tear people down. And if you are wondering, I am lightskinned and skinny so keep your "hater" comment, it does not apply hateful bitches.
September 2, 2008 11:30 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
What's with all of the dykes? It's turning into a lesbo board!
September 3, 2008 1:38 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
stupid bitch probably got banned!
September 4, 2008 11:25 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Oh man this board is getting better and better. I have the pics of bev, maybe I should create a blog and post them lol. They are going hard in there today and where are the mods? Is that one that is pregnant with the white loser baby still on?
September 4, 2008 2:51 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
post them!
September 4, 2008 6:17 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Seraphinelle always hating on Americans and America. Bitch please nobody checking for your wack ass Canada. Stay your corny ass over there. Then got a nerve to say we was hating on Jamaica. Bitch Please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Her citizenship request to come to America must have been denied which is why she so bitter. Her and her ugly ass friend Abenyo swear they the shit Abenyo look like she 50 in the face her ugly ass.
September 5, 2008 5:09 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
"Yall miserable bitches have nothing better to do than tear people down. "
Oh, the irony! Actually, since I can tell what a dumbass you are from your post alone, I bet you have no idea what the word "irony" mean.
September 5, 2008 11:07 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Anyone Know why Ms. Scar got banned, and all the other chicks that got banned the other day? I wonder if they are all over at Dirty girlz socaial club?
September 6, 2008 9:29 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Not Miss Scarlett, one of the queen bitches! I thought she had an in to keep her from making the banned! LoL
September 6, 2008 1:23 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
She thought that? Wow! I still want to know and I know someone knows why she got banned.
September 6, 2008 4:59 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Wow. I learn more from here than there...even before I was banned for a month. I thought Miss Scarlett was damn near an untouchable. Still, until an actual untouchable gets touched, the rules aren't unilaterally enforced and, as such, are to be regarded as just something to consider. Most of them say things others would get perm. banned for but are considered, like a flatulent Grandfather, something to be tolerated. Naw!!! Something smells like boo boo!
September 6, 2008 5:05 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Oh, and why is everyone afraid to post Beverly's pics? My imagination is starting to wander...what DOES she look like?
September 6, 2008 5:23 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
so are some chicks sucking niko's dick or what? I don't get what makes some untouchable! Are they the OGs of lhcf?
September 6, 2008 6:01 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Money is what makes them untouchable. They've been around forever and keep paying. Too big of a risk to make them follow the rules. Not for nothing, but it makes sense. I'm not paying another dime to renew.
I am known to do the wop.
September 6, 2008 7:24 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
cerchier shut the fuck up bitch
bev could get money from plenty of members
she can afford to ban a few people
we need to figure out why firecracker is not banned
September 6, 2008 10:14 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
firecracker and blossom! How the hell are these two still members? I like firecracker though, blossom and her desperate ass can kick rocks. Bloss guess what, white men dont want you either. Volare bad as hell though and I wonder is that really Tiara on there, hmmmm.
September 7, 2008 6:28 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I am surprised that people have the time (and careers) where they can post so often throughout the day. Not only do they post, but they have essay like responses in their posts. I can see every once and a while, but some of these people write long responses every day. SleekandBouncy comes to mind, there are a few others though.
September 7, 2008 10:05 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
maybe they are not a broke busted bitch like you and either do not work full time or do not care
the time you spent wondering you could be doing something else
get a life bitch
September 7, 2008 10:18 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
That last post sounded like sleekandbouncy, a bit bitter are we fake ass dahling ;)
September 7, 2008 10:37 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
^^^^ I agree with the last post.
That poster responded just a little too quickly--hunched over the computer with nothing else to do...they sound VERY little bitter. It's just a hair website.
September 7, 2008 10:46 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I think you really hurt abenyo's feelings, she's been extra angry and rude lately!
September 7, 2008 10:47 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
abenyo has always been rude and angry and yes it is because she is ugly and never has a man
September 7, 2008 11:00 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
There are some nice posters on the site. There are really just a few that are irritating.
September 7, 2008 11:11 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
damn this has grown. Aside from D lewis who I love, who the hell are the nice posters cause all them hoes are bitter and evil.
September 7, 2008 11:14 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
ella is very sweet. Dlewis is cool...um...who else is nice? Oh well.
September 7, 2008 11:22 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
FlowerHair is very nice.
September 7, 2008 11:24 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I guess iris gets on people's nerves or whatever but she seems nice to me.
September 7, 2008 2:17 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
The reason why fire will never be banned is because they are personal friends so keep holding your breath on that one. If you think there is bs on LHCF you need to check out dirty girlz. Those are what you call miserable bitches. The chat crew have also gone to worlds unknown, but who are they kidding, people know where they are. All them chicks are nice I like flower, dlewis and sylver even though she wont give you the time of day if you not light and pretty, she ok.
September 7, 2008 3:25 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Whoever it is that wants me to spend time wondering about other things, and the other that called me a bitch, only makes me even more curious what Bev looks like. Why are you'll so defensive? Does it have something to do with her hair?
September 7, 2008 4:56 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I am really curious (and since they won't answer this on the site without closing or deleting a thread), how does one really get banned? I know if you curse, or call someone ugly you get banned.
However, it sounds as though if you offend an 'untouchable' you get banned.
September 7, 2008 5:53 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
To the poster right above-
There seems to be different rules for different people. We could tell you rules all day and you could still do the wrong the to the wrong person and get banned.
September 7, 2008 6:20 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Don't tell me bev is a bald headit bitch! LOL!
September 7, 2008 6:22 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Thanks anonymous @6:20. This is my thinking too.
September 7, 2008 6:57 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I wonder who actually is 'untouchable', besides blosss and fire.
September 7, 2008 6:59 PM
Anonymous Cerchier said...
Chellero and Vevster come to mind as untouchable. Hell, Chellero said I need more dick. But some of the mods use less than subtle comments to target people.
Btw, I've cursed, but never called anyone ugly, and I made the banned 3 times. The girl who used scary to describe someones pic is most definitely not banned so, you may call someone ugly, with the right adjective.
September 8, 2008 9:06 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
what happened to aloofone? is she banned?
September 8, 2008 12:21 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Why was MissScarlet banned?!?!?!
September 8, 2008 12:32 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This is juicer than the actual board! Did the creator get banned? I wonder why they abandoned it.
September 8, 2008 4:06 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Aloofone is not banned. There is some info on here and on the Niko's step-cousin blog about why MissScarlet may have been banned or just left.
September 8, 2008 4:18 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Aloofone hasn't been banned.
I also think the meaning of being an 'untouchable' is that one says something and everyone agrees with them, and doesn't question their statement. However, if another person were to say the exact same thing, everyone would disagree, call them an idiot, or completely ignore them etc...
There are a few people on the site who everyone blindly agrees with, even if what they are saying is something someone else may have said already.
September 8, 2008 5:01 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This blog and that one that closed down were hard on aloofone, I could understand why she wouldn't want to come back. She can be confrontational, but she is not the worst one on the board, I don't know why she was targeted.
September 8, 2008 6:05 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
She looks like a used turd and always wants attention. She was actually talking about being a model. Bitch, please.
September 10, 2008 9:37 AM
Comment deleted
This post has been removed by the author.
September 10, 2008 12:27 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This thread is pathetic, the poster doesn't even have that much hair!
http://www.longhaircareforum.com/forums/showthread.php?t=278305
September 10, 2008 12:29 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This comment section is hilarious - It's like the Special Ed. version of DGSC - or maybe it's the ugly twin with the club foot and headgear.
"Who needs dates and parties and friends anyway!"
*stomps orthopedic shoe*
*sucks on asthma inhaler*
LMMFAO
September 10, 2008 3:25 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
It's so pathetic you couldn't help but to make an appearance, right? Which means you read it, right? No need to be ashamed. Welcome :D
September 10, 2008 3:33 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Yeah, because it takes sooo much time to comment here, unlike the full time careers some of the lhcf chicks make out of posting. Shoot, I wish I had the time on my hands some of those chicks have. At least here things are a little more real and to the point.
September 10, 2008 3:38 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I meant the pathetic comment at the girl who found it hilarious, not the one who quoted the thread on LHCF about taking 5-6 hours to wash uneven sl hair. Am I the only one that thinks most of the heffa's who claim to be trimming or dusting and go from bsl to apl are really just trying to hide their hair breaking off?
September 10, 2008 3:38 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
"Am I the only one that thinks most of the heffa's who claim to be trimming or dusting and go from bsl to apl are really just trying to hide their hair breaking off?"
I agree with this. They are ashamed, or in denial.
September 10, 2008 3:46 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I love how certain posters have to show off the clothing and the outfits they have in their signatures.
w. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned) hey (the moderators of Long Hair Care Forum) have started another round of banning. I'm still there. Pouring out liqour for those who aren't. That $6.50 has some mods "Stunnin." (So not in touch with the real world, bitch its Stunting, as in doing tricks, slut bag) Y'all better stop giving those ungrateful folks your money! That's money well spent on hair products, gas, food, or a bootleg education on the web. Or join a site that isn't ran by a bunch of hippogrits. On the list so far... MPJ (Miss Plain Jane), Mizanilocs (formerly Mizanimami and 2nd time entering a-banned-done-ment), Beautifulisaunderstatment (damn thats a long ass name, formerly banned but not sure who she is) and MissScarlett. You all probably remember MissS from the meet up scandal. She ditched some folks who set up a "coming to town" parade (Abenyo) in her honor to hang out with more down to earth folks (Sylver and Army). I mean MissS sort of apolo-lied. BUT they still haven't banned "Alexis." Oh you don't know who Alexis is? Its the person who HACKED into MissS's account and posted the PM's that exposed the whole thing. But really Alexis is Bev. Yes bitch we know. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned)
August 17, 2008 2:55 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Well, I found your insights appropriate. I just got banned, temp style, for p.o. one of the 10k+ members. Or, more to the point, for calling the bitch out. It is what it is...I'll be perm. banned before I change how I speak. Keep on outing the hypocrites who try to run the place. Because I'll be damned if a chick who tried to call me a troll didn't start a thread calling another members pics so scary she was thinking of blocking sigs. And a mod called the thread hatefull. How soon they forget.
cerchier
August 28, 2008 8:20 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
LOL. Bitter bitch. You always sound like you have a gigantic metal pole up your ass on lhch. Why the constant stank attitude? It radiates through all of your lousy posts.
We've all seen your picture so we know you're not a 13 year old moody cunt of a teenager going through puberty. You have the mental age of one though.
Keep on talking the way you do, as thus allowing everyone to continue laugh at you :D
August 29, 2008 1:59 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Did this one make the banned, too? LOL
August 29, 2008 6:19 PM
Anonymous Cerchier said...
Only banned for a month. I'll be back. And unlike old anon above, I don't care if you know who I am. Cerchier is my name there too. Also, check how uses the words gigantic metal pole up your ass in the same sentence that she tries to act superior. Hypocritical idiot. BTW, hit me up when I come back...if you don't mind coming out of hiding, and maybe I'll share the laugh with you.
I knew as much as you all liked to pretend like you're above this drama you'll are all up in it reading and waiting for your name to come up.
August 30, 2008 12:15 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This forum is getting out of hand lately. All these fucking hypocrits. There are the threads that are started to start shit and the same dumb ass people who love the drama and fall for that shit everytime. I also want to know who the hell Blossom is fucking to be allowed to stay on the board, that bitch breaks 20 rules a day. Nikkos, where is your damn pleadge to curb the cussing or the clever guises used to curse? The so called pretty bitches on there that always got something to say about anyone that is not lightskinned and skinny. Bint and Lourdes your day will come, I promise. Volare get another pic up (is that really you?) You go to Clemson, thats not even a real college lol. Yall miserable bitches have nothing better to do than tear people down. And if you are wondering, I am lightskinned and skinny so keep your "hater" comment, it does not apply hateful bitches.
September 2, 2008 11:30 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
What's with all of the dykes? It's turning into a lesbo board!
September 3, 2008 1:38 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
stupid bitch probably got banned!
September 4, 2008 11:25 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Oh man this board is getting better and better. I have the pics of bev, maybe I should create a blog and post them lol. They are going hard in there today and where are the mods? Is that one that is pregnant with the white loser baby still on?
September 4, 2008 2:51 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
post them!
September 4, 2008 6:17 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Seraphinelle always hating on Americans and America. Bitch please nobody checking for your wack ass Canada. Stay your corny ass over there. Then got a nerve to say we was hating on Jamaica. Bitch Please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Her citizenship request to come to America must have been denied which is why she so bitter. Her and her ugly ass friend Abenyo swear they the shit Abenyo look like she 50 in the face her ugly ass.
September 5, 2008 5:09 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
"Yall miserable bitches have nothing better to do than tear people down. "
Oh, the irony! Actually, since I can tell what a dumbass you are from your post alone, I bet you have no idea what the word "irony" mean.
September 5, 2008 11:07 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Anyone Know why Ms. Scar got banned, and all the other chicks that got banned the other day? I wonder if they are all over at Dirty girlz socaial club?
September 6, 2008 9:29 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Not Miss Scarlett, one of the queen bitches! I thought she had an in to keep her from making the banned! LoL
September 6, 2008 1:23 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
She thought that? Wow! I still want to know and I know someone knows why she got banned.
September 6, 2008 4:59 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Wow. I learn more from here than there...even before I was banned for a month. I thought Miss Scarlett was damn near an untouchable. Still, until an actual untouchable gets touched, the rules aren't unilaterally enforced and, as such, are to be regarded as just something to consider. Most of them say things others would get perm. banned for but are considered, like a flatulent Grandfather, something to be tolerated. Naw!!! Something smells like boo boo!
September 6, 2008 5:05 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Oh, and why is everyone afraid to post Beverly's pics? My imagination is starting to wander...what DOES she look like?
September 6, 2008 5:23 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
so are some chicks sucking niko's dick or what? I don't get what makes some untouchable! Are they the OGs of lhcf?
September 6, 2008 6:01 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Money is what makes them untouchable. They've been around forever and keep paying. Too big of a risk to make them follow the rules. Not for nothing, but it makes sense. I'm not paying another dime to renew.
I am known to do the wop.
September 6, 2008 7:24 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
cerchier shut the fuck up bitch
bev could get money from plenty of members
she can afford to ban a few people
we need to figure out why firecracker is not banned
September 6, 2008 10:14 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
firecracker and blossom! How the hell are these two still members? I like firecracker though, blossom and her desperate ass can kick rocks. Bloss guess what, white men dont want you either. Volare bad as hell though and I wonder is that really Tiara on there, hmmmm.
September 7, 2008 6:28 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I am surprised that people have the time (and careers) where they can post so often throughout the day. Not only do they post, but they have essay like responses in their posts. I can see every once and a while, but some of these people write long responses every day. SleekandBouncy comes to mind, there are a few others though.
September 7, 2008 10:05 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
maybe they are not a broke busted bitch like you and either do not work full time or do not care
the time you spent wondering you could be doing something else
get a life bitch
September 7, 2008 10:18 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
That last post sounded like sleekandbouncy, a bit bitter are we fake ass dahling ;)
September 7, 2008 10:37 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
^^^^ I agree with the last post.
That poster responded just a little too quickly--hunched over the computer with nothing else to do...they sound VERY little bitter. It's just a hair website.
September 7, 2008 10:46 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I think you really hurt abenyo's feelings, she's been extra angry and rude lately!
September 7, 2008 10:47 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
abenyo has always been rude and angry and yes it is because she is ugly and never has a man
September 7, 2008 11:00 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
There are some nice posters on the site. There are really just a few that are irritating.
September 7, 2008 11:11 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
damn this has grown. Aside from D lewis who I love, who the hell are the nice posters cause all them hoes are bitter and evil.
September 7, 2008 11:14 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
ella is very sweet. Dlewis is cool...um...who else is nice? Oh well.
September 7, 2008 11:22 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
FlowerHair is very nice.
September 7, 2008 11:24 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I guess iris gets on people's nerves or whatever but she seems nice to me.
September 7, 2008 2:17 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
The reason why fire will never be banned is because they are personal friends so keep holding your breath on that one. If you think there is bs on LHCF you need to check out dirty girlz. Those are what you call miserable bitches. The chat crew have also gone to worlds unknown, but who are they kidding, people know where they are. All them chicks are nice I like flower, dlewis and sylver even though she wont give you the time of day if you not light and pretty, she ok.
September 7, 2008 3:25 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Whoever it is that wants me to spend time wondering about other things, and the other that called me a bitch, only makes me even more curious what Bev looks like. Why are you'll so defensive? Does it have something to do with her hair?
September 7, 2008 4:56 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I am really curious (and since they won't answer this on the site without closing or deleting a thread), how does one really get banned? I know if you curse, or call someone ugly you get banned.
However, it sounds as though if you offend an 'untouchable' you get banned.
September 7, 2008 5:53 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
To the poster right above-
There seems to be different rules for different people. We could tell you rules all day and you could still do the wrong the to the wrong person and get banned.
September 7, 2008 6:20 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Don't tell me bev is a bald headit bitch! LOL!
September 7, 2008 6:22 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Thanks anonymous @6:20. This is my thinking too.
September 7, 2008 6:57 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I wonder who actually is 'untouchable', besides blosss and fire.
September 7, 2008 6:59 PM
Anonymous Cerchier said...
Chellero and Vevster come to mind as untouchable. Hell, Chellero said I need more dick. But some of the mods use less than subtle comments to target people.
Btw, I've cursed, but never called anyone ugly, and I made the banned 3 times. The girl who used scary to describe someones pic is most definitely not banned so, you may call someone ugly, with the right adjective.
September 8, 2008 9:06 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
what happened to aloofone? is she banned?
September 8, 2008 12:21 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Why was MissScarlet banned?!?!?!
September 8, 2008 12:32 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This is juicer than the actual board! Did the creator get banned? I wonder why they abandoned it.
September 8, 2008 4:06 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Aloofone is not banned. There is some info on here and on the Niko's step-cousin blog about why MissScarlet may have been banned or just left.
September 8, 2008 4:18 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Aloofone hasn't been banned.
I also think the meaning of being an 'untouchable' is that one says something and everyone agrees with them, and doesn't question their statement. However, if another person were to say the exact same thing, everyone would disagree, call them an idiot, or completely ignore them etc...
There are a few people on the site who everyone blindly agrees with, even if what they are saying is something someone else may have said already.
September 8, 2008 5:01 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This blog and that one that closed down were hard on aloofone, I could understand why she wouldn't want to come back. She can be confrontational, but she is not the worst one on the board, I don't know why she was targeted.
September 8, 2008 6:05 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
She looks like a used turd and always wants attention. She was actually talking about being a model. Bitch, please.
September 10, 2008 9:37 AM
Comment deleted
This post has been removed by the author.
September 10, 2008 12:27 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This thread is pathetic, the poster doesn't even have that much hair!
http://www.longhaircareforum.com/forums/showthread.php?t=278305
September 10, 2008 12:29 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This comment section is hilarious - It's like the Special Ed. version of DGSC - or maybe it's the ugly twin with the club foot and headgear.
"Who needs dates and parties and friends anyway!"
*stomps orthopedic shoe*
*sucks on asthma inhaler*
LMMFAO
September 10, 2008 3:25 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
It's so pathetic you couldn't help but to make an appearance, right? Which means you read it, right? No need to be ashamed. Welcome :D
September 10, 2008 3:33 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Yeah, because it takes sooo much time to comment here, unlike the full time careers some of the lhcf chicks make out of posting. Shoot, I wish I had the time on my hands some of those chicks have. At least here things are a little more real and to the point.
September 10, 2008 3:38 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I meant the pathetic comment at the girl who found it hilarious, not the one who quoted the thread on LHCF about taking 5-6 hours to wash uneven sl hair. Am I the only one that thinks most of the heffa's who claim to be trimming or dusting and go from bsl to apl are really just trying to hide their hair breaking off?
September 10, 2008 3:38 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
"Am I the only one that thinks most of the heffa's who claim to be trimming or dusting and go from bsl to apl are really just trying to hide their hair breaking off?"
I agree with this. They are ashamed, or in denial.
September 10, 2008 3:46 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I love how certain posters have to show off the clothing and the outfits they have in their signatures.
w. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned) hey (the moderators of Long Hair Care Forum) have started another round of banning. I'm still there. Pouring out liqour for those who aren't. That $6.50 has some mods "Stunnin." (So not in touch with the real world, bitch its Stunting, as in doing tricks, slut bag) Y'all better stop giving those ungrateful folks your money! That's money well spent on hair products, gas, food, or a bootleg education on the web. Or join a site that isn't ran by a bunch of hippogrits. On the list so far... MPJ (Miss Plain Jane), Mizanilocs (formerly Mizanimami and 2nd time entering a-banned-done-ment), Beautifulisaunderstatment (damn thats a long ass name, formerly banned but not sure who she is) and MissScarlett. You all probably remember MissS from the meet up scandal. She ditched some folks who set up a "coming to town" parade (Abenyo) in her honor to hang out with more down to earth folks (Sylver and Army). I mean MissS sort of apolo-lied. BUT they still haven't banned "Alexis." Oh you don't know who Alexis is? Its the person who HACKED into MissS's account and posted the PM's that exposed the whole thing. But really Alexis is Bev. Yes bitch we know. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned)
August 17, 2008 2:55 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Well, I found your insights appropriate. I just got banned, temp style, for p.o. one of the 10k+ members. Or, more to the point, for calling the bitch out. It is what it is...I'll be perm. banned before I change how I speak. Keep on outing the hypocrites who try to run the place. Because I'll be damned if a chick who tried to call me a troll didn't start a thread calling another members pics so scary she was thinking of blocking sigs. And a mod called the thread hatefull. How soon they forget.
cerchier
August 28, 2008 8:20 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
LOL. Bitter bitch. You always sound like you have a gigantic metal pole up your ass on lhch. Why the constant stank attitude? It radiates through all of your lousy posts.
We've all seen your picture so we know you're not a 13 year old moody cunt of a teenager going through puberty. You have the mental age of one though.
Keep on talking the way you do, as thus allowing everyone to continue laugh at you :D
August 29, 2008 1:59 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Did this one make the banned, too? LOL
August 29, 2008 6:19 PM
Anonymous Cerchier said...
Only banned for a month. I'll be back. And unlike old anon above, I don't care if you know who I am. Cerchier is my name there too. Also, check how uses the words gigantic metal pole up your ass in the same sentence that she tries to act superior. Hypocritical idiot. BTW, hit me up when I come back...if you don't mind coming out of hiding, and maybe I'll share the laugh with you.
I knew as much as you all liked to pretend like you're above this drama you'll are all up in it reading and waiting for your name to come up.
August 30, 2008 12:15 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This forum is getting out of hand lately. All these fucking hypocrits. There are the threads that are started to start shit and the same dumb ass people who love the drama and fall for that shit everytime. I also want to know who the hell Blossom is fucking to be allowed to stay on the board, that bitch breaks 20 rules a day. Nikkos, where is your damn pleadge to curb the cussing or the clever guises used to curse? The so called pretty bitches on there that always got something to say about anyone that is not lightskinned and skinny. Bint and Lourdes your day will come, I promise. Volare get another pic up (is that really you?) You go to Clemson, thats not even a real college lol. Yall miserable bitches have nothing better to do than tear people down. And if you are wondering, I am lightskinned and skinny so keep your "hater" comment, it does not apply hateful bitches.
September 2, 2008 11:30 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
What's with all of the dykes? It's turning into a lesbo board!
September 3, 2008 1:38 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
stupid bitch probably got banned!
September 4, 2008 11:25 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Oh man this board is getting better and better. I have the pics of bev, maybe I should create a blog and post them lol. They are going hard in there today and where are the mods? Is that one that is pregnant with the white loser baby still on?
September 4, 2008 2:51 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
post them!
September 4, 2008 6:17 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Seraphinelle always hating on Americans and America. Bitch please nobody checking for your wack ass Canada. Stay your corny ass over there. Then got a nerve to say we was hating on Jamaica. Bitch Please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Her citizenship request to come to America must have been denied which is why she so bitter. Her and her ugly ass friend Abenyo swear they the shit Abenyo look like she 50 in the face her ugly ass.
September 5, 2008 5:09 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
"Yall miserable bitches have nothing better to do than tear people down. "
Oh, the irony! Actually, since I can tell what a dumbass you are from your post alone, I bet you have no idea what the word "irony" mean.
September 5, 2008 11:07 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Anyone Know why Ms. Scar got banned, and all the other chicks that got banned the other day? I wonder if they are all over at Dirty girlz socaial club?
September 6, 2008 9:29 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Not Miss Scarlett, one of the queen bitches! I thought she had an in to keep her from making the banned! LoL
September 6, 2008 1:23 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
She thought that? Wow! I still want to know and I know someone knows why she got banned.
September 6, 2008 4:59 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Wow. I learn more from here than there...even before I was banned for a month. I thought Miss Scarlett was damn near an untouchable. Still, until an actual untouchable gets touched, the rules aren't unilaterally enforced and, as such, are to be regarded as just something to consider. Most of them say things others would get perm. banned for but are considered, like a flatulent Grandfather, something to be tolerated. Naw!!! Something smells like boo boo!
September 6, 2008 5:05 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Oh, and why is everyone afraid to post Beverly's pics? My imagination is starting to wander...what DOES she look like?
September 6, 2008 5:23 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
so are some chicks sucking niko's dick or what? I don't get what makes some untouchable! Are they the OGs of lhcf?
September 6, 2008 6:01 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Money is what makes them untouchable. They've been around forever and keep paying. Too big of a risk to make them follow the rules. Not for nothing, but it makes sense. I'm not paying another dime to renew.
I am known to do the wop.
September 6, 2008 7:24 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
cerchier shut the fuck up bitch
bev could get money from plenty of members
she can afford to ban a few people
we need to figure out why firecracker is not banned
September 6, 2008 10:14 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
firecracker and blossom! How the hell are these two still members? I like firecracker though, blossom and her desperate ass can kick rocks. Bloss guess what, white men dont want you either. Volare bad as hell though and I wonder is that really Tiara on there, hmmmm.
September 7, 2008 6:28 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I am surprised that people have the time (and careers) where they can post so often throughout the day. Not only do they post, but they have essay like responses in their posts. I can see every once and a while, but some of these people write long responses every day. SleekandBouncy comes to mind, there are a few others though.
September 7, 2008 10:05 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
maybe they are not a broke busted bitch like you and either do not work full time or do not care
the time you spent wondering you could be doing something else
get a life bitch
September 7, 2008 10:18 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
That last post sounded like sleekandbouncy, a bit bitter are we fake ass dahling ;)
September 7, 2008 10:37 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
^^^^ I agree with the last post.
That poster responded just a little too quickly--hunched over the computer with nothing else to do...they sound VERY little bitter. It's just a hair website.
September 7, 2008 10:46 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I think you really hurt abenyo's feelings, she's been extra angry and rude lately!
September 7, 2008 10:47 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
abenyo has always been rude and angry and yes it is because she is ugly and never has a man
September 7, 2008 11:00 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
There are some nice posters on the site. There are really just a few that are irritating.
September 7, 2008 11:11 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
damn this has grown. Aside from D lewis who I love, who the hell are the nice posters cause all them hoes are bitter and evil.
September 7, 2008 11:14 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
ella is very sweet. Dlewis is cool...um...who else is nice? Oh well.
September 7, 2008 11:22 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
FlowerHair is very nice.
September 7, 2008 11:24 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I guess iris gets on people's nerves or whatever but she seems nice to me.
September 7, 2008 2:17 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
The reason why fire will never be banned is because they are personal friends so keep holding your breath on that one. If you think there is bs on LHCF you need to check out dirty girlz. Those are what you call miserable bitches. The chat crew have also gone to worlds unknown, but who are they kidding, people know where they are. All them chicks are nice I like flower, dlewis and sylver even though she wont give you the time of day if you not light and pretty, she ok.
September 7, 2008 3:25 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Whoever it is that wants me to spend time wondering about other things, and the other that called me a bitch, only makes me even more curious what Bev looks like. Why are you'll so defensive? Does it have something to do with her hair?
September 7, 2008 4:56 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I am really curious (and since they won't answer this on the site without closing or deleting a thread), how does one really get banned? I know if you curse, or call someone ugly you get banned.
However, it sounds as though if you offend an 'untouchable' you get banned.
September 7, 2008 5:53 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
To the poster right above-
There seems to be different rules for different people. We could tell you rules all day and you could still do the wrong the to the wrong person and get banned.
September 7, 2008 6:20 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Don't tell me bev is a bald headit bitch! LOL!
September 7, 2008 6:22 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Thanks anonymous @6:20. This is my thinking too.
September 7, 2008 6:57 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I wonder who actually is 'untouchable', besides blosss and fire.
September 7, 2008 6:59 PM
Anonymous Cerchier said...
Chellero and Vevster come to mind as untouchable. Hell, Chellero said I need more dick. But some of the mods use less than subtle comments to target people.
Btw, I've cursed, but never called anyone ugly, and I made the banned 3 times. The girl who used scary to describe someones pic is most definitely not banned so, you may call someone ugly, with the right adjective.
September 8, 2008 9:06 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
what happened to aloofone? is she banned?
September 8, 2008 12:21 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Why was MissScarlet banned?!?!?!
September 8, 2008 12:32 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This is juicer than the actual board! Did the creator get banned? I wonder why they abandoned it.
September 8, 2008 4:06 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Aloofone is not banned. There is some info on here and on the Niko's step-cousin blog about why MissScarlet may have been banned or just left.
September 8, 2008 4:18 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Aloofone hasn't been banned.
I also think the meaning of being an 'untouchable' is that one says something and everyone agrees with them, and doesn't question their statement. However, if another person were to say the exact same thing, everyone would disagree, call them an idiot, or completely ignore them etc...
There are a few people on the site who everyone blindly agrees with, even if what they are saying is something someone else may have said already.
September 8, 2008 5:01 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This blog and that one that closed down were hard on aloofone, I could understand why she wouldn't want to come back. She can be confrontational, but she is not the worst one on the board, I don't know why she was targeted.
September 8, 2008 6:05 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
She looks like a used turd and always wants attention. She was actually talking about being a model. Bitch, please.
September 10, 2008 9:37 AM
Comment deleted
This post has been removed by the author.
September 10, 2008 12:27 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This thread is pathetic, the poster doesn't even have that much hair!
http://www.longhaircareforum.com/forums/showthread.php?t=278305
September 10, 2008 12:29 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This comment section is hilarious - It's like the Special Ed. version of DGSC - or maybe it's the ugly twin with the club foot and headgear.
"Who needs dates and parties and friends anyway!"
*stomps orthopedic shoe*
*sucks on asthma inhaler*
LMMFAO
September 10, 2008 3:25 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
It's so pathetic you couldn't help but to make an appearance, right? Which means you read it, right? No need to be ashamed. Welcome :D
September 10, 2008 3:33 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Yeah, because it takes sooo much time to comment here, unlike the full time careers some of the lhcf chicks make out of posting. Shoot, I wish I had the time on my hands some of those chicks have. At least here things are a little more real and to the point.
September 10, 2008 3:38 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I meant the pathetic comment at the girl who found it hilarious, not the one who quoted the thread on LHCF about taking 5-6 hours to wash uneven sl hair. Am I the only one that thinks most of the heffa's who claim to be trimming or dusting and go from bsl to apl are really just trying to hide their hair breaking off?
September 10, 2008 3:38 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
"Am I the only one that thinks most of the heffa's who claim to be trimming or dusting and go from bsl to apl are really just trying to hide their hair breaking off?"
I agree with this. They are ashamed, or in denial.
September 10, 2008 3:46 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I love how certain posters have to show off the clothing and the outfits they have in their signatures.
w. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned) hey (the moderators of Long Hair Care Forum) have started another round of banning. I'm still there. Pouring out liqour for those who aren't. That $6.50 has some mods "Stunnin." (So not in touch with the real world, bitch its Stunting, as in doing tricks, slut bag) Y'all better stop giving those ungrateful folks your money! That's money well spent on hair products, gas, food, or a bootleg education on the web. Or join a site that isn't ran by a bunch of hippogrits. On the list so far... MPJ (Miss Plain Jane), Mizanilocs (formerly Mizanimami and 2nd time entering a-banned-done-ment), Beautifulisaunderstatment (damn thats a long ass name, formerly banned but not sure who she is) and MissScarlett. You all probably remember MissS from the meet up scandal. She ditched some folks who set up a "coming to town" parade (Abenyo) in her honor to hang out with more down to earth folks (Sylver and Army). I mean MissS sort of apolo-lied. BUT they still haven't banned "Alexis." Oh you don't know who Alexis is? Its the person who HACKED into MissS's account and posted the PM's that exposed the whole thing. But really Alexis is Bev. Yes bitch we know. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned)
August 17, 2008 2:55 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Well, I found your insights appropriate. I just got banned, temp style, for p.o. one of the 10k+ members. Or, more to the point, for calling the bitch out. It is what it is...I'll be perm. banned before I change how I speak. Keep on outing the hypocrites who try to run the place. Because I'll be damned if a chick who tried to call me a troll didn't start a thread calling another members pics so scary she was thinking of blocking sigs. And a mod called the thread hatefull. How soon they forget.
cerchier
August 28, 2008 8:20 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
LOL. Bitter bitch. You always sound like you have a gigantic metal pole up your ass on lhch. Why the constant stank attitude? It radiates through all of your lousy posts.
We've all seen your picture so we know you're not a 13 year old moody cunt of a teenager going through puberty. You have the mental age of one though.
Keep on talking the way you do, as thus allowing everyone to continue laugh at you :D
August 29, 2008 1:59 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Did this one make the banned, too? LOL
August 29, 2008 6:19 PM
Anonymous Cerchier said...
Only banned for a month. I'll be back. And unlike old anon above, I don't care if you know who I am. Cerchier is my name there too. Also, check how uses the words gigantic metal pole up your ass in the same sentence that she tries to act superior. Hypocritical idiot. BTW, hit me up when I come back...if you don't mind coming out of hiding, and maybe I'll share the laugh with you.
I knew as much as you all liked to pretend like you're above this drama you'll are all up in it reading and waiting for your name to come up.
August 30, 2008 12:15 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This forum is getting out of hand lately. All these fucking hypocrits. There are the threads that are started to start shit and the same dumb ass people who love the drama and fall for that shit everytime. I also want to know who the hell Blossom is fucking to be allowed to stay on the board, that bitch breaks 20 rules a day. Nikkos, where is your damn pleadge to curb the cussing or the clever guises used to curse? The so called pretty bitches on there that always got something to say about anyone that is not lightskinned and skinny. Bint and Lourdes your day will come, I promise. Volare get another pic up (is that really you?) You go to Clemson, thats not even a real college lol. Yall miserable bitches have nothing better to do than tear people down. And if you are wondering, I am lightskinned and skinny so keep your "hater" comment, it does not apply hateful bitches.
September 2, 2008 11:30 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
What's with all of the dykes? It's turning into a lesbo board!
September 3, 2008 1:38 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
stupid bitch probably got banned!
September 4, 2008 11:25 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Oh man this board is getting better and better. I have the pics of bev, maybe I should create a blog and post them lol. They are going hard in there today and where are the mods? Is that one that is pregnant with the white loser baby still on?
September 4, 2008 2:51 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
post them!
September 4, 2008 6:17 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Seraphinelle always hating on Americans and America. Bitch please nobody checking for your wack ass Canada. Stay your corny ass over there. Then got a nerve to say we was hating on Jamaica. Bitch Please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Her citizenship request to come to America must have been denied which is why she so bitter. Her and her ugly ass friend Abenyo swear they the shit Abenyo look like she 50 in the face her ugly ass.
September 5, 2008 5:09 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
"Yall miserable bitches have nothing better to do than tear people down. "
Oh, the irony! Actually, since I can tell what a dumbass you are from your post alone, I bet you have no idea what the word "irony" mean.
September 5, 2008 11:07 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Anyone Know why Ms. Scar got banned, and all the other chicks that got banned the other day? I wonder if they are all over at Dirty girlz socaial club?
September 6, 2008 9:29 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Not Miss Scarlett, one of the queen bitches! I thought she had an in to keep her from making the banned! LoL
September 6, 2008 1:23 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
She thought that? Wow! I still want to know and I know someone knows why she got banned.
September 6, 2008 4:59 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Wow. I learn more from here than there...even before I was banned for a month. I thought Miss Scarlett was damn near an untouchable. Still, until an actual untouchable gets touched, the rules aren't unilaterally enforced and, as such, are to be regarded as just something to consider. Most of them say things others would get perm. banned for but are considered, like a flatulent Grandfather, something to be tolerated. Naw!!! Something smells like boo boo!
September 6, 2008 5:05 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Oh, and why is everyone afraid to post Beverly's pics? My imagination is starting to wander...what DOES she look like?
September 6, 2008 5:23 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
so are some chicks sucking niko's dick or what? I don't get what makes some untouchable! Are they the OGs of lhcf?
September 6, 2008 6:01 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Money is what makes them untouchable. They've been around forever and keep paying. Too big of a risk to make them follow the rules. Not for nothing, but it makes sense. I'm not paying another dime to renew.
I am known to do the wop.
September 6, 2008 7:24 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
cerchier shut the fuck up bitch
bev could get money from plenty of members
she can afford to ban a few people
we need to figure out why firecracker is not banned
September 6, 2008 10:14 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
firecracker and blossom! How the hell are these two still members? I like firecracker though, blossom and her desperate ass can kick rocks. Bloss guess what, white men dont want you either. Volare bad as hell though and I wonder is that really Tiara on there, hmmmm.
September 7, 2008 6:28 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I am surprised that people have the time (and careers) where they can post so often throughout the day. Not only do they post, but they have essay like responses in their posts. I can see every once and a while, but some of these people write long responses every day. SleekandBouncy comes to mind, there are a few others though.
September 7, 2008 10:05 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
maybe they are not a broke busted bitch like you and either do not work full time or do not care
the time you spent wondering you could be doing something else
get a life bitch
September 7, 2008 10:18 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
That last post sounded like sleekandbouncy, a bit bitter are we fake ass dahling ;)
September 7, 2008 10:37 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
^^^^ I agree with the last post.
That poster responded just a little too quickly--hunched over the computer with nothing else to do...they sound VERY little bitter. It's just a hair website.
September 7, 2008 10:46 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I think you really hurt abenyo's feelings, she's been extra angry and rude lately!
September 7, 2008 10:47 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
abenyo has always been rude and angry and yes it is because she is ugly and never has a man
September 7, 2008 11:00 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
There are some nice posters on the site. There are really just a few that are irritating.
September 7, 2008 11:11 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
damn this has grown. Aside from D lewis who I love, who the hell are the nice posters cause all them hoes are bitter and evil.
September 7, 2008 11:14 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
ella is very sweet. Dlewis is cool...um...who else is nice? Oh well.
September 7, 2008 11:22 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
FlowerHair is very nice.
September 7, 2008 11:24 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I guess iris gets on people's nerves or whatever but she seems nice to me.
September 7, 2008 2:17 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
The reason why fire will never be banned is because they are personal friends so keep holding your breath on that one. If you think there is bs on LHCF you need to check out dirty girlz. Those are what you call miserable bitches. The chat crew have also gone to worlds unknown, but who are they kidding, people know where they are. All them chicks are nice I like flower, dlewis and sylver even though she wont give you the time of day if you not light and pretty, she ok.
September 7, 2008 3:25 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Whoever it is that wants me to spend time wondering about other things, and the other that called me a bitch, only makes me even more curious what Bev looks like. Why are you'll so defensive? Does it have something to do with her hair?
September 7, 2008 4:56 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I am really curious (and since they won't answer this on the site without closing or deleting a thread), how does one really get banned? I know if you curse, or call someone ugly you get banned.
However, it sounds as though if you offend an 'untouchable' you get banned.
September 7, 2008 5:53 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
To the poster right above-
There seems to be different rules for different people. We could tell you rules all day and you could still do the wrong the to the wrong person and get banned.
September 7, 2008 6:20 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Don't tell me bev is a bald headit bitch! LOL!
September 7, 2008 6:22 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Thanks anonymous @6:20. This is my thinking too.
September 7, 2008 6:57 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I wonder who actually is 'untouchable', besides blosss and fire.
September 7, 2008 6:59 PM
Anonymous Cerchier said...
Chellero and Vevster come to mind as untouchable. Hell, Chellero said I need more dick. But some of the mods use less than subtle comments to target people.
Btw, I've cursed, but never called anyone ugly, and I made the banned 3 times. The girl who used scary to describe someones pic is most definitely not banned so, you may call someone ugly, with the right adjective.
September 8, 2008 9:06 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
what happened to aloofone? is she banned?
September 8, 2008 12:21 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Why was MissScarlet banned?!?!?!
September 8, 2008 12:32 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This is juicer than the actual board! Did the creator get banned? I wonder why they abandoned it.
September 8, 2008 4:06 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Aloofone is not banned. There is some info on here and on the Niko's step-cousin blog about why MissScarlet may have been banned or just left.
September 8, 2008 4:18 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Aloofone hasn't been banned.
I also think the meaning of being an 'untouchable' is that one says something and everyone agrees with them, and doesn't question their statement. However, if another person were to say the exact same thing, everyone would disagree, call them an idiot, or completely ignore them etc...
There are a few people on the site who everyone blindly agrees with, even if what they are saying is something someone else may have said already.
September 8, 2008 5:01 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This blog and that one that closed down were hard on aloofone, I could understand why she wouldn't want to come back. She can be confrontational, but she is not the worst one on the board, I don't know why she was targeted.
September 8, 2008 6:05 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
She looks like a used turd and always wants attention. She was actually talking about being a model. Bitch, please.
September 10, 2008 9:37 AM
Comment deleted
This post has been removed by the author.
September 10, 2008 12:27 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This thread is pathetic, the poster doesn't even have that much hair!
http://www.longhaircareforum.com/forums/showthread.php?t=278305
September 10, 2008 12:29 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This comment section is hilarious - It's like the Special Ed. version of DGSC - or maybe it's the ugly twin with the club foot and headgear.
"Who needs dates and parties and friends anyway!"
*stomps orthopedic shoe*
*sucks on asthma inhaler*
LMMFAO
September 10, 2008 3:25 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
It's so pathetic you couldn't help but to make an appearance, right? Which means you read it, right? No need to be ashamed. Welcome :D
September 10, 2008 3:33 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Yeah, because it takes sooo much time to comment here, unlike the full time careers some of the lhcf chicks make out of posting. Shoot, I wish I had the time on my hands some of those chicks have. At least here things are a little more real and to the point.
September 10, 2008 3:38 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I meant the pathetic comment at the girl who found it hilarious, not the one who quoted the thread on LHCF about taking 5-6 hours to wash uneven sl hair. Am I the only one that thinks most of the heffa's who claim to be trimming or dusting and go from bsl to apl are really just trying to hide their hair breaking off?
September 10, 2008 3:38 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
"Am I the only one that thinks most of the heffa's who claim to be trimming or dusting and go from bsl to apl are really just trying to hide their hair breaking off?"
I agree with this. They are ashamed, or in denial.
September 10, 2008 3:46 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I love how certain posters have to show off the clothing and the outfits they have in their signatures.
w. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned) hey (the moderators of Long Hair Care Forum) have started another round of banning. I'm still there. Pouring out liqour for those who aren't. That $6.50 has some mods "Stunnin." (So not in touch with the real world, bitch its Stunting, as in doing tricks, slut bag) Y'all better stop giving those ungrateful folks your money! That's money well spent on hair products, gas, food, or a bootleg education on the web. Or join a site that isn't ran by a bunch of hippogrits. On the list so far... MPJ (Miss Plain Jane), Mizanilocs (formerly Mizanimami and 2nd time entering a-banned-done-ment), Beautifulisaunderstatment (damn thats a long ass name, formerly banned but not sure who she is) and MissScarlett. You all probably remember MissS from the meet up scandal. She ditched some folks who set up a "coming to town" parade (Abenyo) in her honor to hang out with more down to earth folks (Sylver and Army). I mean MissS sort of apolo-lied. BUT they still haven't banned "Alexis." Oh you don't know who Alexis is? Its the person who HACKED into MissS's account and posted the PM's that exposed the whole thing. But really Alexis is Bev. Yes bitch we know. You're not fooling anyone. Until next time (or until I get banned)
August 17, 2008 2:55 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Well, I found your insights appropriate. I just got banned, temp style, for p.o. one of the 10k+ members. Or, more to the point, for calling the bitch out. It is what it is...I'll be perm. banned before I change how I speak. Keep on outing the hypocrites who try to run the place. Because I'll be damned if a chick who tried to call me a troll didn't start a thread calling another members pics so scary she was thinking of blocking sigs. And a mod called the thread hatefull. How soon they forget.
cerchier
August 28, 2008 8:20 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
LOL. Bitter bitch. You always sound like you have a gigantic metal pole up your ass on lhch. Why the constant stank attitude? It radiates through all of your lousy posts.
We've all seen your picture so we know you're not a 13 year old moody cunt of a teenager going through puberty. You have the mental age of one though.
Keep on talking the way you do, as thus allowing everyone to continue laugh at you :D
August 29, 2008 1:59 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Did this one make the banned, too? LOL
August 29, 2008 6:19 PM
Anonymous Cerchier said...
Only banned for a month. I'll be back. And unlike old anon above, I don't care if you know who I am. Cerchier is my name there too. Also, check how uses the words gigantic metal pole up your ass in the same sentence that she tries to act superior. Hypocritical idiot. BTW, hit me up when I come back...if you don't mind coming out of hiding, and maybe I'll share the laugh with you.
I knew as much as you all liked to pretend like you're above this drama you'll are all up in it reading and waiting for your name to come up.
August 30, 2008 12:15 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This forum is getting out of hand lately. All these fucking hypocrits. There are the threads that are started to start shit and the same dumb ass people who love the drama and fall for that shit everytime. I also want to know who the hell Blossom is fucking to be allowed to stay on the board, that bitch breaks 20 rules a day. Nikkos, where is your damn pleadge to curb the cussing or the clever guises used to curse? The so called pretty bitches on there that always got something to say about anyone that is not lightskinned and skinny. Bint and Lourdes your day will come, I promise. Volare get another pic up (is that really you?) You go to Clemson, thats not even a real college lol. Yall miserable bitches have nothing better to do than tear people down. And if you are wondering, I am lightskinned and skinny so keep your "hater" comment, it does not apply hateful bitches.
September 2, 2008 11:30 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
What's with all of the dykes? It's turning into a lesbo board!
September 3, 2008 1:38 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
stupid bitch probably got banned!
September 4, 2008 11:25 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Oh man this board is getting better and better. I have the pics of bev, maybe I should create a blog and post them lol. They are going hard in there today and where are the mods? Is that one that is pregnant with the white loser baby still on?
September 4, 2008 2:51 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
post them!
September 4, 2008 6:17 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Seraphinelle always hating on Americans and America. Bitch please nobody checking for your wack ass Canada. Stay your corny ass over there. Then got a nerve to say we was hating on Jamaica. Bitch Please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Her citizenship request to come to America must have been denied which is why she so bitter. Her and her ugly ass friend Abenyo swear they the shit Abenyo look like she 50 in the face her ugly ass.
September 5, 2008 5:09 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
"Yall miserable bitches have nothing better to do than tear people down. "
Oh, the irony! Actually, since I can tell what a dumbass you are from your post alone, I bet you have no idea what the word "irony" mean.
September 5, 2008 11:07 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Anyone Know why Ms. Scar got banned, and all the other chicks that got banned the other day? I wonder if they are all over at Dirty girlz socaial club?
September 6, 2008 9:29 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Not Miss Scarlett, one of the queen bitches! I thought she had an in to keep her from making the banned! LoL
September 6, 2008 1:23 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
She thought that? Wow! I still want to know and I know someone knows why she got banned.
September 6, 2008 4:59 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Wow. I learn more from here than there...even before I was banned for a month. I thought Miss Scarlett was damn near an untouchable. Still, until an actual untouchable gets touched, the rules aren't unilaterally enforced and, as such, are to be regarded as just something to consider. Most of them say things others would get perm. banned for but are considered, like a flatulent Grandfather, something to be tolerated. Naw!!! Something smells like boo boo!
September 6, 2008 5:05 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Oh, and why is everyone afraid to post Beverly's pics? My imagination is starting to wander...what DOES she look like?
September 6, 2008 5:23 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
so are some chicks sucking niko's dick or what? I don't get what makes some untouchable! Are they the OGs of lhcf?
September 6, 2008 6:01 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Money is what makes them untouchable. They've been around forever and keep paying. Too big of a risk to make them follow the rules. Not for nothing, but it makes sense. I'm not paying another dime to renew.
I am known to do the wop.
September 6, 2008 7:24 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
cerchier shut the fuck up bitch
bev could get money from plenty of members
she can afford to ban a few people
we need to figure out why firecracker is not banned
September 6, 2008 10:14 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
firecracker and blossom! How the hell are these two still members? I like firecracker though, blossom and her desperate ass can kick rocks. Bloss guess what, white men dont want you either. Volare bad as hell though and I wonder is that really Tiara on there, hmmmm.
September 7, 2008 6:28 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I am surprised that people have the time (and careers) where they can post so often throughout the day. Not only do they post, but they have essay like responses in their posts. I can see every once and a while, but some of these people write long responses every day. SleekandBouncy comes to mind, there are a few others though.
September 7, 2008 10:05 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
maybe they are not a broke busted bitch like you and either do not work full time or do not care
the time you spent wondering you could be doing something else
get a life bitch
September 7, 2008 10:18 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
That last post sounded like sleekandbouncy, a bit bitter are we fake ass dahling ;)
September 7, 2008 10:37 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
^^^^ I agree with the last post.
That poster responded just a little too quickly--hunched over the computer with nothing else to do...they sound VERY little bitter. It's just a hair website.
September 7, 2008 10:46 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I think you really hurt abenyo's feelings, she's been extra angry and rude lately!
September 7, 2008 10:47 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
abenyo has always been rude and angry and yes it is because she is ugly and never has a man
September 7, 2008 11:00 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
There are some nice posters on the site. There are really just a few that are irritating.
September 7, 2008 11:11 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
damn this has grown. Aside from D lewis who I love, who the hell are the nice posters cause all them hoes are bitter and evil.
September 7, 2008 11:14 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
ella is very sweet. Dlewis is cool...um...who else is nice? Oh well.
September 7, 2008 11:22 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
FlowerHair is very nice.
September 7, 2008 11:24 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I guess iris gets on people's nerves or whatever but she seems nice to me.
September 7, 2008 2:17 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
The reason why fire will never be banned is because they are personal friends so keep holding your breath on that one. If you think there is bs on LHCF you need to check out dirty girlz. Those are what you call miserable bitches. The chat crew have also gone to worlds unknown, but who are they kidding, people know where they are. All them chicks are nice I like flower, dlewis and sylver even though she wont give you the time of day if you not light and pretty, she ok.
September 7, 2008 3:25 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Whoever it is that wants me to spend time wondering about other things, and the other that called me a bitch, only makes me even more curious what Bev looks like. Why are you'll so defensive? Does it have something to do with her hair?
September 7, 2008 4:56 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I am really curious (and since they won't answer this on the site without closing or deleting a thread), how does one really get banned? I know if you curse, or call someone ugly you get banned.
However, it sounds as though if you offend an 'untouchable' you get banned.
September 7, 2008 5:53 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
To the poster right above-
There seems to be different rules for different people. We could tell you rules all day and you could still do the wrong the to the wrong person and get banned.
September 7, 2008 6:20 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Don't tell me bev is a bald headit bitch! LOL!
September 7, 2008 6:22 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Thanks anonymous @6:20. This is my thinking too.
September 7, 2008 6:57 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I wonder who actually is 'untouchable', besides blosss and fire.
September 7, 2008 6:59 PM
Anonymous Cerchier said...
Chellero and Vevster come to mind as untouchable. Hell, Chellero said I need more dick. But some of the mods use less than subtle comments to target people.
Btw, I've cursed, but never called anyone ugly, and I made the banned 3 times. The girl who used scary to describe someones pic is most definitely not banned so, you may call someone ugly, with the right adjective.
September 8, 2008 9:06 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
what happened to aloofone? is she banned?
September 8, 2008 12:21 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Why was MissScarlet banned?!?!?!
September 8, 2008 12:32 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This is juicer than the actual board! Did the creator get banned? I wonder why they abandoned it.
September 8, 2008 4:06 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Aloofone is not banned. There is some info on here and on the Niko's step-cousin blog about why MissScarlet may have been banned or just left.
September 8, 2008 4:18 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Aloofone hasn't been banned.
I also think the meaning of being an 'untouchable' is that one says something and everyone agrees with them, and doesn't question their statement. However, if another person were to say the exact same thing, everyone would disagree, call them an idiot, or completely ignore them etc...
There are a few people on the site who everyone blindly agrees with, even if what they are saying is something someone else may have said already.
September 8, 2008 5:01 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This blog and that one that closed down were hard on aloofone, I could understand why she wouldn't want to come back. She can be confrontational, but she is not the worst one on the board, I don't know why she was targeted.
September 8, 2008 6:05 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
She looks like a used turd and always wants attention. She was actually talking about being a model. Bitch, please.
September 10, 2008 9:37 AM
Comment deleted
This post has been removed by the author.
September 10, 2008 12:27 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This thread is pathetic, the poster doesn't even have that much hair!
http://www.longhaircareforum.com/forums/showthread.php?t=278305
September 10, 2008 12:29 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This comment section is hilarious - It's like the Special Ed. version of DGSC - or maybe it's the ugly twin with the club foot and headgear.
"Who needs dates and parties and friends anyway!"
*stomps orthopedic shoe*
*sucks on asthma inhaler*
LMMFAO
September 10, 2008 3:25 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
It's so pathetic you couldn't help but to make an appearance, right? Which means you read it, right? No need to be ashamed. Welcome :D
September 10, 2008 3:33 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Yeah, because it takes sooo much time to comment here, unlike the full time careers some of the lhcf chicks make out of posting. Shoot, I wish I had the time on my hands some of those chicks have. At least here things are a little more real and to the point.
September 10, 2008 3:38 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I meant the pathetic comment at the girl who found it hilarious, not the one who quoted the thread on LHCF about taking 5-6 hours to wash uneven sl hair. Am I the only one that thinks most of the heffa's who claim to be trimming or dusting and go from bsl to apl are really just trying to hide their hair breaking off?
September 10, 2008 3:38 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
"Am I the only one that thinks most of the heffa's who claim to be trimming or dusting and go from bsl to apl are really just trying to hide their hair breaking off?"
I agree with this. They are ashamed, or in denial.
September 10, 2008 3:46 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I love how certain posters have to show off the clothing and the outfits they have in their signatures.
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Examining Depression Among
African-American Women
From a Psychiatric Mental Health
Nursing Perspective
Barbara Jones Warren
because she didn't know any better
she stayed alive
among the tired and lonely
not waiting always wanting
needing a good night's rest
-- Nikki Giovanni, "Introspection"
Defining the Roots of Depression
Clinical depression is often a vague disorder for African- American women. It may produce an abundance of "depressions" in the lives of the women who experience its ongoing, relentless symptoms. The old adage of "being sick and tired of being sick and tired" is quite relevant for these women, since they often suffer from persistent, untreated physical and emotional symptoms. If these women consult health professionals, they are frequently told that they are hypertensive, run down, or tense and nervous. They may be prescribed antihypertensives, vitamins, or mood elevating pills; or they may be informed to lose weight, learn to relax, get a change of scenery, or get more exercise. The root of their symptoms frequently is not explored; and these women continue to complain of being tired, weary, empty, lonely, sad. Other women friends and family members may say, "We all feel this way sometimes, it's just the way it is for us Black women."
I remember one of my clients, a woman who had been brought into the emergency mental health center because she had slashed her wrists while at work. During my assessment of her, she told me she felt like she was "dragging a weight around all the time." She said, "I've had all these tests done and they tell me physically everything is fine but I know it's not. Maybe I'm going crazy! Something is terribly wrong with me, but I don't have time for it. I've got a family who depends on me to be strong. I'm the one that everyone turns to." This woman, more conerned about her family than herself, said she "[felt] guilty spending so much time on [her]self." When I asked her if she had anyone she could talk to, she responded, "I don't want to bother my family and my closest friend is having her own problems right now." Her comments reflect and mirror the sentiments of other depressed African-American women I have seen in my practice: They're alive, but barely, and are continually tired, lonely, and wanting.
Statistics regarding depression in African-American women are either non-existent or uncertain. Part of this confusion is because past published clinical research on depression in African-American women has been scarce (Barbee, 1992; Carrington, 1980; McGrath et al., 1992; Oakley, 1986; Tomes et al., 1990). This scarcity is, in part, due to the fact that African-American women may not seek treatment for their depression, may be misdiagnosed, or may withdraw from treatment because their ethnic, cultural, and/or gender needs have not been met (Cannon, Higginbotham, & Guy, 1989; Warren, 1994a). I also have found that African-American women may be reticent to participate in research studies because they are uncertain as to how research data will be disseminated or are afraid that data will be misinterpreted. In addition, there are few available culturally competent researchers who are knowledgeable regarding the phenomenon of depression in African-American women. Subsequently, African-American women may not be available to participate in depression research studies. Available published statistics concur with what I have seen in my practice: that African-American women report more depressive symptoms than African-American men or European-American women or men, and that these women have a depression rate twice that of European-American women (Brown, 1990; Kessler
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Examining Depression Among
African-American Women
From a Psychiatric Mental Health
Nursing Perspective
Barbara Jones Warren
because she didn't know any better
she stayed alive
among the tired and lonely
not waiting always wanting
needing a good night's rest
-- Nikki Giovanni, "Introspection"
Defining the Roots of Depression
Clinical depression is often a vague disorder for African- American women. It may produce an abundance of "depressions" in the lives of the women who experience its ongoing, relentless symptoms. The old adage of "being sick and tired of being sick and tired" is quite relevant for these women, since they often suffer from persistent, untreated physical and emotional symptoms. If these women consult health professionals, they are frequently told that they are hypertensive, run down, or tense and nervous. They may be prescribed antihypertensives, vitamins, or mood elevating pills; or they may be informed to lose weight, learn to relax, get a change of scenery, or get more exercise. The root of their symptoms frequently is not explored; and these women continue to complain of being tired, weary, empty, lonely, sad. Other women friends and family members may say, "We all feel this way sometimes, it's just the way it is for us Black women."
I remember one of my clients, a woman who had been brought into the emergency mental health center because she had slashed her wrists while at work. During my assessment of her, she told me she felt like she was "dragging a weight around all the time." She said, "I've had all these tests done and they tell me physically everything is fine but I know it's not. Maybe I'm going crazy! Something is terribly wrong with me, but I don't have time for it. I've got a family who depends on me to be strong. I'm the one that everyone turns to." This woman, more conerned about her family than herself, said she "[felt] guilty spending so much time on [her]self." When I asked her if she had anyone she could talk to, she responded, "I don't want to bother my family and my closest friend is having her own problems right now." Her comments reflect and mirror the sentiments of other depressed African-American women I have seen in my practice: They're alive, but barely, and are continually tired, lonely, and wanting.
Statistics regarding depression in African-American women are either non-existent or uncertain. Part of this confusion is because past published clinical research on depression in African-American women has been scarce (Barbee, 1992; Carrington, 1980; McGrath et al., 1992; Oakley, 1986; Tomes et al., 1990). This scarcity is, in part, due to the fact that African-American women may not seek treatment for their depression, may be misdiagnosed, or may withdraw from treatment because their ethnic, cultural, and/or gender needs have not been met (Cannon, Higginbotham, & Guy, 1989; Warren, 1994a). I also have found that African-American women may be reticent to participate in research studies because they are uncertain as to how research data will be disseminated or are afraid that data will be misinterpreted. In addition, there are few available culturally competent researchers who are knowledgeable regarding the phenomenon of depression in African-American women. Subsequently, African-American women may not be available to participate in depression research studies. Available published statistics concur with what I have seen in my practice: that African-American women report more depressive symptoms than African-American men or European-American women or men, and that these women have a depression rate twice that of European-American women (Brown, 1990; Kessler
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Examining Depression Among
African-American Women
From a Psychiatric Mental Health
Nursing Perspective
Barbara Jones Warren
because she didn't know any better
she stayed alive
among the tired and lonely
not waiting always wanting
needing a good night's rest
-- Nikki Giovanni, "Introspection"
Defining the Roots of Depression
Clinical depression is often a vague disorder for African- American women. It may produce an abundance of "depressions" in the lives of the women who experience its ongoing, relentless symptoms. The old adage of "being sick and tired of being sick and tired" is quite relevant for these women, since they often suffer from persistent, untreated physical and emotional symptoms. If these women consult health professionals, they are frequently told that they are hypertensive, run down, or tense and nervous. They may be prescribed antihypertensives, vitamins, or mood elevating pills; or they may be informed to lose weight, learn to relax, get a change of scenery, or get more exercise. The root of their symptoms frequently is not explored; and these women continue to complain of being tired, weary, empty, lonely, sad. Other women friends and family members may say, "We all feel this way sometimes, it's just the way it is for us Black women."
I remember one of my clients, a woman who had been brought into the emergency mental health center because she had slashed her wrists while at work. During my assessment of her, she told me she felt like she was "dragging a weight around all the time." She said, "I've had all these tests done and they tell me physically everything is fine but I know it's not. Maybe I'm going crazy! Something is terribly wrong with me, but I don't have time for it. I've got a family who depends on me to be strong. I'm the one that everyone turns to." This woman, more conerned about her family than herself, said she "[felt] guilty spending so much time on [her]self." When I asked her if she had anyone she could talk to, she responded, "I don't want to bother my family and my closest friend is having her own problems right now." Her comments reflect and mirror the sentiments of other depressed African-American women I have seen in my practice: They're alive, but barely, and are continually tired, lonely, and wanting.
Statistics regarding depression in African-American women are either non-existent or uncertain. Part of this confusion is because past published clinical research on depression in African-American women has been scarce (Barbee, 1992; Carrington, 1980; McGrath et al., 1992; Oakley, 1986; Tomes et al., 1990). This scarcity is, in part, due to the fact that African-American women may not seek treatment for their depression, may be misdiagnosed, or may withdraw from treatment because their ethnic, cultural, and/or gender needs have not been met (Cannon, Higginbotham, & Guy, 1989; Warren, 1994a). I also have found that African-American women may be reticent to participate in research studies because they are uncertain as to how research data will be disseminated or are afraid that data will be misinterpreted. In addition, there are few available culturally competent researchers who are knowledgeable regarding the phenomenon of depression in African-American women. Subsequently, African-American women may not be available to participate in depression research studies. Available published statistics concur with what I have seen in my practice: that African-American women report more depressive symptoms than African-American men or European-American women or men, and that these women have a depression rate twice that of European-American women (Brown, 1990; Kessler
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Living with Depression
Mental Health Recovery
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SHOCKED! ECT
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Visit and Post
Abuse
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send this page to a friend
Examining Depression Among
African-American Women
From a Psychiatric Mental Health
Nursing Perspective
Barbara Jones Warren
because she didn't know any better
she stayed alive
among the tired and lonely
not waiting always wanting
needing a good night's rest
-- Nikki Giovanni, "Introspection"
Defining the Roots of Depression
Clinical depression is often a vague disorder for African- American women. It may produce an abundance of "depressions" in the lives of the women who experience its ongoing, relentless symptoms. The old adage of "being sick and tired of being sick and tired" is quite relevant for these women, since they often suffer from persistent, untreated physical and emotional symptoms. If these women consult health professionals, they are frequently told that they are hypertensive, run down, or tense and nervous. They may be prescribed antihypertensives, vitamins, or mood elevating pills; or they may be informed to lose weight, learn to relax, get a change of scenery, or get more exercise. The root of their symptoms frequently is not explored; and these women continue to complain of being tired, weary, empty, lonely, sad. Other women friends and family members may say, "We all feel this way sometimes, it's just the way it is for us Black women."
I remember one of my clients, a woman who had been brought into the emergency mental health center because she had slashed her wrists while at work. During my assessment of her, she told me she felt like she was "dragging a weight around all the time." She said, "I've had all these tests done and they tell me physically everything is fine but I know it's not. Maybe I'm going crazy! Something is terribly wrong with me, but I don't have time for it. I've got a family who depends on me to be strong. I'm the one that everyone turns to." This woman, more conerned about her family than herself, said she "[felt] guilty spending so much time on [her]self." When I asked her if she had anyone she could talk to, she responded, "I don't want to bother my family and my closest friend is having her own problems right now." Her comments reflect and mirror the sentiments of other depressed African-American women I have seen in my practice: They're alive, but barely, and are continually tired, lonely, and wanting.
Statistics regarding depression in African-American women are either non-existent or uncertain. Part of this confusion is because past published clinical research on depression in African-American women has been scarce (Barbee, 1992; Carrington, 1980; McGrath et al., 1992; Oakley, 1986; Tomes et al., 1990). This scarcity is, in part, due to the fact that African-American women may not seek treatment for their depression, may be misdiagnosed, or may withdraw from treatment because their ethnic, cultural, and/or gender needs have not been met (Cannon, Higginbotham, & Guy, 1989; Warren, 1994a). I also have found that African-American women may be reticent to participate in research studies because they are uncertain as to how research data will be disseminated or are afraid that data will be misinterpreted. In addition, there are few available culturally competent researchers who are knowledgeable regarding the phenomenon of depression in African-American women. Subsequently, African-American women may not be available to participate in depression research studies. Available published statistics concur with what I have seen in my practice: that African-American women report more depressive symptoms than African-American men or European-American women or men, and that these women have a depression rate twice that of European-American women (Brown, 1990; Kessler
Apocalypse Suicide Page
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Living with Depression
Mental Health Recovery
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SHOCKED! ECT
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Visit and Post
Abuse
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send this page to a friend
Examining Depression Among
African-American Women
From a Psychiatric Mental Health
Nursing Perspective
Barbara Jones Warren
because she didn't know any better
she stayed alive
among the tired and lonely
not waiting always wanting
needing a good night's rest
-- Nikki Giovanni, "Introspection"
Defining the Roots of Depression
Clinical depression is often a vague disorder for African- American women. It may produce an abundance of "depressions" in the lives of the women who experience its ongoing, relentless symptoms. The old adage of "being sick and tired of being sick and tired" is quite relevant for these women, since they often suffer from persistent, untreated physical and emotional symptoms. If these women consult health professionals, they are frequently told that they are hypertensive, run down, or tense and nervous. They may be prescribed antihypertensives, vitamins, or mood elevating pills; or they may be informed to lose weight, learn to relax, get a change of scenery, or get more exercise. The root of their symptoms frequently is not explored; and these women continue to complain of being tired, weary, empty, lonely, sad. Other women friends and family members may say, "We all feel this way sometimes, it's just the way it is for us Black women."
I remember one of my clients, a woman who had been brought into the emergency mental health center because she had slashed her wrists while at work. During my assessment of her, she told me she felt like she was "dragging a weight around all the time." She said, "I've had all these tests done and they tell me physically everything is fine but I know it's not. Maybe I'm going crazy! Something is terribly wrong with me, but I don't have time for it. I've got a family who depends on me to be strong. I'm the one that everyone turns to." This woman, more conerned about her family than herself, said she "[felt] guilty spending so much time on [her]self." When I asked her if she had anyone she could talk to, she responded, "I don't want to bother my family and my closest friend is having her own problems right now." Her comments reflect and mirror the sentiments of other depressed African-American women I have seen in my practice: They're alive, but barely, and are continually tired, lonely, and wanting.
Statistics regarding depression in African-American women are either non-existent or uncertain. Part of this confusion is because past published clinical research on depression in African-American women has been scarce (Barbee, 1992; Carrington, 1980; McGrath et al., 1992; Oakley, 1986; Tomes et al., 1990). This scarcity is, in part, due to the fact that African-American women may not seek treatment for their depression, may be misdiagnosed, or may withdraw from treatment because their ethnic, cultural, and/or gender needs have not been met (Cannon, Higginbotham, & Guy, 1989; Warren, 1994a). I also have found that African-American women may be reticent to participate in research studies because they are uncertain as to how research data will be disseminated or are afraid that data will be misinterpreted. In addition, there are few available culturally competent researchers who are knowledgeable regarding the phenomenon of depression in African-American women. Subsequently, African-American women may not be available to participate in depression research studies. Available published statistics concur with what I have seen in my practice: that African-American women report more depressive symptoms than African-American men or European-American women or men, and that these women have a depression rate twice that of European-American women (Brown, 1990; Kessler
Apocalypse Suicide Page
Good Mood
Living with Depression
Mental Health Recovery
NIMH
SHOCKED! ECT
HealthyPlace.com Radio
Depression Support Groups
Books on Depression
Conference Transcripts
Depression Videos
Diaries - Journals
Disorders Definitions
Mental Health News
Online Depression Tests
Psychiatric Medications
Resources
Site Map
Email
ICQ
Instant Messenger
Visit and Post
Abuse
ADD/ADHD
Addictions
Anxiety-Panic
Bipolar
Eating Disorders
Personality Disorders
Self-Injury
send this page to a friend
Examining Depression Among
African-American Women
From a Psychiatric Mental Health
Nursing Perspective
Barbara Jones Warren
because she didn't know any better
she stayed alive
among the tired and lonely
not waiting always wanting
needing a good night's rest
-- Nikki Giovanni, "Introspection"
Defining the Roots of Depression
Clinical depression is often a vague disorder for African- American women. It may produce an abundance of "depressions" in the lives of the women who experience its ongoing, relentless symptoms. The old adage of "being sick and tired of being sick and tired" is quite relevant for these women, since they often suffer from persistent, untreated physical and emotional symptoms. If these women consult health professionals, they are frequently told that they are hypertensive, run down, or tense and nervous. They may be prescribed antihypertensives, vitamins, or mood elevating pills; or they may be informed to lose weight, learn to relax, get a change of scenery, or get more exercise. The root of their symptoms frequently is not explored; and these women continue to complain of being tired, weary, empty, lonely, sad. Other women friends and family members may say, "We all feel this way sometimes, it's just the way it is for us Black women."
I remember one of my clients, a woman who had been brought into the emergency mental health center because she had slashed her wrists while at work. During my assessment of her, she told me she felt like she was "dragging a weight around all the time." She said, "I've had all these tests done and they tell me physically everything is fine but I know it's not. Maybe I'm going crazy! Something is terribly wrong with me, but I don't have time for it. I've got a family who depends on me to be strong. I'm the one that everyone turns to." This woman, more conerned about her family than herself, said she "[felt] guilty spending so much time on [her]self." When I asked her if she had anyone she could talk to, she responded, "I don't want to bother my family and my closest friend is having her own problems right now." Her comments reflect and mirror the sentiments of other depressed African-American women I have seen in my practice: They're alive, but barely, and are continually tired, lonely, and wanting.
Statistics regarding depression in African-American women are either non-existent or uncertain. Part of this confusion is because past published clinical research on depression in African-American women has been scarce (Barbee, 1992; Carrington, 1980; McGrath et al., 1992; Oakley, 1986; Tomes et al., 1990). This scarcity is, in part, due to the fact that African-American women may not seek treatment for their depression, may be misdiagnosed, or may withdraw from treatment because their ethnic, cultural, and/or gender needs have not been met (Cannon, Higginbotham, & Guy, 1989; Warren, 1994a). I also have found that African-American women may be reticent to participate in research studies because they are uncertain as to how research data will be disseminated or are afraid that data will be misinterpreted. In addition, there are few available culturally competent researchers who are knowledgeable regarding the phenomenon of depression in African-American women. Subsequently, African-American women may not be available to participate in depression research studies. Available published statistics concur with what I have seen in my practice: that African-American women report more depressive symptoms than African-American men or European-American women or men, and that these women have a depression rate twice that of European-American women (Brown, 1990; Kessler
Apocalypse Suicide Page
Good Mood
Living with Depression
Mental Health Recovery
NIMH
SHOCKED! ECT
HealthyPlace.com Radio
Depression Support Groups
Books on Depression
Conference Transcripts
Depression Videos
Diaries - Journals
Disorders Definitions
Mental Health News
Online Depression Tests
Psychiatric Medications
Resources
Site Map
Email
ICQ
Instant Messenger
Visit and Post
Abuse
ADD/ADHD
Addictions
Anxiety-Panic
Bipolar
Eating Disorders
Personality Disorders
Self-Injury
send this page to a friend
Examining Depression Among
African-American Women
From a Psychiatric Mental Health
Nursing Perspective
Barbara Jones Warren
because she didn't know any better
she stayed alive
among the tired and lonely
not waiting always wanting
needing a good night's rest
-- Nikki Giovanni, "Introspection"
Defining the Roots of Depression
Clinical depression is often a vague disorder for African- American women. It may produce an abundance of "depressions" in the lives of the women who experience its ongoing, relentless symptoms. The old adage of "being sick and tired of being sick and tired" is quite relevant for these women, since they often suffer from persistent, untreated physical and emotional symptoms. If these women consult health professionals, they are frequently told that they are hypertensive, run down, or tense and nervous. They may be prescribed antihypertensives, vitamins, or mood elevating pills; or they may be informed to lose weight, learn to relax, get a change of scenery, or get more exercise. The root of their symptoms frequently is not explored; and these women continue to complain of being tired, weary, empty, lonely, sad. Other women friends and family members may say, "We all feel this way sometimes, it's just the way it is for us Black women."
I remember one of my clients, a woman who had been brought into the emergency mental health center because she had slashed her wrists while at work. During my assessment of her, she told me she felt like she was "dragging a weight around all the time." She said, "I've had all these tests done and they tell me physically everything is fine but I know it's not. Maybe I'm going crazy! Something is terribly wrong with me, but I don't have time for it. I've got a family who depends on me to be strong. I'm the one that everyone turns to." This woman, more conerned about her family than herself, said she "[felt] guilty spending so much time on [her]self." When I asked her if she had anyone she could talk to, she responded, "I don't want to bother my family and my closest friend is having her own problems right now." Her comments reflect and mirror the sentiments of other depressed African-American women I have seen in my practice: They're alive, but barely, and are continually tired, lonely, and wanting.
Statistics regarding depression in African-American women are either non-existent or uncertain. Part of this confusion is because past published clinical research on depression in African-American women has been scarce (Barbee, 1992; Carrington, 1980; McGrath et al., 1992; Oakley, 1986; Tomes et al., 1990). This scarcity is, in part, due to the fact that African-American women may not seek treatment for their depression, may be misdiagnosed, or may withdraw from treatment because their ethnic, cultural, and/or gender needs have not been met (Cannon, Higginbotham, & Guy, 1989; Warren, 1994a). I also have found that African-American women may be reticent to participate in research studies because they are uncertain as to how research data will be disseminated or are afraid that data will be misinterpreted. In addition, there are few available culturally competent researchers who are knowledgeable regarding the phenomenon of depression in African-American women. Subsequently, African-American women may not be available to participate in depression research studies. Available published statistics concur with what I have seen in my practice: that African-American women report more depressive symptoms than African-American men or European-American women or men, and that these women have a depression rate twice that of European-American women (Brown, 1990; Kessler
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Examining Depression Among
African-American Women
From a Psychiatric Mental Health
Nursing Perspective
Barbara Jones Warren
because she didn't know any better
she stayed alive
among the tired and lonely
not waiting always wanting
needing a good night's rest
-- Nikki Giovanni, "Introspection"
Defining the Roots of Depression
Clinical depression is often a vague disorder for African- American women. It may produce an abundance of "depressions" in the lives of the women who experience its ongoing, relentless symptoms. The old adage of "being sick and tired of being sick and tired" is quite relevant for these women, since they often suffer from persistent, untreated physical and emotional symptoms. If these women consult health professionals, they are frequently told that they are hypertensive, run down, or tense and nervous. They may be prescribed antihypertensives, vitamins, or mood elevating pills; or they may be informed to lose weight, learn to relax, get a change of scenery, or get more exercise. The root of their symptoms frequently is not explored; and these women continue to complain of being tired, weary, empty, lonely, sad. Other women friends and family members may say, "We all feel this way sometimes, it's just the way it is for us Black women."
I remember one of my clients, a woman who had been brought into the emergency mental health center because she had slashed her wrists while at work. During my assessment of her, she told me she felt like she was "dragging a weight around all the time." She said, "I've had all these tests done and they tell me physically everything is fine but I know it's not. Maybe I'm going crazy! Something is terribly wrong with me, but I don't have time for it. I've got a family who depends on me to be strong. I'm the one that everyone turns to." This woman, more conerned about her family than herself, said she "[felt] guilty spending so much time on [her]self." When I asked her if she had anyone she could talk to, she responded, "I don't want to bother my family and my closest friend is having her own problems right now." Her comments reflect and mirror the sentiments of other depressed African-American women I have seen in my practice: They're alive, but barely, and are continually tired, lonely, and wanting.
Statistics regarding depression in African-American women are either non-existent or uncertain. Part of this confusion is because past published clinical research on depression in African-American women has been scarce (Barbee, 1992; Carrington, 1980; McGrath et al., 1992; Oakley, 1986; Tomes et al., 1990). This scarcity is, in part, due to the fact that African-American women may not seek treatment for their depression, may be misdiagnosed, or may withdraw from treatment because their ethnic, cultural, and/or gender needs have not been met (Cannon, Higginbotham, & Guy, 1989; Warren, 1994a). I also have found that African-American women may be reticent to participate in research studies because they are uncertain as to how research data will be disseminated or are afraid that data will be misinterpreted. In addition, there are few available culturally competent researchers who are knowledgeable regarding the phenomenon of depression in African-American women. Subsequently, African-American women may not be available to participate in depression research studies. Available published statistics concur with what I have seen in my practice: that African-American women report more depressive symptoms than African-American men or European-American women or men, and that these women have a depression rate twice that of European-American women (Brown, 1990; Kessler
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Examining Depression Among
African-American Women
From a Psychiatric Mental Health
Nursing Perspective
Barbara Jones Warren
because she didn't know any better
she stayed alive
among the tired and lonely
not waiting always wanting
needing a good night's rest
-- Nikki Giovanni, "Introspection"
Defining the Roots of Depression
Clinical depression is often a vague disorder for African- American women. It may produce an abundance of "depressions" in the lives of the women who experience its ongoing, relentless symptoms. The old adage of "being sick and tired of being sick and tired" is quite relevant for these women, since they often suffer from persistent, untreated physical and emotional symptoms. If these women consult health professionals, they are frequently told that they are hypertensive, run down, or tense and nervous. They may be prescribed antihypertensives, vitamins, or mood elevating pills; or they may be informed to lose weight, learn to relax, get a change of scenery, or get more exercise. The root of their symptoms frequently is not explored; and these women continue to complain of being tired, weary, empty, lonely, sad. Other women friends and family members may say, "We all feel this way sometimes, it's just the way it is for us Black women."
I remember one of my clients, a woman who had been brought into the emergency mental health center because she had slashed her wrists while at work. During my assessment of her, she told me she felt like she was "dragging a weight around all the time." She said, "I've had all these tests done and they tell me physically everything is fine but I know it's not. Maybe I'm going crazy! Something is terribly wrong with me, but I don't have time for it. I've got a family who depends on me to be strong. I'm the one that everyone turns to." This woman, more conerned about her family than herself, said she "[felt] guilty spending so much time on [her]self." When I asked her if she had anyone she could talk to, she responded, "I don't want to bother my family and my closest friend is having her own problems right now." Her comments reflect and mirror the sentiments of other depressed African-American women I have seen in my practice: They're alive, but barely, and are continually tired, lonely, and wanting.
Statistics regarding depression in African-American women are either non-existent or uncertain. Part of this confusion is because past published clinical research on depression in African-American women has been scarce (Barbee, 1992; Carrington, 1980; McGrath et al., 1992; Oakley, 1986; Tomes et al., 1990). This scarcity is, in part, due to the fact that African-American women may not seek treatment for their depression, may be misdiagnosed, or may withdraw from treatment because their ethnic, cultural, and/or gender needs have not been met (Cannon, Higginbotham, & Guy, 1989; Warren, 1994a). I also have found that African-American women may be reticent to participate in research studies because they are uncertain as to how research data will be disseminated or are afraid that data will be misinterpreted. In addition, there are few available culturally competent researchers who are knowledgeable regarding the phenomenon of depression in African-American women. Subsequently, African-American women may not be available to participate in depression research studies. Available published statistics concur with what I have seen in my practice: that African-American women report more depressive symptoms than African-American men or European-American women or men, and that these women have a depression rate twice that of European-American women (Brown, 1990; Kessler
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Examining Depression Among
African-American Women
From a Psychiatric Mental Health
Nursing Perspective
Barbara Jones Warren
because she didn't know any better
she stayed alive
among the tired and lonely
not waiting always wanting
needing a good night's rest
-- Nikki Giovanni, "Introspection"
Defining the Roots of Depression
Clinical depression is often a vague disorder for African- American women. It may produce an abundance of "depressions" in the lives of the women who experience its ongoing, relentless symptoms. The old adage of "being sick and tired of being sick and tired" is quite relevant for these women, since they often suffer from persistent, untreated physical and emotional symptoms. If these women consult health professionals, they are frequently told that they are hypertensive, run down, or tense and nervous. They may be prescribed antihypertensives, vitamins, or mood elevating pills; or they may be informed to lose weight, learn to relax, get a change of scenery, or get more exercise. The root of their symptoms frequently is not explored; and these women continue to complain of being tired, weary, empty, lonely, sad. Other women friends and family members may say, "We all feel this way sometimes, it's just the way it is for us Black women."
I remember one of my clients, a woman who had been brought into the emergency mental health center because she had slashed her wrists while at work. During my assessment of her, she told me she felt like she was "dragging a weight around all the time." She said, "I've had all these tests done and they tell me physically everything is fine but I know it's not. Maybe I'm going crazy! Something is terribly wrong with me, but I don't have time for it. I've got a family who depends on me to be strong. I'm the one that everyone turns to." This woman, more conerned about her family than herself, said she "[felt] guilty spending so much time on [her]self." When I asked her if she had anyone she could talk to, she responded, "I don't want to bother my family and my closest friend is having her own problems right now." Her comments reflect and mirror the sentiments of other depressed African-American women I have seen in my practice: They're alive, but barely, and are continually tired, lonely, and wanting.
Statistics regarding depression in African-American women are either non-existent or uncertain. Part of this confusion is because past published clinical research on depression in African-American women has been scarce (Barbee, 1992; Carrington, 1980; McGrath et al., 1992; Oakley, 1986; Tomes et al., 1990). This scarcity is, in part, due to the fact that African-American women may not seek treatment for their depression, may be misdiagnosed, or may withdraw from treatment because their ethnic, cultural, and/or gender needs have not been met (Cannon, Higginbotham, & Guy, 1989; Warren, 1994a). I also have found that African-American women may be reticent to participate in research studies because they are uncertain as to how research data will be disseminated or are afraid that data will be misinterpreted. In addition, there are few available culturally competent researchers who are knowledgeable regarding the phenomenon of depression in African-American women. Subsequently, African-American women may not be available to participate in depression research studies. Available published statistics concur with what I have seen in my practice: that African-American women report more depressive symptoms than African-American men or European-American women or men, and that these women have a depression rate twice that of European-American women (Brown, 1990; Kessler
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Examining Depression Among
African-American Women
From a Psychiatric Mental Health
Nursing Perspective
Barbara Jones Warren
because she didn't know any better
she stayed alive
among the tired and lonely
not waiting always wanting
needing a good night's rest
-- Nikki Giovanni, "Introspection"
Defining the Roots of Depression
Clinical depression is often a vague disorder for African- American women. It may produce an abundance of "depressions" in the lives of the women who experience its ongoing, relentless symptoms. The old adage of "being sick and tired of being sick and tired" is quite relevant for these women, since they often suffer from persistent, untreated physical and emotional symptoms. If these women consult health professionals, they are frequently told that they are hypertensive, run down, or tense and nervous. They may be prescribed antihypertensives, vitamins, or mood elevating pills; or they may be informed to lose weight, learn to relax, get a change of scenery, or get more exercise. The root of their symptoms frequently is not explored; and these women continue to complain of being tired, weary, empty, lonely, sad. Other women friends and family members may say, "We all feel this way sometimes, it's just the way it is for us Black women."
I remember one of my clients, a woman who had been brought into the emergency mental health center because she had slashed her wrists while at work. During my assessment of her, she told me she felt like she was "dragging a weight around all the time." She said, "I've had all these tests done and they tell me physically everything is fine but I know it's not. Maybe I'm going crazy! Something is terribly wrong with me, but I don't have time for it. I've got a family who depends on me to be strong. I'm the one that everyone turns to." This woman, more conerned about her family than herself, said she "[felt] guilty spending so much time on [her]self." When I asked her if she had anyone she could talk to, she responded, "I don't want to bother my family and my closest friend is having her own problems right now." Her comments reflect and mirror the sentiments of other depressed African-American women I have seen in my practice: They're alive, but barely, and are continually tired, lonely, and wanting.
Statistics regarding depression in African-American women are either non-existent or uncertain. Part of this confusion is because past published clinical research on depression in African-American women has been scarce (Barbee, 1992; Carrington, 1980; McGrath et al., 1992; Oakley, 1986; Tomes et al., 1990). This scarcity is, in part, due to the fact that African-American women may not seek treatment for their depression, may be misdiagnosed, or may withdraw from treatment because their ethnic, cultural, and/or gender needs have not been met (Cannon, Higginbotham, & Guy, 1989; Warren, 1994a). I also have found that African-American women may be reticent to participate in research studies because they are uncertain as to how research data will be disseminated or are afraid that data will be misinterpreted. In addition, there are few available culturally competent researchers who are knowledgeable regarding the phenomenon of depression in African-American women. Subsequently, African-American women may not be available to participate in depression research studies. Available published statistics concur with what I have seen in my practice: that African-American women report more depressive symptoms than African-American men or European-American women or men, and that these women have a depression rate twice that of European-American women (Brown, 1990; Kessler
Apocalypse Suicide Page
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Living with Depression
Mental Health Recovery
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SHOCKED! ECT
HealthyPlace.com Radio
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Resources
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Examining Depression Among
African-American Women
From a Psychiatric Mental Health
Nursing Perspective
Barbara Jones Warren
because she didn't know any better
she stayed alive
among the tired and lonely
not waiting always wanting
needing a good night's rest
-- Nikki Giovanni, "Introspection"
Defining the Roots of Depression
Clinical depression is often a vague disorder for African- American women. It may produce an abundance of "depressions" in the lives of the women who experience its ongoing, relentless symptoms. The old adage of "being sick and tired of being sick and tired" is quite relevant for these women, since they often suffer from persistent, untreated physical and emotional symptoms. If these women consult health professionals, they are frequently told that they are hypertensive, run down, or tense and nervous. They may be prescribed antihypertensives, vitamins, or mood elevating pills; or they may be informed to lose weight, learn to relax, get a change of scenery, or get more exercise. The root of their symptoms frequently is not explored; and these women continue to complain of being tired, weary, empty, lonely, sad. Other women friends and family members may say, "We all feel this way sometimes, it's just the way it is for us Black women."
I remember one of my clients, a woman who had been brought into the emergency mental health center because she had slashed her wrists while at work. During my assessment of her, she told me she felt like she was "dragging a weight around all the time." She said, "I've had all these tests done and they tell me physically everything is fine but I know it's not. Maybe I'm going crazy! Something is terribly wrong with me, but I don't have time for it. I've got a family who depends on me to be strong. I'm the one that everyone turns to." This woman, more conerned about her family than herself, said she "[felt] guilty spending so much time on [her]self." When I asked her if she had anyone she could talk to, she responded, "I don't want to bother my family and my closest friend is having her own problems right now." Her comments reflect and mirror the sentiments of other depressed African-American women I have seen in my practice: They're alive, but barely, and are continually tired, lonely, and wanting.
Statistics regarding depression in African-American women are either non-existent or uncertain. Part of this confusion is because past published clinical research on depression in African-American women has been scarce (Barbee, 1992; Carrington, 1980; McGrath et al., 1992; Oakley, 1986; Tomes et al., 1990). This scarcity is, in part, due to the fact that African-American women may not seek treatment for their depression, may be misdiagnosed, or may withdraw from treatment because their ethnic, cultural, and/or gender needs have not been met (Cannon, Higginbotham, & Guy, 1989; Warren, 1994a). I also have found that African-American women may be reticent to participate in research studies because they are uncertain as to how research data will be disseminated or are afraid that data will be misinterpreted. In addition, there are few available culturally competent researchers who are knowledgeable regarding the phenomenon of depression in African-American women. Subsequently, African-American women may not be available to participate in depression research studies. Available published statistics concur with what I have seen in my practice: that African-American women report more depressive symptoms than African-American men or European-American women or men, and that these women have a depression rate twice that of European-American women (Brown, 1990; Kessler
Apocalypse Suicide Page
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Living with Depression
Mental Health Recovery
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SHOCKED! ECT
HealthyPlace.com Radio
Depression Support Groups
Books on Depression
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Resources
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Examining Depression Among
African-American Women
From a Psychiatric Mental Health
Nursing Perspective
Barbara Jones Warren
because she didn't know any better
she stayed alive
among the tired and lonely
not waiting always wanting
needing a good night's rest
-- Nikki Giovanni, "Introspection"
Defining the Roots of Depression
Clinical depression is often a vague disorder for African- American women. It may produce an abundance of "depressions" in the lives of the women who experience its ongoing, relentless symptoms. The old adage of "being sick and tired of being sick and tired" is quite relevant for these women, since they often suffer from persistent, untreated physical and emotional symptoms. If these women consult health professionals, they are frequently told that they are hypertensive, run down, or tense and nervous. They may be prescribed antihypertensives, vitamins, or mood elevating pills; or they may be informed to lose weight, learn to relax, get a change of scenery, or get more exercise. The root of their symptoms frequently is not explored; and these women continue to complain of being tired, weary, empty, lonely, sad. Other women friends and family members may say, "We all feel this way sometimes, it's just the way it is for us Black women."
I remember one of my clients, a woman who had been brought into the emergency mental health center because she had slashed her wrists while at work. During my assessment of her, she told me she felt like she was "dragging a weight around all the time." She said, "I've had all these tests done and they tell me physically everything is fine but I know it's not. Maybe I'm going crazy! Something is terribly wrong with me, but I don't have time for it. I've got a family who depends on me to be strong. I'm the one that everyone turns to." This woman, more conerned about her family than herself, said she "[felt] guilty spending so much time on [her]self." When I asked her if she had anyone she could talk to, she responded, "I don't want to bother my family and my closest friend is having her own problems right now." Her comments reflect and mirror the sentiments of other depressed African-American women I have seen in my practice: They're alive, but barely, and are continually tired, lonely, and wanting.
Statistics regarding depression in African-American women are either non-existent or uncertain. Part of this confusion is because past published clinical research on depression in African-American women has been scarce (Barbee, 1992; Carrington, 1980; McGrath et al., 1992; Oakley, 1986; Tomes et al., 1990). This scarcity is, in part, due to the fact that African-American women may not seek treatment for their depression, may be misdiagnosed, or may withdraw from treatment because their ethnic, cultural, and/or gender needs have not been met (Cannon, Higginbotham, & Guy, 1989; Warren, 1994a). I also have found that African-American women may be reticent to participate in research studies because they are uncertain as to how research data will be disseminated or are afraid that data will be misinterpreted. In addition, there are few available culturally competent researchers who are knowledgeable regarding the phenomenon of depression in African-American women. Subsequently, African-American women may not be available to participate in depression research studies. Available published statistics concur with what I have seen in my practice: that African-American women report more depressive symptoms than African-American men or European-American women or men, and that these women have a depression rate twice that of European-American women (Brown, 1990; Kessler
Apocalypse Suicide Page
Good Mood
Living with Depression
Mental Health Recovery
NIMH
SHOCKED! ECT
HealthyPlace.com Radio
Depression Support Groups
Books on Depression
Conference Transcripts
Depression Videos
Diaries - Journals
Disorders Definitions
Mental Health News
Online Depression Tests
Psychiatric Medications
Resources
Site Map
Email
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Visit and Post
Abuse
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Examining Depression Among
African-American Women
From a Psychiatric Mental Health
Nursing Perspective
Barbara Jones Warren
because she didn't know any better
she stayed alive
among the tired and lonely
not waiting always wanting
needing a good night's rest
-- Nikki Giovanni, "Introspection"
Defining the Roots of Depression
Clinical depression is often a vague disorder for African- American women. It may produce an abundance of "depressions" in the lives of the women who experience its ongoing, relentless symptoms. The old adage of "being sick and tired of being sick and tired" is quite relevant for these women, since they often suffer from persistent, untreated physical and emotional symptoms. If these women consult health professionals, they are frequently told that they are hypertensive, run down, or tense and nervous. They may be prescribed antihypertensives, vitamins, or mood elevating pills; or they may be informed to lose weight, learn to relax, get a change of scenery, or get more exercise. The root of their symptoms frequently is not explored; and these women continue to complain of being tired, weary, empty, lonely, sad. Other women friends and family members may say, "We all feel this way sometimes, it's just the way it is for us Black women."
I remember one of my clients, a woman who had been brought into the emergency mental health center because she had slashed her wrists while at work. During my assessment of her, she told me she felt like she was "dragging a weight around all the time." She said, "I've had all these tests done and they tell me physically everything is fine but I know it's not. Maybe I'm going crazy! Something is terribly wrong with me, but I don't have time for it. I've got a family who depends on me to be strong. I'm the one that everyone turns to." This woman, more conerned about her family than herself, said she "[felt] guilty spending so much time on [her]self." When I asked her if she had anyone she could talk to, she responded, "I don't want to bother my family and my closest friend is having her own problems right now." Her comments reflect and mirror the sentiments of other depressed African-American women I have seen in my practice: They're alive, but barely, and are continually tired, lonely, and wanting.
Statistics regarding depression in African-American women are either non-existent or uncertain. Part of this confusion is because past published clinical research on depression in African-American women has been scarce (Barbee, 1992; Carrington, 1980; McGrath et al., 1992; Oakley, 1986; Tomes et al., 1990). This scarcity is, in part, due to the fact that African-American women may not seek treatment for their depression, may be misdiagnosed, or may withdraw from treatment because their ethnic, cultural, and/or gender needs have not been met (Cannon, Higginbotham, & Guy, 1989; Warren, 1994a). I also have found that African-American women may be reticent to participate in research studies because they are uncertain as to how research data will be disseminated or are afraid that data will be misinterpreted. In addition, there are few available culturally competent researchers who are knowledgeable regarding the phenomenon of depression in African-American women. Subsequently, African-American women may not be available to participate in depression research studies. Available published statistics concur with what I have seen in my practice: that African-American women report more depressive symptoms than African-American men or European-American women or men, and that these women have a depression rate twice that of European-American women (Brown, 1990; Kessler
Apocalypse Suicide Page
Good Mood
Living with Depression
Mental Health Recovery
NIMH
SHOCKED! ECT
HealthyPlace.com Radio
Depression Support Groups
Books on Depression
Conference Transcripts
Depression Videos
Diaries - Journals
Disorders Definitions
Mental Health News
Online Depression Tests
Psychiatric Medications
Resources
Site Map
Email
ICQ
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Visit and Post
Abuse
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Addictions
Anxiety-Panic
Bipolar
Eating Disorders
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send this page to a friend
Examining Depression Among
African-American Women
From a Psychiatric Mental Health
Nursing Perspective
Barbara Jones Warren
because she didn't know any better
she stayed alive
among the tired and lonely
not waiting always wanting
needing a good night's rest
-- Nikki Giovanni, "Introspection"
Defining the Roots of Depression
Clinical depression is often a vague disorder for African- American women. It may produce an abundance of "depressions" in the lives of the women who experience its ongoing, relentless symptoms. The old adage of "being sick and tired of being sick and tired" is quite relevant for these women, since they often suffer from persistent, untreated physical and emotional symptoms. If these women consult health professionals, they are frequently told that they are hypertensive, run down, or tense and nervous. They may be prescribed antihypertensives, vitamins, or mood elevating pills; or they may be informed to lose weight, learn to relax, get a change of scenery, or get more exercise. The root of their symptoms frequently is not explored; and these women continue to complain of being tired, weary, empty, lonely, sad. Other women friends and family members may say, "We all feel this way sometimes, it's just the way it is for us Black women."
I remember one of my clients, a woman who had been brought into the emergency mental health center because she had slashed her wrists while at work. During my assessment of her, she told me she felt like she was "dragging a weight around all the time." She said, "I've had all these tests done and they tell me physically everything is fine but I know it's not. Maybe I'm going crazy! Something is terribly wrong with me, but I don't have time for it. I've got a family who depends on me to be strong. I'm the one that everyone turns to." This woman, more conerned about her family than herself, said she "[felt] guilty spending so much time on [her]self." When I asked her if she had anyone she could talk to, she responded, "I don't want to bother my family and my closest friend is having her own problems right now." Her comments reflect and mirror the sentiments of other depressed African-American women I have seen in my practice: They're alive, but barely, and are continually tired, lonely, and wanting.
Statistics regarding depression in African-American women are either non-existent or uncertain. Part of this confusion is because past published clinical research on depression in African-American women has been scarce (Barbee, 1992; Carrington, 1980; McGrath et al., 1992; Oakley, 1986; Tomes et al., 1990). This scarcity is, in part, due to the fact that African-American women may not seek treatment for their depression, may be misdiagnosed, or may withdraw from treatment because their ethnic, cultural, and/or gender needs have not been met (Cannon, Higginbotham, & Guy, 1989; Warren, 1994a). I also have found that African-American women may be reticent to participate in research studies because they are uncertain as to how research data will be disseminated or are afraid that data will be misinterpreted. In addition, there are few available culturally competent researchers who are knowledgeable regarding the phenomenon of depression in African-American women. Subsequently, African-American women may not be available to participate in depression research studies. Available published statistics concur with what I have seen in my practice: that African-American women report more depressive symptoms than African-American men or European-American women or men, and that these women have a depression rate twice that of European-American women (Brown, 1990; Kessler
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Examining Depression Among
African-American Women
From a Psychiatric Mental Health
Nursing Perspective
Barbara Jones Warren
because she didn't know any better
she stayed alive
among the tired and lonely
not waiting always wanting
needing a good night's rest
-- Nikki Giovanni, "Introspection"
Defining the Roots of Depression
Clinical depression is often a vague disorder for African- American women. It may produce an abundance of "depressions" in the lives of the women who experience its ongoing, relentless symptoms. The old adage of "being sick and tired of being sick and tired" is quite relevant for these women, since they often suffer from persistent, untreated physical and emotional symptoms. If these women consult health professionals, they are frequently told that they are hypertensive, run down, or tense and nervous. They may be prescribed antihypertensives, vitamins, or mood elevating pills; or they may be informed to lose weight, learn to relax, get a change of scenery, or get more exercise. The root of their symptoms frequently is not explored; and these women continue to complain of being tired, weary, empty, lonely, sad. Other women friends and family members may say, "We all feel this way sometimes, it's just the way it is for us Black women."
I remember one of my clients, a woman who had been brought into the emergency mental health center because she had slashed her wrists while at work. During my assessment of her, she told me she felt like she was "dragging a weight around all the time." She said, "I've had all these tests done and they tell me physically everything is fine but I know it's not. Maybe I'm going crazy! Something is terribly wrong with me, but I don't have time for it. I've got a family who depends on me to be strong. I'm the one that everyone turns to." This woman, more conerned about her family than herself, said she "[felt] guilty spending so much time on [her]self." When I asked her if she had anyone she could talk to, she responded, "I don't want to bother my family and my closest friend is having her own problems right now." Her comments reflect and mirror the sentiments of other depressed African-American women I have seen in my practice: They're alive, but barely, and are continually tired, lonely, and wanting.
Statistics regarding depression in African-American women are either non-existent or uncertain. Part of this confusion is because past published clinical research on depression in African-American women has been scarce (Barbee, 1992; Carrington, 1980; McGrath et al., 1992; Oakley, 1986; Tomes et al., 1990). This scarcity is, in part, due to the fact that African-American women may not seek treatment for their depression, may be misdiagnosed, or may withdraw from treatment because their ethnic, cultural, and/or gender needs have not been met (Cannon, Higginbotham, & Guy, 1989; Warren, 1994a). I also have found that African-American women may be reticent to participate in research studies because they are uncertain as to how research data will be disseminated or are afraid that data will be misinterpreted. In addition, there are few available culturally competent researchers who are knowledgeable regarding the phenomenon of depression in African-American women. Subsequently, African-American women may not be available to participate in depression research studies. Available published statistics concur with what I have seen in my practice: that African-American women report more depressive symptoms than African-American men or European-American women or men, and that these women have a depression rate twice that of European-American women (Brown, 1990; Kessler
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Examining Depression Among
African-American Women
From a Psychiatric Mental Health
Nursing Perspective
Barbara Jones Warren
because she didn't know any better
she stayed alive
among the tired and lonely
not waiting always wanting
needing a good night's rest
-- Nikki Giovanni, "Introspection"
Defining the Roots of Depression
Clinical depression is often a vague disorder for African- American women. It may produce an abundance of "depressions" in the lives of the women who experience its ongoing, relentless symptoms. The old adage of "being sick and tired of being sick and tired" is quite relevant for these women, since they often suffer from persistent, untreated physical and emotional symptoms. If these women consult health professionals, they are frequently told that they are hypertensive, run down, or tense and nervous. They may be prescribed antihypertensives, vitamins, or mood elevating pills; or they may be informed to lose weight, learn to relax, get a change of scenery, or get more exercise. The root of their symptoms frequently is not explored; and these women continue to complain of being tired, weary, empty, lonely, sad. Other women friends and family members may say, "We all feel this way sometimes, it's just the way it is for us Black women."
I remember one of my clients, a woman who had been brought into the emergency mental health center because she had slashed her wrists while at work. During my assessment of her, she told me she felt like she was "dragging a weight around all the time." She said, "I've had all these tests done and they tell me physically everything is fine but I know it's not. Maybe I'm going crazy! Something is terribly wrong with me, but I don't have time for it. I've got a family who depends on me to be strong. I'm the one that everyone turns to." This woman, more conerned about her family than herself, said she "[felt] guilty spending so much time on [her]self." When I asked her if she had anyone she could talk to, she responded, "I don't want to bother my family and my closest friend is having her own problems right now." Her comments reflect and mirror the sentiments of other depressed African-American women I have seen in my practice: They're alive, but barely, and are continually tired, lonely, and wanting.
Statistics regarding depression in African-American women are either non-existent or uncertain. Part of this confusion is because past published clinical research on depression in African-American women has been scarce (Barbee, 1992; Carrington, 1980; McGrath et al., 1992; Oakley, 1986; Tomes et al., 1990). This scarcity is, in part, due to the fact that African-American women may not seek treatment for their depression, may be misdiagnosed, or may withdraw from treatment because their ethnic, cultural, and/or gender needs have not been met (Cannon, Higginbotham, & Guy, 1989; Warren, 1994a). I also have found that African-American women may be reticent to participate in research studies because they are uncertain as to how research data will be disseminated or are afraid that data will be misinterpreted. In addition, there are few available culturally competent researchers who are knowledgeable regarding the phenomenon of depression in African-American women. Subsequently, African-American women may not be available to participate in depression research studies. Available published statistics concur with what I have seen in my practice: that African-American women report more depressive symptoms than African-American men or European-American women or men, and that these women have a depression rate twice that of European-American women (Brown, 1990; Kessler
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Living with Depression
Mental Health Recovery
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HealthyPlace.com Radio
Depression Support Groups
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Examining Depression Among
African-American Women
From a Psychiatric Mental Health
Nursing Perspective
Barbara Jones Warren
because she didn't know any better
she stayed alive
among the tired and lonely
not waiting always wanting
needing a good night's rest
-- Nikki Giovanni, "Introspection"
Defining the Roots of Depression
Clinical depression is often a vague disorder for African- American women. It may produce an abundance of "depressions" in the lives of the women who experience its ongoing, relentless symptoms. The old adage of "being sick and tired of being sick and tired" is quite relevant for these women, since they often suffer from persistent, untreated physical and emotional symptoms. If these women consult health professionals, they are frequently told that they are hypertensive, run down, or tense and nervous. They may be prescribed antihypertensives, vitamins, or mood elevating pills; or they may be informed to lose weight, learn to relax, get a change of scenery, or get more exercise. The root of their symptoms frequently is not explored; and these women continue to complain of being tired, weary, empty, lonely, sad. Other women friends and family members may say, "We all feel this way sometimes, it's just the way it is for us Black women."
I remember one of my clients, a woman who had been brought into the emergency mental health center because she had slashed her wrists while at work. During my assessment of her, she told me she felt like she was "dragging a weight around all the time." She said, "I've had all these tests done and they tell me physically everything is fine but I know it's not. Maybe I'm going crazy! Something is terribly wrong with me, but I don't have time for it. I've got a family who depends on me to be strong. I'm the one that everyone turns to." This woman, more conerned about her family than herself, said she "[felt] guilty spending so much time on [her]self." When I asked her if she had anyone she could talk to, she responded, "I don't want to bother my family and my closest friend is having her own problems right now." Her comments reflect and mirror the sentiments of other depressed African-American women I have seen in my practice: They're alive, but barely, and are continually tired, lonely, and wanting.
Statistics regarding depression in African-American women are either non-existent or uncertain. Part of this confusion is because past published clinical research on depression in African-American women has been scarce (Barbee, 1992; Carrington, 1980; McGrath et al., 1992; Oakley, 1986; Tomes et al., 1990). This scarcity is, in part, due to the fact that African-American women may not seek treatment for their depression, may be misdiagnosed, or may withdraw from treatment because their ethnic, cultural, and/or gender needs have not been met (Cannon, Higginbotham, & Guy, 1989; Warren, 1994a). I also have found that African-American women may be reticent to participate in research studies because they are uncertain as to how research data will be disseminated or are afraid that data will be misinterpreted. In addition, there are few available culturally competent researchers who are knowledgeable regarding the phenomenon of depression in African-American women. Subsequently, African-American women may not be available to participate in depression research studies. Available published statistics concur with what I have seen in my practice: that African-American women report more depressive symptoms than African-American men or European-American women or men, and that these women have a depression rate twice that of European-American women (Brown, 1990; Kessler
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Living with Depression
Mental Health Recovery
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SHOCKED! ECT
HealthyPlace.com Radio
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Resources
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Visit and Post
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Examining Depression Among
African-American Women
From a Psychiatric Mental Health
Nursing Perspective
Barbara Jones Warren
because she didn't know any better
she stayed alive
among the tired and lonely
not waiting always wanting
needing a good night's rest
-- Nikki Giovanni, "Introspection"
Defining the Roots of Depression
Clinical depression is often a vague disorder for African- American women. It may produce an abundance of "depressions" in the lives of the women who experience its ongoing, relentless symptoms. The old adage of "being sick and tired of being sick and tired" is quite relevant for these women, since they often suffer from persistent, untreated physical and emotional symptoms. If these women consult health professionals, they are frequently told that they are hypertensive, run down, or tense and nervous. They may be prescribed antihypertensives, vitamins, or mood elevating pills; or they may be informed to lose weight, learn to relax, get a change of scenery, or get more exercise. The root of their symptoms frequently is not explored; and these women continue to complain of being tired, weary, empty, lonely, sad. Other women friends and family members may say, "We all feel this way sometimes, it's just the way it is for us Black women."
I remember one of my clients, a woman who had been brought into the emergency mental health center because she had slashed her wrists while at work. During my assessment of her, she told me she felt like she was "dragging a weight around all the time." She said, "I've had all these tests done and they tell me physically everything is fine but I know it's not. Maybe I'm going crazy! Something is terribly wrong with me, but I don't have time for it. I've got a family who depends on me to be strong. I'm the one that everyone turns to." This woman, more conerned about her family than herself, said she "[felt] guilty spending so much time on [her]self." When I asked her if she had anyone she could talk to, she responded, "I don't want to bother my family and my closest friend is having her own problems right now." Her comments reflect and mirror the sentiments of other depressed African-American women I have seen in my practice: They're alive, but barely, and are continually tired, lonely, and wanting.
Statistics regarding depression in African-American women are either non-existent or uncertain. Part of this confusion is because past published clinical research on depression in African-American women has been scarce (Barbee, 1992; Carrington, 1980; McGrath et al., 1992; Oakley, 1986; Tomes et al., 1990). This scarcity is, in part, due to the fact that African-American women may not seek treatment for their depression, may be misdiagnosed, or may withdraw from treatment because their ethnic, cultural, and/or gender needs have not been met (Cannon, Higginbotham, & Guy, 1989; Warren, 1994a). I also have found that African-American women may be reticent to participate in research studies because they are uncertain as to how research data will be disseminated or are afraid that data will be misinterpreted. In addition, there are few available culturally competent researchers who are knowledgeable regarding the phenomenon of depression in African-American women. Subsequently, African-American women may not be available to participate in depression research studies. Available published statistics concur with what I have seen in my practice: that African-American women report more depressive symptoms than African-American men or European-American women or men, and that these women have a depression rate twice that of European-American women (Brown, 1990; Kesslerv
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Living with Depression
Mental Health Recovery
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HealthyPlace.com Radio
Depression Support Groups
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Resources
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Visit and Post
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Examining Depression Among
African-American Women
From a Psychiatric Mental Health
Nursing Perspective
Barbara Jones Warren
because she didn't know any better
she stayed alive
among the tired and lonely
not waiting always wanting
needing a good night's rest
-- Nikki Giovanni, "Introspection"
Defining the Roots of Depression
Clinical depression is often a vague disorder for African- American women. It may produce an abundance of "depressions" in the lives of the women who experience its ongoing, relentless symptoms. The old adage of "being sick and tired of being sick and tired" is quite relevant for these women, since they often suffer from persistent, untreated physical and emotional symptoms. If these women consult health professionals, they are frequently told that they are hypertensive, run down, or tense and nervous. They may be prescribed antihypertensives, vitamins, or mood elevating pills; or they may be informed to lose weight, learn to relax, get a change of scenery, or get more exercise. The root of their symptoms frequently is not explored; and these women continue to complain of being tired, weary, empty, lonely, sad. Other women friends and family members may say, "We all feel this way sometimes, it's just the way it is for us Black women."
I remember one of my clients, a woman who had been brought into the emergency mental health center because she had slashed her wrists while at work. During my assessment of her, she told me she felt like she was "dragging a weight around all the time." She said, "I've had all these tests done and they tell me physically everything is fine but I know it's not. Maybe I'm going crazy! Something is terribly wrong with me, but I don't have time for it. I've got a family who depends on me to be strong. I'm the one that everyone turns to." This woman, more conerned about her family than herself, said she "[felt] guilty spending so much time on [her]self." When I asked her if she had anyone she could talk to, she responded, "I don't want to bother my family and my closest friend is having her own problems right now." Her comments reflect and mirror the sentiments of other depressed African-American women I have seen in my practice: They're alive, but barely, and are continually tired, lonely, and wanting.
Statistics regarding depression in African-American women are either non-existent or uncertain. Part of this confusion is because past published clinical research on depression in African-American women has been scarce (Barbee, 1992; Carrington, 1980; McGrath et al., 1992; Oakley, 1986; Tomes et al., 1990). This scarcity is, in part, due to the fact that African-American women may not seek treatment for their depression, may be misdiagnosed, or may withdraw from treatment because their ethnic, cultural, and/or gender needs have not been met (Cannon, Higginbotham, & Guy, 1989; Warren, 1994a). I also have found that African-American women may be reticent to participate in research studies because they are uncertain as to how research data will be disseminated or are afraid that data will be misinterpreted. In addition, there are few available culturally competent researchers who are knowledgeable regarding the phenomenon of depression in African-American women. Subsequently, African-American women may not be available to participate in depression research studies. Available published statistics concur with what I have seen in my practice: that African-American women report more depressive symptoms than African-American men or European-American women or men, and that these women have a depression rate twice that of European-American women (Brown, 1990; Kessler
Apocalypse Suicide Page
Good Mood
Living with Depression
Mental Health Recovery
NIMH
SHOCKED! ECT
HealthyPlace.com Radio
Depression Support Groups
Books on Depression
Conference Transcripts
Depression Videos
Diaries - Journals
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Mental Health News
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Resources
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Visit and Post
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Examining Depression Among
African-American Women
From a Psychiatric Mental Health
Nursing Perspective
Barbara Jones Warren
because she didn't know any better
she stayed alive
among the tired and lonely
not waiting always wanting
needing a good night's rest
-- Nikki Giovanni, "Introspection"
Defining the Roots of Depression
Clinical depression is often a vague disorder for African- American women. It may produce an abundance of "depressions" in the lives of the women who experience its ongoing, relentless symptoms. The old adage of "being sick and tired of being sick and tired" is quite relevant for these women, since they often suffer from persistent, untreated physical and emotional symptoms. If these women consult health professionals, they are frequently told that they are hypertensive, run down, or tense and nervous. They may be prescribed antihypertensives, vitamins, or mood elevating pills; or they may be informed to lose weight, learn to relax, get a change of scenery, or get more exercise. The root of their symptoms frequently is not explored; and these women continue to complain of being tired, weary, empty, lonely, sad. Other women friends and family members may say, "We all feel this way sometimes, it's just the way it is for us Black women."
I remember one of my clients, a woman who had been brought into the emergency mental health center because she had slashed her wrists while at work. During my assessment of her, she told me she felt like she was "dragging a weight around all the time." She said, "I've had all these tests done and they tell me physically everything is fine but I know it's not. Maybe I'm going crazy! Something is terribly wrong with me, but I don't have time for it. I've got a family who depends on me to be strong. I'm the one that everyone turns to." This woman, more conerned about her family than herself, said she "[felt] guilty spending so much time on [her]self." When I asked her if she had anyone she could talk to, she responded, "I don't want to bother my family and my closest friend is having her own problems right now." Her comments reflect and mirror the sentiments of other depressed African-American women I have seen in my practice: They're alive, but barely, and are continually tired, lonely, and wanting.
Statistics regarding depression in African-American women are either non-existent or uncertain. Part of this confusion is because past published clinical research on depression in African-American women has been scarce (Barbee, 1992; Carrington, 1980; McGrath et al., 1992; Oakley, 1986; Tomes et al., 1990). This scarcity is, in part, due to the fact that African-American women may not seek treatment for their depression, may be misdiagnosed, or may withdraw from treatment because their ethnic, cultural, and/or gender needs have not been met (Cannon, Higginbotham, & Guy, 1989; Warren, 1994a). I also have found that African-American women may be reticent to participate in research studies because they are uncertain as to how research data will be disseminated or are afraid that data will be misinterpreted. In addition, there are few available culturally competent researchers who are knowledgeable regarding the phenomenon of depression in African-American women. Subsequently, African-American women may not be available to participate in depression research studies. Available published statistics concur with what I have seen in my practice: that African-American women report more depressive symptoms than African-American men or European-American women or men, and that these women have a depression rate twice that of European-American women (Brown, 1990; Kessler
Apocalypse Suicide Page
Good Mood
Living with Depression
Mental Health Recovery
NIMH
SHOCKED! ECT
HealthyPlace.com Radio
Depression Support Groups
Books on Depression
Conference Transcripts
Depression Videos
Diaries - Journals
Disorders Definitions
Mental Health News
Online Depression Tests
Psychiatric Medications
Resources
Site Map
Email
ICQ
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Visit and Post
Abuse
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Addictions
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Bipolar
Eating Disorders
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send this page to a friend
Examining Depression Among
African-American Women
From a Psychiatric Mental Health
Nursing Perspective
Barbara Jones Warren
because she didn't know any better
she stayed alive
among the tired and lonely
not waiting always wanting
needing a good night's rest
-- Nikki Giovanni, "Introspection"
Defining the Roots of Depression
Clinical depression is often a vague disorder for African- American women. It may produce an abundance of "depressions" in the lives of the women who experience its ongoing, relentless symptoms. The old adage of "being sick and tired of being sick and tired" is quite relevant for these women, since they often suffer from persistent, untreated physical and emotional symptoms. If these women consult health professionals, they are frequently told that they are hypertensive, run down, or tense and nervous. They may be prescribed antihypertensives, vitamins, or mood elevating pills; or they may be informed to lose weight, learn to relax, get a change of scenery, or get more exercise. The root of their symptoms frequently is not explored; and these women continue to complain of being tired, weary, empty, lonely, sad. Other women friends and family members may say, "We all feel this way sometimes, it's just the way it is for us Black women."
I remember one of my clients, a woman who had been brought into the emergency mental health center because she had slashed her wrists while at work. During my assessment of her, she told me she felt like she was "dragging a weight around all the time." She said, "I've had all these tests done and they tell me physically everything is fine but I know it's not. Maybe I'm going crazy! Something is terribly wrong with me, but I don't have time for it. I've got a family who depends on me to be strong. I'm the one that everyone turns to." This woman, more conerned about her family than herself, said she "[felt] guilty spending so much time on [her]self." When I asked her if she had anyone she could talk to, she responded, "I don't want to bother my family and my closest friend is having her own problems right now." Her comments reflect and mirror the sentiments of other depressed African-American women I have seen in my practice: They're alive, but barely, and are continually tired, lonely, and wanting.
Statistics regarding depression in African-American women are either non-existent or uncertain. Part of this confusion is because past published clinical research on depression in African-American women has been scarce (Barbee, 1992; Carrington, 1980; McGrath et al., 1992; Oakley, 1986; Tomes et al., 1990). This scarcity is, in part, due to the fact that African-American women may not seek treatment for their depression, may be misdiagnosed, or may withdraw from treatment because their ethnic, cultural, and/or gender needs have not been met (Cannon, Higginbotham, & Guy, 1989; Warren, 1994a). I also have found that African-American women may be reticent to participate in research studies because they are uncertain as to how research data will be disseminated or are afraid that data will be misinterpreted. In addition, there are few available culturally competent researchers who are knowledgeable regarding the phenomenon of depression in African-American women. Subsequently, African-American women may not be available to participate in depression research studies. Available published statistics concur with what I have seen in my practice: that African-American women report more depressive symptoms than African-American men or European-American women or men, and that these women have a depression rate twice that of European-American women (Brown, 1990; Kessler
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September 18, 2008 7:58 PM
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September 18, 2008 7:58 PM
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September 18, 2008 7:58 PM
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Prozac
Drug DescriptionFONT SIZEAAA
PROZAC®
(fluoxetine) Capsules, USP
(fluoxetine) Oral Solution, USP
(fluoxetine) Delayed-Release Capsules, USP
WARNING
Suicidality and Antidepressant Drugs — Antidepressants increased the risk compared to placebo of suicidal thinking and behavior (suicidality) in children, adolescents, and young adults in short-term studies of major depressive disorder (MDD) and other psychiatric disorders. Anyone considering the use of Prozac or any other antidepressant in a child, adolescent, or young adult must balance this risk with the clinical need. Short-term studies did not show an increase in the risk of suicidality with antidepressants compared to placebo in adults beyond age 24; there was a reduction in risk with antidepressants compared to placebo in adults aged 65 and older. Depression and certain other psychiatric disorders are themselves associated with increases in the risk of suicide. Patients of all ages who are started on antidepressant therapy should be monitored appropriately and observed closely for clinical worsening, suicidality, or unusual changes in behavior. Families and caregivers should be advised of the need for close observation and communication with the prescriber. Prozac is approved for use in pediatric patients with MDD and obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD). (See WARNINGS, Clinical Worsening and Suicide Risk, PRECAUTIONS, Information for Patients, and PRECAUTIONS, Pediatric Use.)
DRUG DESCRIPTION
Prozac® (fluoxetine capsules, USP and fluoxetine oral solution, USP) is a psychotropic drug for oral administration. It is also marketed for the treatment of premenstrual dysphoric disorder (Sarafem®, fluoxetine hydrochloride). It is designated (±)-N-methyl-3-phenyl-3-[(α,α,α-trifluoro-p-tolyl)oxy]propylamine hydrochloride and has the empirical formula of C17H18F3NO•HCl. Its molecular weight is 345.79. The structural formula is:
Fluoxetine hydrochloride is a white to off-white crystalline solid with a solubility of 14 mg/mL in water.
Each Pulvule® contains fluoxetine hydrochloride equivalent to 10 mg (32.3 µmol), 20 mg (64.7 µmol), or 40 mg (129.3 µmol) of fluoxetine. The Pulvules also contain starch, gelatin, silicone, titanium dioxide, iron oxide, and other inactive ingredients. The 10- and 20-mg Pulvules also contain FD&C Blue No. 1, and the 40-mg Pulvule also contains FD&C Blue No. 1 and FD&C Yellow No. 6.
The oral solution contains fluoxetine hydrochloride equivalent to 20 mg/5 mL (64.7 µmol) of fluoxetine. It also contains alcohol 0.23%, benzoic acid, flavoring agent, glycerin, purified water, and sucrose.
Prozac Weekly™ capsules, a delayed-release formulation, contain enteric-coated pellets of fluoxetine hydrochloride equivalent to 90 mg (291 µmol) of fluoxetine. The capsules also contain D&C Yellow No. 10, FD&C Blue No. 2, gelatin, hypromellose, hypromellose acetate succinate, sodium lauryl sulfate, sucrose, sugar spheres, talc, titanium dioxide, triethyl citrate, and other inactive ingredients.
Brand Name: Prozac
Generic Name: Fluoxetine Hcl
Next: Prozac - Indications & Dosage »
« previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 next »
Report Problems to the Food and Drug Administration
You are encouraged to report negative side effects of prescription drugs to the FDA. Visit the FDA MedWatch website or call 1-800-FDA-1088.
Bookmark this page:
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Depression Quiz: Check Your Symptoms
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A new study says over half of all people treated with antidepressants stop taking them because of side effects. See more WebMD Videos »
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Learn about Depression at eMedicineHealth.com
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Prozac is sometimes used to treat social anxiety disorder. Find additional health information on social anxiety disorder including other treatment options at WebMD.com.
Depression Symptoms — Treatment May Help
Targeting a Broad Range of Symptoms
Tips for Talking to Your Doctor
Learn From Others With Depression
Important Safety Information Full Prescribing Information
Prozac
Drug Description
Indications & Dosage
Side Effects & Drug Interactions
Warnings & Precautions
Overdosage & Contraindications
Clinical Pharmacology
Patient Information
Related Drugs
Celexa
Citalopram ODT
Lexapro
Luvox
Paxil
Paxil-CR
Zoloft
Health Resources
Depression
Bipolar Disorder
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
Drug News
2008 Election & Health Care on WebMD. Get Informed.
FDA Issues Alert for 2 Generic Drug Plants
Osteoporosis Treatment Guidelines
Newer Kids' Antipsychotics No Better
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Prozac
Drug DescriptionFONT SIZEAAA
PROZAC®
(fluoxetine) Capsules, USP
(fluoxetine) Oral Solution, USP
(fluoxetine) Delayed-Release Capsules, USP
WARNING
Suicidality and Antidepressant Drugs — Antidepressants increased the risk compared to placebo of suicidal thinking and behavior (suicidality) in children, adolescents, and young adults in short-term studies of major depressive disorder (MDD) and other psychiatric disorders. Anyone considering the use of Prozac or any other antidepressant in a child, adolescent, or young adult must balance this risk with the clinical need. Short-term studies did not show an increase in the risk of suicidality with antidepressants compared to placebo in adults beyond age 24; there was a reduction in risk with antidepressants compared to placebo in adults aged 65 and older. Depression and certain other psychiatric disorders are themselves associated with increases in the risk of suicide. Patients of all ages who are started on antidepressant therapy should be monitored appropriately and observed closely for clinical worsening, suicidality, or unusual changes in behavior. Families and caregivers should be advised of the need for close observation and communication with the prescriber. Prozac is approved for use in pediatric patients with MDD and obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD). (See WARNINGS, Clinical Worsening and Suicide Risk, PRECAUTIONS, Information for Patients, and PRECAUTIONS, Pediatric Use.)
DRUG DESCRIPTION
Prozac® (fluoxetine capsules, USP and fluoxetine oral solution, USP) is a psychotropic drug for oral administration. It is also marketed for the treatment of premenstrual dysphoric disorder (Sarafem®, fluoxetine hydrochloride). It is designated (±)-N-methyl-3-phenyl-3-[(α,α,α-trifluoro-p-tolyl)oxy]propylamine hydrochloride and has the empirical formula of C17H18F3NO•HCl. Its molecular weight is 345.79. The structural formula is:
Fluoxetine hydrochloride is a white to off-white crystalline solid with a solubility of 14 mg/mL in water.
Each Pulvule® contains fluoxetine hydrochloride equivalent to 10 mg (32.3 µmol), 20 mg (64.7 µmol), or 40 mg (129.3 µmol) of fluoxetine. The Pulvules also contain starch, gelatin, silicone, titanium dioxide, iron oxide, and other inactive ingredients. The 10- and 20-mg Pulvules also contain FD&C Blue No. 1, and the 40-mg Pulvule also contains FD&C Blue No. 1 and FD&C Yellow No. 6.
The oral solution contains fluoxetine hydrochloride equivalent to 20 mg/5 mL (64.7 µmol) of fluoxetine. It also contains alcohol 0.23%, benzoic acid, flavoring agent, glycerin, purified water, and sucrose.
Prozac Weekly™ capsules, a delayed-release formulation, contain enteric-coated pellets of fluoxetine hydrochloride equivalent to 90 mg (291 µmol) of fluoxetine. The capsules also contain D&C Yellow No. 10, FD&C Blue No. 2, gelatin, hypromellose, hypromellose acetate succinate, sodium lauryl sulfate, sucrose, sugar spheres, talc, titanium dioxide, triethyl citrate, and other inactive ingredients.
Brand Name: Prozac
Generic Name: Fluoxetine Hcl
Next: Prozac - Indications & Dosage »
« previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 next »
Report Problems to the Food and Drug Administration
You are encouraged to report negative side effects of prescription drugs to the FDA. Visit the FDA MedWatch website or call 1-800-FDA-1088.
Bookmark this page:
Privacy Policy
Emotional Wellness
Get tips on therapy and treatment.
WebMD Resources
Depression Quiz: Check Your Symptoms
Antidepressant Side Effects
A new study says over half of all people treated with antidepressants stop taking them because of side effects. See more WebMD Videos »
Related Links
eMedicineHealth
Learn about Depression at eMedicineHealth.com
WebMD
Prozac is sometimes used to treat social anxiety disorder. Find additional health information on social anxiety disorder including other treatment options at WebMD.com.
Depression Symptoms — Treatment May Help
Targeting a Broad Range of Symptoms
Tips for Talking to Your Doctor
Learn From Others With Depression
Important Safety Information Full Prescribing Information
Prozac
Drug Description
Indications & Dosage
Side Effects & Drug Interactions
Warnings & Precautions
Overdosage & Contraindications
Clinical Pharmacology
Patient Information
Related Drugs
Celexa
Citalopram ODT
Lexapro
Luvox
Paxil
Paxil-CR
Zoloft
Health Resources
Depression
Bipolar Disorder
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
Drug News
2008 Election & Health Care on WebMD. Get Informed.
FDA Issues Alert for 2 Generic Drug Plants
Osteoporosis Treatment Guidelines
Newer Kids' Antipsychotics No Better
View More »
Search the Medical Dictionary for Health Definitions & Medical Abbreviations
Updated & New
News & Features
Identify Your Drugs:
Use the RxList Pill Identification Tool
Add RxList Search to Your Website
Google Subscribed Links & RxList
Popular Searches
Adderall
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Avandia
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RxList does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. See additional information.
Find a DrugAdvanced Search
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« previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 next »
Prozac
Drug DescriptionFONT SIZEAAA
PROZAC®
(fluoxetine) Capsules, USP
(fluoxetine) Oral Solution, USP
(fluoxetine) Delayed-Release Capsules, USP
WARNING
Suicidality and Antidepressant Drugs — Antidepressants increased the risk compared to placebo of suicidal thinking and behavior (suicidality) in children, adolescents, and young adults in short-term studies of major depressive disorder (MDD) and other psychiatric disorders. Anyone considering the use of Prozac or any other antidepressant in a child, adolescent, or young adult must balance this risk with the clinical need. Short-term studies did not show an increase in the risk of suicidality with antidepressants compared to placebo in adults beyond age 24; there was a reduction in risk with antidepressants compared to placebo in adults aged 65 and older. Depression and certain other psychiatric disorders are themselves associated with increases in the risk of suicide. Patients of all ages who are started on antidepressant therapy should be monitored appropriately and observed closely for clinical worsening, suicidality, or unusual changes in behavior. Families and caregivers should be advised of the need for close observation and communication with the prescriber. Prozac is approved for use in pediatric patients with MDD and obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD). (See WARNINGS, Clinical Worsening and Suicide Risk, PRECAUTIONS, Information for Patients, and PRECAUTIONS, Pediatric Use.)
DRUG DESCRIPTION
Prozac® (fluoxetine capsules, USP and fluoxetine oral solution, USP) is a psychotropic drug for oral administration. It is also marketed for the treatment of premenstrual dysphoric disorder (Sarafem®, fluoxetine hydrochloride). It is designated (±)-N-methyl-3-phenyl-3-[(α,α,α-trifluoro-p-tolyl)oxy]propylamine hydrochloride and has the empirical formula of C17H18F3NO•HCl. Its molecular weight is 345.79. The structural formula is:
Fluoxetine hydrochloride is a white to off-white crystalline solid with a solubility of 14 mg/mL in water.
Each Pulvule® contains fluoxetine hydrochloride equivalent to 10 mg (32.3 µmol), 20 mg (64.7 µmol), or 40 mg (129.3 µmol) of fluoxetine. The Pulvules also contain starch, gelatin, silicone, titanium dioxide, iron oxide, and other inactive ingredients. The 10- and 20-mg Pulvules also contain FD&C Blue No. 1, and the 40-mg Pulvule also contains FD&C Blue No. 1 and FD&C Yellow No. 6.
The oral solution contains fluoxetine hydrochloride equivalent to 20 mg/5 mL (64.7 µmol) of fluoxetine. It also contains alcohol 0.23%, benzoic acid, flavoring agent, glycerin, purified water, and sucrose.
Prozac Weekly™ capsules, a delayed-release formulation, contain enteric-coated pellets of fluoxetine hydrochloride equivalent to 90 mg (291 µmol) of fluoxetine. The capsules also contain D&C Yellow No. 10, FD&C Blue No. 2, gelatin, hypromellose, hypromellose acetate succinate, sodium lauryl sulfate, sucrose, sugar spheres, talc, titanium dioxide, triethyl citrate, and other inactive ingredients.
Brand Name: Prozac
Generic Name: Fluoxetine Hcl
Next: Prozac - Indications & Dosage »
« previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 next »
Report Problems to the Food and Drug Administration
You are encouraged to report negative side effects of prescription drugs to the FDA. Visit the FDA MedWatch website or call 1-800-FDA-1088.
Bookmark this page:
Privacy Policy
Emotional Wellness
Get tips on therapy and treatment.
WebMD Resources
Depression Quiz: Check Your Symptoms
Antidepressant Side Effects
A new study says over half of all people treated with antidepressants stop taking them because of side effects. See more WebMD Videos »
Related Links
eMedicineHealth
Learn about Depression at eMedicineHealth.com
WebMD
Prozac is sometimes used to treat social anxiety disorder. Find additional health information on social anxiety disorder including other treatment options at WebMD.com.
Depression Symptoms — Treatment May Help
Targeting a Broad Range of Symptoms
Tips for Talking to Your Doctor
Learn From Others With Depression
Important Safety Information Full Prescribing Information
Prozac
Drug Description
Indications & Dosage
Side Effects & Drug Interactions
Warnings & Precautions
Overdosage & Contraindications
Clinical Pharmacology
Patient Information
Related Drugs
Celexa
Citalopram ODT
Lexapro
Luvox
Paxil
Paxil-CR
Zoloft
Health Resources
Depression
Bipolar Disorder
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
Drug News
2008 Election & Health Care on WebMD. Get Informed.
FDA Issues Alert for 2 Generic Drug Plants
Osteoporosis Treatment Guidelines
Newer Kids' Antipsychotics No Better
View More »
Search the Medical Dictionary for Health Definitions & Medical Abbreviations
Updated & New
News & Features
Identify Your Drugs:
Use the RxList Pill Identification Tool
Add RxList Search to Your Website
Google Subscribed Links & RxList
Popular Searches
Adderall
Aricept
Avandia
Botox
Cardura
Chantix
Coumadin
Levaquin
OxyContin
Viagra
RxList Home|Drugs & Medications A-Z List |Picture Slideshows |Pill Identification Tool |Diseases & Conditions|Drug Medical Dictionary |Alternative Medicine
About RxList|Contact RxList|Terms & Conditions|Privacy Policy|Sponsor Policy|Site Map
WebMD®|MedScape®|eMedicineHealth®|MedicineNet®
Copyright © 2008 by RxList Inc.
RxList does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. See additional information.
Find a DrugAdvanced Search
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Consumer
« previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 next »
Prozac
Drug DescriptionFONT SIZEAAA
PROZAC®
(fluoxetine) Capsules, USP
(fluoxetine) Oral Solution, USP
(fluoxetine) Delayed-Release Capsules, USP
WARNING
Suicidality and Antidepressant Drugs — Antidepressants increased the risk compared to placebo of suicidal thinking and behavior (suicidality) in children, adolescents, and young adults in short-term studies of major depressive disorder (MDD) and other psychiatric disorders. Anyone considering the use of Prozac or any other antidepressant in a child, adolescent, or young adult must balance this risk with the clinical need. Short-term studies did not show an increase in the risk of suicidality with antidepressants compared to placebo in adults beyond age 24; there was a reduction in risk with antidepressants compared to placebo in adults aged 65 and older. Depression and certain other psychiatric disorders are themselves associated with increases in the risk of suicide. Patients of all ages who are started on antidepressant therapy should be monitored appropriately and observed closely for clinical worsening, suicidality, or unusual changes in behavior. Families and caregivers should be advised of the need for close observation and communication with the prescriber. Prozac is approved for use in pediatric patients with MDD and obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD). (See WARNINGS, Clinical Worsening and Suicide Risk, PRECAUTIONS, Information for Patients, and PRECAUTIONS, Pediatric Use.)
DRUG DESCRIPTION
Prozac® (fluoxetine capsules, USP and fluoxetine oral solution, USP) is a psychotropic drug for oral administration. It is also marketed for the treatment of premenstrual dysphoric disorder (Sarafem®, fluoxetine hydrochloride). It is designated (±)-N-methyl-3-phenyl-3-[(α,α,α-trifluoro-p-tolyl)oxy]propylamine hydrochloride and has the empirical formula of C17H18F3NO•HCl. Its molecular weight is 345.79. The structural formula is:
Fluoxetine hydrochloride is a white to off-white crystalline solid with a solubility of 14 mg/mL in water.
Each Pulvule® contains fluoxetine hydrochloride equivalent to 10 mg (32.3 µmol), 20 mg (64.7 µmol), or 40 mg (129.3 µmol) of fluoxetine. The Pulvules also contain starch, gelatin, silicone, titanium dioxide, iron oxide, and other inactive ingredients. The 10- and 20-mg Pulvules also contain FD&C Blue No. 1, and the 40-mg Pulvule also contains FD&C Blue No. 1 and FD&C Yellow No. 6.
The oral solution contains fluoxetine hydrochloride equivalent to 20 mg/5 mL (64.7 µmol) of fluoxetine. It also contains alcohol 0.23%, benzoic acid, flavoring agent, glycerin, purified water, and sucrose.
Prozac Weekly™ capsules, a delayed-release formulation, contain enteric-coated pellets of fluoxetine hydrochloride equivalent to 90 mg (291 µmol) of fluoxetine. The capsules also contain D&C Yellow No. 10, FD&C Blue No. 2, gelatin, hypromellose, hypromellose acetate succinate, sodium lauryl sulfate, sucrose, sugar spheres, talc, titanium dioxide, triethyl citrate, and other inactive ingredients.
Brand Name: Prozac
Generic Name: Fluoxetine Hcl
Next: Prozac - Indications & Dosage »
« previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 next »
Report Problems to the Food and Drug Administration
You are encouraged to report negative side effects of prescription drugs to the FDA. Visit the FDA MedWatch website or call 1-800-FDA-1088.
Bookmark this page:
Privacy Policy
Emotional Wellness
Get tips on therapy and treatment.
WebMD Resources
Depression Quiz: Check Your Symptoms
Antidepressant Side Effects
A new study says over half of all people treated with antidepressants stop taking them because of side effects. See more WebMD Videos »
Related Links
eMedicineHealth
Learn about Depression at eMedicineHealth.com
WebMD
Prozac is sometimes used to treat social anxiety disorder. Find additional health information on social anxiety disorder including other treatment options at WebMD.com.
Depression Symptoms — Treatment May Help
Targeting a Broad Range of Symptoms
Tips for Talking to Your Doctor
Learn From Others With Depression
Important Safety Information Full Prescribing Information
Prozac
Drug Description
Indications & Dosage
Side Effects & Drug Interactions
Warnings & Precautions
Overdosage & Contraindications
Clinical Pharmacology
Patient Information
Related Drugs
Celexa
Citalopram ODT
Lexapro
Luvox
Paxil
Paxil-CR
Zoloft
Health Resources
Depression
Bipolar Disorder
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
Drug News
2008 Election & Health Care on WebMD. Get Informed.
FDA Issues Alert for 2 Generic Drug Plants
Osteoporosis Treatment Guidelines
Newer Kids' Antipsychotics No Better
View More »
Search the Medical Dictionary for Health Definitions & Medical Abbreviations
Updated & New
News & Features
Identify Your Drugs:
Use the RxList Pill Identification Tool
Add RxList Search to Your Website
Google Subscribed Links & RxList
Popular Searches
Adderall
Aricept
Avandia
Botox
Cardura
Chantix
Coumadin
Levaquin
OxyContin
Viagra
RxList Home|Drugs & Medications A-Z List |Picture Slideshows |Pill Identification Tool |Diseases & Conditions|Drug Medical Dictionary |Alternative Medicine
About RxList|Contact RxList|Terms & Conditions|Privacy Policy|Sponsor Policy|Site Map
WebMD®|MedScape®|eMedicineHealth®|MedicineNet®
Copyright © 2008 by RxList Inc.
RxList does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. See additional information.
Find a DrugAdvanced Search
Professional
Consumer
« previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 next »
Prozac
Drug DescriptionFONT SIZEAAA
PROZAC®
(fluoxetine) Capsules, USP
(fluoxetine) Oral Solution, USP
(fluoxetine) Delayed-Release Capsules, USP
WARNING
Suicidality and Antidepressant Drugs — Antidepressants increased the risk compared to placebo of suicidal thinking and behavior (suicidality) in children, adolescents, and young adults in short-term studies of major depressive disorder (MDD) and other psychiatric disorders. Anyone considering the use of Prozac or any other antidepressant in a child, adolescent, or young adult must balance this risk with the clinical need. Short-term studies did not show an increase in the risk of suicidality with antidepressants compared to placebo in adults beyond age 24; there was a reduction in risk with antidepressants compared to placebo in adults aged 65 and older. Depression and certain other psychiatric disorders are themselves associated with increases in the risk of suicide. Patients of all ages who are started on antidepressant therapy should be monitored appropriately and observed closely for clinical worsening, suicidality, or unusual changes in behavior. Families and caregivers should be advised of the need for close observation and communication with the prescriber. Prozac is approved for use in pediatric patients with MDD and obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD). (See WARNINGS, Clinical Worsening and Suicide Risk, PRECAUTIONS, Information for Patients, and PRECAUTIONS, Pediatric Use.)
DRUG DESCRIPTION
Prozac® (fluoxetine capsules, USP and fluoxetine oral solution, USP) is a psychotropic drug for oral administration. It is also marketed for the treatment of premenstrual dysphoric disorder (Sarafem®, fluoxetine hydrochloride). It is designated (±)-N-methyl-3-phenyl-3-[(α,α,α-trifluoro-p-tolyl)oxy]propylamine hydrochloride and has the empirical formula of C17H18F3NO•HCl. Its molecular weight is 345.79. The structural formula is:
Fluoxetine hydrochloride is a white to off-white crystalline solid with a solubility of 14 mg/mL in water.
Each Pulvule® contains fluoxetine hydrochloride equivalent to 10 mg (32.3 µmol), 20 mg (64.7 µmol), or 40 mg (129.3 µmol) of fluoxetine. The Pulvules also contain starch, gelatin, silicone, titanium dioxide, iron oxide, and other inactive ingredients. The 10- and 20-mg Pulvules also contain FD&C Blue No. 1, and the 40-mg Pulvule also contains FD&C Blue No. 1 and FD&C Yellow No. 6.
The oral solution contains fluoxetine hydrochloride equivalent to 20 mg/5 mL (64.7 µmol) of fluoxetine. It also contains alcohol 0.23%, benzoic acid, flavoring agent, glycerin, purified water, and sucrose.
Prozac Weekly™ capsules, a delayed-release formulation, contain enteric-coated pellets of fluoxetine hydrochloride equivalent to 90 mg (291 µmol) of fluoxetine. The capsules also contain D&C Yellow No. 10, FD&C Blue No. 2, gelatin, hypromellose, hypromellose acetate succinate, sodium lauryl sulfate, sucrose, sugar spheres, talc, titanium dioxide, triethyl citrate, and other inactive ingredients.
Brand Name: Prozac
Generic Name: Fluoxetine Hcl
Next: Prozac - Indications & Dosage »
« previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 next »
Report Problems to the Food and Drug Administration
You are encouraged to report negative side effects of prescription drugs to the FDA. Visit the FDA MedWatch website or call 1-800-FDA-1088.
Bookmark this page:
Privacy Policy
Emotional Wellness
Get tips on therapy and treatment.
WebMD Resources
Depression Quiz: Check Your Symptoms
Antidepressant Side Effects
A new study says over half of all people treated with antidepressants stop taking them because of side effects. See more WebMD Videos »
Related Links
eMedicineHealth
Learn about Depression at eMedicineHealth.com
WebMD
Prozac is sometimes used to treat social anxiety disorder. Find additional health information on social anxiety disorder including other treatment options at WebMD.com.
Depression Symptoms — Treatment May Help
Targeting a Broad Range of Symptoms
Tips for Talking to Your Doctor
Learn From Others With Depression
Important Safety Information Full Prescribing Information
Prozac
Drug Description
Indications & Dosage
Side Effects & Drug Interactions
Warnings & Precautions
Overdosage & Contraindications
Clinical Pharmacology
Patient Information
Related Drugs
Celexa
Citalopram ODT
Lexapro
Luvox
Paxil
Paxil-CR
Zoloft
Health Resources
Depression
Bipolar Disorder
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
Drug News
2008 Election & Health Care on WebMD. Get Informed.
FDA Issues Alert for 2 Generic Drug Plants
Osteoporosis Treatment Guidelines
Newer Kids' Antipsychotics No Better
View More »
Search the Medical Dictionary for Health Definitions & Medical Abbreviations
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Identify Your Drugs:
Use the RxList Pill Identification Tool
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Popular Searches
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RxList does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. See additional information.
Find a DrugAdvanced Search
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« previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 next »
Prozac
Drug DescriptionFONT SIZEAAA
PROZAC®
(fluoxetine) Capsules, USP
(fluoxetine) Oral Solution, USP
(fluoxetine) Delayed-Release Capsules, USP
WARNING
Suicidality and Antidepressant Drugs — Antidepressants increased the risk compared to placebo of suicidal thinking and behavior (suicidality) in children, adolescents, and young adults in short-term studies of major depressive disorder (MDD) and other psychiatric disorders. Anyone considering the use of Prozac or any other antidepressant in a child, adolescent, or young adult must balance this risk with the clinical need. Short-term studies did not show an increase in the risk of suicidality with antidepressants compared to placebo in adults beyond age 24; there was a reduction in risk with antidepressants compared to placebo in adults aged 65 and older. Depression and certain other psychiatric disorders are themselves associated with increases in the risk of suicide. Patients of all ages who are started on antidepressant therapy should be monitored appropriately and observed closely for clinical worsening, suicidality, or unusual changes in behavior. Families and caregivers should be advised of the need for close observation and communication with the prescriber. Prozac is approved for use in pediatric patients with MDD and obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD). (See WARNINGS, Clinical Worsening and Suicide Risk, PRECAUTIONS, Information for Patients, and PRECAUTIONS, Pediatric Use.)
DRUG DESCRIPTION
Prozac® (fluoxetine capsules, USP and fluoxetine oral solution, USP) is a psychotropic drug for oral administration. It is also marketed for the treatment of premenstrual dysphoric disorder (Sarafem®, fluoxetine hydrochloride). It is designated (±)-N-methyl-3-phenyl-3-[(α,α,α-trifluoro-p-tolyl)oxy]propylamine hydrochloride and has the empirical formula of C17H18F3NO•HCl. Its molecular weight is 345.79. The structural formula is:
Fluoxetine hydrochloride is a white to off-white crystalline solid with a solubility of 14 mg/mL in water.
Each Pulvule® contains fluoxetine hydrochloride equivalent to 10 mg (32.3 µmol), 20 mg (64.7 µmol), or 40 mg (129.3 µmol) of fluoxetine. The Pulvules also contain starch, gelatin, silicone, titanium dioxide, iron oxide, and other inactive ingredients. The 10- and 20-mg Pulvules also contain FD&C Blue No. 1, and the 40-mg Pulvule also contains FD&C Blue No. 1 and FD&C Yellow No. 6.
The oral solution contains fluoxetine hydrochloride equivalent to 20 mg/5 mL (64.7 µmol) of fluoxetine. It also contains alcohol 0.23%, benzoic acid, flavoring agent, glycerin, purified water, and sucrose.
Prozac Weekly™ capsules, a delayed-release formulation, contain enteric-coated pellets of fluoxetine hydrochloride equivalent to 90 mg (291 µmol) of fluoxetine. The capsules also contain D&C Yellow No. 10, FD&C Blue No. 2, gelatin, hypromellose, hypromellose acetate succinate, sodium lauryl sulfate, sucrose, sugar spheres, talc, titanium dioxide, triethyl citrate, and other inactive ingredients.
Brand Name: Prozac
Generic Name: Fluoxetine Hcl
Next: Prozac - Indications & Dosage »
« previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 next »
Report Problems to the Food and Drug Administration
You are encouraged to report negative side effects of prescription drugs to the FDA. Visit the FDA MedWatch website or call 1-800-FDA-1088.
Bookmark this page:
Privacy Policy
Emotional Wellness
Get tips on therapy and treatment.
WebMD Resources
Depression Quiz: Check Your Symptoms
Antidepressant Side Effects
A new study says over half of all people treated with antidepressants stop taking them because of side effects. See more WebMD Videos »
Related Links
eMedicineHealth
Learn about Depression at eMedicineHealth.com
WebMD
Prozac is sometimes used to treat social anxiety disorder. Find additional health information on social anxiety disorder including other treatment options at WebMD.com.
Depression Symptoms — Treatment May Help
Targeting a Broad Range of Symptoms
Tips for Talking to Your Doctor
Learn From Others With Depression
Important Safety Information Full Prescribing Information
Prozac
Drug Description
Indications & Dosage
Side Effects & Drug Interactions
Warnings & Precautions
Overdosage & Contraindications
Clinical Pharmacology
Patient Information
Related Drugs
Celexa
Citalopram ODT
Lexapro
Luvox
Paxil
Paxil-CR
Zoloft
Health Resources
Depression
Bipolar Disorder
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
Drug News
2008 Election & Health Care on WebMD. Get Informed.
FDA Issues Alert for 2 Generic Drug Plants
Osteoporosis Treatment Guidelines
Newer Kids' Antipsychotics No Better
View More »
Search the Medical Dictionary for Health Definitions & Medical Abbreviations
Updated & New
News & Features
Identify Your Drugs:
Use the RxList Pill Identification Tool
Add RxList Search to Your Website
Google Subscribed Links & RxList
Popular Searches
Adderall
Aricept
Avandia
Botox
Cardura
Chantix
Coumadin
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OxyContin
Viagra
RxList Home|Drugs & Medications A-Z List |Picture Slideshows |Pill Identification Tool |Diseases & Conditions|Drug Medical Dictionary |Alternative Medicine
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Copyright © 2008 by RxList Inc.
RxList does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. See additional information.
Find a DrugAdvanced Search
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« previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 next »
Prozac
Drug DescriptionFONT SIZEAAA
PROZAC®
(fluoxetine) Capsules, USP
(fluoxetine) Oral Solution, USP
(fluoxetine) Delayed-Release Capsules, USP
WARNING
Suicidality and Antidepressant Drugs — Antidepressants increased the risk compared to placebo of suicidal thinking and behavior (suicidality) in children, adolescents, and young adults in short-term studies of major depressive disorder (MDD) and other psychiatric disorders. Anyone considering the use of Prozac or any other antidepressant in a child, adolescent, or young adult must balance this risk with the clinical need. Short-term studies did not show an increase in the risk of suicidality with antidepressants compared to placebo in adults beyond age 24; there was a reduction in risk with antidepressants compared to placebo in adults aged 65 and older. Depression and certain other psychiatric disorders are themselves associated with increases in the risk of suicide. Patients of all ages who are started on antidepressant therapy should be monitored appropriately and observed closely for clinical worsening, suicidality, or unusual changes in behavior. Families and caregivers should be advised of the need for close observation and communication with the prescriber. Prozac is approved for use in pediatric patients with MDD and obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD). (See WARNINGS, Clinical Worsening and Suicide Risk, PRECAUTIONS, Information for Patients, and PRECAUTIONS, Pediatric Use.)
DRUG DESCRIPTION
Prozac® (fluoxetine capsules, USP and fluoxetine oral solution, USP) is a psychotropic drug for oral administration. It is also marketed for the treatment of premenstrual dysphoric disorder (Sarafem®, fluoxetine hydrochloride). It is designated (±)-N-methyl-3-phenyl-3-[(α,α,α-trifluoro-p-tolyl)oxy]propylamine hydrochloride and has the empirical formula of C17H18F3NO•HCl. Its molecular weight is 345.79. The structural formula is:
Fluoxetine hydrochloride is a white to off-white crystalline solid with a solubility of 14 mg/mL in water.
Each Pulvule® contains fluoxetine hydrochloride equivalent to 10 mg (32.3 µmol), 20 mg (64.7 µmol), or 40 mg (129.3 µmol) of fluoxetine. The Pulvules also contain starch, gelatin, silicone, titanium dioxide, iron oxide, and other inactive ingredients. The 10- and 20-mg Pulvules also contain FD&C Blue No. 1, and the 40-mg Pulvule also contains FD&C Blue No. 1 and FD&C Yellow No. 6.
The oral solution contains fluoxetine hydrochloride equivalent to 20 mg/5 mL (64.7 µmol) of fluoxetine. It also contains alcohol 0.23%, benzoic acid, flavoring agent, glycerin, purified water, and sucrose.
Prozac Weekly™ capsules, a delayed-release formulation, contain enteric-coated pellets of fluoxetine hydrochloride equivalent to 90 mg (291 µmol) of fluoxetine. The capsules also contain D&C Yellow No. 10, FD&C Blue No. 2, gelatin, hypromellose, hypromellose acetate succinate, sodium lauryl sulfate, sucrose, sugar spheres, talc, titanium dioxide, triethyl citrate, and other inactive ingredients.
Brand Name: Prozac
Generic Name: Fluoxetine Hcl
Next: Prozac - Indications & Dosage »
« previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 next »
Report Problems to the Food and Drug Administration
You are encouraged to report negative side effects of prescription drugs to the FDA. Visit the FDA MedWatch website or call 1-800-FDA-1088.
Bookmark this page:
Privacy Policy
Emotional Wellness
Get tips on therapy and treatment.
WebMD Resources
Depression Quiz: Check Your Symptoms
Antidepressant Side Effects
A new study says over half of all people treated with antidepressants stop taking them because of side effects. See more WebMD Videos »
Related Links
eMedicineHealth
Learn about Depression at eMedicineHealth.com
WebMD
Prozac is sometimes used to treat social anxiety disorder. Find additional health information on social anxiety disorder including other treatment options at WebMD.com.
Depression Symptoms — Treatment May Help
Targeting a Broad Range of Symptoms
Tips for Talking to Your Doctor
Learn From Others With Depression
Important Safety Information Full Prescribing Information
Prozac
Drug Description
Indications & Dosage
Side Effects & Drug Interactions
Warnings & Precautions
Overdosage & Contraindications
Clinical Pharmacology
Patient Information
Related Drugs
Celexa
Citalopram ODT
Lexapro
Luvox
Paxil
Paxil-CR
Zoloft
Health Resources
Depression
Bipolar Disorder
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
Drug News
2008 Election & Health Care on WebMD. Get Informed.
FDA Issues Alert for 2 Generic Drug Plants
Osteoporosis Treatment Guidelines
Newer Kids' Antipsychotics No Better
View More »
Search the Medical Dictionary for Health Definitions & Medical Abbreviations
Updated & New
News & Features
Identify Your Drugs:
Use the RxList Pill Identification Tool
Add RxList Search to Your Website
Google Subscribed Links & RxList
Popular Searches
Adderall
Aricept
Avandia
Botox
Cardura
Chantix
Coumadin
Levaquin
OxyContin
Viagra
RxList Home|Drugs & Medications A-Z List |Picture Slideshows |Pill Identification Tool |Diseases & Conditions|Drug Medical Dictionary |Alternative Medicine
About RxList|Contact RxList|Terms & Conditions|Privacy Policy|Sponsor Policy|Site Map
WebMD®|MedScape®|eMedicineHealth®|MedicineNet®
Copyright © 2008 by RxList Inc.
RxList does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. See additional information.
Find a DrugAdvanced Search
Professional
Consumer
« previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 next »
Prozac
Drug DescriptionFONT SIZEAAA
PROZAC®
(fluoxetine) Capsules, USP
(fluoxetine) Oral Solution, USP
(fluoxetine) Delayed-Release Capsules, USP
WARNING
Suicidality and Antidepressant Drugs — Antidepressants increased the risk compared to placebo of suicidal thinking and behavior (suicidality) in children, adolescents, and young adults in short-term studies of major depressive disorder (MDD) and other psychiatric disorders. Anyone considering the use of Prozac or any other antidepressant in a child, adolescent, or young adult must balance this risk with the clinical need. Short-term studies did not show an increase in the risk of suicidality with antidepressants compared to placebo in adults beyond age 24; there was a reduction in risk with antidepressants compared to placebo in adults aged 65 and older. Depression and certain other psychiatric disorders are themselves associated with increases in the risk of suicide. Patients of all ages who are started on antidepressant therapy should be monitored appropriately and observed closely for clinical worsening, suicidality, or unusual changes in behavior. Families and caregivers should be advised of the need for close observation and communication with the prescriber. Prozac is approved for use in pediatric patients with MDD and obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD). (See WARNINGS, Clinical Worsening and Suicide Risk, PRECAUTIONS, Information for Patients, and PRECAUTIONS, Pediatric Use.)
DRUG DESCRIPTION
Prozac® (fluoxetine capsules, USP and fluoxetine oral solution, USP) is a psychotropic drug for oral administration. It is also marketed for the treatment of premenstrual dysphoric disorder (Sarafem®, fluoxetine hydrochloride). It is designated (±)-N-methyl-3-phenyl-3-[(α,α,α-trifluoro-p-tolyl)oxy]propylamine hydrochloride and has the empirical formula of C17H18F3NO•HCl. Its molecular weight is 345.79. The structural formula is:
Fluoxetine hydrochloride is a white to off-white crystalline solid with a solubility of 14 mg/mL in water.
Each Pulvule® contains fluoxetine hydrochloride equivalent to 10 mg (32.3 µmol), 20 mg (64.7 µmol), or 40 mg (129.3 µmol) of fluoxetine. The Pulvules also contain starch, gelatin, silicone, titanium dioxide, iron oxide, and other inactive ingredients. The 10- and 20-mg Pulvules also contain FD&C Blue No. 1, and the 40-mg Pulvule also contains FD&C Blue No. 1 and FD&C Yellow No. 6.
The oral solution contains fluoxetine hydrochloride equivalent to 20 mg/5 mL (64.7 µmol) of fluoxetine. It also contains alcohol 0.23%, benzoic acid, flavoring agent, glycerin, purified water, and sucrose.
Prozac Weekly™ capsules, a delayed-release formulation, contain enteric-coated pellets of fluoxetine hydrochloride equivalent to 90 mg (291 µmol) of fluoxetine. The capsules also contain D&C Yellow No. 10, FD&C Blue No. 2, gelatin, hypromellose, hypromellose acetate succinate, sodium lauryl sulfate, sucrose, sugar spheres, talc, titanium dioxide, triethyl citrate, and other inactive ingredients.
Brand Name: Prozac
Generic Name: Fluoxetine Hcl
Next: Prozac - Indications & Dosage »
« previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 next »
Report Problems to the Food and Drug Administration
You are encouraged to report negative side effects of prescription drugs to the FDA. Visit the FDA MedWatch website or call 1-800-FDA-1088.
Bookmark this page:
Privacy Policy
Emotional Wellness
Get tips on therapy and treatment.
WebMD Resources
Depression Quiz: Check Your Symptoms
Antidepressant Side Effects
A new study says over half of all people treated with antidepressants stop taking them because of side effects. See more WebMD Videos »
Related Links
eMedicineHealth
Learn about Depression at eMedicineHealth.com
WebMD
Prozac is sometimes used to treat social anxiety disorder. Find additional health information on social anxiety disorder including other treatment options at WebMD.com.
Depression Symptoms — Treatment May Help
Targeting a Broad Range of Symptoms
Tips for Talking to Your Doctor
Learn From Others With Depression
Important Safety Information Full Prescribing Information
Prozac
Drug Description
Indications & Dosage
Side Effects & Drug Interactions
Warnings & Precautions
Overdosage & Contraindications
Clinical Pharmacology
Patient Information
Related Drugs
Celexa
Citalopram ODT
Lexapro
Luvox
Paxil
Paxil-CR
Zoloft
Health Resources
Depression
Bipolar Disorder
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
Drug News
2008 Election & Health Care on WebMD. Get Informed.
FDA Issues Alert for 2 Generic Drug Plants
Osteoporosis Treatment Guidelines
Newer Kids' Antipsychotics No Better
View More »
Search the Medical Dictionary for Health Definitions & Medical Abbreviations
Updated & New
News & Features
Identify Your Drugs:
Use the RxList Pill Identification Tool
Add RxList Search to Your Website
Google Subscribed Links & RxList
Popular Searches
Adderall
Aricept
Avandia
Botox
Cardura
Chantix
Coumadin
Levaquin
OxyContin
Viagra
RxList Home|Drugs & Medications A-Z List |Picture Slideshows |Pill Identification Tool |Diseases & Conditions|Drug Medical Dictionary |Alternative Medicine
About RxList|Contact RxList|Terms & Conditions|Privacy Policy|Sponsor Policy|Site Map
WebMD®|MedScape®|eMedicineHealth®|MedicineNet®
Copyright © 2008 by RxList Inc.
RxList does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. See additional information.
Find a DrugAdvanced Search
Professional
Consumer
« previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 next »
Prozac
Drug DescriptionFONT SIZEAAA
PROZAC®
(fluoxetine) Capsules, USP
(fluoxetine) Oral Solution, USP
(fluoxetine) Delayed-Release Capsules, USP
WARNING
Suicidality and Antidepressant Drugs — Antidepressants increased the risk compared to placebo of suicidal thinking and behavior (suicidality) in children, adolescents, and young adults in short-term studies of major depressive disorder (MDD) and other psychiatric disorders. Anyone considering the use of Prozac or any other antidepressant in a child, adolescent, or young adult must balance this risk with the clinical need. Short-term studies did not show an increase in the risk of suicidality with antidepressants compared to placebo in adults beyond age 24; there was a reduction in risk with antidepressants compared to placebo in adults aged 65 and older. Depression and certain other psychiatric disorders are themselves associated with increases in the risk of suicide. Patients of all ages who are started on antidepressant therapy should be monitored appropriately and observed closely for clinical worsening, suicidality, or unusual changes in behavior. Families and caregivers should be advised of the need for close observation and communication with the prescriber. Prozac is approved for use in pediatric patients with MDD and obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD). (See WARNINGS, Clinical Worsening and Suicide Risk, PRECAUTIONS, Information for Patients, and PRECAUTIONS, Pediatric Use.)
DRUG DESCRIPTION
Prozac® (fluoxetine capsules, USP and fluoxetine oral solution, USP) is a psychotropic drug for oral administration. It is also marketed for the treatment of premenstrual dysphoric disorder (Sarafem®, fluoxetine hydrochloride). It is designated (±)-N-methyl-3-phenyl-3-[(α,α,α-trifluoro-p-tolyl)oxy]propylamine hydrochloride and has the empirical formula of C17H18F3NO•HCl. Its molecular weight is 345.79. The structural formula is:
Fluoxetine hydrochloride is a white to off-white crystalline solid with a solubility of 14 mg/mL in water.
Each Pulvule® contains fluoxetine hydrochloride equivalent to 10 mg (32.3 µmol), 20 mg (64.7 µmol), or 40 mg (129.3 µmol) of fluoxetine. The Pulvules also contain starch, gelatin, silicone, titanium dioxide, iron oxide, and other inactive ingredients. The 10- and 20-mg Pulvules also contain FD&C Blue No. 1, and the 40-mg Pulvule also contains FD&C Blue No. 1 and FD&C Yellow No. 6.
The oral solution contains fluoxetine hydrochloride equivalent to 20 mg/5 mL (64.7 µmol) of fluoxetine. It also contains alcohol 0.23%, benzoic acid, flavoring agent, glycerin, purified water, and sucrose.
Prozac Weekly™ capsules, a delayed-release formulation, contain enteric-coated pellets of fluoxetine hydrochloride equivalent to 90 mg (291 µmol) of fluoxetine. The capsules also contain D&C Yellow No. 10, FD&C Blue No. 2, gelatin, hypromellose, hypromellose acetate succinate, sodium lauryl sulfate, sucrose, sugar spheres, talc, titanium dioxide, triethyl citrate, and other inactive ingredients.
Brand Name: Prozac
Generic Name: Fluoxetine Hcl
Next: Prozac - Indications & Dosage »
« previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 next »
Report Problems to the Food and Drug Administration
You are encouraged to report negative side effects of prescription drugs to the FDA. Visit the FDA MedWatch website or call 1-800-FDA-1088.
Bookmark this page:
Privacy Policy
Emotional Wellness
Get tips on therapy and treatment.
WebMD Resources
Depression Quiz: Check Your Symptoms
Antidepressant Side Effects
A new study says over half of all people treated with antidepressants stop taking them because of side effects. See more WebMD Videos »
Related Links
eMedicineHealth
Learn about Depression at eMedicineHealth.com
WebMD
Prozac is sometimes used to treat social anxiety disorder. Find additional health information on social anxiety disorder including other treatment options at WebMD.com.
Depression Symptoms — Treatment May Help
Targeting a Broad Range of Symptoms
Tips for Talking to Your Doctor
Learn From Others With Depression
Important Safety Information Full Prescribing Information
Prozac
Drug Description
Indications & Dosage
Side Effects & Drug Interactions
Warnings & Precautions
Overdosage & Contraindications
Clinical Pharmacology
Patient Information
Related Drugs
Celexa
Citalopram ODT
Lexapro
Luvox
Paxil
Paxil-CR
Zoloft
Health Resources
Depression
Bipolar Disorder
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
Drug News
2008 Election & Health Care on WebMD. Get Informed.
FDA Issues Alert for 2 Generic Drug Plants
Osteoporosis Treatment Guidelines
Newer Kids' Antipsychotics No Better
View More »
Search the Medical Dictionary for Health Definitions & Medical Abbreviations
Updated & New
News & Features
Identify Your Drugs:
Use the RxList Pill Identification Tool
Add RxList Search to Your Website
Google Subscribed Links & RxList
Popular Searches
Adderall
Aricept
Avandia
Botox
Cardura
Chantix
Coumadin
Levaquin
OxyContin
Viagra
RxList Home|Drugs & Medications A-Z List |Picture Slideshows |Pill Identification Tool |Diseases & Conditions|Drug Medical Dictionary |Alternative Medicine
About RxList|Contact RxList|Terms & Conditions|Privacy Policy|Sponsor Policy|Site Map
WebMD®|MedScape®|eMedicineHealth®|MedicineNet®
Copyright © 2008 by RxList Inc.
RxList does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. See additional information.
Find a DrugAdvanced Search
Professional
Consumer
« previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 next »
Prozac
Drug DescriptionFONT SIZEAAA
PROZAC®
(fluoxetine) Capsules, USP
(fluoxetine) Oral Solution, USP
(fluoxetine) Delayed-Release Capsules, USP
WARNING
Suicidality and Antidepressant Drugs — Antidepressants increased the risk compared to placebo of suicidal thinking and behavior (suicidality) in children, adolescents, and young adults in short-term studies of major depressive disorder (MDD) and other psychiatric disorders. Anyone considering the use of Prozac or any other antidepressant in a child, adolescent, or young adult must balance this risk with the clinical need. Short-term studies did not show an increase in the risk of suicidality with antidepressants compared to placebo in adults beyond age 24; there was a reduction in risk with antidepressants compared to placebo in adults aged 65 and older. Depression and certain other psychiatric disorders are themselves associated with increases in the risk of suicide. Patients of all ages who are started on antidepressant therapy should be monitored appropriately and observed closely for clinical worsening, suicidality, or unusual changes in behavior. Families and caregivers should be advised of the need for close observation and communication with the prescriber. Prozac is approved for use in pediatric patients with MDD and obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD). (See WARNINGS, Clinical Worsening and Suicide Risk, PRECAUTIONS, Information for Patients, and PRECAUTIONS, Pediatric Use.)
DRUG DESCRIPTION
Prozac® (fluoxetine capsules, USP and fluoxetine oral solution, USP) is a psychotropic drug for oral administration. It is also marketed for the treatment of premenstrual dysphoric disorder (Sarafem®, fluoxetine hydrochloride). It is designated (±)-N-methyl-3-phenyl-3-[(α,α,α-trifluoro-p-tolyl)oxy]propylamine hydrochloride and has the empirical formula of C17H18F3NO•HCl. Its molecular weight is 345.79. The structural formula is:
Fluoxetine hydrochloride is a white to off-white crystalline solid with a solubility of 14 mg/mL in water.
Each Pulvule® contains fluoxetine hydrochloride equivalent to 10 mg (32.3 µmol), 20 mg (64.7 µmol), or 40 mg (129.3 µmol) of fluoxetine. The Pulvules also contain starch, gelatin, silicone, titanium dioxide, iron oxide, and other inactive ingredients. The 10- and 20-mg Pulvules also contain FD&C Blue No. 1, and the 40-mg Pulvule also contains FD&C Blue No. 1 and FD&C Yellow No. 6.
The oral solution contains fluoxetine hydrochloride equivalent to 20 mg/5 mL (64.7 µmol) of fluoxetine. It also contains alcohol 0.23%, benzoic acid, flavoring agent, glycerin, purified water, and sucrose.
Prozac Weekly™ capsules, a delayed-release formulation, contain enteric-coated pellets of fluoxetine hydrochloride equivalent to 90 mg (291 µmol) of fluoxetine. The capsules also contain D&C Yellow No. 10, FD&C Blue No. 2, gelatin, hypromellose, hypromellose acetate succinate, sodium lauryl sulfate, sucrose, sugar spheres, talc, titanium dioxide, triethyl citrate, and other inactive ingredients.
Brand Name: Prozac
Generic Name: Fluoxetine Hcl
Next: Prozac - Indications & Dosage »
« previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 next »
Report Problems to the Food and Drug Administration
You are encouraged to report negative side effects of prescription drugs to the FDA. Visit the FDA MedWatch website or call 1-800-FDA-1088.
Bookmark this page:
Privacy Policy
Emotional Wellness
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A new study says over half of all people treated with antidepressants stop taking them because of side effects. See more WebMD Videos »
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Learn about Depression at eMedicineHealth.com
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Prozac is sometimes used to treat social anxiety disorder. Find additional health information on social anxiety disorder including other treatment options at WebMD.com.
Depression Symptoms — Treatment May Help
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Learn From Others With Depression
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Prozac
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Celexa
Citalopram ODT
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Posttraumatic Stress Disorder
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
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« previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 next »
Prozac
Drug DescriptionFONT SIZEAAA
PROZAC®
(fluoxetine) Capsules, USP
(fluoxetine) Oral Solution, USP
(fluoxetine) Delayed-Release Capsules, USP
WARNING
Suicidality and Antidepressant Drugs — Antidepressants increased the risk compared to placebo of suicidal thinking and behavior (suicidality) in children, adolescents, and young adults in short-term studies of major depressive disorder (MDD) and other psychiatric disorders. Anyone considering the use of Prozac or any other antidepressant in a child, adolescent, or young adult must balance this risk with the clinical need. Short-term studies did not show an increase in the risk of suicidality with antidepressants compared to placebo in adults beyond age 24; there was a reduction in risk with antidepressants compared to placebo in adults aged 65 and older. Depression and certain other psychiatric disorders are themselves associated with increases in the risk of suicide. Patients of all ages who are started on antidepressant therapy should be monitored appropriately and observed closely for clinical worsening, suicidality, or unusual changes in behavior. Families and caregivers should be advised of the need for close observation and communication with the prescriber. Prozac is approved for use in pediatric patients with MDD and obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD). (See WARNINGS, Clinical Worsening and Suicide Risk, PRECAUTIONS, Information for Patients, and PRECAUTIONS, Pediatric Use.)
DRUG DESCRIPTION
Prozac® (fluoxetine capsules, USP and fluoxetine oral solution, USP) is a psychotropic drug for oral administration. It is also marketed for the treatment of premenstrual dysphoric disorder (Sarafem®, fluoxetine hydrochloride). It is designated (±)-N-methyl-3-phenyl-3-[(α,α,α-trifluoro-p-tolyl)oxy]propylamine hydrochloride and has the empirical formula of C17H18F3NO•HCl. Its molecular weight is 345.79. The structural formula is:
Fluoxetine hydrochloride is a white to off-white crystalline solid with a solubility of 14 mg/mL in water.
Each Pulvule® contains fluoxetine hydrochloride equivalent to 10 mg (32.3 µmol), 20 mg (64.7 µmol), or 40 mg (129.3 µmol) of fluoxetine. The Pulvules also contain starch, gelatin, silicone, titanium dioxide, iron oxide, and other inactive ingredients. The 10- and 20-mg Pulvules also contain FD&C Blue No. 1, and the 40-mg Pulvule also contains FD&C Blue No. 1 and FD&C Yellow No. 6.
The oral solution contains fluoxetine hydrochloride equivalent to 20 mg/5 mL (64.7 µmol) of fluoxetine. It also contains alcohol 0.23%, benzoic acid, flavoring agent, glycerin, purified water, and sucrose.
Prozac Weekly™ capsules, a delayed-release formulation, contain enteric-coated pellets of fluoxetine hydrochloride equivalent to 90 mg (291 µmol) of fluoxetine. The capsules also contain D&C Yellow No. 10, FD&C Blue No. 2, gelatin, hypromellose, hypromellose acetate succinate, sodium lauryl sulfate, sucrose, sugar spheres, talc, titanium dioxide, triethyl citrate, and other inactive ingredients.
Brand Name: Prozac
Generic Name: Fluoxetine Hcl
Next: Prozac - Indications & Dosage »
« previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 next »
Report Problems to the Food and Drug Administration
You are encouraged to report negative side effects of prescription drugs to the FDA. Visit the FDA MedWatch website or call 1-800-FDA-1088.
Bookmark this page:
Privacy Policy
Emotional Wellness
Get tips on therapy and treatment.
WebMD Resources
Depression Quiz: Check Your Symptoms
Antidepressant Side Effects
A new study says over half of all people treated with antidepressants stop taking them because of side effects. See more WebMD Videos »
Related Links
eMedicineHealth
Learn about Depression at eMedicineHealth.com
WebMD
Prozac is sometimes used to treat social anxiety disorder. Find additional health information on social anxiety disorder including other treatment options at WebMD.com.
Depression Symptoms — Treatment May Help
Targeting a Broad Range of Symptoms
Tips for Talking to Your Doctor
Learn From Others With Depression
Important Safety Information Full Prescribing Information
Prozac
Drug Description
Indications & Dosage
Side Effects & Drug Interactions
Warnings & Precautions
Overdosage & Contraindications
Clinical Pharmacology
Patient Information
Related Drugs
Celexa
Citalopram ODT
Lexapro
Luvox
Paxil
Paxil-CR
Zoloft
Health Resources
Depression
Bipolar Disorder
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
Drug News
2008 Election & Health Care on WebMD. Get Informed.
FDA Issues Alert for 2 Generic Drug Plants
Osteoporosis Treatment Guidelines
Newer Kids' Antipsychotics No Better
View More »
Search the Medical Dictionary for Health Definitions & Medical Abbreviations
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Identify Your Drugs:
Use the RxList Pill Identification Tool
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Adderall
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Coumadin
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RxList does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. See additional information.
Find a DrugAdvanced Search
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« previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 next »
Prozac
Drug DescriptionFONT SIZEAAA
PROZAC®
(fluoxetine) Capsules, USP
(fluoxetine) Oral Solution, USP
(fluoxetine) Delayed-Release Capsules, USP
WARNING
Suicidality and Antidepressant Drugs — Antidepressants increased the risk compared to placebo of suicidal thinking and behavior (suicidality) in children, adolescents, and young adults in short-term studies of major depressive disorder (MDD) and other psychiatric disorders. Anyone considering the use of Prozac or any other antidepressant in a child, adolescent, or young adult must balance this risk with the clinical need. Short-term studies did not show an increase in the risk of suicidality with antidepressants compared to placebo in adults beyond age 24; there was a reduction in risk with antidepressants compared to placebo in adults aged 65 and older. Depression and certain other psychiatric disorders are themselves associated with increases in the risk of suicide. Patients of all ages who are started on antidepressant therapy should be monitored appropriately and observed closely for clinical worsening, suicidality, or unusual changes in behavior. Families and caregivers should be advised of the need for close observation and communication with the prescriber. Prozac is approved for use in pediatric patients with MDD and obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD). (See WARNINGS, Clinical Worsening and Suicide Risk, PRECAUTIONS, Information for Patients, and PRECAUTIONS, Pediatric Use.)
DRUG DESCRIPTION
Prozac® (fluoxetine capsules, USP and fluoxetine oral solution, USP) is a psychotropic drug for oral administration. It is also marketed for the treatment of premenstrual dysphoric disorder (Sarafem®, fluoxetine hydrochloride). It is designated (±)-N-methyl-3-phenyl-3-[(α,α,α-trifluoro-p-tolyl)oxy]propylamine hydrochloride and has the empirical formula of C17H18F3NO•HCl. Its molecular weight is 345.79. The structural formula is:
Fluoxetine hydrochloride is a white to off-white crystalline solid with a solubility of 14 mg/mL in water.
Each Pulvule® contains fluoxetine hydrochloride equivalent to 10 mg (32.3 µmol), 20 mg (64.7 µmol), or 40 mg (129.3 µmol) of fluoxetine. The Pulvules also contain starch, gelatin, silicone, titanium dioxide, iron oxide, and other inactive ingredients. The 10- and 20-mg Pulvules also contain FD&C Blue No. 1, and the 40-mg Pulvule also contains FD&C Blue No. 1 and FD&C Yellow No. 6.
The oral solution contains fluoxetine hydrochloride equivalent to 20 mg/5 mL (64.7 µmol) of fluoxetine. It also contains alcohol 0.23%, benzoic acid, flavoring agent, glycerin, purified water, and sucrose.
Prozac Weekly™ capsules, a delayed-release formulation, contain enteric-coated pellets of fluoxetine hydrochloride equivalent to 90 mg (291 µmol) of fluoxetine. The capsules also contain D&C Yellow No. 10, FD&C Blue No. 2, gelatin, hypromellose, hypromellose acetate succinate, sodium lauryl sulfate, sucrose, sugar spheres, talc, titanium dioxide, triethyl citrate, and other inactive ingredients.
Brand Name: Prozac
Generic Name: Fluoxetine Hcl
Next: Prozac - Indications & Dosage »
« previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 next »
Report Problems to the Food and Drug Administration
You are encouraged to report negative side effects of prescription drugs to the FDA. Visit the FDA MedWatch website or call 1-800-FDA-1088.
Bookmark this page:
Privacy Policy
Emotional Wellness
Get tips on therapy and treatment.
WebMD Resources
Depression Quiz: Check Your Symptoms
Antidepressant Side Effects
A new study says over half of all people treated with antidepressants stop taking them because of side effects. See more WebMD Videos »
Related Links
eMedicineHealth
Learn about Depression at eMedicineHealth.com
WebMD
Prozac is sometimes used to treat social anxiety disorder. Find additional health information on social anxiety disorder including other treatment options at WebMD.com.
Depression Symptoms — Treatment May Help
Targeting a Broad Range of Symptoms
Tips for Talking to Your Doctor
Learn From Others With Depression
Important Safety Information Full Prescribing Information
Prozac
Drug Description
Indications & Dosage
Side Effects & Drug Interactions
Warnings & Precautions
Overdosage & Contraindications
Clinical Pharmacology
Patient Information
Related Drugs
Celexa
Citalopram ODT
Lexapro
Luvox
Paxil
Paxil-CR
Zoloft
Health Resources
Depression
Bipolar Disorder
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
Drug News
2008 Election & Health Care on WebMD. Get Informed.
FDA Issues Alert for 2 Generic Drug Plants
Osteoporosis Treatment Guidelines
Newer Kids' Antipsychotics No Better
View More »
Search the Medical Dictionary for Health Definitions & Medical Abbreviations
Updated & New
News & Features
Identify Your Drugs:
Use the RxList Pill Identification Tool
Add RxList Search to Your Website
Google Subscribed Links & RxList
Popular Searches
Adderall
Aricept
Avandia
Botox
Cardura
Chantix
Coumadin
Levaquin
OxyContin
Viagra
RxList Home|Drugs & Medications A-Z List |Picture Slideshows |Pill Identification Tool |Diseases & Conditions|Drug Medical Dictionary |Alternative Medicine
About RxList|Contact RxList|Terms & Conditions|Privacy Policy|Sponsor Policy|Site Map
WebMD®|MedScape®|eMedicineHealth®|MedicineNet®
Copyright © 2008 by RxList Inc.
RxList does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. See additional information.
Find a DrugAdvanced Search
Professional
Consumer
« previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 next »
Prozac
Drug DescriptionFONT SIZEAAA
PROZAC®
(fluoxetine) Capsules, USP
(fluoxetine) Oral Solution, USP
(fluoxetine) Delayed-Release Capsules, USP
WARNING
Suicidality and Antidepressant Drugs — Antidepressants increased the risk compared to placebo of suicidal thinking and behavior (suicidality) in children, adolescents, and young adults in short-term studies of major depressive disorder (MDD) and other psychiatric disorders. Anyone considering the use of Prozac or any other antidepressant in a child, adolescent, or young adult must balance this risk with the clinical need. Short-term studies did not show an increase in the risk of suicidality with antidepressants compared to placebo in adults beyond age 24; there was a reduction in risk with antidepressants compared to placebo in adults aged 65 and older. Depression and certain other psychiatric disorders are themselves associated with increases in the risk of suicide. Patients of all ages who are started on antidepressant therapy should be monitored appropriately and observed closely for clinical worsening, suicidality, or unusual changes in behavior. Families and caregivers should be advised of the need for close observation and communication with the prescriber. Prozac is approved for use in pediatric patients with MDD and obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD). (See WARNINGS, Clinical Worsening and Suicide Risk, PRECAUTIONS, Information for Patients, and PRECAUTIONS, Pediatric Use.)
DRUG DESCRIPTION
Prozac® (fluoxetine capsules, USP and fluoxetine oral solution, USP) is a psychotropic drug for oral administration. It is also marketed for the treatment of premenstrual dysphoric disorder (Sarafem®, fluoxetine hydrochloride). It is designated (±)-N-methyl-3-phenyl-3-[(α,α,α-trifluoro-p-tolyl)oxy]propylamine hydrochloride and has the empirical formula of C17H18F3NO•HCl. Its molecular weight is 345.79. The structural formula is:
Fluoxetine hydrochloride is a white to off-white crystalline solid with a solubility of 14 mg/mL in water.
Each Pulvule® contains fluoxetine hydrochloride equivalent to 10 mg (32.3 µmol), 20 mg (64.7 µmol), or 40 mg (129.3 µmol) of fluoxetine. The Pulvules also contain starch, gelatin, silicone, titanium dioxide, iron oxide, and other inactive ingredients. The 10- and 20-mg Pulvules also contain FD&C Blue No. 1, and the 40-mg Pulvule also contains FD&C Blue No. 1 and FD&C Yellow No. 6.
The oral solution contains fluoxetine hydrochloride equivalent to 20 mg/5 mL (64.7 µmol) of fluoxetine. It also contains alcohol 0.23%, benzoic acid, flavoring agent, glycerin, purified water, and sucrose.
Prozac Weekly™ capsules, a delayed-release formulation, contain enteric-coated pellets of fluoxetine hydrochloride equivalent to 90 mg (291 µmol) of fluoxetine. The capsules also contain D&C Yellow No. 10, FD&C Blue No. 2, gelatin, hypromellose, hypromellose acetate succinate, sodium lauryl sulfate, sucrose, sugar spheres, talc, titanium dioxide, triethyl citrate, and other inactive ingredients.
Brand Name: Prozac
Generic Name: Fluoxetine Hcl
Next: Prozac - Indications & Dosage »
« previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 next »
Report Problems to the Food and Drug Administration
You are encouraged to report negative side effects of prescription drugs to the FDA. Visit the FDA MedWatch website or call 1-800-FDA-1088.
Bookmark this page:
Privacy Policy
Emotional Wellness
Get tips on therapy and treatment.
WebMD Resources
Depression Quiz: Check Your Symptoms
Antidepressant Side Effects
A new study says over half of all people treated with antidepressants stop taking them because of side effects. See more WebMD Videos »
Related Links
eMedicineHealth
Learn about Depression at eMedicineHealth.com
WebMD
Prozac is sometimes used to treat social anxiety disorder. Find additional health information on social anxiety disorder including other treatment options at WebMD.com.
Depression Symptoms — Treatment May Help
Targeting a Broad Range of Symptoms
Tips for Talking to Your Doctor
Learn From Others With Depression
Important Safety Information Full Prescribing Information
Prozac
Drug Description
Indications & Dosage
Side Effects & Drug Interactions
Warnings & Precautions
Overdosage & Contraindications
Clinical Pharmacology
Patient Information
Related Drugs
Celexa
Citalopram ODT
Lexapro
Luvox
Paxil
Paxil-CR
Zoloft
Health Resources
Depression
Bipolar Disorder
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
Drug News
2008 Election & Health Care on WebMD. Get Informed.
FDA Issues Alert for 2 Generic Drug Plants
Osteoporosis Treatment Guidelines
Newer Kids' Antipsychotics No Better
View More »
Search the Medical Dictionary for Health Definitions & Medical Abbreviations
Updated & New
News & Features
Identify Your Drugs:
Use the RxList Pill Identification Tool
Add RxList Search to Your Website
Google Subscribed Links & RxList
Popular Searches
Adderall
Aricept
Avandia
Botox
Cardura
Chantix
Coumadin
Levaquin
OxyContin
Viagra
RxList Home|Drugs & Medications A-Z List |Picture Slideshows |Pill Identification Tool |Diseases & Conditions|Drug Medical Dictionary |Alternative Medicine
About RxList|Contact RxList|Terms & Conditions|Privacy Policy|Sponsor Policy|Site Map
WebMD®|MedScape®|eMedicineHealth®|MedicineNet®
Copyright © 2008 by RxList Inc.
RxList does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. See additional information.
Find a DrugAdvanced Search
Professional
Consumer
« previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 next »
Prozac
Drug DescriptionFONT SIZEAAA
PROZAC®
(fluoxetine) Capsules, USP
(fluoxetine) Oral Solution, USP
(fluoxetine) Delayed-Release Capsules, USP
WARNING
Suicidality and Antidepressant Drugs — Antidepressants increased the risk compared to placebo of suicidal thinking and behavior (suicidality) in children, adolescents, and young adults in short-term studies of major depressive disorder (MDD) and other psychiatric disorders. Anyone considering the use of Prozac or any other antidepressant in a child, adolescent, or young adult must balance this risk with the clinical need. Short-term studies did not show an increase in the risk of suicidality with antidepressants compared to placebo in adults beyond age 24; there was a reduction in risk with antidepressants compared to placebo in adults aged 65 and older. Depression and certain other psychiatric disorders are themselves associated with increases in the risk of suicide. Patients of all ages who are started on antidepressant therapy should be monitored appropriately and observed closely for clinical worsening, suicidality, or unusual changes in behavior. Families and caregivers should be advised of the need for close observation and communication with the prescriber. Prozac is approved for use in pediatric patients with MDD and obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD). (See WARNINGS, Clinical Worsening and Suicide Risk, PRECAUTIONS, Information for Patients, and PRECAUTIONS, Pediatric Use.)
DRUG DESCRIPTION
Prozac® (fluoxetine capsules, USP and fluoxetine oral solution, USP) is a psychotropic drug for oral administration. It is also marketed for the treatment of premenstrual dysphoric disorder (Sarafem®, fluoxetine hydrochloride). It is designated (±)-N-methyl-3-phenyl-3-[(α,α,α-trifluoro-p-tolyl)oxy]propylamine hydrochloride and has the empirical formula of C17H18F3NO•HCl. Its molecular weight is 345.79. The structural formula is:
Fluoxetine hydrochloride is a white to off-white crystalline solid with a solubility of 14 mg/mL in water.
Each Pulvule® contains fluoxetine hydrochloride equivalent to 10 mg (32.3 µmol), 20 mg (64.7 µmol), or 40 mg (129.3 µmol) of fluoxetine. The Pulvules also contain starch, gelatin, silicone, titanium dioxide, iron oxide, and other inactive ingredients. The 10- and 20-mg Pulvules also contain FD&C Blue No. 1, and the 40-mg Pulvule also contains FD&C Blue No. 1 and FD&C Yellow No. 6.
The oral solution contains fluoxetine hydrochloride equivalent to 20 mg/5 mL (64.7 µmol) of fluoxetine. It also contains alcohol 0.23%, benzoic acid, flavoring agent, glycerin, purified water, and sucrose.
Prozac Weekly™ capsules, a delayed-release formulation, contain enteric-coated pellets of fluoxetine hydrochloride equivalent to 90 mg (291 µmol) of fluoxetine. The capsules also contain D&C Yellow No. 10, FD&C Blue No. 2, gelatin, hypromellose, hypromellose acetate succinate, sodium lauryl sulfate, sucrose, sugar spheres, talc, titanium dioxide, triethyl citrate, and other inactive ingredients.
Brand Name: Prozac
Generic Name: Fluoxetine Hcl
Next: Prozac - Indications & Dosage »
« previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 next »
Report Problems to the Food and Drug Administration
You are encouraged to report negative side effects of prescription drugs to the FDA. Visit the FDA MedWatch website or call 1-800-FDA-1088.
Bookmark this page:
Privacy Policy
Emotional Wellness
Get tips on therapy and treatment.
WebMD Resources
Depression Quiz: Check Your Symptoms
Antidepressant Side Effects
A new study says over half of all people treated with antidepressants stop taking them because of side effects. See more WebMD Videos »
Related Links
eMedicineHealth
Learn about Depression at eMedicineHealth.com
WebMD
Prozac is sometimes used to treat social anxiety disorder. Find additional health information on social anxiety disorder including other treatment options at WebMD.com.
Depression Symptoms — Treatment May Help
Targeting a Broad Range of Symptoms
Tips for Talking to Your Doctor
Learn From Others With Depression
Important Safety Information Full Prescribing Information
Prozac
Drug Description
Indications & Dosage
Side Effects & Drug Interactions
Warnings & Precautions
Overdosage & Contraindications
Clinical Pharmacology
Patient Information
Related Drugs
Celexa
Citalopram ODT
Lexapro
Luvox
Paxil
Paxil-CR
Zoloft
Health Resources
Depression
Bipolar Disorder
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
Drug News
2008 Election & Health Care on WebMD. Get Informed.
FDA Issues Alert for 2 Generic Drug Plants
Osteoporosis Treatment Guidelines
Newer Kids' Antipsychotics No Better
View More »
Search the Medical Dictionary for Health Definitions & Medical Abbreviations
Updated & New
News & Features
Identify Your Drugs:
Use the RxList Pill Identification Tool
Add RxList Search to Your Website
Google Subscribed Links & RxList
Popular Searches
Adderall
Aricept
Avandia
Botox
Cardura
Chantix
Coumadin
Levaquin
OxyContin
Viagra
RxList Home|Drugs & Medications A-Z List |Picture Slideshows |Pill Identification Tool |Diseases & Conditions|Drug Medical Dictionary |Alternative Medicine
About RxList|Contact RxList|Terms & Conditions|Privacy Policy|Sponsor Policy|Site Map
WebMD®|MedScape®|eMedicineHealth®|MedicineNet®
Copyright © 2008 by RxList Inc.
RxList does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. See additional information.
Find a DrugAdvanced Search
Professional
Consumer
« previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 next »
Prozac
Drug DescriptionFONT SIZEAAA
PROZAC®
(fluoxetine) Capsules, USP
(fluoxetine) Oral Solution, USP
(fluoxetine) Delayed-Release Capsules, USP
WARNING
Suicidality and Antidepressant Drugs — Antidepressants increased the risk compared to placebo of suicidal thinking and behavior (suicidality) in children, adolescents, and young adults in short-term studies of major depressive disorder (MDD) and other psychiatric disorders. Anyone considering the use of Prozac or any other antidepressant in a child, adolescent, or young adult must balance this risk with the clinical need. Short-term studies did not show an increase in the risk of suicidality with antidepressants compared to placebo in adults beyond age 24; there was a reduction in risk with antidepressants compared to placebo in adults aged 65 and older. Depression and certain other psychiatric disorders are themselves associated with increases in the risk of suicide. Patients of all ages who are started on antidepressant therapy should be monitored appropriately and observed closely for clinical worsening, suicidality, or unusual changes in behavior. Families and caregivers should be advised of the need for close observation and communication with the prescriber. Prozac is approved for use in pediatric patients with MDD and obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD). (See WARNINGS, Clinical Worsening and Suicide Risk, PRECAUTIONS, Information for Patients, and PRECAUTIONS, Pediatric Use.)
DRUG DESCRIPTION
Prozac® (fluoxetine capsules, USP and fluoxetine oral solution, USP) is a psychotropic drug for oral administration. It is also marketed for the treatment of premenstrual dysphoric disorder (Sarafem®, fluoxetine hydrochloride). It is designated (±)-N-methyl-3-phenyl-3-[(α,α,α-trifluoro-p-tolyl)oxy]propylamine hydrochloride and has the empirical formula of C17H18F3NO•HCl. Its molecular weight is 345.79. The structural formula is:
Fluoxetine hydrochloride is a white to off-white crystalline solid with a solubility of 14 mg/mL in water.
Each Pulvule® contains fluoxetine hydrochloride equivalent to 10 mg (32.3 µmol), 20 mg (64.7 µmol), or 40 mg (129.3 µmol) of fluoxetine. The Pulvules also contain starch, gelatin, silicone, titanium dioxide, iron oxide, and other inactive ingredients. The 10- and 20-mg Pulvules also contain FD&C Blue No. 1, and the 40-mg Pulvule also contains FD&C Blue No. 1 and FD&C Yellow No. 6.
The oral solution contains fluoxetine hydrochloride equivalent to 20 mg/5 mL (64.7 µmol) of fluoxetine. It also contains alcohol 0.23%, benzoic acid, flavoring agent, glycerin, purified water, and sucrose.
Prozac Weekly™ capsules, a delayed-release formulation, contain enteric-coated pellets of fluoxetine hydrochloride equivalent to 90 mg (291 µmol) of fluoxetine. The capsules also contain D&C Yellow No. 10, FD&C Blue No. 2, gelatin, hypromellose, hypromellose acetate succinate, sodium lauryl sulfate, sucrose, sugar spheres, talc, titanium dioxide, triethyl citrate, and other inactive ingredients.
Brand Name: Prozac
Generic Name: Fluoxetine Hcl
Next: Prozac - Indications & Dosage »
« previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 next »
Report Problems to the Food and Drug Administration
You are encouraged to report negative side effects of prescription drugs to the FDA. Visit the FDA MedWatch website or call 1-800-FDA-1088.
Bookmark this page:
Privacy Policy
Emotional Wellness
Get tips on therapy and treatment.
WebMD Resources
Depression Quiz: Check Your Symptoms
Antidepressant Side Effects
A new study says over half of all people treated with antidepressants stop taking them because of side effects. See more WebMD Videos »
Related Links
eMedicineHealth
Learn about Depression at eMedicineHealth.com
WebMD
Prozac is sometimes used to treat social anxiety disorder. Find additional health information on social anxiety disorder including other treatment options at WebMD.com.
Depression Symptoms — Treatment May Help
Targeting a Broad Range of Symptoms
Tips for Talking to Your Doctor
Learn From Others With Depression
Important Safety Information Full Prescribing Information
Prozac
Drug Description
Indications & Dosage
Side Effects & Drug Interactions
Warnings & Precautions
Overdosage & Contraindications
Clinical Pharmacology
Patient Information
Related Drugs
Celexa
Citalopram ODT
Lexapro
Luvox
Paxil
Paxil-CR
Zoloft
Health Resources
Depression
Bipolar Disorder
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
Drug News
2008 Election & Health Care on WebMD. Get Informed.
FDA Issues Alert for 2 Generic Drug Plants
Osteoporosis Treatment Guidelines
Newer Kids' Antipsychotics No Better
View More »
Search the Medical Dictionary for Health Definitions & Medical Abbreviations
Updated & New
News & Features
Identify Your Drugs:
Use the RxList Pill Identification Tool
Add RxList Search to Your Website
Google Subscribed Links & RxList
Popular Searches
Adderall
Aricept
Avandia
Botox
Cardura
Chantix
Coumadin
Levaquin
OxyContin
Viagra
RxList Home|Drugs & Medications A-Z List |Picture Slideshows |Pill Identification Tool |Diseases & Conditions|Drug Medical Dictionary |Alternative Medicine
About RxList|Contact RxList|Terms & Conditions|Privacy Policy|Sponsor Policy|Site Map
WebMD®|MedScape®|eMedicineHealth®|MedicineNet®
Copyright © 2008 by RxList Inc.
RxList does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. See additional information.
Find a DrugAdvanced Search
Professional
Consumer
« previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 next »
Prozac
Drug DescriptionFONT SIZEAAA
PROZAC®
(fluoxetine) Capsules, USP
(fluoxetine) Oral Solution, USP
(fluoxetine) Delayed-Release Capsules, USP
WARNING
Suicidality and Antidepressant Drugs — Antidepressants increased the risk compared to placebo of suicidal thinking and behavior (suicidality) in children, adolescents, and young adults in short-term studies of major depressive disorder (MDD) and other psychiatric disorders. Anyone considering the use of Prozac or any other antidepressant in a child, adolescent, or young adult must balance this risk with the clinical need. Short-term studies did not show an increase in the risk of suicidality with antidepressants compared to placebo in adults beyond age 24; there was a reduction in risk with antidepressants compared to placebo in adults aged 65 and older. Depression and certain other psychiatric disorders are themselves associated with increases in the risk of suicide. Patients of all ages who are started on antidepressant therapy should be monitored appropriately and observed closely for clinical worsening, suicidality, or unusual changes in behavior. Families and caregivers should be advised of the need for close observation and communication with the prescriber. Prozac is approved for use in pediatric patients with MDD and obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD). (See WARNINGS, Clinical Worsening and Suicide Risk, PRECAUTIONS, Information for Patients, and PRECAUTIONS, Pediatric Use.)
DRUG DESCRIPTION
Prozac® (fluoxetine capsules, USP and fluoxetine oral solution, USP) is a psychotropic drug for oral administration. It is also marketed for the treatment of premenstrual dysphoric disorder (Sarafem®, fluoxetine hydrochloride). It is designated (±)-N-methyl-3-phenyl-3-[(α,α,α-trifluoro-p-tolyl)oxy]propylamine hydrochloride and has the empirical formula of C17H18F3NO•HCl. Its molecular weight is 345.79. The structural formula is:
Fluoxetine hydrochloride is a white to off-white crystalline solid with a solubility of 14 mg/mL in water.
Each Pulvule® contains fluoxetine hydrochloride equivalent to 10 mg (32.3 µmol), 20 mg (64.7 µmol), or 40 mg (129.3 µmol) of fluoxetine. The Pulvules also contain starch, gelatin, silicone, titanium dioxide, iron oxide, and other inactive ingredients. The 10- and 20-mg Pulvules also contain FD&C Blue No. 1, and the 40-mg Pulvule also contains FD&C Blue No. 1 and FD&C Yellow No. 6.
The oral solution contains fluoxetine hydrochloride equivalent to 20 mg/5 mL (64.7 µmol) of fluoxetine. It also contains alcohol 0.23%, benzoic acid, flavoring agent, glycerin, purified water, and sucrose.
Prozac Weekly™ capsules, a delayed-release formulation, contain enteric-coated pellets of fluoxetine hydrochloride equivalent to 90 mg (291 µmol) of fluoxetine. The capsules also contain D&C Yellow No. 10, FD&C Blue No. 2, gelatin, hypromellose, hypromellose acetate succinate, sodium lauryl sulfate, sucrose, sugar spheres, talc, titanium dioxide, triethyl citrate, and other inactive ingredients.
Brand Name: Prozac
Generic Name: Fluoxetine Hcl
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Prozac
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Prozac
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Prozac
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Depression Symptoms — Treatment May Help
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Important Safety Information Full Prescribing Information
Prozac
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Depression Symptoms — Treatment May Help
Targeting a Broad Range of Symptoms
Tips for Talking to Your Doctor
Learn From Others With Depression
Important Safety Information Full Prescribing Information
Prozac
Drug Description
Indications & Dosage
Side Effects & Drug Interactions
Warnings & Precautions
Overdosage & Contraindications
Clinical Pharmacology
Patient Information
Related Drugs
Celexa
Citalopram ODT
Lexapro
Luvox
Paxil
Paxil-CR
Zoloft
Health Resources
Depression
Bipolar Disorder
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
Drug News
2008 Election & Health Care on WebMD. Get Informed.
FDA Issues Alert for 2 Generic Drug Plants
Osteoporosis Treatment Guidelines
Newer Kids' Antipsychotics No Better
View More »
Search the Medical Dictionary for Health Definitions & Medical Abbreviations
Updated & New
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Identify Your Drugs:
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Adderall
Aricept
Avandia
Botox
Cardura
Chantix
Coumadin
Levaquin
OxyContin
Viagra
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Depression Symptoms — Treatment May Help
Targeting a Broad Range of Symptoms
Tips for Talking to Your Doctor
Learn From Others With Depression
Important Safety Information Full Prescribing Information
Prozac
Drug Description
Indications & Dosage
Side Effects & Drug Interactions
Warnings & Precautions
Overdosage & Contraindications
Clinical Pharmacology
Patient Information
Related Drugs
Celexa
Citalopram ODT
Lexapro
Luvox
Paxil
Paxil-CR
Zoloft
Health Resources
Depression
Bipolar Disorder
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
Drug News
2008 Election & Health Care on WebMD. Get Informed.
FDA Issues Alert for 2 Generic Drug Plants
Osteoporosis Treatment Guidelines
Newer Kids' Antipsychotics No Better
View More »
Search the Medical Dictionary for Health Definitions & Medical Abbreviations
Updated & New
News & Features
Identify Your Drugs:
Use the RxList Pill Identification Tool
Add RxList Search to Your Website
Google Subscribed Links & RxList
Popular Searches
Adderall
Aricept
Avandia
Botox
Cardura
Chantix
Coumadin
Levaquin
OxyContin
Viagra
RxList Home|Drugs & Medications A-Z List |Picture Slideshows |Pill Identification Tool |Diseases & Conditions|Drug Medical Dictionary |Alternative Medicine
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Copyright © 2008 by RxList Inc.
RxList does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. See additional information.
Depression Symptoms — Treatment May Help
Targeting a Broad Range of Symptoms
Tips for Talking to Your Doctor
Learn From Others With Depression
Important Safety Information Full Prescribing Information
Prozac
Drug Description
Indications & Dosage
Side Effects & Drug Interactions
Warnings & Precautions
Overdosage & Contraindications
Clinical Pharmacology
Patient Information
Related Drugs
Celexa
Citalopram ODT
Lexapro
Luvox
Paxil
Paxil-CR
Zoloft
Health Resources
Depression
Bipolar Disorder
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
Drug News
2008 Election & Health Care on WebMD. Get Informed.
FDA Issues Alert for 2 Generic Drug Plants
Osteoporosis Treatment Guidelines
Newer Kids' Antipsychotics No Better
View More »
Search the Medical Dictionary for Health Definitions & Medical Abbreviations
Updated & New
News & Features
Identify Your Drugs:
Use the RxList Pill Identification Tool
Add RxList Search to Your Website
Google Subscribed Links & RxList
Popular Searches
Adderall
Aricept
Avandia
Botox
Cardura
Chantix
Coumadin
Levaquin
OxyContin
Viagra
RxList Home|Drugs & Medications A-Z List |Picture Slideshows |Pill Identification Tool |Diseases & Conditions|Drug Medical Dictionary |Alternative Medicine
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RxList does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. See additional information.
Depression Symptoms — Treatment May Help
Targeting a Broad Range of Symptoms
Tips for Talking to Your Doctor
Learn From Others With Depression
Important Safety Information Full Prescribing Information
Prozac
Drug Description
Indications & Dosage
Side Effects & Drug Interactions
Warnings & Precautions
Overdosage & Contraindications
Clinical Pharmacology
Patient Information
Related Drugs
Celexa
Citalopram ODT
Lexapro
Luvox
Paxil
Paxil-CR
Zoloft
Health Resources
Depression
Bipolar Disorder
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
Drug News
2008 Election & Health Care on WebMD. Get Informed.
FDA Issues Alert for 2 Generic Drug Plants
Osteoporosis Treatment Guidelines
Newer Kids' Antipsychotics No Better
View More »
Search the Medical Dictionary for Health Definitions & Medical Abbreviations
Updated & New
News & Features
Identify Your Drugs:
Use the RxList Pill Identification Tool
Add RxList Search to Your Website
Google Subscribed Links & RxList
Popular Searches
Adderall
Aricept
Avandia
Botox
Cardura
Chantix
Coumadin
Levaquin
OxyContin
Viagra
RxList Home|Drugs & Medications A-Z List |Picture Slideshows |Pill Identification Tool |Diseases & Conditions|Drug Medical Dictionary |Alternative Medicine
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Copyright © 2008 by RxList Inc.
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Depression Symptoms — Treatment May Help
Targeting a Broad Range of Symptoms
Tips for Talking to Your Doctor
Learn From Others With Depression
Important Safety Information Full Prescribing Information
Prozac
Drug Description
Indications & Dosage
Side Effects & Drug Interactions
Warnings & Precautions
Overdosage & Contraindications
Clinical Pharmacology
Patient Information
Related Drugs
Celexa
Citalopram ODT
Lexapro
Luvox
Paxil
Paxil-CR
Zoloft
Health Resources
Depression
Bipolar Disorder
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
Drug News
2008 Election & Health Care on WebMD. Get Informed.
FDA Issues Alert for 2 Generic Drug Plants
Osteoporosis Treatment Guidelines
Newer Kids' Antipsychotics No Better
View More »
Search the Medical Dictionary for Health Definitions & Medical Abbreviations
Updated & New
News & Features
Identify Your Drugs:
Use the RxList Pill Identification Tool
Add RxList Search to Your Website
Google Subscribed Links & RxList
Popular Searches
Adderall
Aricept
Avandia
Botox
Cardura
Chantix
Coumadin
Levaquin
OxyContin
Viagra
RxList Home|Drugs & Medications A-Z List |Picture Slideshows |Pill Identification Tool |Diseases & Conditions|Drug Medical Dictionary |Alternative Medicine
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Copyright © 2008 by RxList Inc.
RxList does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. See additional information.
Depression Symptoms — Treatment May Help
Targeting a Broad Range of Symptoms
Tips for Talking to Your Doctor
Learn From Others With Depression
Important Safety Information Full Prescribing Information
Prozac
Drug Description
Indications & Dosage
Side Effects & Drug Interactions
Warnings & Precautions
Overdosage & Contraindications
Clinical Pharmacology
Patient Information
Related Drugs
Celexa
Citalopram ODT
Lexapro
Luvox
Paxil
Paxil-CR
Zoloft
Health Resources
Depression
Bipolar Disorder
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
Drug News
2008 Election & Health Care on WebMD. Get Informed.
FDA Issues Alert for 2 Generic Drug Plants
Osteoporosis Treatment Guidelines
Newer Kids' Antipsychotics No Better
View More »
Search the Medical Dictionary for Health Definitions & Medical Abbreviations
Updated & New
News & Features
Identify Your Drugs:
Use the RxList Pill Identification Tool
Add RxList Search to Your Website
Google Subscribed Links & RxList
Popular Searches
Adderall
Aricept
Avandia
Botox
Cardura
Chantix
Coumadin
Levaquin
OxyContin
Viagra
RxList Home|Drugs & Medications A-Z List |Picture Slideshows |Pill Identification Tool |Diseases & Conditions|Drug Medical Dictionary |Alternative Medicine
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Copyright © 2008 by RxList Inc.
RxList does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. See additional information.
Depression Symptoms — Treatment May Help
Targeting a Broad Range of Symptoms
Tips for Talking to Your Doctor
Learn From Others With Depression
Important Safety Information Full Prescribing Information
Prozac
Drug Description
Indications & Dosage
Side Effects & Drug Interactions
Warnings & Precautions
Overdosage & Contraindications
Clinical Pharmacology
Patient Information
Related Drugs
Celexa
Citalopram ODT
Lexapro
Luvox
Paxil
Paxil-CR
Zoloft
Health Resources
Depression
Bipolar Disorder
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
Drug News
2008 Election & Health Care on WebMD. Get Informed.
FDA Issues Alert for 2 Generic Drug Plants
Osteoporosis Treatment Guidelines
Newer Kids' Antipsychotics No Better
View More »
Search the Medical Dictionary for Health Definitions & Medical Abbreviations
Updated & New
News & Features
Identify Your Drugs:
Use the RxList Pill Identification Tool
Add RxList Search to Your Website
Google Subscribed Links & RxList
Popular Searches
Adderall
Aricept
Avandia
Botox
Cardura
Chantix
Coumadin
Levaquin
OxyContin
Viagra
RxList Home|Drugs & Medications A-Z List |Picture Slideshows |Pill Identification Tool |Diseases & Conditions|Drug Medical Dictionary |Alternative Medicine
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WebMD®|MedScape®|eMedicineHealth®|MedicineNet®
Copyright © 2008 by RxList Inc.
RxList does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. See additional information.
Depression Symptoms — Treatment May Help
Targeting a Broad Range of Symptoms
Tips for Talking to Your Doctor
Learn From Others With Depression
Important Safety Information Full Prescribing Information
Prozac
Drug Description
Indications & Dosage
Side Effects & Drug Interactions
Warnings & Precautions
Overdosage & Contraindications
Clinical Pharmacology
Patient Information
Related Drugs
Celexa
Citalopram ODT
Lexapro
Luvox
Paxil
Paxil-CR
Zoloft
Health Resources
Depression
Bipolar Disorder
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
Drug News
2008 Election & Health Care on WebMD. Get Informed.
FDA Issues Alert for 2 Generic Drug Plants
Osteoporosis Treatment Guidelines
Newer Kids' Antipsychotics No Better
View More »
Search the Medical Dictionary for Health Definitions & Medical Abbreviations
Updated & New
News & Features
Identify Your Drugs:
Use the RxList Pill Identification Tool
Add RxList Search to Your Website
Google Subscribed Links & RxList
Popular Searches
Adderall
Aricept
Avandia
Botox
Cardura
Chantix
Coumadin
Levaquin
OxyContin
Viagra
RxList Home|Drugs & Medications A-Z List |Picture Slideshows |Pill Identification Tool |Diseases & Conditions|Drug Medical Dictionary |Alternative Medicine
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WebMD®|MedScape®|eMedicineHealth®|MedicineNet®
Copyright © 2008 by RxList Inc.
RxList does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. See additional information.
Depression Symptoms — Treatment May Help
Targeting a Broad Range of Symptoms
Tips for Talking to Your Doctor
Learn From Others With Depression
Important Safety Information Full Prescribing Information
Prozac
Drug Description
Indications & Dosage
Side Effects & Drug Interactions
Warnings & Precautions
Overdosage & Contraindications
Clinical Pharmacology
Patient Information
Related Drugs
Celexa
Citalopram ODT
Lexapro
Luvox
Paxil
Paxil-CR
Zoloft
Health Resources
Depression
Bipolar Disorder
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
Drug News
2008 Election & Health Care on WebMD. Get Informed.
FDA Issues Alert for 2 Generic Drug Plants
Osteoporosis Treatment Guidelines
Newer Kids' Antipsychotics No Better
View More »
Search the Medical Dictionary for Health Definitions & Medical Abbreviations
Updated & New
News & Features
Identify Your Drugs:
Use the RxList Pill Identification Tool
Add RxList Search to Your Website
Google Subscribed Links & RxList
Popular Searches
Adderall
Aricept
Avandia
Botox
Cardura
Chantix
Coumadin
Levaquin
OxyContin
Viagra
RxList Home|Drugs & Medications A-Z List |Picture Slideshows |Pill Identification Tool |Diseases & Conditions|Drug Medical Dictionary |Alternative Medicine
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WebMD®|MedScape®|eMedicineHealth®|MedicineNet®
Copyright © 2008 by RxList Inc.
RxList does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. See additional information.
Depression Symptoms — Treatment May Help
Targeting a Broad Range of Symptoms
Tips for Talking to Your Doctor
Learn From Others With Depression
Important Safety Information Full Prescribing Information
Prozac
Drug Description
Indications & Dosage
Side Effects & Drug Interactions
Warnings & Precautions
Overdosage & Contraindications
Clinical Pharmacology
Patient Information
Related Drugs
Celexa
Citalopram ODT
Lexapro
Luvox
Paxil
Paxil-CR
Zoloft
Health Resources
Depression
Bipolar Disorder
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
Drug News
2008 Election & Health Care on WebMD. Get Informed.
FDA Issues Alert for 2 Generic Drug Plants
Osteoporosis Treatment Guidelines
Newer Kids' Antipsychotics No Better
View More »
Search the Medical Dictionary for Health Definitions & Medical Abbreviations
Updated & New
News & Features
Identify Your Drugs:
Use the RxList Pill Identification Tool
Add RxList Search to Your Website
Google Subscribed Links & RxList
Popular Searches
Adderall
Aricept
Avandia
Botox
Cardura
Chantix
Coumadin
Levaquin
OxyContin
Viagra
RxList Home|Drugs & Medications A-Z List |Picture Slideshows |Pill Identification Tool |Diseases & Conditions|Drug Medical Dictionary |Alternative Medicine
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WebMD®|MedScape®|eMedicineHealth®|MedicineNet®
Copyright © 2008 by RxList Inc.
RxList does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. See additional information.
Depression Symptoms — Treatment May Help
Targeting a Broad Range of Symptoms
Tips for Talking to Your Doctor
Learn From Others With Depression
Important Safety Information Full Prescribing Information
Prozac
Drug Description
Indications & Dosage
Side Effects & Drug Interactions
Warnings & Precautions
Overdosage & Contraindications
Clinical Pharmacology
Patient Information
Related Drugs
Celexa
Citalopram ODT
Lexapro
Luvox
Paxil
Paxil-CR
Zoloft
Health Resources
Depression
Bipolar Disorder
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
Drug News
2008 Election & Health Care on WebMD. Get Informed.
FDA Issues Alert for 2 Generic Drug Plants
Osteoporosis Treatment Guidelines
Newer Kids' Antipsychotics No Better
View More »
Search the Medical Dictionary for Health Definitions & Medical Abbreviations
Updated & New
News & Features
Identify Your Drugs:
Use the RxList Pill Identification Tool
Add RxList Search to Your Website
Google Subscribed Links & RxList
Popular Searches
Adderall
Aricept
Avandia
Botox
Cardura
Chantix
Coumadin
Levaquin
OxyContin
Viagra
RxList Home|Drugs & Medications A-Z List |Picture Slideshows |Pill Identification Tool |Diseases & Conditions|Drug Medical Dictionary |Alternative Medicine
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WebMD®|MedScape®|eMedicineHealth®|MedicineNet®
Copyright © 2008 by RxList Inc.
RxList does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. See additional information.
Depression Symptoms — Treatment May Help
Targeting a Broad Range of Symptoms
Tips for Talking to Your Doctor
Learn From Others With Depression
Important Safety Information Full Prescribing Information
Prozac
Drug Description
Indications & Dosage
Side Effects & Drug Interactions
Warnings & Precautions
Overdosage & Contraindications
Clinical Pharmacology
Patient Information
Related Drugs
Celexa
Citalopram ODT
Lexapro
Luvox
Paxil
Paxil-CR
Zoloft
Health Resources
Depression
Bipolar Disorder
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
Drug News
2008 Election & Health Care on WebMD. Get Informed.
FDA Issues Alert for 2 Generic Drug Plants
Osteoporosis Treatment Guidelines
Newer Kids' Antipsychotics No Better
View More »
Search the Medical Dictionary for Health Definitions & Medical Abbreviations
Updated & New
News & Features
Identify Your Drugs:
Use the RxList Pill Identification Tool
Add RxList Search to Your Website
Google Subscribed Links & RxList
Popular Searches
Adderall
Aricept
Avandia
Botox
Cardura
Chantix
Coumadin
Levaquin
OxyContin
Viagra
RxList Home|Drugs & Medications A-Z List |Picture Slideshows |Pill Identification Tool |Diseases & Conditions|Drug Medical Dictionary |Alternative Medicine
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WebMD®|MedScape®|eMedicineHealth®|MedicineNet®
Copyright © 2008 by RxList Inc.
RxList does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. See additional information.
Depression Symptoms — Treatment May Help
Targeting a Broad Range of Symptoms
Tips for Talking to Your Doctor
Learn From Others With Depression
Important Safety Information Full Prescribing Information
Prozac
Drug Description
Indications & Dosage
Side Effects & Drug Interactions
Warnings & Precautions
Overdosage & Contraindications
Clinical Pharmacology
Patient Information
Related Drugs
Celexa
Citalopram ODT
Lexapro
Luvox
Paxil
Paxil-CR
Zoloft
Health Resources
Depression
Bipolar Disorder
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
Drug News
2008 Election & Health Care on WebMD. Get Informed.
FDA Issues Alert for 2 Generic Drug Plants
Osteoporosis Treatment Guidelines
Newer Kids' Antipsychotics No Better
View More »
Search the Medical Dictionary for Health Definitions & Medical Abbreviations
Updated & New
News & Features
Identify Your Drugs:
Use the RxList Pill Identification Tool
Add RxList Search to Your Website
Google Subscribed Links & RxList
Popular Searches
Adderall
Aricept
Avandia
Botox
Cardura
Chantix
Coumadin
Levaquin
OxyContin
Viagra
RxList Home|Drugs & Medications A-Z List |Picture Slideshows |Pill Identification Tool |Diseases & Conditions|Drug Medical Dictionary |Alternative Medicine
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RxList does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. See additional information.
v
Depression Symptoms — Treatment May Help
Targeting a Broad Range of Symptoms
Tips for Talking to Your Doctor
Learn From Others With Depression
Important Safety Information Full Prescribing Information
Prozac
Drug Description
Indications & Dosage
Side Effects & Drug Interactions
Warnings & Precautions
Overdosage & Contraindications
Clinical Pharmacology
Patient Information
Related Drugs
Celexa
Citalopram ODT
Lexapro
Luvox
Paxil
Paxil-CR
Zoloft
Health Resources
Depression
Bipolar Disorder
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
Drug News
2008 Election & Health Care on WebMD. Get Informed.
FDA Issues Alert for 2 Generic Drug Plants
Osteoporosis Treatment Guidelines
Newer Kids' Antipsychotics No Better
View More »
Search the Medical Dictionary for Health Definitions & Medical Abbreviations
Updated & New
News & Features
Identify Your Drugs:
Use the RxList Pill Identification Tool
Add RxList Search to Your Website
Google Subscribed Links & RxList
Popular Searches
Adderall
Aricept
Avandia
Botox
Cardura
Chantix
Coumadin
Levaquin
OxyContin
Viagra
RxList Home|Drugs & Medications A-Z List |Picture Slideshows |Pill Identification Tool |Diseases & Conditions|Drug Medical Dictionary |Alternative Medicine
About RxList|Contact RxList|Terms & Conditions|Privacy Policy|Sponsor Policy|Site Map
WebMD®|MedScape®|eMedicineHealth®|MedicineNet®
Copyright © 2008 by RxList Inc.
RxList does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. See additional information.
Depression Symptoms — Treatment May Help
Targeting a Broad Range of Symptoms
Tips for Talking to Your Doctor
Learn From Others With Depression
Important Safety Information Full Prescribing Information
Prozac
Drug Description
Indications & Dosage
Side Effects & Drug Interactions
Warnings & Precautions
Overdosage & Contraindications
Clinical Pharmacology
Patient Information
Related Drugs
Celexa
Citalopram ODT
Lexapro
Luvox
Paxil
Paxil-CR
Zoloft
Health Resources
Depression
Bipolar Disorder
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
Drug News
2008 Election & Health Care on WebMD. Get Informed.
FDA Issues Alert for 2 Generic Drug Plants
Osteoporosis Treatment Guidelines
Newer Kids' Antipsychotics No Better
View More »
Search the Medical Dictionary for Health Definitions & Medical Abbreviations
Updated & New
News & Features
Identify Your Drugs:
Use the RxList Pill Identification Tool
Add RxList Search to Your Website
Google Subscribed Links & RxList
Popular Searches
Adderall
Aricept
Avandia
Botox
Cardura
Chantix
Coumadin
Levaquin
OxyContin
Viagra
RxList Home|Drugs & Medications A-Z List |Picture Slideshows |Pill Identification Tool |Diseases & Conditions|Drug Medical Dictionary |Alternative Medicine
About RxList|Contact RxList|Terms & Conditions|Privacy Policy|Sponsor Policy|Site Map
WebMD®|MedScape®|eMedicineHealth®|MedicineNet®
Copyright © 2008 by RxList Inc.
RxList does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. See additional information.
Depression Symptoms — Treatment May Help
Targeting a Broad Range of Symptoms
Tips for Talking to Your Doctor
Learn From Others With Depression
Important Safety Information Full Prescribing Information
Prozac
Drug Description
Indications & Dosage
Side Effects & Drug Interactions
Warnings & Precautions
Overdosage & Contraindications
Clinical Pharmacology
Patient Information
Related Drugs
Celexa
Citalopram ODT
Lexapro
Luvox
Paxil
Paxil-CR
Zoloft
Health Resources
Depression
Bipolar Disorder
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
Drug News
2008 Election & Health Care on WebMD. Get Informed.
FDA Issues Alert for 2 Generic Drug Plants
Osteoporosis Treatment Guidelines
Newer Kids' Antipsychotics No Better
View More »
Search the Medical Dictionary for Health Definitions & Medical Abbreviations
Updated & New
News & Features
Identify Your Drugs:
Use the RxList Pill Identification Tool
Add RxList Search to Your Website
Google Subscribed Links & RxList
Popular Searches
Adderall
Aricept
Avandia
Botox
Cardura
Chantix
Coumadin
Levaquin
OxyContin
Viagra
RxList Home|Drugs & Medications A-Z List |Picture Slideshows |Pill Identification Tool |Diseases & Conditions|Drug Medical Dictionary |Alternative Medicine
About RxList|Contact RxList|Terms & Conditions|Privacy Policy|Sponsor Policy|Site Map
WebMD®|MedScape®|eMedicineHealth®|MedicineNet®
Copyright © 2008 by RxList Inc.
RxList does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. See additional information.
Depression Symptoms — Treatment May Help
Targeting a Broad Range of Symptoms
Tips for Talking to Your Doctor
Learn From Others With Depression
Important Safety Information Full Prescribing Information
Prozac
Drug Description
Indications & Dosage
Side Effects & Drug Interactions
Warnings & Precautions
Overdosage & Contraindications
Clinical Pharmacology
Patient Information
Related Drugs
Celexa
Citalopram ODT
Lexapro
Luvox
Paxil
Paxil-CR
Zoloft
Health Resources
Depression
Bipolar Disorder
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
Drug News
2008 Election & Health Care on WebMD. Get Informed.
FDA Issues Alert for 2 Generic Drug Plants
Osteoporosis Treatment Guidelines
Newer Kids' Antipsychotics No Better
View More »
Search the Medical Dictionary for Health Definitions & Medical Abbreviations
Updated & New
News & Features
Identify Your Drugs:
Use the RxList Pill Identification Tool
Add RxList Search to Your Website
Google Subscribed Links & RxList
Popular Searches
Adderall
Aricept
Avandia
Botox
Cardura
Chantix
Coumadin
Levaquin
OxyContin
Viagra
RxList Home|Drugs & Medications A-Z List |Picture Slideshows |Pill Identification Tool |Diseases & Conditions|Drug Medical Dictionary |Alternative Medicine
About RxList|Contact RxList|Terms & Conditions|Privacy Policy|Sponsor Policy|Site Map
WebMD®|MedScape®|eMedicineHealth®|MedicineNet®
Copyright © 2008 by RxList Inc.
RxList does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. See additional information.
Depression Symptoms — Treatment May Help
Targeting a Broad Range of Symptoms
Tips for Talking to Your Doctor
Learn From Others With Depression
Important Safety Information Full Prescribing Information
Prozac
Drug Description
Indications & Dosage
Side Effects & Drug Interactions
Warnings & Precautions
Overdosage & Contraindications
Clinical Pharmacology
Patient Information
Related Drugs
Celexa
Citalopram ODT
Lexapro
Luvox
Paxil
Paxil-CR
Zoloft
Health Resources
Depression
Bipolar Disorder
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
Drug News
2008 Election & Health Care on WebMD. Get Informed.
FDA Issues Alert for 2 Generic Drug Plants
Osteoporosis Treatment Guidelines
Newer Kids' Antipsychotics No Better
View More »
Search the Medical Dictionary for Health Definitions & Medical Abbreviations
Updated & New
News & Features
Identify Your Drugs:
Use the RxList Pill Identification Tool
Add RxList Search to Your Website
Google Subscribed Links & RxList
Popular Searches
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Aricept
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Depression Symptoms — Treatment May Help
Targeting a Broad Range of Symptoms
Tips for Talking to Your Doctor
Learn From Others With Depression
Important Safety Information Full Prescribing Information
Prozac
Drug Description
Indications & Dosage
Side Effects & Drug Interactions
Warnings & Precautions
Overdosage & Contraindications
Clinical Pharmacology
Patient Information
Related Drugs
Celexa
Citalopram ODT
Lexapro
Luvox
Paxil
Paxil-CR
Zoloft
Health Resources
Depression
Bipolar Disorder
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
Drug News
2008 Election & Health Care on WebMD. Get Informed.
FDA Issues Alert for 2 Generic Drug Plants
Osteoporosis Treatment Guidelines
Newer Kids' Antipsychotics No Better
View More »
Search the Medical Dictionary for Health Definitions & Medical Abbreviations
Updated & New
News & Features
Identify Your Drugs:
Use the RxList Pill Identification Tool
Add RxList Search to Your Website
Google Subscribed Links & RxList
Popular Searches
Adderall
Aricept
Avandia
Botox
Cardura
Chantix
Coumadin
Levaquin
OxyContin
Viagra
RxList Home|Drugs & Medications A-Z List |Picture Slideshows |Pill Identification Tool |Diseases & Conditions|Drug Medical Dictionary |Alternative Medicine
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WebMD®|MedScape®|eMedicineHealth®|MedicineNet®
Copyright © 2008 by RxList Inc.
RxList does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. See additional information.
Depression Symptoms — Treatment May Help
Targeting a Broad Range of Symptoms
Tips for Talking to Your Doctor
Learn From Others With Depression
Important Safety Information Full Prescribing Information
Prozac
Drug Description
Indications & Dosage
Side Effects & Drug Interactions
Warnings & Precautions
Overdosage & Contraindications
Clinical Pharmacology
Patient Information
Related Drugs
Celexa
Citalopram ODT
Lexapro
Luvox
Paxil
Paxil-CR
Zoloft
Health Resources
Depression
Bipolar Disorder
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
Drug News
2008 Election & Health Care on WebMD. Get Informed.
FDA Issues Alert for 2 Generic Drug Plants
Osteoporosis Treatment Guidelines
Newer Kids' Antipsychotics No Better
View More »
Search the Medical Dictionary for Health Definitions & Medical Abbreviations
Updated & New
News & Features
Identify Your Drugs:
Use the RxList Pill Identification Tool
Add RxList Search to Your Website
Google Subscribed Links & RxList
Popular Searches
Adderall
Aricept
Avandia
Botox
Cardura
Chantix
Coumadin
Levaquin
OxyContin
Viagra
RxList Home|Drugs & Medications A-Z List |Picture Slideshows |Pill Identification Tool |Diseases & Conditions|Drug Medical Dictionary |Alternative Medicine
About RxList|Contact RxList|Terms & Conditions|Privacy Policy|Sponsor Policy|Site Map
WebMD®|MedScape®|eMedicineHealth®|MedicineNet®
Copyright © 2008 by RxList Inc.
RxList does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. See additional information.
Depression Symptoms — Treatment May Help
Targeting a Broad Range of Symptoms
Tips for Talking to Your Doctor
Learn From Others With Depression
Important Safety Information Full Prescribing Information
Prozac
Drug Description
Indications & Dosage
Side Effects & Drug Interactions
Warnings & Precautions
Overdosage & Contraindications
Clinical Pharmacology
Patient Information
Related Drugs
Celexa
Citalopram ODT
Lexapro
Luvox
Paxil
Paxil-CR
Zoloft
Health Resources
Depression
Bipolar Disorder
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
Drug News
2008 Election & Health Care on WebMD. Get Informed.
FDA Issues Alert for 2 Generic Drug Plants
Osteoporosis Treatment Guidelines
Newer Kids' Antipsychotics No Better
View More »
Search the Medical Dictionary for Health Definitions & Medical Abbreviations
Updated & New
News & Features
Identify Your Drugs:
Use the RxList Pill Identification Tool
Add RxList Search to Your Website
Google Subscribed Links & RxList
Popular Searches
Adderall
Aricept
Avandia
Botox
Cardura
Chantix
Coumadin
Levaquin
OxyContin
Viagra
RxList Home|Drugs & Medications A-Z List |Picture Slideshows |Pill Identification Tool |Diseases & Conditions|Drug Medical Dictionary |Alternative Medicine
About RxList|Contact RxList|Terms & Conditions|Privacy Policy|Sponsor Policy|Site Map
WebMD®|MedScape®|eMedicineHealth®|MedicineNet®
Copyright © 2008 by RxList Inc.
RxList does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. See additional information.
Depression Symptoms — Treatment May Help
Targeting a Broad Range of Symptoms
Tips for Talking to Your Doctor
Learn From Others With Depression
Important Safety Information Full Prescribing Information
Prozac
Drug Description
Indications & Dosage
Side Effects & Drug Interactions
Warnings & Precautions
Overdosage & Contraindications
Clinical Pharmacology
Patient Information
Related Drugs
Celexa
Citalopram ODT
Lexapro
Luvox
Paxil
Paxil-CR
Zoloft
Health Resources
Depression
Bipolar Disorder
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
Drug News
2008 Election & Health Care on WebMD. Get Informed.
FDA Issues Alert for 2 Generic Drug Plants
Osteoporosis Treatment Guidelines
Newer Kids' Antipsychotics No Better
View More »
Search the Medical Dictionary for Health Definitions & Medical Abbreviations
Updated & New
News & Features
Identify Your Drugs:
Use the RxList Pill Identification Tool
Add RxList Search to Your Website
Google Subscribed Links & RxList
Popular Searches
Adderall
Aricept
Avandia
Botox
Cardura
Chantix
Coumadin
Levaquin
OxyContin
Viagra
RxList Home|Drugs & Medications A-Z List |Picture Slideshows |Pill Identification Tool |Diseases & Conditions|Drug Medical Dictionary |Alternative Medicine
About RxList|Contact RxList|Terms & Conditions|Privacy Policy|Sponsor Policy|Site Map
WebMD®|MedScape®|eMedicineHealth®|MedicineNet®
Copyright © 2008 by RxList Inc.
RxList does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. See additional information.
Depression Symptoms — Treatment May Help
Targeting a Broad Range of Symptoms
Tips for Talking to Your Doctor
Learn From Others With Depression
Important Safety Information Full Prescribing Information
Prozac
Drug Description
Indications & Dosage
Side Effects & Drug Interactions
Warnings & Precautions
Overdosage & Contraindications
Clinical Pharmacology
Patient Information
Related Drugs
Celexa
Citalopram ODT
Lexapro
Luvox
Paxil
Paxil-CR
Zoloft
Health Resources
Depression
Bipolar Disorder
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
Drug News
2008 Election & Health Care on WebMD. Get Informed.
FDA Issues Alert for 2 Generic Drug Plants
Osteoporosis Treatment Guidelines
Newer Kids' Antipsychotics No Better
View More »
Search the Medical Dictionary for Health Definitions & Medical Abbreviations
Updated & New
News & Features
Identify Your Drugs:
Use the RxList Pill Identification Tool
Add RxList Search to Your Website
Google Subscribed Links & RxList
Popular Searches
Adderall
Aricept
Avandia
Botox
Cardura
Chantix
Coumadin
Levaquin
OxyContin
Viagra
RxList Home|Drugs & Medications A-Z List |Picture Slideshows |Pill Identification Tool |Diseases & Conditions|Drug Medical Dictionary |Alternative Medicine
About RxList|Contact RxList|Terms & Conditions|Privacy Policy|Sponsor Policy|Site Map
WebMD®|MedScape®|eMedicineHealth®|MedicineNet®
Copyright © 2008 by RxList Inc.
RxList does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. See additional information.
Depression Symptoms — Treatment May Help
Targeting a Broad Range of Symptoms
Tips for Talking to Your Doctor
Learn From Others With Depression
Important Safety Information Full Prescribing Information
Prozac
Drug Description
Indications & Dosage
Side Effects & Drug Interactions
Warnings & Precautions
Overdosage & Contraindications
Clinical Pharmacology
Patient Information
Related Drugs
Celexa
Citalopram ODT
Lexapro
Luvox
Paxil
Paxil-CR
Zoloft
Health Resources
Depression
Bipolar Disorder
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
Drug News
2008 Election & Health Care on WebMD. Get Informed.
FDA Issues Alert for 2 Generic Drug Plants
Osteoporosis Treatment Guidelines
Newer Kids' Antipsychotics No Better
View More »
Search the Medical Dictionary for Health Definitions & Medical Abbreviations
Updated & New
News & Features
Identify Your Drugs:
Use the RxList Pill Identification Tool
Add RxList Search to Your Website
Google Subscribed Links & RxList
Popular Searches
Adderall
Aricept
Avandia
Botox
Cardura
Chantix
Coumadin
Levaquin
OxyContin
Viagra
RxList Home|Drugs & Medications A-Z List |Picture Slideshows |Pill Identification Tool |Diseases & Conditions|Drug Medical Dictionary |Alternative Medicine
About RxList|Contact RxList|Terms & Conditions|Privacy Policy|Sponsor Policy|Site Map
WebMD®|MedScape®|eMedicineHealth®|MedicineNet®
Copyright © 2008 by RxList Inc.
RxList does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. See additional information.
Depression Symptoms — Treatment May Help
Targeting a Broad Range of Symptoms
Tips for Talking to Your Doctor
Learn From Others With Depression
Important Safety Information Full Prescribing Information
Prozac
Drug Description
Indications & Dosage
Side Effects & Drug Interactions
Warnings & Precautions
Overdosage & Contraindications
Clinical Pharmacology
Patient Information
Related Drugs
Celexa
Citalopram ODT
Lexapro
Luvox
Paxil
Paxil-CR
Zoloft
Health Resources
Depression
Bipolar Disorder
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
Drug News
2008 Election & Health Care on WebMD. Get Informed.
FDA Issues Alert for 2 Generic Drug Plants
Osteoporosis Treatment Guidelines
Newer Kids' Antipsychotics No Better
View More »
Search the Medical Dictionary for Health Definitions & Medical Abbreviations
Updated & New
News & Features
Identify Your Drugs:
Use the RxList Pill Identification Tool
Add RxList Search to Your Website
Google Subscribed Links & RxList
Popular Searches
Adderall
Aricept
Avandia
Botox
Cardura
Chantix
Coumadin
Levaquin
OxyContin
Viagra
RxList Home|Drugs & Medications A-Z List |Picture Slideshows |Pill Identification Tool |Diseases & Conditions|Drug Medical Dictionary |Alternative Medicine
About RxList|Contact RxList|Terms & Conditions|Privacy Policy|Sponsor Policy|Site Map
WebMD®|MedScape®|eMedicineHealth®|MedicineNet®
Copyright © 2008 by RxList Inc.
RxList does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. See additional information.
Depression Symptoms — Treatment May Help
Targeting a Broad Range of Symptoms
Tips for Talking to Your Doctor
Learn From Others With Depression
Important Safety Information Full Prescribing Information
Prozac
Drug Description
Indications & Dosage
Side Effects & Drug Interactions
Warnings & Precautions
Overdosage & Contraindications
Clinical Pharmacology
Patient Information
Related Drugs
Celexa
Citalopram ODT
Lexapro
Luvox
Paxil
Paxil-CR
Zoloft
Health Resources
Depression
Bipolar Disorder
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
Drug News
2008 Election & Health Care on WebMD. Get Informed.
FDA Issues Alert for 2 Generic Drug Plants
Osteoporosis Treatment Guidelines
Newer Kids' Antipsychotics No Better
View More »
Search the Medical Dictionary for Health Definitions & Medical Abbreviations
Updated & New
News & Features
Identify Your Drugs:
Use the RxList Pill Identification Tool
Add RxList Search to Your Website
Google Subscribed Links & RxList
Popular Searches
Adderall
Aricept
Avandia
Botox
Cardura
Chantix
Coumadin
Levaquin
OxyContin
Viagra
RxList Home|Drugs & Medications A-Z List |Picture Slideshows |Pill Identification Tool |Diseases & Conditions|Drug Medical Dictionary |Alternative Medicine
About RxList|Contact RxList|Terms & Conditions|Privacy Policy|Sponsor Policy|Site Map
WebMD®|MedScape®|eMedicineHealth®|MedicineNet®
Copyright © 2008 by RxList Inc.
RxList does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. See additional information.
Depression Symptoms — Treatment May Help
Targeting a Broad Range of Symptoms
Tips for Talking to Your Doctor
Learn From Others With Depression
Important Safety Information Full Prescribing Information
Prozac
Drug Description
Indications & Dosage
Side Effects & Drug Interactions
Warnings & Precautions
Overdosage & Contraindications
Clinical Pharmacology
Patient Information
Related Drugs
Celexa
Citalopram ODT
Lexapro
Luvox
Paxil
Paxil-CR
Zoloft
Health Resources
Depression
Bipolar Disorder
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
Drug News
2008 Election & Health Care on WebMD. Get Informed.
FDA Issues Alert for 2 Generic Drug Plants
Osteoporosis Treatment Guidelines
Newer Kids' Antipsychotics No Better
View More »
Search the Medical Dictionary for Health Definitions & Medical Abbreviations
Updated & New
News & Features
Identify Your Drugs:
Use the RxList Pill Identification Tool
Add RxList Search to Your Website
Google Subscribed Links & RxList
Popular Searches
Adderall
Aricept
Avandia
Botox
Cardura
Chantix
Coumadin
Levaquin
OxyContin
Viagra
RxList Home|Drugs & Medications A-Z List |Picture Slideshows |Pill Identification Tool |Diseases & Conditions|Drug Medical Dictionary |Alternative Medicine
About RxList|Contact RxList|Terms & Conditions|Privacy Policy|Sponsor Policy|Site Map
WebMD®|MedScape®|eMedicineHealth®|MedicineNet®
Copyright © 2008 by RxList Inc.
RxList does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. See additional information.
Depression Symptoms — Treatment May Help
Targeting a Broad Range of Symptoms
Tips for Talking to Your Doctor
Learn From Others With Depression
Important Safety Information Full Prescribing Information
Prozac
Drug Description
Indications & Dosage
Side Effects & Drug Interactions
Warnings & Precautions
Overdosage & Contraindications
Clinical Pharmacology
Patient Information
Related Drugs
Celexa
Citalopram ODT
Lexapro
Luvox
Paxil
Paxil-CR
Zoloft
Health Resources
Depression
Bipolar Disorder
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
Drug News
2008 Election & Health Care on WebMD. Get Informed.
FDA Issues Alert for 2 Generic Drug Plants
Osteoporosis Treatment Guidelines
Newer Kids' Antipsychotics No Better
View More »
Search the Medical Dictionary for Health Definitions & Medical Abbreviations
Updated & New
News & Features
Identify Your Drugs:
Use the RxList Pill Identification Tool
Add RxList Search to Your Website
Google Subscribed Links & RxList
Popular Searches
Adderall
Aricept
Avandia
Botox
Cardura
Chantix
Coumadin
Levaquin
OxyContin
Viagra
RxList Home|Drugs & Medications A-Z List |Picture Slideshows |Pill Identification Tool |Diseases & Conditions|Drug Medical Dictionary |Alternative Medicine
About RxList|Contact RxList|Terms & Conditions|Privacy Policy|Sponsor Policy|Site Map
WebMD®|MedScape®|eMedicineHealth®|MedicineNet®
Copyright © 2008 by RxList Inc.
RxList does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. See additional information.
Depression Symptoms — Treatment May Help
Targeting a Broad Range of Symptoms
Tips for Talking to Your Doctor
Learn From Others With Depression
Important Safety Information Full Prescribing Information
Prozac
Drug Description
Indications & Dosage
Side Effects & Drug Interactions
Warnings & Precautions
Overdosage & Contraindications
Clinical Pharmacology
Patient Information
Related Drugs
Celexa
Citalopram ODT
Lexapro
Luvox
Paxil
Paxil-CR
Zoloft
Health Resources
Depression
Bipolar Disorder
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
Drug News
2008 Election & Health Care on WebMD. Get Informed.
FDA Issues Alert for 2 Generic Drug Plants
Osteoporosis Treatment Guidelines
Newer Kids' Antipsychotics No Better
View More »
Search the Medical Dictionary for Health Definitions & Medical Abbreviations
Updated & New
News & Features
Identify Your Drugs:
Use the RxList Pill Identification Tool
Add RxList Search to Your Website
Google Subscribed Links & RxList
Popular Searches
Adderall
Aricept
Avandia
Botox
Cardura
Chantix
Coumadin
Levaquin
OxyContin
Viagra
RxList Home|Drugs & Medications A-Z List |Picture Slideshows |Pill Identification Tool |Diseases & Conditions|Drug Medical Dictionary |Alternative Medicine
About RxList|Contact RxList|Terms & Conditions|Privacy Policy|Sponsor Policy|Site Map
WebMD®|MedScape®|eMedicineHealth®|MedicineNet®
Copyright © 2008 by RxList Inc.
RxList does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. See additional information.
Depression Symptoms — Treatment May Help
Targeting a Broad Range of Symptoms
Tips for Talking to Your Doctor
Learn From Others With Depression
Important Safety Information Full Prescribing Information
Prozac
Drug Description
Indications & Dosage
Side Effects & Drug Interactions
Warnings & Precautions
Overdosage & Contraindications
Clinical Pharmacology
Patient Information
Related Drugs
Celexa
Citalopram ODT
Lexapro
Luvox
Paxil
Paxil-CR
Zoloft
Health Resources
Depression
Bipolar Disorder
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
Drug News
2008 Election & Health Care on WebMD. Get Informed.
FDA Issues Alert for 2 Generic Drug Plants
Osteoporosis Treatment Guidelines
Newer Kids' Antipsychotics No Better
View More »
Search the Medical Dictionary for Health Definitions & Medical Abbreviations
Updated & New
News & Features
Identify Your Drugs:
Use the RxList Pill Identification Tool
Add RxList Search to Your Website
Google Subscribed Links & RxList
Popular Searches
Adderall
Aricept
Avandia
Botox
Cardura
Chantix
Coumadin
Levaquin
OxyContin
Viagra
RxList Home|Drugs & Medications A-Z List |Picture Slideshows |Pill Identification Tool |Diseases & Conditions|Drug Medical Dictionary |Alternative Medicine
About RxList|Contact RxList|Terms & Conditions|Privacy Policy|Sponsor Policy|Site Map
WebMD®|MedScape®|eMedicineHealth®|MedicineNet®
Copyright © 2008 by RxList Inc.
RxList does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. See additional information.
Depression Symptoms — Treatment May Help
Targeting a Broad Range of Symptoms
Tips for Talking to Your Doctor
Learn From Others With Depression
Important Safety Information Full Prescribing Information
Prozac
Drug Description
Indications & Dosage
Side Effects & Drug Interactions
Warnings & Precautions
Overdosage & Contraindications
Clinical Pharmacology
Patient Information
Related Drugs
Celexa
Citalopram ODT
Lexapro
Luvox
Paxil
Paxil-CR
Zoloft
Health Resources
Depression
Bipolar Disorder
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
Drug News
2008 Election & Health Care on WebMD. Get Informed.
FDA Issues Alert for 2 Generic Drug Plants
Osteoporosis Treatment Guidelines
Newer Kids' Antipsychotics No Better
View More »
Search the Medical Dictionary for Health Definitions & Medical Abbreviations
Updated & New
News & Features
Identify Your Drugs:
Use the RxList Pill Identification Tool
Add RxList Search to Your Website
Google Subscribed Links & RxList
Popular Searches
Adderall
Aricept
Avandia
Botox
Cardura
Chantix
Coumadin
Levaquin
OxyContin
Viagra
RxList Home|Drugs & Medications A-Z List |Picture Slideshows |Pill Identification Tool |Diseases & Conditions|Drug Medical Dictionary |Alternative Medicine
About RxList|Contact RxList|Terms & Conditions|Privacy Policy|Sponsor Policy|Site Map
WebMD®|MedScape®|eMedicineHealth®|MedicineNet®
Copyright © 2008 by RxList Inc.
RxList does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. See additional information.
Depression Symptoms — Treatment May Help
Targeting a Broad Range of Symptoms
Tips for Talking to Your Doctor
Learn From Others With Depression
Important Safety Information Full Prescribing Information
Prozac
Drug Description
Indications & Dosage
Side Effects & Drug Interactions
Warnings & Precautions
Overdosage & Contraindications
Clinical Pharmacology
Patient Information
Related Drugs
Celexa
Citalopram ODT
Lexapro
Luvox
Paxil
Paxil-CR
Zoloft
Health Resources
Depression
Bipolar Disorder
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
Drug News
2008 Election & Health Care on WebMD. Get Informed.
FDA Issues Alert for 2 Generic Drug Plants
Osteoporosis Treatment Guidelines
Newer Kids' Antipsychotics No Better
View More »
Search the Medical Dictionary for Health Definitions & Medical Abbreviations
Updated & New
News & Features
Identify Your Drugs:
Use the RxList Pill Identification Tool
Add RxList Search to Your Website
Google Subscribed Links & RxList
Popular Searches
Adderall
Aricept
Avandia
Botox
Cardura
Chantix
Coumadin
Levaquin
OxyContin
Viagra
RxList Home|Drugs & Medications A-Z List |Picture Slideshows |Pill Identification Tool |Diseases & Conditions|Drug Medical Dictionary |Alternative Medicine
About RxList|Contact RxList|Terms & Conditions|Privacy Policy|Sponsor Policy|Site Map
WebMD®|MedScape®|eMedicineHealth®|MedicineNet®
Copyright © 2008 by RxList Inc.
RxList does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. See additional information.
Depression Symptoms — Treatment May Help
Targeting a Broad Range of Symptoms
Tips for Talking to Your Doctor
Learn From Others With Depression
Important Safety Information Full Prescribing Information
Prozac
Drug Description
Indications & Dosage
Side Effects & Drug Interactions
Warnings & Precautions
Overdosage & Contraindications
Clinical Pharmacology
Patient Information
Related Drugs
Celexa
Citalopram ODT
Lexapro
Luvox
Paxil
Paxil-CR
Zoloft
Health Resources
Depression
Bipolar Disorder
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
Drug News
2008 Election & Health Care on WebMD. Get Informed.
FDA Issues Alert for 2 Generic Drug Plants
Osteoporosis Treatment Guidelines
Newer Kids' Antipsychotics No Better
View More »
Search the Medical Dictionary for Health Definitions & Medical Abbreviations
Updated & New
News & Features
Identify Your Drugs:
Use the RxList Pill Identification Tool
Add RxList Search to Your Website
Google Subscribed Links & RxList
Popular Searches
Adderall
Aricept
Avandia
Botox
Cardura
Chantix
Coumadin
Levaquin
OxyContin
Viagra
RxList Home|Drugs & Medications A-Z List |Picture Slideshows |Pill Identification Tool |Diseases & Conditions|Drug Medical Dictionary |Alternative Medicine
About RxList|Contact RxList|Terms & Conditions|Privacy Policy|Sponsor Policy|Site Map
WebMD®|MedScape®|eMedicineHealth®|MedicineNet®
Copyright © 2008 by RxList Inc.
RxList does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. See additional information.
Depression Symptoms — Treatment May Help
Targeting a Broad Range of Symptoms
Tips for Talking to Your Doctor
Learn From Others With Depression
Important Safety Information Full Prescribing Information
Prozac
Drug Description
Indications & Dosage
Side Effects & Drug Interactions
Warnings & Precautions
Overdosage & Contraindications
Clinical Pharmacology
Patient Information
Related Drugs
Celexa
Citalopram ODT
Lexapro
Luvox
Paxil
Paxil-CR
Zoloft
Health Resources
Depression
Bipolar Disorder
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
Drug News
2008 Election & Health Care on WebMD. Get Informed.
FDA Issues Alert for 2 Generic Drug Plants
Osteoporosis Treatment Guidelines
Newer Kids' Antipsychotics No Better
View More »
Search the Medical Dictionary for Health Definitions & Medical Abbreviations
Updated & New
News & Features
Identify Your Drugs:
Use the RxList Pill Identification Tool
Add RxList Search to Your Website
Google Subscribed Links & RxList
Popular Searches
Adderall
Aricept
Avandia
Botox
Cardura
Chantix
Coumadin
Levaquin
OxyContin
Viagra
RxList Home|Drugs & Medications A-Z List |Picture Slideshows |Pill Identification Tool |Diseases & Conditions|Drug Medical Dictionary |Alternative Medicine
About RxList|Contact RxList|Terms & Conditions|Privacy Policy|Sponsor Policy|Site Map
WebMD®|MedScape®|eMedicineHealth®|MedicineNet®
Copyright © 2008 by RxList Inc.
RxList does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. See additional information.
Depression Symptoms — Treatment May Help
Targeting a Broad Range of Symptoms
Tips for Talking to Your Doctor
Learn From Others With Depression
Important Safety Information Full Prescribing Information
Prozac
Drug Description
Indications & Dosage
Side Effects & Drug Interactions
Warnings & Precautions
Overdosage & Contraindications
Clinical Pharmacology
Patient Information
Related Drugs
Celexa
Citalopram ODT
Lexapro
Luvox
Paxil
Paxil-CR
Zoloft
Health Resources
Depression
Bipolar Disorder
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
Drug News
2008 Election & Health Care on WebMD. Get Informed.
FDA Issues Alert for 2 Generic Drug Plants
Osteoporosis Treatment Guidelines
Newer Kids' Antipsychotics No Better
View More »
Search the Medical Dictionary for Health Definitions & Medical Abbreviations
Updated & New
News & Features
Identify Your Drugs:
Use the RxList Pill Identification Tool
Add RxList Search to Your Website
Google Subscribed Links & RxList
Popular Searches
Adderall
Aricept
Avandia
Botox
Cardura
Chantix
Coumadin
Levaquin
OxyContin
Viagra
RxList Home|Drugs & Medications A-Z List |Picture Slideshows |Pill Identification Tool |Diseases & Conditions|Drug Medical Dictionary |Alternative Medicine
About RxList|Contact RxList|Terms & Conditions|Privacy Policy|Sponsor Policy|Site Map
WebMD®|MedScape®|eMedicineHealth®|MedicineNet®
Copyright © 2008 by RxList Inc.
RxList does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. See additional information.
Depression Symptoms — Treatment May Help
Targeting a Broad Range of Symptoms
Tips for Talking to Your Doctor
Learn From Others With Depression
Important Safety Information Full Prescribing Information
Prozac
Drug Description
Indications & Dosage
Side Effects & Drug Interactions
Warnings & Precautions
Overdosage & Contraindications
Clinical Pharmacology
Patient Information
Related Drugs
Celexa
Citalopram ODT
Lexapro
Luvox
Paxil
Paxil-CR
Zoloft
Health Resources
Depression
Bipolar Disorder
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
Drug News
2008 Election & Health Care on WebMD. Get Informed.
FDA Issues Alert for 2 Generic Drug Plants
Osteoporosis Treatment Guidelines
Newer Kids' Antipsychotics No Better
View More »
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Depression Symptoms — Treatment May Help
Targeting a Broad Range of Symptoms
Tips for Talking to Your Doctor
Learn From Others With Depression
Important Safety Information Full Prescribing Information
Prozac
Drug Description
Indications & Dosage
Side Effects & Drug Interactions
Warnings & Precautions
Overdosage & Contraindications
Clinical Pharmacology
Patient Information
Related Drugs
Celexa
Citalopram ODT
Lexapro
Luvox
Paxil
Paxil-CR
Zoloft
Health Resources
Depression
Bipolar Disorder
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
Drug News
2008 Election & Health Care on WebMD. Get Informed.
FDA Issues Alert for 2 Generic Drug Plants
Osteoporosis Treatment Guidelines
Newer Kids' Antipsychotics No Better
View More »
Search the Medical Dictionary for Health Definitions & Medical Abbreviations
Updated & New
News & Features
Identify Your Drugs:
Use the RxList Pill Identification Tool
Add RxList Search to Your Website
Google Subscribed Links & RxList
Popular Searches
Adderall
Aricept
Avandia
Botox
Cardura
Chantix
Coumadin
Levaquin
OxyContin
Viagra
RxList Home|Drugs & Medications A-Z List |Picture Slideshows |Pill Identification Tool |Diseases & Conditions|Drug Medical Dictionary |Alternative Medicine
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WebMD®|MedScape®|eMedicineHealth®|MedicineNet®
Copyright © 2008 by RxList Inc.
RxList does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. See additional information.
Depression Symptoms — Treatment May Help
Targeting a Broad Range of Symptoms
Tips for Talking to Your Doctor
Learn From Others With Depression
Important Safety Information Full Prescribing Information
Prozac
Drug Description
Indications & Dosage
Side Effects & Drug Interactions
Warnings & Precautions
Overdosage & Contraindications
Clinical Pharmacology
Patient Information
Related Drugs
Celexa
Citalopram ODT
Lexapro
Luvox
Paxil
Paxil-CR
Zoloft
Health Resources
Depression
Bipolar Disorder
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
Drug News
2008 Election & Health Care on WebMD. Get Informed.
FDA Issues Alert for 2 Generic Drug Plants
Osteoporosis Treatment Guidelines
Newer Kids' Antipsychotics No Better
View More »
Search the Medical Dictionary for Health Definitions & Medical Abbreviations
Updated & New
News & Features
Identify Your Drugs:
Use the RxList Pill Identification Tool
Add RxList Search to Your Website
Google Subscribed Links & RxList
Popular Searches
Adderall
Aricept
Avandia
Botox
Cardura
Chantix
Coumadin
Levaquin
OxyContin
Viagra
RxList Home|Drugs & Medications A-Z List |Picture Slideshows |Pill Identification Tool |Diseases & Conditions|Drug Medical Dictionary |Alternative Medicine
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WebMD®|MedScape®|eMedicineHealth®|MedicineNet®
Copyright © 2008 by RxList Inc.
RxList does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. See additional information.
Depression Symptoms — Treatment May Help
Targeting a Broad Range of Symptoms
Tips for Talking to Your Doctor
Learn From Others With Depression
Important Safety Information Full Prescribing Information
Prozac
Drug Description
Indications & Dosage
Side Effects & Drug Interactions
Warnings & Precautions
Overdosage & Contraindications
Clinical Pharmacology
Patient Information
Related Drugs
Celexa
Citalopram ODT
Lexapro
Luvox
Paxil
Paxil-CR
Zoloft
Health Resources
Depression
Bipolar Disorder
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
Drug News
2008 Election & Health Care on WebMD. Get Informed.
FDA Issues Alert for 2 Generic Drug Plants
Osteoporosis Treatment Guidelines
Newer Kids' Antipsychotics No Better
View More »
Search the Medical Dictionary for Health Definitions & Medical Abbreviations
Updated & New
News & Features
Identify Your Drugs:
Use the RxList Pill Identification Tool
Add RxList Search to Your Website
Google Subscribed Links & RxList
Popular Searches
Adderall
Aricept
Avandia
Botox
Cardura
Chantix
Coumadin
Levaquin
OxyContin
Viagra
RxList Home|Drugs & Medications A-Z List |Picture Slideshows |Pill Identification Tool |Diseases & Conditions|Drug Medical Dictionary |Alternative Medicine
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WebMD®|MedScape®|eMedicineHealth®|MedicineNet®
Copyright © 2008 by RxList Inc.
RxList does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. See additional information.
Depression Symptoms — Treatment May Help
Targeting a Broad Range of Symptoms
Tips for Talking to Your Doctor
Learn From Others With Depression
Important Safety Information Full Prescribing Information
Prozac
Drug Description
Indications & Dosage
Side Effects & Drug Interactions
Warnings & Precautions
Overdosage & Contraindications
Clinical Pharmacology
Patient Information
Related Drugs
Celexa
Citalopram ODT
Lexapro
Luvox
Paxil
Paxil-CR
Zoloft
Health Resources
Depression
Bipolar Disorder
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
Drug News
2008 Election & Health Care on WebMD. Get Informed.
FDA Issues Alert for 2 Generic Drug Plants
Osteoporosis Treatment Guidelines
Newer Kids' Antipsychotics No Better
View More »
Search the Medical Dictionary for Health Definitions & Medical Abbreviations
Updated & New
News & Features
Identify Your Drugs:
Use the RxList Pill Identification Tool
Add RxList Search to Your Website
Google Subscribed Links & RxList
Popular Searches
Adderall
Aricept
Avandia
Botox
Cardura
Chantix
Coumadin
Levaquin
OxyContin
Viagra
RxList Home|Drugs & Medications A-Z List |Picture Slideshows |Pill Identification Tool |Diseases & Conditions|Drug Medical Dictionary |Alternative Medicine
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WebMD®|MedScape®|eMedicineHealth®|MedicineNet®
Copyright © 2008 by RxList Inc.
RxList does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. See additional information.
Depression Symptoms — Treatment May Help
Targeting a Broad Range of Symptoms
Tips for Talking to Your Doctor
Learn From Others With Depression
Important Safety Information Full Prescribing Information
Prozac
Drug Description
Indications & Dosage
Side Effects & Drug Interactions
Warnings & Precautions
Overdosage & Contraindications
Clinical Pharmacology
Patient Information
Related Drugs
Celexa
Citalopram ODT
Lexapro
Luvox
Paxil
Paxil-CR
Zoloft
Health Resources
Depression
Bipolar Disorder
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
Drug News
2008 Election & Health Care on WebMD. Get Informed.
FDA Issues Alert for 2 Generic Drug Plants
Osteoporosis Treatment Guidelines
Newer Kids' Antipsychotics No Better
View More »
Search the Medical Dictionary for Health Definitions & Medical Abbreviations
Updated & New
News & Features
Identify Your Drugs:
Use the RxList Pill Identification Tool
Add RxList Search to Your Website
Google Subscribed Links & RxList
Popular Searches
Adderall
Aricept
Avandia
Botox
Cardura
Chantix
Coumadin
Levaquin
OxyContin
Viagra
RxList Home|Drugs & Medications A-Z List |Picture Slideshows |Pill Identification Tool |Diseases & Conditions|Drug Medical Dictionary |Alternative Medicine
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WebMD®|MedScape®|eMedicineHealth®|MedicineNet®
Copyright © 2008 by RxList Inc.
RxList does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. See additional information.
Depression Symptoms — Treatment May Help
Targeting a Broad Range of Symptoms
Tips for Talking to Your Doctor
Learn From Others With Depression
Important Safety Information Full Prescribing Information
Prozac
Drug Description
Indications & Dosage
Side Effects & Drug Interactions
Warnings & Precautions
Overdosage & Contraindications
Clinical Pharmacology
Patient Information
Related Drugs
Celexa
Citalopram ODT
Lexapro
Luvox
Paxil
Paxil-CR
Zoloft
Health Resources
Depression
Bipolar Disorder
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
Drug News
2008 Election & Health Care on WebMD. Get Informed.
FDA Issues Alert for 2 Generic Drug Plants
Osteoporosis Treatment Guidelines
Newer Kids' Antipsychotics No Better
View More »
Search the Medical Dictionary for Health Definitions & Medical Abbreviations
Updated & New
News & Features
Identify Your Drugs:
Use the RxList Pill Identification Tool
Add RxList Search to Your Website
Google Subscribed Links & RxList
Popular Searches
Adderall
Aricept
Avandia
Botox
Cardura
Chantix
Coumadin
Levaquin
OxyContin
Viagra
RxList Home|Drugs & Medications A-Z List |Picture Slideshows |Pill Identification Tool |Diseases & Conditions|Drug Medical Dictionary |Alternative Medicine
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WebMD®|MedScape®|eMedicineHealth®|MedicineNet®
Copyright © 2008 by RxList Inc.
RxList does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. See additional information.
Depression Symptoms — Treatment May Help
Targeting a Broad Range of Symptoms
Tips for Talking to Your Doctor
Learn From Others With Depression
Important Safety Information Full Prescribing Information
Prozac
Drug Description
Indications & Dosage
Side Effects & Drug Interactions
Warnings & Precautions
Overdosage & Contraindications
Clinical Pharmacology
Patient Information
Related Drugs
Celexa
Citalopram ODT
Lexapro
Luvox
Paxil
Paxil-CR
Zoloft
Health Resources
Depression
Bipolar Disorder
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
Drug News
2008 Election & Health Care on WebMD. Get Informed.
FDA Issues Alert for 2 Generic Drug Plants
Osteoporosis Treatment Guidelines
Newer Kids' Antipsychotics No Better
View More »
Search the Medical Dictionary for Health Definitions & Medical Abbreviations
Updated & New
News & Features
Identify Your Drugs:
Use the RxList Pill Identification Tool
Add RxList Search to Your Website
Google Subscribed Links & RxList
Popular Searches
Adderall
Aricept
Avandia
Botox
Cardura
Chantix
Coumadin
Levaquin
OxyContin
Viagra
RxList Home|Drugs & Medications A-Z List |Picture Slideshows |Pill Identification Tool |Diseases & Conditions|Drug Medical Dictionary |Alternative Medicine
About RxList|Contact RxList|Terms & Conditions|Privacy Policy|Sponsor Policy|Site Map
WebMD®|MedScape®|eMedicineHealth®|MedicineNet®
Copyright © 2008 by RxList Inc.
RxList does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. See additional information.
Depression Symptoms — Treatment May Help
Targeting a Broad Range of Symptoms
Tips for Talking to Your Doctor
Learn From Others With Depression
Important Safety Information Full Prescribing Information
Prozac
Drug Description
Indications & Dosage
Side Effects & Drug Interactions
Warnings & Precautions
Overdosage & Contraindications
Clinical Pharmacology
Patient Information
Related Drugs
Celexa
Citalopram ODT
Lexapro
Luvox
Paxil
Paxil-CR
Zoloft
Health Resources
Depression
Bipolar Disorder
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
Drug News
2008 Election & Health Care on WebMD. Get Informed.
FDA Issues Alert for 2 Generic Drug Plants
Osteoporosis Treatment Guidelines
Newer Kids' Antipsychotics No Better
View More »
Search the Medical Dictionary for Health Definitions & Medical Abbreviations
Updated & New
News & Features
Identify Your Drugs:
Use the RxList Pill Identification Tool
Add RxList Search to Your Website
Google Subscribed Links & RxList
Popular Searches
Adderall
Aricept
Avandia
Botox
Cardura
Chantix
Coumadin
Levaquin
OxyContin
Viagra
RxList Home|Drugs & Medications A-Z List |Picture Slideshows |Pill Identification Tool |Diseases & Conditions|Drug Medical Dictionary |Alternative Medicine
About RxList|Contact RxList|Terms & Conditions|Privacy Policy|Sponsor Policy|Site Map
WebMD®|MedScape®|eMedicineHealth®|MedicineNet®
Copyright © 2008 by RxList Inc.
RxList does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. See additional information.
Depression Symptoms — Treatment May Help
Targeting a Broad Range of Symptoms
Tips for Talking to Your Doctor
Learn From Others With Depression
Important Safety Information Full Prescribing Information
Prozac
Drug Description
Indications & Dosage
Side Effects & Drug Interactions
Warnings & Precautions
Overdosage & Contraindications
Clinical Pharmacology
Patient Information
Related Drugs
Celexa
Citalopram ODT
Lexapro
Luvox
Paxil
Paxil-CR
Zoloft
Health Resources
Depression
Bipolar Disorder
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
Drug News
2008 Election & Health Care on WebMD. Get Informed.
FDA Issues Alert for 2 Generic Drug Plants
Osteoporosis Treatment Guidelines
Newer Kids' Antipsychotics No Better
View More »
Search the Medical Dictionary for Health Definitions & Medical Abbreviations
Updated & New
News & Features
Identify Your Drugs:
Use the RxList Pill Identification Tool
Add RxList Search to Your Website
Google Subscribed Links & RxList
Popular Searches
Adderall
Aricept
Avandia
Botox
Cardura
Chantix
Coumadin
Levaquin
OxyContin
Viagra
RxList Home|Drugs & Medications A-Z List |Picture Slideshows |Pill Identification Tool |Diseases & Conditions|Drug Medical Dictionary |Alternative Medicine
About RxList|Contact RxList|Terms & Conditions|Privacy Policy|Sponsor Policy|Site Map
WebMD®|MedScape®|eMedicineHealth®|MedicineNet®
Copyright © 2008 by RxList Inc.
RxList does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. See additional information.
Depression Symptoms — Treatment May Help
Targeting a Broad Range of Symptoms
Tips for Talking to Your Doctor
Learn From Others With Depression
Important Safety Information Full Prescribing Information
Prozac
Drug Description
Indications & Dosage
Side Effects & Drug Interactions
Warnings & Precautions
Overdosage & Contraindications
Clinical Pharmacology
Patient Information
Related Drugs
Celexa
Citalopram ODT
Lexapro
Luvox
Paxil
Paxil-CR
Zoloft
Health Resources
Depression
Bipolar Disorder
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
Drug News
2008 Election & Health Care on WebMD. Get Informed.
FDA Issues Alert for 2 Generic Drug Plants
Osteoporosis Treatment Guidelines
Newer Kids' Antipsychotics No Better
View More »
Search the Medical Dictionary for Health Definitions & Medical Abbreviations
Updated & New
News & Features
Identify Your Drugs:
Use the RxList Pill Identification Tool
Add RxList Search to Your Website
Google Subscribed Links & RxList
Popular Searches
Adderall
Aricept
Avandia
Botox
Cardura
Chantix
Coumadin
Levaquin
OxyContin
Viagra
RxList Home|Drugs & Medications A-Z List |Picture Slideshows |Pill Identification Tool |Diseases & Conditions|Drug Medical Dictionary |Alternative Medicine
About RxList|Contact RxList|Terms & Conditions|Privacy Policy|Sponsor Policy|Site Map
WebMD®|MedScape®|eMedicineHealth®|MedicineNet®
Copyright © 2008 by RxList Inc.
RxList does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. See additional information.
Depression Symptoms — Treatment May Help
Targeting a Broad Range of Symptoms
Tips for Talking to Your Doctor
Learn From Others With Depression
Important Safety Information Full Prescribing Information
Prozac
Drug Description
Indications & Dosage
Side Effects & Drug Interactions
Warnings & Precautions
Overdosage & Contraindications
Clinical Pharmacology
Patient Information
Related Drugs
Celexa
Citalopram ODT
Lexapro
Luvox
Paxil
Paxil-CR
Zoloft
Health Resources
Depression
Bipolar Disorder
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
Drug News
2008 Election & Health Care on WebMD. Get Informed.
FDA Issues Alert for 2 Generic Drug Plants
Osteoporosis Treatment Guidelines
Newer Kids' Antipsychotics No Better
View More »
Search the Medical Dictionary for Health Definitions & Medical Abbreviations
Updated & New
News & Features
Identify Your Drugs:
Use the RxList Pill Identification Tool
Add RxList Search to Your Website
Google Subscribed Links & RxList
Popular Searches
Adderall
Aricept
Avandia
Botox
Cardura
Chantix
Coumadin
Levaquin
OxyContin
Viagra
RxList Home|Drugs & Medications A-Z List |Picture Slideshows |Pill Identification Tool |Diseases & Conditions|Drug Medical Dictionary |Alternative Medicine
About RxList|Contact RxList|Terms & Conditions|Privacy Policy|Sponsor Policy|Site Map
WebMD®|MedScape®|eMedicineHealth®|MedicineNet®
Copyright © 2008 by RxList Inc.
RxList does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. See additional information.
Depression Symptoms — Treatment May Help
Targeting a Broad Range of Symptoms
Tips for Talking to Your Doctor
Learn From Others With Depression
Important Safety Information Full Prescribing Information
Prozac
Drug Description
Indications & Dosage
Side Effects & Drug Interactions
Warnings & Precautions
Overdosage & Contraindications
Clinical Pharmacology
Patient Information
Related Drugs
Celexa
Citalopram ODT
Lexapro
Luvox
Paxil
Paxil-CR
Zoloft
Health Resources
Depression
Bipolar Disorder
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
Drug News
2008 Election & Health Care on WebMD. Get Informed.
FDA Issues Alert for 2 Generic Drug Plants
Osteoporosis Treatment Guidelines
Newer Kids' Antipsychotics No Better
View More »
Search the Medical Dictionary for Health Definitions & Medical Abbreviations
Updated & New
News & Features
Identify Your Drugs:
Use the RxList Pill Identification Tool
Add RxList Search to Your Website
Google Subscribed Links & RxList
Popular Searches
Adderall
Aricept
Avandia
Botox
Cardura
Chantix
Coumadin
Levaquin
OxyContin
Viagra
RxList Home|Drugs & Medications A-Z List |Picture Slideshows |Pill Identification Tool |Diseases & Conditions|Drug Medical Dictionary |Alternative Medicine
About RxList|Contact RxList|Terms & Conditions|Privacy Policy|Sponsor Policy|Site Map
WebMD®|MedScape®|eMedicineHealth®|MedicineNet®
Copyright © 2008 by RxList Inc.
RxList does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. See additional information.
Depression Symptoms — Treatment May Help
Targeting a Broad Range of Symptoms
Tips for Talking to Your Doctor
Learn From Others With Depression
Important Safety Information Full Prescribing Information
Prozac
Drug Description
Indications & Dosage
Side Effects & Drug Interactions
Warnings & Precautions
Overdosage & Contraindications
Clinical Pharmacology
Patient Information
Related Drugs
Celexa
Citalopram ODT
Lexapro
Luvox
Paxil
Paxil-CR
Zoloft
Health Resources
Depression
Bipolar Disorder
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
Drug News
2008 Election & Health Care on WebMD. Get Informed.
FDA Issues Alert for 2 Generic Drug Plants
Osteoporosis Treatment Guidelines
Newer Kids' Antipsychotics No Better
View More »
Search the Medical Dictionary for Health Definitions & Medical Abbreviations
Updated & New
News & Features
Identify Your Drugs:
Use the RxList Pill Identification Tool
Add RxList Search to Your Website
Google Subscribed Links & RxList
Popular Searches
Adderall
Aricept
Avandia
Botox
Cardura
Chantix
Coumadin
Levaquin
OxyContin
Viagra
RxList Home|Drugs & Medications A-Z List |Picture Slideshows |Pill Identification Tool |Diseases & Conditions|Drug Medical Dictionary |Alternative Medicine
About RxList|Contact RxList|Terms & Conditions|Privacy Policy|Sponsor Policy|Site Map
WebMD®|MedScape®|eMedicineHealth®|MedicineNet®
Copyright © 2008 by RxList Inc.
RxList does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. See additional information.
Depression Symptoms — Treatment May Help
Targeting a Broad Range of Symptoms
Tips for Talking to Your Doctor
Learn From Others With Depression
Important Safety Information Full Prescribing Information
Prozac
Drug Description
Indications & Dosage
Side Effects & Drug Interactions
Warnings & Precautions
Overdosage & Contraindications
Clinical Pharmacology
Patient Information
Related Drugs
Celexa
Citalopram ODT
Lexapro
Luvox
Paxil
Paxil-CR
Zoloft
Health Resources
Depression
Bipolar Disorder
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
Drug News
2008 Election & Health Care on WebMD. Get Informed.
FDA Issues Alert for 2 Generic Drug Plants
Osteoporosis Treatment Guidelines
Newer Kids' Antipsychotics No Better
View More »
Search the Medical Dictionary for Health Definitions & Medical Abbreviations
Updated & New
News & Features
Identify Your Drugs:
Use the RxList Pill Identification Tool
Add RxList Search to Your Website
Google Subscribed Links & RxList
Popular Searches
Adderall
Aricept
Avandia
Botox
Cardura
Chantix
Coumadin
Levaquin
OxyContin
Viagra
RxList Home|Drugs & Medications A-Z List |Picture Slideshows |Pill Identification Tool |Diseases & Conditions|Drug Medical Dictionary |Alternative Medicine
About RxList|Contact RxList|Terms & Conditions|Privacy Policy|Sponsor Policy|Site Map
WebMD®|MedScape®|eMedicineHealth®|MedicineNet®
Copyright © 2008 by RxList Inc.
RxList does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. See additional information.
Depression Symptoms — Treatment May Help
Targeting a Broad Range of Symptoms
Tips for Talking to Your Doctor
Learn From Others With Depression
Important Safety Information Full Prescribing Information
Prozac
Drug Description
Indications & Dosage
Side Effects & Drug Interactions
Warnings & Precautions
Overdosage & Contraindications
Clinical Pharmacology
Patient Information
Related Drugs
Celexa
Citalopram ODT
Lexapro
Luvox
Paxil
Paxil-CR
Zoloft
Health Resources
Depression
Bipolar Disorder
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
Drug News
2008 Election & Health Care on WebMD. Get Informed.
FDA Issues Alert for 2 Generic Drug Plants
Osteoporosis Treatment Guidelines
Newer Kids' Antipsychotics No Better
View More »
Search the Medical Dictionary for Health Definitions & Medical Abbreviations
Updated & New
News & Features
Identify Your Drugs:
Use the RxList Pill Identification Tool
Add RxList Search to Your Website
Google Subscribed Links & RxList
Popular Searches
Adderall
Aricept
Avandia
Botox
Cardura
Chantix
Coumadin
Levaquin
OxyContin
Viagra
RxList Home|Drugs & Medications A-Z List |Picture Slideshows |Pill Identification Tool |Diseases & Conditions|Drug Medical Dictionary |Alternative Medicine
About RxList|Contact RxList|Terms & Conditions|Privacy Policy|Sponsor Policy|Site Map
WebMD®|MedScape®|eMedicineHealth®|MedicineNet®
Copyright © 2008 by RxList Inc.
RxList does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. See additional information.
Depression Symptoms — Treatment May Help
Targeting a Broad Range of Symptoms
Tips for Talking to Your Doctor
Learn From Others With Depression
Important Safety Information Full Prescribing Information
Prozac
Drug Description
Indications & Dosage
Side Effects & Drug Interactions
Warnings & Precautions
Overdosage & Contraindications
Clinical Pharmacology
Patient Information
Related Drugs
Celexa
Citalopram ODT
Lexapro
Luvox
Paxil
Paxil-CR
Zoloft
Health Resources
Depression
Bipolar Disorder
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
Drug News
2008 Election & Health Care on WebMD. Get Informed.
FDA Issues Alert for 2 Generic Drug Plants
Osteoporosis Treatment Guidelines
Newer Kids' Antipsychotics No Better
View More »
Search the Medical Dictionary for Health Definitions & Medical Abbreviations
Updated & New
News & Features
Identify Your Drugs:
Use the RxList Pill Identification Tool
Add RxList Search to Your Website
Google Subscribed Links & RxList
Popular Searches
Adderall
Aricept
Avandia
Botox
Cardura
Chantix
Coumadin
Levaquin
OxyContin
Viagra
RxList Home|Drugs & Medications A-Z List |Picture Slideshows |Pill Identification Tool |Diseases & Conditions|Drug Medical Dictionary |Alternative Medicine
About RxList|Contact RxList|Terms & Conditions|Privacy Policy|Sponsor Policy|Site Map
WebMD®|MedScape®|eMedicineHealth®|MedicineNet®
Copyright © 2008 by RxList Inc.
RxList does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. See additional information.
Depression Symptoms — Treatment May Help
Targeting a Broad Range of Symptoms
Tips for Talking to Your Doctor
Learn From Others With Depression
Important Safety Information Full Prescribing Information
Prozac
Drug Description
Indications & Dosage
Side Effects & Drug Interactions
Warnings & Precautions
Overdosage & Contraindications
Clinical Pharmacology
Patient Information
Related Drugs
Celexa
Citalopram ODT
Lexapro
Luvox
Paxil
Paxil-CR
Zoloft
Health Resources
Depression
Bipolar Disorder
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
Drug News
2008 Election & Health Care on WebMD. Get Informed.
FDA Issues Alert for 2 Generic Drug Plants
Osteoporosis Treatment Guidelines
Newer Kids' Antipsychotics No Better
View More »
Search the Medical Dictionary for Health Definitions & Medical Abbreviations
Updated & New
News & Features
Identify Your Drugs:
Use the RxList Pill Identification Tool
Add RxList Search to Your Website
Google Subscribed Links & RxList
Popular Searches
Adderall
Aricept
Avandia
Botox
Cardura
Chantix
Coumadin
Levaquin
OxyContin
Viagra
RxList Home|Drugs & Medications A-Z List |Picture Slideshows |Pill Identification Tool |Diseases & Conditions|Drug Medical Dictionary |Alternative Medicine
About RxList|Contact RxList|Terms & Conditions|Privacy Policy|Sponsor Policy|Site Map
WebMD®|MedScape®|eMedicineHealth®|MedicineNet®
Copyright © 2008 by RxList Inc.
RxList does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. See additional information.
Depression Symptoms — Treatment May Help
Targeting a Broad Range of Symptoms
Tips for Talking to Your Doctor
Learn From Others With Depression
Important Safety Information Full Prescribing Information
Prozac
Drug Description
Indications & Dosage
Side Effects & Drug Interactions
Warnings & Precautions
Overdosage & Contraindications
Clinical Pharmacology
Patient Information
Related Drugs
Celexa
Citalopram ODT
Lexapro
Luvox
Paxil
Paxil-CR
Zoloft
Health Resources
Depression
Bipolar Disorder
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
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Depression Symptoms — Treatment May Help
Targeting a Broad Range of Symptoms
Tips for Talking to Your Doctor
Learn From Others With Depression
Important Safety Information Full Prescribing Information
Prozac
Drug Description
Indications & Dosage
Side Effects & Drug Interactions
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Overdosage & Contraindications
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Related Drugs
Celexa
Citalopram ODT
Lexapro
Luvox
Paxil
Paxil-CR
Zoloft
Health Resources
Depression
Bipolar Disorder
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
Drug News
2008 Election & Health Care on WebMD. Get Informed.
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Depression Symptoms — Treatment May Help
Targeting a Broad Range of Symptoms
Tips for Talking to Your Doctor
Learn From Others With Depression
Important Safety Information Full Prescribing Information
Prozac
Drug Description
Indications & Dosage
Side Effects & Drug Interactions
Warnings & Precautions
Overdosage & Contraindications
Clinical Pharmacology
Patient Information
Related Drugs
Celexa
Citalopram ODT
Lexapro
Luvox
Paxil
Paxil-CR
Zoloft
Health Resources
Depression
Bipolar Disorder
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
Drug News
2008 Election & Health Care on WebMD. Get Informed.
FDA Issues Alert for 2 Generic Drug Plants
Osteoporosis Treatment Guidelines
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Depression Symptoms — Treatment May Help
Targeting a Broad Range of Symptoms
Tips for Talking to Your Doctor
Learn From Others With Depression
Important Safety Information Full Prescribing Information
Prozac
Drug Description
Indications & Dosage
Side Effects & Drug Interactions
Warnings & Precautions
Overdosage & Contraindications
Clinical Pharmacology
Patient Information
Related Drugs
Celexa
Citalopram ODT
Lexapro
Luvox
Paxil
Paxil-CR
Zoloft
Health Resources
Depression
Bipolar Disorder
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
Drug News
2008 Election & Health Care on WebMD. Get Informed.
FDA Issues Alert for 2 Generic Drug Plants
Osteoporosis Treatment Guidelines
Newer Kids' Antipsychotics No Better
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Depression Symptoms — Treatment May Help
Targeting a Broad Range of Symptoms
Tips for Talking to Your Doctor
Learn From Others With Depression
Important Safety Information Full Prescribing Information
Prozac
Drug Description
Indications & Dosage
Side Effects & Drug Interactions
Warnings & Precautions
Overdosage & Contraindications
Clinical Pharmacology
Patient Information
Related Drugs
Celexa
Citalopram ODT
Lexapro
Luvox
Paxil
Paxil-CR
Zoloft
Health Resources
Depression
Bipolar Disorder
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
Drug News
2008 Election & Health Care on WebMD. Get Informed.
FDA Issues Alert for 2 Generic Drug Plants
Osteoporosis Treatment Guidelines
Newer Kids' Antipsychotics No Better
View More »
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Depression Symptoms — Treatment May Help
Targeting a Broad Range of Symptoms
Tips for Talking to Your Doctor
Learn From Others With Depression
Important Safety Information Full Prescribing Information
Prozac
Drug Description
Indications & Dosage
Side Effects & Drug Interactions
Warnings & Precautions
Overdosage & Contraindications
Clinical Pharmacology
Patient Information
Related Drugs
Celexa
Citalopram ODT
Lexapro
Luvox
Paxil
Paxil-CR
Zoloft
Health Resources
Depression
Bipolar Disorder
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
Drug News
2008 Election & Health Care on WebMD. Get Informed.
FDA Issues Alert for 2 Generic Drug Plants
Osteoporosis Treatment Guidelines
Newer Kids' Antipsychotics No Better
View More »
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Depression Symptoms — Treatment May Help
Targeting a Broad Range of Symptoms
Tips for Talking to Your Doctor
Learn From Others With Depression
Important Safety Information Full Prescribing Information
Prozac
Drug Description
Indications & Dosage
Side Effects & Drug Interactions
Warnings & Precautions
Overdosage & Contraindications
Clinical Pharmacology
Patient Information
Related Drugs
Celexa
Citalopram ODT
Lexapro
Luvox
Paxil
Paxil-CR
Zoloft
Health Resources
Depression
Bipolar Disorder
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
Drug News
2008 Election & Health Care on WebMD. Get Informed.
FDA Issues Alert for 2 Generic Drug Plants
Osteoporosis Treatment Guidelines
Newer Kids' Antipsychotics No Better
View More »
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Adderall
Aricept
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Depression Symptoms — Treatment May Help
Targeting a Broad Range of Symptoms
Tips for Talking to Your Doctor
Learn From Others With Depression
Important Safety Information Full Prescribing Information
Prozac
Drug Description
Indications & Dosage
Side Effects & Drug Interactions
Warnings & Precautions
Overdosage & Contraindications
Clinical Pharmacology
Patient Information
Related Drugs
Celexa
Citalopram ODT
Lexapro
Luvox
Paxil
Paxil-CR
Zoloft
Health Resources
Depression
Bipolar Disorder
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
Drug News
2008 Election & Health Care on WebMD. Get Informed.
FDA Issues Alert for 2 Generic Drug Plants
Osteoporosis Treatment Guidelines
Newer Kids' Antipsychotics No Better
View More »
Search the Medical Dictionary for Health Definitions & Medical Abbreviations
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Adderall
Aricept
Avandia
Botox
Cardura
Chantix
Coumadin
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Viagra
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Depression Symptoms — Treatment May Help
Targeting a Broad Range of Symptoms
Tips for Talking to Your Doctor
Learn From Others With Depression
Important Safety Information Full Prescribing Information
Prozac
Drug Description
Indications & Dosage
Side Effects & Drug Interactions
Warnings & Precautions
Overdosage & Contraindications
Clinical Pharmacology
Patient Information
Related Drugs
Celexa
Citalopram ODT
Lexapro
Luvox
Paxil
Paxil-CR
Zoloft
Health Resources
Depression
Bipolar Disorder
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
Drug News
2008 Election & Health Care on WebMD. Get Informed.
FDA Issues Alert for 2 Generic Drug Plants
Osteoporosis Treatment Guidelines
Newer Kids' Antipsychotics No Better
View More »
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Aricept
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Depression Symptoms — Treatment May Help
Targeting a Broad Range of Symptoms
Tips for Talking to Your Doctor
Learn From Others With Depression
Important Safety Information Full Prescribing Information
Prozac
Drug Description
Indications & Dosage
Side Effects & Drug Interactions
Warnings & Precautions
Overdosage & Contraindications
Clinical Pharmacology
Patient Information
Related Drugs
Celexa
Citalopram ODT
Lexapro
Luvox
Paxil
Paxil-CR
Zoloft
Health Resources
Depression
Bipolar Disorder
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
Drug News
2008 Election & Health Care on WebMD. Get Informed.
FDA Issues Alert for 2 Generic Drug Plants
Osteoporosis Treatment Guidelines
Newer Kids' Antipsychotics No Better
View More »
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Identify Your Drugs:
Use the RxList Pill Identification Tool
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Aricept
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Chantix
Coumadin
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When, in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bonds which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the laws of nature and of nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. That to secure these rights, governments are instituted among men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed. That whenever any form of government becomes destructive to these ends, it is the right of the people to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their safety and happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shown that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such government, and to provide new guards for their future security. --Such has been the patient sufferance of these colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former systems of government. The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute tyranny over these states. To prove this, let facts be submitted to a candid world.
He has refused his assent to laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.
He has forbidden his governors to pass laws of immediate and pressing importance, unless suspended in their operation till his assent should be obtained; and when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend to them.
He has refused to pass other laws for the accommodation of large districts of people, unless those people would relinquish the right of representation in the legislature, a right inestimable to them and formidable to tyrants only.
He has called together legislative bodies at places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from the depository of their public records, for the sole purpose of fatiguing them into compliance with his measures.
He has dissolved representative houses repeatedly, for opposing with manly firmness his invasions on the rights of the people.
He has refused for a long time, after such dissolutions, to cause others to be elected; whereby the legislative powers, incapable of annihilation, have returned to the people at large for their exercise; the state remaining in the meantime exposed to all the dangers of invasion from without, and convulsions within.
He has endeavored to prevent the population of these states; for that purpose obstructing the laws for naturalization of foreigners; refusing to pass others to encourage their migration hither, and raising the conditions of new appropriations of lands.
He has obstructed the administration of justice, by refusing his assent to laws for establishing judiciary powers.
He has made judges dependent on his will alone, for the tenure of their offices, and the amount and payment of their salaries.
He has erected a multitude of new offices, and sent hither swarms of officers to harass our people, and eat out their substance.
He has kept among us, in times of peace, standing armies without the consent of our legislature.
He has affected to render the military independent of and superior to civil power.
He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his assent to their acts of pretended legislation:
For quartering large bodies of armed troops among us:
For protecting them, by mock trial, from punishment for any murders which they should commit on the inhabitants of these states:
For cutting off our trade with all parts of the world:
For imposing taxes on us without our consent:
For depriving us in many cases, of the benefits of trial by jury:
For transporting us beyond seas to be tried for pretended offenses:
For abolishing the free system of English laws in a neighboring province, establishing therein an arbitrary government, and enlarging its boundaries so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same absolute rule in these colonies:
For taking away our charters, abolishing our most valuable laws, and altering fundamentally the forms of our governments:
For suspending our own legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever.
He has abdicated government here, by declaring us out of his protection and waging war against us.
He has plundered our seas, ravaged our coasts, burned our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people.
He is at this time transporting large armies of foreign mercenaries to complete the works of death, desolation and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of cruelty and perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the head of a civilized nation.
He has constrained our fellow citizens taken captive on the high seas to bear arms against their country, to become the executioners of their friends and brethren, or to fall themselves by their hands.
He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavored to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian savages, whose known rule of warfare, is undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions.
In every stage of these oppressions we have petitioned for redress in the most humble terms: our repeated petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A prince, whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.
Nor have we been wanting in attention to our British brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, enemies in war, in peace friends.
We, therefore, the representatives of the United States of America, in General Congress, assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the name, and by the authority of the good people of these colonies, solemnly publish and declare, that these united colonies are, and of right ought to be free and independent states; that they are absolved from all allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the state of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as free and independent states, they have full power to levy war, conclude peace, contract alliances, establish commerce, and to do all other acts and things which independent states may of right do. And for the support of this declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes and our sacred honor.
New Hampshire: Josiah Bartlett, William Whipple, Matthew Thornton
Massachusetts: John Hancock, Samual Adams, John Adams, Robert Treat Paine, Elbridge Gerry
Rhode Island: Stephen Hopkins, William Ellery
Connecticut: Roger Sherman, Samuel Huntington, William Williams, Oliver Wolcott
New York: William Floyd, Philip Livingston, Francis Lewis, Lewis Morris
New Jersey: Richard Stockton, John Witherspoon, Francis Hopkinson, John Hart, Abraham Clark
Pennsylvania: Robert Morris, Benjamin Rush, Benjamin Franklin, John Morton, George Clymer, James Smith, George Taylor, James Wilson, George Ross
Delaware: Caesar Rodney, George Read, Thomas McKean
Maryland: Samuel Chase, William Paca, Thomas Stone, Charles Carroll of Carrollton
Virginia: George Wythe, Richard Henry Lee, Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Harrison, Thomas Nelson, Jr., Francis Lightfoot Lee, Carter Braxton
North Carolina: William Hooper, Joseph Hewes, John Penn
South Carolina: Edward Rutledge, Thomas Heyward, Jr., Thomas Lynch, Jr., Arthur Middleton
Georgia: Button Gwinnett, Lyman Hall, George Walton
When, in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bonds which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the laws of nature and of nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. That to secure these rights, governments are instituted among men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed. That whenever any form of government becomes destructive to these ends, it is the right of the people to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their safety and happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shown that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such government, and to provide new guards for their future security. --Such has been the patient sufferance of these colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former systems of government. The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute tyranny over these states. To prove this, let facts be submitted to a candid world.
He has refused his assent to laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.
He has forbidden his governors to pass laws of immediate and pressing importance, unless suspended in their operation till his assent should be obtained; and when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend to them.
He has refused to pass other laws for the accommodation of large districts of people, unless those people would relinquish the right of representation in the legislature, a right inestimable to them and formidable to tyrants only.
He has called together legislative bodies at places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from the depository of their public records, for the sole purpose of fatiguing them into compliance with his measures.
He has dissolved representative houses repeatedly, for opposing with manly firmness his invasions on the rights of the people.
He has refused for a long time, after such dissolutions, to cause others to be elected; whereby the legislative powers, incapable of annihilation, have returned to the people at large for their exercise; the state remaining in the meantime exposed to all the dangers of invasion from without, and convulsions within.
He has endeavored to prevent the population of these states; for that purpose obstructing the laws for naturalization of foreigners; refusing to pass others to encourage their migration hither, and raising the conditions of new appropriations of lands.
He has obstructed the administration of justice, by refusing his assent to laws for establishing judiciary powers.
He has made judges dependent on his will alone, for the tenure of their offices, and the amount and payment of their salaries.
He has erected a multitude of new offices, and sent hither swarms of officers to harass our people, and eat out their substance.
He has kept among us, in times of peace, standing armies without the consent of our legislature.
He has affected to render the military independent of and superior to civil power.
He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his assent to their acts of pretended legislation:
For quartering large bodies of armed troops among us:
For protecting them, by mock trial, from punishment for any murders which they should commit on the inhabitants of these states:
For cutting off our trade with all parts of the world:
For imposing taxes on us without our consent:
For depriving us in many cases, of the benefits of trial by jury:
For transporting us beyond seas to be tried for pretended offenses:
For abolishing the free system of English laws in a neighboring province, establishing therein an arbitrary government, and enlarging its boundaries so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same absolute rule in these colonies:
For taking away our charters, abolishing our most valuable laws, and altering fundamentally the forms of our governments:
For suspending our own legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever.
He has abdicated government here, by declaring us out of his protection and waging war against us.
He has plundered our seas, ravaged our coasts, burned our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people.
He is at this time transporting large armies of foreign mercenaries to complete the works of death, desolation and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of cruelty and perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the head of a civilized nation.
He has constrained our fellow citizens taken captive on the high seas to bear arms against their country, to become the executioners of their friends and brethren, or to fall themselves by their hands.
He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavored to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian savages, whose known rule of warfare, is undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions.
In every stage of these oppressions we have petitioned for redress in the most humble terms: our repeated petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A prince, whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.
Nor have we been wanting in attention to our British brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, enemies in war, in peace friends.
We, therefore, the representatives of the United States of America, in General Congress, assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the name, and by the authority of the good people of these colonies, solemnly publish and declare, that these united colonies are, and of right ought to be free and independent states; that they are absolved from all allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the state of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as free and independent states, they have full power to levy war, conclude peace, contract alliances, establish commerce, and to do all other acts and things which independent states may of right do. And for the support of this declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes and our sacred honor.
New Hampshire: Josiah Bartlett, William Whipple, Matthew Thornton
Massachusetts: John Hancock, Samual Adams, John Adams, Robert Treat Paine, Elbridge Gerry
Rhode Island: Stephen Hopkins, William Ellery
Connecticut: Roger Sherman, Samuel Huntington, William Williams, Oliver Wolcott
New York: William Floyd, Philip Livingston, Francis Lewis, Lewis Morris
New Jersey: Richard Stockton, John Witherspoon, Francis Hopkinson, John Hart, Abraham Clark
Pennsylvania: Robert Morris, Benjamin Rush, Benjamin Franklin, John Morton, George Clymer, James Smith, George Taylor, James Wilson, George Ross
Delaware: Caesar Rodney, George Read, Thomas McKean
Maryland: Samuel Chase, William Paca, Thomas Stone, Charles Carroll of Carrollton
Virginia: George Wythe, Richard Henry Lee, Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Harrison, Thomas Nelson, Jr., Francis Lightfoot Lee, Carter Braxton
North Carolina: William Hooper, Joseph Hewes, John Penn
South Carolina: Edward Rutledge, Thomas Heyward, Jr., Thomas Lynch, Jr., Arthur Middleton
Georgia: Button Gwinnett, Lyman Hall, George Walton
this is some funny insightful ish.
a lot of truth spoken here
He has kept among us, in times of peace, standing armies without the consent of our legislature.
He has affected to render the military independent of and superior to civil power.
He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his assent to their acts of pretended legislation:
For quartering large bodies of armed troops among us:
For protecting them, by mock trial, from punishment for any murders which they should commit on the inhabitants of these states:
For cutting off our trade with all parts of the world:
For imposing taxes on us without our consent:
For depriving us in many cases, of the benefits of trial by jury:
For transporting us beyond seas to be tried for pretended offenses:
For abolishing the free system of English laws in a neighboring province, establishing therein an arbitrary government, and enlarging its boundaries so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same absolute rule in these colonies:
For taking away our charters, abolishing our most valuable laws, and altering fundamentally the forms of our governments:
For suspending our own legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever.
He has abdicated government here, by declaring us out of his protection and waging war against us.
He has plundered our seas, ravaged our coasts, burned our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people.
He is at this time transporting large armies of foreign mercenaries to complete the works of death, desolation and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of cruelty and perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the head of a civilized nation.
He has constrained our fellow citizens taken captive on the high seas to bear arms against their country, to become the executioners of their friends and brethren, or to fall themselves by their hands.
He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavored to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian savages, whose known rule of warfare, is undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions.
In every stage of these oppressions we have petitioned for redress in the most humble terms: our repeated petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A prince, whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.
Nor have we been wanting in attention to our British brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, enemies in war, in peace friends.
We, therefore, the representatives of the United States of America, in General Congress, assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the name, and by the authority of the good people of these colonies, solemnly publish and declare, that these united colonies are, and of right ought to be free and independent states; that they are absolved from all allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the state of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as free and independent states, they have full power to levy war, conclude peace, contract alliances, establish commerce, and to do all other acts and things which independent states may of right do. And for the support of this declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes and our sacred honor.
New Hampshire: Josiah Bartlett, William Whipple, Matthew Thornton
Massachusetts: John Hancock, Samual Adams, John Adams, Robert Treat Paine, Elbridge Gerry
Rhode Island: Stephen Hopkins, William Ellery
Connecticut: Roger Sherman, Samuel Huntington, William Williams, Oliver Wolcott
New York: William Floyd, Philip Livingston, Francis Lewis, Lewis Morris
New Jersey: Richard Stockton, John Witherspoon, Francis Hopkinson, John Hart, Abraham Clark
Pennsylvania: Robert Morris, Benjamin Rush, Benjamin Franklin, John Morton, George Clymer, James Smith, George Taylor, James Wilson, George Ross
Delaware: Caesar Rodney, George Read, Thomas McKean
Maryland: Samuel Chase, William Paca, Thomas Stone, Charles Carroll of Carrollton
Virginia: George Wythe, Richard Henry Lee, Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Harrison, Thomas Nelson, Jr., Francis Lightfoot Lee, Carter Braxton
North Carolina: William Hooper, Joseph Hewes, John Penn
South Carolina: Edward Rutledge, Thomas Heyward, Jr., Thomas Lynch, Jr., Arthur Middleton
Georgia: Button Gwinnett, Lyman Hall, George Walton
He has kept among us, in times of peace, standing armies without the consent of our legislature.
He has affected to render the military independent of and superior to civil power.
He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his assent to their acts of pretended legislation:
For quartering large bodies of armed troops among us:
For protecting them, by mock trial, from punishment for any murders which they should commit on the inhabitants of these states:
For cutting off our trade with all parts of the world:
For imposing taxes on us without our consent:
For depriving us in many cases, of the benefits of trial by jury:
For transporting us beyond seas to be tried for pretended offenses:
For abolishing the free system of English laws in a neighboring province, establishing therein an arbitrary government, and enlarging its boundaries so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same absolute rule in these colonies:
For taking away our charters, abolishing our most valuable laws, and altering fundamentally the forms of our governments:
For suspending our own legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever.
He has abdicated government here, by declaring us out of his protection and waging war against us.
He has plundered our seas, ravaged our coasts, burned our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people.
He is at this time transporting large armies of foreign mercenaries to complete the works of death, desolation and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of cruelty and perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the head of a civilized nation.
He has constrained our fellow citizens taken captive on the high seas to bear arms against their country, to become the executioners of their friends and brethren, or to fall themselves by their hands.
He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavored to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian savages, whose known rule of warfare, is undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions.
In every stage of these oppressions we have petitioned for redress in the most humble terms: our repeated petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A prince, whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.
Nor have we been wanting in attention to our British brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, enemies in war, in peace friends.
We, therefore, the representatives of the United States of America, in General Congress, assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the name, and by the authority of the good people of these colonies, solemnly publish and declare, that these united colonies are, and of right ought to be free and independent states; that they are absolved from all allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the state of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as free and independent states, they have full power to levy war, conclude peace, contract alliances, establish commerce, and to do all other acts and things which independent states may of right do. And for the support of this declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes and our sacred honor.
New Hampshire: Josiah Bartlett, William Whipple, Matthew Thornton
Massachusetts: John Hancock, Samual Adams, John Adams, Robert Treat Paine, Elbridge Gerry
Rhode Island: Stephen Hopkins, William Ellery
Connecticut: Roger Sherman, Samuel Huntington, William Williams, Oliver Wolcott
New York: William Floyd, Philip Livingston, Francis Lewis, Lewis Morris
New Jersey: Richard Stockton, John Witherspoon, Francis Hopkinson, John Hart, Abraham Clark
Pennsylvania: Robert Morris, Benjamin Rush, Benjamin Franklin, John Morton, George Clymer, James Smith, George Taylor, James Wilson, George Ross
Delaware: Caesar Rodney, George Read, Thomas McKean
Maryland: Samuel Chase, William Paca, Thomas Stone, Charles Carroll of Carrollton
Virginia: George Wythe, Richard Henry Lee, Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Harrison, Thomas Nelson, Jr., Francis Lightfoot Lee, Carter Braxton
North Carolina: William Hooper, Joseph Hewes, John Penn
South Carolina: Edward Rutledge, Thomas Heyward, Jr., Thomas Lynch, Jr., Arthur Middleton
Georgia: Button Gwinnett, Lyman Hall, George Walton
He has kept among us, in times of peace, standing armies without the consent of our legislature.
He has affected to render the military independent of and superior to civil power.
He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his assent to their acts of pretended legislation:
For quartering large bodies of armed troops among us:
For protecting them, by mock trial, from punishment for any murders which they should commit on the inhabitants of these states:
For cutting off our trade with all parts of the world:
For imposing taxes on us without our consent:
For depriving us in many cases, of the benefits of trial by jury:
For transporting us beyond seas to be tried for pretended offenses:
For abolishing the free system of English laws in a neighboring province, establishing therein an arbitrary government, and enlarging its boundaries so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same absolute rule in these colonies:
For taking away our charters, abolishing our most valuable laws, and altering fundamentally the forms of our governments:
For suspending our own legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever.
He has abdicated government here, by declaring us out of his protection and waging war against us.
He has plundered our seas, ravaged our coasts, burned our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people.
He is at this time transporting large armies of foreign mercenaries to complete the works of death, desolation and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of cruelty and perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the head of a civilized nation.
He has constrained our fellow citizens taken captive on the high seas to bear arms against their country, to become the executioners of their friends and brethren, or to fall themselves by their hands.
He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavored to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian savages, whose known rule of warfare, is undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions.
In every stage of these oppressions we have petitioned for redress in the most humble terms: our repeated petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A prince, whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.
Nor have we been wanting in attention to our British brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, enemies in war, in peace friends.
We, therefore, the representatives of the United States of America, in General Congress, assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the name, and by the authority of the good people of these colonies, solemnly publish and declare, that these united colonies are, and of right ought to be free and independent states; that they are absolved from all allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the state of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as free and independent states, they have full power to levy war, conclude peace, contract alliances, establish commerce, and to do all other acts and things which independent states may of right do. And for the support of this declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes and our sacred honor.
New Hampshire: Josiah Bartlett, William Whipple, Matthew Thornton
Massachusetts: John Hancock, Samual Adams, John Adams, Robert Treat Paine, Elbridge Gerry
Rhode Island: Stephen Hopkins, William Ellery
Connecticut: Roger Sherman, Samuel Huntington, William Williams, Oliver Wolcott
New York: William Floyd, Philip Livingston, Francis Lewis, Lewis Morris
New Jersey: Richard Stockton, John Witherspoon, Francis Hopkinson, John Hart, Abraham Clark
Pennsylvania: Robert Morris, Benjamin Rush, Benjamin Franklin, John Morton, George Clymer, James Smith, George Taylor, James Wilson, George Ross
Delaware: Caesar Rodney, George Read, Thomas McKean
Maryland: Samuel Chase, William Paca, Thomas Stone, Charles Carroll of Carrollton
Virginia: George Wythe, Richard Henry Lee, Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Harrison, Thomas Nelson, Jr., Francis Lightfoot Lee, Carter Braxton
North Carolina: William Hooper, Joseph Hewes, John Penn
South Carolina: Edward Rutledge, Thomas Heyward, Jr., Thomas Lynch, Jr., Arthur Middleton
Georgia: Button Gwinnett, Lyman Hall, George Walton
He has kept among us, in times of peace, standing armies without the consent of our legislature.
He has affected to render the military independent of and superior to civil power.
He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his assent to their acts of pretended legislation:
For quartering large bodies of armed troops among us:
For protecting them, by mock trial, from punishment for any murders which they should commit on the inhabitants of these states:
For cutting off our trade with all parts of the world:
For imposing taxes on us without our consent:
For depriving us in many cases, of the benefits of trial by jury:
For transporting us beyond seas to be tried for pretended offenses:
For abolishing the free system of English laws in a neighboring province, establishing therein an arbitrary government, and enlarging its boundaries so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same absolute rule in these colonies:
For taking away our charters, abolishing our most valuable laws, and altering fundamentally the forms of our governments:
For suspending our own legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever.
He has abdicated government here, by declaring us out of his protection and waging war against us.
He has plundered our seas, ravaged our coasts, burned our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people.
He is at this time transporting large armies of foreign mercenaries to complete the works of death, desolation and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of cruelty and perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the head of a civilized nation.
He has constrained our fellow citizens taken captive on the high seas to bear arms against their country, to become the executioners of their friends and brethren, or to fall themselves by their hands.
He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavored to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian savages, whose known rule of warfare, is undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions.
In every stage of these oppressions we have petitioned for redress in the most humble terms: our repeated petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A prince, whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.
Nor have we been wanting in attention to our British brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, enemies in war, in peace friends.
We, therefore, the representatives of the United States of America, in General Congress, assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the name, and by the authority of the good people of these colonies, solemnly publish and declare, that these united colonies are, and of right ought to be free and independent states; that they are absolved from all allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the state of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as free and independent states, they have full power to levy war, conclude peace, contract alliances, establish commerce, and to do all other acts and things which independent states may of right do. And for the support of this declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes and our sacred honor.
New Hampshire: Josiah Bartlett, William Whipple, Matthew Thornton
Massachusetts: John Hancock, Samual Adams, John Adams, Robert Treat Paine, Elbridge Gerry
Rhode Island: Stephen Hopkins, William Ellery
Connecticut: Roger Sherman, Samuel Huntington, William Williams, Oliver Wolcott
New York: William Floyd, Philip Livingston, Francis Lewis, Lewis Morris
New Jersey: Richard Stockton, John Witherspoon, Francis Hopkinson, John Hart, Abraham Clark
Pennsylvania: Robert Morris, Benjamin Rush, Benjamin Franklin, John Morton, George Clymer, James Smith, George Taylor, James Wilson, George Ross
Delaware: Caesar Rodney, George Read, Thomas McKean
Maryland: Samuel Chase, William Paca, Thomas Stone, Charles Carroll of Carrollton
Virginia: George Wythe, Richard Henry Lee, Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Harrison, Thomas Nelson, Jr., Francis Lightfoot Lee, Carter Braxton
North Carolina: William Hooper, Joseph Hewes, John Penn
South Carolina: Edward Rutledge, Thomas Heyward, Jr., Thomas Lynch, Jr., Arthur Middleton
Georgia: Button Gwinnett, Lyman Hall, George Walton
He has kept among us, in times of peace, standing armies without the consent of our legislature.
He has affected to render the military independent of and superior to civil power.
He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his assent to their acts of pretended legislation:
For quartering large bodies of armed troops among us:
For protecting them, by mock trial, from punishment for any murders which they should commit on the inhabitants of these states:
For cutting off our trade with all parts of the world:
For imposing taxes on us without our consent:
For depriving us in many cases, of the benefits of trial by jury:
For transporting us beyond seas to be tried for pretended offenses:
For abolishing the free system of English laws in a neighboring province, establishing therein an arbitrary government, and enlarging its boundaries so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same absolute rule in these colonies:
For taking away our charters, abolishing our most valuable laws, and altering fundamentally the forms of our governments:
For suspending our own legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever.
He has abdicated government here, by declaring us out of his protection and waging war against us.
He has plundered our seas, ravaged our coasts, burned our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people.
He is at this time transporting large armies of foreign mercenaries to complete the works of death, desolation and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of cruelty and perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the head of a civilized nation.
He has constrained our fellow citizens taken captive on the high seas to bear arms against their country, to become the executioners of their friends and brethren, or to fall themselves by their hands.
He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavored to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian savages, whose known rule of warfare, is undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions.
In every stage of these oppressions we have petitioned for redress in the most humble terms: our repeated petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A prince, whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.
Nor have we been wanting in attention to our British brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, enemies in war, in peace friends.
We, therefore, the representatives of the United States of America, in General Congress, assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the name, and by the authority of the good people of these colonies, solemnly publish and declare, that these united colonies are, and of right ought to be free and independent states; that they are absolved from all allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the state of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as free and independent states, they have full power to levy war, conclude peace, contract alliances, establish commerce, and to do all other acts and things which independent states may of right do. And for the support of this declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes and our sacred honor.
New Hampshire: Josiah Bartlett, William Whipple, Matthew Thornton
Massachusetts: John Hancock, Samual Adams, John Adams, Robert Treat Paine, Elbridge Gerry
Rhode Island: Stephen Hopkins, William Ellery
Connecticut: Roger Sherman, Samuel Huntington, William Williams, Oliver Wolcott
New York: William Floyd, Philip Livingston, Francis Lewis, Lewis Morris
New Jersey: Richard Stockton, John Witherspoon, Francis Hopkinson, John Hart, Abraham Clark
Pennsylvania: Robert Morris, Benjamin Rush, Benjamin Franklin, John Morton, George Clymer, James Smith, George Taylor, James Wilson, George Ross
Delaware: Caesar Rodney, George Read, Thomas McKean
Maryland: Samuel Chase, William Paca, Thomas Stone, Charles Carroll of Carrollton
Virginia: George Wythe, Richard Henry Lee, Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Harrison, Thomas Nelson, Jr., Francis Lightfoot Lee, Carter Braxton
North Carolina: William Hooper, Joseph Hewes, John Penn
South Carolina: Edward Rutledge, Thomas Heyward, Jr., Thomas Lynch, Jr., Arthur Middleton
Georgia: Button Gwinnett, Lyman Hall, George Walton
He has kept among us, in times of peace, standing armies without the consent of our legislature.
He has affected to render the military independent of and superior to civil power.
He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his assent to their acts of pretended legislation:
For quartering large bodies of armed troops among us:
For protecting them, by mock trial, from punishment for any murders which they should commit on the inhabitants of these states:
For cutting off our trade with all parts of the world:
For imposing taxes on us without our consent:
For depriving us in many cases, of the benefits of trial by jury:
For transporting us beyond seas to be tried for pretended offenses:
For abolishing the free system of English laws in a neighboring province, establishing therein an arbitrary government, and enlarging its boundaries so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same absolute rule in these colonies:
For taking away our charters, abolishing our most valuable laws, and altering fundamentally the forms of our governments:
For suspending our own legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever.
He has abdicated government here, by declaring us out of his protection and waging war against us.
He has plundered our seas, ravaged our coasts, burned our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people.
He is at this time transporting large armies of foreign mercenaries to complete the works of death, desolation and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of cruelty and perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the head of a civilized nation.
He has constrained our fellow citizens taken captive on the high seas to bear arms against their country, to become the executioners of their friends and brethren, or to fall themselves by their hands.
He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavored to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian savages, whose known rule of warfare, is undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions.
In every stage of these oppressions we have petitioned for redress in the most humble terms: our repeated petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A prince, whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.
Nor have we been wanting in attention to our British brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, enemies in war, in peace friends.
We, therefore, the representatives of the United States of America, in General Congress, assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the name, and by the authority of the good people of these colonies, solemnly publish and declare, that these united colonies are, and of right ought to be free and independent states; that they are absolved from all allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the state of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as free and independent states, they have full power to levy war, conclude peace, contract alliances, establish commerce, and to do all other acts and things which independent states may of right do. And for the support of this declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes and our sacred honor.
New Hampshire: Josiah Bartlett, William Whipple, Matthew Thornton
Massachusetts: John Hancock, Samual Adams, John Adams, Robert Treat Paine, Elbridge Gerry
Rhode Island: Stephen Hopkins, William Ellery
Connecticut: Roger Sherman, Samuel Huntington, William Williams, Oliver Wolcott
New York: William Floyd, Philip Livingston, Francis Lewis, Lewis Morris
New Jersey: Richard Stockton, John Witherspoon, Francis Hopkinson, John Hart, Abraham Clark
Pennsylvania: Robert Morris, Benjamin Rush, Benjamin Franklin, John Morton, George Clymer, James Smith, George Taylor, James Wilson, George Ross
Delaware: Caesar Rodney, George Read, Thomas McKean
Maryland: Samuel Chase, William Paca, Thomas Stone, Charles Carroll of Carrollton
Virginia: George Wythe, Richard Henry Lee, Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Harrison, Thomas Nelson, Jr., Francis Lightfoot Lee, Carter Braxton
North Carolina: William Hooper, Joseph Hewes, John Penn
South Carolina: Edward Rutledge, Thomas Heyward, Jr., Thomas Lynch, Jr., Arthur Middleton
Georgia: Button Gwinnett, Lyman Hall, George Walton
He has kept among us, in times of peace, standing armies without the consent of our legislature.
He has affected to render the military independent of and superior to civil power.
He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his assent to their acts of pretended legislation:
For quartering large bodies of armed troops among us:
For protecting them, by mock trial, from punishment for any murders which they should commit on the inhabitants of these states:
For cutting off our trade with all parts of the world:
For imposing taxes on us without our consent:
For depriving us in many cases, of the benefits of trial by jury:
For transporting us beyond seas to be tried for pretended offenses:
For abolishing the free system of English laws in a neighboring province, establishing therein an arbitrary government, and enlarging its boundaries so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same absolute rule in these colonies:
For taking away our charters, abolishing our most valuable laws, and altering fundamentally the forms of our governments:
For suspending our own legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever.
He has abdicated government here, by declaring us out of his protection and waging war against us.
He has plundered our seas, ravaged our coasts, burned our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people.
He is at this time transporting large armies of foreign mercenaries to complete the works of death, desolation and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of cruelty and perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the head of a civilized nation.
He has constrained our fellow citizens taken captive on the high seas to bear arms against their country, to become the executioners of their friends and brethren, or to fall themselves by their hands.
He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavored to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian savages, whose known rule of warfare, is undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions.
In every stage of these oppressions we have petitioned for redress in the most humble terms: our repeated petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A prince, whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.
Nor have we been wanting in attention to our British brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, enemies in war, in peace friends.
We, therefore, the representatives of the United States of America, in General Congress, assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the name, and by the authority of the good people of these colonies, solemnly publish and declare, that these united colonies are, and of right ought to be free and independent states; that they are absolved from all allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the state of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as free and independent states, they have full power to levy war, conclude peace, contract alliances, establish commerce, and to do all other acts and things which independent states may of right do. And for the support of this declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes and our sacred honor.
New Hampshire: Josiah Bartlett, William Whipple, Matthew Thornton
Massachusetts: John Hancock, Samual Adams, John Adams, Robert Treat Paine, Elbridge Gerry
Rhode Island: Stephen Hopkins, William Ellery
Connecticut: Roger Sherman, Samuel Huntington, William Williams, Oliver Wolcott
New York: William Floyd, Philip Livingston, Francis Lewis, Lewis Morris
New Jersey: Richard Stockton, John Witherspoon, Francis Hopkinson, John Hart, Abraham Clark
Pennsylvania: Robert Morris, Benjamin Rush, Benjamin Franklin, John Morton, George Clymer, James Smith, George Taylor, James Wilson, George Ross
Delaware: Caesar Rodney, George Read, Thomas McKean
Maryland: Samuel Chase, William Paca, Thomas Stone, Charles Carroll of Carrollton
Virginia: George Wythe, Richard Henry Lee, Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Harrison, Thomas Nelson, Jr., Francis Lightfoot Lee, Carter Braxton
North Carolina: William Hooper, Joseph Hewes, John Penn
South Carolina: Edward Rutledge, Thomas Heyward, Jr., Thomas Lynch, Jr., Arthur Middleton
Georgia: Button Gwinnett, Lyman Hall, George Walton
He has kept among us, in times of peace, standing armies without the consent of our legislature.
He has affected to render the military independent of and superior to civil power.
He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his assent to their acts of pretended legislation:
For quartering large bodies of armed troops among us:
For protecting them, by mock trial, from punishment for any murders which they should commit on the inhabitants of these states:
For cutting off our trade with all parts of the world:
For imposing taxes on us without our consent:
For depriving us in many cases, of the benefits of trial by jury:
For transporting us beyond seas to be tried for pretended offenses:
For abolishing the free system of English laws in a neighboring province, establishing therein an arbitrary government, and enlarging its boundaries so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same absolute rule in these colonies:
For taking away our charters, abolishing our most valuable laws, and altering fundamentally the forms of our governments:
For suspending our own legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever.
He has abdicated government here, by declaring us out of his protection and waging war against us.
He has plundered our seas, ravaged our coasts, burned our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people.
He is at this time transporting large armies of foreign mercenaries to complete the works of death, desolation and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of cruelty and perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the head of a civilized nation.
He has constrained our fellow citizens taken captive on the high seas to bear arms against their country, to become the executioners of their friends and brethren, or to fall themselves by their hands.
He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavored to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian savages, whose known rule of warfare, is undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions.
In every stage of these oppressions we have petitioned for redress in the most humble terms: our repeated petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A prince, whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.
Nor have we been wanting in attention to our British brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, enemies in war, in peace friends.
We, therefore, the representatives of the United States of America, in General Congress, assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the name, and by the authority of the good people of these colonies, solemnly publish and declare, that these united colonies are, and of right ought to be free and independent states; that they are absolved from all allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the state of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as free and independent states, they have full power to levy war, conclude peace, contract alliances, establish commerce, and to do all other acts and things which independent states may of right do. And for the support of this declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes and our sacred honor.
New Hampshire: Josiah Bartlett, William Whipple, Matthew Thornton
Massachusetts: John Hancock, Samual Adams, John Adams, Robert Treat Paine, Elbridge Gerry
Rhode Island: Stephen Hopkins, William Ellery
Connecticut: Roger Sherman, Samuel Huntington, William Williams, Oliver Wolcott
New York: William Floyd, Philip Livingston, Francis Lewis, Lewis Morris
New Jersey: Richard Stockton, John Witherspoon, Francis Hopkinson, John Hart, Abraham Clark
Pennsylvania: Robert Morris, Benjamin Rush, Benjamin Franklin, John Morton, George Clymer, James Smith, George Taylor, James Wilson, George Ross
Delaware: Caesar Rodney, George Read, Thomas McKean
Maryland: Samuel Chase, William Paca, Thomas Stone, Charles Carroll of Carrollton
Virginia: George Wythe, Richard Henry Lee, Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Harrison, Thomas Nelson, Jr., Francis Lightfoot Lee, Carter Braxton
North Carolina: William Hooper, Joseph Hewes, John Penn
South Carolina: Edward Rutledge, Thomas Heyward, Jr., Thomas Lynch, Jr., Arthur Middleton
Georgia: Button Gwinnett, Lyman Hall, George Walton
He has kept among us, in times of peace, standing armies without the consent of our legislature.
He has affected to render the military independent of and superior to civil power.
He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his assent to their acts of pretended legislation:
For quartering large bodies of armed troops among us:
For protecting them, by mock trial, from punishment for any murders which they should commit on the inhabitants of these states:
For cutting off our trade with all parts of the world:
For imposing taxes on us without our consent:
For depriving us in many cases, of the benefits of trial by jury:
For transporting us beyond seas to be tried for pretended offenses:
For abolishing the free system of English laws in a neighboring province, establishing therein an arbitrary government, and enlarging its boundaries so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same absolute rule in these colonies:
For taking away our charters, abolishing our most valuable laws, and altering fundamentally the forms of our governments:
For suspending our own legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever.
He has abdicated government here, by declaring us out of his protection and waging war against us.
He has plundered our seas, ravaged our coasts, burned our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people.
He is at this time transporting large armies of foreign mercenaries to complete the works of death, desolation and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of cruelty and perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the head of a civilized nation.
He has constrained our fellow citizens taken captive on the high seas to bear arms against their country, to become the executioners of their friends and brethren, or to fall themselves by their hands.
He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavored to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian savages, whose known rule of warfare, is undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions.
In every stage of these oppressions we have petitioned for redress in the most humble terms: our repeated petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A prince, whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.
Nor have we been wanting in attention to our British brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, enemies in war, in peace friends.
We, therefore, the representatives of the United States of America, in General Congress, assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the name, and by the authority of the good people of these colonies, solemnly publish and declare, that these united colonies are, and of right ought to be free and independent states; that they are absolved from all allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the state of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as free and independent states, they have full power to levy war, conclude peace, contract alliances, establish commerce, and to do all other acts and things which independent states may of right do. And for the support of this declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes and our sacred honor.
New Hampshire: Josiah Bartlett, William Whipple, Matthew Thornton
Massachusetts: John Hancock, Samual Adams, John Adams, Robert Treat Paine, Elbridge Gerry
Rhode Island: Stephen Hopkins, William Ellery
Connecticut: Roger Sherman, Samuel Huntington, William Williams, Oliver Wolcott
New York: William Floyd, Philip Livingston, Francis Lewis, Lewis Morris
New Jersey: Richard Stockton, John Witherspoon, Francis Hopkinson, John Hart, Abraham Clark
Pennsylvania: Robert Morris, Benjamin Rush, Benjamin Franklin, John Morton, George Clymer, James Smith, George Taylor, James Wilson, George Ross
Delaware: Caesar Rodney, George Read, Thomas McKean
Maryland: Samuel Chase, William Paca, Thomas Stone, Charles Carroll of Carrollton
Virginia: George Wythe, Richard Henry Lee, Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Harrison, Thomas Nelson, Jr., Francis Lightfoot Lee, Carter Braxton
North Carolina: William Hooper, Joseph Hewes, John Penn
South Carolina: Edward Rutledge, Thomas Heyward, Jr., Thomas Lynch, Jr., Arthur Middleton
Georgia: Button Gwinnett, Lyman Hall, George Walton
He has kept among us, in times of peace, standing armies without the consent of our legislature.
He has affected to render the military independent of and superior to civil power.
He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his assent to their acts of pretended legislation:
For quartering large bodies of armed troops among us:
For protecting them, by mock trial, from punishment for any murders which they should commit on the inhabitants of these states:
For cutting off our trade with all parts of the world:
For imposing taxes on us without our consent:
For depriving us in many cases, of the benefits of trial by jury:
For transporting us beyond seas to be tried for pretended offenses:
For abolishing the free system of English laws in a neighboring province, establishing therein an arbitrary government, and enlarging its boundaries so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same absolute rule in these colonies:
For taking away our charters, abolishing our most valuable laws, and altering fundamentally the forms of our governments:
For suspending our own legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever.
He has abdicated government here, by declaring us out of his protection and waging war against us.
He has plundered our seas, ravaged our coasts, burned our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people.
He is at this time transporting large armies of foreign mercenaries to complete the works of death, desolation and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of cruelty and perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the head of a civilized nation.
He has constrained our fellow citizens taken captive on the high seas to bear arms against their country, to become the executioners of their friends and brethren, or to fall themselves by their hands.
He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavored to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian savages, whose known rule of warfare, is undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions.
In every stage of these oppressions we have petitioned for redress in the most humble terms: our repeated petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A prince, whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.
Nor have we been wanting in attention to our British brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, enemies in war, in peace friends.
We, therefore, the representatives of the United States of America, in General Congress, assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the name, and by the authority of the good people of these colonies, solemnly publish and declare, that these united colonies are, and of right ought to be free and independent states; that they are absolved from all allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the state of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as free and independent states, they have full power to levy war, conclude peace, contract alliances, establish commerce, and to do all other acts and things which independent states may of right do. And for the support of this declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes and our sacred honor.
New Hampshire: Josiah Bartlett, William Whipple, Matthew Thornton
Massachusetts: John Hancock, Samual Adams, John Adams, Robert Treat Paine, Elbridge Gerry
Rhode Island: Stephen Hopkins, William Ellery
Connecticut: Roger Sherman, Samuel Huntington, William Williams, Oliver Wolcott
New York: William Floyd, Philip Livingston, Francis Lewis, Lewis Morris
New Jersey: Richard Stockton, John Witherspoon, Francis Hopkinson, John Hart, Abraham Clark
Pennsylvania: Robert Morris, Benjamin Rush, Benjamin Franklin, John Morton, George Clymer, James Smith, George Taylor, James Wilson, George Ross
Delaware: Caesar Rodney, George Read, Thomas McKean
Maryland: Samuel Chase, William Paca, Thomas Stone, Charles Carroll of Carrollton
Virginia: George Wythe, Richard Henry Lee, Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Harrison, Thomas Nelson, Jr., Francis Lightfoot Lee, Carter Braxton
North Carolina: William Hooper, Joseph Hewes, John Penn
South Carolina: Edward Rutledge, Thomas Heyward, Jr., Thomas Lynch, Jr., Arthur Middleton
Georgia: Button Gwinnett, Lyman Hall, George Walton
He has kept among us, in times of peace, standing armies without the consent of our legislature.
He has affected to render the military independent of and superior to civil power.
He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his assent to their acts of pretended legislation:
For quartering large bodies of armed troops among us:
For protecting them, by mock trial, from punishment for any murders which they should commit on the inhabitants of these states:
For cutting off our trade with all parts of the world:
For imposing taxes on us without our consent:
For depriving us in many cases, of the benefits of trial by jury:
For transporting us beyond seas to be tried for pretended offenses:
For abolishing the free system of English laws in a neighboring province, establishing therein an arbitrary government, and enlarging its boundaries so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same absolute rule in these colonies:
For taking away our charters, abolishing our most valuable laws, and altering fundamentally the forms of our governments:
For suspending our own legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever.
He has abdicated government here, by declaring us out of his protection and waging war against us.
He has plundered our seas, ravaged our coasts, burned our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people.
He is at this time transporting large armies of foreign mercenaries to complete the works of death, desolation and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of cruelty and perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the head of a civilized nation.
He has constrained our fellow citizens taken captive on the high seas to bear arms against their country, to become the executioners of their friends and brethren, or to fall themselves by their hands.
He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavored to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian savages, whose known rule of warfare, is undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions.
In every stage of these oppressions we have petitioned for redress in the most humble terms: our repeated petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A prince, whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.
Nor have we been wanting in attention to our British brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, enemies in war, in peace friends.
We, therefore, the representatives of the United States of America, in General Congress, assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the name, and by the authority of the good people of these colonies, solemnly publish and declare, that these united colonies are, and of right ought to be free and independent states; that they are absolved from all allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the state of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as free and independent states, they have full power to levy war, conclude peace, contract alliances, establish commerce, and to do all other acts and things which independent states may of right do. And for the support of this declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes and our sacred honor.
New Hampshire: Josiah Bartlett, William Whipple, Matthew Thornton
Massachusetts: John Hancock, Samual Adams, John Adams, Robert Treat Paine, Elbridge Gerry
Rhode Island: Stephen Hopkins, William Ellery
Connecticut: Roger Sherman, Samuel Huntington, William Williams, Oliver Wolcott
New York: William Floyd, Philip Livingston, Francis Lewis, Lewis Morris
New Jersey: Richard Stockton, John Witherspoon, Francis Hopkinson, John Hart, Abraham Clark
Pennsylvania: Robert Morris, Benjamin Rush, Benjamin Franklin, John Morton, George Clymer, James Smith, George Taylor, James Wilson, George Ross
Delaware: Caesar Rodney, George Read, Thomas McKean
Maryland: Samuel Chase, William Paca, Thomas Stone, Charles Carroll of Carrollton
Virginia: George Wythe, Richard Henry Lee, Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Harrison, Thomas Nelson, Jr., Francis Lightfoot Lee, Carter Braxton
North Carolina: William Hooper, Joseph Hewes, John Penn
South Carolina: Edward Rutledge, Thomas Heyward, Jr., Thomas Lynch, Jr., Arthur Middleton
Georgia: Button Gwinnett, Lyman Hall, George Walton
He has kept among us, in times of peace, standing armies without the consent of our legislature.
He has affected to render the military independent of and superior to civil power.
He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his assent to their acts of pretended legislation:
For quartering large bodies of armed troops among us:
For protecting them, by mock trial, from punishment for any murders which they should commit on the inhabitants of these states:
For cutting off our trade with all parts of the world:
For imposing taxes on us without our consent:
For depriving us in many cases, of the benefits of trial by jury:
For transporting us beyond seas to be tried for pretended offenses:
For abolishing the free system of English laws in a neighboring province, establishing therein an arbitrary government, and enlarging its boundaries so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same absolute rule in these colonies:
For taking away our charters, abolishing our most valuable laws, and altering fundamentally the forms of our governments:
For suspending our own legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever.
He has abdicated government here, by declaring us out of his protection and waging war against us.
He has plundered our seas, ravaged our coasts, burned our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people.
He is at this time transporting large armies of foreign mercenaries to complete the works of death, desolation and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of cruelty and perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the head of a civilized nation.
He has constrained our fellow citizens taken captive on the high seas to bear arms against their country, to become the executioners of their friends and brethren, or to fall themselves by their hands.
He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavored to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian savages, whose known rule of warfare, is undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions.
In every stage of these oppressions we have petitioned for redress in the most humble terms: our repeated petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A prince, whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.
Nor have we been wanting in attention to our British brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, enemies in war, in peace friends.
We, therefore, the representatives of the United States of America, in General Congress, assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the name, and by the authority of the good people of these colonies, solemnly publish and declare, that these united colonies are, and of right ought to be free and independent states; that they are absolved from all allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the state of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as free and independent states, they have full power to levy war, conclude peace, contract alliances, establish commerce, and to do all other acts and things which independent states may of right do. And for the support of this declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes and our sacred honor.
New Hampshire: Josiah Bartlett, William Whipple, Matthew Thornton
Massachusetts: John Hancock, Samual Adams, John Adams, Robert Treat Paine, Elbridge Gerry
Rhode Island: Stephen Hopkins, William Ellery
Connecticut: Roger Sherman, Samuel Huntington, William Williams, Oliver Wolcott
New York: William Floyd, Philip Livingston, Francis Lewis, Lewis Morris
New Jersey: Richard Stockton, John Witherspoon, Francis Hopkinson, John Hart, Abraham Clark
Pennsylvania: Robert Morris, Benjamin Rush, Benjamin Franklin, John Morton, George Clymer, James Smith, George Taylor, James Wilson, George Ross
Delaware: Caesar Rodney, George Read, Thomas McKean
Maryland: Samuel Chase, William Paca, Thomas Stone, Charles Carroll of Carrollton
Virginia: George Wythe, Richard Henry Lee, Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Harrison, Thomas Nelson, Jr., Francis Lightfoot Lee, Carter Braxton
North Carolina: William Hooper, Joseph Hewes, John Penn
South Carolina: Edward Rutledge, Thomas Heyward, Jr., Thomas Lynch, Jr., Arthur Middleton
Georgia: Button Gwinnett, Lyman Hall, George Walton
He has kept among us, in times of peace, standing armies without the consent of our legislature.
He has affected to render the military independent of and superior to civil power.
He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his assent to their acts of pretended legislation:
For quartering large bodies of armed troops among us:
For protecting them, by mock trial, from punishment for any murders which they should commit on the inhabitants of these states:
For cutting off our trade with all parts of the world:
For imposing taxes on us without our consent:
For depriving us in many cases, of the benefits of trial by jury:
For transporting us beyond seas to be tried for pretended offenses:
For abolishing the free system of English laws in a neighboring province, establishing therein an arbitrary government, and enlarging its boundaries so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same absolute rule in these colonies:
For taking away our charters, abolishing our most valuable laws, and altering fundamentally the forms of our governments:
For suspending our own legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever.
He has abdicated government here, by declaring us out of his protection and waging war against us.
He has plundered our seas, ravaged our coasts, burned our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people.
He is at this time transporting large armies of foreign mercenaries to complete the works of death, desolation and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of cruelty and perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the head of a civilized nation.
He has constrained our fellow citizens taken captive on the high seas to bear arms against their country, to become the executioners of their friends and brethren, or to fall themselves by their hands.
He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavored to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian savages, whose known rule of warfare, is undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions.
In every stage of these oppressions we have petitioned for redress in the most humble terms: our repeated petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A prince, whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.
Nor have we been wanting in attention to our British brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, enemies in war, in peace friends.
We, therefore, the representatives of the United States of America, in General Congress, assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the name, and by the authority of the good people of these colonies, solemnly publish and declare, that these united colonies are, and of right ought to be free and independent states; that they are absolved from all allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the state of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as free and independent states, they have full power to levy war, conclude peace, contract alliances, establish commerce, and to do all other acts and things which independent states may of right do. And for the support of this declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes and our sacred honor.
New Hampshire: Josiah Bartlett, William Whipple, Matthew Thornton
Massachusetts: John Hancock, Samual Adams, John Adams, Robert Treat Paine, Elbridge Gerry
Rhode Island: Stephen Hopkins, William Ellery
Connecticut: Roger Sherman, Samuel Huntington, William Williams, Oliver Wolcott
New York: William Floyd, Philip Livingston, Francis Lewis, Lewis Morris
New Jersey: Richard Stockton, John Witherspoon, Francis Hopkinson, John Hart, Abraham Clark
Pennsylvania: Robert Morris, Benjamin Rush, Benjamin Franklin, John Morton, George Clymer, James Smith, George Taylor, James Wilson, George Ross
Delaware: Caesar Rodney, George Read, Thomas McKean
Maryland: Samuel Chase, William Paca, Thomas Stone, Charles Carroll of Carrollton
Virginia: George Wythe, Richard Henry Lee, Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Harrison, Thomas Nelson, Jr., Francis Lightfoot Lee, Carter Braxton
North Carolina: William Hooper, Joseph Hewes, John Penn
South Carolina: Edward Rutledge, Thomas Heyward, Jr., Thomas Lynch, Jr., Arthur Middleton
Georgia: Button Gwinnett, Lyman Hall, George Walton
He has kept among us, in times of peace, standing armies without the consent of our legislature.
He has affected to render the military independent of and superior to civil power.
He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his assent to their acts of pretended legislation:
For quartering large bodies of armed troops among us:
For protecting them, by mock trial, from punishment for any murders which they should commit on the inhabitants of these states:
For cutting off our trade with all parts of the world:
For imposing taxes on us without our consent:
For depriving us in many cases, of the benefits of trial by jury:
For transporting us beyond seas to be tried for pretended offenses:
For abolishing the free system of English laws in a neighboring province, establishing therein an arbitrary government, and enlarging its boundaries so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same absolute rule in these colonies:
For taking away our charters, abolishing our most valuable laws, and altering fundamentally the forms of our governments:
For suspending our own legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever.
He has abdicated government here, by declaring us out of his protection and waging war against us.
He has plundered our seas, ravaged our coasts, burned our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people.
He is at this time transporting large armies of foreign mercenaries to complete the works of death, desolation and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of cruelty and perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the head of a civilized nation.
He has constrained our fellow citizens taken captive on the high seas to bear arms against their country, to become the executioners of their friends and brethren, or to fall themselves by their hands.
He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavored to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian savages, whose known rule of warfare, is undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions.
In every stage of these oppressions we have petitioned for redress in the most humble terms: our repeated petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A prince, whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.
Nor have we been wanting in attention to our British brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, enemies in war, in peace friends.
We, therefore, the representatives of the United States of America, in General Congress, assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the name, and by the authority of the good people of these colonies, solemnly publish and declare, that these united colonies are, and of right ought to be free and independent states; that they are absolved from all allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the state of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as free and independent states, they have full power to levy war, conclude peace, contract alliances, establish commerce, and to do all other acts and things which independent states may of right do. And for the support of this declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes and our sacred honor.
New Hampshire: Josiah Bartlett, William Whipple, Matthew Thornton
Massachusetts: John Hancock, Samual Adams, John Adams, Robert Treat Paine, Elbridge Gerry
Rhode Island: Stephen Hopkins, William Ellery
Connecticut: Roger Sherman, Samuel Huntington, William Williams, Oliver Wolcott
New York: William Floyd, Philip Livingston, Francis Lewis, Lewis Morris
New Jersey: Richard Stockton, John Witherspoon, Francis Hopkinson, John Hart, Abraham Clark
Pennsylvania: Robert Morris, Benjamin Rush, Benjamin Franklin, John Morton, George Clymer, James Smith, George Taylor, James Wilson, George Ross
Delaware: Caesar Rodney, George Read, Thomas McKean
Maryland: Samuel Chase, William Paca, Thomas Stone, Charles Carroll of Carrollton
Virginia: George Wythe, Richard Henry Lee, Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Harrison, Thomas Nelson, Jr., Francis Lightfoot Lee, Carter Braxton
North Carolina: William Hooper, Joseph Hewes, John Penn
South Carolina: Edward Rutledge, Thomas Heyward, Jr., Thomas Lynch, Jr., Arthur Middleton
Georgia: Button Gwinnett, Lyman Hall, George Walton
He has kept among us, in times of peace, standing armies without the consent of our legislature.
He has affected to render the military independent of and superior to civil power.
He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his assent to their acts of pretended legislation:
For quartering large bodies of armed troops among us:
For protecting them, by mock trial, from punishment for any murders which they should commit on the inhabitants of these states:
For cutting off our trade with all parts of the world:
For imposing taxes on us without our consent:
For depriving us in many cases, of the benefits of trial by jury:
For transporting us beyond seas to be tried for pretended offenses:
For abolishing the free system of English laws in a neighboring province, establishing therein an arbitrary government, and enlarging its boundaries so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same absolute rule in these colonies:
For taking away our charters, abolishing our most valuable laws, and altering fundamentally the forms of our governments:
For suspending our own legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever.
He has abdicated government here, by declaring us out of his protection and waging war against us.
He has plundered our seas, ravaged our coasts, burned our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people.
He is at this time transporting large armies of foreign mercenaries to complete the works of death, desolation and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of cruelty and perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the head of a civilized nation.
He has constrained our fellow citizens taken captive on the high seas to bear arms against their country, to become the executioners of their friends and brethren, or to fall themselves by their hands.
He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavored to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian savages, whose known rule of warfare, is undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions.
In every stage of these oppressions we have petitioned for redress in the most humble terms: our repeated petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A prince, whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.
Nor have we been wanting in attention to our British brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, enemies in war, in peace friends.
We, therefore, the representatives of the United States of America, in General Congress, assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the name, and by the authority of the good people of these colonies, solemnly publish and declare, that these united colonies are, and of right ought to be free and independent states; that they are absolved from all allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the state of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as free and independent states, they have full power to levy war, conclude peace, contract alliances, establish commerce, and to do all other acts and things which independent states may of right do. And for the support of this declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes and our sacred honor.
New Hampshire: Josiah Bartlett, William Whipple, Matthew Thornton
Massachusetts: John Hancock, Samual Adams, John Adams, Robert Treat Paine, Elbridge Gerry
Rhode Island: Stephen Hopkins, William Ellery
Connecticut: Roger Sherman, Samuel Huntington, William Williams, Oliver Wolcott
New York: William Floyd, Philip Livingston, Francis Lewis, Lewis Morris
New Jersey: Richard Stockton, John Witherspoon, Francis Hopkinson, John Hart, Abraham Clark
Pennsylvania: Robert Morris, Benjamin Rush, Benjamin Franklin, John Morton, George Clymer, James Smith, George Taylor, James Wilson, George Ross
Delaware: Caesar Rodney, George Read, Thomas McKean
Maryland: Samuel Chase, William Paca, Thomas Stone, Charles Carroll of Carrollton
Virginia: George Wythe, Richard Henry Lee, Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Harrison, Thomas Nelson, Jr., Francis Lightfoot Lee, Carter Braxton
North Carolina: William Hooper, Joseph Hewes, John Penn
South Carolina: Edward Rutledge, Thomas Heyward, Jr., Thomas Lynch, Jr., Arthur Middleton
Georgia: Button Gwinnett, Lyman Hall, George Walton
He has kept among us, in times of peace, standing armies without the consent of our legislature.
He has affected to render the military independent of and superior to civil power.
He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his assent to their acts of pretended legislation:
For quartering large bodies of armed troops among us:
For protecting them, by mock trial, from punishment for any murders which they should commit on the inhabitants of these states:
For cutting off our trade with all parts of the world:
For imposing taxes on us without our consent:
For depriving us in many cases, of the benefits of trial by jury:
For transporting us beyond seas to be tried for pretended offenses:
For abolishing the free system of English laws in a neighboring province, establishing therein an arbitrary government, and enlarging its boundaries so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same absolute rule in these colonies:
For taking away our charters, abolishing our most valuable laws, and altering fundamentally the forms of our governments:
For suspending our own legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever.
He has abdicated government here, by declaring us out of his protection and waging war against us.
He has plundered our seas, ravaged our coasts, burned our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people.
He is at this time transporting large armies of foreign mercenaries to complete the works of death, desolation and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of cruelty and perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the head of a civilized nation.
He has constrained our fellow citizens taken captive on the high seas to bear arms against their country, to become the executioners of their friends and brethren, or to fall themselves by their hands.
He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavored to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian savages, whose known rule of warfare, is undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions.
In every stage of these oppressions we have petitioned for redress in the most humble terms: our repeated petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A prince, whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.
Nor have we been wanting in attention to our British brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, enemies in war, in peace friends.
We, therefore, the representatives of the United States of America, in General Congress, assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the name, and by the authority of the good people of these colonies, solemnly publish and declare, that these united colonies are, and of right ought to be free and independent states; that they are absolved from all allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the state of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as free and independent states, they have full power to levy war, conclude peace, contract alliances, establish commerce, and to do all other acts and things which independent states may of right do. And for the support of this declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes and our sacred honor.
New Hampshire: Josiah Bartlett, William Whipple, Matthew Thornton
Massachusetts: John Hancock, Samual Adams, John Adams, Robert Treat Paine, Elbridge Gerry
Rhode Island: Stephen Hopkins, William Ellery
Connecticut: Roger Sherman, Samuel Huntington, William Williams, Oliver Wolcott
New York: William Floyd, Philip Livingston, Francis Lewis, Lewis Morris
New Jersey: Richard Stockton, John Witherspoon, Francis Hopkinson, John Hart, Abraham Clark
Pennsylvania: Robert Morris, Benjamin Rush, Benjamin Franklin, John Morton, George Clymer, James Smith, George Taylor, James Wilson, George Ross
Delaware: Caesar Rodney, George Read, Thomas McKean
Maryland: Samuel Chase, William Paca, Thomas Stone, Charles Carroll of Carrollton
Virginia: George Wythe, Richard Henry Lee, Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Harrison, Thomas Nelson, Jr., Francis Lightfoot Lee, Carter Braxton
North Carolina: William Hooper, Joseph Hewes, John Penn
South Carolina: Edward Rutledge, Thomas Heyward, Jr., Thomas Lynch, Jr., Arthur Middleton
Georgia: Button Gwinnett, Lyman Hall, George Walton
Black women are black women. They have issues with their hair justified in various straightening techniques. They are only slightly better than black men in the sense that they, no matter what they do to their hair, will always be on the bottom of the totem pole.
Nor have we been wanting in attention to our British brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, enemies in war, in peace friends.
We, therefore, the representatives of the United States of America, in General Congress, assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the name, and by the authority of the good people of these colonies, solemnly publish and declare, that these united colonies are, and of right ought to be free and independent states; that they are absolved from all allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the state of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as free and independent states, they have full power to levy war, conclude peace, contract alliances, establish commerce, and to do all other acts and things which independent states may of right do. And for the support of this declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes and our sacred honor.
New Hampshire: Josiah Bartlett, William Whipple, Matthew Thornton
Massachusetts: John Hancock, Samual Adams, John Adams, Robert Treat Paine, Elbridge Gerry
Rhode Island: Stephen Hopkins, William Ellery
Connecticut: Roger Sherman, Samuel Huntington, William Williams, Oliver Wolcott
New York: William Floyd, Philip Livingston, Francis Lewis, Lewis Morris
New Jersey: Richard Stockton, John Witherspoon, Francis Hopkinson, John Hart, Abraham Clark
Pennsylvania: Robert Morris, Benjamin Rush, Benjamin Franklin, John Morton, George Clymer, James Smith, George Taylor, James Wilson, George Ross
Delaware: Caesar Rodney, George Read, Thomas McKean
Maryland: Samuel Chase, William Paca, Thomas Stone, Charles Carroll of Carrollton
Virginia: George Wythe, Richard Henry Lee, Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Harrison, Thomas Nelson, Jr., Francis Lightfoot Lee, Carter Braxton
North Carolina: William Hooper, Joseph Hewes, John Penn
South Carolina: Edward Rutledge, Thomas Heyward, Jr., Thomas Lynch, Jr., Arthur Middleton
Georgia: Button Gwinnett, Lyman Hall, George Walton
Nor have we been wanting in attention to our British brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, enemies in war, in peace friends.
We, therefore, the representatives of the United States of America, in General Congress, assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the name, and by the authority of the good people of these colonies, solemnly publish and declare, that these united colonies are, and of right ought to be free and independent states; that they are absolved from all allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the state of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as free and independent states, they have full power to levy war, conclude peace, contract alliances, establish commerce, and to do all other acts and things which independent states may of right do. And for the support of this declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes and our sacred honor.
New Hampshire: Josiah Bartlett, William Whipple, Matthew Thornton
Massachusetts: John Hancock, Samual Adams, John Adams, Robert Treat Paine, Elbridge Gerry
Rhode Island: Stephen Hopkins, William Ellery
Connecticut: Roger Sherman, Samuel Huntington, William Williams, Oliver Wolcott
New York: William Floyd, Philip Livingston, Francis Lewis, Lewis Morris
New Jersey: Richard Stockton, John Witherspoon, Francis Hopkinson, John Hart, Abraham Clark
Pennsylvania: Robert Morris, Benjamin Rush, Benjamin Franklin, John Morton, George Clymer, James Smith, George Taylor, James Wilson, George Ross
Delaware: Caesar Rodney, George Read, Thomas McKean
Maryland: Samuel Chase, William Paca, Thomas Stone, Charles Carroll of Carrollton
Virginia: George Wythe, Richard Henry Lee, Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Harrison, Thomas Nelson, Jr., Francis Lightfoot Lee, Carter Braxton
North Carolina: William Hooper, Joseph Hewes, John Penn
South Carolina: Edward Rutledge, Thomas Heyward, Jr., Thomas Lynch, Jr., Arthur Middleton
Georgia: Button Gwinnett, Lyman Hall, George Walton
Nor have we been wanting in attention to our British brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, enemies in war, in peace friends.
We, therefore, the representatives of the United States of America, in General Congress, assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the name, and by the authority of the good people of these colonies, solemnly publish and declare, that these united colonies are, and of right ought to be free and independent states; that they are absolved from all allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the state of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as free and independent states, they have full power to levy war, conclude peace, contract alliances, establish commerce, and to do all other acts and things which independent states may of right do. And for the support of this declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes and our sacred honor.
New Hampshire: Josiah Bartlett, William Whipple, Matthew Thornton
Massachusetts: John Hancock, Samual Adams, John Adams, Robert Treat Paine, Elbridge Gerry
Rhode Island: Stephen Hopkins, William Ellery
Connecticut: Roger Sherman, Samuel Huntington, William Williams, Oliver Wolcott
New York: William Floyd, Philip Livingston, Francis Lewis, Lewis Morris
New Jersey: Richard Stockton, John Witherspoon, Francis Hopkinson, John Hart, Abraham Clark
Pennsylvania: Robert Morris, Benjamin Rush, Benjamin Franklin, John Morton, George Clymer, James Smith, George Taylor, James Wilson, George Ross
Delaware: Caesar Rodney, George Read, Thomas McKean
Maryland: Samuel Chase, William Paca, Thomas Stone, Charles Carroll of Carrollton
Virginia: George Wythe, Richard Henry Lee, Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Harrison, Thomas Nelson, Jr., Francis Lightfoot Lee, Carter Braxton
North Carolina: William Hooper, Joseph Hewes, John Penn
South Carolina: Edward Rutledge, Thomas Heyward, Jr., Thomas Lynch, Jr., Arthur Middleton
Georgia: Button Gwinnett, Lyman Hall, George Walton
Nor have we been wanting in attention to our British brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, enemies in war, in peace friends.
We, therefore, the representatives of the United States of America, in General Congress, assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the name, and by the authority of the good people of these colonies, solemnly publish and declare, that these united colonies are, and of right ought to be free and independent states; that they are absolved from all allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the state of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as free and independent states, they have full power to levy war, conclude peace, contract alliances, establish commerce, and to do all other acts and things which independent states may of right do. And for the support of this declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes and our sacred honor.
New Hampshire: Josiah Bartlett, William Whipple, Matthew Thornton
Massachusetts: John Hancock, Samual Adams, John Adams, Robert Treat Paine, Elbridge Gerry
Rhode Island: Stephen Hopkins, William Ellery
Connecticut: Roger Sherman, Samuel Huntington, William Williams, Oliver Wolcott
New York: William Floyd, Philip Livingston, Francis Lewis, Lewis Morris
New Jersey: Richard Stockton, John Witherspoon, Francis Hopkinson, John Hart, Abraham Clark
Pennsylvania: Robert Morris, Benjamin Rush, Benjamin Franklin, John Morton, George Clymer, James Smith, George Taylor, James Wilson, George Ross
Delaware: Caesar Rodney, George Read, Thomas McKean
Maryland: Samuel Chase, William Paca, Thomas Stone, Charles Carroll of Carrollton
Virginia: George Wythe, Richard Henry Lee, Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Harrison, Thomas Nelson, Jr., Francis Lightfoot Lee, Carter Braxton
North Carolina: William Hooper, Joseph Hewes, John Penn
South Carolina: Edward Rutledge, Thomas Heyward, Jr., Thomas Lynch, Jr., Arthur Middleton
Georgia: Button Gwinnett, Lyman Hall, George Walton
Nor have we been wanting in attention to our British brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, enemies in war, in peace friends.
We, therefore, the representatives of the United States of America, in General Congress, assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the name, and by the authority of the good people of these colonies, solemnly publish and declare, that these united colonies are, and of right ought to be free and independent states; that they are absolved from all allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the state of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as free and independent states, they have full power to levy war, conclude peace, contract alliances, establish commerce, and to do all other acts and things which independent states may of right do. And for the support of this declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes and our sacred honor.
New Hampshire: Josiah Bartlett, William Whipple, Matthew Thornton
Massachusetts: John Hancock, Samual Adams, John Adams, Robert Treat Paine, Elbridge Gerry
Rhode Island: Stephen Hopkins, William Ellery
Connecticut: Roger Sherman, Samuel Huntington, William Williams, Oliver Wolcott
New York: William Floyd, Philip Livingston, Francis Lewis, Lewis Morris
New Jersey: Richard Stockton, John Witherspoon, Francis Hopkinson, John Hart, Abraham Clark
Pennsylvania: Robert Morris, Benjamin Rush, Benjamin Franklin, John Morton, George Clymer, James Smith, George Taylor, James Wilson, George Ross
Delaware: Caesar Rodney, George Read, Thomas McKean
Maryland: Samuel Chase, William Paca, Thomas Stone, Charles Carroll of Carrollton
Virginia: George Wythe, Richard Henry Lee, Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Harrison, Thomas Nelson, Jr., Francis Lightfoot Lee, Carter Braxton
North Carolina: William Hooper, Joseph Hewes, John Penn
South Carolina: Edward Rutledge, Thomas Heyward, Jr., Thomas Lynch, Jr., Arthur Middleton
Georgia: Button Gwinnett, Lyman Hall, George Walton
Nor have we been wanting in attention to our British brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, enemies in war, in peace friends.
We, therefore, the representatives of the United States of America, in General Congress, assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the name, and by the authority of the good people of these colonies, solemnly publish and declare, that these united colonies are, and of right ought to be free and independent states; that they are absolved from all allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the state of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as free and independent states, they have full power to levy war, conclude peace, contract alliances, establish commerce, and to do all other acts and things which independent states may of right do. And for the support of this declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes and our sacred honor.
New Hampshire: Josiah Bartlett, William Whipple, Matthew Thornton
Massachusetts: John Hancock, Samual Adams, John Adams, Robert Treat Paine, Elbridge Gerry
Rhode Island: Stephen Hopkins, William Ellery
Connecticut: Roger Sherman, Samuel Huntington, William Williams, Oliver Wolcott
New York: William Floyd, Philip Livingston, Francis Lewis, Lewis Morris
New Jersey: Richard Stockton, John Witherspoon, Francis Hopkinson, John Hart, Abraham Clark
Pennsylvania: Robert Morris, Benjamin Rush, Benjamin Franklin, John Morton, George Clymer, James Smith, George Taylor, James Wilson, George Ross
Delaware: Caesar Rodney, George Read, Thomas McKean
Maryland: Samuel Chase, William Paca, Thomas Stone, Charles Carroll of Carrollton
Virginia: George Wythe, Richard Henry Lee, Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Harrison, Thomas Nelson, Jr., Francis Lightfoot Lee, Carter Braxton
North Carolina: William Hooper, Joseph Hewes, John Penn
South Carolina: Edward Rutledge, Thomas Heyward, Jr., Thomas Lynch, Jr., Arthur Middleton
Georgia: Button Gwinnett, Lyman Hall, George Walton
Nor have we been wanting in attention to our British brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, enemies in war, in peace friends.
We, therefore, the representatives of the United States of America, in General Congress, assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the name, and by the authority of the good people of these colonies, solemnly publish and declare, that these united colonies are, and of right ought to be free and independent states; that they are absolved from all allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the state of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as free and independent states, they have full power to levy war, conclude peace, contract alliances, establish commerce, and to do all other acts and things which independent states may of right do. And for the support of this declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes and our sacred honor.
New Hampshire: Josiah Bartlett, William Whipple, Matthew Thornton
Massachusetts: John Hancock, Samual Adams, John Adams, Robert Treat Paine, Elbridge Gerry
Rhode Island: Stephen Hopkins, William Ellery
Connecticut: Roger Sherman, Samuel Huntington, William Williams, Oliver Wolcott
New York: William Floyd, Philip Livingston, Francis Lewis, Lewis Morris
New Jersey: Richard Stockton, John Witherspoon, Francis Hopkinson, John Hart, Abraham Clark
Pennsylvania: Robert Morris, Benjamin Rush, Benjamin Franklin, John Morton, George Clymer, James Smith, George Taylor, James Wilson, George Ross
Delaware: Caesar Rodney, George Read, Thomas McKean
Maryland: Samuel Chase, William Paca, Thomas Stone, Charles Carroll of Carrollton
Virginia: George Wythe, Richard Henry Lee, Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Harrison, Thomas Nelson, Jr., Francis Lightfoot Lee, Carter Braxton
North Carolina: William Hooper, Joseph Hewes, John Penn
South Carolina: Edward Rutledge, Thomas Heyward, Jr., Thomas Lynch, Jr., Arthur Middleton
Georgia: Button Gwinnett, Lyman Hall, George Walton
Nor have we been wanting in attention to our British brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, enemies in war, in peace friends.
We, therefore, the representatives of the United States of America, in General Congress, assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the name, and by the authority of the good people of these colonies, solemnly publish and declare, that these united colonies are, and of right ought to be free and independent states; that they are absolved from all allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the state of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as free and independent states, they have full power to levy war, conclude peace, contract alliances, establish commerce, and to do all other acts and things which independent states may of right do. And for the support of this declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes and our sacred honor.
New Hampshire: Josiah Bartlett, William Whipple, Matthew Thornton
Massachusetts: John Hancock, Samual Adams, John Adams, Robert Treat Paine, Elbridge Gerry
Rhode Island: Stephen Hopkins, William Ellery
Connecticut: Roger Sherman, Samuel Huntington, William Williams, Oliver Wolcott
New York: William Floyd, Philip Livingston, Francis Lewis, Lewis Morris
New Jersey: Richard Stockton, John Witherspoon, Francis Hopkinson, John Hart, Abraham Clark
Pennsylvania: Robert Morris, Benjamin Rush, Benjamin Franklin, John Morton, George Clymer, James Smith, George Taylor, James Wilson, George Ross
Delaware: Caesar Rodney, George Read, Thomas McKean
Maryland: Samuel Chase, William Paca, Thomas Stone, Charles Carroll of Carrollton
Virginia: George Wythe, Richard Henry Lee, Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Harrison, Thomas Nelson, Jr., Francis Lightfoot Lee, Carter Braxton
North Carolina: William Hooper, Joseph Hewes, John Penn
South Carolina: Edward Rutledge, Thomas Heyward, Jr., Thomas Lynch, Jr., Arthur Middleton
Georgia: Button Gwinnett, Lyman Hall, George Walton
Nor have we been wanting in attention to our British brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, enemies in war, in peace friends.
We, therefore, the representatives of the United States of America, in General Congress, assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the name, and by the authority of the good people of these colonies, solemnly publish and declare, that these united colonies are, and of right ought to be free and independent states; that they are absolved from all allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the state of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as free and independent states, they have full power to levy war, conclude peace, contract alliances, establish commerce, and to do all other acts and things which independent states may of right do. And for the support of this declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes and our sacred honor.
New Hampshire: Josiah Bartlett, William Whipple, Matthew Thornton
Massachusetts: John Hancock, Samual Adams, John Adams, Robert Treat Paine, Elbridge Gerry
Rhode Island: Stephen Hopkins, William Ellery
Connecticut: Roger Sherman, Samuel Huntington, William Williams, Oliver Wolcott
New York: William Floyd, Philip Livingston, Francis Lewis, Lewis Morris
New Jersey: Richard Stockton, John Witherspoon, Francis Hopkinson, John Hart, Abraham Clark
Pennsylvania: Robert Morris, Benjamin Rush, Benjamin Franklin, John Morton, George Clymer, James Smith, George Taylor, James Wilson, George Ross
Delaware: Caesar Rodney, George Read, Thomas McKean
Maryland: Samuel Chase, William Paca, Thomas Stone, Charles Carroll of Carrollton
Virginia: George Wythe, Richard Henry Lee, Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Harrison, Thomas Nelson, Jr., Francis Lightfoot Lee, Carter Braxton
North Carolina: William Hooper, Joseph Hewes, John Penn
South Carolina: Edward Rutledge, Thomas Heyward, Jr., Thomas Lynch, Jr., Arthur Middleton
Georgia: Button Gwinnett, Lyman Hall, George Walton
Nor have we been wanting in attention to our British brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, enemies in war, in peace friends.
We, therefore, the representatives of the United States of America, in General Congress, assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the name, and by the authority of the good people of these colonies, solemnly publish and declare, that these united colonies are, and of right ought to be free and independent states; that they are absolved from all allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the state of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as free and independent states, they have full power to levy war, conclude peace, contract alliances, establish commerce, and to do all other acts and things which independent states may of right do. And for the support of this declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes and our sacred honor.
New Hampshire: Josiah Bartlett, William Whipple, Matthew Thornton
Massachusetts: John Hancock, Samual Adams, John Adams, Robert Treat Paine, Elbridge Gerry
Rhode Island: Stephen Hopkins, William Ellery
Connecticut: Roger Sherman, Samuel Huntington, William Williams, Oliver Wolcott
New York: William Floyd, Philip Livingston, Francis Lewis, Lewis Morris
New Jersey: Richard Stockton, John Witherspoon, Francis Hopkinson, John Hart, Abraham Clark
Pennsylvania: Robert Morris, Benjamin Rush, Benjamin Franklin, John Morton, George Clymer, James Smith, George Taylor, James Wilson, George Ross
Delaware: Caesar Rodney, George Read, Thomas McKean
Maryland: Samuel Chase, William Paca, Thomas Stone, Charles Carroll of Carrollton
Virginia: George Wythe, Richard Henry Lee, Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Harrison, Thomas Nelson, Jr., Francis Lightfoot Lee, Carter Braxton
North Carolina: William Hooper, Joseph Hewes, John Penn
South Carolina: Edward Rutledge, Thomas Heyward, Jr., Thomas Lynch, Jr., Arthur Middleton
Georgia: Button Gwinnett, Lyman Hall, George Walton
Nor have we been wanting in attention to our British brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, enemies in war, in peace friends.
We, therefore, the representatives of the United States of America, in General Congress, assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the name, and by the authority of the good people of these colonies, solemnly publish and declare, that these united colonies are, and of right ought to be free and independent states; that they are absolved from all allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the state of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as free and independent states, they have full power to levy war, conclude peace, contract alliances, establish commerce, and to do all other acts and things which independent states may of right do. And for the support of this declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes and our sacred honor.
New Hampshire: Josiah Bartlett, William Whipple, Matthew Thornton
Massachusetts: John Hancock, Samual Adams, John Adams, Robert Treat Paine, Elbridge Gerry
Rhode Island: Stephen Hopkins, William Ellery
Connecticut: Roger Sherman, Samuel Huntington, William Williams, Oliver Wolcott
New York: William Floyd, Philip Livingston, Francis Lewis, Lewis Morris
New Jersey: Richard Stockton, John Witherspoon, Francis Hopkinson, John Hart, Abraham Clark
Pennsylvania: Robert Morris, Benjamin Rush, Benjamin Franklin, John Morton, George Clymer, James Smith, George Taylor, James Wilson, George Ross
Delaware: Caesar Rodney, George Read, Thomas McKean
Maryland: Samuel Chase, William Paca, Thomas Stone, Charles Carroll of Carrollton
Virginia: George Wythe, Richard Henry Lee, Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Harrison, Thomas Nelson, Jr., Francis Lightfoot Lee, Carter Braxton
North Carolina: William Hooper, Joseph Hewes, John Penn
South Carolina: Edward Rutledge, Thomas Heyward, Jr., Thomas Lynch, Jr., Arthur Middleton
Georgia: Button Gwinnett, Lyman Hall, George Walton
Nor have we been wanting in attention to our British brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, enemies in war, in peace friends.
We, therefore, the representatives of the United States of America, in General Congress, assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the name, and by the authority of the good people of these colonies, solemnly publish and declare, that these united colonies are, and of right ought to be free and independent states; that they are absolved from all allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the state of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as free and independent states, they have full power to levy war, conclude peace, contract alliances, establish commerce, and to do all other acts and things which independent states may of right do. And for the support of this declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes and our sacred honor.
New Hampshire: Josiah Bartlett, William Whipple, Matthew Thornton
Massachusetts: John Hancock, Samual Adams, John Adams, Robert Treat Paine, Elbridge Gerry
Rhode Island: Stephen Hopkins, William Ellery
Connecticut: Roger Sherman, Samuel Huntington, William Williams, Oliver Wolcott
New York: William Floyd, Philip Livingston, Francis Lewis, Lewis Morris
New Jersey: Richard Stockton, John Witherspoon, Francis Hopkinson, John Hart, Abraham Clark
Pennsylvania: Robert Morris, Benjamin Rush, Benjamin Franklin, John Morton, George Clymer, James Smith, George Taylor, James Wilson, George Ross
Delaware: Caesar Rodney, George Read, Thomas McKean
Maryland: Samuel Chase, William Paca, Thomas Stone, Charles Carroll of Carrollton
Virginia: George Wythe, Richard Henry Lee, Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Harrison, Thomas Nelson, Jr., Francis Lightfoot Lee, Carter Braxton
North Carolina: William Hooper, Joseph Hewes, John Penn
South Carolina: Edward Rutledge, Thomas Heyward, Jr., Thomas Lynch, Jr., Arthur Middleton
Georgia: Button Gwinnett, Lyman Hall, George Walton
Nor have we been wanting in attention to our British brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, enemies in war, in peace friends.
We, therefore, the representatives of the United States of America, in General Congress, assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the name, and by the authority of the good people of these colonies, solemnly publish and declare, that these united colonies are, and of right ought to be free and independent states; that they are absolved from all allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the state of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as free and independent states, they have full power to levy war, conclude peace, contract alliances, establish commerce, and to do all other acts and things which independent states may of right do. And for the support of this declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes and our sacred honor.
New Hampshire: Josiah Bartlett, William Whipple, Matthew Thornton
Massachusetts: John Hancock, Samual Adams, John Adams, Robert Treat Paine, Elbridge Gerry
Rhode Island: Stephen Hopkins, William Ellery
Connecticut: Roger Sherman, Samuel Huntington, William Williams, Oliver Wolcott
New York: William Floyd, Philip Livingston, Francis Lewis, Lewis Morris
New Jersey: Richard Stockton, John Witherspoon, Francis Hopkinson, John Hart, Abraham Clark
Pennsylvania: Robert Morris, Benjamin Rush, Benjamin Franklin, John Morton, George Clymer, James Smith, George Taylor, James Wilson, George Ross
Delaware: Caesar Rodney, George Read, Thomas McKean
Maryland: Samuel Chase, William Paca, Thomas Stone, Charles Carroll of Carrollton
Virginia: George Wythe, Richard Henry Lee, Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Harrison, Thomas Nelson, Jr., Francis Lightfoot Lee, Carter Braxton
North Carolina: William Hooper, Joseph Hewes, John Penn
South Carolina: Edward Rutledge, Thomas Heyward, Jr., Thomas Lynch, Jr., Arthur Middleton
Georgia: Button Gwinnett, Lyman Hall, George Walton
Nor have we been wanting in attention to our British brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, enemies in war, in peace friends.
We, therefore, the representatives of the United States of America, in General Congress, assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the name, and by the authority of the good people of these colonies, solemnly publish and declare, that these united colonies are, and of right ought to be free and independent states; that they are absolved from all allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the state of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as free and independent states, they have full power to levy war, conclude peace, contract alliances, establish commerce, and to do all other acts and things which independent states may of right do. And for the support of this declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes and our sacred honor.
New Hampshire: Josiah Bartlett, William Whipple, Matthew Thornton
Massachusetts: John Hancock, Samual Adams, John Adams, Robert Treat Paine, Elbridge Gerry
Rhode Island: Stephen Hopkins, William Ellery
Connecticut: Roger Sherman, Samuel Huntington, William Williams, Oliver Wolcott
New York: William Floyd, Philip Livingston, Francis Lewis, Lewis Morris
New Jersey: Richard Stockton, John Witherspoon, Francis Hopkinson, John Hart, Abraham Clark
Pennsylvania: Robert Morris, Benjamin Rush, Benjamin Franklin, John Morton, George Clymer, James Smith, George Taylor, James Wilson, George Ross
Delaware: Caesar Rodney, George Read, Thomas McKean
Maryland: Samuel Chase, William Paca, Thomas Stone, Charles Carroll of Carrollton
Virginia: George Wythe, Richard Henry Lee, Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Harrison, Thomas Nelson, Jr., Francis Lightfoot Lee, Carter Braxton
North Carolina: William Hooper, Joseph Hewes, John Penn
South Carolina: Edward Rutledge, Thomas Heyward, Jr., Thomas Lynch, Jr., Arthur Middleton
Georgia: Button Gwinnett, Lyman Hall, George Walton
Nor have we been wanting in attention to our British brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, enemies in war, in peace friends.
We, therefore, the representatives of the United States of America, in General Congress, assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the name, and by the authority of the good people of these colonies, solemnly publish and declare, that these united colonies are, and of right ought to be free and independent states; that they are absolved from all allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the state of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as free and independent states, they have full power to levy war, conclude peace, contract alliances, establish commerce, and to do all other acts and things which independent states may of right do. And for the support of this declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes and our sacred honor.
New Hampshire: Josiah Bartlett, William Whipple, Matthew Thornton
Massachusetts: John Hancock, Samual Adams, John Adams, Robert Treat Paine, Elbridge Gerry
Rhode Island: Stephen Hopkins, William Ellery
Connecticut: Roger Sherman, Samuel Huntington, William Williams, Oliver Wolcott
New York: William Floyd, Philip Livingston, Francis Lewis, Lewis Morris
New Jersey: Richard Stockton, John Witherspoon, Francis Hopkinson, John Hart, Abraham Clark
Pennsylvania: Robert Morris, Benjamin Rush, Benjamin Franklin, John Morton, George Clymer, James Smith, George Taylor, James Wilson, George Ross
Delaware: Caesar Rodney, George Read, Thomas McKean
Maryland: Samuel Chase, William Paca, Thomas Stone, Charles Carroll of Carrollton
Virginia: George Wythe, Richard Henry Lee, Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Harrison, Thomas Nelson, Jr., Francis Lightfoot Lee, Carter Braxton
North Carolina: William Hooper, Joseph Hewes, John Penn
South Carolina: Edward Rutledge, Thomas Heyward, Jr., Thomas Lynch, Jr., Arthur Middleton
Georgia: Button Gwinnett, Lyman Hall, George Walton
Nor have we been wanting in attention to our British brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, enemies in war, in peace friends.
We, therefore, the representatives of the United States of America, in General Congress, assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the name, and by the authority of the good people of these colonies, solemnly publish and declare, that these united colonies are, and of right ought to be free and independent states; that they are absolved from all allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the state of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as free and independent states, they have full power to levy war, conclude peace, contract alliances, establish commerce, and to do all other acts and things which independent states may of right do. And for the support of this declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes and our sacred honor.
New Hampshire: Josiah Bartlett, William Whipple, Matthew Thornton
Massachusetts: John Hancock, Samual Adams, John Adams, Robert Treat Paine, Elbridge Gerry
Rhode Island: Stephen Hopkins, William Ellery
Connecticut: Roger Sherman, Samuel Huntington, William Williams, Oliver Wolcott
New York: William Floyd, Philip Livingston, Francis Lewis, Lewis Morris
New Jersey: Richard Stockton, John Witherspoon, Francis Hopkinson, John Hart, Abraham Clark
Pennsylvania: Robert Morris, Benjamin Rush, Benjamin Franklin, John Morton, George Clymer, James Smith, George Taylor, James Wilson, George Ross
Delaware: Caesar Rodney, George Read, Thomas McKean
Maryland: Samuel Chase, William Paca, Thomas Stone, Charles Carroll of Carrollton
Virginia: George Wythe, Richard Henry Lee, Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Harrison, Thomas Nelson, Jr., Francis Lightfoot Lee, Carter Braxton
North Carolina: William Hooper, Joseph Hewes, John Penn
South Carolina: Edward Rutledge, Thomas Heyward, Jr., Thomas Lynch, Jr., Arthur Middleton
Georgia: Button Gwinnett, Lyman Hall, George Walton
Nor have we been wanting in attention to our British brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, enemies in war, in peace friends.
We, therefore, the representatives of the United States of America, in General Congress, assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the name, and by the authority of the good people of these colonies, solemnly publish and declare, that these united colonies are, and of right ought to be free and independent states; that they are absolved from all allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the state of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as free and independent states, they have full power to levy war, conclude peace, contract alliances, establish commerce, and to do all other acts and things which independent states may of right do. And for the support of this declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes and our sacred honor.
New Hampshire: Josiah Bartlett, William Whipple, Matthew Thornton
Massachusetts: John Hancock, Samual Adams, John Adams, Robert Treat Paine, Elbridge Gerry
Rhode Island: Stephen Hopkins, William Ellery
Connecticut: Roger Sherman, Samuel Huntington, William Williams, Oliver Wolcott
New York: William Floyd, Philip Livingston, Francis Lewis, Lewis Morris
New Jersey: Richard Stockton, John Witherspoon, Francis Hopkinson, John Hart, Abraham Clark
Pennsylvania: Robert Morris, Benjamin Rush, Benjamin Franklin, John Morton, George Clymer, James Smith, George Taylor, James Wilson, George Ross
Delaware: Caesar Rodney, George Read, Thomas McKean
Maryland: Samuel Chase, William Paca, Thomas Stone, Charles Carroll of Carrollton
Virginia: George Wythe, Richard Henry Lee, Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Harrison, Thomas Nelson, Jr., Francis Lightfoot Lee, Carter Braxton
North Carolina: William Hooper, Joseph Hewes, John Penn
South Carolina: Edward Rutledge, Thomas Heyward, Jr., Thomas Lynch, Jr., Arthur Middleton
Georgia: Button Gwinnett, Lyman Hall, George Walton
Nor have we been wanting in attention to our British brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, enemies in war, in peace friends.
We, therefore, the representatives of the United States of America, in General Congress, assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the name, and by the authority of the good people of these colonies, solemnly publish and declare, that these united colonies are, and of right ought to be free and independent states; that they are absolved from all allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the state of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as free and independent states, they have full power to levy war, conclude peace, contract alliances, establish commerce, and to do all other acts and things which independent states may of right do. And for the support of this declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes and our sacred honor.
New Hampshire: Josiah Bartlett, William Whipple, Matthew Thornton
Massachusetts: John Hancock, Samual Adams, John Adams, Robert Treat Paine, Elbridge Gerry
Rhode Island: Stephen Hopkins, William Ellery
Connecticut: Roger Sherman, Samuel Huntington, William Williams, Oliver Wolcott
New York: William Floyd, Philip Livingston, Francis Lewis, Lewis Morris
New Jersey: Richard Stockton, John Witherspoon, Francis Hopkinson, John Hart, Abraham Clark
Pennsylvania: Robert Morris, Benjamin Rush, Benjamin Franklin, John Morton, George Clymer, James Smith, George Taylor, James Wilson, George Ross
Delaware: Caesar Rodney, George Read, Thomas McKean
Maryland: Samuel Chase, William Paca, Thomas Stone, Charles Carroll of Carrollton
Virginia: George Wythe, Richard Henry Lee, Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Harrison, Thomas Nelson, Jr., Francis Lightfoot Lee, Carter Braxton
North Carolina: William Hooper, Joseph Hewes, John Penn
South Carolina: Edward Rutledge, Thomas Heyward, Jr., Thomas Lynch, Jr., Arthur Middleton
Georgia: Button Gwinnett, Lyman Hall, George Walton
Nor have we been wanting in attention to our British brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, enemies in war, in peace friends.
We, therefore, the representatives of the United States of America, in General Congress, assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the name, and by the authority of the good people of these colonies, solemnly publish and declare, that these united colonies are, and of right ought to be free and independent states; that they are absolved from all allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the state of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as free and independent states, they have full power to levy war, conclude peace, contract alliances, establish commerce, and to do all other acts and things which independent states may of right do. And for the support of this declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes and our sacred honor.
New Hampshire: Josiah Bartlett, William Whipple, Matthew Thornton
Massachusetts: John Hancock, Samual Adams, John Adams, Robert Treat Paine, Elbridge Gerry
Rhode Island: Stephen Hopkins, William Ellery
Connecticut: Roger Sherman, Samuel Huntington, William Williams, Oliver Wolcott
New York: William Floyd, Philip Livingston, Francis Lewis, Lewis Morris
New Jersey: Richard Stockton, John Witherspoon, Francis Hopkinson, John Hart, Abraham Clark
Pennsylvania: Robert Morris, Benjamin Rush, Benjamin Franklin, John Morton, George Clymer, James Smith, George Taylor, James Wilson, George Ross
Delaware: Caesar Rodney, George Read, Thomas McKean
Maryland: Samuel Chase, William Paca, Thomas Stone, Charles Carroll of Carrollton
Virginia: George Wythe, Richard Henry Lee, Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Harrison, Thomas Nelson, Jr., Francis Lightfoot Lee, Carter Braxton
North Carolina: William Hooper, Joseph Hewes, John Penn
South Carolina: Edward Rutledge, Thomas Heyward, Jr., Thomas Lynch, Jr., Arthur Middleton
Georgia: Button Gwinnett, Lyman Hall, George Walton
Nor have we been wanting in attention to our British brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, enemies in war, in peace friends.
We, therefore, the representatives of the United States of America, in General Congress, assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the name, and by the authority of the good people of these colonies, solemnly publish and declare, that these united colonies are, and of right ought to be free and independent states; that they are absolved from all allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the state of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as free and independent states, they have full power to levy war, conclude peace, contract alliances, establish commerce, and to do all other acts and things which independent states may of right do. And for the support of this declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes and our sacred honor.
New Hampshire: Josiah Bartlett, William Whipple, Matthew Thornton
Massachusetts: John Hancock, Samual Adams, John Adams, Robert Treat Paine, Elbridge Gerry
Rhode Island: Stephen Hopkins, William Ellery
Connecticut: Roger Sherman, Samuel Huntington, William Williams, Oliver Wolcott
New York: William Floyd, Philip Livingston, Francis Lewis, Lewis Morris
New Jersey: Richard Stockton, John Witherspoon, Francis Hopkinson, John Hart, Abraham Clark
Pennsylvania: Robert Morris, Benjamin Rush, Benjamin Franklin, John Morton, George Clymer, James Smith, George Taylor, James Wilson, George Ross
Delaware: Caesar Rodney, George Read, Thomas McKean
Maryland: Samuel Chase, William Paca, Thomas Stone, Charles Carroll of Carrollton
Virginia: George Wythe, Richard Henry Lee, Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Harrison, Thomas Nelson, Jr., Francis Lightfoot Lee, Carter Braxton
North Carolina: William Hooper, Joseph Hewes, John Penn
South Carolina: Edward Rutledge, Thomas Heyward, Jr., Thomas Lynch, Jr., Arthur Middleton
Georgia: Button Gwinnett, Lyman Hall, George Walton
Nor have we been wanting in attention to our British brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, enemies in war, in peace friends.
We, therefore, the representatives of the United States of America, in General Congress, assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the name, and by the authority of the good people of these colonies, solemnly publish and declare, that these united colonies are, and of right ought to be free and independent states; that they are absolved from all allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the state of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as free and independent states, they have full power to levy war, conclude peace, contract alliances, establish commerce, and to do all other acts and things which independent states may of right do. And for the support of this declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes and our sacred honor.
New Hampshire: Josiah Bartlett, William Whipple, Matthew Thornton
Massachusetts: John Hancock, Samual Adams, John Adams, Robert Treat Paine, Elbridge Gerry
Rhode Island: Stephen Hopkins, William Ellery
Connecticut: Roger Sherman, Samuel Huntington, William Williams, Oliver Wolcott
New York: William Floyd, Philip Livingston, Francis Lewis, Lewis Morris
New Jersey: Richard Stockton, John Witherspoon, Francis Hopkinson, John Hart, Abraham Clark
Pennsylvania: Robert Morris, Benjamin Rush, Benjamin Franklin, John Morton, George Clymer, James Smith, George Taylor, James Wilson, George Ross
Delaware: Caesar Rodney, George Read, Thomas McKean
Maryland: Samuel Chase, William Paca, Thomas Stone, Charles Carroll of Carrollton
Virginia: George Wythe, Richard Henry Lee, Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Harrison, Thomas Nelson, Jr., Francis Lightfoot Lee, Carter Braxton
North Carolina: William Hooper, Joseph Hewes, John Penn
South Carolina: Edward Rutledge, Thomas Heyward, Jr., Thomas Lynch, Jr., Arthur Middleton
Georgia: Button Gwinnett, Lyman Hall, George Walton
Nor have we been wanting in attention to our British brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, enemies in war, in peace friends.
We, therefore, the representatives of the United States of America, in General Congress, assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the name, and by the authority of the good people of these colonies, solemnly publish and declare, that these united colonies are, and of right ought to be free and independent states; that they are absolved from all allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the state of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as free and independent states, they have full power to levy war, conclude peace, contract alliances, establish commerce, and to do all other acts and things which independent states may of right do. And for the support of this declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes and our sacred honor.
New Hampshire: Josiah Bartlett, William Whipple, Matthew Thornton
Massachusetts: John Hancock, Samual Adams, John Adams, Robert Treat Paine, Elbridge Gerry
Rhode Island: Stephen Hopkins, William Ellery
Connecticut: Roger Sherman, Samuel Huntington, William Williams, Oliver Wolcott
New York: William Floyd, Philip Livingston, Francis Lewis, Lewis Morris
New Jersey: Richard Stockton, John Witherspoon, Francis Hopkinson, John Hart, Abraham Clark
Pennsylvania: Robert Morris, Benjamin Rush, Benjamin Franklin, John Morton, George Clymer, James Smith, George Taylor, James Wilson, George Ross
Delaware: Caesar Rodney, George Read, Thomas McKean
Maryland: Samuel Chase, William Paca, Thomas Stone, Charles Carroll of Carrollton
Virginia: George Wythe, Richard Henry Lee, Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Harrison, Thomas Nelson, Jr., Francis Lightfoot Lee, Carter Braxton
North Carolina: William Hooper, Joseph Hewes, John Penn
South Carolina: Edward Rutledge, Thomas Heyward, Jr., Thomas Lynch, Jr., Arthur Middleton
Georgia: Button Gwinnett, Lyman Hall, George Walton
Nor have we been wanting in attention to our British brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, enemies in war, in peace friends.
We, therefore, the representatives of the United States of America, in General Congress, assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the name, and by the authority of the good people of these colonies, solemnly publish and declare, that these united colonies are, and of right ought to be free and independent states; that they are absolved from all allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the state of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as free and independent states, they have full power to levy war, conclude peace, contract alliances, establish commerce, and to do all other acts and things which independent states may of right do. And for the support of this declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes and our sacred honor.
New Hampshire: Josiah Bartlett, William Whipple, Matthew Thornton
Massachusetts: John Hancock, Samual Adams, John Adams, Robert Treat Paine, Elbridge Gerry
Rhode Island: Stephen Hopkins, William Ellery
Connecticut: Roger Sherman, Samuel Huntington, William Williams, Oliver Wolcott
New York: William Floyd, Philip Livingston, Francis Lewis, Lewis Morris
New Jersey: Richard Stockton, John Witherspoon, Francis Hopkinson, John Hart, Abraham Clark
Pennsylvania: Robert Morris, Benjamin Rush, Benjamin Franklin, John Morton, George Clymer, James Smith, George Taylor, James Wilson, George Ross
Delaware: Caesar Rodney, George Read, Thomas McKean
Maryland: Samuel Chase, William Paca, Thomas Stone, Charles Carroll of Carrollton
Virginia: George Wythe, Richard Henry Lee, Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Harrison, Thomas Nelson, Jr., Francis Lightfoot Lee, Carter Braxton
North Carolina: William Hooper, Joseph Hewes, John Penn
South Carolina: Edward Rutledge, Thomas Heyward, Jr., Thomas Lynch, Jr., Arthur Middleton
Georgia: Button Gwinnett, Lyman Hall, George Walton
Nor have we been wanting in attention to our British brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, enemies in war, in peace friends.
We, therefore, the representatives of the United States of America, in General Congress, assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the name, and by the authority of the good people of these colonies, solemnly publish and declare, that these united colonies are, and of right ought to be free and independent states; that they are absolved from all allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the state of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as free and independent states, they have full power to levy war, conclude peace, contract alliances, establish commerce, and to do all other acts and things which independent states may of right do. And for the support of this declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes and our sacred honor.
New Hampshire: Josiah Bartlett, William Whipple, Matthew Thornton
Massachusetts: John Hancock, Samual Adams, John Adams, Robert Treat Paine, Elbridge Gerry
Rhode Island: Stephen Hopkins, William Ellery
Connecticut: Roger Sherman, Samuel Huntington, William Williams, Oliver Wolcott
New York: William Floyd, Philip Livingston, Francis Lewis, Lewis Morris
New Jersey: Richard Stockton, John Witherspoon, Francis Hopkinson, John Hart, Abraham Clark
Pennsylvania: Robert Morris, Benjamin Rush, Benjamin Franklin, John Morton, George Clymer, James Smith, George Taylor, James Wilson, George Ross
Delaware: Caesar Rodney, George Read, Thomas McKean
Maryland: Samuel Chase, William Paca, Thomas Stone, Charles Carroll of Carrollton
Virginia: George Wythe, Richard Henry Lee, Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Harrison, Thomas Nelson, Jr., Francis Lightfoot Lee, Carter Braxton
North Carolina: William Hooper, Joseph Hewes, John Penn
South Carolina: Edward Rutledge, Thomas Heyward, Jr., Thomas Lynch, Jr., Arthur Middleton
Georgia: Button Gwinnett, Lyman Hall, George Walton
Nor have we been wanting in attention to our British brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, enemies in war, in peace friends.
We, therefore, the representatives of the United States of America, in General Congress, assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the name, and by the authority of the good people of these colonies, solemnly publish and declare, that these united colonies are, and of right ought to be free and independent states; that they are absolved from all allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the state of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as free and independent states, they have full power to levy war, conclude peace, contract alliances, establish commerce, and to do all other acts and things which independent states may of right do. And for the support of this declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes and our sacred honor.
New Hampshire: Josiah Bartlett, William Whipple, Matthew Thornton
Massachusetts: John Hancock, Samual Adams, John Adams, Robert Treat Paine, Elbridge Gerry
Rhode Island: Stephen Hopkins, William Ellery
Connecticut: Roger Sherman, Samuel Huntington, William Williams, Oliver Wolcott
New York: William Floyd, Philip Livingston, Francis Lewis, Lewis Morris
New Jersey: Richard Stockton, John Witherspoon, Francis Hopkinson, John Hart, Abraham Clark
Pennsylvania: Robert Morris, Benjamin Rush, Benjamin Franklin, John Morton, George Clymer, James Smith, George Taylor, James Wilson, George Ross
Delaware: Caesar Rodney, George Read, Thomas McKean
Maryland: Samuel Chase, William Paca, Thomas Stone, Charles Carroll of Carrollton
Virginia: George Wythe, Richard Henry Lee, Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Harrison, Thomas Nelson, Jr., Francis Lightfoot Lee, Carter Braxton
North Carolina: William Hooper, Joseph Hewes, John Penn
South Carolina: Edward Rutledge, Thomas Heyward, Jr., Thomas Lynch, Jr., Arthur Middleton
Georgia: Button Gwinnett, Lyman Hall, George Walton
Nor have we been wanting in attention to our British brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, enemies in war, in peace friends.
We, therefore, the representatives of the United States of America, in General Congress, assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the name, and by the authority of the good people of these colonies, solemnly publish and declare, that these united colonies are, and of right ought to be free and independent states; that they are absolved from all allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the state of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as free and independent states, they have full power to levy war, conclude peace, contract alliances, establish commerce, and to do all other acts and things which independent states may of right do. And for the support of this declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes and our sacred honor.
New Hampshire: Josiah Bartlett, William Whipple, Matthew Thornton
Massachusetts: John Hancock, Samual Adams, John Adams, Robert Treat Paine, Elbridge Gerry
Rhode Island: Stephen Hopkins, William Ellery
Connecticut: Roger Sherman, Samuel Huntington, William Williams, Oliver Wolcott
New York: William Floyd, Philip Livingston, Francis Lewis, Lewis Morris
New Jersey: Richard Stockton, John Witherspoon, Francis Hopkinson, John Hart, Abraham Clark
Pennsylvania: Robert Morris, Benjamin Rush, Benjamin Franklin, John Morton, George Clymer, James Smith, George Taylor, James Wilson, George Ross
Delaware: Caesar Rodney, George Read, Thomas McKean
Maryland: Samuel Chase, William Paca, Thomas Stone, Charles Carroll of Carrollton
Virginia: George Wythe, Richard Henry Lee, Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Harrison, Thomas Nelson, Jr., Francis Lightfoot Lee, Carter Braxton
North Carolina: William Hooper, Joseph Hewes, John Penn
South Carolina: Edward Rutledge, Thomas Heyward, Jr., Thomas Lynch, Jr., Arthur Middleton
Georgia: Button Gwinnett, Lyman Hall, George Walton
Nor have we been wanting in attention to our British brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, enemies in war, in peace friends.
We, therefore, the representatives of the United States of America, in General Congress, assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the name, and by the authority of the good people of these colonies, solemnly publish and declare, that these united colonies are, and of right ought to be free and independent states; that they are absolved from all allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the state of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as free and independent states, they have full power to levy war, conclude peace, contract alliances, establish commerce, and to do all other acts and things which independent states may of right do. And for the support of this declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes and our sacred honor.
New Hampshire: Josiah Bartlett, William Whipple, Matthew Thornton
Massachusetts: John Hancock, Samual Adams, John Adams, Robert Treat Paine, Elbridge Gerry
Rhode Island: Stephen Hopkins, William Ellery
Connecticut: Roger Sherman, Samuel Huntington, William Williams, Oliver Wolcott
New York: William Floyd, Philip Livingston, Francis Lewis, Lewis Morris
New Jersey: Richard Stockton, John Witherspoon, Francis Hopkinson, John Hart, Abraham Clark
Pennsylvania: Robert Morris, Benjamin Rush, Benjamin Franklin, John Morton, George Clymer, James Smith, George Taylor, James Wilson, George Ross
Delaware: Caesar Rodney, George Read, Thomas McKean
Maryland: Samuel Chase, William Paca, Thomas Stone, Charles Carroll of Carrollton
Virginia: George Wythe, Richard Henry Lee, Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Harrison, Thomas Nelson, Jr., Francis Lightfoot Lee, Carter Braxton
North Carolina: William Hooper, Joseph Hewes, John Penn
South Carolina: Edward Rutledge, Thomas Heyward, Jr., Thomas Lynch, Jr., Arthur Middleton
Georgia: Button Gwinnett, Lyman Hall, George Walton
Nor have we been wanting in attention to our British brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, enemies in war, in peace friends.
We, therefore, the representatives of the United States of America, in General Congress, assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the name, and by the authority of the good people of these colonies, solemnly publish and declare, that these united colonies are, and of right ought to be free and independent states; that they are absolved from all allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the state of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as free and independent states, they have full power to levy war, conclude peace, contract alliances, establish commerce, and to do all other acts and things which independent states may of right do. And for the support of this declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes and our sacred honor.
New Hampshire: Josiah Bartlett, William Whipple, Matthew Thornton
Massachusetts: John Hancock, Samual Adams, John Adams, Robert Treat Paine, Elbridge Gerry
Rhode Island: Stephen Hopkins, William Ellery
Connecticut: Roger Sherman, Samuel Huntington, William Williams, Oliver Wolcott
New York: William Floyd, Philip Livingston, Francis Lewis, Lewis Morris
New Jersey: Richard Stockton, John Witherspoon, Francis Hopkinson, John Hart, Abraham Clark
Pennsylvania: Robert Morris, Benjamin Rush, Benjamin Franklin, John Morton, George Clymer, James Smith, George Taylor, James Wilson, George Ross
Delaware: Caesar Rodney, George Read, Thomas McKean
Maryland: Samuel Chase, William Paca, Thomas Stone, Charles Carroll of Carrollton
Virginia: George Wythe, Richard Henry Lee, Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Harrison, Thomas Nelson, Jr., Francis Lightfoot Lee, Carter Braxton
North Carolina: William Hooper, Joseph Hewes, John Penn
South Carolina: Edward Rutledge, Thomas Heyward, Jr., Thomas Lynch, Jr., Arthur Middleton
Georgia: Button Gwinnett, Lyman Hall, George Walton
Nor have we been wanting in attention to our British brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, enemies in war, in peace friends.
We, therefore, the representatives of the United States of America, in General Congress, assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the name, and by the authority of the good people of these colonies, solemnly publish and declare, that these united colonies are, and of right ought to be free and independent states; that they are absolved from all allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the state of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as free and independent states, they have full power to levy war, conclude peace, contract alliances, establish commerce, and to do all other acts and things which independent states may of right do. And for the support of this declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes and our sacred honor.
New Hampshire: Josiah Bartlett, William Whipple, Matthew Thornton
Massachusetts: John Hancock, Samual Adams, John Adams, Robert Treat Paine, Elbridge Gerry
Rhode Island: Stephen Hopkins, William Ellery
Connecticut: Roger Sherman, Samuel Huntington, William Williams, Oliver Wolcott
New York: William Floyd, Philip Livingston, Francis Lewis, Lewis Morris
New Jersey: Richard Stockton, John Witherspoon, Francis Hopkinson, John Hart, Abraham Clark
Pennsylvania: Robert Morris, Benjamin Rush, Benjamin Franklin, John Morton, George Clymer, James Smith, George Taylor, James Wilson, George Ross
Delaware: Caesar Rodney, George Read, Thomas McKean
Maryland: Samuel Chase, William Paca, Thomas Stone, Charles Carroll of Carrollton
Virginia: George Wythe, Richard Henry Lee, Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Harrison, Thomas Nelson, Jr., Francis Lightfoot Lee, Carter Braxton
North Carolina: William Hooper, Joseph Hewes, John Penn
South Carolina: Edward Rutledge, Thomas Heyward, Jr., Thomas Lynch, Jr., Arthur Middleton
Georgia: Button Gwinnett, Lyman Hall, George Walton
Anonymous said...
Tell the truth shame the devil. Sareca hair has been the same length since she joined the board. Bravenewgirl is another one. How do you have a hair blog and you can not keep hair on your head? Who is dumb enough to read and take advice from that silly ho.
On the subject of men not wanting those women you are right again. Some of the women on that site might as well turn dyke because no man in their right mind would marry them.
Glib Gurl is fat and miserable. She is the leader of the desperation pack. Nothing even needs to be said.
RelaxerRehab is fat and want to be too damn smart but she isn't . Sitting and waiting on Jesus to mail her a man. Pathetic. That bitch is like 50 and still waiting on a dick.
Hairapy is another desperate chick on the rise.
Abenyo is ugly and bitter. She obviously has not looked in a mirror in at least 10 years. She is the main one always in a thread about not finding a man.
and all the sad women in this topic
http://www.longhaircareforum.com/forums/showthread.php?t=235177
August 13, 2008 4:49 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
^^^ yes abenyo has issues
August 13, 2008 5:21 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
i thought i was the only one that thought abenyo was not cute and her tude is as bad as her face
August 14, 2008 2:59 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
lol!
some of these girls love to claim that those "growth cremes" are growing their hair yet their progress pics only show average growth (like, if it's a comparison shot taken 6 months apart and they got 3 inches of growth, all the girls are like " wooo girl, that some goood growth! That ish is working for you girl! thats a miracle! what was it? Tiger dung? girl imma have to get me some tiger dung gurl!"... but i'm thinking, isn't 3 inches normal growth for 6 months seeing how we -on average- only grow .5 an inch a month? wouldn't she had gotten that anyway if she didn't use the product and just taken care of her hair? why are they giving that dung the credit.... also, i hate it when some of these girls take pics claiming their hair grew or is at a certain length, when you can clearly see that the alledged length is only apparent due to camera angles, body angles (bending your neck forward or backward to give the illusion of longer hair), high-ill fitting bras, bad lighting and shadows... girl, sit up straight... get a fitted bra in your size and put it on correctly, buy a new lamp or go outside in the natural light and take a real pic of your neck length hair and stop claiming apl!!! i see you!)and if someone post talking about how Tiger Dung didn't work for them, how it burned their scalp... how the doctor told them it gave them cancer, some of those tiger dung cult enthusiastics will burn you at the stake and spit on your grandmothers, poodle's 3rd baby puppies grave if you say their beloved tiger dung didn't work for them! (JustKiya, and Nice & Wavy pushing/defending Mega tek at every turn comes to mind at the moment, but i know there are others...)
August 14, 2008 5:01 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
***snicker*** thanks all you anonymous. Glad to know I'm on everyone of your minds. :) As for the ugly part it's all good. But next time you all have something to say please say it on the board under your true usernames. I'll be waiting. You and every member know I can take it as good as I dish it.
abenyo
August 14, 2008 6:11 PM
Blogger Staceroo said...
Abenyo is not ugly. Stop hating!
August 15, 2008 4:29 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
i am sure abenyo knows that she is not cute. this cannot be the first time she has heard this before. besides she is african so she already has a head start on ugly.
August 15, 2008 5:06 AM
Blogger Staceroo said...
to the poster above me, you're an asshole, you stupid bitch. go suck a dick!
August 15, 2008 5:39 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Everyone friggin knows those creams don't work, people are so delusional! as for the chicks with no growth, that is so sad. If they stopped messing with their hair and drowning it in cat pee or whatever, they might see some progress!
Dammnit, if growth creams and cat pee was all it took, lhcf wouldn't exist!
August 15, 2008 6:41 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Yikes! VWVixen (now known as Lanecia) is kind of diesel! Are we sure that's a woman! I wouldn't want to meet it in a dark alley!
August 15, 2008 11:51 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
LOL at these extra ass comments. I love the blog but why are folk coming in the comments section hiding behind anonymity talking crazy bout people. The board has a PM system if you have issues with a person.
To the Blog owner: Loving it!
Heat/Glam
August 17, 2008 2:55 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Well, I found your insights appropriate. I just got banned, temp style, for p.o. one of the 10k+ members. Or, more to the point, for calling the bitch out. It is what it is...I'll be perm. banned before I change how I speak. Keep on outing the hypocrites who try to run the place. Because I'll be damned if a chick who tried to call me a troll didn't start a thread calling another members pics so scary she was thinking of blocking sigs. And a mod called the thread hatefull. How soon they forget.
cerchier
August 28, 2008 8:20 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
LOL. Bitter bitch. You always sound like you have a gigantic metal pole up your ass on lhch. Why the constant stank attitude? It radiates through all of your lousy posts.
We've all seen your picture so we know you're not a 13 year old moody cunt of a teenager going through puberty. You have the mental age of one though.
Keep on talking the way you do, as thus allowing everyone to continue laugh at you :D
August 29, 2008 1:59 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Did this one make the banned, too? LOL
August 29, 2008 6:19 PM
Anonymous Cerchier said...
Only banned for a month. I'll be back. And unlike old anon above, I don't care if you know who I am. Cerchier is my name there too. Also, check how uses the words gigantic metal pole up your ass in the same sentence that she tries to act superior. Hypocritical idiot. BTW, hit me up when I come back...if you don't mind coming out of hiding, and maybe I'll share the laugh with you.
I knew as much as you all liked to pretend like you're above this drama you'll are all up in it reading and waiting for your name to come up.
August 30, 2008 12:15 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This forum is getting out of hand lately. All these fucking hypocrits. There are the threads that are started to start shit and the same dumb ass people who love the drama and fall for that shit everytime. I also want to know who the hell Blossom is fucking to be allowed to stay on the board, that bitch breaks 20 rules a day. Nikkos, where is your damn pleadge to curb the cussing or the clever guises used to curse? The so called pretty bitches on there that always got something to say about anyone that is not lightskinned and skinny. Bint and Lourdes your day will come, I promise. Volare get another pic up (is that really you?) You go to Clemson, thats not even a real college lol. Yall miserable bitches have nothing better to do than tear people down. And if you are wondering, I am lightskinned and skinny so keep your "hater" comment, it does not apply hateful bitches.
September 2, 2008 11:30 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
What's with all of the dykes? It's turning into a lesbo board!
September 3, 2008 1:38 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
stupid bitch probably got banned!
September 4, 2008 11:25 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Oh man this board is getting better and better. I have the pics of bev, maybe I should create a blog and post them lol. They are going hard in there today and where are the mods? Is that one that is pregnant with the white loser baby still on?
September 4, 2008 2:51 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
post them!
September 4, 2008 6:17 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Seraphinelle always hating on Americans and America. Bitch please nobody checking for your wack ass Canada. Stay your corny ass over there. Then got a nerve to say we was hating on Jamaica. Bitch Please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Her citizenship request to come to America must have been denied which is why she so bitter. Her and her ugly ass friend Abenyo swear they the shit Abenyo look like she 50 in the face her ugly ass.
September 5, 2008 5:09 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
"Yall miserable bitches have nothing better to do than tear people down. "
Oh, the irony! Actually, since I can tell what a dumbass you are from your post alone, I bet you have no idea what the word "irony" mean.
September 5, 2008 11:07 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Anyone Know why Ms. Scar got banned, and all the other chicks that got banned the other day? I wonder if they are all over at Dirty girlz socaial club?
September 6, 2008 9:29 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Not Miss Scarlett, one of the queen bitches! I thought she had an in to keep her from making the banned! LoL
September 6, 2008 1:23 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
She thought that? Wow! I still want to know and I know someone knows why she got banned.
September 6, 2008 4:59 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Wow. I learn more from here than there...even before I was banned for a month. I thought Miss Scarlett was damn near an untouchable. Still, until an actual untouchable gets touched, the rules aren't unilaterally enforced and, as such, are to be regarded as just something to consider. Most of them say things others would get perm. banned for but are considered, like a flatulent Grandfather, something to be tolerated. Naw!!! Something smells like boo boo!
September 6, 2008 5:05 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Oh, and why is everyone afraid to post Beverly's pics? My imagination is starting to wander...what DOES she look like?
September 6, 2008 5:23 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
so are some chicks sucking niko's dick or what? I don't get what makes some untouchable! Are they the OGs of lhcf?
September 6, 2008 6:01 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Money is what makes them untouchable. They've been around forever and keep paying. Too big of a risk to make them follow the rules. Not for nothing, but it makes sense. I'm not paying another dime to renew.
I am known to do the wop.
September 6, 2008 7:24 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
cerchier shut the fuck up bitch
bev could get money from plenty of members
she can afford to ban a few people
we need to figure out why firecracker is not banned
September 6, 2008 10:14 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
firecracker and blossom! How the hell are these two still members? I like firecracker though, blossom and her desperate ass can kick rocks. Bloss guess what, white men dont want you either. Volare bad as hell though and I wonder is that really Tiara on there, hmmmm.
September 7, 2008 6:28 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I am surprised that people have the time (and careers) where they can post so often throughout the day. Not only do they post, but they have essay like responses in their posts. I can see every once and a while, but some of these people write long responses every day. SleekandBouncy comes to mind, there are a few others though.
September 7, 2008 10:05 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
maybe they are not a broke busted bitch like you and either do not work full time or do not care
the time you spent wondering you could be doing something else
get a life bitch
September 7, 2008 10:18 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
That last post sounded like sleekandbouncy, a bit bitter are we fake ass dahling ;)
September 7, 2008 10:37 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
^^^^ I agree with the last post.
That poster responded just a little too quickly--hunched over the computer with nothing else to do...they sound VERY little bitter. It's just a hair website.
September 7, 2008 10:46 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I think you really hurt abenyo's feelings, she's been extra angry and rude lately!
September 7, 2008 10:47 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
abenyo has always been rude and angry and yes it is because she is ugly and never has a man
September 7, 2008 11:00 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
There are some nice posters on the site. There are really just a few that are irritating.
September 7, 2008 11:11 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
damn this has grown. Aside from D lewis who I love, who the hell are the nice posters cause all them hoes are bitter and evil.
September 7, 2008 11:14 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
ella is very sweet. Dlewis is cool...um...who else is nice? Oh well.
September 7, 2008 11:22 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
FlowerHair is very nice.
September 7, 2008 11:24 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I guess iris gets on people's nerves or whatever but she seems nice to me.
September 7, 2008 2:17 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
The reason why fire will never be banned is because they are personal friends so keep holding your breath on that one. If you think there is bs on LHCF you need to check out dirty girlz. Those are what you call miserable bitches. The chat crew have also gone to worlds unknown, but who are they kidding, people know where they are. All them chicks are nice I like flower, dlewis and sylver even though she wont give you the time of day if you not light and pretty, she ok.
September 7, 2008 3:25 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Whoever it is that wants me to spend time wondering about other things, and the other that called me a bitch, only makes me even more curious what Bev looks like. Why are you'll so defensive? Does it have something to do with her hair?
September 7, 2008 4:56 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I am really curious (and since they won't answer this on the site without closing or deleting a thread), how does one really get banned? I know if you curse, or call someone ugly you get banned.
However, it sounds as though if you offend an 'untouchable' you get banned.
September 7, 2008 5:53 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
To the poster right above-
There seems to be different rules for different people. We could tell you rules all day and you could still do the wrong the to the wrong person and get banned.
September 7, 2008 6:20 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Don't tell me bev is a bald headit bitch! LOL!
September 7, 2008 6:22 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Thanks anonymous @6:20. This is my thinking too.
September 7, 2008 6:57 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I wonder who actually is 'untouchable', besides blosss and fire.
September 7, 2008 6:59 PM
Anonymous Cerchier said...
Chellero and Vevster come to mind as untouchable. Hell, Chellero said I need more dick. But some of the mods use less than subtle comments to target people.
Btw, I've cursed, but never called anyone ugly, and I made the banned 3 times. The girl who used scary to describe someones pic is most definitely not banned so, you may call someone ugly, with the right adjective.
September 8, 2008 9:06 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
what happened to aloofone? is she banned?
September 8, 2008 12:21 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Why was MissScarlet banned?!?!?!
September 8, 2008 12:32 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This is juicer than the actual board! Did the creator get banned? I wonder why they abandoned it.
September 8, 2008 4:06 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Aloofone is not banned. There is some info on here and on the Niko's step-cousin blog about why MissScarlet may have been banned or just left.
September 8, 2008 4:18 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Aloofone hasn't been banned.
I also think the meaning of being an 'untouchable' is that one says something and everyone agrees with them, and doesn't question their statement. However, if another person were to say the exact same thing, everyone would disagree, call them an idiot, or completely ignore them etc...
There are a few people on the site who everyone blindly agrees with, even if what they are saying is something someone else may have said already.
September 8, 2008 5:01 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This blog and that one that closed down were hard on aloofone, I could understand why she wouldn't want to come back. She can be confrontational, but she is not the worst one on the board, I don't know why she was targeted.
September 8, 2008 6:05 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
She looks like a used turd and always wants attention. She was actually talking about being a model. Bitch, please.
September 10, 2008 9:37 AM
Comment deleted
This post has been removed by the author.
September 10, 2008 12:27 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This thread is pathetic, the poster doesn't even have that much hair!
http://www.longhaircareforum.com/forums/showthread.php?t=278305
September 10, 2008 12:29 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This comment section is hilarious - It's like the Special Ed. version of DGSC - or maybe it's the ugly twin with the club foot and headgear.
"Who needs dates and parties and friends anyway!"
*stomps orthopedic shoe*
*sucks on asthma inhaler*
LMMFAO
September 10, 2008 3:25 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
It's so pathetic you couldn't help but to make an appearance, right? Which means you read it, right? No need to be ashamed. Welcome :D
September 10, 2008 3:33 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Yeah, because it takes sooo much time to comment here, unlike the full time careers some of the lhcf chicks make out of posting. Shoot, I wish I had the time on my hands some of those chicks have. At least here things are a little more real and to the point.
September 10, 2008 3:38 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I meant the pathetic comment at the girl who found it hilarious, not the one who quoted the thread on LHCF about taking 5-6 hours to wash uneven sl hair. Am I the only one that thinks most of the heffa's who claim to be trimming or dusting and go from bsl to apl are really just trying to hide their hair breaking off?
September 10, 2008 3:38 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
"Am I the only one that thinks most of the heffa's who claim to be trimming or dusting and go from bsl to apl are really just trying to hide their hair breaking off?"
I agree with this. They are ashamed, or in denial.
September 10, 2008 3:46 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I love how certain posters have to show off the clothing and the outfits they have in their signatures.
September 11, 2008 9:11 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Heh, there was one member all about her clothes and trying to show off. So much so that she took pics in the changing rooms of stores and tried to pass off the clothes as stuff she owned. Someone busted her when they recognized the carpet. lmao
September 11, 2008 3:48 PM
Anonymous abenyo said...
Hey I'm popular!!!
Thanks for keeping me on your minds. Don't know who the hell ya'll are nor do I care, but ya'll still got your feelings hurt. stop being simple and such idiots that are posting on a blog in disguise. You hate the board yet you keep coming back. Stop acting like bitches.. Got issues? solve it.
-Abenyo
September 11, 2008 9:02 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
The bitter bitch cant do anymore blogs!
LMAO!!!!!!!
September 12, 2008 3:55 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
can you update the blog? I want some gossip
September 12, 2008 4:24 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Yeah, I want an update too. Why do you all call everyone bitter bitches that calls you out on your stank attitudes? Perhaps you forget the numerous girl's hair vids on youtube you diss in threads only to have them find out and have them defend themselves. What about the girl who made the vid of the dog shitting on the lhcf screen while a horse makes noises because members use horse products? It can't be everyone else. If ppl are making blogs, vids, and long forum threads about one sites attitude then the members should take a long look in the mirror.
September 12, 2008 5:30 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Oh in case you forgot the long forum thread I'm talking about was on Lipstick Alley.
September 12, 2008 5:34 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
@3:48, yes. and i think sleekandbouncy does this too. why?
September 12, 2008 6:04 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
It's High School all over again. The Mean Girls, The Outcasts, and The Suck ups who want to be mean girls abound. There are some nice members but they don't run the place.
September 12, 2008 10:39 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I know sleekandbouncy does this. If she shows her face, maybe someone will recognize her and put her on blast like Jlove.
September 12, 2008 10:54 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
abenyo
sit down hoe
nobody care about your ugly gremlin face ass
September 12, 2008 11:00 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Don't hate me for saying this but, why do the African's, with stern ass features, never smile? You're bound to look like a gremlin. Smile Abenyo...and Aloofone, too, if you ever decide to show your face again.
September 12, 2008 11:40 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6iVk9H8FHKc
This is the vid! Lma. Thanks!
September 12, 2008 11:55 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
yeah, that is probably why she doesn't want to show her face...she doesn't want to be put on blast. LOL!
September 12, 2008 11:56 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Hey, Abenyo, what did you think about Miss Scarlett dissing you as too ghetto?
September 12, 2008 12:12 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Shouldn't barbiesocialite top talking about how to get men, when she is a dyke?
September 12, 2008 9:14 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Barbiesocialite doesn't have enough integrity to leave like the other lesbian, that was like a scientist. LHCF site doesn't support -heterosexual, non-christian people.
September 13, 2008 12:15 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I meant non-heterosexual!
September 13, 2008 12:16 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Yeah, abenyo you are real "popular". We are entertained by your monkey-looking ass!
September 14, 2008 3:40 PM
Anonymous abenyo said...
To all you bitches get a fucking life. stick a saw down your throat and pull it out the other end. As for the asshole from DGZ I'm waiting for you bitch, come out come out. I'm not popular but ya'll sure talk about me and think about me all day everyday. Moron that would tell you that I'm atleast important enough for ya'll to be studying me like freakin dykes. Don't worry about the way I look, maybe you should worry about getting a life and stop posting on a blog anonymously about me. I mean how fucking pathetic. It's going on some months now and ya'll still gonna talk about me. Talk about press. LOL oooo some females think I look ugly, boo fucking hoo. Bitches there is soo much to this world then the pettiness you are displaying. Ya'll say the other forums are High school what do you call grown woman talking about someone behind their backs? Mature is not what comes to mind. But hey keep saying I'm ugly, lol I don't go that route and never will. And the bitch that constantly want to talk about africa, lol what are you.. oh let me guess you just got fucked by some foreign dick and now you got indian or whatever in you right? May you prosper in lice infected locks, long lasting shedding, breakage that never stops, and head sores that no ACV or surgery will cure.
Have fun!
September 14, 2008 9:09 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
LOL, you sure seem to like it here, Abenyo, you can't seem to stay away!
Boy, you sure told everyone!
September 14, 2008 9:37 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Abenyo you sure are a mad ugly porch monkey.You also have no idea just how many people hate your stupid ugly dumb ass. Watch out for the ones who feed you info. Stupid rabid bitch.
September 14, 2008 9:51 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I see everyone is fired up tonight. LMAO!
September 14, 2008 9:54 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Abenyo you are being worked over big time.
September 14, 2008 10:09 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
She sure is. Looking like the fool who birth her ugly ass.
September 14, 2008 10:13 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Shut up abenyo!that was funny though but you still ugly. Ok on to the rest of them, is JR and Candy an item? JR got a deep voice like a man, bod like one too and Candy look like a rat.
September 14, 2008 10:14 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
For someone who doesn't care you sho keep bringin' you ass back! Sounds like you have no life Abenyo, or you can't stand not having yo monkey ass kissed!
September 14, 2008 10:25 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
so what happened to abenyo, they were supposed to have a meeting and she was stood up?
September 14, 2008 11:35 PM
Anonymous In-Adequate said...
DANG!!! Im dying at how all you LHCF members have turned this shit into a forum. But the anonymous posting is on some bitch shit.
September 15, 2008 1:53 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Hilfigher looks like a man too. That head on her hair stays looking like s brillo pad. Talk about creature from another planet. She stays cosigning on some stupid shit. Another ugly African monkey.
September 15, 2008 5:20 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Bint or OAHQ is always talking about someone's look. She got a identity crisis. She shouldn't be talking about others. That baby of hers might come out looking as ugly as her.
September 15, 2008 5:28 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
TSU you look like a pork oink oink with lipstick. Step away from the table take a few step out the kitchen and run to the gym. No woman should weigh gazillion pounds starve yourself bitch then maybe your man won't be fucking someone else.
September 15, 2008 5:33 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
What about that welfare hoe with the second hand store? What's her name acidrain? Oh summerrain lol aint nothing summer about that hoe. Even her own mama don't want her.
September 15, 2008 5:36 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Wow someone really has a lot to say. Get a life!!! What have any of these people done to you to warrant you talking about someone's mother, weight, hair or child. Everyone on this blog that comes here to talk about people maliciously has real world issues they need to contend with. Is the internet that serious that you just have to let it be known you do not like another person's font? You all do not know these people in real life so why are you wasting so much time airing out these dumb ass comments on a blog? Log off, spend time you with your family, read a book, go plant a tree find a hobby that actually benefits society instead of being evil bitches sitting about your computer typing nasty remarks.
I bet everyone who is typing mean things are probably trying to be or friends with the person they are talking about. I urge all of you to just end this and stop giving this blog attention and it will die out eventually. To the people who have been hurt by the comments do not take it personally as the person who said it is too much of a coward to say it to you personally.
September 15, 2008 7:08 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
great, another fucking lecture!
We've been told once again!
September 15, 2008 8:55 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
How is it so many women in one forum are manless and lonely. I see plenty of black couples! I think these chicks have so many issues they scare off any men who might be interested.
Out of my family and friends, no one is sitting around moaning about having no black man! They either have one or can easily find one. There has to be something really wrong with those women, and it ain't all about geography, either.
September 15, 2008 10:25 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
These women are a bunch of hipocrites! Can someone please tell me how the hell that WHORE blossom can post all this shit about fucking every random WHITE MAN and she gets apllauded. WHAT THE FUCK! There is a thread on superhead and these bitches have the most shit to say, but not on her thread. Where is Que, Bint and all the others that are on that holier than thou bullshit? Why not pop in there and tell it like it is. You all are all thinking it (SHE A HOE) but you congatulating her? a site full of fucking hipocrites.
September 15, 2008 10:51 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
damn
September 15, 2008 10:52 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
How the fuck you gonna have a name like Jessica rabbit and you look like a mack truck? and candy is ugly lol.
September 15, 2008 10:54 AM
Anonymous Cerchier said...
Wtf! I got some reading to do!
September 15, 2008 1:31 PM
Anonymous Heat/Glam said...
Piece of advice to one anonymous person. If you want to remain "anonymous" you might want to step of the soapbox of an issue that you usually post about on the forum. You might get found out quick. I hate anonymity, but if you are gonna do it at least be smart as you seem to be on the forum.
September 15, 2008 2:07 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
She aint the only one "on the forum"! lmao. Look around you!
September 15, 2008 2:24 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
who is this?
http://img61.imageshack.us/img61/548/bevgg6.png
September 15, 2008 3:00 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Nooooo! Please don't tell me that is Bev. Great day in the lacefront wearing, soup cooling, wannabe video ho morning! Image saved for future use.
September 15, 2008 3:12 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Lawd somebody finally posted them lol
September 15, 2008 3:15 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
that is what she looks like? no wonder she hides her face at meetups. if i look like that i would ban the cute women too.
September 15, 2008 3:31 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Damn, if that's really her, she ugly! And stank! No wonder she didn't want these posted! Can we get some verification so I can pass these around?
September 15, 2008 3:34 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
i wonder did she find jesus wearing those leopard panties?
September 15, 2008 3:40 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
What in the Mr.Ed stunt double hell is going on with her in these pics?
September 15, 2008 3:46 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I can verify that is her.
September 15, 2008 3:55 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Wow, my puppet just got banned forever. You suck, Beverly. And yeah, I did see you in your tiger panties before I asked you that legitimate question.
September 15, 2008 3:58 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
I should add, either Bev is a liar, and does know when people are banned and for what, or she is as dumb as she looks in her pics, and her mods do the banning.
September 15, 2008 4:00 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
you're right; sleekandbouncy loves to show off her clothing...on a hair forum. LOL!
September 15, 2008 4:07 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This is too much, you need to take that down. Maybe she has a reason she doesn't want those seen. Has she really done anything to any of you personally for you to be this evil? Please delete that link before more people see it.
September 15, 2008 4:08 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Get real. The reason she doesn't want anyone to see it is because she doesn't want people to know she is, well, visually unappealing but, more to the point, she wears a wig. Queen hypocrite, and now, to me, confirmed liar. Where's her hair? LHCF admin---wig---does not compute. Why is she the only one that ALWAYS hides her hair? Toofus notwithstanding.
September 15, 2008 4:14 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
all those bitches in bikinis in avatars and sigs and you want to call out sleekandbouncy who is fully dressed?
as far as bev if she did not want those picture seen she should have never took them.
September 15, 2008 4:15 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Gin looks like a horse too her ugly ass.
September 15, 2008 4:23 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Sleekandbouncy thats u huh?
September 15, 2008 4:41 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I'm reading through the "this thread is closed" files and vevster actually asked where MissScarlett is at about the time it was brought up here. Allandra shut it down with a quickness. Calling ppl on their shit there works! I thought the two stickies Allandra wrote about ppl watching their ass after we got rolling was coincidence but it isn't.
September 15, 2008 4:57 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I'm still surprised they banned the bitch.
September 15, 2008 5:42 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Since you can't ask on the forum, why did MissScarlett get banned? Did she curse someone out?
September 15, 2008 5:49 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Read this blog and Niko's step-cousin. Apparently abenyo set up some big LHCF to do for MissScarlett and she dissed them for people she found more to her liking. She lied about and got called out and then... I don't know why, though. I'd be afraid to meet Abenyo too.
September 15, 2008 6:25 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
cerchier after that post u did i know u would be banned lol
September 15, 2008 6:32 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Me too. But God hates a bullshitter as much as I do.
September 15, 2008 6:34 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
The post I was banned for, if you aren't a member, was responding to the Toofus, I mean Bev, closing my thread without answering a question I asked about why i was banned. I wanted the post I was accused of insulting a member. I told her the only fraction for Cerchier was from feb. She came up with some bull...I don't know, I looked, can't find anything. Then she closed the thread. I started a new thread and I stated if, as an ADMIN, you really don't know why I was bannned, then I want to know who you gave the power to ban people to without your knowledge. Then I was banned...forever lmao
September 15, 2008 6:52 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Damn! Bitch look like predator!
September 15, 2008 9:45 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
cerchier u a mess lol
September 16, 2008 8:02 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I'm sorry, but some people need to be ashamed of themselves. Bitches using animal products and pussy creams to grow their hair and then will kill you if you say other women don't go to these extremes. Don't say anything about how creamy crack sets you back. Never seen so many college educated dumb asses.
September 16, 2008 1:20 PM
Anonymous Heat/Glam said...
How you gonna talk about hair methods that WORK. Yeah folk are using horse items and have long flowing hair, while others talk about there methods are sitting there at shoulder length for the past 5 years and wondering why. SMH
September 16, 2008 2:04 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
glam you need to stay your ass off this blog
i just read through the comments and you are always here
drama whore
i see bev got her shit cracked on the board
September 16, 2008 3:17 PM
Anonymous Heat/Glam said...
I'll leave when you annonys grow balls and put your name on comments. That ain't never gonna happen so looks like I'm a permanent fixture boo.
September 16, 2008 9:41 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
There are too many jesus freaks on that board!!!! You woman are sooo vain praying to God for long hair! You make God look like a JOKE!
The Christian section is sooo funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Masturbating when you are married is BAD!? LOLLLLL! That's why black women can't find a man, they worship GOD so much that they don't know how to treat a REAL man!
September 17, 2008 12:43 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
BEVERLY is taking advantage of you all!
BEVERLY is taking advantage of you all!
BEVERLY is taking advantage of you all!
$6.50!?
Oh don't give me that proverbial, PC BULLSHIT, "You pay more than that for a hair product" "Other sites charge more". AND?! There are TONS of sites on the net that give a wealth of information to their members, but you don't have to pay no damn fee (purseforum, thefashionspot, blackvoices, longhairlovers etc) WHy do you think those sites are FREE, but they still get revenue!?? ADS! ADS! Bev has ads all over that damn board "It takes money to run a site" she says, yes, but BITCH, you get AD money! And then she had the NEVER to increase the price! I guess that bitch is using that money to pay for her weaves!
Or maybe she uses the mooney for her tithes to Jeebus!!!
September 17, 2008 12:57 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Oh, no shit she is scamming people. But their are always fools to separate their money from.
September 17, 2008 5:07 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I guess $6.50 breaks some people's pockets and then again $6.50 is just a drop in the bucket for others.
Those who "got it like that" can pay if they want.
Who is it hurting?
September 17, 2008 5:18 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Crabs in a barrel!
September 17, 2008 7:20 AM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Yes. Crabs in a barrel. No one wants to recognize the truth so they drag everyone down to the level of lies. Love the wading pool, if you can.
6.50 doesn't break anyone willing to smear horse skin products on their hair that can cost 40 dollars. Forget the shedding you need to pay how much to correct? What was that other horse product you all spent more than 40 bucks to turn your necks and jewelry black, and left a smell like you worked for the circus. Bitch, wake up.
September 17, 2008 9:09 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
True cerchier. You know, there is knowledge to be gained from lhcf, but I think for some women it can be pretty harmful. All the bandwagons, and people trying to convince others to spend money they don't have. A weak minded person can easily get caught up, and a lot of those women are pretty weak minded. Their quest for that white beauty standard has clouded their minds. And yes, I know black women have all kinds of textures, blah blah, but I still think the most of the women on lhcf are checking for the white beauty, not black
September 17, 2008 9:17 AM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Preach.
September 17, 2008 12:02 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Why are so many of them married, dating white men?
September 17, 2008 12:05 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
They take up with those alien looking white men so they can have kids with 'good hair.' They are a bunch of self hating dumb ass women who don't have a clue. I have not seen one handsome ass white man attached to one of those nappy headed hoes. None of them look like they are about anything. It's perfectly okay to take up with some greasy ass white boy rather than a black man with plenty going for them.I quit reading when pankskates husband demanded she shave her nappy ass vajayjay. The punk wasn't man enuff to tackle that nappy ass jungle. The dumbness ran me away a long time ago.
September 17, 2008 3:06 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
OMG Pinkskates posted that? Her husband said that and she posted it? Abordeaux is the only person I have seen that has a nice looking white boy. The rest look horrible, I think KBragg's husband is probably the worst looking.
September 17, 2008 3:18 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
makes me really wonder who these chicks are growing hair for? The ugly ass white men they are with for sure. And can someone tell Oneya to shut the fuck up.
September 17, 2008 3:46 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Didnt I tell yall firecracker was all up in Bevs ass? what a coincidence that the minute Bev put them pics in her album, here come fire broadcasting it. I am sure if the other pic was not posted here we would not know who Mr. Ed was, lacefront and all.
September 17, 2008 3:49 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Wow, pinkskates husband demanded that? She seemed so in control. I didn't go to the fitness forum much but she seemed on top of her shit. That's embarrassing and gross. I don't knock interracial dating, but in the cases you're presenting, settling for some less than cute, prejudiced, crackerjack white man I do.
September 17, 2008 4:17 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
someone needs to knock some sense into thinkpinkprincess. I mean come on...homegirl is 19 and she doesn't know about Roots? Even if she didn't know, google exists for a reason.
September 17, 2008 9:37 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This thread about Pinkskates husband was quite hilarious:
http://www.longhaircareforum.com/forums/showthread.php?t=141647&highlight=brazillian+wax
September 17, 2008 11:44 PM
Anonymous Jennan said...
AWWW SHit! How tha fuck did i miss this Blog!!! LSA in the house!!! Seraphinelle is fat bitch, that cows always talking about fat people. Have you seen the rings round her neck???? Abenyo is hurt in the face for real. Bint/OAHQ,why the fuck si this woman obsessed with FAT people like seraphinelle? And her whole "i'm mixed afro arab/black women hate/rah rah i'm saudi bullshit* is Jarring.. This biotch claims to be married. Maybe to the computer?This coming from one afro arab bitch to another. Hoe sit your self down.
Whats her name, fabulosity. U ain't got a man cos ur ugly. And your hair looks like shit!Texlaxed tha fuck??? Sleek and Bouncy. I like her. But no i do not want to see what your wearing everyday. And no you are not fashionable, i'm euro s o u know this shit is innate to us. Whos that trick that can't spell?
U know what i'ma register tomorrow and post Bevs pics.Nah let me wait 2 weeks and have some fake arse hair pics. I'm mad i can't use Jennan. Oh and Beyondcute you can't catch me!!!
September 18, 2008 8:48 AM
Anonymous Jennan said...
Urgh u need to silvergirls husband( btw silvergirl has some serious self hate problems, do a search, she fucked a white supremacist for fucks sake! But she's got that 3B hair so everyone oohs) Her white man looks like something from the blue lagoon!!!!
foxie roxy is a man right?
aww shit i am bookmarking this blog
September 18, 2008 8:52 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
so funny jennan! sleekandbouncy just grates for some reason...
September 18, 2008 9:31 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I see you coward bitches are still huddled up in here on your hurt feeling hoe ass nigga circle jerk.
September 18, 2008 10:06 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I just want to warn you all that I will be getting the IPs of all the posters on this blog very soon. Connections, connections, connections. I have not decided what I will do with this info. I may use it to punk some of you or turn it over to Bev and Nikkos for mass bannings and outtings. Shit is for sure about to hit the fan.
September 18, 2008 10:10 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
oh no not that!
September 18, 2008 10:55 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
WTF are you gonna do sith some damn IP#s??? Somebody supposed to be scared of your ass? HTF is a punk gonna punk someone? Go brush your effin hair!
September 18, 2008 12:00 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I am going to have them match the IPs with your user names. Because I know most of you dumb bitches are not switching computers.
I have some of the IPs in my e-mail already.
September 18, 2008 12:11 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
You're getting the ip's on here from who? Bitch, scare tactics only work on the idiots you have under your control. How exactly do you plan to get Blogger to release the ip addresses of an anon poster without them having a big ass problem from every anon poster on their site. They allow anon for a reason. You are trying to scare the wrong person.
September 18, 2008 12:50 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I know someone that works at Google you donkey face trollop.
September 18, 2008 12:55 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I doubt you have anything, and so what if you do? We're already here, why stop posting? And those dumb asses don't check IP's when people re-register, the same people can get back in. Either do it or shut the fuck up and put some coochie cream or butt fungus or whatever on your hair.
September 18, 2008 12:57 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
And...that relates to Blogger, how? What you are trying to do is scare people from posting. If you'd like, I'll write to Blogger and find out under what circumstances they release a poster's ip address. If it's like most, including google, it's only when they violate the law. You're full of shit. Spit it out. It's making your breath stank.
September 18, 2008 12:59 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
It must be either Bev or Abenyo, the 2 who have been hit the hardest on this blog. Who else would care if we post here or not? If talking shit were a crime lhcf would have been shut down long ago.
September 18, 2008 1:10 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
You are a dumb bitch Cerchier. Google owns Blogger so you need to check your facts. I already told you that I KNOW someone so your little writing to get a release is stupid, because I am getting the info regardless of their policy. Obviously you are getting nervous.
September 18, 2008 1:16 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
cerchier has no reason to be nervous, she has already been banned.
September 18, 2008 1:21 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Ok, I'm asking Blogger if they are releasing some of their anon posters(remember, they help add to the ad sales) to some black chick running a website for black women who want long hair. Or if they ever have or give a shit enough to. Or, now that they know some baby daddy's first baby mama may have sent her second baby daddy to look, is that ok with them? You don't scare me, trick. You don't know anyone. Give it up.
September 18, 2008 1:22 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Waiting on that mass banning...
September 18, 2008 1:30 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I know enough to get your trollop ass writing response after response.
September 18, 2008 1:32 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
i think scarlett is back as zaynab
also why is ugly ass abenyo writing these damn sermons on the blog
we already know you mad
we wrote it to make you mad
her and that duck face friend of hers seraphineela
September 18, 2008 1:34 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Oh, don't degenerate now. And, trollop...really? Who says that now, Bev? Get me, please do you silly cunt.
Here is the letter I sent,
Hi,
I’m writing because I need to clearly understand your policy on submitting the Internet Protocol addresses of you members, specifically the anonymous posters, on Blogger, to those who request it. On the Blogspot http://nikoscousins.blogspot.com for Tuesday, August 12, 2008 in the comments toward the end there is a poster that asserts, through the use of someone she knows at who works at Google, the i.p. addresses of every poster in that comment section. Could you please tell me if this is true?
Sincerely,
September 18, 2008 1:37 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
lmao
cerchier is nervous as shit
September 18, 2008 1:52 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
Umm...I'm already banned. I'm annoyed at shit that she's trying to play people here for fools, though.
September 18, 2008 1:57 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
cerchier you really do not have a life at all
you are posted up on this blog
writing day in and day out
now you are writing notes to blogger over some dumb bitch making idle threats
you really ought to find something more productive to do just one day a week
you look so pathetic
September 18, 2008 2:08 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
the board is having a database error
i know who is responsible for that
September 18, 2008 2:12 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
oh please get me banned and "outed" so fucking what? $6.50 is less than the price of a fucking magazine over here. Man i wish i could have seen the miss scarlett thread.What did she do when she got caught out? She got banned for lying? That ain't really a crime. Lord Summerrains boutique is horrid. Her clothes are cheap and nasty looking. Poor jlove just wanted to keep up with the jonses.I dunno why people picked on alfoone, yeah she was annoying but fucking hell other members irk me more. They are so fake. And damn i didn't know people hated Abenyo that much, yeah her eyes r like "the better to see you with my dear" but if ugliness was a crime more than half of LHCF would be doing time. I feel sorry for relaxer rehab. Fucking hell don't they have arranged marriages or something? Shes like nearly 60, obese, hurt in the face- she gonna be typing on LHCF till death comes knocking she ain't got nothing else to do.
There are some nice people there?
I dunno why people hated adequate so much. Her white man was ugly and she posted every aspect of her life, but she wasn't malicious.
J x
September 18, 2008 2:12 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
I actually think Adequate's man was one of the only handsome white men on the board.
To the other girl
As for me not having a life, consider this my new life. Similar to the life you have posting like a welfare queen on LHCF. But wait, you have even less of a life because you post here too.
September 18, 2008 2:19 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
this is only my 2nd post here
compared to how many you have
and how many times have you been banned and come back starting shit? the minute they turn your name back on. you probably have it marked on your calendar when your ban date is up.
bitch please
September 18, 2008 2:50 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Of course FoxieRoxie is a man.
September 18, 2008 3:13 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Wasn't there a real tranny at one time? Not just someone who looks like one, a real one.
September 18, 2008 3:21 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
FoxyRoxy is a tranny so is Queeny.
September 18, 2008 3:35 PM
Anonymous cerchier said...
I'm pretty sure foxyroxy, I hit up her fotki whe the whole "were you born a man" shite went off in ot, is a man. But she is nice. Queeny...
September 18, 2008 3:55 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Oh, I thought you guys were talking about FoxyScholar!
I don't think MissScarlett made the banned over "DC gate" because she continued to post well after that. She did something else to make the banned.
September 18, 2008 4:49 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
There was a thread a while back that got deleted because everyone was calling someone "leatherface". Who is leatherface?
September 18, 2008 4:56 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Queeny is one of the fakest bitches on that site. She stay gossiping but yet claims to be a christian. I am waiting for her ass to be put on blast for the fake that she is. Always posting up those burnt crispy looking children like someone gives a damn. Queeny, Ms.Honey, Nice & Wavy, Shimmy all those bitches that stay on the Christian forum are fake gossipy bitches, but Queeny is the main one.
September 18, 2008 5:49 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Who does this blog belong to?
September 18, 2008 5:50 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I don't know who started, but I think they made the banned, which is why they don't maintain it.
September 18, 2008 6:03 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Yeah, the poster who started this doesn't update but reading through the posts, you guys do. Keep it up.
September 18, 2008 6:28 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Didn't someone say Passionfruit did it?
Has the spammer decided to stop? Some folks just can't take criticism.
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Interactive Feature: Series explores the lives of black men through their shared experiences and existence.
Updated January 7 View feature »
Singled Out
In Seeking a Mate, Men and Women Find Delicate Imbalance
By Krissah Williams
Sunday, October 8, 2006; Page A01
Robyn Thorpe hoped he would pursue her, but she played it cool. She waved goodbye as she stepped down the stairs of the busy cigar lounge.
She took three more steps, conscious of the sway of her skirt, deliberate in her casualness. Then the guy in the red tie and blue button-down shirt made his move.
TRANSCRIPT
Being a Black Man: Dating and Relationships
Robyn Thorpe wants to be married someday and only a black man will do. The 31-year-old attorney will discuss her dating experiences in the D.C.-area and how she stays optimistic in a dating market that doesn't swing in her favor.
INTERACTIVE FEATURE
In world of dating, black women struggle to find lasting relationships as gender roles evolve.
>>View Interactive Feature
PHOTOS
A Date with Statistics
At 31, attorney Robyn Thorpe would like to marry someday. Despite Census figures indicating a dwindling number of marriageable black men, Thorpe remains optimistic that she will one day replicate the strong black family she had growing up.
WHO'S BLOGGING?
Read what bloggers are saying about this article.
African American (Black) Opinion Blog
Singled Out
The Adventures of Perlanegra
Full List of Blogs (55 links) »
Most Blogged About Articles
On washingtonpost.com | On the web
SAVE & SHARE ARTICLE What's This?
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"Are you leaving?" he asked. "Can we finish our conversation?"
She stopped her descent and smiled as she followed him to an empty table. Her plum-tinted lip gloss glistened.
This is what she had come for: the chance to meet a man, a black man, a potential husband. The moment was full of possibility and light, much like the romantic Nigerian films Robyn has come to adore -- where lovers' eyes meet in passionate glances, and romance rules over reason.
But it was also a moment that masks a maddening numbers game. She is a 31-year-old black woman seeking to marry a black man, which lands her in the heart of the most uncoupled demographic in the United States. For every 100 single black women, there are 70 single black men, according to recent U.S. Census Bureau figures, a number that does not take into account the prison population or men living in group homes. In the Washington area, there are 83 single black men for every 100 single black women.
For eligible black men, that equation can look like a dating smorgasbord, with seemingly limitless choices, and not just among black women. According to the 2000 census, black men enter interracial marriages at a higher rate -- 9.7 percent -- than any other racial or gender group except Asian women. That's twice the rate of black women.
For Robyn and black women like her -- who see their fates intimately bound to black men -- life means strategizing and dreaming beyond the numbers in a world where it seems the ground has shifted under their feet.
Her experiences in that world are far more than some "Waiting to Exhale" story line. They are a window on black men, a foray into the never-ending dialogue about the delicate balance -- or imbalance -- between black men and women. It is one of the most volatile and enduring conversations. Just what does it mean, for example, when a half-million more black women than men are college graduates? For some black men, it can be a chance to redefine traditional roles; for others, it opens a widening intraracial battleground over class and gender.
Robyn hasn't joined the ranks of black women who are beginning to talk about exploring their options elsewhere.
"I can't just brush off brothers and say we are in a crisis," she says. "I'm still a believer."
Her faith is soldered by the black men in her life. Men like her father and grandfather, longtime husbands and providers for their children. Men like her siblings, one married and a father of two, the other dating a Bulgarian woman.
CONTINUED 1 2 3 4 5 Next >
Print This ArticleE-Mail This Article
More on washingtonpost.com
Scarlett Johansson: 'Not Promiscuous'
Scarlett Johansson: 'I'm Not Promiscous'
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Interactive Feature: Series explores the lives of black men through their shared experiences and existence.
Updated January 7 View feature »
Singled Out
In Seeking a Mate, Men and Women Find Delicate Imbalance
By Krissah Williams
Sunday, October 8, 2006; Page A01
Robyn Thorpe hoped he would pursue her, but she played it cool. She waved goodbye as she stepped down the stairs of the busy cigar lounge.
She took three more steps, conscious of the sway of her skirt, deliberate in her casualness. Then the guy in the red tie and blue button-down shirt made his move.
TRANSCRIPT
Being a Black Man: Dating and Relationships
Robyn Thorpe wants to be married someday and only a black man will do. The 31-year-old attorney will discuss her dating experiences in the D.C.-area and how she stays optimistic in a dating market that doesn't swing in her favor.
INTERACTIVE FEATURE
In world of dating, black women struggle to find lasting relationships as gender roles evolve.
>>View Interactive Feature
PHOTOS
A Date with Statistics
At 31, attorney Robyn Thorpe would like to marry someday. Despite Census figures indicating a dwindling number of marriageable black men, Thorpe remains optimistic that she will one day replicate the strong black family she had growing up.
WHO'S BLOGGING?
Read what bloggers are saying about this article.
African American (Black) Opinion Blog
Singled Out
The Adventures of Perlanegra
Full List of Blogs (55 links) »
Most Blogged About Articles
On washingtonpost.com | On the web
SAVE & SHARE ARTICLE What's This?
Digg
Google
del.icio.us
Yahoo!
Reddit
Facebook
"Are you leaving?" he asked. "Can we finish our conversation?"
She stopped her descent and smiled as she followed him to an empty table. Her plum-tinted lip gloss glistened.
This is what she had come for: the chance to meet a man, a black man, a potential husband. The moment was full of possibility and light, much like the romantic Nigerian films Robyn has come to adore -- where lovers' eyes meet in passionate glances, and romance rules over reason.
But it was also a moment that masks a maddening numbers game. She is a 31-year-old black woman seeking to marry a black man, which lands her in the heart of the most uncoupled demographic in the United States. For every 100 single black women, there are 70 single black men, according to recent U.S. Census Bureau figures, a number that does not take into account the prison population or men living in group homes. In the Washington area, there are 83 single black men for every 100 single black women.
For eligible black men, that equation can look like a dating smorgasbord, with seemingly limitless choices, and not just among black women. According to the 2000 census, black men enter interracial marriages at a higher rate -- 9.7 percent -- than any other racial or gender group except Asian women. That's twice the rate of black women.
For Robyn and black women like her -- who see their fates intimately bound to black men -- life means strategizing and dreaming beyond the numbers in a world where it seems the ground has shifted under their feet.
Her experiences in that world are far more than some "Waiting to Exhale" story line. They are a window on black men, a foray into the never-ending dialogue about the delicate balance -- or imbalance -- between black men and women. It is one of the most volatile and enduring conversations. Just what does it mean, for example, when a half-million more black women than men are college graduates? For some black men, it can be a chance to redefine traditional roles; for others, it opens a widening intraracial battleground over class and gender.
Robyn hasn't joined the ranks of black women who are beginning to talk about exploring their options elsewhere.
"I can't just brush off brothers and say we are in a crisis," she says. "I'm still a believer."
Her faith is soldered by the black men in her life. Men like her father and grandfather, longtime husbands and providers for their children. Men like her siblings, one married and a father of two, the other dating a Bulgarian woman.
CONTINUED 1 2 3 4 5 Next >
Print This ArticleE-Mail This Article
More on washingtonpost.com
Scarlett Johansson: 'Not Promiscuous'
Scarlett Johansson: 'I'm Not Promiscous'
Parting Gift From a Dead Ex
» Related Topics & Web Content
© 2007 The Washington Post Company
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washingtonpost.com > Print Edition > A Section
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Interactive Feature: Series explores the lives of black men through their shared experiences and existence.
Updated January 7 View feature »
Singled Out
In Seeking a Mate, Men and Women Find Delicate Imbalance
By Krissah Williams
Sunday, October 8, 2006; Page A01
Robyn Thorpe hoped he would pursue her, but she played it cool. She waved goodbye as she stepped down the stairs of the busy cigar lounge.
She took three more steps, conscious of the sway of her skirt, deliberate in her casualness. Then the guy in the red tie and blue button-down shirt made his move.
TRANSCRIPT
Being a Black Man: Dating and Relationships
Robyn Thorpe wants to be married someday and only a black man will do. The 31-year-old attorney will discuss her dating experiences in the D.C.-area and how she stays optimistic in a dating market that doesn't swing in her favor.
INTERACTIVE FEATURE
In world of dating, black women struggle to find lasting relationships as gender roles evolve.
>>View Interactive Feature
PHOTOS
A Date with Statistics
At 31, attorney Robyn Thorpe would like to marry someday. Despite Census figures indicating a dwindling number of marriageable black men, Thorpe remains optimistic that she will one day replicate the strong black family she had growing up.
WHO'S BLOGGING?
Read what bloggers are saying about this article.
African American (Black) Opinion Blog
Singled Out
The Adventures of Perlanegra
Full List of Blogs (55 links) »
Most Blogged About Articles
On washingtonpost.com | On the web
SAVE & SHARE ARTICLE What's This?
Digg
Google
del.icio.us
Yahoo!
Reddit
Facebook
"Are you leaving?" he asked. "Can we finish our conversation?"
She stopped her descent and smiled as she followed him to an empty table. Her plum-tinted lip gloss glistened.
This is what she had come for: the chance to meet a man, a black man, a potential husband. The moment was full of possibility and light, much like the romantic Nigerian films Robyn has come to adore -- where lovers' eyes meet in passionate glances, and romance rules over reason.
But it was also a moment that masks a maddening numbers game. She is a 31-year-old black woman seeking to marry a black man, which lands her in the heart of the most uncoupled demographic in the United States. For every 100 single black women, there are 70 single black men, according to recent U.S. Census Bureau figures, a number that does not take into account the prison population or men living in group homes. In the Washington area, there are 83 single black men for every 100 single black women.
For eligible black men, that equation can look like a dating smorgasbord, with seemingly limitless choices, and not just among black women. According to the 2000 census, black men enter interracial marriages at a higher rate -- 9.7 percent -- than any other racial or gender group except Asian women. That's twice the rate of black women.
For Robyn and black women like her -- who see their fates intimately bound to black men -- life means strategizing and dreaming beyond the numbers in a world where it seems the ground has shifted under their feet.
Her experiences in that world are far more than some "Waiting to Exhale" story line. They are a window on black men, a foray into the never-ending dialogue about the delicate balance -- or imbalance -- between black men and women. It is one of the most volatile and enduring conversations. Just what does it mean, for example, when a half-million more black women than men are college graduates? For some black men, it can be a chance to redefine traditional roles; for others, it opens a widening intraracial battleground over class and gender.
Robyn hasn't joined the ranks of black women who are beginning to talk about exploring their options elsewhere.
"I can't just brush off brothers and say we are in a crisis," she says. "I'm still a believer."
Her faith is soldered by the black men in her life. Men like her father and grandfather, longtime husbands and providers for their children. Men like her siblings, one married and a father of two, the other dating a Bulgarian woman.
CONTINUED 1 2 3 4 5 Next >
Print This ArticleE-Mail This Article
More on washingtonpost.com
Scarlett Johansson: 'Not Promiscuous'
Scarlett Johansson: 'I'm Not Promiscous'
Parting Gift From a Dead Ex
» Related Topics & Web Content
© 2007 The Washington Post Company
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Black Women White Men
Specialists in Black White Dating Photo Profiles, Free Chat Rooms
InterRacialDatingCentral.com
Dating Rich Women
Start meeting rich, single women. All members screened and verified.
www.SuccessfulSinglesMatch.com
Date Older Women
Meet A Sexy Mature Woman Tonight 1000s of Local Results. Search Now!
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washingtonpost.comWeb | Search Archives
washingtonpost.com > Print Edition > A Section
Print This Article
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Interactive Feature: Series explores the lives of black men through their shared experiences and existence.
Updated January 7 View feature »
Singled Out
In Seeking a Mate, Men and Women Find Delicate Imbalance
By Krissah Williams
Sunday, October 8, 2006; Page A01
Robyn Thorpe hoped he would pursue her, but she played it cool. She waved goodbye as she stepped down the stairs of the busy cigar lounge.
She took three more steps, conscious of the sway of her skirt, deliberate in her casualness. Then the guy in the red tie and blue button-down shirt made his move.
TRANSCRIPT
Being a Black Man: Dating and Relationships
Robyn Thorpe wants to be married someday and only a black man will do. The 31-year-old attorney will discuss her dating experiences in the D.C.-area and how she stays optimistic in a dating market that doesn't swing in her favor.
INTERACTIVE FEATURE
In world of dating, black women struggle to find lasting relationships as gender roles evolve.
>>View Interactive Feature
PHOTOS
A Date with Statistics
At 31, attorney Robyn Thorpe would like to marry someday. Despite Census figures indicating a dwindling number of marriageable black men, Thorpe remains optimistic that she will one day replicate the strong black family she had growing up.
WHO'S BLOGGING?
Read what bloggers are saying about this article.
African American (Black) Opinion Blog
Singled Out
The Adventures of Perlanegra
Full List of Blogs (55 links) »
Most Blogged About Articles
On washingtonpost.com | On the web
SAVE & SHARE ARTICLE What's This?
Digg
Google
del.icio.us
Yahoo!
Reddit
Facebook
"Are you leaving?" he asked. "Can we finish our conversation?"
She stopped her descent and smiled as she followed him to an empty table. Her plum-tinted lip gloss glistened.
This is what she had come for: the chance to meet a man, a black man, a potential husband. The moment was full of possibility and light, much like the romantic Nigerian films Robyn has come to adore -- where lovers' eyes meet in passionate glances, and romance rules over reason.
But it was also a moment that masks a maddening numbers game. She is a 31-year-old black woman seeking to marry a black man, which lands her in the heart of the most uncoupled demographic in the United States. For every 100 single black women, there are 70 single black men, according to recent U.S. Census Bureau figures, a number that does not take into account the prison population or men living in group homes. In the Washington area, there are 83 single black men for every 100 single black women.
For eligible black men, that equation can look like a dating smorgasbord, with seemingly limitless choices, and not just among black women. According to the 2000 census, black men enter interracial marriages at a higher rate -- 9.7 percent -- than any other racial or gender group except Asian women. That's twice the rate of black women.
For Robyn and black women like her -- who see their fates intimately bound to black men -- life means strategizing and dreaming beyond the numbers in a world where it seems the ground has shifted under their feet.
Her experiences in that world are far more than some "Waiting to Exhale" story line. They are a window on black men, a foray into the never-ending dialogue about the delicate balance -- or imbalance -- between black men and women. It is one of the most volatile and enduring conversations. Just what does it mean, for example, when a half-million more black women than men are college graduates? For some black men, it can be a chance to redefine traditional roles; for others, it opens a widening intraracial battleground over class and gender.
Robyn hasn't joined the ranks of black women who are beginning to talk about exploring their options elsewhere.
"I can't just brush off brothers and say we are in a crisis," she says. "I'm still a believer."
Her faith is soldered by the black men in her life. Men like her father and grandfather, longtime husbands and providers for their children. Men like her siblings, one married and a father of two, the other dating a Bulgarian woman.
CONTINUED 1 2 3 4 5 Next >
Print This ArticleE-Mail This Article
More on washingtonpost.com
Scarlett Johansson: 'Not Promiscuous'
Scarlett Johansson: 'I'm Not Promiscous'
Parting Gift From a Dead Ex
» Related Topics & Web Content
© 2007 The Washington Post Company
Ads by Google
Black Women White Men
Specialists in Black White Dating Photo Profiles, Free Chat Rooms
InterRacialDatingCentral.com
Dating Rich Women
Start meeting rich, single women. All members screened and verified.
www.SuccessfulSinglesMatch.com
Date Older Women
Meet A Sexy Mature Woman Tonight 1000s of Local Results. Search Now!
www.MatureMatchOnline.com
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washingtonpost.comWeb | Search Archives
washingtonpost.com > Print Edition > A Section
Print This Article
E-Mail This Article
Interactive Feature: Series explores the lives of black men through their shared experiences and existence.
Updated January 7 View feature »
Singled Out
In Seeking a Mate, Men and Women Find Delicate Imbalance
By Krissah Williams
Sunday, October 8, 2006; Page A01
Robyn Thorpe hoped he would pursue her, but she played it cool. She waved goodbye as she stepped down the stairs of the busy cigar lounge.
She took three more steps, conscious of the sway of her skirt, deliberate in her casualness. Then the guy in the red tie and blue button-down shirt made his move.
TRANSCRIPT
Being a Black Man: Dating and Relationships
Robyn Thorpe wants to be married someday and only a black man will do. The 31-year-old attorney will discuss her dating experiences in the D.C.-area and how she stays optimistic in a dating market that doesn't swing in her favor.
INTERACTIVE FEATURE
In world of dating, black women struggle to find lasting relationships as gender roles evolve.
>>View Interactive Feature
PHOTOS
A Date with Statistics
At 31, attorney Robyn Thorpe would like to marry someday. Despite Census figures indicating a dwindling number of marriageable black men, Thorpe remains optimistic that she will one day replicate the strong black family she had growing up.
WHO'S BLOGGING?
Read what bloggers are saying about this article.
African American (Black) Opinion Blog
Singled Out
The Adventures of Perlanegra
Full List of Blogs (55 links) »
Most Blogged About Articles
On washingtonpost.com | On the web
SAVE & SHARE ARTICLE What's This?
Digg
Google
del.icio.us
Yahoo!
Reddit
Facebook
"Are you leaving?" he asked. "Can we finish our conversation?"
She stopped her descent and smiled as she followed him to an empty table. Her plum-tinted lip gloss glistened.
This is what she had come for: the chance to meet a man, a black man, a potential husband. The moment was full of possibility and light, much like the romantic Nigerian films Robyn has come to adore -- where lovers' eyes meet in passionate glances, and romance rules over reason.
But it was also a moment that masks a maddening numbers game. She is a 31-year-old black woman seeking to marry a black man, which lands her in the heart of the most uncoupled demographic in the United States. For every 100 single black women, there are 70 single black men, according to recent U.S. Census Bureau figures, a number that does not take into account the prison population or men living in group homes. In the Washington area, there are 83 single black men for every 100 single black women.
For eligible black men, that equation can look like a dating smorgasbord, with seemingly limitless choices, and not just among black women. According to the 2000 census, black men enter interracial marriages at a higher rate -- 9.7 percent -- than any other racial or gender group except Asian women. That's twice the rate of black women.
For Robyn and black women like her -- who see their fates intimately bound to black men -- life means strategizing and dreaming beyond the numbers in a world where it seems the ground has shifted under their feet.
Her experiences in that world are far more than some "Waiting to Exhale" story line. They are a window on black men, a foray into the never-ending dialogue about the delicate balance -- or imbalance -- between black men and women. It is one of the most volatile and enduring conversations. Just what does it mean, for example, when a half-million more black women than men are college graduates? For some black men, it can be a chance to redefine traditional roles; for others, it opens a widening intraracial battleground over class and gender.
Robyn hasn't joined the ranks of black women who are beginning to talk about exploring their options elsewhere.
"I can't just brush off brothers and say we are in a crisis," she says. "I'm still a believer."
Her faith is soldered by the black men in her life. Men like her father and grandfather, longtime husbands and providers for their children. Men like her siblings, one married and a father of two, the other dating a Bulgarian woman.
CONTINUED 1 2 3 4 5 Next >
Print This ArticleE-Mail This Article
More on washingtonpost.com
Scarlett Johansson: 'Not Promiscuous'
Scarlett Johansson: 'I'm Not Promiscous'
Parting Gift From a Dead Ex
» Related Topics & Web Content
© 2007 The Washington Post Company
Ads by Google
Black Women White Men
Specialists in Black White Dating Photo Profiles, Free Chat Rooms
InterRacialDatingCentral.com
Dating Rich Women
Start meeting rich, single women. All members screened and verified.
www.SuccessfulSinglesMatch.com
Date Older Women
Meet A Sexy Mature Woman Tonight 1000s of Local Results. Search Now!
www.MatureMatchOnline.com
Sign In | Register Now
Print Edition | Subscribe | PostPoints
NEWS
POLITICS
OPINIONS
LOCAL
SPORTS
ARTS & LIVING
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SEARCH:
washingtonpost.comWeb | Search Archives
washingtonpost.com > Print Edition > A Section
Print This Article
E-Mail This Article
Interactive Feature: Series explores the lives of black men through their shared experiences and existence.
Updated January 7 View feature »
Singled Out
In Seeking a Mate, Men and Women Find Delicate Imbalance
By Krissah Williams
Sunday, October 8, 2006; Page A01
Robyn Thorpe hoped he would pursue her, but she played it cool. She waved goodbye as she stepped down the stairs of the busy cigar lounge.
She took three more steps, conscious of the sway of her skirt, deliberate in her casualness. Then the guy in the red tie and blue button-down shirt made his move.
TRANSCRIPT
Being a Black Man: Dating and Relationships
Robyn Thorpe wants to be married someday and only a black man will do. The 31-year-old attorney will discuss her dating experiences in the D.C.-area and how she stays optimistic in a dating market that doesn't swing in her favor.
INTERACTIVE FEATURE
In world of dating, black women struggle to find lasting relationships as gender roles evolve.
>>View Interactive Feature
PHOTOS
A Date with Statistics
At 31, attorney Robyn Thorpe would like to marry someday. Despite Census figures indicating a dwindling number of marriageable black men, Thorpe remains optimistic that she will one day replicate the strong black family she had growing up.
WHO'S BLOGGING?
Read what bloggers are saying about this article.
African American (Black) Opinion Blog
Singled Out
The Adventures of Perlanegra
Full List of Blogs (55 links) »
Most Blogged About Articles
On washingtonpost.com | On the web
SAVE & SHARE ARTICLE What's This?
Digg
Google
del.icio.us
Yahoo!
Reddit
Facebook
"Are you leaving?" he asked. "Can we finish our conversation?"
She stopped her descent and smiled as she followed him to an empty table. Her plum-tinted lip gloss glistened.
This is what she had come for: the chance to meet a man, a black man, a potential husband. The moment was full of possibility and light, much like the romantic Nigerian films Robyn has come to adore -- where lovers' eyes meet in passionate glances, and romance rules over reason.
But it was also a moment that masks a maddening numbers game. She is a 31-year-old black woman seeking to marry a black man, which lands her in the heart of the most uncoupled demographic in the United States. For every 100 single black women, there are 70 single black men, according to recent U.S. Census Bureau figures, a number that does not take into account the prison population or men living in group homes. In the Washington area, there are 83 single black men for every 100 single black women.
For eligible black men, that equation can look like a dating smorgasbord, with seemingly limitless choices, and not just among black women. According to the 2000 census, black men enter interracial marriages at a higher rate -- 9.7 percent -- than any other racial or gender group except Asian women. That's twice the rate of black women.
For Robyn and black women like her -- who see their fates intimately bound to black men -- life means strategizing and dreaming beyond the numbers in a world where it seems the ground has shifted under their feet.
Her experiences in that world are far more than some "Waiting to Exhale" story line. They are a window on black men, a foray into the never-ending dialogue about the delicate balance -- or imbalance -- between black men and women. It is one of the most volatile and enduring conversations. Just what does it mean, for example, when a half-million more black women than men are college graduates? For some black men, it can be a chance to redefine traditional roles; for others, it opens a widening intraracial battleground over class and gender.
Robyn hasn't joined the ranks of black women who are beginning to talk about exploring their options elsewhere.
"I can't just brush off brothers and say we are in a crisis," she says. "I'm still a believer."
Her faith is soldered by the black men in her life. Men like her father and grandfather, longtime husbands and providers for their children. Men like her siblings, one married and a father of two, the other dating a Bulgarian woman.
CONTINUED 1 2 3 4 5 Next >
Print This ArticleE-Mail This Article
More on washingtonpost.com
Scarlett Johansson: 'Not Promiscuous'
Scarlett Johansson: 'I'm Not Promiscous'
Parting Gift From a Dead Ex
» Related Topics & Web Content
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Interactive Feature: Series explores the lives of black men through their shared experiences and existence.
Updated January 7 View feature »
Singled Out
In Seeking a Mate, Men and Women Find Delicate Imbalance
By Krissah Williams
Sunday, October 8, 2006; Page A01
Robyn Thorpe hoped he would pursue her, but she played it cool. She waved goodbye as she stepped down the stairs of the busy cigar lounge.
She took three more steps, conscious of the sway of her skirt, deliberate in her casualness. Then the guy in the red tie and blue button-down shirt made his move.
TRANSCRIPT
Being a Black Man: Dating and Relationships
Robyn Thorpe wants to be married someday and only a black man will do. The 31-year-old attorney will discuss her dating experiences in the D.C.-area and how she stays optimistic in a dating market that doesn't swing in her favor.
INTERACTIVE FEATURE
In world of dating, black women struggle to find lasting relationships as gender roles evolve.
>>View Interactive Feature
PHOTOS
A Date with Statistics
At 31, attorney Robyn Thorpe would like to marry someday. Despite Census figures indicating a dwindling number of marriageable black men, Thorpe remains optimistic that she will one day replicate the strong black family she had growing up.
WHO'S BLOGGING?
Read what bloggers are saying about this article.
African American (Black) Opinion Blog
Singled Out
The Adventures of Perlanegra
Full List of Blogs (55 links) »
Most Blogged About Articles
On washingtonpost.com | On the web
SAVE & SHARE ARTICLE What's This?
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"Are you leaving?" he asked. "Can we finish our conversation?"
She stopped her descent and smiled as she followed him to an empty table. Her plum-tinted lip gloss glistened.
This is what she had come for: the chance to meet a man, a black man, a potential husband. The moment was full of possibility and light, much like the romantic Nigerian films Robyn has come to adore -- where lovers' eyes meet in passionate glances, and romance rules over reason.
But it was also a moment that masks a maddening numbers game. She is a 31-year-old black woman seeking to marry a black man, which lands her in the heart of the most uncoupled demographic in the United States. For every 100 single black women, there are 70 single black men, according to recent U.S. Census Bureau figures, a number that does not take into account the prison population or men living in group homes. In the Washington area, there are 83 single black men for every 100 single black women.
For eligible black men, that equation can look like a dating smorgasbord, with seemingly limitless choices, and not just among black women. According to the 2000 census, black men enter interracial marriages at a higher rate -- 9.7 percent -- than any other racial or gender group except Asian women. That's twice the rate of black women.
For Robyn and black women like her -- who see their fates intimately bound to black men -- life means strategizing and dreaming beyond the numbers in a world where it seems the ground has shifted under their feet.
Her experiences in that world are far more than some "Waiting to Exhale" story line. They are a window on black men, a foray into the never-ending dialogue about the delicate balance -- or imbalance -- between black men and women. It is one of the most volatile and enduring conversations. Just what does it mean, for example, when a half-million more black women than men are college graduates? For some black men, it can be a chance to redefine traditional roles; for others, it opens a widening intraracial battleground over class and gender.
Robyn hasn't joined the ranks of black women who are beginning to talk about exploring their options elsewhere.
"I can't just brush off brothers and say we are in a crisis," she says. "I'm still a believer."
Her faith is soldered by the black men in her life. Men like her father and grandfather, longtime husbands and providers for their children. Men like her siblings, one married and a father of two, the other dating a Bulgarian woman.
CONTINUED 1 2 3 4 5 Next >
Print This ArticleE-Mail This Article
More on washingtonpost.com
Scarlett Johansson: 'Not Promiscuous'
Scarlett Johansson: 'I'm Not Promiscous'
Parting Gift From a Dead Ex
» Related Topics & Web Content
© 2007 The Washington Post Company
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Interactive Feature: Series explores the lives of black men through their shared experiences and existence.
Updated January 7 View feature »
Singled Out
In Seeking a Mate, Men and Women Find Delicate Imbalance
By Krissah Williams
Sunday, October 8, 2006; Page A01
Robyn Thorpe hoped he would pursue her, but she played it cool. She waved goodbye as she stepped down the stairs of the busy cigar lounge.
She took three more steps, conscious of the sway of her skirt, deliberate in her casualness. Then the guy in the red tie and blue button-down shirt made his move.
TRANSCRIPT
Being a Black Man: Dating and Relationships
Robyn Thorpe wants to be married someday and only a black man will do. The 31-year-old attorney will discuss her dating experiences in the D.C.-area and how she stays optimistic in a dating market that doesn't swing in her favor.
INTERACTIVE FEATURE
In world of dating, black women struggle to find lasting relationships as gender roles evolve.
>>View Interactive Feature
PHOTOS
A Date with Statistics
At 31, attorney Robyn Thorpe would like to marry someday. Despite Census figures indicating a dwindling number of marriageable black men, Thorpe remains optimistic that she will one day replicate the strong black family she had growing up.
WHO'S BLOGGING?
Read what bloggers are saying about this article.
African American (Black) Opinion Blog
Singled Out
The Adventures of Perlanegra
Full List of Blogs (55 links) »
Most Blogged About Articles
On washingtonpost.com | On the web
SAVE & SHARE ARTICLE What's This?
Digg
Google
del.icio.us
Yahoo!
Reddit
Facebook
"Are you leaving?" he asked. "Can we finish our conversation?"
She stopped her descent and smiled as she followed him to an empty table. Her plum-tinted lip gloss glistened.
This is what she had come for: the chance to meet a man, a black man, a potential husband. The moment was full of possibility and light, much like the romantic Nigerian films Robyn has come to adore -- where lovers' eyes meet in passionate glances, and romance rules over reason.
But it was also a moment that masks a maddening numbers game. She is a 31-year-old black woman seeking to marry a black man, which lands her in the heart of the most uncoupled demographic in the United States. For every 100 single black women, there are 70 single black men, according to recent U.S. Census Bureau figures, a number that does not take into account the prison population or men living in group homes. In the Washington area, there are 83 single black men for every 100 single black women.
For eligible black men, that equation can look like a dating smorgasbord, with seemingly limitless choices, and not just among black women. According to the 2000 census, black men enter interracial marriages at a higher rate -- 9.7 percent -- than any other racial or gender group except Asian women. That's twice the rate of black women.
For Robyn and black women like her -- who see their fates intimately bound to black men -- life means strategizing and dreaming beyond the numbers in a world where it seems the ground has shifted under their feet.
Her experiences in that world are far more than some "Waiting to Exhale" story line. They are a window on black men, a foray into the never-ending dialogue about the delicate balance -- or imbalance -- between black men and women. It is one of the most volatile and enduring conversations. Just what does it mean, for example, when a half-million more black women than men are college graduates? For some black men, it can be a chance to redefine traditional roles; for others, it opens a widening intraracial battleground over class and gender.
Robyn hasn't joined the ranks of black women who are beginning to talk about exploring their options elsewhere.
"I can't just brush off brothers and say we are in a crisis," she says. "I'm still a believer."
Her faith is soldered by the black men in her life. Men like her father and grandfather, longtime husbands and providers for their children. Men like her siblings, one married and a father of two, the other dating a Bulgarian woman.
CONTINUED 1 2 3 4 5 Next >
Print This ArticleE-Mail This Article
More on washingtonpost.com
Scarlett Johansson: 'Not Promiscuous'
Scarlett Johansson: 'I'm Not Promiscous'
Parting Gift From a Dead Ex
» Related Topics & Web Content
© 2007 The Washington Post Company
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Black Women White Men
Specialists in Black White Dating Photo Profiles, Free Chat Rooms
InterRacialDatingCentral.com
Dating Rich Women
Start meeting rich, single women. All members screened and verified.
www.SuccessfulSinglesMatch.com
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washingtonpost.com > Print Edition > A Section
Print This Article
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Interactive Feature: Series explores the lives of black men through their shared experiences and existence.
Updated January 7 View feature »
Singled Out
In Seeking a Mate, Men and Women Find Delicate Imbalance
By Krissah Williams
Sunday, October 8, 2006; Page A01
Robyn Thorpe hoped he would pursue her, but she played it cool. She waved goodbye as she stepped down the stairs of the busy cigar lounge.
She took three more steps, conscious of the sway of her skirt, deliberate in her casualness. Then the guy in the red tie and blue button-down shirt made his move.
TRANSCRIPT
Being a Black Man: Dating and Relationships
Robyn Thorpe wants to be married someday and only a black man will do. The 31-year-old attorney will discuss her dating experiences in the D.C.-area and how she stays optimistic in a dating market that doesn't swing in her favor.
INTERACTIVE FEATURE
In world of dating, black women struggle to find lasting relationships as gender roles evolve.
>>View Interactive Feature
PHOTOS
A Date with Statistics
At 31, attorney Robyn Thorpe would like to marry someday. Despite Census figures indicating a dwindling number of marriageable black men, Thorpe remains optimistic that she will one day replicate the strong black family she had growing up.
WHO'S BLOGGING?
Read what bloggers are saying about this article.
African American (Black) Opinion Blog
Singled Out
The Adventures of Perlanegra
Full List of Blogs (55 links) »
Most Blogged About Articles
On washingtonpost.com | On the web
SAVE & SHARE ARTICLE What's This?
Digg
Google
del.icio.us
Yahoo!
Reddit
Facebook
"Are you leaving?" he asked. "Can we finish our conversation?"
She stopped her descent and smiled as she followed him to an empty table. Her plum-tinted lip gloss glistened.
This is what she had come for: the chance to meet a man, a black man, a potential husband. The moment was full of possibility and light, much like the romantic Nigerian films Robyn has come to adore -- where lovers' eyes meet in passionate glances, and romance rules over reason.
But it was also a moment that masks a maddening numbers game. She is a 31-year-old black woman seeking to marry a black man, which lands her in the heart of the most uncoupled demographic in the United States. For every 100 single black women, there are 70 single black men, according to recent U.S. Census Bureau figures, a number that does not take into account the prison population or men living in group homes. In the Washington area, there are 83 single black men for every 100 single black women.
For eligible black men, that equation can look like a dating smorgasbord, with seemingly limitless choices, and not just among black women. According to the 2000 census, black men enter interracial marriages at a higher rate -- 9.7 percent -- than any other racial or gender group except Asian women. That's twice the rate of black women.
For Robyn and black women like her -- who see their fates intimately bound to black men -- life means strategizing and dreaming beyond the numbers in a world where it seems the ground has shifted under their feet.
Her experiences in that world are far more than some "Waiting to Exhale" story line. They are a window on black men, a foray into the never-ending dialogue about the delicate balance -- or imbalance -- between black men and women. It is one of the most volatile and enduring conversations. Just what does it mean, for example, when a half-million more black women than men are college graduates? For some black men, it can be a chance to redefine traditional roles; for others, it opens a widening intraracial battleground over class and gender.
Robyn hasn't joined the ranks of black women who are beginning to talk about exploring their options elsewhere.
"I can't just brush off brothers and say we are in a crisis," she says. "I'm still a believer."
Her faith is soldered by the black men in her life. Men like her father and grandfather, longtime husbands and providers for their children. Men like her siblings, one married and a father of two, the other dating a Bulgarian woman.
CONTINUED 1 2 3 4 5 Next >
Print This ArticleE-Mail This Article
More on washingtonpost.com
Scarlett Johansson: 'Not Promiscuous'
Scarlett Johansson: 'I'm Not Promiscous'
Parting Gift From a Dead Ex
» Related Topics & Web Content
© 2007 The Washington Post Company
Ads by Google
Black Women White Men
Specialists in Black White Dating Photo Profiles, Free Chat Rooms
InterRacialDatingCentral.com
Dating Rich Women
Start meeting rich, single women. All members screened and verified.
www.SuccessfulSinglesMatch.com
Date Older Women
Meet A Sexy Mature Woman Tonight 1000s of Local Results. Search Now!
www.MatureMatchOnline.com
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washingtonpost.com > Print Edition > A Section
Print This Article
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Interactive Feature: Series explores the lives of black men through their shared experiences and existence.
Updated January 7 View feature »
Singled Out
In Seeking a Mate, Men and Women Find Delicate Imbalance
By Krissah Williams
Sunday, October 8, 2006; Page A01
Robyn Thorpe hoped he would pursue her, but she played it cool. She waved goodbye as she stepped down the stairs of the busy cigar lounge.
She took three more steps, conscious of the sway of her skirt, deliberate in her casualness. Then the guy in the red tie and blue button-down shirt made his move.
TRANSCRIPT
Being a Black Man: Dating and Relationships
Robyn Thorpe wants to be married someday and only a black man will do. The 31-year-old attorney will discuss her dating experiences in the D.C.-area and how she stays optimistic in a dating market that doesn't swing in her favor.
INTERACTIVE FEATURE
In world of dating, black women struggle to find lasting relationships as gender roles evolve.
>>View Interactive Feature
PHOTOS
A Date with Statistics
At 31, attorney Robyn Thorpe would like to marry someday. Despite Census figures indicating a dwindling number of marriageable black men, Thorpe remains optimistic that she will one day replicate the strong black family she had growing up.
WHO'S BLOGGING?
Read what bloggers are saying about this article.
African American (Black) Opinion Blog
Singled Out
The Adventures of Perlanegra
Full List of Blogs (55 links) »
Most Blogged About Articles
On washingtonpost.com | On the web
SAVE & SHARE ARTICLE What's This?
Digg
Google
del.icio.us
Yahoo!
Reddit
Facebook
"Are you leaving?" he asked. "Can we finish our conversation?"
She stopped her descent and smiled as she followed him to an empty table. Her plum-tinted lip gloss glistened.
This is what she had come for: the chance to meet a man, a black man, a potential husband. The moment was full of possibility and light, much like the romantic Nigerian films Robyn has come to adore -- where lovers' eyes meet in passionate glances, and romance rules over reason.
But it was also a moment that masks a maddening numbers game. She is a 31-year-old black woman seeking to marry a black man, which lands her in the heart of the most uncoupled demographic in the United States. For every 100 single black women, there are 70 single black men, according to recent U.S. Census Bureau figures, a number that does not take into account the prison population or men living in group homes. In the Washington area, there are 83 single black men for every 100 single black women.
For eligible black men, that equation can look like a dating smorgasbord, with seemingly limitless choices, and not just among black women. According to the 2000 census, black men enter interracial marriages at a higher rate -- 9.7 percent -- than any other racial or gender group except Asian women. That's twice the rate of black women.
For Robyn and black women like her -- who see their fates intimately bound to black men -- life means strategizing and dreaming beyond the numbers in a world where it seems the ground has shifted under their feet.
Her experiences in that world are far more than some "Waiting to Exhale" story line. They are a window on black men, a foray into the never-ending dialogue about the delicate balance -- or imbalance -- between black men and women. It is one of the most volatile and enduring conversations. Just what does it mean, for example, when a half-million more black women than men are college graduates? For some black men, it can be a chance to redefine traditional roles; for others, it opens a widening intraracial battleground over class and gender.
Robyn hasn't joined the ranks of black women who are beginning to talk about exploring their options elsewhere.
"I can't just brush off brothers and say we are in a crisis," she says. "I'm still a believer."
Her faith is soldered by the black men in her life. Men like her father and grandfather, longtime husbands and providers for their children. Men like her siblings, one married and a father of two, the other dating a Bulgarian woman.
CONTINUED 1 2 3 4 5 Next >
Print This ArticleE-Mail This Article
More on washingtonpost.com
Scarlett Johansson: 'Not Promiscuous'
Scarlett Johansson: 'I'm Not Promiscous'
Parting Gift From a Dead Ex
» Related Topics & Web Content
© 2007 The Washington Post Company
Ads by Google
Black Women White Men
Specialists in Black White Dating Photo Profiles, Free Chat Rooms
InterRacialDatingCentral.com
Dating Rich Women
Start meeting rich, single women. All members screened and verified.
www.SuccessfulSinglesMatch.com
Date Older Women
Meet A Sexy Mature Woman Tonight 1000s of Local Results. Search Now!
www.MatureMatchOnline.com
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washingtonpost.com > Print Edition > A Section
Print This Article
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Interactive Feature: Series explores the lives of black men through their shared experiences and existence.
Updated January 7 View feature »
Singled Out
In Seeking a Mate, Men and Women Find Delicate Imbalance
By Krissah Williams
Sunday, October 8, 2006; Page A01
Robyn Thorpe hoped he would pursue her, but she played it cool. She waved goodbye as she stepped down the stairs of the busy cigar lounge.
She took three more steps, conscious of the sway of her skirt, deliberate in her casualness. Then the guy in the red tie and blue button-down shirt made his move.
TRANSCRIPT
Being a Black Man: Dating and Relationships
Robyn Thorpe wants to be married someday and only a black man will do. The 31-year-old attorney will discuss her dating experiences in the D.C.-area and how she stays optimistic in a dating market that doesn't swing in her favor.
INTERACTIVE FEATURE
In world of dating, black women struggle to find lasting relationships as gender roles evolve.
>>View Interactive Feature
PHOTOS
A Date with Statistics
At 31, attorney Robyn Thorpe would like to marry someday. Despite Census figures indicating a dwindling number of marriageable black men, Thorpe remains optimistic that she will one day replicate the strong black family she had growing up.
WHO'S BLOGGING?
Read what bloggers are saying about this article.
African American (Black) Opinion Blog
Singled Out
The Adventures of Perlanegra
Full List of Blogs (55 links) »
Most Blogged About Articles
On washingtonpost.com | On the web
SAVE & SHARE ARTICLE What's This?
Digg
Google
del.icio.us
Yahoo!
Reddit
Facebook
"Are you leaving?" he asked. "Can we finish our conversation?"
She stopped her descent and smiled as she followed him to an empty table. Her plum-tinted lip gloss glistened.
This is what she had come for: the chance to meet a man, a black man, a potential husband. The moment was full of possibility and light, much like the romantic Nigerian films Robyn has come to adore -- where lovers' eyes meet in passionate glances, and romance rules over reason.
But it was also a moment that masks a maddening numbers game. She is a 31-year-old black woman seeking to marry a black man, which lands her in the heart of the most uncoupled demographic in the United States. For every 100 single black women, there are 70 single black men, according to recent U.S. Census Bureau figures, a number that does not take into account the prison population or men living in group homes. In the Washington area, there are 83 single black men for every 100 single black women.
For eligible black men, that equation can look like a dating smorgasbord, with seemingly limitless choices, and not just among black women. According to the 2000 census, black men enter interracial marriages at a higher rate -- 9.7 percent -- than any other racial or gender group except Asian women. That's twice the rate of black women.
For Robyn and black women like her -- who see their fates intimately bound to black men -- life means strategizing and dreaming beyond the numbers in a world where it seems the ground has shifted under their feet.
Her experiences in that world are far more than some "Waiting to Exhale" story line. They are a window on black men, a foray into the never-ending dialogue about the delicate balance -- or imbalance -- between black men and women. It is one of the most volatile and enduring conversations. Just what does it mean, for example, when a half-million more black women than men are college graduates? For some black men, it can be a chance to redefine traditional roles; for others, it opens a widening intraracial battleground over class and gender.
Robyn hasn't joined the ranks of black women who are beginning to talk about exploring their options elsewhere.
"I can't just brush off brothers and say we are in a crisis," she says. "I'm still a believer."
Her faith is soldered by the black men in her life. Men like her father and grandfather, longtime husbands and providers for their children. Men like her siblings, one married and a father of two, the other dating a Bulgarian woman.
CONTINUED 1 2 3 4 5 Next >
Print This ArticleE-Mail This Article
More on washingtonpost.com
Scarlett Johansson: 'Not Promiscuous'
Scarlett Johansson: 'I'm Not Promiscous'
Parting Gift From a Dead Ex
» Related Topics & Web Content
© 2007 The Washington Post Company
Ads by Google
Black Women White Men
Specialists in Black White Dating Photo Profiles, Free Chat Rooms
InterRacialDatingCentral.com
Dating Rich Women
Start meeting rich, single women. All members screened and verified.
www.SuccessfulSinglesMatch.com
Date Older Women
Meet A Sexy Mature Woman Tonight 1000s of Local Results. Search Now!
www.MatureMatchOnline.com
Sign In | Register Now
Print Edition | Subscribe | PostPoints
NEWS
POLITICS
OPINIONS
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ARTS & LIVING
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SEARCH:
washingtonpost.comWeb | Search Archives
washingtonpost.com > Print Edition > A Section
Print This Article
E-Mail This Article
Interactive Feature: Series explores the lives of black men through their shared experiences and existence.
Updated January 7 View feature »
Singled Out
In Seeking a Mate, Men and Women Find Delicate Imbalance
By Krissah Williams
Sunday, October 8, 2006; Page A01
Robyn Thorpe hoped he would pursue her, but she played it cool. She waved goodbye as she stepped down the stairs of the busy cigar lounge.
She took three more steps, conscious of the sway of her skirt, deliberate in her casualness. Then the guy in the red tie and blue button-down shirt made his move.
TRANSCRIPT
Being a Black Man: Dating and Relationships
Robyn Thorpe wants to be married someday and only a black man will do. The 31-year-old attorney will discuss her dating experiences in the D.C.-area and how she stays optimistic in a dating market that doesn't swing in her favor.
INTERACTIVE FEATURE
In world of dating, black women struggle to find lasting relationships as gender roles evolve.
>>View Interactive Feature
PHOTOS
A Date with Statistics
At 31, attorney Robyn Thorpe would like to marry someday. Despite Census figures indicating a dwindling number of marriageable black men, Thorpe remains optimistic that she will one day replicate the strong black family she had growing up.
WHO'S BLOGGING?
Read what bloggers are saying about this article.
African American (Black) Opinion Blog
Singled Out
The Adventures of Perlanegra
Full List of Blogs (55 links) »
Most Blogged About Articles
On washingtonpost.com | On the web
SAVE & SHARE ARTICLE What's This?
Digg
Google
del.icio.us
Yahoo!
Reddit
Facebook
"Are you leaving?" he asked. "Can we finish our conversation?"
She stopped her descent and smiled as she followed him to an empty table. Her plum-tinted lip gloss glistened.
This is what she had come for: the chance to meet a man, a black man, a potential husband. The moment was full of possibility and light, much like the romantic Nigerian films Robyn has come to adore -- where lovers' eyes meet in passionate glances, and romance rules over reason.
But it was also a moment that masks a maddening numbers game. She is a 31-year-old black woman seeking to marry a black man, which lands her in the heart of the most uncoupled demographic in the United States. For every 100 single black women, there are 70 single black men, according to recent U.S. Census Bureau figures, a number that does not take into account the prison population or men living in group homes. In the Washington area, there are 83 single black men for every 100 single black women.
For eligible black men, that equation can look like a dating smorgasbord, with seemingly limitless choices, and not just among black women. According to the 2000 census, black men enter interracial marriages at a higher rate -- 9.7 percent -- than any other racial or gender group except Asian women. That's twice the rate of black women.
For Robyn and black women like her -- who see their fates intimately bound to black men -- life means strategizing and dreaming beyond the numbers in a world where it seems the ground has shifted under their feet.
Her experiences in that world are far more than some "Waiting to Exhale" story line. They are a window on black men, a foray into the never-ending dialogue about the delicate balance -- or imbalance -- between black men and women. It is one of the most volatile and enduring conversations. Just what does it mean, for example, when a half-million more black women than men are college graduates? For some black men, it can be a chance to redefine traditional roles; for others, it opens a widening intraracial battleground over class and gender.
Robyn hasn't joined the ranks of black women who are beginning to talk about exploring their options elsewhere.
"I can't just brush off brothers and say we are in a crisis," she says. "I'm still a believer."
Her faith is soldered by the black men in her life. Men like her father and grandfather, longtime husbands and providers for their children. Men like her siblings, one married and a father of two, the other dating a Bulgarian woman.
CONTINUED 1 2 3 4 5 Next >
Print This ArticleE-Mail This Article
More on washingtonpost.com
Scarlett Johansson: 'Not Promiscuous'
Scarlett Johansson: 'I'm Not Promiscous'
Parting Gift From a Dead Ex
» Related Topics & Web Content
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Interactive Feature: Series explores the lives of black men through their shared experiences and existence.
Updated January 7 View feature »
Singled Out
In Seeking a Mate, Men and Women Find Delicate Imbalance
By Krissah Williams
Sunday, October 8, 2006; Page A01
Robyn Thorpe hoped he would pursue her, but she played it cool. She waved goodbye as she stepped down the stairs of the busy cigar lounge.
She took three more steps, conscious of the sway of her skirt, deliberate in her casualness. Then the guy in the red tie and blue button-down shirt made his move.
TRANSCRIPT
Being a Black Man: Dating and Relationships
Robyn Thorpe wants to be married someday and only a black man will do. The 31-year-old attorney will discuss her dating experiences in the D.C.-area and how she stays optimistic in a dating market that doesn't swing in her favor.
INTERACTIVE FEATURE
In world of dating, black women struggle to find lasting relationships as gender roles evolve.
>>View Interactive Feature
PHOTOS
A Date with Statistics
At 31, attorney Robyn Thorpe would like to marry someday. Despite Census figures indicating a dwindling number of marriageable black men, Thorpe remains optimistic that she will one day replicate the strong black family she had growing up.
WHO'S BLOGGING?
Read what bloggers are saying about this article.
African American (Black) Opinion Blog
Singled Out
The Adventures of Perlanegra
Full List of Blogs (55 links) »
Most Blogged About Articles
On washingtonpost.com | On the web
SAVE & SHARE ARTICLE What's This?
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"Are you leaving?" he asked. "Can we finish our conversation?"
She stopped her descent and smiled as she followed him to an empty table. Her plum-tinted lip gloss glistened.
This is what she had come for: the chance to meet a man, a black man, a potential husband. The moment was full of possibility and light, much like the romantic Nigerian films Robyn has come to adore -- where lovers' eyes meet in passionate glances, and romance rules over reason.
But it was also a moment that masks a maddening numbers game. She is a 31-year-old black woman seeking to marry a black man, which lands her in the heart of the most uncoupled demographic in the United States. For every 100 single black women, there are 70 single black men, according to recent U.S. Census Bureau figures, a number that does not take into account the prison population or men living in group homes. In the Washington area, there are 83 single black men for every 100 single black women.
For eligible black men, that equation can look like a dating smorgasbord, with seemingly limitless choices, and not just among black women. According to the 2000 census, black men enter interracial marriages at a higher rate -- 9.7 percent -- than any other racial or gender group except Asian women. That's twice the rate of black women.
For Robyn and black women like her -- who see their fates intimately bound to black men -- life means strategizing and dreaming beyond the numbers in a world where it seems the ground has shifted under their feet.
Her experiences in that world are far more than some "Waiting to Exhale" story line. They are a window on black men, a foray into the never-ending dialogue about the delicate balance -- or imbalance -- between black men and women. It is one of the most volatile and enduring conversations. Just what does it mean, for example, when a half-million more black women than men are college graduates? For some black men, it can be a chance to redefine traditional roles; for others, it opens a widening intraracial battleground over class and gender.
Robyn hasn't joined the ranks of black women who are beginning to talk about exploring their options elsewhere.
"I can't just brush off brothers and say we are in a crisis," she says. "I'm still a believer."
Her faith is soldered by the black men in her life. Men like her father and grandfather, longtime husbands and providers for their children. Men like her siblings, one married and a father of two, the other dating a Bulgarian woman.
CONTINUED 1 2 3 4 5 Next >
Print This ArticleE-Mail This Article
More on washingtonpost.com
Scarlett Johansson: 'Not Promiscuous'
Scarlett Johansson: 'I'm Not Promiscous'
Parting Gift From a Dead Ex
» Related Topics & Web Content
© 2007 The Washington Post Company
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Interactive Feature: Series explores the lives of black men through their shared experiences and existence.
Updated January 7 View feature »
Singled Out
In Seeking a Mate, Men and Women Find Delicate Imbalance
By Krissah Williams
Sunday, October 8, 2006; Page A01
Robyn Thorpe hoped he would pursue her, but she played it cool. She waved goodbye as she stepped down the stairs of the busy cigar lounge.
She took three more steps, conscious of the sway of her skirt, deliberate in her casualness. Then the guy in the red tie and blue button-down shirt made his move.
TRANSCRIPT
Being a Black Man: Dating and Relationships
Robyn Thorpe wants to be married someday and only a black man will do. The 31-year-old attorney will discuss her dating experiences in the D.C.-area and how she stays optimistic in a dating market that doesn't swing in her favor.
INTERACTIVE FEATURE
In world of dating, black women struggle to find lasting relationships as gender roles evolve.
>>View Interactive Feature
PHOTOS
A Date with Statistics
At 31, attorney Robyn Thorpe would like to marry someday. Despite Census figures indicating a dwindling number of marriageable black men, Thorpe remains optimistic that she will one day replicate the strong black family she had growing up.
WHO'S BLOGGING?
Read what bloggers are saying about this article.
African American (Black) Opinion Blog
Singled Out
The Adventures of Perlanegra
Full List of Blogs (55 links) »
Most Blogged About Articles
On washingtonpost.com | On the web
SAVE & SHARE ARTICLE What's This?
Digg
Google
del.icio.us
Yahoo!
Reddit
Facebook
"Are you leaving?" he asked. "Can we finish our conversation?"
She stopped her descent and smiled as she followed him to an empty table. Her plum-tinted lip gloss glistened.
This is what she had come for: the chance to meet a man, a black man, a potential husband. The moment was full of possibility and light, much like the romantic Nigerian films Robyn has come to adore -- where lovers' eyes meet in passionate glances, and romance rules over reason.
But it was also a moment that masks a maddening numbers game. She is a 31-year-old black woman seeking to marry a black man, which lands her in the heart of the most uncoupled demographic in the United States. For every 100 single black women, there are 70 single black men, according to recent U.S. Census Bureau figures, a number that does not take into account the prison population or men living in group homes. In the Washington area, there are 83 single black men for every 100 single black women.
For eligible black men, that equation can look like a dating smorgasbord, with seemingly limitless choices, and not just among black women. According to the 2000 census, black men enter interracial marriages at a higher rate -- 9.7 percent -- than any other racial or gender group except Asian women. That's twice the rate of black women.
For Robyn and black women like her -- who see their fates intimately bound to black men -- life means strategizing and dreaming beyond the numbers in a world where it seems the ground has shifted under their feet.
Her experiences in that world are far more than some "Waiting to Exhale" story line. They are a window on black men, a foray into the never-ending dialogue about the delicate balance -- or imbalance -- between black men and women. It is one of the most volatile and enduring conversations. Just what does it mean, for example, when a half-million more black women than men are college graduates? For some black men, it can be a chance to redefine traditional roles; for others, it opens a widening intraracial battleground over class and gender.
Robyn hasn't joined the ranks of black women who are beginning to talk about exploring their options elsewhere.
"I can't just brush off brothers and say we are in a crisis," she says. "I'm still a believer."
Her faith is soldered by the black men in her life. Men like her father and grandfather, longtime husbands and providers for their children. Men like her siblings, one married and a father of two, the other dating a Bulgarian woman.
CONTINUED 1 2 3 4 5 Next >
Print This ArticleE-Mail This Article
More on washingtonpost.com
Scarlett Johansson: 'Not Promiscuous'
Scarlett Johansson: 'I'm Not Promiscous'
Parting Gift From a Dead Ex
» Related Topics & Web Content
© 2007 The Washington Post Company
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InterRacialDatingCentral.com
Dating Rich Women
Start meeting rich, single women. All members screened and verified.
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washingtonpost.com > Print Edition > A Section
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Interactive Feature: Series explores the lives of black men through their shared experiences and existence.
Updated January 7 View feature »
Singled Out
In Seeking a Mate, Men and Women Find Delicate Imbalance
By Krissah Williams
Sunday, October 8, 2006; Page A01
Robyn Thorpe hoped he would pursue her, but she played it cool. She waved goodbye as she stepped down the stairs of the busy cigar lounge.
She took three more steps, conscious of the sway of her skirt, deliberate in her casualness. Then the guy in the red tie and blue button-down shirt made his move.
TRANSCRIPT
Being a Black Man: Dating and Relationships
Robyn Thorpe wants to be married someday and only a black man will do. The 31-year-old attorney will discuss her dating experiences in the D.C.-area and how she stays optimistic in a dating market that doesn't swing in her favor.
INTERACTIVE FEATURE
In world of dating, black women struggle to find lasting relationships as gender roles evolve.
>>View Interactive Feature
PHOTOS
A Date with Statistics
At 31, attorney Robyn Thorpe would like to marry someday. Despite Census figures indicating a dwindling number of marriageable black men, Thorpe remains optimistic that she will one day replicate the strong black family she had growing up.
WHO'S BLOGGING?
Read what bloggers are saying about this article.
African American (Black) Opinion Blog
Singled Out
The Adventures of Perlanegra
Full List of Blogs (55 links) »
Most Blogged About Articles
On washingtonpost.com | On the web
SAVE & SHARE ARTICLE What's This?
Digg
Google
del.icio.us
Yahoo!
Reddit
Facebook
"Are you leaving?" he asked. "Can we finish our conversation?"
She stopped her descent and smiled as she followed him to an empty table. Her plum-tinted lip gloss glistened.
This is what she had come for: the chance to meet a man, a black man, a potential husband. The moment was full of possibility and light, much like the romantic Nigerian films Robyn has come to adore -- where lovers' eyes meet in passionate glances, and romance rules over reason.
But it was also a moment that masks a maddening numbers game. She is a 31-year-old black woman seeking to marry a black man, which lands her in the heart of the most uncoupled demographic in the United States. For every 100 single black women, there are 70 single black men, according to recent U.S. Census Bureau figures, a number that does not take into account the prison population or men living in group homes. In the Washington area, there are 83 single black men for every 100 single black women.
For eligible black men, that equation can look like a dating smorgasbord, with seemingly limitless choices, and not just among black women. According to the 2000 census, black men enter interracial marriages at a higher rate -- 9.7 percent -- than any other racial or gender group except Asian women. That's twice the rate of black women.
For Robyn and black women like her -- who see their fates intimately bound to black men -- life means strategizing and dreaming beyond the numbers in a world where it seems the ground has shifted under their feet.
Her experiences in that world are far more than some "Waiting to Exhale" story line. They are a window on black men, a foray into the never-ending dialogue about the delicate balance -- or imbalance -- between black men and women. It is one of the most volatile and enduring conversations. Just what does it mean, for example, when a half-million more black women than men are college graduates? For some black men, it can be a chance to redefine traditional roles; for others, it opens a widening intraracial battleground over class and gender.
Robyn hasn't joined the ranks of black women who are beginning to talk about exploring their options elsewhere.
"I can't just brush off brothers and say we are in a crisis," she says. "I'm still a believer."
Her faith is soldered by the black men in her life. Men like her father and grandfather, longtime husbands and providers for their children. Men like her siblings, one married and a father of two, the other dating a Bulgarian woman.
CONTINUED 1 2 3 4 5 Next >
Print This ArticleE-Mail This Article
More on washingtonpost.com
Scarlett Johansson: 'Not Promiscuous'
Scarlett Johansson: 'I'm Not Promiscous'
Parting Gift From a Dead Ex
» Related Topics & Web Content
© 2007 The Washington Post Company
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Black Women White Men
Specialists in Black White Dating Photo Profiles, Free Chat Rooms
InterRacialDatingCentral.com
Dating Rich Women
Start meeting rich, single women. All members screened and verified.
www.SuccessfulSinglesMatch.com
Date Older Women
Meet A Sexy Mature Woman Tonight 1000s of Local Results. Search Now!
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washingtonpost.com > Print Edition > A Section
Print This Article
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Interactive Feature: Series explores the lives of black men through their shared experiences and existence.
Updated January 7 View feature »
Singled Out
In Seeking a Mate, Men and Women Find Delicate Imbalance
By Krissah Williams
Sunday, October 8, 2006; Page A01
Robyn Thorpe hoped he would pursue her, but she played it cool. She waved goodbye as she stepped down the stairs of the busy cigar lounge.
She took three more steps, conscious of the sway of her skirt, deliberate in her casualness. Then the guy in the red tie and blue button-down shirt made his move.
TRANSCRIPT
Being a Black Man: Dating and Relationships
Robyn Thorpe wants to be married someday and only a black man will do. The 31-year-old attorney will discuss her dating experiences in the D.C.-area and how she stays optimistic in a dating market that doesn't swing in her favor.
INTERACTIVE FEATURE
In world of dating, black women struggle to find lasting relationships as gender roles evolve.
>>View Interactive Feature
PHOTOS
A Date with Statistics
At 31, attorney Robyn Thorpe would like to marry someday. Despite Census figures indicating a dwindling number of marriageable black men, Thorpe remains optimistic that she will one day replicate the strong black family she had growing up.
WHO'S BLOGGING?
Read what bloggers are saying about this article.
African American (Black) Opinion Blog
Singled Out
The Adventures of Perlanegra
Full List of Blogs (55 links) »
Most Blogged About Articles
On washingtonpost.com | On the web
SAVE & SHARE ARTICLE What's This?
Digg
Google
del.icio.us
Yahoo!
Reddit
Facebook
"Are you leaving?" he asked. "Can we finish our conversation?"
She stopped her descent and smiled as she followed him to an empty table. Her plum-tinted lip gloss glistened.
This is what she had come for: the chance to meet a man, a black man, a potential husband. The moment was full of possibility and light, much like the romantic Nigerian films Robyn has come to adore -- where lovers' eyes meet in passionate glances, and romance rules over reason.
But it was also a moment that masks a maddening numbers game. She is a 31-year-old black woman seeking to marry a black man, which lands her in the heart of the most uncoupled demographic in the United States. For every 100 single black women, there are 70 single black men, according to recent U.S. Census Bureau figures, a number that does not take into account the prison population or men living in group homes. In the Washington area, there are 83 single black men for every 100 single black women.
For eligible black men, that equation can look like a dating smorgasbord, with seemingly limitless choices, and not just among black women. According to the 2000 census, black men enter interracial marriages at a higher rate -- 9.7 percent -- than any other racial or gender group except Asian women. That's twice the rate of black women.
For Robyn and black women like her -- who see their fates intimately bound to black men -- life means strategizing and dreaming beyond the numbers in a world where it seems the ground has shifted under their feet.
Her experiences in that world are far more than some "Waiting to Exhale" story line. They are a window on black men, a foray into the never-ending dialogue about the delicate balance -- or imbalance -- between black men and women. It is one of the most volatile and enduring conversations. Just what does it mean, for example, when a half-million more black women than men are college graduates? For some black men, it can be a chance to redefine traditional roles; for others, it opens a widening intraracial battleground over class and gender.
Robyn hasn't joined the ranks of black women who are beginning to talk about exploring their options elsewhere.
"I can't just brush off brothers and say we are in a crisis," she says. "I'm still a believer."
Her faith is soldered by the black men in her life. Men like her father and grandfather, longtime husbands and providers for their children. Men like her siblings, one married and a father of two, the other dating a Bulgarian woman.
CONTINUED 1 2 3 4 5 Next >
Print This ArticleE-Mail This Article
More on washingtonpost.com
Scarlett Johansson: 'Not Promiscuous'
Scarlett Johansson: 'I'm Not Promiscous'
Parting Gift From a Dead Ex
» Related Topics & Web Content
© 2007 The Washington Post Company
Ads by Google
Black Women White Men
Specialists in Black White Dating Photo Profiles, Free Chat Rooms
InterRacialDatingCentral.com
Dating Rich Women
Start meeting rich, single women. All members screened and verified.
www.SuccessfulSinglesMatch.com
Date Older Women
Meet A Sexy Mature Woman Tonight 1000s of Local Results. Search Now!
www.MatureMatchOnline.com
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washingtonpost.com > Print Edition > A Section
Print This Article
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Interactive Feature: Series explores the lives of black men through their shared experiences and existence.
Updated January 7 View feature »
Singled Out
In Seeking a Mate, Men and Women Find Delicate Imbalance
By Krissah Williams
Sunday, October 8, 2006; Page A01
Robyn Thorpe hoped he would pursue her, but she played it cool. She waved goodbye as she stepped down the stairs of the busy cigar lounge.
She took three more steps, conscious of the sway of her skirt, deliberate in her casualness. Then the guy in the red tie and blue button-down shirt made his move.
TRANSCRIPT
Being a Black Man: Dating and Relationships
Robyn Thorpe wants to be married someday and only a black man will do. The 31-year-old attorney will discuss her dating experiences in the D.C.-area and how she stays optimistic in a dating market that doesn't swing in her favor.
INTERACTIVE FEATURE
In world of dating, black women struggle to find lasting relationships as gender roles evolve.
>>View Interactive Feature
PHOTOS
A Date with Statistics
At 31, attorney Robyn Thorpe would like to marry someday. Despite Census figures indicating a dwindling number of marriageable black men, Thorpe remains optimistic that she will one day replicate the strong black family she had growing up.
WHO'S BLOGGING?
Read what bloggers are saying about this article.
African American (Black) Opinion Blog
Singled Out
The Adventures of Perlanegra
Full List of Blogs (55 links) »
Most Blogged About Articles
On washingtonpost.com | On the web
SAVE & SHARE ARTICLE What's This?
Digg
Google
del.icio.us
Yahoo!
Reddit
Facebook
"Are you leaving?" he asked. "Can we finish our conversation?"
She stopped her descent and smiled as she followed him to an empty table. Her plum-tinted lip gloss glistened.
This is what she had come for: the chance to meet a man, a black man, a potential husband. The moment was full of possibility and light, much like the romantic Nigerian films Robyn has come to adore -- where lovers' eyes meet in passionate glances, and romance rules over reason.
But it was also a moment that masks a maddening numbers game. She is a 31-year-old black woman seeking to marry a black man, which lands her in the heart of the most uncoupled demographic in the United States. For every 100 single black women, there are 70 single black men, according to recent U.S. Census Bureau figures, a number that does not take into account the prison population or men living in group homes. In the Washington area, there are 83 single black men for every 100 single black women.
For eligible black men, that equation can look like a dating smorgasbord, with seemingly limitless choices, and not just among black women. According to the 2000 census, black men enter interracial marriages at a higher rate -- 9.7 percent -- than any other racial or gender group except Asian women. That's twice the rate of black women.
For Robyn and black women like her -- who see their fates intimately bound to black men -- life means strategizing and dreaming beyond the numbers in a world where it seems the ground has shifted under their feet.
Her experiences in that world are far more than some "Waiting to Exhale" story line. They are a window on black men, a foray into the never-ending dialogue about the delicate balance -- or imbalance -- between black men and women. It is one of the most volatile and enduring conversations. Just what does it mean, for example, when a half-million more black women than men are college graduates? For some black men, it can be a chance to redefine traditional roles; for others, it opens a widening intraracial battleground over class and gender.
Robyn hasn't joined the ranks of black women who are beginning to talk about exploring their options elsewhere.
"I can't just brush off brothers and say we are in a crisis," she says. "I'm still a believer."
Her faith is soldered by the black men in her life. Men like her father and grandfather, longtime husbands and providers for their children. Men like her siblings, one married and a father of two, the other dating a Bulgarian woman.
CONTINUED 1 2 3 4 5 Next >
Print This ArticleE-Mail This Article
More on washingtonpost.com
Scarlett Johansson: 'Not Promiscuous'
Scarlett Johansson: 'I'm Not Promiscous'
Parting Gift From a Dead Ex
» Related Topics & Web Content
© 2007 The Washington Post Company
Ads by Google
Black Women White Men
Specialists in Black White Dating Photo Profiles, Free Chat Rooms
InterRacialDatingCentral.com
Dating Rich Women
Start meeting rich, single women. All members screened and verified.
www.SuccessfulSinglesMatch.com
Date Older Women
Meet A Sexy Mature Woman Tonight 1000s of Local Results. Search Now!
www.MatureMatchOnline.com
Sign In | Register Now
Print Edition | Subscribe | PostPoints
NEWS
POLITICS
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SEARCH:
washingtonpost.comWeb | Search Archives
washingtonpost.com > Print Edition > A Section
Print This Article
E-Mail This Article
Interactive Feature: Series explores the lives of black men through their shared experiences and existence.
Updated January 7 View feature »
Singled Out
In Seeking a Mate, Men and Women Find Delicate Imbalance
By Krissah Williams
Sunday, October 8, 2006; Page A01
Robyn Thorpe hoped he would pursue her, but she played it cool. She waved goodbye as she stepped down the stairs of the busy cigar lounge.
She took three more steps, conscious of the sway of her skirt, deliberate in her casualness. Then the guy in the red tie and blue button-down shirt made his move.
TRANSCRIPT
Being a Black Man: Dating and Relationships
Robyn Thorpe wants to be married someday and only a black man will do. The 31-year-old attorney will discuss her dating experiences in the D.C.-area and how she stays optimistic in a dating market that doesn't swing in her favor.
INTERACTIVE FEATURE
In world of dating, black women struggle to find lasting relationships as gender roles evolve.
>>View Interactive Feature
PHOTOS
A Date with Statistics
At 31, attorney Robyn Thorpe would like to marry someday. Despite Census figures indicating a dwindling number of marriageable black men, Thorpe remains optimistic that she will one day replicate the strong black family she had growing up.
WHO'S BLOGGING?
Read what bloggers are saying about this article.
African American (Black) Opinion Blog
Singled Out
The Adventures of Perlanegra
Full List of Blogs (55 links) »
Most Blogged About Articles
On washingtonpost.com | On the web
SAVE & SHARE ARTICLE What's This?
Digg
Google
del.icio.us
Yahoo!
Reddit
Facebook
"Are you leaving?" he asked. "Can we finish our conversation?"
She stopped her descent and smiled as she followed him to an empty table. Her plum-tinted lip gloss glistened.
This is what she had come for: the chance to meet a man, a black man, a potential husband. The moment was full of possibility and light, much like the romantic Nigerian films Robyn has come to adore -- where lovers' eyes meet in passionate glances, and romance rules over reason.
But it was also a moment that masks a maddening numbers game. She is a 31-year-old black woman seeking to marry a black man, which lands her in the heart of the most uncoupled demographic in the United States. For every 100 single black women, there are 70 single black men, according to recent U.S. Census Bureau figures, a number that does not take into account the prison population or men living in group homes. In the Washington area, there are 83 single black men for every 100 single black women.
For eligible black men, that equation can look like a dating smorgasbord, with seemingly limitless choices, and not just among black women. According to the 2000 census, black men enter interracial marriages at a higher rate -- 9.7 percent -- than any other racial or gender group except Asian women. That's twice the rate of black women.
For Robyn and black women like her -- who see their fates intimately bound to black men -- life means strategizing and dreaming beyond the numbers in a world where it seems the ground has shifted under their feet.
Her experiences in that world are far more than some "Waiting to Exhale" story line. They are a window on black men, a foray into the never-ending dialogue about the delicate balance -- or imbalance -- between black men and women. It is one of the most volatile and enduring conversations. Just what does it mean, for example, when a half-million more black women than men are college graduates? For some black men, it can be a chance to redefine traditional roles; for others, it opens a widening intraracial battleground over class and gender.
Robyn hasn't joined the ranks of black women who are beginning to talk about exploring their options elsewhere.
"I can't just brush off brothers and say we are in a crisis," she says. "I'm still a believer."
Her faith is soldered by the black men in her life. Men like her father and grandfather, longtime husbands and providers for their children. Men like her siblings, one married and a father of two, the other dating a Bulgarian woman.
CONTINUED 1 2 3 4 5 Next >
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Interactive Feature: Series explores the lives of black men through their shared experiences and existence.
Updated January 7 View feature »
Singled Out
In Seeking a Mate, Men and Women Find Delicate Imbalance
By Krissah Williams
Sunday, October 8, 2006; Page A01
Robyn Thorpe hoped he would pursue her, but she played it cool. She waved goodbye as she stepped down the stairs of the busy cigar lounge.
She took three more steps, conscious of the sway of her skirt, deliberate in her casualness. Then the guy in the red tie and blue button-down shirt made his move.
TRANSCRIPT
Being a Black Man: Dating and Relationships
Robyn Thorpe wants to be married someday and only a black man will do. The 31-year-old attorney will discuss her dating experiences in the D.C.-area and how she stays optimistic in a dating market that doesn't swing in her favor.
INTERACTIVE FEATURE
In world of dating, black women struggle to find lasting relationships as gender roles evolve.
>>View Interactive Feature
PHOTOS
A Date with Statistics
At 31, attorney Robyn Thorpe would like to marry someday. Despite Census figures indicating a dwindling number of marriageable black men, Thorpe remains optimistic that she will one day replicate the strong black family she had growing up.
WHO'S BLOGGING?
Read what bloggers are saying about this article.
African American (Black) Opinion Blog
Singled Out
The Adventures of Perlanegra
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"Are you leaving?" he asked. "Can we finish our conversation?"
She stopped her descent and smiled as she followed him to an empty table. Her plum-tinted lip gloss glistened.
This is what she had come for: the chance to meet a man, a black man, a potential husband. The moment was full of possibility and light, much like the romantic Nigerian films Robyn has come to adore -- where lovers' eyes meet in passionate glances, and romance rules over reason.
But it was also a moment that masks a maddening numbers game. She is a 31-year-old black woman seeking to marry a black man, which lands her in the heart of the most uncoupled demographic in the United States. For every 100 single black women, there are 70 single black men, according to recent U.S. Census Bureau figures, a number that does not take into account the prison population or men living in group homes. In the Washington area, there are 83 single black men for every 100 single black women.
For eligible black men, that equation can look like a dating smorgasbord, with seemingly limitless choices, and not just among black women. According to the 2000 census, black men enter interracial marriages at a higher rate -- 9.7 percent -- than any other racial or gender group except Asian women. That's twice the rate of black women.
For Robyn and black women like her -- who see their fates intimately bound to black men -- life means strategizing and dreaming beyond the numbers in a world where it seems the ground has shifted under their feet.
Her experiences in that world are far more than some "Waiting to Exhale" story line. They are a window on black men, a foray into the never-ending dialogue about the delicate balance -- or imbalance -- between black men and women. It is one of the most volatile and enduring conversations. Just what does it mean, for example, when a half-million more black women than men are college graduates? For some black men, it can be a chance to redefine traditional roles; for others, it opens a widening intraracial battleground over class and gender.
Robyn hasn't joined the ranks of black women who are beginning to talk about exploring their options elsewhere.
"I can't just brush off brothers and say we are in a crisis," she says. "I'm still a believer."
Her faith is soldered by the black men in her life. Men like her father and grandfather, longtime husbands and providers for their children. Men like her siblings, one married and a father of two, the other dating a Bulgarian woman.
CONTINUED 1 2 3 4 5 Next >
Print This ArticleE-Mail This Article
More on washingtonpost.com
Scarlett Johansson: 'Not Promiscuous'
Scarlett Johansson: 'I'm Not Promiscous'
Parting Gift From a Dead Ex
» Related Topics & Web Content
© 2007 The Washington Post Company
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InterRacialDatingCentral.com
Dating Rich Women
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www.SuccessfulSinglesMatch.com
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Print Edition | Subscribe | PostPoints
NEWS
POLITICS
OPINIONS
LOCAL
SPORTS
ARTS & LIVING
CITY GUIDE
JOBS
CARS
REAL ESTATE
RENTALS
SHOPPING
SEARCH:
washingtonpost.comWeb | Search Archives
washingtonpost.com > Print Edition > A Section
Print This Article
E-Mail This Article
Interactive Feature: Series explores the lives of black men through their shared experiences and existence.
Updated January 7 View feature »
Singled Out
In Seeking a Mate, Men and Women Find Delicate Imbalance
By Krissah Williams
Sunday, October 8, 2006; Page A01
Robyn Thorpe hoped he would pursue her, but she played it cool. She waved goodbye as she stepped down the stairs of the busy cigar lounge.
She took three more steps, conscious of the sway of her skirt, deliberate in her casualness. Then the guy in the red tie and blue button-down shirt made his move.
TRANSCRIPT
Being a Black Man: Dating and Relationships
Robyn Thorpe wants to be married someday and only a black man will do. The 31-year-old attorney will discuss her dating experiences in the D.C.-area and how she stays optimistic in a dating market that doesn't swing in her favor.
INTERACTIVE FEATURE
In world of dating, black women struggle to find lasting relationships as gender roles evolve.
>>View Interactive Feature
PHOTOS
A Date with Statistics
At 31, attorney Robyn Thorpe would like to marry someday. Despite Census figures indicating a dwindling number of marriageable black men, Thorpe remains optimistic that she will one day replicate the strong black family she had growing up.
WHO'S BLOGGING?
Read what bloggers are saying about this article.
African American (Black) Opinion Blog
Singled Out
The Adventures of Perlanegra
Full List of Blogs (55 links) »
Most Blogged About Articles
On washingtonpost.com | On the web
SAVE & SHARE ARTICLE What's This?
Digg
Google
del.icio.us
Yahoo!
Reddit
Facebook
"Are you leaving?" he asked. "Can we finish our conversation?"
She stopped her descent and smiled as she followed him to an empty table. Her plum-tinted lip gloss glistened.
This is what she had come for: the chance to meet a man, a black man, a potential husband. The moment was full of possibility and light, much like the romantic Nigerian films Robyn has come to adore -- where lovers' eyes meet in passionate glances, and romance rules over reason.
But it was also a moment that masks a maddening numbers game. She is a 31-year-old black woman seeking to marry a black man, which lands her in the heart of the most uncoupled demographic in the United States. For every 100 single black women, there are 70 single black men, according to recent U.S. Census Bureau figures, a number that does not take into account the prison population or men living in group homes. In the Washington area, there are 83 single black men for every 100 single black women.
For eligible black men, that equation can look like a dating smorgasbord, with seemingly limitless choices, and not just among black women. According to the 2000 census, black men enter interracial marriages at a higher rate -- 9.7 percent -- than any other racial or gender group except Asian women. That's twice the rate of black women.
For Robyn and black women like her -- who see their fates intimately bound to black men -- life means strategizing and dreaming beyond the numbers in a world where it seems the ground has shifted under their feet.
Her experiences in that world are far more than some "Waiting to Exhale" story line. They are a window on black men, a foray into the never-ending dialogue about the delicate balance -- or imbalance -- between black men and women. It is one of the most volatile and enduring conversations. Just what does it mean, for example, when a half-million more black women than men are college graduates? For some black men, it can be a chance to redefine traditional roles; for others, it opens a widening intraracial battleground over class and gender.
Robyn hasn't joined the ranks of black women who are beginning to talk about exploring their options elsewhere.
"I can't just brush off brothers and say we are in a crisis," she says. "I'm still a believer."
Her faith is soldered by the black men in her life. Men like her father and grandfather, longtime husbands and providers for their children. Men like her siblings, one married and a father of two, the other dating a Bulgarian woman.
CONTINUED 1 2 3 4 5 Next >
Print This ArticleE-Mail This Article
More on washingtonpost.com
Scarlett Johansson: 'Not Promiscuous'
Scarlett Johansson: 'I'm Not Promiscous'
Parting Gift From a Dead Ex
» Related Topics & Web Content
© 2007 The Washington Post Company
Ads by Google
Black Women White Men
Specialists in Black White Dating Photo Profiles, Free Chat Rooms
InterRacialDatingCentral.com
Dating Rich Women
Start meeting rich, single women. All members screened and verified.
www.SuccessfulSinglesMatch.com
Date Older Women
Meet A Sexy Mature Woman Tonight 1000s of Local Results. Search Now!
www.MatureMatchOnline.com
bwahahaha
Why does Bint Yusef lie about her racial identity? Don't believe me, read her own words:
http://www.longhaircareforum.com/forums/showpost.php?p=2222389&postcount=449
She mysteriously edited her post two years later to remove all mention of not being biracial:
http://www.longhaircareforum.com/forums/showthread.php?p=2222376#post2222376
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